Week 4 Consortium: The League of Heterosexual Gentlemen vs The Underhills

Underhills: General Zod, Matrix (Supergirl), John Stewart, Kyle Rayner, Neo w/ 2 Blue Lightsabers, Revan Reborn, Starkiller, Darth Talon, The Incredible Hulk, Abomination, Nova (Sam Alexander), Sauron w/ The One Ring, Ant-Man, The Wasp

Heterosexual Gentlemen: Avatar Aang w/Star Sapphire Ring, 5 Sand Benders, Commander Ahsoka Tano, General Kenobi, Legends Leia Organa, Sky Lynx, Homelander, Beowolf (Dune), Ajax, Master Mold, King Ghidorah, Paralax, Heimdal, Cal Kestis, 11 Kangaroos

Week 4 Watcher Consortium: The Sigmas Vs. NAZA

The Sigmas are

Chani 

Duncan Idaho 

Gurney Hallack 

Moneo Atreides 

AT-AT with Pilot and gunner 

10 of General Veers Stormtroopers 

Chewbacca 

Ki Adi Mundi 

Qui Gon Jin 

15 Fremen 

5 Earth Bender

Lord Zed 

15 Israeli Special Forces troopers

Jabba The Hut 

IG-12 

Yareal Proof 

5 Jedi Gaurdian 

5 Inquisitor

Star Scream 

Iron Hide 

Ramjet 

Dirge 

Nightbird 

Jazz

The National Alcohol and Zyn Administration is:

Avatar Kyoshi 

Mr. Mxyzptlk 

Deadman 

Legends Luke Skywalker w/ Blue Lantern Ring and R2D2 

Sandworn #1-10 

Agamemnon and Juno 

Lady Jessica 

Fedaykin #1-5 

Emperor Shadam IV 

Sheanna Brugh 

Crown Prince Raphael Corrino 

The Zynister Zix 

Sandman, Vulture, Green Goblin, Hobgoblin, Beetle, Kraven

Red Hulk 

Sam Bonser 

Coda Draconis 

Michelle 

Ted Dallaire 

Bruce Willis 

Hanibal of Crete 

George Bush 

James K. Polk 

Stromin' Norman Shwartzkoff 

Warren G. Harding

Monstructor (Birdbrain, Bristleback, Icepick, Scowl, Slog, Wildfly) 

Meta Knight 

Ace Duck 

Week 4 Democracy: TEAM vs The Washington Redskins

TEAM is God Emperor Leto, Vah Naboris, The Mandalorian, Grogu, Mace Windu, Talia, Walker: Texas Ranger, Titan Cymek #1, Laya, Scarlett, and Grayson Houslander, Mon-El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, Lightning Lad, Beta Ray Bill, Tripticon, Katara, Sokka, Toph, Appa, Momo, Soundwave and his Tapes: Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawktalk, Beastbox, Garboil, Glit, Enemy, and Howlback, Soundblaster, Flip Sides, Sundor, Auto-Scout, Ravage Clone #1-3, The Shining Force: Max, Adam, Arthur, Domingo, Gong, Gort, Guntz, Hanzou, Kokichi, Lyle, Musashi, and Vankar

The Washington Redskins are Larfleeze, Mandalore the Great w/ the Darksaber, Havoc, Sinestro w/ The White Lantern Ring, Thufir Hawat, Murbella, Nemesis Enforcer, Asami, Thundar the Barbarian, Ookla the Mok, and Princess Aerial, The Toxic Crusaders: Toxie, No-Zone, Major Disaster, Headbanger, and Junkyard, Darth Plagius, Zuko's Dragon, Rictor, Edwin Zacharski, Devil Bat, Hihh Ressar, Whitmore Bludd, Rivvy Dinari, Balin, Bonk, Romat-Ru, Serpentor, Globulus, The Eyeball Kid, and Tom Selleck

Week 3 - Underhills vs Meat Suits

Underhills: Sauron w/ the One Ring, Blue Wizard #1-2, Radagast the Brown, Arwen Evenstar, Aule, Yavanna, Isildur, Samwise Gamgee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Ent #1-3, John Stewart, Kyle Rayner, Professor Snape, Abomination, Incredible Hulk

Meat Suits: Hal Jordan, Lorien, Este, Treebeard, Atrocitus, Deathstroke, Freddy Kruegar, One Punch Man, Fire Lord Ozai, Fire Lord Zuko, Nazgul #6 on Mordor Horse, Easterlings #1-10, Uruk-hai #1-10, Kili, Thror, Fallen Dwarves #1-10, Balrog, Chi Blockers #1-5

The story we are all so familiar with: a hobbit’s journey, the rise of men, overcoming evil, and the destruction of the one ring. This may have been the case for the world we know, but forget not what might have occurred in universes different from ours. I have watched one where mankind failed and evil prevailed. Sauron achieved victory, and the one ring was his once again. How might that have happened, you may ask…

Sauron amassed an other worldly roster, made up of men not understood to Middle Earth. However, the Meat Suits gathered their own outsider forces to be the last stand against evil. It is they who march onto the black gate of Mordor. As they approach, the Underhills stand on the other side of the large doors as they slowly swing open. Once the gates have opened fully, the two armies yell in synchrony, “CHARGE!!” Here is where we bear witness to an old fashioned brawl between two charging forces.

It is the commons who meet first. Between the blue wizards, ents, easterlings, uruk-hai, fallen dwarves, and chi blockers, they make quick work of each other with the two Firelords burning those who remained. Then comes the foot soldiers… Snape sends fatal spells against the dwarves, but gives Deathstroke too much time to come in close enough for the kill. A combination of Isildur and Arwen retaliates with a swipe at Deathstroke’s head, finding their mark. But Freddy Kruegar’s mad weird fingers rip the two to shreds.

