Tuesday, June 23, 2009

THE UNIVERSE BOWL: George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

George Washington’s Slaves are Wedge Antilles & Adm. Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Capt. Kirk in a Tie Fighter, Jason Bourne in a Ferrari F-40, Corbin Dallas & Santa Claus in a Snow Speeder, Agen Kolar, Neo, Amazo, Loki, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #7, Arisia, Yoda, Yoshi, Augustus Cole, Damon Baird, Dominic Santiago, & Marcus Fenix, Ben Skywalker, Bronze Dragon #20, Cade Skywalker, Cassandra Nova, Colossus, Connor McLeod, Cthulu, Jedi Master #1, Dare the Terminator, Darth Plaguis, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Inspector Gadget, Jimmy Neutron, Ki Adi Mundi, King Kong, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Sandworm #15, Shaak Ti, Super Soldier, & T-1000.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Sinestro, The Stunticons: Motor Master, Drag Strip, Dead End, Breakdown, & Wild Rider, Starscream, Sunstorm, Mara Jade in a F-22, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master & R6-03 in a Y-Wing, Saeese Tiin in a Tie Bomber, Plo Koon & Josh Houslander in a Snow Speeder, Stitch in the Blue Falcon, Cable & Charlton Heston in a Stealth Bomber, Havok, The Sentry, Juggernaut, Daken, Phoenix, Venom II, Captain Marvel II, Exitar the Exterminator, The One Above All, Pinhead, Lucius Malfoy, Sheanna, Seaworm #7, Achilles w/ his Myrmidons: Deadly little Miho, Deathstroke, Sabertooth, Taskmaster, & Chris & Julie Artrip (Heston’s in the Stealth).


