Fans of the FFL were anxiously filling into Comfort Inn Stadium, home of the Slaves in anticipation of another exciting season.
And why shouldn’t the Slave faithful be excited?
The Slaves always seem to be contenders out of the Stan Lee Conference and this year should be no exception.
Not to mention a strong, early test awaited the Slaves as they were to take on the Horsemen of the Apokolips in what was to be an epic battle to kick off the 2015 FFL season.
Speaking of the Horsemen, over in the visitor’s locker room, Professor X had his team cool, calm and collected. Upon posting the lineup card on the wall for the team and media we’d learn that Cyclopes would lead the Horsemen on the mound while former slow pitch softball pitcher Green Lantern Ryan Poteracki would be warming up in the bullpen. It was somewhat of a gamble by Charles Xavier considering the question marks surrounding Poteracki and his transition from slow pitch softball to the rigors of the FFL baseball league. Either way the Horsemen were ready and satisfied with their positional roles except for Brandon Inge who threw an occasional bitch for playing utility infield instead of third base but that was quickly quelled. Besides, the Horsemen didn’t have time for infighting. The team was eager to get out to a hot start after their embarrassing loss to the Sisterhood in last year’s playoffs.
However, as the Horsemen were about to take the field for pre-game warm ups, a loud explosion could be heard from the Slaves’ side of the field followed by a pungent aroma emanating out from the home team’s dugout.
Rushing to investigate what happened; FFL Security came to a grisly sight…
Dead bodies of Slaves’ team members lay strewn across the locker room. There was blood everywhere as well as the torn stink sac of Stinkor handing out of his mangled body. But among the carnage, Superman sat at his locker stall looking bewildered and in obvious shock.
“What happened?!” A member of the security team asked?
A shaken Superman replied, “I killed them, I killed them all…” as his face dug back into his hands.
“But why?!” the security personnel asked.
“Why?” Superman said. “The Slaves front office provided us with a roster but no position assignments” sobbed Superman. “Nolan Ryan came in and said he was going to pitch”
His voice growing more angry “I told him I’d be damned if I was going to let a 68 year old pitcher start for this team! Especially against the Horsemen!”
Superman continued, “He (Nolan Ryan) then threw a baseball at my head and a brawl ensued…”
“I swear I didn’t mean to kill anybody!” pleaded Superman who at this time was sobbing uncontrollably.
Looking over the devastation a security guard said “Damn, not even his own father was safe”.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Sunday, February 22, 2015
S8W1: Midgets vs. Rabble Rousers
The Traveling Sisterhood of Evil Midgets are:
Mr. Mizpitelik (Earth-3) (Manager)
Venom (Flash Thompson) (SS)
Longshot (C)
Azazel (w/ Dooku Red Saber and Deadpool’s Red Saber) (CF)
Duncan Idaho Ghola #5 (RF)
Dean Cain (w/ Blue Lightsaber) (LF)
Mike Troup (1B)
Scrimmell (2B)
Simmell (3B)
Kintaro (Starting Pitcher)
Bat-Boy (Bat boy/DH)
Dave Goverde (Utility)
Nick-Nack (PH)
Teek (Pinch Runner)
Anthony “Tony” DiNozzo (Middle Relief)
Deadshot (Closing Pitcher)
The Real Men’s Rabble Rousers are:
Lloyd Carr (Manager)
Odd Job (1B)
Jules Winnfield (2B)
Vincent Vega (SS)
Vampire Count Dooku (3B)
Franklin Clay (LF)
Jake Jenson (CF)
William Rogue (RF)
Maria Hill (w/Jetpack) (C)
Agent Colsen (w/ Destroyer Gun) (Starting Pitcher)
Rubeus Hagrid (DH)
The Burger King (Utility)
Rob Bartlett (Jedi Padawan) (Utility)
Johnny Cage (Pinch Hitter)
Jeb Bush (Middle Relief)
Nancy Pelosi (Closing Pitcher)
Lloyd Carr is livid. He is screaming as his starting pitcher is being arrested before the game has even begun.
“I am a SHIELD agent! Unhand me!” Screams Colsen. The California State Troopers and FBI agents do not seem to care. In fact, they take pride every time they get a chance to take a shit on the constitution and arrest someone for violation of the state’s absurd gun laws. The head agent tells Carr that he got a tip from someone at the field that Colsen had an illegal weapon that was not registered with the state. On top of that, the gun had a removable magazine and the chamber is not configured for microstamping.
Nancy Pelosi smugly walks up to Carr. “Aww, that sucks. Guess I’ll have to get the start today.”
90 painful minutes later, the top of the first ends. Pelosi has thrown over eighty pitches, 16 balks, and she has sweated through granny panties and into her pants suit. The reigning champs have batted through the order 3 and a half times. Cain and Troup had back to back home runs twice. In between innings, Carr changes the game plan.
“Clearly we are not going to win unless we change their lineup a bit.” Says Carr. He begins to set up a little sabotage.
Maria Hill charges toward the Midgets dugout before they can take the field. She ignites her jetpack and in a kamikaze ball of flame, is able to take out Troup, Cain, Goverde, Simmell, Scrimmell, and Kintaro. Rubeus Hagrid uses his magic umbrella to kill Tony Dinozzo. Mr. Mizpitelik runs from the dugout and is face to face with Johnny Cage.
FATALITY!
The umpire calls time just before Mizpitelik’s head hits the ground. He points to the Rabble Rousers dugout and orders Lloyd Carr out to the plate.
“Hmm. Looks like they don’t have enough players. Do they forfeit?” asks Carr.
“Actually,” says the Ump, “You and your team is in violation of MLB Rule 4.15(b). Or, since you were the home team, I guess you could be in violation of 3.18 as well. Take your pick, the result is the same, old man.”
An angry Carr and the rest of the Rabble Rousers storm off the field, and into the FFL woodchipper!
Season 8 Week: Commandos vs. Grindhouse
Barrack Obama and Miley Cyrus' touring Battalion of Commandos are: Alan Thicke (P), Kirk Cameron, (RP), Hannibal of Crete (C), Mohammed Ali (1), Chow Yun Fat (2), Adam Hernandez (SS), Robin Thicke (3), Katy Perry (RF), Sporty Spice (CF), Dave Grohl (LF), John Adams (DH), Thomas Jefferson (IF), James Baldwin (OF), John Henry (PH), Joan Jett (Closer), and Brad Pitt (Manager).
Beckerman presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse featuring: Tom Brady (3), Spider-Girl (SS), Bruiser (C), Swiftheart Rabbit (P), Cody Jones, (RF), Warwolf #1 (2), Warwolf #2 (LF), Warwolf #3 (CF), Warwolf #4 (IF), Warwolf #5 (OF), Warwolf #6 (RP), Warwolf #7 (Closer), Warwolf #8 (DH), Warwolf #9 (PH), Warwolf #10 (1), and Ryder (Manager).
Spin-off sitcom pitch: Years after his divorce, Dr. Jason Seaver is finally putting his life back together, fueled by the hope of finally becoming an MLB pitcher despite his advanced age. He is joined by his ultra right wing, yet well meaning son, Mike. Can this wacky pair overcome their differences to help give an old man a second chance at living his dream?
Starring Alan Thicke as Dr. Jason Seaver.
Co-starring Kirk Cameron as Mike Seaver.
"Throwing Pains" is filmed before a live studio audience. (* denotes audience reaction)
Mike Seaver sits alone in a well furnished living room and is reading his Bible.
Dr. Jason Seaver enters through the front door.
*Applause
Jason Seaver: Hey son, how's your day been?
Mike Seaver: Great dad, just spending a little time with my other Father.
JS: (Looks at camera) There he goes again!
*Catchprase laughter
MS: Very Funny. Where have you been all day?
JS: Well son, if I'm going to make it to the big leagues, I had been start practicing. I put some fliers up around the neighborhood inviting everyone to a pick up baseball game. Let's see how many people have the guts to face the ol' Seaver Heater!
MS: But dad, why baseball? I thought you played football in school. Wasn't your nickname 'The Receiving Seaver?'
JS: No son, that was your cheating whore of a mother's nickname.
*Hooting and hollering
MS: Daaaad!
*Laughter
Their conversation is interrupted by the doorbell
JS: I'll get it!
The door opens to reveal Brad Pitt, Chow Yun Fat, and Mohammed Ali.
*Guest star applause
Brad Pitt: Good afternoon Dr. Seaver. My friends and I thought maybe a couple of famous faces would help raise a few extra dollars for your charity baseball game today. What do you say?
MS: Charity?
JS: (Aside to Mike) Just go with it.
*Laughter
JS: Of course you boys are more than welcome to join us! Have a seat for now. We'll start game planning in a bit.
The guest stars are seated as the doorbell rings again.
JS: I'll get it!
Dr. Seaver opens the door and finds John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Baldwin, John Henry, and Hannibal of Crete on the other side.
*Guest star applause
John Adams: Greetings Dr. Seaver! Surely a few historical figures will boost the popularity of you baseball game!
JS: Naturally! Glad to have you all, just make yourselves at home.
The historical figures and the celebrities strike up a conversation. Shortly thereafter, the doorbell rings again.
JS: I'll get it!
This time it is Adam Hernandez, and he is holding a trophy.
*Standing ovation
Adam: I have a delivery for Jason Seaver. Here's the MVP trophy you ordered, and here is you name engraved on it, just like you asked for.
MS: Daaaad!
*Laughter
JS: This must be some kind of mistake. I didn't order a trophy, I ordered an all-star shortstop! What do you say, kid? Are you in?
Adam: Quite frankly, I'm not sure that I have much of a choice.
*Laughter
JS: Great! Welcome to the team! (Aside to Adam) You can just put that trophy on the mantle when you walk by.
*Laughter
Adam: Sigh, whatever.
*Laughter
Adam sets the MVP trophy atop the Seaver's fireplace and mingles with his new teammates. The doorbell inevitably rings for a fouth time.
JS: I'll get it!
Dave Grohl, Katy Perry, Sporty Spice, Joan Jett, and Robin Thicke appear at the front door.
*Guest star applause
JS: If it isn't my distant cousin Robin Thicke and his musical friends! Are you guys here to play too?
Dave Grohl: We have heeded The Call!
Joan Jett: Rock and roll!
Katy Perry: ROAR!
Sporty Spice Zig a zig zaa!
Robin Thicke: I believe these daft c*nts mean to say we're in.
*Laughter
JS: Alright gang, looks like we have ourselves a ball club! Let's get...
MS: No! Dad, I refuse to be associated in any way with someone who makes the choice to live an alternative lifestyle! Burn in Hell Joan Jett!
*Oooooooooooo
Mike Seaver races up the stairs to his bedroom.
JS: (looks into camera) There he goes again!
