Friday, May 20, 2011
Le' Napoleon's Brigade vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is Princess Leia, Padme Amidala, Lala and Sprout.
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Black Lantern Josh Houslander and Kevin (from Sin City
Black Lantern Josh Houslander is driving the R.V. down the Interstate, hitting every car or blue truck that is in his path. Kevin sits shotgun and stares blankly out the window. “Dude, you haven’t said a word since we left Indianapolis
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Season 4 Week 11 Built Ford Tough vs The Abomitrons
Built Ford Tough is: O Ren Ishi
The Abomitrons are: Chuck Norris and Ewok #47
Let's get this out of the way now:
Chuck Norris "facts" are less like facts and more like… bad jokes that stopped being funny in 2009.
Chuck Norris does not have a fist in his beard, He does not push the world down instead of doing a push up.
He did not give birth to Secretariat while teaching Bagger Vance how to find "dryland" and surviving on nothing but his own filtered urine and adventure. He did not take the one ring to Mordor and rescue Hogwarts from the Uruk-Hai because he had a few extra minutes one day… He may have had a brief affair with Dumbledore… But who didn't really?
You know what Chuck Norris did do? Chuck Norris failed to notice the Ewok shrieking in terror as O Ren Ishi emerged from the bathroom door.
"Look little man, err little critter… whatever the hell you are, look… If I can hold my water for an entire day of shooting Walker Texas Ranger, you can chill until we get to the rest stop 2 miles down the road. It sucks that the bathroom on this thing is busted… but it's been broken since we left so quit trying to go in there, and quit pointing at the door like that's somehow magically going to get rid of the smell. I eat a lot of red meat, THAT is a Chuck Norris "fact" you can take to the bank. The best we can do is just seal that room off until we can dump the tank… or.. until we can burn this RV down to its frame… one of the two…
During the middle of his incredibly smug diatribe O Ren Ishi severed the head of Ewok #47 and Chuck Norris with her Hanzo Sword in a single swipe.
"Good lord it smelled horrible in there…. I think my nose-hairs have fallen out."
Built Ford Tough is victorious!
Team Sleeping Pussy vs Logical Genocide
Team Sleeping Pussy is Wildcat.
Logical Genocide is Goro w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Sniffles the Ewok and Roster Filler Smurf.
“Not so fast there fella. It’s going to take a lot more than that to keep this cat down,” Wildcat says as he realigns his vertebrae. He leaps up and rocks Goro off of his feet with a vicious uppercut. He then grabs a hold of Goro and suplexes him onto the hood of the R.V., crushing the front end in the process. Wildcat then leaps up and delivers an elbow to Goro’s sternum. Goro kicks Wildcat back and uses his ring to drive a yellow energy spike directly through Ted’s heart and dropping him to his knees. Wildcat looks up at the behemoth and smirks as he grabs a hold of the spike and pulls it out of his heart. The former Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World then lunges at the Mortal Kombat giant. He pins Goro up against the R.V. and starts throwing haymakers like they were going out of style. Goro manages to grab Wildcat and flip him through the windshield of the R.V. He then rips the door off and stomps his way inside. Goro tears the roof off as he slams Wildcat against the interior of the R.V. Goro then targets the gas tank as he flies out of the vehicle and ignites the fuel with his ring. The R.V. explodes with Wildcat inside. The blast launches him high into the air, where Goro grabs him and fires him back down to the ground, shattering his bones on impact.
The half man/half dragon goes back down to US-23 to claim his victory over Wildcat, but his body is nowhere to be found. The old boxer sneaks up behind him with his cat like stealth and leaps up onto Goro’s back. He savagely gouges Goro’s right eye out, causing the monster to let out a horrific scream. Enraged, Goro reaches around and grabs Ted and snaps his back over his knee. Goro tosses his limp body down to the ground and he grabs his head where his eye once was. There is another cracking of bones as Goro hears Wildcat chuckle. “Heh, didn’t you already… cough… try that trick?” Wildcat says as he spits some blood and probably a couple teeth to the street. “Come on, you can do better than that… Ugly!” This infuriates Goro. He snatches Wildcat with great speed and pulls on Ted Grant’s limbs with each of his four arms. Wildcat resists the urges to yell in pain for a while, but once Goro pulls the first limb right off of his body, it proves to be more than he can handle. Wildcat screams in agony as Goro rips the remaining limbs from his body. Ted’s bleeding and broken torso drops to the street and Goro obliterates what’s left of it with his Yellow Lantern ring. He then lets out an incredibly loud roar in triumph.
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!
Logical Genocide is Goro w/Yellow Lantern Ring, Sniffles the Ewok and Roster Filler Smurf.
“I thought this fight was supposed to take place INSIDE this Godforsaken R.V.?” Wildcat says to himself as he drives down US-23 towards Standish , Michigan
“Not so fast there fella. It’s going to take a lot more than that to keep this cat down,” Wildcat says as he realigns his vertebrae. He leaps up and rocks Goro off of his feet with a vicious uppercut. He then grabs a hold of Goro and suplexes him onto the hood of the R.V., crushing the front end in the process. Wildcat then leaps up and delivers an elbow to Goro’s sternum. Goro kicks Wildcat back and uses his ring to drive a yellow energy spike directly through Ted’s heart and dropping him to his knees. Wildcat looks up at the behemoth and smirks as he grabs a hold of the spike and pulls it out of his heart. The former Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World then lunges at the Mortal Kombat giant. He pins Goro up against the R.V. and starts throwing haymakers like they were going out of style. Goro manages to grab Wildcat and flip him through the windshield of the R.V. He then rips the door off and stomps his way inside. Goro tears the roof off as he slams Wildcat against the interior of the R.V. Goro then targets the gas tank as he flies out of the vehicle and ignites the fuel with his ring. The R.V. explodes with Wildcat inside. The blast launches him high into the air, where Goro grabs him and fires him back down to the ground, shattering his bones on impact.
The half man/half dragon goes back down to US-23 to claim his victory over Wildcat, but his body is nowhere to be found. The old boxer sneaks up behind him with his cat like stealth and leaps up onto Goro’s back. He savagely gouges Goro’s right eye out, causing the monster to let out a horrific scream. Enraged, Goro reaches around and grabs Ted and snaps his back over his knee. Goro tosses his limp body down to the ground and he grabs his head where his eye once was. There is another cracking of bones as Goro hears Wildcat chuckle. “Heh, didn’t you already… cough… try that trick?” Wildcat says as he spits some blood and probably a couple teeth to the street. “Come on, you can do better than that… Ugly!” This infuriates Goro. He snatches Wildcat with great speed and pulls on Ted Grant’s limbs with each of his four arms. Wildcat resists the urges to yell in pain for a while, but once Goro pulls the first limb right off of his body, it proves to be more than he can handle. Wildcat screams in agony as Goro rips the remaining limbs from his body. Ted’s bleeding and broken torso drops to the street and Goro obliterates what’s left of it with his Yellow Lantern ring. He then lets out an incredibly loud roar in triumph.
LOGICAL GENOCIDE IS VICTORIOUS!!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are..
Ash and Ewok #48
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is…
Gimli w/Heat Axe
The three combatants are teleported into the R.V.
Gimli: What sort of sorcery is this, you can not just pluck a dwarf from his home like that, ill have you know I have powerful friends.
Ash: Oh would somebody shut this crybaby pigmy up, I get sent through portals to s***ty places all the time you don’t see me cryin ta my mama.
Gimli: How dare you , I will chop you to bits.
Ash: Ha, we got you got numbered, I bet my primitive little buddy here tears you an new a**hole.
Alright now listen up you primitive screwhead, You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?
Gimli uses his heat Axe and fire’s a bolt of heat lightning at Ewok#48, Ewok#48 explodes and what is left of him coats Ash and the walls of the R.V.
Ash yelps then jumps behind one of the seats
Gimli: Get up you coward!
Ash takes of one of his boots and whips it at Gimli hitting him square in the face. Ash then gets up and rushes his foe who has recovered from the boot, they begin slashing at one another. Gimli Chops of Ashes Chainsaw hand, Ash screams for a second and then realizes that he had already chopped that hand off in 1987, and with his other hand he puts his boomstick to Gimli’s head. But just as he pulls the trigger, the speedy dwarf turns his head and causes the Buckshot to ricochet of his helmet and back into Ash’s face. His corpse looks much like Evil Ash did just before he was buried the first time.
