TEAM is (Red Sun) Superman, Sif and The Warriors Three, Zombie Ultron, Thorion the Celestial, The Combaticons, Long Haul, Voltron Red Lion, Gladiator Voltron, Yareal Poof, Melkor, Cock Sneak Goomba #10.
Griswold's Nut-Busters are Gambit (w/ Magnoguard Staff), Slym and Red Dayspring, Pepper Potts (w/ Rescue Armor), Jarvis, Fizzle, Pipes, Zimm, Capt. Wacky, Predator X #1-5, Matrix Agents #1 & 2, Velociraptor #8-12.
The Mighty Joshatu and The Neon Master Pogo work through the halls of The Great Watcher Tower in the sanctity of the Watcher Homeworld of Helosium. The Neon Master begins the conversation with: “So it looks like we have three matches to watch this week, huh”? “Correct” responds Joshatu the Great. Pogo then asks: “So, I suppose that means that I will only watch one of them, and that you'll watch the other two”? “Naturally” Joshatu the Admirable says in reply.
The conversation continues:
{Pogo}: Well, I was thinking that maybe we could watch the match together, ya know that way we could hang out and well maybe get to know each other a little better.
{Joshatu the Amazing}: That sounds like the worst idea ever.
{Pogo}: C'mon, can't we at least go catch a Tiger game or something and talk about it... My treat. We could even use Fizzatu's T-Rons-Porter 3000 to go catch a game from earth's past or something cool like that. I already cleared it with the Fizzinator before I came down here. I mean I already had to give him a box of .45 ACPs and a year supply of Snus just for him to let me use it for the weekend.
{Joshatu the Annoyed}: I think I'm busy.
{Pogo}: C'mon bud, you heard me say my treat right??
{Joshatu the Cheap}: Okay, fine.
-July 26, 1928...
Welcome, welcome, welcome sports fans to Briggs Stadium, where our own Detroit Tigers are going to take on the famous Yankees from the city of New York.
{Joshatu the Whiny}: Ya know, announcers back in the day were really pretty lame.
{Pogo}: Yeah, not that it matters, I mean I don't really even know who that guy was talking to, other than that dude who was buying peanuts from him.
{Pogo... again}: Dude.... This is gonna be great. We just get to sit back and watch the Tigers kick some butt while we drink .25 cent beers and eat .10 cent hot dogs. God I love the Roaring 20's.
(Joshatu the Condescending Prick}: Yeah, roaring. I just heard some poor bastard tell his son that his life was going to be great because him and his generation made the world safe. Evidently, he already fought the war to end all wars. Then he told the guy next to him to “calm down, Herbert Hoover is way up in the polls and he is an economic wizard... A WIZARD I TELL YOU!! Let's not bother to look up if that kid lives through D-Day, I honestly don't want to know”.
{Pogo}: But none of that matters to us gnarly watchers, right brah. We can just sit back and enjoy the game...
9 Innings later...
{Joshatu the Snide}: Wow, Pogo. You could have taken us anywhere in human history and you deliver us to a 12-1 Tiger loss to The Yankees?? I think my favorite part was seeing Bob Meusel's third Triple-double as a Yankee, The Pinky Hargrove home run was fun too.
{Pogo}: Yeah, I guess I could been like a Jif Mom and been a little choosier huh?? I just hit random on the Ol' Ronco Machine and it brought us here.
{Joshatu the Annoyed}: You're an idiot.
{Pogo}: Hey, at least we got to see a game at the Old Stadium, right??
{Joshatu the Sanctimonious}: I've been to the “Old Stadium” about a hundred times Peon Master-Bater. But I must say as a life long Tiger fan I have always been dying to see a Vic Sorrell loss. And Waite Hoyt sure put on a pitching clinic for The Yanks today... I'm pretty sure you could have hit some of those pitches... Well, I take that back. At least I could of anyway.
-The Neon Master than bumps into some guy on the street in a trench coat; which brushes back the clothes covering his face to reveal that it is actually Red Sun Superman.
Pogo begins screaming like a girl...
{Pogo}: IT'S A RED. IT'S A RED!! SOMEBODY CALL THE F.B.I.!!, CALL THE ARMY!!, CALL JOE McCARTHY!!
{Joshatu the Scholarly}: Hey Genius... The Red Scare hasn't even happened yet. Nobody knows what you are talking about. Russia is still our ally in the 20's. So uh, try and talk in terms people will understand.
{Pogo}: Oh, my bad. “YO, SUP. DUDES HOMEBOY IS 5-0. SOMEBODY CAP DIS FOOL”!!
{Joshatu the Streetwise}: This is Detroit in the 1920's you moron nobody talks like that yet. And beside Red Sun Superman being here means that this match must be starting soon, so let's take to the air and start watching...
{Pogo}: Dang... It looks like both these squads are mounting up quick. And what the eff is goin on over there??
{Joshatu the Terrific}: It looks like TEAM isn't wasting any time. The Combaticons are are already merging to form Bruticus while Long Haul provides them some cover; and it looks like The Red Lion from The Voltron of The Far Universe is doing the same for Vehicle Voltron; which could take a little while.
{Pogo}: Yeah, I don't know about all that. The Lion Voltron is the shizz, that vehicle one seems kinda hit.
{Joshatu the Turrific (that's the Charles Barkley version)}: It is not your place to judge Neon Master. Actually The Vehicle version is significantly larger; and you must respect the play choice of such in a city match.
{Pogo}: Check that out dawg!! You gotta respect The Nut-Busters gumption they are coming right at em!! And look at the way they are utilizing their Transformers with Pepper Potts leading the charge in her armor. I mean, they got Slym and Red hanging off of the side of Fizzle with Capt. Wacky and Jarvis chillin inside Pipes. That is a pretty commanding presence.
{Joshatu the Agreeable}: I concur, Pogo.
{Pogo}: Oh Shee-it. Those Raptors are goin nuts on that Red Voltron Lion
{Joshatu the Ecologist}: For certain Pogo. It appears that the velociraptors cannot tell that The Red Lion is made of metal and not flesh. Curious that they would still seek to destroy the most animalistic creature amongst TEAM. It seems as though The 5 Predator Xs are coming to lend a hand as well. Hmm, it seems that the attack seems to have worked. The Red Lion is no longer functioning, even though it did take out three of the raptors as well as three of the predator Xs.
{Pogo}: And check that out. Those two Matrix Agents are in a “Becks Style” Pitched Battle with Yareal Poof. The Poofster just straight up blocked all of their bullets with his lightsaber and then they went into the kung fu crap. DANG!! Look at how Poof switches his saber into all four of his arms while he fights. OH!! Down goes Agent #1; but Agent #2 got some quick vengence. The Poofinater is down with a wicked hand chop to the neck. And The Combaticons in the form of.... Uh, what did you say his name was again??
{Joshatu the Omnipotent}: Bruticus.
{Pogo}: Yeah, Bruticus just BRUTILIZED Pipes. Capt. Wacky barely got out in time. I guess Jarvis catching a ride with him wasn't such a good idea after all. Oh, dang and Capt. Wacky's Wacky Ray isn't doing crap against that combiner-dude.
{Joshatu the All-Knowing (yeah, I know that is the same thing as Omnipotent... I'm running out of adjectives)}: They are known as Decepticon Gestalts, not combiner-dudes. I would appreciate the use of proper terms while in my presence Pogo.
{Pogo} OH, here we go. Zimm is gonna try and stand toe to toe with some Asgardians. BOOM!! He just straight up jacked Volstagg while, Sif just sat and watched. It looks like Thorion the Celestial is going to stand for that though. Zimm is down for the count now!! At least I would think so after taking that hammer to his head. Capt. Wacky just shot The Cock Sneak Goomba with his Wacky Ray. I didn't think those dudes could get any wackier. It looks like the wacky overload may have killed him. Melkor is over there cleaning up what is left of the Predator X contingent and of the raptors. That dude looks scary as eff, huh Joshatu the Wicked Bad A**??
{Joshatu the Wicked Bad A**}: Correct Pogo. Melkor contains within him an intense evil that is even beyond our understanding.
{Pogo}: Dang dude. Red Dayspring just went all Phoenix Force on Fandral and Hogun. But I think she pissed off Sif. WHAT!! OH Crap, I didn't think I was gonna see Jean Grey, I mean Red Dayspring get curb-stomped by an Asgardian chick when I woke up this morning. And speaking of pissed did you just see Slym unleash that wicked amount of eye blast on Sif... CHICK IS DOWN YO!!
{Joshatu the Noble}: Of course I noticed it Neon Master. It is my job to witness all.
{Pogo}: Slym just unleashed that S&^t on Bruticus too. Straight blew him apart. Looks like only Swindle and Blast-Off are still alive. And Agent #2 jumped into the middle of Long Haul and totally short-circuited his Cybertronian A**. Looks like Zombie Ultron didn't like that though. He just absorbed the agents software and took him out. Pepper Potts then flew in and wasted Ultron with what looked like weaponry specifically designed to take him out... Prolly was. Gambit is jumping in to lead what is left of The Nut-Busters; but his powers are no match for Melkor. His staff and playing cards aren't even denting that armor. And Red Sun Superman just swooped in and took out Slym Dayspring and Pepper Potts by smashing them into each other. And now, The Nut-Busters are really in trouble because Vehicle Voltron is finally ready for battle.
{Joshatu the Finalizer}: Good observations Pogo. It looks like Fizzle has transformed back into his dune buggy form and that Gambit and Capt. Wacky are jumping in. They have signaled the retreat. I do believe we can call this match.
{Pogo}: Wow dude. That was a ton of fun. Totally co-oping that match with you rocked brah.
{Joshatu the Awesome}: I agree Pogo. You did great.
{Pogo}: Really??
{Joshatu the Really Awesome}: Yes, all of the watchers do a great job. We don't get the benefit of choosing the teams, we just simply have to call it like we see it. We all have our methods, we all have our great matches and our not-so great matches; but we all work hard. And that is what matters. We don't all have to be arrogant jerks like me, we just need to love to tell a story, and tell it the way we see it. The End...
Monday, April 29, 2013
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Superman, Colossus/Juggernaut, Vulcan, Michael Myers (w/ a red lightsaber), Dracula, Gozar the Gozarian, Zuul, Vince Clortho, The Stunticons: Motor Master (w/ a red lantern ring), Black Lantern Yoda, Legolas (w/ a green lantern ring), White Suit Anakin Skywalker and John Mclane in Attack Trak, Josh Houslander Jedi Master w/ Laya Houslander: Jedi Padawan w/ Piplup, Alex Houslander (w/ a mithril vest), and Fry Guy #1 in The Millennium Bucko.
Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers are Real Man, Oblivion, Superior Spider-Man, Blackfire, Metallo, Revan, Nightwing, Flamebird, Quasar, The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis, Predi-Alien (w/ red lantern ring), Fafnir, Red Lantern Hal Jordan, and Battle Droid #7.
...An unknown number of months or possibly years ago in the dark, deep, and secret chambers of Apokolips: Headquarters of The Horsemen: Bane of The FFL...
There sits Vandal Savage and Hannibal Lectur, the two true leaders of The Horsemen discussing plans within plans that the majority of the team has no idea are in existence. They speak to one another...
{Savage}: We must deal with this issue of Capt. Iven Carl Kincheloe Jr.
{Lectur}: Again, you come back to that??
{Savage}: It was his past actions that kept Darkseid and I's ultimate plan from coming to fruition. All of Darkseid's initial projections have led to the destruction of this seemingly meaningless pilot disallowing our team from Universe Wide Domination. Our team's future depends greatly on what has come to be in the past.
{Lectur}: You speak of our team's future; yet we litter our team with “good guys” throughout the past seasons of late. They cannot be privy to what we plan to do.
{Savage}: Good guys win battles my friend. It is people of our like-mindedness that bring about successful plans of logical forethought. Even when they know not what strings are being pulled, good guys win battles; good guys like Capt. Kincheloe.
{Lectur}: So, if our future rests upon his death; than how would you go about bringing his death about. In our time he is long dead as it is, and his deeds long accomplished.
{Savage}: You speak of time as if it is not to be manipulated by the powerful; and you speak of Capt. Kincheloe's deeds as if his most famous accomplishments were what hindered our success. His later test flights for which he is most famous, have no bearing on our master plan. But as an ace in The Korean War he shot down many planes. One of those planes held the plans for nuclear power that was just recently perfected in North Korea; but those plans were going to be secretly intercepted by forces under the direction of Darkseid and myself. They would have brought the world to our knees and would have brought us control of this universe before these petty watchers ever felt the need to create this worthless league. No other pilot would have shot down the hand-picked Korean pilot that we selected to bring us these plans. Destroy Capt. Kincheloe, and true victory will be ours.
{Lectur}: And how do you suggest we kill a man that is already dead?
{Savage}: Capt. Kincheloe was born on July 2nd 1928; in Detroit, Michigan. We shall kill him before he ever has the chance to find out what an airplane is...
Leap forward to: Season 6 Week 7: The Horsemen of Apokolips have grander plans than winning a divisional match...
...Just moments before the match...
{Laya Houslander: Jedi Padawan}: What is wrong father?
{Josh Houslander: Jedi Master}: I feel a disturbance in the force.
{Laya}: Are you certain that you are not simply feeling the weight of responsibility after being appointed Senior Jedi of The Horsemen Council?
{Josh}: No, my appointment was one of convenience more than anything else. Ever since the death of Luke last year, the Jedi contingent amongst The Horsemen have yearned for a Force-laden voice. I was simply the easy choice that they knew would cause little controversy. Besides they know as I do that my time in this league is short. I was never meant to be an aged Jedi, just a pawn for a greater good. A powerful pawn I may have become; but a pawn nonetheless.
{Laya}: Well, what does this have to do with the disturbance you are feeling?
{Josh}: Nothing. The disturbance is something very different. There are many intertwined universes within our world. And one of them, perhaps not this one; but one of them is in grave danger from an outside force. Yet, I feel that this force has penetrated our reality and wishes to destroy it from the inside out. It is not me that is in danger, it is a Josh Houslander from a different reality. There is a reality where this one is considered fake. Where a different version of myself is under fire. The two are becoming combined in a way that the force will not allow me to see. All I know is that our “fake” reality is being threatened by a “Real” Man...
...Now, finally for the match...
