Monday, March 17, 2008

Team Ed Vs. The Syracuse Valley

Team Ed is Superman (designated leader), Wile E. Coyote, God Emperor Leto II, Jet Li, Neo, He-Man & Battle Cat, Seraph, Blaster w/ Rewind, Eject, Ramhorn, & Steel Jaw, Luke Skywalker, R2-D2 & C-3PO, Gannon, The Shining Force (Max, Mayonais, Thor, Carli!!!, April!!!, Wilcoyte, Mogie, Robin Hood, Little John, Wimp, Yota, Chipmunk, Nick!, Ryan!, JoanJett, VanVanVn, Arthur, Ed 1, Jay Leno, Dump, Weird Al, Dr. Ruel, Tweetie, E.T., Bear!, Aerosmit, Bad Hair Day, Mac Dad, Luigie, & Yogurt), The Combaticons, John Wayne, Blitzwing, Griffin Poteracki, Shaun Poteracki, Sephiroth, Dozer #3, Kefka, Bomberman, & Bowser: King of Koopa.

The Syracuse Valley is Master Chief (designated leader), Fire Bros. #1-10, Boomerang Bros. #1-10, Darth Maul, Sonic the Hedgehog & Tails, Star Fox, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, & Ratbat, Xenomorph #85-94, Nightcrawler, Omega Red, & Little Goomba #1.

Kefka casts a spell towards Nightcrawler but he "Bamfs" out of the way before it can hit him. Kefka, in his normal fashion is now overcome with cowardice and begins running away. Gannon & Bowser, who are also video game villains are made extremely mad by this because we all know how much bravery and teamwork they have shown so far (see Week 1). They chase him down and kill their own teammate. Superman strikes next as he flies toward the fire bros. they throw many fireballs at him but they have little effect. He takes out all 10 of them in record time. God Emperor Leto II, the half human/half sandworm Kwisatz Haderach dives into the sands and starts moving at incredible speeds. He pops back up where the xenomorphs are camping out, where he then procedes to crush 3, consume 3, and then crush 3 more. The ruler of the known universe and emperor of 1 Million worlds then begins to think, in his superior mind that the concentrated acid blood in their bodies makes for a most unpleasant after taste. Master Chief leads his group of Boomerang Bros. against the Shining Force. Master Chief scores a deadly attack which kills VanVanVn and the boomerang bros. do quite a bit of damage to several other members. But Yota casts Aura level 2 and heals them. The 3 wizardess' & Arthur who have decided to go with Blaze spells because of the dessert climate all cast Blaze level 2, except for Carli!!! who casts Blaze level 4. This kills Master Chief, as well as Boomerang Bros. #9 & 10. Mayonais & Thor take out Boomerang Bros #1 & 2 while Bad Hair Day kills #3. Robin Hood and Little John double team Boomerang Bros. #4; and Jay Leno uses the Devil Lance to take out #5. E.T. and the other 3 fliers kill Bros. #6, while the ninja Mac Dad and Luigie the Samurai each take 1 out (#7 & 8). He-Man and Battle Cat are having a little bit of trouble catching Sonic but as Sonic turns around to do his spin move He-man gets in front of Battle Cat and blocks the blue hedgehog with his shield. Sonic becomes pretty dizzy and remains so when He-Man runs him through. Wile E. Coyote (Super Genius) along with Bomberman and John Wayne, who has Dozer #3 in his shirt pocket back Tails into a rock corner. They ask him to surrender but he begins to spin his tails to fly away. John Wayne shoots one of his tails knocking him out of the air and then they all start running away as Bomberman throws a bomb and Wile E. Coyote throws dynamite. This combined explosion easily takes out Tails. Soundwave faces off against his arch-rival Blaster and they both eject all of their tapes. Rumble tells Soundwave "I don't think we'll need you on this one boss"; which proves right as he and Frenzy easily rip Rewind and Eject apart. Ramhorn tries to rush at Buzzsaw but gets blown up by the robot bird's lazers. Ratbat then lands on Steeljaw's back and rips him apart. Soundwave begins to move in to attack Blaster, but Lazerbeak and Ravage double team the giant '80's boom box doing a lazer blast/metal chewing combo. Shaun Poteracki jumps as high as he can a lands on Little Goomba #1 (100 points). Shaun says "YES! I have always wanted to do that"! Neo, along with Seraph, Jet-Li, and Griffin all move against Darth Maul. Neo and Seraph move in unison around the sith lord surrounding him. Maul stabs Jet-Li in the heart, killing him and cuts off part of Griifin's right arm at the elbow. This keeps both ends of his lightsaber busy while he kicks him into Neo, who puts a well placed karate chop into the neck of Lord Maul cracking his neck. Afterwards, Seraph fills him with 2 magazines worth of bullets: just in case. Star Fox begins shooting his lazer gun at Luke but Luke easily blocks all of them with his green lightsaber. Star Fox manages to get in a drop kick when R2 makes a sound a little bit like this "WAAAahAAAAAAH" this distracts Star Fox for half a second while Luke stabs him in his furry chest. Luke says "Thanks R2" and C3-PO says in a whiny British accent "Oh stop bragging R2, Master Luke did all the work". The Combaticons merge to form Bruticus and Omega Red makes a valiant attempt at attacking the giant robot. He is unsuccessful, as Bruticus blasts him with a lazer and then picks him up to squeeze the last bit of life out of him. Blitzwing, in jet from flies toward Nightcrawler and transforms into his tank form, but before he does, Sephiroth jumps out and with his huge sword begins fighting Nightcrawler. Blitzwing tries to shoot Nightcrawler but the blue mutant teleports out of the way. The sword duel continues and Nightcrawler in this instance proves that 3 swords are better than one huge one as he stabs Sephiroth in the heart. Sephiroth is still barely alive when the huge lazer blast from the tank decepticon hits both him and Nightcrawler, killing them. Soundwave orders his tapes to come back into him as he flies away with the feeling that although they are retreating at least somebody on this team did their job.
TEAM ED IS VICTORIOUS!

5 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

By the way Ed, Griffin did not die, he just got his arm cut off. You, as team owner can decide whether to euthanize him or let him heal up in the locker room. It is your call. Call me for more details.

Ryan said...

If Ed has someone on his team who can do this, could Griffin be outfitted with a bionic arm like Anakin Skywalker in Episode II?

Josh the Commish said...

Exactly, but as far as I know Ed does not have anybody who would be good at such things.

Anonymous said...

Thats right "Mr. Awesome Man" better lose his arm! The Syracuse Valley maybe be beaten but we surely are not defeated! The hills are coming so better watch out!

-Shaun "Nathan" Poteracki

Josh the Commish said...

Ahh; Another country heard from. Welcome to the party Shaun.