Season 9, Week 7 Match: The Moist Mafia vs. President Barack Obama and Miley Cyrus's Touring Battalion of Commandoes

“Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
I wanna bust that body
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
I wanna bust that body right.”

              -Prince [Batdance]

I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 9, Week 7 Match located in Gotham City. They are as follows:

Mafia: Doomed (Teenage Doomsday), Royal Flush Gang: King, Queen, Ten, Jack and Ace, Jason Todd with canon/armor gun and mithril vest, Mace Windu, Jason Voorhees, Man of Bats, Little Raven, The Huntress, Deadman, Knight, Squire, Jar Jar Binks and Hamburglar.

Commandos: Martian Manhunter, Faora, Human Bomb (9 deaths), Dark Phoenix, Thanos, Bail Organa w/White Lantern Ring (9 deaths), Taylor Swift, Mulder & Scully, Mansquito, Black Dragon #15, Echo (From Dollhouse), Hermione Granger, Destiny's Child (Beyonce, Kelly & Michelle).

Mafia’s locker room. . .

Hamburglar:  Robble.  Robble.

Jason Todd:  You got that spot on, Hamburglar.  This is our town!

Deadman: This is our victory!

Commandos’ locker room. . .

Bail Organa:  We may not have those of the Batverse, but we have a formidable team.

Taylor Swift:  We have bad blood!

Beyonce: They won’t be ready for our jelly!

THE BAT SIGNAL ERUPTS IN THE NIGHT SKY.

Let the match begin. . .

Burnley District of Gotham City- -

Gotham University. . .

Taylor Swift walks through the campus with Dark Phoenix and Destiny’s Child by her side.  The Swift posse is in full form as the beauties stroll down the street with attitude.   They reach the center of the main campus.  The group faces forward and appears to walk in near-slow-motion, a wind blowing through their collective hair.  A gurgling pierces the silence and the group turns in unison to see Kelly looking down at a machete ripping through her chest.  As she slides down the blade and hits the ground, Jason Vorhees is seen ominously unmoving.   Herminone Granger instantly reacts at the death of her teammate.

Granger: Protego Horribilis!

A glittering wave encases the Commando women as the group is enclosed in a charm that will protect them against Vorhees.

Taylor Swift:  Gals!  We have to Shake this off!

Dark Phoenix:  I’ll do the shaking!

Dark Phoenix bursts from the protective bubble and engulfs Vorhees with the Phoenix Force.  Voorhees is incinerated; mere ashes where he once stood.  The protective spell dissipates. 

Granger:  Nice job Jean.

WGTU Radio Station. . .

Talking is heard throughout the station.  A duo of hosts and an engineer banter about nothing in particular.  Mulder and Scully interrupt the program. 

Mulder:  Have you seen an American Indian here?

Radio Host #1:  No, we’ve been enthralled in a conversation with an individual named ‘Bama and his musings.

Scully:  Mulder, it’s no use.  These guys are in their own reality.  A reality where a few dorks create their own Star Wars character who then becomes a pariah and eventually a god of an entire universe. 

Mulder and Scully begin to leave the room when a blood curdling cry is heard.  Man of Bats and Little Raven rush out of the closet together. 

Engineer:  Where did they come from?!?!

Before the South Dakota duo is able to reach the FBI agents from their closeted place of hiding, both Mulder and Scully unload their guns into the two.  Both Man of Bats and Little Raven die with their frenetic bodies becoming a staccato of mayhem as they are riddled with bullets.

Host #2:  Wow, maybe our ratings will go up with this one!

Giordano Botanical Gardens. . .

Jar Jar Binks:  Mesah loves the bugs in gardens. 

Binks’ tongue wraps around a dragon fly and the Gungan swallows it whole.  Mansquito jumps from his place of hiding behind a grove of ferns.

Binks: Too bigsah are you to eat.  But killsyah I will!

Binks catapults over thorny brush and rips off one of the shrub’s limbs.  Binks whips the branch across Mansquito’s body, drawing blood.  Mansquito becomes enraged at being harmed by the ludicrous character and lunges at Binks.  The two tussle, but Mansquito gains the upper hand and rips off Binks’ ears.  Binks screams.  When the Gungan’s mouth is open, Mansquito shoves a tree branch through Binks’ mouth and skull, killing him.

Burnley Freight Yards. . .

