Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Untouchables Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

The Untouchables are Megatron, Deadpool & Legolas in a Land Speeder, The Insecticons: Bombshell, Kickback, & Shrapnell, & Sinestro (w/ his original Green Ring).

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Ewok #4-40, The Maxx w/ Julie, Ted Nugent, Etrigan the Demon, Brack, Dobby, Greedo, Ron Popeil, Howard the Duck, Lauren Michaels, Doc Brown, & Marine #1.


Head Coach of The Untouchables Commissioner Gordon actually called up Murderflies Head Coach King Leonidas and told him the following. “Your highness I am going to be completely honest with you I started a group of people who will in no way listen to any kind of plan so do yourself a favor and don’t try to over think what it is my team might be doing because even I have no clue”. King Leonidas’ reply was “Oh really, I do that every week”. Deadpool and Legolas are cruising around in their land speeder having one heck of a great time when Legolas says “Wade what matter of wizardry propels this land boat, I have never seen such an invention in all my thousand years”. Deadpool replies with “Oh, this old thing, it’s no big deal I used to ride around in these all the time when I was a kid growing up on Tatooine”. “Really” Legolas answers. “Oh yeah I used to drive around with my droids and, ya know fight Sand people, and then sometimes go hang out with old Ben beyond the Dune Sea”. Deadpool says. Legolas looks over at him truly amazed and says “That sounds like a great story”. Deadpool finishes off the conversation with “Oh yeah it was pretty awesome, they could make a whole trilogy about, but I digress, back to the land speeder. The only problem with this puppy is that ever since the new XP-38 came out they just aren’t in demand. Which reminds me of this other time when…………” Just then Brak jumps out in front of the land speeder and yells “Evil is here, Brak will destroy you! All Hail Brak”! Legolas yells “look out, make this thing stop”! “Deadpool yells in his best Jake Lloyd voice “I’m trying to stop I’m trying to stop”! They then hit Brak head on which kills the alien over lord and wrecks their land speeder. “Sorry about your land boat Wade, who was that guy anyway” Legolas says. Deadpool replies with “I don’t know but it’s a shame he’s dead I was about to start Hailing him as my new leader and everything”. Meanwhile Sinestro takes to the air in an attempt to find a worthy opponent while The Insecticons can’t find any Murderflies either so they just simply start burning the whole Jungle down. The 2 fellow inventors and newly made life long BFF’s Ron Popeil and Doc Brown round up all of the Ewok’s and tell them to take to the trees so they can start implementing some good devices for them to use: Ewok #3, the unofficial leader of the bunch responds with “moogoo ubdub gyuck yuck” which loosely translates to “Damn son it is hot as hell in this forest” which has nothing to do with anything that Doc Brown just told them. Sinestro from high above spots Etrigan hopping through the jungle down below. Sinestro flies down to surprise the Demon but right as he is about to make contact Etrigan whips around and punches the green lantern in the face. Etrigan then blasts him with some hellfire out of his mouth but Sinestro puts up a green energy field just in the nick of time. Sinestro then takes to the air once again to gain an advantage over the powerful demon. Etrigan rips out a tree by its roots and swings it at Sinestro but Sinestro dodges out of the way quickly and then slices the demon in half with an emerald blade. Megatron flies down and can’t decide who to blow up first so he goes with Julie. The Maxx truly believing that he is a mighty super hero climbs up a 3 ft. tall tree and jumps at the mighty Decepticon. The Maxx jumps face first into Megatron’s leg causing him to fall to the ground unconscious. The Mighty Megatron doesn’t notice this attack but if he had it would have been successful in pissing him off. Deadpool screams “Hey! Nobody humps Megatron’s leg except me”. The Merc with a mouth then jumps on top of the Maxx and shoots him 27 times, but afterward he does make sure to say to him “but dude, cool costume”. Ted Nugent and Marine #1 are sneaking through the forest having the time of their lives when they spot Legolas on the horizon. Deadly Tedly looks over at Marine #1 (the character not the helicopter the president rides in) and says “You take the ridge and all go down in the swamp, we’ll get that buck…. I mean elf”. But at that moment Legolas spots the 2 of them and begins running toward them. Ted and the marine (the common not John Cena) both start shooting at Legolas but he is simply to fast and ducks out of the way. Legolas then quickly scampers up a tree and fires off 2 arrows into their chests before Ted and the marine (hell at this point lets just call him Buck) can get their guns off. The Insecticons are mowing through the jungle having killed about 15 ewoks so far when all of the sudden an extremely inebriated Ewok #5 falls out of the tree and dies. This may sound unimportant but that particular ewok was supposed to cut the branch that would put the Popeil/Brown plan into effect. Oh well they will just have to wait for The Insecticons to make their next pass, so they do. This time Ewok #26 climbs the tree and then cuts the desired branch which sets a plan in motion that makes the end of Return of the Jedi not look even the least bit unbelievable, because this time not only do the ewoks crush huge machines with nothing but logs and rocks this time they do it with 1.21 GIGO watts. When Ewok #26 cuts the branch it drops a rock down onto another branch that flings an egg onto the head of Ewok #8 that causes a bird to land on his head and start eating it which then Ewok #3 hits off of Ewok #8’s head with a stick into a cardboard box which throws off the weight distribution on the pulley which was holding up the log which knocks into the windmill which generates enough of a spark to fire up the plutonic powered fire propelled log launcher TM (by Ronco: patent pending). Once turned on this device fires two (count em, not just one, two) huge logs right through the metal chests of both Bombshell and Shrapnell. In the meantime 4 more ewoks have fallen out of trees (those branches are slippery in this humidity) and the other remaining ewoks managed to destroy Kickback the old-fashioned Endor way. Dobby and Greedo, led by Howard the Duck have taken a position behind a fallen tree on the other side of The Untouchables camp. Howard gives the signal and Dobby starts blasting magical bolts at Megatron with Greedo backing him up with his blaster. Megatron turns into his gun form and then falls on the ground because there was no Decepticons left to catch him. A pissed off and embarrassed Megatron then transforms back and just blasts the 3 of them with his arm mounted cannon. Deadpool shoots a frightened Lauren Michaels in the head while he yells “this is for letting Piscopo leave the show”. The ewoks under orders from Popeil and Brown begin to put together a new device when Sinestro flies down and rips both Doc Brown and The Ronco founder in half with a beam of green energy. With their leaders gone the ewoks scatter which prompts Deadpool and Legolas to have an Ewok shooting contest. Final Score: Deadpool 6 Legolas 11.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!

3 comments:

Archr5 said...

"Howard gives the signal and Dobby starts blasting magical bolts at Megatron with Greedo backing him up with his blaster. "

This is why this fight is BS.
Everyone Knows Greedo shoots first!

Josh the Commish said...

Sorry, my bad. I must of printed "The Untouchables Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies: SPECIAL EDITION". I'll be sure to change it back when the DVD comes out.

Artifact said...

Yeah. then you will be seen on the special features of your own FUCKING DVD wearing a "Dobby shot first" shirt.

Fucking Lucas.

-Z