Meanwhile, the opposing Valar make council together discussing their sides of the battle. Lorien and Este are baffled that Aule and Yavanna would ever join Sauron’s forces. They disagree for a long period without achieving any sway in either direction. *cough sounds like the usual politics* After far too long of debating, they agree to both do nothing… classic. And with that, the Valar leave the fate of Middle Earth to itself and return to Valinor.

Next up from the Underhills are two desperately in need of anger management classes, Abomination and Hulk. They start going ham on the rest of the ground forces annihilating Treebeard, Kruegar, the firelords, and… the balrog from street fighter? Then they approach One Punch Man, thinking not very highly of him, of course. That is until Hulk is overtaken with surprise as Abomination is split in two after one swipe from the bald man. Hulk tries to recover and avenge, but One Punch Man gives a shot through Hulk that sends his heart to the sun while his body collapses to the ground.

Now One Punch Man shifts his gaze towards the dark lord. Sauron sees his intent and decides to make use of the many rings that are present in this battle. Suddenly, all these remaining ring bearers become filled with jealousy rage and start fighting amongst themselves. Amidst the fighting, One Punch Man is pulled away from Sauron to deal with the brawl that is ensuing. Radagast kills Nazgul #6, but is obliterated by Atrocitus, who is then destroyed by Kyle Rayner. Hal Jordan then overtakes the combined might of Kyle Rayner and Samwise, but it is Stewart who soon after ends Hal. One Punch Man becomes bored of this senseless battling and flies straight through Stewart.

Now again, the bald superhero makes his intent on Sauron. To him, it’s just another big bad that will take a meager punch to destroy, but special forces are at work in these lands. Sauron wields the ultimate power and stands in his home territory. It is for these reasons that one fail swoop from the mighty lord of the rings is able to decapitate One Punch Man.

Week 3 Consortium: Doctors Madhouse vs Scarlett Johansson and Bill Cosby's Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Panda Diddlers

Madhouse: Saruman the White, Nazgul #2 on Fell Beast, Ulmo, Elrond w/ Elvin Ring, Frodo Baggins w/ Dwarf Ring #2, Gimli Son of Gloin w/ Dwarf Ring #1, Bombur, Eomer, Darth Vader, 2nd Sister and 9th Sister, Trigon, Pyro, Bowser, Knuckles, Elf #1-10, Woodlen Elf #1-10, Troll #1-6, Hobbit #1-10

Scar Jo and Bill's Trash Panda's: Gandalf The White, Adam Warlock, Zaheer, Ghazan, P'Li, Ming-Hua, Syndicate Maul, Nazghul #8 on his Fell Beast, Peregrin Took, Orome, Vana, Old Man Willow, Android Human Torch, Toro, Hermes, Red Devil, Saurod, and Boffer

Dolla 49 McRib Vs. The Sigmas

 Dolla 49 McRib is Doomsday, Bizarro Superman, Anti-Monitor, Steepenwolf w/ Anti-life equation, The JSA: The Spectre, Dr. Midnight, Hourman, Starman, & Mr. Terrific, Balrog #1-4, The 5th Brother, Nightbrother #1-10, Ultraman, Lady Deadpool, Chattari Leviathon #1-3, &  White Martian #1-6.

The Sigmas are The Witch King of Agmar, Melkor (Morgoth Bauglir), Smaug, Legolas, King Manwe, Varda, Tulkas, Nessa, Ancient Balrog #1-4, The Black Order: Proxima Midnight, Black Dwarf, Corvus Glaive, & Super Giant, Aatrox, & Malanea.

I myself, Joshatu the Magnificent flew here first class; but the two squads ready to do battle today both vigorously run into the battlefield.  We all know why of course, because one does not simply walk into Mordor.  Two elite squads stand before me today and this bout is certain to be not only a pitched competition; but a bloodbath as well.

   Morgoth, who is known by many names and titles, the Bauglir himself; but originally known as Melkor presides over his nation on the highest point of Mount Doom.  The McRibs know that in this particular setting he is King above all.  The creator of Sauron himself, the embodiment and the very root and creation of all that is evil.  He does not move from his spot, instead knowing that any challenger will have to come to him.  

  This match has mega brawl written all over it; so as the building leveling skirmishes all begin, let me run down who is brawling with whom.  Doomsday and Bizarro start making the slow strut up Mount Doom to take on the boss, Melkor himself; while Ultraman, who is leading the six white Martians in his wake attempts to move towards the other four Valor who unlike Melkor, did not choose the forces of evil in King Manwe, Varda, Tulkas, & Nessa.  Smaug is sent out by Melkor to battle with the Chattari Leviathons for dominance of the air; while Lady Deadpool and The Fifth Brother draw swords together in an effort to battle with Malanea.  The Balrogs who have grown large and powerful from centuries of greed are able to defeat the four smaller ancient Balrogs, but only #2 & 4 survive.  The JSA engages in a knock down, drag em out fight with The Black Order, and Steppenwolf tries to to step like a wolf towards Mordor native and the once great king of Angmar, the first Ringwraith, The Witch King himself.  Last but not least, Aatrox and The Anti-Monitor have both taken flight, choosing to have their battle out in the skies above.

