“Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure.”
-George Edward Woodberry
I look to the teams during this Week 6 Match on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, G-Girl, Supreme and Radar, Suprema, The Eradicator, Spider Woman, Silver Racer, Astro Boy, Metron, Molecule Man, Avalanche, Speedball, Kalibak, Feral, Zorro (w/ a blue lightsaber) on Mordor Horse #1, Weapon Omega, Gladiator, Jeannie and Major Nelson, Zombie Josh Houslander on Zombie Silver Dragon #3, Dark Dragon, Sailor Moon, Sauron, Blastaar, Killer Moth, The White Witch, Goliath the Gargoyle, Gorilla Grodd, Mighty Joe Young, Nemesis Enforcer, Shinobi and Yamato, Bonk, Windhammer, Ninja Gaiden, Hammerhand, Topspinner, Ram Bam, Cruncher, Cactus Head, The Blob, Boulder, Granite, Tombstone, Kevin (Sin City), Demolition Man, Perfuma, Rintrah, Minotaurs #1-7, Rouge the Bat, T-X, Silver Samurai, Samurai #30-40, The Sinister Six: Sandman, Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, Mysterio, Vulture and Electro, The Terrorcons: Hun-Grr, Blot, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Slingshot and Air Raid, Bonecrusher, Barricade, Brainstorm and Arcana, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Ancient Sith Lords #1-7 and 15, Sith Lord #8, The Addams Family: Gomez (w/ a green lightsaber), Morticia, Pugsley, Wednesday, Uncle Fester (w/ a green lightsaber), Grandmama, Lurch, Cousin Itt, and Thing and Ewok #50.
The Syracuse Valley: Scooter, Splinter, Leonardo, Venus Demilo, Nightcrawler, Hammer Bros. #3-10, Boomerang Bros. #1-10, Fire Bros. #4-10, Giant Hammer Bros. #1-10, Xenomorphs #95-100, Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber, Young Anakin Skywalker (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Kister in Gas Gasgano's Podracer, Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Sub-Zero, Raiden w/ Kid Thunder, Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy (w/ a red lightsaber), (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk and Beastbox, Fast Forward, (movie) Wheely, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Mr. Game and Watch (w/ a Heat Axe), Shang Tsung, Wonder Boy (w/ an Atlas), Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Rayne, Wald, Beavis, Butthead, Buttchunk, Guille, Wingnut and Screwloose, Crasher, Rob Bartlett (w/ a Halberd), Doogle, Robocop, Godzooky, Billy Mays, Shadow the Hedgehog, Human Smoke, Scorpion, Decepticons #1-5, Gremlins #1 and 2, The Crew of The Righteous Indignation: Capt. Bucky O'Hare (w/ a green lightsaber), Deadeye Duck (w/ a red lightsaber), Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, Pilot Jenny, AFC Blinkie and Commander (and Head Coach) Dogstar in The Righteous Indignation, The Toxic Avenger, Critters #1-12, Decepticon Decoys #1-5, Peppy Hare in a Tie Interceptor, James McCloud in a Tie Interceptor, Autobots #6-10, Karai, Teddy Boy, Navy Sailors #60-99, Little Goombas #6-34, Sith Lord #5 (Darth Techno), Moritani Soldiers #1-15, Kree Soldiers #1-50, Balrog #5, Treasure Troll #27, Gordon Barbo, Frank the Tank, Bran, Glass Joe, Johnny Cage, Jax, Kid Chameleon, Game Boy, Mappy, Pitfall Harry, Jimmy Lee, King Hippo, The Eggplant Wizard, Homer Simpson, Agamemnon and Menelaeus, McGruff the Crime Dog and Sam Malone.
Let the Battle begin. . . .
Space Region
Metron rides through space in his Mobius chair. The passive observer notes the fighters that quickly approach. With pinpoint accuracy, both Dash Rendar in a Tie Bomber and Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, drop both their orbital mines and proton bombs on the chair. The barrage of weapons rips the chair apart. The demigod is thrown through space. Metron sees Peppy Hare in a Tie Interceptor and James McCloud in a Tie Interceptor race toward him. He is riddled with a barrage of laser fire. Although Metron is a demigod, his pacifist nature reconciles that his death is warranted in this instance and dies.
Astro Boy is met by Kree Soldiers #1-50, in protective space gear. The blue faced warriors swarm Astro Boy and tear him apart. Silver Racer uses his amalgamated powers to defeat the entire Kree army, Kree Soldiers #1-50. The three Kryptonians- Ursa, Supergirl and Eradicator focus on the ships that obliterated Metron. Ursa destroys Peppy Hare in her Tie Interceptor. Supergirl destroys James McCloud in his Tie Interceptor. The Eradicator destroys Dash Rendar in his Tie Bomber. The Kryptonians then join forces with the Silver Racer and rip apart the Y-Wing. Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37 and Leebo are destroyed with their ship.
Desert Region
Cactus Head sees Young Anakin Skywalker (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Kister in Gas Gasgano's Podracer approach. Skywalker’s superior piloting skills allow him to whip the Podracer’s cockpit around so that Skywalker is allowed to slice off the head of Cactus Head. Wald cheers Anakin on. Wald jumps up for joy at the sight of the beheading. Wald’s feet do not land back on the ground as Rippersnapper reaches his body in the air and rips him apart. In response to Wald’s death, (movie) Ravage attempts to battle the Terrorcon. Unfortunately, the entire Terrorcon clan rushes to assist their teammate and destroys the cycloptic jaguar.
Agamemnon and Menelaeus rush at the Minotaurs #1-7. Minotaurs #1-3 and 7 are killed by the Trojan Warriors. The Minotaurs then decide to focus on only one combatant-Menelaeus. Minotaurs #4-6 kill Menelaeus. In a revenge driven frenzy, Agamemnon leads Decepticon Decoys #1-5 against Minotaurs #4-6 and finishes them off. Boulder and Granite burst from the sand and attack Agamemnon and Decepticon Decoys #1-5. The Rock Lords are victorious in their battle; Agamemnon is killed and Decepticon Decoys #1-5 are destroyed.
Anakin Skywalker and Kister remain in their Podracer and focus on Jeannie and Major Nelson. Skywalker uses the same attack move used on Cactus Head to behead Nelson. Nelson’s headless body drops Jeannie’s lamp in the sand.
Jeannie: Master!!!!
Kister jumps out of the Podracer and crushes the bottle. Jeannie explodes in a puff of smoke. As Kister is about to jump into the Podracer again, he is met by the Rock Lords. Granite smashes Kister while Boulder manages to wreck the Podracer. Anakin leaps out of the Podracer with his blue lightsaber ignited. The young warrior is joined by Soundblaster and Zombie Rumble. Soundblaster and Zombie Rumble (in robot form) destroy both Boulder and Granite. The Terrorcons continue their ravenous reign and rip through Soundblaster, Zombie Rumble and Young Anakin.
Water Region
The Thundercat Berserkers- Hammerhead, Topspinner, Ram Bam and Cruncher tread water. Topspinner, Ram Bam and Cruncher see Venus Demilo and are mystified at her beauty. Hammerhead swims over to the scantily clad Demilo and drowns her. He knows that her essence is a distraction that must be quashed. Across the waters they see Navy Sailors #60-99. They also see Gremlin #1 on Homer Simpson, who is floating on his back and Gremlin #2 on King Hippo, who is floating on his back. Navy Sailors #60-99 swarm the Berserker pirates. Punching, dunking and drowning ensue between the combatants. Topspinner and Cruncher are killed, but so are the entire battalion of Sailors. Hammerhead swims up to King Hippo and Ram Bam swims up to Homer Simpson. The Berserkers kill the two and leave Hippo and Simpson floating face down in the water. In the process of the two bulbous bellied buffoons’ deaths, the Gremlins fall into the water and multiply. Hammerhead and Ram Bam are ripped apart by the furious fury combatants. Gremlins #1 and 2 lead over one hundred of the creatures to land, where they await the next battle.
City Region
Frank the Tank, Gordon Barbo and Bran run in their underwear down the battlefield’s main street. Barbo is a sight to be seen, singing “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly!” They do not see the Blob in front of them. The three run straight into the gelatinous monster, are consumed and die.
The martial artist warriors come together in a grand Mortal Kombat-type scene. The combatants say words that do not appear to line up with their mouths. Their battle is elegant and the fighters appear to be harnessed on wires as they fight one another. The Squad’s Shinobi and Yamato, Ninja Gaiden and Silver Samurai face off against Sub-Zero, Shang Tsung, Guille, Johhny Cage, Human Smoke, Karai, Jax and Jimmy Lee. At the end of the fight, the only warriors standing are Sub-Zero and Shang Tsung.
Glass Joe, Kid Chameleon, Mappy, Sam Malone, McGruff the Crime Dog and the Eggplant Wizard join forces. They face Kevin (Sin City), T-X and Tombstone. Kevin runs at and slashes Glass Joe. Glass Joe falls dead. Kevin then races at Sam Malone who is more worried about his hair then defending himself. Malone is killed. Before Kevin is able to reach a “hat trick,” the Eggplant Wizard throws a projectile. The blob turns Kevin’s head into an eggplant; Kevin dies. Tombstone pounces upon Mappy and rips the mouse crime stopper’s head off with his teeth. In response to his fellow policeman’s death, McGruff the Crime Dog launches himself at Tombstone. Tombstone catches him in midflight by the neck and breaks it with one hand. Meanwhile, the gynoid assassin T-X uses its arm as a weapon and blasts both Kid Chameleon and Eggplant Wizard.
In another match-up, this time robots only, (movie) Jazz, (movie) Frenzy with a red lightsaber, (movie) Wheely, Scooter and Crasher face Barricade, Brainstorm and Arcana, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. As the martial art scene was much truncated, so too will be the robot fight. Thus, after a pitched battle of robotic brawn and bashing, the last robots standing are (movie) Frenzy and (movie) Jazz.
Robocop, Scorpion and Billy Mays stand side by side. They face Spiderwoman, Speedball, Windhammer and Demolition Man. Mays looks at Robocop.
Mays: Hi. Billy Mays here! We are about to die!
Windhammer uses his tuning fork to create a turbulent weather pattern. Large balls of hail and heavy rains pour over the combatants. The winds force Billy Mays to hold onto a lamp post. The intense gale force cause Mays’ feet to rise in the air. He lets go and is caught in a web created by Spiderwoman. Caught in the web, he looks to Demolition Man, who is lowering his gun.
Mays: Hi. Billy Mays here! Now it’s time to die!
Mays is shot between the eyes by Demolition Man. Demolition Man turns around and is met by the Scorpion’s tail. The Scorpion smashes Demolition Man, who crumples dead in the street. Scorpion then smashes Speedball with his tail. Speedball absorbs the kinetic energy and hits Scorpion back. Scorpion flies into a wall from the blow. Robocop, due to his robotic weight is not immediately affected by the weather and hits Windhammer with a barrage of gunfire; Windhammer dies. The entire Sinister Six clan erupts on the battlefield and quickly dispels with both Robocop and Scorpion. Nonetheless, in the fray Mysterio and Vulture are killed.
Arctic Region
The snowy tundra’s flakes whip across the battlefield. Sith Lord #8 rushes at the Valley team. He is met by Giant Hammer Brothers #1-10. Although the Sith Lord manages to deflect a majority of the hammers, soon, the tool projectiles begin to reach the force wielder. Sith Lord #8 eventually weakens and is killed at the pummeling. Ancient Sith Lords #1-7 and 15 see their fallen comrade and combine forces to slice and dice through the entire Giant Hammer Brother clan; all Giant Hammer Brothers #1-10 are killed. The Ancient Sith Lords then face Autobots #6-10. Autobots #6 and 9 are destroyed. Ancient Sith Lords #2-4, 7 and 15 are killed. Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron finish the work of the Ancients and destroy remaining Autobots #7-8 and 10.
Fire Brothers #4-10 throw fireballs at the White Witch. Although the barrage of flame balls wound her, she uses her wand to turn Fire Brothers #7-10 into stone. The remaining Fire Brothers run away so that they can regroup. They are met by Weapon Omega. Weapon Omega uses his energy blasts to blast into the snow beneath Fire Brothers #4-6’s feet. The Darths rush toward the Fire Brothers. Darth Scarz kills Fire Brother #4. Darth Voltress kills Fire Brother #5. Darth Ocron kills Fire Brother #6.
Remaining Ancient Sith Lords #1, 5-6 destroy Fast Forward. They are, in turn, killed by Beast Box and Squawktalk. The Transformers change into their beast modes. Weapon Omega fires at the soaring Squawktalk and the Transformer crashes to the icy ground. Gladiator uses his heat vision to burn a hole around Squawktalk. The snow becomes a liquid mess. Gladiator then uses his freeze breath to encase Squawktalk. Squawktalk’s energy drains and it powers down forever. Beastbox, in gorilla form, punches Gladiator across the tundra. Gladiator shakes off the blow and joins Weapon Omega. Gladiator smashes Beastbox and Weapon Omega provides the death blow.
Megatron (movie) comes to the scene and faces the remaining Slaves. The White Witch uses her sorcery powers to hold Megatron in place. The Transformer eventually breaks through the spell and crushes the White Witch. He then uses his weaponry on Weapon Omega. Weapon Omega is ripped apart, but in a hari-kari act, crashes into Megatron at full “energy-induced” speed. The robot is damaged and falls to its knees. The Darths combine their force skills and through both lightning and lightsabers, along with Gladiator’s assistance, defeat and destroy Megatron.
Underground-City Sewers
The Decepticon Spy Bug skittles ahead of its Valley teammates to do reconnaissance. The last item it sees before being stepped on is a large greenish humanoid-Lurch. Lurch steps on and destroys the Spy Bug. Nightcrawler, Baby Nightcrawler and Nocturne teleport into the midst of the Addams family. Nightcrawler kills Morticia and Pugsley. Baby Nightcrawler kills Thing. Nocturne uses her hex bolts to strike both Gomez and Uncle Fester. While the two manage to block a majority of the bolts, they are unable to avoid them all. Both are wounded. Gomez and Uncle Fester are then rushed at and torn apart by Xenomorphs #95-100. Critters #1-12 come to the scene and kill Grandmama, Cousin Itt and Wednesday Addams. Lurch manages to kill Critters #3-5, but succumbs to the Toxic Avenger who joins the fray. Feral unleashes her claws at Shadow the Hedgehog and destroys him. In response, Feral is set upon and killed by the combined “blues”-Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler and Nightcrawler.
Rayne meets Kalibak, who easily destroys the vampire hunter. Kalibak then uses his beta club to fire force bolts at the Toxic Avenger. The Toxic Avenger explodes all over his teammates. Kalibak uses his club one more time to fire nerve beams at Little Goombas #6-34. The Goombas reach a frenzied state due to the extreme pain caused by the blast. In a blinding fury, they attack their own. Little Goombas #6-34 and Critters #1-12 kill each other. Before Kalibak can destroy Wingnut and Screwloose, Balrog #5 crashes upward from the sewer’s floor. Balrog #5 uses its fiery whip to grab hold of Kalibak and then its burning sword to cut him in half.
Plains Region
Perfuma uses her powers to create flowers throughout the plains, especially surrounding Beavis, Butthead and Buttchunk.
Beavis: Wow! Wow!! Wow!!!
While the three MTV icons are distracted, Bonk pounces over. The large headed caveman uses his bald head to smash Buttchunk’s face in. Beavis and Butthead are agonizingly amazed at the act and run away. Bonk faces Teddy Boy who spits at him. Bonk is momentarily startled. Game Boy joins Teddy Boy. The two Boys use their abilities to injure Bonk, but Teddy Boy dies in the skirmish and Bonk escapes.
Beavis and Butthead are met by Avalanche. Avalanche uses his mutant abilities to create “waves” on the land around them. Beavis and Butthead laugh and ride the waving land like surfers.
Blastaar: Pull!!!
Avalanche rips the ground from beneath the duo and the two are thrown in the air. Beavis and Butthead become the clay pigeons in Blastaar’s skeet shoot. Blastaar blasts Beavis and Butthead. The two sizzle and explode.
Moritani Soldiers #1-15 fight Samurai #30-40. The two battalions enter into a vicious battle. At the end of the skirmish, Moritani Soldiers #1-4, 7, 10-14 are dead. Samurai #30-32, 34, 37-39 are also dead. Molecule Man uses his powers to finish off the Moritani. Raiden and Kid Thunder finish the remaining Samurai. Zorro gallops by on Mordor Horse #1 and with his blue lightsaber decapitates Kid Thunder. Before Raiden can take his revenge, Mr. Game and Watch intercedes and throws their heat axe at Mordor Horse #1, which falls down, mortally wounded. As the horse falls, it throws Zorro in the air. Zorro is met by Wonder Boy with an Atlas; Zorro is killed, but the Atlas is destroyed by Zorro’s lightsaber. Rintrah comes to the scene and uses his super strength to destroy both Wonder Boy and Mr. Game and Watch, who have lost their weapons in earlier fights.
An injured Bonk sees Slugfest and Overkill in dinosaur mode, along with Godzooky. Bonk’s nightmare has come true. It is only a matter of seconds before he is smashed and torn apart by his dinosaur nemeses. Godzooky then focuses on Perfuma. Perfuma is caught in the smoky haze blown by Godzooky. The last thing Perfuma sees is Godzooky’s saliva dripping maw. Molecule Man recognizes that he cannot affect the Transformers so he uses his powers against Godzooky. Godzooky is ripped apart on a molecular level. The dinosaur Transformers take revenge and maul Molecule Man. Overkill and Slugfest then focus on and destroy Avalanche. Blastaar uses his abilities to blast into Overkill and Slugfest, but is unable to destroy the vicious Transformers. Blastaar is ripped apart and smashed by the two.
Air above
Zombie Josh Houslander rides Zombie Silver Dragon #3. The two zombies steer toward Zombie Laserbeak. The Silver Dragon sprays its cold breath and freezes Zombie Laserbeak. Houslander drives the dragon through the frozen Transformer and destroys Zombie Laserbeak. Zombie Houslander smiles to himself. His victory is short lived as the Righteous Indignation plows through Zombie Silver Dragon #3. The Dragon’s neck is broken and its mangled body falls to the ground. Before Zombie Houslander becomes a land smear, he is saved by Radar. Zombie Houslander rides the super powered dog. Movie Starscream fires upon Radar and Zombie Josh Houslander. Although Radar escapes severe damage, he accidentally drops Houslander in the process. Supreme, Suprema and Radar come together with Mary Embry and G-Girl to destroy (movie) Starscream.
The Righteous Indignation fires upon (and easily takes out) Killer Moth. While the Indignation’s crew focused on Killer Moth, Houslander manages to land on the ship. Houslander uses his zombie strength to rip open a hatch on the ship. Little does Houslander know, Deadeye Duck with a red lightsaber and Captain Bucky O’Hare with a green lightsaber, have been waiting for him, after first hearing the loud ruckus on top of the craft. Houslander is beheaded by the two combatants. O’Hare and Deadeye join the rest of their teammates on the bridge. They see the entire Aerialbot legion approach. Although the skilled piloting of the crew manages to destroy Slingshot and Air Raid, they are killed by the remaining Aerialbots- Silverbolt, Skydive and Fireflight.
Forest Region
Treasure Troll #27 waddles along the tree littered floor. It looks up to see Ewok #50 with a spear falling on top of him. The spear pierces the Troll and it dies, pinned to the forest ground. Ewok #50 is met by Hammer Brothers #3-10. The Hammer Brothers quickly kill Ewok #50, who is no match for the barrage of hammers. Mighty Joe Young and Gorilla Grodd face the Hammer Brothers. Instead of injuring the apes, the hammers only make them upset. Mighty Joe Young and Gorilla Grodd rip apart all Hammer Brothers, but for Hammer Brother #3. Hammer Brother #3 runs away from the fray and is met by Sailor Moon. Moon uses her powers to convince Hammer Brother #3 to kill itself. In response to seeing their Mario brethren killed, Boomerang Brothers #1-10 repeatedly throw their weapons at Moon. Moon is injured and falls to the mossy floor. She is pounced upon by Splinter and Leonardo who kill her. Dark Dragon meets with Splinter and Leonardo, but the combined skills of the martial artist rat and turtle are too much; Dragon is killed.
Pitfall Harry swings on the tree vines. He is met by Rouge the Bat, who is hanging upside down. The two come face to face. Harry is faster and smashes Bat in the face. Harry then grabs the bat in one arm, while holding the vine in the other and suffocates her. He drops the dead bat to the ground below. Goliath the Gargoyle is perched above the vine where Pitfall Harry currently holds. Goliath slices the vine that Harry is holding onto with his claws. Pitfall Harry falls to the floor and breaks his neck; his body lies next to Rouge in an erotic embrace of broken limbs and smashed faces. Rob Bartlett stands on the immense tree branch with a Halberd and swings at Goliath. He wounds the gargoyle. The gargoyle screams in fury and rushes at Bartlett. Doogle jumps on the gargoyle before he reaches Bartlett and the two fall to the ground. They are both impaled on a jutting tree branch. Bartlett stands victorious, but it is short lived as he faces Nemesis Enforcer. Nemesis Enforcer is joined by Grodd, who uses his vast psionic powers to create telekinetic force beams that kill Bartlett.
Bonecrusher (in robot mode) focuses on Boomerang Brothers #1-10. Bonecrusher uses his weaponry to destroy Boomerang Brothers #4-10. The remaining Boomerang Brothers fall behind Decepticons #1-5. The Decepticons, together, are too much for Bonecrusher who is eventually destroyed by their onslaught. Decepticon #2 is destroyed in the melee.
Remaining Decepticons #1, 3-5, Boomerang Brothers #1-3, Darth Techno (Sith Lord #5), Splinter and Leonardo come together. Mighty Joe Young is killed by Decepticons #1, 3-5 along with Splinter and Leonardo. Nonetheless, the ape manages to destroy Decepticons #1 and 4 and Leonardo. Grodd is killed by Darth Techno, but destroys Boomerang Brothers #2-3 and the remaining Decepticons #2-3 and 5. Darth Techno then dispels with Sauron.
Final Battle
The remaining combatants are teleported to a ravaged city located on the Playoff Planet.
The teams are as follows:
Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, G-Girl, Supreme and Radar, Suprema, The Eradicator, Spiderwoman, Silver Racer, Speedball, Gladiator, Nemesis Enforcer, The Blob, Tombstone, Rintrah, T-X, The Sinister Six: Sandman, Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus and Electro, The Terrorcons: Hun-Grr, Blot, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper and Sinnertwin, The Aerialbots: Silverbolt, Skydive and Fireflight, Bonecrusher, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron.
The Syracuse Valley: Splinter, Leonardo, Nightcrawler, Boomerang Bros. #1, Xenomorphs #95-100, (movie) Jazz, Sub-Zero, Raiden, (movie) Frenzy (w/ a red lightsaber), Overkill, Slugfest, Shang Tsung, Baby Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Wingnut and Screwloose, Gremlins #1 and 2, Sith Lord #5 (Darth Techno), Balrog #5, and Game Boy.