*Uproarious Laughter
Jason Seaver climbs the stairs to speak with his son. He opens the door to find Mike furiously scanning his Bible to find spiritual strength.
JS: Son, listen to me. I...
MS: No dad, you listen. You knew my beliefs wouldn't allow me to play with that lesbian, but you didn't care. Noooooo, it's always about your big comeback, and nothing else matters! Some father you are!
JS: Your beliefs? Of course that's it. How could I be so insensitive? I'm sure it has nothing to do with what's in your closet, right son?
MS: I... don't know what you're talking about dad.
JS: Of course you don't.
Jason Seaver walks over to mike's closet and slowly opens it.
MS: Dad! No!
The back of the closet door has a vintage Joan Jett poster hung on the back.
*Gasp
JS: Seems like someone's taking their old crush's alternative lifestyle a little too personally. I think when she turned to the other side, you also took a pretty drastic turn with your own personal feelings. Am I right?
Mike Seaver hangs his head for a moment before lifting it with a slight smile on his face.
MS: I guess I did go a little overboard, huh dad?
JS: Maybe a little
*Laughter
MS: Well, if I'm going to cherry pick the Bible to suit my own ends, maybe this time I'll start with 'Love thy neighbor'.
JS: Atta boy.
Jason Seaver puts his hand reassuringly on his son's shoulder.
*Awwwwwwww
The father and son duo descend the stairs and find all the players gathered to greet them at the bottom.
MS: I wanted to apologise to all of you for my outburst, and especially to you Ms. Jett. I guess I was the one being a bit of an abomination, huh?
Joan Jett: Hey kid, no harm, no foul. Besides, we all heard you two talking upstairs. That must have been some crush if you went that extreme to the right!
MS: Um...er...uh...
*Laughter
Adam: Can we please get on with this thing? I don't have all day for this sitcom BS.
*Laughter and standing ovation
JS: Okay, okay... Gather 'round everybody! On three. One... Two... Three.
Everyone: GO TEAM!!!!
*Applause
The gathered Commandos leave together and head to the local sandlot. A screen wipe is used to show the passage of time. Jason and Mike Seaver burst through the front door and quickly slam it behind them. Their clothes are torn to shreds and both have various minor wounds.
JS: Well THAT went well.
*Laughter
MS: Gee dad, ya think?!? Which part? Was it when you threw a meatball right down the pike to Tom Brady who proceeded to knock it out of the park? Or was it when they took their one run lead and released their Warwolves to eviserate our team?
*Laughter
JS: Sorry if I wanted to stick it to that pretty boy Tom Brady. How was I to know he was good at baseball, too?
MS: Dad, he was drafted by The Montreal Expos back in the day!
JS: Well excuuuuse me!
*Laughter
The doorbell rings a final time.
JS: I'll get it!
Tom Brady, he team captian of the Grindhouse appears before them.
*Guest star applause
JS: Tom Brady? You've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Mr. Superbowl! You got your one run, then decided to kill us? Veeeery sporting!
*Laughter
Tom Brady: Yeah... Sorry about that, guys. I felt really bad winning like that, and I just came by to apologise. I've seen the error of my ways and from here on out, Tom Brady's playing by the book!
*Applause
MS:Wow, that's great Mr. Brady! I guess everyone learned a little something about being a better person today!
Tom Brady: Not really. I just needed a reason for you to open the door so the Warwolves could finish you two off.
*Laughter
The Grindhouse's Warwolves waste no time barging into The Seaver household to finish the job on Jason and Mike. The Seavers' blood begins to coat the room. Swiftheart Rabbit hops up to a smiling Tom Brady.
*Guest star applause
Swiftheart: Gee Mr. Brady, can you ever win without cheating?
Tom Brady ponders the question for a moment.
Tom Brady: Nope!
*The crowd goes wild with laughter and applause
Credits Roll
Beckerman presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse featuring: Tom Brady (3), Spider-Girl (SS), Bruiser (C), Swiftheart Rabbit (P), Cody Jones, (RF), Warwolf #1 (2), Warwolf #2 (LF), Warwolf #3 (CF), Warwolf #4 (IF), Warwolf #5 (OF), Warwolf #6 (RP), Warwolf #7 (Closer), Warwolf #8 (DH), Warwolf #9 (PH), Warwolf #10 (1), and Ryder (Manager).
Spin-off sitcom pitch: Years after his divorce, Dr. Jason Seaver is finally putting his life back together, fueled by the hope of finally becoming an MLB pitcher despite his advanced age. He is joined by his ultra right wing, yet well meaning son, Mike. Can this wacky pair overcome their differences to help give an old man a second chance at living his dream?
Starring Alan Thicke as Dr. Jason Seaver.
Co-starring Kirk Cameron as Mike Seaver.
"Throwing Pains" is filmed before a live studio audience. (* denotes audience reaction)
Mike Seaver sits alone in a well furnished living room and is reading his Bible.
Dr. Jason Seaver enters through the front door.
*Applause
Jason Seaver: Hey son, how's your day been?
Mike Seaver: Great dad, just spending a little time with my other Father.
JS: (Looks at camera) There he goes again!
*Catchprase laughter
MS: Very Funny. Where have you been all day?
JS: Well son, if I'm going to make it to the big leagues, I had been start practicing. I put some fliers up around the neighborhood inviting everyone to a pick up baseball game. Let's see how many people have the guts to face the ol' Seaver Heater!
MS: But dad, why baseball? I thought you played football in school. Wasn't your nickname 'The Receiving Seaver?'
JS: No son, that was your cheating whore of a mother's nickname.
*Hooting and hollering
MS: Daaaad!
*Laughter
Their conversation is interrupted by the doorbell
JS: I'll get it!
The door opens to reveal Brad Pitt, Chow Yun Fat, and Mohammed Ali.
*Guest star applause
Brad Pitt: Good afternoon Dr. Seaver. My friends and I thought maybe a couple of famous faces would help raise a few extra dollars for your charity baseball game today. What do you say?
MS: Charity?
JS: (Aside to Mike) Just go with it.
*Laughter
JS: Of course you boys are more than welcome to join us! Have a seat for now. We'll start game planning in a bit.
The guest stars are seated as the doorbell rings again.
JS: I'll get it!
Dr. Seaver opens the door and finds John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Baldwin, John Henry, and Hannibal of Crete on the other side.
*Guest star applause
John Adams: Greetings Dr. Seaver! Surely a few historical figures will boost the popularity of you baseball game!
JS: Naturally! Glad to have you all, just make yourselves at home.
The historical figures and the celebrities strike up a conversation. Shortly thereafter, the doorbell rings again.
JS: I'll get it!
This time it is Adam Hernandez, and he is holding a trophy.
*Standing ovation
Adam: I have a delivery for Jason Seaver. Here's the MVP trophy you ordered, and here is you name engraved on it, just like you asked for.
MS: Daaaad!
*Laughter
JS: This must be some kind of mistake. I didn't order a trophy, I ordered an all-star shortstop! What do you say, kid? Are you in?
Adam: Quite frankly, I'm not sure that I have much of a choice.
*Laughter
JS: Great! Welcome to the team! (Aside to Adam) You can just put that trophy on the mantle when you walk by.
*Laughter
Adam: Sigh, whatever.
*Laughter
Adam sets the MVP trophy atop the Seaver's fireplace and mingles with his new teammates. The doorbell inevitably rings for a fouth time.
JS: I'll get it!
Dave Grohl, Katy Perry, Sporty Spice, Joan Jett, and Robin Thicke appear at the front door.
*Guest star applause
JS: If it isn't my distant cousin Robin Thicke and his musical friends! Are you guys here to play too?
Dave Grohl: We have heeded The Call!
Joan Jett: Rock and roll!
Katy Perry: ROAR!
Sporty Spice Zig a zig zaa!
Robin Thicke: I believe these daft c*nts mean to say we're in.
*Laughter
JS: Alright gang, looks like we have ourselves a ball club! Let's get...
MS: No! Dad, I refuse to be associated in any way with someone who makes the choice to live an alternative lifestyle! Burn in Hell Joan Jett!
*Oooooooooooo
Mike Seaver races up the stairs to his bedroom.
JS: (looks into camera) There he goes again!
*Uproarious Laughter
Jason Seaver climbs the stairs to speak with his son. He opens the door to find Mike furiously scanning his Bible to find spiritual strength.
JS: Son, listen to me. I...
MS: No dad, you listen. You knew my beliefs wouldn't allow me to play with that lesbian, but you didn't care. Noooooo, it's always about your big comeback, and nothing else matters! Some father you are!
JS: Your beliefs? Of course that's it. How could I be so insensitive? I'm sure it has nothing to do with what's in your closet, right son?
MS: I... don't know what you're talking about dad.
JS: Of course you don't.
Jason Seaver walks over to mike's closet and slowly opens it.
MS: Dad! No!
The back of the closet door has a vintage Joan Jett poster hung on the back.
*Gasp
JS: Seems like someone's taking their old crush's alternative lifestyle a little too personally. I think when she turned to the other side, you also took a pretty drastic turn with your own personal feelings. Am I right?
Mike Seaver hangs his head for a moment before lifting it with a slight smile on his face.
MS: I guess I did go a little overboard, huh dad?
JS: Maybe a little
*Laughter
MS: Well, if I'm going to cherry pick the Bible to suit my own ends, maybe this time I'll start with 'Love thy neighbor'.
JS: Atta boy.
Jason Seaver puts his hand reassuringly on his son's shoulder.
*Awwwwwwww
The father and son duo descend the stairs and find all the players gathered to greet them at the bottom.
MS: I wanted to apologise to all of you for my outburst, and especially to you Ms. Jett. I guess I was the one being a bit of an abomination, huh?
Joan Jett: Hey kid, no harm, no foul. Besides, we all heard you two talking upstairs. That must have been some crush if you went that extreme to the right!
MS: Um...er...uh...
*Laughter
Adam: Can we please get on with this thing? I don't have all day for this sitcom BS.
*Laughter and standing ovation
JS: Okay, okay... Gather 'round everybody! On three. One... Two... Three.
Everyone: GO TEAM!!!!
*Applause
The gathered Commandos leave together and head to the local sandlot. A screen wipe is used to show the passage of time. Jason and Mike Seaver burst through the front door and quickly slam it behind them. Their clothes are torn to shreds and both have various minor wounds.
JS: Well THAT went well.
*Laughter
MS: Gee dad, ya think?!? Which part? Was it when you threw a meatball right down the pike to Tom Brady who proceeded to knock it out of the park? Or was it when they took their one run lead and released their Warwolves to eviserate our team?
*Laughter
JS: Sorry if I wanted to stick it to that pretty boy Tom Brady. How was I to know he was good at baseball, too?
MS: Dad, he was drafted by The Montreal Expos back in the day!
JS: Well excuuuuse me!
*Laughter
The doorbell rings a final time.
