The Horsemen of Apokolips are Percy Jackson, Tommy Oliver, & Seaworm #1-4.
George Washington’s Slaves are Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Cthulu, Inspector Gadget, Sayid Jarrah, Sonny, Spongebob Squarepants, & Ultra Man.
Percy Jackson is riding atop Seaworm #1 while his partner Tommy Oliver resides safely under the water due to Percy’s protection of him via his hydrokinetic powers. Tommy Oliver sees the approaching threat of Ultra Man and Cthulu and uses his emerald flute/knife to summon the Dragon Zord. The 4 Seaworms are under the control of Percy Jackson, although the young hero is not able to control them quite as well as he can with most sea creatures, due to the fact that their base genetics are still inherent of the original Arrakis sandworms. Inspector Gadget has created a boat out of his own body, which is being occupied by Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Sayid, & Sonny. Spongebob is swimming off on his own, being very comfortable in his native environment. But before Inspector Gadget and his crew can even formulate a plan of attack, Percy and his mind-controlled Seaworms come crashing down on Inspector Gadget. Sonny reacts quickly and pushes Amazo off of Gadget to save both himself and the super-villain. Amazo flies away from the area to safety while Sonny dives deeper into the cold water to save himself. Gadget, Crash Bandicoot, & Sayid, who barely had time to ignite his new lightsaber were all engulfed and destroyed by the Tlielaxlu created Seaworms. The Seaworms with Percy Jackson then move in the direction of the mighty Cthulu, while about 100 yards away metal crashes against metal as The Dragon Zord battles with Ultra Man. Amazo dives into the water to do battle with Tommy Oliver, who despite being under water is completely dry do to Percy’s manipulation of the oxygen bubbles around Tommy. Tommy takes advantage of what his teammate has done for him and is able to move swiftly while under the water, but he is still no match for Amazo who duplicates Tommy’s dagger so he has a weapon of his own. Amazo uses his powers to not only match Tommy’s every move but then overpowers him with his superior strength. Amazo gets a slight wound from being hit by Tommy’s emerald dagger, but is then able to put the Green Ranger in a head lock which ends with the cracking of Tommy’s neck. Percy Jackson sees the death of his new friend and realizes the danger that Amazo presents. Percy uses his massive powers of water manipulation to out amazing Amazo. With a mere thought Percy manipulates the water around Amazo with such ferocity that the android is completely crushed by the sheer force of it. The Dragon Zord is powerful and is good at moving around in the water, but the Zord can’t match Ultra Man’s speed. The Dragon Zord attempts to come in close for an attack, but Ultra Man finishes him off with an Ultra Slash. Even the mighty Cthulu is overwhelmed as he is quadruple teamed by the massive Seaworms. Cthulu swings its flabby green claws at Seaworm #1, not only ripping the sea maker in half, but also knocking Percy Jackson off of the enormous watery steed into the Arctic waters. Although Cthulu is able to kill the largest of the mighty worms, the cosmic entity is unable to defend itself as the other 3 worms drag the great old one into the sea and devour the creature piece by piece. As Percy swims thru the depths of the water he is met by the formidable opponent known as Spongebob Squarepants. Spongebob attacks with a gnarly dose of kah-rot-tay, but somehow Percy is able to dodge the attack and to then rip Spongebob to pieces with his superior water-enhanced strength. Ultra Man moves towards the 3 remaining Seaworms, but he doesn’t realize that the much smaller yet extremely powerful Percy Jackson is coming up behind him in an attempt to surround him with his Seaworm allies. Percy Jackson conjures up such an amazing amount of water pressure toward Ultra Man, that it is actually able to throw all 35,000 tons of him off balance. Once Ultra Man is taken off guard by this amazing display of power from the son of Poseidon the 3 Seaworms converge on his position. Ultra Man, despite being taken off guard and heavily manipulated by Percy’s powers, is able to use his amazing strength to drive his powerful fists thru Seaworm #4, before the other 2 finish him off. Percy Jackson jumps onto the back of Seaworm #2 to claim victory for his new team. As the 2 worms with their leader Percy begin to surface; Sonny jumps out of the water. The robot has already calculated the impossibility of victory, but he wishes his very last action to be something that will honor his team forever. Sonny jumps on top of Seaworm #2 and takes Percy Jackson completely off guard. The I-Robot, then does what no other N.S.-5 can do and chooses to break the 3rd law as he puts his extremely dense alloyed fist into the face of Percy Jackson and kills the demigod. Seaworm #2 then instinctively dives back into the water until even Sonny’s alloy cannot withstand the pressure.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs. Built (Bill) Ford Tough
“How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean.”
