Tuesday, April 24, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: Kingdom Come Superman... TRADED!!

Thank you all for joining me here today. As you know, I am Ryan Poteracki. I am the Commissioner of the Fantasy Fantasy League and Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. As you may have heard, there has been a situation that has come up between a Team Owner and Combatant on said team. Well I am here to clear up any confusion and lay all rumors to rest.

Unhappy with his currently situation and the tumultuous relationship he has had with Team Owner Griffin Poteracki, Kingdom Come Superman had no other option but to reach out to the charity organization, Heroes without Homes, to aid him in securing a trade from Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers. Team Owner of the “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos, Nick Houslander, worked tirelessly to acquire the contract for Kingdom Come Superman. And after stiff negotiations, they were finally able to reach an agreement and Kingdom Come Superman will be joining the ranks of the Commandos.

The Dope Fiends, as you all know, have been in the spotlight since prior to this season’s Draft, when they made a major trade with Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve over the rights to the Number One Draft Pick for this year’s Draft. The Commandos, however, were fairly low key in this year’s Draft; with the exception of snagging the final available White Lantern, against what many said was an unintelligent move, only for those individuals to retract their statements rather quickly. Since then, they have been off to a remarkable undefeated season thus far. They face their stiffest challenge this week in Space when they take on defending Champions, the Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve. Undoubtedly, Team Owner Nick was hoping to finalize this deal prior to this week’s roster deadline. However, that was not meant to be. None the less, with the addition of Kingdom Come Superman, the Commandos are poised to continue their domination in the upcoming weeks. Only time will tell if they can keep this pace up through to the Playoffs and possibly the Universe Bowl.

The Dope Fiends did receive a much needed Green Lantern ring as well as the leader to their Frost Giants, King Laufey. Their locker room also gained a little bit of breathing room, as the tense relationship between owner and star was reaching a boiling point. Though his actions are sometimes questionable by a few and his emotions have a tendency to get the best of him, Team Owner Griffin, is always highly involved in the Dope Fiends day to day activities and is never afraid to make a change if he feels it’s right for the future of his organization. I for one commend him for this and feel that he is a shining example, one that several Team Owners could learn from.

Thank you for your time. Good luck to all in the second half of this already exciting season.

Details of Trade
Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers receive:
King Laufey
E.T.
Hal 9000
Claire Danes
David Hasselhoff
Shortround
Martin Riggs w/M202A1 FLASH Rocket Launcher
Roger Murtaugh
Sidney Poitier
1 Green Lantern Ring

Miley and Barrack's Commandos will receive:
Kingdom Come Superman

35 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

Who's being stripped of their green lantern ring on The Commandos?

Would have offered more said...

Wow Nick seems like you could have offered a bag of dicks and still got him. Nice pillaging friend.

Archr5 said...

Hal 9000 traded right before a space week?

Rookie move Commandos

This is how it should have gone down:
"Hal, we'd like to trade you."

"i'm sorry, i can't let you do that. Daaaaaisy Daaaaisy ...."

Ryan said...

Aleta One offered her Green Lantern ring up in the final hour of the negotiations.

Josh the Commish said...

Bummer, I was hoping to be able to write Katiness Everdeen, without super-powers.

Krisatu said...

For the record, after briefly buying into the great, white lantern hype, I'm back to thinking they're overrated.

Josh the Commish said...

Oh yeah... I almost forgot. A special thank you from The Midgets goes out to The Dope Fiends, for trading the best player in the league right before I have to play you. I need all the help I can get after The Kennelz curb-stomped me last week.

Josh the Commish said...

@ Krisatu. It's not the white lanterns themselves that are so great, it is the option to be able to roll out the "true" and "entire" spectrum. White Lantern is the only thing that your team is lacking and it would probably do more for your team than for anybody else's.

Danny Ainge said...

Great move Grif!

Pablo said...

Where was Heroes without a Home when my team claimed I was dead?? I'm alive and well, and could kick Superman's ass!!

gryfflin said...

First I would like to address would have offered more. If you could have then why didn't you? and yea I would have taken much less to finalize that deal. I originally told Nick I would trade him for 3 jugs of toilet water and half a pack of cigarettes, but Nick being the gentlemen he is, offered me more. Nick got superman because he is the only one who thinks he’s got potential. I wish nick and KFC Superman all the best. Secondly I would like to address Goof Juice, What you said "Should" of gone down did go down, Nick told him he was getting traded. He gave Nick some lip, and Nick expertly shut his a** down. but not before punching out several of Hals eyes that were strategically placed around rama. Last and least I would like to address Josh the commish who’s actually not the commish. If He was the best player in the league, then why didn't he receive any love from the writers? The only person that showed KFC Superman’s true power is now his owner. Well, with the exception of Ed, but we all know he was doing that to back up his own Superman’s abilities. Josh you had and have no chance at beating me, with your lawyer writing the match your even more likely to lose. KFC Superman was never going to play in our match, if I had my way it would have just been me an you, but someone else owns the right to those characters.
P.S. Pablo shut the f**k up, your worm food now.