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve ARE VICTORIOUS!
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches : ALL DEAD
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve : Gimli survives.
Ash and Ewok #48
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is…
Gimli w/Heat Axe
The three combatants are teleported into the R.V.
Gimli: What sort of sorcery is this, you can not just pluck a dwarf from his home like that, ill have you know I have powerful friends.
Ash: Oh would somebody shut this crybaby pigmy up, I get sent through portals to s***ty places all the time you don’t see me cryin ta my mama.
Gimli: How dare you , I will chop you to bits.
Ash: Ha, we got you got numbered, I bet my primitive little buddy here tears you an new a**hole.
Alright now listen up you primitive screwhead, You see this? This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?
Gimli uses his heat Axe and fire’s a bolt of heat lightning at Ewok#48, Ewok#48 explodes and what is left of him coats Ash and the walls of the R.V.
Ash yelps then jumps behind one of the seats
Gimli: Get up you coward!
Ash takes of one of his boots and whips it at Gimli hitting him square in the face. Ash then gets up and rushes his foe who has recovered from the boot, they begin slashing at one another. Gimli Chops of Ashes Chainsaw hand, Ash screams for a second and then realizes that he had already chopped that hand off in 1987, and with his other hand he puts his boomstick to Gimli’s head. But just as he pulls the trigger, the speedy dwarf turns his head and causes the Buckshot to ricochet of his helmet and back into Ash’s face. His corpse looks much like Evil Ash did just before he was buried the first time.
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve ARE VICTORIOUS!
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches : ALL DEAD
Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve : Gimli survives.
Oblivio Vs The Horsemen of Apokolips
The Horsemen of Apokolips are..
Josh Houslander Jedi Knight w/Blue Lantern Ring, Laya Houslander Jedi Youngling, Alex Houslander, and Fry Guy #1
Oblivio is…
Chucky w/a Yellow Lantern ring & Red Lightsaber
This match takes place in the middle of the Houslander family vacation to Kensington.
Josh Houslander: Laya get your brother, you two need to practice.
Laya Houslander: Alex isn’t here he left with his “new friend.”
Josh Houslander: what?
Laya Houslander: He found some stupid doll the other day that he keeps pretending is alive. He said his name was Charles Lee Ray and that they were gana play hide the soul. I think he’s turning into a gay.
After having seen the child’s play movies more times than he can count, Josh knows exactly what kind of danger his son is in. He and Laya grab their lightsaber’s and as many guns as they can carry, then they hop in the 77’ R.V. and use the force to guide them to Alex. The Force leads them to the boat ramp on Kensington lake. Josh’s heart sinks when he see’s the infamous Good Guy Doll staring his youngling in the face. Laya jumps out of the passenger seat with her .22 rifle, she smashes the window and then uses the window frame to steady her shot, she fires 3 times in rapid succession. The first hit’s the doll in the chest, the second hits him in the neck and the third hits him in the right side of his head, causing him to fall back and to the left. Josh runs up and kicks the dolls body into the lake and then he hugs his son like he’s never hugged him before.
Josh Houslander: ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? COULDN’T YOU SENSE THE DARKSIDE IN HIM?
Alex Houslander: I am sorry , I don’t know what happened, he had some other force with him, it was scary. I am sorry I’ll be more careful from now on.
Laya Houslander: Okay now that you guys got that out of the way, how about that head shot, pretty sweet right?
20 minutes later on the ride home at 70 mph……LAYA GOES FLYING THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD! Laya Dies from her injuries. Josh Slam on the brakes in horror. He Turns to see Alex staring at him with a sick little smile that josh has seen before, but not on the face of his child.
Chucky in Alex Houslanders body: Finally I am outa that F***KIN BODY! This ones not bad but I’ve been to short to ride the roller coaster’s for too long, your not much better but you do have one of those rings I like so much. So I am Charles lee Ray I used a vodoo spell to put my soul in a doll, then from the doll I put my soul it into a little kid and now I am gana put it in you.
Chucky in Alex Houslanders body jumps at josh, Normally he would use his power ring to incinerate his enemy but because he still has hope that he can save his son, he shoots an energy net. Unfortunately Fry Guy #1 panics and try’s to save Josh’s life by jumping in the way of the knife chucky has, instead he just gets trapped in Josh’s net. Chucky and josh struggle for a moment but then chucky slashes josh’s throat.
Chucky in Alex Houslander: F***K!!! I wasn’t supposed to kill him. Now who am I gana take over.
He looks down see’s the Fry Guy, thinks about it for a second then giggles and stabs the creature to death.
OBLIVIO IS VICTORIOUS
The Horsemen of Apokolips : ALL DEAD
Oblivio: Chucky Survives in Alex Houslanders Body
Josh Houslander Jedi Knight w/Blue Lantern Ring, Laya Houslander Jedi Youngling, Alex Houslander, and Fry Guy #1
Oblivio is…
Chucky w/a Yellow Lantern ring & Red Lightsaber
This match takes place in the middle of the Houslander family vacation to Kensington.
Josh Houslander: Laya get your brother, you two need to practice.
Laya Houslander: Alex isn’t here he left with his “new friend.”
Josh Houslander: what?
Laya Houslander: He found some stupid doll the other day that he keeps pretending is alive. He said his name was Charles Lee Ray and that they were gana play hide the soul. I think he’s turning into a gay.
After having seen the child’s play movies more times than he can count, Josh knows exactly what kind of danger his son is in. He and Laya grab their lightsaber’s and as many guns as they can carry, then they hop in the 77’ R.V. and use the force to guide them to Alex. The Force leads them to the boat ramp on Kensington lake. Josh’s heart sinks when he see’s the infamous Good Guy Doll staring his youngling in the face. Laya jumps out of the passenger seat with her .22 rifle, she smashes the window and then uses the window frame to steady her shot, she fires 3 times in rapid succession. The first hit’s the doll in the chest, the second hits him in the neck and the third hits him in the right side of his head, causing him to fall back and to the left. Josh runs up and kicks the dolls body into the lake and then he hugs his son like he’s never hugged him before.
Josh Houslander: ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? COULDN’T YOU SENSE THE DARKSIDE IN HIM?
Alex Houslander: I am sorry , I don’t know what happened, he had some other force with him, it was scary. I am sorry I’ll be more careful from now on.
Laya Houslander: Okay now that you guys got that out of the way, how about that head shot, pretty sweet right?
20 minutes later on the ride home at 70 mph……LAYA GOES FLYING THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD! Laya Dies from her injuries. Josh Slam on the brakes in horror. He Turns to see Alex staring at him with a sick little smile that josh has seen before, but not on the face of his child.
Chucky in Alex Houslanders body: Finally I am outa that F***KIN BODY! This ones not bad but I’ve been to short to ride the roller coaster’s for too long, your not much better but you do have one of those rings I like so much. So I am Charles lee Ray I used a vodoo spell to put my soul in a doll, then from the doll I put my soul it into a little kid and now I am gana put it in you.
Chucky in Alex Houslanders body jumps at josh, Normally he would use his power ring to incinerate his enemy but because he still has hope that he can save his son, he shoots an energy net. Unfortunately Fry Guy #1 panics and try’s to save Josh’s life by jumping in the way of the knife chucky has, instead he just gets trapped in Josh’s net. Chucky and josh struggle for a moment but then chucky slashes josh’s throat.
Chucky in Alex Houslander: F***K!!! I wasn’t supposed to kill him. Now who am I gana take over.
He looks down see’s the Fry Guy, thinks about it for a second then giggles and stabs the creature to death.
OBLIVIO IS VICTORIOUS
The Horsemen of Apokolips : ALL DEAD
Oblivio: Chucky Survives in Alex Houslanders Body
NPAATMAPSHM&ISHLMTTAWSTYPBOBOBWTBOC vs. LSOKACLTTMANF
“I’m going to cut her f*cking head off!”
