Team Bama is: The
Southern Gentleman, Mamaw (w/ sweet corn biscuits), Snaggletooth Twin #1, Bryan
Beckerman
Team Revill is: Clive
Revel, Papaw (w/ a meat spigot full of hot gravy), Snaggletooth Twin #2, Nick
Houslander
“Tharr he is Bryyyy.” Said the Southern
Gentleman in a thick southern drawl pointing across The Pit. “Right
tharr is the one who scorned me!”
“Shut up Bama before I GUT
YOU!” yells an enraged Beckerman as the face of the Southern Gentleman is
littered with bits of chocolate chip cookie and Matzo bread.
Snaggletooth Twin #1 runs over
to the other side of the pit and joins her sister who has already sunk her
hooks into Nick.
“Do you like our matching
dresses? We made them ourselves out of old bedsheets!” says Snaggle #1.
“The fabric is really soft.
Especially on the spots covering our corn biscuits! Feel them!” adds
Snaggle #2.
“We also made matching
underwear? Want to see them?” Snaggle #1 continues.
“We ain’t never seen a meat
spigot before, can we see yours?” hints Snaggle #2
“I got a piece of food stuck in
one of my front row of teeth. Got a length of rope handy so I can floss
it out?” asks Snaggle #1
Unable to process the fact that
he is being hit on by two drop dead gorgeous twins, Nick panics and pushes both
of them and himself off the platform in the pit and they die in the spikes.
Papaw takes a run at Mamaw like
they have done many a night in the tobacco fields under the bright light of the
moon in waxing gibbous. Mamaw wastes no time whippin out the corn
biscuits while Papaw drenches them in molten hot gravy. I’m not
exaggerating when I say that Papaw released a gazillion gallons of gravy and he
flooded the pit.
Papaw, Mamaw, and Bryan all
drown in Papaw’s sweet meat nectar.
Clive Revel was fast enough to
hop on his table and is floating peacefully when the Southern Gentleman tosses
his bag of signatures and photographs on the table and climbs aboard to join
his nemesis.
“I thought I told you before to
get your S**T OFF MY TABLE!” screams Clive Revel.
Burning with rage again, the
Southern Gentleman snaps the neck of Clive Revel and pushes him into the viscous
abyss.
“Gol darn you, Clive Revel!”
says the Southern Gentleman fighting back tears. “You know my ma don’t
like cuss words!”
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7 comments:
Team Bama is Victorious!!!
The Rude Southern Gentlemen is the sole survivor.
Alright guys, you're back home now. Let's try to get you all bacl to reality. It might be time for an intervention.
P.S. I almost forgot: HILARIOS Post dude!! Damn I wish I would have been there!!
Fan-frickin-tastic!!! I'm not exaggerating
Forskae me not Chris. That was a hilarious match dude. Basically summed up everything on the trip. The ending was perfect.
Still don't know what this is about but at this rate we may as well change the names to the Clive Revill Conference and the Bama Conference.
Dave, you have forsaken us all with that amazing idea!!
I just reread this..... Still HILARIOUS.
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