  Left out from this were the ten Nightbrothers, who under orders from the defacto leader of the McRibs The Spectre are scouring the landscape of Mordor trying to find a vantage point against a squad who so seemingly has home field advantage on their side.  Nightbrother #7 raises his hand as a signal to his fellow Dathomirians that trouble is afoot.  But before they can take action Nightbrother #2 & 9 find arrows imbedded in their eye sockets and a large rock avalanche comes tumbling down on top of the other eight.  Legolas, he who caused the falling rock zone from above, gracefully leaps off the rocks and says under his breath:  "Let's see Gimli try to count that as one"....

  Lady Deadpool and The Fifth Brother of The Inquisitors move confidently towards Malanea.  "This time we take her together" Lady Deadpool says to the Star Wars character to break the fourth wall.  But they soon see that this sword battle is quite a pitched one despite Malanea being outnumbered two to one.  The three combatants go back and forth for quite some time, with the Fifth Brother at first being surprised that the mighty sword of Malanea was able to parry his lightsaber.  Malanea, strikes the katana blade of Lady Deadpool with ferocity, breaking the blade in two and then sends her sword into the chest of the alternate universe Wade Wilson.  Lady Deadpool falls to the ground in pain, as she can do nothing but watch her fellow McRibber The Fifth Brother be cut down by Malanea.  As Malanea begins to walk away in search of her next battle, she does not see Lady Deadpool, who has now recovered due to her accelerated healing factor pick up the strange hilted lightsaber of the Inquisitorious and uses it to relieve Malanea of her head.  

      Aatrox and The Anti-Monitor are ripping up the skies of Mordor so bad, that this time you can be certain that the Eagles will never fly in there again.  Both combatants grow to gargantuan sizes as the battle rages on.  The Anti-Monitor and Aatrox have a similar power scale; but a very different root to the power they possess.  The Anti-Monitor being more science based finds himself lacking in this magic based world and falls to the more mystical Aatrox with a brutal swipe of his massive halberd which cleaves the Anti-Monitor in two.  

  The Black Order and The Justice Society battle it out in that kind of Marvel movie: "This is what is going on in the background while we talk to the main characters sort of way".  But trust me when I tell you that the special affects are fantastic and there isn't any dumb Disney woke stuff going on, so it is awesome to watch.  Super Giant made sure to make some sort of ghey slur in his own alien language as he ripped Mr. Terrific's head off; but Dr. Midnight deadly smoke bombs the crap out of Corvus Glaive.  Proxima Midnight and Hourman join each other in death, while Black Dwarf thought his durability would stand up against the sonic crystal energy projection of Starman; but he was wrong.  Dr. Midnight and Starman do end up falling to the might of The Black Order; but The Spectre of JSA ends up being the last man standing in the skirmish.  

  Steppenwolf stands firm with his massive axe in hand and parries several of the initial blows dealt by The Witch King's lance; but eventually he falls to the might of the most powerful of the nine rings of men. 

   Smaug, despite being outnumbered and outsized by the huge Chattari Leviathons is able to use a combination of his razor sharp talons, whit, superior flight maneuverability, and fiery breath to kill all three of them.  Although this battle does leave the ancient dragon wounded and fatigued.   

    As Doomsday and Bizarro Superman move towards Melkor they are surprised to see him back away at the commencement of the skirmish; but simultaneously Ultraman and the six white martians are even more shocked to see what happens of The Valor before they have a true chance to attack.  Ultraman, flies in fast knowing that speed and raw power must be taken advantage of if he is to kill known users of magic which he knows himself to be vulnerable to.  But instead the four Valor let out a gasp of death as they find themselves consumed with flame, as their own teammate Melkor has stolen their life forces and their power along with it.  Manwe, Varda, Tulkas, and Nessa die in a massive burst of Mordor flame, flame hot enough to melt even the most famous rings of power.  This brutally hot explosion of dark magic, evil, malice, and fear consume Ultraman as well as all six white martians.  Melkor then lets out a massive scream as he is overcome by a thrust of power from the other four murdered Valor that even he is barely able to live through.  The power is too much for Melkor to contain in the middle of a battle that he redirects a potent blast of it directly into the chest of Bizarro Superman that rips the Kryptonian level powered creature to pieces.  Now, with Melkor still above his normal power level; but at a manageable spot, the true mountain shattering brawl between he and Doomsday begins.  

  Smaug, though wounded flies in as fast as his wings can muster towards the two remaining Balrogs, while The Spectre take to the air as well to do battle with Aatrox, flexing his mighty wings.  Legolas and Lady Deadpool, engage in a stealthy, hunting game of cat and mouse through the rock outcroppings, while The Witch King moves to join his master's master Melkor in his battle against the bloodlusted Doomsday.  

  These four epic battles rage on simultaneously, while it is difficult for even I to catch every detail.  Aatrox moves swiftly against The Spectre, delivering his magic halberd through The Ghostly Guardian; but instead of blocking the attack, The Spirit of Redemption known as The Spectre simply materializes both himself and his attacker Aatrox into a void of nothingness.  Smaug on the other hand is able to defeat not only one but both the remaining balrogs; but after this bout does eventually succumb to his myriad injuries.  

  Melkor is taking a beating from Doomsday; but the evil Valor keeps on ticking.  Lady Deadpool perches herself atop Mount Doom to try to gain a vantage point; but doesn't even know where to start or where she could possibly jump in to a fight of such powerhouses.  The Witch King rushes into the battle; but Doomsday turns his attention away from Melkor just for a second to bash in the skull of The Witch King.  Doomsday rips the mask from the face of the dying Witch King and turns toward Melkor to use the mask of Mordor as a weapon against the one who created its evil.  As Doomsday aims for the neck of Melkor, his opponent musters all of the evil strength he has and focuses it into his fists to deliver a brutal double handed punch to the top of Doomsday's head, at the exact same time as these simultaneous blows take place, causing Melkor and Doomsday to join each other in death a perfectly aimed elven arrow goes into the neck of the supposedly un-killable Lady Deadpool dropping her into the fiery chasm of Mordor.    