-Bryan M. Beckerman
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 11 Match located in Dave Pilkinton’s ’77 RV. They are as follows:
"Nobody pays any attention to me anymore" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "I've single-handedly led my team to another winning season this year" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos:
Hannah Montana, President Barack Obama, Bryan Beckerman w/ Mandolarian Armor, red and blue light sabers and the ebb of the Parallax entity, Venus and Serena Williams.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family: Chun Li, King Kandy (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Gingerbread Person #1.
Commandos’ Locker Room. . .
Obama: My fellow Commandos- We have reached the final match of this Season and I commend you for the lives given in combat as well as the spoils gained from the victories. Although we have not exceeded our goals this year, we did our best and that’s all our owner can ask of us. I understand that a victory in this match is essential for our team and I make a pledge to you, my remaining teammates, that we who are chosen will do our best. As you all know, I utilized Seal Team Six to put to rest one of the most evil men this nation of ours has ever known. I will now utilize Ms. Montana, Mr. Beckerman and the scrumptious Williams sisters to their utmost potential and derive a victory. A victory that will, hopefully, allow us to enter into the playoffs. . . G-d speed and G-d bless the Commandos!
Let the battle begin. . .
The RV has been placed on automatic pilot for the match so as to not interfere with the combatants abilities. Barack Obama jumps on the dinette table and wields a large pot and a large pan. Gingerbread Person #1 meets the President. The two men of color face one another.
Obama: What you fail to realize Ginger, is that I AM THE LEADER OF SEAL TEAM SIX!!!!
Obama expertly uses the pot and pan to shatter the arms of Gingerbread Person #1. The Williams sisters join the fray and use their rackets to crush GP’s legs. Only the body and head remain of the Layander combatant. The three crush the body at the same time, leaving only the head.
King Kandy leaps from the pull out bed, wielding his blue lightsaber. Beckerman’s blue lightsaber deflects the blow and in a spectacular spinning motion, he beheads King Kandy with his red lightsaber. King Kandy’s head lies on the floor next to Beckerman. Beckerman smiles.
Chun Li uses her martial arts skills to break the necks of the Williams sisters. Beckerman screams in a frenzied bellow and utilizes the ebbs of the Parallax entity remaining within his system from last year’s Universe Bowl. Beckerman destroys Chun Li, her head ripped off of her body. Beckerman looks around for his missing teammate who has not shown her face in the match.
Beckerman: Where is Hannah Montana?
Montana: Here boys!
The door to the bathroom opens and the shower curtain parts ways to reveal a scantily, leather clad Montana. The water bursts from the shower head and she writhes in the flowing waters.
Montana: This victory has inspired me! I’ve changed the wording a bit, but Mr. President and Mr. Beckerman (licking her lips) I hope you enjoy.
Hannah Montana quickly steps out of the shower and picks up the head of Gingerbread Person #1 and throws it to Obama. She then throws the head of King Kandy to Beckerman. Last, she picks up the head of Chun Li and brings it into the shower with her. The Disney temptress begins to sing.
“SKULLF*CKING IN THE FFL”
[to the tune of “PARTY IN THE USA”]
I hopped out the locker room at Playoff Planet,
With a dream and my weaponry;
Welcome to the land of hero/villain excess, (Woah)
Am I gonna fit in?
Jumped in the hovercraft,
Here I am for the first time;
Look to my right and I see the FFL sign,
This is all so crazy,
Everybody seems so famous.
My tummy’s turnin’ and I'm feelin’ kinda home sick,
Too much pressure and I'm nervous;
That's when Ryatu turned on the radio,
and a Gwar song was on,
and the Gwar song was on,
and the Gwar song was on!
CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!
Get to the battlefield in my ornithopter,
Everybody's lookin’ at me now;
Like "who's that player, that’s rockin' kicks?
They’ve gotta’ be from out of town.”
So hard with my teammates not around me,
It’s definitely not a Detroit party;
Cause' all I see are lightsabers and swords,
I guess I never got the memo.
My tummy’s turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I'm nervous
That's when Joshatu dropped my favorite tune,
and a Hall and Oates song was on,
and the Hall and Oates song was on,
and the Hall and Oates song was on!
CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok,
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!
Feel like rippin' off a head (off a head),
Slice the body ‘til it’s dead (‘til it’s dead),
Nothing ever stops me each time (each time)
The Watcher plays my song and I feel alright!
CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (Oh, nodding the skull like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok (gonna be okay)
Yeah (huh huh), It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (Oh, nodding the skull like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok (gonna be okay)
Yeah (huh huh), It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!
Barack and Beckerman continue to sing the chorus and gyrate accordingly.
Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family: All dead.
NPAATMAPSHM&ISHLMYTAWSTYPBOBOBWTBOC: Hannah Montana, President Barack Obama and Bryan Beckerman all survive.
NPAATMAPSHM&ISHLMYTAWSTYPBOBOBWTBOC IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Bryan M. Beckerman
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 11 Match located in Dave Pilkinton’s ’77 RV. They are as follows:
"Nobody pays any attention to me anymore" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana & "I've single-handedly led my team to another winning season this year" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commandos:
Hannah Montana, President Barack Obama, Bryan Beckerman w/ Mandolarian Armor, red and blue light sabers and the ebb of the Parallax entity, Venus and Serena Williams.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family: Chun Li, King Kandy (w/ a blue lightsaber) and Gingerbread Person #1.
Commandos’ Locker Room. . .
Obama: My fellow Commandos- We have reached the final match of this Season and I commend you for the lives given in combat as well as the spoils gained from the victories. Although we have not exceeded our goals this year, we did our best and that’s all our owner can ask of us. I understand that a victory in this match is essential for our team and I make a pledge to you, my remaining teammates, that we who are chosen will do our best. As you all know, I utilized Seal Team Six to put to rest one of the most evil men this nation of ours has ever known. I will now utilize Ms. Montana, Mr. Beckerman and the scrumptious Williams sisters to their utmost potential and derive a victory. A victory that will, hopefully, allow us to enter into the playoffs. . . G-d speed and G-d bless the Commandos!
Let the battle begin. . .
The RV has been placed on automatic pilot for the match so as to not interfere with the combatants abilities. Barack Obama jumps on the dinette table and wields a large pot and a large pan. Gingerbread Person #1 meets the President. The two men of color face one another.
Obama: What you fail to realize Ginger, is that I AM THE LEADER OF SEAL TEAM SIX!!!!
Obama expertly uses the pot and pan to shatter the arms of Gingerbread Person #1. The Williams sisters join the fray and use their rackets to crush GP’s legs. Only the body and head remain of the Layander combatant. The three crush the body at the same time, leaving only the head.
King Kandy leaps from the pull out bed, wielding his blue lightsaber. Beckerman’s blue lightsaber deflects the blow and in a spectacular spinning motion, he beheads King Kandy with his red lightsaber. King Kandy’s head lies on the floor next to Beckerman. Beckerman smiles.
Chun Li uses her martial arts skills to break the necks of the Williams sisters. Beckerman screams in a frenzied bellow and utilizes the ebbs of the Parallax entity remaining within his system from last year’s Universe Bowl. Beckerman destroys Chun Li, her head ripped off of her body. Beckerman looks around for his missing teammate who has not shown her face in the match.
Beckerman: Where is Hannah Montana?
Montana: Here boys!
The door to the bathroom opens and the shower curtain parts ways to reveal a scantily, leather clad Montana. The water bursts from the shower head and she writhes in the flowing waters.
Montana: This victory has inspired me! I’ve changed the wording a bit, but Mr. President and Mr. Beckerman (licking her lips) I hope you enjoy.
Hannah Montana quickly steps out of the shower and picks up the head of Gingerbread Person #1 and throws it to Obama. She then throws the head of King Kandy to Beckerman. Last, she picks up the head of Chun Li and brings it into the shower with her. The Disney temptress begins to sing.
“SKULLF*CKING IN THE FFL”
[to the tune of “PARTY IN THE USA”]
I hopped out the locker room at Playoff Planet,
With a dream and my weaponry;
Welcome to the land of hero/villain excess, (Woah)
Am I gonna fit in?
Jumped in the hovercraft,
Here I am for the first time;
Look to my right and I see the FFL sign,
This is all so crazy,
Everybody seems so famous.