The battle that transpires is fast and furious. Balrog #5 uses its demonic weapons to destroy the Blob. The meta-warriors come together (Ursa, Supergirl, Embry, G-Girl, Supreme, Suprema, Radar and Gladiator) and defeat Balrog #5. Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron face off against Darth Techno. The one Dark Lord is no match for the three others; Techno is killed.
Gremlins #1 and 2 are destroyed by the remaining Sinister Six, but during the battle Electro was ripped apart (while taking out a majority of the Gremlins at the same time). The Terrorcons in Abominus mode, along with Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight destroy (movie) Jazz and (movie) Frenzy. In response to their Transformer brethren being defeated, both Overkill and Slugfest manage to dislodge the Terrorcon robots from their Abominus mode. Further, although they are eventually destroyed, Overkill and Slugfest manage to defeat Hun-Grr, Blot and Sinnertwin.
Rintrah and Tombstone take out Wingnut and Screwloose. While they are focused on the TMNT mutants, Xenomorphs #95-100 attack and kill both Tombstone and Rintrah. With one fell swoop, Silver Racer take out all Xenomorphs #95-100.
Shang Tsung uses his mystical powers to destroy Nemesis Enforcer. Radar latches onto Boomerang Brother #1 like a toy and shakes the BB to death. Sub-Zero and Raiden combine their freezing and lightning powers against the super dog. Radar is killed. Supreme and Suprema take revenge and destroy Sub-Zero and Raiden without much of a sweat.
Speedball uses his powers to trip up Game Boy, who falls into the metallic sword of the T-X. Splinter and Leonardo take on the remaining Sinister Six members and Spiderwoman. The duo manages to kill Spiderwoman, but they are in turn, killed by Sandman, Green Goblin and Dr. Octopus.
Shang Tsung kills G-Girl, but is ultimately killed by Gladiator. Nightcrawler, Nocturne and Baby Nightcrawler stare death in the face. It is only a matter of seconds before they are killed by the remaining Squad members. Nightcrawler is killed by the Eradicator. Nocturne manages to kill Green Goblin, but is killed by Ursa. Baby Nightcrawler is skewered and sliced apart by the Darths, with Ocron accepting the final death blow.
The Syracuse Valley: All dead.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad: Ursa, Supergirl, Mary Embry, Supreme, Suprema, The Eradicator, Silver Racer, Speedball, Gladiator, T-X, Sandman, Dr. Octopus, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper, Silverbolt, Skydive, Fireflight, Bonecrusher, Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron alive.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Season Three: Week Six: Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Right Wing
Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Right Wing
“You know women, mate. Like monkeys, they are - won't let go of one branch until they've got hold of the next.” -Sean Ambrose
The Brigade is Golden Age Wonder Woman in her Invisible Jet, Jetfire & Jetstorm, Red Lantern #3, Metallo, (Kingdom Come) Flash, Obi Wan Kenobi, Wonder Woman, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Jedi Knight #23A-@6A, Silver Dragon #4-15, The Jetsons: George, Jane, Judy, Elroy, Astro, Rosey, & Orbitty, Jaws, Jaws 2, Glinda the Good Witch, Guy Gardner (w/ Yellow Power Ring), Power Girl, Red Devil, Black Hand, Stass Allie, Jania Solo, Aquagirl, Grape Ape, Jack the Giant Killer, Spider Girl, Nightstar, Emperor Palpatine, Man at Arms & Teela, Aragorn, Velociraptor #31-42, John McClane (w/ 2 green light sabers), Poison Ivy, Morpheus, Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho Ghola #12, Army Soldier #101-124, Catwoman, Evil Lynn, Karg, Skeletor's Crack Troops #1-15, Marcellus Wallace, Arwen Evenstar, Penguin, The Lochness Monster, Storm Trooper #51-87, Vito Corleone, Santino Corleone (w/ a red light saber), Horse #27-32, Atreides Soldier #1-6, Even Piel, Maverick & Goose in a Stealth Bomber, The Sando Aqua Monster, Darth Nihilus, Modulock, Baron Fel in a Tie Bomber, Atrocitus, & Chriselon.
The Right Wing is Superwoman, Silver Surfer, Zeus, Red She-Hulk, The Volturi: Aro (w/ a red light saber), Caius, & Marcus, Lady Volturi, Prometheus, Jool Nooret, Blue Lantern #2, The Quilete Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, & Quil, Sleepwalker, The Cosmic Hulk Robot, Victoria (w/ a red light saber), Lyra the She Hulk (w/ a green light saber), Blackfire, Jedi Knight #1A (that's Gary), 2A-5A, Jedi Master #18A-23A, Athena, Agent #1 & 2, Droid Fighter Ship #2-20, Slimer, Eros, Gold Dragon #10-12, 14, & 15, Qunilon Vos, Warpath, Red Sonja, The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I, & Ulysses II, Darth Malack, Shintor Beerus, Red Tornado, Black Panther, Skarr son of Hulk (w/ a green light saber), Elephant #1-10, Titanium Man, Bulkhead, Pegasus, Korg, Ninja #1-15, Sand, Mossman, Drusilla, Doc Samson, Army Soldier #131-136, & Ulysses S. Grant (w/ Mandlorian Armor).
Air, ground, space, water, you get the picture. The playoff planet is a brutal place that can stretch any team to its limit. Strength and power can only get you so far, for on this planet, depth is the name of the game. The two teams in front of me are incredibly even. Both have power and strength to match each other, so seeing a victor come out of this one will truly be a sight to see. As the planet is vast, I will bring you one terrain at a time. It looks like both teams are covering every terrain evenly, which means we may be in for a long one.
I will try for the cliff notes version of this story, but as usual, I make no promises.
The Battle on the Ground
This seems to be where the brunt of the team’s armies are located, so I would imagine this is where the majority of the action will take place. I hear the sound of a group of horse’s coming up the way. It looks like there are six people on horseback coming up; a couple of the people riding even have light sabers. It looks kind of awesome actually. It looks like it is John McClane, Aragorn, Marcellus Wallace, Arwen, Vito Corleone and Santino Corleone. McClane and Santino have light sabers, in fact, McClane has two of them. They are quickly met up by The Volturi and the Cosmic Hulk Robot.
John McClane is able to cut the head off of Caius, but is easily over powered by the Hulk robot. The robotic Hulk then crushes both Corleone’s, ending their lives immediately. Arwen then rides up behind Marcus and places her sword in the back of his neck. Aro sees this and decides him and his lady shall seek vengeance for this transgression. The Lady quickly jumps on Arwen’s horse and feeds the elfish woman thoughts of her own happiness, which takes her mind away from the match just long enough for Aro to plunge his light saber into her chest as she passes him by. As Arwen’s now dead body laid waste on the battlefield, Aragorn rides over to it to see if his true love is once and for all dead. As soon as he sees this he completely loses all sense of decency and goes on a killing rampage that leaves the remaining members of the Volturi tribe not so much sparkly, but just plain dead. The still bloodthirsty Aragorn immediately set his sites on the Hulk Robot, but before his stupidity got the best of him, Chriselon jumped in and took care of the robot for him. Chriselon, in all his disco ball glory, encased the robotic menace in an energy ball and collapsed it on itself. Killing the robot once and for all. Aragorn then looked over at the coked out disco queen and said, “Nice kill, but I could have handled that myself”. The flamboyant Green Lantern took little notice of his comment and went off to fight another battle. Aragorn then got back on his horse and told Marcellus Wallace to follow him back to the main battle.
The main battle on the ground consisted of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Alan Scott and Power Girl going up against Warpath, Red Tornado and Shintor Beerus. I am not quite sure how long this battle is going to take, so I will go to someone else right now. Oh look, the Red She-Hulk just crushed Morpheus’s head. I’m guessing that he is probably dead. Looks like Jool Nooret just beat the life out of Glinda the Good Witch and The Brigade’s Jedi Knight’s are facing off against The Right Wing’s Jedi Knight’s and Master’s. Jedi Master #18A just killed Jedi Knight #24A. Oh I’ll just wait until there done fighting to report this one.
Oh this fight was fair. Man at Arms and Teela just got embarrassed by Red She-Hulk and The Quilete Tribe of Sam, Paul, Jared and Quil. By embarrassed I naturally mean slaughtered, but I think you get the picture. Oh look, it’s Great Ape. I think all of the Right Wing’s hulk members are going after the big lug. The big ape is ready for them though, as he takes a battle stance and charges right for them. On his way over to fight the hulk’s, Grape Ape managed to step on and kill Agent’s #1 & 2. When the giant ape finally met up with the hulk’s the battle lasted some time. Though he was able to kill Lyra the She-Hulk, Red She-Hulk and the Hulk’s son eventually took down Grape Ape. Skarr, the son of Hulk, finished the great ape off with a light saber strike to the heart.
Darth Malack and Darth Nihilus were locked in battle at this time as well and it looks like Eros has made Jack the Giant Killer fall in love with Spider Girl, who looks rather annoyed at the love struck Cornish man. This part of the match is boring me right now, so I am going to check out what else is going on in the match.
Air Battle
It looks like this is well under way as Zeus is having a blast (Get it), knocking people out of the sky with lightening bolts. He has already managed to kill Jetfire and Skyfire and has badly damaged the Jetson’s flying car. Metallo is locked in a brutal battle with Titanium Man and Bulkhead is having one hell of a time trying to kill all of the Silver Dragon’s. He has killed Silver Dragon’s #8-11 already, but is having a hard time finishing them off. Luckily for him he has plenty of Gold Dragon’s on his side, so he has some help. Both team’s Dragon’s are lighting up the sky; spraying dude ji…ah I mean, fire everywhere. In the end only Gold Dragon’s #14 and 15 are left flying. Silver Dragon’s final deaths looked like they came from Gold Dragon #10, who went out in a literal blaze of glory to kill them. Bulkhead narrowly escaped the Dragon war, but was killed moment’s later when he was caught in the middle of the Lantern fight that was going on between Red Lantern #3 and Blue Lantern #2. I’ll credit the Red Lantern with Bulkhead’s death, along with the death of the Blue Lantern as well.
The fight between Metallo and Titanium Man was a doozy as well and were it not for the fact that Pegasus joined in on the fight, the battle may have lasted forever. Luckily for me though, I got to see Pegasus jam his spear right through the face of the metallic abomination, ending his role in this battle. This part looks like it is coming down to its last couple of people, but before it finishes off completely; I am going to check out a couple other places.
Water
Hmm, it looks like it is all Brigade members and no Right Wingers. I suppose the Brigade thought her opponent might start some of her water characters this week, I guess not. Brigade wins this round?
Desert
Army Soldiers #101-124 go up against Army Soldiers #131-136 and Ninja’s #1-15. The battle is just okay, not really anything worth watching. In the end Ninja’s #5, 8 and 15 are still standing. Ulysses S. Grant along with Athena lead a charge with Elephant’s #1-10, Korg, Red Sonja and the remaining Ninja’s against Skeletor’s Crack Troopers #1-15, Evil Lynn, Karg and the Atreides Soldiers #1-6. Grant was able to kill Evil Lynn and Karg pretty easily with his sweet armor and weapon’s but was overwhelmed and defeated after meeting up with several Atreides Soldiers at once. Red Sonja found the Crack Troopers to be easy targets as well, killing several of them in a very short period of time. The remaining ninja’s took care of the rest of the Crack Troopers but were then killed off by the Atreides Soldiers. Though the Atreides soldiers were able to fight admirably during this match, they were just too tired and wiped out to take on the remaining members of the Right Wing and were eventually laid to rest by Red Sonja and Korg.
It looked like this part of the match was easily going to go to the Right Wing, but before they were able to begin heading back to aid the rest of their team, they were faced with an opponent that they would find impossible to defeat. The Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 may have looked like a man, but what he did to the remaining Right Wing members was far more than any mere mortal could ever dream of. Red Sonja tried to attack Idaho, but was instantly thrown back into the desert sand. Before she was able to get back up, Idaho was standing over her, crushing in her skull. As Korg and Athena were watching their teammate being killed, they too were faced with the “one who can be in many places at once” and were too killed by the near perfect creature. Idaho then exterminated the remaining Elephant’s and headed off to aid his team elsewhere. Though as he was leaving, Sand from the Right Wing formed behind Duncan Idaho and displaced the sand below him, dropping him far beneath the surface of the desert. Though things looked good for Sand, this Duncan Idaho wasn’t going to go down so easily. I’ll check back to see the finished product.
Arctic
Can you say blow out. Though Even Piel of the Brigade was able to kill Slimer, that was pretty much it on this front. Delphi and Hector were both suffering from blaster wounds to the stomach, but that was about it. Even Piel lead Storm Troopers #51-87 against the entire Pantheon and trust me when I say they did not live to tell the tale. I knew it was going to be a blow out when the first person that was killed on the Brigade was Even Piel. He went right in for the kill on Agamemnon, but had his neck snapped by the teenage god. From that point on it was a massacre that ended in the deaths of all 37 Storm Troopers. Delphi and Hectors wounds would heal quickly, fast enough for them to join the rest of their teammates for the final battle.
Space
Now for the battle you were all waiting for. Normally the Silver Surfer would look at any space battle and think to himself “No Problem”, but this one wasn’t going to be so easy. He didn’t usually face opponent’s quite as good as the ones that he was going to have to face right now. As a pre-emptive strike, he sent out Droid Fighter ships #2-20. He was hoping they would be able to take out at least one of his opponent’s, to which they did. Droid Fighter’s #2-6 were able to kill Modulok as he attempted to disguise himself as another Droid Fighter ship. The Surfer was able to convince the Droid ships to attack the shape shifting being, ending in it’s destruction. Though Droid Fighter’s #2-6 were able to over power Modulok, they were no match for Baron Fel in his Tie Bomber. The same could also be said for Droid Fighter’s #11, 12, 14, 16 and 20 as the expert pilot too sent them to robot hell. The Surfer knew his Droid ships were not going to be able to do any more damage so he sent them all towards the Bomber in the hope that they could at least destroy him. Though it was a valiant effort by the droid ships, Baron Fel was ultimately able to defeat every last one of them. Before Fel was able to celebrate though, Superwoman tore open the hull of the Tie Bomber, exposing Fel to the vacuum of space, killing him in about one minute’s time.
This left the Surfer and Superwoman with Wonder Woman, Guy Gardner, Black Hand and Atrocitus to battle. Superwoman instantly charged her Amazonian sister Wonder Woman and began to battle with her as the Surfer flew around Black Hand, and blasted him in the back. Atrocitus answered back with a blast of red energy but the Surfer was easily able to absorb the energy and send it back ten fold at the Red Lantern leader. The blast sent the red lantern holder back and knocked him unconscious. While Silver Surfer was doing this, Guy Gardner was able to encase the Surfer in a yellow energy field for a moment. A moment was all it lasted though as the Surfer quickly broke out of it and in the process, literally flying through the body of the now dead yellow lantern holder. Wonder Woman was finding her fight with Superwoman to be more difficult than she thought it would be, as Superwoman was causing her great pain. Superwoman was even able to blast Wonder Woman with her heat vision and trap her in her lasso. For most people this would be the end of the line, but Wonder Woman was not most people. Just as Superwoman was planning on finishing Wonder Woman off, Wonder Woman broke free of her lasso and broke both of her arms backwards. As the pain rushed through the body of Superwoman, Wonder Woman tied her up in her lasso and instead of making her talk, she decided to just end it once and for all. She grabbed Superwoman on the top and bottom of her mouth and literally ripped her head in two.
As this was going on Atrocitus was just getting back to the match and the Silver Surfer had just finished throwing Black Hand into the nearest star. Wonder Woman, though very powerful, knew that she was no match for the Surfer in space. She then signaled to Atrocitus to head for the surface of the planet below, as their best chance for a victory lied on the planet’s surface. The Surfer noticed this move and quickly stopped the red lantern from going any further, killing him once and for all. Though she knew losing Atrocitus was a huge blow, she knew her death would be an even greater failing to her team as she flew as fast as she could towards the planet’s surface. The Silver Surfer followed closely behind her as the two super powered beings broke through the planet’s atmosphere onto the final battle of this match.
The Ground Battle
A lot has happened since the last time we checked in on this. First thing’s first though. Only Jedi Master’s #21A & 23A are left standing. Darth Malack was able to defeat Darth Nihilus and Prometheus beat the living hell out of Marcellus Wallace. Shintor Beerus tried to use a force tornado against Obi-Wan, which made Obi-Wan laugh a bit, but not much else. Then Obi-Wan used his light saber to cut his body in half. After Shintor Beerus’s pathetic force tornado attempt, Red Tornado decided to make a storm of his own, only this storm actually did something. The storm took out Velociraptor’s #38-42 and badly injured Obi-Wan. Just as Red Tornado was planning on doing even more damage to the badly hurt Brigade, Emperor Palpatine ended his silence in this match and sent a lethal amount of force lightening into the body of Red Tornado, killing him. Then Poison Ivy sent a brutal attack from the ground up as the earth itself began to attack every member of the Right Wing. Drusilla was unable to escape this attack as she was staked through the heart with a piece of wood from a now uprooted tree. The light saber holding members of the Right Wing were able to cut through much of the new foliage that was quickly overtaking everything, but it was Moss Man who was able to temporarily put a stop to Poison Ivy’s new world. Skarr, Victoria and the two remaining Jedi Master’s freed everyone as quickly as they could but Moss Man was unsure of how long he could hold off Poison Ivy’s power. They would try to break free of all of this but they knew that they were going to need the help of their teammates if they were going to make it out of this one alive.
The Air Battle
Maverick and Goose managed to kill the two remaining Gold Dragons (#14 & 15) but were blown to pieces by one of Zeus’s lightening bolts. Blackfire was also able to kill the Jetson’s, though she was blasted by Nightstar as she put the finishing touches on the Jetson’s. Luckily for her though, Titanium Man had her back and destroyed Nightstar right after that.
Golden Age Wonder Woman had her sight’s set on Pegasus as she flew in her invisible jet ready to fire on him. Right before she was able to fire on him though, her jet was struck by another one of Zeus’s lightening bolts, which blew her jet to pieces. Though she was able to eject from her ship, she was now free falling to the ground. As she began falling to her almost certain death, she saw someone familiar coming towards her ready to catch her. It was herself, well, it was the more super powered version of herself to be more exact. She yelled at Red Lantern #3 to follow her towards the ground, as that was there best place for attack at this time. The Red Lantern followed suit as both Wonder Woman’s and the Red Lantern headed towards the ground battle.
Desert
Well, I thought that Sand’s trick of holding the Duncan Idaho Ghola under the sand was going to cause much more damage then it did, but I suppose I was wrong. Though Sand had a good idea of separating his body over Idaho to try to keep him under ground forever, it turns out that is exactly what ended up killing him. As soon as Sand turned his own body into nothing but sand, Idaho managed to permanently keep him in that state, forever turning Sand into an indistinguishable part of the desert.
The Ground Battle
The Pantheon was making its way onto the battlefield when it saw the new foliage that Poison Ivy had created. They knew that they had to come at the Brigade from behind, as getting through Ivy’s new world was never going to work.
The Air Battle
The remaining Right Winger’s in the air were not sure what to do at first but before they could make any sort of decision, the Silver Surfer came flying down and told them that the final battle was taking place wherever Wonder Woman was. This obviously meant on the ground, so that is exactly where they were heading. Blackfire, Pegasus and Titanium Man were to follow the Surfer down to the ground but according to the Surfer, Zeus was to stay up above. Zeus did not like taking orders but he was no fool. He knew that dome headed one was the most powerful member of their team and obeyed his order to stay above.
The Ground Battle
Poison Ivy’s new foliage was a great trap for her opponent’s but it did hurt their team in one way, Alan Scott was now useless in this fight. She knew this would be a side effect, but she figured it was an expectable loss.
The Pantheon was now on the other side of the battlefield, now coming up behind the Brigade. They were moving as fast as they could when they saw Wonder Woman fly down from the sky with the Red Lantern. This didn’t stop their movement, but it did make them re-think their strategy on how they were going to attack.
As Wonder Woman landed near her teammates on the ground, she told them that the Silver Surfer was not far behind. If they were going to have any chance against him, they were going to have to end this battle on the ground as quickly as possible. Wonder Woman quickly lead the charge with Power Girl, the Red Lantern and Chriselon against the still trapped Right Wing members. They all flew up above and one by one started to pick off their enemies. Power Girl was able to kill Doc Sampson and Victoria and the Red Lantern was able to trap The Quilete Tribe of Sam, Paul, Jared and Quil along with Jool Nooret. The Red Lantern created an oxygen-free energy field around the Right Wing members, killing them very quickly. Wonder Woman landed in the foliage and killed Prometheus and Eros with little effort. Chriselon was able to hit Skarr with a deadly energy blast but was overpowered by Warpath as he passed him by.
The Pantheon had finally reached the Brigade and as soon as they got there, they were met by a group of Velociraptor’s. #31-37 attacked them and though there were able to get a few vicious attacks in, they were all dead in a matter of minutes by the so far still intact Pantheon. They then continued to move on but not before Cassiopeia was hit was a blast of force lightening from the Emperor. The blast killed her and now the real battle was about to begin.
The still love sick Jack the Giant Killer and Spider Girl were brutally beaten to death by Ajax, Andromeda and Jason, while Aragon managed to cut the head off of Delphi. The still injured Obi-Wan was finally put out of his misery by Agamemnon, but the Pantheon leader was met with the same fate as Alan Scott sent a blast of energy through his body, destroying him in one quick blast. Though Aragorn fought a great battle, his fight against the two Ulysses’ was just too much as they both managed to over power him. The Emperor, Stass Allie and Jania Solo were all with light saber in hand now, kickin butt and taking names. In their triple sword threat, they were able to kill Achilles, Ajax, Hector, Jason and Paris. At the same time though, Atalanta finally killed Poison Ivy and Perseus had killed Catwoman.
The remaining members of both teams were still very powerful and though the battle had been raging on for a long time, there was too many people left to call it even close to being over with as of yet.
Power Girl had managed to kill both Moss Man and Black Panther in her foliage hunts, but as the foliage died down she realized it was going to get a little bit more difficult to kill without anyone fighting back. Wonder Woman, Power Girl and the Red Lantern decided to head back towards the rest of their team when they saw the Surfer and the remaining sky bound members of the Right Wing coming right for them.
Power Girl went right for Blackfire and was actually able to some how catch her off guard and knock her right out of the sky. The Red Lantern then hit her with a blast of energy and Power Girl finished her off by breaking her back. The Surfer seemed unfazed by Power Girl and the Red Lantern and immediately went for Wonder Woman. Pegasus tried to attack Power Girl but was easily destroyed by the super powered girl.
As the Silver Surfer charged towards Wonder Woman, she bashed her bracelets together and sent a shock wave towards the Silver headed one. The wave blasted him back and actually kind of hurt him. He could tell that the Red Lantern was coming towards him from behind, but instead of evading the blast from the lantern, he decided to take it instead. The blast hit him from behind but instead of hurting him, the Surfer absorbed the energy and sent it towards Wonder Woman, severely injuring her. The Surfer then turned around and once and for all destroyed the Red Lantern holder with a blast of the Power Cosmic.
