THE UNIVERSE BOWL: George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

George Washington’s Slaves are Wedge Antilles & Adm. Ackbar in The Shuttle Tyderium, Trinity in the Bat-Copter, Capt. Kirk in a Tie Fighter, Jason Bourne in a Ferrari F-40, Corbin Dallas & Santa Claus in a Snow Speeder, Agen Kolar, Neo, Amazo, Loki, Ancient Ginaz Swordsmen #7, Arisia, Yoda, Yoshi, Augustus Cole, Damon Baird, Dominic Santiago, & Marcus Fenix, Ben Skywalker, Bronze Dragon #20, Cade Skywalker, Cassandra Nova, Colossus, Connor McLeod, Cthulu, Jedi Master #1, Dare the Terminator, Darth Plaguis, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Inspector Gadget, Jimmy Neutron, Ki Adi Mundi, King Kong, Martian Manhunter, Optimus Prime, Sandworm #15, Shaak Ti, Super Soldier, & T-1000.

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Supergirl, Superboy Prime, Sinestro, The Stunticons: Motor Master, Drag Strip, Dead End, Breakdown, & Wild Rider, Starscream, Sunstorm, Mara Jade in a F-22, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master & R6-03 in a Y-Wing, Saeese Tiin in a Tie Bomber, Plo Koon & Josh Houslander in a Snow Speeder, Stitch in the Blue Falcon, Cable & Charlton Heston in a Stealth Bomber, Havok, The Sentry, Juggernaut, Daken, Phoenix, Venom II, Captain Marvel II, Exitar the Exterminator, The One Above All, Pinhead, Lucius Malfoy, Sheanna, Seaworm #7, Achilles w/ his Myrmidons: Deadly little Miho, Deathstroke, Sabertooth, Taskmaster, & Chris & Julie Artrip (Heston’s in the Stealth).


