Season 8, Week 4: Real Man's Rabble Rousers vs. The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse

The Rabble Rousers are: Gears, Topspin, Twin Twist, Quick Switch, Hardhead/Duros, Trailbreaker, Highbrow/Gort, Whirl, Nightbeat/Muzzle, Bluestreak, Siren/Quig, Beachcomber, Hubcap, Outback, Skids, Junkeon #13, Junkeon #14, Snapdragon/Crunk, Runabout, Runamuck, Flywheels, Doublecross, Movie Ironhide, Movie Mirage, Movie Leadfoot, Movie Roadbuster, and Movie Topspin, and Storm Troopers #52-61.

The Grindhouse is: Kraven the Hunter, Huntara, Malekith the Accursed and Kurse, King of Spades, Queen of Spades, Jack of Spades, Ace of Spades, 10 of Spades, Bronze Tiger, Huntress, Super Dinosaur, Destro w/ red lantern ring, Baroness, Golden Army #6-15, The Living Killing Rollercoaster, Jason Todd (w/cannon fire gun, armor skin and mithril vest), Spider-Girl, Michael Knight and KITT, Terminator #40 "Clanks", Cy-Kill, Chris Redfield (w/ laser sword, laser gun, and Pokeball containing Mewtwo), Bright Heart Raccoon, and Starship Troopers #18-24.

   

   Kraven the Hunter, Huntara and Huntress traveled quickly along the Streets of Rage, scouting out a lead from Kurse's psionic tracking. "I could have found them myself. They're a bunch of giant robots, it would have taken five minutes tops. But no, we use that Dark Elf's meathead errand boy like Google Maps." Kraven's rant was getting to the ladies, who regretted using their aliases since it got them arbitrarily paired with him for the recon work. As they rounded a corner, they were met with a solid mass of Transformers waiting intentfully for their opponents. Oddly, every last one of them was wearing an oversized leather jacket and slicked-up pompadour, leaving Kraven and Huntress to stare in astonishment. At the front of the crowd were the most imposing (a.k.a. Movie) Transformers, with Mirage seemingly leading the squad. "Ayy, what's buzzin' cousin?" Mirage said in a stereotypical Italian-American greaser voice. "You just stepped foot in the wrong bear turf, Clyde, you know who we are? Well lemme sing it to ya, daddy-o." They struck cheesy poses as he declared "These streets belong to the Bad Boy Transformer Club!" Huntress's face twisted, but she failed to hold back and double over with laughter at the display. "Is this a joke?" Kraven demanded. "And what about you guys?" He gestured toward a cluster of embarassed looking Storm Troopers lacking the Transformers' stylish hair and matching jackets. "Hey man, we're just mercs, alright? This whole thing was Real Man's idea, and these guys might need to play along for their paychecks but we got paid up front." Snapdragon smacked the trooper over the back of the head. "Don't be a drag, man" he said, a phrase which here meant "If you mess this up for us you're gonna get blasted". Huntress had picked herself up by now and with amusement still coloring her voice, she said "Alright squares, meet us and our crew back here in two hours, unless you're chicken." They reported back to the rest of their team in an abandoned warehouse down the Street of Rage. While thoughts were mixed on the whole "rockabilly robot" theme none were as thrilled as Malekith (the mastermind currently controlling the Golden Army with the Crown of Bethmora) who as it turns out is a huge fan of musical theater. "Oh, I have the perfect thing for this! It will be just like West Side Story!" He left the room singing "The Jet Song" as the rest of his team prepared for the predictably awkward fight.

