Monday, March 31, 2014

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse Vs. George Washington's Slaves

Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse is Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman, Tom Brady (w/ a blue lantern ring), Treasure Troll #9, Golden Army Soldier #1-25.

George Washington's Slaves are Jedi Master #3-10, Amazo, Batgirl (w/ black lightsaber), Loki, Wolverine, Ki Adi Mundi, Windcharger, Order of The Phoenix: James Potter, Lilly Potter, and Mad Eye Mooney, Lucius Malfoy, Santa Claus, Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Capt. Kirk, Capt. Picard, John Rambo, Athos, Porthos, Aremis, D' Artagian, Zack Morris, AC Slater, Screech, Jessie Spano, Lisa Turtle, Kelly Kapowski, Peter Griffin, Stewie, Brian, Lois, Meg, Chris, and Josh Houslander: Samurai Warrior.

Zero dark forty two. Point five.
“But…we….were…..friends…..no…..” Peter Griffin had passed out cold, a trickle of chartreuse liquid dribbling its way out of his parted lips and landing with a nearly imperceptible plop on the cracked floor tile beneath his double chin. When he’d accepted the job as a Mary Kay rep on board the Imperial Shuttle, he had not the faintest inkling that it would lead to his demise. As he tumbled down, down, down into the murky depths of his coma, he was unaware of the cackling spewing forth from the mouth of one Josh Houslander, Samurai Warrior.
Meanwhile………
Yellow Lantern Bryan Beckerman slammed the gear shift on his ’72 Nova SE (Space Edition) into 5th. He was driving free, though he was tense, acutely aware of the danger he was sure to come across that chilly morning. He glanced nervously behind him. He didn’t see anything…or did he? The car bounced steadily on, and he was glad he’d had the car serviced before all of this chaos ensued. He reached into the glove box and pulled out a packet of caffeine pills. He’d been driving for three days straight now and needed a pick-me-up. He threw a glance in the rearview mirror again. This time he was sure he’d seen something! “Bastard cats!” he spat angrily. They were everywhere now, slinking their way around space, plotting against them all. In the backseat, Treasure Troll #9 thought Bryan was losing his mind, but Bryan knew there was evil afoot. As he drove past a shopping center he saw an elderly woman trying to juggle several heavy bags. For a moment he considered stopping to help, but then figured it was just another damn cat in a costume.
He grabbed his mobile and dialed the one person he didn’t want to talk to, but he had no choice. The phone rang 39 times before a gruff voice said, “hello?”
“Brian? It’s Bryan. I know we’re enemies now, and you said never to call again after our scandalous tryst, but you’ve got to help!”
“Bryan….the thing is, I just ate my own poop. I can’t really talk right now.”
“Brian, listen to me!! I know he’s your friend, but Josh Houslander, Samurai Warrior is up to no good! You’re the only one who can get through to him and help rid us of this dangerous infestation!”
Brian gasped. “You don’t mean….”
“Yes. He’s putting his plot into action. You always suspected it. He’s not your teammate anymore Brian, he’s putting you all at risk.” Bryan Beckerman said gravely.
Brian sighed. “Oh my God, now we have a common enemy, we have to work together.”

Three days later……
“Muawahhahahaha!!!!” Josh giggled, a self-satisfied grin shellacked to his face. He was in his lab, relishing his new career as a mad scientist. His potion was working and his plan to turn all the people of the world into cats was going swimmingly. Investing all of his money into Tidy Cat was going to pay off yet! Peter Griffin had turned into a Siamese and was perched on the window sill while Josh worked on an unconscious Tom Brady whom he had kidnapped earlier that day; that blue lantern ring was of no help to Tom now. Sadly, Amazo, Batgirl, Wolverine, Ki Adi Mundi, Windcharger, Jedi Master 3-10, Loki, Santa Claus and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had also been transitioned into felines and were milling around the lab meowing.
Intending to stage an intervention, Brian Griffin burst through the door, followed by Lois, Meg, Stewie and Chris. Before Brian could take control of the situation, Stewie shot Lois dead. Behind him floated Lily and James Potter and Mad Eye Moody, all of whom had their wands ready. “Expelimookerus felinicus!!” they cried magically. Nothing happened. Lucius Malfoy rolled his eyes at them. In came Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. They just stood there doing reindeer things. Brian shook his head. This was not going the way he had hoped. Then Zach Morris came waltzing in with A.C. Slater, Kelly Kapowski, Lisa Turtle, Jesse Spano and Screech Powers. They were in the middle of orchestrating their own personal harebrained scheme against their former principal and failed to add anything to the situation.
Captain James T. Kirk and Captain Jean Luc Picard both came over the loud speaker to announce that they would be landing shortly, but were cut off, and all everyone heard were two blood curdling male screams. Seconds later Bryan Beckerman’s voice came booming through the speaker.
“You’ll never get away with this Josh!” The line went dead.
In spite of himself, Brian Griffin began barking and chasing the cats around. Just then, Bryan Beckerman, Treasure Troll #9 and Golden Army Soldier #1-25 bombarded the lab, knocking over bottles and splashing potion all over the place. It seemed everyone was turning into cats. It was pandemonium. Bryan knew what he had to do. Earlier that day he’d made a very important stop at the Bomb Emporium, where he’d spent every bit of spare change from the floor of his car. He also had a coupon he’d cut out of Incendiary Weekly that he’d been saving for months, just in case. He set the timer, motioned to his colleagues, and they hightailed it out of the lab. The explosion sent cat parts flying every which way. Brian Griffin landed with a sickening thud at Bryan’s feet, his life ebbing away. He gazed at Beckerman, love and admiration spilling from his remaining eye and he managed to share one final message with Bryan. “Stay gold Pony Boy, stay gold.”

3 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

BECKERMAN PRESENTS: THE MICKEY MOUSE GRINDHOUSE IS VICTORIOUS!!

Grindhouse Survivors: Beckerman, Treasure Troll.

Slaves: All dead.

Solobeck said...

GO GRINDHOUSE!!!

Artifact said...

hahaha.

That was really funny. Good work Heather. Josh, please do not turn the world into cats.

-Z