Sunday, May 18, 2014

Season 7, Week 9: Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors vs. TEAM

Mitchy's Luminous Tentacle Warriors are: Vampires #91, #92, and #93.

TEAM is: Luuke Skywalker, Trioculous, and Force Adept #5.


   I, Daveatu, knocked on the door of Mitchy's team headquarters. The headquarters, following the infamous Bombing of Week 3 (4/5/14, Never Forget), was now a cardboard and PVC pole replica of the Titans Tower. As such, the first knock went through the door and I let myself in. The place was barren and dark with no Luminous Whatevers to brighten it up. I pulled out my phone and made a call. 

"Mitchell, where the hell are you? Where's your team?" 

"I dragged them down to Roseville with me, there was an emergency."

"What kind of emergency did you need your whole team for?"

"They're starving poor Shaylee! Her parents won't buy her any gluten free vegan options just because she's a jobless bum! I've got the WHOLE team working a protest drum circle on the front lawn. Occupy Shaylee's House!"

Dismayed, I ended the call. I considered sending a Sharknado to eliminate the AWOL team three times, but I got the feeling most of them were put there against their will, and I'd hate to see a good team go down under bad management. So I searched the HQ top to bottom hoping I could find something decent to fill in the gap. Unfortunately nothing decent was around, just three vampires shooting up heroin together. I think they tried to argue against being taken to fight, but like all vampires they were speaking French and their doped-up slurring didn't help much.

   We arrived to the Throne Room to find TEAM already waiting for us. Luuke Skywalker, now sporting a mirror-mirror goatee to distinguish himself from Luke Skywalker, gave a skeptical look as I dropped the limp vamps to the floor. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"Unfortunately, no. Good luck, try not to hurt yourselves."

Luuke, Trioculous, and Force Adept #5 stepped up and killed one vampire each. I shared in their disappointment.

7 comments:

David Parks said...

Tentacle Warriors: All dead.

TEAM: Luuke Skywalker, Trioculous, and Force Adept #5 all survive.

TEAM wins!

Josh the Commish said...

Ha!! Harsh Dave!! But funny. Congrats on The Division TEAM!! Oh, wait... You already did that!!

Josh the Commish said...

This match, clinches who will be in the play-offs, but The Highness Vs. Super Kitties match will determine who plays who. TEAM, Team Sleeping Pussy, Super Kitties, and The Turrible Decisions will for sure all be in the post season, but who will win the other division is unsure.

David Parks said...

Well, I figured if I was saving the roster the harshness had to come in somewhere else. I'm just hoping somebody more dedicated steps up to lead the otherwise great team, sucks seeing it go to waste.

Josh the Commish said...

I just read this match again, and it cracked me up even more than it did the first time!! The French speaking doped up vampires were awesome !!

NFG Mike said...

The FFL Woodchipper would be proud!

NFG Mike said...

The FFL Woodchipper would be proud!