JS: I'll get it!
Tom Brady, he team captian of the Grindhouse appears before them.
*Guest star applause
JS: Tom Brady? You've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here, Mr. Superbowl! You got your one run, then decided to kill us? Veeeery sporting!
*Laughter
Tom Brady: Yeah... Sorry about that, guys. I felt really bad winning like that, and I just came by to apologise. I've seen the error of my ways and from here on out, Tom Brady's playing by the book!
*Applause
MS:Wow, that's great Mr. Brady! I guess everyone learned a little something about being a better person today!
Tom Brady: Not really. I just needed a reason for you to open the door so the Warwolves could finish you two off.
*Laughter
The Grindhouse's Warwolves waste no time barging into The Seaver household to finish the job on Jason and Mike. The Seavers' blood begins to coat the room. Swiftheart Rabbit hops up to a smiling Tom Brady.
*Guest star applause
Swiftheart: Gee Mr. Brady, can you ever win without cheating?
Tom Brady ponders the question for a moment.
Tom Brady: Nope!
*The crowd goes wild with laughter and applause
Credits Roll
The Royal Highness Vs. John and Vader's House of Sith Aids
John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids are: Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, The Guardians of The Galaxy: Starlord, Groot, Rocket, Gamora, and Drax, Lucario, Desmond Howard, State Farm Agent, Kit Fisto, Snoopy the Dog, and Larry, Moe, and Curly.
The Royal Highness is The Flash (Barry Allen), Batman Beyond, The Blue Marvel, The Thing, Miracleman, Invincible, Batman, Human Torch, Mr. Fantastic, Midnighter, Paul Atreides, Demolition Man, Supergirl (Matrix), Ronan the Accuser, Good Luck Bear, and The Grandmaster.
Welcome all, to the famous sports opening of The Fantasy Fantasy League!! Baseball will be our sport of choice to open up this “purge year”, chosen exclusively, because it requires the most amount of players, and then we get to kill more people because that is what we’re in to here at The FFL (#Isis). In this week’s game, we will be putting Designated Hitters to use; but the pitchers will still be hitting as well in a ten man batting line-up. We are doing it this way, because as I have discussed at length for the past few years, (#The Majors LIVE, #TMSNX Radio) this is the system that I truly wish The MLB would adopt. But don’t worry, for those of you who think this would not work; because I am pretty much the only person on the planet that is for this. So, considering that I am in fact the Watcher in this match, we’ll do it my way, this one time only
Now for the game:
The Sith Aids are the home team today (I flipped a coin, they were tails). Which means that famed Jedi Knight “The Chosen One” himself Anakin Skywalker takes the mound. Anakin can really bring the heat, but he is known more for his control of the ball, basically putting it wherever he wants it. Batters who have faced him in the past have even sworn that the ball even seems to slow down on occasion before it reaches the plate. First up to bat for The Highness is The Flash; no, not Dwayne Wade; but Barry Allen. Here comes the pitch: The Flash bunts the ball right in front of Skywalker, who uses his Jedi speed and reflexes to grab the ball, and turn to safely throw to second knowing that this batter has unheard of speed. But even in his overestimation, Anakin underestimates as The Flash has already turned his bunt into an infield homerun. The score stands one to nothing after the first pitch. Anakin is fuming already as 2nd baseman Terry McGinnis comes up to bat. This young Batman looks BEYOND confused as three quick curve balls zoom right past him, giving Skywalker his first K of the day. The Blue Marvel steps up to the plate next, he watches the first pitch fly by for strike one, then a couple of balls, but then sends one down the line between second and third. The Blue Marvel races around first but Gamora sends it on over to Star Lord to try and catch him on second. SAFE. The Thing comes up next and starts out with a mighty swing and a miss, he then barely catches Anakin’s next pitch but his strength still has it heading for the fences, luckily for Sith Aids, Desmond Howard uses the superior intellect he gained at Michigan, matched with the amazing athleticism that got him in to leap up at the farthest point at center field to rob The Thing of a homer. Leave it to a Michigan man to make a play like that (that one’s for you John). Anakin looks deep into the force for an answer before he decides to intentionally walk Miracleman, putting men on 1st and 2nd; but then gives up a double to Invincible. Both men score. Batman ends up with a strike out for out number 3. Batman then takes the mound as Anakin comes up to bat. Anakin hits what looks like a possible leg-double; but somehow the ball just keeps moving up and out of the park. Homerun!! Groot comes up next and starts talking some smack to the catcher The Thing by saying: “I am Groot”. Batman puts some good spin on his balls and although it takes him 9 pitches to do it, he strikes him out. Drax comes up next and crushes a homer off Batman into deep left field, but Starlord pops out to Miracle Man at center. Gamora hits a ground rule double, but Ahsoka hits into what could have been a double play if the two outs were needed.
End of the 1st: Highness 3 Sith Aids 2
Human Torch, Mr. Fantastic, and Ronan make for a quick 1,2,3 inning for Anakin, while Batman retakes the mound. Lucario pops out to short, while Desmond gets a single. The State Farm Agent strikes out, while Snoopy’s hit is snagged by First Baseman Reed Richards. No score in the 2nd by either squad.
Now, I’m not one of those dicks that thinks that Baseball is boring, but I fully acknowledge that me writing about it probably is, so I’ll zoom ahead a couple of innings and cut to the chase.
Flash continued to do the same thing every time he was up, only running into problems when other people where on base and he wasn’t allowed to pass them on the baseline; while Anakin could hold most of The Highness at bay; but still ran into trouble with some of their power hitters. Anakin pitched through the seventh, until they brought in Starkiller for the 8th which was a bad idea as he let 9 runs in that inning alone. Kit Fisto closed out the game, doing a significantly better job than Starkiller; but still letting in 2 more runs before the game was over. Although he did pop a two run homerun in the 9th, in addition to his pitching performance.
Batman on the other hand, eventually started to tire out by the fourth inning after having to go up against so many super-humans. He was pulled out and replaced by The Midnighter, who did not have a whole lot more luck than Bruce. The power hitters started really coming into their own, and it helped that Snoopy finally realized that he was too short to have a strike zone so he would walk every time as long as he didn’t swing (known to some as The Josh Houslander rule in softball). Letting in 5 runs in the 5th and another 7 in the 6th. Paul Atreides, set to be the closer, came in in the 7th and by the end of the game had the entire crowd chanting “Ooh Maud Dib” as he used his weirding ways to deliver the ball with sheer excellence. He used his Bene Gesserit training to put careful spin on each pitch placing it wherever he wanted over the plate, as well as running Mentat projections before each batter to know in advance the exact probability of how each batter would swing. The lack of depth in The Sith Aids dugout did not do them any favors either (unlike The Highness who had Supergirl replace Human Torch in the outfield and help out in the batter’s box as well). Paul still ended up letting in 3 runs over those 2 innings; but a good switch nonetheless.
In true Fantasy Fantasy fashion, crap got real after the game when Manager Rocket Raccoon decided that the best way to end this match-up would be to kill the other team. This was broken up quickly by the Watcher Joshatu the Great and Powerful; but before his Greatness could intervene, this resulted in The Midnighter, Demolition Man, Batman Beyond, and Mr. Fantastic dying at the hands of The Guardians and a really pissed of Starkiller.
Some Sith Aiders may have died in the skirmish as well; but their time of death is to be labeled as irrelevant in the eyes of this watcher, for all must die on the losing team this week.
Final Score: The Royal Highness: 30 John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids: 25
The Royal Highness is The Flash (Barry Allen), Batman Beyond, The Blue Marvel, The Thing, Miracleman, Invincible, Batman, Human Torch, Mr. Fantastic, Midnighter, Paul Atreides, Demolition Man, Supergirl (Matrix), Ronan the Accuser, Good Luck Bear, and The Grandmaster.
Welcome all, to the famous sports opening of The Fantasy Fantasy League!! Baseball will be our sport of choice to open up this “purge year”, chosen exclusively, because it requires the most amount of players, and then we get to kill more people because that is what we’re in to here at The FFL (#Isis). In this week’s game, we will be putting Designated Hitters to use; but the pitchers will still be hitting as well in a ten man batting line-up. We are doing it this way, because as I have discussed at length for the past few years, (#The Majors LIVE, #TMSNX Radio) this is the system that I truly wish The MLB would adopt. But don’t worry, for those of you who think this would not work; because I am pretty much the only person on the planet that is for this. So, considering that I am in fact the Watcher in this match, we’ll do it my way, this one time only
Now for the game:
The Sith Aids are the home team today (I flipped a coin, they were tails). Which means that famed Jedi Knight “The Chosen One” himself Anakin Skywalker takes the mound. Anakin can really bring the heat, but he is known more for his control of the ball, basically putting it wherever he wants it. Batters who have faced him in the past have even sworn that the ball even seems to slow down on occasion before it reaches the plate. First up to bat for The Highness is The Flash; no, not Dwayne Wade; but Barry Allen. Here comes the pitch: The Flash bunts the ball right in front of Skywalker, who uses his Jedi speed and reflexes to grab the ball, and turn to safely throw to second knowing that this batter has unheard of speed. But even in his overestimation, Anakin underestimates as The Flash has already turned his bunt into an infield homerun. The score stands one to nothing after the first pitch. Anakin is fuming already as 2nd baseman Terry McGinnis comes up to bat. This young Batman looks BEYOND confused as three quick curve balls zoom right past him, giving Skywalker his first K of the day. The Blue Marvel steps up to the plate next, he watches the first pitch fly by for strike one, then a couple of balls, but then sends one down the line between second and third. The Blue Marvel races around first but Gamora sends it on over to Star Lord to try and catch him on second. SAFE. The Thing comes up next and starts out with a mighty swing and a miss, he then barely catches Anakin’s next pitch but his strength still has it heading for the fences, luckily for Sith Aids, Desmond Howard uses the superior intellect he gained at Michigan, matched with the amazing athleticism that got him in to leap up at the farthest point at center field to rob The Thing of a homer. Leave it to a Michigan man to make a play like that (that one’s for you John). Anakin looks deep into the force for an answer before he decides to intentionally walk Miracleman, putting men on 1st and 2nd; but then gives up a double to Invincible. Both men score. Batman ends up with a strike out for out number 3. Batman then takes the mound as Anakin comes up to bat. Anakin hits what looks like a possible leg-double; but somehow the ball just keeps moving up and out of the park. Homerun!! Groot comes up next and starts talking some smack to the catcher The Thing by saying: “I am Groot”. Batman puts some good spin on his balls and although it takes him 9 pitches to do it, he strikes him out. Drax comes up next and crushes a homer off Batman into deep left field, but Starlord pops out to Miracle Man at center. Gamora hits a ground rule double, but Ahsoka hits into what could have been a double play if the two outs were needed.