-Arthur C. Clarke
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Numnius, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Captain Steven Hiller in a Mig, and Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg in a Swift Boat.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander, Gigantor, Despotellis, Grimace, Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders in a Hovercraft, Darkwing Duck, The Flaming Carrot, Steve McQueen, The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo, Arachnids #1-3, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg race across the waters in their Swift Boat. Captain Tarpals lowers his scanner and points to their first victims: Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders. The Built (Bill) Ford Tough’s crew is in a Hovercraft that is heading their way. The combatants are ready for one another. The two crafts slow down so that either is able to breach the other’s craft. Just as Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders are about to board the Swift Boat, Zombie Cloverfield Monster surfaces from the watery depths and knocks the hovercraft twenty feet into the air. Ford and Sanders are transplanted from the boat and into the water. As the Cloverfield Monster Zombie is about to capture Ford and Sanders, Gigantor barrels into the zombie. The two huge combatants enter into a fierce battle. Gigantor manages to rip off the elongated arms of the Monster. Although without its major limbs, it still attempts to bite Gigantor in anticipation that it will “turn” its enemy. Unfortunately for Cloverfield, its efforts fail because Gigantor is a robot. Gigantor eventually puts his fist through Zombie Cloverfield Monster’s skull and the zombie dies.
Steven Hiller flies his Mig and notices the destruction of his Zombie Cloverfield Monster teammate. He flies his Mig at Gigantor and unloads both his rockets and bullets into the robot. The robot is barraged by the combined Mig weaponry. Gigantor is “robotically” (mortally) wounded [NEW COINED TERM BY THIS WATCHER: “ROBOTICALLY WOUNDED”? YOU MAKE THE CALL!] . Before Gigantor faces its fate, it manages to clip the wing of Steven Hiller’s Mig, The Mig spirals out of control and Hiller ejects from the cockpit. The body of Gigantor and the Mig meet their fates together. As Hiller is traveling down in his parachute, he is met by the sentient virus Despotellis. The Sinestro Corpsman burns Hiller from the inside out and flies away.
Back at the swift boat-hovercraft scene, Tarpals dives into the water to meet both Ford and Sanders, who are treading water. Before the Gungan can reach them, they manage to reach the still-uprighted swift boat. As they shake the water off themselves they are met by Zombie Al Dogg. Harrison Ford is bitten by Al Dogg and dies. Zombie Al Dogg is waiting for Ford to become a zombie, but it turns out that Al Dogg just hasn’t got the hang of turning another into a zombie just yet. All that remains is Ford’s corpse, never to become a zombie. In the confusion, Sanders trips over Ford’s body into the water. He knows that he is more than a match for Zombie Al Dogg and reaches the swift boat again. As he is about to pull himself up, Tarpals grabs Sanders and carries him down into the deep waters below. Sanders drowns. Zombie Al Dogg simply stands and watches the drowning when an incredible beast bursts out of the waters and plummets on top of Al Dogg; it is Grimace. Grimace squishes Zombie Al Dogg’s head and kicks the body in the water. Zombie Al Dogg is dead-really dead-not zombie dead-character not coming back at the end of this match dead. Grimace commandeers the swift boat and picks up his friends who have been treading water since the match’s inception. Grimace now rides in the swift boat with the Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Tarpals looks at the swift boat racing away. He notices that the hovercraft is nearby, although tipped over. He decides that it will still give him some time to rest and recuperate for the future skirmishes. Tarpals reaches the hovercraft and slowly climbs a top the device. Before he can react, Arachnids #1-3 scuttle from the other side of the craft and tear Tarpals apart. Arachnids #1-3 see Whoopi Goldberg, I mean Numnius and Dave Bowman: The Starchild walking on water toward the battle. With a swish of their mutual hands, both Arachnids #1-3 and the hovercraft explode into balls of fire, killing all Arachnids and destroying the hovercraft.
