Season Se7en: Week 2: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions

Charles Barkley's Turrible Decisions: Krakoa, Oceanus, Tethys, Phoenix Force Namor, Beast Boy, Animal Man, Aku, Princess Ariel, Navy SEAL Chief #14, Navy SEAL #46, Navy SEAL #47, Care Becks & Treasure Troll #20.

Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies: Miss Martian, The Wonder Twins: Zan and Jayna, The Shark, Lobo the Duck, Katara (the water bender), Hondo Maclean in Sea Attack, Sly Rax in Piranha, Navy SEAL #28, Dorf, and Ewok #31-34 in a Swift Boat, Navy SEAL #29 and Ewok #29 & 30 in a Hovercraft, Opee Sea Killer #4 & 5, The Lochness Monster, Zombie Godzilla.

Somewhere in the middle of the beautiful waters of Usul, a lonely swift boat floats randomly in the darkness.

Ewok #31: So I've been reading up on Judeo Christian ideals and I think I have a really great idea for a horror/action movie.

Ewok #33: If it has something to do with dog's being alien's then I think you are already late to the party.

Ewok #31: It doesn't and how would that have anything to do with Christianity?

Ewok #33: You know, aliens and stuff like that might prove that god doesn't exist or maybe the dogs are smarter then people. Plus the whole dog being god spelled backwards could have come up at some point.

Ewok #31: No it has nothing to do with the English spelling of God and Dog, something that came literally thousands of years after the concept of God and dogs came about.

Ewok #32: Please tell the story already. I love your stories!

Ewok #31: Okay, so you guys have heard of the concept of Original Sin right?

Ewok #33: Yes I am familiar.

Ewok #32: Is that the story? Because if it is I don't see how you could make a movie out of it. It was more like an open ended question then a story.

Ewok #31: No it wasn't the story. How would that be a story? I was asking you guys because if you didn't understand the concept of Original Sin then I was going to explain them to you.

Ewok #32: That's like when you are a baby and everyone thinks you are annoying so they put you in another room and let you cry until you finally fall asleep right?

Ewok #31: Yes, that is exactly what original sin is. So the story follows this guy who is part of a world that is ruled by Satan. There would probably be a small prologue before the movie talking about how the world welcomed Satan with open arms, living in sin, blah blah blah sort of thing.

Ewok #33: Okay, pretty standard stuff.

Ewok #31: But you get the jist, Satan rules the place and after a while a small group of people realize that Satan can't be defeated. First it just seems like we brought him into power and it is us keeping him in power but after a while it becomes apparent that he is still in power because nobody can defeat him and send him back to hell.

Ewok #32: That reminds me of this time when I was little and this kid took over this fort that my friends and I had made and for the longest time we couldn't get it back and then like one day, his family moved away and we got the fort back.

Ewok #31: So like I was saying, people start to catch on to the fact that Satan cannot be defeated. They send armies after him, they nuke him...

Ewok #33: So it's like Independence Day with Satan?

Ewok #31: No, well maybe a little bit, but then one day this guy who has never bought into any of the religious crap comes up with the idea that maybe nobody on this plane of existence can defeat Satan because everybody here has been striped of Original Sin. So in order for this guy to defeat Satan he has to get his Original Sin back.

Ewok #33: I hope your not thinking what I'm thinking when it comes to how this guy gets his original sin back.

Ewok #31: Why what are you thinking?

Ewok #33: It involves the guy's mother if you get where I'm going.

Ewok #31: Oh god, it does not involve this guy's mother. So what do you think?

Ewok #33: Eh it's not bad, I mean maybe a low grade B movie or something. Not A-list material or anything. You could probably get Erik Estrada or that blonde chick's husband who killed Regis to star in it.

Ewok #31: Well I think we can do better then that. Anyways where are we going?

Ewok #33: I am not sure this Navy Seal guy knows what he's doing.

Ewok #31: I sure hope he does because this is dullsville.

Ewok #33: I know, I am so bored.

Ewok #32: As long as there is Halloween I will never be bored.

Navy SEAL# 28: What are they yammering on about down there?

Dorf: I don't know but it sure is dark out here. I can't see a thing.

