Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Supergirl (Matrix), Mary Embry, Supreme, Radar, Suprema w/ blue lantern ring, Kalibak, Col John Matrix in Iron Man Suit, Black Lantern Loki, Elders of the Universe: Possessor, Collector, Grandmaster & Runner, Metroplex, Imhotep, Paul Atreides, The Kraken, Davy Jones, Flying Dutchman Crew #1-5 & Pirate #11 on the Flying Dutchman and Doozer #11.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Mr. Mxyztlpk, Magneto, Asajj Ventress, X-23, Omega Supreme, Superboy, Set, He-Man & Battle Cat, Gamera, Smart Grimlock, Ganthet (w/ a green lantern ring), Sayd, Larfleeze, The Leprechaun, Twincast w/ Decibel, Legout, Zombie (movie) Frenzy, Black Lantern Rumble, & Black Lantern Laserbeak, Space Ghost w/ Jan, Jace, & Blip, Saeese Tiin & R.O.B. The Robot in a Jedi V-Wing, Nightwing & Red Robin (Tim Drake) in the Modern Age Batmobile (The Tumbler), and Papa Smurf.
This match quickly starts with a bang… literally. Davy Jones orders his crew of cursed pirates to fire all cannons on The Flying Dutchman at the Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. Magneto floats in the air in front of most of his Brotherhood brethren and lifts his hands towards the incoming cannonballs. They stop in mid air and are directed right back at the pirate ship. Wood and metal fly from the Dutchman as the cannonballs crash back into the ship. Mr. Mxyztlpk then teleports Asajj Ventress and X-23 aboard the ship, where the female duo viciously tear through the crew. Davy Jones then draws his sword and attacks them, but is overwhelmed and gets a pair of claws and a red lightsaber driven into his chest. As he dies, Davy Jones calls forth the Kraken, which erupts from the depths of the sea and devours the Flying Dutchman, but Mr. Mxyztlpk has teleported his teammates out of harms way before they go down with the ship. Gamera tries to subdue the massive sea creature, but he too is defeated by the dweller of the deep. Ganthet, Sayd, Mr. Mxyztlpk, Larfleeze and Space Ghost then all team up to end the life of the Kraken and take care of the Annihilation Squad’s water dominance.
High up in the air, Superboy is blindsided by Supergirl. She sends him crashing to the ground with a powerful punch. Conner climbs out of the crater he just created and rockets back at the shape shifter. They exchange blows, but in the end, Superboy gains the advantage and kills Supergirl with a massive blast of heat vision. The team of Supreme, Suprema and Radar are working together to attack Space Ghost and his sidekicks. Radar quickly and savagely rips through Jan, Jace and Blip as Space Ghost is double teamed. They have him on the preverbal ropes, but Ganthet and Sayd fly in to lend a hand. Suprema is wielding a Blue Lantern ring, which will boost the power of any Green Lantern ring in its presence, regardless of team affiliation. Ganthet is all too aware of this fact and uses it to his advantage. His ring is super charged to 200% and he lets loose an incredible blast of green energy at Supreme, which turns him into a smoldering charred husk. This then allows Space Ghost to finish off Suprema as well. Radar attempts to attack the three, but is put down by a combination of all of their powers.
Meanwhile, the majority of the battle is focused in the heart of the city as Metroplex is leveling all in his path. He has already crushed Twincast and all of his tapes without actually ever realizing it. Smart Grimlock and Omega Supreme launch a counter offensive against the Annihilation Squad’s biggest member (huh huh, giggity), but even they are unsuccessful. Metroplex grabs a hold of Grimlock and rips him clean in half. Omega Supreme manages to damage several of Metroplex’s cannons, but ultimately he is overshadowed and destroyed by the towering, walking city that is Metroplex. The enormous Autobot then finds himself looking at someone who is able to stare him right in the eye, Set. The seven headed serpent unleash a cosmic blast that reduces Metroplex to a glowing pile of melted metal. This is the opportunity the Midgets needed; they launch an all out attack on the Annihilation Squad. He-Man rides upon Battle Cat down Main Street, where Battle Cat is gracefully leaping over any car or random debris that may be in his way. They are soon attacked by Mary Embry, who knocks the Master of the Universe from his steed. He-Man’s golden locks gleam in the sunlight as his rippling muscles flex with power. He grips the Sword of Greyskull firmly as he lunges at the super powered female. She tries to stop him, but He-Man overpowers her and drives his sword deep into her stomach. As Mary drops to the ground, He-Man turns to see Kalibak snapping Battle Cat’s neck. “Cringer! Noooooo!!!” he exclaims as his trusty companion’s limp body falls from the son of Darkseid’s hands. He-Man blindly rushes towards him, but Black Lantern Loki appears and drives his spear into He-Man. He lets out a terrible scream as Black Lantern Loki finishes him off by devouring his heart. The two Annihilation Squad members share a chuckle as they search for more victims.
Colonel John Matrix is jetting around the desert area in his War Machine Iron Man suit, when he locks visuals on Saeese Tiin in his V-Wing. Matrix targets the ship with his extensive collection of weapons and blasts the Jedi out of the sky, along with R.O.B. the Robot. “Oooohh, I want one of those!” Larfleeze says to himself as he witnesses “Commando” blow the Jedi V-Wing away with his armor. Larfleeze calls up on all of his Orange Lantern constructs and orders them to attack Matrix. They continue to battle high up in the air as Imhotep squares off against The Leprechaun down below. Several bolts of magic are traded between these two villains, but Imhotep uses his powers to summon the desert sand itself to consume The Leprechaun before he can teleport away. Col. Matrix’s body then falls from the sky and land right in front of Imhotep. He looks up to see Larfleeze wearing the War Machine armor that Matrix once donned. He calls upon one of the Ten Plagues of Egypt and sends a swarm of Locusts right at the armored Orange Lantern. But Larfleeze has his orange energy construct, Blume, open his mouth wide and consume the swarm. Larfleeze fires his Orange Lantern-powered War Machine weapons at Imhotep which stun the ancient one. This then allows Agent Orange to consume Imhotep with his Orange ring. However the Elders of the Universe finally make their presence known and together they annihilate Larfleeze. They all the then vanish away from the desert.
Back in the city, Nightwing and Red Robin are pancaking cars in the Modern Age Batmobile as they drive through the streets. They see Kalibak standing in the middle of the intersection and Nightwing floors it, right at Kalibak. The two of them leap out of the Tumbler, just before it slams into Kalibak. Once the smoke clears, they see that he is still standing tall, laughing all the while. But just then a streak of blue and red come out of nowhere and knocks Kalibak through a building. “Thanks guys, but I’ve got this big dummy,” says Superboy as he fly after the Apokolips born behemoth. Red Robin however is blindsided and killed by Paul Atreides. Nightwing and Paul then engage in a well pitched melee (shout out Becks). The two of them match each strike and kick and counter in the same. Neither is gaining much advantage over the other as they continue battling. Superboy, meanwhile, has found where Kalibak landed and continues his assault. But once again, Black Lantern Loki appears to aid Kalibak. The two of them try and double team Superboy. Asajj Ventress leaps in to give her teammate some much needed aid. B.L. Loki’s attention is turned to Asajj as Superboy attacks Kalibak. B.L. Loki uses his patience and abilities of misdirection to throw Ventress off and allows him to sneak up behind her and rip her heart out through her back. Superboy finally finishes off Kalibak just as he hears Asajj scream out as she dies. Superboy lunges at B.L. Loki but his smirks and teleports away. Superboy then sees something incredibly small happening on top of a mailbox across the street. He uses his super-eyesight to see that it is Papa Smurf and Doozer #11 battling out in a vicious one-on-one. They are trading blows that to a normal sized being would barely be noticed, but against one another, they are dishing out quite a bit of damage. Doozer #11 leaps up and head butts Papa Smurf with his hard hat and then proceeds to take it off and bludgeon the Smurf to death with it. Superboy sees his comrade fall in this manner and incinerates Doozer #11 with his heat vision. Nightwing is still battling Paul Atreides, but is beginning to lose ground. They find themselves fighting down an alley and notice the fire escapes are all beginning to shake. They rip from their bearings and are turned into projectiles that skewer Paul. Magneto then floats over Nightwing’s head. Dick tries to thanks his teammate, but Magneto doesn’t bother to even look back.
The Elders of the Universe collectively appear once again, and go right after Set. The four of them attack the seven headed serpent god. They use their cosmic abilities to destroy three of the heads, but Collector is swallowed by one of the heads and Possessor is incinerated by another’s cosmic fire breath. Runner then runs through another one of Set’s heads. Grandmaster then uses his vast powers to literally “will” the death of the remaining three heads. There is an audible gasp coming from the remaining members of the Brotherhood that can be heard by this Watcher. There is then another sound, a small “blip” that came from behind Grandmaster. He turns around to find Mr. Mxyztlpk. “Nice one, but it soooo doesn’t matter,” Mxy says as he erases Grandmaster from existence. Space Ghost and Superboy then fly in to finish off Runner. Black Lantern Loki appears once again and makes the final stand for his team. He blasts Sayd with his evil magic and disintegrates her. But that is all his able to accomplish before the collective powers of the Brotherhood end this match.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES TO THE SEMI-FINALS!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
TEAM Vs. Logical Genocide
TEAM is Solaris the Tyrant Sun, The Presence, Black Lantern Dave Bowman (The Starchild), Black Lantern Agent Smith, Black Lantern Pete Sosa, Voltron, Thor, Thunderstrike, Justice Legion Alpha Superman, Superboy, Ultraman, God Emperor Leto II, Seraph, Zombie Jet Li, The Evil Paul Atreides Ghola, The Bashar Miles Teg Ghola, Dirge, and Samus.
Logical Genocide is The Champion of The Universe, Ion, Nekron, Az-Rel and Nadira, Titan Maximum, Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian (#9), Bane (w/ Hellfire Gun), Goro (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Predator #48 (w/ The Flesh Rotting Disease Gun), Mera (w/ a red lantern ring), Prometheus (w/ The Premonition Gun), Red Lantern #2, Adam Strange, Shatterstar (w/ a Mithril Vest), Iron Patriot, Hawk, Snoogans the Xenomorph (#52), Starman, Black Lantern Brainiac, Manhunter #1 (Alpha), Manhunter #2 (Beta), Cody Jones, (Cannon Fodder) Smurf #10 (w/ a blue lantern ring), and Chris Seney (w/ The Golem Creator Gun) in Superman's Truck.
Nekron already has control of Black Lantern Brainiac, but he instantly and easily takes control of Black Dave Bowman, Black Lantern Agent Smith, and Black Lantern Pete Sosa as well. Nekron then leads his new team of Black Lanterns against Solaris The Tyrant Sun. Meanwhile Chris Seney has pulled out his piece of Magno-Kryptonite and rolled down the window of Superman’s Truck. All the Kryptonians start getting sucked toward the kryptonite and of course become weakening as they move closer and closer to the magnetic source. Justice Legion Alpha Superman is the closest to the Magno-Kryptonite, and is the first sucked in. While Superman is dying from Kryptonite exposure, Nekron and his black lanterns are busy destroying Solaris with relative ease. After Superman is killed by Chris Seney himself and Ultraman, Superboy, Az-Rel, and Nadira all begin to gravitate unwantingly toward the Magno-kryptonite, The Presence decides to step in. The Presence decides not to undue what has already been done but he does send both Seney’s kryptonite and golem creator gun away from this plane of existence (it is unsure if the golem gun was sent away on purpose or if it just went with the kryptonite). The Presence then does away with all the Black Lanterns and Nekron. The Presence reflects on what the black lanterns have done throughout all of their existence and decides that he should indeed die for their sins in order to save their souls. The Presence at the last second decides to take Bane and his Hellfire Gun with him on his journey to the next world as well. While these strange events were taking place, much more “normal” battles were happening elsewhere. Voltron and Titan Maximum were locked in an intense battle in space. Also in space, Superboy and Ultraman were battling The Champion of the Universe and Ion (with the blue lantern smurf). In the arctic area, Thor and Thunderstrike were fighting with Az-Rel and Nadira; while in the desert The God Emperor Leto II was battling with Goro and Predator #48. Seraph is duking it out with Prometheus on a billboard scaffold, while the Evil Paul is fighting Shatterstar on a nearby skyscraper roof. Dirge is flying circles around his former TEAMmate Cuddles The Cybertronian Guardian, but is unable to do any significant damage. Samus is squaring off against Adam Strange on a nearby asteroid, while Miles Teg is being double-teamed by The Iron Patriot and Hawk. Zombie Jet Li viciousely consumed Cody Jones, and then got in to an impressive fight with Snoogans the Xenomorph. I guess you could say Zombie Jet Li won, but once he started biting the Xenomorph’s neck the acid made it pretty messy even by zombie standards, which led to nobody walking away. This leaves a few extra players on The Logical Genocide side, which is why The two Manhunters flew up to try and lend Titan Maximum a hand against Voltron, Chris Seney in Superman’s Truck flew over to help Cuddles The Guardian against the much smaller but faster Dirge, Starman decided to help out Az-Rel and Nadira, and Mera and her fellow Red Lantern, Red Lantern #2 buried themselves deep in the water region, in hopes that a weakened TEAM would never be able to attack them and win a death match in a water area. With a few swings of his massive sword, Voltron was able to take out his imitation Titan Maximum. The Manhunters, managed to delay the inevitable a little longer than expected, but in the end Voltron was to powerful for the mighty Manhunters to handle as well. Voltron is able to take out all three of its competitors without any major damage. Predator #48 blasts Leto with several shots from his flesh-rotting gun, but what the hardened scaly skin of the massive man/worm does not repel, the healing qualities of The God Emperor Fix. The God Emperor quickly turns the Predator in to the hunted as he consumes him whole, the half man half dragon known as Goro is unable to instill any fear in the half man half Shai Halud known as Leto who already knows the outcome of anything worth fearing. The God Emperor uses the Bene Gesserit litany against fear which his grandmother taught him to overcome Goro yellow lantern powers and then uses his massive size to overcome his physical strength. With Ultraman’s brief exposure to kryptonite, he has gained the power of teleportation, which he uses while battling Ion. Ultraman zaps Cannon Fodder Smurf with his heat vision, but not before the Smurf has powered Ion up to over 200%. Ion then uses this power to completely wipe out Ultraman. Superboy, despite his smaller stature is able to overcome The Champion of The Universe by repeatedly pounding on his muscular chest with his fists. The Champion of The Universe takes an amazing amount of abuse, but eventually he succumbs to the power of the Kryptonian. Az-Rel and Nadira may be powerful combatants, but Thor and Thunderstrike have fought Kryptonians before, and they have defeated ones with much more power and skill than these two. Even with the advent of Starman helping out, Thor and Thunderstrike use their hammers to crush the skulls of The Kryptonian Bonnie and Clyde and then turn their attention to a quick ending double-team of Starman. Dirge is able to win the dogfight with Seney in Superman’s Truck, who is slightly off emotionally after the death of his buddy See-Eff Smurf, but Seney is quickly avenged as Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian Swats Dirge out of the air and shatters his spark. Prometheus’ Premonition gun seems to have little effect on the Oracle’s own Seraph, and neither does his combat training, as Seraph is able to kick Prometheus down to the grated surface below the scaffold and put two hollow points in his forehead. Evil Paul does well against Shatterstar’s attack, but whether or not he has what it takes to be The Kwisatz Haderach will not be discovered today, as Shatterstar is able to remove The Harkonen trained Paul’s head with a smooth sword swipe. Despite being double-teamed, Bashar Miles Teg is simply way to fast for Hawk and The Iron Patriot to handle. The Bashar easily uses his mechanical skills from his past life to dismantle Norman Osborne’s suit and then vibrates a fist through the head of Hawk. Adam Strange’s gun manages to inflict quite a bit of damage to Samus’ suit, but Samus is able to win the fight once she hits Adam with a massive blast of wave ray. Mera decides that hiding out isn’t her style and formulates a plan. She and her Red Lantern assistant use their rings to gather up as much water as possible and then fly into the desert region. The God Emperor bursts out of the sand to defend his territory, but once he does, the two red lanterns douse the worm with water poisoning The God Emperor to death. Samus and Voltron rush over to help Superboy who is about to square off against Ion, while Seraph meets up with Shatterstar on the street in-between their two previous fights. Thor and Thunderstrike both rendezvous with Miles Teg in the desert to attempt to avenge The God Emperor. Superboy seems pretty happy with his imminent triple team of Ion, but Ion gains some help as well, when The Cybertronian Guardian approaches. Ion hits Samus with a blast of pure green energy that finishes her and her damaged suit off, but Voltron makes pretty short work of the smaller Cybertronian Guardian. Superboy’s job becomes a little easier, knowing that Voltron is there to have his back, but in the end the young version of Kal El is able to defeat Ion all on his own by blasting through the green aura of Ion and delivering a fierce uppercut to the chest. Thunderstrike and Miles Teg combine forces to overpower Mera, while Thor use Mojinir to bash in the chest of Red Lantern #2. Seraph and Shatterstar are locked in the pitched battle to end all pitched battles. They are completely evenly matched in every way. Shatterstar knows that he is fighting not only for his own existence but for his team’s last ditch effort to stay in the play-offs. Shatterstar makes a daring attack to attempt to land his sword through the back of the neck of Seraph, but Seraph manages to get out of the way in just the nick of time. Seraph pulls out his pistol and puts it in Shatterstar’s side, just underneath his Mithril Vest. Then Seraph, who respects courage and honor in his opponents above all, regrettably pulls the trigger.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
Logical Genocide is The Champion of The Universe, Ion, Nekron, Az-Rel and Nadira, Titan Maximum, Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian (#9), Bane (w/ Hellfire Gun), Goro (w/ a yellow lantern ring), Predator #48 (w/ The Flesh Rotting Disease Gun), Mera (w/ a red lantern ring), Prometheus (w/ The Premonition Gun), Red Lantern #2, Adam Strange, Shatterstar (w/ a Mithril Vest), Iron Patriot, Hawk, Snoogans the Xenomorph (#52), Starman, Black Lantern Brainiac, Manhunter #1 (Alpha), Manhunter #2 (Beta), Cody Jones, (Cannon Fodder) Smurf #10 (w/ a blue lantern ring), and Chris Seney (w/ The Golem Creator Gun) in Superman's Truck.
