Season X Playoffs, Round 1: Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins vs. Striders of Rohan

Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins are: Ethan Hunt w/Indigo Lantern Ring, Salaak, Dr. Manhattan, Sauron, Father of Mortis, Son of Mortis, Martian Manhunter, Miss Martian, Poseidon, Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, Franklin Richards, Reverse Flash, Quicksilver, 12 Guardian Knights as Dragonstorm, Geonosian Spy in Geonosian Starship, Geonosian Drone in Geonosian Starship, Geonosian Soldier in Geonosian Starship, Freddy Kreuger, Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robot Man, Negative Man, Beast Boy, Elf #1, and Zombies #1-2.

Striders of Rohan are: Cyborg Superman w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Odin w/White Lantern Ring, Star Lord and Gamora in Star Lord’s Ship, Rocket Raccoon in Anakin’s Starfighter, Yondu and Kraglin in First Order Command Shuttle, Drax, Groot, Nebula, Mantis, John Stewart, Supreme Leader Snoke in Executrix, Kylo Ren w/Red Lantern Ring, Seaworms #1-9, Sandworms #19-20, Apocalypse, Captain Marvel, Balrog of Moria, Gandalf the White, King Kong, Black Flash, Adam Warlock, Circuit Breaker, Ghost Rider, Fremen #5 and #7-20, Xenomorph Aliens #8-15, Gondor Soldiers #1-15, and Goblins #1-4. It’s high noon on the Playoff Planet. The members of each team choose their battlefields, gather their courage, and are transported to the fight. [The City] (Assassins: Ethan, Manhattan, Franklin, Reverse Flash, Quicksilver, Chief, Mento, Elasti-Girl, Robot Man, Negative Man, Zombies) (Striders: CyberSupes, Drax, Nebula, Mantis, Black Flash, Warlock, Circuit Breaker, Ghost Rider) “I’m telling you guys, it was SO AWFUL! It smelled like sulfur and… and burnt pork chops. And the screaming, and their hands, clawing up at me, begging me to pull them out, it was just-” “Ethan, Jesus Christ. Here.” Quicksilver zips away and back in an instant, handing Ethan Hunt a candy bar. “Eat a Snickers.” “Why?” “Because, you’re kind of a weepy b**** when you’re hungry.” Ethan enjoys the delicious caramel, nougat, and peanuts of his Snickers brand candy bar, available in stores everywhere. His misty eyes steeled up. “Thanks Quicksilver, that’s better. Now I’m ready to not even look back at explosions. Praise Xenu!” A strong handful of the Assassins walk along the streets of the city, with the exception of Chief Niles Caulder, who rolls along. “If my calculations are correct,” he said, “the Striders will likely send their best straight into the city.” Reverse Flash rolled his eyes. “If MY calculations are correct, I’d say your only power is stating the obvious. Why are you here?” “I don’t know, I wish I had stayed in bed. I miss my legs.” Doctor Manhattan, in the lead, holds up a hand to silence his group. “Wait. It’s time.” A heavy laser blast crashes toward him, barely leaving him time to create a gap in his body to avoid destruction. It passes through him and in to Chief, who is reduced to a pair of smoldering legs atop a sizzling wheelchair seat. Cyborg Superman floats down from above. “Well, that was an impressive dodge, Smurf boy. How many more teammates are you gonna let me kill to save yourself?” Manhattan is unfazed. “How many teammates are you going to hide instead of facing us head on? Let me see… seven, correct? It’s a shame they aren’t more valuable combatants.” Superman shoots an icy glare at Manhattan, turns back, and says “You hear that, everyone? Big Blue doesn’t think you’re valuable.” His allies appear from side alleys and buildings, filing in behind him. “This is entirely untrue,” Drax declares, “I’ve been told exactly how much I’d be worth in a slave market, or if I were to sell off my organs.” Quicksilver does a quick headcount. “I see six, you said seven. Where’s number seven?” A moment later his head is on backwards, and Reverse Flash’s head flies off from the maxilla upward. Black Flash comes to a stop next to Cyborg Superman, grinning past his thin, decaying lips. A terrified Franklin Richards begins to scream, “No no no no NO!” A wave of energy ripples through the city, and Black Flash begins to move into action. His speed, however, has been reduced to a mere jog, as Franklin’s powers have capped off the speed of the Striders. Without the Speed Force, Black Flash was only a fitness enthusiast zombie, and his rotten joints fell apart as soon as he ran. Despite being slowed, Cyborg Superman’s ring fed on Franklin’s fear, and he blasts back the Assassins with a screaming burst of yellow light. Manhattan remains standing and attempts to tear Cyborg Superman apart. His Kryptonian physiology is tough for even Manhattan to unravel, and the two struggle against each other’s superhuman power as their remaining teammates charge to the fray. [The Skies] (Assassins: Salaak, Martian Manhunter, Miss Martian, Geonosians) (Striders: Star Lord, Gamora, Rocket, Yondu, Kraglin, John Stewart, Snoke, Captain Marvel) High above the planet, the Striders patrol in search of airborne foes. The skies are quiet and things are fairly boring, until Captain Marvel taps on the window Star Lord’s ship. Starlord “Carol? Is something wrong out there?” “Maybe, hard to say. I think you guys are gonna want to hear what we’re up against.” Carol boards the ship in silence. “So…? What’s this big bad threat?” She smiles. “Me.” Miss Martian drops the disguise, and before Star Lord and Gamora can draw their weapons, she shatters their minds and drops them to the floor. Stepping over their bodies, she takes control of the ship. Across the sky, Martian Manhunter has phased into the Command Shuttle and taken it from Yondu and Kraglin, and together the two fly their ships in a pincer attack on Rocket’s ship, phasing out before the fatal impact. “Excellent work, M’Gann. Let us end this quickly.” They fly off in unison toward the Executrix. John Stewart and Captain Marvel have just seen the horrific explosion and made their way toward the fight, and Salaak flies between them. “Stop right there, Stewart! I can’t allow you to-” Captain Marvel smacks Salaak away like a fly as they proceed, and his shattered body spins out into the void. They nearly reach the Executrix, but the Geonosian Starships swing around the side of the tremendous spacecraft and unload suppressing fire on them. Captain Marvel goes down, but John Stewart won’t be stopped and uses his ring to bash all three ships as they circle him. He boards the Executrix, only to see the Martians standing over a slaughtered Snoke. They turn to see him, and before they can react he flies off through the ship. They chase him down, all the way to the ship’s engine room. Cornered and facing impending destruction, he begins to smash wildly into the engines, unleashing a tremendous fireball. The Martians light up like paper, burning to ash. The Executrix blows apart like a string of firecrackers, but as the smoke and debris clears, a bubble of shielding Green Light is flung from the ship and goes plummeting through the planet’s atmosphere. [The Ocean] Poseidon stands proud in the waters, treading water, surrounded by 9 dead Seaworms. “PITIFUL MORTALS”, he shouts, “HAVE YOU NO GREATER CHALLENGE TO OFFER THE MIGHTY POSEIDON?” His call is met with nothing but the sound of splashing waves. “...Anyone?” [The Desert] (Assassins: Son of Mortis, Freddy Kreuger, Father of Mortis) (Striders: Kylo Ren, Sandworms, Apocalypse, Balrog, Fremen) Son and Father have sensed Kylo Ren’s powerful Force and tracked him to the desert where he and Apocalypse waited in a sandstone fortress formed by the powerful mutant. Kylo, too, sensed the approach of these god-like Force users. As they arrive at the fortress, accompanied by Freddy Kreuger, the Fremen and Sandworms begin to swarm them while Kylo and Apocalypse look down from the fort wall. The Sandworms erupt from the ground and surround the Assassins, but together, Father and Son unleash a wild storm of force lightning, destroying the full crowd. They turn to the wary Fremen, and Father waves a hand at them. “Sleep now” he commands, and they stumble and fall to the ground asleep. Freddy flashes a wicked smile and clacks his claws. “Now we’re talking!” He vanishes momentary, and in moments the Fremen are all mutilated in various creative ways that would take too long to detail individually. Son shouts up to Kylo “Now, little coward, come face the TRUE power of the Dark Side!” Kylo’s ring flashes and he snarls back at Son, “Face THIS, you fool!” The Balrog bursts through the wall of the fort, and crashes a whip down, slashing Son and Freddy into the sand. Father lifts his hand to the Balrog and brings it to its knees. He raises another hand, brings them together in fists, and quickly snap them apart. As he does, the Balrog’s head tears off from its body, its flames extinguished. Enraged, Kylo jumps down from his perch to prove his dark powers against the embodiment of the Force’s balance. He swings his lightsaber, but Father catches it with a bare hand. Kylo screams with anger, and as his ring reaches peak charge, he spews a torrent of acid bile from his mouth. Father melts away, but Kylo isn’t a true Red Lantern, and the burning vomit destroys his body as it emerges. Apocalypse chuckles and turns his sights toward the distant city. [The Forest] (Assassins: Sauron, Witch King of Angmar on his Fell Beast, Dragonstorm, Beast Boy, Elf #1) (Striders: Odin, Groot, Gandalf The White, King Kong, Xenomorphs, Gondor Soldiers, Goblins) In the forest, chaos has taken over as trees turn and fall to the forest floor. As Groot skewers the Goblins attempting to chop him down with their little axes, King Kong charges Dragonstorm with a giant tree he’s uprooted. Though he batters mighty Transformer, his fleshy gorilla body can’t withstand a direct blow from Dragonstorm’s axe. The Transformer looks down to the little tree-man fighting below him, and takes him out with a quick upward swing, slicing him down the middle. The Xenomorphs of the Striders swarm Dragonstorm, climbing up its body and tearing at its chassis. Sauron towers over his forces, commanding them from the rear. He orders the Witch King to strike down the Xenomorphs crawling on Dragonstorm, but as he does their acid blood seeps into the amalgamate of transformers and fries his circuits to a mass of goop. Gandalf rallies the Gondor soldiers to charge the Dark Lord, as the Witch King flies in to challenge Gandalf himself. Sauron erects a magical shield against his assailant, but the Witch King refuses to relent. Odin, meanwhile, takes out the mighty green bear known as Beast Boy and runs to Gandalf’s aid. He drives his spear through the Fell Beast’s throat, throwing the Witch King to the ground. As Gandalf drops his shield, an arrow flies from across the field. In a distant tree beside Sauron, a single Elven ranger sniper has taken aim and shot down the powerful wizard. The fifteen Gondor Soldiers have surrounded Sauron, but he effortlessly smashes them down one by one with his mace. Odin begins to charge him, when suddenly, a huge green orb smashes into the ground like a meteor. Both parties look on in surprise as John Stewart rises to his feet in the crater. The Witch King attempts to approach him, but Stewart reacts quickly and guns down with green machine gun fire. Sauron finishes the last of the Gondor Soldiers pestering him, points his mace to the sky, and summons a hail of meteors from the sky. Stewart throws up a shield of light above himself and Odin. Odin raises his spear high, imbuing it with the white light of his ring, and calls out “Odin OWNS you, writhing specter!” He flings Gungnir at Sauron and it pierces through the Dark Lord’s armor, pinning him to the ground. The Elf, still hiding from the tree, blows another arrow through John Stewart as he focuses on blocking the last of the meteors while Sauron’s body burns away with white light. Odin runs for his spear, dodging the continued flurry of arrows. As he pulls it from Sauron, another arrow flies toward his face. Gungnir’s runes glow as he lifts it, and he sweeps the spear in the air, knocking the arrow away. He gives it another toss, piercing the sniper and dropping him from the treetop. [Back in the City] Cyborg Superman has broken free of Manhattan’s grip, but Franklin has still slowed the Striders, making it difficult for the Cyborg to land a blow on the matter manipulator. Negative Man has emerged in his shadow form, leaving his body inert behind a dumpster. He creeps up on Franklin, hoping to blow him apart, but suddenly the shade shudders and blinks out of existence. Behind the dumpster, the Assassins’ own zombies have found the unconscious Negative Man and gone to town on his brains. Circuit Breaker makes an attempt on Manhattan, but the lost member of the Blue Man Group has acute awareness and transforms him into a toaster. Drax and Adam Warlock have torn apart Elasti-Girl and Robot Man, but Mento has telekinetically dismantled Nebula. Mantis crawls on to Ethan Hunt, but the overwhelming guilt he feels for his actions last match are still buried beneath his mind despite the chewy, satisfying Snickers candy bar. Her mind overloads from his feelings and she goes down in a grand maul seizure. Cyborg Superman gives up on Doctor Manhattan for the time, instead charging for Franklin Richards, the boy’s fear fueling his yellow lantern ring. Doctor Manhattan, his mind racing at supercomputer speed, rearranges the neurotransmitters in Franklin’s brain, effectively curing him of his terror. In that instant of perfect clarity, Franklin encases himself in a shell of kryptonite. Superman has no time to react as he collides with Franklin, his body withering and shutting down. However, the kryptonite doesn’t block Ghost Rider’s Hellfire as it brings the terror right back to Franklin, consuming his fragile young soul. The remaining Striders in the city stand no chance against Manhattan as he begins to dissolve them atom by atom. As Drax, Warlock, and Ghost Rider all begin to unravel, Gungnir flies through the air. Manhattan catches the spear and turns to see Odin and Apocalypse. “What an amusing little trick,” Apocalypse muses “I wonder how easy it is.” Apocalypse points to Manhattan, and he turns back into a normal, nude, flesh colored man as his body turns to mush. Odin strides up, retrieves his spear, and casually approaches the defenseless remainder of the Assassins. [Back in the Ocean] Poseidon floats on his back, staring at the sky, a sad look upon his face. “Does anyone even worship me anymore? I think they’ve all forgotten me…” A strange smell and a greasy feeling hit the despondent deity, and he notices the water has been turned to oil. On the shore, Apocalypse fires a laser from his eyes, boiling the sea of peanut oil he’s created. Poseidon and the marine life alike are all flash fried. Odin takes a deep whiff. “Thank you friend, it’s been some time since I’ve enjoyed a good fish fry… wait. Are those our sea worms and some sort of giant floating out there?”