From High above The Play-Off Planet where I prepare to witness this cataclysmic event I can already feel the tension that these 2 teams, who have proven themselves to be the best in their respective leagues, are emitting. Many fighters on both sides of the battle suited up in preparation today knowing that this would most likely be there very last battle, but everyone of them are prepared to give their all, for their team. As Josh Houslander climbs into the back of Plo Koon’s Rebel Snow Speeder, the Jedi Master asks him how he is feeling. Josh responds with: “Some days I feel like I could take on the whole National League myself”. “I know the feeling” Master Koon responds. Wedge & Ackbar on the other hand are already high above the battlefield as they lead the entire Slave air squadron from the cockpit of the stolen Imperial Shuttle Tyderium codenamed Slave-2 (Slave 1 was taken). Trinity responds over the comlink with “Slave-3 standing by”. Capt. Kirk: “Slave………4…………Standing……by” Corbin Dallas: “Slave-5 standing by”. Jimmy Neutron & Inspector Gadget, from their self constructed heavily armed craft: “Slave-6 standing by”. And even Jason Bourne from the city streets down below in his Ferrari F-40 says: “Slave-7 standing by". Wedge feels great, now that he is back in the cockpit of a ship, as he is still in a state of disbelief after what he saw Yoda do up close to win the League Finals against the Commandos. The Slaves ships stay close and prepare for their air offensive, while The Horsemen ships are a little bit more scattered, as they all have orders to back up different team members. Darkseid laid out part of a battle plan for The Universe Bowl before he died, but it can only be followed so closely without his leadership in the field; which means that Head Coach Hannibal Lectur’s plans will have to be followed more closely, with less mid-match audibles than The Horsemen are used to. Despite their reputation, as the most aggressive team in both leagues, The Horsemen are taken slightly off guard as The Slaves rush in first, as one solid wave. Gen Washington, who made himself famous with his guerilla war tactics, knows that Coach Lectur has read a few books about him, so in an attempt to take The Horsemen off guard he sends his men in first. In the locker room before the battle Coach Washington told his Slaves that if they were going to defeat The Horsemen, it was going to have to be a battle of divide and conquer. He knew casualties could be high with this kind of battle plan, but he then finished his speech off with: “Then again casualties seem to be high, no matter who The Horsemen fight against”. Jason Bourne is racing around the city streets in his Ferrari when he begins being chased by Stitch in the Blue Falcon. Stitch has the speed advantage with his car but as Bourne zips up and down the city roads Stitch is unable to get the F-Zero Grand Prix racer up to its potential speeds. Stitch actually feels great going into this battle, now that he has his leg back, which was shot off by TEAM’s own Seraph during The American League finals. Stitch’s leg is of course back because for the first time in FFL history The Horsemen front office actually decided to Euthanize the alien so they could have him back at his full potential for the Universe Bowl. Jason Bourne, who is in full contact with Wedge & Slave Squadron, jerks his vehicle to the left and rockets down an alley as fast as he can. Bourne then breaks off the passenger side door handle and jams it onto the top of the gas peddle as he aims the car for a building about a half of a mile away. With the car now out in the open Stitch instantly starts to gain on the Ferrari and blasts his futuristic car up to about 400 miles an hour. Bourne then climbs out the window of the car while Jimmy Neutron flies his little bubble ship down above them. Inspector Gadget yells “Go-Go Gadget arms as he sends them down to grab Bourne before the car crashes into the building. Stitch screams something not even remotely sounding like English as The Blue Falcon hits the back of the Ferrari and sends it airborne. Stitch is then killed as The Blue Falcon crashes into the side of another building about a mile away. Yoda, was a little bit disappointed that Gen Washington benched Kybuck; but despite this feeling, he seems to be enjoying riding atop Yoshi just as well. Yoda & Yoshi, race in toward their opponents with a full team of Jedi running behind them. Agen Kolar, Ben & Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti, and Jedi Master #1, along with Ginaz Swordmaster #7 & Duncan Idaho rush toward the evil trio of Pinhead, Lucius Malfoy, & Captain Marvel II (not really sure how Captain Marvel got lumped into “the evil trio”, but I guess sometimes, it is just the company you keep). The Jedi & Ginaz swordmasters work so quickly and as such a great unit, that it is hard to tell that they are actually all independent minded individuals. Duncan Idaho uses his broad sword to take out Malfoy before he can get a