Navy SEAL #28: Well when you've been a SEAL as long as me you get used to the dark. It becomes a part of you. It is actually kind of comforting.

Dorf: So you don't mind that we are just floating out here with no chance of survival.

Navy SEAL #28: That is a bulls@$# attitude solider. I will not accept that on my ship.

Dorf: First Mr. SEAL this is not a ship and second we are fighting in the water this week and we did not start any of our Kaiju. I'm not saying giving up, I'm just saying we had a shot to win and we pretty much flushed it down the toilet.

Navy SEAL #28: I will not accept this from a teammate (a noise in the distance gets louder and louder) Shhhh, stop talking.

Dorf: I wasn't, you were yelling at me.

Navy SEAL #28: Yelling? You call that yelling, I can show you yelling.

Phoenix Force Namor: SHUT UPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Namor then flies up on the swift boat and crashes into it. The boat violently turns over, allowing Namor the opportunity to bring the boat along with its crew to the bottom of the ocean, killing them all in the process.

Namor: The idea that creatures of such low breeding should exist makes my skin crawl.

Miss Martian: I completely agree with you, though why you think you are any better is of much more concern to me.

Namor: You must be M'gann, I have heard very little of you and your heritage but from what I am seeing I already have great respect.

Miss Martian: Oh yes, the great Namor. I have heard no women can resist your charms. Luckily I am of another world and doubt they would have little effect on me.

Namor: A challenge issued I see. Well if you can just give me a scant few minutes of your time I would love to test pedestrian ideas of attraction.

Miss Martian: Not being one to allow such an invasion of my penetralia I would usually say no...but for some reason I will give you your time. Please begin.

(On the other side of the sea)

Lobo the Duck: Nice mask a$$hole, did DipS@#$ USA have a sale on Retard Day costumes?

The Shark: Suck it Duck F#@$

Princess Ariel: How about you suck this you Amalgam pieces of s#$#!

The Shark: I'm not Amalgam.

Princess Ariel: Possession is nine tenths of the law.

The Shark: Huh?

Princess Ariel sends a blast of crystallized ice fragments at the two Murderflies, cutting both of their heads off before they even begin to understand the nonsense the Barbarian Princess is spouting at them.

Beast Boy who is in the form of a great white shark swims up to her.

Beast Boy: What the hell were you talking about back there?

Princess Ariel: Absolutely nothing. I generally bring up something nonsensical to somebody before battle as a gauge to how they will be in a fight. Both of them seemed far more interested in trying to figure out my word salad instead of defending themselves, which left them both defenseless. It's a simple tactic that I learned long ago.

Beast Boy: Well okay then. By the way, I'm starving. You see anybody I can eat around here?

Princess Ariel: Um not really. Why don't you check with Namor. I've seen him flying around the place, he might have seen something.

Beast Boy: All right, sounds good. See you around.

Princess Ariel: Take care buddy.

(Near the island of Krakoa)

Care Becks: Why did they put me in charge of this stupid Treasure Troll?

The Treasure Troll just smiles and stares back up at its caretaker.

Care Becks: Though I wonder if anyone would mind if I did a little experiment out here.

Care Becks takes the Treasure Troll and slowly pulls it under the water. The Trolls hair instantly loses its Krameresque form and begins to float along with the current. Care Becks stares at the Trolls face to see if it showing any signs of struggle underneath the water. He waits a good ten minutes before bringing it back up to the surface only to find out that nothing has happened.

Care Becks: Huh, no s#$#, it's still alive. Or maybe (starting to freak out) maybe they are not alive to begin with.

Care Becks then chucks the Troll out into the ocean and watches it float on the surface of the water. The Navy SEAL's who are floating in the water around the island come over to Care Becks to see what the hell is going on.

Navy SEAL #46: What the hell just happened over here?

Care Becks: I got rid of that creepy little s#$#, it's just not natural.

Navy SEAL #47: Did you throw your own teammate into the water?

Care Becks: Yeah, so what. It's not like he'll be dying anytime soon. Did you know those things don't need air to live? I am starting to think they can't be killed. What if they are the most powerful creatures in this entire world? How can we defeat them? I'm freaking the f#$@ out right now man!

Navy SEAL Chief #14: 46, go retrieve that little guy before any more damage is done to him.

