Monday, March 31, 2014

Commandos vs Horsemen

 Horsemen of Apokolips are: Darkseid w/ Palantir, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Firestorm (Jason Rusch), Scar (Evil Guardian), White Lantern Sinestro, Annihilus, Black Bolt, Optimus Prime w/Roller, Obi Wan Kenobi in a Jedi V Wing, Harry Potter, Godzilla, Pinhead, Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki, C.M. Punk w/ Legion Flight Ring, Blue Lightsaber, Bruno Sammartino, Stitch w/Green Lightsaber, Bugs Bunny, The Celestial: Ace Frehley, and Darth Vader Sith Starfighter Transformer



President Barack Obama & Miley Cyrus' Touring Battalion of Commandos are: Kingdom Come Superman, Earth 2 Superman, Martian Manhunter, Vampire Orion, The Atom, Heimdall, Thanos, Captain Marvel (Mar-Vel), Aleta One "Aletamus Prime", Jen Linley w/ Yellow Infinity Gem, Judah Ben Hur w/ White Lantern Ring & Green Infinity Gem, Space Jockey w/ Orange Infinity Gem, Hermione Granger w/ Blue Infinity Gem, President Barack Obama w/ Purple Infinity Gem, Duke (G.I. Joe) w/ Green Lantern Ring, Anus the Touchable, Worm Becks, Dora w/ Boots, the Map & Backpack, Benny, Isa & Tico, Black Lantern Doozer #1, Black Lantern Jar Jar Binks, Tenderheart Bear, Doozer #13, The Death Star with the following crew members John Harrison, Worf w/ S.P.I.N. Tech, Xavier Harkonne, Frank Poole, and 3 L.M.D.s

BA-WHOOM!!

Obi-Wan blows a hole in the side of the Death Star's docking station, throwing the Commandos into chaos. They'd been so focused on their destruction at the hands of Ace Frehley that they never considered a blitzkreig assault like this.

"It's CLOBBERING TIME!!!" exclaims CM Punk as he enters the hold, igniting his blue lightsaber. He looks around and sees his foes. Worm Becks. Tenderheart Beart. Dora and her crew. Jen Linely is using her yellow infinity gem to endlessly fulfill her various vices, and due to the vast amounts of drugs and alcohol we find Anus the Untouchable isn't quite so untouchable afterall.

"Yousa in some beeg beeg doodoo" says Black Lantern JarJar. He rushes forward, and slips on some of the product of Jen's wishes ,and slams into Tenderheart, causing his Care Bear stare to miss Punk and hit Becks mid-worm. Beckerman is thrown backwards and lands facefirst in Jen's massive pile of cocaine. Stuck on his side, Beckerman can do nothing but bob up and down in the drug eliciting screams of fury from Linely.

"Are you serious?" says a bewildered Punk as the scene continues to break down. "This is f**king stupid." he says as he shakes his head and flies off. Never to be seen from again.

Suddenly, a massive Starfighter invades the bay, but none of the Commandos notice. The telltale sounds of a transformer transforming doing even break them out of their in-fighting. This makes things surprisingly simple for the gigantic Darth Vader robot, who begins crushing the Commandos one by one. His signature breathing sounds like a jet engine. Vader begins storming about the base his normal persona calls home, dispatching  all who come his way. Duke makes a valaint effort to stop the beast, but not even GI Joe can thwart the coolness that is a Star Wars Transformer. The green infinity gem of Judah Ben Hur has no affect on the soulless Vader, who lets a ferocious blast of Sith lightning erupt from his fingers and vaporizes him.

President Obama sees all this going on and teleports himself to RAMA where Thanos is waiting.

"It's an absolute mess over there, Thanos. I say we send out a drone strike and cut our losses."

"Nonsense. It's all going according to plan. You're up.. 'Tenderheart' "

"As you wish, Thanos" says the Care Bear, who begins to shift and shake-revealing his true form. The Martian Manhunter. J'Onn takes off and prepares to deal with the escalating situation at the Death Star,

2 comments:

Krisatu said...

you know the drill.

To be continued...

Ryan said...

Ah shit.