single spell off, while Noh Varr takes flight in an attempt to gain an advantage over the 2 Skywalkers. Pinhead mentally swings his chains around to attack the Jedi but they are to fast to catch. Capt. Marvel manages to unload an amazing amount of energy to blast at Ben Skywalker, who attempts to block it with his lightsaber. The Jedi weapon is just simply not thick enough to handle that much energy as Marvel blasts Ben apart. Varr then flies over to attack Cade in the same way, but by the time Marvel moves to attack him Cade has already force leaped into the air and removed Marvel’s head with his lightsaber. Pinhead manipulates his chains to gain a hold over Agen Kolar. It does not take long for the Jedi Master to become overcome with the evil that is within them as he is violently ripped apart by the Cenobite’s power. Although it was not done on purpose, Kolar completely takes one for the team as his struggle took more of the Hellraiser’s power and attention than he is letting on. While Kolar is being killed, the Yoda led Jedis use their lightsabers to finish off Pinhead. When one is gifted with amazing cosmic powers such as myself and my watcher brethren, the world is opened up to amazing new visions, such as the battle I was privileged to witness between Cthulu and the head Celestial The One Above All. From my perspective the amount of wisdom, power, and courage (I don’t know if courage was really the right word, but I didn’t want to pass up a chance to make a Zelda Tri-force reference) that was expelled between these 2 creatures in what you may refer to as a single earth second was amazingly astounding to behold, but to witness it with the untrained eye, it merely looked like these 2 enormous creatures simply moved towards each other and disappeared. Which is basically what happened as The Old One & The One Above All were wiped from this plain of existence to make room for new forms of power and wisdom to grow (or something like that). Sheanna waltzes into the desert area of the Play-Off Planet, knowing what awaits her. As she purposely walks with a distinct rhythm in her feet, Sandworm #15 is drawn to her vibrations. The mighty worm rears up and reaches an amazing standing height, but then just stands there as if he is an audience of 1 to her perfectly performed show. Sheanna has complete control of the Sandworm, who has an indescribable connection to her. The 2 beings just stand there in silence, with a mutual admiration for each other when, the part of the plan that Sheanna is unaware of begins to transpire. With the worm in a semi-vulnerable spot, Darkseid very last plan and order are played out. Both Saeese Tiin in The Tie Bomber & Cable & Chuck in the Stealth Bomber release a plethora of heavy weapons fire, both into the mouth and toward the exposed underbelly of Shai Halud. Had Sheanna known that this was the plan, she may have not been so anxious to go have her meeting with the worm, but as their front office always says: “Every Horseman has a role”. Sheanna is a bit disgusted with the backhanded way that the worm was destroyed, but she knew as well as anybody that if this battle was going to be won that the Slaves worm or worms were going to have to be destroyed. Sheanna wanders the desert, now reeking of the cinnamon smell of mélange that is so pungent coming directly off of the worm. The spice-addicted King Kong is drawn to this aroma which is why he picks up Sheanna as if she is the most delectable smelling snack on the planet, which judging by the look on his face, when he bit her head. He just might have been right. Saeese Tiin and Cable both bank left to head back toward the city, but they don’t notice Delta Squad perched on top of one of the lower skyscrapers in the city area. Fenix orders his men to deploy some land to air missiles to take out the 2 bombers but Master Tiin takes evasive action to avoid the attack. Cable on the other hand is not quick enough to save his ship, but he and Charlie do manage to eject in time. Saeese Tiin is an incredible pilot, but once The Delta Squad continues firing on him he is unable to avoid their close range shots. He too is then forced to eject from the ship before it explodes (more like force leap out of the cockpit). Once down on the ground, the former bomber pilots reunite with each other. Saeese Tiin leads Cable and Charles (he hates it when Cable calls him that) quickly up the stairs of the building where he knows that Delta Squad is hold up before the can take out any more of The Horsemen’s aircraft. Before they open the door to the roof, all 3 Horsemen know that Delta Squad knows that they are coming and are prepared for them (Tiin because he has the force, Cable because he is a mind reader, & of course Heston because he is awesome). Master Tiin uses the force to knock down the door while they take cover on the stairs. Immediately as the door opens Delta Squad opens fire into the stairwell. Cable leads the 3 of them in a standard formation against the squad that not only has