Darkwing Duck picks up Treasure Troll #3 from the boat and flies over to meet their teammate Despotellis in its confrontation with the cosmic entities. Despotellis manages to wound Numnius, who is reeling from the poisonous effects caused by the living virus. Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 use this to their advantage and begin chewing on her arms. Numnius shakes the Duck and Troll off her arms and with a calming smile, puts them away into a never-ending sleep. Despotellis flies around again, meaning to finish its mission by killing one of the two Commandos. Before it can do additional damage to the pacifist entity known as Numnius, Bowman destroys the yellow lantern.
The swift boat inhabitants- Grimace, Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1, know that they are going to die, but want to take out at least one of the entities before their deaths-as their teammates Despotellis, Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 attempted previously.
Numnius and Bowman float to the swift boat, whose combatants are waiting.
Bowman: Any last requests?
Numnius: Let them die with dignity and give them their last requests. . . So say I, Numnius, the generous watcher of hope and dreams.
Before they know it, the Tough crew is watching a swim match between Jeff Houslander and Steve McQueen. Their dying wishes were to finally see who the better swimmer was. [SHOUT OUT JARODATU!!! R.I.P.!!!]
Bowman: ENOUGH!!! This is an embarrassment!!!
With those words Bowman lashes out with a cosmic wave that rips apart the entire remaining Tough crew of Steve McQueen, Jeff Houslander, Flaming Carrot, Grimace, all of the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1.
Bowman: Should you ever embarrass me with such an episode again I will destroy you myself. . .
Bowman floats away with a hesitant Numnius following behind, head down.
Bowman (heard whispering to himself) : I buried Paul. . . .
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All Dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-the Starchild and Numnius survive.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
-Arthur C. Clarke
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Numnius, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Captain Steven Hiller in a Mig, and Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg in a Swift Boat.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander, Gigantor, Despotellis, Grimace, Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders in a Hovercraft, Darkwing Duck, The Flaming Carrot, Steve McQueen, The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo, Arachnids #1-3, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg race across the waters in their Swift Boat. Captain Tarpals lowers his scanner and points to their first victims: Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders. The Built (Bill) Ford Tough’s crew is in a Hovercraft that is heading their way. The combatants are ready for one another. The two crafts slow down so that either is able to breach the other’s craft. Just as Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders are about to board the Swift Boat, Zombie Cloverfield Monster surfaces from the watery depths and knocks the hovercraft twenty feet into the air. Ford and Sanders are transplanted from the boat and into the water. As the Cloverfield Monster Zombie is about to capture Ford and Sanders, Gigantor barrels into the zombie. The two huge combatants enter into a fierce battle. Gigantor manages to rip off the elongated arms of the Monster. Although without its major limbs, it still attempts to bite Gigantor in anticipation that it will “turn” its enemy. Unfortunately for Cloverfield, its efforts fail because Gigantor is a robot. Gigantor eventually puts his fist through Zombie Cloverfield Monster’s skull and the zombie dies.
Steven Hiller flies his Mig and notices the destruction of his Zombie Cloverfield Monster teammate. He flies his Mig at Gigantor and unloads both his rockets and bullets into the robot. The robot is barraged by the combined Mig weaponry. Gigantor is “robotically” (mortally) wounded [NEW COINED TERM BY THIS WATCHER: “ROBOTICALLY WOUNDED”? YOU MAKE THE CALL!] . Before Gigantor faces its fate, it manages to clip the wing of Steven Hiller’s Mig, The Mig spirals out of control and Hiller ejects from the cockpit. The body of Gigantor and the Mig meet their fates together. As Hiller is traveling down in his parachute, he is met by the sentient virus Despotellis. The Sinestro Corpsman burns Hiller from the inside out and flies away.