The Gender Neutral Midgets vs. Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Midgets: Magneto, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Yoda w/ White Lantern Ring, Vampire Batman, Omega Supreme, Emperor Palpatine w/ Orange Lantern Ring, Neo w/ 2 White Lightsabers, Han Solo (pilot), Chewbacca (co-pilot), Peppy Hare (gunner), Slippy Toad (gunner) in Outlaw, Lando Calrissean (pilot), Nien Numb (co-pilot), Lobot (gunner), Falco (gunner) in Y-1300 Light Freighter, Achilles, Queen Aga’po, Luminara Unduli w/ Green Lantern Ring, Barriss Offee w/ Blue Lantern Ring, Black Lantern Batman, Indigo One, Monk, Sinestro w/ Yellow and Green Lantern Rings, Darth Maul w/ Red Lantern Ring, Star Wolf w/ Double Red Lightsaber in Sith Fighter, Star Fox w/ Blue Lightsaber in Z-95 Headhunter, X-23 w/ Red Lightsaber, James Madison w/ Speed Ring in AT-RT, James Monroe w/ Darksaber on Nazgul #9’s Mordor Horse

Barkley: Batman, Robin, and Alfred w/ Green Lightsaber in Modern Age Batmobile, Boba Fett and Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho in SLave 1, Mace Windu, Deadpool, Star Sapphire, Yellow Lantern #1-2, Guy Gardner, Alan Scott, Fortress Maximus,  Fortress Maximus’ Head, Fortress Maximus’ Head’s Head, Q, Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, Quinn, Tom Bombadil, Smaug, Treebeard, Ents #1-2, Balrogs #1-5, Spectre

Well, before I even start this match, let’s just point out...HOLY SHIT Josh, how many lightsabers do you have? You’d have to kill more padawans than Bad Anakin to get that many. He also has enough lantern rings to start his own corp. Dave does have a good amount of the Q Continuum on his side, that has to be worth something.

Before the teams even meet to start fighting, Slave 1 drops two seismic charges on top of its teammate, Mace Windu. Sorry Dave, looks like Boba is still pretty mad about his dad.

There are some necessary rivalries to go down in this matchup of midgets and turrible decisions. Big robot vs. big robot, Han Solo vs. Boba Fett, Queen Aga’po vs. Star Sapphire, Batman and his posse vs. 2 Batmans and Monk? Oh boy, this is one matchup I’m glad to witness, folks.

Q takes charge of his team quickly, as he is clearly intellectually superior to them. He starts it slow, sending in Ents #1-2, Balrogs #1-5, and Treebeard. Yoda, known for his wisdom and his natural height fitting perfectly into the team’s name, takes charge of his group of misunderstood shorties and retaliates with Luminara, Barriss, and Darth Maul to tear things up with their flashy sticks. Maul, from a distance, tosses his double edged saber like a badass slicing up Ents #1-2. Treebeard is infuriated with the loss of his ancient buds, takes one fell sweep and kicks Barriss into a cement wall, instantly smashing her skull. Luminara, unfazed by the loss of her padawan since she was accepting to lose her before she even got her, makes way towards the Balrogs. They are mighty foes, but nowhere in size comparison to the mighty Balrog of Moria (which sadly isn’t here today, but we’ll just have to make due). Quick work is made of Balrog #1 and 3-5, but #2 is on his last life and is ready to go in style. He grabs Luminara with his whip, and with his breath of flame, conjures up so much heat inside his body, that he implodes and takes her along with him. Maul is so enraged he didn’t get to kill the two jedis, that, with his Red Lantern Ring, he projects a blast of rage in which Treebeard cannot withstand and it over shoots also taking out Yellow Lantern #2.

Yoda decides to one up this Q guy and sends out Omega Supreme. You don’t even have to see this bad boy to know, he’s one big ass dude just from hearing the name. Unexpected from the midgets, Turrible Decisions sends forth Fortress Maximus. Now this guy’s so big, he has a head for his head. Oh wait...Magneto just came and took all the fun away, crushing the metal beast, Fortress Maximus, to one big clump and throwing him away like the wrapper of a Taco Bell loaded griller. You know Magneto, sometimes you should just let things play out, have a huge guy fight, and it’ll be a cool story, but stopping it before it happens works, too. Deadpool disapproves of this non-cinematic dude and slices his head clean off before he can even react to stop the incoming metal sword.

Hmm, weird, Gotham just happens to be a city on this luxurious playoff planet, how convenient. Now the batmans-batmen? I don’t know which way is correct, but it’s one of them. Now they can have their fun. The Modern Age Batmobile zooms across the streets in search for these other lurking Batmen, I’m gonna go with Batmen, who stalk from the shadows. At the least expected moment, Black Lantern Batman jumps at the Batmobile, but Batman quickly reacts and shoots him out of the air. Black Lantern Batman lose both arms, but regains both due to the power of the ring. Astonished, passengers of the Batmobile don’t notice Vampire Batman sneak behind and drop two grenades obliterating the Batmobile, but of course Batman, Robin, and Alfred escape in a fashionable way. Deadpool approves, that was cinematic. Vampire Batman needs to feed, he’s getting weak, but he doesn’t want to suck the life of his beloved butler. Alfred has had enough, and like the badass he is slices Vampire Batman to shreds. Black Lantern Batman, on the contrary, doesn’t give a crap about his past life before the ring and completely destroys Alfred. With the combined power of Batman and his trustee sidekick Robin, they take down the malevolent being, finally letting him rest.

