Sunday, March 7, 2010

Logical Genocide Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

Logical Genocide is The Hood, Bronze Tiger, Tallahassee, Robert Hudson, Ewok #74, & Smurf #10.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Sabertooth, Josh Houslander Jedi Knight, Chris Artrip, & Larry Reamer.
 
Sabertooth and the rest of The Horsemen are just finishing up dinner in that restaurant above Cheers that that bald guy owns. They begin walking down the stairs to the place where everybody knows your name when Fizzle asks his fellow Myrmidon Sabertooth “What’s your problem Victor, you seem even more intense than normal today”. Sabertooth doesn’t say a word, but Larry answers the question instead: “Maybe he’s a little nervous, because Coach Lectur pulled him aside and told him that if he loses to an expansion team in the bar that he’ll give ol’ Sabertooth his last three deaths himself”. “Can it Reamer, or I’ll gut you as soon as I’m done with these expansion clowns”. Sabertooth retorts. As the 4 Horsemen get to the bottom of the stairs, the members of Logical Genocide are already sitting in the booth right behind where Norm, Cliff, & Paul sit, right next to Sam’s office. The Horsemen realize that this is a sore subject with Sabertooth, so they change the conversation. Josh turns to Larry and says: “Hey Lar, how do you like the new lightsaber”? Larry replies with: “Ehh, it’s alright but fancy weapons are no match for a good nail gun at your side”. The Horsemen are wrong to think that this match is going to start out slow and methodical, as Logical Genocide is eager to make a name for themselves in this league. The Hood leads his team as he jumps over the bar with his twin Glocks blazing. Tallahassee backs him up with her pump 12 gauge and almost hits “Z”, but him and Larry jump over the bar into the area where Carla usually stands. Larry and Artifact are both crouching under the bar when they look over at each other and give that “pissed off at the world” look that they are both so good at. The 2 of them stay low while Tallahassee keeps blasting shattered glass all over them with 12 gauge buckshot. Larry whispers to Fizz: “I’ll draw her fire and you bust a cap in this b**ch”. Larry then ignites his lightsaber and starts swinging it wildly. Tallahassee turns her attention toward him while Artifizzle pulls out his Beretta and puts 6 bullets in her chest (that’s about how many 9mm’s it takes to kill a 110 lb woman, right?). Robert Hudson valiantly jumps over the bar to attack Chris, and take revenge for his fallen comrade. Rob grabs a bottle of Miller Lite and breaks it on the bar. He leaps into the air with plans to come down hard on Artrip but his Jedi brother-in law leaps into the air flips down below the hanging glasses and uses his lightsaber to slice Robert in half. Ewok #74 and Smurf #10 jump into the fray, but Larry pulls out his new green lightsaber and uses it to skewer the ewok. Larry then swings his lightsaber again and takes out the jumping smurf in mid-air (quite a shot for a beginner with a lightsaber). Josh says: “Hey Lar, you still miss that nail gun”, which Larry replies to by saying: “I think I could get used to this”. The Hood begins lighting up the friendliest place in Boston with his guns when the Artinator begins firing back. The Fizzster takes aim, but he Hood is just to quick for him. Once The Hood gets in close C-Dog has just enough time to pull out the katana he got from Josh (the dead version) but not enough time to use it. The Hood then finishes him off. Sabertooth instantly jumps into action and begins battling with The Hood, while Josh and Larry pull out their lightsabers and move toward Bronze Tiger. Sabertooth and The Hood go at it intensely for only a couple of minutes. When 2 competitors fight as fiercely as they do the fight cannot possibly last long. Sabertooth knocks both of The Hood’s guns away and despite suffering some blows that would be debilitating to a man without Sabertooth’s healing factor, Sabertooth fights thru and ends the fight by jabbing his razor sharp nails into The Hood’s neck. While this is going on Bronze Tiger has kicked Larry over the bar toward the front door, leaving Jedi Josh alone to fight him. Josh swings for a head shot against Bronze Tiger but he is to swift. The lightsaber takes a chunk out of the arm of Bronze Tiger but the miss opens Josh up for Bronze Tiger to put him in a choke hold that breaks his neck. Bronze Tiger turns his attention toward Larry who just picked back up his lightsaber and is still shaking off being launched across Cheers, but the Horsemen he should be worried about is Sabertooth. Sabertooth knocks Bronze Tiger to the ground and then their brawl ensues. Bronze Tiger is a worthy opponent, but he does not match up to Sabertooth’s skills. Sabertooth goes crazy and ends up with the help of his strength and sharp edged fingers ripping Bronze Tiger’s head clean off. When the enraged Sabertooth turns his head, he thinks for a second that Larry is coming up behind him with his lightsaber in his hand but instead he realizes that Larry’s saber is put away and that his hands are filled with 2 bottles of Miller Lite. Larry hands one to Sabertooth and says: “Hey Victor, this rounds on me”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!

6 comments:

Krisatu said...

Sweet match, but one small problem. Talahasse was Woody Harellson, not one of the girls. Still, very entertaining match.

Ryan said...

It took me three years to do it, but I finally won my opening week's match.

Nice effort Seeney.

It's good to see Josh Houslander fighting for the Horsemen again.

Lickolas said...

Very entertaining match dude!

Nice job Ryan.

Welcome to the league Chris, at least you got your first loss to Ryan over with early. It seems to happen to all of us eventually.

Josh the Commish said...

My bad. I thought it was the older sister. You can have the death go to whichever one you want: Your call.

Josh the Commish said...

After more whining than even Coach Hanibal Lectur could handle: "How come Gene gets a weapon and we don't"? The Atlas, Heat Axe, & Halberd were given to Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley, and Peter Criss. No extra cost.

Krisatu said...

Give the death to Woody. There's something apropo about him biting it in a place where everybody knows his name.