Season 8, Week 8: B3 vs. The Grindhouse

The Grindhouse is: Warwolves #2-10, Terminator #40, Xenomorph #52, Noble Heart Horse, Critters #8-12, Navy Soldier #99, Kree Soldier #50, and Moritani Soldiers #13-15.

B3 is: Terminators #32-37, Predator #14, Cobra Vipers #39-48, Army Soldiers #133-136, and Jedi Padawans #38 and #39.

April 20, 8:40 AM – At the base of Ice Climber's Mountain 21

I woke up to the sound of coughing echoing off of cavern walls. Between the hacking noise, a familiar voice called out, "Where the hell are you, dude? I can't see s*** in here." I looked around for the source of the voice but all I could see surrounding me in the dim light were thick billows of smoke. As I squinted to search a hand clasped my shoulder from behind and nearly gave me a heart attack, feeling oddly paranoid in the strange setting I awoke to. I spun around with hands up in defense, but only found myself staring back at me. "Whoa, what am I doing here? I thought I told you to leave me alone today." I grabbed myself by both shoulders this time, and I was looking dead serious. "You don't understand, hear me out! I'm you from the future, about 60 hours out." In the urgency of the shouting I was busting my ear drums with, I had begun to cough again as the smoke continued to flow through the room. "Fine, what? And like... where am I right now?"

"You're in a cave at the base of Mountain 21, you threw a pound on a campfire and you've been in here hotboxing for 4 goddamn hours! You passed out and missed the match you were supposed to be watching!" I rubbed my eyes and felt the bags that had formed beneath them bulging out. I had no recollection of setting up here but I definitely believed myself. "Alright, Jesus Christ, it's just a bunch of commons this week. I'll throw something together and-"

"Listen to me! I'm from the f***ing future, I know how this plan works out. In my timeline our match was the absolute epitome of bad. I can't possibly exaggerate this, our match was so bad it caused a rift in the League, and in just one day Ryatu snapped. He's got some crazy plan to hunt and kill the other Watchers, and cannibalize their brains "to gain their power." So far he's only caught Pogo so if that actually works I don't think we have to worry about it just yet, but..." I trailed off. I was kind of starting to freak myself out so I pushed myself to the point. "Why aren't you guys stopping him right now, then? Why the time paradox, seriously, this is the one day you shouldn't be dropping s*** like this on me." I looked like I expected myself to ask this, which I guess makes perfect sense when you think about it. I didn't expect I'd look so apprehensive about it, though. "Looks who's talking about paradoxes, like I can just tell you everything! Right now what we need to do... whoa, I just lost my train of thought. I had a plan, give me a minute." At that point I realized that both of me were now getting hit pretty hard by the campfire smoke. "Wait, right, got it. We're gonna go back in time, and we're going to watch the single greatest match in FFL history! Let's do this quick!" I haphazardly tore a rift in the cave wall and led myself through it.

April 19, 12:00 AM – High above Mountain 21

On the other side of the rift we got a good look down at the mountain just as the action was beginning. "Alright, pay close attention, we've only got one shot here." I tried to focus but was having a little trouble. "I can't zoom in all the way. Dude, they look like miniature toys or something, seriously. It's like... real-life Heroclix." I could tell that I was starting to make myself nervous with my lackadaisical attitude. "Alright, you know what, let's just pause this for like an hour and take a nap alright? Then we can actually remember what happens, get it all written down, throw in some adverbs or whatever and make it look nice." It admittedly sounded pretty nice, so I went to take a quick lie-down.

April 19, 6:24 AM – Daveatu's Apartment

It was immediately apparent that my nap had turned in to a sleep. As I stood to get out of bed I noticed the world swayed around me and my mouth dried like Krazy-Glue. I woke myself up and saw I was experiencing the same issues. "Are you like... still feeling it or is it just me?"

"Yeah, I was just gonna say that. I know it was a pound but 6 hours seems like a long time." A powerful borborygmus growled out from my stomach. "I'm starving right now though, we should at least eat something before we get back to it." So we took a slow and careful drive to the Speedway to grab some donuts and a slice of pizza. I had totally forgotten about the milkshake machines, and at that point it really did seem like a marvel of modern convenience. It really isn't considering that it takes like 5 minutes for the thing to stir up the frozen cups you load in to it, and since both of me wanted 2 it took like 20 extra minutes for us to get the hell out of there. I sat in the car and ate, put on the most serious face I could make, and went back to get down to business.

April 19, 8:16 AM – The peak of Mountain 21

We admit, we really should have double checked before we left the battle. Each of me had thought the other took care of freezing time on the battlefield before we left, so in reality neither of us had. Blood-soaked snow and characters' remains were scattered almost all the way up the mountain slopes, and at the top a sole survivor huddled for warmth under a pile of carcasses. Against all odds the survivor was Noble Heart Horse, with a distant look that suggested some serious trauma. "Noble Heart Horse... you okay? How did you possibly make it through that, buddy? We need this story." It seemed to take him a moment to process the question, maybe even the fact that we were there asking a question, but when he did he began to tremble and stammer. "They just... they... all the... blood..." I gave myself a look of concern. "Oh, man... Ryatu and Pogo are pretty much f****ed, aren't they?"

"We're pretty much all f***ed. So, what... I guess we may as well go back to the cave while we figure this out right?"

April 20, 1:09 AM – The base of Mountain 21

We woke up to the sound of coughing echoing off of cavern walls. Between the hacking noise, a familiar voice called out, "Where the hell are you guys? I can't see s*** in here."