Let’s take a look to the sky where we see Slave 1 try to hold off Outlaw, Y-1300 Light Freighter, Sith Fighter, and Z-95 Headhunter. Slave 1 is able to take out Z-95 Headhunter, but not long before Outlaw shoots it right out of the sky. As it’s crashing to the ground, it hits Y-1300 Light Freighter and they hit the ground in one big explosion. Achilles, sadly is hit and is instantly burned to the bone and dead. Smaug decides to take a leave from his overly rich mountain to help the Turrible Decisions and takes one big bite of the Sith Fighter, causing a crash landing. Deadpool is loving the action, prefers a bit more swearing and comedy, but is spot on with the violence. Smaug turns to take out the Outlaw, but is stopped in his tracks by James Madison in his AT-RT take shots at the impenetrable scales of the beast. Unfazed by the attack, Smaug takes one deep breath and sends his fiery breath destroying the former president. Han Solo noticed a gap in the scales when Smaug took his deep breath. Being a fast shooter, takes the Outlaw into position and fires. He landed the shot perfectly and the beast explodes from the shot.

Q has had enough of this senseless violence, he has seen all and experienced everything in the universe. He has no motivation to live any longer because there is simply nothing left for hi  to do. So therefore he kills himself, which throws the entire Q Continuum off balance. This off balance created weapons of destruction that could even kill a Q and damaged subspace to the extent of Q no longer having their powers and immortality. This leaves Q2, Lady Q, q, Colonel Q, and Quinn back into mortal forms.

Yoda sees this imbalance, and immediately jumps to his advantage. He sends in Neo, Queen Aga’po, Indigo One, and Sinestro. Neo makes quick time, doing his fun superman thingy. Queen Aga’po and Indigo One get stopped by Star Sapphire and Yellow Lantern #1. Sinestro is cut short by Alan Scott and Guy Gardner. Neo is able to easily take down the 5 remaining Q since they’re mere mortals to The One. Sinestro thinks he can feed off the two Green Lanterns fear to strengthen himself, but the two have too much will for him to conquer. Guy Gardner and Alan Scott work together in the Green Lantern way, and take down the man who followed the wrong path. Unlike her valiant teammates, Star Sapphire is not enough with the help of Yellow Lantern #1 to take down the two purple colored gem wielders. Indigo One and Queen Aga’po over take the weak common and Star Sapphire.

Yoda decides to now send in the rest of the lanterns, unaware what Turrible Decisions has in store. Darth Maul, Indigo One, Queen Aga’po, and Emperor Palpatine travel forward, curious of who is left to greet them. The two Greenies, Alan Scott and Guy Gardner, step forward, closely followed by Batman, Robin, Tom Bombadil, and Spectre. Monk sees Batman come forth and quickly comes to the battlefield to face is enemy. Tom Bombadil starts singing:

“Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!

Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!

Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!.....”

The song conjures forces unknown to the knowledge of lantern bearers. Monk becomes entangled in roots and is strangled to death. A bubble of a vacuum is created around Maul’s head, strippping him of oxygen and soon dies. The two Green Lanterns make a quick attack of the purple gem holders. Caught off guard, Indigo One is taken down with no problem, But Queen Aga’po is too powerful and Guy Gardner’s ring must now find a new host. Before she can take Alan Scott too, the powerful song gathers enough water from the nearby lake and engulfs the Queen, and drowns her. Before the song takes hold of Emperor Palpatine, he tries a Starkiller move, but does not execute perfectly, so instead of surviving, he sends a force blast that vaporizes himself, Tom Bombadil, Alan Scott, James Monroe, and Robin.

Batman is horrified to see his sidekick dead, and becomes a man on a mission. He goes after Neo and outmaneuvers him enough to send a batarang right into his neck, killing the blind God of a human. X-23 is not far behind her teammate and slices Batman in half with her adamantium claw. Deadpool doesn’t like this copycat of Wolverine and decides to finally intervene. In quick movements, the hysterical contract killer cuts X-23’s head clean off, just like he did in the after credits to himself in Deadpool 2.

Spectre, being just an all powerful universe destroyer, as Conner would say, is able to easily take out Omega Supreme and the Outlaw form the sky. All that is left is Spectre and Deadpool versus Yoda and Mr. Mxyzptlk. In a glorious battle, the outcome is Yoda killing Deadpool, Spectre killing Yoda, and Mr Mxyzptlk killing Spectre.

Play-Offs Round 1

Setting: The Play-Off Planet
Points: 750
Prize: A Star Destroyer
Match-ups:

2. Striders of Rohan Vs. 3. Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assasins
-Watcher: Old Man Parks
-Winner faces 1. TEAM


2. The Gender Neutral Group of Misunderstood Little People Vs. 3. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions
-Watcher: Young Zack the Magnificent
-Winner faces 1. The Dramatic Kitten Sisters of Luna

Consolation Round 1: ROYAL RUMBLE

All consolation teams will submit 20 points worth of characters, for a an all out Battle Royal in an over-sized ring surrounded by liquid hot magma.

Squads are required from:
-TEAM
-Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight
-Be Gentle It's My First Time
-Better Than All of You
-George Washington's House Elves
-The Dramatic Kitten Sisters of Luna
-John and Vader's House of Sith Aids
-The Empire

Prize: A Two Seat Y-Wing (to be awarded to 6 of the 12 teams)

TEAM Vs. Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight

TEAM is Grey Jedi Master Josh Houslander, Laya Houslander: Jedi Knight, Alex Houslander: Young Jedi Knight, Scarlet Houslander: Jedi Padawan, and Grayson Houslander: Jedi Youngling, Mike Tyson, Steven Segal, The Rat Pack: Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford, and Joey Bishop, and Dr. Robotnik.

Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are: Snake Eyes and Daredevil.


It was the best party they had ever had at the grand ole Houslander Apartment. Everybody was having a great time. Laya was playing the piano while Josh pretended to know what he was doing on the Mandolin in the background while Frank and Dean serenaded the place. Segal even let his hair down and let Sammy show him some dance moves. Old Steve had no idea that a black, Jewish guys could have such skill. Cultural tolerance win for the day!! Alex, Scarlet, Robotnik, and Lawford were engaged in an intense Mario Kart battle, while Grayson was using his super strong arms in an arm wrestling match with Tyson. Joey Bishop was the ref, giving hilarious play by play. A great time was being had by all until they remembered one thing...... They forgot to invite Daredevil and Snake Eyes. Josh swears that he did invite them, they just didn't get the invitation. Or maybe they did get it, but Daredevil didn't see it, and Snake Eyes wouldn't tell him about it (you guys getting these nerd jokes?? Still with me??).

Either way, the duo wasn't happy and burst through the door of the apartment looking for a fight. Segal and Tyson, their fighter instinct taking over, instantly jump into action looking to defend the home. Tyson comes in fast with a hard right hand, connecting on Daredevil, but Daredevil is actually able to take the punch from Tyson and stay on his feet. Matt Murdock then leaps behind Iron Mike, preferring to not stand toe to toe with the champion and wraps his Billy-club-grappling-rope contraption around the neck of Mike and chokes the life out of him. Steven Segal grabs a kitana blade out of the closet and attacks Snake Eyes, Segal is able to hang with the ninja master for a few seconds, but eventually finds himself at the wrong end of The infamous GI Joe blade.

Josh gathers his four kids into Laya and Scarlet's room at the back of the apartment and gives them strict orders. “After I walk out, barricade this door. And if we can't defeat the two Dinomites, then Force leap out of the window and get yourselves to safety. The match doesn't matter. Just save yourselves”. Josh says.

“The match always matters Pops”. Alex replies.

“Just do what you're told Young Jedi” Josh assures his son.

Josh then runs out the door to join the battle in progress.The Rat Pack, who have all pulled old nickel plated revolvers out of their suit coats have kept the Dinomites at bay for a little while Dr. Robotnik begins to convert all of the retro video games, audio equipment, and VHS tapes into the types of weapons of war that keep Beto O Rourke up at night. Daredevil fights off the many mini robot gadgets, while simultaneously dodging bullets from the Rat Pack; but the little robots stop once Snake Eyes, sheaths his sword for a moment and puts a hollow point (err, I mean green laser blast that is safe for children to see) between the eyes of the guy who is not called Eggman, should never be called Eggman, and SHALL NEVER be called Eggman.

Meanwhile, back in the bedroom Laya and Alex are arguing over what they should do, while Scarlet and Grayson, ready to follow their older siblings await a decision. “WE NEED TO WIN THIS MATCH LAYA. IT'S NOT EVEN A RETREAT WEEK”. Says Alex.

“Dad told us what we needed to do. We'll escape out the window and try to get away” Says Laya.

“But Dad always says not to try, but to do”. Grayson chimes in.

The argument continues between Laya and Alex, when Scarlet finally stops them: She says: “Hey Laya, since when do you and Dat ever listen to Daddy anyway”??