Nekron already has control of Black Lantern Brainiac, but he instantly and easily takes control of Black Dave Bowman, Black Lantern Agent Smith, and Black Lantern Pete Sosa as well. Nekron then leads his new team of Black Lanterns against Solaris The Tyrant Sun. Meanwhile Chris Seney has pulled out his piece of Magno-Kryptonite and rolled down the window of Superman’s Truck. All the Kryptonians start getting sucked toward the kryptonite and of course become weakening as they move closer and closer to the magnetic source. Justice Legion Alpha Superman is the closest to the Magno-Kryptonite, and is the first sucked in. While Superman is dying from Kryptonite exposure, Nekron and his black lanterns are busy destroying Solaris with relative ease. After Superman is killed by Chris Seney himself and Ultraman, Superboy, Az-Rel, and Nadira all begin to gravitate unwantingly toward the Magno-kryptonite, The Presence decides to step in. The Presence decides not to undue what has already been done but he does send both Seney’s kryptonite and golem creator gun away from this plane of existence (it is unsure if the golem gun was sent away on purpose or if it just went with the kryptonite). The Presence then does away with all the Black Lanterns and Nekron. The Presence reflects on what the black lanterns have done throughout all of their existence and decides that he should indeed die for their sins in order to save their souls. The Presence at the last second decides to take Bane and his Hellfire Gun with him on his journey to the next world as well. While these strange events were taking place, much more “normal” battles were happening elsewhere. Voltron and Titan Maximum were locked in an intense battle in space. Also in space, Superboy and Ultraman were battling The Champion of the Universe and Ion (with the blue lantern smurf). In the arctic area, Thor and Thunderstrike were fighting with Az-Rel and Nadira; while in the desert The God Emperor Leto II was battling with Goro and Predator #48. Seraph is duking it out with Prometheus on a billboard scaffold, while the Evil Paul is fighting Shatterstar on a nearby skyscraper roof. Dirge is flying circles around his former TEAMmate Cuddles The Cybertronian Guardian, but is unable to do any significant damage. Samus is squaring off against Adam Strange on a nearby asteroid, while Miles Teg is being double-teamed by The Iron Patriot and Hawk. Zombie Jet Li viciousely consumed Cody Jones, and then got in to an impressive fight with Snoogans the Xenomorph. I guess you could say Zombie Jet Li won, but once he started biting the Xenomorph’s neck the acid made it pretty messy even by zombie standards, which led to nobody walking away. This leaves a few extra players on The Logical Genocide side, which is why The two Manhunters flew up to try and lend Titan Maximum a hand against Voltron, Chris Seney in Superman’s Truck flew over to help Cuddles The Guardian against the much smaller but faster Dirge, Starman decided to help out Az-Rel and Nadira, and Mera and her fellow Red Lantern, Red Lantern #2 buried themselves deep in the water region, in hopes that a weakened TEAM would never be able to attack them and win a death match in a water area. With a few swings of his massive sword, Voltron was able to take out his imitation Titan Maximum. The Manhunters, managed to delay the inevitable a little longer than expected, but in the end Voltron was to powerful for the mighty Manhunters to handle as well. Voltron is able to take out all three of its competitors without any major damage. Predator #48 blasts Leto with several shots from his flesh-rotting gun, but what the hardened scaly skin of the massive man/worm does not repel, the healing qualities of The God Emperor Fix. The God Emperor quickly turns the Predator in to the hunted as he consumes him whole, the half man half dragon known as Goro is unable to instill any fear in the half man half Shai Halud known as Leto who already knows the outcome of anything worth fearing. The God Emperor uses the Bene Gesserit litany against fear which his grandmother taught him to overcome Goro yellow lantern powers and then uses his massive size to overcome his physical strength. With Ultraman’s brief exposure to kryptonite, he has gained the power of teleportation, which he uses while battling Ion. Ultraman zaps Cannon Fodder Smurf with his heat vision, but not before the Smurf has powered Ion up to over 200%. Ion then uses this power to completely wipe out Ultraman. Superboy, despite his smaller stature is able to overcome The Champion of The Universe by repeatedly pounding on his muscular chest with his fists. The Champion of The Universe takes an amazing amount of abuse, but eventually he succumbs to the power of the Kryptonian. Az-Rel and Nadira may be powerful combatants, but Thor and Thunderstrike have fought Kryptonians before, and they have defeated ones with much more power and skill than these two. Even with the advent of Starman helping out, Thor and Thunderstrike use their hammers to crush the skulls of The Kryptonian Bonnie and Clyde and then turn their attention to a quick ending double-team of Starman. Dirge is able to win the dogfight with Seney in Superman’s Truck, who is slightly off emotionally after the death of his buddy See-Eff Smurf, but Seney is quickly avenged as Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian Swats Dirge out of the air and shatters his spark. Prometheus’ Premonition gun seems to have little effect on the Oracle’s own Seraph, and neither does his combat training, as Seraph is able to kick Prometheus down to the grated surface below the scaffold and put two hollow points in his forehead. Evil Paul does well against Shatterstar’s attack, but whether or not he has what it takes to be The Kwisatz Haderach will not be discovered today, as Shatterstar is able to remove The Harkonen trained Paul’s head with a smooth sword swipe. Despite being double-teamed, Bashar Miles Teg is simply way to fast for Hawk and The Iron Patriot to handle. The Bashar easily uses his mechanical skills from his past life to dismantle Norman Osborne’s suit and then vibrates a fist through the head of Hawk. Adam Strange’s gun manages to inflict quite a bit of damage to Samus’ suit, but Samus is able to win the fight once she hits Adam with a massive blast of wave ray. Mera decides that hiding out isn’t her style and formulates a plan. She and her Red Lantern assistant use their rings to gather up as much water as possible and then fly into the desert region. The God Emperor bursts out of the sand to defend his territory, but once he does, the two red lanterns douse the worm with water poisoning The God Emperor to death. Samus and Voltron rush over to help Superboy who is about to square off against Ion, while Seraph meets up with Shatterstar on the street in-between their two previous fights. Thor and Thunderstrike both rendezvous with Miles Teg in the desert to attempt to avenge The God Emperor. Superboy seems pretty happy with his imminent triple team of Ion, but Ion gains some help as well, when The Cybertronian Guardian approaches. Ion hits Samus with a blast of pure green energy that finishes her and her damaged suit off, but Voltron makes pretty short work of the smaller Cybertronian Guardian. Superboy’s job becomes a little easier, knowing that Voltron is there to have his back, but in the end the young version of Kal El is able to defeat Ion all on his own by blasting through the green aura of Ion and delivering a fierce uppercut to the chest. Thunderstrike and Miles Teg combine forces to overpower Mera, while Thor use Mojinir to bash in the chest of Red Lantern #2. Seraph and Shatterstar are locked in the pitched battle to end all pitched battles. They are completely evenly matched in every way. Shatterstar knows that he is fighting not only for his own existence but for his team’s last ditch effort to stay in the play-offs. Shatterstar makes a daring attack to attempt to land his sword through the back of the neck of Seraph, but Seraph manages to get out of the way in just the nick of time. Seraph pulls out his pistol and puts it in Shatterstar’s side, just underneath his Mithril Vest. Then Seraph, who respects courage and honor in his opponents above all, regrettably pulls the trigger.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Supergirl, Achilles, Sabertooth, Scar, Star Sapphire #1, Hal Jordan Parallax (w/ an extra green lantern ring, Sinestro's yellow lantern ring, and a red lantern ring), Black Lantern Thanos, Flamebird and Nightwing, Phoenix, Exitar the Exterminator, Jamie Madrox, Starscream, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master in a Z-95 Headhunter, Plo Koon in an F-35, Ce Ce Denowi (w/ an Indigo Lantern Ring) in a Mig, Larry Reamer (w/ a green lightsaber and the little brown laser) in Rolling Thunder (w/ Scout), Pete Sosa: Dark Jedi and Ryan Poteracki (w/ a Mithril Vest, laser gun, laser sword, and Pokeball) in The Delorean Time Machine, Chris Artrip (w/ Mandalorian Armor and a green lightsaber) w/ Julie Artrip (w/ a green lightsaber and a Star Wand), and Ella Artrip (w/ a blue lightsaber) in The Pimpmobile, and Josh Houslander: Jedi Knight (w/ a blue lantern ring) w/ Laya and Alex Houslander: Jedi Younglings in The Millennium Bucko.
Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches are Darth Vader on a Hovercraft (actually a Hover Disk), Darth Talan, Boba Fett (w/ X-Kryptonite), Dark Phoenix, Black Lantern Apocalypse, Black Lantern Parallax, Wolverine, Vulcan, The Backyardigans: Pablo (w/ a Halberd), Austin w/ an Atlas), Tyrone (w/ a Heat Axe), Uniqua (w/ a red lightsaber), and Tasha (w/ a green lightsaber, Magog (w/ a green lantern ring), The Living Tribunal and The One Above All, Mogo, Oblivion, Orion, Yendar Platis, Tenderheart, Cheer Bear, and Chip N’ Dale (in Tomorrow Land Space Gear).
In years past, the first round has been reserved for battles that many were fairly certain of the outcome of, well before they took place. But this year we have a different story. The returning Champions from Season Three did a bit of underachieving this year, and for a while it was not even certain if they would make the play-offs. Well, The Backyardigans are here but as the 8th and final seed which means they must square off against the American League’s Perennial Number One Seed The Horsemen of Apokolips. Due to the pre-match exposure, Dark Phoenix, Wolverine, Vulcan, Oblivion, and Chip and Dale have all been temporarily given extra powers, similar to those of Kryptonians, due to their exposure to X-Kryptonite. Boba Fett gathers all of these characters around him to let them soak up the power of X-Kryptonite (invented by Supergirl ironically) to give them all the added edge which just may be enough to tip the scales and grant them there first ever victory over The Horsemen. My vision becomes clouded as the realities of what could happen, did happen, should happen, and would happen become intertangled as that which once was becomes what is no longer. In one eye, I see Supergirl, Flamebird, and Nightwing easily falling and dying at the feet of Boba Fett as the Kryptonian like mutants wreak havoc on the rest of The Horsemen but then I see in my other eye an evil guardian laughing over the dead carcasses of children’s cartoon characters. Perhaps these contradictory events all did take place within the course of this one match and it is through this curious chain of events that led to the reality which surrounds me. Supergirl, Flamebird, and Nightwing did fall, as well as most of the other Horsemen, but I also now see them all back alive once more, with Boba Fett missing from the action. I hope to have all of you readers confused enough, so I can take the story in a different direction. The change in the story began as three vehicles raced by two force users, one Jedi, and one Sith. Yendar Platis and Darth Talan simultaneously force pushed The Pimpmobile and The Millennium Bucko over on to their sides causing the occupants of the two cherry rides to pop with lightsabers drawn and at the ready. While these two vehicles were being totaled a Delorean drove by with Ryan hanging out the passenger side window. Ryan yells to Pete: “We have to stop and help them, they can’t take those two by themselves“. Pete replies: “They are going to have to if we are going to change the course of this match”. Ryan knows that Pete is right, but he does help out a little. Darth Talan is about to stab Josh in the back with her lightsaber, when Ryan pulls out his pokeball and launches it at the Sith Lord. It hits Lord Talan in the back of the head and stuns her for a moment, while Piplup pops out of the pocket monster holder and joins the fight (a fight we will come back to in good time). As the pokemon hatches, Pete throws it in to 5th gear and the Delorean makes its way up to 88 miles per hour. 1.21 giggowatts of electricity flow through the circuits and the time machine does what it is designed to do. Both Dark Jedi Pete and Ryan have already seen the potential negative outcome of this match, and they know that the only true contribution that they can make is to put a stop to Boba Fett before he even starts. Pete and Ryan come out of the time warp yesterday and find Boba Fett by himself preparing the X-Kryptonite for use in today’s match. Pete and Ryan waste no time popping out of the vehicle and drawing their weapons. Boba Fett is taken off guard but he ignites his jetpack and leaps in to action as well. Fett gains a quick understanding of the situation and says to them: “You fools, I’ll merely defeat you and then use your time machine to bring myself and the kryptonite in to the exact desired spot of the battle. You haven’t defeated me, you have done me a favor”. Laser blasts from all three combatants fill the metal-walled garage that they are battling in. Pete draws his lightsaber, and Ryan his laser sword; but the two Horsemen are never able to get close enough to Fett to use them. Pete back-flips on to the roof of the car but Boba Fett lands on the hood and prepares to face off against him. Ryan rushes at Fett with his laser weapons drawn, but Boba turns and quickly shoots Ryan in the chest. Pete swings his saber but Fett ducks out of the way and catches Pete with his grappling wire around the neck. He begins to strangle the Dark Jedi and says in to Sosa‘s dying eyes: “You and your friend were brave, but now this time machine will ignite the fire that burns out The Horsemen”. Fett drops Pete’s body and begins to open up the gull wing doors when from the corner, Ryan brushes off the burnt blaster ash from his Mithril Vest and says: “Not if I ignite some plutonium first” Ryan then takes aim with his laser gun and shoots both the gas nuclear gas tank and Mister Fusion which blows the Time Machine apart and kills everyone in the room...
Back in what has become the “real” battle...
