The Royal Highness Vs. Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors

The Royal Highness is The Deep Six: Attuma, Nagal, Orka, Piranha, Sea Urchin, and Tiger Shark, Naga, Princess Ariel, Supergirl (Matrix), and Q-2, Lex Luthor, Ninja Pirate #1-2, Paula Dean, and Doozer #3 in The Lusitania

Mitchy’s Luminous Tentacle Warriors are Poseidon, Triton, Killer Croc, Shark w/ Freakin Laser Beams #1-3, Woodstock, Opee Sea Killer #9, Sharkticon #12, Baxter the Dog, The Monkguin, (Kingdom Come) Menagerie, Toadette, and Navy Sailor #51 w/ a Yoshi Egg.


Sup Biiit&*es it’s the Pogester here coming straight from my living room, with a fresh can of Busch Signature (it’s called quality “G”). We got a pretty sweet match-up for ya today with two pretty wicked awesome water squads (to be honest I kinda prefer the slam dunks (less work) but Ol’ Joshatu the Prima Donna got that one this week, so I’m stuck with this tough one (bummer)). So I’m just going to kind of observe this one from my nifty little Subterranean Caladanian Submarine… Oh wait, I already said I was in my living room didn’t I?? Screw it, I’m just gonna write this thing already.

While most of The Tentacle Warriors Squad is deep below the surface, preparing for battle, Baxter the Dog, The Mighty Monkguin (mascot of the amazing Detroit Groudy Radio), Toadette, and Navy Sailor #51 (riding on his freshly hatched Yoshi (it grew to full size once it quickly ate five fish), are swimming on the top of the gorgeous Caladan waters where a casual conversation erupts. “Dudes, this is a pretty sweet water squad” says Toadette to the rest of the crew. The Monkguin responds with: “Yeah, dude it is pretty rad but we shouldn’t be too cocky. We are about to go up against The Highness. They are the conference champions from last year, and they won the optional tournament during the off-season. Plus, you know they brought the pain after their loss to the WASH-UPS last week”. “You mean TEAM right”? Says Toadette. “Everybody knows what I mean” says The Monkguin.

As this conversation ends and the match begins, everything gets jacked up RIGHT Away. Poseidon decides to throw a monkey wrench into play right off the bat by conjuring up a tidal wave that puts anything in any Russell Crowe movie to shame. The Lusitania instantly capsizes, going under and royally pissing off The Highness. Poseidon’s main objective in this was to take Supergirl and Lex Luthor down into the water and fight them in his own turf; but he finds that Q-2 has blockaded the god of the Sea and is going to make it so he has to go through the Q Continuum Member first. The Deep Six stick together to move towards the lesser god of the Sea Triton; but Triton keeps Killer Croc and The Sharks with Freakin Laser Beams close to lend him a hand. Naga swims up to the biggest goober fish he has ever seen, while The Little Mermaid jovially swims toward the not-so-bright Sharkticon #12. The Ninja Pirates scream “ARRGH” as they attempt to commandeer The Navy Sailor’s pet Yoshi out from under him. The Doozer grabs onto the back of Baxter the Dog, more to keep from drowning than to attack, while Menagerie attempts to begin the attack on Supergirl and Lex while his captain Poseidon is dealing with Q-2.

Now that we know who is screwin around with whom, let’s see who wins the skirmishes and get back to watching some March Madness!!...

Q-2 analyzes the situation between the two teams as well as the brain of the brother of Zeus, Poseidon. Q-2 comes to the conclusion that although his advanced brain is more advanced than that of an ancient god; he comes to the logical conclusion that even he cannot stop two sea gods while in the water. The Next Generation version of Q allows his own death once he decides that that should be so. As Poseidon moves towards his original target of Lex and Supergirl, Menagerie has turned into some sort Kraken like monster and managed to swallow Lex whole. The only problem with that was that after he took a punch from Supergirl, it ignited the core reactor in Luthor’s battle suit blowing Menagerie to pieces. But only seconds after this punch, Poseidon swims in at lightning fast speed and attacks Supergirl. The shape-shifting version of Supergirl and Poseidon trade punches in a pitched battle that would have had Becks defecating himself. Supergirl sends an alien kick into Poseidon’s Trident, breaking it in two; but Poseidon rolls with the attack and uses the two broken parts of his weapon to stab Supergirl in the neck finishing her off.

The Deep Six swarm Triton and his gang; but they fight back quicker than poop shooting out of a duck’s butt. Tiger Shark and Piranha team up to eat Shark w/ FLB #2 and find him delicious. Sea Urchin and Orka manage to double team Shark #3 killing him as well, but not before Shark with Freakin Laser Beams #1 & 3 shoot laser beams at Orka to laser him to death with their lasers. Killer Croc has fought Batman, whom people have actually heard of, which means he can make short work Nagal whom nobody has. Triton makes even shorter work of The Deep Six leader Attuma. The half of the Deep Six that are left alive attempt to regroup; but they are no match for the minor god and his homeboys SwFLB #1 and Killer Croc. i.e. The Deep Six get deep sixed (WACKA-WACKA-WACKA said Fozzy).

Ninja Pirate #1 and 2 manage to get the Navy Sailor off of his Yoshi and drown him; but Yoshi is able to get revenge by eating Ninja Pirate #1, before NP #2 sticks his Oriental style Cutlass (No, of course that isn’t a real sword) into Yoshi’s elongated neck.

Baxter the Dog gets Doozer #3 off of his back and then eats him. But then Baxter gets eaten by Paula Dean. WHAT… She was hungry and she was getting sick of fish. This is a water match after all. So, don’t judge… DON’T YOU DARE JUDGE HER!!!!!!

Princess Ariel violently rips the wings off of Woodstock and breaks his neck, right before the Sharkticon in shark mode uses its razor sharp Cybertronian teeth to bite the little mermaid in half.

The Big Goober Fish w/ HUGE-OH-TEETH attempt to grab Naga with his massive sticky tongue, but Naga dodges it. The Opee Sea Killer then swallowed the Mermanus Prince, who then swiftly blasted his way out of the side of the Nubian monster fish. Naga, then used his Set given powers to blast apart Sharkticon #12; but Naga is eventually cornered and then given a watery b(^&(&ch slap from Poseidon and Triton themselves.

It has now been 14 minutes since Paula Dean ate Baxter, so naturally she is starving. She eats the Monkguin next after creating a monkey/penguin sandwich, using two heavily buttered English muffins as the bun. She then ate Toadette by using one of her morel mushroom recipes but the toadstool kingdom chick servant was a bit gamey. It wasn’t until she attempted to take a bite out of Shark w/ FLB #1 that the shark bit back and had the greatest meal of its life. He had never been do stuffed. Unfortunately he didn’t get to enjoy his meal for long after Ninja Pirate #1 makes a last ditch effort to win the match by going ape s*&t on the shark with his sword and underwater shooting black powder revolver. The Ninja Pirate is smiling when Killer Croc bites off his eye-patched head.