In a small hospital in downtown Detroit the staff find themselves under attack. The Horsemen move with perfect grace taking out the security forces. When The Shit-Kickers are teleported into the match they have no plan in place to protect the future of the league. They just simply wish to win the match the way they always strive to do. The Superior Spider-Man leaps up to the second story of the hospital and then quickly scales the wall; but his heroics are dashed quickly as Michael Myers grabs a hold of the web-slinger and jams a lightsaber through his gut. Metallo stands at the ready with his kryptonite; but before he can use it on The Horsemen's star player, Joseph smashes the Metallo together with Battle Droid #7 and then sends the metal clump into the lower atmosphere. Blackfire crushes Joseph with her Tamaranian strength; but Joesph's damage has already been done. Superman, along with several other members of The horsemen squad have not been informed of the ultimate plan to kill a newborn baby. They simply believe that they are here to win a match. For the Horsemen that do know, they are happy to see Supeman engage both Nightwing and Flamebird high above the hospital. Not only does this create a scenario where The Man of Steel won't notice what they are doing but he also is drawing two of The Shit-Kickers most powerful members away from the battle proper. Vulcan tries to vulcanize Oblivion; but Oblivion obliterates Vulcan. Gozar the Gozarian then sends Oblivion back to his void. Gozar then is joined by his allies Zuul and Vince Clortho. They begin to do battle with The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis. The Mortis Trio make short work of Babylonian gods by unleashing force powers that are typically untapped by Jedi Masters or Sith Lords. The Stunticons merge to form Menacer. Menacer with an enormous red lantern ring that is. Once merged, the gestalt shows The Predi-Alien the true meaning of rage as they smash the hybrid into concentrated acid mush. Fafnir dwarfs Colossus and stops the Juggernaut all in one fell swoop; but Menacer puts a stop to Fafnir as well. The Gestalt grabs a hold of the Mythological Beast and crushes it with sheer Cybertronian force. Josh swerves out of the way of all this “giant combat” and crashes The Millennium Bucko into the hospital entrance, Fry Guy #1 flies from the vehicle and splatters all over a lampost. Legolas, aided by the green lantern ring that once belonged to Sinestro flies up to lend a hand to Superman; but he finds it hard to get in the middle of a battle of Kryptonians. Superman grabs a hold of Nightwing with a headlock and turns to avoid an intense blast of heat vision from Flamebird while he simultaneously breaks Nightwing's neck. Now a one on one fight, Superman drives Flamebird down hard into the ground, bringing his fellow Kryptonian down to the salt mines beneath Detroit's streets. Dracula has not been seen by any person on either team, as it is his personal mission to find the child and kill him without being seen.
Battle Conclusion...
The Father of Mortis with the help of his children and Red lantern Hal Jordan have focused their energy on pulling apart Menacer. They succeed; but The Stunticons go right back to attacking their enemies. Blackfire uses her eye bolts to destroy the spark of Drag Strip, while the Son of Mortis methodically takes apart Dead End bolt by bolt with his mastery of the force. The remaining members of The Stunticons doom would be imminent if Anakin and Mclane didn't fire a missile from Attack Trak to make a mess of the whole situation. Mclane stays in Attack Trak to man the system operations while white suit Anakin leaps out to do battle with the son of Mortis. The Son's Father rushes over to help; but Black Lantern Yoda comes to the aid of his fellow Horsemen. Jedi Josh is racing up the stairs with his kids behind him, when he is met by Revan. Laya follows orders from her dad and leads Alex and Piplup towards the root of his force disturbance while Josh stays behind to face Revan alone. Revan and Josh become locked in the pitched battle to end all pitched battles. I mean, this battle is so pitched that Justin Verlander watched it and said... “Damn, what a pitch”. It is so pitched that a 90 degree angle tried to sit on it, and it fell off. I mean, trust me. It's pitched. Revan secretly taps into the dark side lessons he has learned while he lunges at Josh; but Josh leaps out of the way using his Form 4 style of fighting. Lightsabers clash; but Revan backflips out of the melee to start over. Revan then rushes towards Josh; but the smaller Houslander ducks out of the way and then lets Revan pass by. Josh then catches Revan with a lightsaber to the chest to finish him off. Red Hal Jordan breaks Breakdown with his green ring, and then clashes with Motor Master . The two of them lean back to punch and blow each other apart when their red lantern punches both land in unison. The Father of Mortis uses every bit of force power he can muster for a force push, but Black Lantern Yoda just keeps on running his way. Yoda spins toward the old man of Mortis and delivers a black lantern aided lightsaber through his neck. The Daughter of Mortis follows a disturbance that she is feeling in the force up several floors in the hospital; but The Son of Mortis stays back to do battle with White Suit Anakin (this one is pretty darn pitched too). The Son tries to overpower Anakin by force choking him;p but Anakin is well versed in both sides of the force as well (even if he only chooses to use one of them now). The Son is shocked to see his invisible attacks fail; which makes Anakin find his lack of faith disturbing. Anakin manages to force pull the Son in close and then slice his neck with his lightsaber. Blackfire flies in fast towards Anakin to catch him off guard after an exhausting battle with an extremely powerful force user; but before she can land the killing blow John Mclane decides to unload 15 plus 1 in the hole from his Beretta into the Tamaranian. So, in case you were wondering if 9 mm's could kill Tamaranians, they can.
Josh catches up to Laya, Alex, and Piplup in the hospital that is now on fire and falling apart around itself. Laya turns to her dad and says: “The disturbance you feel is growing stronger, I can tell”. It is then that Josh sees Real Man out of the corner of his eye. He rushes toward the dorky looking moron and force pushes him to the ground. Real Man starts uncontrollably peeing himself at the sight of Josh's bulging muscles and knows that his otherworldly self has committed many sins and deserves the fate that this Jedi Master is about to hand out. Real Man struggles to find his courage; but the struggle continues as he looks up at the blue lightsaber pointing down at him. “Don't do it father, it's not the Jedi way”. Laya says to her Dad. “He's not worth it, you were the one to teach us this”. Alex adds. “Pipppppplup” Piplup adds further, to really help out the story. “An otherworldly version of myself is threatened by this man. He's too dangerous to be left alive. I must do this, I must kill this fool Eric if I am to destroy the Troll known as Real Man forever”. Josh says as he inches the lightsaber closer and closer to Eric's neck. “It is never wrong to do the right thing”. Laya says calmly to her dad. She continues: “We cannot explain why we must do the right thing; but circumstances could arise where even somebody as worthless as Real Man could be needed for good”. Josh hears the sense in his eldest daughter's words and turns his lightsaber off. The Jedi Master speaks: “Your team is signaling the retreat, I will spare you this day Real Man. I suggest you get out of here before this building comes down around us all”.
...But Real Man is driven by a need to do something else...
Quasar comes bursting out of a nearby room where he was battling Dracula; but heard the call for retreat from The Daughter of Mortis and decided to bug out and call it even. Dracula seemed more interested in some other mission anyway and this match was seemingly lost for The Shit-Kickers; but Quasar is met by Josh, Laya and Alex who jump out with their lightsabers drawn. Quasar only means to escape and unleashes a full blast of cosmic energy from his quantum bands towards Josh to blast out the side of the building. Quasar flies by, and Josh lay on the ground with a huge chunk taken out of his side. Laya, Alex, and Piplup rush to the side of Josh, who says: “I knew I was not long for this world; but I feel as though you all helped me accomplish something that needed to be done today. Thank You”. Josh begins to fade but he grabs his lightsaber and ignites it one last time. He plans to make his greatest wish come true with his dying breath. He holds the lightsaber blade between Laya and Alex and says: “By the right of the council... By the will of the force... Dub you I do... Jedi... Knights... of … The... Rep...ublic”. He swings his lightsaber one last time to cut off the padawan braids of his kids and then falls dead with his last breath. Alex picks up his lightsaber, while Piplup grabs the two braids and Laya leads them all out of the burning building.
The hospital is nearly evacuated, when Real Man is searching around the burning building for he knows not what. He stumbles upon a room and walks in it despite the sound of The Daughter of Mortis saying: “Eric, this is your last chance to fly out with me. The retreat has been called”. Despite this, The Daughter and Quasar wait an extra ninety seconds for their rookie teammate who comes bursting out of the 11th story window with Dracula hot on his trail. The Daughter of Mortis catches Eric and the they begin to fly back to Shit-kicker Headquarters. Quasar asks the question of Eric: “Wait a second, is that a baby in your hands”? “I was just drawn to the baby's room, I can't explain it”. Eric says. “Who is the child”? The daughter of Mortis asks. Real Man answers: “The chart said Iven Carl Kincheloe Jr.
Shemalabama's Shit-Kickers are Real Man, Oblivion, Superior Spider-Man, Blackfire, Metallo, Revan, Nightwing, Flamebird, Quasar, The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis, Predi-Alien (w/ red lantern ring), Fafnir, Red Lantern Hal Jordan, and Battle Droid #7.
...An unknown number of months or possibly years ago in the dark, deep, and secret chambers of Apokolips: Headquarters of The Horsemen: Bane of The FFL...
There sits Vandal Savage and Hannibal Lectur, the two true leaders of The Horsemen discussing plans within plans that the majority of the team has no idea are in existence. They speak to one another...
{Savage}: We must deal with this issue of Capt. Iven Carl Kincheloe Jr.
{Lectur}: Again, you come back to that??
{Savage}: It was his past actions that kept Darkseid and I's ultimate plan from coming to fruition. All of Darkseid's initial projections have led to the destruction of this seemingly meaningless pilot disallowing our team from Universe Wide Domination. Our team's future depends greatly on what has come to be in the past.
{Lectur}: You speak of our team's future; yet we litter our team with “good guys” throughout the past seasons of late. They cannot be privy to what we plan to do.
{Savage}: Good guys win battles my friend. It is people of our like-mindedness that bring about successful plans of logical forethought. Even when they know not what strings are being pulled, good guys win battles; good guys like Capt. Kincheloe.
{Lectur}: So, if our future rests upon his death; than how would you go about bringing his death about. In our time he is long dead as it is, and his deeds long accomplished.
{Savage}: You speak of time as if it is not to be manipulated by the powerful; and you speak of Capt. Kincheloe's deeds as if his most famous accomplishments were what hindered our success. His later test flights for which he is most famous, have no bearing on our master plan. But as an ace in The Korean War he shot down many planes. One of those planes held the plans for nuclear power that was just recently perfected in North Korea; but those plans were going to be secretly intercepted by forces under the direction of Darkseid and myself. They would have brought the world to our knees and would have brought us control of this universe before these petty watchers ever felt the need to create this worthless league. No other pilot would have shot down the hand-picked Korean pilot that we selected to bring us these plans. Destroy Capt. Kincheloe, and true victory will be ours.
{Lectur}: And how do you suggest we kill a man that is already dead?
{Savage}: Capt. Kincheloe was born on July 2nd 1928; in Detroit, Michigan. We shall kill him before he ever has the chance to find out what an airplane is...
Leap forward to: Season 6 Week 7: The Horsemen of Apokolips have grander plans than winning a divisional match...
...Just moments before the match...
{Laya Houslander: Jedi Padawan}: What is wrong father?
{Josh Houslander: Jedi Master}: I feel a disturbance in the force.
{Laya}: Are you certain that you are not simply feeling the weight of responsibility after being appointed Senior Jedi of The Horsemen Council?
{Josh}: No, my appointment was one of convenience more than anything else. Ever since the death of Luke last year, the Jedi contingent amongst The Horsemen have yearned for a Force-laden voice. I was simply the easy choice that they knew would cause little controversy. Besides they know as I do that my time in this league is short. I was never meant to be an aged Jedi, just a pawn for a greater good. A powerful pawn I may have become; but a pawn nonetheless.
{Laya}: Well, what does this have to do with the disturbance you are feeling?
{Josh}: Nothing. The disturbance is something very different. There are many intertwined universes within our world. And one of them, perhaps not this one; but one of them is in grave danger from an outside force. Yet, I feel that this force has penetrated our reality and wishes to destroy it from the inside out. It is not me that is in danger, it is a Josh Houslander from a different reality. There is a reality where this one is considered fake. Where a different version of myself is under fire. The two are becoming combined in a way that the force will not allow me to see. All I know is that our “fake” reality is being threatened by a “Real” Man...
...Now, finally for the match...
In a small hospital in downtown Detroit the staff find themselves under attack. The Horsemen move with perfect grace taking out the security forces. When The Shit-Kickers are teleported into the match they have no plan in place to protect the future of the league. They just simply wish to win the match the way they always strive to do. The Superior Spider-Man leaps up to the second story of the hospital and then quickly scales the wall; but his heroics are dashed quickly as Michael Myers grabs a hold of the web-slinger and jams a lightsaber through his gut. Metallo stands at the ready with his kryptonite; but before he can use it on The Horsemen's star player, Joseph smashes the Metallo together with Battle Droid #7 and then sends the metal clump into the lower atmosphere. Blackfire crushes Joseph with her Tamaranian strength; but Joesph's damage has already been done. Superman, along with several other members of The horsemen squad have not been informed of the ultimate plan to kill a newborn baby. They simply believe that they are here to win a match. For the Horsemen that do know, they are happy to see Supeman engage both Nightwing and Flamebird high above the hospital. Not only does this create a scenario where The Man of Steel won't notice what they are doing but he also is drawing two of The Shit-Kickers most powerful members away from the battle proper. Vulcan tries to vulcanize Oblivion; but Oblivion obliterates Vulcan. Gozar the Gozarian then sends Oblivion back to his void. Gozar then is joined by his allies Zuul and Vince Clortho. They begin to do battle with The Father, Son, and Daughter of Mortis. The Mortis Trio make short work of Babylonian gods by unleashing force powers that are typically untapped by Jedi Masters or Sith Lords. The Stunticons merge to form Menacer. Menacer with an enormous red lantern ring that is. Once merged, the gestalt shows The Predi-Alien the true meaning of rage as they smash the hybrid into concentrated acid mush. Fafnir dwarfs Colossus and stops the Juggernaut all in one fell swoop; but Menacer puts a stop to Fafnir as well. The Gestalt grabs a hold of the Mythological Beast and crushes it with sheer Cybertronian force. Josh swerves out of the way of all this “giant combat” and crashes The Millennium Bucko into the hospital entrance, Fry Guy #1 flies from the vehicle and splatters all over a lampost. Legolas, aided by the green lantern ring that once belonged to Sinestro flies up to lend a hand to Superman; but he finds it hard to get in the middle of a battle of Kryptonians. Superman grabs a hold of Nightwing with a headlock and turns to avoid an intense blast of heat vision from Flamebird while he simultaneously breaks Nightwing's neck. Now a one on one fight, Superman drives Flamebird down hard into the ground, bringing his fellow Kryptonian down to the salt mines beneath Detroit's streets. Dracula has not been seen by any person on either team, as it is his personal mission to find the child and kill him without being seen.