Back at the swift boat-hovercraft scene, Tarpals dives into the water to meet both Ford and Sanders, who are treading water. Before the Gungan can reach them, they manage to reach the still-uprighted swift boat. As they shake the water off themselves they are met by Zombie Al Dogg. Harrison Ford is bitten by Al Dogg and dies. Zombie Al Dogg is waiting for Ford to become a zombie, but it turns out that Al Dogg just hasn’t got the hang of turning another into a zombie just yet. All that remains is Ford’s corpse, never to become a zombie. In the confusion, Sanders trips over Ford’s body into the water. He knows that he is more than a match for Zombie Al Dogg and reaches the swift boat again. As he is about to pull himself up, Tarpals grabs Sanders and carries him down into the deep waters below. Sanders drowns. Zombie Al Dogg simply stands and watches the drowning when an incredible beast bursts out of the waters and plummets on top of Al Dogg; it is Grimace. Grimace squishes Zombie Al Dogg’s head and kicks the body in the water. Zombie Al Dogg is dead-really dead-not zombie dead-character not coming back at the end of this match dead. Grimace commandeers the swift boat and picks up his friends who have been treading water since the match’s inception. Grimace now rides in the swift boat with the Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Tarpals looks at the swift boat racing away. He notices that the hovercraft is nearby, although tipped over. He decides that it will still give him some time to rest and recuperate for the future skirmishes. Tarpals reaches the hovercraft and slowly climbs a top the device. Before he can react, Arachnids #1-3 scuttle from the other side of the craft and tear Tarpals apart. Arachnids #1-3 see Whoopi Goldberg, I mean Numnius and Dave Bowman: The Starchild walking on water toward the battle. With a swish of their mutual hands, both Arachnids #1-3 and the hovercraft explode into balls of fire, killing all Arachnids and destroying the hovercraft.
Darkwing Duck picks up Treasure Troll #3 from the boat and flies over to meet their teammate Despotellis in its confrontation with the cosmic entities. Despotellis manages to wound Numnius, who is reeling from the poisonous effects caused by the living virus. Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 use this to their advantage and begin chewing on her arms. Numnius shakes the Duck and Troll off her arms and with a calming smile, puts them away into a never-ending sleep. Despotellis flies around again, meaning to finish its mission by killing one of the two Commandos. Before it can do additional damage to the pacifist entity known as Numnius, Bowman destroys the yellow lantern.
The swift boat inhabitants- Grimace, Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1, know that they are going to die, but want to take out at least one of the entities before their deaths-as their teammates Despotellis, Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 attempted previously.
Numnius and Bowman float to the swift boat, whose combatants are waiting.
Bowman: Any last requests?
Numnius: Let them die with dignity and give them their last requests. . . So say I, Numnius, the generous watcher of hope and dreams.
Before they know it, the Tough crew is watching a swim match between Jeff Houslander and Steve McQueen. Their dying wishes were to finally see who the better swimmer was. [SHOUT OUT JARODATU!!! R.I.P.!!!]
Bowman: ENOUGH!!! This is an embarrassment!!!
With those words Bowman lashes out with a cosmic wave that rips apart the entire remaining Tough crew of Steve McQueen, Jeff Houslander, Flaming Carrot, Grimace, all of the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1.
Bowman: Should you ever embarrass me with such an episode again I will destroy you myself. . .
Bowman floats away with a hesitant Numnius following behind, head down.
Bowman (heard whispering to himself) : I buried Paul. . . .
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All Dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-the Starchild and Numnius survive.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
ALICE'S WONDER TEAM vs. P.M.S.
"They mapped the Arctic Ocean with this thing."
―Clay Condit
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Alice’s Wonder Team: Q, General Zod and Anti-Monitor.
P.M.S.: Freddy Krueger (with a yellow power ring), Black Dragon #12, Jack Sparrow, Xenomorph #51, Spawn, Blue Devil, and The Candy Land Crew: Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster.
Above the icy waters I see Xenomorph #51 riding on the back of Black Dragon #12. The Xenomorph and Dragon are flying slightly above the clouds to gain a necessary vantage point on their foes. The monsters see General Zod flying directly beneath them. Fierce, animalistic war cries are heard as the Xenomorph and Dragon dive-bomb Zod.
Zod (turning to face Xenomorph #51 and Dragon #12): Oh you stupid beasts; never announce that you are coming upon Zod.
Zod twists out of the way of the P.M.S. crew and smashes Xenomorph #51 off of the flying creature. Xenomorph #51 shrieks as it realizes its imminent death. A large slapping sound is heard at the impact of the alien’s body hitting the water; Xenomorph #51 dies. After removing the Xenomorph from the Dragon’s back, Zod immediately latches onto the neck of Black Dragon #12. Although the Dragon tries to turn its neck to spit acid at the Kryptonian, it is unable to do so. Zod reaches around Black Dragon #12’s neck and snaps it. The Dragon’s body convulses and falls to the waters below, making a large splash before rising to the surface again, somewhat buoyant.
Jack Sparrow swims over to the carcass of Dragon #12 and climbs aboard its belly. Q sees this interesting human and transports himself to be with Sparrow.
Sparrow: Hello, my good man. Your outfit demurs you.