My tummy’s turnin’ and I'm feelin’ kinda home sick,
Too much pressure and I'm nervous;
That's when Ryatu turned on the radio,
and a Gwar song was on,
and the Gwar song was on,
and the Gwar song was on!
CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!
Get to the battlefield in my ornithopter,
Everybody's lookin’ at me now;
Like "who's that player, that’s rockin' kicks?
They’ve gotta’ be from out of town.”
So hard with my teammates not around me,
It’s definitely not a Detroit party;
Cause' all I see are lightsabers and swords,
I guess I never got the memo.
My tummy’s turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I'm nervous
That's when Joshatu dropped my favorite tune,
and a Hall and Oates song was on,
and the Hall and Oates song was on,
and the Hall and Oates song was on!
CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok,
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!
Feel like rippin' off a head (off a head),
Slice the body ‘til it’s dead (‘til it’s dead),
Nothing ever stops me each time (each time)
The Watcher plays my song and I feel alright!
CHORUS:
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (Oh, nodding the skull like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok (gonna be okay)
Yeah (huh huh), It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!
So I take the skull,
And I nail it to the wall;
And I begin to gyrate away.
Noddin' the skull like yeah (Oh, nodding the skull like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I f*ck that skull,
They're playin' my song,
I know I'm gonna be ok (gonna be okay)
Yeah (huh huh), It's Skullf*cking in the FFL (Yeah)
Yeah, It's Skullf*cking in the FFL!
Barack and Beckerman continue to sing the chorus and gyrate accordingly.
Layander’s Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together to Make A New Family: All dead.
NPAATMAPSHM&ISHLMYTAWSTYPBOBOBWTBOC: Hannah Montana, President Barack Obama and Bryan Beckerman all survive.
NPAATMAPSHM&ISHLMYTAWSTYPBOBOBWTBOC IS VICTORIOUS!!!
The Right Wing Vs. George Washington's Slaves
The Right Wing is Zombie Jedi Knight #17 and magwai #3.
George Washington's Slaves are Gollum, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #17, Gonzo, and Kamilla.
Patience.... Not likely with this crew. Every member of these two teams erupt so violently in battle, that the RV they are traveling in actually tips over onto its side and crashes into a ditch along I-275. Not that this stops any of these competitors from going at it. Gonzo grabs a hold of the Magwai and gives it a nasty swirly in the bathroom, which is now the ground floor in the tipped over RV. This of course proves to be folly as the magwai begins multiplying like mad. The Ginaz Swordsmen erupts wildly with a flurry of perfectly aimed sword swings that are taking out magwai as fast as they can regenerate, when the zombie jedi uses his rusty lightsaber to attack the master of Ginaz from behind. He creates a small hole in the back of Ginaz Swordsmen #17 and then begins ripping away at the open flesh with his teeth. Gollum, in an attempt to avenge his fellow slave jumps on the back of the zombie jedi and rips his neck open with his teeth. This kills the zombie; but in turn, turns Gollum into a ravenous zombie as well. Gollum then turns on his own team a eats Kamilla (she didn’t just taste like chicken, she actually is a chicken). While Gollum is moving towards Gonzo he eats the last of the Magwai, but Gonzo grabs the side knife out of The fallen Ginaz Swordsmen’s belt and rushes at the zombified Gollum to take him out mid-meal.
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
George Washington's Slaves are Gollum, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #17, Gonzo, and Kamilla.
Patience.... Not likely with this crew. Every member of these two teams erupt so violently in battle, that the RV they are traveling in actually tips over onto its side and crashes into a ditch along I-275. Not that this stops any of these competitors from going at it. Gonzo grabs a hold of the Magwai and gives it a nasty swirly in the bathroom, which is now the ground floor in the tipped over RV. This of course proves to be folly as the magwai begins multiplying like mad. The Ginaz Swordsmen erupts wildly with a flurry of perfectly aimed sword swings that are taking out magwai as fast as they can regenerate, when the zombie jedi uses his rusty lightsaber to attack the master of Ginaz from behind. He creates a small hole in the back of Ginaz Swordsmen #17 and then begins ripping away at the open flesh with his teeth. Gollum, in an attempt to avenge his fellow slave jumps on the back of the zombie jedi and rips his neck open with his teeth. This kills the zombie; but in turn, turns Gollum into a ravenous zombie as well. Gollum then turns on his own team a eats Kamilla (she didn’t just taste like chicken, she actually is a chicken). While Gollum is moving towards Gonzo he eats the last of the Magwai, but Gonzo grabs the side knife out of The fallen Ginaz Swordsmen’s belt and rushes at the zombified Gollum to take him out mid-meal.
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Transfoamers Vs. The Syracuse Valley
The Transfoamers are Hammer Bros. #17-22
The Syracuse Valley is Guile and Little Goomba #7 and 8.
Guile stands back looking awfully cool with his slicked back hair as the two goombas waddle up close to the six hammer bros. who are bouncing around wildly throwing hammers Hammer Bros. #17 hits Goomba #8 with a hammer, to finish him off, but Little Goomba #7 makes his final FFL appearance count as he kills both Hammer Bros. #17 and 19 with his poison touch. Hammer Bros. #20 then sends Little Goomba #8 to The Graveyard for good by stomping on his head, but that very Hammer Bros. is quickly avenged by Guile. “SONIC BOOM” rings out loudly as Guile takes out not only his goomba buddy’s killer but Hammer Bros. #18 with his signature non-melee attack. “God that special move was always annoying” says Jared Pilkinton, the driver of the bus as he turns up the Jonny Cash 8-Track. “No shit, man I hope this is over soon”. His passenger Chris Artrip says. Guile then begins to make Fizz’s dream come true as he dodges the thrown hammers of the remaining two Bros. and jumps on the head of Hammer Bros. #22. Guile barely lands before he executes his spin kick right behind the front seat of the RV and puts a hole in the mattress above it. Jared and Chris cover their ears for the “SONIC BOOM”!! That kills Hammer Bros. #21.
SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Syracuse Valley is Guile and Little Goomba #7 and 8.
Guile stands back looking awfully cool with his slicked back hair as the two goombas waddle up close to the six hammer bros. who are bouncing around wildly throwing hammers Hammer Bros. #17 hits Goomba #8 with a hammer, to finish him off, but Little Goomba #7 makes his final FFL appearance count as he kills both Hammer Bros. #17 and 19 with his poison touch. Hammer Bros. #20 then sends Little Goomba #8 to The Graveyard for good by stomping on his head, but that very Hammer Bros. is quickly avenged by Guile. “SONIC BOOM” rings out loudly as Guile takes out not only his goomba buddy’s killer but Hammer Bros. #18 with his signature non-melee attack. “God that special move was always annoying” says Jared Pilkinton, the driver of the bus as he turns up the Jonny Cash 8-Track. “No shit, man I hope this is over soon”. His passenger Chris Artrip says. Guile then begins to make Fizz’s dream come true as he dodges the thrown hammers of the remaining two Bros. and jumps on the head of Hammer Bros. #22. Guile barely lands before he executes his spin kick right behind the front seat of the RV and puts a hole in the mattress above it. Jared and Chris cover their ears for the “SONIC BOOM”!! That kills Hammer Bros. #21.
SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!!
TEAM Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers
TEAM is Jared Pilkinton and Mr. Miyagi.
Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Gwar Members: Techno Destructo, Bozo Destructo, and Bonesnapper.