NS #46: Yes sir.

As Navy Seal #46 approaches the small troll he notices the water below him darken up a bit. He takes notice and puts his scuba mask on and takes a look down below. It is very dark so he turns on his waterproof flashlight. As he looks around for a moment he thinks he sees a large entanglement of seaweed but before he is able to react he realizes that the darkness isn't seaweed at all, unless of course seaweed on this world comes equipped with a massive pair of jagged teeth.

The Opee Sea Killer (#4) then swims up to the surface and pulls the Navy SEAL (#46) and the Treasure Troll into his mouth, swallowing them whole.

Navy SEAL Chief: Move, Move. We need to get back to land immediately. That thing came up to the surface; our Intel clearly stated they were unable to break the surface.

Navy SEAL #47: They were swallowed whole; they didn't stand a chance out there. How are we going to fair any differently?

Navy SEAL Chief: Just get a move on and stop talking.

Care Becks: On the other hand and maybe this is too soon but I will always have respect for a b#$%& who swallows without having to be asked.

With that both Navy SEAL members and Care Becks slowly attempted to make their way to the island but despite their best attempts, eventually met the same fate as their unfortunate teammates.

(Meanwhile back to the spot with the arrogant ones)

Miss Martian: This is what you call a cigarette?

Namor: It sure is, it goes quite well with the post coital haze.

Miss Martian: Indeed it does. Usually the fire affects me in the most negative way but for some reason I am calm around it right now.

Namor: I suppose you can send your thanks this way.

Miss Martian: My regards indeed, though instead of just sending a thank you I was thinking of sending something much more worthwhile.

Namor: A card would be most unnecessary.

Miss Martian: A card was not what I had in mind.

Namor: Well yes, I suppose that would be...oh lord; you're not affected by fire anymore are you.

Miss Martian sends psionic blast towards Namor, sending him several hundred yards into the distance.

Miss Martian: No I am not. I might just send you a card after all.

Miss Martian then flies over to Namor and begins to beat on him while taking him deeper and deeper into the water. Namor knowing M'gann is reading his thoughts says, "Bring me underwater, not the best move you could have made" to which she replied "Normally I would agree with you but in my case, I believe an exception can me made".

M'gann then invoked her superior telekinetic power over Namor and convinced him that his best chance for survival would be to find the zombified Godzilla and let him devour him. As Namor left to find the great beast, M'gann left to find a fight more worthy of her abilities.

(Underwater battles in progress)

Sly Rax: Come on Opee, give me some help over here.

Both Beast Boy and Animal Man are attacking the small submarine whose armor is quickly being dented to hell.

Sly Rax: Seriously, anyone who can give me a hand here would be nice.

Moments later The Lochness Monster cruises right into the action and takes a huge bite out of Animal Man, mortally wounding the socially conscience superhero.

Beast Boy: Oh eff you Nessie, nobody messes with Buddy without paying the price from me.

As everyone knows in this post Twilight world that we live in, the nickname Nessie no longer holds the same cache as it did before, especially in the eyes of the Lochness Monster. Which in laymen's terms means that the Lochness monster no longer accepts that as his moniker. Given he would have always rather gone by his given name, Gus, but before Stephanie Meyer destroyed any legitimacy that the name held, he could stomach Nessie. Unfortunately for Beast Boy, this was no longer the case.

Beast Boy: Oh that's right Nessie, come to papa.

The fight between the Great White looking Beast Boy and Gus was better then I thought it was going to be, but ultimately the Lochness Monster prevailed.

(Back on the surface)

Hondo: Man I love this boat. Nothing better then this boat. A drink might be better now that I think of it. I wonder if there are any bars in this place.

Just as the thought appeared to him he noticed an island in the distance.

Hondo: Looks like the place to be to me.

Hondo then drove his boat to the island and got out. Once on the island Hondo saw nothing but bikini clad bartenders, serving the best island drinks one could think of. He was having a grand old time hitting on every manner of beautiful woman in sight. This was all naturally in his mind as the island he landed on was Krakoa and was making him believe whatever he wanted to believe was true. Through the islands mutated chemistry, the plants were able to create hallucinations via gases and airborne pheromones.