At this time, Titanium Man had engaged in a fierce battle with Power Girl. It was a battle that alone he might not win, but with a little help from the Surfer, they were able to rip Power Girl in half with a sickening amount of energy from the two of them.
With Poison Ivy now dead, the remaining ground based members of the Right Wing were able to move again towards their Brigade enemies. The following fight went on for a while but it is just plain easier to explain the outcome. Red She-Hulk was able to kill Red Devil, but soon afterwards was blasted to pieces by Alan Scott. The same went for Black Panther and Jedi Master #21A. Emperor Palpatine was able to kill Jedi Master #23A and Darth Malack. On the flip side, Andromeda and Atalanta managed to kill Stass Allie and Prometheus was able to kill Jania Solo. Alan Scott was about to send an energy blast powerful enough and big enough to kill the rest of the Pantheon when out of nowhere, Sleepwalker manipulated the foliage that Poison Ivy had created to all but consume the power of the Starheart. Golden Age Wonder Woman tried to untangle Scott but the double team of Quinlon Vos and Warpath were just two much for her. Palpatine raced towards the wood covered Alan Scott and as he saw Quinlon Vos ready to plunge his light saber into the face of the Green Lantern. Palpatine sent a blast of force lightening towards Vos. Before it was able to reach him, the blast was intercepted by Warpath, who took the blast for his teammate. Warpath taking the blast allowed Quinlon Vos to plunge his light saber into the face of Alan Scott, killing him.
The blast of force lightening crippled Warpath for a moment, but it was only a moment that the Emperor needed as he also sent his light saber into the body of his opponent, ending the life of Warpath. The Emperor was now surrounded by the remaining members of the Pantheon, Quinlon Vos and Sleepwalker, who were all ready to destroy him. The Emperor managed to throw his light saber into the throat of Quinlon Vos, killing him. Though he was able to produce more force lightening, the remaining members of the Pantheon were just too much for him and he was finally destroyed.
Just as the Emperor took his last breathe, Wonder Woman came crashing down to the ground. Soon after her though, so did Duncan Idaho, only he was still able to fight. Before any member of the Right Wing was able to even move, they were being picked off one by one. Idaho killed Prometheus and Atalanta. Then he killed Perseus and Ulysses 1. Then Titanium Man came into the picture and blasted the Kwisatz Haderach back for a second. It wasn’t long, but it was enough time for the Silver Surfer to grab Idaho and fly him up into the sky.
Wonder Woman was still unconscious when Andromeda and Ulysses II began to brutally beat her. With the help of Sleep Walker the two remaining Pantheon members were able to beat on Wonder Woman until her body could no longer take it. Though Wonder Woman was dead, it took them a while before they realized they were just beating a dead body into the ground.
The Silver Surfer was powerful, but even he was having a hard time containing the power of Duncan Idaho. He continued to carry the Ghola up into the sky and before Zeus could even tell what was going on he saw the Surfer holding Idaho’s body on a collision course with the Flash. To the naked eye, the flash was invisible. To the Surfer though, he could see him just fine. As he finally launched Idaho towards the Flash, he knew that the powerful Dune character would try to unleash his full power on the planet, attempting to fold space and time together as the ultimate power move.
Just as the Surfer predicted, he did this and in conjunction with the collision with the Flash, sent a shock wave throughout the entire planet, destroying it along with everything inside of it.
As the Surfer and Zeus sat there floating in space staring into the nothingness that once contained a planet, they didn’t say a word. Usually the Surfer would feel bad about sacrificing his own teammates for the greater good, but this time the greater good was all that mattered. They enjoyed the silence as they were in still in awe of the fact that the match was finally over.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade: All Dead
The Right Wing: Zeus and the Silver Surfer survived.
The Right Wing is Victorious!!!
“You know women, mate. Like monkeys, they are - won't let go of one branch until they've got hold of the next.” -Sean Ambrose
The Brigade is Golden Age Wonder Woman in her Invisible Jet, Jetfire & Jetstorm, Red Lantern #3, Metallo, (Kingdom Come) Flash, Obi Wan Kenobi, Wonder Woman, Skyfire, Alan Scott, Jedi Knight #23A-@6A, Silver Dragon #4-15, The Jetsons: George, Jane, Judy, Elroy, Astro, Rosey, & Orbitty, Jaws, Jaws 2, Glinda the Good Witch, Guy Gardner (w/ Yellow Power Ring), Power Girl, Red Devil, Black Hand, Stass Allie, Jania Solo, Aquagirl, Grape Ape, Jack the Giant Killer, Spider Girl, Nightstar, Emperor Palpatine, Man at Arms & Teela, Aragorn, Velociraptor #31-42, John McClane (w/ 2 green light sabers), Poison Ivy, Morpheus, Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho Ghola #12, Army Soldier #101-124, Catwoman, Evil Lynn, Karg, Skeletor's Crack Troops #1-15, Marcellus Wallace, Arwen Evenstar, Penguin, The Lochness Monster, Storm Trooper #51-87, Vito Corleone, Santino Corleone (w/ a red light saber), Horse #27-32, Atreides Soldier #1-6, Even Piel, Maverick & Goose in a Stealth Bomber, The Sando Aqua Monster, Darth Nihilus, Modulock, Baron Fel in a Tie Bomber, Atrocitus, & Chriselon.
The Right Wing is Superwoman, Silver Surfer, Zeus, Red She-Hulk, The Volturi: Aro (w/ a red light saber), Caius, & Marcus, Lady Volturi, Prometheus, Jool Nooret, Blue Lantern #2, The Quilete Tribe: Sam, Paul, Jared, & Quil, Sleepwalker, The Cosmic Hulk Robot, Victoria (w/ a red light saber), Lyra the She Hulk (w/ a green light saber), Blackfire, Jedi Knight #1A (that's Gary), 2A-5A, Jedi Master #18A-23A, Athena, Agent #1 & 2, Droid Fighter Ship #2-20, Slimer, Eros, Gold Dragon #10-12, 14, & 15, Qunilon Vos, Warpath, Red Sonja, The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta, Cassiopeia, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Perseus, Prometheus, Ulysses I, & Ulysses II, Darth Malack, Shintor Beerus, Red Tornado, Black Panther, Skarr son of Hulk (w/ a green light saber), Elephant #1-10, Titanium Man, Bulkhead, Pegasus, Korg, Ninja #1-15, Sand, Mossman, Drusilla, Doc Samson, Army Soldier #131-136, & Ulysses S. Grant (w/ Mandlorian Armor).
Air, ground, space, water, you get the picture. The playoff planet is a brutal place that can stretch any team to its limit. Strength and power can only get you so far, for on this planet, depth is the name of the game. The two teams in front of me are incredibly even. Both have power and strength to match each other, so seeing a victor come out of this one will truly be a sight to see. As the planet is vast, I will bring you one terrain at a time. It looks like both teams are covering every terrain evenly, which means we may be in for a long one.
I will try for the cliff notes version of this story, but as usual, I make no promises.
The Battle on the Ground
This seems to be where the brunt of the team’s armies are located, so I would imagine this is where the majority of the action will take place. I hear the sound of a group of horse’s coming up the way. It looks like there are six people on horseback coming up; a couple of the people riding even have light sabers. It looks kind of awesome actually. It looks like it is John McClane, Aragorn, Marcellus Wallace, Arwen, Vito Corleone and Santino Corleone. McClane and Santino have light sabers, in fact, McClane has two of them. They are quickly met up by The Volturi and the Cosmic Hulk Robot.
John McClane is able to cut the head off of Caius, but is easily over powered by the Hulk robot. The robotic Hulk then crushes both Corleone’s, ending their lives immediately. Arwen then rides up behind Marcus and places her sword in the back of his neck. Aro sees this and decides him and his lady shall seek vengeance for this transgression. The Lady quickly jumps on Arwen’s horse and feeds the elfish woman thoughts of her own happiness, which takes her mind away from the match just long enough for Aro to plunge his light saber into her chest as she passes him by. As Arwen’s now dead body laid waste on the battlefield, Aragorn rides over to it to see if his true love is once and for all dead. As soon as he sees this he completely loses all sense of decency and goes on a killing rampage that leaves the remaining members of the Volturi tribe not so much sparkly, but just plain dead. The still bloodthirsty Aragorn immediately set his sites on the Hulk Robot, but before his stupidity got the best of him, Chriselon jumped in and took care of the robot for him. Chriselon, in all his disco ball glory, encased the robotic menace in an energy ball and collapsed it on itself. Killing the robot once and for all. Aragorn then looked over at the coked out disco queen and said, “Nice kill, but I could have handled that myself”. The flamboyant Green Lantern took little notice of his comment and went off to fight another battle. Aragorn then got back on his horse and told Marcellus Wallace to follow him back to the main battle.
The main battle on the ground consisted of Obi-Wan Kenobi, Alan Scott and Power Girl going up against Warpath, Red Tornado and Shintor Beerus. I am not quite sure how long this battle is going to take, so I will go to someone else right now. Oh look, the Red She-Hulk just crushed Morpheus’s head. I’m guessing that he is probably dead. Looks like Jool Nooret just beat the life out of Glinda the Good Witch and The Brigade’s Jedi Knight’s are facing off against The Right Wing’s Jedi Knight’s and Master’s. Jedi Master #18A just killed Jedi Knight #24A. Oh I’ll just wait until there done fighting to report this one.
Oh this fight was fair. Man at Arms and Teela just got embarrassed by Red She-Hulk and The Quilete Tribe of Sam, Paul, Jared and Quil. By embarrassed I naturally mean slaughtered, but I think you get the picture. Oh look, it’s Great Ape. I think all of the Right Wing’s hulk members are going after the big lug. The big ape is ready for them though, as he takes a battle stance and charges right for them. On his way over to fight the hulk’s, Grape Ape managed to step on and kill Agent’s #1 & 2. When the giant ape finally met up with the hulk’s the battle lasted some time. Though he was able to kill Lyra the She-Hulk, Red She-Hulk and the Hulk’s son eventually took down Grape Ape. Skarr, the son of Hulk, finished the great ape off with a light saber strike to the heart.
Darth Malack and Darth Nihilus were locked in battle at this time as well and it looks like Eros has made Jack the Giant Killer fall in love with Spider Girl, who looks rather annoyed at the love struck Cornish man. This part of the match is boring me right now, so I am going to check out what else is going on in the match.
Air Battle
It looks like this is well under way as Zeus is having a blast (Get it), knocking people out of the sky with lightening bolts. He has already managed to kill Jetfire and Skyfire and has badly damaged the Jetson’s flying car. Metallo is locked in a brutal battle with Titanium Man and Bulkhead is having one hell of a time trying to kill all of the Silver Dragon’s. He has killed Silver Dragon’s #8-11 already, but is having a hard time finishing them off. Luckily for him he has plenty of Gold Dragon’s on his side, so he has some help. Both team’s Dragon’s are lighting up the sky; spraying dude ji…ah I mean, fire everywhere. In the end only Gold Dragon’s #14 and 15 are left flying. Silver Dragon’s final deaths looked like they came from Gold Dragon #10, who went out in a literal blaze of glory to kill them. Bulkhead narrowly escaped the Dragon war, but was killed moment’s later when he was caught in the middle of the Lantern fight that was going on between Red Lantern #3 and Blue Lantern #2. I’ll credit the Red Lantern with Bulkhead’s death, along with the death of the Blue Lantern as well.
The fight between Metallo and Titanium Man was a doozy as well and were it not for the fact that Pegasus joined in on the fight, the battle may have lasted forever. Luckily for me though, I got to see Pegasus jam his spear right through the face of the metallic abomination, ending his role in this battle. This part looks like it is coming down to its last couple of people, but before it finishes off completely; I am going to check out a couple other places.
Water
Hmm, it looks like it is all Brigade members and no Right Wingers. I suppose the Brigade thought her opponent might start some of her water characters this week, I guess not. Brigade wins this round?
Desert
Army Soldiers #101-124 go up against Army Soldiers #131-136 and Ninja’s #1-15. The battle is just okay, not really anything worth watching. In the end Ninja’s #5, 8 and 15 are still standing. Ulysses S. Grant along with Athena lead a charge with Elephant’s #1-10, Korg, Red Sonja and the remaining Ninja’s against Skeletor’s Crack Troopers #1-15, Evil Lynn, Karg and the Atreides Soldiers #1-6. Grant was able to kill Evil Lynn and Karg pretty easily with his sweet armor and weapon’s but was overwhelmed and defeated after meeting up with several Atreides Soldiers at once. Red Sonja found the Crack Troopers to be easy targets as well, killing several of them in a very short period of time. The remaining ninja’s took care of the rest of the Crack Troopers but were then killed off by the Atreides Soldiers. Though the Atreides soldiers were able to fight admirably during this match, they were just too tired and wiped out to take on the remaining members of the Right Wing and were eventually laid to rest by Red Sonja and Korg.
It looked like this part of the match was easily going to go to the Right Wing, but before they were able to begin heading back to aid the rest of their team, they were faced with an opponent that they would find impossible to defeat. The Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho Ghola #12 may have looked like a man, but what he did to the remaining Right Wing members was far more than any mere mortal could ever dream of. Red Sonja tried to attack Idaho, but was instantly thrown back into the desert sand. Before she was able to get back up, Idaho was standing over her, crushing in her skull. As Korg and Athena were watching their teammate being killed, they too were faced with the “one who can be in many places at once” and were too killed by the near perfect creature. Idaho then exterminated the remaining Elephant’s and headed off to aid his team elsewhere. Though as he was leaving, Sand from the Right Wing formed behind Duncan Idaho and displaced the sand below him, dropping him far beneath the surface of the desert. Though things looked good for Sand, this Duncan Idaho wasn’t going to go down so easily. I’ll check back to see the finished product.
Arctic
Can you say blow out. Though Even Piel of the Brigade was able to kill Slimer, that was pretty much it on this front. Delphi and Hector were both suffering from blaster wounds to the stomach, but that was about it. Even Piel lead Storm Troopers #51-87 against the entire Pantheon and trust me when I say they did not live to tell the tale. I knew it was going to be a blow out when the first person that was killed on the Brigade was Even Piel. He went right in for the kill on Agamemnon, but had his neck snapped by the teenage god. From that point on it was a massacre that ended in the deaths of all 37 Storm Troopers. Delphi and Hectors wounds would heal quickly, fast enough for them to join the rest of their teammates for the final battle.
Space
Now for the battle you were all waiting for. Normally the Silver Surfer would look at any space battle and think to himself “No Problem”, but this one wasn’t going to be so easy. He didn’t usually face opponent’s quite as good as the ones that he was going to have to face right now. As a pre-emptive strike, he sent out Droid Fighter ships #2-20. He was hoping they would be able to take out at least one of his opponent’s, to which they did. Droid Fighter’s #2-6 were able to kill Modulok as he attempted to disguise himself as another Droid Fighter ship. The Surfer was able to convince the Droid ships to attack the shape shifting being, ending in it’s destruction. Though Droid Fighter’s #2-6 were able to over power Modulok, they were no match for Baron Fel in his Tie Bomber. The same could also be said for Droid Fighter’s #11, 12, 14, 16 and 20 as the expert pilot too sent them to robot hell. The Surfer knew his Droid ships were not going to be able to do any more damage so he sent them all towards the Bomber in the hope that they could at least destroy him. Though it was a valiant effort by the droid ships, Baron Fel was ultimately able to defeat every last one of them. Before Fel was able to celebrate though, Superwoman tore open the hull of the Tie Bomber, exposing Fel to the vacuum of space, killing him in about one minute’s time.
This left the Surfer and Superwoman with Wonder Woman, Guy Gardner, Black Hand and Atrocitus to battle. Superwoman instantly charged her Amazonian sister Wonder Woman and began to battle with her as the Surfer flew around Black Hand, and blasted him in the back. Atrocitus answered back with a blast of red energy but the Surfer was easily able to absorb the energy and send it back ten fold at the Red Lantern leader. The blast sent the red lantern holder back and knocked him unconscious. While Silver Surfer was doing this, Guy Gardner was able to encase the Surfer in a yellow energy field for a moment. A moment was all it lasted though as the Surfer quickly broke out of it and in the process, literally flying through the body of the now dead yellow lantern holder. Wonder Woman was finding her fight with Superwoman to be more difficult than she thought it would be, as Superwoman was causing her great pain. Superwoman was even able to blast Wonder Woman with her heat vision and trap her in her lasso. For most people this would be the end of the line, but Wonder Woman was not most people. Just as Superwoman was planning on finishing Wonder Woman off, Wonder Woman broke free of her lasso and broke both of her arms backwards. As the pain rushed through the body of Superwoman, Wonder Woman tied her up in her lasso and instead of making her talk, she decided to just end it once and for all. She grabbed Superwoman on the top and bottom of her mouth and literally ripped her head in two.
As this was going on Atrocitus was just getting back to the match and the Silver Surfer had just finished throwing Black Hand into the nearest star. Wonder Woman, though very powerful, knew that she was no match for the Surfer in space. She then signaled to Atrocitus to head for the surface of the planet below, as their best chance for a victory lied on the planet’s surface. The Surfer noticed this move and quickly stopped the red lantern from going any further, killing him once and for all. Though she knew losing Atrocitus was a huge blow, she knew her death would be an even greater failing to her team as she flew as fast as she could towards the planet’s surface. The Silver Surfer followed closely behind her as the two super powered beings broke through the planet’s atmosphere onto the final battle of this match.
The Ground Battle
A lot has happened since the last time we checked in on this. First thing’s first though. Only Jedi Master’s #21A & 23A are left standing. Darth Malack was able to defeat Darth Nihilus and Prometheus beat the living hell out of Marcellus Wallace. Shintor Beerus tried to use a force tornado against Obi-Wan, which made Obi-Wan laugh a bit, but not much else. Then Obi-Wan used his light saber to cut his body in half. After Shintor Beerus’s pathetic force tornado attempt, Red Tornado decided to make a storm of his own, only this storm actually did something. The storm took out Velociraptor’s #38-42 and badly injured Obi-Wan. Just as Red Tornado was planning on doing even more damage to the badly hurt Brigade, Emperor Palpatine ended his silence in this match and sent a lethal amount of force lightening into the body of Red Tornado, killing him. Then Poison Ivy sent a brutal attack from the ground up as the earth itself began to attack every member of the Right Wing. Drusilla was unable to escape this attack as she was staked through the heart with a piece of wood from a now uprooted tree. The light saber holding members of the Right Wing were able to cut through much of the new foliage that was quickly overtaking everything, but it was Moss Man who was able to temporarily put a stop to Poison Ivy’s new world. Skarr, Victoria and the two remaining Jedi Master’s freed everyone as quickly as they could but Moss Man was unsure of how long he could hold off Poison Ivy’s power. They would try to break free of all of this but they knew that they were going to need the help of their teammates if they were going to make it out of this one alive.
The Air Battle
Maverick and Goose managed to kill the two remaining Gold Dragons (#14 & 15) but were blown to pieces by one of Zeus’s lightening bolts. Blackfire was also able to kill the Jetson’s, though she was blasted by Nightstar as she put the finishing touches on the Jetson’s. Luckily for her though, Titanium Man had her back and destroyed Nightstar right after that.
Golden Age Wonder Woman had her sight’s set on Pegasus as she flew in her invisible jet ready to fire on him. Right before she was able to fire on him though, her jet was struck by another one of Zeus’s lightening bolts, which blew her jet to pieces. Though she was able to eject from her ship, she was now free falling to the ground. As she began falling to her almost certain death, she saw someone familiar coming towards her ready to catch her. It was herself, well, it was the more super powered version of herself to be more exact. She yelled at Red Lantern #3 to follow her towards the ground, as that was there best place for attack at this time. The Red Lantern followed suit as both Wonder Woman’s and the Red Lantern headed towards the ground battle.
Desert
Well, I thought that Sand’s trick of holding the Duncan Idaho Ghola under the sand was going to cause much more damage then it did, but I suppose I was wrong. Though Sand had a good idea of separating his body over Idaho to try to keep him under ground forever, it turns out that is exactly what ended up killing him. As soon as Sand turned his own body into nothing but sand, Idaho managed to permanently keep him in that state, forever turning Sand into an indistinguishable part of the desert.
The Ground Battle
The Pantheon was making its way onto the battlefield when it saw the new foliage that Poison Ivy had created. They knew that they had to come at the Brigade from behind, as getting through Ivy’s new world was never going to work.
The Air Battle
The remaining Right Winger’s in the air were not sure what to do at first but before they could make any sort of decision, the Silver Surfer came flying down and told them that the final battle was taking place wherever Wonder Woman was. This obviously meant on the ground, so that is exactly where they were heading. Blackfire, Pegasus and Titanium Man were to follow the Surfer down to the ground but according to the Surfer, Zeus was to stay up above. Zeus did not like taking orders but he was no fool. He knew that dome headed one was the most powerful member of their team and obeyed his order to stay above.
The Ground Battle
Poison Ivy’s new foliage was a great trap for her opponent’s but it did hurt their team in one way, Alan Scott was now useless in this fight. She knew this would be a side effect, but she figured it was an expectable loss.
The Pantheon was now on the other side of the battlefield, now coming up behind the Brigade. They were moving as fast as they could when they saw Wonder Woman fly down from the sky with the Red Lantern. This didn’t stop their movement, but it did make them re-think their strategy on how they were going to attack.
As Wonder Woman landed near her teammates on the ground, she told them that the Silver Surfer was not far behind. If they were going to have any chance against him, they were going to have to end this battle on the ground as quickly as possible. Wonder Woman quickly lead the charge with Power Girl, the Red Lantern and Chriselon against the still trapped Right Wing members. They all flew up above and one by one started to pick off their enemies. Power Girl was able to kill Doc Sampson and Victoria and the Red Lantern was able to trap The Quilete Tribe of Sam, Paul, Jared and Quil along with Jool Nooret. The Red Lantern created an oxygen-free energy field around the Right Wing members, killing them very quickly. Wonder Woman landed in the foliage and killed Prometheus and Eros with little effort. Chriselon was able to hit Skarr with a deadly energy blast but was overpowered by Warpath as he passed him by.
The Pantheon had finally reached the Brigade and as soon as they got there, they were met by a group of Velociraptor’s. #31-37 attacked them and though there were able to get a few vicious attacks in, they were all dead in a matter of minutes by the so far still intact Pantheon. They then continued to move on but not before Cassiopeia was hit was a blast of force lightening from the Emperor. The blast killed her and now the real battle was about to begin.
The still love sick Jack the Giant Killer and Spider Girl were brutally beaten to death by Ajax, Andromeda and Jason, while Aragon managed to cut the head off of Delphi. The still injured Obi-Wan was finally put out of his misery by Agamemnon, but the Pantheon leader was met with the same fate as Alan Scott sent a blast of energy through his body, destroying him in one quick blast. Though Aragorn fought a great battle, his fight against the two Ulysses’ was just too much as they both managed to over power him. The Emperor, Stass Allie and Jania Solo were all with light saber in hand now, kickin butt and taking names. In their triple sword threat, they were able to kill Achilles, Ajax, Hector, Jason and Paris. At the same time though, Atalanta finally killed Poison Ivy and Perseus had killed Catwoman.
