S8W4: The Royal Highness vs Fighting Murderflies

The Royal Highness is: Yoda, The Blue Marvel, The Flash (Barry Allen), Batman, Robin (Jason Todd) (w/ Blue Lightsaber), Alfred Pennyworth, Commissioner Gordon, Batman Beyond, Elderly Bruce Wayne, Elderly Bruce Wayne’s Dog, Dr. Doom, Steel Doomsday (8 deaths), Robocop, Overlord, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, The Possessor, The Punisher, Microchip, G-Girl, Detective Christian Walker, Detective Deena Pilgrim, Booker and Elisabeth Dewitt, Finn (scared black stormtrooper from Episode 7), Xenomorph #56-60, Dark Jedi Master #7A-10A, Dave Thomas, Paula Dean, Jedi Master #37 (9 deaths), Jedi Master #38 (8 deaths).

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are:* Some Kaiju from Pacific Rim: (Tresspasser, Onibaba, Yamarash, Knifehead, Mutavore, Leatherback, Otachi, Raiju, Scunner, Slattern) The Energizer Bunny, The Wu-Tang Clan: (Rakwon, Gza, Rza, Inspectah Deck, Method Man, U-God, Cappadonna, Ghost Face Killah, Masta Killa, Ol Dirty Bastard), The SOA Guys:(Spike, Piermont “Piney” Winston, Quinn, Clarence “Clay” Morrow, Jury, Seamus Ryan, Jackson “Jax” Teller, Neeldes, Alexander “Tig” Trager, Kozik, Robert “Bobby Elvis” Munson, Happy, “Big” Otto Delaney, Lenny “The Pimp” Jonowitz, Juan Carlos “Juice” Ortiz, Filip “Chips” Telford, Harry “Opie” Winston)

*Watcher note:  If any of the Murderfly characters do not make sense, it is because the team was not submitted in the FFL approved format.  It was sent across 10 fragmented text messages and I have done my best to try and organize the mess.  He will be punished.

“You ready for this?” Says an enthusiastic Jedi Master #38.

“For what?” Jedi Master #37 snaps back at his friend.  “To die in a building explosion? Or to catch a bullet for Yoda?  Or maybe this time we will have a car dropped on our head!”

38 sits down next to his pal.  “We are on our last death this week.  Don’t worry, the watchers always write 9 deathers awesome.”

“Dude, we are commons.  We never get written ‘awesome’.” 37 says making airquotes with his fingers. “You can run out and be a hero today if you want.  Have fun getting stomped on by a Kaiju.  But me, I’ll be hiding.”

True to his word, the moment the match begins, 37 takes off running behind one of the buildings here in the streets of rage.  The action on the street is fast and furious.  The Sons of Anarchy guys come rumbling down the street with the Wu-tang clan riding on the backs of their motorcycles.  Bullets are flying everywhere. 38 is able to cut down a couple and also watches a few Xenomorphs get hit. Alfred dies as well as he was unsuccessful in shielding himself from the barrage of bullets with his sterling silver serving tray.  Paula Dean lays face down with the back of her head shot open, her brains splattered on the sidewalk like big globs of buttah.

After making somewhat quick work in the battle on the street.  The Highness hears the real threat from the Murderflies squad.  All 10 kaiju begin to march toward the huddled Highness.  Both Batman and Onslaught lead the charge with Steel Doomsday and most of the rest.  Incapable of flight, 38 looks back toward the alley and thinks for a second about what it would be like to actually survive a week.  To come back to the locker room victorious instead of being blown or burnt to bits.

37 ignites his lightsaber in shock as the lid to the dumpster he is hiding in is thrown open.  38 is scared for a second but is happy to see his buddy.  “Found your wits I see.” says 37 holstering his lightsaber again and going back to playing on his phone.

“I suppose,” 38 says as he lowers himself into the dumpster.  “I kinda feel guilty about hiding out while the rest of our team is out there fighting and dying.  I mean, you should have seen the size of those things they were fighting!”

“Don’t sweat it dude.  I told you, we are commons, no one cares about us and we won’t make a difference.  Just sit down and make yourself comfy.  Also, my name is Dwel.” says 37

“Dagon,” says 38 shaking hands and sitting down.  “Kinda smells in here…” he continues after a few seconds of awkward silence.

“Its a dumpster, Dagon.” says Dwel.  

The blood curdling screams of the battle can be heard outside.  Dagon can only sit in guilt and try to make small talk.  “So, you playing a game on that thing?” he asks.

“Naw, I’m on FFL Craigslist.  I’m trying to find out if my wife and kid are still alive but some bonehead keeps flagging my posts.”  Dwel says.  He pauses and goes on, “I think Bill Doer got them off the playoff planet before the Universe Bowl last year but I don’t know for sure.”

“Yeah,” says Dagon, “we lost a lot of commons that day.”

“See, that’s my point.” Dwel says annoyed.  “We are just commons.  We each have names and families and stories, but who would know that?  Nobody because we are never written about.  Why?  because there isn’t a story about us! Who cares about ONE common when there is 50 or a hundred others just like us in the league?”

“Wasn’t there a charity that was trying to find homes and jobs for commons?  It started back in year one or two I think.”

“Ha!” laughs Dwel.  “You mean Heros Without Homes?  That was a shell company for a bunch of illegal FFL activities.  I’m pretty sure the Commandos were behind it.”

“And probably the Horsemen!” says Dagon as they both laugh.

A huge crash is heard outside and they both turn toward the noise.  “Probably just us winning!” says Dwel and they both laugh even harder. He goes on, “So what’s your story?”

“Hmm. Where do I begin?” Dagon says.  “I was on the Season One draft sheet along with you and 598 other people.  After that, I pretty much sat in the locker room.  Got the occasional call up for the big week.  You know how it is, roster filler get blown up in a big explosion, blah blah blah.  But I did get my bachelor’s degree back in season 5.”

“Well that’s cool dude,” says Dwel. “Imperial Academy I assume.”

“No, University of Phoenix” Dagon says pulling up his pant leg to show off his red socks.

“You know what, I think we could work together dude.  We can rally all the commons to start putting some pressure on their owners to have the watchers dig into our backstories.  I think the people who read these matches really want to hear about us! They want to know that we are real people, not bullet catchers!”  Dwel is excited now.  He stops for a second and hears talking outside and a steady drum beat.

Outside on the street, the Energizer Bunny is the last remaining Murderflies character.  The remaining Highness members have all regrouped, exhausted in the street and start to laugh at the pink rabbit doing spins in the street.  “I got this.” says Batman.  He picks up the Energizer Bunny and straps a small grenade to its back and throws it down the alley and into an open dumpster.

“TWO POINTS!” he yells as the dumpster explodes and the bodies of their Jedi teammates land in the road.

“Nice one dude, you killed two of our own guys!” says Steel Doomsday, dripping in Kaiju blood.

“I didn’t know they were in there!” Says Batman.

“Don’t worry about it,” says Yoda standing over their corpses.  “Just a couple of commons.”