From High above The Play-Off Planet where I prepare to witness this cataclysmic event I can already feel the tension that these 2 teams, who have proven themselves to be the best in their respective leagues, are emitting. Many fighters on both sides of the battle suited up in preparation today knowing that this would most likely be there very last battle, but everyone of them are prepared to give their all, for their team. As Josh Houslander climbs into the back of Plo Koon’s Rebel Snow Speeder, the Jedi Master asks him how he is feeling. Josh responds with: “Some days I feel like I could take on the whole National League myself”. “I know the feeling” Master Koon responds. Wedge & Ackbar on the other hand are already high above the battlefield as they lead the entire Slave air squadron from the cockpit of the stolen Imperial Shuttle Tyderium codenamed Slave-2 (Slave 1 was taken). Trinity responds over the comlink with “Slave-3 standing by”. Capt. Kirk: “Slave………4…………Standing……by” Corbin Dallas: “Slave-5 standing by”. Jimmy Neutron & Inspector Gadget, from their self constructed heavily armed craft: “Slave-6 standing by”. And even Jason Bourne from the city streets down below in his Ferrari F-40 says: “Slave-7 standing by". Wedge feels great, now that he is back in the cockpit of a ship, as he is still in a state of disbelief after what he saw Yoda do up close to win the League Finals against the Commandos. The Slaves ships stay close and prepare for their air offensive, while The Horsemen ships are a little bit more scattered, as they all have orders to back up different team members. Darkseid laid out part of a battle plan for The Universe Bowl before he died, but it can only be followed so closely without his leadership in the field; which means that Head Coach Hannibal Lectur’s plans will have to be followed more closely, with less mid-match audibles than The Horsemen are used to. Despite their reputation, as the most aggressive team in both leagues, The Horsemen are taken slightly off guard as The Slaves rush in first, as one solid wave. Gen Washington, who made himself famous with his guerilla war tactics, knows that Coach Lectur has read a few books about him, so in an attempt to take The Horsemen off guard he sends his men in first. In the locker room before the battle Coach Washington told his Slaves that if they were going to defeat The Horsemen, it was going to have to be a battle of divide and conquer. He knew casualties could be high with this kind of battle plan, but he then finished his speech off with: “Then again casualties seem to be high, no matter who The Horsemen fight against”. Jason Bourne is racing around the city streets in his Ferrari when he begins being chased by Stitch in the Blue Falcon. Stitch has the speed advantage with his car but as Bourne zips up and down the city roads Stitch is unable to get the F-Zero Grand Prix racer up to its potential speeds. Stitch actually feels great going into this battle, now that he has his leg back, which was shot off by TEAM’s own Seraph during The American League finals. Stitch’s leg is of course back because for the first time in FFL history The Horsemen front office actually decided to Euthanize the alien so they could have him back at his full potential for the Universe Bowl. Jason Bourne, who is in full contact with Wedge & Slave Squadron, jerks his vehicle to the left and rockets down an alley as fast as he can. Bourne then breaks off the passenger side door handle and jams it onto the top of the gas peddle as he aims the car for a building about a half of a mile away. With the car now out in the open Stitch instantly starts to gain on the Ferrari and blasts his futuristic car up to about 400 miles an hour. Bourne then climbs out the window of the car while Jimmy Neutron flies his little bubble ship down above them. Inspector Gadget yells “Go-Go Gadget arms as he sends them down to grab Bourne before the car crashes into the building. Stitch screams something not even remotely sounding like English as The Blue Falcon hits the back of the Ferrari and sends it airborne. Stitch is then killed as The Blue Falcon crashes into the side of another building about a mile away. Yoda, was a little bit disappointed that Gen Washington benched Kybuck; but despite this feeling, he seems to be enjoying riding atop Yoshi just as well. Yoda & Yoshi, race in toward their opponents with a full team of Jedi running behind them. Agen Kolar, Ben & Cade Skywalker, Ki Adi Mundi, Shaak Ti, and Jedi Master #1, along with Ginaz Swordmaster #7 & Duncan Idaho rush toward the evil trio of Pinhead, Lucius Malfoy, & Captain Marvel II (not really sure how Captain Marvel got lumped into “the evil trio”, but I guess sometimes, it is just the company you keep). The Jedi & Ginaz swordmasters work so quickly and as such a great unit, that it is hard to tell that they are actually all independent minded individuals. Duncan Idaho uses his broad sword to take out Malfoy before he can get a single spell off, while Noh Varr takes flight in an attempt to gain an advantage over the 2 Skywalkers. Pinhead mentally swings his chains around to attack the Jedi but they are to fast to catch. Capt. Marvel manages to unload an amazing amount of energy to blast at Ben Skywalker, who attempts to block it with his lightsaber. The Jedi weapon is just simply not thick enough to handle that much energy as Marvel blasts Ben apart. Varr then flies over to attack Cade in the same way, but by the time Marvel moves to attack him Cade has already force leaped into the air and removed Marvel’s head with his lightsaber. Pinhead manipulates his chains to gain a hold over Agen Kolar. It does not take long for the Jedi Master to become overcome with the evil that is within them as he is violently ripped apart by the Cenobite’s power. Although it was not done on purpose, Kolar completely takes one for the team as his struggle took more of the Hellraiser’s power and attention than he is letting on. While Kolar is being killed, the Yoda led Jedis use their lightsabers to finish off Pinhead. When one is gifted with amazing cosmic powers such as myself and my watcher brethren, the world is opened up to amazing new visions, such as the battle I was privileged to witness between Cthulu and the head Celestial The One Above All. From my perspective the amount of wisdom, power, and courage (I don’t know if courage was really the right word, but I didn’t want to pass up a chance to make a Zelda Tri-force reference) that was expelled between these 2 creatures in what you may refer to as a single earth second was amazingly astounding to behold, but to witness it with the untrained eye, it merely looked like these 2 enormous creatures simply moved towards each other and disappeared. Which is basically what happened as The Old One & The One Above All were wiped from this plain of existence to make room for new forms of power and wisdom to grow (or something like that). Sheanna waltzes into the desert area of the Play-Off Planet, knowing what awaits her. As she purposely walks with a distinct rhythm in her feet, Sandworm #15 is drawn to her vibrations. The mighty worm rears up and reaches an amazing standing height, but then just stands there as if he is an audience of 1 to her perfectly performed show. Sheanna has complete control of the Sandworm, who has an indescribable connection to her. The 2 beings just stand there in silence, with a mutual admiration for each other when, the part of the plan that Sheanna is unaware of begins to transpire. With the worm in a semi-vulnerable spot, Darkseid very last plan and order are played out. Both Saeese Tiin in The Tie Bomber & Cable & Chuck in the Stealth Bomber release a plethora of heavy weapons fire, both into the mouth and toward the exposed underbelly of Shai Halud. Had Sheanna known that this was the plan, she may have not been so anxious to go have her meeting with the worm, but as their front office always says: “Every Horseman has a role”. Sheanna is a bit disgusted with the backhanded way that the worm was destroyed, but she knew as well as anybody that if this battle was going to be won that the Slaves worm or worms were going to have to be destroyed. Sheanna wanders the desert, now reeking of the cinnamon smell of mélange that is so pungent coming directly off of the worm. The spice-addicted King Kong is drawn to this aroma which is why he picks up Sheanna as if she is the most delectable smelling snack on the planet, which judging by the look on his face, when he bit her head. He just might have been right. Saeese Tiin and Cable both bank left to head back toward the city, but they don’t notice Delta Squad perched on top of one of the lower skyscrapers in the city area. Fenix orders his men to deploy some land to air missiles to take out the 2 bombers but Master Tiin takes evasive action to avoid the attack. Cable on the other hand is not quick enough to save his ship, but he and Charlie do manage to eject in time. Saeese Tiin is an incredible pilot, but once The Delta Squad continues firing on him he is unable to avoid their close range shots. He too is then forced to eject from the ship before it explodes (more like force leap out of the cockpit). Once down on the ground, the former bomber pilots reunite with each other. Saeese Tiin leads Cable and Charles (he hates it when Cable calls him that) quickly up the stairs of the building where he knows that Delta Squad is hold up before the can take out any more of The Horsemen’s aircraft. Before they open the door to the roof, all 3 Horsemen know that Delta Squad knows that they are coming and are prepared for them (Tiin because he has the force, Cable because he is a mind reader, & of course Heston because he is awesome). Master Tiin uses the force to knock down the door while they take cover on the stairs. Immediately as the door opens Delta Squad opens fire into the stairwell. Cable leads the 3 of them in a standard formation against the squad that not only has better positioning over them, but has them outnumbered as well. Cable uses his futuristic rifle to take out Damon Baird, but The Cole Train puts a bullet between the mutant’s eyes to return the favor. Saeese Tiin ignites his lightsaber and quickly takes out both Augustus Cole and Dominic Santiago, while Chaz throws down a spin move that most men half his age couldn’t pull off and then recovers in time to put 3 rounds from his M-16 into the Delta Squad leader. Saeese Tiin and Chuck Heston both agree that it was down right gnarly working together, but they then decide that it would be best if they split up, so Tiin can regroup with his Jedi Brethren and that Chizzle Hestizzle can go find The Myrmidons. Motor Master and the Stunticons are tearing up the city streets at high speeds when the Optimus Prime look-alike (Motor Master) decides that it is time to merge to form Menasor. Menasor is looking very menacing as Trinity comes flying in, in the Bat-Copter. She takes evasive action as Menasor tries to shoot her down with his Cybertronian lasers when she returns fire from the Bat-Copter. Trinity quickly finds out that the Bat-Copter’s weapons are no match for The Decepticon Gestalt, so she tries out a different course of action. Trinity loops back around Menasor and then jumps out of the vehicle, rolling onto the cement unharmed. The unmanned (sorry unwomanned) Bat-Copter crashes into Menasor and not only breaks the gestalt apart, but also kills both Drag Strip and Dead End in the process. The tiny human does an amazing job evading the attacks of the 3 remaining Stunticons when lucky for her, Optimus Prime shows up to lend a hand. Trinity runs up the side of Breakdown and punches right thru the back oh his neck. She then drops a few Bat-bomb destablilizers down the hole to disable his spark. Motor Master transforms into his truck form and so does Optimus who begins driving right at him. Wild Rider transforms as well into his Ferrari form but Trinity jumps onto the back of him. Motor Master, who is obsessed with destroying Optimus so he can be King of the Road continues the game of chicken which neither of them plan to swerve from. The 2 of them collide head on, but of course it is Motor Master who gets the worst of the collision. As they transform back into robot form Motor Master is pretty banged up while Optimus is basically fine. Trinity climbs inside of Wild Rider and starts ripping out wires to disable the Stunticon which she is successful doing (it is a good thing that she downloaded a program for Decepticon hot-wiring this morning). She then takes control of Wild Rider and crashes him into the head of the slumped over Motor Master, while she jumps out of yet another moving vehicle just in the nick of time. Optimus nods to Trinity as he transforms and rolls out, not knowing that that will be the last time he sees her. Just as Trinity begins to think that she has earned a rest Havok pops out from behind the Decepticon wreckage that were once his teammates and blows her apart. Cassandra Nova attempts to take over the mind of Venom II but before she can do any damage, Rachel Summers breaks apart the mental link, releasing some of the Phoenix force into the mind of Cassandra Nova, which is more than enough to kill her. Mara Jade is having too much trouble keeping up with Starscream and Sunstorm so she breaks off and begins dog-fighting with Corbin Dallas and Santa Claus in Their Snow Speeder. A slightly nervous Santa says: “Ho Ho Ho Corbin, I’m not used to being the co-pilot when we’re in these battles”. Corbin responds with “Hey Santa, I’m on it. Don’t worry, when it comes to flying I’m a very good boy”. They both chuckle at this absolutely hilarious remark (you know, just like all of you readers are right now). Corbin tries to get in behind Mara Jade, but despite having the less maneuverable vehicle, Mara’s piloting skills are superb. She doubles back and then releases 2 missiles which actually just barely nick the Snow Speeder. Corbin is able to crash land the damaged craft in the snow, so they can get out into the cold weather just in time (don’t worry, they’re dressed for it). Colossus tries to stand his ground as Juggernaut runs toward him with Daken close behind to back him up. Juggernaut knocks Colossus to the ground and then tramples over him, but Colossus gets right back up. Colossus picks up a huge random piece of steel, like he always manages to find and hits Juggernaut with it, but it does not seem to have that much effect on him. Daken attacks Colossus from behind, more as a distraction than anything else, so Juggernaut can once again run over Colossus, but this time he stomps on him with all of his might. This fierce attack effects Colossus so severely that it knocks him to the ground in a state of near unconsciousness which causes him to revert back to his human form. Once he is not protected by his organic metal covering Daken is able to use his claws to quickly finish him off. Amazo uses the powers of Juggernaut to easily mow over Venom and kill him, but Exitar grabs a hold of the Android and rips him apart with ease. Exitar then begins moving in toward The Slaves as if it is time for him to single-handedly end this battle when Neo pops out below him and simply raises his right hand into the air. Neo begins to shake uncontrollably but before he falls over from exhaustion, Exitar’s lifeless metal body causes a small tremor as it hits the ground with a thud of scrap metal. Martian Manhunter leads the Motley Crew of T-1000 & Loki into the water, to try and defeat the Sea Worm. Loki creates a large school of fish to distract the Sea Worm and to get it to open its massive mouth. T-1000 then jumps inside of the mouth of the worm and begins to line its stomach with liquid metal. Loki then casts some crazy spell while Martian Manhunter uses his eye beams to attack the worm from a distance. It is hard to tell which one of these attacks were the most successful, or if it was a combination of all 3, but either way the Sea Worm is killed in the process, unfortunately for the Slaves, T-1000 never resurfaced either. Darth Plaguis (hand chosen by George Washington for this job, after last week’s killing of Dave Bowman) is riding on top of Bronze Dragon #20, while he leads Jason Bourne, Connor McLeod, Dare the Terminator, & Duncan Idaho against The Myrmidons. While in the air Supergirl, Superboy, Sinestro, & The Sentry are looking for trouble. Supergirl, never asked for this role but after last week’s death of Darkseid, she is being looked at as the team’s unofficial field general. Superboy busts thru Jimmy Neutron & Inspector Gadget’s ship, killing Inspector Gadget. Neutron’s flying abilities are curtailed, but he does manage to glide to safety. The Sentry does battle with Super Soldier, high above the battlefield, while Supergirl flies in a little lower to attack Loki. Loki should have had an upper hand on Supergirl with all of his magical abilities, but it is hard to use magic when a Kryptonian is bashing in your skull. The Sentry and Super Soldier are wailing on each other with an amazing amount of ferocity when Super Soldier throws his shield at The Sentry. The Sentry dodges the throw and then with amazing speed rushes in and delivers an uppercut to the Superman/Capt. America mix that snaps his vertebrate in 2. Arisia catches Super Soldier’s shield with a large green hand created by her ring and then throws it at The Sentry once again. This time the green energy coated shield does hit The Sentry and send him for a loop. She then uses the power of her green lantern ring to push the shield into The Sentry, actually breaking into his durable skin. Arisia then unleashes the power of her ring into the battle wounded Sentry to finish him off. Arisia then hears another attacker flying up behind her, and without even looking turns and releases more concentrated green energy out of her ring then she ever has before. Arisia shoots with enough power to level just about anyone in the FFL, but unfortunately for her the man behind her was the one she couldn’t hurt. Sinestro, in his yellow suit, coated with yellow energy is unharmed by Arisia’s attacks. Sinestro then takes way to much pleasure, in being the first to take out a green lantern for good. Capt. Kirk is able to take out Plo Koon and Josh in their Snow Speeder, but much like Corbin and Santa Josh and his Jedi pal are able to crash land and get away with minimal injuries. Capt. Kirk is now on a roll as he does the same to Mara Jade. He blasts Mara’s F-22 out of the sky forcing her to parachute into the snow covered artic area of the planet. Once on the ground Mara Jade once again meets up with Corbin Dallas and Santa. Mara Jade force pushes Santa and then uses her blaster rifle to smoke Corbin Dallas like it ain’t no thing. Mara Jade then turns to Santa to light him up like a Christmas Tree as well, but she forgets that she is dealing with the expert. Santa ignites his green bladed lightsaber and stabs Mara Jade in the neck before she can get another shot off (WHAT? You mean you guys don’t remember from last year’s “What went on in the locker room" segment, that Santa was put on the Jedi Council. I mean come on that was a year ago, of course he has his own lightsaber by now). Capt. Kirk goes to engage his next victim but he is no match for Luke in The Y-Wing who blows up Kirk. Kirk is unable to eject out of the cheap Imperial designed ship. Supergirl, Superboy, & Sinestro fly over to take out The Slaves’ big man King Kong, but they are met in the air by Neo. Neo may be extremely worn out from his unusual take out of Exitar but the chosen one still manages to avenge his buddy Arisia and blast right thru Sinestro. Neo goes in for the kill against Superboy next, but before he can, Supergirl grabs a hold of the former member of TEAM and gladly rips off the head of the player who has caused her team so much grief over his 2 year career, which resulted in 2 Universe Bowl appearance (along with Trinity & King Kong). Cade Skywalker, in his mastery of both the light and dark sides of the force has no problem joining Darth Plaguis’ attack on The Myrmidons along with Jimmy Neutron. But on the Myrmidon side Plo Koon and Josh, in his black hospital scrub ninja gear show up to lend a hand to their fellow Horsemen. Martian Manhunter reminds Daken that he sucks by crushing his non-admantium skeleton with his bare hands, but Phoenix shows John Jonnz a new meaning of fire as she unleashes the Phoenix force on him to kill the Martian. Sunstorm lands on the ground and transforms into his robot form to do battle but he is instantly attacked. There is nothing common about the way that Jedi Master #1 & Ginaz Swordmaster #7 rush the much larger Decepticon. The Ancient Ginaz Swordmaster has fought many battle mechs similar to this in the past and new exactly where to hit the Decepticon to do the most possible damage. Jedi Master #1 then put the final touches in when he ran his lightsaber down the entire front of Sunstorm to destroy his spark. Wedge and Ackbar are being chased by Starscream and despite Wedge’s amazing piloting skills (and a little bit of luck), Starscream has still not managed to land any laser blasts on the ship that have gotten thru the ship’s shields. Wedge actually pulls a trick he was going to do when he originally stole The Shuttle Tyderium by beginning the landing cycle to fool Starscream. This actually works as Starscream begins to slow down to break into his robot form and finish them off on the ground. Wedge, while the wings are still being raised up on The Imperial Shuttle, switches all the power from the deflector shields and engines into the lasers so he can blast Starscream and stun him as much as possible. Wedge then quickly reverts back into fly mode, giving Adm. Ackbar just enough time to target Starscream with their proton torpedoes and finish him off. Wedge and Ackbar are feeling pretty good about themselves and their flying ability after taking out the top Decepticon Seeker, but they don’t realize how much trouble they are in until Luke Skywalker and R6-03 come flying in, in their Y-Wing. The Shuttle Tyderium is a much more armored and equipped ship than a little Y-Wing but Luke uses the ships maneuverability and the fact that it still is equipped with several advanced missiles to start doing quite a bit of harm to the last remaining ship in the Slave Squadron. There are very few pilots in the entire galaxy that can even compete with Wedge’s skills, and even less who could say that they are better; but even Wedge (and regrettably Ackbar) would probably admit that Luke Skywalker is one of them. Luke manages to single-handedly take out Shuttle Tyderium in such a speedy fashion, that Wedge and Ackbar barely have enough time to get to the escape pods. Luke is now flying the only ship left in the Universe Bowl, but that does not last long either, as Jimmy Neutron rigs up an Ion Cannon that is barely bigger than a sawed off Shot Gun that is powerful enough to take out Luke’s Y-Wing with little difficulty. Luke has no idea what is going on as he ejects, but poor R6 doesn’t have a chance. Supergirl and Superboy team up on King Kong and take him out pretty quick with a couple of building leveling punches to the neck. Jimmy Neutron pushes a couple of buttons on his Ion Cannon to switch the function but he must have been slippin, to not have known that Chris Artrip had his Niener, otherwise he would have known that he was straight trippin. Fizz then tatters Jimmy’s T-shirt before he caps Neutron in his oversized dome. The remaining 34 combatants (yes it is 17 each) are now packed ridiculously close together on the grassy area of the Play-Off Planet (it is the only area you can go that isn’t totally covered with blood and oil). Luke and Plo Koon ignite their lightsabers and take out both Ginaz Swordsmen #7 & Duncan Idaho with little difficulty. …………..Hey everybody do you remember The Amalgam Universe when they combined Deathstroke and Daredevil and made that dude named Death Devil………….. No, you don’t. Nobody does because it didn’t happen, instead they made a chick named Dare the Terminator who later got killed in The Universe Bowl by A Wakisachi wielding Josh Houslander in Black Hospital Scrubs (recognize). You know, right before Yoda rushed at him and had Yoshi swallow Josh whole. Which prompted Plo Koon to force push Yoshi out from underneath Yoda (he knew he couldn’t force push Yoda). Chris and Julie then rushed Yoshi to avenge Josh, but on the way Santa pulls out a Glock 36 from his sack and yells “Hey Fizz! This was gonna be your Christmas present. “How about I give it to you early”. Santa then unloads all 7 rounds of it into Chris. Heston doesn’t mean to step on his fellow Myrmidon’s toes by avenging her husband for her, but Heston pulls out his Colt .45 and puts a bullet in Santa’s forehead. Charlton, in a very unHeston-like moment then grabs his crotch and yells “That was for Z, you Fat B**&^**d”. Julie is now officially pissed at seeing the death of her husband and brother within minutes of each other which is why she picks up Chris’ sawed off shot gun and opts to not pull the trigger, but to beat Yoshi over the head with it repeatedly. I am pretty sure that by the time she cocked it and unloaded the bullets into Yoshi that he was already dead, but I guess it is better to be safe than sorry. Optimus Prime steps on Julie on the way to his real battle with Juggernaut. They say that Juggernaut cannot be stopped but to me it looked like Optimus Prime was the one that didn’t stop when they hit head on and the Autobot leader kept going. The other thing that made me think this was untrue was that after the collision Juggernaut was dead. Taskmaster is able to duplicate every move that Jason Bourne does to him which begins to become frustrating for Bourne. Bourne would have maybe been able to keep up with Taskmaster’s abilities to instantly take over an opponent’s fighting style, but in the end it was Taskmaster’s superior hand to hand weaponry that did Bourne in, as Taskmaster used his long sword to stab into Bourne’s heart. Shaak Ti quickly avenges her fellow N.L. Final survivor by taking off Taskmaster’s head, while Ki Adi Mundi is right behind her. Jedi Master #1 joins the fight against the Myrmidons but Deathstroke is able to put him away with his ninja sword. Heston is back to his old self again as he sees Wedge and Ackbar trying to shoot Saeese Tiin. Master Tiin is able to deflect the shots with his lightsaber, but before matters get worse Heston takes them both out with his 1911 .45 ACP. Connor McLeod attacks Heston, just assuming that he is an immortal like him. Heston does not have any melee weapons on him but he picks up Josh’s Wakisachi. Heston fights well against Connor, but this style of fighting is not his expertise. Connor McLeod is able to kill Heston by removing his head with his katana. Sabertooth jumps in quickly to avenge his favorite Myrmidon by using his razor sharp claws to cut off McLeod’s head. Luke jumps onto the back of Bronze Dragon #20 and begins lightsaber dueling with Darth Plaguis. Luke is able to kill Lord Plaguis with a quick thrust to his chest and then he pulls the lightsaber out of Plaguis and in one swift motion drives it into the back of The Bronze Dragon’s neck. Ki Adi Mundi & Shaak Ti rush in alongside one another, like they have done so many times in the past. Ki Adi takes out both Deathstroke & Sabertooth as if they were no better fighters than your average battle droid, but Deadly Little Miho comes in with such speed that even Master Mundi’s Jedi reflexes are not fast enough to block the swing of her sword. Achilles rushes in to take out Shaak Ti to finish the duo off. Cade Skywalker squares off against both Saeese Tiin and Plo Koon. The 2 Jedi Masters are confident that if they work together they can take out this mysterious force wielder but they soon find out that they are wrong as Cade Skywalker moves with incredible swiftness to take out them both. Cade Begins to move towards Achilles but before he can Superboy lands on Cade driving him deep into the ground with his feet to kill the force warrior. Luke stands up to lead the charge when Optimus looks over at Yoda and says: “I may not be able to light our darkest hour with the matrix after last week, but we can still make this happen”. Optimus then transforms into his truck form and crashes head on into Luke. The powerful Jedi was about to put up a force barrier but was taken off guard and killed by the Autobot. Optimus then transforms in mid-air and targets Achilles while still in the sky to take out both of The Horsemen’s #1 draft picks within a matter of seconds. It is actually Havok, who puts a stop to Prime’s amazing show by blasting the Transformer with the full force of his plasma blasts. Phoenix begins to unleash the Phoenix force to help out Havok, but Yoda quells the power of the Phoenix before it is released with his force powers, and then finishes off Rachel Summers in her weakened state, but can’t save Prime from Havok in time. Yoda force leaps into the air and lands on Superboy’s back. Superboy struggles to get the little Jedi Master off of him, but it is no use. Yoda is able to relax a spot of Superboy’s temple thru the force and then quickly slide his lightsaber in as if he were just a normal person. Yoda lands on the ground ready to fight, but once he lands he sees something rather strange. He sees Havok shooting his own teammate Supergirl with his plasma blasts. It is not until a couple seconds later that Yoda realizes that Havok’s sun-like powers are actually strengthening the Kryptonian. Yoda stands at the ready with his lightsaber drawn, as the fueled up Supergirl rushes at him. Miho runs behind Supergirl to back her up, with Havok at the ready as well; but they are not needed as Supergirl keeps Yoda’s lightsaber busy with her Heat Vision and then finishes the Jedi Master off with a double handed fist to the top of his head.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!