better positioning over them, but has them outnumbered as well. Cable uses his futuristic rifle to take out Damon Baird, but The Cole Train puts a bullet between the mutant’s eyes to return the favor. Saeese Tiin ignites his lightsaber and quickly takes out both Augustus Cole and Dominic Santiago, while Chaz throws down a spin move that most men half his age couldn’t pull off and then recovers in time to put 3 rounds from his M-16 into the Delta Squad leader. Saeese Tiin and Chuck Heston both agree that it was down right gnarly working together, but they then decide that it would be best if they split up, so Tiin can regroup with his Jedi Brethren and that Chizzle Hestizzle can go find The Myrmidons. Motor Master and the Stunticons are tearing up the city streets at high speeds when the Optimus Prime look-alike (Motor Master) decides that it is time to merge to form Menasor. Menasor is looking very menacing as Trinity comes flying in, in the Bat-Copter. She takes evasive action as Menasor tries to shoot her down with his Cybertronian lasers when she returns fire from the Bat-Copter. Trinity quickly finds out that the Bat-Copter’s weapons are no match for The Decepticon Gestalt, so she tries out a different course of action. Trinity loops back around Menasor and then jumps out of the vehicle, rolling onto the cement unharmed. The unmanned (sorry unwomanned) Bat-Copter crashes into Menasor and not only breaks the gestalt apart, but also kills both Drag Strip and Dead End in the process. The tiny human does an amazing job evading the attacks of the 3 remaining Stunticons when lucky for her, Optimus Prime shows up to lend a hand. Trinity runs up the side of Breakdown and punches right thru the back oh his neck. She then drops a few Bat-bomb destablilizers down the hole to disable his spark. Motor Master transforms into his truck form and so does Optimus who begins driving right at him. Wild Rider transforms as well into his Ferrari form but Trinity jumps onto the back of him. Motor Master, who is obsessed with destroying Optimus so he can be King of the Road continues the game of chicken which neither of them plan to swerve from. The 2 of them collide head on, but of course it is Motor Master who gets the worst of the collision. As they transform back into robot form Motor Master is pretty banged up while Optimus is basically fine. Trinity climbs inside of Wild Rider and starts ripping out wires to disable the Stunticon which she is successful doing (it is a good thing that she downloaded a program for Decepticon hot-wiring this morning). She then takes control of Wild Rider and crashes him into the head of the slumped over Motor Master, while she jumps out of yet another moving vehicle just in the nick of time. Optimus nods to Trinity as he transforms and rolls out, not knowing that that will be the last time he sees her. Just as Trinity begins to think that she has earned a rest Havok pops out from behind the Decepticon wreckage that were once his teammates and blows her apart. Cassandra Nova attempts to take over the mind of Venom II but before she can do any damage, Rachel Summers breaks apart the mental link, releasing some of the Phoenix force into the mind of Cassandra Nova, which is more than enough to kill her. Mara Jade is having too much trouble keeping up with Starscream and Sunstorm so she breaks off and begins dog-fighting with Corbin Dallas and Santa Claus in Their Snow Speeder. A slightly nervous Santa says: “Ho Ho Ho Corbin, I’m not used to being the co-pilot when we’re in these battles”. Corbin responds with “Hey Santa, I’m on it. Don’t worry, when it comes to flying I’m a very good boy”. They both chuckle at this absolutely hilarious remark (you know, just like all of you readers are right now). Corbin tries to get in behind Mara Jade, but despite having the less maneuverable vehicle, Mara’s piloting skills are superb. She doubles back and then releases 2 missiles which actually just barely nick the Snow Speeder. Corbin is able to crash land the damaged craft in the snow, so they can get out into the cold weather just in time (don’t worry, they’re dressed for it). Colossus tries to stand his ground as Juggernaut runs toward him with Daken close behind to back him up. Juggernaut knocks Colossus to the ground and then tramples over him, but Colossus gets right back up. Colossus picks up a huge random piece of steel, like he always manages to find and hits Juggernaut with it, but it does not seem to have that much effect on him. Daken attacks Colossus from behind, more as a distraction than anything else, so Juggernaut can once again run over Colossus, but this time he stomps on him with all of his might. This fierce attack effects Colossus so severely that it knocks him to the ground in a state of near unconsciousness which causes him to revert back to his human form. Once he is not protected by his organic metal covering Daken is able to use his claws to quickly finish him off. Amazo uses the powers of Juggernaut to easily mow