Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. P.M.S.

“The Blizzard of 2007 was described by many residents as the worst they had seen and paralyzed the city with its low visibility, extreme cold and large volume of snow. Winds rose to over 90 kilometres per hour and an estimated 25 centimetres (9.8 inches) of snow fell throughout the day. Many area residents took refuge overnight at area work places, shopping centres, hospitals and the university.”
-CBC News [January 10, 2007]

I look to the teams which will do battle during the Blizzard of 2007 in Saskatoon. They are as follows:

Xavier's Annihilation Squad: Supergirl, Supreme, The White Witch, Avalanche, Goliath, Kalibak, Geo-Force, Silver Racer (w/ green lantern ring), Zorro (w/ a blue lightsaber) on Mordor Horse #1, Zombie Josh Houslander riding Zombie Silver Dragon #3, Jeannie and Major Nelson, Darth Scarz (w/ a red lantern ring), Ancient Sith Lords #1-5, Nemesis Enforcer, Windhammer, Hammerhand, Topspinner, Ram Bam, Cruncher and Cactus Head.

P.M.S.: Blue Devil, Spawn, Chun Li, Silicon Valerie, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, J.C., Secret Agent Zero, Assassin X and Blue Beetle.

Let the Battle begin. . .

Wallace Wells wades through the torrential downpour of snow. Wells hears a high pitched scream and looks to the sky. Wells sees Zombie Josh Houslander riding Zombie Silver Dragon #3. The scream emitted is not from the dragon, but from Houslander. Wells is terrified as the sound from Houslander’s mouth shatters his ears. The screech is a cross between Nathan Lane’s “scared” scream and a helium-induced jawa. Silver Dragon #3 sprays its paralyzation gas and freezes Wallace in place. Houslander jumps off his steed and begins to feast on a stiff Wallace. Spawn comes to the scene. Spawn uses a large chain that wraps around the head of Zombie Houslander. Spawn pulls and Zombie Josh Houslander’s head pops off. Zombie Silver Dragon #3 flies at Spawn, but does not reach his objective as Blue Devil launches his trident into the beast’s head. Zombie Silver Dragon #3 falls to the snow and dies.

Secret Agent Zero and Assassin X see Darth Scarz (w/ a red lantern ring) and Ancient Sith Lords #1-5. The two P.M.S. soldiers manage to kill Ancient Sith Lord #2. They are unsuccessful against remaining Ancient Sith Lords #1, 3-5 and Darth Scarz. Scarz uses his ring to project both Secret Agent Zero and Assassin X into the lightsabers of his followers. Ancient Sith Lords #1, 3-5 slice and dice Secret Agent Zero and Assassin X.

It is Silicon Valerie’s time to fight. She wades through the snow and sees a beautiful, blonde, bikinied female arguing with a military man.

Jeannie: But Master, I really DO need a coat!!!

Major Nelson: You will do no such thing! That bikini is an all-weather one! Now, just look pretty and find a way out of here and into a shelter where your bosoms will keep me warm!

Silicon Valerie rushes at the misogynistic Major Nelson. Valerie jumps on Nelson’s back and breaks his neck. Valerie then takes the lamp, which was held by Nelson, and throws it to Blue Beetle. Blue Beetle uses his powers to destroy the lamp; Jeannie is no more. Supreme flies at Blue Beetle and smashes him into the air. The tundra’s winds whip Beetle around and into Geo-Force, who grabs him and throws him to the Silver Racer. The Racer uses his cosmic powers to rip Blue Beetle apart. On the ground Silicon Valerie sees a horse ride at her. It is Zorro on Mordor Horse #1. Zorro behead Valerie with his lightsaber.

Hammerhand, Topspinner, Ram Bam, Cruncher and Cactus Head see Chun Li, Ramona Flowers and Knives Chau. The men laugh at the “girls” before them. They decide to sing a “pirate song” at the behest of Hammerhand.

Hammerhand: This pirate,
Cactus Head: Has a hat,
Topspinner: Where a skull and crossbones sat;
Ram Bam: With an ahr, ahr, ahr and an aye matey,
Cruncher: This old pirate sailed the seven seas.

After a large skirmish, the P.M.S. girls kill the entire Squad-male crew. Supergirl and the White Witch walk to the scene.

Supergirl: Let’s show them what real girl power can do.

The White Witch uses her wand to control the elements; a wintry storm engulfs the P.M.S. gal crew. Supergirl easily dispatches with Chun Li, Ramona Flowers and Knives Chau. The White Witch smiles and turns them into stone statues.

Nemesis Enforcer hurtles himself through the snow at J.C. and rips him apart. Spawn launches himself at the Nemesis Enforcer and kills him. Spawn looks down at the remains of Nemesis Enforcer.

Spawn: Poser. . .

Scott Pilgrim, Stephen Stills and Kim Pine wander through the elements. The ground is ripped apart and they are thrown into the air by Avalanche. The trio falls to the ground and attempts to regroup. Windhammer uses his hammer to control the winds and snow around the three. The weather lashes out at them. Zorro gallops through the snowy haze and falls off Mordor Horse #1 as both Pilgrim and Pine throw large rocks at the horse, causing it to buckle. Mordor Horse #1 twists and breaks its leg. Zorro quickly walks up to his steed and humanely kills the beast. The three attack Zorro before he is able to recover from his broken heart at having to kill his pet. Zorro is killed. The three hear thundering sounds as Goliath walks upon the P.M.S. crew. Goliath steps on Pine, crushing her. As Pilgrim and Stills manage to dodge Goliath’s feet, they are blasted by Kalibak’s Beta Club. Both perish from the club’s powers.

Blue Devil: It has been an honor.

Spawn: Screw the honor; let’s take someone out before they do the same to us.

The two rush at Avalanche and Windhammer. Windhammer is killed by Blue Devil, while Avalanche is killed by Spawn. Supergirl, Supreme and the Silver Racer wipe the final P.M.S. combatants- Blue Devil and Spawn out, in a brief moment.

Xavier’s Annihilation Squad: Supergirl, Supreme, The White Witch, Goliath, Kalibak, Geo-Force, Silver Racer (w/ green lantern ring), Darth Scarz (w/ a red lantern ring), Ancient Sith Lords #1, 3-5.

P.M.S.: All dead.

XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!!