Sunday, March 7, 2010

Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Transfoamers

Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Ben Kenobi, Roger Murtaugh, Martin Riggs, Venus & Serena Williams, Mrs. Doubtfire, & Ewok Baby #5.
The Transfoamers are Darth Bane, Odd Job, & Dr. No.
 
Not only does Darth Bane not know or care to know the names of his two teammates, he doesn’t even know what FFL team he is on. The first round draft pick of The (former) Legion of Doom, now known as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad has personally passed down his immense knowledge of the Dark Side to the many Sith Lords on his former team, all so he could be pawned off on some new expansion team for the remainder of his career (for however short that may be). Darth Bane, despite being rewarded with a new yellow power ring, is angrier than he has ever been after what has happened to him, and if there is one certainty in this universe, it is that it is never a good idea to make a Sith Lord angry. The Commandos are all in the back room at Cheers in Boston playing pool when The Transfoamers come rushing in. Lord Bane bursts in first, paying no heed to what his two Bond villain teammates are doing. Darth Bane merely lifts his wrist to completely vaporize Murtaugh and then jumps into action. Riggs pulls out his Beretta 92 and is about to take aim at Dr. No, but before he can The Williams Sisters are already brutally beating him to death with their tennis rackets. Venus and Serena finish off Dr. No but they are then killed themselves by Darth Bane’s amazingly fast moving lightsaber. Bane then blasts Riggs with an amazingly potent blast of Sith Lightning which leaves only a blackened and crisp bodily form burning on the bar carpet. Odd Job throws his hat at Ewok Baby #5 to create the cutest headless thing in the universe while he puts a choke hold on Mrs. Doubtfire which ends in the cracking of the most unfunny neck in movie history. Odd Job is about to catch his killer hat as it boomerangs back to him but he is force pushed into the other side of the room by Master Kenobi. Old Ben and Darth Bane get ready to square off against each other. Lord Bane is certain that his mastery of the force is greater than that of this aged Jedi plus he has the power of his yellow ring to contend with as well. Ben Kenobi may not be the most powerful Jedi in the long history of the order, but in his long career, he has done battle with the best of them and always managed to stay alive. The 2 of them begin lightsaber dueling with Darth Bane going on the offensive and Ben using his Form 3 lightsaber skills to block everything that Bane brings at him. Darth Bane keeps attacking with his lightsaber but at the same time uses his yellow ring to invoke fear in the Jedi Master. The man once known by all as Obi Wan realizes that this yellow ring is the key to what seems like a sure fire victory for the Dark Lord of The Sith. Kenobi knows, like any Jedi that fear is the path to the dark side and he begins to feel this overwhelming fear as he flicks his wrist at just the right time to cut off the right hand of Bane which holds the finger that holds the ring, as well as his crimson lightsaber. Darth Bane falls to his knees in front of Kenobi while the yellow ring hovers next to the 2 force users as if the ring itself is unsure as to who it should latch on to. Lord Bane begins to laugh as this situation unfolds. Kenobi holds his lightsaber ready to strike as Darth Bane taunts him: “Strike me down, Jedi take on the power of this ring and of the dark side and fulfill my legacy of power. Kill me or I’ll kill you. Either way, it is I who is victorious. It is the Dark Side which will be triumphant. I beg you to finish this the only way you can. You cannot escape your destiny. I foresee you will be a powerful Sith Lord, whether it be by my side or in my stead. Or perhaps you would rather die a failure. A useless old man, begotten by the power he has dedicated himself to”. As Obi Wan stands over Darth Bane with the yellow power ring floating over his head he digs deep into his conscious, unable to decide the right path with only the choices that have been laid before him. He knows that even a Jedi as dedicated as he cannot resist the temptations of the Dark Side when they have been thrust upon him in this way, yet he cannot let a monster like Bane continue on existing either. Throughout all his years of collected wisdom Obi Wan simply cannot come to the right answer which is why he lets the force decide. Obi Wan kneels down face to face with the hideous Sith Lord as he throws his lightsaber into the air. The midi chlorians take control of the Jedi weapon and in an attempt to restore the proper balance to the force have the lightsaber cut thru both Kenobi and Bane’s necks before resting on the ground next to the 2 dead bodies. A dizzy and bruised Odd Job is so amazed at what he witnessed that he doesn’t even realize he is the only man left alive in the match.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!

7 comments:

Unknown said...

Hilarious post:D. just like Hannah Montana episodes I am laughing out loud.

Lickolas said...

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of good sense, must never make a Sith Lord angry".

Old Ben said...

It was worth my death and our loss to finally get rid of that arrogant piece of filth once and for all.

Flubber said...

I disagree with your comment about Mrs. Doubtfire's neck.

Bicential Man said...

As do I.

Andrew Martin said...

As do I.

Josh the Commish said...

The Atlas, Heat Axe, & Halberd were given to Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett, & Jason Newsted. James Hetfield got Darth Bane's lightsaber. The Yellow Power Ring was given to Bane's young apprentice Darth Rage. Plus 3 for Hetfield on his own, no extra cost for the other characters or for Metallica as a group.