over Venom and kill him, but Exitar grabs a hold of the Android and rips him apart with ease. Exitar then begins moving in toward The Slaves as if it is time for him to single-handedly end this battle when Neo pops out below him and simply raises his right hand into the air. Neo begins to shake uncontrollably but before he falls over from exhaustion, Exitar’s lifeless metal body causes a small tremor as it hits the ground with a thud of scrap metal. Martian Manhunter leads the Motley Crew of T-1000 & Loki into the water, to try and defeat the Sea Worm. Loki creates a large school of fish to distract the Sea Worm and to get it to open its massive mouth. T-1000 then jumps inside of the mouth of the worm and begins to line its stomach with liquid metal. Loki then casts some crazy spell while Martian Manhunter uses his eye beams to attack the worm from a distance. It is hard to tell which one of these attacks were the most successful, or if it was a combination of all 3, but either way the Sea Worm is killed in the process, unfortunately for the Slaves, T-1000 never resurfaced either. Darth Plaguis (hand chosen by George Washington for this job, after last week’s killing of Dave Bowman) is riding on top of Bronze Dragon #20, while he leads Jason Bourne, Connor McLeod, Dare the Terminator, & Duncan Idaho against The Myrmidons. While in the air Supergirl, Superboy, Sinestro, & The Sentry are looking for trouble. Supergirl, never asked for this role but after last week’s death of Darkseid, she is being looked at as the team’s unofficial field general. Superboy busts thru Jimmy Neutron & Inspector Gadget’s ship, killing Inspector Gadget. Neutron’s flying abilities are curtailed, but he does manage to glide to safety. The Sentry does battle with Super Soldier, high above the battlefield, while Supergirl flies in a little lower to attack Loki. Loki should have had an upper hand on Supergirl with all of his magical abilities, but it is hard to use magic when a Kryptonian is bashing in your skull. The Sentry and Super Soldier are wailing on each other with an amazing amount of ferocity when Super Soldier throws his shield at The Sentry. The Sentry dodges the throw and then with amazing speed rushes in and delivers an uppercut to the Superman/Capt. America mix that snaps his vertebrate in 2. Arisia catches Super Soldier’s shield with a large green hand created by her ring and then throws it at The Sentry once again. This time the green energy coated shield does hit The Sentry and send him for a loop. She then uses the power of her green lantern ring to push the shield into The Sentry, actually breaking into his durable skin. Arisia then unleashes the power of her ring into the battle wounded Sentry to finish him off. Arisia then hears another attacker flying up behind her, and without even looking turns and releases more concentrated green energy out of her ring then she ever has before. Arisia shoots with enough power to level just about anyone in the FFL, but unfortunately for her the man behind her was the one she couldn’t hurt. Sinestro, in his yellow suit, coated with yellow energy is unharmed by Arisia’s attacks. Sinestro then takes way to much pleasure, in being the first to take out a green lantern for good. Capt. Kirk is able to take out Plo Koon and Josh in their Snow Speeder, but much like Corbin and Santa Josh and his Jedi pal are able to crash land and get away with minimal injuries. Capt. Kirk is now on a roll as he does the same to Mara Jade. He blasts Mara’s F-22 out of the sky forcing her to parachute into the snow covered artic area of the planet. Once on the ground Mara Jade once again meets up with Corbin Dallas and Santa. Mara Jade force pushes Santa and then uses her blaster rifle to smoke Corbin Dallas like it ain’t no thing. Mara Jade then turns to Santa to light him up like a Christmas Tree as well, but she forgets that she is dealing with the expert. Santa ignites his green bladed lightsaber and stabs Mara Jade in the neck before she can get another shot off (WHAT? You mean you guys don’t remember from last year’s “What went on in the locker room" segment, that Santa was put on the Jedi Council. I mean come on that was a year ago, of course he has his own lightsaber by now). Capt. Kirk goes to engage his next victim but he is no match for Luke in The Y-Wing who blows up Kirk. Kirk is unable to eject out of the cheap Imperial designed ship. Supergirl, Superboy, & Sinestro fly over to take out The Slaves’ big man King Kong, but they are met in the air by Neo. Neo may be extremely worn out from his unusual take out of Exitar but the chosen one still manages to avenge his buddy Arisia and blast right thru Sinestro. Neo goes in for the kill against Superboy next, but before he can, Supergirl grabs a hold of the former member of TEAM and gladly rips off the head of the player who has caused her team so much grief over his 2 year career, which resulted in 2 Universe Bowl appearance (along with Trinity & King Kong). Cade Skywalker, in