Week 3 Consolation Matches Match #7: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Le' Napoleon's Brigade

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets is Bill Kelley.

Le’ Napoleon’s Brigade is Ron Meyer.

Disclaimer: I think this is F’n bulls#*!. It’s the end of June and I’m teleported back to the middle of February to watch a Consolation Match. Granted as a Watcher, I do not feel the cold or the warmth of the sun, but still, February sucks.

As Bill Kelley pulls up to Mike Sroka’s house, he notices that Ron Meyer is hacking away at the foundation of the house’s porch with a pickaxe and has made a nice sized hole in it. “What do you think you are doing? The battle is to be fought over here in the ditch,” exclaims Bill. “Oh I know, I’m just preparing your final resting place for you, since I’m am going to kill you in a matter of moments,” replies Ron. He then charges towards Bill, who is fully equipped with his tool belt and swings the pickaxe right towards Bill’s head, but misses. Bill then hits Ron right between the shoulder blades with his hammer, sending Ron to his knees in the icy ditch. He then reaches into his tool belt, pulls out his straight blade and slices both of Ron’s Achilles tendons. Ron lets out a horrendous scream, only to be quickly silenced by a swift kick to the head by Bill. Ron Meyer crumples over onto his back in the cold icy ditch as Bill stands above him. Bill stomps on Ron’s throat, crushing his trachea. Blood spurts out from Ron’s mouth. Bill the calmly walks over to his truck and pulls out a tear-off tool. He then proceeds to violently bash Ron Meyer’s head in with it, until there is little left but brain matter, dirt and ice chunks. Bill drags Ron Meyer’s body over to the porch and shoves it into the hold that Ron had made earlier. “Al Dogg sends his regards,” Bill says as he lights a victory cigarette.

THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!

Week 3 Consolation Matches Match #6: The Syracuse Valley vs. The Untouchables

The Syracuse Valley is Rob Bartlett

The Untouchables are Big Bird.

Before the match starts Rob has a brilliant idea. He talks to Big Bird about it and after several minutes of convincing, Big Bird agreed to go along with it. The thing that Rob had come up with was having this be a best two out of three bout. He had seen Josh and Mike play enough fighting games to know that the fairest way to settle a fight was in a best two out of three match.

Both Rob and Big Bird walked down into the muddy ditch and got ready for the fight. Rob had grabbed a wrench out of his dad’s garage, which angered Big Bird a great deal.

“ What the hell Rob, you get a weapon?” Big Bird said to the arrogant 19-year old.

“ It’s called home field advantage Big B@&^%. Why don’t you try and come and grab it from me.” Just then the ice below Big Bird started to crack. Big Bird then realized that he was too heavy to be on this ice and quickly moved towards Rob. Rob was in a good position to hit the bird in the gut, but instead of hitting him the bird tripped and fell on top of him. Rob tried to get out from under the bird but was unable to break free.

The bird at first thought about how he was going to get up. That was until he realized that as long as he was on top of Rob, Rob was going to be stuck in this freezing cold water. Rob tried for a good half hour to break free from his very large opponent, but was never able to. Rob then with his last breath before he died said, “ Well at least I still have another round to get you back with”.

Big Bird then looked at Rob and said, “ You sure about that?” Rob then thought to himself about the Bird’s last remark and began to realize that his idea, though fair, was probably not going to happen.

The Bird waited another twenty minutes before getting up out of the ditch. Even then though, he decided to go back into the ditch and break the 19-year olds neck just for good measure.

Mike, who had watched all of these matches from the comfort of his home, got out of the house for this one. Mike saw the Bird break his neighbors neck and decided to confront him about this.

“ What the hell did you do that for?” Mike asked the large yellow-feathered creature.

“ Well, I figured that I would kill him twice just in case his stupid Mortal Kombat idea of two out of three came true.”

“ Even if that were the case, you can’t kill someone twice. You would have still had to kill him again even if you would have been given another chance.”
Big Bird then looked once more at the dead body lying in the ditch and said, “ Oh well, I guess it doesn’t matter now regardless of what happened. Why are you out here right now anyways?”

“ Oh I don’t know, maybe because you just killed my next door neighbor in my ditch. Seriously dude, this entire day has been pretty awful. Then to end the day, you have to go and kill Rob. I just was hoping it would have ended differently. Well, at least it’s over with” Mike said to the Big Bird.

“ Well, I’m done Mike, but your not.”

“ What do you mean? I thought this was the last match.” Mike said with a look of worry on his face.

“ Well, I guess you will have to wait and see like the rest of us. Anyways, I guess I’ll talk to you later.”

“ What do you mean, who else is coming here?” A panicking Mike said.

Big Bird started to walk away, but as he walked away he left Mike with this. “ I won’t tell you who’s coming, but you may want to start getting used to watching people you work with die”.

Mike looked at the back of Big Bird with a feeling of horror and thought to himself that he should have listened to the warning that his buddy Tim had given him. He also thought to himself that he could never watch Sesame Street in the same light ever again.

The Untouchables are Victorious!

Week 3 Consolation Matches Match #5: Built Ford Tough vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies

Built Ford Tough is Harrison Ford

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Ron Popeil and Aunt May

Ron Popeil knew how cold it was going to be during this match. He also knew that he was going to be with an elderly woman. In preparation for the match he thought about creating a suit of some sort to keep her warm. In thinking about how much time a suit like this would take to create, he instead just decided to hit up Burlington Coat Factory and get her a really warm jacket. Ron naturally had a few tricks up his sleeve for this match. By tricks up his sleeve I mean he brought a blowtorch with him.

Harrison Ford on the other hand lives in Montana. He is used to the tough winters, so this match will be nothing for him. As Harrison enters the ditch he is disappointed to find out it is more or less a swimming pool of the nastiest s#%@ you have ever seen.

“ What the hell did you do to this thing Ron? Harrison says to the crazy inventor.

“ I decided to use my blow torch on the ditch and melt all of the snow and ice. I’m beginning to think it was a bad idea though.”

“ Yeah, you think. How the hell are we going to fight in this? I mean, look at Aunt May. She looks like she is dying of hypothermia.”

Ron looks back at Aunt May and says, “ Yeah, I think she is already dead, so it’s not really that big of a deal anymore.”

“ I am not dead Ron, I’m just really cold” Aunt May says to Mr. Popeil.

“ Oh, I sorry Aunt May. I just assumed you were dead.”

“ Why, I survived the last match with you. Plus, I wouldn’t be doing that bad if it weren’t for your stupid flamethrower. This jacket you bought me was doing its job until you had to go and try to “fix” the situation.” Aunt May says this to Ron in an almost scolding type of manner.

“ Just wait a second, I am going to test out my world dehydrator.”

“ Your what? Do not turn that thing on. You are going to kill us all” Harrison says to the inventor.

“ Don’t worry about it Harry. O.k., just wait one second while it warm’s up.” Ron is getting his machine ready when Harrison decides to take matters into his own hands. Harrison takes out his Indiana Jones whip, which he naturally always has on his side and knocks over the machine. This angers the inventor to the point in which he actually begins to run over to the aging movie star.

Meanwhile, the machine that Ron was trying to turn on falls into the water. Harrison gets ready for his encounter with the inventor when all of sudden the water in the ditch starts to go down. They both stand there and watch as Ron’s world dehydrator soaks up all of the water in the ditch.

“ See Harry, I told you it would work just fine.”

“ Don’t call me Harry.” Harrison says to Ron Popeil.

They are both still staring at the now dry ground when Harrison notices that Ron and Aunt May’s noses are bleeding. He then touches his own nose and notices the same thing is happening to him. He looks one more at the machine on the ground and knocks Ron right on top of it.

“ What the hell did you do that for?” Popeil says to Ford.

“ Your machine is sucking up all of the moisture in the area pal. If you don’t turn it off soon it is going to suck up all of the moisture in our bodies.” (A bit of a stretch I know)

“ Well, I didn’t really have time to develop an off switch. I guess I could just bash it with a stick until it dies” Ron says to both Harrison and Aunt May.

“ Well that’s sort of funny, because I was just thinking of doing the same to you”.

“ You wouldn’t Mr. Ford” Aunt May said.

“ No Aunt May, I really would.” Harrison Ford then proceeded to beat Ron Popeil with a large stick until he was lying on the ground. He did eventually stop hitting him with a stick and instead got down to the ground and snapped the inventor’s neck. Harrison then got back up and walked towards Aunt May, who was now choking due to the lack of moisture in the air.

“ It’s up to you Aunt May, how do you want to die? I can just wait for this machine to kill you or I can do you myself.”

“ How about we wait it out and see who dies first, I think that’s a fair enough way to figure this out.” Aunt May says this hoping Harrison will go for it.

“ Well, we could do that I suppose. Though I think I’d rather do this instead.” Harrison then knocks the old woman to the ground and strangles her to death with his whip. After the old woman has gasped her last breathe, Harrison puts his whip back on his side. He then climbs out of the ditch and tries to get as far away from the dehydration machine as possible. He then looks down at his whip and says to himself, “ George is right, I really am Indiana Jones.”

Built Ford Tough is Victorious!

Week 3 Consolation Matches Match #4: Beckerman's Backyardigan's Beeyaatches vs. The Right Wing

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s Beeyaatches are Belle & Pablo.

The Right Wing is Nick Houslander

It is a cold and blustery February day as both teams reluctantly take to the slushy ditch in front of Michael Sroka’s house.

“ This is f#@*ing bulls@#* Belle, I could be back at the base hanging in the sandbox, but instead I have to be here. I know I’m a penguin and all, but this cold weather can suck my c#%&!” A very animated (get it) Pablo says to Belle.

“ I understand that Pablo, but we still have to at least try to win this match for Lord Vader. He told us that the force would guide us to victory” Belle says, trying to calm the blue penguin down.

“ Oh screw Lord Vader. Plus, that ancient religion of his hasn’t brought us out of the first round of the playoffs yet, so don’t tell me about how the force will guide us to victory.” Pablo finishes his second rant when he sees someone coming towards them. That someone is Nick Houslander, with shotgun in tow. Nick takes a step down into the muck and begins to load his weapon.

Pablo looks over at Belle and says, “ What the f*#$, he gets a weapon? Hey Belle flash him some skin and distract him while I try and gnaw off his legs.”

