Season Three: Week #2: The Syracuse Valley vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve

The Syracuse Valley is Godzooky, Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk & Beast Box, (movie) Wheelie, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Decepticon #1 & 2, Leonardo, Raphael, Venus Demilo, Anakin Skywalker in Odee Mandrell’s Pod Racer, Rob Bartlett w/ Halberd, Billy Mays in a Hovercraft, Gremlin #1 & 2, Xenomorph #91, Little Goomba #5 and Treasure Troll #27.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Calypso, Triton, Tracy Strauss, Marco Alexsandrovich Ramlus, Navy SEAL Chief #14, Battle Droid #1 & Charlie Brown in the Red October and Argonaut #1-6 in the Argo.

By the time I got there to witness the match, everything was quiet. Not only was everything quiet, but also the entire surrounding water that is supposed to be the Artic Ocean is frozen. It is possible that I may have shown up late to the match. In fact, it is possible that I might have missed the entire thing. I wait around for a bit and can see or hear nothing. I don’t know if everyone is dead or if both teams are stuck underneath the surface of the water.

After several minutes of trying to wrap by head around this strange scenario that I seem to be in, I begin to see movement from ice. It appears as if a small robotic bug of some sort is stuck halfway in the frozen body of water. Well, that was until the water around him just thawed momentarily and took him completely under the water. The top has now re-frozen over him. I am going to safely assume it’s dead. Sorry about all of this, I didn’t think something like this was able to happen. I was under the impression that the match started when I showed up. It only makes sense that this would be the case but it seems like this match is nearly over with (or quite possibly is already over).

I have heard a rumor about a sort of transcript that is made of these matches, but as I have always been present during my matches, I have never seen a real use for them.

Sometime later…

I put a request in for this matches transcript thus far. I have been told it is on its way, but they don’t seem very happy about my tardiness. I suppose I don’t blame them.

A bit later…

I just got it and it doesn’t seem like the match has been going on that long. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I totally was late to this thing and I have sure I am going to get a stern talking to after this is over with.

Here we go, it says Anakin flew over the water and began circling around the Argo ship. Then Billy Mays driving a hovercraft came speeding up towards the Argonauts ship as well. It appears that he was carrying Raphael, Leonardo, Venus Demilo and Gremlin’s #1 & 2. Also, it looks like Godzooky, who had Rob Bartlett and a Xenomorph riding on him flew towards the ship as well.

Wow, this stuff is really dry. Anyways, it seems that the Xenomorph jumped off of Godzooky and landed onto the Argo ship. It says he killed Argonauts #1-4 before anyone else even joined him on the ships deck. Billy Mays and his crew were able to board the ship and despite the fact that Venus Demilo died due to a sword wound to the chest from Argonaut #6, it seems like Raphael and Leonardo were able to finish off the remaining Argonauts. It appears that Raphael killed Argonaut #5 and Leonardo killed Argonaut #6.

Then the ship sank.

Wait, hold on a second.

Yeah, the ship sank.

Why would the ship sink, that makes no sense?

Oh, okay. Yeah, now it makes sense.

It seems that the Red October decided to open fire on the Argo and sink their own ship. No description past that. I’m guessing they found out their teammates were all dead and that they had a good chance of taking the remaining passengers out if they sunk the ship.

Before I forget, it says here that Little Goomba #5 and Treasure Troll #2 were on the Pod racer with Anakin. Also, the Decepticon Spy Bug was also randomly fly around the water. It kept saying it was detecting enemy activity but could not verify this with any sort of visual proof. Not incredibly important information, but I figured I would mention it. All right, as the ship sank, the Xenomorph, Leo, Raphael and Billy Mays were able to get off the ship in time and get back into the hovercraft. The Gremlins never made it out alive. They went down with the ship.

As the survivors on the hovercraft drove off they met up with the rest of their teammates, who were all of the robotic persuasion. Zombie Lazerbeak and SquawkTalk were flying overhead of everyone, while the rest of the Transformers were swimming. Big Robots swimming seems like an odd thing to me, but that’s what it says they were doing. Then several of the Transformers including Ravage, Wheelie and both Decepticon’s #1 & 2, along with the Xenomorph swam down to meet the Red October.

Triton was hanging around the Red October for protection and was able to take care of Ravage and Wheelie quite easily. The Xenomorph was able to get right on the giant submarine and actually tear a small hole somewhere on the underwater ship. Meanwhile, it seems as if Triton had his hands full with both Decepticons. Ultimately, he was able to destroy both of the evil robots. The fight did leave him injured, but he still went back to the Red October to help his teammates.