Black Dragon #15 flies through the yard and locates its prey.  Mace Windu stands his ground and ignites his lightsaber.  The purple blade deflects the dragon’s acid.  The Jedi then leaps on the freight cases aligned on the ground and manages to reach the top of the dragon.   Windu rides the dragon while the beast attempts to jostle Windu off - to no avail.  Windu plummets his lightsaber into the dragon’s skull, which crashes to the ground.  Windu lands in perfect fashion, straightens his clothing and walks on to the next skirmish.

Von Gruenwald Enterprises. . .

The entire Royal Flush Gang: King, Queen, Ten, Jack and Ace surround the Human Bomb and Echo from Dollhouse.  Ace attempts to pummel Echo, who manages to avoid the beating.  Nonetheless, Echo is killed as he is struck in the heart by the laser beam shot from Jack’s eye. 

King:  You’re not escaping H.B.  Surrender and we’ll make your death swift and painless.

Ten throws her explosive projectiles at the Human Bomb without success of any damage.

Human Bomb:  That was. . .  not impressive Ten.  You want to see a real explosion.

The Human Bomb ignites and explodes, killing both Ten and Jack.  Queen shoots her razors and manages to slice into the Bomb’s uniform, causing small tears which are unnoticed by the Commando.

Human Bomb:  Let’s do this again, only a little more ummph!

Human Bomb ignites and explodes, once again.  The blast radius engulfs the entire building, decimating the remaining Royal Flush Gang.  Much to his dismay though, the Human Bomb realizes that his suit was torn; it is too late to control his power.  The Human Bomb dies with his enemy.    

Gotham Arms Apartments. . .

Doomed faces off against Faora and the Martian Manhunter.  The trio exchange devastating blows upon one another.  Although a teenager, Doomed holds his own against the Kryptonian and her Mars teammate.  Doomed reaches the Manhunter and puts him in a sleeper hold.  J’onzz begins to lose consciousness and Doomed snaps the Commando’s neck.  Faora becomes enraged and eventually gains the upper hand over Doomed.  The Kryptonian has reversed rolls from before now that Doomed is being held in a sleeper hold position.  Faora snaps the neck of Doomed.

Faora:  Payback is a . . .

Deadman enters into Faora’s body and takes control.  Deadman/Faora walks to the lobby and meets Thanos.  Before Deadman can attack through Faora’s body, Thanos manipulates the energy surrounding Deadman/Faora.

Deadman/Faora:  Wait!  I’m still in here!!!

Thanos:  But so is the enemy.

Thanos destroys Deadman, but his teammate Faora with him.

Gotham Mercy General Hospital. . .

Jason Todd utilizes his canon/armor gun against Bail Organa, but without success as Organa’s white lantern ring blocks the gun’s weaponry.  Organa fires a projectile at Todd, whose mithril vest absorbs a majority of the strike.  The Huntress, Knight and Squire join their Gotham brother-in-arms and the four are simply too much for the senator.  Organa dies at the hands of the four, specifically Todd dealing the last blow. 

Old Gotham Subway. . . The Final Stand. . .

Jason Todd with canon/armor gun and mithril vest, Mace Windu, The Huntress, Knight, Squire and Hamburglar face off against Dark Phoenix, Thanos, Taylor Swift, Mulder & Scully, Mansquito, Hermione Granger, Destiny's Child (Beyonce & Michelle).

Mulder:  Scully, look out!

Hamburglar takes a piece of broken rail embedded in the ground and smashes it over the head of Scully.  Scully’s skull makes a crunching sound and the agent falls to the floor. 

Mulder:  Scully!!!!

Mulder again unloads his entire clip, this time into the Hamburglar.  Hamburglar dies with ketchup seeping from the wounds.

The Huntress unleashes a fury of moves and kills Michelle from Destiny’s Child.  Michelle, in her dying breath, looks to Beyonce.

Michelle: I’m gonna lose my breath. . .

Beyonce:  No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beyonce turns around and faces the Huntress. 

Huntress:  Oh please, Bey B.

Huntress kills Beyonce.

 Knight and Squire team up to kill Mansquito, but are killed by Dark Phoenix and Hermione Granger.

Meanwhile, Jason Todd and Mace Windu fight side by side and kill Taylor Swift and Mulder.  The acrobatic moves and weaponry of the caped crusader and Jedi are too much for the simple humans. 

The three remaining members of each team study one another.  The Mafia focuses on the weakest link of the Commando trio and manages to utterly destroy Granger.  It is only a matter of moments though before Dark Phoenix and Thanos do away with Todd, Windu and the Huntress.