S15 W3 - NAZA vs The Washington Redskins

Naza is: Durins Bane (The Balrog of Moria), Nazgul #9 on his Fell Beast, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Ent Wives 1 and 2, Ugluk, Nega-Chin, Bronze Kneecap, Bull-E, Baby Shredder, and Dr Crocktopus, The Crimson Chin, Monkey D Luffy, Leather Face w OG Yellow Lantern Ring, The Sinister Twelve: (Carnage, Green Goblin, Venom, Doctor Octopus, Rhino, Sandman, Electro, Mysterio, Hobgoblin, Kraven, Vulture, Beetle), Annihilus, Avatar Kyoshi, Sub Zero, Velociraptor #25, and JRR Tolkien

Washington Redskins are: Power Girl, Yoda (w/ Dwarf Ring #4), Havoc, Wolverine, Darth Plagueis, Asajj Ventress, Mother Talzin, Larfleeze, Mandalore the Great (w/ The Darksaber), Theoden King, Scar, Devil Bat, Goldberry, andStar Wolf in a TIE/IN Interceptor.

Our story begins with a deafening roar as Nazgul #9 on his fell beast scours the rocky surface of Mordor surrounding Mount Doom. Below the Beast can see the results of the early battles. Mother Talzin and Asajj Ventress have teamed up to take out Ugluk and The Crimson Chin while Wolverine and Havoc have just taken out Nega-Chin, Bronze Kneecap, Bull-E, Baby Shredder and Dr Crocktopus. Asajj moves toward Sub-Zero who looks helplessly around looking for a drop of water somewhere to freeze. Alas, there is none and he is quickly dispatched. 

Lafleeze quickly duels with Leather Face but he is much more attuned to his orange lantern skillz takes care of the Face easily. He then begins to cast a protective aura around Darth Plagueis and fires orange energy to aid in his duel with Annihilus who has just killed Scar and Devil Bat. This tips the scales as the red saber finally penetrates the torso of the Marvel villain. Somehow, Merry has tamed the Velociraptor and is running it into battle. Larfleeze laughs and explodes the two with whatever magic power orange lanterns have. 

Avatar Kyosi and the Ent wives realize it is time to take control of the terrain around them and use it to their advantage. Kyoshi moves the rocks an puts up walls surrounding the two nightsisters and slowly crushes them between two boulders. The Ent Wives wrap their limbs around Havoc and Wolverine until their their guts squeeze out between the branches like playdoh. 

Darth Plageus launches himself toward the Ent Wives and chops them up with his lightsaber, their branches falling on the ground in pieces. Avatar Kyoshi is able to have the ground swallow up the sith lord but Larfleeze is able to dispatch of the mighty earth bender. 

Monkey D Luffy hears the beautiful song of Goldberry and as he goes towards her enchanting voice, Theoden runs him through for fun. 

“Listen up lads,” the King bellows. “There is a whole other wave waiting for us inside that mountain.” gesturing towards Mt. Doom with the Nazgul guarding the entrance. The Remaining Redskins charge into a final battle inside. The Nazgul, seeing the inspired troops, swoops down and snags their leader in its mighty claws and sails him up to drop him in the lava. Starwolf takes his shots at the Nazgul and lands a killing blow just as the enter the volcano. It is not enough to save Theoden however as he watches them all fall to their fiery grave. In an attempt to pull back up and out to get away from the heat, the controls in the TIE/IN Interceptor go on the fritz and Star wolf loses control of the vessel, crashing to his death as well. 

What awaits the remaining Redskins is Durins Bane and the Sinister Twelve. 

Balrog's released a burst of flames toward group and Larfleeze tries his hardest to play protector to shield the rest of the group. But he is tired and his energy is waning. Yoda, seeing this teams up with power girl to take on the Balrog so Larfleeze’s death is not wasted. Larfleeze is eventually consumed by the flames but as Power Girl and Yoda land the killing blows into the mighty beast, they turn to see they are alone as Mandalore the great and Goldberry were only able to turn the Sinister Twelve into the Sinister Eight. 

The old man puts down his pen and takes a long draw from his pipe. He closes the book and on the cover you can read the title: 

“The Poorly Informed Watcher and His Attempt at Writing a Decent Match” - by JRR Tolkien

The old man blows a smoke ring and looks right at you and says: “Some of you might think the Eight would have easily overpowered the Two. Some might think the opposite. But I’ve closed the book. And I am the only one who’s really here. This isn’t the tale of the two teams, no. But rather this story is about a watcher, sitting in a dark room right now because the day has now turned to night, who is done looking up characters and is getting hungry and has decided to take the easy way out. Is that fair? Who am I to say? I just wrote the story of the Watcher who wrote the story. Don’t blame me! That’s what the comments section is for!”

TEAM Vs. The Sigmaz (Watcher Consortium)

 TEAM is Van Rudania, Mandos, Vaire, Tom Bombadil, Yunobo, Beta Rey Bill, DC Thor, Loki, The Legion Of Superheroes: Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, & Lightning Lad, The Prince of The Cosmos, Bill Marrow, Rock Lords #1-5, Reece Reamer, Darrin, & Chattari #1 & 2.