Battle Conclusion...
The Father of Mortis with the help of his children and Red lantern Hal Jordan have focused their energy on pulling apart Menacer. They succeed; but The Stunticons go right back to attacking their enemies. Blackfire uses her eye bolts to destroy the spark of Drag Strip, while the Son of Mortis methodically takes apart Dead End bolt by bolt with his mastery of the force. The remaining members of The Stunticons doom would be imminent if Anakin and Mclane didn't fire a missile from Attack Trak to make a mess of the whole situation. Mclane stays in Attack Trak to man the system operations while white suit Anakin leaps out to do battle with the son of Mortis. The Son's Father rushes over to help; but Black Lantern Yoda comes to the aid of his fellow Horsemen. Jedi Josh is racing up the stairs with his kids behind him, when he is met by Revan. Laya follows orders from her dad and leads Alex and Piplup towards the root of his force disturbance while Josh stays behind to face Revan alone. Revan and Josh become locked in the pitched battle to end all pitched battles. I mean, this battle is so pitched that Justin Verlander watched it and said... “Damn, what a pitch”. It is so pitched that a 90 degree angle tried to sit on it, and it fell off. I mean, trust me. It's pitched. Revan secretly taps into the dark side lessons he has learned while he lunges at Josh; but Josh leaps out of the way using his Form 4 style of fighting. Lightsabers clash; but Revan backflips out of the melee to start over. Revan then rushes towards Josh; but the smaller Houslander ducks out of the way and then lets Revan pass by. Josh then catches Revan with a lightsaber to the chest to finish him off. Red Hal Jordan breaks Breakdown with his green ring, and then clashes with Motor Master . The two of them lean back to punch and blow each other apart when their red lantern punches both land in unison. The Father of Mortis uses every bit of force power he can muster for a force push, but Black Lantern Yoda just keeps on running his way. Yoda spins toward the old man of Mortis and delivers a black lantern aided lightsaber through his neck. The Daughter of Mortis follows a disturbance that she is feeling in the force up several floors in the hospital; but The Son of Mortis stays back to do battle with White Suit Anakin (this one is pretty darn pitched too). The Son tries to overpower Anakin by force choking him;p but Anakin is well versed in both sides of the force as well (even if he only chooses to use one of them now). The Son is shocked to see his invisible attacks fail; which makes Anakin find his lack of faith disturbing. Anakin manages to force pull the Son in close and then slice his neck with his lightsaber. Blackfire flies in fast towards Anakin to catch him off guard after an exhausting battle with an extremely powerful force user; but before she can land the killing blow John Mclane decides to unload 15 plus 1 in the hole from his Beretta into the Tamaranian. So, in case you were wondering if 9 mm's could kill Tamaranians, they can.
Josh catches up to Laya, Alex, and Piplup in the hospital that is now on fire and falling apart around itself. Laya turns to her dad and says: “The disturbance you feel is growing stronger, I can tell”. It is then that Josh sees Real Man out of the corner of his eye. He rushes toward the dorky looking moron and force pushes him to the ground. Real Man starts uncontrollably peeing himself at the sight of Josh's bulging muscles and knows that his otherworldly self has committed many sins and deserves the fate that this Jedi Master is about to hand out. Real Man struggles to find his courage; but the struggle continues as he looks up at the blue lightsaber pointing down at him. “Don't do it father, it's not the Jedi way”. Laya says to her Dad. “He's not worth it, you were the one to teach us this”. Alex adds. “Pipppppplup” Piplup adds further, to really help out the story. “An otherworldly version of myself is threatened by this man. He's too dangerous to be left alive. I must do this, I must kill this fool Eric if I am to destroy the Troll known as Real Man forever”. Josh says as he inches the lightsaber closer and closer to Eric's neck. “It is never wrong to do the right thing”. Laya says calmly to her dad. She continues: “We cannot explain why we must do the right thing; but circumstances could arise where even somebody as worthless as Real Man could be needed for good”. Josh hears the sense in his eldest daughter's words and turns his lightsaber off. The Jedi Master speaks: “Your team is signaling the retreat, I will spare you this day Real Man. I suggest you get out of here before this building comes down around us all”.
...But Real Man is driven by a need to do something else...
Quasar comes bursting out of a nearby room where he was battling Dracula; but heard the call for retreat from The Daughter of Mortis and decided to bug out and call it even. Dracula seemed more interested in some other mission anyway and this match was seemingly lost for The Shit-Kickers; but Quasar is met by Josh, Laya and Alex who jump out with their lightsabers drawn. Quasar only means to escape and unleashes a full blast of cosmic energy from his quantum bands towards Josh to blast out the side of the building. Quasar flies by, and Josh lay on the ground with a huge chunk taken out of his side. Laya, Alex, and Piplup rush to the side of Josh, who says: “I knew I was not long for this world; but I feel as though you all helped me accomplish something that needed to be done today. Thank You”. Josh begins to fade but he grabs his lightsaber and ignites it one last time. He plans to make his greatest wish come true with his dying breath. He holds the lightsaber blade between Laya and Alex and says: “By the right of the council... By the will of the force... Dub you I do... Jedi... Knights... of … The... Rep...ublic”. He swings his lightsaber one last time to cut off the padawan braids of his kids and then falls dead with his last breath. Alex picks up his lightsaber, while Piplup grabs the two braids and Laya leads them all out of the burning building.
The hospital is nearly evacuated, when Real Man is searching around the burning building for he knows not what. He stumbles upon a room and walks in it despite the sound of The Daughter of Mortis saying: “Eric, this is your last chance to fly out with me. The retreat has been called”. Despite this, The Daughter and Quasar wait an extra ninety seconds for their rookie teammate who comes bursting out of the 11th story window with Dracula hot on his trail. The Daughter of Mortis catches Eric and the they begin to fly back to Shit-kicker Headquarters. Quasar asks the question of Eric: “Wait a second, is that a baby in your hands”? “I was just drawn to the baby's room, I can't explain it”. Eric says. “Who is the child”? The daughter of Mortis asks. Real Man answers: “The chart said Iven Carl Kincheloe Jr.
George Washington's Slaves Vs. Barack and Taylor Swift's Red Army
George Washington's Slaves are Zombie Rodimus Prime (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership (AKA Rodimus Prime), (movie) Bumblebee, Prowl, Blurr, Roadbuster, Bill Reiser and Lance Bean, Red Dog, Mercer, and Taurus, Ninja #1-6, Gen Kidd, Matt Trakker in Thunderhawk, Bebop, Rocksteady, Fernus, Green Arrow (Connor Hawk), Speedy (Mia Deardon), Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) (w/ darksaber), Runner, Simon Phoenix (w/ M202A1 Flash Rocket Launcher), Kol Skywalker (w/ green lantern ring), Shado Vao, and Gizmo.
Barack and Taylor Swift's Red Army is Whizzy the Super-Cat, Batzarro, Raven, The Atom, Human Bomb, Echo, Foolkiller, Jared Nomak (w/ yellow lantern ring), Reaper #1 and 2, Aleta One (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership (AKA Aletimus Prime)), Tracks, Warpath, (movie) Blackout, Octane, Black Lantern Neo, The DVAS: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Vernita Green, and Elle Driver, Dora the Explorer (w/ Orange Time Infinity Gem), w/ Boots, Backpack, The Map, Benny, Isa, and Tico, and Sporty Spice.
“Ahhh... Finally a setting I can look forward to being transported to”. Says Dora the Explorer to Boots, as she picks up a paintbrush and joins the dozens of Mexican workers gathered on the streets of Detroit, Michigan to paint murals in dedication to the blood, sweat, and tears of the Mexican Proletariat Workers of the area and all they have accomplished for the greater good of their rich culture. Dora feels so at home being part of something as special as this; and Boots, Benny, Isa, and Tico are so excited to see that huge smile back on their fearless leader's face. Dora is a lover of her own culture who had a knack for exploration at a very young age. Her curiosity guided her in the direction of exploration with very little effort, as opposed to her ability to end the lives of her enemies... That one took a bit more training. But now Dora views all of these things together. They are all part of the greater whole that makes up her lives... Her many, many unending lives. But Dora's smile is sent racing from her face as she sees Diego Rivera himself, leader of The Mexican Mural Movement running with a mob of Mexican workers, families, and artisans. Then Dora knows what is about to happen next... Happy moments are always short-lived; and a match is about to start. One with her old nemesis George Washington's s Slaves. A team that pokes fun at the plight of minorities, the team that ended The Commandos perfect season, … The team that sent her to The Graveyard...
S'up Peeps. Y'all ready for this. I can't believe I get to write the rematch between these two storied FFL Franchises. What an awesome rivalry they have had. Oh, I almost forgot, this is The Neon Master Pogo comin at yizzle with a mizzle for your brizzle that is sure to sizzle. We got The Slaves and The Commandos, or Red Army for those of you Commies who probably call Pine Knob DTE Energy Music Theatre. And we are here in the pristine, bustling city of Detroit, Michigan in the year 1928 B.C. This division hasn't been exactly rockin The FFL this season but The Slaves only need another couple of wins and they can snatch up the coveted division and wind up backing in to the 2nd seed. Lookin over the rosters, these two teams played some real scrappers; which is exactly what I like to watch. If I wanted to see a bunch of amazingly powered cosmic things do stuff I didn't understand, then I would watch Joshatu eat bacon while taking a dump... Talk about gross; but how else is he gonna work those pesky gerbils out.
Now... Who's down for a flashback...??...
Setting: Slaves Locker Room, right after Zombie Rodimus Prime is reborn as himself with the help of The Autobot Matrix of Leadership.
{Rodimus}: “Prowl, my friend. I find it important to keep a chain of command amongst us Autobots. I realize that this team we fight for is not only comprised of us Cybertronians; and I am sure you pledge loyalty to President Washington as I do. But you are a tried and true Autobot. You fought side by side with the great Optimus Prime, long before I did and he trusted you then as I do now. You are a great and loyal Transformer and I want you to know that I recognize you to be my second in command.
{Prowl}: I appreciate that greatly Prime. But I wish for you to know that I am merely a soldier. I fight for the cause. I would ask that you please look me over should you ever need to pass the matrix on to somebody else. Like you said, I am a loyal Autobot, but it is for the young soldiers like you to make the transformation into a Prime. Orion Pax was a young man, and so was Hot Rod when they took on the mantle of Prime. I assure you, it has passed me by. Just allow me to do what I was intended for.
{Rodimus}: I will keep that in mind my old friend; but sometimes it is not the Prime that chooses the next leader; but The Matrix itself...
...Present Day. Back in The “D”...
Nighttime has fallen on the Proletariat movement's activities for the day... Battle is upon us...
Batzarro the world's worst detective is searching around the scene. He stumbles upon a pamphlet that says: “Help pay homage to the Mexican workers with our mural”. Batzarro speaks: “It appears that people were painting pictures of Mexican workers”. Foolkiller, his own teammate then walks up behind him and shoots him in the back of the head. “DUDE!! He was on our team”!! Yells Octane the Decepticon Triple-Changer. Foolkiller responds: “C'mon, my name is Foolkiller and you put me on a team with this dude. What am I supposed to do?? I mean, that can't even be considered my fault right”?? Raven chimes in: “Whatever, I don't think we were going to win the match because of that idiot, now let's just get on with it”.
Rodimus Prime leads the charge right down Woodward Ave. He is followed by Bumblebee, Prowl, Blurr, Roadbuster, and Thunderhawk (w/ Matt Trakker behind the controls). Matt Trakker has Simon Phoenix riding shotgun in his red camaro with the rocket launcher hanging out the window. While Bill Reiser and Lance Bean are riding in the yellow camaro version of Bumblebee with their guns blazing out their windows as well. The Renegades are all hanging off Rodimus in one huge “9 death farewll”, while Bebop and Rocksteady are bebopping and rocking steady in Roadbuster's race car form. Prowl has Green Arrow and Speedy hanging out of him; while the other members of The Slaves are taking more stealth-like approaches elsewhere.
Gen. Kidd wasn't kidding when he assembled the team of six ninjas, as well as Batgirl to sneak around the opposition’s headquarters. While Kol Skywalker, Shado Vao, Fernus, and the highly trained Gizmo hold up the rear as The Slaves resident power squad.
The Commandos have decided to let the party come to them. They are hold up in an abandoned warehouse... Wait a tick... This is Detroit in the 1920's, not now. The Warehouses aren't abandoned yet. It must just be closed for the evening. Black Lantern Neo is the one exception to the sit and wait plan of The Red Army. He decides to take off at top speed and single-handedly take on The Slaves most powerful character. Runner does not even get a chance to use the power primordial before Black Lantern Neo, former member The Slaves in life and 2 time Universe Bowl appearer rips the heart out of Runner and enjoys a bountiful cosmic snack. Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao attempt to attack BL Neo but before they can Neo flies off to find his next victim. Kol, Shado, and Gizmo then decide to join the rest of their team in the full frontal attack now that their most powerful member of the rear force was so easily destroyed.
