Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Team S.P.

Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Dark Phoenix, Ego the Living Planet, Mogo, The One Above All, The Living Tribunal, Ranx the Sentient City, Orion, Yendar Plantis, Tyvokka, Ash (w/ Mandalorian Armor), War Skrull #6-10, Brood #6-10, Cyclonus & his Armada, Dracula, Deadman, Dementor #1-5, Doublecross, Duncan McLeod (w/ a green lightsaber), Nightbird, Warpath, Michael Myers, Magog, Nazgul #3 w/ Fell Beast, Green Dragon #13-18, Black Dragon #5-7, 9, & 13-14, Brother Blood, Spike, Triggerhappy & Blowpipe, Slugslinger & Caliburst, Skullcruncher & Grax, Predator X #1-5, Krayt Dragon #1 & 2, Fangry & Briscoe, Flywheels, Black Widow Shark, Naga, Abe Sapien, Hush, Clawful, Max Mercury, Killer Kroc, The Arc Troopers: Arc Trooper Captain, Arc Trooper Lt. #1 & 2, Arc Trooper Heavy Weapons Expert, Arc Trooper #1-5, & Storm Trooper #15.

Team S.P. is The X-Men: Cyclops, Jean Grey (w/ a green power ring), Beast, Angel, Thunderbird, Quicksilver, Jubilee, Blink, & Banshee, The Enchantress, Unus the Untouchable, Mastermind, Female Sentinel #1-10, Vision, Giant Man, Spider Woman, Blockbuster, Binary, Deathbird, Super Skrull, War Skrull #1-5, Skrull #23-50, SHIELD Agent #1-6, Xenomorph #1-43, Compsagnothid #29-60, Capt. Boomerang, Cloak, & Dagger.