Belle looks at Pablo with a look of disgust. “ First off, I would never degrade myself by exposing my body to someone for any sort of advantage. Second, it’s like 15 degrees out. We shall figure something else out.”

“ Oh right, you’ll bang a seven foot tall beast but you won’t flash someone to win a match.” Pablo then looks back at Nick and says, “ Hey Nick you gun toting faggot, why don’t you get rid of the gun and fight me like a man?”

Nick then looks back at Pablo, cocks his gun and says, “ Because then I couldn’t do this”. Nick then unloads a shotgun shell directly in the face of Pablo, sending brain matter all over the dress of Belle.

Belle stands there with a look of shock on her face. “ Mr. Houslander, I am appalled by your actions. I am deeply disappointed in your actions. I thought you were a better person then that.”

“ I don’t know why you thought that” Nick says to the beautiful Disney character.

“ Killing a blue penguin is one thing, I still don’t think you have it in you to shoot a lady” Belle says with hope in her voice.

Nick looks back at Belle and says,“ Shoot a woman, I don’t think I could do that. Beat a woman, well that’s something I’ve been waiting my entire life for. Plus, I know I can make it out in this mud pit longer than you.”

“ What makes you so certain about this?”

“ You weren’t there for the winter of 99’, after that this is nothing.” Nick then walks over to Belle and hits her in the gut with a right hook and kicks out her feet from under her. Belle, who is now soaking wet in gross icy muck, tries to get up but Nick stands on her back and holds her head down into the shallow water. Belle kicks and gasps for air but after a couple of minutes she stops fighting. Nick waits another ten minutes or so, just for good measure. He doesn’t want this dumb b*#%$ to pull a fast one on him.

Nick then gets out of the ditch and looks back at what he has done. He at first begins to feel bad about what he has done, but then he remembers, what’s the point of feeling bad about something that made him feel so good. Nick continues walking up to the house with grin on his face, knowing that he ended his team’s season on a high note. Well, not morally speaking, but you know what I mean.

The Right Wing is Victorious!

Week 3 Consolation Matches Match #3: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Justin “ The Golden Boy” Oblak.

Team Sleeping Pussy is “ Stormin” Norman Rockwell.

Justin takes his first step into the mucky mess of the ditch and looks angry as his feet are instantly soaked. Norman Rockwell looks at the ditch and makes no attempt to walk into it.

“ Come on pussy, scarred of a little water” Justin says.

“ F you Justin, you know this week is garbage. Why are we fighting in the dead of winter when it is so nice outside”?

“ Yeah whatever Norm, why don’t you just sit in your little gay corner and paint a picture about it.” Justin says laughing.

“ I would have, but I was too busy drawing a picture of you biting a pillow while Brandon Inge had his way with you. You know, your usual Thursday night.” Rockwell says to the now angry Justin.

“ Oh that’s it Crockwell, your dead.” Justin gets out of the ditch and tackles the painter to the ground. The two wrestle on the sidewalk in front of the ditch for a while, but soon enough, Justin has gained the advantage and is dragging his opponent into the ditch. As the two combatants finally enter the muddy ditch, Norm manages to gain the upper hand on Oblak and takes him down to the ground.

The two men are now soaking wet in nasty ass muddy water.

“ How do you like it in the gutter Norm”

“ I love it you arrogant little faggot. Now learn to respect your elders” as he says this Norman picks up a huge stick that he broke out of the ice and bashes it over the head of the Golden Boy. Justin, who is now bleeding falls back into the muddy ditch. He lies there for mere seconds before he notices a large rock under the ice. He tries to break the ice from around the rock but before he is able to do so, he sees Norman coming at him once more with the stick.

Justin quickly sweeps Norm’s legs out from under him, dropping the painter to the ground. He then kicks Rockwell directly in the face. Justin then continues his attempt to get the rock out of the ice. He does manage to get a bit of the ice out from around the rock but is unable to get it completely loose.

Justin then feels a terrible pain on the back his head and falls to the icy ground. As he is staring into the icy muck he notices that the icy water around where he is lying is now turning a bright red. He first thinks to himself that he can’t believe that his opponent has brought his paint with him. He thinks this for only a second though, as Norman’s next move puts an end to the Golden Boy’s streak as the painter shove’s his stick through the back of Justin’s neck. As Justin lies there dead in a pool of his own icy blood, Norman Rockwell thinks to himself that he could get used to this fighting.

Norman stares at the bloody scene and knows what his next portrait will be. “ I’m sure Brandon would love this one, maybe they’ll even hang it up in the locker room” Rockwell says this to himself and laugh’s as he walks in toward the house.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Victorious!

Week 3 Consolation Match #2: The Abomitrons vs. Better Than All of You

The Abomitrons are Joe Levine

Better Than All of You is Cobra Viper #1 & Dozer #4.

The second the match starts, Dozer #4 drowns. Cobra Viper #1 should have been more careful as the water was taller than his teammate. Joe sees this and just laugh’s.

“ You guys are still dumber than a box of unsharpened pencils,” Joe says as the Viper looks back at him with a look of total bewilderment.

“ Yeah, you guys never change” as Joe starts to talk the Viper pulls out his gun and starts to shoot at him. Joe quickly gets behind the tree next to the ditch, not that he really needed to find cover, as the Vipers aim is hysterically bad. Joe waits for a couple of minutes before he starts to launch snowballs at the Vipers face. This seems comical at first, but what the Viper didn’t realize is that there were large rocks in the middle of these balls.

The first couple balls miss the Viper, but the forth one hit the Viper directly in the face, making him wobble back a bit. Joe uses this momentary lapse in concentration to his advantage as he jumps past the tree and knocks the gun out of his hand. The Viper hits Joe in the face and knocks him to the ground. Unfortunately for the Viper though, he knocks Joe right next to the gun.

Joe then grabs the gun and shoots the Viper’s knees out. The Viper falls to the ground and begins to cry.

“ Oh my god, are you crying? This is so pathetic dude. You know what, I’m not going kill you with the gun.”

The Viper looks at Joe and says, “ Really?”

Joe looks at the Viper and says, “ No”. Joe shoots the Viper in the head about fifty times just to make sure. He laugh’s the entire time he is shooting him as well, which is actually pretty funny until you realize what he is doing. I mean, it’s still funny, but also just a bit sad. Anyways, Joe throws the gun down into the muddy water and walks on up to the house, hoping that Mike has a beer waiting for him inside.

The Abomitrons are Victorious!

Week 3 Consolation Match #1: Alice's Wonder Team vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad

Alice’s Wonder Team is Goblin #3

Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Al Gibson

Al Gibson is used to the harsh winters Washington D.C has to offer, but he is not up to the task today.

“ It’s f@#%ing cold out here man, my nuts are like a couple of ice cubes.” Gibson says to Goblin #3.

“ I know Gibby, this s#$% is not brolic. When I heard we were going to be fighting in the middle of winter I didn’t think it was going to be like this,” the Goblin says.

“ Then what did you think it was going to be like?”

“ I don’t know, I guess I didn’t really think about it too much.”

Gibson looks at the Goblin and says, “ Obviously you didn’t think about it. It’s the winter, what else did you think it was going to be like?”

“ Well, I guess I thought it was going to be a little different than this.”

“ You do know what winter means right?” Al says.

“ Yes, of course I do” the Goblin says.

“ Really, because I honestly don’t think you do. If you did know what winter meant, than you would probably not be surprised by what you saw today.”

“ Whatever Al, kiss my a$$.”

“ You brought it up bro.”

The two of them exchange words for another couple of minutes before Goblin # 3 brings out his spear and shows it to Gibson. Gibson takes this as the beginning of the match and grabs a stick that is lying next to the ditch.

“ You can’t win this match Al. I am used to living in the scum pit of the world. These conditions mean nothing to me.”

“ Oh now you don’t care that it is cold and nasty out.”

“ That’s not what I meant by that,” the Goblin says.

“ Than what did you mean by it?”

“ What I meant is that I was brought up in filth and you are used to your clean federal lifestyle.”

Al looks offended by the Goblin’s remarks. “ Clean, you call what I do clean? I am usually chasing the scum of the universe around so don’t talk to me about clean. If anyone is used to being out in this s@%#, it’s me.”

“ Yeah O.k., whatever Al. I live out in this, not just occasionally running outside chasing people around in it. Plus, D.C is nice for half of the year.”

“ O.k., first off, D.C is never a nice place. Second, just because I don’t live out in this s#$^ like and animal doesn’t make me any less qualified to be out in it.” Gibson says this and the Goblin throws his spear through his stomach. The hit naturally drops Gibson to the ground as blood begins to flow out from the wound.

“ Who’s used to the conditions now Gibson.” Goblin says this to Gibson as he lies on the ground in pain. He sees that Al is trying to reach for something behind him and the Goblin responds to this and says, “ What are you going to do Al, throw that stick at me?”

Al Gibson then grabs the item that he was reaching for and says, “ Actually, I was thinking of shooting you with this gun, if that’s all right with you of course.” Gibson then unloads the entire clip into the chest of the Goblin, sending him flying back into the muddy mess. Gibson just sits back in the icy mess and laughs, as he knows that despite the fact that he is going to die, today, victory was his to enjoy.

Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Victorious!

Consolation WHAT!!!!!!

I too would like to apologize for the delay, as it is quite difficult for me to round up some people for the final week. Seriously, you wouldn't believe how hard it is to convince someone from each team that they need to go back to February when it is so nice outside. Evidently, some people don't think it is fun to roll around in a muddy ditch in the middle of the winter. Anyways, they should be up before the Universe Bowl is posted.

When is the Universe Bowl?

Many of you may be wondering when exactly the Universe Bowl will take place. I am currently in the middle of witnessing these 2 amazing teams do battle & I hope that the story can be just as epic as these 2 teams deserve. It will be posted no later than Tuesday morning. I hope that this is not to long of a break for everybody before the finals, but I figure that all the real sports get to delay there finals for as long as they want, so why can't we?

Thanks
-Josh.

Universe Bowl II

Prize: The Starship Enterprise
Points: 1200
Setting: The Play-Off Planet

Consolation Match Week 3

Points: 6
Prize: A scooter
Setting: The Ditch in front of Mike & Laura Sroka's house in February.

Match ups: TBD

Playoff Matches.

If you are looking for the playoff matches, just scroll down past Part 7 of the Consolation Matches and you shall find both of them.
Please do this as they are both amazing matches.

Nick the Watcher

Week Two of the Consolation Matches

Note to the readers of the blog: I just wanted to let everyone know that Week Two of the Consolation Matches are kind of written as one serialized story. It's not that you won't be able to follow what is going on in the story, it's just that it will be easier to follow them if you do. This is the reason why each match begins with a Part 1-7 title. I also would like to say that it goes a little darker than normal towards the end, but that I hope I was able to end it on a somewhat lighter note in the final match. Anyways, I hope you enjoy them and congrats to the victors.

Nick the Watcher

Part 1: Week 2 Consolation Matches: The Syracuse Valley vs. Built Ford Tough

The Syracuse Valley is Doogle & Sockpin.

Built Ford Tough is Steve McQueen and Treasure Troll #26.

Ah yes, Tim Cheveldae’s house, what a fine place to lay down your feet for the night. I remember the first time I laid eyes on this fine piece of property. It was but a fortnight ago when I first was lucky enough to touch the warm brick (It had been very warm that day) and smell the fresh flowers that had just been planted only hours earlier. Mr. Cheveldae greeted me at the door and offered me a cool beverage. We had a wonderful talk about the state of the economy and why Chris Osgood is the Billy Smith of our generation. After many hours of lovely banter, he agreed to let us use his house as a setting for Week 2 of the Consolation Matches. He was a bit apprehensive at first, but after realizing how much acclaim he would receive, he gladly said yes.

The only request he had was that he would be present for all of the matches. I explained to him the risks of such a venture, that sometimes certain unexpected things may occur, but he assured me that everything would be quite all right. After we bid our farewells, I walked away with a sense of sadness for leaving the house. I felt so at home there and I couldn’t hardly wait another moment before I was able to step foot back into the dwelling known as Tim Cheveldae’s house.

As I arrived for the first match, I noticed that Doogle and Sockpin were standing outside one of the windows staring into the house. They did this for about twenty minutes until I realized that what they were doing. Well, I take that back. The only real reason I figured out what they were doing is because Tim Cheveldae came out of the house and asked the two of them what they were up to. They both said nothing and slowly walked into the house. Steve McQueen was already in the house sitting next to Treasure Troll #26. McQueen had already polished off two beers and a scotch and TT #26 was sipping on a shot glass that seemed to be filled with a Pina Colada mixture. They both looked relaxed and quickly resumed their conversation with Mr. Cheveldae.