Matt Trakker fires several missiles from Thunderhawk into the warehouse and as it is blowing to pieces the Autobots transform with their inhabitants leaping out in battle ready formation just as President Washington had directed them to do in his carefully laid out plan . Mel C, Isa, and Foolkiller all die in the blast, but the rest of The Red Army roll into the battle ready for action. Rodimus Prime leads not just with his wisdom but by his direction. In other words, cuz I am starting to sound an awful lot like Joshatu right now... Rodimus starts to kick a butt load of a**!! Rodimus pays no heed to Blackout's Red Lantern Ring when he puts a Cybertronian metal fist right through his face. Blackout did more than just blackout after that punch... In fact, he straight up died. He then bent Octane over and pumped him full of... Well, never mind let's not get too childish with this stuff. Either way, Octane died too. Gen. Kidd and his mini-squad jump out of nowhere; flanking The Red Army from behind which brings all members of both teams together in one enclosed area. In other words, “IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG”!! Tracks runs over Matt Trakker and leaves tire tracks on his face; while Rodimus tracks down Tracks and returns the favor by trekking some tracks over his and keeping track of how many tracks it takes for him to do so. Gen. Kidd and his ninjas take out both the Reapers by removing their heads with their straight edge swords with only suffering two casualties in their ranks. Jared Nomak rips the faces off of two more ninjas; but Gen Kidd personally uses his knife and trained swiftness to take Nomack's head clean off. Bill Reiser and Lance Bean's six pack abs do not move an inch while they are running into battle; but their heads do move as O Ren ishi and Bill use their katanas to remove them from their bodies. Black Lantern Neo chooses Simon Phoenix as his next target; but he has a bit more trouble when faced with Fernus. Fernus combines powers that are not yet developed by most of the universe's cosmic beings to wipe out Black Lantern Neo and send him back to the graveyard. Whizzy the Supercat uses Bebop as his own personal litter box, while Kol Skywalker uses the force to crush The Atom into, well,,, atoms. Green Arrow's father, the original green arrow fought side by side with a sword wielder known as Slade Wilson and then later fought along side a green ring wielder by the name of Hal Jordan. He passed this knowledge on to his son who now feels right at home fighting alongside Kol Skywalker. Their apprentices Speedy and Shado Vao are getting along nicely too. Together they manage to take out Raven with a series of force pushes and arrows. They then use their fighting prowess and fast moves to overpower Echo. Rocksteady dies of aids because he was a gang leader back in the early 90's when the disease still existed. Bill and his DVA Squad form up with Dora and friends for a melee battle with the regular size members of The Washingon Crew. But in the meantime, a more epic one on one battle is brewing. All the other Transformers stand aside as Rodimus Prime and Aletamus Prime square off. The two of them begin battling fiercely even though they know that the other stands for the powers of good as they do. Rodimus knocks her to the ground and attempts to come down on her with a double punch; but Aletamus moves out of the way. She pops up and comes up behind Rodimus, grabbing him by the neck. She whispers in his ear: “Optimus Prime may have passed the matrix to you; but he actually trained me”. With those words floating in the air, Aletamus breaks the neck of Rodimus and then throws him down on the ground. She then unleashes her blaster into his neck and chest just to be sure. Rodimus lie on the ground in agony as Aletamus takes aim at his spark. Bumblebee, Blurr, Roadbuster, and Prowl are rushing to the aid of their friend and leader; but it is Fernus that flies in fast and flies through the head of Aletamus Prime before she can finish what she started. Rodimus speaks to his fellow Autobots: “Bumblebee: you, like me have thrown caution to the wind and have fought valiantly in a fast-paced way. I give you the matrix of leadership, and ask that give up your impetuous ways and lead our fellow Autobots in the direction that they must go”. Bumblebee reaches out his hands to take and says: “This is a an honor that I have always wanted; but I fear that I am not the right Autobot for the job”. No sooner does Bumbelbee grab the matrix and put it in his chest does Warpath fire his chest-mounted tank gun right between the eyes of Roadbuster from atop the tallest building in the world: The Hudson's Building. Bumblebee transforms into his Camaro form and races to the bottom of the building and begins to climb up the side King Kong style. Warpath continues to fire laser blasts into the crowd from atop the Hudson's Building, where he is joined by his teammate The Human Bomb. Bumblebee reaches the top of the building and begins battling with Warpath, a fellow Autobot; but FFL enemy. “You don't deserve such an honor Bumblebee”!! Warpath screams as they pound each other with metal fists. Warpath is driven nearly insane by seeing these actions transpire on an enemy team of his, especially one that he dislikes as much as The Slaves. Bumblebee on the other hand fights with a new found level of hubris now that he carries the matrix within his chest. Warpath is losing the hand to hand battle when he says “I would rather the matrix be destroyed than it carried by the likes of you”!! With these words, Warpath picks up his own teammate The Human Bomb and shoves him into the mouth of Bumblebee while cracking up the chest of the yellow Autobot with his fists. The Human Bomb explodes killing Bumblebee and sending the matrix free-falling in mid-air. Prowl and Blurr see these acts transpire and handle the shock in their own way. Blurr screams “NOOOOOO” as Prowl transforms into his car form and begins racing in that direction. As the matrix is falling to the ground Prowl's RPMs are climbing. Prowl transforms from his police car form back into a robot and leaps through the air in the direction of the matrix. Prowl catches the matrix in his hands and rolls safely with the grab. While Warpath is climbing down The Hudson's Building as quickly as he can, and transforms into tank form once he gets back to the street. Prowl stand up with the matrix as he hears the voice of Alpha Trion speak to him: “Rise Prowlimus Prime”. Prowl is shocked to hear this; but he instinctively opens up his chest cavity and puts it safely inside for protection. Prowl transforms into what he expects to be his police car form; but is as surprised as anyone to see that his vehicle form is now that of a larger police tech SUV complete with tactical trailer. He races towards Warpath and crashes into the side of the tank, flipping the attack vehicle on its side. The damages Warpath transforms back into robot form; and is about to attack when Prowl pulls his laser rifle out and says: “I am sorry old friend; but you have lost your way”. He pulls the trigger and ends the life of the last Red Army Transformer. Blurr pulls up alongside Prowlimus Prime and says (quickly of course): “Well Prime, I look forward to fighting by your side. It seems as if it is not the Autobot leader that chooses his successor; but the matrix itself. Congratulations”.
Bill and Bud take out Ninja #1 and 2, while O Ren Ishi battles fiercely with General Kidd. Fernus takes flight and begins chasing after Whizzy the Supercat; but has trouble catching up with the pet. After the death of the ninjas Red Dog and Mercer begin battling with Bill and Bud in a fierce melee skirmish. Taurus uses his Saracen sword to slice up Vernita Green quicker than expected while Batgirl uses her darksaber to dispatch Elle Driver even quicker. Boots and Gizmo have are locked in a fierce battle of cuteness that has no end in sight. Green Arrow and Speedy each put an arrow into the chest of Benny and Tico. Dora then pulls out the orange Infinity Gem out of Backpack and attempts to put it to use. “Why couldn't they have just given me a lightsaber, I actually know how to use one of those” Dora says to Backpack and The Map as she holds the infinity gem in her hand.
Dora looks into the past and sees that she has the chance to turn back time should she so desire. She sees a time just moments ago when Benny and Tico were still alive. She sees a time before she was ever killed the first time, before Boots was ever killed the first time, and before she was ever drafted into the FFL. She sees the days when she was just a young carefree explorer whose most dangerous enemy was Swiper the Fox. Back home in Mexico under the warmth of the sun. But then she sees what undoing what has transpired would cause. Sure, her own life would be happier; but there would be no championship for The Commandos last year. No All-Star Game Victory. The hope of her leader, President Obama would not have come to fruition without her direct intervention. Dora holds back a tear and places the gem back in Backpack for now. Wishing once again that she was gifted with a lightsaber of some sort instead of this strange gem; but maybe one day she will know how to use it. Dora's dreams are then cut short by the Saracen sword of Taurus. Dora ducks out of the way in the nick of time; but the razor sharp blade rips Backpack and The Map in half off of her back. Dora dodges two more swings when O Ren Ishi yells “Dora... Think fast”. Ishi kicks the blade of Vernita Green into the air and directly into Dora's hands. Now this is something Dora can handle. It has been a while for Dora; but the training once again takes over and she moves fluidly. “This is no lightsaber, but it will do”. Dora says out loud as she battles with Taurus. She can't deny the superior strength and size of her opponent; but she does her best to compensate. Taurus swings twice as hard but she swings twice as often with her smaller and sleeker katana blade. Taurus comes down hard; but Dora spins out of the way. Dora swings her katana down on top of the already grounded Saracen sword driving it further into the ground, and causing it to get stuck for about half a second... Half a second... May as well be an hour... As this is more than enough time for Dora to plunge her katana into the chest of Taurus. Red Dog and Mercer are furious at the sight of their fellow renegade going down. And scream shouts of revenge as they swing their own weapons fiercely to finish off Bill and Bud. O Red Ishi holds off Red Dog and Taurus for a moment, while Fernus lands in front of Dora. “Something tells me that I need to take revenge on you young one.” Fernus says to Dora. Dora backs up slowly and is now very happy about the decision that she has already made.
Whizzy the Super-cat whizzes in at super-speed taking off Red Dog's head just after he broke the neck of O Ren Ishi. Dora leaps into the air and yells: “BOOTS: VAMANOS”!! Dora then grabs the foot of Whizzy and swings back to grab Boots by the tail as the three of them retreat from the battle. “C'mon Dora, I was about to finish off Gizmo”. Says Boots. “We left a lot unfinished in that one Boots... A lot”...
Barack and Taylor Swift's Red Army is Whizzy the Super-Cat, Batzarro, Raven, The Atom, Human Bomb, Echo, Foolkiller, Jared Nomak (w/ yellow lantern ring), Reaper #1 and 2, Aleta One (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership (AKA Aletimus Prime)), Tracks, Warpath, (movie) Blackout, Octane, Black Lantern Neo, The DVAS: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishi, Vernita Green, and Elle Driver, Dora the Explorer (w/ Orange Time Infinity Gem), w/ Boots, Backpack, The Map, Benny, Isa, and Tico, and Sporty Spice.
“Ahhh... Finally a setting I can look forward to being transported to”. Says Dora the Explorer to Boots, as she picks up a paintbrush and joins the dozens of Mexican workers gathered on the streets of Detroit, Michigan to paint murals in dedication to the blood, sweat, and tears of the Mexican Proletariat Workers of the area and all they have accomplished for the greater good of their rich culture. Dora feels so at home being part of something as special as this; and Boots, Benny, Isa, and Tico are so excited to see that huge smile back on their fearless leader's face. Dora is a lover of her own culture who had a knack for exploration at a very young age. Her curiosity guided her in the direction of exploration with very little effort, as opposed to her ability to end the lives of her enemies... That one took a bit more training. But now Dora views all of these things together. They are all part of the greater whole that makes up her lives... Her many, many unending lives. But Dora's smile is sent racing from her face as she sees Diego Rivera himself, leader of The Mexican Mural Movement running with a mob of Mexican workers, families, and artisans. Then Dora knows what is about to happen next... Happy moments are always short-lived; and a match is about to start. One with her old nemesis George Washington's s Slaves. A team that pokes fun at the plight of minorities, the team that ended The Commandos perfect season, … The team that sent her to The Graveyard...
S'up Peeps. Y'all ready for this. I can't believe I get to write the rematch between these two storied FFL Franchises. What an awesome rivalry they have had. Oh, I almost forgot, this is The Neon Master Pogo comin at yizzle with a mizzle for your brizzle that is sure to sizzle. We got The Slaves and The Commandos, or Red Army for those of you Commies who probably call Pine Knob DTE Energy Music Theatre. And we are here in the pristine, bustling city of Detroit, Michigan in the year 1928 B.C. This division hasn't been exactly rockin The FFL this season but The Slaves only need another couple of wins and they can snatch up the coveted division and wind up backing in to the 2nd seed. Lookin over the rosters, these two teams played some real scrappers; which is exactly what I like to watch. If I wanted to see a bunch of amazingly powered cosmic things do stuff I didn't understand, then I would watch Joshatu eat bacon while taking a dump... Talk about gross; but how else is he gonna work those pesky gerbils out.
Now... Who's down for a flashback...??...
Setting: Slaves Locker Room, right after Zombie Rodimus Prime is reborn as himself with the help of The Autobot Matrix of Leadership.
{Rodimus}: “Prowl, my friend. I find it important to keep a chain of command amongst us Autobots. I realize that this team we fight for is not only comprised of us Cybertronians; and I am sure you pledge loyalty to President Washington as I do. But you are a tried and true Autobot. You fought side by side with the great Optimus Prime, long before I did and he trusted you then as I do now. You are a great and loyal Transformer and I want you to know that I recognize you to be my second in command.
{Prowl}: I appreciate that greatly Prime. But I wish for you to know that I am merely a soldier. I fight for the cause. I would ask that you please look me over should you ever need to pass the matrix on to somebody else. Like you said, I am a loyal Autobot, but it is for the young soldiers like you to make the transformation into a Prime. Orion Pax was a young man, and so was Hot Rod when they took on the mantle of Prime. I assure you, it has passed me by. Just allow me to do what I was intended for.
{Rodimus}: I will keep that in mind my old friend; but sometimes it is not the Prime that chooses the next leader; but The Matrix itself...
...Present Day. Back in The “D”...
Nighttime has fallen on the Proletariat movement's activities for the day... Battle is upon us...
Batzarro the world's worst detective is searching around the scene. He stumbles upon a pamphlet that says: “Help pay homage to the Mexican workers with our mural”. Batzarro speaks: “It appears that people were painting pictures of Mexican workers”. Foolkiller, his own teammate then walks up behind him and shoots him in the back of the head. “DUDE!! He was on our team”!! Yells Octane the Decepticon Triple-Changer. Foolkiller responds: “C'mon, my name is Foolkiller and you put me on a team with this dude. What am I supposed to do?? I mean, that can't even be considered my fault right”?? Raven chimes in: “Whatever, I don't think we were going to win the match because of that idiot, now let's just get on with it”.
Rodimus Prime leads the charge right down Woodward Ave. He is followed by Bumblebee, Prowl, Blurr, Roadbuster, and Thunderhawk (w/ Matt Trakker behind the controls). Matt Trakker has Simon Phoenix riding shotgun in his red camaro with the rocket launcher hanging out the window. While Bill Reiser and Lance Bean are riding in the yellow camaro version of Bumblebee with their guns blazing out their windows as well. The Renegades are all hanging off Rodimus in one huge “9 death farewll”, while Bebop and Rocksteady are bebopping and rocking steady in Roadbuster's race car form. Prowl has Green Arrow and Speedy hanging out of him; while the other members of The Slaves are taking more stealth-like approaches elsewhere.
Gen. Kidd wasn't kidding when he assembled the team of six ninjas, as well as Batgirl to sneak around the opposition’s headquarters. While Kol Skywalker, Shado Vao, Fernus, and the highly trained Gizmo hold up the rear as The Slaves resident power squad.
The Commandos have decided to let the party come to them. They are hold up in an abandoned warehouse... Wait a tick... This is Detroit in the 1920's, not now. The Warehouses aren't abandoned yet. It must just be closed for the evening. Black Lantern Neo is the one exception to the sit and wait plan of The Red Army. He decides to take off at top speed and single-handedly take on The Slaves most powerful character. Runner does not even get a chance to use the power primordial before Black Lantern Neo, former member The Slaves in life and 2 time Universe Bowl appearer rips the heart out of Runner and enjoys a bountiful cosmic snack. Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao attempt to attack BL Neo but before they can Neo flies off to find his next victim. Kol, Shado, and Gizmo then decide to join the rest of their team in the full frontal attack now that their most powerful member of the rear force was so easily destroyed.