End of the 1st: Highness 3 Sith Aids 2
Human Torch, Mr. Fantastic, and Ronan make for a quick 1,2,3 inning for Anakin, while Batman retakes the mound. Lucario pops out to short, while Desmond gets a single. The State Farm Agent strikes out, while Snoopy’s hit is snagged by First Baseman Reed Richards. No score in the 2nd by either squad.
Now, I’m not one of those dicks that thinks that Baseball is boring, but I fully acknowledge that me writing about it probably is, so I’ll zoom ahead a couple of innings and cut to the chase.
Flash continued to do the same thing every time he was up, only running into problems when other people where on base and he wasn’t allowed to pass them on the baseline; while Anakin could hold most of The Highness at bay; but still ran into trouble with some of their power hitters. Anakin pitched through the seventh, until they brought in Starkiller for the 8th which was a bad idea as he let 9 runs in that inning alone. Kit Fisto closed out the game, doing a significantly better job than Starkiller; but still letting in 2 more runs before the game was over. Although he did pop a two run homerun in the 9th, in addition to his pitching performance.
Batman on the other hand, eventually started to tire out by the fourth inning after having to go up against so many super-humans. He was pulled out and replaced by The Midnighter, who did not have a whole lot more luck than Bruce. The power hitters started really coming into their own, and it helped that Snoopy finally realized that he was too short to have a strike zone so he would walk every time as long as he didn’t swing (known to some as The Josh Houslander rule in softball). Letting in 5 runs in the 5th and another 7 in the 6th. Paul Atreides, set to be the closer, came in in the 7th and by the end of the game had the entire crowd chanting “Ooh Maud Dib” as he used his weirding ways to deliver the ball with sheer excellence. He used his Bene Gesserit training to put careful spin on each pitch placing it wherever he wanted over the plate, as well as running Mentat projections before each batter to know in advance the exact probability of how each batter would swing. The lack of depth in The Sith Aids dugout did not do them any favors either (unlike The Highness who had Supergirl replace Human Torch in the outfield and help out in the batter’s box as well). Paul still ended up letting in 3 runs over those 2 innings; but a good switch nonetheless.
In true Fantasy Fantasy fashion, crap got real after the game when Manager Rocket Raccoon decided that the best way to end this match-up would be to kill the other team. This was broken up quickly by the Watcher Joshatu the Great and Powerful; but before his Greatness could intervene, this resulted in The Midnighter, Demolition Man, Batman Beyond, and Mr. Fantastic dying at the hands of The Guardians and a really pissed of Starkiller.
Some Sith Aiders may have died in the skirmish as well; but their time of death is to be labeled as irrelevant in the eyes of this watcher, for all must die on the losing team this week.
Final Score: The Royal Highness: 30 John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids: 25
Season 8, Week 1 Match: Griswold's Nut Busters vs. Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family
“You know I think it's time to give this game a ride. . .”
-John Fogerty, “Centerfield”
I look upon the teams which will play baseball in this Season 8, Week 1
Match located at Camden Yards. They are
as follows:
Layanderletson's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make
a New Family: Warpath (SP), Gary-Jedi Master 1B (RP), Jedi Master 50A (CP), Zak
Saturday (C), Brady Hoke (1B), NS5 36 (2B), NS5 35 (3B), Kid Flash (SS), Green
Goblin (LF), Quil - Twilight (CF), BL Kyle Houslander (RF), Komodo (UI), High
King Peter the Magnificent (UO), Cinderblock (DH), Predator 47 (PH) and Bo
Schembechler (MGR).
Play Ball!!!
1st
Inning. . .
Brady Hoke, bat in hand, lumbers
up to home plate. Even Blacker Slacker
signals Black Slacker from behind the plate.
Black Slacker throws the ball directly at the head of Brady Hoke. A loud crash is heard as Hoke’s helmet is
shattered. The ball is firmly entrenched
in the former University of Michigan Football Coach’s skull. Hoke falls to the ground, dead. The entire Kitties and Cats’ Squad scream and
holler at the intentional murder. Harley
Race takes it upon himself to rush toward the mound. Race is decimated by a well placed goblin
bomb thrown from Left Field’s Green Goblin.
The umpire crew contains the members of both squads and the inning
continues with the teams not scoring any runs.
GNB: 0
LSOKACLTTMANF: 0
2nd Inning. . .
The top half of the second inning
proves significant as Cinderblock “accidentally” releases his bat on the
backswing. The bat flies through Bill
Lambier’s head. A skirmish is narrowly avoided.
During the bottom of the second,
Warpath sizzles smoke by the Nut Busters’ first two batters. While all focus on the game, Kid Flash takes
advantage of the situation, races out from the dugout and snaps the neck of
Bill Brasky in center field. Not knowing
what happened to Brasky, Lambier immediately substitutes War Skrull 10 in his
stead.
GNB: 0
LSOKACLTTMANF: 0
3rd Inning. . .
The Green Goblin hits a solo home
run. In response, Colored Slacker, Dark Slacker and Brown Slacker manage to hit
singles off of Warpath. Weapon XIII-
Fantomex hits a double and drives in two runs.
GNB: 2
LSOKACLTTMANF: 1
4th Inning. . .
As the first half of the inning ends, Gary (Jedi Master 1B) is put in to relieve starter Warpath. Gary lets up two runs. Jedi Master 1A replaces Black Slacker in relief as a “slacker” can only go so far into the game. Jedi Master 1A not only manages to strike both NS5 35 and 36 out, but also destroys them with crushing force pushes into their dugout.
GNB: 4
LSOKACLTTMANF: 1
5th
Inning. . .
During the bottom half of the
inning, Jedi Master 1A releases his lightsaber instead of the ball and slices
through High King Peter the Magnificent.
Predator 47 uses its shoulder canon to fire at the relief pitcher. The blast is deflected and rips through the
chest of fellow teammate, Zak Saturday. Pandemonium
breaks out as both benches clear and a full out brawl ensues. The Slackers grab onto one another and form
Mighty Jackin Power Slacker. The entity
manages to crush Bo Schembechler, but is destroyed by Quil, Green Goblin, BL
Kyle Houslander and Cinderblock. Black Slacker, Even Blacker Slacker, Colored
Slacker, Dark Slacker, Brown Slacker, and Damn Near Purple Slacker are all
killed in the melee. Dark Side Marauder
2, Riddick, Death Adder Jr and the War Skrulls kill Komodo and Quil.
After the bodies are cleared from
the field, the remaining members of each team try to field as best they
can. The game starts again while each
diminished team attempts to cover several positions on the field and have
enough strength to swing the bat while on offense.
GNB: 4
LSOKACLTTMANF: 2
6th
Inning. . . 7th Inning. . . 8th Inning. . . 9th
Inning. . .
The Nut Busters fail to take
advantage while at bat, but the Layanderlets succeed and score 4 runs over the
next four innings through the combined efforts of each remaining member.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Season 8: Week 1: The Empire -vs- Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches
The Following is an excerpt from Ken Burns’ documentary, “When It Was A Game 5"
Narrator (Peter Coyote)
The game thrived through the better part of the 21st century, introducing new pace of play mandates such as the pitch clock, the batters clock and even the game clock. No game after the introduction of the game clock ever lasted longer then two hours and fifteen minutes. Die Hard fans of the game considered these changes a death blow to the purity of the sport. Yet despite all of these claims, the game continued on, eventually taking back it’s rightful crown as the past time of the American people.
Despite all of the so-called improvements to the game, there were still naturally a couple blemishes on baseballs imperfect score sheet. The first that every fan remembers is the much derided “Long-stop” experiment that only lasted for one season and was quickly dissolved as the next season began. The idea that there would be a gap to fill in-between the first baseman and the second baseman flew in the face of logic, something that baseball did not always use as a gauge when it came to making the game, quote un quote, better.
The second blemish on its record towards the end of the 21st century would not even involve active players in the league, in fact, most of the participants were not of this world at all.
The FBC or the Fantasy Baseball Classic still goes down as the biggest disaster since the infamous 1994 players strike that ended with the cancellation of the World Series. The FBC introduced an entire gallery of unheard of creatures that decided they could compete with each other in a supposedly serious game of baseball. Most games are remembered for the incessant fighting and poor play, making Major League Baseball look more foolish as every game was played.
Despite the dismal ratings and attendance, the public outcry for unbalanced teams and human rights violations that persisted throughout the entire series, the biggest highlight was perhaps the game between The Empire and B3. The squad that was put up by B3 was a typical menagerie of nobody’s and criminals, a common complaint among many of the teams in the FBC. It was obvious from the get-go that the Terminator who was the starting pitcher for B3 had never thrown a baseball in his entire life, evidenced by the 11 earned runs allowed before a single out was recorded in the first inning.
Bob Costas: The Fantasy Baseball Classic lays claim to one of the biggest blunders in the history of the sports. Why Major League Baseball, who had been number one now for over thirty years, thought it a good idea to do something like this made absolutely no sense at all.
Al Michaels: Next to making the All Star Game count towards the home field advantage in the World Series, I can’t think of a single event in the history of baseball that caused such a mess for the league.
Joe Buck: The FBC was a disaster for the league. Every game came with it’s unique set of issues. The most damning issue being the truly heinous way the players were allowed to treat each other. It was as if China was in charge of the league for two weeks.
Brian Williams: I remember the Fantasy Baseball Classic quite well actually. People really seemed to enjoy the off-world creatures involved in it. I know I enjoyed each and every game for what it was, the most inventive and innovative idea in the history of sports.
Joe Buck: Honestly, if it wasn’t for Zach Greinke’s perfect game I don’t think Major League Baseball could have survived the travesty that was occurring day in and day out.
Narrator
The backlash was violent against Major League Baseball and for seven straight days the people in the media, government and even other athletes were calling for the commissioner’s head. The United Nation’s even established a committee to talk about the human rights violations that were taking place every single game. Then on the eighth day of play, a savior came to the rescue.
Al Michaels: I have seen a lot of sporting events in my life that I would consider a miracle, but what Zach Greinke was able to do that day on the mound, was nothing short of divine intervention.
Bob Costas: (Pauses) It still boggles the mind to imagine Zach, in the middle of a media firestorm, being able to do what he did.
Joe Buck: 27 straight strike outs, 81 straight strikes. Not a single ball touched a bat that day for him. Unbelievable. (Pauses) It will be forever known as the Golden Greinke.
Bob Costas: Major League Baseball owes everything to him, still to this day. That performance will forever go down as the greatest this sport has ever seen...and will ever see. Just perfection.