his mastery of both the light and dark sides of the force has no problem joining Darth Plaguis’ attack on The Myrmidons along with Jimmy Neutron. But on the Myrmidon side Plo Koon and Josh, in his black hospital scrub ninja gear show up to lend a hand to their fellow Horsemen. Martian Manhunter reminds Daken that he sucks by crushing his non-admantium skeleton with his bare hands, but Phoenix shows John Jonnz a new meaning of fire as she unleashes the Phoenix force on him to kill the Martian. Sunstorm lands on the ground and transforms into his robot form to do battle but he is instantly attacked. There is nothing common about the way that Jedi Master #1 & Ginaz Swordmaster #7 rush the much larger Decepticon. The Ancient Ginaz Swordmaster has fought many battle mechs similar to this in the past and new exactly where to hit the Decepticon to do the most possible damage. Jedi Master #1 then put the final touches in when he ran his lightsaber down the entire front of Sunstorm to destroy his spark. Wedge and Ackbar are being chased by Starscream and despite Wedge’s amazing piloting skills (and a little bit of luck), Starscream has still not managed to land any laser blasts on the ship that have gotten thru the ship’s shields. Wedge actually pulls a trick he was going to do when he originally stole The Shuttle Tyderium by beginning the landing cycle to fool Starscream. This actually works as Starscream begins to slow down to break into his robot form and finish them off on the ground. Wedge, while the wings are still being raised up on The Imperial Shuttle, switches all the power from the deflector shields and engines into the lasers so he can blast Starscream and stun him as much as possible. Wedge then quickly reverts back into fly mode, giving Adm. Ackbar just enough time to target Starscream with their proton torpedoes and finish him off. Wedge and Ackbar are feeling pretty good about themselves and their flying ability after taking out the top Decepticon Seeker, but they don’t realize how much trouble they are in until Luke Skywalker and R6-03 come flying in, in their Y-Wing. The Shuttle Tyderium is a much more armored and equipped ship than a little Y-Wing but Luke uses the ships maneuverability and the fact that it still is equipped with several advanced missiles to start doing quite a bit of harm to the last remaining ship in the Slave Squadron. There are very few pilots in the entire galaxy that can even compete with Wedge’s skills, and even less who could say that they are better; but even Wedge (and regrettably Ackbar) would probably admit that Luke Skywalker is one of them. Luke manages to single-handedly take out Shuttle Tyderium in such a speedy fashion, that Wedge and Ackbar barely have enough time to get to the escape pods. Luke is now flying the only ship left in the Universe Bowl, but that does not last long either, as Jimmy Neutron rigs up an Ion Cannon that is barely bigger than a sawed off Shot Gun that is powerful enough to take out Luke’s Y-Wing with little difficulty. Luke has no idea what is going on as he ejects, but poor R6 doesn’t have a chance. Supergirl and Superboy team up on King Kong and take him out pretty quick with a couple of building leveling punches to the neck. Jimmy Neutron pushes a couple of buttons on his Ion Cannon to switch the function but he must have been slippin, to not have known that Chris Artrip had his Niener, otherwise he would have known that he was straight trippin. Fizz then tatters Jimmy’s T-shirt before he caps Neutron in his oversized dome. The remaining 34 combatants (yes it is 17 each) are now packed ridiculously close together on the grassy area of the Play-Off Planet (it is the only area you can go that isn’t totally covered with blood and oil). Luke and Plo Koon ignite their lightsabers and take out both Ginaz Swordsmen #7 & Duncan Idaho with little difficulty. …………..Hey everybody do you remember The Amalgam Universe when they combined Deathstroke and Daredevil and made that dude named Death Devil………….. No, you don’t. Nobody does because it didn’t happen, instead they made a chick named Dare the Terminator who later got killed in The Universe Bowl by A Wakisachi wielding Josh Houslander in Black Hospital Scrubs (recognize). You know, right before Yoda rushed at him and had Yoshi swallow Josh whole. Which prompted Plo Koon to force push Yoshi out from underneath Yoda (he knew he couldn’t force push Yoda). Chris and Julie then rushed Yoshi to avenge Josh, but on the way Santa pulls out a Glock 36 from his sack and yells “Hey Fizz! This was gonna be your Christmas present. “How about I give it to you early”. Santa then unloads all 7 rounds of it into Chris. Heston doesn’t mean to step on his fellow Myrmidon’s toes by avenging her husband for her, but Heston pulls out his Colt .45 and puts a bullet in Santa’s forehead. Charlton, in a very unHeston-like moment then grabs his crotch and yells “That was for Z, you Fat B**&^**d”. Julie is now officially pissed at seeing the death of her