With that comment, Laya and Alex both ignite their lightsabers and slice through the barricade that they had made for the door, busting back into the hallway. They get out there to see that Daredevil has single-handedly taken out all of the Rat Pack (their aim with those revolvers kinda sucked and not one of them brought a speed-changer). On the other side of the living room Josh and Snake Eyes are engaged in a pitched sword battle, with the well-forged blade of Snake Eyes actually staying in tact while parrying the lightsaber swings from Josh. But once Daredevil diverts his attention to that battle Josh cannot focus his attention where it fully needed to be. Daredevil knocks the Purple Lightsaber from the left hand of Josh with his weapon and the four Jedi kids enter the room just in time to see Snake Eyes send his blade into the chest of their Dad. Grayson screams “NOOOOO” and lets a slight bit of anger show as he ignites his Double-Bladed lightsaber and rushes at Snake Eyes powered by the strongest legs ever (especially the top part of his legs). Snake Eyes dodges out of the way and attempts to attack Grayson; but Alex is there and blocks the attack with his Blue lightsaber. Snake Eyes goes on the offensive against Alex, but the Young Jedi's flawless Form Three execution calmly blocks every swing of Snake Eyes' blade. Over by the kitchen, Scarlet is leaping around in a flurry of Form Four acrobatic moves, that get the strange weapon of Daredevil tangled and discombobulated. This confusion allows for Laya to hit the Defender/Secret Avenger with a powerful Force push that send him into the wall and knocks several vintage action figures to the ground. Daredevil is exhausted from following Scarlet and has the wind knocked out of him from hitting the wall, when he says: “I wasn't expecting such an attack from those so young”.

“Let's just call it home field advantage” Laya says as she rushes at him with Jedi Speed. In the blink of an eye, faster than Murdock's sixth sense (or is it a fifth sense) can kick in he feels both the white and yellow blades of Laya from the front and the green saber of Scarlet from behind enter his chest.

Snake Eyes remains on the offensive against Alex, over by the entry door when Grayson jumps onto the retro stereo system and from the highground throws his double-bladed lightsaber at Snake Eyes. The GI Joe begins to divert his attention towards the incoming projectile; but before he can even complete his swing, Alex has already taken advantage of the opening and relieved Snake Eyes of his head.

Josh lay dying on the floor as he breaks the fourth wall, going in and out as Grey Jedi Master and Watcher of the League...... With his dying breath he says: “You needed this win kids, good job. I love that you never listen”......

The Striders of Rohan Vs. Be Gentle It's My First TIme

The Striders of Rohan are Wolverine (w/ a red lantern ring), Jedi Master #1, 5-8, Fedayeen #1, and Samwise Gamgee (w/ a blue lantern ring).

Be Gentle It's My First Time is Task Master (w/ a yellow lantern ring) and Gohan.


Josh's apartment is an absolute wreck (I mean, worse than usual). As if four kids wasn't enough to destroy a groudy, Westland apartment try a bunch of super heroes getting rowdy and trying to kill each other. Josh's sick VHS collection, wicked CD collection, and all of the vintage action figures on the wall have been destroyed by this epic close quarters, melee battle between Gentle and The Striders. The monetary loss of all of Josh's belongings is intense and could even be upwards of seven dollars.

The Jedi Masters, whose Force powers are at a maximum as they are all at the end of their lives, which were spent devoted to the Jedi art of The Force lead the attack against Gohan with Blue Lantern Sam and Steve the Fedayeen joining them. Gohan is trying to go Super Saiyan, but he can't because every time he starts to scream, the women in the apartment below start knocking on the door telling him to quiet down. Gohan is able to crack the necks of Sam and Steve though, simply with some swift anime spin kicks, before the Jedi Masters combine and focus their Force powers on Gohan, bringing his power level almost down to zero. But Gohan goes back, trying to pump his power level back up and blows the minds of all the Jedi Masters accept J.M. #1 who draws inward and stay alive. The sole surviving Jedi cuts off the head of the exhausted Gohan, but is then stabbed in the back from the blade of Taskmaster who is about to square off against Wolverine.....

A pitched battle commences as Wolverine with his claws and Taskmaster with his sword move towards each other at breakneck speed. At first Wolverine is on the offensive, but Taskmaster quickly adapts and perfects Logan's technique and turns the tides. Taskmaster has a few scratches on him, but has landed several blows on Wolverine that would debilitate a normal combatant. Wolvie on the other hand barely seems slowed by them though. Taskmaster goes in for a killing blow headshot, but Wolverine manages to use his samurai training, rather than his typical brawling technique to partially duck out of the way just in time. Wolverine, then takes advantage of the over-zealous attack and delivers his claws into the under-side of Taskmaster's chin. Up close and personal now, Wolverine whispers: “Decent copycat, but there is only one guy who is the best at what I do, Bub”......

Season X Week 9: Tiny Deranged Lesbian Midgets vs. Vader's Sith Aids

Midgets are: X-23,  Walker Texas Ranger (w/ Blue Lightsaber)

Sith Aids are: Darth Vader (w/ Red Lantern Ring)

The three combatants are dropped into the match at the same moment and immediately Walker and Vader begin to duel with their lightsabers. X-23 tries to bum rush the Sith lord but Vader uses the force to pull all the VHS tapes out of every nook and cranny of the apartment and send them back at the superhero like a shotgun blast of outdated technology. She lies on the ground stunned for a moment.

The duel continues and although Superman wears Chuck Norris PJs to bed, the dark one is not swayed by internet meme magic no matter how many fists come out of his beard. Walker is clearly out dueled and knows this will not last long. His saber is flung from his hand with the stronger swipe from Vader. Walker quickly draws his firearm and aims for the eye in Vader's helmet, assuming it is the weak point. Using his red lantern ring he is able to hold Walker in a construct of a fist. A fist even bigger than his 501 Vader's Fist cosplay nerds are douchey.

"If you strike me down, I shall beco--" moans Walker as Vader crushes him to death within the construct.

"Yeah, I heard that one before" Vader grumbles.

Jumping in on the attack as Walker dies is X-23 with the dropped lightsaber trying to take advantage of the distraction. Vader is quick to feel the shift in the force and grabs her by the left arm holding the saber just as she tries to land the killing blow. She gargles for breath as Vader's force chokes her and she can feel her chest fight for air that isn't coming. In a fight for life, the lightsaber drops from her outstretched arm.

Vader begins to say something witty but before he can, the falling lightsaber is grabbed by X-23's free hand and ignites through his torso.

Season 10, Week 9: Better Than All Of You vs. Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins

Better Than All Of You are: Black Panther, Shuri, Okoye, Nakia, M’Baku, Hulk Hogan, and Predators #13-15

Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins are: Spider Woman, Ethan Hunt w/ Indigo Lantern Ring, and Elves #1-4


Finally, after ten long seasons of Fantasy Fantasy action, it comes to this. It is, perhaps, the most pivotal match in the history of this great League. Two teams, one apartment, and no time for losers. Who will walk away as the undisputed champions of Season X? Who will be dragged away in several Hefty trash bags, guaranteed to contain blood and viscera better than store brand?

Outside the door to Josh’s apartment, Better Than All Of You plans their grand entrance. Black Panther holds an ear to the wall. “Do you hear anything, brother?” asks Shuri. “It sounds like… television. Television and girlish sobbing?” M’Baku raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “Are you certain you’ve got the right apartment, T’Challa?” A geriatric Hulk Hogan shoves his way past the Wakandans and invisible space monsters on his team. “Well I’ll tell you what I hear, BROTHER. I hear a grown man dressed as a kitty cat is pussyfooting around in the hallway, and HULKAMANIA don’t feel like running MILD today!” With his expertise in WWE breakaway prop doors, Hogan throws his weight into the apartment door. He crashes to the ground along with it, writhing in pain as his brittle hip shatters. T’Challa and Okoye are the first through the door, fighting stances ready for whatever dastardly trap the Assassins have prepared.

Earlier, Spider-Woman and Ethan Hunt sat down on the couch in front of the TV. One Elf stood beside the screen, two more at the end of the hallway, and one by the dining table. Spider-Woman flipped through channels before settling on one. “Here we go, The Notebook. Have you seen this one? It should be perfect.” Ethan looked deeply uncomfortable. “I don’t know, Jessica, are you sure about this? Is there even a motorcycle chase, or any explosions? It seems kinda gay. I’m not gay, I swear to you, I love women. Your uh… your butt is totally more rockin’ than a man’s chiseled, muscular- I’M NOT GAY!” She laid a hand on his shoulder, her expression one of concerned sympathy. “Of course not, Tom- er, Ethan. You’re a man’s man. Let’s just give this a try, though, that ring might be the strongest thing about our lineup this week.”

As the Betters burst through the door, the Assassins’ Elves let loose with a suppressing fire of arrows. Black Panther and Okoye were prepared, and they knocked away the arrows as they came. Ethan Hunt remained on the couch, weeping openly and hugging a pillow in the fetal position. As Okoye began to move toward the crying man, a sudden surge of fear washed over her. From the ceiling above them, Spider-Woman’s potent pheromones wafted down and hit the nostrils of her enemies as she swooped through the doorway. Nakia and Shuri, frozen in terror, were taken by surprise as Spider-Woman tackled them, each hand delivering a lethal dose of bioelectricity to the two Wakandan women. Enraged, T’Challa dove into the room, fighting solo with the four Elves, as Okoye overcame her fear and joined M’Baku in the hallway. Spider-Woman used her formidable dexterity to the fullest, dodging gorilla-strength fists, spear attacks, and Predator wrist-blades. M’Baku, still under the effects of her pheromones, got caught staring at Spider-Woman’s other formidable assets and was punished by another fatal venom blast. “Ethan! How’s it going in there, buddy?” Between sobs, Ethan cried out to her, “She remembered him, Jessica, she remembered the story in the notebook! Oh god, he just loved her so much!” His ring’s dim glow slowly began to grow in intensity. T’Challa finished off the Elves and joined his team in the hall. Spider-Woman’s luck ran out when one of the Predators fired his net gun, sending her to the floor. Okoye’s spear ran through her throat, and the surviving Wakandans turned to the room to finish off Ethan. As they approached, his bitter bawling reached a crescendo, and his ring glowed with a blinding Indigo light. Fueled by compassion, not only for Ryan Gosling but for the pain of all who were lost in the fight, the ring finally gathered enough power to activate teleportation.