Exitar the Exterminator has been sent to prove that just because you are “above” something doesn’t mean that you don’t die when a cosmic-powered metal killing machine rips you apart. This is what happens when Exitar crosses paths with The One Above All and his minion The Living Tribunal. Both of these beings perish; but Mogo from many light years away, manages to return the favor and take out the weakened Exitar with the full force of his industrial sized green energy powers. Also in the realm us earthlings like to call space, Phoenix manages to tie up Dark Phoenix for a little while. Delaying Dark Phoenix’s inevitable further destruction of unlucky Horsemen is about all the “good” version of Jean Grey is able to do though as Dark Phoenix takes pleasure in destroying this version of her former self, by overloading Phoenix with powers that Dark Phoenix knows she simply can‘t handle. Black Lantern Thanos and Orion take flight (shout out Ryan) and become locked in a pitched battle (shout out Bryan). Orion is able to match Thanos’ cosmic abilities but in the end the dead Thanos proves to hard to kill even for Orion, who’s heart is consumed by Thanos, in all his black lanterness. Hal Jordan Parallax rips through Oblivion to prove that no matter what punked-out-overblown-super-duper-ultra-powered versions of these characters you throw at me... Raynor is still a total Beeotch compared to Hal Jordan (sorry). Back on the planet: Luke Skywalker, Starscream, Plo Koon, and Ce Ce Denowi have gone on a strafing run of the desert which took out Cheer Bear and Tenderheart Bear (lucky for them, before he could form Tenderllax). They all form back together and begin flying in Delta Formation when Luke decides that they need to break off from one another. Luke says: “The four of us can stay together until we reach 4.5 on your radar, then Starscream and I are going to break off the two of you and head in to space. Our mission is to take out Mogo, and unfortunately your crafts are not space-worthy”. Ce Ce Denowi comes over the link and reminds Luke (and Ryan, who forgot as well (don’t worry dawg, the Commish has got you covered) that with the help of her Indigo Ring she can make her Mig space-worthy so she can help out after all. With this being decided, the three craft move through the atmosphere, while Plo Koon wishes them well and breaks off from the group. Master Koon is then met by the “Fearsome” Chip and Dale decked out in their space gear. The two of them have just fallen out of the atmosphere (perhaps because they lost their X-Kryptonite induced powers) and have landed on Plo Koon’s F-35. Plo has trouble shaking them, even after he puts the Marine Plane into several spins. Eventually Koon manages to force push the two critters off from within the cockpit and then is able to spin back around and M-60 the crap out of them with the use of the plane’s full-auto machine guns. Down in the forest Wolverine manages to sneak up on Star Sapphire #1 and gut the former midget before she can fight back. The Star Sapphire Ring instantly flies to its new owner Hal Jordan. Plo Koon comes under fire again, as he is confronted by the Black Lantern force of Apocalypse and Parallax. Black Lantern Apocalypse rips through the hull of the F-35, while Black Lantern Parallax rips through the body of Plo Koon, the two Black Lanterns then carry their reign of terror down to the city streets where they attack The Multiple Man himself, Jamie Madrox. Madrox manages to keep the two black lanterns busy for quite some time, but in the end Jamie has no powers which can truly compete with the zombified super-villains and every multiple is defeated. Larry Reamer is Rolling like Thunder in The Rolling Thunder “Sea-Bee Style” when Darth Vader comes flying in on his Hover-Disk (I’ll humor you with this Disney World stuff for a while Becks). Larry is about to start blowing up the desert with Rolling Thunder’s massive rockets when Vader starts ripping the vehicle apart with the force. Larry soon finds that working the massive vehicles controls are futile with such a powerful force user going against the tech, that he hops in to Scout and gets out before The Rolling Thunder blows up around him. Atop one of the city’s skyscrapers, Flamebird and Nightwing manage to double-team Vulcan in to submission. Flamebird is able to subdue him with massive amounts of heat vision, while Nightwing ferociously pounds on him with her fists. The two Kryptonians then join with Supergirl and the three of them rocket out of the atmosphere to aid Luke in his full frontal attack on Mogo. Achilles and Sabertooth rush to help out their fellow Myrmidons Julie and Chris and their family members, while Larry rolls up in Scout to do the same. Yendar Platis and Darth Talan are holding there own alright before this influx of Horsemen help arrives; but they receive some help as well, when Wolverine and The Backyardigans show up. As the match begins to shore up in to a few smaller skirmishes, Scar realizes that she hasn’t done anything other than be short in this match yet, so she flies off into space to aid Supergirl, Luke, and their homies; but not before she uses her cute little evil guardian teeth to rip out Magog‘s jugular. All space-worthy members of both teams rush towards what should basically be called The Battle of Mogo, while all non-space capable combatants (All but Vader who is making his way there now) are now in the wrecked area of the city where The Pimpmobile and Millennium Bucko were originally flipped over. Luke’s fighter assault does not seem to work as well against the living Mogo as it did The Deathstar. Mogo manages to blast both Ce Ce Denowi and Starscream out of existence, but lucky for The Horsemen, Coach Hannibal Lectur makes them do their homework, and Supergirl has thoroughly studied the way her cousin Superman ripped through the center of Mogo in the play-offs last year. Supergirl, doesn’t get cocky though; and she brings Flamebird and Nightwing with her as the three Kryptonians spin around rapidly through the center of the living planet and rip Mogo apart. Hal Jordan Parallax has all the right tools to be a one man Black Lantern Killing Machine, and that is exactly what he proves to be as he easily destroys both Black Lantern Apocalypse and Black Lantern Parallax with the flick of both of his respective wrists. Dark Phoenix uses her cosmic abilities to rip apart Luke’s Z-95 headhunter, which should expose him to the elements of space and kill him. Even Dark Phoenix is shocked to see that the force actually protects Luke from the rigors of space, at least long enough for Luke to force pull Dark Phoenix in close and kill her with his lightsaber in order for her to join him in death. The Horsemen have seemingly won the Battle of Mogo, but they know that the war is far from over. All remaining members of The Horsemen space squad race back to the Play-off Planet as quickly as possible to aid their terrestrial teammates. Josh Houslander, (Blue Lantern) Jedi Knight leads his five family members against the six armed Yendar Platis. They all know to go in height order, to maximize lightsaber swings for all of them. Josh, Laya, and Ella tie up the Jedi’s right side, while Chris, Julie, and Alex work on the left. Platis catches Fizz with a headshot that does him in, but Ella and Alex are able to cut off the Jedi’s legs at the knees. The body of the Jedi falls, and Julie finishes him off with a saber through the back. Larry is engaged in a pitched lightsaber battle with Uniqua but Reamer is able to use his size advantage to finish off the alien. Piplup douses the fire of the Heat Axe and then uses her full attack to take out Tyrone. Achilles jumps in to action and finishes off the remaining Backyardigans with ease and grace. Darth Talan comes raging back after her embarrassing bout with Piplup (remember that all the way from the beginning of the match). Lord Talan lops off the head of Larry on her way to gain some much required revenge on Josh and Julie and their kids (remember that from all the way in the beginning of the season). Josh and Julie both pull their lightsabers and attempt to protect their kids. They are both skilled swordsmen, and Josh’s Blue lantern abilities help as well; but Talan once again proves to skilled for them. Talan is able to stab Josh with her saber and then to finish off Julie with a healthy blast of Sith Lightning. Ella and Alex hold back tears after watching Darth Talan kill Josh and Julie and they begin to back up as she approaches. Achilles and Sabertooth then step in front of Ella and Alex. Achilles says: “perhaps you would care to battle with someone more your size”? But before Talan can respond, and before the skirmish can take place Achilles sees a blue lightsaber burst through the chest of Lord Talan. The Sith Lord falls and reveals Laya behind her who says: “Silly Sith Lords. I wonder if that chick will ever learn not to turn her back on me”? Darth Vader is confronted by Black Lantern Thanos, but Vader uses his mastery of both the light and dark sides of the force (and a little bit of lightsaber action as well) to kill Thanos with relative ease. Sabertooth and Wolverine square off in a battle not very dissimilar to those they have been fighting for decades, but this time Sabertooth battles through the claw attacks of Wolverine and is actually able to come out on top. Sabertooth uses his clawed fingers to rip thru the flesh around the neck of Wolverine and then uses bites down on his neck breaking every tooth in his own mouth and every finger in his hand. He then pulls every muscle in his back and arms as he rips Wolverine’s head clean off. Sabertooth lays down next to the headless Logan and begins to heal when Vader comes by with his lightsaber and removes Sabertooth of his head as well (R.I.P. Sabertooth). Flamebird and Nightwing land and surround Vader, while Piplup and Hal Jordan hang back so as not to interfere. Hal looks at Piplup and says: “Who the hell are you”? “Oh, me... I’m Piplup, I hatched out of Ryan’s pokeball. That reminds me, where did Ryan and Pete go anyway”? Piplup responds. Hal Jordan says: “Who knows, I doubt they accomplished much of anything”. In the meantime Vader makes his team’s last stand count as he stuns both Flamebird and Nightwing with a huge dose of Sith Lightning and then finishes them with his lightsaber. The exhausted Vader turns to find that he is confronted by two of the most famous Horsemen of all time Supergirl and Achilles. Achilles dodges the lightsaber swings of Vader, while Supergirl manages to uppercut the Dark Lord of the Sith down to the ground, breaking his helmet and exposing an easy kill spot for Achilles sword. Achilles and Supergirl share a solemn and silent moment while Scar lands next to them and says: “Hmm, and I thought this would be the last time I ever saw the two of you in a match”. Achilles nods to Supergirl and they both look over at Scar, while Supergirl says: “No, we die next week”
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches are Darth Vader on a Hovercraft (actually a Hover Disk), Darth Talan, Boba Fett (w/ X-Kryptonite), Dark Phoenix, Black Lantern Apocalypse, Black Lantern Parallax, Wolverine, Vulcan, The Backyardigans: Pablo (w/ a Halberd), Austin w/ an Atlas), Tyrone (w/ a Heat Axe), Uniqua (w/ a red lightsaber), and Tasha (w/ a green lightsaber, Magog (w/ a green lantern ring), The Living Tribunal and The One Above All, Mogo, Oblivion, Orion, Yendar Platis, Tenderheart, Cheer Bear, and Chip N’ Dale (in Tomorrow Land Space Gear).
In years past, the first round has been reserved for battles that many were fairly certain of the outcome of, well before they took place. But this year we have a different story. The returning Champions from Season Three did a bit of underachieving this year, and for a while it was not even certain if they would make the play-offs. Well, The Backyardigans are here but as the 8th and final seed which means they must square off against the American League’s Perennial Number One Seed The Horsemen of Apokolips. Due to the pre-match exposure, Dark Phoenix, Wolverine, Vulcan, Oblivion, and Chip and Dale have all been temporarily given extra powers, similar to those of Kryptonians, due to their exposure to X-Kryptonite. Boba Fett gathers all of these characters around him to let them soak up the power of X-Kryptonite (invented by Supergirl ironically) to give them all the added edge which just may be enough to tip the scales and grant them there first ever victory over The Horsemen. My vision becomes clouded as the realities of what could happen, did happen, should happen, and would happen become intertangled as that which once was becomes what is no longer. In one eye, I see Supergirl, Flamebird, and Nightwing easily falling and dying at the feet of Boba Fett as the Kryptonian like mutants wreak havoc on the rest of The Horsemen but then I see in my other eye an evil guardian laughing over the dead carcasses of children’s cartoon characters. Perhaps these contradictory events all did take place within the course of this one match and it is through this curious chain of events that led to the reality which surrounds me. Supergirl, Flamebird, and Nightwing did fall, as well as most of the other Horsemen, but I also now see them all back alive once more, with Boba Fett missing from the action. I hope to have all of you readers confused enough, so I can take the story in a different direction. The change in the story began as three vehicles raced by two force users, one Jedi, and one Sith. Yendar Platis and Darth Talan simultaneously force pushed The Pimpmobile and The Millennium Bucko over on to their sides causing the occupants of the two cherry rides to pop with lightsabers drawn and at the ready. While these two vehicles were being totaled a Delorean drove by with Ryan hanging out the passenger side window. Ryan yells to Pete: “We have to stop and help them, they can’t take those two by themselves“. Pete replies: “They are going to have to if we are going to change the course of this match”. Ryan knows that Pete is right, but he does help out a little. Darth Talan is about to stab Josh in the back with her lightsaber, when Ryan pulls out his pokeball and launches it at the Sith Lord. It hits Lord Talan in the back of the head and stuns her for a moment, while Piplup pops out of the pocket monster holder and joins the fight (a fight we will come back to in good time). As the pokemon hatches, Pete throws it in to 5th gear and the Delorean makes its way up to 88 miles per hour. 1.21 giggowatts of electricity flow through the circuits and the time machine does what it is designed to do. Both Dark Jedi Pete and Ryan have already seen the potential negative outcome of this match, and they know that the only true contribution that they can make is to put a stop to Boba Fett before he even starts. Pete and Ryan come out of the time warp yesterday and find Boba Fett by himself preparing the X-Kryptonite for use in today’s match. Pete and Ryan waste no time popping out of the vehicle and drawing their weapons. Boba Fett is taken off guard but he ignites his jetpack and leaps in to action as well. Fett gains a quick understanding of the situation and says to them: “You fools, I’ll merely defeat you and then use your time machine to bring myself and the kryptonite in to the exact desired spot of the battle. You haven’t defeated me, you have done me a favor”. Laser blasts from all three combatants fill the metal-walled garage that they are battling in. Pete draws his lightsaber, and Ryan his laser sword; but the two Horsemen are never able to get close enough to Fett to use them. Pete back-flips on to the roof of the car but Boba Fett lands on the hood and prepares to face off against him. Ryan rushes at Fett with his laser weapons drawn, but Boba turns and quickly shoots Ryan in the chest. Pete swings his saber but Fett ducks out of the way and catches Pete with his grappling wire around the neck. He begins to strangle the Dark Jedi and says in to Sosa‘s dying eyes: “You and your friend were brave, but now this time machine will ignite the fire that burns out The Horsemen”. Fett drops Pete’s body and begins to open up the gull wing doors when from the corner, Ryan brushes off the burnt blaster ash from his Mithril Vest and says: “Not if I ignite some plutonium first” Ryan then takes aim with his laser gun and shoots both the gas nuclear gas tank and Mister Fusion which blows the Time Machine apart and kills everyone in the room...
Back in what has become the “real” battle...
Exitar the Exterminator has been sent to prove that just because you are “above” something doesn’t mean that you don’t die when a cosmic-powered metal killing machine rips you apart. This is what happens when Exitar crosses paths with The One Above All and his minion The Living Tribunal. Both of these beings perish; but Mogo from many light years away, manages to return the favor and take out the weakened Exitar with the full force of his industrial sized green energy powers. Also in the realm us earthlings like to call space, Phoenix manages to tie up Dark Phoenix for a little while. Delaying Dark Phoenix’s inevitable further destruction of unlucky Horsemen is about all the “good” version of Jean Grey is able to do though as Dark Phoenix takes pleasure in destroying this version of her former self, by overloading Phoenix with powers that Dark Phoenix knows she simply can‘t handle. Black Lantern Thanos and Orion take flight (shout out Ryan) and become locked in a pitched battle (shout out Bryan). Orion is able to match Thanos’ cosmic abilities but in the end the dead Thanos proves to hard to kill even for Orion, who’s heart is consumed by Thanos, in all his black lanterness. Hal Jordan Parallax rips through Oblivion to prove that no matter what punked-out-overblown-super-duper-ultra-powered versions of these characters you throw at me... Raynor is still a total Beeotch compared to Hal Jordan (sorry). Back on the planet: Luke Skywalker, Starscream, Plo Koon, and Ce Ce Denowi have gone on a strafing run of the desert which took out Cheer Bear and Tenderheart Bear (lucky for them, before he could form Tenderllax). They all form back together and begin flying in Delta Formation when Luke decides that they need to break off from one another. Luke says: “The four of us can stay together until we reach 4.5 on your radar, then Starscream and I are going to break off the two of you and head in to space. Our mission is to take out Mogo, and unfortunately your crafts are not space-worthy”. Ce Ce Denowi comes over the link and reminds Luke (and Ryan, who forgot as well (don’t worry dawg, the Commish has got you covered) that with the help of her Indigo Ring she can make her Mig space-worthy so she can help out after all. With this being decided, the three craft move through the atmosphere, while Plo Koon wishes them well and breaks off from the group. Master Koon is then met by the “Fearsome” Chip and Dale decked out in their space gear. The two of them have just fallen out of the atmosphere (perhaps because they lost their X-Kryptonite induced powers) and have landed on Plo Koon’s F-35. Plo has trouble shaking them, even after he puts the Marine Plane into several spins. Eventually Koon manages to force push the two critters off from within the cockpit and then is able to spin back around and M-60 the crap out of them with the use of the plane’s full-auto machine guns. Down in the forest Wolverine manages to sneak up on Star Sapphire #1 and gut the former midget before she can fight back. The Star Sapphire Ring instantly flies to its new owner Hal Jordan. Plo Koon comes under fire again, as he is confronted by the Black Lantern force of Apocalypse and Parallax. Black Lantern Apocalypse rips through the hull of the F-35, while Black Lantern Parallax rips through the body of Plo Koon, the two Black Lanterns then carry their reign of terror down to the city streets where they attack The Multiple Man himself, Jamie Madrox. Madrox manages to keep the two black lanterns busy for quite some time, but in the end Jamie has no powers which can truly compete with the zombified super-villains and every multiple is defeated. Larry Reamer is Rolling like Thunder in The Rolling Thunder “Sea-Bee Style” when Darth Vader comes flying in on his Hover-Disk (I’ll humor you with this Disney World stuff for a while Becks). Larry is about to start blowing up the desert with Rolling Thunder’s massive rockets when Vader starts ripping the vehicle apart with the force. Larry soon finds that working the massive vehicles controls are futile with such a powerful force user going against the tech, that he hops in to Scout and gets out before The Rolling Thunder blows up around him. Atop one of the city’s skyscrapers, Flamebird and Nightwing manage to double-team Vulcan in to submission. Flamebird is able to subdue him with massive amounts of heat vision, while Nightwing ferociously pounds on him with her fists. The two Kryptonians then join with Supergirl and the three of them rocket out of the atmosphere to aid Luke in his full frontal attack on Mogo. Achilles and Sabertooth rush to help out their fellow Myrmidons Julie and Chris and their family members, while Larry rolls up in Scout to do the same. Yendar Platis and Darth Talan are holding there own alright before this influx of Horsemen help arrives; but they receive some help as well, when Wolverine and The Backyardigans show up. As the match begins to shore up in to a few smaller skirmishes, Scar realizes that she hasn’t done anything other than be short in this match yet, so she flies off into space to aid Supergirl, Luke, and their homies; but not before she uses her cute little evil guardian teeth to rip out Magog‘s jugular. All space-worthy members of both teams rush towards what should basically be called The Battle of Mogo, while all non-space capable combatants (All but Vader who is making his way there now) are now in the wrecked area of the city where The Pimpmobile and Millennium Bucko were originally flipped over. Luke’s fighter assault does not seem to work as well against the living Mogo as it did The Deathstar. Mogo manages to blast both Ce Ce Denowi and Starscream out of existence, but lucky for The Horsemen, Coach Hannibal Lectur makes them do their homework, and Supergirl has thoroughly studied the way her cousin Superman ripped through the center of Mogo in the play-offs last year. Supergirl, doesn’t get cocky though; and she brings Flamebird and Nightwing with her as the three Kryptonians spin around rapidly through the center of the living planet and rip Mogo apart. Hal Jordan Parallax has all the right tools to be a one man Black Lantern Killing Machine, and that is exactly what he proves to be as he easily destroys both Black Lantern Apocalypse and Black Lantern Parallax with the flick of both of his respective wrists. Dark Phoenix uses her cosmic abilities to rip apart Luke’s Z-95 headhunter, which should expose him to the elements of space and kill him. Even Dark Phoenix is shocked to see that the force actually protects Luke from the rigors of space, at least long enough for Luke to force pull Dark Phoenix in close and kill her with his lightsaber in order for her to join him in death. The Horsemen have seemingly won the Battle of Mogo, but they know that the war is far from over. All remaining members of The Horsemen space squad race back to the Play-off Planet as quickly as possible to aid their terrestrial teammates. Josh Houslander, (Blue Lantern) Jedi Knight leads his five family members against the six armed Yendar Platis. They all know to go in height order, to maximize lightsaber swings for all of them. Josh, Laya, and Ella tie up the Jedi’s right side, while Chris, Julie, and Alex work on the left. Platis catches Fizz with a headshot that does him in, but Ella and Alex are able to cut off the Jedi’s legs at the knees. The body of the Jedi falls, and Julie finishes him off with a saber through the back. Larry is engaged in a pitched lightsaber battle with Uniqua but Reamer is able to use his size advantage to finish off the alien. Piplup douses the fire of the Heat Axe and then uses her full attack to take out Tyrone. Achilles jumps in to action and finishes off the remaining Backyardigans with ease and grace. Darth Talan comes raging back after her embarrassing bout with Piplup (remember that all the way from the beginning of the match). Lord Talan lops off the head of Larry on her way to gain some much required revenge on Josh and Julie and their kids (remember that from all the way in the beginning of the season). Josh and Julie both pull their lightsabers and attempt to protect their kids. They are both skilled swordsmen, and Josh’s Blue lantern abilities help as well; but Talan once again proves to skilled for them. Talan is able to stab Josh with her saber and then to finish off Julie with a healthy blast of Sith Lightning. Ella and Alex hold back tears after watching Darth Talan kill Josh and Julie and they begin to back up as she approaches. Achilles and Sabertooth then step in front of Ella and Alex. Achilles says: “perhaps you would care to battle with someone more your size”? But before Talan can respond, and before the skirmish can take place Achilles sees a blue lightsaber burst through the chest of Lord Talan. The Sith Lord falls and reveals Laya behind her who says: “Silly Sith Lords. I wonder if that chick will ever learn not to turn her back on me”? Darth Vader is confronted by Black Lantern Thanos, but Vader uses his mastery of both the light and dark sides of the force (and a little bit of lightsaber action as well) to kill Thanos with relative ease. Sabertooth and Wolverine square off in a battle not very dissimilar to those they have been fighting for decades, but this time Sabertooth battles through the claw attacks of Wolverine and is actually able to come out on top. Sabertooth uses his clawed fingers to rip thru the flesh around the neck of Wolverine and then uses bites down on his neck breaking every tooth in his own mouth and every finger in his hand. He then pulls every muscle in his back and arms as he rips Wolverine’s head clean off. Sabertooth lays down next to the headless Logan and begins to heal when Vader comes by with his lightsaber and removes Sabertooth of his head as well (R.I.P. Sabertooth). Flamebird and Nightwing land and surround Vader, while Piplup and Hal Jordan hang back so as not to interfere. Hal looks at Piplup and says: “Who the hell are you”? “Oh, me... I’m Piplup, I hatched out of Ryan’s pokeball. That reminds me, where did Ryan and Pete go anyway”? Piplup responds. Hal Jordan says: “Who knows, I doubt they accomplished much of anything”. In the meantime Vader makes his team’s last stand count as he stuns both Flamebird and Nightwing with a huge dose of Sith Lightning and then finishes them with his lightsaber. The exhausted Vader turns to find that he is confronted by two of the most famous Horsemen of all time Supergirl and Achilles. Achilles dodges the lightsaber swings of Vader, while Supergirl manages to uppercut the Dark Lord of the Sith down to the ground, breaking his helmet and exposing an easy kill spot for Achilles sword. Achilles and Supergirl share a solemn and silent moment while Scar lands next to them and says: “Hmm, and I thought this would be the last time I ever saw the two of you in a match”. Achilles nods to Supergirl and they both look over at Scar, while Supergirl says: “No, we die next week”
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Playoffs Round One: Built Ford Tough vs Oblivio
“Never tell me the odds!”