Narrator
That perfection ended in a 46-0 victory for The Empire, still a major league record for a sanctioned game. Though the Fantasy Baseball Classic was still viewed as a disaster, it, for one night, might just have been the most magical thing that has ever occurred on the diamond.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions are:
-John Zacharski: Starting Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #11A: Catcher
-Dark Jedi Master #12A: 1st Base
-Dark Jedi Master #35: 2nd Base
-Dark Jedi Master #36: Shortstop
-Golden Army #34 "The Inge-Bot": 3rd Base
-Dark Jedi Master #37: Right Field
-Dark Jedi Master #38: Center Field
-Dark Jedi Master #39: Left Field
-Bill Walsh: Manager
-Dark Jedi Master #25A: Middle Relief Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #26A: Closing Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #27A: Utility Outfielder
-Dark Jedi Master #28A: Utility Infielder
-Dark Jedi Master #29A: Pinch Hitter
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Kingpin: Catcher/Manager
-Hawkman: Right Field
-Hawkgirl: Left Field
-Jack Reacher: Designated Hitter
-Energizer Bunny: Starting Pitcher
-Black Lantern He-Man: 1st Base
-The Wu Tang Clan!!
-Rakwon: 2nd Base
-RZA: Closing Pitcher
-GZA: Relief Pitcher
-Inspectah Deck: 3rd Base
-Method Man: Shortstop
-U-God: Pinch Hitter
-Cappadonna: Pinch Hitter
-Ghost Face Killah: Center Field
-Mastah Killah: Utility Infield
-Ghost Face Killah :Utility Outfield
Welcome people to today's latest feature the mass slaughter of someone's team is infinitely happening today. We have the CBTD's vs the MF'S of Brock Samson ( somebody call Samson) no line up call today so you can all feel fagknuckled! Ha ha I love this shit! CBTDs has home field today so they'll start the field now these boys been waiting to meet these MFs. First up is kingpin. Is he a pimp or what. He's eyeing john zacharski. John winks and kisses at him, throws the ball. Ooh he took his fucking head off. Well I guess he was aiming at his intelligence but he wasn't smart enough to get outta the way. Hawk girl fills in on first as the runner. Next up is jack reacher. As short as he is I'm surprised he can reach anything. Swing and a miss. Oh he's pissed now. Strike two on jack. Jack said fuck it and left the building. What the hell was that. Damn dude never seen some shit like that before. Here comes the energizer bunny. He's been under investigation for using drugs and juicing. Which is probably why he seems so jacked all the time. Oh he took john deep going going going damn he just got a mouth full of aids by DJM#37 thought that was gone but it was taken away to bad. The bunny is now hemoraging . To much juicing now he's being carted off the field. Hold on hawk man got skipped in the line up. Where the hell is he. This just in. Hawk man shit down by hunter on the way to the game. He'll be out for the season. CBTDs turn to bat. John zacharski is up to bat. Some say he is the master giver of giving aids. Swing, and it's gone he wrote aids all over that ball. 1-0 is the score. DJM#11A is up. Ground into left safe on first. DJM#12A pop fly to center. Ghost face kill ah up to catch oh to bad one out. DJM#36 hits a double to the right . DJM#37 sacrifices scores two. Two outs now. Golden army #34 Inge bot sent that one flying score is now 4-0 CBTDS winning. DJM#38 sends a line drive to third damn right through the chest of the gza. I guess that was a heart stopping hit for a single. The doc says that was a career ending injury. DJM#39 pops one out to short stop. The MF'S are batting again. Though their team is looking a little slim. Black lantern he-man comes up. Strike one thrown by john. Strike two by john. He-man gets pissed. Strike three as he runs back to the dug out he slips trips and lands on Raekwon's dick. Now Raekwon is out with a dick contusion. It's the rza. What the hell is he doing. He's taking the rest if the wu-tang clan and leaving the field. They said we aint no ball players we rappers we going back to New York. CBTDs has no one left to play. The MFs dugout is empty. Well I guess that's it. Those MF'S just wasn't enough for the aids giving, ass drilling, fagknuckling CBTDs. Sounds like a big STD giving orgy given to these MF'S
-John Zacharski: Starting Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #11A: Catcher
-Dark Jedi Master #12A: 1st Base
-Dark Jedi Master #35: 2nd Base
-Dark Jedi Master #36: Shortstop
-Golden Army #34 "The Inge-Bot": 3rd Base
-Dark Jedi Master #37: Right Field
-Dark Jedi Master #38: Center Field
-Dark Jedi Master #39: Left Field
-Bill Walsh: Manager
-Dark Jedi Master #25A: Middle Relief Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #26A: Closing Pitcher
-Dark Jedi Master #27A: Utility Outfielder
-Dark Jedi Master #28A: Utility Infielder
-Dark Jedi Master #29A: Pinch Hitter
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
-Kingpin: Catcher/Manager
-Hawkman: Right Field
-Hawkgirl: Left Field
-Jack Reacher: Designated Hitter
-Energizer Bunny: Starting Pitcher
-Black Lantern He-Man: 1st Base
-The Wu Tang Clan!!
-Rakwon: 2nd Base
-RZA: Closing Pitcher
-GZA: Relief Pitcher
-Inspectah Deck: 3rd Base
-Method Man: Shortstop
-U-God: Pinch Hitter
-Cappadonna: Pinch Hitter
-Ghost Face Killah: Center Field
-Mastah Killah: Utility Infield
-Ghost Face Killah :Utility Outfield
Welcome people to today's latest feature the mass slaughter of someone's team is infinitely happening today. We have the CBTD's vs the MF'S of Brock Samson ( somebody call Samson) no line up call today so you can all feel fagknuckled! Ha ha I love this shit! CBTDs has home field today so they'll start the field now these boys been waiting to meet these MFs. First up is kingpin. Is he a pimp or what. He's eyeing john zacharski. John winks and kisses at him, throws the ball. Ooh he took his fucking head off. Well I guess he was aiming at his intelligence but he wasn't smart enough to get outta the way. Hawk girl fills in on first as the runner. Next up is jack reacher. As short as he is I'm surprised he can reach anything. Swing and a miss. Oh he's pissed now. Strike two on jack. Jack said fuck it and left the building. What the hell was that. Damn dude never seen some shit like that before. Here comes the energizer bunny. He's been under investigation for using drugs and juicing. Which is probably why he seems so jacked all the time. Oh he took john deep going going going damn he just got a mouth full of aids by DJM#37 thought that was gone but it was taken away to bad. The bunny is now hemoraging . To much juicing now he's being carted off the field. Hold on hawk man got skipped in the line up. Where the hell is he. This just in. Hawk man shit down by hunter on the way to the game. He'll be out for the season. CBTDs turn to bat. John zacharski is up to bat. Some say he is the master giver of giving aids. Swing, and it's gone he wrote aids all over that ball. 1-0 is the score. DJM#11A is up. Ground into left safe on first. DJM#12A pop fly to center. Ghost face kill ah up to catch oh to bad one out. DJM#36 hits a double to the right . DJM#37 sacrifices scores two. Two outs now. Golden army #34 Inge bot sent that one flying score is now 4-0 CBTDS winning. DJM#38 sends a line drive to third damn right through the chest of the gza. I guess that was a heart stopping hit for a single. The doc says that was a career ending injury. DJM#39 pops one out to short stop. The MF'S are batting again. Though their team is looking a little slim. Black lantern he-man comes up. Strike one thrown by john. Strike two by john. He-man gets pissed. Strike three as he runs back to the dug out he slips trips and lands on Raekwon's dick. Now Raekwon is out with a dick contusion. It's the rza. What the hell is he doing. He's taking the rest if the wu-tang clan and leaving the field. They said we aint no ball players we rappers we going back to New York. CBTDs has no one left to play. The MFs dugout is empty. Well I guess that's it. Those MF'S just wasn't enough for the aids giving, ass drilling, fagknuckling CBTDs. Sounds like a big STD giving orgy given to these MF'S
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
First Ever Consortium Match
TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
TEAM was Indigo Lantern #2 (utility), Yellow Lantern #3-4 (relief pitchers), Heishiro Mitsurugi (catcher), Fred Baker (w/ Orb of Light) (batboy), Mr. Miyagi (w/ Shining Force Katana) (Player/Manager), Blood Eagle (1st), Jedi Master #32A, 16B, 38B-40B, and #8 (left, 2nd, short, 3rd, right), Jedi Councilman #2 (starting pitcher), Nova Corps Nathan Storey (pinch hitter), and Failed Jedi Bran (mascot).
Team Sleeping Pussy was Bullseye (w/ a red lightsaber) (starting pitcher), Ash (w/ mandalorian armor) (catcher), War Skrull #35 (1st), Wildcat (2nd), Blink (short), Bill the Butcher (w/ a blue lightsaber) (3rd), Jubilee (right), Hanover Fiste (center), Toro (left), Sam Malone (middle relief), Captain Boomerang (closer), Blockbuster (DH), Captain Guts (utility infield), Western Ghost Rider (utility outfield), and Quicksilver (pinch hitter).
In an unanimous vote of 6 to 0:
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!
The entire TEAM squad was executed quickly by the merciful Watchers after their losing performance.
Bill the Butcher was killed during the course of the game after starting a fight with the two yellow lanterns.
Bullseys, Ash, War Skrull #35, Wildcat, Blink, Jubilee, Hanover Fiste, Toro, Sam Malone (w/ an MVP Performance), Captain Boomerang, Blockbuster, Captain Guts, Western Ghost Rider, and Quicksilver all survived to celebrate their victory where everybody knew their names.
TEAM was Indigo Lantern #2 (utility), Yellow Lantern #3-4 (relief pitchers), Heishiro Mitsurugi (catcher), Fred Baker (w/ Orb of Light) (batboy), Mr. Miyagi (w/ Shining Force Katana) (Player/Manager), Blood Eagle (1st), Jedi Master #32A, 16B, 38B-40B, and #8 (left, 2nd, short, 3rd, right), Jedi Councilman #2 (starting pitcher), Nova Corps Nathan Storey (pinch hitter), and Failed Jedi Bran (mascot).
Team Sleeping Pussy was Bullseye (w/ a red lightsaber) (starting pitcher), Ash (w/ mandalorian armor) (catcher), War Skrull #35 (1st), Wildcat (2nd), Blink (short), Bill the Butcher (w/ a blue lightsaber) (3rd), Jubilee (right), Hanover Fiste (center), Toro (left), Sam Malone (middle relief), Captain Boomerang (closer), Blockbuster (DH), Captain Guts (utility infield), Western Ghost Rider (utility outfield), and Quicksilver (pinch hitter).
In an unanimous vote of 6 to 0:
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!!
The entire TEAM squad was executed quickly by the merciful Watchers after their losing performance.
Bill the Butcher was killed during the course of the game after starting a fight with the two yellow lanterns.
Bullseys, Ash, War Skrull #35, Wildcat, Blink, Jubilee, Hanover Fiste, Toro, Sam Malone (w/ an MVP Performance), Captain Boomerang, Blockbuster, Captain Guts, Western Ghost Rider, and Quicksilver all survived to celebrate their victory where everybody knew their names.
