Hannah Montana & Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Syracuse Valley

Hannah Montana and Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos is Dave Bowman, Qui Gon Jinn, Dr. Alan Grant, Dr. Ellie Sattler, Juda Ben Hur, Bizarro Superman, General Grievous, Azeem, Ms. Marvel, Maxima, Angel, Black Dragon #1, Hannah Montana, Jar Jar Binks, Dozer #1, Thundarr the Barbarian, Princess Ariel, Ookla the Mok, The Herculoids w/Humanoids: Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, Gleep, Zandor, Tarra, and Dorno, Horse #12-15.



The Syracuse Valley is Omega Red, Darth Maul, Sith Lord #4 (Darth Rave), Casey Jones, Splinter, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, & Raphael, Soundwave w/ Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Lazerbeak, Buzzsaw, & Ratbat, Master Chief, Nightcrawler, Venom, Zit, Rash, & Pimple, Star Fox, Sonic the Hedgehog & Tails, Bossk, Mcgruff the Crime Dog, Xenomorph #85, Fire Bros. #1 & 2, Little Goomba #1, Moritanti Soldier #1, & Treasure Troll #4.

Riding on his chariot, Juda Ben Hur leads the charge for his team against the hungry Syracuse Valley. Both are coming off losses in last week’s battles. The Commandos are trying to clinch their division, and a victory here in the sand would bring them closer to that goal. Ben Hur races towards the enemy and tramples Little Goomba #1 beneath his horses’ hooves. He then hurls his spear with great accuracy, impaling Master Chief. This death comes as a major shock to the rest of the Syracuse Valley. The remainder of the Commandos blitz the stunned Valley and tear through their ranks. Tundro spins his head at blinding speed, drilling it directly into Soundwave’s chest, who did not have time to eject more than just Rumble and Frenzy. Zok flies overhead with Black Dragon #1 and they lay waste to the Battletoads with a combo of fire and acid breath. As they fly away, Zok fires a laser beam from his tail, killing Casey Jones. Star Fox takes aim and, along with Bossk, shoots and kills Zandor, Tarra and Dorno. This sends Igoo into a primal rage, due to his fondness and devotion to Tarra. He crushes Star Fox, rips Bossk in half, and “takes a bite” out of McGruff. Ben Hur steers his chariot around for another pass but his horses are all killed by the twirling lightsabers of Darth Maul and his apprentice, Darth Rave. Ben Hur is thrown from his chariot. Darth Maul goes to finish off Juda but is blocked by a familiar green lightsaber. Qui Gon Jinn’s. “I believe we have unfinished business, you and I,” says the Jedi Master. Darth Rave attempts to ambush Qui Gon from behind, but is intercepted by Thundarr the Barbarian. Rave’s two lightsabers clash with Thundarr’s Sun-Sword. Rave is able to move around much more fluidly than the aggressive barbarian, almost dancing around him. Qui Gon and Darth Maul battle each other much like they did on Tatooine, but Qui Gon is prepared for this battle. (By the way, go ahead and begin listening to “Duel of the Fates” by John Williams if you own it.) Anyways, back to the awesome fight. With the open desert backdrop, Qui Gon is able to freely utilize his Form IV practices. He is able to blind even the agile Darth Maul with a flurry of acrobatic flips and jumps, while constantly being on the offensive. This catches Darth Maul completely off guard. Maul reacts with anger and frustration. This is where his downfall begins. Qui Gon cuts Maul’s lightsaber in half as he flips over his head. Then he force pushes him off of his feet. When the Sith Lord attempts to flip back up on his feet, he is met with an ironic lightsaber right through his stomach. Qui Gon moves to aid Thundarr who is losing his fight with the faster and more agile Darth Rave. “Wait for my signal Thundarr,” says Qui Gon. The arrogant and relatively inexperienced Rave fires his specially modified lightsabers at both opponents. “Now!” shouts Qui Gon, as both he and Thundarr dodge the oncoming lightsaber blades. They simultaneously cut the chains attached to Rave’s lightsabers and quickly finish off the Sith Lord. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles along with Splinter then spring into action. Raphael immediately punts Dozer #1 into next week. Splinter and Azeem square off with great respect and honor. Splinter defeats him after he butterfly kicks Azeem’s sword out of his hands, and drives his cane sword into Azeem’s heart. Ms. Marvel and Maxima team up to eliminate Donatello and Michelangelo. Gloop and Gleep split themselves into multiples smaller protoplastic creatures. They form themselves into sharp spikes and launch themselves at Leo and Raph, killing the last two Turtles. Jar Jar Binks was killed in the meantime by Treasure Troll #4 in a battle over who was the more useless character out on the battlefield. The Treasure Troll is then picked up by Bizarro and stuffed into his pocket. The Treasure Troll suffocates due to Bizarro’s backwards thinking. (i.e. Superman always washes his tights, so Bizarro… well you get the point.) Bizarro then flies through the Fire Brothers’ barrage of fire balls and freezes them with his freeze vision. General Grievous eviscerates Xenomorph #85 with his four lightsabers but is then decapitated by Nightcrawler who teleported behind him. Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ellie Sattler tackle Moritani Soldier #1 to the ground. Grant pulls the Raptor claw from his pocket and cuts the Soldier across the belly, spilling his intestines. Sonic the Hedgehog is now racing around the Commandos at such high speeds, causing a sandstorm engulfing the battlefield. This allows Nightcrawler, Venom and Omega Red to go on the offensive. Omega Red snares Maxima and drains the life force from her. Venom rips Hannah Montana’s head from Miley Cyrus’s body. Nightcrawler teleports behind Dave Bowman but is bitten by Angel who was backing the Starchild up. He finishes the mutant quickly. The Venom Symbiote sees that Dave Bowman is the ultimate host and tries to bond with him. Bowman simply removes Venom from this plane of existence. Rumble and Frenzy team up against Ookla the Mok, but are blasted by Princess Ariel’s magic. Rumble manages to shoot Ariel, before he and Frenzy are crushed by Ookla. Omega Red leaps behind the huge Mok and snaps his spine. He then attracts the attention of the Black Dragon. The dragon tries to spray Omega Red with acid but he evades the attack. Instead, the dragon kills Dr. Sattler and Dr. Grant with the acid. Bizarro grabs Omega Red’s tentacles and yanks him to the ground, crushing Tails actually. Black Dragon then lands in front of his prey, melting him with a full blast of acid. Splinter makes a valiant last stand, but Juda Ben Hur and Qui Gon Jinn end his life quickly, out of respect for the ninja master.

HANNAH MONTANA AND BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!