Matt Trakker fires several missiles from Thunderhawk into the warehouse and as it is blowing to pieces the Autobots transform with their inhabitants leaping out in battle ready formation just as President Washington had directed them to do in his carefully laid out plan . Mel C, Isa, and Foolkiller all die in the blast, but the rest of The Red Army roll into the battle ready for action. Rodimus Prime leads not just with his wisdom but by his direction. In other words, cuz I am starting to sound an awful lot like Joshatu right now... Rodimus starts to kick a butt load of a**!! Rodimus pays no heed to Blackout's Red Lantern Ring when he puts a Cybertronian metal fist right through his face. Blackout did more than just blackout after that punch... In fact, he straight up died. He then bent Octane over and pumped him full of... Well, never mind let's not get too childish with this stuff. Either way, Octane died too. Gen. Kidd and his mini-squad jump out of nowhere; flanking The Red Army from behind which brings all members of both teams together in one enclosed area. In other words, “IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG”!! Tracks runs over Matt Trakker and leaves tire tracks on his face; while Rodimus tracks down Tracks and returns the favor by trekking some tracks over his and keeping track of how many tracks it takes for him to do so. Gen. Kidd and his ninjas take out both the Reapers by removing their heads with their straight edge swords with only suffering two casualties in their ranks. Jared Nomak rips the faces off of two more ninjas; but Gen Kidd personally uses his knife and trained swiftness to take Nomack's head clean off. Bill Reiser and Lance Bean's six pack abs do not move an inch while they are running into battle; but their heads do move as O Ren ishi and Bill use their katanas to remove them from their bodies. Black Lantern Neo chooses Simon Phoenix as his next target; but he has a bit more trouble when faced with Fernus. Fernus combines powers that are not yet developed by most of the universe's cosmic beings to wipe out Black Lantern Neo and send him back to the graveyard. Whizzy the Supercat uses Bebop as his own personal litter box, while Kol Skywalker uses the force to crush The Atom into, well,,, atoms. Green Arrow's father, the original green arrow fought side by side with a sword wielder known as Slade Wilson and then later fought along side a green ring wielder by the name of Hal Jordan. He passed this knowledge on to his son who now feels right at home fighting alongside Kol Skywalker. Their apprentices Speedy and Shado Vao are getting along nicely too. Together they manage to take out Raven with a series of force pushes and arrows. They then use their fighting prowess and fast moves to overpower Echo. Rocksteady dies of aids because he was a gang leader back in the early 90's when the disease still existed. Bill and his DVA Squad form up with Dora and friends for a melee battle with the regular size members of The Washingon Crew. But in the meantime, a more epic one on one battle is brewing. All the other Transformers stand aside as Rodimus Prime and Aletamus Prime square off. The two of them begin battling fiercely even though they know that the other stands for the powers of good as they do. Rodimus knocks her to the ground and attempts to come down on her with a double punch; but Aletamus moves out of the way. She pops up and comes up behind Rodimus, grabbing him by the neck. She whispers in his ear: “Optimus Prime may have passed the matrix to you; but he actually trained me”. With those words floating in the air, Aletamus breaks the neck of Rodimus and then throws him down on the ground. She then unleashes her blaster into his neck and chest just to be sure. Rodimus lie on the ground in agony as Aletamus takes aim at his spark. Bumblebee, Blurr, Roadbuster, and Prowl are rushing to the aid of their friend and leader; but it is Fernus that flies in fast and flies through the head of Aletamus Prime before she can finish what she started. Rodimus speaks to his fellow Autobots: “Bumblebee: you, like me have thrown caution to the wind and have fought valiantly in a fast-paced way. I give you the matrix of leadership, and ask that give up your impetuous ways and lead our fellow Autobots in the direction that they must go”. Bumblebee reaches out his hands to take and says: “This is a an honor that I have always wanted; but I fear that I am not the right Autobot for the job”. No sooner does Bumbelbee grab the matrix and put it in his chest does Warpath fire his chest-mounted tank gun right between the eyes of Roadbuster from atop the tallest building in the world: The Hudson's Building. Bumblebee transforms into his Camaro form and races to the bottom of the building and begins to climb up the side King Kong style. Warpath continues to fire laser blasts into the crowd from atop the Hudson's Building, where he is joined by his teammate The Human Bomb. Bumblebee reaches the top of the building and begins battling with Warpath, a fellow Autobot; but FFL enemy. “You don't deserve such an honor Bumblebee”!! Warpath screams as they pound each other with metal fists. Warpath is driven nearly insane by seeing these actions transpire on an enemy team of his, especially one that he dislikes as much as The Slaves. Bumblebee on the other hand fights with a new found level of hubris now that he carries the matrix within his chest. Warpath is losing the hand to hand battle when he says “I would rather the matrix be destroyed than it carried by the likes of you”!! With these words, Warpath picks up his own teammate The Human Bomb and shoves him into the mouth of Bumblebee while cracking up the chest of the yellow Autobot with his fists. The Human Bomb explodes killing Bumblebee and sending the matrix free-falling in mid-air. Prowl and Blurr see these acts transpire and handle the shock in their own way. Blurr screams “NOOOOOO” as Prowl transforms into his car form and begins racing in that direction. As the matrix is falling to the ground Prowl's RPMs are climbing. Prowl transforms from his police car form back into a robot and leaps through the air in the direction of the matrix. Prowl catches the matrix in his hands and rolls safely with the grab. While Warpath is climbing down The Hudson's Building as quickly as he can, and transforms into tank form once he gets back to the street. Prowl stand up with the matrix as he hears the voice of Alpha Trion speak to him: “Rise Prowlimus Prime”. Prowl is shocked to hear this; but he instinctively opens up his chest cavity and puts it safely inside for protection. Prowl transforms into what he expects to be his police car form; but is as surprised as anyone to see that his vehicle form is now that of a larger police tech SUV complete with tactical trailer. He races towards Warpath and crashes into the side of the tank, flipping the attack vehicle on its side. The damages Warpath transforms back into robot form; and is about to attack when Prowl pulls his laser rifle out and says: “I am sorry old friend; but you have lost your way”. He pulls the trigger and ends the life of the last Red Army Transformer. Blurr pulls up alongside Prowlimus Prime and says (quickly of course): “Well Prime, I look forward to fighting by your side. It seems as if it is not the Autobot leader that chooses his successor; but the matrix itself. Congratulations”.
Bill and Bud take out Ninja #1 and 2, while O Ren Ishi battles fiercely with General Kidd. Fernus takes flight and begins chasing after Whizzy the Supercat; but has trouble catching up with the pet. After the death of the ninjas Red Dog and Mercer begin battling with Bill and Bud in a fierce melee skirmish. Taurus uses his Saracen sword to slice up Vernita Green quicker than expected while Batgirl uses her darksaber to dispatch Elle Driver even quicker. Boots and Gizmo have are locked in a fierce battle of cuteness that has no end in sight. Green Arrow and Speedy each put an arrow into the chest of Benny and Tico. Dora then pulls out the orange Infinity Gem out of Backpack and attempts to put it to use. “Why couldn't they have just given me a lightsaber, I actually know how to use one of those” Dora says to Backpack and The Map as she holds the infinity gem in her hand.
Dora looks into the past and sees that she has the chance to turn back time should she so desire. She sees a time just moments ago when Benny and Tico were still alive. She sees a time before she was ever killed the first time, before Boots was ever killed the first time, and before she was ever drafted into the FFL. She sees the days when she was just a young carefree explorer whose most dangerous enemy was Swiper the Fox. Back home in Mexico under the warmth of the sun. But then she sees what undoing what has transpired would cause. Sure, her own life would be happier; but there would be no championship for The Commandos last year. No All-Star Game Victory. The hope of her leader, President Obama would not have come to fruition without her direct intervention. Dora holds back a tear and places the gem back in Backpack for now. Wishing once again that she was gifted with a lightsaber of some sort instead of this strange gem; but maybe one day she will know how to use it. Dora's dreams are then cut short by the Saracen sword of Taurus. Dora ducks out of the way in the nick of time; but the razor sharp blade rips Backpack and The Map in half off of her back. Dora dodges two more swings when O Ren Ishi yells “Dora... Think fast”. Ishi kicks the blade of Vernita Green into the air and directly into Dora's hands. Now this is something Dora can handle. It has been a while for Dora; but the training once again takes over and she moves fluidly. “This is no lightsaber, but it will do”. Dora says out loud as she battles with Taurus. She can't deny the superior strength and size of her opponent; but she does her best to compensate. Taurus swings twice as hard but she swings twice as often with her smaller and sleeker katana blade. Taurus comes down hard; but Dora spins out of the way. Dora swings her katana down on top of the already grounded Saracen sword driving it further into the ground, and causing it to get stuck for about half a second... Half a second... May as well be an hour... As this is more than enough time for Dora to plunge her katana into the chest of Taurus. Red Dog and Mercer are furious at the sight of their fellow renegade going down. And scream shouts of revenge as they swing their own weapons fiercely to finish off Bill and Bud. O Red Ishi holds off Red Dog and Taurus for a moment, while Fernus lands in front of Dora. “Something tells me that I need to take revenge on you young one.” Fernus says to Dora. Dora backs up slowly and is now very happy about the decision that she has already made.
Whizzy the Super-cat whizzes in at super-speed taking off Red Dog's head just after he broke the neck of O Ren Ishi. Dora leaps into the air and yells: “BOOTS: VAMANOS”!! Dora then grabs the foot of Whizzy and swings back to grab Boots by the tail as the three of them retreat from the battle. “C'mon Dora, I was about to finish off Gizmo”. Says Boots. “We left a lot unfinished in that one Boots... A lot”...
pussies vs Kitties
Flashpoint (Thomas Wayne) Batman and Red X in a Ferrari GTO, White Lantern Batman and Red X (Dick Grayson version) in a Ferrari 360 Modena, Mystery Inc.: Fred, Velma, Daphne (w/ a star wand), Shaggy, and Scooby-Doo, w/ Scooby Dumb and Aunt May in a firetruck.,Kid Flash, Blue Beetle (Jamie Reyes), Mother Mae Eye, Man-Bat, Cinderblock, Mr. Majestic, Mr. Freeze, John and Mary Grayson (The Flying Graysons) w/ Smurf #7 in a Mail Jeep, (Kingdom Come) Hawkman, (Kingdom Come) Donna Troy, (Kingdom Come) Red Arrow, (Kingdom Come) Red Robin in a Go-Cart,The car from the movie Christine,(Kingdom Come) Robot Man, Iron Monger, M.O.D.O.T. on a Scooter, Judge Dredd, Wheeljack, M. Bison, The Mouse (from the Narnia movies)
Team sleeping pussy
Rorschach wi Green Lantern Ring, The Vanisher, Lizard, Paul Kersey, Duncan McLeod wi Green Lightsaber, La Femme Nikita, Cloak & Dagger, S.D. Bob "Snake" Plissken wi Green Lantern Ring,Dirty Harry, Wildcat, Capt Boomerang, Bullseye wi Red Light Saber, Roy Batty wi Green Lightsaber, Mandalorion Armor,Travis Bickle wi shotgun, Blockbuster,Quicksilver, Flash "Jay Garrick", Unus the Untouchable,S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent #s 3-6,Bob the Goon
The two teams have talked it over and rather than risk damaging the space time continuum and cause more damage to the wonderful city of Detroit, they will each choose their best warrior to fight to the death and the rest will try them from damaging their surroundings. The pussies choose Rorschach and the kitties choose M. Bison. The two men begin circling for a moment until Bison stops and expresses his displeasure with being matched up with Rorschach.
M. Bison: This is all your pitiful team has to offer the mighty BISON! I could tak you a…
Rorschach shuts Mr. Bison up with a left high kick to the mouth and then follows it up with a thudding overhand right that wobbles Bison. Rorschach shoots in for a takedown but is caught with a double knee press. Bison then grabs him by the waist, lifts him into the air, and then power bombs him to the ground. Bison goes in for a flow up shot but Rorschach kicks him away and leaps to his feet. Rorschach slips a punch and fires a series of punches to the mid section then slips another 3 punch combo only to move back in and land a 3 piece of his own. Bison grabs Rorschach in a bear hug and begins to crush the life out of him. Rorschach uses the power from his ring to form spikes all around his body. Bison quickly releases him but is so enraged that he tries his signature Psycho Crusher. Bad move Rorschach steps to the side, forms an axe with his ring, and then chops Bison in half.
Aunt May: AWWW HORSES**T!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Grindhouse vs. Midgets
Downtown
Detroit, MI in July of 1928
Due to the
logistics of time travel, the teams are dropped slightly out of downtown
Detroit. They begin to move towards the downtown area so that the battle may
commence.
“You know I
was googling Detroit before this match, and man does this place seem like a
craphole.” Says Wizard Nick Houslander to Sith Lord Mike Sroka.
“Scrim.”
Replies Mike
“Yeah, I
cringe just thinking that the person I was created after lived not too far from
this place. It got me thinking, maybe our battle today is what caused this
place to become what it is? I think that having matches take place back in time
could threaten the league as we know it.” Continues Nick
Just then a
darker fellow passes by and asks for directions.
“Hello
sirs.” Says the fellow “My name is Coleman Young. This is my wife Ida and my
son Coleman. We were looking for a restaurant in downtown Detroit where we
could find some ribs, any chance you could help us out?”
“Hey, we are
going there, we should take him with us. “ Says SL Mike, before being cut off
by Nick
“Uh, yeah,
my wizard friend Chris told me about that place. You are going the wrong way;
it’s a few miles west of here.”
“Thank you
sirs.” Said Mr. Young, as he headed west with his family.
“No
problem.” Nick chuckled to himself.
The teams
continue towards Downtown as Nick and Mike continue their conversation.
“You know,
this place is nothing like I have heard of. I was expecting burned down houses,
plywood windows, graffiti, decay, and gang violence by a bunch of illiterates.
Instead I see beautiful homes, well-kept yards, happy people, and what appears
to be a peaceful neighborhood. And why are there so many white people?”
“We can’t
fight here. Look at this place, I can’t help but feel that we are the ones who
cause its destruction. We need to take this fight elsewhere.” Please Nick to
the rest of his team.