The Sigmaz are ARagorn son of Arathorn, Eowyn on a Mordor Horse, Nagul #7 on a Fell Beast, Dwarf #1-10, 8 Warg Riders on 8 Wargs, Triceratops #1-10, Barbarrossa, Xerxes, Aula, Tai Lee, Mai, Magnus, Terminator (3), Asura, The God Emperor of Mankind 40K, & Goblin #2.

Democracy Week 3: Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen

 Darkseid's Horsemen of Apokolips are:

-Darkseid

-Supergirl

-Orion

-Superboy

-Granny Goodness

-The Female Furies: Bloody Mary, Stompa, Mad Harriet, & Lashina

-Kalibak

-Desaad

-Shazam

-Megatron w/ The Infinity Gauntlet and all 6 Infinity Stones (Space, Power, Mind, Reality, Time, & Soul).

The League of Extraordinary Heterosexual Gentlemen are

-Superman

-Martian Manhunter

-Ghost Rider (Danny Ketch)

-General Kenobi

-Homelander

-Sky Lynx

-Master Mold

-King Beerus

-Vampire Blue Lantern

-Yellow Lantern #1A

-Orc #1-3

-Ancient Sith Lord #1 & 2.

Underhills vs. Sigmas: A Story of Sky and Sea

 

The Underhills: Percy Jackson, Mera, Black Manta, Nautilator, Seawing, Overbite, Skalor, Snaptrap, Tanktail, Kyle Rayner, Namora, and Xenomorphs 5 & 6.

The Sigmas: Starscream, an aircraft carrier helmed by G.I. Joe Hawk, An F-18 with Maverick and Goose, an F-14 with Iceman and Slider, the Millenium Falcon with Han Solo and Chewbacca, Ramjet, and Dirge.

The rolling, stench-wafting waters of Lake Ontario are calm. Placid, even. Too placid. Sudden wakes flutter the water's surface as an aircraft carrier sloshes through. Surveying the scene, Hawk raises a hand, signaling the crew that this is the place. His stern gaze shoots deep into the lake before he announces “We got 'em now, boys. This is the place.” He reaches into his standard issue canvas bag and produces a dark green pinecone of hot frag. He pulls the pin from the grenade and chucks it in the water. A momentary silence, a blast, and a return to quiet pass by and he arches an eyebrow. Again he throws a grenade, this time a bit further. The results don't change and tension pulls at his jaw. He pulls a walkie from his side and hold the button. “Space Force X, backup is a go, do you copy? Over.” Far, far above, Han Solo replies “Loud and clear, backup's coming.” He nods to Chewie. Chewie steps out of the cockpit for a moment. He returns with a comically large frag grenade, the size of his wooly torso. He rolls down the manual crank window on the Millenium Falcon, holds it out with both hands, and pulls the pin with his teeth. “Great work, Chew-BOOM”, goes the Falcon as explosive decompression turns it inside-out through the open window. The bomb falls, splashes water high into the air, and erupts with a powerful shockwave that rocks the aircraft carrier. From below the surface, Namora's shattered body floats up like a trout. Hawk throws his goggles to the ground in frustration. “Got dang it all, that's not right either!”

A moist lad rises beside the floating body. He stands atop a platform of water, liquid water, acting somehow as a solid. “Halt, villain! In the name of my father Poseidon, I, Perseus Jacksonius, shall not allow thee to defile these waters with senseless violence!” Hawk shouts back “The f*** kind of fancy crap are you talking, kid? Get out of the water, I'm trying to catch some walleye here!” Percy sneers in disgust, “Ye wish for walleyes, dost thou? Walleye shall ye receive sevenfold!” Below him, Mera commands the snaggletoothed fish of the Great Lake to leap from their home, high into the air on jets of water, directly to Hawk. He thrashes and screams as they tear into him like piranhas to a cow. “AHHG, IT'S WAR, EVERYBODY SCRAMBLE” are his final words. Five jets take off from the carrier, peppering the water with every weapon available to them. Percy Jackson's precious vital fluids are returned to the sea by the weight of blazing lead. The water begins to turn a sickly reddish-brown as blood and Cybertronian motor oil spill. A shining bubble of green breaches, flying into the sky, and Kyle Rayner blasts Ramjet and Dirge out of the sky. Soon after, Starscream flies directly into him, guns blazing, bits of meat streaming from the Decepticon. Goose says to Maverick, “Hey isn't Green Lantern supposed to be good with planes?” Goose shrugs. “I don't know, dude, I only read manly heterosexual comics about WWII like Garth Ennis, because we're both so darn straight.” With their powerful plated tails, a surviving Xenomorph then launches itself from the water and latches to their F18, staring them in the face with its tiny mini-mouth. “OH S*** I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU GOOSE” screams Maverick as they are blinded to Iceman and Slider's collision course.

Back in the water, Mera prepares a shell of “hard water” around Black Manta and launches him as the next assailant. Starscream, last of the Sigmas, fires frantically but can only blast chipping splashes of water off Manta's capsule as through it was made of concrete. He screams for the stars one last time as Black Manta harpoons himself onto the flying Transformer, plants an explosive charge, and dives back into Ontario without looking back at the blast.

Week 2 UB Rematch at Lake Ontario The Horsemen Vs. The Redskins

 Washington Redskins: Namor, Aspen, The Sando Aqua Monster, Allicon 1-5, Abe Sapien, Kermit, Squirtle, Atlantean 9-10, Sharkticon 6-10, Black Lantern 1 (Final Death), Black Lantern Xenomorph, Toad, Mandalore the Great w/ Darksaber, The Ocean’s 11 Squad (The Goats)

Darkseid’s Horseman of the Apocalypse: Poseidon, Qwsp, King Sidon, Kamek, Miss Martian, Seaworm 3/4/7, The Tiger Sharks (Mako, Walro, Gupp, Octavia, and Lorca), Autobot Cassete 1-5

Week 2 Lake Ontario (Universe Bowl Rematch in Water Week)

What’s Up Brothers! We got the Universe Bowl rematch.  I will try to do y’all justice with this match.