The remaining members of both teams were still very powerful and though the battle had been raging on for a long time, there was too many people left to call it even close to being over with as of yet.
Power Girl had managed to kill both Moss Man and Black Panther in her foliage hunts, but as the foliage died down she realized it was going to get a little bit more difficult to kill without anyone fighting back. Wonder Woman, Power Girl and the Red Lantern decided to head back towards the rest of their team when they saw the Surfer and the remaining sky bound members of the Right Wing coming right for them.
Power Girl went right for Blackfire and was actually able to some how catch her off guard and knock her right out of the sky. The Red Lantern then hit her with a blast of energy and Power Girl finished her off by breaking her back. The Surfer seemed unfazed by Power Girl and the Red Lantern and immediately went for Wonder Woman. Pegasus tried to attack Power Girl but was easily destroyed by the super powered girl.
As the Silver Surfer charged towards Wonder Woman, she bashed her bracelets together and sent a shock wave towards the Silver headed one. The wave blasted him back and actually kind of hurt him. He could tell that the Red Lantern was coming towards him from behind, but instead of evading the blast from the lantern, he decided to take it instead. The blast hit him from behind but instead of hurting him, the Surfer absorbed the energy and sent it towards Wonder Woman, severely injuring her. The Surfer then turned around and once and for all destroyed the Red Lantern holder with a blast of the Power Cosmic.
At this time, Titanium Man had engaged in a fierce battle with Power Girl. It was a battle that alone he might not win, but with a little help from the Surfer, they were able to rip Power Girl in half with a sickening amount of energy from the two of them.
With Poison Ivy now dead, the remaining ground based members of the Right Wing were able to move again towards their Brigade enemies. The following fight went on for a while but it is just plain easier to explain the outcome. Red She-Hulk was able to kill Red Devil, but soon afterwards was blasted to pieces by Alan Scott. The same went for Black Panther and Jedi Master #21A. Emperor Palpatine was able to kill Jedi Master #23A and Darth Malack. On the flip side, Andromeda and Atalanta managed to kill Stass Allie and Prometheus was able to kill Jania Solo. Alan Scott was about to send an energy blast powerful enough and big enough to kill the rest of the Pantheon when out of nowhere, Sleepwalker manipulated the foliage that Poison Ivy had created to all but consume the power of the Starheart. Golden Age Wonder Woman tried to untangle Scott but the double team of Quinlon Vos and Warpath were just two much for her. Palpatine raced towards the wood covered Alan Scott and as he saw Quinlon Vos ready to plunge his light saber into the face of the Green Lantern. Palpatine sent a blast of force lightening towards Vos. Before it was able to reach him, the blast was intercepted by Warpath, who took the blast for his teammate. Warpath taking the blast allowed Quinlon Vos to plunge his light saber into the face of Alan Scott, killing him.
The blast of force lightening crippled Warpath for a moment, but it was only a moment that the Emperor needed as he also sent his light saber into the body of his opponent, ending the life of Warpath. The Emperor was now surrounded by the remaining members of the Pantheon, Quinlon Vos and Sleepwalker, who were all ready to destroy him. The Emperor managed to throw his light saber into the throat of Quinlon Vos, killing him. Though he was able to produce more force lightening, the remaining members of the Pantheon were just too much for him and he was finally destroyed.
Just as the Emperor took his last breathe, Wonder Woman came crashing down to the ground. Soon after her though, so did Duncan Idaho, only he was still able to fight. Before any member of the Right Wing was able to even move, they were being picked off one by one. Idaho killed Prometheus and Atalanta. Then he killed Perseus and Ulysses 1. Then Titanium Man came into the picture and blasted the Kwisatz Haderach back for a second. It wasn’t long, but it was enough time for the Silver Surfer to grab Idaho and fly him up into the sky.
Wonder Woman was still unconscious when Andromeda and Ulysses II began to brutally beat her. With the help of Sleep Walker the two remaining Pantheon members were able to beat on Wonder Woman until her body could no longer take it. Though Wonder Woman was dead, it took them a while before they realized they were just beating a dead body into the ground.
The Silver Surfer was powerful, but even he was having a hard time containing the power of Duncan Idaho. He continued to carry the Ghola up into the sky and before Zeus could even tell what was going on he saw the Surfer holding Idaho’s body on a collision course with the Flash. To the naked eye, the flash was invisible. To the Surfer though, he could see him just fine. As he finally launched Idaho towards the Flash, he knew that the powerful Dune character would try to unleash his full power on the planet, attempting to fold space and time together as the ultimate power move.
Just as the Surfer predicted, he did this and in conjunction with the collision with the Flash, sent a shock wave throughout the entire planet, destroying it along with everything inside of it.
As the Surfer and Zeus sat there floating in space staring into the nothingness that once contained a planet, they didn’t say a word. Usually the Surfer would feel bad about sacrificing his own teammates for the greater good, but this time the greater good was all that mattered. They enjoyed the silence as they were in still in awe of the fact that the match was finally over.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade: All Dead
The Right Wing: Zeus and the Silver Surfer survived.
The Right Wing is Victorious!!!
Logical Genocide Vs. Built Ford Tough
Logical Genocide is Gremlin #1 & 2, 100 more gremlins, Prometheus, Titan Force Five, Mera, Manhunter #1-3, Red Lantern #2, Adam Strange, The Hood, Michael Knight in KITT, Magmar, Jason Todd, Bronze Tiger,/ Tallahassee, Little Rock, Wichita, & Columbus in the Hummer, Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf in The Lex-Soar 7, Beau & Luke Duke & Daisy Duke in the Gen. Lee, Dr. Deathbrain & The Living Killing Roller Coaster, The Hamburgler, Robert & Melissa Hudson, Brett Favre, Tom Brady, Warwolf #1-10, Triceraton #1-5, Pokerface in the Starship Casino, Cody Jones, Serling, The Cadillac Cats in Air Ford One, Ewok #74, Zombie Tyler Derdon, Zombie Marine #2, Bane, Iron Patriot, Sandworm #11, Goro, Moonstone, Starman, The Ray, Shatterstar, The Huntress, Black Tom Cassidy, Hawk, V (w/ a yellow power ring), Jedi Master #28 in a B-Wing, Predator #48, Terminator #40, Cybertronian Guardian #9, Neo-Cymek #8, Black Dragon #11, Dementor #8, Xenomorph #52, & Geoff Johns in Superman's Truck.
Built Ford Tough is Sparky Anderson, Han Solo & Jeff Houslander in a Snow Speeder, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, USAgent on a Ducatti, Scout Trooper #1-3 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #4-33, Wilt, Barry Sanders, Sardakaur #1-12, Beta Ray Bill, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Elle Driver, & Vernita Green, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, The Flaming Carrot, Power Man & Iron Fist, Star Sapphire, Fantastic Max, FX, & AB, Grapple, Cowboy Curtis, Archie the Octospider, Andrew Jackson Libby & Dr. Who in Air Wolfe, E. Honda, Darkwing Duck, Steve McQueen & Mr. T in a tank, Moltar & The Beatles in the EM-50, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Ewok #75, Sand Trooper #1-25, Treasure Troll #26, Gigantor, The Scarlet Spider, Good Luck Bear, Pichu, Jonny Blaze, Yuzzem #1-5, Despotellis, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Blue Beetle, Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Dr. Seth Brundel, Nom Anor, Kobold #1-7, Rakkim Epps, Smoky the Bear, Christopher Robin, Dave Thomas, Wendy, Fedayeen Assassin #1,/ Ford Prefect, Zaphrod Beezlebrock, Trillian, & Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Heart of Gold, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, Failed Jedi #1-10, Mandalorian #6-10, Arachnid #1-25, Sand Trooper Officer #1, & Battle Droid #100.
In an attempt to rally the spirits of these 2 winless teams I, as watcher of this match have decided to hang the very prize, the coveted green lantern ring in the sky above the 2 teams as incentive. It’s emerald aura glowing for all to see. Their have been some pundits and talking heads who have been saying that these 2 teams may not have it in them to win even a single match this year, but those geniuses obviously never looked at the schedule long enough to realize that they eventually played each other; well, either that or they thought that when they did fight one another that they would find a way to both lose somehow. I don’t know how that is possible, but if there were any 2 teams that could do it would be these 2. The Sand Trooper Officer positions his Sand Troopers right alongside the beach, as The Gremlins jump into the water and continue to multiply. The Sand Troopers are able to keep them at bay with their blasters, but they dare not leave or the gremlin problem could truly get out of hand. Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson, the teams 2 respective head coaches, who both gave themselves the start for the big week decide that they are going to meet at the beginning of the match as if they were army generals of old parlaying one another. They both go up in Superman’s truck and decide to let their 2 teams begin the battle, but they would speak with one another peaceably about what could be done to speed things up and to make everything go a little smoother (I mean who are we kidding Chris & Jared’s wives both just had kids this week, like they want to read a 10 page match). The 2 of them get along pretty well, and they both speak very openly with each other. Geoff Johns starts: “I’m gonna be honest, Sparky. Do you mind if I call you Sparky? I haven’t seen a collection of characters this useless since I interviewed for that job at Image”. “you’re not kidding Geoff, I feel like I’m coaching the ‘89 Tigers again and were playing out yearly scrimmage against The Mudhens”. Sparky retorts. The 2 of them cruise around in Superman’s truck for a while and then they stop at the only bar on the entire play-off planet (what can I say, war is hell). Once they are there they start telling old war stories about the Tigers and Comic Books and what have you. And I as the Watcher listen in on this instead of watching the match because it is simply more interesting, and plus I’m the all-powerful Watcher; and I do whatever the s**t I want. The 2 Head Coaches (I guess I don’t need to call them “Head” coaches since neither of these teams have assistant coaches) have an absolute blast with one another and I’ll be honest when I tell you that I totally lost count of how many beers they had, plus I’m wearing shoes and it’s kind of hard for me to get past 10 when that is going on, not to mention the trays of shots that they were buying for the whole bar (including the cool looking beret-wearing cat in the back, that is actually me in disguise; so I hope you’ll forgive me if the rest of this match is a little shaky (if you know what I mean(and I think you do))). As the 2 of them are stumbling back to Superman’s Truck, the bartender pops out from the backroom and yells “HEY!! Friends don’t let friends drink and drive“, to which Geoff Johns replied: “Oh, don’t worry, we’re actually enemies” as he is patting Sparky on the back. This pat on the back then actually prompted Sparky to projectile vomit everywhere, which of course made both of them laugh even harder than they already were. After they both pee in the parking lot, they do finally get in the truck and Geoff asks Sparky: “So, do you want me to just drop you off back where I picked you up“? Sparky has a moment of clarity long enough to answer him with: “No, I’ve got to imagine that there is quite a battle going on right there by now. Why don’t we just find a spot where nothing is going on” Geoff is already laughing under his breath when he replies with: “Good, cause I wouldn’t be able to get you there anyway. Considering that I can’t even see the steering wheel... (delay)... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”! So then after the uproarious laughter died down they started to get all existential and they were really digging the conversation, so they stopped at the play-off planet’s only party store and grabbed a couple of four-ohs for the Rizzide as Sparky so eloquently put it. They then bought a bag of .......... Oh crap, I was supposed to be telling you guys about what happened in the battle wasn’t I. I totally forgot about that crap. I said I was gonna keep it short to, didn’t I, and we’re totally pushing page 3 and nobody has even died yet. Maybe I should go check out what is going on. Okay, so lets do this. Alright well the match. Okay well it looks like I kinda missed the beginning of this flaming turd, so I’ll just kind of let y’all know what is up so far. It looks like some people have indeed died already, but I can’t really tell you how, when, or who killed them, because I wasn’t paying attention. I normally would just rewind the match and use my godlike powers to show you what happened, but, well this is kind of embarrassing but well...... Okay fine I’ll just say it. The reason that the Watchers can do that normally is because we have these little remote controls like in that Sandler movie with the hot chick from Pearl Harbor in it, who was totally easy for a chick from the ‘40’s. But I lost my wallet in the bathroom at the bar and then I had to trade my clicker to some dude to pay my bar bill, so_______, here we are. And, well... Wait a tick, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, that’s right the match. So when I began witnessing this hot mess of feces, the following characters were already dead: Prometheus, The Manhunters (Alpha, Beta, & Central), Magmar, Brett Favre (thank God, I’m sick of watching him), Tumbles, Mumbles, Stumbles, Fumbles, Carl, and all the other Warwolves, The Triceratons: Stomp, Whomp, Thwomp, Pomp, & Carl, Howard & Merv the Gremlins, along with countless other newly born gremlins that are getting replaced by the minute, Cody Jones, Serling, Sniffle the Ewok, Starman, The Ray, Dementor #8, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Archie, Moltar and The Beatles (I’m actually kind of bummed that I missed that train wreck), All 5 Yuzzems, Treasure Troll #26, Ben Reilly Spiderman, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Dr. Seth Brundel, All 7 Kobolds, Christopher Robin, Dave & Wendy Thomas (I’m pretty sure they just died from eating to many of the nasty fries they serve), & It seems like a bunch of The Sand Troopers (like I said before, I was told there would be no math), & Battle Droid #100, Oh yeah, and while I was putting together that list, it seems that The Starship Casino has crashed into The Heart of Gold and not only killed all involved, but the falling and flaming debris also killed: Hawk, Clanks the Terminator, Nom Anor, & Darkwing Duck. USAgent kills Black Tom Cassidy with a shield to the neck, but he dumps his motorcycle in the process. He then kills Tom Brady, but is overtaken by Shatterstar & The Huntress. The Mandalorians give Barry Sanders the largest thermal detonator that they can piece together from their gear and hand it off to him. Barry moves thru the crowd of Logical Genociders as if his ankles were not even attached to his feet just like he used to back in the good old days before Barry, like almost all Detroiters realized that going to strip clubs is way more entertaining than the Lions. Barry is trying to deliver the detonator to Sandworm #11, where he will hopefully rendezvous with some of his teammates to bring down the mighty Shai Halud He is running as fast as he can and doing an amazing job of evading the LG haters, when he sees the massive worm in sight. he is then joined by his teammate The Flaming Carrot (who killed Zombie Tyler Derdon & Zombie Marine #2 on the way to the desert) who flies in doing whatever it is he does. Han Solo and Jeff Houslander are also above in the Snow Speeder, which definitely did not have to be adapted to the cold for this harsh desert heat (did anybody else ever think it was weird that in Empire they have a ship called a snow speeder that has to be adapted to the cold? I mean wouldn’t something built for speeding in the snow already be adapted for cold weather)? Anyway Han and his Chewie replacement Jeff throw some harpoons and tow cables around the mighty worm to keep it from diving back below the sand while the Flaming Carrot goes all Flaming Carrot on him and Barry Sanders decides that: HE MIGHT GO ALL THE WAY and delivers the thermal detonator into the mouth of the worm. Both Barry Sanders and The Flaming Carrot die in this attack but they are successful in ending the life of the sandworm as well. Beta Ray Bill crushes KITT with Michael still inside it and then goes on to kill both Adam Strange and The Hood with some Asgardian whatever and stuff. Red Lantern #2 uses his red energy ring to take out all 3 Scout Troopers on their speeder bikes, and then gets some help from Iron Patriot and Moonstone to take out the rest of the Scout Troopers. Tallahassee and the Zombieland crew start arguing over Arachnid kill of the week while they are wasting Arachnids like crazy from their Hummer, but they don’t have a chance to debate Ancient Sith Lord kill of the week, because once they attack The Zombieland crew dies pretty quick. Where are Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf you ask? Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf are flying high above the sky, trying to get to the green lantern ring that the watcher (that’s me) so rudely placed at the very cusp of the atmosphere. It just seems as though every time they get close to it something crazy happens and it keeps them away. “I’m aching for that ring see-eff” says Seeney as they keep flying closer and closer to the ring, but are never able to get to it. The smurf replies with: “perhaps we should return to the battle and worry about the ring later, but what do I know, I’m just smurf”. Chris says: “Ya know See-eff, I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic are whatever they call it, but I totally agree with you... You are just a smurf and I totally don’t really like your opinion even by smurf standards so why don’t I just drop you off at Gargamel’s house or something”? Cannon just shakes his head and doesn’t reply. The cockpit remains silent for this long..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... “Hey See-eff” Seeney says. No answer from Cannon, so Chris continues: “Hey broseph, I’m really sorry about that Gargamel remark. I mean, that was pretty insensitive of me, you probably have family members or tribe members or smurf dudes you knew or an old smurf girlfriend who prolly got eaten by Gargamel or used in one of his evil spell stews or something, and I feel like I shouldn’t of said that”. “It’s all good dawg” Cannon Fodder says with a smile. “Bros”? Seeney asks. “Bros”. Cannon replies. Then they fist bumped each other and put on the Titanic theme for a bit. Oh crap, I’m doing it again aren’t I. I just can’t stay focused on this match today. Alright, lets catch up. It looks like I missed some more stuff well I was up there watching that Bridget Jones remake up there, so as it turns out The Hamburgler, Robert & Melissa Hudson, Bane, Moonstone, Black Dragon #11 (Cyphillic), and Snoogans the Xenomorph bit it for The L.Gers and Grimace in the Mail Jeep, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, Rakkim Epps, Fedayeen Assassin #1, Smoky the Bear, all 12 Sardakaur terror troops, The rest of The Arachnids and all 5 Mandalorians are toast for The Built Ford Tough Squad. The Ancient Sith Lords lead the Failed Jedi (who they are secretly training in the ways of the dark side) as well as Grapple, Solid Snake, and Gigantor against Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian and Ed the Neo-Cymek (named after his former TEAMmate Ed Zacharski of course). Ed and Cuddles, as well as there buddy Predator #48 are all defeated but it comes at a heavy cost to the Fords, as only 5 of the Sith Lords (Darth Taurus was killed) survive the attack. The Failed Jedi, Solid Snake, Grapple, & Gigantor all fall in this quick skirmish. Iron Patriot unloads several slips at Good Luck Bear, but they all miss (I wonder why)? In the ultimate act of defiance both E. Honda and Strong Guy walk right past the sign on the Living Killing Roller Coaster that says there is a weight limit. They go on the coaster, it starts up and then breaks. i.e. victory for the fatties. Dr. Deathbrain knows how to jump so he beats E. Honda, but then Harrison Ford pukes on the evil Dr. and Deathbrain dies of alcohol poisoning. Hector, Riff Raff, Mungo, Wordsworth, & Cleo are chillin in Air Ford One talking about how awesome they are when Indiana Jones suddenly jumps onto their hood. Indy struggles for a second, and then suddenly the car falls off a cliff, but Indy grabs a branch with his whip and saves himself in the knick of time (it happens, trust me). Andrew Jackson Libby & The Doctor work out way to many equations and possibilities before they target Goro from Air Wolfe and blow his arms right off his body (he’s got 4 ya know). V then uses his yellow ring to blast Air Wolfe with a huge yellow energy dagger which takes it down for good. Them good ol’ duke boys crash into the entire Deadly Viper Assassin Squad and for a split second form the perfect amalgamation of cheesy crap that everybody on the planet likes, but then they all die. Mera gets pissed that she hasn’t been in this match yet and that I didn’t even bother to mention the water portion of the planet and takes out her aggression on Power Man and Iron Fist (ya know by killing them and stuff). She then kills Strong Guy for being the dumbest character to ever be on X-Factor, but is killed by Star Sapphire. Mr. T would pity the fool who got killed by Red Lantern #2, but he can’t cause it was him. The Red Lantern then went on to kill Steve McQueen (he just blew up the tank they were in if you didn’t guess that already) & Cowboy Curtis as well. Diego and Baby Jaguar stand there and look cute, but not so cute that boys little boys don’t like them, just that perfect amount cute mixed with rugged outdoorsiness that Dora could never pull off but Diego just nails every time. Speaking of cute Fantastic Max has FX throw down some of that Rock N Roll crap that we all love more than our Moms which gives him this wicked suit that he uses to baby bottle the armor right off Iron Patriot. Norman Osborne is furious by this, mostly because he got killed by it. Jedi Master #28 is about to go on an attack run in his B-Wing, but Han Solo gets on his tail and shoots him down with the Snow Speeders blasters. Yellow powered V & Red powered Red Lantern #2 team up to take out Star Sapphire, but they are then wasted by the Aslan/Bet Ray Bill combo that you’ve been hearing so much about on the internet lately. Jason Todd kills Wilt and I’m not going to tell you how, so there. Jason Todd then teams with The Huntress, & Shatterstar to take out Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, & Harrison Ford. They then take out Blue Beetle and Pichu, but Jason Todd doesn’t survive the fight. Jonny Blaze then shoots his hellfire shotgun at Huntress to kill her, but Shatterstar takes him out with a broadsword to the face. Despotellis then infects Shatterstar as well to finally end his butt-kicking session. After all of the waiting, Titan Force Five finally jumps into the fray. Titan Maximum is surrounded by what is left of Built Ford Tough but the huge piece of machinery attempts to put quite a hurtin’ on them. Titan Maximum kills Despotellis and seems to have Beta Ray Bill right where he wants him when Han Solo’s Snow Speeder comes rocketing into the scene. Han says to his bro Jeff: “You ready to do this again bud”? Jeff says: “I don’t care, it’s not my last life. They’ll bring me back, are you sure you want to do this”? “I’ll tell you what Jeff, if you’re still on this team in 3 years, you’ll want to crash into a giant robot too”. In that case: “God speed Han ol’ buddy” Jeff says as Han Solo Crashes his Snow Speeder directly into the face of Titan Maximum to kill all 5 member of The Titan Force Five for good. With the unfolding of this event, The aura that I had placed around the prized free-floating green lantern ring that I placed in the sky is lifted. And Chris Seeney finally has his chance to grab the ring. The Lex Soar-7 is only a couple of feet away when Chris all of the sudden hears some raucous laughter, followed by an “OH CRAP”! Seeney and Cannon look over at the last second as recklessly driven Truck of Superman which is still carrying both Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson crashes into the Lex Soar-7. Cannon Fodder dies on impact but Chris Seeney jumps out of the vehicle and reaches for the green lantern ring. The ring just barely passes thru his fingers as he yells: “MY PRECIOUS”! Right before he plummets to his doom.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
Built Ford Tough is Sparky Anderson, Han Solo & Jeff Houslander in a Snow Speeder, Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, USAgent on a Ducatti, Scout Trooper #1-3 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #4-33, Wilt, Barry Sanders, Sardakaur #1-12, Beta Ray Bill, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Elle Driver, & Vernita Green, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, The Flaming Carrot, Power Man & Iron Fist, Star Sapphire, Fantastic Max, FX, & AB, Grapple, Cowboy Curtis, Archie the Octospider, Andrew Jackson Libby & Dr. Who in Air Wolfe, E. Honda, Darkwing Duck, Steve McQueen & Mr. T in a tank, Moltar & The Beatles in the EM-50, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Strong Guy, Solid Snake, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Diego, Baby Jaguar, Ewok #75, Sand Trooper #1-25, Treasure Troll #26, Gigantor, The Scarlet Spider, Good Luck Bear, Pichu, Jonny Blaze, Yuzzem #1-5, Despotellis, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Blue Beetle, Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Dr. Seth Brundel, Nom Anor, Kobold #1-7, Rakkim Epps, Smoky the Bear, Christopher Robin, Dave Thomas, Wendy, Fedayeen Assassin #1,/ Ford Prefect, Zaphrod Beezlebrock, Trillian, & Marvin the Paranoid Android in The Heart of Gold, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, Failed Jedi #1-10, Mandalorian #6-10, Arachnid #1-25, Sand Trooper Officer #1, & Battle Droid #100.