-Han Solo
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Playoff Week 1 Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:
Built Ford Tough: Firestorm, Black Lantern Dumbledore, The Energizer Bunny, The Sons of Anarchy, all on their motorcycles: Piermont "Piney" Winston, Quinn, Clarence "Clay" Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson "Jax" Teller, Needles, Alexander "Tig" Treager, Kozik, Robert "Baby Elvis" Munson, Happy, "Big" Otto Delany, Lenny "The Pimp" Janowitz, Juan Carlos "Juice" Ortiz, Filip "Chibbs" Telford, Harrry "Opie" Winston, and Donut; Black Lantern Han Solo and Zombie Chewbacca in Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) w/ Joey, Pacy, and Dawson in Airwolf, Spike (from Land Before Time), X-1 and X-2 in a Tank, Zombie Rob Bartlett, U.S. Agent in a Mail Jeep, Aslan the Lion, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O-Ren Ishi, Vernita Green, and Elle Driver, Prof. Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Power Man, Iron Fist, Darkwing Duck, Keith Mars w/ Veronica Mars and Weevil, Strong Guy, Steve McQueen w/ Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van, Diego and Baby Jaguar in a Go-Cart, Archie the Octo-Spider, Gigantor, (new) Blue Beetle, Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird), Failed Jedi #1 (Darth Focus), Failed Jedi #2 (Darth Escort), Mandalorians #1-5 and 10, Johnny Blaze and Battle Droid #100.
Oblivio: Krona, Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow), Darth Void - The Butcher (red), Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue), Micah Jiett - Ion (green), Predator #46 - Proselyte (indigo), Eowyn - The Predator (violet), Mon Starr - Ophidian (orange), Black Lantern Wonder Woman, Space Godzilla, Sandworm #12, Bellatrix Lestrange, Shredder w/ Mithril vest, Hawkeye, Chucky w/red lightsaber and yellow lantern ring, Tiffany, Bride of Chucky w/ Star Sapphire ring, Black Dragon #8, Darwin, Captain Marvel II, Gorax and Ace Duck in Z-95 Headhunter.
Let the battle begin. . .
Forest Region. . .
Bellatrix Lestrange searches for prey. The Death Eater confronts Sirius Black. Harry Potter’s “uncle” battles the witch; they are evenly matched. While both wands spew forth spells at one another, Black does not notice Shredder come from behind. Shredder uses his claws to slice into Black’s back. Black screams and Lestrange uses this opportunity to best her opponent as she did in Rowling’s saga. Black dies. Severus Snape rushes to the scene and uses his wand to cast a spell which throws Shredder across the forest floor. Snape then focuses on Lestrange. During the battle, they look to the sky and see BL Dumbledore. Lestrange howls as BL Dumbledore reaches her and rips her heart out before her eyes. Lestrange crumples to the floor. BL Dumbledore and Snape look toward Shredder, who now runs away from the fray. Shredder does not go far as he is met by The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O-Ren Ishi, Vernita Green and Elle Driver. Shredder’s Mithril vest protects his body and affords him time to use his weaponry and kill Bud and Vernita Green before his imminent death by the well-placed blades of Bill, O-Ren Ishi and Elle Driver.
Desert Region. . .
Spike looks up to the behemoth currently blocking the sun. The childish dinosaur sees Space Godzilla.
Spike: I think I’m going to die.
His statement becomes true as Space Godzilla rips the small stegosaurus to pieces. Space Godzilla notices Gigantor come to the fracas. The monster and robot face one another. The two merge into an embrace of death, not love. Eventually, Space Godzilla manages to best the giant robot; Gigantor is destroyed.
City Region. . .
The Energizer Bunny beats its drum as it shuffles across the street. Chucky uses his yellow lantern ring and his bride, Tiffany, uses her Star Sapphire ring to fly to the location.
Chucky: What the f@ck is that thing!?!!
Tiffany: Something that needs to be destroyed my love.
Chucky: Sure thing babe!
Chucky ignites his lightsaber and slices the robotic rabbit in half.
Chucky: Guess the phrase isn’t true; should’ve used Duracell.
The two dolls are not quick enough as they are run over by the motorcycles of the entire Sons of Anarchy squad (Piermont "Piney" Winston, Quinn, Clarence "Clay" Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson "Jax" Teller, Needles, Alexander "Tig" Treager, Kozik, Robert "Baby Elvis" Munson, Happy, "Big" Otto Delany, Lenny "The Pimp" Janowitz, Juan Carlos "Juice" Ortiz, Filip "Chibbs" Telford, Harrry "Opie" Winston and Donut). The two dolls are severely beaten, but are able to use their rings to mask some of the damage. The duo slowly rises up.
Clay Morrow: Let’s finish this.
The riders rev their motorcycle’s engines and tires screech against the pavement. As they are about to deal the death blows, arrows strike the hearts and heads of Piney, Jax, Chibbs, and Opie. The motorcycles careen out of control and a massive pinball-like collision ensues between all of the gang members. As the remaining members rise, discombobulated from the crash, they look to the top of a small building; it’s Hawkeye. The Avenger smiles, waves and ducks down as a streaking can be heard across the sky. Kyle Raynor-Parallax and Micah Jiett-Ion storm down on the bikers and rip them apart. The Sons of Anarchy are no more. As the two entities fly away, Hawkeye lifts his head once more and is unfortunately met by Archie the Octo Spider. Archie’s legs wrap around the archer and pop off his head, both arms and both legs at the same time.
In the Air. . .
Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) pilots the Airwolf with Joey, Pacy, and Dawson. The ship is in a duckfight (dogfight?) with Ace Duck in a Z-95 Headhunter. Although the duck is an “ace” at flying, he is no match for the luck-infused Corellian smuggler. Ace Duck is shot down and is killed with his ship.
Desert Region. . .
A battalion of motor vehicles storm through the sand. Black Lantern Han Solo and Zombie Chewbacca in Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, X-1 and X-2 in a Tank, U.S. Agent in a Mail Jeep, Steve McQueen with Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van and Diego and Baby Jaguar in a Go-Cart. Before their eyes the sand explodes in front of them and Sandworm #12 bursts forth from the ground. Its maw is opened in front of a careening Diego and Baby Jaguar.
Baby Jaguar: MEHEWWW! MROOOR! MEHEWW! [Translation: Don’t Go! Diego! Don’t Go!]
Sandworm #12 swallows the Nick Jr. characters in a matter of seconds. The remaining BFTers barely manage to avoid the monstrosity. X-1 and X-2 in a tank fire upon the beast. Sandworm #12 shrugs off the projectiles and crushes the tank; X-1 and X-2 are unable to escape before the vehicle is demolished. As the beast is about to finish off the remaining squad, Firestorm flies to the fracas. At a great exhaustive expense, Firestorm uses all of his powers to rearrange the atomic and molecular structure of the Sandworm. He then projects bolts of nuclear energy to shatter the Sandworm.
BL Han Solo: Nice shooting kid!
ZC: Mrooahr!
Firestorm shouts in triumph.
BL Han Solo: That’s right, Chewie. Firestorm, don’t get cocky!
Forest Region. . .
Black Dragon #8 fights Mandalorians #1-5 and 10. The ancient beast spews its acid breath which burns through the armor of Mandalorians #1 and 10. Their bodies are burned and corrode apart. The remaining Mandalorians use their combined skills to battle the winged beast. They are joined by Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird). The Sith Lord and Mandalorians kill Black Dragon #8, but at the loss of Mandalorian #3. As the remaining fighters walk on from their victory, they are met by the Gorax. The Gorax rips apart the remaining, weakened Mandalorians and faces Darth Thunderbird. Darth Focus and Darth Escort join their Sith brother and defeat the giant Gorax. Darth Void-the Butcher- comes to the scene. A savage battle ensues between the Darths as Void uses his red lantern powers and red lightsaber. Although he manages to destroy Focus and Escort, Thunderbird, through the use of his ancient Sith knowledge, ultimately manages to, miraculously, best the entity-filled Sith Lord. Darth Void is destroyed.
City Region. . .
Zombie Rob Bartlett shambles across the street. He smiles seductively as BL Wonder Woman approaches.
BL Wonder Woman: Get serious!
BL Wonder Woman rips off the head of Zombie Rob Bartlett, who crumples to the ground. Johnny Blaze comes to the scene and uses his hellfire shotgun to rip into BL Wonder Woman. The Hellfire actually manages to punch a hole in her body. Power Man and Iron Fist come to the scene to assist Blaze.
Power Man: You may be a lantern, but you sure as heck ain’t black!
The two macho men join Blaze to face off against BL Wonder Woman. They are never able to gain the upper hand as Eowyn - The Predator (violet) comes to the scene and combines forces with BL Wonder Woman to destroy Blaze, Power Man and Iron Fist.
Final Melee. . . [Transportation complete]. . .
In the air. . .
Black Lantern Dumbledore and Black Lantern Han Solo come together to face BL Wonder Woman. The lanterns rip each other apart, but manage to re-form almost immediately. No one BL obtains the upper hand. That is, until the spectrum entities come to the scene: Kyle Rayner - Parallax, Aleta One w/ green lantern ring, Micah Jiett - Ion, Predator #46 - Proselyte, Eowyn - The Predator, and Mon Starr – Ophidian. In a fury of spectrum weaponry, BL Dumbledore and BL Han Solo are extinguished, but at the cost of a friendly fire casualty, being BL Wonder Woman.
In the streets. . .
A similar battalion of motor vehicles skirt through the streets. Zombie Chewbacca drives Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, U.S. Agent drives a Mail Jeep and Steve McQueen with Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy drive in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van. The three vehicles see the dolls in the street.
Chucky: Oh sh@t! Not again!!!
The vehicles bear down on Chucky and his bride. The combined rings form immense, spiky shields which the BFTers crash into. Zombie Chewbacca is thrown from the van and his head is sliced in half after landing on Tiffany’s shield. U.S. Agent uses his acrobatic skills to leap over Chucky’s shield, but is then skewered by the diminutive horror with his red lightsaber. The duo then use their rings in near expert fashion to kill McQueen, Ellie, Katie, Simone and Benjy.
Chucky: F@ck yeah!!!
Chucky looks into the sky.
Chucky: F@ck no!!!
Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) with Joey, Pacy, and Dawson in Airwolf fly overhead. They unleash their weaponry on Chucky and his bride and decimate the characters to ash and cinder. The Airwolf is then blown up, claiming the lives of Han Solo (Rogue Jedi), Joey, Pacy and Dawson, unexpectedly, by the fiery blast of Space Godzilla.
On the building top of Tower 122068. . .
The remaining Deadly Viper Assassin Squad members: Bill, O-Ren Ishi, and Elle Driver, join Severus Snape, Darkwing Duck, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Strong Guy, Archie the Octo-Spider, (new) Blue Beetle, Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird) and Battle Droid #100 face Darwin and Captain Marvel. The super powered combatants of Oblivio are outmanned and outnumbered, but are able to kill and destroy Bill, O-Ren Ishi, Elle Driver, Veronica Mars, Weevil and Battle Droid #100 before succumbing to their deaths by the remaining BFTers.
Each cosmic entity then focuses on a single object for a kill from the other team. Kyle Rayner - Parallax dispels with Severus Snape. Aleta One - Adara destroys Darkwing Duck. Micah Jiett - Ion incinerates Darth Thunderbird. Predator #46 - Proselyte kills Keith Mars. Eowyn - The Predator terminates Blue Beetle. Mon Starr - Ophidian obliterates Archie the Octo Spider.
Space Godzilla steps on Strong Guy. Although the mutant is able to push his ultimate demise off for a few minutes, the Kaiju film star is too much and crushes Strong Guy to a pulp.
Firestorm and Aslan manage to destroy Krona. The two also miraculously kill Predator #46 and Mon Starr. One believes the deaths impossible until one understands that the lion rose from the dead. Eventually though, the two succumb to the Oblivio powerhouses.
Built Ford Tough: All dead.
Oblivio: Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow), Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue), Micah Jiett - Ion (green), Eowyn - The Predator (violet) and Space Godzilla survive.
OBLIVIO IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Han Solo
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Playoff Week 1 Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:
Built Ford Tough: Firestorm, Black Lantern Dumbledore, The Energizer Bunny, The Sons of Anarchy, all on their motorcycles: Piermont "Piney" Winston, Quinn, Clarence "Clay" Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson "Jax" Teller, Needles, Alexander "Tig" Treager, Kozik, Robert "Baby Elvis" Munson, Happy, "Big" Otto Delany, Lenny "The Pimp" Janowitz, Juan Carlos "Juice" Ortiz, Filip "Chibbs" Telford, Harrry "Opie" Winston, and Donut; Black Lantern Han Solo and Zombie Chewbacca in Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) w/ Joey, Pacy, and Dawson in Airwolf, Spike (from Land Before Time), X-1 and X-2 in a Tank, Zombie Rob Bartlett, U.S. Agent in a Mail Jeep, Aslan the Lion, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O-Ren Ishi, Vernita Green, and Elle Driver, Prof. Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Power Man, Iron Fist, Darkwing Duck, Keith Mars w/ Veronica Mars and Weevil, Strong Guy, Steve McQueen w/ Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van, Diego and Baby Jaguar in a Go-Cart, Archie the Octo-Spider, Gigantor, (new) Blue Beetle, Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird), Failed Jedi #1 (Darth Focus), Failed Jedi #2 (Darth Escort), Mandalorians #1-5 and 10, Johnny Blaze and Battle Droid #100.
Oblivio: Krona, Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow), Darth Void - The Butcher (red), Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue), Micah Jiett - Ion (green), Predator #46 - Proselyte (indigo), Eowyn - The Predator (violet), Mon Starr - Ophidian (orange), Black Lantern Wonder Woman, Space Godzilla, Sandworm #12, Bellatrix Lestrange, Shredder w/ Mithril vest, Hawkeye, Chucky w/red lightsaber and yellow lantern ring, Tiffany, Bride of Chucky w/ Star Sapphire ring, Black Dragon #8, Darwin, Captain Marvel II, Gorax and Ace Duck in Z-95 Headhunter.
Let the battle begin. . .
Forest Region. . .
Bellatrix Lestrange searches for prey. The Death Eater confronts Sirius Black. Harry Potter’s “uncle” battles the witch; they are evenly matched. While both wands spew forth spells at one another, Black does not notice Shredder come from behind. Shredder uses his claws to slice into Black’s back. Black screams and Lestrange uses this opportunity to best her opponent as she did in Rowling’s saga. Black dies. Severus Snape rushes to the scene and uses his wand to cast a spell which throws Shredder across the forest floor. Snape then focuses on Lestrange. During the battle, they look to the sky and see BL Dumbledore. Lestrange howls as BL Dumbledore reaches her and rips her heart out before her eyes. Lestrange crumples to the floor. BL Dumbledore and Snape look toward Shredder, who now runs away from the fray. Shredder does not go far as he is met by The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O-Ren Ishi, Vernita Green and Elle Driver. Shredder’s Mithril vest protects his body and affords him time to use his weaponry and kill Bud and Vernita Green before his imminent death by the well-placed blades of Bill, O-Ren Ishi and Elle Driver.
Desert Region. . .
Spike looks up to the behemoth currently blocking the sun. The childish dinosaur sees Space Godzilla.
Spike: I think I’m going to die.
His statement becomes true as Space Godzilla rips the small stegosaurus to pieces. Space Godzilla notices Gigantor come to the fracas. The monster and robot face one another. The two merge into an embrace of death, not love. Eventually, Space Godzilla manages to best the giant robot; Gigantor is destroyed.
City Region. . .
The Energizer Bunny beats its drum as it shuffles across the street. Chucky uses his yellow lantern ring and his bride, Tiffany, uses her Star Sapphire ring to fly to the location.
Chucky: What the f@ck is that thing!?!!
Tiffany: Something that needs to be destroyed my love.
Chucky: Sure thing babe!
Chucky ignites his lightsaber and slices the robotic rabbit in half.
Chucky: Guess the phrase isn’t true; should’ve used Duracell.
The two dolls are not quick enough as they are run over by the motorcycles of the entire Sons of Anarchy squad (Piermont "Piney" Winston, Quinn, Clarence "Clay" Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson "Jax" Teller, Needles, Alexander "Tig" Treager, Kozik, Robert "Baby Elvis" Munson, Happy, "Big" Otto Delany, Lenny "The Pimp" Janowitz, Juan Carlos "Juice" Ortiz, Filip "Chibbs" Telford, Harrry "Opie" Winston and Donut). The two dolls are severely beaten, but are able to use their rings to mask some of the damage. The duo slowly rises up.
Clay Morrow: Let’s finish this.
The riders rev their motorcycle’s engines and tires screech against the pavement. As they are about to deal the death blows, arrows strike the hearts and heads of Piney, Jax, Chibbs, and Opie. The motorcycles careen out of control and a massive pinball-like collision ensues between all of the gang members. As the remaining members rise, discombobulated from the crash, they look to the top of a small building; it’s Hawkeye. The Avenger smiles, waves and ducks down as a streaking can be heard across the sky. Kyle Raynor-Parallax and Micah Jiett-Ion storm down on the bikers and rip them apart. The Sons of Anarchy are no more. As the two entities fly away, Hawkeye lifts his head once more and is unfortunately met by Archie the Octo Spider. Archie’s legs wrap around the archer and pop off his head, both arms and both legs at the same time.
In the Air. . .
Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) pilots the Airwolf with Joey, Pacy, and Dawson. The ship is in a duckfight (dogfight?) with Ace Duck in a Z-95 Headhunter. Although the duck is an “ace” at flying, he is no match for the luck-infused Corellian smuggler. Ace Duck is shot down and is killed with his ship.