Monday, February 16, 2015
One Last Thing
Everyone should have received an email from Ryan with the new team submission sheet for each week. Also there was the attachment for the weekly death list for all watchers to fill out.
For everyone's convenience, I have added these as downloads right here on the homepage!
Over on the right, you will see the friendly "Downloads" section. The weekly submission sheet and Watcher Death list form are both there now. So no excuse for losing the email!
Using the submission sheet will help the watchers assure your players are played with the appropriate attributes and receive the proper love if they are "9 deathers".
Using the Death Sheet is mandatory after writing your match. This will keep the rosters accurate each week.
If you have any questions, just write them down on a piece of toilet paper and wipe your ass with it.
Good Luck!
Fizz
For everyone's convenience, I have added these as downloads right here on the homepage!
Over on the right, you will see the friendly "Downloads" section. The weekly submission sheet and Watcher Death list form are both there now. So no excuse for losing the email!
Using the submission sheet will help the watchers assure your players are played with the appropriate attributes and receive the proper love if they are "9 deathers".
Using the Death Sheet is mandatory after writing your match. This will keep the rosters accurate each week.
If you have any questions, just write them down on a piece of toilet paper and wipe your ass with it.
Good Luck!
Fizz
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Season 8 Begins!
Good Luck to everyone in the purge this year.
I have added new links to the right. Season 8 schedule, The weekly extra commons you will have added to your team, and also, this post will be added as "Watcher Email Addresses" because it has the updated list. If anyone's address is wrong, let me know.
-----------------------------
Watcher Email addresses
-----------------------------
Josh - joshhouslander [at] gmail [dot] com
Ryan - ryanpoteracki [at] gmail [dot] com
Bryan - bandtbeckerman [at] wideopenwest [dot] com
Nick - nickhouslander [at] yahoo [dot] com
Seeney - tragichero182 [at] yahoo [dot] com
NFG - mgwell79 [at] gmail [dot] com
Fizz - cbartrip6 [at] yahoo [dot] com
Ed - thisisntmyemailaddress [at] yahoo [dot] com
Goof - archr5 [at] gmail [com]
Dave - dcarterparks [at] gmail.com
Watcher Email addresses
-----------------------------
Josh - joshhouslander [at] gmail [dot] com
Ryan - ryanpoteracki [at] gmail [dot] com
Bryan - bandtbeckerman [at] wideopenwest [dot] com
Nick - nickhouslander [at] yahoo [dot] com
Seeney - tragichero182 [at] yahoo [dot] com
NFG - mgwell79 [at] gmail [dot] com
Fizz - cbartrip6 [at] yahoo [dot] com
Ed - thisisntmyemailaddress [at] yahoo [dot] com
Goof - archr5 [at] gmail [com]
Dave - dcarterparks [at] gmail.com
TO EVERYONE:
EVERY week deals 2 deaths for each character that doesn't make it out of the match. Week 5 deals 5 deaths and week 9 is 9 deaths per character.
REMEMBER to email your watcher your team each week. They are due by NOON on Tuesday (I think). Don't know it, email it to Josh.
TO WATCHERS:
Everyone will be watching at least one match this year. The match needs to be posted by Sunday night/Monday Morning. You MUST EMAIL RYAN with a list of who died each week. He has the huge undertaking of keeping the rosters in order and he does it out of the kindness of his heart. Lets all make his job easier.
Good Luck and COMMENT! Watchers spend a lot of time and effort on these matches and love to see a comment on their matches. A simple "Great Job" means a lot. It means you read their work.
If I forgot anything, just drop it in the comments below.
Later,
Fizz
A beginning of endings
Cotton McKnight enters his good friend Pepper Brooks hospital room and closes the door. He hasn't missed one day of visiting, not since Peppers tragic run in with a cliff last year.
"Hey, Pep. How ya doin?" he asks, once again getting no answer.
"Buddy- If you can hear me, don't go hurrying up to wake up on our account. I just got the word "Spoiler Sport" is no more. There's been a huge fight between cable stations and ESPN, and there's not one outlet who will carry us anymore. I just got the news today" Cotton's eyes well up with tears, but he chokes them back-vowing to stay strong for his comatose co-worker/best friend
"Things *sniff* things are getting dark man. They're calling this year "The Purge" and promising MORE bloodshed, if you can believe that. I guess there's some new policy enacted where a bunch of random commons have just been assigned teams all willy nilly- you can imagine how that went over with Dusty Rhodes. He's saying that as the voice of the common man, that his people deserve better than to be bullet catchers to help pad teams for the play offs. That these Watchers are lazy, not bothering to take the time to get to know his people. He said that every common has the ability to become the next "Butterscotch" but who really gives a hoot when Superman from Earth 742X-3, or Hal Jordan: Chartreuse Lantern approach these owners about coming to the Big Leagues"
Pepper's heartbeat monitors continues to beep, as Cotton gathers his thoughts
"Did you hear the other news? They found one of the Watchers dead. Krisatu. No one knows how or why. It seems like everything is...." Cotton trails off, an idea starting to brew.
Suddenly- it hits him.
"Oh my god. Pepper. Pepper, buddy. You're not safe. None of us are safe. It's happening. They're-"
Suddenly- there's a flash of light and a mysterious figure appears.
"Ah-ah. That'd be SPOILING SPORT." the figure laughs as Cotton McKnight is gutted like a fish. He collapses to the floor. Watching helplessly as his attacker strides over to Pepper's life support machine.
"Hee hee. So- they pulled the plug on your little show? Well I'm pulling the plug on Pepper! Hee haa haa haaa"
As Pepper flat-lines, Cotton struggles to crawl to the hall to get some help- cursing himself for literally closing the door on his chance for survival.
"Well, well reporter man. I gotta run. The sight of blood makes me a bit queasy if we're being honest. Toodles" he drops an orb to the floor and vanishes.
His throat filling with blood- Cotton tries to gurgle his famous sign off line for the very last time, as the plasma grenade violently explodes incinerating Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks.
"Hey, Pep. How ya doin?" he asks, once again getting no answer.
"Buddy- If you can hear me, don't go hurrying up to wake up on our account. I just got the word "Spoiler Sport" is no more. There's been a huge fight between cable stations and ESPN, and there's not one outlet who will carry us anymore. I just got the news today" Cotton's eyes well up with tears, but he chokes them back-vowing to stay strong for his comatose co-worker/best friend
"Things *sniff* things are getting dark man. They're calling this year "The Purge" and promising MORE bloodshed, if you can believe that. I guess there's some new policy enacted where a bunch of random commons have just been assigned teams all willy nilly- you can imagine how that went over with Dusty Rhodes. He's saying that as the voice of the common man, that his people deserve better than to be bullet catchers to help pad teams for the play offs. That these Watchers are lazy, not bothering to take the time to get to know his people. He said that every common has the ability to become the next "Butterscotch" but who really gives a hoot when Superman from Earth 742X-3, or Hal Jordan: Chartreuse Lantern approach these owners about coming to the Big Leagues"
Pepper's heartbeat monitors continues to beep, as Cotton gathers his thoughts
"Did you hear the other news? They found one of the Watchers dead. Krisatu. No one knows how or why. It seems like everything is...." Cotton trails off, an idea starting to brew.
Suddenly- it hits him.
"Oh my god. Pepper. Pepper, buddy. You're not safe. None of us are safe. It's happening. They're-"
Suddenly- there's a flash of light and a mysterious figure appears.
"Ah-ah. That'd be SPOILING SPORT." the figure laughs as Cotton McKnight is gutted like a fish. He collapses to the floor. Watching helplessly as his attacker strides over to Pepper's life support machine.
"Hee hee. So- they pulled the plug on your little show? Well I'm pulling the plug on Pepper! Hee haa haa haaa"
As Pepper flat-lines, Cotton struggles to crawl to the hall to get some help- cursing himself for literally closing the door on his chance for survival.
"Well, well reporter man. I gotta run. The sight of blood makes me a bit queasy if we're being honest. Toodles" he drops an orb to the floor and vanishes.
His throat filling with blood- Cotton tries to gurgle his famous sign off line for the very last time, as the plasma grenade violently explodes incinerating Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
All Star Game Slash Preseason Extravaganza
Preface:
I personally feel as if there is very little difference in competitive sports between an All Star Game and a Preseason game. One usually gets watched by more people but has less importance, the other is probably more important, but no one watches them.
Now I do apologize to you all for not doing the All star game this summer, but after a tremendous Universe Bowl, I just didn’t want to upstage Nick by dropping a masterpiece on y’all (like I am about to do now). Also, Josh JUST got me the roster list like 6 months ago. How am I supposed to write 2 paragraphs in just under half a year?!
So I hope you all enjoy this warm up to the new season whilst paying tribute to the old. Hopefully this gets my creative juices flowing and I will have all your favorite characters decapitating each other in no time! Enjoy them now, because The Purge is coming, and everyone will be rotting in the graveyard soon!
------
The “National League” is: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Vladimir Putin, Silver Surfer, Earth 2 Superman, Barack Obama, Santa Claus, Darth Shemalya, David Koresh, Darth Vader, Aquaman, Magneto, Emperor Joker and Agent Coulson.
The “American League” is: Red Son Superman, Captain America, Doomsday, Dr. Impossible, Tigger, Pre-Suit Darth Vader, Care Becks, Supergirl, White Lantern Yoda, Peeta Mellark (w/ Jarnborn), Dr. Manhattan, Odin, Mogo, Yoda and Good Luck Bear.
The NL ship transporting the combatants sets down gently on the playoff planet. The once vivid landscape is now a shattered, desolate wasteland. No more forests, rivers or cities. The team looks out the windows of the ship at a charred black mess of long winding cracks and crevices in the surface of the planet that make it look like the last kernel in a bag of popcorn, that almost burst out of its shell.
“Nice flying Kringle” says Supes.
“I’m thinking we turn this thing around and fly right out of this place. The UB destroyed this place. This is no proper setting for an All star game. Or even a preseason matchup for that matter.” says our Commander and Chief.
“c’mon Mr. Free world!” stammers a hammered Putin, “You spoiled Americans. This looks better than Sochi!”
The team all agrees that this place sucks now but they should go out and investigate and at least look for the AL. Agent Coulson tries to open the hatch but it won't budge. They notice that the ship begins to get incredibly warm all of a sudden and the NL begins to panic.
Outside, Supergirl and RS Supes are heating the hull of the ship attempting to cook the NL inside. The rest of the AL waits outside ready to attack whoever comes running out. By the time the NL is able to break open the hull, Coulson, Koresh, and Santa are not able to survive the intense heat. The rest of the NL is able to escape and goes on the offensive. Batman shoots his grappling gun into the eye of Pre-Suit Vader and reels him in.