Q (looks down at his clingy, white unitard): Speak for yourself, you’re wearing eyeliner.
Sparrow gives a rouge-ish smile.
Sparrow: May I have a brief word?
Q: Of course, I’m all ears.
Sparrow begins to whisper. Since Q cannot hear the babblings of the somewhat awkward pirate, Q draws closer. Just as Q is next to Sparrow, the pirate draws his sword and shoves it through Q’s gut. Q smiles, pulls the sword out of himself and impales Sparrow.
Sparrow (looks down): Damn. . . that hurts. . .
Sparrow falls into the water; dead. Q hears laughing coming from what appears to be a thin raft. The raft is slowly moving toward his location. Q smiles at the many colored-game board with all of its characters. Although not human, they still look interesting to Q. Q waits for the characters to approach next to the Dragon’s body, which is now Q’s flotation device.
Q: Hello my friends. Why don’t you come aboard my dragon here and we can discuss the semantics of the remaining battle?
The members of the Candyland Crew smile at Q. They wave him over to their raft-board. Q jumps on the Candyland raft, but does not notice that the loving, smiling and adorable Candyland Crew have morphed into violent, disgusting “mirrors” of themselves due to Freddy Krueger’s tinkering. These are Krueger’s new dream warriors. Before Q notices, the entire Candyland Crew of savages, they attack.
I hear the taunting rhymes of the Candyland Crew as their vicious actions escalate.
Lord Licorice: Dear Q, I am sure you like to be wrapped, [Lord Licorice uses licorice lassos to wrap Q up. Q is unable to move].
Gloppy: But not glopped up with what looks like cr%p; [Gloppy shoots a flow of molasses that surges over the licorice. The glop hardens and Q’s body is now strung together by licorice and petrified by hardened molasses.
Queen Frostine: A little ice cream cold to make you shiver, [Frostine uses her ice cream freezing powers to fortify Q’s encasement].
Gingerbread Woman: But face the fists of the Gingerbread and quiver. [The Gingerbread People take advantage of Q’s predicament and start hitting Q. Unfortunately, their brittle bodies begin to crumble when they hit him; Gingerbread People #1-3 have sacrificed themselves, but have bloodied Q in the process.
King Kandy: And here is to you, a kick in the head,
Gramma Nut: While keeping you alive, you’re no fun to us dead;
[King Kandy and Gramma Nut start where the Gingerbread people have finished and start stomping on Q’s head. Q is barraged by the pummeling. As Q falls over to the ground of the game board, he sees various colors: yellow, red, blue and green. Unfortunately the green is actually the rump of Plumpy.]
Plumpy: So cosmic dude, suck my big green a$$, [Plumpy sits on Q’s face and starts smothering him. A beaten and wearied Q gasps for air].
Princess Lolly: But don’t give s#!t to this little lass. [Lolly comes up with sharpened lollipops in both hands. She slices Q’s throat].
Jolly: And now for the coup-de-gras,
Mr. Mint: A candy cane through your great big maw.
[Mint walks up to Q and uses a large candy cane to skewer Q both through his mouth and head].
Q feels his tattered body weaken (although he smells very sweet) as it rolls off into the waters beneath the game board. He is about to warp reality when he realizes that he has experienced pain like a true human. He knows he has a substantial number of deaths to give before he meets his ultimate FFL Graveyard fate and accepts same. Thus, he wants to feel his life force ebb from his body and feel death, once again. He does nothing and drifts in the icy waters below, with a serene smile on his face.
The Anti-Monitor sees the fate of Q and is shocked by the pure selfishness and weakness of his omnipotent brethren in this battle. He focuses on the Candyland Crew and uses his cosmic powers and energy manipulation abilities to shred the candy participants to pieces. Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster are decimated, leaving only sweet goo trails on the raft, where their bodies had once been.
Anti-Monitor: How sweet it is. . .
Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to float both Spawn and Blue Devil along with him. Together, the trio fights Zod. Spawn lashes his chains around Zodd’s neck and prevents Zod from flying away, while Blue Devil uses his magical trident to skewer the Kryptonian. Although Zodd is mortally wounded, he manages to freeze both Spawn and Blue Devil with his breath. The two icicled P.M.S. crew fall to their frozen deaths. Anti-Monitor has had enough and although a pitched battle ensues, Krueger is no match for a Crisis-causer. The Anti-Monitor eventually sees his opening and kills Krueger.