The lava of Mount Doom engulfed the Wakandans and predators, while Ethan Hunt broke down on the rim of the volcano above. “I’M SO SORRY, EVERYONE! Oh, GOD, why do we keep fighting like this?! I just want to be loved the way Noah loved Allie!”

Week 9 Consortium

Week 9 Consortium: George Washington's House Elves Vs. The Dramatic Kitten Sisters of Luna

The House Elves are Thor

The Kittens are Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Baby Ewok #1

Week 9 Democracy: Josh's Apartment

The Empire Vs. Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

The Empire is: The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael, w/ Keno, and Vampire #1-5.

The Turrible Decisions are: White Lantern Kyle Raynor and Jedi Padawan #2-11.

John and Vader's House of Sith Aids vs. Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Sith Aids: Pretender Monsters Chop Shop, Venom, Ransack, Barrage; Deluxe Insecticons Birdbrain, Bristleback, Icepick, Scowl, Slog, Wildfly; Darth Sion, Padawan Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala in AT-RT

Barkley: Smaug, Nazgul #5 on #5’s Mordor Horse, Zufa Cenva, Norma Cenva, Treebeard, Ent#1-3, Entwives #1-2, Batwoman

The Woodland Realm, later known as Northern Mirkwood, is home to the Silvan Elves. It produced the best archer in Fantasy Fantasy history, Legolas. Too bad I was not blessed with the honor of writing him.

Yes, I know there’s archers like Hawkeye who literally can’t miss, but come on, the man is the most graceful specimen ever being able to get on a horse that is at full gallop speed. You can’t top it, you just can’t.

Anyways, do not stray far from the main path, for if you do not know these woods, you will may never find your way. Orcs, Great Spiders, and other savage beings roam these woods, be careful where you step…

Is that Treebeard… and more ents... and their entwives?? I thought they lived in Fangorn, they must’ve gotten lost. They at least finally found the entwives who had to of accidently found their way into the northern woods of Mirkwood where they spent centuries awaiting their ancient husbands to find them. The reunion was cut short by the stench of oiled machinery in the realm of nature. Deluxe Insecticons and Pretender Monsters approached alongside Darth Sion, a child with a lot of midichlorians, and his future love which may have been manipulated, but that’s beside the point.

The happy trees formed a plan with the rest of the Terrible Decisions by Barkley, Norma Cenva leading discussion for her genius nature and ability to see the future. As she looks into the ever changing future, she is weary of what is to come, uncertain that her team can be victorious. Smaug listens from above the treeline, Nazgul #5 is impatient, the ents do not speak for they’d be dead by the time they could finish greetings, Zufa Cenva is proud in her daughter taking charge, and Batwoman pretends to listen as she’ll most likely go on her own path along the shadows.

Sith Aids are in not much better of a situation, with most being unfocused on battle. Anakin is love stricken by Padme, Venom is paranoid someone is trying to overthrow him as leader, Darth Sion is filled with hatred, Chop Shop is scoping out what he can steal, most of the Deluxe Insecticons are worried about their sluggish shells slowing them down, and the rest just want to demolish everything.

Nazgul #5 rushes in on his mordor horse, full charge towards the oncoming transformers completely throwing Norma Cenva’s plan in the trash. Batwoman is not far behind, but in a more secretive way jumping across the treeline, branch to branch. Ransack, being the warrior he is, crushes Nazgul #5 in an instant with legs so powerful, his calves might be bigger than mine. Venom thinks this first kill would put Ransack in power, so he quickly sticks Ransack with his stinger, killing him instantly. Venom believes this can keep in in power for a moment, but is cut short by Zufa Cenva tearing the middle finger looking stinger on Venom’s head and stabbing it in him and Barrage.

Across the trees, Slog, Wildfly, and Icepick are obliterating the forest just so they can destroy something. This clearly infuriates the ents, and they wanna say something about it. As they approach, Ents #2-3 get snapped in half accidently while the pretender monsters are going to work on the forest. Treebeard no longer wants to talk and grabs a large boulder and crushes Icepick.

In the distance, Darth Sion, a sith who deals in absolutes, realizes Chop Shop is trying to steal his lightsaber, so he must be the enemy. Sion picks up the machinery of a being with the force and crushes him in on himself and hurls him across the forest taking out Treebeard and Ent #1.

Meanwhile, Smaug and Zufa Cenva go to work on the rest of the Pretender Monsters. Birdbrain’s defective shell easily succumbs to Smaug’s fire death. Zufa Cenva uses her telekinetic abilities to make Slog cave in on himself and then throw at Bristleback. Smaug scorches both just to be sure. As Zufa Cenva begins work on Padme’s AT-RT, Scowl makes use of his sonic scream and is so loud that Zufa Cenva’s mind implodes, not before the AT-RT is put out of commision, forcing Padme to move on foot. Smaug picks up Scowl with his talons and crushes him within Smaug’s grip. As doing so, Wildfly gets behind and rips the wings off of Smaug. He laughs thinking what he’s done to Smaug is an elaborate joke and does not realize before it’s too late, Smaug in his last moments takes a large bite of Wildfly and brings him crashing to the ground with him.

Anakin is joyous to have Padme off the AT-RT, now he can be real close to her. The sight sickens Sion and in a swoop, slices the future jedi in two. Padme is horrified, but must go on with battle as two entwives approach. With her decent accuracy, she is able to bring down the two with her blaster, but unable to dodge one falling on top of her.

In a final fight between Norma Cenva and Darth Sion, only one can be victorious. Norma Cenva is able to perceive every attack of Sion and is able to dodge every attack of his until he hits a tree, not realizing its path is right into him. Norma Cenva stands the win… is he alive? With my eyes before me, Sion is using his immense amounts of anger and the dark side of the force to will his body back to life. It is cut short by the perfect timing of Batwoman to the rescue, throwing a thermal grenade into his mouth, exploding his face.

George Washington's House Elves Vs. The Empire

George Washington's House Elves are Sgt. Slaughter, Taurus, Red Dog, Mercer, Shaak Ti, SnakeThe Plisken, Orion, Qui Gon Jinn, and Enfys Nest.

The Empire is White Lantern Swamp Thing, Sarumon, Apollo, The Planeteers: Earth, Wind, Water, Fire, and Heart w/ Sachi, Keno, and Bronze Dragon #1-3.


Hey nerds, Pogo here comin atcha from The Woodland Realm of Middle Earth. But I'm not gonna do much talkin tonight, cuz this story kind of tells itself......

Here is a little Situational Preamble to the inevitable battle:

The Empire was nearly broken. Without proper leadership, the team has been plagued with a mix of apathy and anger that has led to a deep polarization of the members. The feeling of exceptionalism that once held The Empire together has been torn apart by the schism of the well-intentioned group that White Lantern Swamp Thing is part of the leadership of. So certain that they believe they know what is best for the greater good and that the views they hold are correct, they have arrogantly labeled themselves as “Right”, some like Sarumon and Apollo, who cling to the old ways of doing things feel that those who aren't completely on board with the new agenda are simply being “Left” behind. Those in the Right and those from the Left are so angered by each other and their inability to see issues differently that the Left and Right segments of The Empire often forget that they are supposed to be on the same side. Even when confronted with imminent danger from a Confederate group of House Elves, led by George Washington himself; a man known for toppling politically corrupt Empires.

White Lantern Swamp Thing and his environmental zealots the Planeteers began as seemingly well-meaning people, wanting to conserve and keep clean the world around them have taken such a hard line stance that people such as Sarumon and Apollo who favor thriving industry and militarism in the name of security cannot possibly find common ground. Dozens of levels of happy medium could potentially be found in-between these two hard line stances but neither side is willing to give an inch in fear that their political opponents will go for the proverbial mile instead. Swamp Thing and the Planeteers remain in one camp enclosure, while Sarumon, Apollo, and their Japanese political ally Keno are the enclosure next to them. The three Bronze Dragons, truly vigilant soldiers of The Empire circle both sites from the air protecting both equally regardless of ideological beliefs.

In the meantime, Sgt. Slaughter has his orders from General Washington himself, to use every guerrilla tactic necessary to destroy The Evil-labeled enemy Empire. With perfect military precision the attack begins. The Jedi Masters hang back waiting for The Force to provide the perfect time for attack. Snake Plisken and Sgt. Slaughter lead the other two mini-squads, one against each of the two encampments. At the exact same time, under the noses of the circling dragons Slaughter and his Renegades bust into the Right Wing encampment, while Plisken, Nest, and Orion break into the Left.

Swamp Thing begins encasing his group with organic protection grown from the woods around him, to provide some cover for the Planeteers who prepare to summon their hero and Social Justice Warrior icon....

EARTH

WIND

WATER

FIRE

HEART

With their powers combined, they form Captain Planet.....

The battle now truly begins, as the Bronze Dragons are alerted to the fighting as well.