husband and brother within minutes of each other which is why she picks up Chris’ sawed off shot gun and opts to not pull the trigger, but to beat Yoshi over the head with it repeatedly. I am pretty sure that by the time she cocked it and unloaded the bullets into Yoshi that he was already dead, but I guess it is better to be safe than sorry. Optimus Prime steps on Julie on the way to his real battle with Juggernaut. They say that Juggernaut cannot be stopped but to me it looked like Optimus Prime was the one that didn’t stop when they hit head on and the Autobot leader kept going. The other thing that made me think this was untrue was that after the collision Juggernaut was dead. Taskmaster is able to duplicate every move that Jason Bourne does to him which begins to become frustrating for Bourne. Bourne would have maybe been able to keep up with Taskmaster’s abilities to instantly take over an opponent’s fighting style, but in the end it was Taskmaster’s superior hand to hand weaponry that did Bourne in, as Taskmaster used his long sword to stab into Bourne’s heart. Shaak Ti quickly avenges her fellow N.L. Final survivor by taking off Taskmaster’s head, while Ki Adi Mundi is right behind her. Jedi Master #1 joins the fight against the Myrmidons but Deathstroke is able to put him away with his ninja sword. Heston is back to his old self again as he sees Wedge and Ackbar trying to shoot Saeese Tiin. Master Tiin is able to deflect the shots with his lightsaber, but before matters get worse Heston takes them both out with his 1911 .45 ACP. Connor McLeod attacks Heston, just assuming that he is an immortal like him. Heston does not have any melee weapons on him but he picks up Josh’s Wakisachi. Heston fights well against Connor, but this style of fighting is not his expertise. Connor McLeod is able to kill Heston by removing his head with his katana. Sabertooth jumps in quickly to avenge his favorite Myrmidon by using his razor sharp claws to cut off McLeod’s head. Luke jumps onto the back of Bronze Dragon #20 and begins lightsaber dueling with Darth Plaguis. Luke is able to kill Lord Plaguis with a quick thrust to his chest and then he pulls the lightsaber out of Plaguis and in one swift motion drives it into the back of The Bronze Dragon’s neck. Ki Adi Mundi & Shaak Ti rush in alongside one another, like they have done so many times in the past. Ki Adi takes out both Deathstroke & Sabertooth as if they were no better fighters than your average battle droid, but Deadly Little Miho comes in with such speed that even Master Mundi’s Jedi reflexes are not fast enough to block the swing of her sword. Achilles rushes in to take out Shaak Ti to finish the duo off. Cade Skywalker squares off against both Saeese Tiin and Plo Koon. The 2 Jedi Masters are confident that if they work together they can take out this mysterious force wielder but they soon find out that they are wrong as Cade Skywalker moves with incredible swiftness to take out them both. Cade Begins to move towards Achilles but before he can Superboy lands on Cade driving him deep into the ground with his feet to kill the force warrior. Luke stands up to lead the charge when Optimus looks over at Yoda and says: “I may not be able to light our darkest hour with the matrix after last week, but we can still make this happen”. Optimus then transforms into his truck form and crashes head on into Luke. The powerful Jedi was about to put up a force barrier but was taken off guard and killed by the Autobot. Optimus then transforms in mid-air and targets Achilles while still in the sky to take out both of The Horsemen’s #1 draft picks within a matter of seconds. It is actually Havok, who puts a stop to Prime’s amazing show by blasting the Transformer with the full force of his plasma blasts. Phoenix begins to unleash the Phoenix force to help out Havok, but Yoda quells the power of the Phoenix before it is released with his force powers, and then finishes off Rachel Summers in her weakened state, but can’t save Prime from Havok in time. Yoda force leaps into the air and lands on Superboy’s back. Superboy struggles to get the little Jedi Master off of him, but it is no use. Yoda is able to relax a spot of Superboy’s temple thru the force and then quickly slide his lightsaber in as if he were just a normal person. Yoda lands on the ground ready to fight, but once he lands he sees something rather strange. He sees Havok shooting his own teammate Supergirl with his plasma blasts. It is not until a couple seconds later that Yoda realizes that Havok’s sun-like powers are actually strengthening the Kryptonian. Yoda stands at the ready with his lightsaber drawn, as the fueled up Supergirl rushes at him. Miho runs behind Supergirl to back her up, with Havok at the ready as well; but they are not needed as Supergirl keeps Yoda’s lightsaber busy with her Heat Vision and then finishes the Jedi Master off with a double handed fist to the top of his head.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!