Alice’s Wonder Team: Anti-Monitor lives.
P.M.S.: All dead.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
―Clay Condit
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Alice’s Wonder Team: Q, General Zod and Anti-Monitor.
P.M.S.: Freddy Krueger (with a yellow power ring), Black Dragon #12, Jack Sparrow, Xenomorph #51, Spawn, Blue Devil, and The Candy Land Crew: Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster.
Above the icy waters I see Xenomorph #51 riding on the back of Black Dragon #12. The Xenomorph and Dragon are flying slightly above the clouds to gain a necessary vantage point on their foes. The monsters see General Zod flying directly beneath them. Fierce, animalistic war cries are heard as the Xenomorph and Dragon dive-bomb Zod.
Zod (turning to face Xenomorph #51 and Dragon #12): Oh you stupid beasts; never announce that you are coming upon Zod.
Zod twists out of the way of the P.M.S. crew and smashes Xenomorph #51 off of the flying creature. Xenomorph #51 shrieks as it realizes its imminent death. A large slapping sound is heard at the impact of the alien’s body hitting the water; Xenomorph #51 dies. After removing the Xenomorph from the Dragon’s back, Zod immediately latches onto the neck of Black Dragon #12. Although the Dragon tries to turn its neck to spit acid at the Kryptonian, it is unable to do so. Zod reaches around Black Dragon #12’s neck and snaps it. The Dragon’s body convulses and falls to the waters below, making a large splash before rising to the surface again, somewhat buoyant.
Jack Sparrow swims over to the carcass of Dragon #12 and climbs aboard its belly. Q sees this interesting human and transports himself to be with Sparrow.
Sparrow: Hello, my good man. Your outfit demurs you.
Q (looks down at his clingy, white unitard): Speak for yourself, you’re wearing eyeliner.
Sparrow gives a rouge-ish smile.
Sparrow: May I have a brief word?
Q: Of course, I’m all ears.
Sparrow begins to whisper. Since Q cannot hear the babblings of the somewhat awkward pirate, Q draws closer. Just as Q is next to Sparrow, the pirate draws his sword and shoves it through Q’s gut. Q smiles, pulls the sword out of himself and impales Sparrow.
Sparrow (looks down): Damn. . . that hurts. . .
Sparrow falls into the water; dead. Q hears laughing coming from what appears to be a thin raft. The raft is slowly moving toward his location. Q smiles at the many colored-game board with all of its characters. Although not human, they still look interesting to Q. Q waits for the characters to approach next to the Dragon’s body, which is now Q’s flotation device.
Q: Hello my friends. Why don’t you come aboard my dragon here and we can discuss the semantics of the remaining battle?
The members of the Candyland Crew smile at Q. They wave him over to their raft-board. Q jumps on the Candyland raft, but does not notice that the loving, smiling and adorable Candyland Crew have morphed into violent, disgusting “mirrors” of themselves due to Freddy Krueger’s tinkering. These are Krueger’s new dream warriors. Before Q notices, the entire Candyland Crew of savages, they attack.
I hear the taunting rhymes of the Candyland Crew as their vicious actions escalate.
Lord Licorice: Dear Q, I am sure you like to be wrapped, [Lord Licorice uses licorice lassos to wrap Q up. Q is unable to move].
Gloppy: But not glopped up with what looks like cr%p; [Gloppy shoots a flow of molasses that surges over the licorice. The glop hardens and Q’s body is now strung together by licorice and petrified by hardened molasses.
Queen Frostine: A little ice cream cold to make you shiver, [Frostine uses her ice cream freezing powers to fortify Q’s encasement].
Gingerbread Woman: But face the fists of the Gingerbread and quiver. [The Gingerbread People take advantage of Q’s predicament and start hitting Q. Unfortunately, their brittle bodies begin to crumble when they hit him; Gingerbread People #1-3 have sacrificed themselves, but have bloodied Q in the process.
King Kandy: And here is to you, a kick in the head,
Gramma Nut: While keeping you alive, you’re no fun to us dead;
[King Kandy and Gramma Nut start where the Gingerbread people have finished and start stomping on Q’s head. Q is barraged by the pummeling. As Q falls over to the ground of the game board, he sees various colors: yellow, red, blue and green. Unfortunately the green is actually the rump of Plumpy.]