In an attempt to rally the spirits of these 2 winless teams I, as watcher of this match have decided to hang the very prize, the coveted green lantern ring in the sky above the 2 teams as incentive. It’s emerald aura glowing for all to see. Their have been some pundits and talking heads who have been saying that these 2 teams may not have it in them to win even a single match this year, but those geniuses obviously never looked at the schedule long enough to realize that they eventually played each other; well, either that or they thought that when they did fight one another that they would find a way to both lose somehow. I don’t know how that is possible, but if there were any 2 teams that could do it would be these 2. The Sand Trooper Officer positions his Sand Troopers right alongside the beach, as The Gremlins jump into the water and continue to multiply. The Sand Troopers are able to keep them at bay with their blasters, but they dare not leave or the gremlin problem could truly get out of hand. Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson, the teams 2 respective head coaches, who both gave themselves the start for the big week decide that they are going to meet at the beginning of the match as if they were army generals of old parlaying one another. They both go up in Superman’s truck and decide to let their 2 teams begin the battle, but they would speak with one another peaceably about what could be done to speed things up and to make everything go a little smoother (I mean who are we kidding Chris & Jared’s wives both just had kids this week, like they want to read a 10 page match). The 2 of them get along pretty well, and they both speak very openly with each other. Geoff Johns starts: “I’m gonna be honest, Sparky. Do you mind if I call you Sparky? I haven’t seen a collection of characters this useless since I interviewed for that job at Image”. “you’re not kidding Geoff, I feel like I’m coaching the ‘89 Tigers again and were playing out yearly scrimmage against The Mudhens”. Sparky retorts. The 2 of them cruise around in Superman’s truck for a while and then they stop at the only bar on the entire play-off planet (what can I say, war is hell). Once they are there they start telling old war stories about the Tigers and Comic Books and what have you. And I as the Watcher listen in on this instead of watching the match because it is simply more interesting, and plus I’m the all-powerful Watcher; and I do whatever the s**t I want. The 2 Head Coaches (I guess I don’t need to call them “Head” coaches since neither of these teams have assistant coaches) have an absolute blast with one another and I’ll be honest when I tell you that I totally lost count of how many beers they had, plus I’m wearing shoes and it’s kind of hard for me to get past 10 when that is going on, not to mention the trays of shots that they were buying for the whole bar (including the cool looking beret-wearing cat in the back, that is actually me in disguise; so I hope you’ll forgive me if the rest of this match is a little shaky (if you know what I mean(and I think you do))). As the 2 of them are stumbling back to Superman’s Truck, the bartender pops out from the backroom and yells “HEY!! Friends don’t let friends drink and drive“, to which Geoff Johns replied: “Oh, don’t worry, we’re actually enemies” as he is patting Sparky on the back. This pat on the back then actually prompted Sparky to projectile vomit everywhere, which of course made both of them laugh even harder than they already were. After they both pee in the parking lot, they do finally get in the truck and Geoff asks Sparky: “So, do you want me to just drop you off back where I picked you up“? Sparky has a moment of clarity long enough to answer him with: “No, I’ve got to imagine that there is quite a battle going on right there by now. Why don’t we just find a spot where nothing is going on” Geoff is already laughing under his breath when he replies with: “Good, cause I wouldn’t be able to get you there anyway. Considering that I can’t even see the steering wheel... (delay)... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”! So then after the uproarious laughter died down they started to get all existential and they were really digging the conversation, so they stopped at the play-off planet’s only party store and grabbed a couple of four-ohs for the Rizzide as Sparky so eloquently put it. They then bought a bag of .......... Oh crap, I was supposed to be telling you guys about what happened in the battle wasn’t I. I totally forgot about that crap. I said I was gonna keep it short to, didn’t I, and we’re totally pushing page 3 and nobody has even died yet. Maybe I should go check out what is going on. Okay, so lets do this. Alright well the match. Okay well it looks like I kinda missed the beginning of this flaming turd, so I’ll just kind of let y’all know what is up so far. It looks like some people have indeed died already, but I can’t really tell you how, when, or who killed them, because I wasn’t paying attention. I normally would just rewind the match and use my godlike powers to show you what happened, but, well this is kind of embarrassing but well...... Okay fine I’ll just say it. The reason that the Watchers can do that normally is because we have these little remote controls like in that Sandler movie with the hot chick from Pearl Harbor in it, who was totally easy for a chick from the ‘40’s. But I lost my wallet in the bathroom at the bar and then I had to trade my clicker to some dude to pay my bar bill, so_______, here we are. And, well... Wait a tick, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, that’s right the match. So when I began witnessing this hot mess of feces, the following characters were already dead: Prometheus, The Manhunters (Alpha, Beta, & Central), Magmar, Brett Favre (thank God, I’m sick of watching him), Tumbles, Mumbles, Stumbles, Fumbles, Carl, and all the other Warwolves, The Triceratons: Stomp, Whomp, Thwomp, Pomp, & Carl, Howard & Merv the Gremlins, along with countless other newly born gremlins that are getting replaced by the minute, Cody Jones, Serling, Sniffle the Ewok, Starman, The Ray, Dementor #8, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Archie, Moltar and The Beatles (I’m actually kind of bummed that I missed that train wreck), All 5 Yuzzems, Treasure Troll #26, Ben Reilly Spiderman, Marcus Brody, Sala, Cookies, Dr. Seth Brundel, All 7 Kobolds, Christopher Robin, Dave & Wendy Thomas (I’m pretty sure they just died from eating to many of the nasty fries they serve), & It seems like a bunch of The Sand Troopers (like I said before, I was told there would be no math), & Battle Droid #100, Oh yeah, and while I was putting together that list, it seems that The Starship Casino has crashed into The Heart of Gold and not only killed all involved, but the falling and flaming debris also killed: Hawk, Clanks the Terminator, Nom Anor, & Darkwing Duck. USAgent kills Black Tom Cassidy with a shield to the neck, but he dumps his motorcycle in the process. He then kills Tom Brady, but is overtaken by Shatterstar & The Huntress. The Mandalorians give Barry Sanders the largest thermal detonator that they can piece together from their gear and hand it off to him. Barry moves thru the crowd of Logical Genociders as if his ankles were not even attached to his feet just like he used to back in the good old days before Barry, like almost all Detroiters realized that going to strip clubs is way more entertaining than the Lions. Barry is trying to deliver the detonator to Sandworm #11, where he will hopefully rendezvous with some of his teammates to bring down the mighty Shai Halud He is running as fast as he can and doing an amazing job of evading the LG haters, when he sees the massive worm in sight. he is then joined by his teammate The Flaming Carrot (who killed Zombie Tyler Derdon & Zombie Marine #2 on the way to the desert) who flies in doing whatever it is he does. Han Solo and Jeff Houslander are also above in the Snow Speeder, which definitely did not have to be adapted to the cold for this harsh desert heat (did anybody else ever think it was weird that in Empire they have a ship called a snow speeder that has to be adapted to the cold? I mean wouldn’t something built for speeding in the snow already be adapted for cold weather)? Anyway Han and his Chewie replacement Jeff throw some harpoons and tow cables around the mighty worm to keep it from diving back below the sand while the Flaming Carrot goes all Flaming Carrot on him and Barry Sanders decides that: HE MIGHT GO ALL THE WAY and delivers the thermal detonator into the mouth of the worm. Both Barry Sanders and The Flaming Carrot die in this attack but they are successful in ending the life of the sandworm as well. Beta Ray Bill crushes KITT with Michael still inside it and then goes on to kill both Adam Strange and The Hood with some Asgardian whatever and stuff. Red Lantern #2 uses his red energy ring to take out all 3 Scout Troopers on their speeder bikes, and then gets some help from Iron Patriot and Moonstone to take out the rest of the Scout Troopers. Tallahassee and the Zombieland crew start arguing over Arachnid kill of the week while they are wasting Arachnids like crazy from their Hummer, but they don’t have a chance to debate Ancient Sith Lord kill of the week, because once they attack The Zombieland crew dies pretty quick. Where are Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf you ask? Chris Seeney and Cannon Fodder Smurf are flying high above the sky, trying to get to the green lantern ring that the watcher (that’s me) so rudely placed at the very cusp of the atmosphere. It just seems as though every time they get close to it something crazy happens and it keeps them away. “I’m aching for that ring see-eff” says Seeney as they keep flying closer and closer to the ring, but are never able to get to it. The smurf replies with: “perhaps we should return to the battle and worry about the ring later, but what do I know, I’m just smurf”. Chris says: “Ya know See-eff, I don’t know if you’re being sarcastic are whatever they call it, but I totally agree with you... You are just a smurf and I totally don’t really like your opinion even by smurf standards so why don’t I just drop you off at Gargamel’s house or something”? Cannon just shakes his head and doesn’t reply. The cockpit remains silent for this long..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... “Hey See-eff” Seeney says. No answer from Cannon, so Chris continues: “Hey broseph, I’m really sorry about that Gargamel remark. I mean, that was pretty insensitive of me, you probably have family members or tribe members or smurf dudes you knew or an old smurf girlfriend who prolly got eaten by Gargamel or used in one of his evil spell stews or something, and I feel like I shouldn’t of said that”. “It’s all good dawg” Cannon Fodder says with a smile. “Bros”? Seeney asks. “Bros”. Cannon replies. Then they fist bumped each other and put on the Titanic theme for a bit. Oh crap, I’m doing it again aren’t I. I just can’t stay focused on this match today. Alright, lets catch up. It looks like I missed some more stuff well I was up there watching that Bridget Jones remake up there, so as it turns out The Hamburgler, Robert & Melissa Hudson, Bane, Moonstone, Black Dragon #11 (Cyphillic), and Snoogans the Xenomorph bit it for The L.Gers and Grimace in the Mail Jeep, Prof. Snape, Serious Black, Rakkim Epps, Fedayeen Assassin #1, Smoky the Bear, all 12 Sardakaur terror troops, The rest of The Arachnids and all 5 Mandalorians are toast for The Built Ford Tough Squad. The Ancient Sith Lords lead the Failed Jedi (who they are secretly training in the ways of the dark side) as well as Grapple, Solid Snake, and Gigantor against Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian and Ed the Neo-Cymek (named after his former TEAMmate Ed Zacharski of course). Ed and Cuddles, as well as there buddy Predator #48 are all defeated but it comes at a heavy cost to the Fords, as only 5 of the Sith Lords (Darth Taurus was killed) survive the attack. The Failed Jedi, Solid Snake, Grapple, & Gigantor all fall in this quick skirmish. Iron Patriot unloads several slips at Good Luck Bear, but they all miss (I wonder why)? In the ultimate act of defiance both E. Honda and Strong Guy walk right past the sign on the Living Killing Roller Coaster that says there is a weight limit. They go on the coaster, it starts up and then breaks. i.e. victory for the fatties. Dr. Deathbrain knows how to jump so he beats E. Honda, but then Harrison Ford pukes on the evil Dr. and Deathbrain dies of alcohol poisoning. Hector, Riff Raff, Mungo, Wordsworth, & Cleo are chillin in Air Ford One talking about how awesome they are when Indiana Jones suddenly jumps onto their hood. Indy struggles for a second, and then suddenly the car falls off a cliff, but Indy grabs a branch with his whip and saves himself in the knick of time (it happens, trust me). Andrew Jackson Libby & The Doctor work out way to many equations and possibilities before they target Goro from Air Wolfe and blow his arms right off his body (he’s got 4 ya know). V then uses his yellow ring to blast Air Wolfe with a huge yellow energy dagger which takes it down for good. Them good ol’ duke boys crash into the entire Deadly Viper Assassin Squad and for a split second form the perfect amalgamation of cheesy crap that everybody on the planet likes, but then they all die. Mera gets pissed that she hasn’t been in this match yet and that I didn’t even bother to mention the water portion of the planet and takes out her aggression on Power Man and Iron Fist (ya know by killing them and stuff). She then kills Strong Guy for being the dumbest character to ever be on X-Factor, but is killed by Star Sapphire. Mr. T would pity the fool who got killed by Red Lantern #2, but he can’t cause it was him. The Red Lantern then went on to kill Steve McQueen (he just blew up the tank they were in if you didn’t guess that already) & Cowboy Curtis as well. Diego and Baby Jaguar stand there and look cute, but not so cute that boys little boys don’t like them, just that perfect amount cute mixed with rugged outdoorsiness that Dora could never pull off but Diego just nails every time. Speaking of cute Fantastic Max has FX throw down some of that Rock N Roll crap that we all love more than our Moms which gives him this wicked suit that he uses to baby bottle the armor right off Iron Patriot. Norman Osborne is furious by this, mostly because he got killed by it. Jedi Master #28 is about to go on an attack run in his B-Wing, but Han Solo gets on his tail and shoots him down with the Snow Speeders blasters. Yellow powered V & Red powered Red Lantern #2 team up to take out Star Sapphire, but they are then wasted by the Aslan/Bet Ray Bill combo that you’ve been hearing so much about on the internet lately. Jason Todd kills Wilt and I’m not going to tell you how, so there. Jason Todd then teams with The Huntress, & Shatterstar to take out Indiana Jones, Jack Ryan, & Harrison Ford. They then take out Blue Beetle and Pichu, but Jason Todd doesn’t survive the fight. Jonny Blaze then shoots his hellfire shotgun at Huntress to kill her, but Shatterstar takes him out with a broadsword to the face. Despotellis then infects Shatterstar as well to finally end his butt-kicking session. After all of the waiting, Titan Force Five finally jumps into the fray. Titan Maximum is surrounded by what is left of Built Ford Tough but the huge piece of machinery attempts to put quite a hurtin’ on them. Titan Maximum kills Despotellis and seems to have Beta Ray Bill right where he wants him when Han Solo’s Snow Speeder comes rocketing into the scene. Han says to his bro Jeff: “You ready to do this again bud”? Jeff says: “I don’t care, it’s not my last life. They’ll bring me back, are you sure you want to do this”? “I’ll tell you what Jeff, if you’re still on this team in 3 years, you’ll want to crash into a giant robot too”. In that case: “God speed Han ol’ buddy” Jeff says as Han Solo Crashes his Snow Speeder directly into the face of Titan Maximum to kill all 5 member of The Titan Force Five for good. With the unfolding of this event, The aura that I had placed around the prized free-floating green lantern ring that I placed in the sky is lifted. And Chris Seeney finally has his chance to grab the ring. The Lex Soar-7 is only a couple of feet away when Chris all of the sudden hears some raucous laughter, followed by an “OH CRAP”! Seeney and Cannon look over at the last second as recklessly driven Truck of Superman which is still carrying both Geoff Johns and Sparky Anderson crashes into the Lex Soar-7. Cannon Fodder dies on impact but Chris Seeney jumps out of the vehicle and reaches for the green lantern ring. The ring just barely passes thru his fingers as he yells: “MY PRECIOUS”! Right before he plummets to his doom.
BUILT FORD TOUGH IS VICTORIOUS!
The Abomitrons Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
The Abomitrons are Naboo Soldier #2-7 in a Hovercraft, Smaug, chuck Norris in a Mail Jeep, The Ghostbusters in a Rhino 4 X 4, Captain America on his motorcycle, Starfire, Raven, Luigie on a scooter, Starship Trooper #51-90, Yaddle, Ax-battler, Tyrius Flare, Gilleus Thunderhead, Underdog, Blade, Kirby, Strife, Mrs. Voorhees, Cerberus, Upgrade Agent #1-3, Abon Sur, Mara Jade (Jedi), Sledgehammer, Iron Monger, Motaro, Commander Cody, Capt. Rex, Elite Clone Trooper #22-31, Montross, Death Adder, Dark Helmet, Zombie Jimmy Nuetron, Zombie #1 & 2, Peregrin Took, Théoden King, Eomer son of Eoman w/ The Rohirim (all 6), Nomad & Baby Bucky, Spider Boy, Ultra Boy, Bucky, Horribul & Creb, Capt. Underpants, The Mountain Dew Transformer, Toadette, The Football Transformer, Banana Man & Pet Crow, Western Ghost Rider, Ninjor, Cream & Cheese, Zufa Cenva, Purple Muscle Men #1-5, Pink Muscle Men #6-10, Skeleton #1-6, Ocean's 11, Immell #7-9, 12, 13, & 19, Jedi Master #37A-47A, Snow Trooper #26-37, Wookie Soldier #31-36, Ape Soldier #1-6, Sandra O, The 1980 US Olympic Hockey Team w/ Herb Brooks & Al Michaels, Olif Golzig, Whistler, Cyborg, Robin (Tim Drake), Robin (Dick Grayson), & Ewok #47 & 51.
Alice's Wonder Team is Leeloo (w/ a red lightsaber), Alice Abernathy (w/ Mandalorian Armor & 2 green lightsabers), Alice Clone #1-3 (all w/ a different colored lightsaber), Jill Valentine, Domino, Ram Man, Gen. Zod, Non, Surtur, Darth Deez, Darth Nutz, Ewok #47, War Machine, Artemis, Brawn, Storm Trooper #50, Jesse Quick, Conan the Barbarian, Jorus C'baoth, Joruus C'baoth, Primus, Grand Admiral Thrawn, SSJ4 Gogeta, Leech, Hyperion, (movie) Rachet, Mandarin, The Predi-alien, (Silver Age)Blue Beetle, Pres. Skroob, Scott Evil, Roger & Jessica Rabbit in a Land Speeder, Dixie Kong, Ben Quadrineros in an F-16, Mala, Fat Bastard, Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Anti-Monitor, The Q Continuum: Q, Q2, True Q, Q Representative, Lady Q, q, & Quinn, The Spectre, Capt. Universe, Zombie Mephisto, Zombie Darth Maul, Hoppy the Marvel Bunny, High Evolutionary, Sy-Clone, Ben Andonner, Finn McCool, Buzz-Off, Whiplash, Rio-Blast, Jennifer Check in a Ferrari 456 GTA, Warmaster Tsavong Lah, Anteros, G.I. Jane & Xena Onatop in a Swift Boat, Desmond Howard, Marge, Lisa, & Maggie in a Tank, Fisto, Snapdragon & Crunk, Dorothy & Toto, Lucca Brazzi, Princess Wensica on a 4-Wheeler, Rosey, Mon Mothma, Pink Muscle Man #1-5, Borg #1-3 in a Y-Wing Bomber, Borg #4-10, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #1 & 2 in F-16's, Mummy #1, & Treasure Troll #17.
