Wednesday, April 22, 2015

George Washington's Slaves Vs. REAL Man's Rabble Rousers

George Washington’s Slaves are Human Smoke (w/ a Halberd), Moltenadon, Ancient Ginaz Swordmaster #8, and Maggie Simpson.

Real Man’s Rabble Rousers are Vampire Count Dooku, Tombstone, and Hammer Bros. #18.


Chris Artrip, The Z-Man himself, Mr Fizzle in the Hizzle (and that’s an ArtiFACT). Shows up at the house of his old buddy…. No, not Bama we’re talking bout REAL Man.

“Sup Eric, you ready to do some gamin”?? Says Artifact to the REALster.

“SHeeeeeeeeeeit. You know it DOGG” says REAL Man as he pulls up his sagging Skids. “Come on downstairs to the basement Brah”. Finishes the REALster.

“Damn dude, this is a pretty nice crib you got here. Who’s your decorator”?? Asks Artifizzle with the utmost amount of sensitivity allowed a straight man.

“I ain’t sure “C”. My Mom just renovated the place. I woulda aksed but I ain’t heard that s*&t. Naturally, Ima keeping it REAL”.

“Yeah, REAL Dumb”. (**Chris Rock, “Bring the Pain”. 1996.). Says Fizz.

“Anyway Cuz, you down for some Mortal Kombat? I gots the new FFL Expansion Pack, and they brought back the 3 on 3 mode”? Says the REALest guy in town.

Artie replies: “Totes dude. I’m down for some Mortal Kombat. Let’s do this”.

They fire up the game, select the three on three mode, and the battle begins.

I thought about going through the all three battles but this is a 75 point week, and both of these teams are already in the playoffs; so let’s just go with Chris wins the first round and Eric won the second round.

Third Round

FIGHT.

“This game is wicked sweet, ain’t it Playah” says the only REAL dude on the Blog.

“You know it dude. This game is sicker than Clive Revel’s evil tongue”. Says Z.

Ancient Ginaz Swordmaster #8 Vs. Tombstone.

REAL Man button mashes like a champ; but doesn’t know any of Tombstone’s special moves. He takes down the Ginaz Swordmaster’s energy considerably, but “Z”’s controller reacts faster than Bama’s parents and he delivers a dropkick, upper cut combo that sends him off the edge and finishes off Tombstone for good.

Hammer Bros. #18 leaps onto the scene and delivers some hammers quick to the still uppercut stunned Swordmaster to knock him off the Pit and kill him.

Moltenadon appears onto the scene and delivers his Morgul whip attack three separate times to take out Hammer Bros. #18.

Vampire Count Dooku leaps in next and evades most of Moltenadon’s attacks; but still takes some damage. Eric does the perfect amount of button-mashing and figures out Dooku’s Vampire-Sith-Lightning. Eric quickly and successfully moves from the “Nick Houslander button mashing method” to the “Ryan Poteracki use the same special move over and over again method” with ease and finishes off the King of the Ancient Balrogs.

Human Smoke appears next for the final showdown (he has a Halberd in the new expansion). Chris attempts to win it right by using some wicked, combos and special moves; but Eric is basically just leaning on the block button. The REALocitizer then accidentally does the force repel special move which sends Human Smoke back and takes down his energy by 28%. The REAL not-so-slim-GAY-dee then uses Vampire Dooku’s lightsaber assault attack and takes Human Smoke’s energy down to 0%.

FINISH HIM

The screen flashes as Eric mashes some more buttons and causes Maggie Simpson with a Sith Robe on, to fall out of the sky, land on the level, and then fall into the Pit II.

BABALITY !!!!

Ehh, I see they still haven’t gotten rid of that stupid feature…..

15 comments:

Josh the Commish said...

REAL MAN'S RABBLE ROUSERS ARE VICTORIOUS!!

Slaves: All Dead.

Real Men: Vampire Count Dooku survives.

Artifact said...

Haha. Awesome match Josh!

See Nick, it isn't so hard to beat me. Lol

Josh the Commish said...

These two teams have a chance to meet up again in Round 2 of the playoffs. The Slaves will be the second seed, and The Real Men will be the third.

Lickolas said...

Don`t forsake me Chris!!!

Nice win Real Man, you jerk.

Artifact said...

Yeah. His team was REAL good.

Artifact said...

Also, the babality thing was awesome.

Josh the Commish said...

Ha!! Glad you liked it Fizz. I always thought that and the animalities were so dumb. I'm actually not quite sure why they bothered me so much.

Lickolas said...

Very funny match dude. Agree with you on the silly Mortal Kombat stuff. It was like they instantly ran out of ideas.

Artifact said...

I always thought they did it as a joke and made it stupid on purpose since there was so much complaining about the gore in the first game.

Josh the Commish said...

I'm sure you're right Chris. I always kind of liked the friendships, because I thought they were funny; but the Babalities just drove me crazy because they were all the exact same thing.

NFGamer Mike said...

The included some of that in the game because of rumors about that stuff being in previous installments (but it wasn't).

Josh the Commish said...

Thanks NFGamer. Too bad they didn't include tge swear code and nudity code. Does anybody remember those rumors?? A buddy of mine and I tried to make the swear code work for hours once because he INSISTED it was legit.

NFG Mike said...

I remember lots of "secret codes" pertaining to MK. The only one that I tried that actually worked was fighting Reptile in The Pit of MK 1. Never got the Ermac glitch though.

Josh the Commish said...

Is there actually an Ermac thing in the first one?!!? That'd be sweet if there was but I definitely never did that one. The blood code was of course a staple for The Genesis version, and I loved the Reptile thing: Double Flawless with a Fatality on The Pit!! It always bummed me out that Reptile didn't have all of Scorpion and Sub-Zero's moves when he was a playable character later, though he did grow in to one of my faves!!

NFGeek Mike said...

No blocking, too. And only when the silhouettes flew by the moon. Demanding, but worth it for the "holy sh*t" moment. And word on the street is that he would be red occasionally, and the screen would say Error Macro: aka Ermac. But that's purely speculation, as I've never seen it.