Horsemen of Apokolips vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

I have been appointed by my brethren Joshatu and Ryatu to watch the following Year 2, Week 9 Match: The Horsemen of Apokolips vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

I look into the locker room of The Horsemen of Apokolips. The Horsemen are Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Sinestro, Madeline Pryor, Emma Frost, Phoenix (Rachel Summers), Bellatrix Lestrange, Parasite and Larry Reamer.

Bellatrix: I cannot wait to use Avada Kedavra! It has been awhile since I have last spoken those words. . .

Darkseid: Your killing curse will assist us in our victory, but it is the raw power of this team that will crush all those who stand in our way!

Reamer (looking at Emma Frost): If you play your cards right and we win this match Emma, I’ll show you my raw power!

Sinestro: Remember what our owner said! No retreat! This is a death match!

I then look into the locker room of the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. The Midgets are Magneto, Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan, Asajj Ventress, Omega Supreme, X-23, Superboy, Wonder Man, Rogue, Nightwing in the (Modern Age) Batmobile, Wicket W. Warrick, Ewok #41 and Bill Kelly.

Magneto: We face a formidable team, but a team that we are able to beat!

Bill Kelly: With my skills I will beat them all off!!!!

Dooku: Remember. Our master does not tolerate a “retreat” by any member of his squad!

I transport the teams to the icy wastelands of the planet Hoth. . .

Parasite tunnels through the frozen tundra. Parasite springs from the frosty ground right next to Bill Kelly. Parasite touches Kelly and realizes that he has no super powers to absorb. Parasite throws Kelly across the ground in frustration. Kelly is shaken, but unharmed. Parasite sees Superboy across the battleground and burrows again. He rises from the snowy ground and realizes that he has mistakenly calculated where the Kryptonian actually is. Instead of rising next to Superboy, he rises next to Omega Supreme. Omega sees Parasite, who is unable to absorb any energy or super powers from the Transformer. Omega unloads all of his weapons into Parasite and kills him.

Wicket W. Warrick and Ewok #41 rush at who they believe is the easiest prey on the Horsemen – Larry Reamer. They surround Reamer and begin to jab at him with their spears. Ewok #41 manages to graze Reamer’s knee. Reamer reaches into his tool belt and pulls out a hatchet and claw hammer. With the skills of an experienced roofer, he throws his weapons at the Ewoks. Although both Ewok #41 and Wicket are struck by the tools, they are only injured. Sensing that Reamer cannot pull his nail gun out in time to kill them both, the Ewoks charge. Madeline Pryor and Rachel Summers spring into action. Pryor uses her psionic energy to crush Ewok #41. Summers uses her phoenix force to destroy Wicket.

Reamer: Thanks for the assistance ladies. Maybe I could help the both of you later.

Pryor: In your dreams Reamer.

Bellatrix Lestrange sees Bill Kelly walking on the battlefield.

Lestrange: Perfect! Avada Kedavra!

Lestrange unleashes the killing curse at an unsuspecting Kelly. As the curse is about to strike Kelly, Nightwing drives up in the Batmobile. The Batmobile deflects the spell. The female Death Eater is infuriated and screams the spell at the two men. The two men jump behind the Batmobile and the spell dissipates again. Lestrange runs at the men, knowing that she will be able to take one of them out before the battle is done. She does not see Magneto who is watching the entire event transpire. Magneto uses his powers to raise the Batmobile and then have it then fall on Lestrange. Lestrange is crushed by the vehicle.

Grayson: Thanks Mags!

Magneto (magnetically tinkering with the vehicle in order to fix any defects caused by Lestrange’s crushing): Anytime young Grayson and Kelly.

Grayson and Kelly jump into the Batmobile and ride at Luke Skywalker. Grayson pulls no stops as he unleashes his weapons at the Grand Jedi Master. As the Batmobile is about to plow Skywalker down, the Jedi, at the last instant, jumps away and uses his lightsaber to slice the left front and back wheels. The Batmobile careens out of control and Grayson and Kelly are thrown from the vehicle. The Batmobile crashes and goes up in flames. Grayson and Kelly face Skywalker.

Skywalker: Retreat and you will survive today.

Grayson: Not an option friend!

Skywalker: Very well. I promise to make this painless on you both.

As Skywalker approaches the two, he is met by Count Dooku, Darth Yardigan and Asajj Ventress who have rushed to the scene.

Skywalker: You should have stayed on your team of origin Yardigan.
Yardigan: I’m sure you’ve heard Skywalker, the mighty Beckerman team has fallen without me. Look at the standings yourself. 4-4. A disgrace!

Skywalker: Your pomposity never ceases to amaze me.

Yardigan rushes at Skywalker. Skywalker avoids the Sith’s lightsaber and slices him in half.

Skywalker (looking at the halved Yardigan): And neither does your lack of skill Yardigan.

Dooku and Ventress both attack Skywalker at the same time. Skywalker manages to block and parry the blows of the Sith Lord and his apprentice. As Dooku comes in for a death blow, Skywalker dodges and decapitates Dooku. While Skywalker is focused on Dooku for a second, Ventress manages to slice Luke’s mechanical hand off. Luke switches his lightsaber to his other hand and finishes Ventress off. The Grand Jedi Master is still more than enough for a mere Sith acolyte. Wounded, but not bleeding, Skywalker walks to the other combatants and is met by Superboy. Superboy uses his strength to strike Luke. Luke is propelled by the force into the sky; he also loses his lightsaber in the process. As Skywalker sails away, he uses the force to reach out to his lightsaber. The lightsaber flies to Skywalker, but Skywalker is like a clay pigeon in the air. His lightsaber reaches him too late as Omega Supreme blasts him in the sky. As Skywalker reaches the ground, X-23 uses her claws to slice Skywalker apart. The Grand Jedi Master dies.