The R.V. is moving awfully slow today with Jared behind the wheel. It’s top speed seems to be about 50 miles per hour, most likely do to the two huge creatures known as Techno Destructo and Bozo Destructo weighing it down. The two mammoth villains, along with their teammate for the day Bonesnapper can barely move as the ‘77 Dodge waddles its way down I-96; but they are more than ready for battle. Jared leans over to the passenger seat where Chris Artrip happens to be sitting and says: “Hey Fizz, I gotta go fight this match, do you mind taking the wheel”. Chris and Jared then switch spots while Jared joins his partner Mr. Miyagi in the walk to the back of the camper where this deadly battle is going to take place. “So who is Gwax“? Mr. Miyagi asks his TEAMmate Jared as they take the short stroll behind the curtain. “It’s not Gwax, it is Gwar. These guys rock, I used to see them at the Motor City Comic Con all the time back in the day”. Bonesnapper steps ahead of The Destructo Tag-Team and moves towards The TEAMmates; but Jared knows the ins and outs of the camper better than anyone alive and he has a few tricks up his sleeve. Jared reaches underneath the cushions of the dinner table bench seat and pulls out a pre-loaded SKS which he then unloads on Bonesnapper. Bonesnapper’s bones snap under the pressure of a full banana clip of 7.62 x .39 shells. Jared is about to launch the grenade on the end of the SKS, but he sees that the bullets did the job on their own and that he should probably save it for later. Techno and Bozo then start flailing their respective monkey wrench and hammer arms causing the close-quarters of The RV to be ripped apart. Jared rushes at the two cyborgs but is caught in the dome by Techno’s Monkey Wrench Hand appendage. Techno then begins to repeatedly pound on Jared, but in the process accidentally hits Bozo Destructo which cause the two Dope Fiend teammates to begin battling one another over Jared’s dead body. The entire back of the RV is knocked out onto The Jeffries Freeway as the infighting heats up. It is at this moment that Mr. Miyagi grabs the grenade off the top of the empty SKS and pulls the pin. Mr. Miyagi then sticks the grenade in the claw end of Bozo Destructo’s giant hand and says “Gwax on... Gwax off” as he does a spin kick while hanging from the side cupboards next to the bathroom. He hits them each with one leg, which is enough of a nudge to knock the already off-balanced battling Scumdogs out of the RV and onto the hard concrete, right as the grenade explodes.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers are Gwar Members: Techno Destructo, Bozo Destructo, and Bonesnapper.
The R.V. is moving awfully slow today with Jared behind the wheel. It’s top speed seems to be about 50 miles per hour, most likely do to the two huge creatures known as Techno Destructo and Bozo Destructo weighing it down. The two mammoth villains, along with their teammate for the day Bonesnapper can barely move as the ‘77 Dodge waddles its way down I-96; but they are more than ready for battle. Jared leans over to the passenger seat where Chris Artrip happens to be sitting and says: “Hey Fizz, I gotta go fight this match, do you mind taking the wheel”. Chris and Jared then switch spots while Jared joins his partner Mr. Miyagi in the walk to the back of the camper where this deadly battle is going to take place. “So who is Gwax“? Mr. Miyagi asks his TEAMmate Jared as they take the short stroll behind the curtain. “It’s not Gwax, it is Gwar. These guys rock, I used to see them at the Motor City Comic Con all the time back in the day”. Bonesnapper steps ahead of The Destructo Tag-Team and moves towards The TEAMmates; but Jared knows the ins and outs of the camper better than anyone alive and he has a few tricks up his sleeve. Jared reaches underneath the cushions of the dinner table bench seat and pulls out a pre-loaded SKS which he then unloads on Bonesnapper. Bonesnapper’s bones snap under the pressure of a full banana clip of 7.62 x .39 shells. Jared is about to launch the grenade on the end of the SKS, but he sees that the bullets did the job on their own and that he should probably save it for later. Techno and Bozo then start flailing their respective monkey wrench and hammer arms causing the close-quarters of The RV to be ripped apart. Jared rushes at the two cyborgs but is caught in the dome by Techno’s Monkey Wrench Hand appendage. Techno then begins to repeatedly pound on Jared, but in the process accidentally hits Bozo Destructo which cause the two Dope Fiend teammates to begin battling one another over Jared’s dead body. The entire back of the RV is knocked out onto The Jeffries Freeway as the infighting heats up. It is at this moment that Mr. Miyagi grabs the grenade off the top of the empty SKS and pulls the pin. Mr. Miyagi then sticks the grenade in the claw end of Bozo Destructo’s giant hand and says “Gwax on... Gwax off” as he does a spin kick while hanging from the side cupboards next to the bathroom. He hits them each with one leg, which is enough of a nudge to knock the already off-balanced battling Scumdogs out of the RV and onto the hard concrete, right as the grenade explodes.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
Better Than All of You vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders
“It's not that we're afraid, far from it, it's just that we've got this thing about death... It's not us!”
-Barf
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 11 Match located in Dave Pilkinton’s ’77 RV. They are as follows:
Better Than All of You: Lonestar, Barf and Tully Blanchard w/ Sith Lanvarok.
The Tijuana Taco Benders: Zuckuss and Charmeleon
Let the battle begin. . .
The born-again wrestler has taken control of Dave Pilkinton’s RV. Blanchard uses one hand to steer the motor vehicle, while his other hand focuses the Sith Lanvarok at the enemy. Blanchard fires the Lanvarok and Charmeleon uses its tail flames to burn the fired projectiles in mid-air. Charmeleon then launches itself at Blanchard and uses its claws and jaws to rip him apart.
Tully Blanchard: Lord!!! Why have you forsaken me?!?!
Charmeleon bounds over the mangled Blanchard and rushes down the aisle toward Lonestar and Barf. Both use their blasters and fire at the Pokemon. Charmeleon falls to the floor; dead. Although the RV begins to careen out of control, Zuckuss focuses on the two Spaceballers.
Zuckuss: Who are you?
Barf: Barf!
Lonestar: Not in here, mister! This is Pilkinton’s ’77 RV!
Barf shrugs and rushes toward the steering wheel. Barf eventually gains control of the vehicle. The Gand bounty hunter takes advantage of Barf’s focus on the road and fires his weapon. Barf looks down and sees a hole through his gut. Barf dies. Lonestar, in a frenzied vengeance, repeatedly fires on Zuckuss. Zuckuss is killed.
Tijuana Taco Benders: All dead.
Better Than All of You: Lonestar survives.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Barf
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Season 4, Week 11 Match located in Dave Pilkinton’s ’77 RV. They are as follows:
Better Than All of You: Lonestar, Barf and Tully Blanchard w/ Sith Lanvarok.
The Tijuana Taco Benders: Zuckuss and Charmeleon
Let the battle begin. . .
The born-again wrestler has taken control of Dave Pilkinton’s RV. Blanchard uses one hand to steer the motor vehicle, while his other hand focuses the Sith Lanvarok at the enemy. Blanchard fires the Lanvarok and Charmeleon uses its tail flames to burn the fired projectiles in mid-air. Charmeleon then launches itself at Blanchard and uses its claws and jaws to rip him apart.
Tully Blanchard: Lord!!! Why have you forsaken me?!?!
Charmeleon bounds over the mangled Blanchard and rushes down the aisle toward Lonestar and Barf. Both use their blasters and fire at the Pokemon. Charmeleon falls to the floor; dead. Although the RV begins to careen out of control, Zuckuss focuses on the two Spaceballers.
Zuckuss: Who are you?
Barf: Barf!
Lonestar: Not in here, mister! This is Pilkinton’s ’77 RV!
Barf shrugs and rushes toward the steering wheel. Barf eventually gains control of the vehicle. The Gand bounty hunter takes advantage of Barf’s focus on the road and fires his weapon. Barf looks down and sees a hole through his gut. Barf dies. Lonestar, in a frenzied vengeance, repeatedly fires on Zuckuss. Zuckuss is killed.
Tijuana Taco Benders: All dead.
Better Than All of You: Lonestar survives.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
The Midgets vs The Murderflies
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are: Nightwing (Dick Grayson) and zombie Ewok #4
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are: Sarah Palin and 4 al Qaeda members
Dick Grayson arrives at the RV to see 4 al Qaeda terrorists heavily armed and loading up Dave's RV with a bunch of propane tanks, fertilizer, gasoline, basically all the ingredients to turn the RV into a massive explosive.
"Not on my watch" Grayson growls to himself "We got Osama, I'll be damned if these guys are gonna take that from us."
as Dick charges the fatal foursome, there's a odd sound
"YYYYYYYYYuuUUUUUUUUUBBBB" says zombie Ewok #4 as he rushes on little legs to feast on some terrorist.
"Allah!" yells terrorist #1 as he pulls out a machine gun and opens fire on the Ewok, cutting his undead body down in a hail of gunfire.