“I completely agree that Nicholas the first would have been able to over take Napoleon, if only he had been around to do so.” Said Steve McQueen.

“I know he was such a brutal leader, but such a great one. Steve and I used to call Bryan Murray ‘ Nicholas the Conquer’.” Tim Cheveldae said.

“That’s great,” the little Treasure Troll said while spitting some of his Pina Colada out of his nose.

“Actually, we also used to refer to Federov and Kozlov as ‘The Decembrist Revolt’, because they were always trying to do something different with the team.”

Doogle and Bran walk into the room and Bran says, “Why are you guys talking about St. Nick? Were here to fight”

“It’s not St. Nick you mindless fool, we are talking about Nicholas the Conquer of Russia. He was Czar from 1825 to 1855. If you actually have something useful to add than please sit down and join in. If not, please be quiet.” Tim Cheveldae says this to the two awkward kids as they stand there with the look of two dead donkeys on their face.

Doogle looks over at Bran and says, “Screw this, lets grab that stick off the wall and beat the hell out of these dudes and get out of here.”

Doogle and Bran quietly go over to the wall and begin to grab at the goalie stick that they had been staring at from outside. You see, it was an autographed goalie stick from Felix Potvin from Game 7 of the first round of the1993 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Felix and Tim both decided to give each other an autographed stick of theirs to remember such a momentous occasion. Actually, from what I’ve heard about the real story is that Felix sent Tim the stick to rub Toronto’s victory in his face. Naturally, in an act of true class, Tim sent Felix an autographed version of his stick to show him that he was a good sport about the whole thing. Now for the reason why the stick is hung on the wall, that I was never was able to find out. Anyways, as the boys were trying to grab the stick off of the wall, the tiny Treasure Troll noticed it and signaled to Tim of what was going on.

Tim saw this and was horrified to see something of his being messed with. Before he was able to do anything about it though, Steve McQueen had thrown his glass of scotch directly at the head of Bran. Bran fell like he had just jumped up and smacked his head on the ceiling of someone’s basement (WHAT UP!). Then he kicked over the table in the living room, broke one of the legs off and picked up the splintered wood from off of the ground. He then ran over to Doogle and stabbed him directly in the heart.

“You stabbed him in the heart dude, he’s not even a vampire.” Bran said to McQueen.

“You’d be surprised on how many people that will kill”. McQueen says this to Bran, then proceeds to rip the goalie stick off of the wall and beats Bran to death with it. Tim at first looked a little offended but then he walked over to McQueen and said, “Well it’s about time that thing was used to do something good.”

McQueen, Treasure Troll #26 and Tim Cheveldae walked into the kitchen and continued their discussions over a nice home cooked meal, curtousy of one Mr. Tim Cheveldae.

Built Ford Tough is Victorious!

Part 2: Week 2 Consolation Matches: The Untouchables vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan Beeyaatches

The Untouchables are Horatio Caine, Madame Razz & Broom.

Beckerman’s Backyardigan Beeyaatches are Skrull #1 and The Beast from Beauty and the Beast.

Horatio Caine and Madame Razz with Broom walk into the house that is Tim Cheveldae’s. They are greeted at the door by Mr. Cheveldae, who is very happy to see them in. Horatio takes his sunglasses off and says, “It doesn’t seem like I’ll be needing these babies for the match, you mind if I put them on your counter?” Tim says he does not care and the four of them walk into the living room. Tim offers his guests a drink and they sit down for a nice chat. They sat and drank their drinks for a while before anything really happened.

“So when is the other team showing up?” An excited Madame Razz asks Mr. Cheveldae. “Well, actually they already showed up. He got mean really quick so I had to subdue him. He is upstairs if you would like to see him.”

The four of them begin to walk up the stairs and Horatio notices that Madame Razz and Broom are walking a little funny. Tim then shows his guests to one of his upstairs bedrooms and shows them a tied up Beast lying on the ground. “Wow Mr. Cheveldae, you certainly are brave and strong to be able to take down a beast like that.” Madame Razz says.

“Yeah, a little too strong if you ask me.” Horatio points out to the homeowner. Just then the Beast began to struggle and Tim shouted, “Oh crap you guys, I think he is getting loose.” Horatio ran over to keep the rope around the hands of the beast until he realized that the rope wasn’t even tied to begin with. Horatio then looked behind him and saw Tim Cheveldae running out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

Horatio quickly ran towards the door to open it back up, but before he was able to get to it, the Beast had picked up Broom and thrown him directly at the back of Caine. This knocked Caine over and sent him crashing into the wall. The Beast then smacked Madame Razz out of the way and picked up broom again, this time breaking it in half with his knee. Horatio sensing that this match may be over very quickly pulled out his gun to discharge it on the Beast. Unfortunately for him though, Madame Razz, who by this time looked violently ill began to utter some words that were an attempt at a spell. This spell meant well, but instead of turning the Beast into butter, she turned Horatio’s gun into Margarine. The now defenseless Horatio struggled to get up off of the floor, by this time noticing that he was feeling very dizzy as well. Though Horatio was able to eventually re-gain his footing, it didn’t help him very much as the Beast began to beat the Miami detective to death with his mighty claws.

“I was always a bigger fan of Grissom anyways” the Beast says this as he proceeds to beat the living hell out of the now dead detective. The Beast then stands over his victim with a feeling of great pride, that is only a short lived feeling though, as he suddenly feels like his insides are on fire. In reality, Madame Razz had cast a spell on him that turned his organs inside out. The spell was cast correctly this time and as Madame lied on the ground, she watched, as the Beast’s innies became outies. The now completely exhausted and violently ill Madame Razz tried to get up but was instantly kicked back to the ground by the foot of Tim Cheveldae. “Why Tim, why would you do this to us?” Tim then looked at her and said, “He didn’t, I did”. Tim Cheveldae then turned back into Skrull #1 and kicked in the face of Madame Razz.

“Oh by the way, I hope you all liked the arsenic cocktails I made for you. They were easier to make then I thought they would be” A cocky Skrull #1 said to the now dead members of the Untouchables. Skrull #1 then turned back around to his now dead opponents and said, “I’ll make them for you anytime”

“That’s okay buddy, I think I’ll have to pass on one of those” Tim Cheveldae says to Skrull #1 right after he smashes him on the head with Felix Potvin’s hockey stick. “That one was for tying me up, this one is for killing the old lady.” Tim then beat the Skrull over the head until it was fairly apparent that he was dead. Tim then stood over the dead body of the Skrull and said, “Not in my house Mother F*@$*%”.

Though they are all dead, Beckerman’s Backyardigan Beeyaatches are Victorious!

Part 3: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Le' Napoleon Brigade vs. The Right Wing

Le’ Napoleon Brigade is the Spice Girls

The Right Wing is Hector

Hector walks into the house that Tim built (Well not really) and notices a nice Canadian man surrounded by five over the top British woman. The man of course is Tim Cheveldae and he looks like a kid in a candy store. Hector stands in the doorway when Baby Spice (aka Emma Bunton) says, “Oh he’s cute, I want him”. Ginger Spice (aka Geri Halliwell) then looks over at Baby and laughs. “You aint what he wants Emma, he wants a real woman”. Emma looks back and says, “But I am a real woman now Geri, I’m in my thirties for god’s sake”. Scary Spice (aka Melanie Brown) looks at the both of them and says, “Please ladies, if he is interested in having a real woman, he’ll come to me.”

Posh Spice (aka Victoria Beckham) looks at Scary Spice and says, “Yeah, if he likes a woman that acts like a man”.

“What was that Vicky, what did you say? You are such a racist Vick.” Scary Spice says to Posh.

“I am not, all I said is that you act a bit more manly than the rest of us.” Posh says defensively back to Scary.

“I do not, I think you have the wrong Mel for that one” Scary screams back at Posh with.

“Hey, I have a boyfriend and a baby now. I’m not the manly one in the group anymore. Plus, why did you have to drag me into this, I don’t even care about him” a very hurt Sporty Spice (aka Melanie Chisholm) says back to sisters in arms.

“You’re not interested in him, well that’s a surprise,” Posh says to sporty.

“Hey, at least everyone doesn’t call me B*$#& Spice” Sport says back to Posh.

“Yeah, they just call you Lez Spice” Posh instantly says back.

“It could be worse, they could call you Old Spice like they do to Geri” Emma innocently says.

“Hey, how did I get brought back into this? I’m just interested in him,” Geri says referring to Hector.

“Oh that’s right, I forgot about Whore Spice too Geri. How many names do you have anyways?” Posh says to Geri.

“Oh I don’t know, probably the same number of woman your husband has slept this week while you have been gone.” Geri says back to Posh, who is now so angry that she is now standing up holding one of her three-inch heels that she has taken off of her foot.
“That’s it Geri, we should have never let you back in the group” Posh says.

“Now wait just a second Victoria, we all decided to let her back in. I mean, she is the whole reason we were a group anyways.” A very scared Baby Spice says to the irate Posh Spice.

“Oh shut up Emma, you are such a naïve fool still”. Scary Spice says, “You have never understood how big of b*#$@ Geri is”.

“I’m the bitch?” Geri says.

Hector looks at Tim and says, “Oh my god, are they ever going to stop talking”.

Tim says back, “Well, I figure at this point you could just let them kill each other and wait it out. I do have a case of Molson in the fridge.”

“That does sound amazing but I think I would just rather do this” Hector then takes his Energy Sword out of its sheath and one by one he stab’s them in the stomach. Well actually he stabs Scary, Ginger and Posh in the stomach because he thinks they deserve to die a painful death. He cut the heads off of Baby and Sporty, though he hated to do so because he kind of liked the Sporty one. He thought she would have been a worthy fighter and he also thought she was kind of cute. Though, after about forty five seconds of annoying moans and groans from the three remaining girls, Hector took his sword and loped their domes off as well.

Tim looked at Hector and said, “I’m kind of bummed that you had to do that. It’s not very often that I have a woman over here, let alone five of them.”

“Well for that I am sorry Tim, but do you know what can be more enjoyable then spending your time with five woman?

“What?

“Not spending your time with woman while drinking a case of Molson”. A very fulfilled Hector says as he walks towards the fridge and takes out two ice cold Molson Canadian’s. They both open their beers and take a drink.

“Couldn’t you have a least kept one of them alive, I mean I live in Canada, woman like that don’t just walk into the bar around here.”

“Tim, just shut up and drink your beer before I behead you as well”

“F-you Hector, F-you”

The Right Wing is Victorious!

Part 4: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. Better Than All of You

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Mystery Inc., Scooby Dumb and Ewok #5.

Better Than All of You is Ric Flair, Dozer #4 and Cobra Viper #1.

Scooby Dumb waits by the door as his opponents are walking up the walkway to Tim Cheveldae’s house. As soon as the door opens, he snaps the neck of Ric Flair. Then with one swift kick to the gut of the Cobra Viper, he knock’s him to the ground. Then he crushes the rib cage of the Cobra Viper, which moments later kills him. Then he pick’s up the little dozer and says, “It’s ironic that you make food, because you just became mine”. Scooby Dumb then places the dozer underneath his back two molars and begins to chew until there is nothing left. “Hmm, that s*@$ was good.

Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies are Victorious!

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ric Flair, Dozer # 4 and Cobra Viper #4 have been at Tim Cheveldae’s house for hours. They have been patiently waiting for their opponents to arrive, alas to no avail. They have drunk numerous drinks and Tim made all of them a very good Seafood Cappellini. It had this really great white cream sauce with shrimp, scallops and even bits of lobster all over angel hair pasta. I didn’t get to have any, but it looked really amazing. Just as Tim was about to serve his raspberry cheesecake though, the Mystery Machine pulled up in the driveway.

“Oh hell no! I didn’t wait this entire time not to eat this cheesecake,” an irate Ric Flair says to the homeowner as he gets up and commands his team to follow him. The three members of BTAOY walk outside to meet them as they are coming out of the van. The van empties and out comes Fred, Velma, Daphne, Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Scooby-Dumb and Ewok #5.

“Sorry we’re late guys, we couldn’t find the place” Fred says to the angry wrestler.

“We were teleported here, how could you have gotten lost” Flair says.

“Well, we like to take the more scenic route” Fred says. About two seconds later he is gunned down by Cobra Viper #1. In fact, the Cobra soldier kills everyone but the dogs and the Ewok. The dogs and the Ewok manage to escape into the house. Tim Cheveldae is shocked to see two animals running into his house, though at this point, he is not that shocked. The dogs run in with what looks like a stuffed animal and instantly smell the cheesecake.

“Rey are you Rim Revelrae? Scooby says to the former hockey player.

“Um, I think so. Do you mean Tim Cheveldae?”