Unlike the last time these 2 teams met, Primus does not show up with his normal apathy. Whether his reality is being altered by The Q Continuum again or whether the enormous Transformer simply remembers that this is the team that killed him last season is unsure to even me, but whatever the reason Primus begins the long process of transformation from his planet form to robot form as soon as the battle begins. Capt. America and Robin simultaneously yell “Abomitrons Assemble” & “Abomitrons GO” to rile up the troops. Which definitely works, because The Abomitrons seem to be as riled up as a team can possibly be who are about to attack Primus. In the water, The Naboo Soldiers begin firing on G.I. Jane & Xena Onatop’s swift boat. The female Navy SEAL & her “best friend” fire back but in the end it is The Naboo soldiers who end up winning due to their superior craft and strength in numbers, although 3 of them do die in the crossfire. The Q Continuum decide as a unit that they are not going to take an active role in this particular match, and that they would rather spend the match inside Primus studying his alien technology; but before they do they decide to even the score by simply removing several of The Abomitrons from this plane of existence. The Abomitrons that they feel lend no value to this match are as follows: The remaining Naboo Soldiers, Ax-battler, Tyrius Flare, Gilleus Thunderhead, all 6 Immells, Danny Ocean and his 10 friends, Whistler, Dark Helmet, Commander Cody, Capt. Rex, Elite Clone Trooper #22-31, Jedi Master #37A-47A, The 6 skeletons, Cream, Cheese, Zufa Cenva, Banana Man, Pet Crow, The Football Transformer, Montross, & Capt. Underpants. The Q Continuum then disappears except for The Q Representative who remains as a watchful eye and Quinn who is granted the right to become human. The Q Representative is caught by the Ghostbusters in the containment unit, as they drive by in their Rhino, and Quinn catches a random laser blast from one of The Starship Troopers (#53 if you must know). While The Abomitrons see members of their team just disappearing randomly from the Q attack, they are also under intense attack from The Anti-Monitor. The Wonder Team’s Season 3 First Round Pick has yet to truly go off yet this season. The Anti-Monitor warps reality and then also uses an enormous burst of cosmic power to project raw energy from his body and take out all 40 of The Abomitrons Starship Troopers after he witnesses The Starship Troopers launch a surprise attack that takes out Ben Andonner, Finn McCool, Buzz-Off, and The High Evolutionary with their high-powered weaponry. The Anti-Monitor then continues his reign of terror as he destroys Luigie on his scooter, Underdog, Mrs. Voorhees, & all 15 of the Muscle Men (he didn’t realize (or care) that 5 of them were actually on his own team). Snapdragon & Crunk square off against The Mt. Dew Transformer, but Horribul & Creb come to give him a hand. The Mt. Dew Transformer still bites it, but Horribul & Creb kill their fellow Headmaster duo. Darth Deez and Darth Nutz work as a unit a take out Iron Monger, as well as Sledgehammer and Motaro; but they are then defeated by The 3 Upgraded Agents. The 3 agents then meet up with the 3 lightsaber armed Alice clones and a pitched battle ensues. This battle rages on for quite some time until the real Alice, along with Leeloo and Jill Valentine show up to lend them a hand. In the end the agents are able to take out Alice Clone #1 & 3, but then die at the hands of their look-alikes. Leeloo jumps into action and takes out all 4 of the Ghostbusters with her red lightsaber. She then takes control of their Rhino and drives it into the woods where she is surrounded by 12 combatants. Leeloo fights like the perfect being that she was created to be and takes out all 6 Wookie Soldiers as well as the 6 Ape Soldiers. Her rampage is then finally ended by Yaddle who catches her on the downturn of a perfectly executed back flip. Smaug eats Conan and then toasts The Predi-alien, Leech, and the Southpark Kids (yes including Kenny: bastard)! But Smaug is then consumed by the Asgardian fire of Surtur. Surtur then goes on to kill Horribul & Creb as well as Kirby. Strife mindblocks both Ram Man and Jesse Quick, but is then killed by the lightsabers of both of the C’Baoths. Chuck Norris runs over Ewok #74, Pres. Skroob, & Scott Evil in the mail jeep, and then kicks to death Fat Bastard and Rio-Blast as he drives by. Ben Quadrineros shoots the Mail Jeep from his F-16 and flip it over. Norris pops out unharmed and then picks up the jeep and throws it at Brawn to kill him. Jennifer Check finds herself driving her Ferrari onto a huge patch of ice where she finds that The Abomitrons have taken it over completely. Herb Brooks gives the order to attack and The entire 1980 US Hockey team, along with Olif Golzig skate over and kill her. She actually kills 6 of the Olympians, but in the end they defeat her. Lucca Brazzi goes on a rampage with his shotgun and takes out Zombie Jimmy Nuetron as well as Zombie #1 & 2. He then starts picking off members of The Rohirim until he is out of bullets. He uses his Sicilian rope to strangle Théoden King to death, but then Chuck Norris rushes back into the fray and roundhouse kicks his head off. Starfire and Raven take to the air and blow the 3 mentally linked borg out of the sky by blowing up their Y-Wing. They then fly back down to ground level and finish off their 7 buddies. They fight back against the 2 Teen Titans, but their resistance was futile. Hyperion uses his superior strength to kill Mara Jade, but he is then swallowed whole by one of the heads of Cerberus. Cerberus then crushes Rachet and consumes Mandarin as well. Eomer jumps on the hood of the Rabbit family’s Land Speeder and cuts off both of their heads, and then does the same to Mummy #1, Whiplash, & Dixie Kong before he is killed by Capt. Universe. Capt. Universe along with The Spectre then take out Pippin, Nomad & both Buckys, Tim Drake, The rest of the US Hockey Team, Herb Brooks, and Al Michaels; but luckily they do still believe in miracles and some how upsets just seem to take place when they are around, because although their level of power is significantly higher than hers, they still turn to stone when they look at Sandra O. Sandra O celebrates for a minute by allowing a tractor trailer t run over her face (her very favorite thing to do). Although she is then stomped to death by Hoppy the Marvel Bunny. Warmaster Tsavong Lah tries to use his force blocking powers against Blade, but he doesn’t realize that just because Blade has a lightsaber doesn’t mean he has the force. Blade cuts off The Warmasters head as he stands there blankly (This is the Masters of The Universe Blade we are talking about here in case anybody is confused). Cyborg uses his arm-mounted laser cannon to take out the female Simpsons in their tank while he is unknowingly stepping on Treasure Troll #17. Robin uses some killer moves to take out both Desmond Howard and Fisto with relative ease. Abon Sur takes flight and uses his power ring to take out both of the Jedi Lightsaber Scientists in their F-16’s. Anteros uses a regular old arrow (not the love kind or anything) to kill both ewoks with a pretty gnarly shot. Capt. America rides by on his motorcycle and easily takes out Princess Wensica off her 4-Wheeler, Rosey the Hobbit, Mon Mothma, Grand Admiral Thrawn, Storm Trooper #50, & Dorothy & Toto in one fell swoop. Abon Sur joins forces with Ultra Boy & Spider Boy to kill both Jorus and his clone. After that they move onto Ben Quadrineros in his F-16 and Mala. They kill War Machine & Artemis next, but Spider Boy doesn’t live thru the fight. They then manage to take out Domino, but they are killed by Gen. Zod & Non, with a little help from Gogeta. Zombie Mephisto and Zombie Darth Maul literally eat Toadette & Ninjor for lunch and then make quick work of the 12 Snow Trooper, but they meet their match when Ghost Rider takes out the zombie version of his old nemesis and Cerberus rips apart the zombie Sith. Western Ghost Rider then meets his match when the Mandalorian armored & double green lightsabered Alice flies in and dices him up. Zod and Non then make short work of Eomer and Ninjor, but they require some more help from SSJ4 Gogeta and Hoppy to finally rid themselves of Cerberus. Death Adder uses his massive axe to kill both Anteros and Sy-Clone, but these actions prompt Anti-Monitor to make a final appearance and kill the Golden Axe villain. Even the likes of Anti-Monitor and Zod seemingly back away as they realize that their teammate Primus has finally awakened and is ready to do battle. Captain America rallies his troops together to make a final push to destroy Primus. Only Cap, Chuck Norris, Starfire, Raven, Yaddle, Cyborg, & Robin (Dick Grayson) are still alive. They bravely make a push and attack the massive Transformer, but they lose.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Alice's Wonder Team is Leeloo (w/ a red lightsaber), Alice Abernathy (w/ Mandalorian Armor & 2 green lightsabers), Alice Clone #1-3 (all w/ a different colored lightsaber), Jill Valentine, Domino, Ram Man, Gen. Zod, Non, Surtur, Darth Deez, Darth Nutz, Ewok #47, War Machine, Artemis, Brawn, Storm Trooper #50, Jesse Quick, Conan the Barbarian, Jorus C'baoth, Joruus C'baoth, Primus, Grand Admiral Thrawn, SSJ4 Gogeta, Leech, Hyperion, (movie) Rachet, Mandarin, The Predi-alien, (Silver Age)Blue Beetle, Pres. Skroob, Scott Evil, Roger & Jessica Rabbit in a Land Speeder, Dixie Kong, Ben Quadrineros in an F-16, Mala, Fat Bastard, Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Anti-Monitor, The Q Continuum: Q, Q2, True Q, Q Representative, Lady Q, q, & Quinn, The Spectre, Capt. Universe, Zombie Mephisto, Zombie Darth Maul, Hoppy the Marvel Bunny, High Evolutionary, Sy-Clone, Ben Andonner, Finn McCool, Buzz-Off, Whiplash, Rio-Blast, Jennifer Check in a Ferrari 456 GTA, Warmaster Tsavong Lah, Anteros, G.I. Jane & Xena Onatop in a Swift Boat, Desmond Howard, Marge, Lisa, & Maggie in a Tank, Fisto, Snapdragon & Crunk, Dorothy & Toto, Lucca Brazzi, Princess Wensica on a 4-Wheeler, Rosey, Mon Mothma, Pink Muscle Man #1-5, Borg #1-3 in a Y-Wing Bomber, Borg #4-10, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #1 & 2 in F-16's, Mummy #1, & Treasure Troll #17.
Unlike the last time these 2 teams met, Primus does not show up with his normal apathy. Whether his reality is being altered by The Q Continuum again or whether the enormous Transformer simply remembers that this is the team that killed him last season is unsure to even me, but whatever the reason Primus begins the long process of transformation from his planet form to robot form as soon as the battle begins. Capt. America and Robin simultaneously yell “Abomitrons Assemble” & “Abomitrons GO” to rile up the troops. Which definitely works, because The Abomitrons seem to be as riled up as a team can possibly be who are about to attack Primus. In the water, The Naboo Soldiers begin firing on G.I. Jane & Xena Onatop’s swift boat. The female Navy SEAL & her “best friend” fire back but in the end it is The Naboo soldiers who end up winning due to their superior craft and strength in numbers, although 3 of them do die in the crossfire. The Q Continuum decide as a unit that they are not going to take an active role in this particular match, and that they would rather spend the match inside Primus studying his alien technology; but before they do they decide to even the score by simply removing several of The Abomitrons from this plane of existence. The Abomitrons that they feel lend no value to this match are as follows: The remaining Naboo Soldiers, Ax-battler, Tyrius Flare, Gilleus Thunderhead, all 6 Immells, Danny Ocean and his 10 friends, Whistler, Dark Helmet, Commander Cody, Capt. Rex, Elite Clone Trooper #22-31, Jedi Master #37A-47A, The 6 skeletons, Cream, Cheese, Zufa Cenva, Banana Man, Pet Crow, The Football Transformer, Montross, & Capt. Underpants. The Q Continuum then disappears except for The Q Representative who remains as a watchful eye and Quinn who is granted the right to become human. The Q Representative is caught by the Ghostbusters in the containment unit, as they drive by in their Rhino, and Quinn catches a random laser blast from one of The Starship Troopers (#53 if you must know). While The Abomitrons see members of their team just disappearing randomly from the Q attack, they are also under intense attack from The Anti-Monitor. The Wonder Team’s Season 3 First Round Pick has yet to truly go off yet this season. The Anti-Monitor warps reality and then also uses an enormous burst of cosmic power to project raw energy from his body and take out all 40 of The Abomitrons Starship Troopers after he witnesses The Starship Troopers launch a surprise attack that takes out Ben Andonner, Finn McCool, Buzz-Off, and The High Evolutionary with their high-powered weaponry. The Anti-Monitor then continues his reign of terror as he destroys Luigie on his scooter, Underdog, Mrs. Voorhees, & all 15 of the Muscle Men (he didn’t realize (or care) that 5 of them were actually on his own team). Snapdragon & Crunk square off against The Mt. Dew Transformer, but Horribul & Creb come to give him a hand. The Mt. Dew Transformer still bites it, but Horribul & Creb kill their fellow Headmaster duo. Darth Deez and Darth Nutz work as a unit a take out Iron Monger, as well as Sledgehammer and Motaro; but they are then defeated by The 3 Upgraded Agents. The 3 agents then meet up with the 3 lightsaber armed Alice clones and a pitched battle ensues. This battle rages on for quite some time until the real Alice, along with Leeloo and Jill Valentine show up to lend them a hand. In the end the agents are able to take out Alice Clone #1 & 3, but then die at the hands of their look-alikes. Leeloo jumps into action and takes out all 4 of the Ghostbusters with her red lightsaber. She then takes control of their Rhino and drives it into the woods where she is surrounded by 12 combatants. Leeloo fights like the perfect being that she was created to be and takes out all 6 Wookie Soldiers as well as the 6 Ape Soldiers. Her rampage is then finally ended by Yaddle who catches her on the downturn of a perfectly executed back flip. Smaug eats Conan and then toasts The Predi-alien, Leech, and the Southpark Kids (yes including Kenny: bastard)! But Smaug is then consumed by the Asgardian fire of Surtur. Surtur then goes on to kill Horribul & Creb as well as Kirby. Strife mindblocks both Ram Man and Jesse Quick, but is then killed by the lightsabers of both of the C’Baoths. Chuck Norris runs over Ewok #74, Pres. Skroob, & Scott Evil in the mail jeep, and then kicks to death Fat Bastard and Rio-Blast as he drives by. Ben Quadrineros shoots the Mail Jeep from his F-16 and flip it over. Norris pops out unharmed and then picks up the jeep and throws it at Brawn to kill him. Jennifer Check finds herself driving her Ferrari onto a huge patch of ice where she finds that The Abomitrons have taken it over completely. Herb Brooks gives the order to attack and The entire 1980 US Hockey team, along with Olif Golzig skate over and kill her. She actually kills 6 of the Olympians, but in the end they defeat her. Lucca Brazzi goes on a rampage with his shotgun and takes out Zombie Jimmy Nuetron as well as Zombie #1 & 2. He then starts picking off members of The Rohirim until he is out of bullets. He uses his Sicilian rope to strangle Théoden King to death, but then Chuck Norris rushes back into the fray and roundhouse kicks his head off. Starfire and Raven take to the air and blow the 3 mentally linked borg out of the sky by blowing up their Y-Wing. They then fly back down to ground level and finish off their 7 buddies. They fight back against the 2 Teen Titans, but their resistance was futile. Hyperion uses his superior strength to kill Mara Jade, but he is then swallowed whole by one of the heads of Cerberus. Cerberus then crushes Rachet and consumes Mandarin as well. Eomer jumps on the hood of the Rabbit family’s Land Speeder and cuts off both of their heads, and then does the same to Mummy #1, Whiplash, & Dixie Kong before he is killed by Capt. Universe. Capt. Universe along with The Spectre then take out Pippin, Nomad & both Buckys, Tim Drake, The rest of the US Hockey Team, Herb Brooks, and Al Michaels; but luckily they do still believe in miracles and some how upsets just seem to take place when they are around, because although their level of power is significantly higher than hers, they still turn to stone when they look at Sandra O. Sandra O celebrates for a minute by allowing a tractor trailer t run over her face (her very favorite thing to do). Although she is then stomped to death by Hoppy the Marvel Bunny. Warmaster Tsavong Lah tries to use his force blocking powers against Blade, but he doesn’t realize that just because Blade has a lightsaber doesn’t mean he has the force. Blade cuts off The Warmasters head as he stands there blankly (This is the Masters of The Universe Blade we are talking about here in case anybody is confused). Cyborg uses his arm-mounted laser cannon to take out the female Simpsons in their tank while he is unknowingly stepping on Treasure Troll #17. Robin uses some killer moves to take out both Desmond Howard and Fisto with relative ease. Abon Sur takes flight and uses his power ring to take out both of the Jedi Lightsaber Scientists in their F-16’s. Anteros uses a regular old arrow (not the love kind or anything) to kill both ewoks with a pretty gnarly shot. Capt. America rides by on his motorcycle and easily takes out Princess Wensica off her 4-Wheeler, Rosey the Hobbit, Mon Mothma, Grand Admiral Thrawn, Storm Trooper #50, & Dorothy & Toto in one fell swoop. Abon Sur joins forces with Ultra Boy & Spider Boy to kill both Jorus and his clone. After that they move onto Ben Quadrineros in his F-16 and Mala. They kill War Machine & Artemis next, but Spider Boy doesn’t live thru the fight. They then manage to take out Domino, but they are killed by Gen. Zod & Non, with a little help from Gogeta. Zombie Mephisto and Zombie Darth Maul literally eat Toadette & Ninjor for lunch and then make quick work of the 12 Snow Trooper, but they meet their match when Ghost Rider takes out the zombie version of his old nemesis and Cerberus rips apart the zombie Sith. Western Ghost Rider then meets his match when the Mandalorian armored & double green lightsabered Alice flies in and dices him up. Zod and Non then make short work of Eomer and Ninjor, but they require some more help from SSJ4 Gogeta and Hoppy to finally rid themselves of Cerberus. Death Adder uses his massive axe to kill both Anteros and Sy-Clone, but these actions prompt Anti-Monitor to make a final appearance and kill the Golden Axe villain. Even the likes of Anti-Monitor and Zod seemingly back away as they realize that their teammate Primus has finally awakened and is ready to do battle. Captain America rallies his troops together to make a final push to destroy Primus. Only Cap, Chuck Norris, Starfire, Raven, Yaddle, Cyborg, & Robin (Dick Grayson) are still alive. They bravely make a push and attack the massive Transformer, but they lose.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
TEAM Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
TEAM is Ultraman, Owlman, Power Ring, White Martian, Johnny Quick, Mon El, Superboy, Lor Zod, Bloodwind, Ethan Hunt, He-Man w/ Battle Cat, She-Man, King Randor, Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee w/ Bill the Pony, Willow, Jackie Chan, Zombie Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Mr. Miyagi, Mitsurgi, Lord Katsumoto, Galactiac, Iron Lantern, Thanoseid, Thorion, Cronos, Treebeard, Hector, Neo-Cymek #1-12, Cybertronian Guardian #1-6, Galvatron, Apeface & Spasma, Cromedome & Stylor, The Power Dashers: Jet, Car, & Drill, Blaster w/ Rewind, Eject, Ramhorn, Steeljaw, Raindance, & Grandslam, Perceptor, Arcee, Reflector, Wreck-Gar, Hot Rod, Junkeon #11 & 12, Leader 1, Cop-Tur, Ghanima Atreides, Lady Jessica Atreides, Duke Leto Atreides, Duke Paulus Atreides, Krang, Two-Face, The Kurgan, The Eagle, Billy Lee, The Centurions: Ace McLeod, Jake Rockwell, Max Ray, Rex Charger, & John Thunder, The Shining Force, Depa Billaba w/ Jedi Padawan #39A, Crutus Penari w/ Jedi Padawan #38A, Jedi Councilman #2, Zombie Jedi Knight #36, Mike and Laura Sroka (w/ blue lightsabers), Aquamariner, Birdman, Avenger, & Birdboy, Shaun Poteracki, Bomberman.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Supergirl, Madeline Pryor, Mr. Sinister Serci, Zombie Master Mold, Zombie Master Chief, Shadowcat, Black Queen, Superboy Prime, Luscious Malfoy, Apocalypse, The Myrmidons: Achilles, Sabertooth, Deathstroke (w/ a blue lightsaber), Miho (w/ a blue lightsaber), Taskmaster, Chris Artrip (w/ Mandalorian Armor & a green lightsaber) in The Pimpmobile, & Julie Artrip (w/ a green lightsaber) riding shotgun in the Time Machine Delorean, Larry Reamer (w/ a green lightsaber) driving the Time Machine Delorean, Scar, Hal Jordan Parallax, Sinestro, Amon Sur, Starscream, Sunstorm, Ramjet, The Stunticons: Motor Master, Dead End, Break Down, Wildrider, & Dragstrip, Slag, Snarl, Sludge, Daken, Sixshot, Ryan Poteracki in The Eagle, Josh Houslander Jedi Knight in the Millennium Bucko, Exodus, Destroyer, Annihilus, Monarch, The Joker,/ Major Amos Dundee, Elixir, Cloud Strife, & Vincent Valentine in The Attack Trak, The Witch King w/ Fell Beast, The Balrog of Moria, Moltenadon, Tripticon, Solomon Grundy, Circuit Breaker, Archangel, Guild Navigator #1 in a Guild Heighliner, Juggernaut, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master & Ce Ce Denowi in a Snow Speeder, Capt. Serpentor, Mr. Saeese Tiin, Lt. Mara Jade, & Lt. Jamie Madrox in The USS Enterprise, Gozar the Gozarian, Zuul, Vince Clortho, Tommy Oliver, The Thundercats: Lion-O, Panthro, Cheetara, Jaga, Tigra, The Silverhawks: Quicksilver w/ Tallyhawk, Bluegrass, Steelheart w/ Rayzor, Steelwil w/ Stronghold, The Copper Kid w/ Mayday in Mirage, Hotwing w/ Gyro, Flashback w. Backlash, & Moonstiker w/ Tailspin, G-Force: Mark, Jason, Tiny, Princess, & Keyop in The Phoenix, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, Hades, Medusa, Armadillo in Rolling Thunder, Stitch in The Quinjet, Fives in an AT-RT, Ravager, Dazzler, KISS: Gene Simmons (w/ a red lightsaber), Paul Stanley (w/ a Heat Axe), Ace Frehley (w/ an Atlas), & Peter Criss (w/ a Halberd),