As that goes down, Dick Grayson arrives and quickly begins to make short works of the terrorists. His usual vow of not killing goes out the window as his patriotism boils over into a fury and he lays down a vicious beating on the terrorists. Arms, legs, necks, all are broken as Grayson showcases how easy it is for him to battle four terrorists.
Three of the four alQaeda members are dead, when Nightwing pick up the third member by the shirt front and growls
"Who the f**k are you working for?"
before the brutalized man can answer, suddenly a shot rings out and Dick Grayson head suddenly disappears.
"Well, lookit that donchaknow! Barack ain't the only one who can kill terrorists! Looks like Sarah Palin's not out of the race yet" exclaims a gleeful Sarah Palin as she shoulders her high power sniper rifle and takes off to alert Fox News of her accomplishment.
However, al Qaeda member #3 isn't out of the woods yet. He crawls to the RV, hoping to still spread some terror on American soil. Suddenly, a hand bursts through his chest, tearing out his heart and killing him.
"Sorry pal. I'll be taking that off your hands" growls Black Lantern Johnny Storm
Storm gets in the RV, and begins to prepare the RV for his opponents on Alice's Wonder Team. Johnny takes a seat at the table, and awaits the eventual, inevitable bloodshed.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: All Dead
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies: Sarah Palin survives.
BROCK SAMSON'S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!!
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are: Sarah Palin and 4 al Qaeda members
Dick Grayson arrives at the RV to see 4 al Qaeda terrorists heavily armed and loading up Dave's RV with a bunch of propane tanks, fertilizer, gasoline, basically all the ingredients to turn the RV into a massive explosive.
"Not on my watch" Grayson growls to himself "We got Osama, I'll be damned if these guys are gonna take that from us."
as Dick charges the fatal foursome, there's a odd sound
"YYYYYYYYYuuUUUUUUUUUBBBB" says zombie Ewok #4 as he rushes on little legs to feast on some terrorist.
"Allah!" yells terrorist #1 as he pulls out a machine gun and opens fire on the Ewok, cutting his undead body down in a hail of gunfire.
As that goes down, Dick Grayson arrives and quickly begins to make short works of the terrorists. His usual vow of not killing goes out the window as his patriotism boils over into a fury and he lays down a vicious beating on the terrorists. Arms, legs, necks, all are broken as Grayson showcases how easy it is for him to battle four terrorists.
Three of the four alQaeda members are dead, when Nightwing pick up the third member by the shirt front and growls
"Who the f**k are you working for?"
before the brutalized man can answer, suddenly a shot rings out and Dick Grayson head suddenly disappears.
"Well, lookit that donchaknow! Barack ain't the only one who can kill terrorists! Looks like Sarah Palin's not out of the race yet" exclaims a gleeful Sarah Palin as she shoulders her high power sniper rifle and takes off to alert Fox News of her accomplishment.
However, al Qaeda member #3 isn't out of the woods yet. He crawls to the RV, hoping to still spread some terror on American soil. Suddenly, a hand bursts through his chest, tearing out his heart and killing him.
"Sorry pal. I'll be taking that off your hands" growls Black Lantern Johnny Storm
Storm gets in the RV, and begins to prepare the RV for his opponents on Alice's Wonder Team. Johnny takes a seat at the table, and awaits the eventual, inevitable bloodshed.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: All Dead
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies: Sarah Palin survives.
BROCK SAMSON'S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!!
Untouchables vs Alice
The Untouchables are: Black Lantern Human Torch
Alice's Wonder Team are: Vampire #7, Goblin #7 and an Ewok.
The trio of Alice's Wonder Team stand outside of Dave's RV, waiting. They see BL Johnny Storm just sitting at the kitchen table. Waiting. An odd smile is on his face.
"Why is he just sitting there? What's his deal?" asks the Goblin.
"I don't know. It's veddy odd." replies the Vampire
"Nub nub." chimes in the Ewok
"Blah. Ve vill go in and charge him." says the Vamp, taking command "Evok. You stay here and be on point"
The Goblin and the Vampire both burst into the RV, the Goblin through the window, the Vampire through the door.
Johnny Storm still sits there. Grinning.
"Vat's dat smell?" says the Vampire before noticing the oven is open and there are open propane containers all on the floor.
The black lantern smirks and says two deadly words.
"Flame. On"
BBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!
The RV explodes, incinerating the Goblin and the Vampire. The Ewok is torn to shreds by the shrapnal of the exploding vehicle.
Johnny Storm flies away from the smoldering remains unharmed, his undead cackle filling the sky.
Alice's WOnder Team: All dead.
The Untouchable: Black Lantern Human Torch survives.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
Alice's Wonder Team are: Vampire #7, Goblin #7 and an Ewok.
The trio of Alice's Wonder Team stand outside of Dave's RV, waiting. They see BL Johnny Storm just sitting at the kitchen table. Waiting. An odd smile is on his face.
"Why is he just sitting there? What's his deal?" asks the Goblin.
"I don't know. It's veddy odd." replies the Vampire
"Nub nub." chimes in the Ewok
"Blah. Ve vill go in and charge him." says the Vamp, taking command "Evok. You stay here and be on point"
The Goblin and the Vampire both burst into the RV, the Goblin through the window, the Vampire through the door.
Johnny Storm still sits there. Grinning.
"Vat's dat smell?" says the Vampire before noticing the oven is open and there are open propane containers all on the floor.
The black lantern smirks and says two deadly words.
"Flame. On"
BBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!
The RV explodes, incinerating the Goblin and the Vampire. The Ewok is torn to shreds by the shrapnal of the exploding vehicle.
Johnny Storm flies away from the smoldering remains unharmed, his undead cackle filling the sky.
Alice's WOnder Team: All dead.
The Untouchable: Black Lantern Human Torch survives.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Season 4 Week 10: Obvlivio vs Alice's Wonder Team
Oblivio is: Krona, Kyle Rayner Parallax, Heavy Clone Trooper.
Alice's Wonder Team is: Black Lantern Bizarro and Equinox.
On December 7th 1972 mankind's last trip to the moon occurred.
At that time there were no cell phones, no touch screens, the fastest computer chip was equivalent to the power of a Nintendo Entertainment System.
Despite huge advances in technology, it somehow still costs the US government nearly the same amount of money to travel to the moon.
Some say we never went to the moon which is why what seemed so easily done in 1972 is not dismissed as too time and effort intensive in 2011.
Others say that in 1976 the U.S. Government was sent a letter.
That letter simply said
"We Run This. Keep Out.
- With love, The FFL"
The Battle begins quickly and ends in a similar fashion.
The Dark side of the moon is illuminated by blaster fire.
Black Lantern Bizarro is giggling to himself.
"Hehehe that tickle Bizarro, you am new best friend!"
Despite the laughter The Heavy Clone Trooper continues to pelt the twice twisted madman with his heavy repeating blaster.
This gives Parallax Kyle and Krona plenty of time to descend on the nutjob and tear him to pieces, Kyle and Krona toss the pieces into the intense light on the other side of the moon where they dissolve instantly.
Equinox Rushes at the two, deflecting blaster bolts and taking a run right at Krona.
Krona is torn to pieces by the immense power of Equinox.
However this does not save him from Parallax.
"Heh, you look like you belong here... dark side, light side, you're all about balance... In fact I think you look so at home here.. that you should stay, forever."
With that Kyle Snapped Equinox's neck and buried him in the ground with a powerful slam.
Oblivio is Victorious!
Kyle and the Heavy Clone Trooper survive.
Alice's Wonder Team is: Black Lantern Bizarro and Equinox.
On December 7th 1972 mankind's last trip to the moon occurred.
At that time there were no cell phones, no touch screens, the fastest computer chip was equivalent to the power of a Nintendo Entertainment System.
Despite huge advances in technology, it somehow still costs the US government nearly the same amount of money to travel to the moon.
Some say we never went to the moon which is why what seemed so easily done in 1972 is not dismissed as too time and effort intensive in 2011.
Others say that in 1976 the U.S. Government was sent a letter.
That letter simply said
"We Run This. Keep Out.
- With love, The FFL"
The Battle begins quickly and ends in a similar fashion.
The Dark side of the moon is illuminated by blaster fire.
Black Lantern Bizarro is giggling to himself.
"Hehehe that tickle Bizarro, you am new best friend!"
