Thursday, June 7, 2012

FFL "Spoiler Sport"- Post Season Edition. Round One.

Cotton McKnight here, with your post season edition of FFL "Spoiler Sport" here on ESPN 8-The Ocho!

Well, round one is officially in the books, and I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that just about all of these teams will never be the same. Plenty of blood has been spilled, let's see which teams lost the least amount.

We'll start with the Stan Lee conference. Former FFL champions Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyatches taking on Brock Samson's FIghting Murderflies, and perhaps the biggest story coming out of this match is that Brock Samson will no longer be able to compete for the Murderflies. That's right, despite a valiant effort, which saw a number of veteran Murderflies compete for the final time including team namesake Brock Samson,  the Murderflies were unable to stop the Backyardigans. It wasn't an easy task for B3, but in the end the unstoppable killing machine Doomsday lived up to his name and was the death of the Murderflies championship dreams this year.

As for the other match in the Stan Lee conference, Team Sleeping Pussy was able to just about dominate Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers, thank once more to the tactics of Kang the Conqueror. The Dope Fiends got in a few shots, thank to the black lantern Cloverfield Monster, but the time traveling of Kang gave SP the edge in this bloodbath. Will Kang be able to keep his murderous grip on the Play-Off Planet? Or will it be Doomsday for the time displaced despot? Keep watching the Ocho as we bring you round two of the 2012 FFL play-offs Backyardigans vs Team SP, sponsored by Kim's Korean Kitchen. Kim's! Where we'll wok whatever you like, as long as it's not dark meat.

Over in the Lucas conference, history may be repeating itself. As we saw in week one, George Washington's Slaves managed once again to best The Horsemen of the Apokolips. It was an amazing match, which saw just an incredible firefight between Starscream and Wedge Antilles along with a masterful clinic from Luke Skywalker. The Slaves paid dearly for their win, however. As the lone survivor, Yoda, escaped the battle with his life, but missing an arm and an ear. As of this report, we still haven't gotten word on if Yoda will advance to the next round in this damaged state, or if his owner will euthanize the Jedi and bring him in whole, but with only one death remaining in his career.

As for the other match, we may be getting ready to see another unbeaten streak from "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Traveling Battalion of Commandos. Just like we saw in week one, the Commandos were victorious over a very game Logical Genocide, who almost had the match won. The teams were almost mirror images of each other, with the make or break moment coming when White Lantern Deadman and Nekron both utilized their resurrection powers to revive their respective teams for one more round to the death. In the end. Kingdom Come Superman was the sole survivor of the match, and perhaps bringing him onto their team is the final piece to the Commandos championship puzzle. However, before they get to the finals, they have to face the team that put an end to their perfect run-George Washington's Slaves. Will these two teams next meeting go the same as their last? Or will the Commandos show last time to be a fluke, and they really are the perfect team this year? Will find out as George Washington's Slaves take on "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Traveling Battalion of Commandos live! Here on ESPN 8-The Ocho!

We now take you over to Ocho correspondent Pepper Brooks who's got a quick recap on this year's consolation rounds. Pepper!

"Thanks Cotton. Yeah. Guys won matches. Other guys lost. The Burger King burned down a McDonald's. This black lantern did some dick move. Uhhhh. Oh! A guy had a monkey! They like, beat up some mouse who threw bombs. But it wasn't Mickey Mouse. Mickey wouldn't do that.  Ummmm. A little boy and his robot won, and I think they like went home and started to fu-"

Thanks Pepper! With that we leave you, before the FCC fines us!

For "Spoiler Sport" and Pepper Brooks! I'm Cotton McKnight. Thank you and good night!

12 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

Thanks Cotton and Pepper!!

Ryan said...

Welcome Pepper! Great addition to the team, Cotton. Awesome reporting as usual.

NFG Mike said...

Always a fan of Cotton, and this new kid's got spunk. And "lil Kim" is gonna sponsor a playoff match? So, a bit of chin music and some gunplay scared you off, eh Kim? Well, at least I know there's one animal you wont cook, because cooking a weasel would make you a cannibal.

Silk Bishop said...

WTF COTTON?!?! I thought we were going to look out for each other, but I guess "Mr. Ocho" went big time on me! Pepper gets consolation matches over me?!?! You'll regret this!!! Thank YOU, and goodnight... COTTON.

Cotton McKnight said...

Silk, I've told you. You're not getting on air until this deal with you and these masseuses is put to rest. The Ocho can't afford to pay another of your sexual harassment suits. You received the memo last Thursday that we were going with Pepper over you, and I personally called and left you a voicemail, where your "charming" outgoing message said you were looking into happy endings, but weren't in a book store or library. Then you said the word "wink" which just adds another layer of creepy to this entire situation.

I do value your work, Silk. But you need to refocus your priorities and put professionalism over pleasure.

Silk Bishop said...

I guess you're right Cotton. It's best to get my past behind me. In fact, to prove that I'm a team player, I'm even going to coach Pepper on reading headlines. *wink*

Solobeck said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Solobeck said...

Hey Silk Bishop:
Get a real f#@king job instead of latching onto Cotton you sh#t eating whore!!! Suck my immense blue cock or stick it in your fat flabby a$$ for all I care!!! For me, any of your gaping pieholes is good!!!
-Pablo

Chef Kim said...

Oh hello! I dont see you come in! Chef Kim here! Are you ready for some hot playoff action? We are too baby! You come eat Playoff Specials at Kim's Korean Kitchen! B3 is any three meats that start with B wok together! Or do you want Sleeping Pussy Platter? Ingerdients are Kim's little secret, but you love it! Come eat now!!! No dark meat!!!

Lickolas said...

I am laughing hysterically at this entire thread, it's so stupidly funny. I mean that as a compliment of course.

Oh yeah and Kim, save me a seat.

Chef Kim said...

Sure ting Lickolas. You come have Commando special. Which is small plate of rice that you trade for any large combo meal, free of charge. Big deal yes!

Krisatu said...

Chef Kim with the wicked BURN!!