Hondo: (Grabbing his communicator) Yo Raxy, get your ass up to the surface man. This place is amazing.

Sly Rax: Where the hell are you? Are you in the locker room still?

Hondo: No way man, up on land. They got this bar that (starting to feel lightheaded) that, what was I saying?

Sly Rax: You all right man?

Hondo: Who is this? Where am I?

Sly Rax: You called me, I don't have a clue.

Hondo: Well good then, I'm just going to go to sleep then. Goodnight.

Sly Rax: Hondo. Hondo! Oh crap.

Hondo then lied down on the sandy beach of Krakoa; never to awaken again as the poisoness gases finally settled him down to a peaceful death.

Sly Rax: Okay then, I am guessing heading towards land is not exactly in our best interest. Better stick with Nessie down here and keep a close eye on things.

(Oh look, a battle in progress)

Aku: Oh boy, oh boy, is that all you got?

Katara: Why isn't anything working on you?

Katara then manipulates the water into a massive tidal wave that came crashing down on the shape-shifting villain. The Water came crashing down upon the now massive rock statue standing in the middle of the great body of water.

Aku: Oh yes, poor all over me. The water feels so wonderful on my rock hard skin. OH GOD DO I LOVE BEING ROCK HARD ALL OVER. Please cover the great Aku with your loving water cream.

Katara: Oh dear, my water is having no effect on you. Let's see what you do with the absence of water.

Katara then manipulated the water once more, only this time instead of crashing the water down on him, she took it all away from him.

Aku: I want that water on me. Give me back my water. Though if you won't give me what I want, maybe I will try something of my own.

In an instant the large stone statue vanished. Katara looked around in disbelief. After a moment she brought the water back down to the ocean floor, causing a great crash unlike anything I have ever seen. After about twenty minutes or so the water began to calm down. That was when Katara started to scream. She writhed in agony, not knowing where the pain was coming from. The screaming went on for a while and then all of a sudden it stopped.

Katara kind of just floated in the water for a while, her lifeless body just moving with the flow of the water when out of nowhere, her head burst open from the inside and out came Aku, growing before my very eyes.

Aku: (The water crashing over him) Ah yes, there is my beautiful water.

(Hovercraft Scene: ACTION!)

Navy SEAL #29: Okay you little fur balls, look out for enemy forces.

Princess Ariel sends a light blast towards the hovercraft, destroying it with a single wave of energy.

Princess Ariel: Huh, that was easier then I thought it was going to be.

Miss Martian: That's funny; I was just thinking the same thing about this.

Megan shot a psionic blast at the head of Princess Ariel, knocking her out completely. She then proceeded to drown the princess without a moment of regret or ill thought towards the action.

Zan: That was a tad brutal Jayna don't cha think?

Jayna: I'd agree with you normally Zan but I've been watching a lot of Tarentino lately and I have to admit that the hyper violence is starting to turn me on.

Zan: Well that's nice sis, I mean I guess that's nice.

Jayna: It REALLY gets me off bro. REALLY gets me going if you know what I mean. I'm so wet right now.

Zan: Ummmm

Jayna: You know, cause we're on a water planet right now. HAHAHAHAHAA!!!

Zan: Um. Yeah.

Jayne: It turns me on Zan. All that death. All that blood. It turns me on, almost as much as you do.

Jayna then grabbed her brother and started to violently make out with him. After the initial shock Zan pushed his sister away from him and screamed.

Zan: What is wrong with you sister?

Jayna: Oh Zan, my dear brother. Nothing. What. So. EVERRRRRRR.

As Jayna said Ever, she morphed back into Aku.

Zan: You're not my sister, where is my Jayna?

Aku: Your Jayna, who's the sicko now.

Aku then laughed again and without thought tore a hole right through the Wonder Twin member's larynx. As Zan quickly bled out in the water, he noticed his real sister's lifeless body floating in the body next to him.

(Back to the Island)

All was calm at the island, where the hell is everyone?

(Oh look, it's the Opee Seas Killers)

The Opee Sea Killers swam under the water looking for Godzilla. Once they finally located him they lead him to the living island of Krakoa. Opee Sea Killer #5 stayed with the massive lizard while Opee Sea Killer #4 went to go find the rest of his team.