Despite the laughter The Heavy Clone Trooper continues to pelt the twice twisted madman with his heavy repeating blaster.
This gives Parallax Kyle and Krona plenty of time to descend on the nutjob and tear him to pieces, Kyle and Krona toss the pieces into the intense light on the other side of the moon where they dissolve instantly.
Equinox Rushes at the two, deflecting blaster bolts and taking a run right at Krona.
Krona is torn to pieces by the immense power of Equinox.
However this does not save him from Parallax.
"Heh, you look like you belong here... dark side, light side, you're all about balance... In fact I think you look so at home here.. that you should stay, forever."
With that Kyle Snapped Equinox's neck and buried him in the ground with a powerful slam.
Oblivio is Victorious!
Kyle and the Heavy Clone Trooper survive.
Logical Genocide vs The Abomitrons
Logical Genocide is Az-Rel, Black Lantern Brainiac, Guy Gardner: Warrior, Sniffles the Ewok, and Cannon Fodder Smurf w/a Blue Lantern Ring.
The Abomitrons are Odin, Black Lantern Sunstorm and Ewok Child #1.
Cannon Fodder Smurf flies through the air courtesy of his Blue Lantern Ring. He also uses it to bring Sniffles the Ewok along with him. There is a bright flash of black light that flashes just over the horizon of the Moon. The pair flies to see what it is and are then blinded by another flash of light and vaporized by its intense energy. Once the light dims down, it is shown that their destructor was in fact Black Lantern Sunstom. The trio of Az-Rel, Black Lantern Brainiac and Guy Gardner: Warrior are all standing their ground awaiting for the Abomitrons to attack. A massive bolt of multi-colored lightning slams down out of the sky as Odin, King of Asgard, arrives to the battle. Guy Gardner is the first to attack and lets loose and powerful blast from his morphed cannon arms. The blasts fly past Odin, but do manage to annihilate the Ewok Child that was behind him. The vengeful god then unleashes a mighty bolt of lightning from his staff that puts a hole right through Guy Gardner’s chest, dropping him instantly. Az-Rel then flies in and levels Odin with a right cross as Black Lantern Brainiac senses a powerful robot coming his way.
Black Lantern Sunstorm flies in and is assaulted by Black Lantern Brainiac. The Black Lanterns viciously battle for the upper hand. Brainiac is trying to take over Sunstorm’s circuitry and seems to be accomplishing just that. But Sunstorm’s powers are increasingly unstable and when Brainiac tries to tap into them, it causes a catastrophic meltdown deep within Sunstorm’s core and the resulting explosion disintegrates both Black Lanterns. Odin and Az-Rel are both knocked off their feet by the blast as well. As the dust begins to settle on the Moon, Az-Rel tries to shake the cobwebs from his head and begins to get back to his feet. But Odin comes up from behind him and drives his spear right through the Kryptonian’s back. Az-Rel screams in agony as Odin directs his powers through the spear and fries Az-Rel. His smoking husk drops to the ground as Odin leaves Midgard victorious.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Abomitrons are Odin, Black Lantern Sunstorm and Ewok Child #1.
Cannon Fodder Smurf flies through the air courtesy of his Blue Lantern Ring. He also uses it to bring Sniffles the Ewok along with him. There is a bright flash of black light that flashes just over the horizon of the Moon. The pair flies to see what it is and are then blinded by another flash of light and vaporized by its intense energy. Once the light dims down, it is shown that their destructor was in fact Black Lantern Sunstom. The trio of Az-Rel, Black Lantern Brainiac and Guy Gardner: Warrior are all standing their ground awaiting for the Abomitrons to attack. A massive bolt of multi-colored lightning slams down out of the sky as Odin, King of Asgard, arrives to the battle. Guy Gardner is the first to attack and lets loose and powerful blast from his morphed cannon arms. The blasts fly past Odin, but do manage to annihilate the Ewok Child that was behind him. The vengeful god then unleashes a mighty bolt of lightning from his staff that puts a hole right through Guy Gardner’s chest, dropping him instantly. Az-Rel then flies in and levels Odin with a right cross as Black Lantern Brainiac senses a powerful robot coming his way.
Black Lantern Sunstorm flies in and is assaulted by Black Lantern Brainiac. The Black Lanterns viciously battle for the upper hand. Brainiac is trying to take over Sunstorm’s circuitry and seems to be accomplishing just that. But Sunstorm’s powers are increasingly unstable and when Brainiac tries to tap into them, it causes a catastrophic meltdown deep within Sunstorm’s core and the resulting explosion disintegrates both Black Lanterns. Odin and Az-Rel are both knocked off their feet by the blast as well. As the dust begins to settle on the Moon, Az-Rel tries to shake the cobwebs from his head and begins to get back to his feet. But Odin comes up from behind him and drives his spear right through the Kryptonian’s back. Az-Rel screams in agony as Odin directs his powers through the spear and fries Az-Rel. His smoking husk drops to the ground as Odin leaves Midgard victorious.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A Better Family
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Omega Supreme, and Air Zimmell, Blue Toad & Yellow Toad in the Mario 2 Spaceship.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A Better Family are Dark Supergirl and Black Lantern Kilowog.
Layander's Super Orange Kitties and Cats Living Together To Make A Better Family are Dark Supergirl and Black Lantern Kilowog.
Xavier’s Anihilation Squad Vs Syracuse Valley
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is..
G-Girl, Sailor Moon, Astro Boy
The Syracuse Valley is..
Bucky O'Hare, Deadeye Duck, Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, Pilot Jenny, AFC Blinkie, & (Head Coach) Commander Dogstar in an Imperial Shuttle.(Movie) Soundwave w/ (Movie) Laserbeak, and Kree Soldier #7
G-Girl , Sailor Moon, and Astro Boy fly to the lunar landing site and take up strategic position.
G-Girl: Alright gang take up position in front of the flag, stand tall and stand proud.
Astro Boy: Wait do you mean like shoulder to shoulder? I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
Sailor Moon: OH What just because she doesn’t have a D**K She can’t give orders?!
Astro Boy: I didn’t say that I just said I that I think it’s a stupid idea.
G-Girl: So now women are stupid!?
Astro Boy: What!? Dude I am not male or female I am a f***kin robot, A ken doll has more going on down stairs then I do.
SUDDENLY A LARGE SHADOW IS CAST
Bucky O'Hare, Deadeye Duck, Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, AFC Blinkie, & Commander Dogstar rappel from the imperial shuttle and surround their foes.
Astro Boy: I told you so.
Bucky dashes towards Sailor moon and unleashes a hail of lazer fire, Deadeye Duck pulls all four of his blasters and pins down G-Girl behind the lunar modular. Wily Duwitt attempts to flank the feminine powerhouse but his efforts thwarted when-Girl stops him and shots a blasts of her heat vision directly into his cerebral cortex. Bucky hits G-Girl with two shots from his blaster then is hit by and energy blast from sailor moon. Just as sailor moon is about to turn the Great Bucky O’Hare into a s**t stain , The bezzerker Baboon Bruiser comes up from behind and begins to brutally beat to petit young girl, after a few power bombs Bruiser reaches down and pulls Sailors head off of her body.
Now that she is free and clear of all attacks G-Girl Again use’s her heat vision, this time to bring down the Imperial shuttle. In an amazing display of speed G- Girl speeds around the surface of the moon and smashes each surviving member of the righteous indignation into the ground( just like superman and the sun guy).
Soudwave: lazerbeak attack.
Lazerbeak bursts out of sound waves chest and speeds towards the surface of the moon. Astro Boy intercepts the deception and uses his hand cannon to blow out lazerbeaks cpu. Then G-Girl kicks the robot to pieces. sound wave is now a sitting duck. Astro boy and G-Girl grab the pieces of scrap metal floating around them and begin to hurl them at sound wave. G-Girl impales the gigantic robot right through what appears to be his head. When she moves in to finish his of he transforms and what she though was his head was actually just his taint. This obviously p***t him off so he grabbed the super lady and twisted her as if she were a dish towel. Upon seeing this Astro boy vomits some motor oil then fires a large blast of energy that kills sound wave ounce and for all.
Xavier’s anihilation Squad is victorious!
