John and Vader’s House of Sith Aids is: Movie Galvatron, Nova Prime (w/ Matrix), Dreadwing, Waspinator, Jhiaxus, Aron: The Rogue Watcher, Terminus, The Leader (w/ Red Lightsaber), King Laufey, Vampire Yoda, Kanan Jarrus, Ezra Bridger, Zeb, Sabine Wren, Hera Syndulla, Chopper (c1-10p) (all rebels in The Ghost), Eeth Koth, Anakin Skywalker, Vampire Darth Vader, Starkiller, Star Lord, Groot, Drax the Destroyer, Gamora, Rocket Raccoon (all guardians in Star Lord’s spaceship), “Dutch” Schaefer, George Dilon, Mac Elliot, Billy Sole, Blain Cooper, Rick Hawkins, Jorge “Poncho” Ramirez, King Ghidorah, Frost Giant #1.
Team Sleeping Pussy is: Bizarro Superman, Capt Boomerang, Jonah Hex (w/ YL Ring), Blood Brother (w/ Sirius Black’s wand), Gentleman Ghost, Ultron, Korvac, Dr. Manhattan, D’Spayre, Johnny Bates (Adult Kid Miracleman), Miracle Dog, Psycho Pirate, Baron Mordo, Silk Spectre I (w/ Blue Lightsaber), Silk Spectre II (w/ Blue lightsaber), Rorshach (w/GL ring), Planetary ( Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer, Abrose Chase), Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Peacemaker, Nightshade, Catman, Sunfire, Toro, Shi’ar Warrior #1.
The Planetary Team is met in the jungle by Billy Sole who is injured on the ground. Elijah Snow begins to laugh at his easy kill when Sole grins and the ambush is on. Dutch Schaefer and the rest of his team opens fire and when the dust settles, only Dutch, Cooper and Poncho Ramirez are left standing. Poncho notices Cooper has been wounded.
Ramirez: You’re bleeding, man. You’re hit.
Cooper: I ain’t got time to bleed.
Ramirez: uhhh. Ok....
At that time they notice the Ghost ship carrying Jarrus, Bridger, Zeb, Wren, Syndulla and Chopper is being attacked by Peacemaker and Toro, who are flying along side the ship and Catman who has sunk his claws into the hull.
Ramirez readies his weapon and looks at Cooper again. “You got time to duck?”
He then fires a grenade at Peacemaker but misses and accidentally hits the ship and clips its wing.
This ship spins out of control and does manage to kill Toro and Peacemaker as it crashes in a fiery ball. Catman was able to jump off in time and landed high in the branches of a nearby tree.
Dutch and his crew survey the damage and kick through the wreckage. The tiny robot Chopper is all that seems to have survived the crash and starts to roll away beeping.
Dutch: GET TO THE CHOPPER!
Dutch runs over and rescues the tiny bot and brings him back to the group.
Cooper: Quiet down, everyone! You guys hear something?
(muffled) rreeeeaaawwww….
Dutch: Yeah, sounds like it’s above us.
They all look up to see a scared Catman, unable to come out of the tree clinging to a limb for dear life.
Dutch: Ha Ha! I got the little pussycat.
He aims his gun into the tree tops when Bizarro Superman swoops by casually and uses his freeze vision to ice them for good. Supes never slows down for the kill, he’s off to fight more admirable foes.
“….meow?...”
The Sith Aids Transformers are having a flesh smashing session in the city center. By the time Bizarro Superman arrives, Psycho Pirate and both Silk Spectre girls lie dead in the street. Johnny Bates tangles with Jhiaxus and dismembers his head from his torso while Korvac is having fun crashing Waspinator into a building repeatedly until he perishes. Dreadwing flies into Baron Mordo just as he was about to target Nova Prime and flies him out of the atmosphere while slowly crushing the life out of him. In his final seconds, Mordo Teleports them both to the surface of the nearest star where they both are incinerated instantly.
Rorshach uses his GL ring deflect the attacks from Galvatron into Nova Prime who stumbles. With Galvatron incapacitated, Ultron uses his energy projection to destroy the Decepticon but is not able to react fast enough as Nova Prime has recovered and crushes Ultron where he stands. Outnumbered by Bizarro, Korvac and Rorshach, who now has Nova restrained, Prime has made his last kill and his spark is extinguished.
In the desert, Eeth Koth, Anakin, Vamp Vader, and Starkiller are walking and sweating their balls off.
Koth: I’m glad you are both here, I have some questions for you two. So… You are both the same person, technically, right?
Anakin: Technically.
Koth: But you are both here at the same time.
Anakin: Yeah, except he is an older dead version of me who likes to drink blood.