Ego the Living Planet looks over to his right and sees the mighty Joshatu preparing to witness the match. Ego speaks: “What brings you here Joshatu, I was under the impression that Ryatu was to witness out inevitable victory. Josh says: “Yeah, he was but his washing machine crapped out on him this weekend and he asked me to sit in for him”. Ego replies with: “Hah”. “Why is that funny”? Josh asks. “Oh ya know, just the whole “all powerful Watcher thing” ya know. And then you end up with a puked out washing machine. Sorry, but it’s funny”. Ego says. Josh replies: “ya know, life isn’t that easy for us Watchers, crap happens to us to and then it gets pretty rough. For instance a plumber shows up atone of our houses and he’s all like: (said in a dumb voice) “Ooooh you’re a Watcher, that means I can charge you up the butt for like 5 minutes of work””. Ego speaks once again: “Still, I mean we’re about to do battle for domination of the Universe here, and the only witness can’t make it cause his washing machine is broke”. “You have to admit, it is kind of funny”. Mogo adds. “Hey, nobody asked you Moags. And besides why am talking to you guys anyway, I’m breaking the rules, I’m not supposed to talk to talk to the combatants”. Ego says: “Oh come on Josh, it’s us, it’s not like you’re talking to Ron Popeil or Homer Simpson or something, it’s us. We’re living planets, I mean I think we are on the same level as you”. “Yeah, what’s the big deal”? Ranx the Sentient City adds. “Ya know Ranx, I don’t need your crap right now. I’m not in the mood. I’m not gonna lie, I’m still kind of pissed at you about the thing.... with the dude..... You know....... Last week..... Well, either way, I’m still just not going to talk about with you. It just isn’t the time or the place“. Josh says. Mogo adds: “Yeah really Ranx, shut up! Nobody wants to here your crap today” “Don’t tell me what to do” Ranx says. Mogo replies brilliantly with: “Why what are you gonna do about it? Huh?” Ranx sits in silence for a minute when Mogo adds: “What are you yellow”? Ego jumps in and tries to play peacemaker by saying: “Okay guys, enough of this green/yellow stuff. Just cut it out. It doesn’t matter what color you are”. “Jeez, who invited Al Sharpton”? Josh says drawing uproarious laughter from the 2 lantern planets. Josh then finishes up with: “No but seriously. stop talking to me, we really should get down to this match. I mean the deadline was like 17 hours ago and it hasn’t even started yet, so lets do this”. The One Above All appears in the form of a giant Mint Oreo (for obvious reasons, to any one who has ever tasted one). The One Above All would normally have a more apathetic attitude toward such things, but he is pissed off that he wasn’t included in the HILARIOUS monologue to this match. The One Above All then decides that the gabby trio of planets should have to actually prove their worth. The One Above All & his minion The Living Tribunal teleport all 10 female sentinels, The 28 Skrulls, & The 6 SHIELD Agents onto Ego, The 43 Xenomorphs onto Mogo, & the 32 Compys onto Ranx. Once these characters are teleported onto the living planets, the ultra-powerful cosmic beings are able to use their natural resources to ensure the death of all of their opponents. Back on the play-off planet 5 Super Skrulls square off against 5 Dark Phoenixes in a pitched air battle. They battle with each other brutally, but in the end only one of the Dark Phoenixes remains (actually War Skrull #3), but that one is destroyed by the real Super Skrull shortly after he victory, Master Mind focuses all of his mutant ability and is successful in tapping in to the collective minds of The One Above All and The Living Tribunal. He breaks in thru their mental barriers, but is unable to control the immense knowledge that their minds contain. Mastermind loses his life, but the price he payed was well worth it for his team, as he takes the all powerful One Above All & The Living Tribunal out with him. Duncan McLeod and Michael Myers begin fighting with Capt. Boomerang, but the fight is broken up by an attack from Jubilee. Michael Myers gets some help from Hush and stays and fights Jubilee, gaining an eventual victory, but Duncan just can't keep from coming back to Capt. Boomerang (get it). Duncan then gets some aid from Killer Kroc and they easily take Capt. Boomerang down under (get it). Naga and Abe Sapien are playing 2 handed Euchre in the water area of the play-off planet, while Black Widow Shark watches. The 3 of them are just hoping that Team S.P. played some water character, but we all know that this didn't happen. In the desert area: Unus the Untouchable creates a force field that entraps the 2 Krayt Dragons, making them freak out and kill each other, but Max mercury vibrates thru the protective field of Unus and then kills him with a super-vibrato karat chop to the throat. Yendar Platis and Tyvokka use their 7 total lightsabers to remind Quicksilver that he is the lamest relative of Magneto's that Marvel has ever created. Oh. I get it. Hah, I didn't get it until right now, but now I get. I totally get it. **WARNING THE 4th WALL IS ABOUT TO BE BROKEN** So Becks thought that Ryan was writing his match, so he started ever Transformer on his roster, and then, Josh ends up writing his match and well...... ain't that about a bi**ch. Jean Gray with her new green lantern ring and her old flame Angel decide that this going to be the match that they totally rock out in. The 2 of them fly into action and take out Cyclonus & his Armada, Doublecross, Nightbird, Warpath, Triggerhappy, Blowpipe, Slugslinger, Caliburst, Skullcruncher, Grax, & both parts of Flywheels, before Dark Phoenix shows up and decides that there is no better person to give Green Lantern Jean Gray her first death and Angel his last than her. Dark Phoenix releases the full power of the Phoenix force to kill not only them but Thunderbird as well, not to mention some collateral damage on her own team, namely the 5 Predator Xes. Dagger uses her powers of light to take out Nazgul #3, along with his Fell Beast, while Cloak engulfs the 6 Green Dragons within his massive cloak to send them to another plane of existence. Magog, Brother Blood, & The Brood then avenge their teammates by defeating Cloak and Dagger (only Brood #7 & 9 don’t survive the fight). The Arc Troopers stealthily move from building to building in the Metropolitan area of the planet and are able to take out both Beast & Banshee before either of them are able to defend themselves. Blink jumps out of nowhere and uses her powers to send Storm Trooper #15, and Arc #1, 3, & 4 into a volcano on another planet, but The heavy Weapons Expert uses his laser bazooka to blow her head off. The Enchantress attempts to use her powers of male persuasion of Ash, but since he is such a “gay” character he instead uses the built in blasters on his Mandalorian Armor to blow her away. The real Super Skrull squares off against the real Dark Phoenix, and the real Super Skrull ends up real dead. Vision, Cyclops, Giant Man, Spider-Woman, Blockbuster, Binary, & Deathbird each take a Black Dragon, but they are then attacked by what remains of the Backyardigans (at least the ones that aren’t off in the water or out in space). Tyvokka blocks Cyclops optic blast with his lightsaber, while Yendar Platis uses his 6 lightsabers to rip him to shreds. Vision is in his intangible form, but Dark Phoenix uses he powers to simply change that and then render him brain dead. This is a great move that shows off the amazing range of her power, but it at the same time inadvertently killed Deadman & The Dementors in the exact same manner. Blockbuster is attacked by what remains of The Brood and The Arc Troopers. Blockbuster is able to use his superior strength to kill Brood #6, as well as Arc #5 & Arc Lt. #1, before the 2 groups take him down. Binary tries to attack Magog, but before she can Dracula sneaks up behind her and begins draining the blood from her neck. Orion uses his new-god powers to tap me on the shoulder and remind me that he is in this match. He then proves that he is to good to forget about by laying waste to Giant Man, as if he were called Ant Man (oh, that’s right, he was wasn’t he). Spider Woman knocks Michael Myers to the ground and is about to put the smack down, when Duncan McLeod uses his katana (he still uses the katana in his right hand and the lightsaber in his left(old habits die hard)) to lop off Spider Woman’s head. Deathbird delivers a deadly kick to the head of Clawful, but then, before he uses his hand to hand combat skills to kill her, Brother Blood uses his mental powers to telepathically remind Deathbird that she was just a part of what has got to be the shortest 2500 point match of all time.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGAN’S: BEEYTACHES ARE VICTORIOUS!