The Xenomorph and Triton had a lengthy fight, but in the end Triton was victorious. Though as the Xenomorph’s body floated down towards the ocean floor, much of the acid from its body bubbled up and overcame Triton. It did not take long for the acid to overwhelm the body of the green skinned creature and kill him. With the Red October in minor turmoil from the Alien’s hull breach, the ship’s captain was doing everything he could to get it up the surface.

This is where it seems to change quickly though. All of a sudden Transformers start to explode from the inside out. One by one, they started to die. First it was Beast Box and then it was Slugfest. Then Overkill and Frenzy. This unseen massacre seemed to only be affecting the robots. Then a stream of water flowed upstream and into the passenger compartment of the hovercraft. Out of what it seems like thin air, a water shaped figure (there words, not mine) began to take human form.

The water shaped figure as it turns out was Tracy Strauss and as soon as she took human form, she sent a tidal wave of ocean water onto the hovercraft. I’m not really sure why she took human form if she was just going to capsize the ship anyways, but that is what it says she did. During this time Zombie Frenzy had also burst from the inside out. SoundBlaster began firing randomly into the tidal wave of water, but it did not seem to do any good as he was soon disposed of as well.

From what I gather, Tracy was able to take control of every water molecule in the bodies of the swimming Transformers and in one violent motion, tear the robots apart from the inside out. It kind of sounds like that scene in the second X-Men movie where Mystique pumped that dude full of iron and then Magneto ripped all of the metal out of the dudes body, killing him from the inside out.

Anyways, by this time the Red October had surfaced and the members inside of it were standing on the topside of the hull. Anakin noticed this and flew towards his two surviving teammates from the hovercraft. One by one, he flew and dropped off Leonardo and Raphael to the hull of the surfaced submarine. Billy Mays was not part of this retrieval mission, as he died in the tidal wave.

The Battle Droid instantly started shooting at the Ninja Turtles, but Raphael was able to kill him with one hit to the head with his Sai. The Navy SEAL Chief by this time began firing as well and though he shot Raphael in the Stomach, he was overpowered by the Ninja Turtle in the end. Marco at this time had gone back into the sub, carrying Charlie Brown. Both turtles followed them into the ship. There are no specific details from inside the ship but ultimately Marco shot Leonardo in the face and was then killed with a Sai blow to the head. Raphael killed Charlie Brown as well. Then something interesting happened.

It says the sea began to violently thrash, knocking the Red October back under the water. Then huge waves began knocking everything back down into the water, including Anakin in his pod racer and Zombie Laserbeak. The rusty transformer crashed into the water and Anakin’s pod racer was instantly destroyed. Then a massive whirlpool began to form around both of Valley members and began to swallow them up. Out from this giant whirlpool is a massive form that has to be Calypso. She seems quite pissed off and begins screaming about the death of Charlie Brown.

She has managed to take Anakin, the little goomba, the treasure troll and the zombie robot to their deaths underwater with a violent ease that seems like it was quite frightening. Then the entire ocean began to be sucked down into the hole, which kept becoming larger and larger by the second. Then when the water seemed to be at it breaking point, it erupted like a volcano into the sky, knocking the terrified nephew of Godzilla and Rob Bartlett down into the water.

The force of the blow seemed to be devastating to the two remaining Valley members.
Not that it mattered anyways, because before either of them were even able to come up for air, the entire ocean as far as the eye could see became one big sheet of ice. The now frozen body of water had kept Godzooky and Rob under the water long enough to take both of their last breathes away from them.

The only thing I don’t understand is why this match isn’t over with yet. I still see nothing but a massive sheet of ice. This just doesn’t make any…wait a second. Hold on one minute, let me check on something.

One minute later…

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Raphael somehow survived all of this and is lying in the Red October. Which is naturally encased in ice at the point. Which means I have to wait until he bleeds out and dies from his stomach wound. I hope this doesn’t take forever.

Six hours later…

I totally deserve this. You know who doesn’t deserve this? You people out there. Sorry for this dry match. I’ll try and cut to the chase next time.

45 Minutes later…

Raphael is dead from his gunshot wound to the chest from Navy SEAL Chief #14. Rest in peace Raph.

The Kennelz: Calypso and Tracy Strauss are still alive.

The Syracuse Valley: All dead.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Victorious!