The Planeteers accomplish bringing their super-hero friend in just in time, because immediately afterwards, Slaughter, Taurus, Red Dog, and Mercer mow down all five of them with machine gun fire. The Planeteers manage to get out several complaints about how nobody needs an AR-15 with their last breaths, while Sachi the monkey uses sign language to say “I'm comin Harambe”.

The Bronze Dragons swoop down in unison, but the Renegades focus fire on the center and take out Bronze Dragon #2 before the other two dragons swallow Red Dog and Taurus whole. Slaughter and the former Cobra Viper Mercer turn to focus their attacks on the next dragon; but Swamp Thing manages to join the fight by hitting Mercer with a White energy blast, while slaughtering Slaughter with a tree trunk to the face.

Apollo and Orion are locked in a powerhouse small g, big B god Battle, while Keno and Enfys Nest are locked in a Becks-esque pitched battle as well. Sarumon and Snake Plisken was not as even a match though as Sarumon simply motioned his staff towards the ex-con turned hero sending him into an oak tree from the Second Age eye patch first. Apollo and Orion get all mystical and ethereal before they deliver some cosmic, lightning punches into each other's domes until they finally, gracefully, and honorably join each other in death. Keno keeps the fight going with some serious Kung Fu that would make no one wonder why they pulled him out of the Donatello suit and gave him a name; but Enfys Nest comes back with her aggressive, yet skilled style and smokes him in the face with her energy staff.

Capt. Planet joins the scene, flying in fast, flanked by the two remaining Bronze Dragons. Enfys Nest stands ready for their attack, but her defenses are unnecessary as Master Ti and Master Jinn leap out of the woods and attack. Shaak Ti forcefully Force pushes Capt. Power into Dragon #1 knocking them both senseless. Qui Gonn, in unison with his Jedi partner leaps onto the back of Dragon #3 delivering a perfectly placed Lightsaber thrust into the back of the dragon's neck, he then gracefully leaps off the back of the dying dragon and delivers his green saber into the chest of Capt. Planet.

Ti, Jinn, and Nest then join forces and rush Swamp Thing. Swamp Thing stands on the defensive and sends a enveloping sheet of white energy towards the trio from a Far Far away Galaxy. Qui Gon and Shaak Ti ignite their lightsabers and block the blast, but Nest is not so well-equipped and is de-materialized by it. Shaak and Qui dig inward, focusing and combining all of their Force powers through the vehicle of their lightsabers to send the energy back at Swamp Thing, who is surprisingly being overtaken by it; when Sarumon rushes into the scene and delivers a magical blast that throws off the concentration of the Jedi Masters allowing the full power of White Lantern Swamp Thing to obliterate them.

A dazed Swamp Thing looks up to see the outreached hand of Sarumon the White over top of him.

“I thought I alone knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men”...

As Sarumon helps his partner up he responds inquisitively: “An Alliance”??

TEAM Vs. The Striders of Rohan

TEAM is Loki (w/ Scepter and Space Stone), The Collector (w/ Reality Stone), Thanos (w/ Power Stone and Soul Stone), Death Adder, and Death Adder Jr.

The Striders of Rohan are Gandalf the White, Radaghast the Brown, Blue Wizard #1, Legolas of the Woodland Realm, Elrond, Riders of Rohan #1-8, Samwise Gamgee, and Gondor Soldier #1

“Six stones to rule them all, six stones to find them, six stones to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them”.

Thanos admires the tranquility of the Woodland Realm and believes it will be a great place for him to dominate and rule with his particular brand of Iron-Fisted Benevolence that he so excels at. He stares down at his Gauntlet, admiring the Power Stone placed inside it. The Soul Stone is absent, as TEAM has still not decided who to sacrifice in order to obtain it; but Thanos knows that the Power Stone will not be lonely for long. His plan has worked out well so far, as he knows that Loki and The Collector are not long for this league. Thanos purposely places himself behind these two, anticipating their deaths destined to bring him even more power. The two ax-wielders, Death Adder and his son have pledged allegiance to the Mad Titan and faithfully flank him on his left and right ready to defend Thanos with their lives.

In the meantime, not too far away a Fellowship of those ready to defend Middle Earth from being ruled by a Dark Lord of such evil and malice. This last great alliance of Men and Elves marched on Thanos for the whole of Middle Earth....

As the Fellowship of the Gauntlet approaches Thanos looks to his two Golden Axe henchmen and reminds them that “the pawns always move first”. The trio hang back while Loki in all of his mischief emerges from a high tree in the form of a giant serpent. Biting at the throats of two of the Riders of Rohan and sending the Gondor Soldier into a boulder dazing the young man. The eight Riders of Rohan were hand selected because they were the best horsemaster-soldiers that the illustrious warriors of Rohan had to offer. The Gondor Soldier on the other hand had never done much soldiering before today, he was simply the young son of the King of Gondor, who wanted to go but whose life could not be risked in such a dangerous battle. The young man by the name of Doriath was given some armor and the familial sword of paternal lineage and wished the best. As the young man lay there, he watches Loki convert back into human form and dispatch two more Riders of Rohan. The Blue Wizard attempts to cast an ancient spell from the Second Age; but his magic is overpowered by Loki who focuses his power through his Scepter and slices the Blue Wizard in two. Loki turns to face Gandalf; but his power is more established than his blue counterpart. Gandalf calls upon THE FLAME OF ANOR and with his staff and sword Glamdring in hand banishes Loki back to the shadows. The Collector hits Rohan Rider #8 with a cosmic energy blast; but Elrond draws his curved Elven blade and in mid-air relieves The Collector of his head.

Thanos smirks after the events that have just taken place. The smirk then grows larger as the two Infinity Stones owned by Loki and The Collector are telikinetically drawn directly into the Gauntlet of Thanos. Thanos lightly laughs and then looks to his Death Adder henchmen yelling: “ATTACK”.

Thanos does not have immensely high hopes for his henchmen, but is slightly surprised that they are handled so quickly. Gandalf and Radaghast envelop Legolas and Elrond in a magical field that guides both their spinning bodies and the pair of arrows fired by each of them simultaneously. The four magic guided arrows easily find their marks in the four eyes of Death Adder and Death Adder Jr.

But the Gauntlet could not be undone....

Thanos pulls his mighty sword and with the power of the Infinity Stones murders Radaghast the Brown Wizard as if he possessed no more power than a helpless child. The remaining Riders of Rohan rush at Thanos, but are dispatched in one fell swing of his weapon. Elrond valiantly rushes at Thanos, with Samwise the brave following behind him with more courage than a platoon of soldiers. Thanos simply taps the side of his Gauntlet and directs a flurry of cosmic power turning the nearby Elrond and Samwise into dust and knocking the remaining members of The Striders of Rohan Fellowship to the ground. Gandalf and Legolas attempt to get up and regain their composure; but Thanos is marching towards them vigilantly to finish them off. Thanos steps over the dead bodies of both teams menacingly on his way towards the injured Elf and Wizard.

It was at that moment, when all hope was lost, that Doriath: Son of the King took up his Father's sword and in a last ditch swing cut off the Gauntlet of Thanos and restored hope to Middle Earth.....

Sx W8 - Kittens vs Midgets

Kittens are Supergirl, Powergirl, Hades, Dracula, Princess Tomato of the Salad Kingdom, and Gold Dragon #1-3.

Midgets are Larfleeze, Emperor Palpatine w/ Royal Guard #1 & 2, Count Dooku w/ FA-4, Assajj Ventress, Nightsister Acolyte, and Mother Talzin.

Wasting absolutely no time, the Kittens go hard on the offensive by creating a ring of fire around the assembled Midget team who was still strategizing a sound defense. The three dragons along with both cousins of Superman, fly in the air and torch the ground below along with every tree and plant. The midges stay huddled close with the exception of Larfleeze who charges at Powergirl and engages her in battle. Acolyte is able to drop Gold Dragon #3 from the sky using her bow but Supergirl lifts a fallen limb from the ground and fires it back at Nightsister caving her skull in. Mother Talzin fires bolts of green energy from her hands and barely grazes the Kryptonian woman, not nearly enough to kill her but enough to send her into a rage and fly into the circle of flames and beat the Nightsister matriarch to death. Supergirl then turns to face Asajj Ventress as Count Dooku and Emperor Palpatine take on the two remaining dragons.

The two experienced Sith Lords are able to use the force to create a path out of the flames and into the unscorched forest. The two gold dragons give chase and Palpatine and Dooku manage to kill both dragons but not before FA-4 and Royal Guard #2 are destroyed. Dooku, Palp and Royal Guard charge at Dracula who is hiding by a tree afraid of the flames. Dracula grabs Royal Guard #1, kills him and begins to drink his blood while Dooku then quickly avenges his teammate by chopping the head off Dracula. Dooku then gets unexpectedly killed by a pitchfork to the back and just before the invisible Hades is able to strike down the Emperor, the dark side of the force help Palpatine hold his attacker at bay even though he cannot see the greek god. A quick bolt of lightning is able to knock the Help of Darkness from the head of the guardian of the underworld and these two defenders of evil are now staring at each other face to face. Palpatine releases his grip on the immortal god and sends him back home when he cuts both his pitchfork and torso in half in one quick slash of his lightsaber.

Asajj Ventress tries her hardest to keep Supergirl at bay when Powergirl lands by her side drenched in the blood of Larfleeze. Asajj feels the dark side presence when Palpatine joins her by her side. The master and apprentice of Dooku both back up to retreat to a better defensive position when Asajj steps on Princess Tomato and slips into the still burning flames nearby. Both kryptonians seize the opportunity to blast her to death with heat vision.

