Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. George Washington's Slaves

(Washed-up) Pop-Superstar & (1 term) President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos is Dave Bowman: The Green Lantern Starchild, Numnius, Albus Dumbledore, Agamemnon (w/ a red lantern ring), Juno, Bizarro Superman, The Herculoids: Zandar, Tarra, Dorno, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, & Gleep, Tlaloc, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Parallax, Iorek Byninson, (movie)Devastator: Demolisher, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Rampage, Scavenger, High Tower, & Scrapper, Dex-tar, Zombie Darkseid, Bail Organa in an Ornithopter, & Ahmed Best.

George Washington's Slaves are Amazo, Cade Skywalker, Connor McLeod, Santa Claus (w/ a green lightsaber) & Corbin Dallas (w/ a blue lightsaber) w/ Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, & Blitzen, Dare the Terminator, Darth Plaguis (w/ a red lantern ring), Jason Bourne, Juan Sanchez Villa Lobos Ramirez, Loki, Mr. Miracle, Simon Phoenix, Doppleganger, B'dg, Zillius Zox, Kyle Catarn, Sly Moore, Boga, Buzz-Saw, Piecemeal, Porkins & R2-G1 in an X-Wing, & Dack & R2-G2 in an X-Wing.



Agamemnon lands on the icy Saskatoon ground and thinks to himself that this world is ripe for a takeover. He is already having thoughts of thousands of hethrigir cowering under his giant metal legs just waiting to do his bidding. He finds it strangely fitting that the team he is about to fight already refers to themselves as Slaves. He expresses these thoughts to his mate Juno, who informs him that the match they are about to partake in is a deathmatch and that the enslavement of the other team is not an option. “In order for us to claim victory my companion, we must destroy the other team completely” Juno says to Agamemnon. Agamemnon responds simply with: “Hmm, pity”. If Agamemnon still had a mouth it would surely be smiling as he begins his march toward the Slaves. A few seconds before the shrapnel starts flying he thinks to himself: “Oh well, I guess I’ll have to find some other lesser being to build the statues of me”. Dave Bowman & Numnius fly by Agamemnon & Juno and communicate with them thru some unknown means that they are going to transport to the other side of the fight where they can attack the Slaves from the rear. Numnius mentally says to Juno that they will see them in the middle of the battlefield. Juno replies out loud: “We’ll be waiting for you”. Santa & Corbin are in the sleigh flying high above the icy landscape with Porkins & Dack in their respective X-Wings following in standard attack formation. While down on the ground The Slaves are not as clueless to The Commandos plan as Bowman thinks. They may be surrounded, but they are prepared to take what is destined to be a war of attrition right to the heart of The Commandos, just like the health care bill was stopped by the very Constitution that Washington fought to insure the writing of (Oh, wait... bad example). As the Commandos close in from both sides The Slaves rely on patience. They close in on their protected ground and split their forces in 2. Cade Skywalker volunteers to turn around and face the rear attack while Darth Plaguis holds his ground against the frontal assault. Agamemnon is leading the Commandos larger fighters Juno, The Herculoids, Tlaloc, Rodimus, & the freshly merged Devastator. Bowman on the other hand is leading a crew who may not have the size, but what they lack in mass they surely make up in power. Numnius (she has taken the form of a regular size human today), Dumbledore, Bizarro, Parallax, Iorek, Dex-tar, & Zombie Darkseid are the Commandos coming from behind. Ahmed Best is riding shotgun along with Bail Organa in the Ornithopter which right off the bat attempts to engage Santa in a dogfight. Bail isn’t super familiar with the controls of the Ornithopter, but he takes to them pretty quickly. Ahmed on the other hand was already awesome at sitting in a chair and doing noting. Bail engages the sleigh, but Santa pulls some mad loopy-ti-loop nonsense that practically knocks the hair gel off of Bail & Ahmed’s domes. Santa then allows himself to be put right in the crosshairs of Organa’s side mounted Maula pistols, but he doesn’t realize the trap that he has just been put into. Corbin turns to his homeboy Kringle and says: “Hey St. Nick, what was it that these guys asked for for Christmas