   When they met again, Malekith and his horde of Golden Army bots were similarly adorned in clothes nobody ever wore but young people think tough guys wore in the 50's. "I hear you squares were cruisin' for a bruisin" he called to the opposing horde of Greaseformers. In unison they gasped at their foe's bold and brash words. "Squares?!" cried Ironhide "That's it, you're gettin' a knuckle sandwich! Let's rumble!" The Transformers and Golden Army started rhythmically shuffling toward each other and snapping their fingers, but this didn't last long since the majority of the Grindhouse had no respect for dance-fight etiquette. Super Dinosaur was the first to make a move, unleashing a barrage of missiles on the enemy, destroying Beachcomber and knocking back several allies around him. The Storm Troopers opened fire in response immediately as the Transformers continued gasping."These wet rags are playing dirty, hepcats! Let's go ape on 'em!" In an instant they went from dance poses to fighting stances and their weapon fire began tearing apart the city. Taken by surprise, Bright Heart Raccoon and the King of Spades were demolished in the initial attack. The rest of the Royal Flush Gang moved to avenge their ally but found themselves to be more of a goofy villain team than a threat to a horde of heavily armed space robots, but they did function as a useful distraction to Quickswitch as Golden Army #7 charged over to tear in to him. The Golden Army bot was destroyed as well but began to regenerate, as it would until Malekith's crown was removed. While their team provided suppressing fire, Leadfoot, Roadbuster, Twin Twist and the two Topspins circled around to make an attempt on Malekith's life. As they circled around Twin Twist was snared by the leg in a red shackle from Destro's ring, and subsequently wrecked as a red imitation of his twin drills came down on him. "Twin twist, no!" the Topspins shouted in unison. They turned to fight Destro as the two remaining Wreckers advanced on Malekith. With his Golden Army busy working as a shield against the flurry of various projectiles coming from the Rabble Rousers, he was relying on his team to protect him. Huntress made an attempt to stop them with explosive crossbow bolts but they weren't enough to break down a Transformer and she was crushed under Leadfoot's lead foot. He was within reach of Malekith when a shot from Jason Todd's fire cannon gun blasted through him. Jason Todd was met with a rocket from Roadbuster, knocking him to the ground. The Mithril vest protected him from the explosion but the rapid minigun fire that followed sent shock through it that beat Todd to a pulp. Roadbuster reached Malekith, attempting to crush him underfoot as well. He didn't count on the Dark Elf's superhuman strength and was flung backwards, leaving him open to Kurse's protective response. Kurse climbed on to the fallen Wrecker and began punching through until he reached Roadblock's spark and crushed it. The Topspins had resolved their battle and while Destro could handle one of them, he was overpowered by the pair and Topspin Classic made it out of the fight unharmed. It was at that time that the remaining transformers had made their way to the Golden Army bots faster than they could regenerate and as they passed them, they took their fire off and made a quick break for Malekith. The entire team took defensive action. Super Dinosaur let a laser blast loose and took out Nightbeat/Muzzle, and Kurse tackled the formidable Ironhide. As he prepared to break his way through the Autobot his saw something out of the corner of his eye. He looked up to see Thor lost all focus on his current fight, turning his rage to the Asgardian. He realized his mistake when his fist passed through Mirage's hologram, his foot landing on a mine beneath it. Unrestrained, Ironhide the pulled himself up and took a single shot at Malekith, achieving a perfect no-scope headshot. The Golden Army was rendered useless as the bullet-marred crown flew off Malekith's head, and Chris Redfield knew it was time to unleash his secret weapon. "Mewtwo, I choose you!" He bellowed as the Pokeball burst open. As soon as he emerged he used Calm Mind to boost his stats. With his psychic powers and increased intellect, he quickly scanned the battlefield, strategized, and took to the air. He looked down to see Snapdragon and Doublecross dino-double-teaming Super Dinosaur and let a Psystrike loose on the pair, destroying them both along with Crunk. He looked down to see Chris Redfield failing to defend himself against Outback, but Mewtwo felt no subservience to his intended master and focused on more valuable actions. Ironhide was percieved as the greatest threat and he began to use Ice Beam on him. As he began to freeze, he raised a grenade launcher in resistance to his slowing movement and just before the ice enveloping him covered the launcher a grenade escaped and came crashing in to Mewtwo. Cy-Kill had finished tearing through the pair of Junkeons and moved to fight alongside Clanks the Terminator against Runabout and Runamuck. They sped around in vehicle form and Runamuck ran down Clanks before he saw it coming. They both turned to face Cy-Kill and revved up. Cy-Kill braced himself as as they neared, initiated a self-destruct that caught both Battlechargers in the blast. By this time the Grindhouse was down in numbers and, fresh out of combatants that could stand up to a robot greaser army, they were open to attack from all sides. "Alright boys, time to cream these nerds!" Mirage commanded as they closed in on the Grindhouse.

   A few miles away, the Storm Troopers had defected from their campy pompadour-sporting team. "Now THIS is what I'm talking about" said #54 cheerfully. "Just think, we might have been stucking getting slaughters with those nutjob Transformers. Now we got to live to make it to this badass carnival. Race you guys to the roller coaster!"