The
Grindhouse sends Treasure Troll #9 over to the Midgets with this information,
asking to move the location. They watch as the Midgets’ Bowser talks to the
treasure troll. He squashes him with his fist, then looks over to the
Grindhouse and nods in agreement.
Week 7 Grindhouse vs. Midgets
THE FARMLANDS
OF LIVONIA
Beckerman Presents: The Mickey
Mouse Grindhouse are:
Zombie Doomsday ,Nekron (9
deaths), White Lantern Abin Sur, Yellow and Orange Lantern Hal Jordan, Red
Lantern and Star Sapphire Guy Gardner, Blue Lantern Kyle Rayner w/ Ion's green
lantern ring, Indigo Lantern John Stewart, Cosmic Spider-Man, Han Solo:Rogue
Jedi, Fear Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Wizard Nick Houslander, Tyrius Flare,
Gillius Thunderhead, Sith Lord
Mike Sroka aka Darth
Simaless, Iron Patriot, Chris Seeney w/ red lantern ring, Mickey Mouse w/LEGION
flight ring, Treasure Troll, JarJar Binks
The Brotherhood of Evil
Midgets are:
Emperor Joker and Bat-Mite in The Whiz
Wagon, Nosyarg Kcid, Superbpy (Clark Kent), Superboy (Conner Kent), Red Robin
and Arsenal in The Modern Age Batmobile (AKA The Tumbler), Space Ghost (9
deaths) w/ Black Lantern Blip, Mouse Voltron, Black Lantern Omega Supreme, Skywarp,
Soundblaster (9 deaths) w/ Black Lantern Rumble (9 deaths), Decibal, and Legout,
Wheelie, Capt. Power w/ Adi Gallia, Gwildor (w/ the cosmic key), and Paploo in
a 1996 Ford Mustang twin turbo charged 351ci (5.8 liter) V-8., Oppo Rancisis, Bowser:
King of Koopa (w/ The Orange Lantern Ring), Toad (from Mario) (w/ 9 deaths) on
a scooter, Ewok Child #1A-2a, Smurf
#1.
The teams
arrive at their new location.
9 deathers
have a history of going out with a bang in the FFL. All FFL characters know
that and as a result have gotten a bit cocky on their last lives. Today is no
exception, as they have wasted no time beginning the battle.
Soundblaster
ejects BL rumble, decibal, and legout. His cassettes quickly run over and maul
Han Solo while Soundblaster crushes the Iron Patriot. The four regroup and
attack cosmic spiderman. Cosmic spider slows Soundblaster down with a web but
decibal and legout hold him down as BL rumble pile drives him into mush.
The two
superboys are struggling to hold down Zombie Doomsday when Space Ghost de-actives
his invisibility in front of him and pulls his head off. Space Ghost then grabs
the sword from Tyrius Flare and drives it through her chest. He then removes it
and drives it through Gillius Thunderhead’s chest, where he leaves it.
Toad picks
up JarJar Binks and throws him into Mickey Mouse, killing them both.
Nekron sees
the destruction of the midgets and wishes to match it. He waves his hand and an
entire field of corn withers over and dies. The farmer who owns the field walks
out of his home just in time to see one of his cows topple over and die. “That
was my favorite cow.” He remarks, visibly saddened.
All of a
sudden a rainbow appears.
Mouse
Voltron, the Ewok Children, and Smurf #1 run over to the end of the rainbow in
search of a pot of gold. After they fail to return, Capt. Power, Adi Gallia,
Gwildor, and Paploo drive over in their mustang to investigate. When they reach
the end of the rainbow they see that all of the ring holders on the Grindhouse
are creating the rainbow, and their comrades lay dead on the ground. “I thought
it was odd that this rainbow had black in It.” remarks Capt. Power. SL Mike
Sroka quickly drives his light saber through Capt. Power, Gwildor, and Paploo.
Adi Gallia ignites her light saber in time to defend the attack, but it shot in
the back of the head by Chris Seeney.
Just then
the young family arrives. “Momma, Poppa, over here!” the boy shouts. “We didn’t
get the ribs but we can still get the pot of gold!” and just as he says this
wheelie accidently drives over his parents. “No!!!!” screams the boy. Wizard
Nick Houslander walks over and tries to console the boy, but the boy refuses. “You
killed my parents! I hate you!” and then runs off.
Emperor
Joker Chuckles. “You have all messed this world up more than I could hope. I
grow tired of this match, I want you to see what you have done.” Emperor Joker
then returns to the locker room. All the combatants on the battlefield become
faint and collapse.
Wizard Nick
Houslander awakens and realizes he has no idea where he is. He sees a passerby
and waves to the gentleman.
“Excuse me,
where am I? What year is this? Wizard Nick asks
“Fo realz
boy, you need to steals yoself a calendar. Everyone here in Libonia knows that
we livin in 2028.”
He sees a
crowd forming in the distance and decides to investigate.
“Ladies and
gentleman, please welcome the mayor of Libonia, Mr. Kwame Kilpatrick!”
As the announcement
is being made, the locals exit their huts and crowd around. The crowd hoots and
hollers as the mayor makes his entrance.
“Thank ya’ll
fo comin’ out ta-day, LIBONIA!” says the mayor. “Ya know, before ya’ll put me
in the slammer, I told you that you dun set me up for a comeback. Well, here it
is!”
“I know you is
sick of those oppressive de-troit honkies. Well, today we gonna realize the
dream of owa great maya Coleman Young. Wees gonna exact revenge on those
honkies who killed owa ancestors. Everyone grab they guns, we gonna tell
de-troit, Aloha Muthaf@#$%s!”
By this time
all of the combatants have regained consciousness and are watching the actions
of the libonians.
A city’s
worth of half clothed people grab what appears to be an assortment of shotguns
and automatic weapons and begin marching towards Detroit. Although the
population of Detroit in this year is in the millions, they fall quickly to the
rampaging libonians as recent legislation by the government has left them
unarmed. Both the Grindhouse and Midgets watch in awe as they witness an even
bigger massacre than either had hoped of accomplishing today. Soon, millions
are left dead as the majority of Libonians, Detroiters, and other in the
metropolitan area fall victim to the world’s largest drive by.
“What have I
done?” says a distraught wizard Nick Houslander moments before being blasted by
Space Ghost.
The teams
begin to re-engage each other when Nekron Bellows “Stop.”
The teams
stop and watch as Nekron waves his hand again. This time, the millions of
recently deceased rise from the dead and begin marching towards the midgets.
“I don’t
think I have that many kills left in me.” Says Space Ghost, as he orders his
team to retreat.
Real Man's Rimjobbers vs. The Empire: final
Season 6: Week 7
The Future: Detroit 1928
Real Man's Rimjobbers are: Movie Dreads(Crankcase, Crowbar, Hatchet), Vehicle Voltron: Land(Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin, Hutch), Bloodpack(Nyssa, Asad, Rheinhardt, Chupa, Snowman, Preist, Verlaine, and Lighthammer), Ernst Star, Metallica(James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett, and Jason Newstead), Hammer Bros #17-22.
The Empire is: Black Zero, Black Zero(DC), Black Zarak, Superman Jr., Batman Jr., The Blob, Hannibal King, Indigo Lantern Sinestro, Victory Leo, Star Saber(combine to form Victory Saber), Zombie Poison Ivy, Doozer #5, and Teddy Tear
Real Man cowers as reality rights itself. A lone figure stands before him. "I am NuFaG2. Following the loss of NuFaGtu, an overworked Commish again used his suspect robotics knowledge to fuse the corpse of NuFaGtu with the remains of Robimus Prime. The result is I, NuFaG2, the most brutally efficient of all Watchers. The Empire changed it's fate long ago, while The Rimjobbers have only changed names and continue to lose under the ownership of Real Man. We head to Navin Field, soon to be home to yet another loss for Real Man.
The Rimjobbers have gathered within Navin Field with little sign of a plan. Voltron Vehicle's Commander Cliff is trying to get everyone on the same page. "Guys! Listen up! I've got our orders from the owner!" yells Cliff. "What's the point?" asks Rheinhardt of the Bloodpack. "Yeah, we're just going to lose again anyways!" adds Priest. "Now hold on, people." says Cliff, unfolding the paper with their orders. "Oh f*ck..." he laments after reading the plan. "Same as always..." DAMMIT!!!" curses Cliff. "DESTROY THEM ALL!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!!" The Rimjobbers say in unison. "Yup, you got it team..." admits Cliff.
The Empire surrounds the exterior of Navin Field. "Rimjobbers! Come out for your weekly beating!" booms the voice of NuFaG2. The Rimjobbers worry and wonder what to do, all except for Metallica. They begin to play "The Unforgiven", the same song they've played every week since Real Man took over the team. Suddenly, an idea hits Commander Cliff. "Wait guys... It's a retreat week! Let's get the Hell out of here!!!" orders Cliff. They begin pouring out of the stadium, right into the sights of Black Zarak, Black Zero, and Victory Saber. They unload their ultra powerful weapons on the retreating team with no remorse. They exterminate the Rimjobbers, who never really stood a chance.
NuFaG2 calculates that The Empire conquers!
The Empire: All survive
The Rimjobbers: All Dead
"Real Man will not learn, so Real Man will continue his schooling." says NuFaG2 as he surveys the damage. The massive amount of carnage sparks a part of his programming, long ago forgotten about. "NuFaG2 must destroy EFF-EFF-ELL." he says in the second best robot voice that you can imagine. Real Man is happy with this announcement, until he realizes that with no FFL to troll, his life will be completely meaningless. Eric clutches his flathead screwdriver tightly as he attacks NuFaG2, stabbing him in the side like before. "Nobody destroys the FFL but me!!! SO SAYS ERIC!!!" NuFaG2 pimp slaps Eric away. "Foolish human. A watcher cannot be destroyed with a flathead screwdriver. It must be a Phillips head, at least. Eric is detrimental to NuFaG2's mission, and must be destroyed. Goodbye Real Man." NuFag2's deadly eye beams fire up and engulf Real Man. "MOOOOM!!!!" screams Real Man as he closes his eyes.
NuFaG2 and Real Man appear in Real Mom's basement. Eric opens his eyes in disbelief. "NUFAG2 IS A PUSSY!!! REAL MAN LIVES!!!' shouts Real Man. "Don't be an idiot Eric, there is no NuFaG2. Just plain old NuFaGtu.." I say taking off a mask. "It was the only way I could think of to show you your grim future if you don't change. I mean, do you really think Josh is stupid enough to build ANOTHER killer robot? Wait, don't answer that... The point is that you still have a lot going against you to begin with, so you can hardly afford to add to the problem. But there is hope. That took some balls taking on "NuFaG2" back there by yourself. You even managed to talk in the first person for a second there! It's not much, but it's progress... It shows me that you actually learned something. Good luck Eric, you're going to need it. Some of the other Watchers aren't nearly as forgiving as I am. Farewell." I say as I leave Real Mom's house.
Eric stands alone in the basement, trying to understand everything that happened. "REAL MAN HAS LEARNED SOMETHING ALRIGHT!!! REAL MAN LEARNED THAT NUFAGTU IS AN EVEN BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN NFG MIKE!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!"
The Future: Detroit 1928
Real Man's Rimjobbers are: Movie Dreads(Crankcase, Crowbar, Hatchet), Vehicle Voltron: Land(Commander Cliff, Cinda, Modok, Marvin, Hutch), Bloodpack(Nyssa, Asad, Rheinhardt, Chupa, Snowman, Preist, Verlaine, and Lighthammer), Ernst Star, Metallica(James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett, and Jason Newstead), Hammer Bros #17-22.
The Empire is: Black Zero, Black Zero(DC), Black Zarak, Superman Jr., Batman Jr., The Blob, Hannibal King, Indigo Lantern Sinestro, Victory Leo, Star Saber(combine to form Victory Saber), Zombie Poison Ivy, Doozer #5, and Teddy Tear
Real Man cowers as reality rights itself. A lone figure stands before him. "I am NuFaG2. Following the loss of NuFaGtu, an overworked Commish again used his suspect robotics knowledge to fuse the corpse of NuFaGtu with the remains of Robimus Prime. The result is I, NuFaG2, the most brutally efficient of all Watchers. The Empire changed it's fate long ago, while The Rimjobbers have only changed names and continue to lose under the ownership of Real Man. We head to Navin Field, soon to be home to yet another loss for Real Man.
The Rimjobbers have gathered within Navin Field with little sign of a plan. Voltron Vehicle's Commander Cliff is trying to get everyone on the same page. "Guys! Listen up! I've got our orders from the owner!" yells Cliff. "What's the point?" asks Rheinhardt of the Bloodpack. "Yeah, we're just going to lose again anyways!" adds Priest. "Now hold on, people." says Cliff, unfolding the paper with their orders. "Oh f*ck..." he laments after reading the plan. "Same as always..." DAMMIT!!!" curses Cliff. "DESTROY THEM ALL!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!!" The Rimjobbers say in unison. "Yup, you got it team..." admits Cliff.
The Empire surrounds the exterior of Navin Field. "Rimjobbers! Come out for your weekly beating!" booms the voice of NuFaG2. The Rimjobbers worry and wonder what to do, all except for Metallica. They begin to play "The Unforgiven", the same song they've played every week since Real Man took over the team. Suddenly, an idea hits Commander Cliff. "Wait guys... It's a retreat week! Let's get the Hell out of here!!!" orders Cliff. They begin pouring out of the stadium, right into the sights of Black Zarak, Black Zero, and Victory Saber. They unload their ultra powerful weapons on the retreating team with no remorse. They exterminate the Rimjobbers, who never really stood a chance.
NuFaG2 calculates that The Empire conquers!
The Empire: All survive
The Rimjobbers: All Dead
"Real Man will not learn, so Real Man will continue his schooling." says NuFaG2 as he surveys the damage. The massive amount of carnage sparks a part of his programming, long ago forgotten about. "NuFaG2 must destroy EFF-EFF-ELL." he says in the second best robot voice that you can imagine. Real Man is happy with this announcement, until he realizes that with no FFL to troll, his life will be completely meaningless. Eric clutches his flathead screwdriver tightly as he attacks NuFaG2, stabbing him in the side like before. "Nobody destroys the FFL but me!!! SO SAYS ERIC!!!" NuFaG2 pimp slaps Eric away. "Foolish human. A watcher cannot be destroyed with a flathead screwdriver. It must be a Phillips head, at least. Eric is detrimental to NuFaG2's mission, and must be destroyed. Goodbye Real Man." NuFag2's deadly eye beams fire up and engulf Real Man. "MOOOOM!!!!" screams Real Man as he closes his eyes.