“Res, that’s what I read” Scooby-Doo says back.
Tim looks at the three of them and asks them if they are hungry. They are all very excited to hear these words and instantly say yes. Tim offers them up the Cheesecake but right as they are about to devour the desert, Ric Flair comes racing in the door and screams “Get your nasty paws off of my cake!”

The Viper then takes his gun out and prepares to mow down the rest of the team when Tim Cheveldae pleads with the soldier to not shoot up his house. The Cobra Viper puts his weapon down in respect for the IHL legend and Ric Flair agrees upon it as well.

“That’s fine Tim. For that meal, I will gladly take care of these things with my bare hands.” Just then Scooby-Dumb comes running after the former wrestler and though it looks like he is going to engage him in battle, in actuality, he is running for the dozer. He does eventually pick him up with his mouth and with one bite, swallows the poor guy right down. The Viper then smacks the dog on the head with his gun and puts one bullet in his head.

“Hey, what did I say about gunfire you guys” Tim says to the Viper soldier.

“Sorry Tim, it won’t happen again.” Flair looks at the Cobra Viper to tell him to stop the gunfire for good.

Then out of the blue, the Cobra soldier is hit directly in the throat with a butcher’s knife that came from the hands of Ewok #5. The Viper soldier falls instantly dead to the ground, which brings Flair back into the match completely. Flair then grab’s the gun from the dead Cobra’s hands and throws it outside. During this time Scooby-Doo has decided to start eating the Cheesecake that Flair so adamantly wants. Flair sees this and naturally runs over to Scooby-Doo and kicks him off of the cake. He then picks up Scooby-Doo by the scruff of the neck and throws him outside as well. He walks in once more and does the same thing to the Ewok.

He throws the Ewok outside as well but when he walks outside this time, he is met by a gun-toting Scooby Doo.

“Rooks rike you ret you ratch Ric”. Scooby then pulls the trigger but nothing happens. Scooby looks back at Flair and says, “Rut Row”.

“That’s right Scooby, no bullets. What do you think I’m F*@$*# stupid”. Flair then takes the gun from Scooby-Doo, loads it and proceeds to murder both the dog and the Ewok. As he walks into the house, Tim looks at him with disgust on his face.

“What the hell is wrong with you Ric, it’s just a cheesecake. How could you just murder them like that?” Tim says this to Flair, just now realizing what a mess he has gotten himself into.

“If you can’t stand the heat, than get you’re a$$ out of the kitchen. Now give me my cheesecake.”
Tim just looks at Ric and walks away in disgust. Ric looks back at him and says, “What? Didn’t you think it was going to be like this? I guess you should have thought about it before you let us come in and destroy everything. It’s not all fun and games Tim; I thought if anyone would have realized this, it would have been you. Go ahead, walk away Tim. Pretend you had nothing to do with this.” Ric eventually stopped talking and sat down at the kitchen table. He then picked up the fork next to his plate and finished the cake that he so intensely wanted.

Better Than All of You is Victorious!

Part 5: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Justin “The Golden Boy” Oblak and Brandon Inge.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midget’s is Alexander the Great and Paploo.

Tim Cheveldae had been in a funk of late. It started far before he offered up his house as a battleground. He thought that maybe giving himself up to the Fantasy Fantasy league would help him get out of the funk. He thought that by letting more people in, that he would feel less like he was in prison. Ever since the Ric Flair encounter though, he has realized that he is now trapped in a prison of his own making.

Tim just sat on the couch in silence, all by himself, just waiting for the combatants to arrive. He dreaded the thought of more people being killed his home. He sat there for some time before Alexander the Great came marching through the door. He remembered the race of creatures that followed behind him as the same as in the last match. He thought to himself that he remembered hearing someone call them an Ewok, though he noticed that this one had a name. Paploo is what Alexander called it. He thought it was a strange name, but at this point he didn’t really even know what normal was anymore.

About ten minutes later after offering his guest’s drinks, he heard the other side coming up the walkway. They entered the house with not even the slightest regard for courtesy. Justin and Brandon instantly looked at Alexander and the Ewok and cracked a couple of jokes about this match being even easier then last weeks. The two opponent’s verbally spared for a while and then right before the battle began, the strangest thing happened. Mr. Cheveldae begged both teams to please not fight. He pleaded with them for several minutes before both teams grew tired of his anti-war redierct. Eventually Alexander pushed the Canadian aside and offered his hand out to his foes, to which they did not except.

The match was a bloody one. Brandon took the first swing at Alexander, but it was easily ducked and was met by a forearm to the throat. Inge fell to the ground grasping at his throat while Alexander turned his attention to Justin. Justin had noticed the small Ewok holding several stones in his hands before the fighting had begun so he grabbed a glass picture frame from one of tables and had placed it behind his back. When Alexander had hit Brandon, Justin jumped towards the Ewok who had begun to throw the stones at the golden boy. The first stone hit Justin but not hard enough to stop him. He purposely smashed the glass frame on the ground so it would break into many pieces. From this pile of broken glass Justin managed to pick up a several inches long piece of glass, rolled over on the floor and jammed in into the savior of the republics stomach.

Tim screamed in horror as he saw this happen once again to one of these creatures. Tim than ran over to Justin and kicked him upside the head. Alexander saw this and once again knocked Tim out of the way and went for Justin. Alexander kicked Justin in the side repeatedly; he did it long enough for Justin to start spitting blood. Alexander stood their proudly but before he knew it, he himself was lying on the floor spitting blood from the smash on the back that came from the Tigers third baseman. Brandon had stood up and taken a chair from the living room and broken it on Alexander’s back. With Justin and Alexander both on the ground, the advantage was to the Newz. Brandon walked over to Alexander once more but not before Tim pleaded once more for them to stop. Brandon turned his head towards Tim to yell at him again, but in doing this he left his guard down and was swept off of his feet by the Macedonian king. Brandon now lying on the ground was met by several brutal punches to the face.

Tim now realizing that his interference is the reason for Brandon’s current state, crawled to the corner of the room and basically sat there in a catatonic state for the remainder of the match. Justin now partially recovered from Alexander’s kicks, moves over to where Alexander is punishing his teammate and jam’s a piece of the glass from the ground into the back of his calf. Alexander let’s out a huge scream and places a massive backhand across the face of the golden boy. Justin falls down to the ground once more but is only momentarily silenced. Alexander, who is now in great pain, does not have the speed that Justin has. As Alexander pulls the glass out of his calf, Justin is able to run into the kitchen to look for another item to use. He now realizes that Brandon is probably done for so he looks for the biggest knife and pan he can find.

Alexander tries to get up on one leg. He manages to do so but I’m not really sure it offered him any better leverage than lying on the ground did. Justin then walked back into the living room holding a stick free pan and a nine inch serrated knife. Now normally even a hurt Alexander versus a normal person such as Justin would only be mildly challenging, but this match was a little different. You see, right as Justin turned the corner back into the living room, he noticed that Brandon was in better shape than he thought he would be. Brandon in fact was holding the piece of glass that Alexander had pulled out of his calf and right before he put it back into his leg, he winked at Justin to let him know that he was going to do so. After Brandon had re-engaged Alexander’s calf wound, it was only a matter of moments better Justin hit Alexander over the head with the pan and then repeatedly stabbed Alexander directly in the chest.

Tim’s entire living room was filled with blood as Justin helped Brandon out of the house. Tim just sat there in the corner looking at the blood soaked room, staring blankly at the mess that had been left for him. He hoped that this was the end of the brutality, but knew that his nightmare was not over yet.

Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Victorious!

Part 6: Week 2 Consolation Matches: The Abomitrons vs. Alice's Wonder Team

The Abomitrons are Kyle Houslander and Joe Levine.

Alice’s Wonder Team is Goblin # 2 & 3 and Ewok #47.

Goblin #2 & 3 walked into the blood soaked house that was supposed to be Tim Cheveldae’s. The Ewok walked in behind them and they all spoke a moment about how they had never been to a battleground that had not been put back to normal yet. They were shocked by how much blood was on the floor and walls. The thing that shocked them the most was that the two bodies of Alexander the Great and another Ewok were still lying dead on the floor.

The site of another dead Ewok on the field already was too much to take for Ewok #47, a very young Ewok in his own right, who ran over to the body and began to cry. “This is messed up. I have never seen a battlefield look like this before a match. Did we show up at the wrong time?” Goblin #2 said to #3. At this time Joe and Kyle were walking up to the house, with not the slightest idea what they were walking into.

The Goblin’s were leaving the little Ewok alone, as they really had no idea what to do with him. As the door opened the Goblin’s turned around and looked at the two humans as they walked into the house. Kyle and Joe were shocked as they looked into the house. They had also never seen anything like this before and actually talked to their opponents for a while before anything even happened. They decided to take care of the bodies by bringing them out to the back yard. After a couple more minutes of talking and wondering what was going on they decided to go back into the house.

Joe and Kyle were kind of wondering what they were even doing at this match, as they didn’t know if they were even going to end up fighting. This wonder quickly ended for Joe, because as soon as they turned around to walk back into the house, Kyle was stabbed in the back with Goblin #2’s spear. Kyle fell to the ground, seriously injured. This is all it took to push Joe over the edge, as he quickly knocked Goblin #2 on his back and kicked Goblin #3’s spear out of his hand.

It didn’t take him long to plunge Goblin #3’s spear into the faces of both Goblin’s, ending their lives as soon as the spear pierced their skull’s. Joe then carried Kyle back into the house and laid him on the couch. “I will be right back Kyle, I have one more thing to take care of” Joe said this to Kyle, who was looking worse by the minute. Joe then grabbed a piece of glass off of the floor and walked outside to take care of his last opponent. When he arrived in the backyard he didn’t see the Ewok at first. He had to look towards the dead bodies, as the young Ewok was still sitting next to the dead body of Paploo.

The Ewok pleaded with Joe to spare his life but Joe replied with, “After what your team has done to my cousin, I highly f*#&*@% doubt that’s going to happen.” With that Joe slit the young Ewok’s throat, killing him instantly. Joe walked back into the house where he saw a man standing over the couch where Kyle had been lying on. “Hey, who the f*@# are you?”

The man replied with nobody and told Joe he should get the young boy back to his team, because he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able hold out. Joe pushed the man aside and quickly grabbed Kyle from the couch and walked out the door. Tim Cheveldae once more witnessed one more atrocity that he knew he would never be able to erase from his memory. He knew that with this, there was only one more match, one more match that would haunt his dreams forever.

The Abomitron’s are Victorious!

Part 7: Week 2 Consolation Matches: Xavier's Annihilation Squad vs. Team Sleeping Pussy

Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Minotaur #1

Team Sleeping Pussy is “Storming” Norman Rockwell and Compy #50.

As Tim Cheveldae waited for both teams to arrive on this final match, he decided to take a different approach to this battle. Instead of cowering back in his palace of blood, he decided to take a more offensive approach. He now figured, that the best way to end this match was to do it himself. He once again grabbed the Felix Potvin goalie stick off of the wall and took all of his knives out of the kitchen and kept them nearby. He set up a little fort at the half way portion of his stairway and waited for the final team’s to arrive.

The first to arrive were Norman Rockell and Compy #50, who knocked on the door with the anticipation of a warm welcome. When they heard the “Come on in” from inside the house, they had no idea what they were about to be greeted with. As soon as the door opened, a knife came flying at them, luckily not hitting either of them. Both Rockwell and the Compy both assumed it was the other team and instantly began making a plan to get in the house. The plan was going to be first and foremost, to get the little compy into the house to hide. They were moments away from initiating this plan when they heard something coming from the sidewalk. They turned around and saw a half-man, half-bull walking towards the house.

Rockwell looked at the Compy and said, “You don’t think he’s just a neighbor, do you?”

The Compy laughed and shook his head no, as it was pretty obvious that he had to be part of the other team. The Minotaur looked at the dinosaur and the crouching man and said, “What are you doing, aren’t we supposed to go inside?”

Rockwell then looked at the creature and said, “Who else do you have with you?

“Nobody, it’s just me” the Minotaur replied.

“You sure, you’re not bulls*@#*$^ us are you?” Rockwell insisted, though with no real way of threatening the beast.

“Yes, I swear to you, it is just me. Why, what’s going on here? Why aren’t you inside yet? I thought we were supposed to go inside for the battle?

“Yeah, so did we. Then we opened the door and had this come right at us.” Rockwell holds up the knife and shows it to the Minotaur. “We just assumed it was you but as soon as you came walking up to the house, we kind of threw that theory out the window.”

“Well, who’s in there then?” The Minotaur asked.

“I guess it’s supposed to be some guy named Tim Cheveldae’s house. I guess he let us use his house for this week. I guess it could be him, but why would he be fighting us? Why would he even be home in the first place?”

“I guess I have no idea about that, but what are we going to do?” The Minotaur once again asked.

Rockwell looked down at the compy and said, “I think I might have an idea.”