The waves are crashing on Lake Ontario.  The water is unstable enough for Gordon Lightfoot to make a song about another great lake.  Darkseid's Horseman of the Apocalypse has captured the Ocean’s 11 crew.  Danny Ocean and his team tried to make their way across water after their risky heist at MGM Detroit.  They had escaped through Canada and were trying to make it back to the US through Lake Ontario.  The waters were too rough and they were unable to be fed when the Horseman took capture of them.  

The Tiger Sharks led the capture and brought them back to their leader Poseidon.  Little did they know they have been followed by the Washington Redskins who have allied with the Ocean’s crew.  Danny Ocean is BOYS with Namor.  So of course they had to try and plan a rescue mission.  

Qwsp notices the Skarticons and the Allicons pulling up and he is ready to commit more war crimes now that he is out of prison.  He sends out the seaworms and Sidon to take care of them.  The sea worms are able to make quick work of the transformers as these minion type of transformers are no match for them.  

Mandalore the great attacks Sidon who managed to get ahead of the sandworm destruction as they had no concern for friendly fire.  Mandalore strikes down Sidon with a Dark Saber.  “You will be no more” says Mandalore.

Namor sees that his team is in danger and needs to step in.  

“Abe we need to take out the seaworms” yells Namor

Namor and Abe Sapien get to work on the Seaworms.  Namor grabs the first seaworm and brings it airborn.  He uses his strength to throw the worm at Canada so it's their problem now.  Namor and Abe team up to take down the second seaworm.  The seaworm is able to put damage into Abe.

“Abe get away I can handle this” shouts Namor as he cannot lose anymore men before getting to Posideon. 

Abe retreats back and Mandalore steps in to fight along with Aspen.  Together they are able to take down the rest of the seaworms.  

In come the Tiger Sharks in retaliation but they are met by a Xenomorph black lantern and a black lantern.  

“Go for the black lanterns first” says Mako.

“AHHHHHHHH” shouts Lorca as she is being attacked by a Sando Aqua Monster who leaves nothing but bone.

The black lanterns go on the offense while the rest of the tiger sharks are distracted.  The xenomorph attacks Walro and Bronc at the same time.

“He’s too strong for us.  Help us Qwsp!” Bronc screams in terror.  

Qwsp runs into help the Tiger sharks.  He is able to take out the Black Lantern before Namor approaches.

“What do you think you are doing Qwsp?” Namor questions

“I work for Poseidon now” says Qwsp.  “You and the rest of the sea people who don’t follow poseidon's path are nothing to me” yells Qwsp

Qwsp takes the offensive.  He flys in the air trying to fight Namor out of the water.  But as he tries to take to the air Squirtle uses water beam to knock Qswp out of the sky.  Qwsp drops right in front of Kermit the Frog who bitch slaps him.  Qwsp instanly kills him for it. 

Namor swims over to Qwsp and begins to beat him down as Kermit is the boy and nobody is allowed to touch Kermit.  Namor unleashes a relentless attack which is too much for Qwsp to handle.

Squirtle is now in a battle with Kamek.  Well it really isn’t much of a battle Squirtle wipes the floor with Kamek. While this was going on Miss Martian swam in to decimate Squirtle.

The Horseman are down to their leader and Miss Martian as the Tiger Sharks were eliminated by the Black Lantern Xenomorph and Mandalore.  Poseidon wants to make a statement and executes the Ocean’s crew right in front of the Redskins.

“Poseidon you crossed a line.  Danny Ocean and the boys had nothing to do with our beef and you know this” says Namor

“This wasn’t about beef.  I just wanted the score they got at MGM” laughingly says Poseidon

“Abe, Mandalore, and lantern go after the Martian” commands Namor

They rush in without question to their leader, but what they didn’t know was that they were about to meet their end.  Poseidon and Miss Martian take the defense are wipe out the three of them.

The Sando aqua monster tries to attack Miss Martian from behind and is able to distract her long enough for Namor to attack her as well.  Poseidon kills the Aqua monster although quick it was too late for Miss Martian as Namor got a cheap shot and killed her.

“It’s down to us now” says Namor

“Old school boxing match” asks Poseidon

“Word” says Namor

The Rocky Music starts playing 

Punches are being thrown back and fourth.

Its causing the waves to grow larger 

Poseidon begins to control the waves but while doing so Namor hits him with an upper cut that knock down Poseidon.

But Poseidon is a vet and is resilient and gets back up

He throws a haymaker of punches at Namor that he can’t handle.  Poseidon then kills off Namor as this was going to be their final match winner takes all.  Poseidon is the Water Champ

TEAM Vs. The Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas

 TEAM is Godzilla, Vah Ruta, Gizmo, Chris Artrip, Julie Artrip, Ella Artrip (w/ Courtney Love's gun), Jack Artrip (in a Tanooki Suit), Ben Artrip (w/ ninja stars), The Legion of Super Heroes: Mon El, Triplicate Girl, Phantom Girl, Invisible Kid, Star Boy, Lightning Lad, & Phibian #1-10.

The Skin Tight Leather Pantsed Trash Pandas are Aquaman, Iron Man, Ice Man, Black Hand, Blastoise, Warturtle, Empoleon, Black Lantern #6, The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee, and Matthew Perry.  