Desert Region. . .
A battalion of motor vehicles storm through the sand. Black Lantern Han Solo and Zombie Chewbacca in Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, X-1 and X-2 in a Tank, U.S. Agent in a Mail Jeep, Steve McQueen with Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van and Diego and Baby Jaguar in a Go-Cart. Before their eyes the sand explodes in front of them and Sandworm #12 bursts forth from the ground. Its maw is opened in front of a careening Diego and Baby Jaguar.
Baby Jaguar: MEHEWWW! MROOOR! MEHEWW! [Translation: Don’t Go! Diego! Don’t Go!]
Sandworm #12 swallows the Nick Jr. characters in a matter of seconds. The remaining BFTers barely manage to avoid the monstrosity. X-1 and X-2 in a tank fire upon the beast. Sandworm #12 shrugs off the projectiles and crushes the tank; X-1 and X-2 are unable to escape before the vehicle is demolished. As the beast is about to finish off the remaining squad, Firestorm flies to the fracas. At a great exhaustive expense, Firestorm uses all of his powers to rearrange the atomic and molecular structure of the Sandworm. He then projects bolts of nuclear energy to shatter the Sandworm.
BL Han Solo: Nice shooting kid!
ZC: Mrooahr!
Firestorm shouts in triumph.
BL Han Solo: That’s right, Chewie. Firestorm, don’t get cocky!
Forest Region. . .
Black Dragon #8 fights Mandalorians #1-5 and 10. The ancient beast spews its acid breath which burns through the armor of Mandalorians #1 and 10. Their bodies are burned and corrode apart. The remaining Mandalorians use their combined skills to battle the winged beast. They are joined by Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird). The Sith Lord and Mandalorians kill Black Dragon #8, but at the loss of Mandalorian #3. As the remaining fighters walk on from their victory, they are met by the Gorax. The Gorax rips apart the remaining, weakened Mandalorians and faces Darth Thunderbird. Darth Focus and Darth Escort join their Sith brother and defeat the giant Gorax. Darth Void-the Butcher- comes to the scene. A savage battle ensues between the Darths as Void uses his red lantern powers and red lightsaber. Although he manages to destroy Focus and Escort, Thunderbird, through the use of his ancient Sith knowledge, ultimately manages to, miraculously, best the entity-filled Sith Lord. Darth Void is destroyed.
City Region. . .
Zombie Rob Bartlett shambles across the street. He smiles seductively as BL Wonder Woman approaches.
BL Wonder Woman: Get serious!
BL Wonder Woman rips off the head of Zombie Rob Bartlett, who crumples to the ground. Johnny Blaze comes to the scene and uses his hellfire shotgun to rip into BL Wonder Woman. The Hellfire actually manages to punch a hole in her body. Power Man and Iron Fist come to the scene to assist Blaze.
Power Man: You may be a lantern, but you sure as heck ain’t black!
The two macho men join Blaze to face off against BL Wonder Woman. They are never able to gain the upper hand as Eowyn - The Predator (violet) comes to the scene and combines forces with BL Wonder Woman to destroy Blaze, Power Man and Iron Fist.
Final Melee. . . [Transportation complete]. . .
In the air. . .
Black Lantern Dumbledore and Black Lantern Han Solo come together to face BL Wonder Woman. The lanterns rip each other apart, but manage to re-form almost immediately. No one BL obtains the upper hand. That is, until the spectrum entities come to the scene: Kyle Rayner - Parallax, Aleta One w/ green lantern ring, Micah Jiett - Ion, Predator #46 - Proselyte, Eowyn - The Predator, and Mon Starr – Ophidian. In a fury of spectrum weaponry, BL Dumbledore and BL Han Solo are extinguished, but at the cost of a friendly fire casualty, being BL Wonder Woman.
In the streets. . .
A similar battalion of motor vehicles skirt through the streets. Zombie Chewbacca drives Houseway's GMC 2500 Van, U.S. Agent drives a Mail Jeep and Steve McQueen with Ellie, Katie, Simone, and Benjy drive in Houseway's Ford E-250 Van. The three vehicles see the dolls in the street.
Chucky: Oh sh@t! Not again!!!
The vehicles bear down on Chucky and his bride. The combined rings form immense, spiky shields which the BFTers crash into. Zombie Chewbacca is thrown from the van and his head is sliced in half after landing on Tiffany’s shield. U.S. Agent uses his acrobatic skills to leap over Chucky’s shield, but is then skewered by the diminutive horror with his red lightsaber. The duo then use their rings in near expert fashion to kill McQueen, Ellie, Katie, Simone and Benjy.
Chucky: F@ck yeah!!!
Chucky looks into the sky.
Chucky: F@ck no!!!
Han Solo (Rogue Jedi) with Joey, Pacy, and Dawson in Airwolf fly overhead. They unleash their weaponry on Chucky and his bride and decimate the characters to ash and cinder. The Airwolf is then blown up, claiming the lives of Han Solo (Rogue Jedi), Joey, Pacy and Dawson, unexpectedly, by the fiery blast of Space Godzilla.
On the building top of Tower 122068. . .
The remaining Deadly Viper Assassin Squad members: Bill, O-Ren Ishi, and Elle Driver, join Severus Snape, Darkwing Duck, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Strong Guy, Archie the Octo-Spider, (new) Blue Beetle, Ancient Sith Lord #14 (Darth Thunderbird) and Battle Droid #100 face Darwin and Captain Marvel. The super powered combatants of Oblivio are outmanned and outnumbered, but are able to kill and destroy Bill, O-Ren Ishi, Elle Driver, Veronica Mars, Weevil and Battle Droid #100 before succumbing to their deaths by the remaining BFTers.
Each cosmic entity then focuses on a single object for a kill from the other team. Kyle Rayner - Parallax dispels with Severus Snape. Aleta One - Adara destroys Darkwing Duck. Micah Jiett - Ion incinerates Darth Thunderbird. Predator #46 - Proselyte kills Keith Mars. Eowyn - The Predator terminates Blue Beetle. Mon Starr - Ophidian obliterates Archie the Octo Spider.
Space Godzilla steps on Strong Guy. Although the mutant is able to push his ultimate demise off for a few minutes, the Kaiju film star is too much and crushes Strong Guy to a pulp.
Firestorm and Aslan manage to destroy Krona. The two also miraculously kill Predator #46 and Mon Starr. One believes the deaths impossible until one understands that the lion rose from the dead. Eventually though, the two succumb to the Oblivio powerhouses.
Built Ford Tough: All dead.
Oblivio: Kyle Rayner - Parallax (yellow), Aleta One w/ green lantern ring - Adara (blue), Micah Jiett - Ion (green), Eowyn - The Predator (violet) and Space Godzilla survive.
OBLIVIO IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Better Than All of You Vs. George Washington's Slaves
Better Than All of You is (Honorary Team Captain) The Macho Man Randy Savage, Quasar, Rogue, Orco, John Rambo, The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Gandalf the White, Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ a green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ a blue lightsaber), and Jizmack da Gusha, Lonestar and Astro Droid #17 (RVD-1) in a Naboo Starfighter, Zombie Venom, Predator #6-11, Lex Luthor, Batman Beyond, N.S.-5 #1-6, Flash, Batman and Robin (Dick Grayson and Damien Wayne), Batman (Jean Paul Valley), Army Soldier #1, Cobra Viper #49, Red Wing in a Cybertronian Spaceship, Zombie Parasite, Yellow Lantern #1, and Cobra Commander.
George Washington's Slaves are Yoda (w/ a green lantern ring) and Kybuck, Black Lantern Darkseid, Black Lantern Hal Jordan, Savage Opress (w/ a red lantern ring), Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao, Sauron, Cade Skywalker, Sypho Dyas, Amazo, Scorpion (w/ a red lightsaber and Heat Axe), Jedi Master #2, and 1A-19A, Wedge Antilles in a Z-95 Headhunter, Hound (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership, AKA: Houndimus Prime), Sarumon, Zillius Zox, Nolan Ryan, Ultra Man, Doppleganger, B-dg, Kyle Catarn, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #7, and Bart Simpson (w/ a Sith Lavarouk).
With a lack of water-power, desert-power, or large army force, for either team; this year one re-match is primarily located in the jungle and city regions, with a few characters from both squads in and out of the easily penetrated atmosphere. The last transmission before radio silence over the Better Than All of You Comlink is as follows: “Ooooooh yeah, this is your captain speaking, The Macho Man Randy Savage. Are you ready to snap it to a Slave? Or am I gonna have to tear this whole team limb from limb all by myself? DIG IT“! This is the first ever play-off appearance for Rogue and Quasar, who along with Orco were traded to The Betters from The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets the night before The Season Four Draft. Rogue and Quasar had been part of that franchise since day one, and still hold a bit of animosity towards the team for trading two of their franchise players away right before the team had their first good season ever. Orco on the other hand, never even got to try on his Midget uniform, as he was separated from He-Man and Battle Cat, almost immediately after being traded from TEAM. “Cheer up Rogue, at least we are in the play-offs” Quasar says to his teammate. Rogue replies: “yeah, but it would be just our luck that we would get traded away from The Midgets the first year ever that they actually finished better than Better Than All of You. Not to mention, that rumor has it that this team’s management actually forgot that we were on the roster for most of the season... I mean who does that? We are two, err, I mean three of the best players on the team, sorry Orco, I forgot you were here”. “No problem Rogue, I’m just glad I’m in the fight, TEAM usually made me ride the bench, while He-Man did all the heavy lifting”. Orco says in retort. Just when the conversation, is about to get really interesting the battle begins to truly heat up. Cade Skywalker rushes into the scene with his granddaughter Kol and her padawan Shado Vao in tow. Cade fries Orco with a quick blaster bolt before all three force users draw their lightsabers. Quasar manages to avenge his little magician teammate by disintegrating Cade with his quantum bands, while Rogue quickly puts a hole through the chest of Shado and then grabs a hold of Kol sucking her force powers and life force out of her body until they are her own. Sypho Dyas rushes in with his lightsaber drawn, but before The Jedi Councilmember can use it, he is caught from an arrow shot out of the nearby tree from Rambo. Rambo goes to grab another arrow from his quiver, but before he can Amazo uses his android created green lantern ring to send Rambo to the big foxhole in the sky. Yoda rushes through the foliage atop Kybuck and attempts to take out the entire N.S.-5 force. Yoda slices #3 in half, but he is soon knocked off of his two legged steed by the remaining five. Kybuck manages to head-butt N.S.-5 #1 to death but then his fellow robot (#4) breaks the neck of Kybuck. Yoda then protects himself with a green energy aura as he spin attacks his way through the last four N.S.-5’s. The six Predators are stealthily moving through the forest when the last two get slightly off the beaten path. Jedi Master #2 leaps out of the bushes in which he was hiding and lays waste to both Predator #10 and 11. The seasoned Jedi is about to move towards the four remaining Predators when he is confronted by a kind of Madness that he has never before witnessed. “Oooooh yeah, say hi to Elizabeth for me... Dig it”!! The Macho Man says as he crushes The Jedi Master’s skull with a steel chair. Bart Simpson provides cover from a tree, while Zillius Zox leads his fellow Slaves Nolan Ryan and Scorpion in against the cosmic powered and heavily armored members of Gwar, who are leading Zombie Venom around on an evil space leash. Zillius Zox goes in for the kill, but underestimates the latent speed remaining in the dead body of Venom. Venom grabs a hold of Zox with his Symbiote suit and then begins to rip him apart with his teeth. Scorpion pushes pack the Betters mini-squad by using his Heat Axe to cast Blaze 2 and then lops off the head of Zombie Venom with his red lightsaber, he then does the same to Gwar‘s leader Oderus, before the bane of Techno Destructo can draw his own crimson laser blade. Balsac the Jaws of Death then uses his green lightsaber in the same manner to “finish” off Scorpion. Nolan Ryan picks up a rock from the forested ground and throws it at the mouth of Balsac at 110 miles an hour to concuss the Gwar member out of existence. Jizmack then decides to kill Nolan in a way that only Griffatu can properly explain while Bart Simpson uses his Sith Lavarouk to slice off the heads of both Beefcake and Jizmack with the razor sharp blades of his lavarouk. Red Wing is attempting to reenter the atmosphere in his Cybertronian Spaceship when his ship is targeted by the missiles of Ultra Man. It only takes one projectile from Ultra Man to completely blow up the ship but Red Wing is able to eject and then use his Motor City Powered engine to push him through the atmosphere and back on to the Play-off Planet with only a minimal amount of hull burning. While Ultra Man is busy targeting space enemies, he is confronted by his greatest fear (or at least Ray Stanz’s greatest fear) when The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man uses his marshmallow hard hands to crush Ultra Man in to Jet Jaguar sized proportions and throw the shrapnel at B-dg and Amazo. Houndimus Prime then transforms into his robot form while driving down the Metropolitan area and uses Optimus’ old hand cannon to melt Stay Puft in to gooey goodness. Houndimus then transforms back into his extended Jeep form and allows Savage Opress and Doppleganger to hop in while they kick it in to four wheel drive and begin trouncing there way in to the jungle. The Autobot leader, Spidey clone, and Sith wannabe are brought to a quick halt, when they are confronted by Batman, Batman, Batman, and Robin. Even with their superior numbers and Dick Grayson’s mastery of his green power ring, the Bruce Wayne trainees find themselves outmatched by Houndimus’ unlikely trio. Houndimus manages to break through the power of Grayson’s green aura and crush the human, while Savage Opress uses his red power ring to kill Damien Wayne and his red lightsaber to kill Valley. Doppleganger misses his initial attack on Batman Beyond, which allows the young man to open up his wings and uses his high tech Wayne Industries Gear to blast hole right through the spark of Houndimus. Houndimus falls, but Doppleganger is then able to leap on to the back of Batman Beyond and use his four powerful arms to break his neck. The Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen has been taught many maneuvers to be faster than even the peak humans, but he is not fast enough to keep up with the Flash who vibrates right through his chiseled physique. Flash never lets up but makes one quick error as he catches the lightsaber of Kyle Catarn in the chest while making a lightning fast turn. Sarumon reveals himself from behind an immense tree, and in doing so magically destroys the cloaking capabilities of the four remaining Predators and reveals them as well. Sarumon defends himself well against the four Predators and manages to evade every attack they make. The four Predators are unable to break Sarumon’s defenses but at the same time, their ability to work as a team is unmatched by anything that Sarumon has ever seen in his many centuries on Middle earth. Sarumon manages to cast a spell, which rips apart the internal organs of the Predator’s but what the White Wizard does not realize is that while he is killing off the alien hunters, the Predator’s blades which he thought missed their targets are racing back towards the head of Sarumon, as the Predator’s die the alien boomerang blades remove the head of Sarumon. Not to mention that the emergency detonators within the Predators go off on their death and take out the nearby Bart Simpson and Savage Opress as well. The 19 Jedi Masters, who have been raised since they were mere Younglings drafted by The Slaves in Year 1 move in against Red Wing and use their superior numbers to trump his superior size. Only three young masters die in the melee between the NHL-Marvel Creation. Lex Luthor then draws them over to the city debris to begin a new battle, but it is actually just a hologram created by his suit. Once the Jedi are all pulled in close with one another, Luthor gives the order and Lonestar targets them with proton torpedoes from his Naboo Starfighter. Kyle Catarn rushes the real Luthor, but the world’s greatest criminal mind manages to deflect his lightsaber attacks and then crush his skull with his suit heightened strength. Lonestar is making a swing around some of the larger buildings when he finds himself locked in an intense dogfight with Wedge Antilles. Wedge is enjoying being back in the cockpit of a Z-95 Headhunter, the very ship he learned to fly in back when he was in his youth on Alderaan. Lonestar and his droid handle their Nubian ship well, but the Schwartz can not provide the flying skills he needs to defeat Wedge, who blasts him out of the sky. Doppleganger rushes at Cobra Viper #49 and Army Soldier #1, but the two Better Commons manage to pull out their rifles and actually prove that super-powers sometimes just can’t beat bullets. The soldier and the Viper hit each other with a hellacious fist bump, just before they are crushed by the mace of Sauron. Sauron is then confronted by the team of Lex Luthor, Zombie Parasite, Yellow Lantern #1, and Cobra Commander; while The Black Lantern Duo of Hal Jordan and Darkseid are teaming up on Gandalf. While these fierce battles are raging deep within the forest, Rogue and Quasar have managed to chase down Wedge’s Z-95 and finally put the Rebel Pilot out of commission. The two former midgets believe that they are safe until the chasers become the chased as Yoda, who is airborne with the help of his green lantern ring blasts in to the mix. Sauron crushes Cobra Commander in his gauntlets, and then punches through the yellow aura of Yellow Lantern #1 to kill him as well. Lex Luthor, in a last ditch effort to win this match hits the self destruct on his suit. Luthor hopes that his built in counter-measures will protect him, but once Sauron kicks Lex’s suit it causes an explosion that blows Luthor to pieces. This explosion is not enough to kill Sauron, but it does knock the Dark Lord down to the ground which opens him up to a fierce attack from Zombie Parasite. Zombie Parasite leaps on top of Sauron and sucks the mystical force out of Sauron through the use of his Zombie teeth. Gandalf is taking quite a beating from the two Black Lanterns, especially from Hal Jordan, who seems to be especially nasty in regards to his old team (Better Than All of You of course). Gandalf does not see a way to defeat these two when he sense the ring of Yellow Lantern #1 flying about freely on the battlefield. Gandalf knows all about evil rings and the powers that they can possess, and he summons the “Feared” yellow ring to him. He never grabs the ring himself, but he uses his powers to throw the ring in-between the two black lanterns and then uses his own white magic to blast it apart. This act not only blasts the yellow ring apart, but the two black lanterns as well. Much like Season 1 Round 1 of The Play-offs, Yoda finds himself all alone against the superior numbers of Better Than All of You. Quasar and Rogue have managed to get away from Yoda and rally around their teammate Gandalf. Macho Man with his red lightsaber and rippling muscles at the ready, and even Zombie Parasite gather around the little green Jedi Master as well. Gandalf looks to Rogue and Quasar and says: “If we can get past this formidable foe, I hope that you both can look beyond your misgivings for this team. Many Betters fought their last match this day, and we will need you two to be the future of this franchise”. Yoda does not say a word as he moves against Zombie Parasite first. He lops off the head of the Zombie and then is subdued by the powers of Rogue and Quasar, while Macho Man and Gandalf collectively stab Yoda with Glamdring and Randy’s red lightsaber. Gandalf looks at Quasar and Rogue and says: “It will prove difficult to face The Right Wing in Round Two with all we have lost this week”. Macho Man adds: “Oooh yeah, They say The Right Wing are giants... Dig It”!! Quasar is about to say something solemn when Rogue chimes in with: “Only Midgets fear giants... And we are Better Than All of You”
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!