Tim had now completely lost his mind and was just salivating at the chance to end this match himself. He could hear talking outside of the house but could not make out what it was. He was watching the front door so closely that he was oblivious to the fact that they might come in from somewhere else.

The Minotaur and Norman Rockwell talked louder in hopes that whomever was in the house, would think that they were just hanging out by the front door. They kept this up for a couple of minutes before Norman took the Compy to the back of the house to find another entrance. The plan was for the Minotaur to continue to talk to himself, to keep up the appearance that they were all still up at the front of the house. While the Minotaur was doing this, Norman was trying his hardest to open up the back door to the house as quietly as possible. Once he had done this, he let the Compy walk into the house, in an attempt to catch the madman inside.

While inside, the compy could hear nothing but the Minotaur’s constant talking towards the front of the house. The little compy was used to being stealthy, but he was more fearful than usual after seeing the knife come out of the house. As he walked around the back portion of the house and into the kitchen he began to hear some movement. Once he passed through the kitchen he saw the living room, which was a bloody mess. This was a bit shocking, as he had never seen a dirty battlefield before. As he walked farther and farther into the living room though, he walked directly onto the broken glass that was lying on the floor. This naturally made a noise, a noise that would alert the madman on the staircase.

As soon as Tim had heard this noise he got up and ran towards the little dinosaur. As soon as the dinosaur knew that he had been made, he made several noises, noises that were the signal to Norman that the madman had been found. As soon as Norman had heard the Compy’s cries, he kicked open the door and with the knife that Tim had thrown at him, he charged into the house. Tim was shocked when he saw a man running at him with a knife with a Minotaur standing behind him. This made Tim panic and quickly swing the goalie stick at the painter, smacking him right across the face. This knocked Norman out cold, which lead the crazed goalie to stop for a moment.

As Tim stood there staring at the Minotaur, he felt something bite his leg really hard. He looked down and saw the small dinosaur taking a chunk out of his left leg. This made him shout and kick the dinosaur off of him. Right as he did this though, the Minotaur smacked him across the head with his mighty hand, sending him to the ground. Tim at this point was delirious and didn’t know what was happening anymore. With Tim and Norman on the ground, they were both now covered in the blood of several different combatants. The Compy once again bit the Canadian, sending even more poison into his already infected body. Once Tim felt the numbness take over his body he began move across the floor towards the stairway again. The Minotaur at first went after him but soon realized that the former Detroit Red Wing was just crawling into the corner so he could die.

Once the Minotaur realized that Cheveldae was no longer a threat, he decided to go in for the kill. He was about to walk over to Rockwell and crush his skull in but before he was able to do so, the Compy jumped right on top of him and began to bite the back of his neck. The Minotaur was writhing in pain as the tiny Dinosaur was sinking his poisonous teeth into his neck. It took him a second to realize that the Dino was still on his back when he finally grabbed a hold of him and threw him across the room. The Dinosaur hit the wall but was not killed. Instead he got back up and ran away as far as he could from the beast. He knew if he could stay away long enough for the venom to take hold, he could win this match for his team.

As Tim sat back in the corner, he watched as the beast screamed in pain searching for the Compy. He thought to himself how happy he was that he was finally out of this nightmare and that he could finally just die in peace. In fact, he didn’t even care if he had to die in peace specifically, he just couldn’t wait to die in general. Moments before his death, he thought about what a terrible mistake this entire ordeal had been. He wished that he would have had the foresight to see what a disaster this would turn into. As his last breathe past through his lungs, he sat there in his blood soaked living room, just another casualty in a pointless war.

The Compy’s persistence of running had paid off, as he could no longer hear the Minotaur coming towards him. He stayed in the back room for about ten minutes before he came out again to see what had happened. To his joy, he found that the Minotaur was lying on the ground, apparently dead from his poisonous bite. The Compy then walked over to Norman Rockwell’s body and started to nudge him to get up. The painter was slow to get up but after a while, did move himself enough to let the Compy know he was good enough to get out on his own. The two of them eventually managed to walk out of the house alive and in one piece, never looking back at the nightmare that they had just left. The nightmare that had become Tim Cheveldae’s house.

Team Sleeping Pussy is Victorious!

The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM

The Horsemen of Apokolips are Darkseid, Supergirl, Superboy Prime, The Sentry, Exitar, The One Above All, Sinestro, Achilles, Tripticon, Polaris, Parasite, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master in an F-22, Starscream, Sunstorm, Mara Jade & Astro-Droid #11 in an X-Wing, Saeese Tiin & Astro-Droid #12 in a Y-Wing, Plo Koon in a Tie Bomber, Cable & Charlton Heston in a Stealth Bomber, Cloud Strife in the Blue Falcon, Stitch in an Arwing, & Josh Houslander on the Bat-Cycle.

TEAM is Superman, Comet, Streaks, Unicron, Set, Thor, Thunderstrike, God Emperor Leto II, Voltron, Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 in a Y-Wing, Jengo Fett & Young Boba Fett in Slave 1, Lando Calrissean, Nien Numb, & C-3P0 in the Millennium Falcon, Space Ghost, Jan, Jace, Blip, Adi Gallia in a Tie Interceptor, Yarael Poof in The Sith Infiltrator, Nyobi in a Tie Bomber, Seraph, Jet Li, Jackie Chan, The Shining Force, Godzilla, Ryan in a Hovercraft, & Dozer #7.