No two teams in all of Fantasy Fantasy have as much history as TEAM and The Horsemen. Without question the rivalry that these two teams have is the most talked about rivalry in the entire FFL. Respected by all, and hated by most these 2 teams, and the division that they are in a constant battle over have been considered the best in the league since day 1. The battle for the little brown laser as always is an all out brawl with every member of both teams attempting to make a name for themselves; but before we talk about that, I take you into the locker room of The Horsemen of Apokolips before the match even begins. Head Coach Hannibal Lectur visits the suite of Supergirl after the year 1 MVP refused to allow herself to be “summoned” by Coach Lectur to his office. Hannibal brings Luke Skywalker & Apocalypse with him for the visit. Hannibal informs Supergirl that he plans to give her the start this week against their arch-rival TEAM, but Supergirl does not take the news quite like the head coach had hoped. Supergirl responds: “Oh, I see. So after making me sit here on the bench bored and rotting in the locker room, now all the sudden you need me? Well, maybe I’m not interested in starting anymore”. Hannibal responds with: “Supergirl, you must understand that we didn’t need you before, but this is TEAM, they are our arch-rivals and we need your help”. “Ohhh, so you didn’t need me before. That’s funny, it sure looked like you needed me in Week 3 when you got embarrassed by The Right Wing, a NATIONAL LEAGUE team I might add”. says Supergirl. Apocalypse snidely chimes in with: “Hey Coach, why don’t you just threaten to eat her, like you do the other people on the team”? But before Hannibal can tell him he’s out of line Supergirl responds: “Hah, he can go ahead and try, maybe he can have his lackey the Grand Jedi Master over here sweep up his teeth for him afterwards”. “Enough of this, I didn’t come here to argue. I’m the coach and I’m telling you, you got the start this week. Be ready in an hour. And don’t try the apathy bit with me, I know you want to beat TEAM as much as any of us”. Hannibal says. Supergirl gets the last word in as the trio is leaving when she says: “Beat TEAM, ehh: Been there done that”... Back to the battle... All of TEAM stands at the ready, with almost the entire TEAM positioned in between 2 large buildings in the Metropolitan area of the play-off planet. The Horsemen first arrive as one enormous ship, and one that is still very large but is dwarfed by its counterpart. The Guild Heighliner is carrying the majority of the team, even though the only crew it has is The Guild Steersman and a half of a dozen of Jamie Madrox’s duplicates to work the ship’s weapons and surveillance systems. The rest of the team, vehicles and all are simply sitting in the ship’s massive cargo hold, except for the Horsemen who are aboard The USS Enterprise which is of course the ship flanking the massive heighliner in the atmosphere. For TEAM, only Aquamariner and Max Ray are absent from their barricade between the 2 buildings, as they have set up camp in the center of the water, where they will await attack from an outside source. Aside from the Horsemen who are able to exit the Guild Heighliner on their own, the ship delivers the rest of the team down to the ground below, where the battle can finally begin. The Neo-Cymeks are ordered to attack and attack they do as they take out Sludge, Snarl, & Slag,, as well as Daken before they head high into the sky to execute their real mission. The 12 Neo-Cymeks are dwarfed by the 2 huge ships of The Horseman but they fly in swiftly and begin their attack. Jamie Madrox is a major presence in both the heighliner and the Enterprise as his duplicates are running both of the ship’s weapon’s systems. The Guild Heighliner is to large to make any serious movements inside the atmosphere, so its only line of defense is to fire back on the Neo-Cymeks as they are attacking. The Enterprise on the other hand, as ordered by Capt. Serpentor takes evasive action as well as going on the offensive against the Neo-Cymeks. The Guild’s massive las cannons take aim and are able to destroy 3 of the Neo-Cymeks, but eventually the Neo-Cymeks superior firepower plays into the equation and the remaining 9 are able to inflict enough damage to destroy the Guild Heighliner. The massive ship falls from the sky and creates an enormous crater in the desert area of the planet. The Enterprise gains an ally in its fight against the cymeks when Luke and Ce Ce Denowi fly up in the Snow Speeder to aid them. The Cymeks inflict some serious damage on The Enterprise, but in the end Luke’s amazing dog-fighting abilities help to take out 3 of the cymeks while Master Tiin’s great piloting skills and the Enterprise’s numerous weapons systems are able to take out the rest of them. Ultraman leads a team of super-powered flyers up into the air to finish off The Enterprise. He knows that if TEAM is going to win this match then they are going to have to eliminate this nuisance once and for all. Especially since The Enterprise’s artillery attacks on TEAM’s supposed secured area has already taken the lives of Two-face, Cybertronian Guardian #4, Mitsurugi, Bomberman, & The Power Dasher Drill. Ultraman is on his way up to attack The Enterprise when he sees an open opportunity to enact one of his devious plans. Superboy Prime and Scar are flying high above the battle with no one else around them, so Ultraman takes this moment to lead his team of Power Ring, White Martian, Mon El, Superboy, & Lor Zod against them in an attempt to take theses 2 powerful Horsemen out of the equation before they have an opportunity to rejoin their team and do an enormous amount of potential damage. Ultraman and his crew attack the 2 combatants fiercely and take them by surprise. Superboy rime and Scar react quickly and together take out The White Martian, but they are then overwhelmed by the super-powered force and both destroyed. Ultraman is ecstatic at the removal of these 2 high powered Horsemen and then moves his TEAM back into position where they can attack The Enterprise. Ultraman and his crew begin barraging The Enterprise with attacks but The crew of The Enterprise fights back. They focus their firepower to take out Mon El but the remaining TEAMmembers simply do to much damage to the Enterprise. Saeese Tiin, Mara Jade, and a few of the Madrox duplicates make it out of the top hatch of the crashing ship in a last ditch effort to fight for their team, where they are attacked. Master Tiin and the rest of the brave crew are able t kill Power Ring before their demise, but Ultraman orders his TEAM to fall back, which they do. The entire crew of The Enterprise dies as the ship lands not far from the wreckage of The Guild Heighliner in the desert area. The Phoenix and The Miraj fly in together in standard 2 by 2 formation and take out Apeface, Spasma, Cromedome, Stylor, and The Power Dasher Jet all in one strafing run. The 2 ships then part ways, as The Phoenix flies in to attack The 5 Cybertronian Guardians and The Miraj attacks Galactiac. The Phoenix takes out 2 Guardians before the ship is destroyed but G-Force still manages to eject in time to continue the battle. G-Force and the Guardians become locked in a war of attrition with both sides suffering heavily. The Guardians are all destroyed, but only Mark lives thru the battle. Galactiac swats Miraj out of the air killing its pilot Bluegrass, but The Silverhawks have already been shot out of the ship. Galactiac is being swarmed when the battle begins to expand. The remaining Silverhawks that were not inside Miraj show up to help out their buds, but Thanoseid shows up to Quicksilver delivers a blow to the neck of Thanoseid that kills him in an instant, but not before Thanoseid has already taken out Tallyhawk, Flashback, Backlash, Moonstriker, Tailspin, and Steelheart. Galactiac is able to take out the rest of The Silverhawks with his cosmic powers. Luke Skywalker and Ce Ce Denowi fly low in their Snow Speeder and use harpoons and tow cables to tie the 2 Junkeons together, before blowing them both up with one perfectly aimed shot to their cores. They then moves against The Centurions. The 2 Jedi Masters are able to take out both Jake Rockwell and John Thunder from the air but eventually their Snow Speeder is shot down by Ace McLeod. The 2 Jedi Masters, who together have a midi-chlorian count that is higher than 10 average Jedis both eject from the speeder and use their lightsabers to lay waste to not only Ace McLeod and Rex Charger but also The Kurgan and Billy Lee as well. The reluctant team-up of Hal Jordan Parallax and Sinestro lead Amon Sur and Annihilus into the water area to clear out the setting and so they can continue the battle on the front that they seem to be thus far controlling somewhat handedly. The 4 combatants dive into the water and begin their search for the waterTEAM, but at first have no luck. The 4 Horsemen (no pun intended) are then ambushed by both Aquamariner and Max Ray. Aquamariner has a little bit of luck in choosing a spot in Jordan’s aura that must no have been all to reinforced and uses his superior strength to crush his skull before he has time to react. Max Ray then unloads just about every weapon he has in his vast underwater arsenal to annihilate Annihilus. Surprise was definitely the ally of TEAM to begin this skirmish, but once the waterTEAM is discovered Sinestro and Amon Sur are able to lay waste to them with their yellow power rings. Fives in the AT-RT is unable to hit Duke Leto Atreides because of his personal Holtzman shield, but he is able to waste Krang. The Lady Jessica is appalled by the attack on her Duke, even if it was unsuccessful, and her Bene Gesserit training kicks in. She dodges the attacks of the AT-RT and rushes in all by herself. She swings herself around the back of the mini-walker and uses the AT-RT itself as leverage and as a means to spin herself around to the front of it and deliver a powerful kick to the head of Fives that shatters every bone from his shoulders up. Armadillo fires one of Rolling Thunders rocket at Galactiac, which seems to do the job and then shoots the other one at Perceptor (that might have been a waste of a valuable rocket, but that is just my opinion). Perceptor is completely destroyed by this. Galvatron transforms into his cannon form and fires a barrage of shots at Rolling Thunder until it is eventually destroyed. He then transforms back into robot form and uses his arm-mounted cannon to take out The Attack Trak and all of its passengers. Tommy Oliver sees what Galvatron is doing and uses his flute/dagger to call upon the services of The Dragon Zord, but Ethan “Mr. those who can’t do teach” Hunt is eager to make a difference in his first ever FFL match. Since the very beginning of Season 1 Ethan Hunt has been busy training TEAM in the locker room, but after a long wait is now getting his chance to shine. Ethan rushes up behind Tommy and kicks the flute out of his hand. He then begins battling with Tommy. The kung fu moves that the 2 of them throw down rival any Norris movie ever made but eventually Ethan knocks Oliver down and then delivers a crushing leg blow to his face. Ethan then pulls out his Beretta and unloads the clip on the green flute/dagger which destroys the power and makes The Dragon Zord fall over turning into nothing more than a useless hunk of metal. The Witch King, Moltenadon, & The Balrog of Moria attack the Shining Force. The Shining Force’s Samurai Warrior uses his Katana to kill The Witch King’s Fell Beast and knock him to the ground but once the Witch King gets to his feet he makes short work of both the samurai and the ninja, whose Doom Blade and magical spells prove all but useless against The Lead Ringwraith. Moltenadon and The Moria Balrog go off and easily wipe out all of The Shining Force’s knights, healers, and flyers. They also kill Gort and Domingo (before he can use his mastery of the Freeze spell). Tao casts Blaze 4 on The Witch King but he still keeps coming. Anri then casts Freeze 4 on The Balrog of Moria which actually freezes the balrog and kills him. Max takes a cue from this and then uses the Chaos Breaker on Moltenadon which has the same effect. The Witch King walks right thru the Blaze spell and crushes Willow as well, who had come to aid The Shining Force. The small and unassuming Tao then pulls out her Demon Rod and sticks it into the side The Witch King, proving that although no man can kill The Ringwraith, that a woman can. Only Max, Tao, Anri, Luke, & Zylo remain alive from The Shining Force. Blaster ejects all of his tapes and then notices a little white Jeep racing towards them at its top speed (about 65 MPH). Blaster says: “What kind of crazy car is that, looks like an ice cream truck with out the killer tunes”. The vehicle doesn’t seem to be slowing down at all as it comes toward them. Blaster adds once again: “I think this driver has a kamikaze death wish”. The Jeep then rams into the mini-gestalt of Grandslam blowing up both them and the male jeep. Jedi Knight Josh Houslander, who has actually jumped out of the moving vehicle a little while ago thinks to himself “that it is a good thing I remembered that the throttle sticks on that thing whenever you double stomp the gas peddle or that never would have worked. Josh then ignites his blue lightsaber and jumps into action. Josh force pushes Steeljaw and then cuts off his metal head and screams: “Why the hell aren’t you called Fast Forward as he uses his lightsaber to totally jack up Eject. Unfortunately for the studly Jedi Knight (it’s kind of hard to tell him and Ethan Hunt apart on the battle field in all honesty) Rewind gets a hit in on Josh and Blaster finishes him off with a huge metal fist that crushes him into the ground. Ryan sees his best bud Josh get wasted by the Autobots and rushes in in The Eagle. Ryan guns it and heads toward Blaster but as he attempts to jump out the damn driver door lock starts acting up again and he gets stuck in the truck. “Well at least I’m gonna totally take an Autobot out with me” Ryan says aloud to himself as he crashes his Dakota into Blaster and blasts them both apart. Chris Artrip is passing by in The Pimpmobile with Deathstroke, Miho, & Taskmaster all crammed in with him. Taskmaster says: “Yo Fizz, wasn’t that your buddies that just got wasted back there”? Miho adds: “I say we go avenge them”. Artifact spins the Pimpmobile around even though they all know that they are supposed to meeting up with Achilles and Sabertooth a couple of blocks away and says: “yeah, I guess we should. Maybe we wouldn’t have to if those 2 geniuses knew how to put a car in park” Fizzle says as he is doing just that. They jump out of the fine piece of 80’s technology and Fizzle lays down some blaster bolts as cover for the Myrmidons to make short work of the remaining 2 tapes, they then take it a little further and whoop up on all 3 parts of Reflector as well before hopping back in The Pimpmobile and racing to the rendezvous point with Achilles. Mike and Laura are getting used to their lightsabers and are already pretty decent with them. The 2 of them continue with TEAM’s surprise attack theme for the day and take out Jaga and Tigra before the 2 Thundercats even know that they are there. Mike and Laura then run out into the street at the worst possible time for them. Z and the Myrmidons are already running late to meet up with Achilles and Sabertooth when Chris sees Mike and Laura right in front of his car. “Sorry Sorks” he says as he plows over both of them with the Cavalier. The 4 Pimpmobile bound Myrmidons finally arrive to meet up with Achilles and Sabertooth who have already killed Depa Billaba and her Padawan despite their Vandpuun fighting skills. They hop out of the car and Achilles asks them what took them so long. Chris answers with: “Sorry boss, I ran into some old friends”. Hector leads Thorion, Cronos, & Treebeard against the Myrmidons (minus Julie of course cause she is chillin in the Delorean with Pipes). Achilles rushes up on Treebeard and starts hacking away at the living tree while the other Myrmidons (3 of whom ignite their lightsabers) jump into action as well. Chris goes into melee attack mode and has his brother in laws old Katana in his left hand with his lightsaber in his right. He rushes Thorion, but the amalgam character is able to crush Artrip and crush him, Mandalorian Armor and all. Deadly little Miho is able to use the death of her fellow Myrmidon to their advantage though and get in close enough to put her lightsaber thru the neck of Thorion. Achilles back-flips off of the now dead Treebeard but ironically enough has his foot cut off by the blade of Hector. The Trojan then stands over his rival and finishes him off with a swift sword to the throat. Sabertooth jumps into avenge his captain and eventually comes out on top of the brawl with Hector. Cronos uses his godlike (never mind, I guess if you are a god, than you aren’t just godlike) strength to rip Miho and Taskmaster apart. He then pulls Sabertooth’s head clean off of his body but is killed when his head is removed by the lightsaber of Deathstroke. Apocalypse squares off against Iron Lantern and kills him when he grows to three times the size of Iron Lantern and crushes him thru his energy aura with his size variable mutant strength. The slow blade penetrates the shield, which is how Luke and Denowi are able to kill both Duke Leto and his father Paulus. The Eagle then uses some majorly advanced mental technology that even my superior Watcher brain can’t understand to kill Ce Ce Denowi but Luke is still able to tap into the force enough to cut off his air supply and kill The Eagle. Bloodwind attacks Gozar the Gozarian but Gozar disappears and then returns as a ball of fire to kill Bloodwind. He-Man atop Battle Cat and She-Man then attack Gozar who is now in the form of an all powerful Skeletor, but the 2 of them are able to combine their heroic abilities and defeat him. Battle Cat does not survive the battle. Zuul and Vince Clortho attack the 2 hobbits and knock Sam off of Bill the Pony. They pounce on the faithful little pony and kill him but the 2 hobbits have an amazing amount of bravery packed into their little bodies, and are able to pull their daggers (Sting in Frodo’s case) and finish off the 2 followers of the now dead Gozar. Stitch crashes the Quinjet into Wreck-gar to blow him to bits and then jumps out to continue fighting. He meets up with Zombie Jet Li and then can’t compete with his Zombie hunger fueled Kung Fu, Jet Li enjoys his little blue meal very much. Gene Simmons leads KISS and Dazzler, who is fueling their music with her powers while they use both this advantage and their new weapons to take out Owlman and Johnny Quick, although Peter Criss and Paul Stanley do not survive the attack. Jason Voorhees takes out Crutus Penari’s padawan (#38A), but Zombie Jedi Knight #36 is able to overtake Jason and happily devour his evil soul. Crutus Penari and The Jedi Councilman overtake Pinhead with their lightsabers and then mow thru Panthro and Cheetara as well. Liono takes out The Jedi Councilman but is sliced in half by Penari’s yellow lightsaber. Luke attacks Crutus and is unaware of Crutus’ lightsaber and what it can do. Penari’s lightsaber cuts thru Luke’s and leaves the Grand Jedi Master defenseless. Luke is still able to use his superior mastery of the force to force push Crutus into a wall which cracks his neck. Larry and Julie are flying around in the Delorean when they begin being chased by Ultraman. They know that they have nothing they can do to defeat him and try to escape but they just can’t seem to shake the evil Superman. “Just get us out of here” Julie screams as Ultraman continues to stay up on them. Larry activates the flux compasitor and the Delorean blasts into the future. They didn’t bother to set the dates do to the circumstances, but they find themselves 10 hours into the future where they see nothing more than me, the all powerful Watcher flying away saying the words: TEAM IS VICTORIOUS”! Larry and Julie are shocked, but before they have an opportunity to react Birdman catches a glimpse of them while the remaining members of TEAM are going back to base. Birdman, along with Birdboy and Avenger fly over to attack what they know are Horsemen. Birdman flies up fast on the Delorean and attacks but Larry takes evasive action. Julie then in a daring move opens up the gull wing door and knocks Birdman back several feet, stunning him and buying them a little more time....... TIME...... THEY DON’T NEED TIME.... THEY HAVE A TIME MACHINE. Julie then jumps out the open door and hops onto the roof of the Delorean. “What the hell are you doing, you’re as crazy as your brother” Larry screams to Julie as she is on top of the car. Julie then pulls out her brother’s old Glock 27 and pops a .40 in Birdboy like it ain’t no thang. Avenger then flies in towards Julie, but she drops the glock and ignites her green lightsaber just in time to cut the bird in half. Larry screams to Julie: Okay, good work, now get back in the car, we’re like a zillion feet in the air“. Julie begins to climb into the car when Birdman regains his bearings and flies back toward them. Birdman punches Julie and knocks her off the car sending her plummeting to her doom, but as she is falling out Larry hears her say: “It’s not to late Larry, you can still change it”. Larry then pulls the passenger door closed and swings the car around. He aims the jets at Birdman and fries him as he resets the flux compasitor once again and brings it up to 88 MPH. Motor Master orders the Stunticons to merge to form Menacer; and the Gestalt and Sinestro then follow the lead of Supergirl as she decides that she is actually going to show up in this battle and do something. For TEAM, He-Man leads Ultraman, Superboy, Lor Zod, & Galvatron in an “all-out-go-crazy-lets-wrap-this-match-up-sometime-before-next-week-attack as well. This TEAM-up works as a unit and wipes out some heavy-hitters including Madeline Pryor, Mr. Sinister, Serci, Zombie Master Mold, Zombie Master Chief, Amon Sur Shadowcat, Black Queen, Luscious Malfoy, Mark, Ravager, Dazzler, Gene Simmons, & Ace Frehley. Apocalypse kills Lor Zod, but he eventually falls to this wicked team-up as well. Supergirl’s team is joined by Starscream and Sunstorm and they go crazy killing Ethan Hunt, She-Man, King Randor, Frodo, Sam, Shaun Poteracki, Zombie Jedi Knight #36, Max, Tao, Luke, Anri, & Zylo. Circuit Breaker is able to fry the insides of both Leader 1 and Cop-Tur, but is then killed by the stealthy little Ghanima Atreides. Hot Rod uses his arm mounted lasers to take out Solomon Grundy, but Juggernaut then runs right thru the center of him. Monarch crushes Lady Jessica and her granddaughter Ghanima, but Monarch is then blown to pieces by Galvatron. Exodus easily wipes out Arcee Zombie Jet Li, and The Power Dasher Car, but he is then overtaken by He-Man and his super-group of bad-a**es, Destroyer meets the same fate as Exodus, once he meets up with The Ultraman/Superboy combo. Galvatron knows exactly where to hit Menacer to blow him to bits, and Lord Katsumoto along with his stealth team of Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Mr. Miyagi are actually able to take out Sinestro. Ultraman sends Hades to hell and Superboy makes Medusa Stone cold, while He-Man stops Juggernaut and uses his lifeless body to ground Archangel. Galvatron, is fighting like a Decepticon possessed as he is so eager, as a first round pick from last year to prove that they can beat The Horsemen without Superman and Unicron so he blasts Ramjet out of the air, but he is then taken out as Sunstorm does what he does best and crashes into Galvatron letting off an explosion that no only kills both of them, but takes out Mr. Miyagi and The Joker as well who was busy humming the best around and trying to taunt Miyagi with imitation karate moves. He-Man punches right thru Sixshot, while Ultraman and Superboy rocket thru Tripticon. Starscream then flies by out of nowhere and lights up He-Man like the 4th of July yo. Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, & Lord Katsumoto attack Deathstroke and win, but only Katsumoto survives the meeting. At this point Ultraman has his entire TEAM regroup back on top of the highest skyscraper on the play-off planet (ya know Josh Houslander tower). Only Ultraman, Superboy, & Lord Katsumoto remain for TEAM, but only Supergirl and the lightsaberless Luke Skywalker remain for The Horsemen. Luke feels very uneasy and feels a sense of hopelessness that he has not faced in many years. He rushes toward the 2 Kryptonians and the samurai lord but Ultraman merely pushes him with his palm and sends him falling off of the roof. Supergirl stands alone on the roof when Katsumoto says: “She was the league’s MVP and the first person to ever kill Superman, we should not take her lightly”. “Oh, it won’t be lightly, we and Jr. over here are gonna give it to her nice and heavy”. Says Ultraman. Superboy says: “She’ outnumbered, we can take her”. Supergirl stands by defiant, but she knows in her heart that she can’t take the 2 of them by herself. But suddenly the Delorean comes hovering into view with Luke Skywalker on its hood. “I thought you could use a hand Supergirl, oh and by the way Luke, you owe me one“. Larry says to his fellow Horsemen. Larry then grabs the lightsaber off of his belt and throws it to Luke saying: “I have a feeling that you’ll put this to better use than I will”. Luke smiles at TEAM as he catches it but Ultraman says: “Fine, we’ll kill them both”. But Larry adds: “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I brought back some help”. At this cue, the passenger gull wing door opens and both Superboy Prime and Scar pop out. “Remember us” the evil little guardian Scar says. Supergirl, Scar, Superboy Prime, & Luke then rip both Ultraman and Superboy apart, while Larry is still parking the Delorean. Lord Katsumoto is on the ground with 2 broken legs, but still kneeling to stay up and defiant to the end. Luke says to him: “Well, it looks like we’ve beat TEAM again”. Katsumoto replies with: “You didn’t beat TEAM, you beat team. Are best players are sitting home and we still almost beat you”. This is no victory for you, we’ll see you in the play-offs, now FINISH THIS”. Katsumoto of course wants Luke to cut off his head, so he can die honorably, but Luke says: “No, it’s not the Jedi way”. Luke refuses to end his life and then tosses the lightsaber back to its owner; Larry’s no Jedi, and he doesn’t mind doing Katsumoto the favor. The Horsemen are all celebrating on the rooftops except for Supergirl. Larry says: “Come on Supergirl, we just beat TEAM, how about a little excitement”. Supergirl replies: “Been there done that”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Supergirl, Madeline Pryor, Mr. Sinister Serci, Zombie Master Mold, Zombie Master Chief, Shadowcat, Black Queen, Superboy Prime, Luscious Malfoy, Apocalypse, The Myrmidons: Achilles, Sabertooth, Deathstroke (w/ a blue lightsaber), Miho (w/ a blue lightsaber), Taskmaster, Chris Artrip (w/ Mandalorian Armor & a green lightsaber) in The Pimpmobile, & Julie Artrip (w/ a green lightsaber) riding shotgun in the Time Machine Delorean, Larry Reamer (w/ a green lightsaber) driving the Time Machine Delorean, Scar, Hal Jordan Parallax, Sinestro, Amon Sur, Starscream, Sunstorm, Ramjet, The Stunticons: Motor Master, Dead End, Break Down, Wildrider, & Dragstrip, Slag, Snarl, Sludge, Daken, Sixshot, Ryan Poteracki in The Eagle, Josh Houslander Jedi Knight in the Millennium Bucko, Exodus, Destroyer, Annihilus, Monarch, The Joker,/ Major Amos Dundee, Elixir, Cloud Strife, & Vincent Valentine in The Attack Trak, The Witch King w/ Fell Beast, The Balrog of Moria, Moltenadon, Tripticon, Solomon Grundy, Circuit Breaker, Archangel, Guild Navigator #1 in a Guild Heighliner, Juggernaut, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master & Ce Ce Denowi in a Snow Speeder, Capt. Serpentor, Mr. Saeese Tiin, Lt. Mara Jade, & Lt. Jamie Madrox in The USS Enterprise, Gozar the Gozarian, Zuul, Vince Clortho, Tommy Oliver, The Thundercats: Lion-O, Panthro, Cheetara, Jaga, Tigra, The Silverhawks: Quicksilver w/ Tallyhawk, Bluegrass, Steelheart w/ Rayzor, Steelwil w/ Stronghold, The Copper Kid w/ Mayday in Mirage, Hotwing w/ Gyro, Flashback w. Backlash, & Moonstiker w/ Tailspin, G-Force: Mark, Jason, Tiny, Princess, & Keyop in The Phoenix, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, Hades, Medusa, Armadillo in Rolling Thunder, Stitch in The Quinjet, Fives in an AT-RT, Ravager, Dazzler, KISS: Gene Simmons (w/ a red lightsaber), Paul Stanley (w/ a Heat Axe), Ace Frehley (w/ an Atlas), & Peter Criss (w/ a Halberd),