Lake Ontario:  An exotic spot in this crazy mixed up Universe of ours.  Founded by the Annunaki, just after The War of 1812, Lake Ontario literally translates to "the histrionics of orange pillows" or in some tongues "the book of torn shoes".  The Ontario Lake acts as a dimensional portal between the mythical, but unproven places known as The United States and Canada.  

There are many among you mere mortals who would not be able to physically or mentally handle the presence of the great and powerful creatures emerging from the water around me.  one in particular has burst from the fresh water of Ontario in such a manner that even I:  Joshatu the Manful have taken a step of caution at the herculean being I am envisioning.  I am of course referring to Empoleon.  Godzilla is also here.  Or as other people similar to I in stature, intelligence, and ability to rip darts with angst known to you the uninitiated as the Japanese call him Gochira.  Which is what I will refer to this creature as for the remainder of this match, except for when I forget to.  

The problem with the presence of Godzilla when the opposing force is being led by Aquaman is that Aquaman, being the go to guy for FFL water drafting guaranteed to spark the phrase "run on water characters" not only can Ol' Arthur Curry perform better than anyone in the wet; but he can also take control mentally of any creature in the water.  Which Curry attempts to do to the massive Gochira as this battle begins.  Aquaman gains an increase in his already prevalent arrogance when this seems to work.  The Trash Pandas cheer on their leader Aquaman as his mental lock takes effect.  They watch as the mighty Gochira turns on his own team and goes full Godzilla on Phantom Girl and the Phibian straggler #10.  Aquaman is signing autographs for the fish that are so impressed with the top dog(fish) and his telepathic skillzz.  Then Godzilla swallows Black Lantern #6 from The Trash Pandas whole.  Some expect the Black Lantern to return as they are not supposed to be able to be killed in this way; but judging by the enormous black smoke fart that Gochira blew out just now, I'm pretty sure homie is dead.  This act  causes some people to question whether Aquaman's control over the mighty prehistoric lizard is fully working.  In fact, between you and I, I don't think it ever actually did anything.  I think Godzilla was just going to kill all those dudes anyhow.  

Aquaman uses his powers of mental telepathy (for realz this time) to execute plan B.  He orders his top peeps Iron Man, Ice Man, and Black Hand to focus everything they have on Godzilla, despite them not having the water prowess desired to tackle such a creature in his top environment.  Plus, Vah Ruta just popped out of the water, which means Gochira has a new massive homeboy to help him out against the comic dudes.  And don't think that just because we have been talking up my boi Gochira that Vah Ruta don't got that dawg in him, cuz he do.  WOOF, WOOF.  This means that Aquaman is going to have to battle the entire Legion of Superheroes by his lonesome, while the Pokemon will have to take on The Artrips, The Phibians, and more magwai then I can count because Gizmo has been multiplying like crazy ever since we dropped these two squads into the water.  

I almost forgot to mention that I would like to congratulate Matthew Perry on almost five months of sobriety.  He is currently drowning tho.  Must be some Illuminati killing because he was about to come clean with evidence of Chris Cornell being alive in the basement of Trump Tower, burds aren't possibly real on a flat plane, or that Hillary has been executed at Guantanamo Bay.  It can't possibly have anything to do with drugs because all his friends from Friends just told us that they talk to him all the time and that he is doing great and hasn't touched the stuff in years.  Oh well, I guess they should have sent David "Swimmer" or whatever his name is instead.  

The Artrips are doing their best to stay above water.  They are helping each other out and are decent swimmers but this is getting difficult.  Phibian #3 & 4 swim over to help them keep their heads above water; but that is about all they are capable of at this juncture.  The rest of the Phibians swim over to attack the three Pokemon and are aided by the gaggle of magwai and gremlins constantly multiplying and burning up in the sun because this fight is taking place during the day.  Some of them are Gremlins because Julie brought a bunch of appetizers to the pre-fight party and some of them got fed after midnight (damn daylight savings time).  The remaining seven Phibians manage to take out Wartortle; but Blastoise and Empoleon take out the rest of them with Hydro Cannon and Metal Claw.  Gizmo died a while ago; but there are still some gross, mutated gremlins and magwai floating around (probably not for long though).

Aquaman swims in fast towards Mon El and The Legion.  He reaches out telepathically to summon some sharks and massive squid to help him in his quest; but it doesn't work because he is in a Great Lake and not the ocean.  A whole big bunch of trout, walleye, and bass show up though and they are raring to go.  Not to mention tons and tons of alewife fish (I don't know what those are but I googled it and evidently they are the most common fish in Lake Ontario (who knew??)).  Aquaman doesn't mess around when he commences the fight with The Legion and nearly punches Star Boy's head clean off either killing him or knocking him out causing him to drown (either way, he is gone now).  Triplicate Girl is three times as dangerous as normal after she clones herself; but still can't hang for more than a couple minutes with Aquaman.  Lightning Lad has blasted a whole bunch of lightning into the water which didn't affect Aquaman a whole lot but did really piss him off when he saw all the dead alewifes floating to the top of the water.  The Ol' Lad of Lightning gets a trident to the chest for the effort.  

Invisible Kid is nowhere to be seen.  Maybe he is running late, or overslept or something, IDK.....  

Mon El on the other hand does manage to put up quite a fight with the King of Atlantis though.  In this particular setting Mon El and Aquaman have about equal strength and raw power; but Mon El's fighting prowess isn't doing all that well in the water.  As Aquaman draws him deeper and deeper into the lake he is able to overtake him.  Aquaman leaves the skirmish bruised up and sore; but victorious having defeated the entire League of Superheroes single handedly.  

