Oblivio vs. George Washington's Slaves

"Seen from orbit, Imperial Center is a blaze of light and sparkling colors, reminding some spacers of corusca stones, after which this planet was named long ago."
―Pollux Hax

I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:

Oblivio: Chucky, Bride of Chucky, Clary Fray and Golden Army Soldiers #1-18.

George Washington’s Slaves: Porkins and R5-D4 in an X-Wing, Gonzo and Kamilla, Cade Skywalker, Connor MacLeod, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, King Kong, Loki, Super Soldier, T-1000, Ultraman, Doppleganger, Runner, B’dg and Zillius Zox.

Oblivio is located at Newport. As the match commences, Golden Army Soldiers (hereinafter referred to as “GAS”) #1-18 rise, ready for battle. The Shadowhunter Clary Fray uses her mystical abilities to encase Elven King Balor’s crown under a protective force field for the Golden Army’s protection.

Connor MacLeod and Zombie Ki Adi Mundi are the first to face the GAS at the Newport grounds. The two focus on GAS #3. A grueling and pitched fight between sword masters and GAS #3 occurs. As MacLeod focuses on GAS#3’s right side, Mundi focuses on its left. Although Mundi’s lightsaber manages to slash through GAS#3’s left arm, MacLeod is unable to even dent its right side. MacLeod is stabbed in the stomach by GAS#3. MacLeod falls to his knees and GAS#3 pounces on the Highlander. With a slash of his sword, MacLeod is decapitated. MacLeod’s body slowly rises, a crackling energy flowing through the air. MacLeod’s life force explodes and both GAS#3 and Mundi are thrown across the room. Zombie Mundi and GAS#3 are slow to rise. As Mundi rises, he is met by one-armed GAS#3, GAS#9 and GAS#12. Mundi is unable to fight all three GAS and is killed as they decapitate the zombie, like his Scottish teammate.

Porkins and R5-D4 are in their “Red-Six” X-Wing. The two fly above the battlefield. Porkins fires his lasers and releases proton torpedos, which rip the land apart around GAS#5, GAS#10 and GAS#17. Porkins is confident that either his lasers, or torpedoes will eventually pierce the GAS. He decides to make another strafing run. R5-D4 accidentally miscalculates the height of the run due to its still-faulty motivator (caused by C-3PO) and the fighter comes too close to the GAS below. GAS#5 and GAS#17 manage to slash the undercarriage (and stabilizer) of the X-Wing. Porkins prepares to crash-land the fighter. R5-D4’s screams are heard across the sky as the X-Wing crashes, but safely. Porkins and the astromech droid climb out of the vehicle. Porkins looks around and hears evil laughter. He reaches for his blaster, but is too late. Chucky jumps on Porkins’ back.

Chucky: Hey you fat f#$k, gonna slit your g-dd@^n throat.

Chucky pulls out a large knife and slashes Porkins’ throat. Porkins falls down while blood spurts from his carotid artery. R5-D4 attempts to wheel away when he is met by Chucky’s Bride riding on the back of GAS#12. GAS#12 crushes R5-D4. Chucky’s Bride jumps off of GAS#12 and joins her soulmate. GAS#12 moves to its other warrior brethren.

Chucky and his Bride see Gonzo and Kamilla.

Gonzo: Honey, just watch yourself! We have a wonderful team. We just have to stick by them. . . Hey! It seems like we’re out of Newport and actually closer to The Works. I don’t know how we got lost!

Kamilla: Cluck! Bagaaah! Cluck-Cluck! Bagaah! Cluck-Cluck-Cluck. [Translation:
Because you’re a male and you refuse to ask for directions!]

Chucky: How about we give you directions, b@%*h?!?!

Chucky and his Bride rush the muppet and his lady-chicken-friend. The vicious brutality that follows cannot be described. Let it be said that chicken’s heads do not belong “there” and snouts should be used only for smelling. In case you cannot read into these cryptic words- Gonzo and Camilla are killed.

Chucky: All this killing has made me gotta take a pi$$. I’m going to go behind this building and relieve myself. You pretty yourself up and get ready for more killing.