Xavier’s Anihilation Squad: Astro Boy
Syracuse Valley: All Dead
G-Girl, Sailor Moon, Astro Boy
The Syracuse Valley is..
Bucky O'Hare, Deadeye Duck, Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, Pilot Jenny, AFC Blinkie, & (Head Coach) Commander Dogstar in an Imperial Shuttle.(Movie) Soundwave w/ (Movie) Laserbeak, and Kree Soldier #7
G-Girl , Sailor Moon, and Astro Boy fly to the lunar landing site and take up strategic position.
G-Girl: Alright gang take up position in front of the flag, stand tall and stand proud.
Astro Boy: Wait do you mean like shoulder to shoulder? I don’t think that’s such a good idea.
Sailor Moon: OH What just because she doesn’t have a D**K She can’t give orders?!
Astro Boy: I didn’t say that I just said I that I think it’s a stupid idea.
G-Girl: So now women are stupid!?
Astro Boy: What!? Dude I am not male or female I am a f***kin robot, A ken doll has more going on down stairs then I do.
SUDDENLY A LARGE SHADOW IS CAST
Bucky O'Hare, Deadeye Duck, Bruiser, Willy Duwitt, AFC Blinkie, & Commander Dogstar rappel from the imperial shuttle and surround their foes.
Astro Boy: I told you so.
Bucky dashes towards Sailor moon and unleashes a hail of lazer fire, Deadeye Duck pulls all four of his blasters and pins down G-Girl behind the lunar modular. Wily Duwitt attempts to flank the feminine powerhouse but his efforts thwarted when-Girl stops him and shots a blasts of her heat vision directly into his cerebral cortex. Bucky hits G-Girl with two shots from his blaster then is hit by and energy blast from sailor moon. Just as sailor moon is about to turn the Great Bucky O’Hare into a s**t stain , The bezzerker Baboon Bruiser comes up from behind and begins to brutally beat to petit young girl, after a few power bombs Bruiser reaches down and pulls Sailors head off of her body.
Now that she is free and clear of all attacks G-Girl Again use’s her heat vision, this time to bring down the Imperial shuttle. In an amazing display of speed G- Girl speeds around the surface of the moon and smashes each surviving member of the righteous indignation into the ground( just like superman and the sun guy).
Soudwave: lazerbeak attack.
Lazerbeak bursts out of sound waves chest and speeds towards the surface of the moon. Astro Boy intercepts the deception and uses his hand cannon to blow out lazerbeaks cpu. Then G-Girl kicks the robot to pieces. sound wave is now a sitting duck. Astro boy and G-Girl grab the pieces of scrap metal floating around them and begin to hurl them at sound wave. G-Girl impales the gigantic robot right through what appears to be his head. When she moves in to finish his of he transforms and what she though was his head was actually just his taint. This obviously p***t him off so he grabbed the super lady and twisted her as if she were a dish towel. Upon seeing this Astro boy vomits some motor oil then fires a large blast of energy that kills sound wave ounce and for all.
Xavier’s anihilation Squad is victorious!
Xavier’s Anihilation Squad: Astro Boy
Syracuse Valley: All Dead
Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's"Touring Battalion of Commandos vs Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
am so edgy now that I sing Nirvana songs" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and "Wait let me check...yep, I'm still the F#$*in Man!" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's are….
Earth 2 Superman, Muhammad Ali in a space suit, and President Barack Obama in a space suit
Brock Samson’s fighting Murderflies are…
Dynomutt The Dog Wonder, The Blair Witch, Lobo, Sarah Palin, Ron Popiel, Doc Brown, Squirrel 1 and 2
Earth 2 Superman: So Mr. president do you want me to just crush them all now or…
President Barack Obama: No, just take out the heavy hitters for me, I wana say Hi to Sarah.
Earth 2 Superman speeds over to Lobo and before he even has a chance to use any of his lame a** lines, Kal-L Punches the right half of his face off then rips out the aliens heart. Covered in blood, Earth 2 Superman chases down Dynomutt. Once he has his hands on the super pooch he puts the dog in his cape and then bashes it against the ground several times.
Doc Brown and Ron Popiel really want no part of this fight, they have put their colossal brains together and have built a space craft that you don’t have to fly, you can just set it and forget it.(you don’t actually forget you just go into an artificial trance from the hyper sleep) But before the worlds most beloved scientists can escape the moon their space craft is ripped open and they are exposed to the vacuum of space.
It really does look just like total recall when you die in space.
President Barack Obama: Showtime.
The President makes it look easy when he snow boards down the large slope of one of the many craters on the moon(he doesn’t actually have a snow board he’s doing that with his bear feet), with no problem at all
Obama reaches the floor of the crater and runs full speed at Sarah palin. The one time Vice Presidential candidate fires 6 shots with her shot gun, not coming close once. Barack hits Palin with a crescent kick then grabs the knife from her vest and plunges it into her chest.
President Barack Obama: Two notorious terrorists in one month? Mr. President How do you do it.
SUDDENLY
the Blair Witch runs up and tries to stab the President while his back is turned. OUT OF NO WHERE two large hands launch out of a backpack Barack was wearing.
Ding Dong the Blair Witch is dead due to a broken neck.
Muhammad Ali: I am a Bad Man!
So, Almost like Luke Skywalker and Yoda but more like an even weirder version of master blaster Barack Obama and Muhammad Ali decided to attach themselves to one another.
"I am so edgy now that I sing Nirvana songs" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and "Wait let me check...yep, I'm still the F#$*in Man!" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's are Victorious!
Brock Samson’s fighting Murder flies : All Dead
I am so edgy now that I sing Nirvana songs" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and "Wait let me check...yep, I'm still the F#$*in Man!" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's : Flawless victory!
Earth 2 Superman, Muhammad Ali in a space suit, and President Barack Obama in a space suit
Brock Samson’s fighting Murderflies are…
Dynomutt The Dog Wonder, The Blair Witch, Lobo, Sarah Palin, Ron Popiel, Doc Brown, Squirrel 1 and 2
Earth 2 Superman: So Mr. president do you want me to just crush them all now or…
President Barack Obama: No, just take out the heavy hitters for me, I wana say Hi to Sarah.
Earth 2 Superman speeds over to Lobo and before he even has a chance to use any of his lame a** lines, Kal-L Punches the right half of his face off then rips out the aliens heart. Covered in blood, Earth 2 Superman chases down Dynomutt. Once he has his hands on the super pooch he puts the dog in his cape and then bashes it against the ground several times.
Doc Brown and Ron Popiel really want no part of this fight, they have put their colossal brains together and have built a space craft that you don’t have to fly, you can just set it and forget it.(you don’t actually forget you just go into an artificial trance from the hyper sleep) But before the worlds most beloved scientists can escape the moon their space craft is ripped open and they are exposed to the vacuum of space.
It really does look just like total recall when you die in space.
President Barack Obama: Showtime.
The President makes it look easy when he snow boards down the large slope of one of the many craters on the moon(he doesn’t actually have a snow board he’s doing that with his bear feet), with no problem at all
Obama reaches the floor of the crater and runs full speed at Sarah palin. The one time Vice Presidential candidate fires 6 shots with her shot gun, not coming close once. Barack hits Palin with a crescent kick then grabs the knife from her vest and plunges it into her chest.
President Barack Obama: Two notorious terrorists in one month? Mr. President How do you do it.
SUDDENLY
the Blair Witch runs up and tries to stab the President while his back is turned. OUT OF NO WHERE two large hands launch out of a backpack Barack was wearing.
Ding Dong the Blair Witch is dead due to a broken neck.
Muhammad Ali: I am a Bad Man!
So, Almost like Luke Skywalker and Yoda but more like an even weirder version of master blaster Barack Obama and Muhammad Ali decided to attach themselves to one another.
"I am so edgy now that I sing Nirvana songs" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and "Wait let me check...yep, I'm still the F#$*in Man!" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's are Victorious!
Brock Samson’s fighting Murder flies : All Dead
I am so edgy now that I sing Nirvana songs" "Pop Superstar" Hannah Montana and "Wait let me check...yep, I'm still the F#$*in Man!" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both World's" Touring Battalion of Commando's : Flawless victory!
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