As Superboy is flying, he is met by Supergirl, Superboy Prime and Sinestro. Outmatched, Superboy is thinking of what to do when he is luckily joined by his teammates, Wonder Man and Rogue. Superboy fights Superboy Prime. The two are evenly matched and one Kryptonian does not get the better of the other. It is not until Supergirl enters the fray when Superboy loses ground and is pummeled by the two. Superboy Prime and Supergirl manage to kill Superboy. Rogue flies to Supergirl and holds her in a vice-like grip. Rogue manages to touch Supergirl on the skin and absorbs her powers. Supergirl, at the contact, falls to the ground in a daze. Bill Kelly walks over to Supergirl. He admires how beautiful she is and thinks that it is a shame he must kill her. Before he takes his nail gun out, X-23 jumps in front of Kelly and takes advantage of the weakened Supergirl. X-23 finishes Supergirl off.

Sinestro sees Wonder Man and uses his ring to form a huge projected fist. The fist comes at Wonder Man, full force.

Wonder Man: Not the face!

Too late - as the fist smashes Wonder Man. Wonder Man hits the snowy ground and slowly gets up. He is met by Darkseid who uses the Omega Force and his psionic powers to kill Wonder Man. Sinestro smiles at the demise of Wonder Man when he feels a force tug on his ring finger. Sinestro whirls to the ground, carried by his ring. It is Magneto, using his powers to capture the ring and force Sinestro down. As Sinestro crashes to the ground, the ring is ripped off his finger. Sinestro screams at the agony of losing his finger and the humiliation of losing his ring. His screaming is short lived as Omega Supreme blasts and kills him.

Meanwhile Nightwing meets Emma Frost. He fires one of his bat-weapons at her. She transforms her body into its diamond form. The bat-weapon is deflected back at Nightwing, who is injured. As Emma Frost walks up to Nightwing, she is joined by Larry Reamer.

Reamer: I guess the commercials are true. A diamond is a girl’s best friend.

Frost: Give it a rest.

Frost, still in diamond form, uses her hand to pierces through Nightwing’s heart; he is instantly killed. Emma Frost morphs out of her diamond form, into flesh. This is a mistake as Magneto uses X-23’s adamantium laced skeleton to his advantage and “throws” X-23 (using her metal-covered skeleton as a means) at Frost. X-23 mortally wounds Frost and she dies. X-23 approaches Reamer when she in confronted by Madeline Pryor and Rachel Summers. Although X-23 has the regenerative healing factor, the Goblin Queen and Phoenix are too much for her and she succumbs to their combined abilities.

Reamer: Thanks again ladies.

Pryor: Don’t mention it.

Summers: Let’s finish this!

Rogue, with the abilities of Supergirl, confronts both Pryor and Summers. She is nearly impervious to the psionic and phoenix blasts of the women and manages to kill Pryor. Superboy Prime comes to the scene. Since Rogue was only able to hold Supergirl for a short period of time, her Supergirl powers lapse and it is now Rogue against Superboy Prime. Superboy Prime does not allow Rogue to touch him before he kills her.

Omega Supreme comes to the scene and uses all of his weapons against Phoenix. He manages to destroy Summers. Nonetheless, he succumbs to the brute force and powers of Superboy Prime. As in a match before, Magneto uses the pieces of Omega Supreme as a cornucopia of mechanized weaponry. Magneto sends the pieces of Omega at the Horsemen. The Transformer pieces shred Superboy Prime and Darkseid, mortally wounding each. Although at death’s door, Darkseid does not meet his doom before using his final psionic blast to kill Magneto.

Bill Kelly and Larry Reamer are the last men standing on the Hoth battlefield.

Reamer: I’ve been waiting for this Kelly.

Kelly: Actions are louder than words Reamer!

Kelly throws a hatchet which lops off Reamer’s right hand. Reamer screams in pain and shrugs it off.

Reamer: Just a flesh wound!

Reamer responds by throwing a claw hammer, which rips into Kelly’s left shoulder. Kelly’s arm is hanging by a mere sinewy muscle. He screams and shrugs off the pain.

Kelly: Still have my right one!

Kelly, with his right hand, fires his nail gun repeatedly. The nails rip into both of Reamer’s legs. Reamer falls to the ground.

Reamer: Still have my torso and left hand!

Reamer, with his left hand, throws a hatchet, which manages to strike Kelly’s right arm, causing it to go limp. Reamer, miraculously, then takes a roofer’s crowbar out of his tool belt and chucks it at Kelly’s legs, crushing both kneecaps. Kelly falls to the ground, screams and lures himself out of the haze that is overtaking him.

Kelly and Reamer (in unison): I’m going to kill you!!!!

The two men roll on their torsos at one another. As they meet, Kelly manages to use his teeth to rip off Reamer’s left ear. Reamer though, uses his mouth to latch onto Kelly’s neck and rips into his flesh. He severs the carotid artery. Kelly bleeds out and dies.

Horsemen: Larry Reamer alive.

Midgets: All dead.

THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!!