(Miss Martian is Peeved)

Miss Martian: You've had your fun now have you not Aku.

Aku: Fun, you CALL THAT FUN. Now this my dear, is fun.

Aku then shifted into the same form as M'gann, making it difficult for me to distinguish between the two of them.

(Underwater once more)

Opee Sea Killer #4 reached Gus and Sly, telling them to follow her to the island. Given, Sly had no clue what was going on but since he trusted Gus, he followed along as well.

(Back to the Martians)

One of the Miss Martians has the upper hand but I am not one hundred percent sure who it is. That is until the one on the left seemingly vanished into thin air. I am still not sure what one it is, but I suppose it is possible one of them is dead. For right now, let's say it was the fake Martian who bit it.

(Back at the island)

Godzilla may be dead but damn is he still a bada$$. He had finally come out of the water and is breathing the worst smelling fire-breathe imaginable down on Krakoa. After about a half hour of hell fire, Godzilla held back and stared down at the ash-covered ground that once was the beautiful island of Krakoa. Godzilla continued to mindlessly stare at the burnt island, something that seemed normal to me, as he is a zombie after all.

Then his brown desiccating flesh slowly started to turn into a yellowish orange. This took a while to finally make much of a difference but after several minutes of glowing the flesh started to burn off from the inside out until his entire body was engulfed in flames. Where once the mighty creature stood, now in its place was a thousand foot tall carcass of fire. Once the carcass finally burned out all that was left was a burning bright Namor, full of the Phoenix Force.

(Earlier in the Match)

Namor knowing M'gann is reading his thoughts said, "Bring me underwater, not the best move you could have made" to which she replied "Normally I would agree with you but in my case, I believe an exception can me made".

The Phoenix Force: Clever Miss M'orzz, where shall you bring us next?

M'gann then invoked her superior telekinetic power over Namor and convinced him that his best chance for survival would be to find the zombified Godzilla and let him devour him.

The Phoenix Force: The great beast it is. I shall see this one to the end. To watch everything you have fought for go down in glorious flames.

As Namor left to find the great beast, M'gann left to find a fight more worthy of her abilities.

Only she did not realize that Namor was not the one who was ultimately in charge.

(At long last, the end is nigh)

Miss Martian in the distance watched as the zombified Godzilla burned to a cinder. She left one fight that she thought she had won and headed towards another. As she made her way towards the towering inferno she saw the Phoenix engulfed Namor hovering in the center of the burning beast.

Miss Martian: Namor, you found a way to survive after all.

The Phoenix Force: (Laughs) Namor, oh Miss M'orzz, I am so much more then that.

The Phoenix Force then took control of M'gann and sent a blinding pain through her brain, making M'gann grab her head in agony. She screamed and nearly passed out due to the pain; making it impossible for her to access any of her powers. In the end though it was nothing more then her own weakness that undid her, as the barrier she had built up due to her time with Namor finally left her. As she finally lost control of her senses she plummeted down to the water and began to slowly lose her physical form until there was nothing left of her at all.

Sly Rax: Oh crap, I need to get out of here.

Aku: Well not before you give me what I want.

Sly Rax: Where the hell is that coming from.

A Treasure Troll that Sly did not remember being there only moments before began talking to him.

Aku: Do you want to give me what I want!!!

Sly Rax: Ummm, what do you want little guy?

Aku: I WANT WATERRRRRR!!!!!!!

Aku then grew his body ten times the size of the Treasure Troll, bursting the submarine apart, sending Sly down towards a watery grave. As Sly let out his final breathe he saw his remaining teammates heading towards the same fate as himself. The Opee Sea Killers and the Lochness Monster all sank down to the bottom of this endless ocean.

Oceanus: Well sister, I suppose we could have done that from the beginning.

Tethys: Yes brother, but what fun would that have been. I've always been very fond of seeing creatures drown in their natural habitat. Such interesting phenomenon chemistry is. Remove one molecule from the water and it changes everything.

Oceanus: Science, be careful there my dear. A dangerous game indeed you are playing.

Tethys: I know, though it is a dangerous game that we have won.

Oceanus: Indeed it is.

*I borrowed one line of dialogue from Lena Dunham in this match. Thank you very much and I am sorry for that. It just fit so perfectly.