again”? Santa replies: “Well, Corbin I’d have to check my list, but I do believe it was some advanced missiles, and they‘ve been very good boys this year”. Just then Santa’s 2 X-Wing wing men blast Bail’s Ornithopter out of the air, before Organa and Best can take the shot. Corbin’s newly forming gut starts to jiggle like a bowl of jelly as he looks at Santa and says: “Hahaaa, those Christmas jokes never get old Santa”. The X-Wings file back in to formation and they get back up to attack speed when Devastator pops out of the ice and bursts into their flight path. Santa takes evasive action and is able to fly under the arm pit of Devastator. Corbin turns his head to see if their rebel buddies made it thru, but he instead sees Devastator knocking the 2 X-Wings out of the air. “Dammit” Santa exclaims. “What a waste of X-Wings. We got Wedge, the best pilot in the damn league sitting on the bench and Washington sends out these 2 clowns to fly behind me”. Corbin shakes his head and adds: “Not to mention Kyle Catarn down on the ground holding his 9 incher and me up here freezin my sack off” (referring of course to Kyle Catarn’s standard sized 9 inch lightsaber and the bag of goodies riding in the sleigh behind them (you perverts)). Cade decides that he is tired of standing around and leads Amazo, Loki, B’dg, Zillius Zox, & Sly Moore against Bowman’s rear attack. Bowman orders his squad to stay together, but with that same impulsive attitude she had in Sister Act, Numnius goes in for the kill. Sly Moore tries to use her mind manipulating abilities to gain an upper hand, but Numnius completely obliterates her with her immense cosmic abilities. Loki appreciates the mischief in Numnius’ direct disobeyance of orders but he still uses his Asgardian magic to turn Numnius’ jumpsuit into a nun’s habit and make her sing a rousing rendition of “My God” before sending her to Tartarus (yes, I know that’s the Hell from Greek Mythology, not Norse Mythology, but you can just keep that kind of crap to yourself right now cause I’m just not in the mood). On the other front Agamemnon is dying to use his new red power ring, and use it he does. Agamemnon is not really changing anything about his attack style just because he has this new ring, but it just makes his arsenal of weaponry that much more impressive now that everything he shoots has a rage driven red aura surrounding it. the protective red force field that he has placed around both himself and Juno is pretty impressive as well. Tlaloc, who was once their Titan leader doesn’t even seem to mind playing second fiddle to supposed descendant of the Grecian Prince. The 3 titans together lay waste to Buzz-saw, Piecemeal, Mr. Miracle, & Simon Phoenix (ching-chong-ching) as if they were the lowliest of defenseless hethrigir. Kyle Catarn is riding on Boga with Doppleganger and Jason Bourne running behind him when he attacks the enormous Devastator. As Devastator fights back against his smaller opponents the ice underneath him comes crashing apart which causes the teams on both sides to close in towards the center of the battle. A huge close quarters melee ensues where all involved are surrounded by both friend and foe. Kyle Catarn and Boga move with such speed that Devastator cannot get a hit on the them. Kyle uses his lightsaber to cut away at the huge Decepticon in the perfect places while Bourne and Doppleganger make their moves against the enormous gestalt as well. Devastator grabs a hold of the 6 armed Doppleganger and squeezes the life out of him, but while he is doing this Jason Bourne throws the bomb he has just wired together into the mouth of Devastator and then unloads his .45 into the Transformer’s chest right where Catarn had opened it up with his lightsaber. These perfectly executed plan works to extinguish the spark of Devastator. Rodimus Prime uses his arm lasers to blast Boga out from underneath Catarn, but the Jedi leaps off of Boga and keeps moving. Jason Bourne jumps off of the collapsing Devastator and onto the back of Tlaloc. Bourne then attempts to punch a hole thru the brain of Tlaloc, but he finds out the hard way that Beckerman isn’t writing this match and that that is impossible. Tlaloc uses his expansive robot arms to fling the secret agent off of him and into the freezing water next to them. The much smaller Kyle Catarn is having a rough time battling with Rodimus Prime, when Juan Sanchez and Connor McLeod (who barely slowed down to take the heads off of Tarra & Dorno on the way) come to lend him a hand. Rodimus uses the tail pipes on his right arm to slice off the head of Lobos-Ramirez but Connor jumps in to avenge his former mentor. Connor still uses his katana in his right hand, while he wields his lightsaber with his left. McLeod jumps onto the back of Rodimus while Catarn is force pushing his legs out from under him. McLeod then uses his lightsaber to slice off the head of Rodimus. Agamemnon then uses a rage infused lasgun burst to ignite the spark of his own dying teammate Rodimus which blows both McLeod and Catarn to pieces. Amazo uses about a dozen different kick-a** powers to destroy Parallax and bring the world of Green Lantern back to normal, so Josh can start reading the comics again, but Black Adam and Bizarro then high five each other in mid-air with Amazo’s head in the center of their five-fingered dude salute. Considering that she has 9 deaths and all Dare the Terminator dared to be a cool character for once and put the smack down on Zandar before she squared off against Iorek Byninson. The large polar bear definitely had the advantage in this particular setting, but Dare ducked underneath his powerful arms and stuck her sword up underneath his neck, finding the kink in his armor and killing him. Dare then attacked Zombie Darkseid and then........ Alright seriously how much love did you guys expect for this character. Short story shorter: Zombie Darkseid won...Fin... Zombie Darkseid then takes flight and catches Rudolph in the neck. The zombie leader of Apokolips then begins feasting on some mad venison. Ripping thru Santa’s reindeer as if he were Ted Nugent on steroids. He kills all but Comet & Cupid and also blasts thru the sleigh with some poorly aimed Omega Beams. Santa looks at Corbin kind of like what’s his name from Chips did to the young dude in the Chips reunion episode right before they jumped that gnarly ramp with their Harleys. Santa says: “You know it Bro-Ham” to Corbin as they jump onto the backs of Comet and Cupid before the sleigh falls out of the sky. Santa and Corbin then high five each other like the dudes from Army of Two before they pull out their lightsabers and slice up Zombie Darkseid like they were cutting thru Christmas paper. Dumbledore shows no fear as he casts a killer spell on Zillius Zox which reduces him to dead guy status, but the duo of Darth Plaguis and Cade Skywalker prove a little more difficult for the wizard. Dumbledore holds them off for a while when he is joined by Bizarro. Bizarro gets ripped apart by Darth Plaguis whose Red lightsaber now appears as if it is about 10 feet long due to his enhanced rage powers of the red lantern ring. Dumbledore works his magic (pardon the pun) on Cade to destroy him, but is left in such a stat of exhaustion from the feat that Plaguis is able to dispose of the master wizard with ease. Plaguis then uses his red ring aided Sith Lightning to completely disintegrate both Gloop and Gleep, but his reign of terror ends abruptly when Black Adam screams “Shazam” at him to blow him to pieces. Bowman lands next to Agamemnon to go over their situation, when they see B’dg coming in for the attack. The Starchild and the Titan stand at the ready but before they can do anything Tundro knocks the little green lantern out of the air with one his coal balls and Igoo finishes him off with a couple of massive rock handed punches. Loki casts a spell with all of The Asgardian magic he can muster that rips the Cymek body of Juno apart and then kills her human brain, but this serves to enrage Agamemnon even further. Agamemnon uses his rage fueled powers to light up Loki with weaponry and red energy to destroy him. Santa on Comet and Corbin on Cupid make their final push against The Commandos, but Zok manages to use his tail to catch both of the Reindeer with a lightning blast. Santa manages to use some Christmas magic to insure a safe landing for himself and his bud, but once they are down on the ground they find themselves toe-to-toe with The Starchild. Bowman uses his ridonkulous cosmic powers to wipe out Ol’ St. Nick and his new friend, killing off the last of The Slaves and getting a little revenge for last year’s N.L. Finals. All the Slaves appear to be dead, yet Bourne’s body never was found (cue the Moby song for the end credits).
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!