George Washington's Slaves are Yoda (w/ a green lantern ring) and Kybuck, Black Lantern Darkseid, Black Lantern Hal Jordan, Savage Opress (w/ a red lantern ring), Kol Skywalker and Shado Vao, Sauron, Cade Skywalker, Sypho Dyas, Amazo, Scorpion (w/ a red lightsaber and Heat Axe), Jedi Master #2, and 1A-19A, Wedge Antilles in a Z-95 Headhunter, Hound (w/ The Autobot Matrix of Leadership, AKA: Houndimus Prime), Sarumon, Zillius Zox, Nolan Ryan, Ultra Man, Doppleganger, B-dg, Kyle Catarn, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #7, and Bart Simpson (w/ a Sith Lavarouk).
With a lack of water-power, desert-power, or large army force, for either team; this year one re-match is primarily located in the jungle and city regions, with a few characters from both squads in and out of the easily penetrated atmosphere. The last transmission before radio silence over the Better Than All of You Comlink is as follows: “Ooooooh yeah, this is your captain speaking, The Macho Man Randy Savage. Are you ready to snap it to a Slave? Or am I gonna have to tear this whole team limb from limb all by myself? DIG IT“! This is the first ever play-off appearance for Rogue and Quasar, who along with Orco were traded to The Betters from The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets the night before The Season Four Draft. Rogue and Quasar had been part of that franchise since day one, and still hold a bit of animosity towards the team for trading two of their franchise players away right before the team had their first good season ever. Orco on the other hand, never even got to try on his Midget uniform, as he was separated from He-Man and Battle Cat, almost immediately after being traded from TEAM. “Cheer up Rogue, at least we are in the play-offs” Quasar says to his teammate. Rogue replies: “yeah, but it would be just our luck that we would get traded away from The Midgets the first year ever that they actually finished better than Better Than All of You. Not to mention, that rumor has it that this team’s management actually forgot that we were on the roster for most of the season... I mean who does that? We are two, err, I mean three of the best players on the team, sorry Orco, I forgot you were here”. “No problem Rogue, I’m just glad I’m in the fight, TEAM usually made me ride the bench, while He-Man did all the heavy lifting”. Orco says in retort. Just when the conversation, is about to get really interesting the battle begins to truly heat up. Cade Skywalker rushes into the scene with his granddaughter Kol and her padawan Shado Vao in tow. Cade fries Orco with a quick blaster bolt before all three force users draw their lightsabers. Quasar manages to avenge his little magician teammate by disintegrating Cade with his quantum bands, while Rogue quickly puts a hole through the chest of Shado and then grabs a hold of Kol sucking her force powers and life force out of her body until they are her own. Sypho Dyas rushes in with his lightsaber drawn, but before The Jedi Councilmember can use it, he is caught from an arrow shot out of the nearby tree from Rambo. Rambo goes to grab another arrow from his quiver, but before he can Amazo uses his android created green lantern ring to send Rambo to the big foxhole in the sky. Yoda rushes through the foliage atop Kybuck and attempts to take out the entire N.S.-5 force. Yoda slices #3 in half, but he is soon knocked off of his two legged steed by the remaining five. Kybuck manages to head-butt N.S.-5 #1 to death but then his fellow robot (#4) breaks the neck of Kybuck. Yoda then protects himself with a green energy aura as he spin attacks his way through the last four N.S.-5’s. The six Predators are stealthily moving through the forest when the last two get slightly off the beaten path. Jedi Master #2 leaps out of the bushes in which he was hiding and lays waste to both Predator #10 and 11. The seasoned Jedi is about to move towards the four remaining Predators when he is confronted by a kind of Madness that he has never before witnessed. “Oooooh yeah, say hi to Elizabeth for me... Dig it”!! The Macho Man says as he crushes The Jedi Master’s skull with a steel chair. Bart Simpson provides cover from a tree, while Zillius Zox leads his fellow Slaves Nolan Ryan and Scorpion in against the cosmic powered and heavily armored members of Gwar, who are leading Zombie Venom around on an evil space leash. Zillius Zox goes in for the kill, but underestimates the latent speed remaining in the dead body of Venom. Venom grabs a hold of Zox with his Symbiote suit and then begins to rip him apart with his teeth. Scorpion pushes pack the Betters mini-squad by using his Heat Axe to cast Blaze 2 and then lops off the head of Zombie Venom with his red lightsaber, he then does the same to Gwar‘s leader Oderus, before the bane of Techno Destructo can draw his own crimson laser blade. Balsac the Jaws of Death then uses his green lightsaber in the same manner to “finish” off Scorpion. Nolan Ryan picks up a rock from the forested ground and throws it at the mouth of Balsac at 110 miles an hour to concuss the Gwar member out of existence. Jizmack then decides to kill Nolan in a way that only Griffatu can properly explain while Bart Simpson uses his Sith Lavarouk to slice off the heads of both Beefcake and Jizmack with the razor sharp blades of his lavarouk. Red Wing is attempting to reenter the atmosphere in his Cybertronian Spaceship when his ship is targeted by the missiles of Ultra Man. It only takes one projectile from Ultra Man to completely blow up the ship but Red Wing is able to eject and then use his Motor City Powered engine to push him through the atmosphere and back on to the Play-off Planet with only a minimal amount of hull burning. While Ultra Man is busy targeting space enemies, he is confronted by his greatest fear (or at least Ray Stanz’s greatest fear) when The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man uses his marshmallow hard hands to crush Ultra Man in to Jet Jaguar sized proportions and throw the shrapnel at B-dg and Amazo. Houndimus Prime then transforms into his robot form while driving down the Metropolitan area and uses Optimus’ old hand cannon to melt Stay Puft in to gooey goodness. Houndimus then transforms back into his extended Jeep form and allows Savage Opress and Doppleganger to hop in while they kick it in to four wheel drive and begin trouncing there way in to the jungle. The Autobot leader, Spidey clone, and Sith wannabe are brought to a quick halt, when they are confronted by Batman, Batman, Batman, and Robin. Even with their superior numbers and Dick Grayson’s mastery of his green power ring, the Bruce Wayne trainees find themselves outmatched by Houndimus’ unlikely trio. Houndimus manages to break through the power of Grayson’s green aura and crush the human, while Savage Opress uses his red power ring to kill Damien Wayne and his red lightsaber to kill Valley. Doppleganger misses his initial attack on Batman Beyond, which allows the young man to open up his wings and uses his high tech Wayne Industries Gear to blast hole right through the spark of Houndimus. Houndimus falls, but Doppleganger is then able to leap on to the back of Batman Beyond and use his four powerful arms to break his neck. The Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen has been taught many maneuvers to be faster than even the peak humans, but he is not fast enough to keep up with the Flash who vibrates right through his chiseled physique. Flash never lets up but makes one quick error as he catches the lightsaber of Kyle Catarn in the chest while making a lightning fast turn. Sarumon reveals himself from behind an immense tree, and in doing so magically destroys the cloaking capabilities of the four remaining Predators and reveals them as well. Sarumon defends himself well against the four Predators and manages to evade every attack they make. The four Predators are unable to break Sarumon’s defenses but at the same time, their ability to work as a team is unmatched by anything that Sarumon has ever seen in his many centuries on Middle earth. Sarumon manages to cast a spell, which rips apart the internal organs of the Predator’s but what the White Wizard does not realize is that while he is killing off the alien hunters, the Predator’s blades which he thought missed their targets are racing back towards the head of Sarumon, as the Predator’s die the alien boomerang blades remove the head of Sarumon. Not to mention that the emergency detonators within the Predators go off on their death and take out the nearby Bart Simpson and Savage Opress as well. The 19 Jedi Masters, who have been raised since they were mere Younglings drafted by The Slaves in Year 1 move in against Red Wing and use their superior numbers to trump his superior size. Only three young masters die in the melee between the NHL-Marvel Creation. Lex Luthor then draws them over to the city debris to begin a new battle, but it is actually just a hologram created by his suit. Once the Jedi are all pulled in close with one another, Luthor gives the order and Lonestar targets them with proton torpedoes from his Naboo Starfighter. Kyle Catarn rushes the real Luthor, but the world’s greatest criminal mind manages to deflect his lightsaber attacks and then crush his skull with his suit heightened strength. Lonestar is making a swing around some of the larger buildings when he finds himself locked in an intense dogfight with Wedge Antilles. Wedge is enjoying being back in the cockpit of a Z-95 Headhunter, the very ship he learned to fly in back when he was in his youth on Alderaan. Lonestar and his droid handle their Nubian ship well, but the Schwartz can not provide the flying skills he needs to defeat Wedge, who blasts him out of the sky. Doppleganger rushes at Cobra Viper #49 and Army Soldier #1, but the two Better Commons manage to pull out their rifles and actually prove that super-powers sometimes just can’t beat bullets. The soldier and the Viper hit each other with a hellacious fist bump, just before they are crushed by the mace of Sauron. Sauron is then confronted by the team of Lex Luthor, Zombie Parasite, Yellow Lantern #1, and Cobra Commander; while The Black Lantern Duo of Hal Jordan and Darkseid are teaming up on Gandalf. While these fierce battles are raging deep within the forest, Rogue and Quasar have managed to chase down Wedge’s Z-95 and finally put the Rebel Pilot out of commission. The two former midgets believe that they are safe until the chasers become the chased as Yoda, who is airborne with the help of his green lantern ring blasts in to the mix. Sauron crushes Cobra Commander in his gauntlets, and then punches through the yellow aura of Yellow Lantern #1 to kill him as well. Lex Luthor, in a last ditch effort to win this match hits the self destruct on his suit. Luthor hopes that his built in counter-measures will protect him, but once Sauron kicks Lex’s suit it causes an explosion that blows Luthor to pieces. This explosion is not enough to kill Sauron, but it does knock the Dark Lord down to the ground which opens him up to a fierce attack from Zombie Parasite. Zombie Parasite leaps on top of Sauron and sucks the mystical force out of Sauron through the use of his Zombie teeth. Gandalf is taking quite a beating from the two Black Lanterns, especially from Hal Jordan, who seems to be especially nasty in regards to his old team (Better Than All of You of course). Gandalf does not see a way to defeat these two when he sense the ring of Yellow Lantern #1 flying about freely on the battlefield. Gandalf knows all about evil rings and the powers that they can possess, and he summons the “Feared” yellow ring to him. He never grabs the ring himself, but he uses his powers to throw the ring in-between the two black lanterns and then uses his own white magic to blast it apart. This act not only blasts the yellow ring apart, but the two black lanterns as well. Much like Season 1 Round 1 of The Play-offs, Yoda finds himself all alone against the superior numbers of Better Than All of You. Quasar and Rogue have managed to get away from Yoda and rally around their teammate Gandalf. Macho Man with his red lightsaber and rippling muscles at the ready, and even Zombie Parasite gather around the little green Jedi Master as well. Gandalf looks to Rogue and Quasar and says: “If we can get past this formidable foe, I hope that you both can look beyond your misgivings for this team. Many Betters fought their last match this day, and we will need you two to be the future of this franchise”. Yoda does not say a word as he moves against Zombie Parasite first. He lops off the head of the Zombie and then is subdued by the powers of Rogue and Quasar, while Macho Man and Gandalf collectively stab Yoda with Glamdring and Randy’s red lightsaber. Gandalf looks at Quasar and Rogue and says: “It will prove difficult to face The Right Wing in Round Two with all we have lost this week”. Macho Man adds: “Oooh yeah, They say The Right Wing are giants... Dig It”!! Quasar is about to say something solemn when Rogue chimes in with: “Only Midgets fear giants... And we are Better Than All of You”
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!
Round One Playoffs: The Right Wing vs The Transfoamers
The Right Wing is Superwoman, Red She-Hulk, The Cosmic Hulk Robot, Silver Surfer (w/a green lantern ring), Skaar: Son of Hulk (w/a green lightsaber), Korg, Doc Samson, Zeus, Flash (Barry Allen version) (w/a blue lantern ring), John Stewart, Blackfire, Quinlon Vos in a Tie Bomber, Athena (w/an indigo lantern ring), Batwoman in a Ferrari 328, Red Tornado, Nick Houslander (w/ blue lightsaber and a Devil Lance), Bear (w/ a green lightsaber and Demon Rod) & Mogwai #3 & 4 in The Millennium Chowder, Lyra: The She Hulk (w/ a green lightsaber), Miss Martian, Zombie Gray Hulk, Black Lantern Six Shot & Goliath in a Cybertronian Spaceship, and Mr. Freeze in an AT-ST.
The Transfoamers are The Expendables: Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Gunnar Jensen, Toll Road, Hale Caesar, & Tool, Black Lantern Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, Voltron, Transformers #1-10, (movie) Ironhide, (movie) Sideswipe, (movie) Skids, (movie) Mudflap, (movie) Sideways, (movie) Arcee, (movie) Jolt, The Fallen, Ghosts #1-7, Starscream's Ghost, (zombie) Apocalypse Alice, (zombie) Extinction Alice, Rob Bartlett; Jedi Padawan, and Hammer Bros #17 & 22.
The Expendables lead their team out into battle as they cautiously await the arrival of The Right Wing. There are then seven beings that land in front of them with a thunderous slam. The ‘Foamers see Red She-Hulk, Cosmic Hulk Robot, Skaar, Lyra, Zombie Grey Hulk, Doc Samson and Korg standing in front of them. All of the Transformers, Autobot and Decepticon alike, rush the powerhouses and quickly swarm them. Cosmic Hulk Robot wastes no time and destroys Movie Skids and Movie Mudflap (to then pure enjoyment of all watching). Movie Ironhide and Movie Sideswipe double team Zombie Grey Hulk with both brute force and fluid speed. They manage to keep the decomposing monster confused with their melee and are able to take the beast down with a combination of Ironhide’s rockets and Sideswipes blades. Five of the common Transformers converge around and dog pile onto Red She-Hulk. As they begin to beat on her they are all frozen solid in place by Mr. Freeze, who has rewired the weapons on his AT-ST to amplify his freeze guns. The Transformers are then shattered into a million pieces by Red She-Hulk, who bursts out from underneath him. Korg then leaps up and crushes Movie Sideways with his powerful stone fists. He turns to comment on his victory when Black Lantern Darth Bane flies in and slices his head clean off with his lightsaber. The war continues to wage on the ground as the battle up in space is just beginning.
Voltron is being tripled teamed by Quinlan Vos in his Tie Bomber, Blackfire, and Black Lantern Six Shot and Goliath in the Cybertronian Spaceship. Voltron pulls out his laser sword and slices the Tie Bomber in half, killing the Jedi Master in the process. He then crushes Blackfire in his fist. Black Lantern Six Shot maneuvers the Cybertronian Spaceship around Voltron’s attacks and then flies it directly into the back of the large robot, ignoring Goliath’s disagreements with this action. The spaceship explodes and destroys Voltron and Goliath. Black Lantern Six Shot flies out of the wreckage unscathed, due to his Black Lantern powers. Out in the distance there is a flicker of green light, which reveals itself to be Silver Surfer, who is patiently watching the battle unfold before him.
Back down on the ground, The Expendables have regrouped and taken out Mr. Freeze and his AT-ST. Barney Ross and Yin Yang jump into Movie Ironhide as Toll Road and Hale Caesar jump into the bed of the Autobot. Lee Christmas hops onto Movie Arcee and peels out as Gunnar Jensen and Tool climb into Transformer #10. They are being tailed by the team of Batwoman in her Ferrari 328 and Nick Houslander, Bear and two Mogwais in the Millennium Chowder. Batwoman gains on them quickly, but Movie Jolt comes out of nowhere and wraps his electric whips around the Ferrari and destroys it. “Holy crap Bear! Did you see that?” yells Nick. “Hey, dude, what’s that ahead of us?” he says as he sees Hale Caesar take aim with his MPS AA-12 Sledgehammer and unloads it on the Daytona Turbo Pacifica. The car explodes in a fiery ball of twisted metal and flesh from the attack. “Don’t you think that was a little bit of overkill?” asks Toll Road. “No,” Hale quickly responds. The Expendables and their Transformers teammates take off for better cover as the Hulk crew continues their devastation. Skaar and Lyra ignite their green lightsabers and slice through Transformers #6-8 with ease as Cosmic Hulk Robot smashes Movie Sideswipe. The Hulk Robot is then lifted into the air and flung into Skaar and Lyra by The Fallen, who is using his telekinetic powers. The Cosmic Hulk Robot explodes which causes his cosmic powers to erupt and incinerates both Lyra and Skaar.
The seven Ghosts from the Transfoamers fly through the air, but are then confronted by Miss Martian. They whisper in almost unison, “You cannot defeat us, for we are mere apparitions and are already dead.” Miss Martian smirks and their remarks and turns intangible herself and uses a combination of all of her powers to rip through and defeat the Ghosts. But the moment she re-solidifies, she is caught in a force hold by Black Lantern Darth Bane, who then rips her heart out from her chest and kills her. The trio of Red Tornado, John Stewart and Flash square off against the zombified versions of Apocalypse Alice and Extinction Alice. Flash quickly (get it?) super charges John’s Green Lantern ring up to 200% as he hauls ass right towards A.A. and with a lightning fast (ha! Get it? Lightning fast? Man I’m just cracking myself up) karate chop he takes her head clean off. Red Tornado then squares off against Extinction Alice, who tries to take over his mind, but Red Tornado is a robot and uses his powers to rip E.A. apart. Black Lantern Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, and Rob Bartlett: Jedi Padawan then attacks the Justice League trio. Darth Zannah evades Red Tornado’s attack and slices him right up the middle with her red lightsaber. John Stewart and Flash work seamlessly together to destroy Black Lantern Darth Bane with the combination of their Lantern rings. They then split up to finish off Zannah and Bartlett. Rob leaps into the air towards the Green Lantern, but Stewart creates a green energy rifle and puts the Jedi Padawan down. Flash dodges every single one of Darth Zannah’s attacks with her lightsaber. She is then taken out with a double blast of green/blue energy, just like Darth Bane was.
