Tuesday, August 6, 2013

UNIVERSE BOWL VI: CHAPTER XIV: REPTILE ROADKILL

            “Hit the replay b%&ch!” orders Wish Bear.  

What you gon' do with all that junk?
                                                       All that junk inside your trunk?
                                                      I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
                                                      Get you love drunk off my hump.

                                                                           ***

            “The team calls little one,” starts BL Albus Dumbledore looking down at Yoshi.  “I believe it best if I speed ahead and allow you to reach the match in your own time.”

            Yoshi squeaks in response.  BL Dumbledore scratches the lizard’s head and smiles.  The lantern then rises above the ground and soars ahead.

            Yoshi’s tail wags at his master and he begins to merrily hop along the middle of the road.

***

            The pimpmobile races along the street; its radio continues to blare.  

What you gon' do with all that a$$?
All that a$$ inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream,
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

            “Hey, what the f#ck is that in the road up ahead?” asks Friend Bear.

            “It’s a motherf#ckin’ squirrel is what that is!” says Bedtime Bear.

            “A squirrel ain’t that large you dumbf#ck!” exclaims Friend. “. . . and a squirrel ain’t green!”

            “Road kill nonetheless,” states Wish Bear, slamming the gas pedal to the floor.

“Hit that f#cker!!!” screams an excited Bedtime Bear.

Yoshi is distracted and fails to notice the careening vehicle as he uses his prehensile tongue to capture a large insect.  He is unable to react in time with a flutter jump. The lizard’s body tumbles underneath the tires and is brutally shattered, leaving a blood infested skid mark along the road beneath.

            “Damn b%&ch!  That was bada$$!!!” exclaims Friend Bear.

            “Just shut the f#ck up and turn up the tunes! Autoplay b%&ches!!!” says Wish Bear.

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that a$$?
All that a$$ inside them jeans?
I'ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.

3 comments:

Ryan said...

Hahahahahaha. Best waiver wire sigingngs.... Ever.

NFG Mike said...

Oh man. The dark horse MVPs strike again! At least NFG and Yoshis corpses can hang out and bitch about Care Bears together.

Josh the Commish said...

Ha!! Dem crazy bears, at it again.