Not wanting to get his fourth death for his Midget overlord, Emperor Palpatine reluctantly calls for a retreat and is immediately withdrawn from the match causing both Supergirl and Powergirl to sigh a breath of relief.

Week 8 Consortium

Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight Vs. Better Than All of You

The Dinomites are Chief Chirpa, Teebo (w/ a Hammer Bros. Suit), Logray (w/ a Tanooki Suit), Wicket W. Warrick (w/ a Racoon Leaf), Ewok Scout (w/ a Frog Suit), Ewok Warrior, Ewok Elder, Capt. Tarpals (w/ Super Scope 6), Daredevil, Android Human Torch and Toro, Darkseid, Nazgul #8 w/ Mordor Horse, and Tom Brady in The Hulk Buster Iron Man Suit.

Betters are Black Panther, Shuri, Okoye, Nakia, M'Baku, Tatsu, Nemesis Enforcer, Bebop, Rocksteady, Sailor Moon, Nash Bridges, Bruno Samartino, John Rambo, Rocky Balboa, Ray Park, and The Rockers: Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty.

Week 8 Democracy: Ahsoka's Acrobatic Assassins Vs. Be Gentle It's My First Time

The Assassins are Sauron, Galadriel, Aragorn son of Arathorn, Witch King of Angmar with Mordor Horse, Dunadan Ranger Kyle Houslander, and Elves #1-8.

Gentle is Zeus, Hera, 20 Dwarves, Nazgul #6 w/ Fell Beast, 4 Cave Trolls, 5 Evil Wolves, 2 Spinosauruses, 1 T-Rex, Gohan, 4 Decepticons, 5 Transformers, and Wong.

TEAM vs Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins

Ahsoka’s Acrobatic Assassins are: Poggle the Lesser, Sun Fac, Geonosian Spy, Geonosian Drone, Geonosian Soldier, 12 Guardian Knights as Dragonstorm, Ginaz Swordmaster Larry Reamer, Indiana Jones and Henry Jones Sr., Dr Manhattan, Vision, Ajax being assigned a Green Lantern Ring, Franklin Richards, Jason Bourne w/ Green Lantern Ring, Red Lantern Jeff Houslander

TEAM is: Frank Herbert, God Emperor Leto II, Loki (w/Sceptre and Space Stone), The Collector (w/ Reality Stone), Trigon, Titan #1, Duke Leto Atreides, Iron Hide, Duke Nukem, Ultra Magnus, Hammer Bros. #1-10


The Old Man stared out at the vast expanse of the Arrakken landscape for the first time. A world previously restricted to the confines of his imagination, now come to life in front of him. It was hard for him to contain his excitement, his pure joy at seeing his creation in the flesh. He took off his hood, removed the stillsuit catchtube from his nose, and took a deep dry breath of the spice filled air.

“This,” he thought, “is the perfect place to write my new masterpiece.”

The Old Man walked along the shield wall until he found a small recess in the formation. A cave no larger than a small room but big enough to provide shade from the relentless heat of the midday sun and protection from wind-blown sand. He steadied himself against the wall and slowly lowered himself to the ground with a deep sigh. It has been thirty three years since he used this body, so his movements were slow and precise.

Comfortable, he removed his portable typewriter from the protective case he had been carrying. The Old Man reattached the catchtube in his nose and as his fingers found their home again on the keys, the Imperial Basin that lay in front of him was transformed into a battlefield of new characters forced to bend to his will.



The skirmish started small, Geonosians (from that dirty Star Wars, written by that thief Lucas), fired their guns at the attacking Hammer Brothers. Wave after wave of endless hammers barraged the five bugs but they kept firing while jumping and evading. Hammer Brothers 7, 6 and 2 all fell before the first hammer found its mark. Geonosian Spy was first to die followed quickly by Sun Fac who was caught off guard. The fight didn’t last much more than a minute or two but in the end, only Poggle the Lesser remained. His victory was short lived, for as he tried to escape, he found himself soon run over by Iron Hide as he and Ultra Magnus moved in to the next battle.

The two TEAM Transformers show up to a fight already in progress. Duke Nukem and Titans #1&2 are taking on Red Lantern Jeff Houslander, Jason Bourne and Henry Jones Sr and Jr. (they named the dog Indiana). Indiana looks up in time to see his teammate Dragonstorm burning a line in the sand toward him and his fight. Using his whip, he manages to attach himself to the exposed member of Dr. Manhattan who flinches at the pain and lifts Indiana to safety. Dangling safely above, He can only watch as his father and friends are burned alive along with both titans and the bad mouthed video game hero.

Iron Hide and Ultra Magnus arrive to watch as the aforementioned carnage takes place and waste no time firing arm mounted rockets at Dragonstorm. He reacts by arcing its flight path quickly and charging back down toward the duo. Rocket after rocket continue to find their mark but the two find themselves engulfed in flames before the damage can bring down the giant beast. Dragonstorm struggles to maintain balance after the last attack and crashes ungracefully in the sand. Dazed, it barely has time to regain its bearings when its head is impaled by a bolt from Trigon.

The beast falls with a thud and Trigon steps down off its corpse. Vision fires energy blasts from his mind stone as Ajax sends projectiles his way using constructs from his Green Lantern ring. Trigon rips a horn from the head of the fallen Dragonstorm and fires it through the chest of Ajax. Trigon continues toward Vision who tries to slow his progress long enough for Franklin Richards to assist. Vision falls as Trigon commands the air around him to change into cyclone of flames engulfing the hero. Vision’s death is quickly avenged as Franklin Richards takes over the mind of Trigon and sends him through a thousand lifetimes of hell in a single minute, long enough for the unaware Trigon to gouge out his brain through his eye sockets with his bare hands.

Franklin Richards sees a canteen at his feet. Dying of dehydration he pops the cap and consumes the contents.

“Thirsty?” a nearby voice asks.

Richards turns to see The Collector smiling. Richards feels strange and the veins in his skin turn black as the Aether takes control of his body and kills him. He chuckles to himself briefly before the sword of Ginaz Swordsman Larry Reamer is driven into his back and out his chest. The Collector turns around and grabs the noble roofer in a bear hug and falls on him, killing them both, shish-ka-bob style.

“Indiana! Indiana!” Yells Henry Jones, Sr.

Surprised to see his father alive, he drops down off of Dr. Manhattan. (Yes, he was dangling there the entire time.) “How did you survive? I saw you get burnt to a crisp over there!” he says turning and pointing at his father’s corpse. Confused, he slowly turns back around to see a smiling Loki.

“Sorry ol’ Boy” says Loki who then grabs the nearby whip and strangles the professor to death.

Dr. Manhattan upon seeing the shapeshifter change, attempts to destroy the distracted Asgardian but finds himself immobilized. Loki is surprised to see a fully conscious but not moving Dr. Manhattan standing next to him. Confused he looks around to see Duke Leto Atreides and his Grandson God Emperor Leto II standing next to him.

“Finish him off”, The good Duke says. My Grandson’s got him tied up for you.

Controlling the very environment of Arrakis is second nature to the son of Muad’dib. Loki casually unsheathes his sceptre containing the space stone, and taps the Dr on the knee banishing him to another dimension.


The Old Man pulled the final sheet out and stacked them with the others inside his case. He carefully set the typewriter on top of the stack, shut the lid and slowly raised himself back up to stand and looked out over the empty landscape again.

“Perfect... “ he whispers to himself before slowly walking off into the horizon.

The Angry Midgets or Whatever that Long Ass Name Is V. The Dumbest Guy on TNT NBA

The Angry Midgets or Whatever that Long Ass Name Is: Yoda w/ White Lantern Ring, Magneto, Larfleeze, Emperor Palpatine, Royal Guard #1-2, Neo, Allia Atriedes, Stilgar, Gurney Halleck, Achilles, Colonel James Monroe w/ dark saber

Dumbest Guy on TNT NBA: Kwisatz Haderach Duncan Idaho, Paul Atreides, Erasmus in an Ornithopter, Zufa and Norma Cenva, Neo Cymeks #1-10, Jotaro Kujo, Joseph Joestar, Noriaki Kakyoin, Mohammad Avdol, Jean-Pierre Polnareff, and Iggy The Fool, DIO, Oingo, Boingo, Pet Shop, and Hol Horse in a Military Humvee, Balrogs #1-5, Terminators #1-5, The Spectre, Nightcrawler

Alright this match is gonna suck and it’s gonna be short.

So the Midgets are walking down the dessert and Magneto sees some dude from the Renaissance era who is somehow still alive for this in an Ornithopter so he decides to crush the flying device with his magnetic powers killing Erasmus.

Colonel James Monroe sees Duncan Idaho and decides to have an almighty sword battle. Although James Monroe had a dark saber, Duncan Idaho was the superior swordsman and kills James Monroe with a clean dodge of the saber and a stab through the heart of James Monroe with his sword.

I don’t know who DIO and Oingo Boingo and whoever the hell is apart of that group is, but they’re riding in a Humvee that gets blown to a thousand bits by Neo flying right through the Humvee.

Balrogs #1-5 kills Achilles, Allia Atriedes, Stilgar with their flame swords. Emperor Palpatine and Larfleeze kill the other group of anime characters that I don’t really know anything about by shooting a combined energy blasts of lightning from Palpatine and Orange Lantern Ring power from Larfleeze.

Then the Spectre comes behind Palpatine and kills Emperor Palpatine and Neo using God’s vengeance. Magneto then throws Terminators #1-5 at the Spectre, Yoda shoots a white lantern ring energy blasts at the Spectre and Agent Orange shoots an Orange Lantern Ring energy blasts at the Spectre, ultimately killing him.

