NPAATMAPSHM&ISHLMTTAWSTYPBOBOBWTBOC vs. LSOKACLTTMANF

“I’m going to cut her f*cking head off!”
-Bryan M. Beckerman

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 11 Match located in Dave Pilkinton’s ’77 RV. They are as follows:

"Nobody pays any attention to me anymore" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "I've single-handedly led my team to another winning season this year" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos:
Hannah Montana, President Barack Obama, Bryan Beckerman w/ Mandolarian Armor, red and blue light sabers and the ebb of the Parallax entity, Venus and Serena Williams.

Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family: Chun Li, King Kandy (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Gingerbread Person #1.

Commandos’ Locker Room. . .

Obama: My fellow Commandos- We have reached the final match of this Season and I commend you for the lives given in combat as well as the spoils gained from the victories. Although we have not exceeded our goals this year, we did our best and that’s all our owner can ask of us. I understand that a victory in this match is essential for our team and I make a pledge to you, my remaining teammates, that we who are chosen will do our best. As you all know, I utilized Seal Team Six to put to rest one of the most evil men this nation of ours has ever known. I will now utilize Ms. Montana, Mr. Beckerman and the scrumptious Williams sisters to their utmost potential and derive a victory. A victory that will, hopefully, allow us to enter into the playoffs. . . G-d speed and G-d bless the Commandos!

Let the battle begin. . .

The RV has been placed on automatic pilot for the match so as to not interfere with the combatants abilities. Barack Obama jumps on the dinette table and wields a large pot and a large pan. Gingerbread Person #1 meets the President. The two men of color face one another.

Obama: What you fail to realize Ginger, is that I AM THE LEADER OF SEAL TEAM SIX!!!!

Obama expertly uses the pot and pan to shatter the arms of Gingerbread Person #1. The Williams sisters join the fray and use their rackets to crush GP’s legs. Only the body and head remain of the Layander combatant. The three crush the body at the same time, leaving only the head.

King Kandy leaps from the pull out bed, wielding his blue lightsaber. Beckerman’s blue lightsaber deflects the blow and in a spectacular spinning motion, he beheads King Kandy with his red lightsaber. King Kandy’s head lies on the floor next to Beckerman. Beckerman smiles.

Chun Li uses her martial arts skills to break the necks of the Williams sisters. Beckerman screams in a frenzied bellow and utilizes the ebbs of the Parallax entity remaining within his system from last year’s Universe Bowl. Beckerman destroys Chun Li, her head ripped off of her body. Beckerman looks around for his missing teammate who has not shown her face in the match.

Beckerman: Where is Hannah Montana?

Montana: Here boys!

The door to the bathroom opens and the shower curtain parts ways to reveal a scantily, leather clad Montana. The water bursts from the shower head and she writhes in the flowing waters.

Montana: This victory has inspired me! I’ve changed the wording a bit, but Mr. President and Mr. Beckerman (licking her lips) I hope you enjoy.

Hannah Montana quickly steps out of the shower and picks up the head of Gingerbread Person #1 and throws it to Obama. She then throws the head of King Kandy to Beckerman. Last, she picks up the head of Chun Li and brings it into the shower with her. The Disney temptress begins to sing.

“SKULLF*CKING IN THE FFL”
[to the tune of “PARTY IN THE USA”]

I hopped out the locker room at Playoff Planet,
With a dream and my weaponry;
Welcome to the land of hero/villain excess, (Woah)
Am I gonna fit in?

Jumped in the hovercraft,
Here I am for the first time;
Look to my right and I see the FFL sign,
This is all so crazy,
Everybody seems so famous.

My tummy’s turnin’ and I'm feelin’ kinda home sick,
Too much pressure and I'm nervous;
That's when Ryatu turned on the radio,
and a Gwar song was on,
and the Gwar song was on,
and the Gwar song was on!

CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!

Get to the battlefield in my ornithopter,
Everybody's lookin’ at me now;
Like "who's that player, that’s rockin' kicks?
They’ve gotta’ be from out of town.”

So hard with my teammates not around me,
It’s definitely not a Detroit party;
Cause' all I see are lightsabers and swords,
I guess I never got the memo.

My tummy’s turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I'm nervous
That's when Joshatu dropped my favorite tune,
and a Hall and Oates song was on,
and the Hall and Oates song was on,
and the Hall and Oates song was on!

CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok,
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!


Feel like rippin' off a head (off a head),
Slice the body ‘til it’s dead (‘til it’s dead),
Nothing ever stops me each time (each time)
The Watcher plays my song and I feel alright!

CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (Oh, nodding the skull like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok (gonna be okay)
Yeah (huh huh), It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!

So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (Oh, nodding the skull like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok (gonna be okay)
Yeah (huh huh), It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!

Barack and Beckerman continue to sing the chorus and gyrate accordingly.

Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family: All dead.

NPAATMAPSHM&ISHLMYTAWSTYPBOBOBWTBOC: Hannah Montana, President Barack Obama and Bryan Beckerman all survive.

NPAATMAPSHM&ISHLMYTAWSTYPBOBOBWTBOC IS VICTORIOUS!!!