NuFaG2 and Real Man appear in Real Mom's basement. Eric opens his eyes in disbelief. "NUFAG2 IS A PUSSY!!! REAL MAN LIVES!!!' shouts Real Man. "Don't be an idiot Eric, there is no NuFaG2. Just plain old NuFaGtu.." I say taking off a mask. "It was the only way I could think of to show you your grim future if you don't change. I mean, do you really think Josh is stupid enough to build ANOTHER killer robot? Wait, don't answer that... The point is that you still have a lot going against you to begin with, so you can hardly afford to add to the problem. But there is hope. That took some balls taking on "NuFaG2" back there by yourself. You even managed to talk in the first person for a second there! It's not much, but it's progress... It shows me that you actually learned something. Good luck Eric, you're going to need it. Some of the other Watchers aren't nearly as forgiving as I am. Farewell." I say as I leave Real Mom's house.
Eric stands alone in the basement, trying to understand everything that happened. "REAL MAN HAS LEARNED SOMETHING ALRIGHT!!! REAL MAN LEARNED THAT NUFAGTU IS AN EVEN BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN NFG MIKE!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!"
Real Man's Rabblrousers vs. The Empire
Season 6: Week 7
The Present: Detroit 1928: Fox Theatre
Real Man's Rabblerousers are: Maria Hill, Agent Coulson w/Destroyer cannon, The Losers(Clay, Aisha, Jenson, Pooch, and Cougar), The Expendables(Barney Ross, Lee Xmas, Ying Yang, Gunnar Johnson, Toll Road, Hale Caesar, Tool).
The Empire is: The Walking Dead crew(Rick, Lori w/ Legion flight ring, Carl w/ flight ring, Shane w/ Darth Malik's lightsaber, Glenn, Maggie, Dale, Herschel, Andrea w/ Flight ring, Amy w/ Flight ring, Tyreese, Axel, Michonne w/purple lightsaber, Zombie pet #1+2, Darryl w/ throwing knives, T-Dog.
Maria Hill explains the situation. "We have intelligence that the group is travelling with 2 class 3 bioweapons. Our orders are to destroy the weapons, contain the infection, and eliminate any resistance. Everybody got it?" asks Hill. Agent Coulson, The Losers, and The Expendables all nod in unison. "Coulson, you're with me. The rest of you, do your thing." orders Hill. The groups go their separate ways.
The Losers enter the auditorium of the Fox Theatre. "Clay, why are we working for the government again? Haven't we learned our lesson yet?" asks Jenson. "I know guys, but if this infection spreads, it won't matter who we work for." answers Clay. Aisha agrees. "These are civilians. This shouldn't be too..." Aisha is cut off by a sniper shot through the brain from Andrea, who is in the balcony with her sister Amy. The Losers get to cover and return fire. "Andrea! I'm scared! Let's get out of here!" pleads Amy. "No! Stay put! AMY!!!" yells Andrea as Amy makes a break for it using her Legion Flight ring. She is cut down by a hail of bullets mid-flight. Andrea angrily fires again, splattering Cougar's brains everywhere. "That's about enough out of this bitch!" says Pooch as he tosses a grenade to the balcony. It explodes, raining Andrea's body parts everywhere. Dale and Herschel come out of hiding with their hands up. "There's no need to do this! Just tell us what you want and we can go from there." says Dale, ever the peacemaker. The Losers look at each other, then continue firing, killing the elder members of the Walking Dead crew. This allows Shane, Tyreese, Axel, and T-Dog to get the drop on The Losers. Jenson knifes T-Dog in the gut, but is killed himself by a hammer to the skull by Tyreese. Pooch is taken out by Shane's lightsaber, while Axel is shot by Clay. Shane and Tyreese double team Clay, and this portion of the battle is soon over. "Good thing those old kooks gave us a distraction." says Shane. "Man, that's cold." replies Tyreese.
In the dressing room area of the Theatre, Shield agents Maria Hill and Phil Coulson are still searching for the Empire. They kick open a door and are surprised to find Lori, Carl, Glenn and Maggie together, unarmed. "Ok, folks, hands up!" shouts Hill. "Just leave us alone!" cries Lori. "Sorry lady, we have our orders." replies Maria. "Let me go Mom!!! I'm not scared of them!!!" yells Carl as he struggles in the grip of his mother. "Carl, listen to your Mom..." suggests Maggie, holding Glenn tightly. Glenn looks at Coulson's Destroyer cannon. "Cool gun, man." says Glenn. "Um... Thanks, kid..." says Coulson, who seems more unnerved than usual. "Maria, do we HAVE to do this? They seem pretty harmless." reasons Coulson. Maria Hill weighs he options. Against her better judgement, she agrees with Coulson. "Just... Get out of here. NOW! Don't make me regret this..." orders Hill. Lori nods thankfully to Hill, as Glenn finds a tunnel to the sewers below the building and leads them to safety.
The Expendables are searching the backstage corridor area. "Stay frosty." says Barney Ross. He holds up his hand, stopping the group. Two zombies are shambling toward the action stars. Ross looks at Lee Xmas and Tool, who nod and move ahead. The men throw their knives at the zombies and hit them in the hearts. This barely slows the undead pair who continue walking. Xmas and Tool take another throw, and hit the zombies in the necks, again doing little damage. Two knives fly through the darkness, striking Xmas and Tool in their heads. "Gotta aim for the head, boys." taunts Darryl. "Thanks for the advice." says Ross as the Expendables open fire. The zombies' heads explode from the bullets, and Darryl is ventilated as well. "Now!" yells Rick. The Walking Dead crew reveal themselves, including Shane and Tyreese, finished with their encounter with The Losers. Michonne slices Gunnar open with her lightsaber. Ying Yang kills Michonne with a skull cracking kick, but is left open to a gutting from Shane's saber. Hale Caesar is felled by a hammer blow to the head from Tyreese, as Rick ends Toll Road with a chop from his trademark hatchet. Barney Ross stands alone for a moment before Maria Hill and Agent Coulson regroup with him. Agent Hill sees the corpses of the zombies. She looks at the remaining Walking Dead characters. "Are any of you infected?" she asks. Rick shakes his head no. "Then it's over. Go home." Hill orders. "F*ck you lady!!!" screams Shane, charging the trio. Agent Coulson's Destroyer cannon vaporizes Shane. "I'm not leaving without my wife and son." says Rick. "The lady with the kids? Don't worry, we let them go." reassures Coulson. Rick looks to Tyreese, then shakes his head. "I don't believe you." Rick says coldly. "Rick, wait..." pleads Tyreese. Rick quick draws his revolver and shoots the three dead, but not before their crossfire kills Rick and Tyreese as well. It is silent for some time before a voice is heard. "RIck?!? I got Lori and the others to safety. They're okay. I came back to take you to them... Oh no... RICK!!!" Glenn is frozen as he views the aftermath of the bloodbath. "Rick... When are you going to learn to trust people?" says Glenn sadly.
The Empire is triumphant(for now) as the Rabblerousers are all dead.
Empire:Lori, Carl, Glenn, and Maggie survive.
I walk back from the match. "SOOO close, Eric! I REALLY thought you were going to do it this match!" I say, looking around for Real Man. "Eric? Where did you go? Damn, he must have wandered off... I should've known better..." A burning sensation in my side heralds the arrival of Real Man. "FIRE NUFAGTU!!! NO CONFIDENCE!!!" he yells as he shanks me repeatedly with a flathead screwdriver, no doubt stolen from our stop at Home Depot. I drop to the ground in pain. "So, Eric *COUGH* you still refuse to change... I should have known... *COUGH*" I say, fading out of existance. Reality shudders and begins to crumble around Real Man.
The Present: Detroit 1928: Fox Theatre
Real Man's Rabblerousers are: Maria Hill, Agent Coulson w/Destroyer cannon, The Losers(Clay, Aisha, Jenson, Pooch, and Cougar), The Expendables(Barney Ross, Lee Xmas, Ying Yang, Gunnar Johnson, Toll Road, Hale Caesar, Tool).
The Empire is: The Walking Dead crew(Rick, Lori w/ Legion flight ring, Carl w/ flight ring, Shane w/ Darth Malik's lightsaber, Glenn, Maggie, Dale, Herschel, Andrea w/ Flight ring, Amy w/ Flight ring, Tyreese, Axel, Michonne w/purple lightsaber, Zombie pet #1+2, Darryl w/ throwing knives, T-Dog.
Maria Hill explains the situation. "We have intelligence that the group is travelling with 2 class 3 bioweapons. Our orders are to destroy the weapons, contain the infection, and eliminate any resistance. Everybody got it?" asks Hill. Agent Coulson, The Losers, and The Expendables all nod in unison. "Coulson, you're with me. The rest of you, do your thing." orders Hill. The groups go their separate ways.
The Losers enter the auditorium of the Fox Theatre. "Clay, why are we working for the government again? Haven't we learned our lesson yet?" asks Jenson. "I know guys, but if this infection spreads, it won't matter who we work for." answers Clay. Aisha agrees. "These are civilians. This shouldn't be too..." Aisha is cut off by a sniper shot through the brain from Andrea, who is in the balcony with her sister Amy. The Losers get to cover and return fire. "Andrea! I'm scared! Let's get out of here!" pleads Amy. "No! Stay put! AMY!!!" yells Andrea as Amy makes a break for it using her Legion Flight ring. She is cut down by a hail of bullets mid-flight. Andrea angrily fires again, splattering Cougar's brains everywhere. "That's about enough out of this bitch!" says Pooch as he tosses a grenade to the balcony. It explodes, raining Andrea's body parts everywhere. Dale and Herschel come out of hiding with their hands up. "There's no need to do this! Just tell us what you want and we can go from there." says Dale, ever the peacemaker. The Losers look at each other, then continue firing, killing the elder members of the Walking Dead crew. This allows Shane, Tyreese, Axel, and T-Dog to get the drop on The Losers. Jenson knifes T-Dog in the gut, but is killed himself by a hammer to the skull by Tyreese. Pooch is taken out by Shane's lightsaber, while Axel is shot by Clay. Shane and Tyreese double team Clay, and this portion of the battle is soon over. "Good thing those old kooks gave us a distraction." says Shane. "Man, that's cold." replies Tyreese.
In the dressing room area of the Theatre, Shield agents Maria Hill and Phil Coulson are still searching for the Empire. They kick open a door and are surprised to find Lori, Carl, Glenn and Maggie together, unarmed. "Ok, folks, hands up!" shouts Hill. "Just leave us alone!" cries Lori. "Sorry lady, we have our orders." replies Maria. "Let me go Mom!!! I'm not scared of them!!!" yells Carl as he struggles in the grip of his mother. "Carl, listen to your Mom..." suggests Maggie, holding Glenn tightly. Glenn looks at Coulson's Destroyer cannon. "Cool gun, man." says Glenn. "Um... Thanks, kid..." says Coulson, who seems more unnerved than usual. "Maria, do we HAVE to do this? They seem pretty harmless." reasons Coulson. Maria Hill weighs he options. Against her better judgement, she agrees with Coulson. "Just... Get out of here. NOW! Don't make me regret this..." orders Hill. Lori nods thankfully to Hill, as Glenn finds a tunnel to the sewers below the building and leads them to safety.
The Expendables are searching the backstage corridor area. "Stay frosty." says Barney Ross. He holds up his hand, stopping the group. Two zombies are shambling toward the action stars. Ross looks at Lee Xmas and Tool, who nod and move ahead. The men throw their knives at the zombies and hit them in the hearts. This barely slows the undead pair who continue walking. Xmas and Tool take another throw, and hit the zombies in the necks, again doing little damage. Two knives fly through the darkness, striking Xmas and Tool in their heads. "Gotta aim for the head, boys." taunts Darryl. "Thanks for the advice." says Ross as the Expendables open fire. The zombies' heads explode from the bullets, and Darryl is ventilated as well. "Now!" yells Rick. The Walking Dead crew reveal themselves, including Shane and Tyreese, finished with their encounter with The Losers. Michonne slices Gunnar open with her lightsaber. Ying Yang kills Michonne with a skull cracking kick, but is left open to a gutting from Shane's saber. Hale Caesar is felled by a hammer blow to the head from Tyreese, as Rick ends Toll Road with a chop from his trademark hatchet. Barney Ross stands alone for a moment before Maria Hill and Agent Coulson regroup with him. Agent Hill sees the corpses of the zombies. She looks at the remaining Walking Dead characters. "Are any of you infected?" she asks. Rick shakes his head no. "Then it's over. Go home." Hill orders. "F*ck you lady!!!" screams Shane, charging the trio. Agent Coulson's Destroyer cannon vaporizes Shane. "I'm not leaving without my wife and son." says Rick. "The lady with the kids? Don't worry, we let them go." reassures Coulson. Rick looks to Tyreese, then shakes his head. "I don't believe you." Rick says coldly. "Rick, wait..." pleads Tyreese. Rick quick draws his revolver and shoots the three dead, but not before their crossfire kills Rick and Tyreese as well. It is silent for some time before a voice is heard. "RIck?!? I got Lori and the others to safety. They're okay. I came back to take you to them... Oh no... RICK!!!" Glenn is frozen as he views the aftermath of the bloodbath. "Rick... When are you going to learn to trust people?" says Glenn sadly.
The Empire is triumphant(for now) as the Rabblerousers are all dead.
Empire:Lori, Carl, Glenn, and Maggie survive.
I walk back from the match. "SOOO close, Eric! I REALLY thought you were going to do it this match!" I say, looking around for Real Man. "Eric? Where did you go? Damn, he must have wandered off... I should've known better..." A burning sensation in my side heralds the arrival of Real Man. "FIRE NUFAGTU!!! NO CONFIDENCE!!!" he yells as he shanks me repeatedly with a flathead screwdriver, no doubt stolen from our stop at Home Depot. I drop to the ground in pain. "So, Eric *COUGH* you still refuse to change... I should have known... *COUGH*" I say, fading out of existance. Reality shudders and begins to crumble around Real Man.
