S7W2: The Empire vs The Sisterhood of Traveling Midgets

The Empire is:

Silver Surfer, White Lantern Swamp Thing, Sy-Klone, Full Spectrum Kyle Rayner (w/ full spectrum of rings), Frog Man, Throg, Riptide, Harpoon, Hannibal King, Wartole, Blastois, Danger Duck & Cindel Towani (w/ Star Wand).

The Midgets are:

Qwsp, Charybidis, Namora, Namorita, Seaspray, Salacious B. Crumb, Blue Toad (w/ a Yoshi Egg), Yellow Toad, Squirtle & Sharkticon #33-38.

The Emipre is dropped into the sea from, lets say, 50 feet.  Why? Because I want to watch that little girl who was raised by ewoks scream for a while.  Most of the team has no problem with the drop.  But as suspected, the fall stuns the young Cindel Towani as she screams like a little girl (oh, wait) and with a loud smack, hits the surface. She thrashes uncontrollably for a moment until the water goes still and claims her life.

More screams of pain are heard as Hannibal King struggles with the bright sunlight from above.  WL Swamp thing hurries to form a makeshift shelter for his teammate by commanding the lilypads and seaweed to hover over his head.

Meanwhile, The Midgets are gently placed in the water ever so carefully.  The team is organized and instantly the Sharkticons take off toward the scattered Empire.  Seaspray is in boat form and Squirtle, Yellow and Blue Toad and Salacious B. Crumb climb on top.  Seaspray speeds toward the Empire’s Pokemon who will hopefully be easy pickings for his tiny crew.  Wartole and Blastois are trying to fend off an attack from Sharkticon #33 first.  Blastois is successful at killing the robot as it devours his friend.  Seaspray runs over the rocket toting turtle and he lands on the deck of the autobot after being kicked up in the wake.  Blue and Yellow Toad take turns jumping on his head while Squirtle rips the rocket launcher from his back.  Salacious just laughs, “AAAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA”.  Yellow toad rolls the now unconscious Blastois into the water where he quickly sinks and drowns in his sleep.

“Sweet!” Says Squirtle, “now I got a rocket launcher!”

Silver Surfer and FS Kyle Rayner (projecting his own board using his rings) are having a fun time surfing together in the waves caused by Seaspray. “Should we help out?” asks Rayner to his pal.

“Naw,” Replies the Surfer, “I’m sure they can handle this.”

Back in the fight, The Empire continues to take a pounding.  Frog Man leaps and with a long stretch of his tongue, devours the mighty Qwsp as his lunch.  The tiny imp does not sit well with him and he pukes up his meal like a prom queen at McDonald’s.  As everyone knows, Sharkticons love vomit.  Attracted to the scent, Sharkticons 35 and 36 kill the Frog Man together as they fight for his delicious bile.  Sy-Klone swims at the two sharks and, spinning his arms rapidly, is able to pound the pair until they are rendered useless.  Namora moves in to engage Sy-Klone and they are locked in a fierce battle.  Sy-Klone decides to start swimming circles around her with his arms in the air to distract her.  

“Guess what I’m using as a propeller baby!”  Says the Masters hero.

Enticed by his spinning member, Charbidis comes up from the depths to drag Sy-Klone down to his death.  The distraction appears to have worked because Hannibal King is able to get a shot off from his pistol as he has moved his little plant hut close enough to put an incendiary bullet into her neck.  Before she dies and sinks, she lunges at the vampire and breaks his nose.  She tears away the plants protecting him from the sun and the last sound she hears is him bursting into flames in the open water.

WL Swamp thing has taken to the depths with Riptide to take out Charbidis.  Swampy commands the seaweed to wrap around the monster like a straight jacket.  Riptide then creates a cyclone of water to launch the monster clear out of the water and he dies on some rocks or something.  I didn’t notice where he landed because right then Namorita comes up behind Swamp Thing and grabs him around the face and neck killing him with the corrosive acid from her hands.  Riptide turns and only sees his dead teammate as Namorita has changed her skin to camouflage herself with the ocean floor.  As he goes to swim toward the surface she drags him back under and flings him into the awaiting open maw of Sharkticon #38.

Danger Duck starts to shoot some of his power orb eggs at the oncoming Seaspray.  The eggs turn into some big wooden barrels which cause the Transformer to thrash and turn sharply as he tries to avoid the debris.  This sends Yellow Toad overboard and Danger Duck is quickly able to run a fist into his soft skull.  Seaspray is circling around for another pass and as Danger Duck begins to shoot more eggs, Blue Toad drops his Yoshii Egg and out pops the iconic dinosaur (dragon?).  Yoshii gobbles up the first egg that comes their way and fires it back at Danger Duck just as it turns into an Acme brand anvil.  The anvil stuns the Duck and he is eaten by the passing Sharkticon #37 who is also now out of commision as his jaw breaks off when he clamps down on the anvil.

Sharkticon #38 emerges after devouring Riptide and gets a harpoon to the eye from… you guessed it… Harpoon.  Harpoon then shoots several electrically charged harpoons into the side of the passing Seaspray.  This shuts down his mechanical systems and he is unable to transform into dude form or whatever its called.  The electricity shocks the hull of the ship and the volts are too much for Blue Toad who is now lightly toasted.  Squirtle returns fire with his new found rocket launcher at Harpoon and turns him into a red mist.  Throg lands on the deck and blasts Crumb in the face with his tiny little hammer turning it into mush.  Throg then goes to work on the brain of Seaspray and with half a dozen smashes, the autobot is no more and begins to sink.  Squirtle takes another shot and the explosion sends both him and Throg into the water.  Sharkticon #34 is waiting and proceeds to gobble up the frog god.

“Think we should go help them now?” Rayner asks Silver Surfer

“I suppose,” replies the Surfer. “But the blue crush is wicked awesome today!”

Kyle Rayner flies toward Namorita who is now hoisting the tiny Pokemon on her shoulders.  He is firing off shots that are being easily deflected.

“Sorry little guy,” says Namorita “but I gotta do this.  Wait as long as you can to fire.”  She then launches Squirtle and both him and Rayner are now in a game of chicken.  Squirtle fires his last rocket just as Rayner is about to run him over.  The blast obviously kills Squirtle and Rayner is stunned.  He looks around to get his bearings and Sharkticon #34 lunges at the lantern and is feasting on his arm.  Rayner is able to get a blast of energy off but is not able to shake the robot remains from his arm off fast enough.  Rayner looks up to see Namorita, who has taken flight above him, bearing down and she finishes him off with a punch in the top of his head.

Namorita looks for her last opponent and sees the Silver Surfer floating on the water about 25 yards out.  She is about to take off after him when she notices he is not standing on his board.

She sighs to herself, “OH SH--”