“GET OVER HERE!” Batman growls. He holds up his limp body and lets the real Vader remove him of his head. Captain America and Supergirl jump in to take on the duo. Supergirl burns off Vader’s last real hand with her heat vision and kicks him to the ground. The Captain rips Vader’s helmet off and bashes in his skull with his shield. Darth Shemalya steps in to avenge her fallen master and attacks Supergirl. Batman jumps onto the back of Captain America and chokes the life out of him.
Supergirl is no match for Shemalya… wait. I’m not Becks.
Supergirl easily kills the most powerful Dark sith lord Shemalya. Batman takes off to help out Silver Surfer. As the Silver Surfer flies around the two of them are able to defeat both Dr. Manhattan and Dr. Impossible but not before the two doctors dispatch of the Caped Crusader. While coming back to join the fight, SS is knocked off his board by Tigger who unknowingly bounced into his own death. The Surfer falls to the ground and before he can stand up, gets his head bashed in by Doomsday. Doomsday looks around and sees Earth 2 Superman and Wonder Woman holding their own against both Yodas and Odin. Odin falls to Wonder Woman and as E2 Supes kills WL Yoda, the Real Yoda look outnumbered. Doomsday comes in and dispatches of E2 Superman but not before Wonder Woman can get her lasso around him. The real Superman swoops in and briefly looks into the eyes of Doomsday.
“Payback, Friend” says Superman as he punches into the head of Doomsday and removes his brain (and a little bit of spine). Wonder Woman looks grossed out but then sees the lightsaber of Yoda tear into her chest. Supergirl lands next to Yoda and Superman is beginning to feel outmatched. He retreats and Yoda and Supergirl do not give chase for now.
Aquaman falls over dead because there is no water on the planet anymore.
Mageneto and Emperor Joker fight with Yoda, Supergirl and Mogo while The 2 Superman go punch for punch. Putin and Obama have are trying to fight off the two care bears but Good Luck bear keeps being in the right place at the right time. Care Becks keeps fighting dirty, grabbing everyone’s junk and swearing like a sailor. He goes to punch Putin in the nuts but hits steel. We all know Putin has balls of steel. Obama takes down Peeta and kills him by pressing his thumbs into his eye sockets and bashing the back of his head on the ground. He picks up the Jarnborn and skewers the two bears. Magneto shoots the sword with the two bears into the sun.
While preoccupied killing teddy bears, This lets Yoda get the upperhand on Magneto and sneaks his lightsaber under his protective helmet. Emperor Joker turns Yoda into rabbit and then rips his giant ears off and bites off his head Ozzy style. He grabs Yoda’s lightsaber and is able to ignite it just enough time to stab it into Supergirl’s chest. She grabs him tight and is able to push both herself and Emperor Joker into the NL ship. She uses her heat vision to explode the ship killing them both.
Everyone regroups. Superman, Putin and Obama facing off against Red Son Superman and Mogo. In a wicked turn of events, Putin pulls out a knife and stabs the pres in the neck and then turns it on Superman and lands a near fatal wound as well. Barack bleeds out and Red Son and Mogo are able to overtake Superman and crush his chest.
Mogo is confused by what happened. He stares dumbfounded as Red Son Superman helps Putin to his feet.
“You did Mother Russia proud today my Son” says a beaming Putin to Red Son Superman.
“Too bad about this planet though. It had a good run. Not sure what we will do this year.” says RS Supes.
“I can help,” says Mogo, “But the planet will not be exactly the same after I am done with her. There is still a life force inside her, and I can bring it out, but things will be… different than they were before”
“Go for it. What’s the worst that can happen?” says Putin
“Violent tides followed by nothing but desert. Unbearable cold and then scorching heat. Complete darkness and blinding light.” Mogo goes on to explain, “The planet will no longer be stable. It will produce terrains you are used but also, some you could never have dreamed of. The landscape of the entire planet will change at once, sometimes lasting for months or years, or quite possibly just a matter of minutes. ANYTHING will be possible here from now on.”
Mogo takes a knee and, using his ring, bores a hole into the core of the playoff planet. The ground begins to shake and an explosion is felt. Mogo sacrificed his life to bring a new life to the playoff planet. Suddenly RS Superman and Putin watch as new life emerges before their eyes. They are standing in a rolling field. Grass that never looked so green. Putin swoops down and picks a flower and gives it a smell.
“We did good today” says Putin “Mogo did his part, so I will do mine. There has to be a winner.”
RS Supes nods in agreement and reluctantly snaps the neck of the Grey Cardinal.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Random Commons For the Win!!
As promised, here is the randomly selected commons (mostly commons that is), that will be added to your teams for free each week. As posted previously this is a way to add some extra power to teams in what is going to surely be a rough year, and to simultaneously clear out a good chunk of the waiver wire in true purge fashion. I will be sure to notify your respective watchers from each week in regards to what characters are supposed to be added to your squads; so you will not have to do any extra work to make sure that you get your extra bullet catchers from week to week; but feel free to take a look at who you will be taking with you for free that week, in case you wish to play vehicles, items, or weapons with them, or to see if they can play into a potential discount. Good luck everybody, See you all on Feb. 7th!!
Griswold’s Nut-busters
2 Treasure Troll #17, Mummy #11-12, Goblin #42-48.
3 Vampire #31-40
4 Xenomorph #71-80
5 Aerosmith (Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Tom Hamilton, Brad Whitford, & Joey Kramer), Tick-Tock, The Gump, Jack Pumpkinhead, Belinda, Wald, Starship Trooper #82-87, Skeleton #7-10
6 Sardakaur #40-49.
7 Sardakaur Terror Trooper #29, Navy SEAL Chief #2, Navy SEAL #7-14
8 Go-Bot #3-5, Marine #63-69.
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions
2 Borg #1-10
3 Guns N’ Roses (W. Axl Rose, Slash, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagen, Dizzy Reed, and Matt Sorum), Trey & Corazon, Ron Jeremy, and Goldmember.
4 Sardakaur #30-39.
5 Nexu #2, Marine 70-78, Skeleton #1-6, Ewok Child #2-5
6 Moritani Soldier #12, Little Goomba #8-16
7 Navy SEAL Chief #3-4, Navy SEAL #15-18, Metroid #9-12
8 Giant Hammer Bros. #8-10, Fire Bros. #10, Boomerrang Bros. #5-10
TEAM
2 Mummy #1-10
3 Vampire #11-20
4 Compsagnathid #41-50
5 Seperatist Commando #1-6, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #25-28, Ewok #51, Naboo Soldier #2-7, Zombie #1, Skeltor’s Bodyguards #1-2
6 Predator #46, Marine #79-80
7 U.S. Navy Sailor #94-98, Kree Soldier #45-49
8 Dark Side Adept #13, Little Goomba #17-25.
The Royal Highness
2 Goblin #11-20
3 Horse #5, 7-11, Navy SEAL Chief #11, Navy SEAL #33-35
4 Xenomorph #56-60, Dark Jedi Master #7A-10A
5 Marine #88-90, Futar #1-2, 7-10, Balrog #5, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #2-5, 14-15, Storm Trooper #84-87
6 Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37, Little Goomba #26-33
7 Vampire #21-30
8 Gondor Soldier #19, Pirate #1-8, T-Rex #16
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies
2 Goblin #21-30
3 Navy SEAL Chief #12 & 13, Navy SEAL #36-43
4 Elephant #4-6, Cave Troll #1-6, Guild Navigator
5 Treasure Troll #27, Starship Trooper #1-6, Giant Hammer Bros. #5-7, Velociraptor #44-48, Jedi Master #3A-7A
6 Jedi Knight #2A-5A, Ninja #13-15, Ninja #1-4
7 Xenomorph #61-70
8 Elephant #9-10, Ape Soldier #1-6, 24-25.
Layanderletson’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family
2 Goblin #8-10, 41, Vampire #75-80
3 Navy SEAL #44, Votari #6-10, Purple Dragon #3-6
4 Wookie Soldier #46-50, Dark Jedi Master #1A-5A
5 Navy SEAL Chief #5-6, Droid Fighter Ship #3-6, Knights of Solamnia #7-10, Jedi Master 8A-15A, Duncan Idaho Ghola #2, Horse #26
6 Hammer Bros. #4-10, Boomerang Bros. #2-4
7 (book) Arachnid #11-20
8 Jedi Master #18A-27A
John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids
2 Vampire #41-50
3 Purple Dragon #1-2, Fremen #43-50
4 Dark Side Master #6A, Sith Lord #13-14 (at one point were Darth Dark & Dark Seid), Thinking Machine #1-3, Elephant #1-3, Fremen #42
5 Reaper #7-8, Velociraptor #5-7, Uruk Hai #15-19, Horse #27-36
6 Fire Bros. #7-9, Kree Soldier #38-44
7 Kree Soldier #28-37
8 Jedi Master #28A-31A, Ninja #5-10, Magwai #3-4, Ewok Baby #3-4
Team Sleeping Pussy
2 Vampire #61-70
3 Elven Soldier #1-10
4 Fremen #31-40
5 Red Dragon #23, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #58-66, Horse #37-40, Jedi Knight #23A-27A, Storm Trooper #50
6 Warg Rider #1-4, Rider’s Warg #1-4, Marine #91-92
7 Jedi Knight #28A-29A, Silver Dragon #15, (book) Arachnid #44-50
8 Kree #18-27
Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches
2 Fremen #51-54, Elven Soldier #11-12, Xenomorph #81=84
3 Jedi Master #37C-38C, Green Dragon #29-30, Gold Dragon #1-2, Fremen #41, Col. Bitter #1 & 2, General Heartland
4 Compsagnathid #37-39, Fremen #23-24, Blue Dragon #15-19
5 Green Dragon #1-2, Marine #93-100, Storm Trooper #46-49, 75-80
6 Kree Soldier #8-17
7 Vampire #51-60
8 Jedi Padawan #38-39, Army Soldier #133-136
Commandos
2 Vampire #5-10, 71-74
3 Evil Dwarf #1-6, Compsagnathid #51-53, Xenomorph #55
4 Pink Muscle Man #1-5, Sgt. Malt and Sgt. Hop, Mac & Blue, Cheese
5 Blue Dragon #13-14, Sardakaur #50-57, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #7-12, Duncan Idaho Ghola #12, Sand Trooper #1-5