Starscream’s Ghost sees that Transformer #9 has gotten away from the battle via his jet form and quickly possess him. “Ahhh, this will do just fine,” Starscream says to himself. But ever the arrogant one, Starscream targets Superwoman. Laurel Kent stands her ground up in the air as Starcream/Tranformer #9 flies right at her. He uses he heat vision and splits Transformer #9 in two. Athena then flies up and uses her Indigo ring and channels the nearby Green power of John Stewart to destroy the Ghost of Starscream. Hammer Bros #17 and #22 are over in the nearby city, where The Expendables and the remaining Transfoamers have retreated to. The Hammer Bros are launching hammers at great speed to provide cover for their teammates, but they are taken out by Red She-Hulk. Doc Samson tries to infiltrate the Expendables “Alamo” and is ultimately killed by the team of mercenaries. There is then a loud clap of thunder in the clouds above and Movie Jolt finds out what true control of electricity is when he is fried by a powerful bolt of lightning courtesy of Zeus. Black Lantern Six Shot attacks the remaining Cybertronians and quickly kills Movie Arcee and Transformer #10. However, he is then ripped apart by The Fallen. He then teleports behind Athena and thrusts his spear right through her. John Stewart spins around and fires a blast of green energy at The Fallen but he has already teleported away. Tool and Lee Christmas then take aim and silently throw a pair of knives that hit John Stewart in the back causing him to plummet to the ground. The Flash races over and catches John, but the both fell right into The Expendables’ trap. They are both then killed in a cross fire by the mercenaries and Movie Ironhide. The Fallen then teleports again and tries to attack Zeus, but is seriously overpowered by the god and thus easily destroyed.
Then a loud sonic boom is heard from high up in the sky. A streak of silver and green comes down as Silver Surfer finally makes his presence known. The Expendables and Movie Ironhide make a valiant stand together. Bullets and grenades fly through the air, but in the end, the sheer power from Silver Surfer overwhelms them and they are incinerated.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES TO THE SEMI-FINALS!!
The Transfoamers are The Expendables: Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Gunnar Jensen, Toll Road, Hale Caesar, & Tool, Black Lantern Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, Voltron, Transformers #1-10, (movie) Ironhide, (movie) Sideswipe, (movie) Skids, (movie) Mudflap, (movie) Sideways, (movie) Arcee, (movie) Jolt, The Fallen, Ghosts #1-7, Starscream's Ghost, (zombie) Apocalypse Alice, (zombie) Extinction Alice, Rob Bartlett; Jedi Padawan, and Hammer Bros #17 & 22.
The Expendables lead their team out into battle as they cautiously await the arrival of The Right Wing. There are then seven beings that land in front of them with a thunderous slam. The ‘Foamers see Red She-Hulk, Cosmic Hulk Robot, Skaar, Lyra, Zombie Grey Hulk, Doc Samson and Korg standing in front of them. All of the Transformers, Autobot and Decepticon alike, rush the powerhouses and quickly swarm them. Cosmic Hulk Robot wastes no time and destroys Movie Skids and Movie Mudflap (to then pure enjoyment of all watching). Movie Ironhide and Movie Sideswipe double team Zombie Grey Hulk with both brute force and fluid speed. They manage to keep the decomposing monster confused with their melee and are able to take the beast down with a combination of Ironhide’s rockets and Sideswipes blades. Five of the common Transformers converge around and dog pile onto Red She-Hulk. As they begin to beat on her they are all frozen solid in place by Mr. Freeze, who has rewired the weapons on his AT-ST to amplify his freeze guns. The Transformers are then shattered into a million pieces by Red She-Hulk, who bursts out from underneath him. Korg then leaps up and crushes Movie Sideways with his powerful stone fists. He turns to comment on his victory when Black Lantern Darth Bane flies in and slices his head clean off with his lightsaber. The war continues to wage on the ground as the battle up in space is just beginning.
Voltron is being tripled teamed by Quinlan Vos in his Tie Bomber, Blackfire, and Black Lantern Six Shot and Goliath in the Cybertronian Spaceship. Voltron pulls out his laser sword and slices the Tie Bomber in half, killing the Jedi Master in the process. He then crushes Blackfire in his fist. Black Lantern Six Shot maneuvers the Cybertronian Spaceship around Voltron’s attacks and then flies it directly into the back of the large robot, ignoring Goliath’s disagreements with this action. The spaceship explodes and destroys Voltron and Goliath. Black Lantern Six Shot flies out of the wreckage unscathed, due to his Black Lantern powers. Out in the distance there is a flicker of green light, which reveals itself to be Silver Surfer, who is patiently watching the battle unfold before him.
Back down on the ground, The Expendables have regrouped and taken out Mr. Freeze and his AT-ST. Barney Ross and Yin Yang jump into Movie Ironhide as Toll Road and Hale Caesar jump into the bed of the Autobot. Lee Christmas hops onto Movie Arcee and peels out as Gunnar Jensen and Tool climb into Transformer #10. They are being tailed by the team of Batwoman in her Ferrari 328 and Nick Houslander, Bear and two Mogwais in the Millennium Chowder. Batwoman gains on them quickly, but Movie Jolt comes out of nowhere and wraps his electric whips around the Ferrari and destroys it. “Holy crap Bear! Did you see that?” yells Nick. “Hey, dude, what’s that ahead of us?” he says as he sees Hale Caesar take aim with his MPS AA-12 Sledgehammer and unloads it on the Daytona Turbo Pacifica. The car explodes in a fiery ball of twisted metal and flesh from the attack. “Don’t you think that was a little bit of overkill?” asks Toll Road. “No,” Hale quickly responds. The Expendables and their Transformers teammates take off for better cover as the Hulk crew continues their devastation. Skaar and Lyra ignite their green lightsabers and slice through Transformers #6-8 with ease as Cosmic Hulk Robot smashes Movie Sideswipe. The Hulk Robot is then lifted into the air and flung into Skaar and Lyra by The Fallen, who is using his telekinetic powers. The Cosmic Hulk Robot explodes which causes his cosmic powers to erupt and incinerates both Lyra and Skaar.
The seven Ghosts from the Transfoamers fly through the air, but are then confronted by Miss Martian. They whisper in almost unison, “You cannot defeat us, for we are mere apparitions and are already dead.” Miss Martian smirks and their remarks and turns intangible herself and uses a combination of all of her powers to rip through and defeat the Ghosts. But the moment she re-solidifies, she is caught in a force hold by Black Lantern Darth Bane, who then rips her heart out from her chest and kills her. The trio of Red Tornado, John Stewart and Flash square off against the zombified versions of Apocalypse Alice and Extinction Alice. Flash quickly (get it?) super charges John’s Green Lantern ring up to 200% as he hauls ass right towards A.A. and with a lightning fast (ha! Get it? Lightning fast? Man I’m just cracking myself up) karate chop he takes her head clean off. Red Tornado then squares off against Extinction Alice, who tries to take over his mind, but Red Tornado is a robot and uses his powers to rip E.A. apart. Black Lantern Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, and Rob Bartlett: Jedi Padawan then attacks the Justice League trio. Darth Zannah evades Red Tornado’s attack and slices him right up the middle with her red lightsaber. John Stewart and Flash work seamlessly together to destroy Black Lantern Darth Bane with the combination of their Lantern rings. They then split up to finish off Zannah and Bartlett. Rob leaps into the air towards the Green Lantern, but Stewart creates a green energy rifle and puts the Jedi Padawan down. Flash dodges every single one of Darth Zannah’s attacks with her lightsaber. She is then taken out with a double blast of green/blue energy, just like Darth Bane was.
Starscream’s Ghost sees that Transformer #9 has gotten away from the battle via his jet form and quickly possess him. “Ahhh, this will do just fine,” Starscream says to himself. But ever the arrogant one, Starscream targets Superwoman. Laurel Kent stands her ground up in the air as Starcream/Tranformer #9 flies right at her. He uses he heat vision and splits Transformer #9 in two. Athena then flies up and uses her Indigo ring and channels the nearby Green power of John Stewart to destroy the Ghost of Starscream. Hammer Bros #17 and #22 are over in the nearby city, where The Expendables and the remaining Transfoamers have retreated to. The Hammer Bros are launching hammers at great speed to provide cover for their teammates, but they are taken out by Red She-Hulk. Doc Samson tries to infiltrate the Expendables “Alamo” and is ultimately killed by the team of mercenaries. There is then a loud clap of thunder in the clouds above and Movie Jolt finds out what true control of electricity is when he is fried by a powerful bolt of lightning courtesy of Zeus. Black Lantern Six Shot attacks the remaining Cybertronians and quickly kills Movie Arcee and Transformer #10. However, he is then ripped apart by The Fallen. He then teleports behind Athena and thrusts his spear right through her. John Stewart spins around and fires a blast of green energy at The Fallen but he has already teleported away. Tool and Lee Christmas then take aim and silently throw a pair of knives that hit John Stewart in the back causing him to plummet to the ground. The Flash races over and catches John, but the both fell right into The Expendables’ trap. They are both then killed in a cross fire by the mercenaries and Movie Ironhide. The Fallen then teleports again and tries to attack Zeus, but is seriously overpowered by the god and thus easily destroyed.
Then a loud sonic boom is heard from high up in the sky. A streak of silver and green comes down as Silver Surfer finally makes his presence known. The Expendables and Movie Ironhide make a valiant stand together. Bullets and grenades fly through the air, but in the end, the sheer power from Silver Surfer overwhelms them and they are incinerated.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS AND ADVANCES TO THE SEMI-FINALS!!
Consolation Round 1: Alice vs Team S.P.
Alice's Wonder Team are: Vampire no. 7 and Goblin no. 7
Team Sleeping Pussy are: S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent and 2 Compsognathus ("Compys')
With the opening match of the 2011 consolation matches set to begin, the first twist of the rounds is revealed. The winner will be the first team to retrieve the purple lightsaber that is suspended in the air.
On a platform over a Sarlaac pit.
This revelation immediately has a huge impact on Alice's Wonder Team, as Vampire #7 bursts into flames and turns to ash in the blazing Tatooine sun. It's now up to S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent and his two Compys to make it up the ladder and retrieve the lightsaber.
As Butterscotch rushes to set up a ladder, Bernie the Goblin quickly pulls out a knife and throws it at one of the Compys, hitting the small, turkey sized dinosaur right in the throat-killing it. The other Compy begins to devour the flesh of his fallen comrade, and is punted into the gaping maw of the Sarlaac by Bernie who's hurrying to knock Reginal off of the ladder. Ole Butterscotch tumbles off the ladder, and slides to the edge of the platform. As he struggles to pull himself back up, Bernie decides to forget the ladder, and instead try and incapacitate McTwivent by feeding him to the pit monsters.
Butterscotch is to his feet, as Bernie launches a wicked kick, narrowly missing the intrepid SHIELD Agent's testicles.
"Dirty trick. I got a few of them myself" snarls an enrages Butterscotch McTwivent who throat punches Bernie, causing him to fall to his knees gasping for air. Butterscotch then grabs a ladder and brings it crashing down on the Goblin's leg with a sickening CRACK. Butterscotch continues this abominable assault until Bernie's leg resembles a wet, lumpy sack covered in Goblin blood and bone fragment.
"Consider yourself lucky that I'm feeling mercy today, b***h" says McTwivent as he takes the blood splattered ladder over to where the lightsaber hangs and begins to climb. While he climbs, the Goblin refuses to succumb to the pain and drags his broken body toward the ladder. As Butterscotch reaches the penultimate rung, Bernie in desperation pulls out another dagger and throws it at the turned back of the SHIELD Agents. Unfortunately. the dagger doesn't strike as he intended, and instead hits McTwivent in the back of the leg, barely breaking the skin but causing him to lose his balance and fall off the ladder, and knock it over. Butterscotch lands in a heap, next to the goblin.
Bernie seizes this opportunity and grabs his opponent by the shirt and slams his forehead into his foe's nose, breaking it. Butterscotch grabs his face in pain, as Bernie hobbles over and tries to set up the ladder, which is next to impossible due to the pulping of his leg. He is finally successful and collapses on the ladder, hoping to get a slight reprieve. After catching his pain, he reaches down once more and slowly begins to ascend the ladder. He doesn't get too far though, as Agent McTwivent gathers himself and the fiendish Goblin's dagger then begins his own climb up the other side.
Both men comes face to face at the top, when Agent McTwivent shows what happens when you wake a sleeping pussy. He uses the very dagger Bernie had earlier from his belt and stabs the Wonder Teamer right in the eye.
Bernie grabs at his face as he takes his final tumble from the air. The last thing he sees with his one good eye is S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Reginald McTwivent retrieve the lightsaber and fire it up in victory.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Team Sleeping Pussy are: S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent and 2 Compsognathus ("Compys')
With the opening match of the 2011 consolation matches set to begin, the first twist of the rounds is revealed. The winner will be the first team to retrieve the purple lightsaber that is suspended in the air.
On a platform over a Sarlaac pit.
This revelation immediately has a huge impact on Alice's Wonder Team, as Vampire #7 bursts into flames and turns to ash in the blazing Tatooine sun. It's now up to S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Reginald "Butterscotch" McTwivent and his two Compys to make it up the ladder and retrieve the lightsaber.
As Butterscotch rushes to set up a ladder, Bernie the Goblin quickly pulls out a knife and throws it at one of the Compys, hitting the small, turkey sized dinosaur right in the throat-killing it. The other Compy begins to devour the flesh of his fallen comrade, and is punted into the gaping maw of the Sarlaac by Bernie who's hurrying to knock Reginal off of the ladder. Ole Butterscotch tumbles off the ladder, and slides to the edge of the platform. As he struggles to pull himself back up, Bernie decides to forget the ladder, and instead try and incapacitate McTwivent by feeding him to the pit monsters.
Butterscotch is to his feet, as Bernie launches a wicked kick, narrowly missing the intrepid SHIELD Agent's testicles.
"Dirty trick. I got a few of them myself" snarls an enrages Butterscotch McTwivent who throat punches Bernie, causing him to fall to his knees gasping for air. Butterscotch then grabs a ladder and brings it crashing down on the Goblin's leg with a sickening CRACK. Butterscotch continues this abominable assault until Bernie's leg resembles a wet, lumpy sack covered in Goblin blood and bone fragment.
"Consider yourself lucky that I'm feeling mercy today, b***h" says McTwivent as he takes the blood splattered ladder over to where the lightsaber hangs and begins to climb. While he climbs, the Goblin refuses to succumb to the pain and drags his broken body toward the ladder. As Butterscotch reaches the penultimate rung, Bernie in desperation pulls out another dagger and throws it at the turned back of the SHIELD Agents. Unfortunately. the dagger doesn't strike as he intended, and instead hits McTwivent in the back of the leg, barely breaking the skin but causing him to lose his balance and fall off the ladder, and knock it over. Butterscotch lands in a heap, next to the goblin.
Bernie seizes this opportunity and grabs his opponent by the shirt and slams his forehead into his foe's nose, breaking it. Butterscotch grabs his face in pain, as Bernie hobbles over and tries to set up the ladder, which is next to impossible due to the pulping of his leg. He is finally successful and collapses on the ladder, hoping to get a slight reprieve. After catching his pain, he reaches down once more and slowly begins to ascend the ladder. He doesn't get too far though, as Agent McTwivent gathers himself and the fiendish Goblin's dagger then begins his own climb up the other side.
Both men comes face to face at the top, when Agent McTwivent shows what happens when you wake a sleeping pussy. He uses the very dagger Bernie had earlier from his belt and stabs the Wonder Teamer right in the eye.
Bernie grabs at his face as he takes his final tumble from the air. The last thing he sees with his one good eye is S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Reginald McTwivent retrieve the lightsaber and fire it up in victory.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Playoffs Round 1: Hannah & Barack's Commandos vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
“The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.”
-Sarah Palin
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Playoff Week 1 Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:
"I won't stop until I am inked head-to-toe" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "The Brits think they are soooo funny with their little pet names" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Earth 2 Superman, Black Lantern Optimus Prime, Optimus Prime, Buffy Summers, Tlaloc w/ red lantern ring, Norma Cenva w/ green lantern ring, Luminara Unduli w/ blue lantern ring, Bariss Offee, Dex-Tar, Fatality, Taa, Bryan Beckman(lax) w/ yellow lantern ring, Mandolarian armor, red and blue lightsabers and Mrs. Doubtfire's dress, Dante, Xerxes, Crew of Icarus 2, Movie Devastator, Spiderman, Harry Potter, President Barack Obama, Lady Gaga w/ Sith Lavarok, Willow Rosenberg, Suspiria Witch Coven (Helena Markos, Madame Blanc and Miss Tanner), Mary Marvel, Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley and Ewok Baby #5.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies: A gaggle of Al Qaeda members, Teddy Roosevelt, Vincent from Collateral, Michael Weston and Fiona, The Wu Tang Clan, John Moses Browning, King Leonidas, Brock Sampson, Sarah Palin and Sandworm #1.
Let the battle begin. . .
Desert Region- [Middle East location]. . .
A near insurmountable number of Al Qaeda members storm the dusty town. To their dismay, only a lone woman stands in the doorway of a falafel hut, eating a hummus and tabbouli wrap. The Al Qaeda members are disgusted at the sight of the ugly beast, especially at the fact that more of her wrap’s contents lie on her blouse instead of her mouth. In response to the hoots and cackles of the Arabic army, Bryan Beckerman rips off Mrs. Doubtfire’s dress. The Mandalorian armor shines in the sun and he ignites both his red and blue lightsabers at the same time. He quickly rises with the use of his yellow lantern ring.
Beckerman: For my fallen tribe mates from ancient years’ past!!!!
Beckerman’s utilization of all his weaponry and skill rips through a majority of the Sampsonites before any can react and blow themselves up. As Beckerman rounds the corner, he is faced by one hundred more individuals. As Beckerman is about to become surrounded, his “lax” powers surface. There is no need though as Movie Devastator comes to the scene. Beckerman flies to the sky and notices that the Crew of Icarus 2 has unleashed a nuke on the site. All of the Al Qaeda members are decimated by the combination of the Icarus 2’s nuke and Devastator’s shredding.