I am amazed to hear how much the little brown laser is still being discussed amongst these 2 teams when what is really at stake here is the Universe Bowl and the A.L. Championship, but I guess that shows how deep-rooted this rivalry really is. These teams waste no time attacking one another as their battle plans were both well laid out in the locker room. Luke GJM leads Starscream & Sunstorm against Voltron while many other ships zip around the airways as well. After witnessing what TEAM did to The Backyardigans Darkseid has ordered that all Horsemen stay on the planet because he is not sure that even a team as powerful as The Horsemen can beat TEAM in an all out space battle. Everybody on the team follows Darkseid’s orders, except for The One Above All who naturally does not take orders from anyone. The One Above All instantly flies into space to go have a conversation with Unicron. TEAM has no desire for their massive squad to be split up so once they see that The Horsemen are not biting on the space bait Gen. Calrissean leads his entire space squadron back into The Play-Off Planet’s atmosphere where they are just as formidable a team in the terrestrial air. Supergirl & Achilles question this course of action by Darkseid, now that they know they will have to face the entire TEAM squad without it being anyway split up (except of course for Unicron who is still in space, but about to be met by The One Above All). Exitar is above listening to Darkseid’s order as well, but Darkseid believes he does because the order that The One Above All gave to his fellow Celestial was a similar one. Exitar the Exterminator stays within the planet’s atmosphere so he can do battle with Set amidst the watery section of the planet. Supergirl, Superboy, & The Sentry fly into the desert area to search out The God Emperor Leto II, while Tripticon & Godzilla do battle in the center of the city. As expected, much of the battle takes place within the atmosphere, but high above the ground, with Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master leading Starscream, Sunstorm, Mara Jade, Saeese Tiin, Plo Koon, Cable & Heston, & Stitch in their vehicles for The Horsemen against Voltron, Lando & crew in the Falcon, Luke, the Fetts, Adi Gallia, Yarael Poof, & Nyobi. Luke GJM gets ready for his attack run on Voltron when Starscream assures him via com link that he has a plan to take out Voltron if Luke will just lead the way toward the powerful cosmic fighter. Starscream did not actually come up with this plan himself but is just following specific orders that were given to him and him alone by Darkseid who has formulated plans for much of this match. Luke GJM pushes the F-22 to its absolute speed potential shooting .50 caliber rounds at Voltron that just bounce off of his powerful metal body. Luke and Starscream pull ahead of Sunstorm and then each bank in a different direction flying directly underneath Voltron’s armpits. As soon as this is accomplished Starscream transforms and turns around in mid-air and then shockingly targets his own teammate and fellow Decepticon Seeker Sunstorm. Starscream blows up his own teammate setting off Sunstorm’s unstable nuclear spark which works to take Voltron completely off guard and blow up both of them. In space The One Above All flies up next to Unicron, who is still in his planet form. Unicron waits until the Celestial is right in front of him before he begins the amazing looking transformation process into robot form. The language that is spoken between the 2 enormous beings is an extremely ancient one that cannot be understood by anyone on the normal astral plane of existence, luckily though I am a Watcher and I am like super-duper smart so I can translate for you. Basically the conversation went a little something like this: Unicron says to The One Above All “Although we have both been a part of this Universe for a long time and have taken many forms throughout the millennia, I am fairly certain that we have never crossed paths before”. The One Above All laughs at such a statement and says: “No one could possibly imagine the experiences I have had or the Universe’s I have seen created and destroyed in my life. Such trivial experiences as meeting up with another cosmic being do not even rank amongst my life’s trials. Who are you to insinuate that you would know who I have ever witnessed or encountered”. Unicron then replies with “I do not mean to offend, I am simply saying that if you have a name such as “The One Above All”, than you have obviously never met me”. With this being said, Unicron rears up his mighty arms and brings them down hard on the shoulders of The One Above All, not only breaking thru the near impenetrable hull of the lead Celestial but also pumping him full of so much cosmic energy that The One Above All actually implodes in upon himself. Unicron, who from my perspective made this look easy but after the attack is done the massive Transformer is visibly tired as he slumps into a state that can best be described as sleep. Unicron will be ready to fight, but if he had any plans of breaking thru the planet’s atmosphere to battle with The Horsemen on the planet, than his plans have changed. Each time Set has been defeated in the past, his 7 heads have been more like 7 different enemies than simply appendages of one greater being, but with an opponent as powerful as Exitar the Exterminator fighting him, he can actually be looked at as one massive opponent. Exitar flies in over top of Set to gain what we humans would call a strategic advantage with a simple punch, he knocks off one of Set’s heads on his way in to attacking the center of Set. Exitar, thru his extensive, near omnipotent knowledge of destruction & killing instantly knows where he must hit Set to destroy him. He goes in for the kill but as he does Set wraps 3 of his massive snake like appendages around Exitar. Two of the heads lead their snake body around the chest of Exitar while the other tightens its grips around The Celestial’s neck. Set is working on pure animal instinct as he pulls the huge Celestial under the water with him to make his murderer join him in death. An amazing, and extremely fast-paced multi-player dog fight is still taking place in the skies, with some of the most skilled pilots in all of Fantasy Fantasy going at it. Yarael Poof enjoys the spaciousness of The Sith Infiltrator, but he doesn’t quite feel right flying it do to the strong sense of the dark side that he still feels within it. Plo Koon flies in toward the Infiltrator in his Tie Bomber to try and lay down some serious fire power, but before he can Jengo and Boba race in in Slave 1 and blow him to pieces. Below them, in what is left of the city Godzilla has been enraged by the ongoing attacks of Tripticon. Godzilla, obviously hit the point in all of his movies where he gets really pissed off and starts kicking butt because he made that weird noise and start flailing his hands around and next thing ya know….. Tripticon is on the ground all busted up. K.O. Nothing unusual here, except for the fact that a couple of minutes after he died Tripticon popped back up off of the ground and started flying over top of Godzilla, which is something I didn’t even know that he could do. The reason this looked so strange is that Tripticon never could do that, even when he was alive (which he is dead by the way). In actuality Polaris is simply using her magnetic powers to lift the massive Decepticon up into the air. She then releases the mutant hold that she is straining so much to control and drops Tripticon down on top of Godzilla to kill him off. Polaris then uses her mutant magnetic powers to take control of Slave 1. Jengo completely loses control of the ship as Polaris causes it to crash into The Sith Infiltrator. Yarael Poof runs to one of the escape pods and jettisons out safely but Jengo struggles to get his son Boba into some sort of ejection module. Jengo cannot work fast enough to save his son as the ship blows apart. Jengo, who was wearing his jet pack manages to get away from the wreckage, but he is beside himself with grief at the loss of his perfect clone. Polaris then brings the wreckage of the 2 medium sized ships down on top of where the Shining Force were setting up camp. Only Max, Gort, Luke, Tao, Anri, Pelle, Yogurt, & Zylo were able to escape the carnage. Polaris also grabs a hold of Ryan’s hovercraft and takes it out of the water and crashing in to the ground but Ryan jumps off just in time to save his own life (good thing he was wearing his ankle supports). Saeese Tiin in his Y-Wing gets behind Nyobi and takes advantage of the 1 Star Wars fighter that is slower than his. Master Tiin blasts Nyobi’s shieldless Bomber out of the air killing her in the process. Cable with Chaz Heston in his co-pilot seat reluctantly begin to target their nukes, but before they can they are taken out by Adi Gallia in her much faster Tie Interceptor. Both Cable & Heston parachute to safety. Luke Skywalker & R2-D2 are blazing a path thru the air with some incredible moves, but unfortunately for them, there is one guy on the Horsemen who knows all those moves as well. Luke GJM flies up behind his younger counterpart and despite having not as good a ship takes out Luke’s Y-Wing, knowing exactly where to hit it. Luke ejects out in time, and R2 uses his jets to get away from the crashing ship as well. Polaris then takes control of Adi Gallia’s Tie Interceptor and starts to throw it into The Millennium Falcon. Nien Numb sees it coming and warns Lando, who reluctantly targets his own teammate out of the sky before Polaris can kill them both. Lando sees what this one sole mutant is doing to his squadron and decides that she is now the primary target. Lando flies low toward Polaris who begins throwing anything metal that she can get her powers on at the Falcon. Lando is able to take some evasive maneuvers to avoid the debris and then allow C-3P0 to get off a great shot from the side cannon to take out Polaris once and for all. Cloud Strife picks up so much speed in The Blue Falcon that when he hits the curb just right, he flares up and goes airborne. Strife aims the futuristic car into the area where Space Ghost and his crew were chillin. Cloud Strife takes out both Jan & Jace before he jumps out of the car and lands on top of one of the shorter buildings. The 0 death Space Ghost lands in front of Cloud with Blip and says: “Space Ghost cannot be killed by a Horsemen! I ran in to 5 Horsemen today at Breakfast and killed them all without putting down my fork. I don’t consider it a full day’s work unless I bury 10 Horsemen. I ate 2 Horsemen on the way over here today and I still haven’t pooped them out yet”. Cloud Strife decides that despite this eloquent Speech from Space Ghost that instead of replying he’ll just pull out his sword and cut Blip in half. “You should not have done that” the self-proclaimed Horsemen killer says as he presses the middle button on his left sleeve and disintegrates Cloud Strife. Superman punches thru Starscream on his way to do battle with Darkseid. Darkseid says “So we meet again Superman”. “That we do Darkseid, you have been pretty unsuccessful so far against me. Ironic that I gave you your first death, and now I understand that you’ll be in the Graveyard shortly”. “I am not there yet”. Darkseid replies. The 2 of them then clash with each other like they have done so many times before. Comet & Streaks show up to lend Superman a hand but just then Parasite pops in to help out Darkseid. Parasite grabs a hold of the necks of both Comet and Streaks and begins absorbing their super-powers. He sucks not only the powers from the 2 super animals but he also sucks the life out of them as well. Superman leaves his brawl with Darkseid to try and help out his 2 animal buddies but he is too late. This move also proves to be a poor one for another reason, because as soon as Superman leaves the fight Darkseid takes immediate advantage of the situation. While Superman is turned the other way Darkseid unleashes the full force of the Omega Beams on his age old enemy which fries the Man of Steel, killing Superman. Thor attacks Parasite and sends them both crashing to the ground but Thor does not realize that Parasite is more super-powered then ever before. Thor swings Mojinir downward toward Parasite, but Parasite catches Thor by the wrists and brings him down underneath him. Parasite then uses all of the strength he can muster to crush the neck of Thor with his bare hands. Parasite tries to take a moment to regain his composure but before he can Seraph, Jet Li, & Jackie Chan all hit him with 3 straight drop kicks. These moves do little more than stun Parasite, but a few extra seconds were all they were trying to buy, so Yarael Poof could come in with his lightsaber drawn and take off Parasite’s head. Supergirl, Superboy, & The Sentry locate God Emperor Leto II and send in The Sentry to draw him out of the sand. The Sentry flies low thinking that once Leto pops out of the sand he’ll be able to escape in time but he is wrong. Leto instantly grabs The Sentry out of mid-air and consumes him, but Supergirl then flies in next to Leto and punches him hard enough to knock him out of the desert. Leto gains his composure on the cement and gets ready to defend himself but once he is out of his element and has Supergirl and Superboy to deal with he finds himself fairly mismatched even with his healthy size advantage. Supergirl and Superboy are able to pound the mighty half man half worm into Sand Trout. Seraph, Jackie, & Jet regroup with The Shining Force, but Achilles rushes in to the fray and instantly takes out Jackie Chan, Pelle the Paladin, Luke the Gladiator, & Zylo the Werewolf. Josh then comes racing in on the Bat-Cycle and pops a cap from his Glock 27 in Yogurt’s dome before he has Achilles jump on the back and get out before they are overwhelmed. Josh starts racing toward Ryan who is talking with Dozer #7. Ryan says about the oncoming Motorcycle: “Oh God, I know this guy, he’s a total punk”. “Who’s that riding on the back” Dozer #7 asks Ryan. “I can’t tell yet” Ryan responds. “Oh crap! That’s Achilles! That guy rules. If I had a team, I would so pick him in the first round. He is so hot in Troy”. Seconds after this Achilles slices off Ryan’s head, but Dozer #7 sticks a twig into the wheel of The Bat-Cycle and flips it over. Achilles and Josh dust themselves off, but a pissed off Josh takes out his Glock and blows away Dozer #7 (that’s not that easy of a shot you know. Those guys are tiny). Sinestro and Cable move against Thunderstrike. Thunderstrike swings his hammer of the same name at Cable to blast Cable’s head right off but Sinestro uses the full power of his yellow power ring to completely wipe out Thunderstrike. Supergirl & Superboy regroup with Darkseid and ask “What is the situation”? Darkseid says: “We are doing O.K. on the ground but unfortunately The One Above Some, or whatever his stupid name is couldn’t listen and got himself killed. Which means we are still going to have to go into space and kill Unicron to finish this fight”. Superboy replies with “yes sir, I will rally all available space forces”. As Supergirl and Superboy fly away Supergirl says to him: “I have no idea why you are kissing his butt. It will be a miracle if he is actually alive after today”. Supergirl and Superboy work to spread the word that the space offensive is about to start while the unlikely pairing of Luke Skywalker and Jengo Fett have what is left of TEAM form up in the desert. (young)Luke, R2-D2, Jengo Fett, Space Ghost, Yarael Poof, Seraph, Jet Li, Max, Tao, Gort, & Anri form a defensive circle while Lando takes The Millennium Falcon back in to the space orbit. Luke GJM flies dangerously close to Mara Jade in her X-Wing and says to her over the comlink: “have your droid take over piloting for a second”. “Why”? A confused Mara Jade asks. “Because you and I are about to switch ships. This F-22 can’t go into space, and they are gonna need me to take on Unicron. Now do what you’re told”. Mara allows Astro-Droid #11 to take over the controls while she hops out of the cockpit and then hops on to the F-22. Luke begins to climb out of the seat so he can switch over the controls but as he does Lando in the Falcon flies by and blows the F-22 apart. Luke tries to shield them both with the force but he is only able to save himself. Mara Jade dies, but Luke GJM accomplishes an amazing force leap onto the back of Mara’s X-Wing. Luke thinks to himself “now that is more like it, as he takes over the controls and begins following The Falcon into space. Supergirl flanks Luke on his way to battle Unicron while Superboy flies alongside Stitch in his Arwing. Darkseid, who doesn’t quite have the speed capabilities of the Kryptonians, hitches a ride on the back of Saeese Tiin’s Y-Wing. The 3 ships then head toward Unicron in what could be the deciding factor of this match. As crazy as it sounds Achilles is actually pissed that they didn’t bring him up into space to fight Unicron, but he gets over it and begins mounting the ground offensive toward Commander Skywalker’s TEAM survivors. Achilles stands in front as Sinestro, Josh, & Charlton Heston form up behind him. Luke GJM leads the attack against Unicron who awakens from his quasi-slumber to defend himself. Lando and the boys in the Falcon fly out to draw their fire but Darkseid yells: “Supergirl! Swat that fly” which sends Supergirl flying after the Falcon. Unicron moves in to close for comfort against The Horsemen, but amazingly enough even to the eyes of Darkseid Luke actually force pushes Unicron back from inside the cockpit of the X-Wing. Unicron regroups and starts heading back toward the battle. Unicron swats Saeese Tiin’s Y-Wing out of existence, killing both the Jedi master and Astro-droid #12. Supergirl dodges the laser blasts from the Millennium Falcon, and then flies over top of the ship and drives herself right thru the center like a hole punch. With this hit The Falcon is completely destroyed causing Lando, Nien Numb, & 3P0 to jump into escape pods and try to get back to the planet. The 3 of them successfully get into the pods, but in true Horsemen fashion Supergirl sees the pods flying back down to the Play-Off Planet and destroys them with her heat vision. Unicron grabs a hold of Superboy with one hand and Darkseid with the other. Unicron focuses the most strength on Superboy and crushes his bones as if he were a dead bird. Unicron tries to do the same to Darkseid but before he can Luke shoots 2 proton torpedoes at his hand which makes Unicron loosen his grip enough for Darkseid to get free. Darkseid is now very banged up by this but he fights thru the pain and flies in toward Unicron’s face. Unicron blasts Darkseid with laser beams from his eyes which just about kills Darkseid. Darkseid uses his last breath to unleash what is left of his power out thru his Omega Beams. Darkseid puts a hole roughly the size of Arizona in the upper chest of Unicron, which gives Luke and Stitch a good spot to aim for. Luke targets the hole in Unicron with everything his X-Wing has got left which just about destroys the massive Transformer, but for good measure, the near insane Stitch, who is capable of surviving thru the rigors of space ejects out of his Arwing after he aims the ship right for the hole that Darkseid made in Unicron’s chest. Luke swings by Stitch with incredible swiftness to grab him and head back to the planet with Supergirl not far behind while Unicron lights up the sky as he explodes. Space Ghost and Sinestro are locked in an intense air battle when Sinestro gets a little cocky. The former green lantern unleashes his power ring toward the host with most but Space Ghost dodges out of the way just in time and then blasts Sinestro with his heat lasers to destroy him. “The only good Horsemen is a dead Horsemen” Space Ghost yells to no one in particular. Achilles ducks under the lightsaber swing of the 4 armed Yarael Poof but then pops up around the other side of him and takes him out at the stomach with his sword. As Supergirl, Stitch, and Luke get back down to the planet they are attacked by what is left of The shining Force. Tao casts Blaze Level 4 which completely destroys Luke’s X-Wing. Luke ejects in time but Astro-Droid #11 cannot be saved. Supergirl flies down and takes out Tao before she can cast another spell and then takes out Anri before she can cast one at all. Supergirl overpowers Gort, but then Max uses the Chaos Breaker and sticks it into the back of Supergirl. Supergirl is filled with the power of the Chaos Breaker, but once the power is released max cannot let go of the mystical sword (ya know, like at the end of the game. Except this time I’m not crying). This sacrifice kills Supergirl, but Max dies with her. Stitch picks up a fallen blaster (I think it was Mara Jade’s) and blows away R2-D2, while Jet Li punches Josh in the throat to kill him with a single hit. Josh is choking to death but in his last breath he yells “CHUCK”! And Josh throws Heston his Glock 10mm knowing that Heston was out of ammo and that he could use the extra fire power. Achilles rushes in and kills Jet Li before he can do any more harm and then in one swift motion takes out the young Luke as well, but he is then shot repeatedly by both Seraph and Space Ghost until he finally falls. Luke GJM is surrounded by both Jengo Fett & Space Ghost. The 2 TEAMmembers attack but Luke force pushes Space Ghost down and then takes off Fett’s head with his lightsaber. He then jumps in toward Space Ghost before he can recuperate and deals him his first ever FFL death. An exhausted Luke is then taken off guard as Seraph leaps in behind the Grand Jedi Master and unloads the last of his bullets into his back. Heston stands in amazement as he watches Seraph kill their #1 Draft pick and begins to unload Josh’s 10mm at Seraph. Seraph dodges every bullet and continues to move in toward Heston. Stitch, a weapons expert at heart see Luke’s lightsaber hit the ground, and just needs to get some of that Jedi technology in his hands. Stitch grabs the lightsaber just as Seraph runs up to Heston and kicks the Glock out of his hand. Seraph grabs the Glock out of mid-air and spins around to take a pot shot at Stitch, blowing his furry little leg clean off. Heston returns the favor of kicking the gun out of Seraph’s hand and sending it about 5 yards away. Heston then finds himself in the dangerous predicament of having to fight Seraph in hand to hand combat. Seraph quickly knocks Heston to the ground, jumps on top of Chaz, and begins strangling the life out of him. Heston is near death but in Charlie’s last breath he sees the green tip of the lightsaber thrown by the one-legged Stitch poke thru the front of Seraph’s chest.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!

Sorry for the delay.

The A.L. Finals will be up very soon. I have run into some scheduling difficulties. To be honest, I live with my parents and must share computer time with them. It is pretty weak I realize, but hey could you really get someone successfull to run a Fantasy Fantasy League.

Thanks for your patience.

-Josh