Aquaman moves to help his fellow Trash Pandas with Godzilla but is stopped by Vah Ruta for another bout.

The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee moves into attack The Artrips and their Phibian friends (how is it that there is always a bee around when you are shirtless and swimming??)?  The valiant Honey Nut Cheerios Bee who was so sought after in the draft (way to sleep on the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee Sigmas) fiercely stings Phibian #3 who as it turns out is very allergic to bee bites.  Luckily Jack had his backpack on him and there was a skilled Nurse around.  They administered the EpiPen and The Phibian was fine.  The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee unfortunately died during the stinging process because that is what they do.  

Gochira is being swarmed by Ice Man, Black Hand, and Iron Man who is moving swiftly between attacking high from the air and low from beneath the water.  Ice Man creates an ice slide and is coming in quick towards the kaiju; but Gochira stomps mightily on the O.G. X-Man and crushes him down into the depths of the Great Lake.  Blastoise and Empoleon attempt to join the fight; but their attacks are doing very little damage to the massive Gochira.  A quick burst of atomic breath takes care of them.  The raging battle between Aquaman and the giant elephant beast born to destroy Water Blight Gannon himself known as Vah Ruta continues and moves closer and closer to the devastation being perpetuated by Gochira.  Tony Stark comes up with a plan to take Godzilla down; but knows it is going to have to be a sacrifice play.  He waits for the madman Black Hand to take to the air and move in towards the head of their giant nemesis.  As Godzilla opens his massive maw to swallow the black lantern, Iron Man asks Jarvis to put everything into the thrusters and follows Black Hand with a push right down the throat of Godzilla (I'm just gonna be done calling him Gochira now if that is okay with you guys).  Aquaman witnesses this happening out of the corner of his eye, as he is using what is seemingly the last of his strength to drive his kingly trident into the back of the neck of the mighty and mystical Vah Ruta.  As Iron Man finds himself bouncing into the belly of Godzilla he targets not the inside of the Kaiju itself but instead his dying, yet already dead fellow trash panda Black Hand with every bit of firepower he has left at his disposal.  The black lantern energy mixed with the raw power of Stark's suit explode the intestines of Godzilla and even blows a small hole out of the side of his belly.  The fatally wounded but still living Godzilla lets out an earth rattling bellow that ripples the very water below him.  Then with the last bit of strength possessed by the massive creature, Gochira gives one more insanely intense bellow; but it is this time accompanied by a brutally radioactive atomic breath blast sent directly into the waters below him..........  

Jack Artrip, attempting to save his TEAMmates around him was the only one "awake" enough to see what was about to happen and the only TEAMmember with both the foresight and the ability to take flight with the aid of his tanooki suit and flee to safety.  "If it flies it spies" Jack says with a heavy heart as the water boils beneath him.

EPILOGUE.

Joshatu the Wise returns to his castle where he rents a small room to The Neon Master Pogo for twelve and a half bucks a week.  Pogo emerges from his room wearing torn hospital scrubs, with a corn cob pipe hanging out of his mouth and a Miller High Life in his hand.

Pogo:

-Sup Boss??

Joshatu:

-What's up Pogo

Pogo:  Did you seriously just write a match in the water and have Aquaman lose??

Joshatu:

-Hey man, it was a tough one.  I just called it like I saw it.

Pogo:

-Yeah.  Called it like an idiot saw it.  

Joshatu:

-.................

Pogo:

-HAhaha!!  <<BURP>>

Joshatu:

-I'm never gonna live this one down am I??....................

The Doctor's Madhouse Vs. The Sigmaz

 The Doctor's Madhouse is Ocean Master, Aqualad, Kit Fisto, Ulmo, Swamp Thing, The Lochness Monster, Atlantean #1-8, Sharkticon #1-5, & Navy Sailor #1-6.

The Sigmaz are The One Piece Crew in The Thousand Sunny:  Sanji, Zoro, Jimbei, Franky, & Nico-Robin, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and their Mega-Zords: Jason, Billy, Zack, Trini, & Kimberly, Zordon, Asura, The 1st and snd Sweep, Master Hand, & Goblin #2-4.

This match was viewed on three different realities by The Watcher Consortium.

Week 2 Consortium: Dolla 49 McRib vs David Byrnes Meat Suits

 Dolla 49 McRib: Doomsday, Sentry, Brolly, Picollo, Runabout, Runamuck, and Wheel Jack, Green Martian #6-8, and Chattari Leviathan #1-3

David Byrnes Meat Suits: Avatar Korra, Unalaq, Desna, and Eska, Jar Jar Head Captain, Jar Jar Head Lieutenant, Jar Jar Head Second Lieutenant, Jar Jar Head Sergeant, Jar Jar Head Corporal, Jar Jar Head Lance "Bass" Corporal, Jar Jar Head Private First Class, Jar Jar Head Privates #1-3, Gungan Soldier #1-10, Boss Nass, Kosa-Yin Hadu, Jar Jar Binks w/ Purple Lightsaber, Slippy Toad w/ Orange Lightsaber, Deadpool, Piplup, Pikachu, and Amazon #1-5

Week 2 Democracy: The League of Heterosexual Gentlemen vs The National Alcohol and Zyn Association

The League of Heterosexual Gentlemen are Superman, Triton, Namorita, Dorma, Martian Manhunter, and Atlantean #2-8

NAZA is King Shark, Kyogre, Annihilus, Hyperion, Legends Luke Skywalker w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Admiral Ackbar, Bubba, and Zombie Yellow Lantern