Water Region. . .
Sarah Palin is a sight to be seen (definitely not heard) as she doggy paddles through the waters in her bikini. She sees an egg-like flotilla floating on the waves and swims to it so as to avoid exhaustion. As she nears the egg, music is spewed forth.
RAH RAH AH AH AH,
ROMA ROMA MA;
GAGA OOH LA LA,
WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE!
Palin is caught off guard as the egg opens up. Lady Gaga stands proudly, adorned with an Obama shirt and a Sith Lavarok. The weapon’s projectiles rip into Palin’s shoulders. As a result, Palin’s bikini top falls off.
Gaga: Impressive for a bag your age! My female monsters. . . I mean witches, come to me!!!
Willow Rosenberg and the Suspiria Witch Coven hover to the area. Head Witch Helena Markos nods her head and she, along with Willow and her coven mates- Madame Blanc and Miss Tanner, use their powers to strip Palin of her undergarment and push her under the water. Palin drowns- naked and alone (laughingly so).
Forest Region. . .
The Big Game Hunter erupts from the heart of the trees that surround him. Teddy Roosevelt has the beast in his rifle’s sight. Baby Ewok #5’s head explodes. Teddy Roosevelt sees a brother-from-another-mother. Barack Obama creeps through the forest. As Roosevelt is about to pull the trigger and kill his fellow President-countryman, Buffy Summers springs out and trips America’s 26th President. As he rises to aim at Buffy, a shout can be heard.
Ripley: Get away from her, you b@tch!
Ripley uses her advanced space-Marine weaponry to rip Roosevelt apart.
Desert Region- [Middle East location]. . .
Sandworm #1 rises from the ground. Norma Cenva with her green lantern ring hovers over the monstrosity. Her coordination of the attack is essential in the destruction of the worm as the combined efforts of Devastator, Earth 2 Superman, Optimus Prime, BL Optimus Prime, as well as the Cymeks, Tlaloc, Dante and Xerxes manage to kill the immense creature.
City Region. . .
The Wu Tang Clan runs through the streets and suddenly finds themselves stuck and encased in webbing. Spiderman shimmies down a pipe, upside down and looks at the musical members. Before any member is able to bust a cap in Spidey’s a$$, they are confronted by Luminara Unduli and Bariss Offee.
One of the members can be heard: Those Nubian goddess bi@$hes be fine!!!
In response to this disrespect, Unduli and Offee ignite their sabers slice the entire Clan apart.
Desert Region. . . [Wild West location]
The American firearms designer John Moses Browning walks the deserted street. He sees a youth with a scar on his forehead at the other end; the boy looks British. A scowl appears on Browning’s face as he realizes a showdown will be had between the U.S.A. and England, once again. As Browning is about to fire, Potter shouts.
Potter: Expelliarmus!
The gun flies out of Browning’s arm. He turns around and only manages to catch a glimpse of Mary Marvel’s fist before it is put through his skull.
Forest Region. . .
Michael Weston, Fiona and Vincent all have Obama in their sights. They are determined not to fail as Roosevelt did. As they simultaneously take their shots, shields of “lantern light” deflect the bullets. Weston is then killed by Dex-Tar. Fiona is killed by Fatality. Vincent is killed by Taa.
Final Melee. . .
The glistening muscles of King Leonidas and Brock Sampson pulsate. The two scream as they rush at the entire squad of the Commandos. The two are shredded apart before a single death from the Commandos is had.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies: All dead.
IWSUIAIHTTPSHM&TBTTASFWTLPNPBOBOBWTBOC: Only Ewok Baby #5 killed.
The COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
-Sarah Palin
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Playoff Week 1 Match located on the Playoff Planet. They are as follows:
"I won't stop until I am inked head-to-toe" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "The Brits think they are soooo funny with their little pet names" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Earth 2 Superman, Black Lantern Optimus Prime, Optimus Prime, Buffy Summers, Tlaloc w/ red lantern ring, Norma Cenva w/ green lantern ring, Luminara Unduli w/ blue lantern ring, Bariss Offee, Dex-Tar, Fatality, Taa, Bryan Beckman(lax) w/ yellow lantern ring, Mandolarian armor, red and blue lightsabers and Mrs. Doubtfire's dress, Dante, Xerxes, Crew of Icarus 2, Movie Devastator, Spiderman, Harry Potter, President Barack Obama, Lady Gaga w/ Sith Lavarok, Willow Rosenberg, Suspiria Witch Coven (Helena Markos, Madame Blanc and Miss Tanner), Mary Marvel, Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley and Ewok Baby #5.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies: A gaggle of Al Qaeda members, Teddy Roosevelt, Vincent from Collateral, Michael Weston and Fiona, The Wu Tang Clan, John Moses Browning, King Leonidas, Brock Sampson, Sarah Palin and Sandworm #1.
Let the battle begin. . .
Desert Region- [Middle East location]. . .
A near insurmountable number of Al Qaeda members storm the dusty town. To their dismay, only a lone woman stands in the doorway of a falafel hut, eating a hummus and tabbouli wrap. The Al Qaeda members are disgusted at the sight of the ugly beast, especially at the fact that more of her wrap’s contents lie on her blouse instead of her mouth. In response to the hoots and cackles of the Arabic army, Bryan Beckerman rips off Mrs. Doubtfire’s dress. The Mandalorian armor shines in the sun and he ignites both his red and blue lightsabers at the same time. He quickly rises with the use of his yellow lantern ring.
Beckerman: For my fallen tribe mates from ancient years’ past!!!!
Beckerman’s utilization of all his weaponry and skill rips through a majority of the Sampsonites before any can react and blow themselves up. As Beckerman rounds the corner, he is faced by one hundred more individuals. As Beckerman is about to become surrounded, his “lax” powers surface. There is no need though as Movie Devastator comes to the scene. Beckerman flies to the sky and notices that the Crew of Icarus 2 has unleashed a nuke on the site. All of the Al Qaeda members are decimated by the combination of the Icarus 2’s nuke and Devastator’s shredding.
Water Region. . .
Sarah Palin is a sight to be seen (definitely not heard) as she doggy paddles through the waters in her bikini. She sees an egg-like flotilla floating on the waves and swims to it so as to avoid exhaustion. As she nears the egg, music is spewed forth.
RAH RAH AH AH AH,
ROMA ROMA MA;
GAGA OOH LA LA,
WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE!
Palin is caught off guard as the egg opens up. Lady Gaga stands proudly, adorned with an Obama shirt and a Sith Lavarok. The weapon’s projectiles rip into Palin’s shoulders. As a result, Palin’s bikini top falls off.
Gaga: Impressive for a bag your age! My female monsters. . . I mean witches, come to me!!!
Willow Rosenberg and the Suspiria Witch Coven hover to the area. Head Witch Helena Markos nods her head and she, along with Willow and her coven mates- Madame Blanc and Miss Tanner, use their powers to strip Palin of her undergarment and push her under the water. Palin drowns- naked and alone (laughingly so).
Forest Region. . .
The Big Game Hunter erupts from the heart of the trees that surround him. Teddy Roosevelt has the beast in his rifle’s sight. Baby Ewok #5’s head explodes. Teddy Roosevelt sees a brother-from-another-mother. Barack Obama creeps through the forest. As Roosevelt is about to pull the trigger and kill his fellow President-countryman, Buffy Summers springs out and trips America’s 26th President. As he rises to aim at Buffy, a shout can be heard.
Ripley: Get away from her, you b@tch!
Ripley uses her advanced space-Marine weaponry to rip Roosevelt apart.
Desert Region- [Middle East location]. . .
Sandworm #1 rises from the ground. Norma Cenva with her green lantern ring hovers over the monstrosity. Her coordination of the attack is essential in the destruction of the worm as the combined efforts of Devastator, Earth 2 Superman, Optimus Prime, BL Optimus Prime, as well as the Cymeks, Tlaloc, Dante and Xerxes manage to kill the immense creature.
City Region. . .
The Wu Tang Clan runs through the streets and suddenly finds themselves stuck and encased in webbing. Spiderman shimmies down a pipe, upside down and looks at the musical members. Before any member is able to bust a cap in Spidey’s a$$, they are confronted by Luminara Unduli and Bariss Offee.
One of the members can be heard: Those Nubian goddess bi@$hes be fine!!!
In response to this disrespect, Unduli and Offee ignite their sabers slice the entire Clan apart.
Desert Region. . . [Wild West location]
The American firearms designer John Moses Browning walks the deserted street. He sees a youth with a scar on his forehead at the other end; the boy looks British. A scowl appears on Browning’s face as he realizes a showdown will be had between the U.S.A. and England, once again. As Browning is about to fire, Potter shouts.
Potter: Expelliarmus!
The gun flies out of Browning’s arm. He turns around and only manages to catch a glimpse of Mary Marvel’s fist before it is put through his skull.
Forest Region. . .
Michael Weston, Fiona and Vincent all have Obama in their sights. They are determined not to fail as Roosevelt did. As they simultaneously take their shots, shields of “lantern light” deflect the bullets. Weston is then killed by Dex-Tar. Fiona is killed by Fatality. Vincent is killed by Taa.
Final Melee. . .
The glistening muscles of King Leonidas and Brock Sampson pulsate. The two scream as they rush at the entire squad of the Commandos. The two are shredded apart before a single death from the Commandos is had.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies: All dead.
IWSUIAIHTTPSHM&TBTTASFWTLPNPBOBOBWTBOC: Only Ewok Baby #5 killed.
The COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
Monday, May 23, 2011
FANTASY FANTASY FANTASY LEAGUE!!!!
2011 Fantasy Fantasy League Playoffs
It's just like filling out a March Madness bracket! Only it's for the 2011 Fantasy Fantasy League Playoffs.
Enjoy!
It's just like filling out a March Madness bracket! Only it's for the 2011 Fantasy Fantasy League Playoffs.
Enjoy!
Consolation Rounds
Did your team miss making the play offs? Think that your 2011 season is over?
Think again.
If you're not a part of the 2011 FFL playoffs, then congratulations. You've earned the opportunity to be a part of the 2011 Consolation Rounds.
What's the Consolation Rounds and why should you care? Well, allow me to explain. Josh has authorized me to run a series of 4 matches where me and my cabal of secret watchers will give you the chance to win some fabulous prizes. Just send in an appropriate sized line up, sit back, and see what happens.
Too good to be true? Well it isn't!!
To begin with, just email me a 20 point team by this Friday (May 27th). The match you'll be participating in will be a ladder match, but there will be some twists thrown in. The winners of these match ups will receive a purple lightsaber.
So again, welcome to the Consolation Rounds and good luck to you all.
Think again.
If you're not a part of the 2011 FFL playoffs, then congratulations. You've earned the opportunity to be a part of the 2011 Consolation Rounds.
What's the Consolation Rounds and why should you care? Well, allow me to explain. Josh has authorized me to run a series of 4 matches where me and my cabal of secret watchers will give you the chance to win some fabulous prizes. Just send in an appropriate sized line up, sit back, and see what happens.
Too good to be true? Well it isn't!!
To begin with, just email me a 20 point team by this Friday (May 27th). The match you'll be participating in will be a ladder match, but there will be some twists thrown in. The winners of these match ups will receive a purple lightsaber.
So again, welcome to the Consolation Rounds and good luck to you all.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Le' Napoleon's Brigade vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is Princess Leia, Padme Amidala, Lala and Sprout.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Black Lantern Josh Houslander and Kevin (from Sin City
Black Lantern Josh Houslander is driving the R.V. down the Interstate, hitting every car or blue truck that is in his path. Kevin sits shotgun and stares blankly out the window. “Dude, you haven’t said a word since we left Indianapolis
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Season 4 Week 11 Built Ford Tough vs The Abomitrons
Built Ford Tough is: O Ren Ishi
The Abomitrons are: Chuck Norris and Ewok #47
Let's get this out of the way now:
Chuck Norris "facts" are less like facts and more like… bad jokes that stopped being funny in 2009.
Chuck Norris does not have a fist in his beard, He does not push the world down instead of doing a push up.
He did not give birth to Secretariat while teaching Bagger Vance how to find "dryland" and surviving on nothing but his own filtered urine and adventure. He did not take the one ring to Mordor and rescue Hogwarts from the Uruk-Hai because he had a few extra minutes one day… He may have had a brief affair with Dumbledore… But who didn't really?
You know what Chuck Norris did do? Chuck Norris failed to notice the Ewok shrieking in terror as O Ren Ishi emerged from the bathroom door.
"Look little man, err little critter… whatever the hell you are, look… If I can hold my water for an entire day of shooting Walker Texas Ranger, you can chill until we get to the rest stop 2 miles down the road. It sucks that the bathroom on this thing is busted… but it's been broken since we left so quit trying to go in there, and quit pointing at the door like that's somehow magically going to get rid of the smell. I eat a lot of red meat, THAT is a Chuck Norris "fact" you can take to the bank. The best we can do is just seal that room off until we can dump the tank… or.. until we can burn this RV down to its frame… one of the two…
During the middle of his incredibly smug diatribe O Ren Ishi severed the head of Ewok #47 and Chuck Norris with her Hanzo Sword in a single swipe.
"Good lord it smelled horrible in there…. I think my nose-hairs have fallen out."
Built Ford Tough is victorious!
Team Sleeping Pussy vs Logical Genocide
Team Sleeping Pussy is Wildcat.
Logical Genocide is Goro w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Sniffles the Ewok and Roster Filler Smurf.
“Not so fast there fella. It’s going to take a lot more than that to keep this cat down,” Wildcat says as he realigns his vertebrae. He leaps up and rocks Goro off of his feet with a vicious uppercut. He then grabs a hold of Goro and suplexes him onto the hood of the R.V., crushing the front end in the process. Wildcat then leaps up and delivers an elbow to Goro’s sternum. Goro kicks Wildcat back and uses his ring to drive a yellow energy spike directly through Ted’s heart and dropping him to his knees. Wildcat looks up at the behemoth and smirks as he grabs a hold of the spike and pulls it out of his heart. The former Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World then lunges at the Mortal Kombat giant. He pins Goro up against the R.V. and starts throwing haymakers like they were going out of style. Goro manages to grab Wildcat and flip him through the windshield of the R.V. He then rips the door off and stomps his way inside. Goro tears the roof off as he slams Wildcat against the interior of the R.V. Goro then targets the gas tank as he flies out of the vehicle and ignites the fuel with his ring. The R.V. explodes with Wildcat inside. The blast launches him high into the air, where Goro grabs him and fires him back down to the ground, shattering his bones on impact.
The half man/half dragon goes back down to US-23 to claim his victory over Wildcat, but his body is nowhere to be found. The old boxer sneaks up behind him with his cat like stealth and leaps up onto Goro’s back. He savagely gouges Goro’s right eye out, causing the monster to let out a horrific scream. Enraged, Goro reaches around and grabs Ted and snaps his back over his knee. Goro tosses his limp body down to the ground and he grabs his head where his eye once was. There is another cracking of bones as Goro hears Wildcat chuckle. “Heh, didn’t you already… cough… try that trick?” Wildcat says as he spits some blood and probably a couple teeth to the street. “Come on, you can do better than that… Ugly!” This infuriates Goro. He snatches Wildcat with great speed and pulls on Ted Grant’s limbs with each of his four arms. Wildcat resists the urges to yell in pain for a while, but once Goro pulls the first limb right off of his body, it proves to be more than he can handle. Wildcat screams in agony as Goro rips the remaining limbs from his body. Ted’s bleeding and broken torso drops to the street and Goro obliterates what’s left of it with his Yellow Lantern ring. He then lets out an incredibly loud roar in triumph.
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!
Logical Genocide is Goro w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Sniffles the Ewok and Roster Filler Smurf.
“I thought this fight was supposed to take place INSIDE this Godforsaken R.V.?” Wildcat says to himself as he drives down US-23 towards Standish , Michigan
“Not so fast there fella. It’s going to take a lot more than that to keep this cat down,” Wildcat says as he realigns his vertebrae. He leaps up and rocks Goro off of his feet with a vicious uppercut. He then grabs a hold of Goro and suplexes him onto the hood of the R.V., crushing the front end in the process. Wildcat then leaps up and delivers an elbow to Goro’s sternum. Goro kicks Wildcat back and uses his ring to drive a yellow energy spike directly through Ted’s heart and dropping him to his knees. Wildcat looks up at the behemoth and smirks as he grabs a hold of the spike and pulls it out of his heart. The former Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World then lunges at the Mortal Kombat giant. He pins Goro up against the R.V. and starts throwing haymakers like they were going out of style. Goro manages to grab Wildcat and flip him through the windshield of the R.V. He then rips the door off and stomps his way inside. Goro tears the roof off as he slams Wildcat against the interior of the R.V. Goro then targets the gas tank as he flies out of the vehicle and ignites the fuel with his ring. The R.V. explodes with Wildcat inside. The blast launches him high into the air, where Goro grabs him and fires him back down to the ground, shattering his bones on impact.
The half man/half dragon goes back down to US-23 to claim his victory over Wildcat, but his body is nowhere to be found. The old boxer sneaks up behind him with his cat like stealth and leaps up onto Goro’s back. He savagely gouges Goro’s right eye out, causing the monster to let out a horrific scream. Enraged, Goro reaches around and grabs Ted and snaps his back over his knee. Goro tosses his limp body down to the ground and he grabs his head where his eye once was. There is another cracking of bones as Goro hears Wildcat chuckle. “Heh, didn’t you already… cough… try that trick?” Wildcat says as he spits some blood and probably a couple teeth to the street. “Come on, you can do better than that… Ugly!” This infuriates Goro. He snatches Wildcat with great speed and pulls on Ted Grant’s limbs with each of his four arms. Wildcat resists the urges to yell in pain for a while, but once Goro pulls the first limb right off of his body, it proves to be more than he can handle. Wildcat screams in agony as Goro rips the remaining limbs from his body. Ted’s bleeding and broken torso drops to the street and Goro obliterates what’s left of it with his Yellow Lantern ring. He then lets out an incredibly loud roar in triumph.
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!
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