The Sigmaz Vs. The Cowboy Killers

 The Sigmaz are The Dinobots:  Grimlock, Slag, Sludge, Snarl, & Swoop, God Emperor 40K, Death, & Ronald McDonald w/ Grimace, The Hamburglar, Officer Big Mac, Mayor McCheese, Birdie the Early Bird, Captain Crook, The Professor, & Fry Kid #1-3.  

The Cowboy Killers are General Kenobi, Homelander, Dunadan Ranger Kyle Houslander (w/ The Omnitrix), Hope Summers, Magneto (w/ a red lantern ring), Big Benito (w/ a wizard staff), & Degen #1-2.

It's a gorgeous Spring Day here at Comerica Park.  Luckily us broadcasters get free concessions because I didn't bring $900 with me and I am on my seventh hot dog, third Italian Sausage, and fifth Miller Light, not to mention the peanuts, cracker jacks, and those purple cone things with the sweet something or others in them that I have never actually gotten at any sporting event or concert before because overpriced is okay with me when it involves meat or booze; but other than that I'm just not 'bout it.  I'm smoking a big fat cigar too, because where I reside in the world of fantasy that is Fantasy Fantasy the world is still free and you can smoke in an outdoor venue without some Karen crying about it, ending up in me getting arrested because I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.  

I'm trying to enjoy the game, but it is really difficult with The Dino-Bots outside the stadium blocking out the Detroit Skyline and destroying the upper deck.  Shouts of:  "Me no Baseball Player, Me Grimlock, Me King", are heard by thousands of frightened fans who are literally peeing and pooping themselves all over the insanely expensive seats that The Illitches have plagued the hard-working people of Detroit with after a semi-successful season last year.  The two Degens sent by The Cowboy Killers are the first two casualties of Grimlock and the boys.  Which is unfortunate because they had just grabbed themselves a fresh Watermelon White Claw and lit a couple of Red Newports.  "Saturday is for the boys" yells Slag; but Snarl argues back saying:  "No.  Saturday for Dino-bots".  The Dino-Bots are the single most powerful and coolest characters in this match; but I think this may be an example of how we really need to get down on The Commish about explaining the settings better at the draft while nobody is paying attention because they are all listening to Kyle and Alex argue about sportsball.  Because the Dino-bots are making a big bad mess of The Copa; but they aren't really able to get inside the ballpark where the rest of the combatants are located.  Luckily I, as a Watcher do not have to figure out a way to officially get them into this match because The Cowboy Killers played Magneto, the ultimate Transformer ratio.  Magneto strains and concentrates with all his might to use his mastery of magnetism to take control of all five Dino-bots' bodies and crush them all together, dropping an enormous, single clump of Cybertronian metal on Woodward Avenue.  Magneto collapses into his bleacher seat from exhaustion; but nobody around him really takes note because they just think it is an old, drunk gay guy that looks like Ian McKellan.

Death and Hope Summers meet up and realize that Death and Hope are actually the same thing.  There is some darkness for you Young Bloods reading this to soak up with your Gen Z Angst.  They join each ohter in the bleak, vastness of despair that is life.  

The Emperor of Mankind and Homelander meet up with each other right at second base, now completely disrupting the game causing the Umps to call the day.  They rush towards each other and start trading blows.  And I don't mean punches, I mean the really icky kind of blows because they are both Turbo Ghey.  As their "fight" reaches its climax (I know you saw what I did there) they both crumble into a pile of unironic quotidian character arc as if they were in the presence of a true Kryptonian White Castle fart.

But alas, this was all part of The Master plan laid out in The Sigmaz locker room by Malcom X himself.  He had inside intel that The Cowboy Killer front office was not going to play Superman or Martian Manhunter again; so Malcom decided to bench his top people as well and play nothing but a roster of Crackah A** Crackahs.  Led of course by his faithful servant Rondald McDonald wearing white face to mock the weaker race that Neva wuz Kangz.  Ron and his elite McDonald's Crew search the stands for the remaining Cowboy Killers looking to destroy them to the last man.  General Kenobi, Kyle Houslander, and Big Benito have legit forgotten that there is a match going on as they are just hanging in The Exclusive Tiger Den getting high key Crunk and ripping death sticks and Dunhills despite Marlboro Reds being the official dart of The Cowboy Killers that all team members are issued before each match.  General Kenobi feels a disturbance in The Force burning through his Miller Lite Haze and gains the attention of Kyle and Big Benito.  "Listen up you two", says Kenobi.  He continues:  "I know the two of you have had your differences; but I need you to work together.  I know you can't box against Big Benito Kyle; but can you box with him"??  Benito stands up and grabs his wizard staff in the most regal manner nodding to Kyle and Kenobi both.  Kyle looks his fellow killer of cowboys in the eyes and says:  "You shall, have my sword, and uh.....  My Omnitrix, AND MY last three Dunhills".  They cash out and leave the Tiger Den and due to some lazy writing by me walk out the double glass doors right as The Ronald McDonald Crew are walking past the concession stand nextdoor.  "Oh......  DAYUM, I see what up.  Whiteys on The Cowboy Killahs is too good to drink with the rest of us.  They gots to go in the Tiger Den to get they crunk on".  Says Ronald McDonald obnoxiously for everyone in earshot to hear.  The clown Prince of Cholesterol adds to his rant:  "I see y'all Crackas is stepping down them stairs from The Tiger Den thinking Y'all better than The Sigmaz.  You think cuz you got the High Groud that you better than the Sigmaz??  We real Sigmaz Sigma".  "Don't try it Ron".  says Kenobi with White privilege oozing from his aura.  But Ronald flings some Pedo-80s-comercial-magic at the General from the low ground and ends up sliced in half......  The rest of The McDonald's Crew are shocked and jump into action after witnessing the death of their fearless leader.  "We allz real Sigmaz, Sigmas".  Mayor McCheese yells as a battle cry as the crew moves in unison against The Cowboy Killer Trio.  "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" Yells Big Benito as he stabs his staff into the concrete spraying Birdie and Officer Big Mac with deadly classic cupped pepperonis.  Kyle sheaths his Ranger Sword and grabs his Omnitrix as he is surrounded by The three fry kids.  Fry Kid #2, knowing it is his final FFL appearance fry kids even harder than the other two fry kids; but still ends up a fried kid when Kyle uses the omnitrix to do whatever it is that I don't remember it does; because it has been like ten years since I have seen that show and I don't feel like looking it up when the match is this close to being done.  Kenobi has stabbed his lightsaber into the gut of Grimace; but it is taking a super long time for it to melt the walking taste bud as he twists the saber to melt him just like Qui Gon did to the blast door at the beginning of The Phantom Menace.  Hamburglar sneaks up behind Kyle with a knife, but Big Benito jumps in the way of the blade to protect him.  Big Benito knocks Hamburglar's block off with his staff; but catches the blade intended for Kyle in the chest to join the burger thief in death.  Kyle runs to Benito grabbing him in his arms saying:  "Benito.....  This isn't fair.  You create such good quality food, how could you die at the hands of The Crack Danks Crew"??  "Behind you" Benito says to his frenemy Kyle with his dying breath.  Kyle listens and pulls his Ranger Sword, Spinning around to take off the head of Captain Crook.  Kyle and Kenobi regroup and fight back to back with perfect Form 3 stature, lightsaber and broad sword in hand as they work together to finish off Mayor McCheese and The Professor.