While Magneto is focusing on the Spectre, Nightcrawler grabs him and teleports him to the edge of a cliff and pushes him off the cliff. Once Nightcrawler teleports back to where the battle is being held, Yoda notices what Nightcrawler had done and vaporizes him with a white lantern ring energy blasts.

Zufa Cenva sees that her team is losing and decides to try and end the battle by letting a huge mental energy discharge. The explosion looked like an explosion from a nuke. Once the sand and dust finally dissipates, all that was left standing was Yoda protecting himself with a shield made by his White Lantern Ring.

Better Than All of You Vs. Be Gentle It's My First Time

Better Than All of You is Decker, Odd Job, Jaws, Doc Brown, Marty Mcfly, Forest Gump, Guns N' Roses (Duff is in a Penguin Suit), John Rambo, Jack Reacher, Sonny, Detective Spooner, Mike Sroka, Laura Sroka, James Sroka, Bryan Beckerman, Fred Baker, Dr. Doom, Shuri, Okoye, Nakio, M' Baku, Agamemnon & Juno, and Red Dragon #3-5.

Be Gentle It's My First Time King Ghodira, Kratos, Sinister Six: Doctor Octopus, Green Goblin, Sandman, Mysterio, Vulture, & Electro, Zeus, Hera, Carnage, Task Master, and Ulysses S. Grant.


Heeeyyaayyyeee it's your favorite Watcher, The Neon Master Pogo here. Ima just hangin out here on Arrakis, livin life, suckin in some stale air, sweating my butt off, and waiting for this match to start.

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Sup guys, Neon Master Pogo here. You guys ready for a wicked awesome match in the desert??

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Word YO!! What is up?? I mean, what is down.... Ha Ha Ha Ha... Get it, what is down?? Let's do this boys, I'm the Neon Master Pogo and we got a great match lined up today....

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Hey, the Pogemeister here, errrrr........................

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Sup guys, I think I might have heat stroke or something. They told me to wear a stillsuit, but I just didn't want to drink my own pee and stuff and now I think I am dehydrated. Not really sure what is going on, but the match is underway. Did any of you bring a Powerade I could steal a swig of??

The Sinister Six was definitely fighting all those dudes whose names I can never remember from The Black Panther movie, who are all dead now, but Green Goblin, Doc Ock, and Mysterio didn't seem to make it out either.

Hey guys, it's YO Fave the Neon Mizzle Po=Pizzle to...........................

Lemme finish this turd before I black out for good.

And some dudes were fighting, and I'm thirsty and they fought and I was like YEAH DUDES. And they was like thanks for watching Pogo and the guy from Blade Runner got dead and Gen. Grant was like all like YO like I am an awesome leader and his people were following him and stuff and I was like yeah, no wonder he won the Civil War and is like the Great great great great great uncle of Josh Houslander who is a total bro. Cuz slavery was bad n' stuff. Kratos killed Guns N' Roses which sucked but at least he put Duff out of his misery, cuz that dude must have been so hot in that Penguin Suit. I'm thirsty. Dr. Doom did something mean to Kratos tho and he ain't even alive anymore. Electro zapped Doom with zappy stuff after that tho. Titan Cymeks be > than old school Titans, who be > than Greek gods, so Agamemnon and Juno killed Zeus and Hera. Task Master and Carnage had gnarly fights with Rambo and Reacher but the Gentles came out on top both times. Sonny and Spooner was like doing stuff to put up a fight and got Odd Job and Jaws and the Dragons to help out but King Ghodira popped in and was all like “RAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR” with his first head and “ROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR” with his other head and “BLAAARRRRRRRRGHHHH” with his other other head and I was like “AHHHHHHHHHHHH” and woke up and was scared and then Ghodira straight up jacked the rest of the the Betters and it was like.......

Heeeeey, y'all Neon Master Pogo here and I'm ready to, hold up these dudes is mostly dead and....

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It's me Pogo and...........

Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight Vs. The Striders of Rohan

Two Hungry Dinomites with Bubble Fightin Fun Down Tight are Axe Cop w/ Wexler, Flute Cop, Uni-Baby, Grey Diamnond, The Best Fairy Ever, & Batwarthogman, Agen Kolar, Eeth Koth, Mon El, Hellas, Durge, Nazgul #8 on his Mordor Horse, Sandtrooper #1-6 on Dewback #1-6, and Wedge Antilles in an Ornithopter.

The Striders of Rohan are Sandworm #19-20, Fremen #1, 5, 7-20, Cyborg Superman, Odin (w/ a White Lantern Ring), Fedayeen #1-5, Violet, Duncan Idaho Ghola #4, Admiral William Kelley and Kraglin in an AT-AT, Jedi Master #5 & 6 in an AT-AT, Jedi Master #7 & 8, in an AT-AT, Black Flash, Circuit Breaker, Kylo Ren (w/ a Red Lantern Ring), Apocalypse, and Xenomorph Alien #1-7.


As Eeth Koth and Agen Kolar pull aside their team's most powerful character Mon El to formulate a plan against a Strider Team with a definite home field advantage, Axe Cop comes into the scene. “Alright Dinomites, I'm in charge here” says Axe Cop commandingly.

Flute Cop chimes in: “Hey boss, it sounds like these two Jedi and the Daxomite had a plan going, we might want to hear them out”.

“Flute Cop, that's a terrible idea. I'm in charge, because I am the one who needs to be charge, mostly because I have the biggest axe. Here's the plan: It's true that the Striders have Sandworms. Sandworms are tough, but I have the secret for killing them. Lucky for us, THE STRIDERS ARE DUMB. And we are going to take advantage of that by chopping their heads off, because they are bad guys and we are good guys. And the job of good guys is to chop the heads off of bad guys. The job of bad guys is to get their head's chopped off by good guys. Mainly, me”.

“So how are we gonna do it boss”?? Asks Grey Diamond.

“I am going to hop on my trusty T-Rex Wexler and fly to the rental planet to get a Sandworm Horn. The Sandworm Horn, will make all of the Sandworms our friends. They will then eat the Striders instead of us. Which is good, because THE STRIDERS ARE DUMB”. Says Axe Cop. Axe Cop continues: “Now, Wexler and I are going to the Sandworm Horn Rental Planet, everybody try not to die before we get back. Once we get back, Wexler will blow on the Sandworm Horn to stop them, and I will chop the heads off of all of the other Striders”. “WEXLER” He screams as his dinosaur rushes on to the scene to pick him up and fly him off of the planet.

On the other side of the Dune, The Fedayeen lead the other Fremen in pulling out their thumpers in an attempt to summon Shai Halud in the form of the mighty Sandworms. The steady beat of the thumpers begin as the Fremen await the massive beasts who are sure to come.

In the meantime, the rest of the Striders have about as much intention of waiting on the Sandworms as the Dinomites do in waiting for Axe Cop and Wexler. So, the brawl begins in the center and most heat-intense area of the Dunes.

Cyborg Superman flies in to the forefront of the battle and is met by Mon El. The smaller and not quite as powerful Mon El holds his own at first in the brawl with C.S.; but the help from Jedi Masters Koth and Kolar can't show up fast enough to aid their partner Mon El. Mon El manages to significantly damage the robot parts of C.S.; but can't finish him. The Cyborg Hank musters his remaining strength, grabs a hold of Mon El and breaks his neck and back over his Kryptonian, metal knee. Cyborg Superman drops the body of Mon El and turns in vicious victory, but is then met by two perfectly placed lightsabers of Koth and Kolar, who finish the job Mon El could not.

Bill Kelley leads his trio of AT-ATs into the Dunes; but unfortunately for them, the AT-AT Killah himself, Wedge Antilles is in an Ornithopter, joined by Grey Diamond and Batwarthogman. Wedge is doing all of the work as Diamond and BWHM eat popcorn and make fart noises with their armpits. All ornithopters on Arrakis are equipped with tow cables for pulling spice harvesters out, so all Wedge has to do is the same move he did on Hoth three times in a row. Wedge takes out Bill and Kraglin's Walker first, and then easily wraps the tow cable around the other two, bringing them down the same way.

Durge engages in a pitched battle (shout out Becks) with Duncan Idaho, while Hellas catches Black Flash with a clothesline that sends him back into the speed force even deader than he was before. Kylo Ren cues the Pokemon music but, it ends up with getting a Morgul Blade to the throat from Nazgul #8. The Xenomorphs leap out of the rock outcropping to the West at Best Fairy Ever and Uni-Baby, but the mayhem that is currently ensuing is made to look like peace and quiet, when all of the sudden two massive Sandworms with Fremen on top controlling them with their Maker Hooks emerge from the Dunes. The battlefield is filled with broken ornithopter parts, massive sandstorms, and not that many dead bodies, because the majority have been consumed by Shai Halud.

Odin, along with Apocalypse, who grabbed Circuit Breaker, feeling bad about what he did to her in the match against The Assassins moved well off into the rock zone to stay safe. They watch, as the worms consume all of The Dinomites in sight. They specifically enjoy the protien filled bodies of the Dewbacks.

The Striders seem victorious as the two Fremen driven Sandworms travel side by side through the Dunes, when Axe Cop and Wexler show up after unfortunately realizing that the Rental shop was sold out of Sandworm Horns. “I WILL CHOP YOUR HEAD'S OFF” Axe Cop screams as he and Wexler land on Sandworm #20 and begin chopping the heads off of the Fremen. In all of the chaos, the other great worm attacks and brings down Worm #20, while consuming Axe Cop and his friend Wexler as well.