6 Tlielaxlu Master #1-2, Marine #55-62
7 Phibian #11-20
8 Fedayeen Shadow Warrior #1, Army Soldier #131-132, Gold Dragon #10-12, 14-15, Smurf #3, Gondor Soldier #18
The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse
2 Moritani Soldier #2-11
3 Gremlin #1-2, Snow Trooper #10-17
4 Starship Trooper #62-71
5 Jedi Master #38-39, Velociraptor #36-43, Mandalorian #1-10
6 Fedayeen Assasin #1, Sand Trooper #6-9, 21-25
7 Little Goomba #34, U.S. Navy Sailor #62-70.
8 Critter #8-12, Navy Sailor #99, Kree Soldier #50, Moritani Soldier #13-15
The Empire
2 Army Soldier #141, Snow Trooper #18-24, Pirate #9-10
3 Jedi Master #28A-31A, Ninja #5-10
4 Sith Lord #15, Snow Trooper #1-9
5 Gondor Soldier #10-17, Elephant #7-8, (book) Arachnid #41-43, Kobald #1-7
6 Elite Storm Trooper #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #71-80
8 Goblin #88-90, Mummy #14-18, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #1-2
The Horsemen of Apokolips
2 Elite Storm Trooper #11-20
3 Purple Muscle Man #1-5, Pink Muscle Man #1-5
4 Atreides Soldier #1-6, Blue Tech Guy #1-2, Horse #41-42
5 (book) Arachnid #21-40
6 Sardakaur Terror Trooper #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #81-90
8 Ape Soldier #21-23, Wookie Soldier #31-36, Jedi Master #49
Real Man’s Rabble Rousers
2 Elite Clone Trooper #32-33, Snow Trooper #32-37, Starship Trooper #98-99
3 Skeletor’s Crack Troop #13, Army Soldier #116-124
4 Storm Trooper #52-61
5 (book) Arachnid #1-10, Ewok #75, Yuzzem #15, Sand Trooper #10, Treasure Troll #26, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #11-12
6 Scout Trooper #31-33, Goblin #49-50, 61-63, 86-87
7 Navy Sailor #91-93, Critter #1-7.
8 Elite Clone Trooper #22-31
The Midgets
2 Goblin #51-60
3 Jedi Master #42-49, Starship Trooper #96-97
4 Army Soldier #101-110
5 Storm Trooper #62-71, Sand Trooper #11-20
6 Failed Jedi #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #21-30
8 Scout Trooper #21-30
George Washington’s Slaves
2 Jedi Padawan #33, Starship Trooper #88-96
3 Army Soldier #111-115, Jedi Master #31-33, 36-37
4 Storm Trooper #72-74, Silver Dragon #8-14
5 Sand Trooper Officer #1, Battle Droid #100, Avian #2, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, Scout Trooper #1-10
6 Scout Trooper #11-20
7 Pirate #16-20, Valkyrie #3, 5-7, Navy Sailor #20
8 Starship Trooper #72-81
Griswold’s Nut-busters
2 Treasure Troll #17, Mummy #11-12, Goblin #42-48.
3 Vampire #31-40
4 Xenomorph #71-80
5 Aerosmith (Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Tom Hamilton, Brad Whitford, & Joey Kramer), Tick-Tock, The Gump, Jack Pumpkinhead, Belinda, Wald, Starship Trooper #82-87, Skeleton #7-10
6 Sardakaur #40-49.
7 Sardakaur Terror Trooper #29, Navy SEAL Chief #2, Navy SEAL #7-14
8 Go-Bot #3-5, Marine #63-69.
Charles Barkley’s Turrible Decisions
2 Borg #1-10
3 Guns N’ Roses (W. Axl Rose, Slash, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagen, Dizzy Reed, and Matt Sorum), Trey & Corazon, Ron Jeremy, and Goldmember.
4 Sardakaur #30-39.
5 Nexu #2, Marine 70-78, Skeleton #1-6, Ewok Child #2-5
6 Moritani Soldier #12, Little Goomba #8-16
7 Navy SEAL Chief #3-4, Navy SEAL #15-18, Metroid #9-12
8 Giant Hammer Bros. #8-10, Fire Bros. #10, Boomerrang Bros. #5-10
TEAM
2 Mummy #1-10
3 Vampire #11-20
4 Compsagnathid #41-50
5 Seperatist Commando #1-6, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #25-28, Ewok #51, Naboo Soldier #2-7, Zombie #1, Skeltor’s Bodyguards #1-2
6 Predator #46, Marine #79-80
7 U.S. Navy Sailor #94-98, Kree Soldier #45-49
8 Dark Side Adept #13, Little Goomba #17-25.
The Royal Highness
2 Goblin #11-20
3 Horse #5, 7-11, Navy SEAL Chief #11, Navy SEAL #33-35
4 Xenomorph #56-60, Dark Jedi Master #7A-10A
5 Marine #88-90, Futar #1-2, 7-10, Balrog #5, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #2-5, 14-15, Storm Trooper #84-87
6 Jedi Guardian #3, Jedi Padawan #37, Little Goomba #26-33
7 Vampire #21-30
8 Gondor Soldier #19, Pirate #1-8, T-Rex #16
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies
2 Goblin #21-30
3 Navy SEAL Chief #12 & 13, Navy SEAL #36-43
4 Elephant #4-6, Cave Troll #1-6, Guild Navigator
5 Treasure Troll #27, Starship Trooper #1-6, Giant Hammer Bros. #5-7, Velociraptor #44-48, Jedi Master #3A-7A
6 Jedi Knight #2A-5A, Ninja #13-15, Ninja #1-4
7 Xenomorph #61-70
8 Elephant #9-10, Ape Soldier #1-6, 24-25.
Layanderletson’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make a New Family
2 Goblin #8-10, 41, Vampire #75-80
3 Navy SEAL #44, Votari #6-10, Purple Dragon #3-6
4 Wookie Soldier #46-50, Dark Jedi Master #1A-5A
5 Navy SEAL Chief #5-6, Droid Fighter Ship #3-6, Knights of Solamnia #7-10, Jedi Master 8A-15A, Duncan Idaho Ghola #2, Horse #26
6 Hammer Bros. #4-10, Boomerang Bros. #2-4
7 (book) Arachnid #11-20
8 Jedi Master #18A-27A
John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids
2 Vampire #41-50
3 Purple Dragon #1-2, Fremen #43-50
4 Dark Side Master #6A, Sith Lord #13-14 (at one point were Darth Dark & Dark Seid), Thinking Machine #1-3, Elephant #1-3, Fremen #42
5 Reaper #7-8, Velociraptor #5-7, Uruk Hai #15-19, Horse #27-36
6 Fire Bros. #7-9, Kree Soldier #38-44
7 Kree Soldier #28-37
8 Jedi Master #28A-31A, Ninja #5-10, Magwai #3-4, Ewok Baby #3-4
Team Sleeping Pussy
2 Vampire #61-70
3 Elven Soldier #1-10
4 Fremen #31-40
5 Red Dragon #23, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #58-66, Horse #37-40, Jedi Knight #23A-27A, Storm Trooper #50
6 Warg Rider #1-4, Rider’s Warg #1-4, Marine #91-92
7 Jedi Knight #28A-29A, Silver Dragon #15, (book) Arachnid #44-50
8 Kree #18-27
Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches
2 Fremen #51-54, Elven Soldier #11-12, Xenomorph #81=84
3 Jedi Master #37C-38C, Green Dragon #29-30, Gold Dragon #1-2, Fremen #41, Col. Bitter #1 & 2, General Heartland
4 Compsagnathid #37-39, Fremen #23-24, Blue Dragon #15-19
5 Green Dragon #1-2, Marine #93-100, Storm Trooper #46-49, 75-80
6 Kree Soldier #8-17
7 Vampire #51-60
8 Jedi Padawan #38-39, Army Soldier #133-136
Commandos
2 Vampire #5-10, 71-74
3 Evil Dwarf #1-6, Compsagnathid #51-53, Xenomorph #55
4 Pink Muscle Man #1-5, Sgt. Malt and Sgt. Hop, Mac & Blue, Cheese
5 Blue Dragon #13-14, Sardakaur #50-57, Skeletor’s Crack Troops #7-12, Duncan Idaho Ghola #12, Sand Trooper #1-5
6 Tlielaxlu Master #1-2, Marine #55-62
7 Phibian #11-20
8 Fedayeen Shadow Warrior #1, Army Soldier #131-132, Gold Dragon #10-12, 14-15, Smurf #3, Gondor Soldier #18
The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse
2 Moritani Soldier #2-11
3 Gremlin #1-2, Snow Trooper #10-17
4 Starship Trooper #62-71
5 Jedi Master #38-39, Velociraptor #36-43, Mandalorian #1-10
6 Fedayeen Assasin #1, Sand Trooper #6-9, 21-25
7 Little Goomba #34, U.S. Navy Sailor #62-70.
8 Critter #8-12, Navy Sailor #99, Kree Soldier #50, Moritani Soldier #13-15
The Empire
2 Army Soldier #141, Snow Trooper #18-24, Pirate #9-10
3 Jedi Master #28A-31A, Ninja #5-10
4 Sith Lord #15, Snow Trooper #1-9
5 Gondor Soldier #10-17, Elephant #7-8, (book) Arachnid #41-43, Kobald #1-7
6 Elite Storm Trooper #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #71-80
8 Goblin #88-90, Mummy #14-18, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #1-2
The Horsemen of Apokolips
2 Elite Storm Trooper #11-20
3 Purple Muscle Man #1-5, Pink Muscle Man #1-5
4 Atreides Soldier #1-6, Blue Tech Guy #1-2, Horse #41-42
5 (book) Arachnid #21-40
6 Sardakaur Terror Trooper #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #81-90
8 Ape Soldier #21-23, Wookie Soldier #31-36, Jedi Master #49
Real Man’s Rabble Rousers
2 Elite Clone Trooper #32-33, Snow Trooper #32-37, Starship Trooper #98-99
3 Skeletor’s Crack Troop #13, Army Soldier #116-124
4 Storm Trooper #52-61
5 (book) Arachnid #1-10, Ewok #75, Yuzzem #15, Sand Trooper #10, Treasure Troll #26, Sardakaur Terror Trooper #11-12
6 Scout Trooper #31-33, Goblin #49-50, 61-63, 86-87
7 Navy Sailor #91-93, Critter #1-7.
8 Elite Clone Trooper #22-31
The Midgets
2 Goblin #51-60
3 Jedi Master #42-49, Starship Trooper #96-97
4 Army Soldier #101-110
5 Storm Trooper #62-71, Sand Trooper #11-20
6 Failed Jedi #1-10
7 Navy Sailor #21-30
8 Scout Trooper #21-30
George Washington’s Slaves
2 Jedi Padawan #33, Starship Trooper #88-96
3 Army Soldier #111-115, Jedi Master #31-33, 36-37
4 Storm Trooper #72-74, Silver Dragon #8-14
5 Sand Trooper Officer #1, Battle Droid #100, Avian #2, Ancient Sith Lord #8-14, Scout Trooper #1-10
6 Scout Trooper #11-20
7 Pirate #16-20, Valkyrie #3, 5-7, Navy Sailor #20
8 Starship Trooper #72-81
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