No two teams in all of Fantasy Fantasy have as much history as TEAM and The Horsemen. Without question the rivalry that these two teams have is the most talked about rivalry in the entire FFL. Respected by all, and hated by most these 2 teams, and the division that they are in a constant battle over have been considered the best in the league since day 1. The battle for the little brown laser as always is an all out brawl with every member of both teams attempting to make a name for themselves; but before we talk about that, I take you into the locker room of The Horsemen of Apokolips before the match even begins. Head Coach Hannibal Lectur visits the suite of Supergirl after the year 1 MVP refused to allow herself to be “summoned” by Coach Lectur to his office. Hannibal brings Luke Skywalker & Apocalypse with him for the visit. Hannibal informs Supergirl that he plans to give her the start this week against their arch-rival TEAM, but Supergirl does not take the news quite like the head coach had hoped. Supergirl responds: “Oh, I see. So after making me sit here on the bench bored and rotting in the locker room, now all the sudden you need me? Well, maybe I’m not interested in starting anymore”. Hannibal responds with: “Supergirl, you must understand that we didn’t need you before, but this is TEAM, they are our arch-rivals and we need your help”. “Ohhh, so you didn’t need me before. That’s funny, it sure looked like you needed me in Week 3 when you got embarrassed by The Right Wing, a NATIONAL LEAGUE team I might add”. says Supergirl. Apocalypse snidely chimes in with: “Hey Coach, why don’t you just threaten to eat her, like you do the other people on the team”? But before Hannibal can tell him he’s out of line Supergirl responds: “Hah, he can go ahead and try, maybe he can have his lackey the Grand Jedi Master over here sweep up his teeth for him afterwards”. “Enough of this, I didn’t come here to argue. I’m the coach and I’m telling you, you got the start this week. Be ready in an hour. And don’t try the apathy bit with me, I know you want to beat TEAM as much as any of us”. Hannibal says. Supergirl gets the last word in as the trio is leaving when she says: “Beat TEAM, ehh: Been there done that”... Back to the battle... All of TEAM stands at the ready, with almost the entire TEAM positioned in between 2 large buildings in the Metropolitan area of the play-off planet. The Horsemen first arrive as one enormous ship, and one that is still very large but is dwarfed by its counterpart. The Guild Heighliner is carrying the majority of the team, even though the only crew it has is The Guild Steersman and a half of a dozen of Jamie Madrox’s duplicates to work the ship’s weapons and surveillance systems. The rest of the team, vehicles and all are simply sitting in the ship’s massive cargo hold, except for the Horsemen who are aboard The USS Enterprise which is of course the ship flanking the massive heighliner in the atmosphere. For TEAM, only Aquamariner and Max Ray are absent from their barricade between the 2 buildings, as they have set up camp in the center of the water, where they will await attack from an outside source. Aside from the Horsemen who are able to exit the Guild Heighliner on their own, the ship delivers the rest of the team down to the ground below, where the battle can finally begin. The Neo-Cymeks are ordered to attack and attack they do as they take out Sludge, Snarl, & Slag,, as well as Daken before they head high into the sky to execute their real mission. The 12 Neo-Cymeks are dwarfed by the 2 huge ships of The Horseman but they fly in swiftly and begin their attack. Jamie Madrox is a major presence in both the heighliner and the Enterprise as his duplicates are running both of the ship’s weapon’s systems. The Guild Heighliner is to large to make any serious movements inside the atmosphere, so its only line of defense is to fire back on the Neo-Cymeks as they are attacking. The Enterprise on the other hand, as ordered by Capt. Serpentor takes evasive action as well as going on the offensive against the Neo-Cymeks. The Guild’s massive las cannons take aim and are able to destroy 3 of the Neo-Cymeks, but eventually the Neo-Cymeks superior firepower plays into the equation and the remaining 9 are able to inflict enough damage to destroy the Guild Heighliner. The massive ship falls from the sky and creates an enormous crater in the desert area of the planet. The Enterprise gains an ally in its fight against the cymeks when Luke and Ce Ce Denowi fly up in the Snow Speeder to aid them. The Cymeks inflict some serious damage on The Enterprise, but in the end Luke’s amazing dog-fighting abilities help to take out 3 of the cymeks while Master Tiin’s great piloting skills and the Enterprise’s numerous weapons systems are able to take out the rest of them. Ultraman leads a team of super-powered flyers up into the air to finish off The Enterprise. He knows that if TEAM is going to win this match then they are going to have to eliminate this nuisance once and for all. Especially since The Enterprise’s artillery attacks on TEAM’s supposed secured area has already taken the lives of Two-face, Cybertronian Guardian #4, Mitsurugi, Bomberman, & The Power Dasher Drill. Ultraman is on his way up to attack The Enterprise when he sees an open opportunity to enact one of his devious plans. Superboy Prime and Scar are flying high above the battle with no one else around them, so Ultraman takes this moment to lead his team of Power Ring, White Martian, Mon El, Superboy, & Lor Zod against them in an attempt to take theses 2 powerful Horsemen out of the equation before they have an opportunity to rejoin their team and do an enormous amount of potential damage. Ultraman and his crew attack the 2 combatants fiercely and take them by surprise. Superboy rime and Scar react quickly and together take out The White Martian, but they are then overwhelmed by the super-powered force and both destroyed. Ultraman is ecstatic at the removal of these 2 high powered Horsemen and then moves his TEAM back into position where they can attack The Enterprise. Ultraman and his crew begin barraging The Enterprise with attacks but The crew of The Enterprise fights back. They focus their firepower to take out Mon El but the remaining TEAMmembers simply do to much damage to the Enterprise. Saeese Tiin, Mara Jade, and a few of the Madrox duplicates make it out of the top hatch of the crashing ship in a last ditch effort to fight for their team, where they are attacked. Master Tiin and the rest of the brave crew are able t kill Power Ring before their demise, but Ultraman orders his TEAM to fall back, which they do. The entire crew of The Enterprise dies as the ship lands not far from the wreckage of The Guild Heighliner in the desert area. The Phoenix and The Miraj fly in together in standard 2 by 2 formation and take out Apeface, Spasma, Cromedome, Stylor, and The Power Dasher Jet all in one strafing run. The 2 ships then part ways, as The Phoenix flies in to attack The 5 Cybertronian Guardians and The Miraj attacks Galactiac. The Phoenix takes out 2 Guardians before the ship is destroyed but G-Force still manages to eject in time to continue the battle. G-Force and the Guardians become locked in a war of attrition with both sides suffering heavily. The Guardians are all destroyed, but only Mark lives thru the battle. Galactiac swats Miraj out of the air killing its pilot Bluegrass, but The Silverhawks have already been shot out of the ship. Galactiac is being swarmed when the battle begins to expand. The remaining Silverhawks that were not inside Miraj show up to help out their buds, but Thanoseid shows up to Quicksilver delivers a blow to the neck of Thanoseid that kills him in an instant, but not before Thanoseid has already taken out Tallyhawk, Flashback, Backlash, Moonstriker, Tailspin, and Steelheart. Galactiac is able to take out the rest of The Silverhawks with his cosmic powers. Luke Skywalker and Ce Ce Denowi fly low in their Snow Speeder and use harpoons and tow cables to tie the 2 Junkeons together, before blowing them both up with one perfectly aimed shot to their cores. They then moves against The Centurions. The 2 Jedi Masters are able to take out both Jake Rockwell and John Thunder from the air but eventually their Snow Speeder is shot down by Ace McLeod. The 2 Jedi Masters, who together have a midi-chlorian count that is higher than 10 average Jedis both eject from the speeder and use their lightsabers to lay waste to not only Ace McLeod and Rex Charger but also The Kurgan and Billy Lee as well. The reluctant team-up of Hal Jordan Parallax and Sinestro lead Amon Sur and Annihilus into the water area to clear out the setting and so they can continue the battle on the front that they seem to be thus far controlling somewhat handedly. The 4 combatants dive into the water and begin their search for the waterTEAM, but at first have no luck. The 4 Horsemen (no pun intended) are then ambushed by both Aquamariner and Max Ray. Aquamariner has a little bit of luck in choosing a spot in Jordan’s aura that must no have been all to reinforced and uses his superior strength to crush his skull before he has time to react. Max Ray then unloads just about every weapon he has in his vast underwater arsenal to annihilate Annihilus. Surprise was definitely the ally of TEAM to begin this skirmish, but once the waterTEAM is discovered Sinestro and Amon Sur are able to lay waste to them with their yellow power rings. Fives in the AT-RT is unable to hit Duke Leto Atreides because of his personal Holtzman shield, but he is able to waste Krang. The Lady Jessica is appalled by the attack on her Duke, even if it was unsuccessful, and her Bene Gesserit training kicks in. She dodges the attacks of the AT-RT and rushes in all by herself. She swings herself around the back of the mini-walker and uses the AT-RT itself as leverage and as a means to spin herself around to the front of it and deliver a powerful kick to the head of Fives that shatters every bone from his shoulders up. Armadillo fires one of Rolling Thunders rocket at Galactiac, which seems to do the job and then shoots the other one at Perceptor (that might have been a waste of a valuable rocket, but that is just my opinion). Perceptor is completely destroyed by this. Galvatron transforms into his cannon form and fires a barrage of shots at Rolling Thunder until it is eventually destroyed. He then transforms back into robot form and uses his arm-mounted cannon to take out The Attack Trak and all of its passengers. Tommy Oliver sees what Galvatron is doing and uses his flute/dagger to call upon the services of The Dragon Zord, but Ethan “Mr. those who can’t do teach” Hunt is eager to make a difference in his first ever FFL match. Since the very beginning of Season 1 Ethan Hunt has been busy training TEAM in the locker room, but after a long wait is now getting his chance to shine. Ethan rushes up behind Tommy and kicks the flute out of his hand. He then begins battling with Tommy. The kung fu moves that the 2 of them throw down rival any Norris movie ever made but eventually Ethan knocks Oliver down and then delivers a crushing leg blow to his face. Ethan then pulls out his Beretta and unloads the clip on the green flute/dagger which destroys the power and makes The Dragon Zord fall over turning into nothing more than a useless hunk of metal. The Witch King, Moltenadon, & The Balrog of Moria attack the Shining Force. The Shining Force’s Samurai Warrior uses his Katana to kill The Witch King’s Fell Beast and knock him to the ground but once the Witch King gets to his feet he makes short work of both the samurai and the ninja, whose Doom Blade and magical spells prove all but useless against The Lead Ringwraith. Moltenadon and The Moria Balrog go off and easily wipe out all of The Shining Force’s knights, healers, and flyers. They also kill Gort and Domingo (before he can use his mastery of the Freeze spell). Tao casts Blaze 4 on The Witch King but he still keeps coming. Anri then casts Freeze 4 on The Balrog of Moria which actually freezes the balrog and kills him. Max takes a cue from this and then uses the Chaos Breaker on Moltenadon which has the same effect. The Witch King walks right thru the Blaze spell and crushes Willow as well, who had come to aid The Shining Force. The small and unassuming Tao then pulls out her Demon Rod and sticks it into the side The Witch King, proving that although no man can kill The Ringwraith, that a woman can. Only Max, Tao, Anri, Luke, & Zylo remain alive from The Shining Force. Blaster ejects all of his tapes and then notices a little white Jeep racing towards them at its top speed (about 65 MPH). Blaster says: “What kind of crazy car is that, looks like an ice cream truck with out the killer tunes”. The vehicle doesn’t seem to be slowing down at all as it comes toward them. Blaster adds once again: “I think this driver has a kamikaze death wish”. The Jeep then rams into the mini-gestalt of Grandslam blowing up both them and the male jeep. Jedi Knight Josh Houslander, who has actually jumped out of the moving vehicle a little while ago thinks to himself “that it is a good thing I remembered that the throttle sticks on that thing whenever you double stomp the gas peddle or that never would have worked. Josh then ignites his blue lightsaber and jumps into action. Josh force pushes Steeljaw and then cuts off his metal head and screams: “Why the hell aren’t you called Fast Forward as he uses his lightsaber to totally jack up Eject. Unfortunately for the studly Jedi Knight (it’s kind of hard to tell him and Ethan Hunt apart on the battle field in all honesty) Rewind gets a hit in on Josh and Blaster finishes him off with a huge metal fist that crushes him into the ground. Ryan sees his best bud Josh get wasted by the Autobots and rushes in in The Eagle. Ryan guns it and heads toward Blaster but as he attempts to jump out the damn driver door lock starts acting up again and he gets stuck in the truck. “Well at least I’m gonna totally take an Autobot out with me” Ryan says aloud to himself as he crashes his Dakota into Blaster and blasts them both apart. Chris Artrip is passing by in The Pimpmobile with Deathstroke, Miho, & Taskmaster all crammed in with him. Taskmaster says: “Yo Fizz, wasn’t that your buddies that just got wasted back there”? Miho adds: “I say we go avenge them”. Artifact spins the Pimpmobile around even though they all know that they are supposed to meeting up with Achilles and Sabertooth a couple of blocks away and says: “yeah, I guess we should. Maybe we wouldn’t have to if those 2 geniuses knew how to put a car in park” Fizzle says as he is doing just that. They jump out of the fine piece of 80’s technology and Fizzle lays down some blaster bolts as cover for the Myrmidons to make short work of the remaining 2 tapes, they then take it a little further and whoop up on all 3 parts of Reflector as well before hopping back in The Pimpmobile and racing to the rendezvous point with Achilles. Mike and Laura are getting used to their lightsabers and are already pretty decent with them. The 2 of them continue with TEAM’s surprise attack theme for the day and take out Jaga and Tigra before the 2 Thundercats even know that they are there. Mike and Laura then run out into the street at the worst possible time for them. Z and the Myrmidons are already running late to meet up with Achilles and Sabertooth when Chris sees Mike and Laura right in front of his car. “Sorry Sorks” he says as he plows over both of them with the Cavalier. The 4 Pimpmobile bound Myrmidons finally arrive to meet up with Achilles and Sabertooth who have already killed Depa Billaba and her Padawan despite their Vandpuun fighting skills. They hop out of the car and Achilles asks them what took them so long. Chris answers with: “Sorry boss, I ran into some old friends”. Hector leads Thorion, Cronos, & Treebeard against the Myrmidons (minus Julie of course cause she is chillin in the Delorean with Pipes). Achilles rushes up on Treebeard and starts hacking away at the living tree while the other Myrmidons (3 of whom ignite their lightsabers) jump into action as well. Chris goes into melee attack mode and has his brother in laws old Katana in his left hand with his lightsaber in his right. He rushes Thorion, but the amalgam character is able to crush Artrip and crush him, Mandalorian Armor and all. Deadly little Miho is able to use the death of her fellow Myrmidon to their advantage though and get in close enough to put her lightsaber thru the neck of Thorion. Achilles back-flips off of the now dead Treebeard but ironically enough has his foot cut off by the blade of Hector. The Trojan then stands over his rival and finishes him off with a swift sword to the throat. Sabertooth jumps into avenge his captain and eventually comes out on top of the brawl with Hector. Cronos uses his godlike (never mind, I guess if you are a god, than you aren’t just godlike) strength to rip Miho and Taskmaster apart. He then pulls Sabertooth’s head clean off of his body but is killed when his head is removed by the lightsaber of Deathstroke. Apocalypse squares off against Iron Lantern and kills him when he grows to three times the size of Iron Lantern and crushes him thru his energy aura with his size variable mutant strength. The slow blade penetrates the shield, which is how Luke and Denowi are able to kill both Duke Leto and his father Paulus. The Eagle then uses some majorly advanced mental technology that even my superior Watcher brain can’t understand to kill Ce Ce Denowi but Luke is still able to tap into the force enough to cut off his air supply and kill The Eagle. Bloodwind attacks Gozar the Gozarian but Gozar disappears and then returns as a ball of fire to kill Bloodwind. He-Man atop Battle Cat and She-Man then attack Gozar who is now in the form of an all powerful Skeletor, but the 2 of them are able to combine their heroic abilities and defeat him. Battle Cat does not survive the battle. Zuul and Vince Clortho attack the 2 hobbits and knock Sam off of Bill the Pony. They pounce on the faithful little pony and kill him but the 2 hobbits have an amazing amount of bravery packed into their little bodies, and are able to pull their daggers (Sting in Frodo’s case) and finish off the 2 followers of the now dead Gozar. Stitch crashes the Quinjet into Wreck-gar to blow him to bits and then jumps out to continue fighting. He meets up with Zombie Jet Li and then can’t compete with his Zombie hunger fueled Kung Fu, Jet Li enjoys his little blue meal very much. Gene Simmons leads KISS and Dazzler, who is fueling their music with her powers while they use both this advantage and their new weapons to take out Owlman and Johnny Quick, although Peter Criss and Paul Stanley do not survive the attack. Jason Voorhees takes out Crutus Penari’s padawan (#38A), but Zombie Jedi Knight #36 is able to overtake Jason and happily devour his evil soul. Crutus Penari and The Jedi Councilman overtake Pinhead with their lightsabers and then mow thru Panthro and Cheetara as well. Liono takes out The Jedi Councilman but is sliced in half by Penari’s yellow lightsaber. Luke attacks Crutus and is unaware of Crutus’ lightsaber and what it can do. Penari’s lightsaber cuts thru Luke’s and leaves the Grand Jedi Master defenseless. Luke is still able to use his superior mastery of the force to force push Crutus into a wall which cracks his neck. Larry and Julie are flying around in the Delorean when they begin being chased by Ultraman. They know that they have nothing they can do to defeat him and try to escape but they just can’t seem to shake the evil Superman. “Just get us out of here” Julie screams as Ultraman continues to stay up on them. Larry activates the flux compasitor and the Delorean blasts into the future. They didn’t bother to set the dates do to the circumstances, but they find themselves 10 hours into the future where they see nothing more than me, the all powerful Watcher flying away saying the words: TEAM IS VICTORIOUS”! Larry and Julie are shocked, but before they have an opportunity to react Birdman catches a glimpse of them while the remaining members of TEAM are going back to base. Birdman, along with Birdboy and Avenger fly over to attack what they know are Horsemen. Birdman flies up fast on the Delorean and attacks but Larry takes evasive action. Julie then in a daring move opens up the gull wing door and knocks Birdman back several feet, stunning him and buying them a little more time....... TIME...... THEY DON’T NEED TIME.... THEY HAVE A TIME MACHINE. Julie then jumps out the open door and hops onto the roof of the Delorean. “What the hell are you doing, you’re as crazy as your brother” Larry screams to Julie as she is on top of the car. Julie then pulls out her brother’s old Glock 27 and pops a .40 in Birdboy like it ain’t no thang. Avenger then flies in towards Julie, but she drops the glock and ignites her green lightsaber just in time to cut the bird in half. Larry screams to Julie: Okay, good work, now get back in the car, we’re like a zillion feet in the air“. Julie begins to climb into the car when Birdman regains his bearings and flies back toward them. Birdman punches Julie and knocks her off the car sending her plummeting to her doom, but as she is falling out Larry hears her say: “It’s not to late Larry, you can still change it”. Larry then pulls the passenger door closed and swings the car around. He aims the jets at Birdman and fries him as he resets the flux compasitor once again and brings it up to 88 MPH. Motor Master orders the Stunticons to merge to form Menacer; and the Gestalt and Sinestro then follow the lead of Supergirl as she decides that she is actually going to show up in this battle and do something. For TEAM, He-Man leads Ultraman, Superboy, Lor Zod, & Galvatron in an “all-out-go-crazy-lets-wrap-this-match-up-sometime-before-next-week-attack as well. This TEAM-up works as a unit and wipes out some heavy-hitters including Madeline Pryor, Mr. Sinister, Serci, Zombie Master Mold, Zombie Master Chief, Amon Sur Shadowcat, Black Queen, Luscious Malfoy, Mark, Ravager, Dazzler, Gene Simmons, & Ace Frehley. Apocalypse kills Lor Zod, but he eventually falls to this wicked team-up as well. Supergirl’s team is joined by Starscream and Sunstorm and they go crazy killing Ethan Hunt, She-Man, King Randor, Frodo, Sam, Shaun Poteracki, Zombie Jedi Knight #36, Max, Tao, Luke, Anri, & Zylo. Circuit Breaker is able to fry the insides of both Leader 1 and Cop-Tur, but is then killed by the stealthy little Ghanima Atreides. Hot Rod uses his arm mounted lasers to take out Solomon Grundy, but Juggernaut then runs right thru the center of him. Monarch crushes Lady Jessica and her granddaughter Ghanima, but Monarch is then blown to pieces by Galvatron. Exodus easily wipes out Arcee Zombie Jet Li, and The Power Dasher Car, but he is then overtaken by He-Man and his super-group of bad-a**es, Destroyer meets the same fate as Exodus, once he meets up with The Ultraman/Superboy combo. Galvatron knows exactly where to hit Menacer to blow him to bits, and Lord Katsumoto along with his stealth team of Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Mr. Miyagi are actually able to take out Sinestro. Ultraman sends Hades to hell and Superboy makes Medusa Stone cold, while He-Man stops Juggernaut and uses his lifeless body to ground Archangel. Galvatron, is fighting like a Decepticon possessed as he is so eager, as a first round pick from last year to prove that they can beat The Horsemen without Superman and Unicron so he blasts Ramjet out of the air, but he is then taken out as Sunstorm does what he does best and crashes into Galvatron letting off an explosion that no only kills both of them, but takes out Mr. Miyagi and The Joker as well who was busy humming the best around and trying to taunt Miyagi with imitation karate moves. He-Man punches right thru Sixshot, while Ultraman and Superboy rocket thru Tripticon. Starscream then flies by out of nowhere and lights up He-Man like the 4th of July yo. Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, & Lord Katsumoto attack Deathstroke and win, but only Katsumoto survives the meeting. At this point Ultraman has his entire TEAM regroup back on top of the highest skyscraper on the play-off planet (ya know Josh Houslander tower). Only Ultraman, Superboy, & Lord Katsumoto remain for TEAM, but only Supergirl and the lightsaberless Luke Skywalker remain for The Horsemen. Luke feels very uneasy and feels a sense of hopelessness that he has not faced in many years. He rushes toward the 2 Kryptonians and the samurai lord but Ultraman merely pushes him with his palm and sends him falling off of the roof. Supergirl stands alone on the roof when Katsumoto says: “She was the league’s MVP and the first person to ever kill Superman, we should not take her lightly”. “Oh, it won’t be lightly, we and Jr. over here are gonna give it to her nice and heavy”. Says Ultraman. Superboy says: “She’ outnumbered, we can take her”. Supergirl stands by defiant, but she knows in her heart that she can’t take the 2 of them by herself. But suddenly the Delorean comes hovering into view with Luke Skywalker on its hood. “I thought you could use a hand Supergirl, oh and by the way Luke, you owe me one“. Larry says to his fellow Horsemen. Larry then grabs the lightsaber off of his belt and throws it to Luke saying: “I have a feeling that you’ll put this to better use than I will”. Luke smiles at TEAM as he catches it but Ultraman says: “Fine, we’ll kill them both”. But Larry adds: “Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I brought back some help”. At this cue, the passenger gull wing door opens and both Superboy Prime and Scar pop out. “Remember us” the evil little guardian Scar says. Supergirl, Scar, Superboy Prime, & Luke then rip both Ultraman and Superboy apart, while Larry is still parking the Delorean. Lord Katsumoto is on the ground with 2 broken legs, but still kneeling to stay up and defiant to the end. Luke says to him: “Well, it looks like we’ve beat TEAM again”. Katsumoto replies with: “You didn’t beat TEAM, you beat team. Are best players are sitting home and we still almost beat you”. This is no victory for you, we’ll see you in the play-offs, now FINISH THIS”. Katsumoto of course wants Luke to cut off his head, so he can die honorably, but Luke says: “No, it’s not the Jedi way”. Luke refuses to end his life and then tosses the lightsaber back to its owner; Larry’s no Jedi, and he doesn’t mind doing Katsumoto the favor. The Horsemen are all celebrating on the rooftops except for Supergirl. Larry says: “Come on Supergirl, we just beat TEAM, how about a little excitement”. Supergirl replies: “Been there done that”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
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