Koth: Oh, ok. I guess that makes sense.
The brainstorming session is cut short when Blood Brother and Johnny Bates arrive along with Miracle dog who clamps firmly on the leg of Koth. Bates attacks Koth distracted and breaks his neck and grabs his lightsaber before it can hit the desert sand. Blood Brother sends a killing curse at Vampire Vader with the wand of Sirius Black but it has no effect since he is already dead. Instead he rips off Vaders light bright chest thing and drives the wooden wand into Vader’s non beating heart, killing the vampire. Starkiller is quick to avenge Vader by killing Blood Brother. As he moves to help Anakin (who is getting the better of Bates in a duel) He stabbed through the chest with Vader’s red lightsaber. He turns around long enough to see Gentleman Ghost who was there the whole time. Turning invisible again, Ghost helps out Bates by sacrificing himself so that Adult Kid Miracleman is able to overpower Anakin.
Bates and Miracle dog meet up with a majority of the remaining SP teammates in the (random terrain name here). Star lord and the Guardians land their ship and get to work. Sunfire is blown up first by Rocket Raccoon who also gets Shi’ar warrior #1 in the blast. Killing Raccoons is easy work for Jonah Hex, and he doesn’t even need to use his YL ring. The tiny body of Rocket Raccoon falls to the earth.
Groot: “I”
Gamora kills Nightshade and Johnny Bates kills Gamora by flying her a hundred feet into the air and driving her back into the ground crushing her skull.
Groot: ”AM”
Drax takes his turn at Bates and finally is able to overpower him with help from Star Lord and a well timed knife stab to the eye socket of Adult Kid Miracle Man.
Groot: ”GROOT!”
Star Lord: (looking at Jonah Hex) Now you’ve done it.
Groot runs his branches into every orifice on the body of Jonah Hex and fills his body with his branches. He then rips the bounty hunter apart in a fine red mist.
The three remaining guardians take back off in the ship to join the final fight in the city.
King Laufey and Frost Giant #1 are trying to freeze Rorshach who has hidden himself in a green igloo projected from his ring. Meanwhile Korvac and Dr. Manhattan have folded space and time to create a small black hole that sends whoever enters it to the worst place you can imagine (let me know where that is in the comments! )
D’Spayre cracks the neck of Frost Giant #1 and throws Laufey toward the black hole. The force of the vacuum has its grip on him and he is unable to keep himself in the match. The Ship of the Star Lord sails overhead and Dr. Manhattan thinks about how this is displeasing to him and he dismantles the ship bolt by bolt in midflight. The three Guardians fall to their death. Groot does not die on impact like the others but is burned to ash by Bizarro Superman’s Flame Breath.
The Leader and Vampire Yoda ignite their lightsabers to take on D’Spayre who is joined by Capt Boomerang and Miracle Dog. Yoda cuts down D’Spayre and The Leader is able to stab Capt Boomerang but not before Miracle Dog clamps down on his leg and the Captain’s energy boomerangs double back and cut the head off The Leader. Yoda quickly cuts the head off the mutt, then charges into the fighting.
King Godirah is using his three heads of flame breath to get the better of Bizarro Superman who couldn’t take the heat so he got his ass out the kitchen (aka dead). King Godirah then takes off at Dr. Manhattan who has decided that he has grown bored of seeing the flying beast and shrinks Godirah down to the size of a chihuahua and crushes him between his index and forefinger as he flies past.
Vampire Yoda has finally broken through Rorshach’s green hut defenses and cuts his ring hand off. He then uses the force to throw him into the black hole. Yoda and Terminus then double team Korvac who is not able to defeat them both but is able to send Vampire Yoda to the FFL graveyard. Korvac falls to Terminus who turns to face Dr. Manhattan.
Dr. Manhattan yawns as Terminus does not excite him (and we will all know when that happens). He decides that he would like Terminus better if he replaced all his blood with acid. He does and Dr. Manhattan is mildly amused as Terminus is liquified from the inside out.
Aron, The Rogue Watcher towers over Dr. Manhattan who remains emotionless.
Dr. Manhattan: Dave? What are you doing Dave?
Starchild: Just admiring your work sir.
Dr. Manhattan: We got a big one here, Dave. You want to take this one? I don’t want to have all the fun.
Aron, in all his infinite intellect and powers, has been rendered as useless as a screen door on a submarine. He can only watch as the two superior minds decide his fate.
Starchild: Sure thing, Jon. This could be fun. I think maybe I will take him on an infinite ride through hell.
With the blink of an eye both Aron and the Starchild have vanished into nothing.
Dr. Manhattan walks away alone and victorious. But in the distance, a sound catches his attention and he turns to listen again…
“Meow!”
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