7 comments:

Ryan said...

Holy shit Chris. That was an amazing battle. I honestly thought you had it all the way up until the end.

Josh, amazing as always. I knew Neo was going to take out Exitar. I just had that feeling.

This victory, however, came with a great price. Charlton Heston and Josh Houslander are two Horsemen that will never be able to be replaced.

Artifact said...

Damn. Hell of a team Ryan. And well written Josh. I especially liked it when I took out Jimmy Neutron. Its kinda funny to have your fantasy self get the final kill on a member of your team.

If I would have won, the paragraph below would have been reserved for good things my team did. Instead, I shall call a couple of them out. Amazo - You must have used up all your amazing in the last two rounds. Oh and Martian Manhunter... c'mon dude. I know Josh HATES you but seriously. This offseason, this is your task: light a match and hold it in your hand for 2 seconds without crying like a bitch.

Optimus Prime - You are my MVP for the Playoffs. No one was better. You are a steward for this team and I am creating a team captain position for next year and you are wearing the "C".

To Julie- Santa really does know what I want for Christmas. Please take note. :)

Finally, The Slaves would also like to recognize the 6 soldiers who made this epic battle their last stand. Some were new additions this year and some have been warriors since the beginning. They all will be missed.

Jedi Master #1
Arisia
Jimmy Neutron
Neo
Trinity
Ki Adi Mundi

Great season everyone!

NL is winning this bitch next year!

-Fizz

Archr5 said...

I am baffled by how Exitar the Exterminator and The One Above All don't cost more.

Amazing team Ryan!

good writing josh!

Lickolas said...

Great stuff Josh, you had me on the edge of my seat and laughing hysterically at the same time. Top notch work.

Chris, I'd like to say that you were robbed but Ryan's team was just damn good. You still put up an amazing fight against him, no one else could have done that well. The NL is proud of you.

Congrats to Ryan on your first championship! Did I call it last November or what!

Also, congrats to Josh, Ryan and Bryan on a fantastic second season. Your matches week in and week out never failed to entertain. I can't wait for the All Star Game and I look forward to seeing everyone at the BBQ.

I would also like to thank the watchers for allowing me to pollute your site with my consolation matches. I look forward to writing those stories every week.

I hope everyone had a great season two and I hope to see everybody back for season three.

Have a great summer!

Artifact said...

Oh yeah, when is the BBQ again? Aug 2nd?

Josh the Commish said...

Congrats to Ryan and to
Chris as well. You both had great teams and you both deserved to win it all. I feel bad for you Chris, you almost made it happen.

Solobeck said...

Congrats to the Horsemen!!!! The trophy belongs in the AL!!!! Slaves valiant fight!