Between The Works and Newport, Cade Skywalker fights GAS#11. Although the strong force-user nearly manages to destroy GAS#11 with his lightsaber, GAS#16 and GAS#18 join their Soldier teammate and overwhelm the renegade-pirate-Jedi. Skywalker is killed.

Chucky takes a little bit longer than expected (must’ve had to really pee), but joins his Bride on their future rampage. They walk toward Newport and see Clary Fray, protecting the crown. Chucky and his Bride walk to Fray.

In another part of the battlefield, Doppleganger lashes out at GAS#4. Although the bladed webs manage to damage GAS#4, once again, the GAS come together. GAS#1 and GAS#15 combine their efforts with GAS#4. Together, they manage to skewer Doppleganger.

Chucky and the Bride reach Fray.

Chucky: How’re things going?

Fray: Better than expected. We have not lost one while the Slaves are suffering great casualties.

Chucky: Not for long. . .

Chucky morphs into Fray. The Bride and “true” Fray have been duped by the T-1000. [Note: Please recognize that the T-1000 destroyed the “real” Chucky while the doll was taking a pee behind the building]. The T-Fray uses its fingers as spears to rip through Fray’s eye and into her brain. Fray falls down and dies. The Bride begins to run away and is sliced in half by the T-1000. The T-Fray morphs into its default form and waits for Loki and Runner to come over.

Loki: Good work T-1000! Enough of this foolishness! Slaaaaaaaaves!!!

As Loki projects his battle-cry for all to hear, the Norse trickster uses his mystical powers to overwhelm and crush Fray’s protective field. As the crown sits without protection, the Runner uses his primordial power to destroy the crown. Although the crown does not tear apart, fissures and cracks arise. The GAS are no longer indestructible and the Slaves will take advantage of this fact.

Ultraman is the first to take advantage of the newly-defeatable GAS. Ultra-Man fights GAS#3, GAS#5, GAS#7 and GAS#12. Ultra-Man’s chest light is seen as blue when he destroys GAS#3. His life-force light turns red as he defeats GAS#5. While Ultraman is fighting GAS#7 and GAS#12 his chest light begins to blink. He cannot reach the planet’s solar source because GAS#7 and GAS#12 have attached themselves to Ultraman’s legs. Ultraman’s power source dwindles and the solar-powered hero will never rise in this match again. GAS#7 and GAS#12 release Ultraman and face King Kong. The giant ape manages to destroy both GAS#7 and GAS#12. Kong beats his chest in triumph. The gigantic ape is enraged and its beastly instincts allow him to tear apart GAS#11 and GAS #16. Just as Kong is about to destroy GAS#9, GAS#1 and GAS#8 stab the ape repeatedly. King Kong dies.

The Green Lantern B’dg uses his ring to destroy GAS#1, while Zilius Zox destroys GAS#8 with his red power ring. Although the lanterns are enemies, they decide that for the better of the team, the two ring bearers will fight together.

The Super-Soldier uses his super strength, endurance, speed and stamina to fly around GAS#2 and GAS#6. He uses his heat-ray vision to destroy GAS#2. Super-Soldier then uses his ice breath to freeze GAS#6. While frozen, Super-Soldier flies through GAS#6 with his shield in tow; GAS#6 explodes into pieces.

B’dg and Zox use their lantern rings to destroy GAS#4 and GAS#14, but soon they are swarmed by GAS#13, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The large-headed red lantern Zox is skewered through his fat head and green lantern rodent is sliced in half by the GAS.

Loki and Runner decide that this match must end. Runner uses his power primordial and Loki uses his magic to rip through GAS#9, GAS#13, GAS#15 and GAS#16. They also use their powers to batter GAS#10, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The look to their teammates to finish the job.

The T-1000 battles GAS#10 and cuts it apart. Super-Soldier destroys the remaining GAS, GAS#17 and GAS#18.

If it were not for Loki and Runner (with the assistance of T-1000) the Slaves would have been overwhelmed and defeated by the expansion team. Loki and Runner will review the tapes of this match with their owner, captains and teammates. A near-embarrassment of this sort, especially by “commons, will not be tolerated in the future. . .

Slaves: T-1000, Loki, Runner and Super-Soldier live.

Oblivio: All dead.

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES IS VICTORIOUS!!!!