Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. TEAM

The Commandos are Dora, Backpack, Boots, The Map, & Ahmed Best.

TEAM is Mike Sroka.


Mike Sroka (the last time I'm going to use his real name) isn't supposed to be at the battle setting until 6:00 A.M. but he wakes up at 4:00 just to get out their early and get ready. Tim knows that he has the home field advantage and that if he is ever going to get off of TEAM's practice squad and back on the regular "270" than he is going to have to kick some Commando butt today. Dora shows up with her squad at about 5:45 so Paul says "It figures that you guys would send 3 people to try and beat me". Backpack says to Map: "check it out Map, I don't think this guy is counting Ahmed or Boots". Wah Wah WAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhh is the sound that magically comes out of the sky after this knee-slapping comment. As the match begins Steve jumps into the ditch and gets covered in sludge and disgustingness (I know that that is a word cause it took me 2 minutes to make it up). Bry looks up at Ahmed Best and says: "What's wrong Murenthall, you scared to Simm your Mimm"? Ahmed Best than jumps into the rotting leaf infested ditch as well, but Tim rushes at him with his hockey stick and starts saying the following as he is beating Ahmed Best to death (read this part as fast as you can, to get the full effect): "OOOOhhhhhh the bend, Explosive Power! Oh yeah, who's like Tim, I'm like Tim, with the Bryan Murrimm. Tim Tim Tim Simm, Simmellthay, put the puck in the net Paul. I'm gonna win this match like Bryan Muratch. I wanna vent-vent........... vent a drip edge with Tim. What you wanna do? Tim, Paul, Steve, & The Murr are like Crim, Crawl, Creve, & Crurr. Oh you wanna fight, like Ty Domey, I'm like Probert, more like Tim mixed with Probert in a lab like Timmell and Simmellthay and Crimmellcray, with The Bryan MurrAAAy. What? You look like you've never been beaten to death with a Hockey stick before, skating around with the Bryan Murore. Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul". Ahmed Best is now completely dead while Steve is ready to kick the crap of Dora. Dora tries to formulate a plan with Boots and the gang, but before she can, Paul pulls a stick that he rigged up with a tarp covered in leaves underneath Dora and the crew which pulls them all into the ditch. Steve says: "OOOOOhhhhhhhh! You suck Timmette! I run this like Bettman! I'm like Illitch in the lab with Steve and Timmell". Dora says: "What the hell is he talking about Boots"? Boots looks at the camera and says: "What was your favorite nonsense word that our opponent said so far"?................................................(wait for it)...................."me too". Bry says in reply: "you're in my ditch now get ready to face the awesome". Map pops out of Backpack and says: "This guy is as crazy as Bryan Murray, when he traded Tim Cheveldae". Boots looks at Dora and says: "Oh crap Dora, it's spreading already". Dora says: snap out of it Map, just find us a way out of this ditch and we'll go back to the base away from all this free-styling Tim & Paulin". Map says: "What are you talking about? Are you trying to say that that was not the most tragic and trying time of your life. Tim was the greatest goalie in NHL history". Map is then saved from himself as Tim rips right thru him with his hockey stick to kill him. Paul then does the same thing to Backpack. This pulls Dora down further into the muck, where she lies on her back, inadvertantly drowning Back Pack. Steve then tries to kill Boots, but Dora jumps back up and does a flying drop kick which breaks Bry's Hockey stick in half. "I guess our grudge is still on"Tim says as he rushes at Dora weaponless. Paul then grabs an aluminum bat that he hid in the ditch earlier that morning and begins swinging it, but Dora reaches in to the now dead Backpack and pulls out Lazarus Long's Vibroblade, which she keeps for herself and his dart gun which she throws to Boots. "Lets get serious about this Boots" Dora says to her Monkey sidekick. Boots jumps on to Steve's head, but Bry pulls him off like Bryan Muroth. "I'm a Simmin my hay and I'm a gonna go home and eat my best friend a Bryan MurrAAy". Tim says in a whimsical and musical tone as he stomps on Boots with his boots until Boots is nothing but a boot mark. Paul then moves to attack Dora. Steve has rage and momentum on his side; but luckily for Dora, it is in these intense moments that the training kicks in. Dora actually goes under the disgusting water and uses her small frame to swim underneath him (just like she did when she was escaping out of her home country). She attempts to uses her futuristic vibroblade but Steve knocks it out of her hand (like Bryan Murand) breaking her middle 3 fingers in the process. Dora is now weaponless as she tries to escape to the other side of the ditch, but Bry has her just where he wants her. Tim rushes at Dora with his aluminum bat at the ready when all of the sudden, the insanely humongous muscle on Paul's leg explodes, exposing him for only a brief second, which is all Dora needs to Explore her way out of this piece of crap match. She sneaks up behind the CMS victim and cracks his neck with her bare hands. "Simm that Mimm. Crimmellthay". Dora says as she walks away from the cold, damp battlefield.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA'S "BEST OF BOTH WORLDS" TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS IS VICTORIOUS!

5 comments:

Artifact said...

CMS - Gets 'em every time.

Funny match bry. it was like when stevelthay and rim revelrae shot the puck on coffelthey. then they went home and skrimmed their mims while chimming their frim.

Simmell!

-fizzlerae

Lickolas said...

Great stuff Josh, you really captured the insanity of Mike, err, I mean Tim.

Shout out to my girl Dora! From now on I will refer to her as Ms. June.

Ryan said...

I feel sick to my stomach, because I understood EVERY DAMN word in that match. Nice win Nick.

Archr5 said...

Wow.... this was timtastic.

Good job paul.

Anonymous said...

WOW! It was like when Tim meet Paul.