TruBlue15 said...

I would just like to thank both teams again for waiting until after the roster deadline took finalize this deal

Ryan said...

Katniss did offer hers up originally, but Team Owner Nick politely declined as she has already proved herself to be an incredible asset to the team with her quick understanding of the Green Lantern ring.

Without a doubt the two matches to watch for this week are the Dope Fiends vs the Evil Midgets and the Commandos vs the Bad News Kennelz. All four submitted terrific teams. Watcher Bryatu, no doubt, has his work cut out for him this week. Good luck to you all (especially Bryatu).

Would have offered more said...

I would have let you look at my roster and pick whoever you wanted and negotiated from there, but you already traded him by then. So technically I did offer more, but the trade already went down with first and lowest bidder. Should have atleast entertained othter offers before making impulse decisions on the first offer.

Ryan said...

I disagree.

Why would should they have to go to the other teams? The hottest girl at the dance doesn't go around asking guys if they want to dance. They come to her.

Everyone knew that KC Superman was available from Week One. No one other than Nick seemed interested, as no one else tried to contact the Dope Fiends.

Whoever you are, you sat on your hands and didn't make any offers. Instead you said "oh I would have offered more" after the fact.

Your fault.

Would have offered more said...

Let's just agree to disagree. Someone looking at a roster could pick whomever they want. That's when talks would start.

Ryan said...

Haha. I suppose.

I just find it funny that your blaming others for your laziness.

Yes, rosters are online and accessible to everyone. If you wanted KC Superman, you should have made an offer, plain and simple.

Every single trade I have made or try to make, I've gone after the characters I wanted. Succeeded with some, failed with others.

Sick of talking about this said...

If by laziness you mean work during day and school at night well then I guess you got me there buddy. Last word... Until you post another retort.

Ryan said...

Another retort.

NFG Mike said...

i actually thought he was kidding when he offered up KC Superman! i have the tattoo, you couldve fleeced me but good.

Ridiculous conversion said...

And actually I did approach griffin. I emailed him asking for a trade, but it had already happened by then. Facts son.... just the facts.... Retort

Ryan said...

Well then you were just too slow. He didn't have to wait to see if there were any other offers. Could it have been beneficial to him? Most likely.

So it just sounds like you have sour grapes and is jealous.

(Weren't you "sick of talking about this"??)

I would have loved to have Kingdom Come Superman on my team too, but I like many, many others, didn't make an actual offer.

Wise Man Say said...

"When moment comes and moment pass, keep mouth shut or show red ass"

Bastian Booger said...

You're right. Every single thing you said is 100% correct. Twas foolish of me to ever question your great wisdom oh powerful commish. Please spare my meaningless existence. Hang my head in shame now I must.

Ryan said...

Haha, funny stuff Wise Man.

*sigh* Whatever "Would have offered more."

Ron Mexico said...

Omg! Bahahaha! Lmfao! Lol! ;), :), :D

Solobeck said...

Longest Comment Section-Ever!

Josh the Commish said...

@ Griffin: You are very correct sir, I am no longer The Commish; but you are still a bit of a dick in the comment section. And no love for Kingdom Come Superman from me?? Try reading the matches I wrote... Furthermore... The Midgets are going to eff you up like a car crash this week. SNAP.

Ryan said...

Heh, I knew this trade was going to be a powderkeg of controversy.

But seriously, this is just supposed to be fun. So let's all calm the F down and have fun.

I myself had gotten into a heated argument with an unnamed individual *cough* Joe *cough" and I'd like to apologize to that individual and the league.

This has already been by far the most exciting season yet and also undoubtedly, has seen the most interaction with everyone involved.

So let's not go and blow it now. The second half of the season is looking to be even better than the first, especially with divisional play coming up.

Good luck to everyone, but Nick. That S.o.B. obviously doesn't need it.

Solobeck said...

I support my Commish and am entirely in agreement with the comments made above!
-V.C. Becks

Woo Woo Woo... You know it! said...

I agree. Stupid shit to be arguing over. All I know is I was never mad, just kinda shocked at the trade. I didn't know that he was looking to trade KCS until I found and made an offer that day. If something was said about it on draft day I either didn't catch it or forgot about it.You're right I didn't offer up any specific players, maybe I should have instead of just telling him to look at my roster. Any which case this shit does not need to taken so seriously. So sorry things got a little crazy for a minute, so let's move on and enjoy the rest of this kickass season!

NFG Mike said...

hey, if people dont get fired up, it means they dont care. id say its a good sign.

OFG Joe said...

Agreed good point

Ryan said...

Excellent point Mike!!!

Artifact said...

Superman is that dude who is scared of a little space pebble, right?