Transfoamers vs. Tiajuana Taco Benderz: Part 1
Season 6: Week 7
NuFaGtu and Real Man stand where the match should be taking place. The Watcher is typing away at a multicolored tablet. It makes adorable noises as NuFaGtu bangs it with his hand. "START THE MATCH!!!" chants Real Man repeatedly. "Shut up Eric, I'm trying. But since I've never watched The Transfoamers before, Ziggy says I can't take you there. It's outside of my Watcher timeline. "FIRE NUFAGTU!!! NO CONFIDENCE!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!" "Quiet Eric, let me think. Ok, I need help... Krisatu!!! No.. he is busy with his new baby... Chrisatu!!! No... surely the handsomest of all Watchers will be preening at the salon all day... Joshatu!!! Nah, I think he's already doing 6 matches this week... Um... Wait!!! I got it!" I dial a number on my cell phone. "Hello? Hey man, it's me NuFaGtu. I'm having a little trouble this week and need your help. Yes.. I know that you don't do this anymore, but you get to teach Real Man a lesson! ... Not enough? Okay... um... I have 17 dollars... and this wristwatch. It's a nice watch... Really? Sweet!!! You're a life saver!!! Thanks!!!" I say hanging up the phone. "Ok Eric, sit down and shut up! We're in for a real treat! This guy's an all timer!!! Witness the true horror of The Transfoamers vs. The Tiajuana Taco Benderz!!!"
The Past: Detroit 1928
Jules- "I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please continue, you were saying something about best intentions."
I look upon the teams which will do battle ìn This Season 6, Week 7 located in Detroit 1928. They are as follows
The Transfoamers are: Dr. No, Odd Job, Marcellus Wallace, Vincent Vega, and Jules
The Tiajuana Taco Benderz are: Daredevil w/ mithril vest and green lightsaber, Arachne,, Terminator #38, and Predator #50.
Let the battle begin
Fisher Building. . .
Jules and Vincent Vega walk through the newly constructed Fisher Building. The two marvel at the ornate marble columns and finely polished wood flooring of the structures interior.
Jules: Vincent! We happy?
Vega: Yeah, we happy.
The two men notice a series of web-like strands sprawled across the stage. Arachne is sitting upon the psionic filaments.
Arachne: Hello boys. [Looks to Jules] I'm sorry; I didn't get your name. I got yours, Vincent, right? But I didn't get yours...
Jules: My name's Pitt. And youre a$$ ain't talkin' your way out of this sh@t.
Jules fires his gun at Arachne, but she utilizes her agility to avoid the barrage of bullets. Her laughter is heard throughout the rafters. As the two men focus on her voice, a clacking noise is heard behind them from the balcony. Predator #50 materializes from thin air. While keeping their senses open for Arachne, the men fire at the alien. The duo only manages to strike the beasts leg. The alien stumbles, but quickly rises with its shoulder canon ready to fire. As the weapon is about to blaze, a bowler hat is seen tearing through Predator #50s immense head. Predator #50s body follows its head to the ground below. Oddjob looks over the sconce and nods his head for his teams recognition.
Jules: Thanks!
Oddjob stares at Jules.
Jules (dismayed at no words coming from Oddjobs mouth): English motherf#cker, do you speak it?
As Oddjob opens his mouth, his body is riddled by a tommy guns bullets. Oddjob has been killed by a well-clad gangster. Jules and Vega fire upon the gangster. The man is ripped apart, showing his metal frame inside the bowels of his flesh. Terminator #38 jumps off the balcony and faces Wallaces men. Before the two can reload, they are struck from behind. Both men black out.
In the basement of the theater, the two men awaken to see Wallace with a red ball gripped between his teeth. Daredevil and Arachne stand before the men. Arachne removes the ball from Wallaces mouth.
Wallace: They made me do unspeakable things!
Jules: Like what?
Wallace: Foot massages. . . eating. . .
Jules: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a b#$ch out, and givin' a b#$ch a foot massage ain't even the same f%@kin' thing!
The three scan their situation. Besides the two superheroes in the center of the room, the Terminator stands at the door. The Terminator suddenly begins to smoke and then explodes. The shrapnel slices through both Arachne and Daredevil, while also grazing the three Pulp Fiction antiheroes. Dr. No makes his entrance. While they five attempt to orient themselves, Vega questions Dr. No.
Vega: How?
Dr. No: The successful criminal brain is always superior. It has to be!
Dr. No quickly releases the prisoners, never truly revealing his secret of how he destroyed the Terminator. As Bonds nemesis back is turned, Daredevil shakes the cloudiness from his head and throws his green lightsaber across the room. It strikes Dr. No is the back. The evil genius falls to the ground. As blood trickles from his mouth, he whispers his last words.
Dr. No: Benders. . . Transfoamers. . . just teams in the FFL. . . each as stupid as the other.
Arachne quickly uses her psionic webs to wrap around the killer duos necks and the ropes carry the two to the rafters. The two begin to kick and struggle against the tightening of the ropes.
Jules: I feel the touch of G-d again.
Vega: F@#k you. . .
The two men die. Wallace looks to them as Daredevil sets upon Wallace and drives his lightsaber through his gut. Wallace crumples to the ground.
Wallace: Hey Red. . . Know what I said to your dad.
Daredevil cocks his head, waiting for an answer.
Wallace: In the fifth, your ass goes down. . . and the b#$ch did. . . the b#Sch did.
Wallace dies.
Arachne and Daredevil stare at each other; Daredevil reflecting upon the haunting words of Wallace before he died.
THE TIAJUANNA TACO BENDERZ ARE VICTORIOUS(FOR NOW)!!!!!!!!!!!
Benderz: Daredevil and Arachne survive
Transfoamers: All Dead
"Ooooo, tough break Eric, I could've sworn that the Foamers would get over!!! Hopefully that name change you made helps overcome the years of losing. Oh! That means I'm up! Sit tight and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!
NuFaGtu and Real Man stand where the match should be taking place. The Watcher is typing away at a multicolored tablet. It makes adorable noises as NuFaGtu bangs it with his hand. "START THE MATCH!!!" chants Real Man repeatedly. "Shut up Eric, I'm trying. But since I've never watched The Transfoamers before, Ziggy says I can't take you there. It's outside of my Watcher timeline. "FIRE NUFAGTU!!! NO CONFIDENCE!!! SO SAYS REAL MAN!!!" "Quiet Eric, let me think. Ok, I need help... Krisatu!!! No.. he is busy with his new baby... Chrisatu!!! No... surely the handsomest of all Watchers will be preening at the salon all day... Joshatu!!! Nah, I think he's already doing 6 matches this week... Um... Wait!!! I got it!" I dial a number on my cell phone. "Hello? Hey man, it's me NuFaGtu. I'm having a little trouble this week and need your help. Yes.. I know that you don't do this anymore, but you get to teach Real Man a lesson! ... Not enough? Okay... um... I have 17 dollars... and this wristwatch. It's a nice watch... Really? Sweet!!! You're a life saver!!! Thanks!!!" I say hanging up the phone. "Ok Eric, sit down and shut up! We're in for a real treat! This guy's an all timer!!! Witness the true horror of The Transfoamers vs. The Tiajuana Taco Benderz!!!"
The Past: Detroit 1928
Jules- "I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please continue, you were saying something about best intentions."
I look upon the teams which will do battle ìn This Season 6, Week 7 located in Detroit 1928. They are as follows
The Transfoamers are: Dr. No, Odd Job, Marcellus Wallace, Vincent Vega, and Jules
The Tiajuana Taco Benderz are: Daredevil w/ mithril vest and green lightsaber, Arachne,, Terminator #38, and Predator #50.
Let the battle begin
Fisher Building. . .
Jules and Vincent Vega walk through the newly constructed Fisher Building. The two marvel at the ornate marble columns and finely polished wood flooring of the structures interior.
Jules: Vincent! We happy?
Vega: Yeah, we happy.
The two men notice a series of web-like strands sprawled across the stage. Arachne is sitting upon the psionic filaments.
Arachne: Hello boys. [Looks to Jules] I'm sorry; I didn't get your name. I got yours, Vincent, right? But I didn't get yours...
Jules: My name's Pitt. And youre a$$ ain't talkin' your way out of this sh@t.
Jules fires his gun at Arachne, but she utilizes her agility to avoid the barrage of bullets. Her laughter is heard throughout the rafters. As the two men focus on her voice, a clacking noise is heard behind them from the balcony. Predator #50 materializes from thin air. While keeping their senses open for Arachne, the men fire at the alien. The duo only manages to strike the beasts leg. The alien stumbles, but quickly rises with its shoulder canon ready to fire. As the weapon is about to blaze, a bowler hat is seen tearing through Predator #50s immense head. Predator #50s body follows its head to the ground below. Oddjob looks over the sconce and nods his head for his teams recognition.
Jules: Thanks!
Oddjob stares at Jules.
Jules (dismayed at no words coming from Oddjobs mouth): English motherf#cker, do you speak it?
As Oddjob opens his mouth, his body is riddled by a tommy guns bullets. Oddjob has been killed by a well-clad gangster. Jules and Vega fire upon the gangster. The man is ripped apart, showing his metal frame inside the bowels of his flesh. Terminator #38 jumps off the balcony and faces Wallaces men. Before the two can reload, they are struck from behind. Both men black out.
In the basement of the theater, the two men awaken to see Wallace with a red ball gripped between his teeth. Daredevil and Arachne stand before the men. Arachne removes the ball from Wallaces mouth.
Wallace: They made me do unspeakable things!
Jules: Like what?
Wallace: Foot massages. . . eating. . .
Jules: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a b#$ch out, and givin' a b#$ch a foot massage ain't even the same f%@kin' thing!
The three scan their situation. Besides the two superheroes in the center of the room, the Terminator stands at the door. The Terminator suddenly begins to smoke and then explodes. The shrapnel slices through both Arachne and Daredevil, while also grazing the three Pulp Fiction antiheroes. Dr. No makes his entrance. While they five attempt to orient themselves, Vega questions Dr. No.
Vega: How?
Dr. No: The successful criminal brain is always superior. It has to be!
Dr. No quickly releases the prisoners, never truly revealing his secret of how he destroyed the Terminator. As Bonds nemesis back is turned, Daredevil shakes the cloudiness from his head and throws his green lightsaber across the room. It strikes Dr. No is the back. The evil genius falls to the ground. As blood trickles from his mouth, he whispers his last words.
Dr. No: Benders. . . Transfoamers. . . just teams in the FFL. . . each as stupid as the other.
Arachne quickly uses her psionic webs to wrap around the killer duos necks and the ropes carry the two to the rafters. The two begin to kick and struggle against the tightening of the ropes.
Jules: I feel the touch of G-d again.
Vega: F@#k you. . .
The two men die. Wallace looks to them as Daredevil sets upon Wallace and drives his lightsaber through his gut. Wallace crumples to the ground.
Wallace: Hey Red. . . Know what I said to your dad.
Daredevil cocks his head, waiting for an answer.
Wallace: In the fifth, your ass goes down. . . and the b#$ch did. . . the b#Sch did.
Wallace dies.
Arachne and Daredevil stare at each other; Daredevil reflecting upon the haunting words of Wallace before he died.
THE TIAJUANNA TACO BENDERZ ARE VICTORIOUS(FOR NOW)!!!!!!!!!!!
Benderz: Daredevil and Arachne survive
Transfoamers: All Dead
"Ooooo, tough break Eric, I could've sworn that the Foamers would get over!!! Hopefully that name change you made helps overcome the years of losing. Oh! That means I'm up! Sit tight and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!
s6w7: Murderflies vs DopeFiends
Teddy Roosevelt arrives in Downtown Detroit. The city is bustling as they prepare for the Fourth of July.
"Bully! This is what we like to see! The spirit of America is alive and well!" he thinks to himself as he waits for the rest of his team to arrive. He stumbles across an older gentleman.
"Tally ho friend!" exclaims Teddy Roosevelt "Which fireworks bring you here this fine day, the ones in the sky or the ones that shall be displayed in battle?"
"Buh-buh-battle?" mumbles the man
"Yes, me and my compatriots on the Murderflies shall be bringing forth a bit of destruction to those vandals that call themselves the Dope Fiends. It shall be quite the knuckleduster!"
"The Muderflies...yes....YES!!" the man begins to babble excitedly "The called me a fool! Said it was too late! But I told them!! I told them all!!! Yes! The Murderflies did show!!! I knew it! Where's my Trident??!! MURDERFLIES!!!!" The old man charges off. As he does, a yellow, tattered piece of newprint fall to the gorund. Teddy Roosevelt picks up the paper and calls after the man
"You there! Old timer! You've dropped your..." then Roosevelt notices the headline
MURDERFLIES FEARED MURDERED!! DOPEFIENDS DECLARED VICTORIOUS BY DEFAULT!!
"Preposterous! What manner of deviltry is this?" stammers the Rough Rider, then he notices the date of the paper July 5, 1928.
"Balderdash! This can't be!! It's says right here on my schedule this battle is to be held..." then Roosevelt sees that the match was indeed scheduled to be held in 1928, rather than 1982.
"Stuff and nonsense" he mumbles as he returns to the Murderflies HQ to inform the rest of his team what's transpired.
"Bully! This is what we like to see! The spirit of America is alive and well!" he thinks to himself as he waits for the rest of his team to arrive. He stumbles across an older gentleman.
"Tally ho friend!" exclaims Teddy Roosevelt "Which fireworks bring you here this fine day, the ones in the sky or the ones that shall be displayed in battle?"
"Buh-buh-battle?" mumbles the man
"Yes, me and my compatriots on the Murderflies shall be bringing forth a bit of destruction to those vandals that call themselves the Dope Fiends. It shall be quite the knuckleduster!"
"The Muderflies...yes....YES!!" the man begins to babble excitedly "The called me a fool! Said it was too late! But I told them!! I told them all!!! Yes! The Murderflies did show!!! I knew it! Where's my Trident??!! MURDERFLIES!!!!" The old man charges off. As he does, a yellow, tattered piece of newprint fall to the gorund. Teddy Roosevelt picks up the paper and calls after the man
"You there! Old timer! You've dropped your..." then Roosevelt notices the headline
MURDERFLIES FEARED MURDERED!! DOPEFIENDS DECLARED VICTORIOUS BY DEFAULT!!
"Preposterous! What manner of deviltry is this?" stammers the Rough Rider, then he notices the date of the paper July 5, 1928.
"Balderdash! This can't be!! It's says right here on my schedule this battle is to be held..." then Roosevelt sees that the match was indeed scheduled to be held in 1928, rather than 1982.
"Stuff and nonsense" he mumbles as he returns to the Murderflies HQ to inform the rest of his team what's transpired.
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