Plumpy: So cosmic dude, suck my big green a$$, [Plumpy sits on Q’s face and starts smothering him. A beaten and wearied Q gasps for air].
Princess Lolly: But don’t give s#!t to this little lass. [Lolly comes up with sharpened lollipops in both hands. She slices Q’s throat].
Jolly: And now for the coup-de-gras,
Mr. Mint: A candy cane through your great big maw.
[Mint walks up to Q and uses a large candy cane to skewer Q both through his mouth and head].
Q feels his tattered body weaken (although he smells very sweet) as it rolls off into the waters beneath the game board. He is about to warp reality when he realizes that he has experienced pain like a true human. He knows he has a substantial number of deaths to give before he meets his ultimate FFL Graveyard fate and accepts same. Thus, he wants to feel his life force ebb from his body and feel death, once again. He does nothing and drifts in the icy waters below, with a serene smile on his face.
The Anti-Monitor sees the fate of Q and is shocked by the pure selfishness and weakness of his omnipotent brethren in this battle. He focuses on the Candyland Crew and uses his cosmic powers and energy manipulation abilities to shred the candy participants to pieces. Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster are decimated, leaving only sweet goo trails on the raft, where their bodies had once been.
Anti-Monitor: How sweet it is. . .
Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to float both Spawn and Blue Devil along with him. Together, the trio fights Zod. Spawn lashes his chains around Zodd’s neck and prevents Zod from flying away, while Blue Devil uses his magical trident to skewer the Kryptonian. Although Zodd is mortally wounded, he manages to freeze both Spawn and Blue Devil with his breath. The two icicled P.M.S. crew fall to their frozen deaths. Anti-Monitor has had enough and although a pitched battle ensues, Krueger is no match for a Crisis-causer. The Anti-Monitor eventually sees his opening and kills Krueger.
Alice’s Wonder Team: Anti-Monitor lives.
P.M.S.: All dead.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Week 1: Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches vs Alice's Wonder Team
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Michael Myers, Skrull #6 and Brood Alien #9.
Alice's Wonder Team is Q.
Q stands alone in the middle of Club Hel as the only starting member of Alice’s Wonder Team. He is confident in his GM’s decision to only start him in this fight; he walks over to the bar and sits down. Due to his near omnipotence, Q can already tell that the patrons of this particular bar aren’t human at all, but rather complex computer programs that refused to be deleted. As he spins around to the bar in his stool, Q is attacked by Brood Alien #9 and is viciously maimed. Q then simply warps time to right before this attack and dodges out of the way and dematerializes the alien. He then goes to order a drink from the bartender. He sees that it is Guinan, an old enemy of his. “Oh come on, really?! You’re the bartender here?” exclaims Q. “Nope,” says Guinan, who turns back into her real form of Skrull #6. He then proceeds to shoot Q square in the chest with a blaster. But before Q dies, he yet again goes back in time to avoid such a fate and sits one seat over, so that the blaster shot misses. He then breaks a bottle and drives it into the Skrull’s neck, even though it wasn’t really necessary for him to do since he can just remove him from existence. Q then chuckles to himself at the humor of fighting against commons with the numbers 6 and 9. “Well this match isn’t going to be very hard,” Q says to himself. But just then he feels a looming presence standing behind him.
He looks up and sees Michael Myers standing in front of him. Michael wastes no time and plunges his knife deep into Q’s abdomen. Blood spurts out of Q’s mouth, but he still is able to alter time to his advantage and avoid this attack. Or so he thinks. As soon as he appears again in time, Michael Myers stalks him and viciously stabs him again and again. Q again warps time and space to try and get away from “The Shape,” but ever single time he does, Michael is right there ready to gut him. Q finally gets angry and tries to remove Michael from this plane of existence. But nothing happens. Q for the first time in his life is confused. He peers into Michael’s mind and finds… nothing. Nothing but pure evil that is. That is when he realizes that no matter what he does, there is no way to completely remove evil from existence. Of course, while Q is thinking all of this, Michael is carving open Q’s chest. Q finally decides that this fight could go on forever, so he decides to end this match and chooses not to travel in time.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS BEEYAATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Alice's Wonder Team is Q.
Q stands alone in the middle of Club Hel as the only starting member of Alice’s Wonder Team. He is confident in his GM’s decision to only start him in this fight; he walks over to the bar and sits down. Due to his near omnipotence, Q can already tell that the patrons of this particular bar aren’t human at all, but rather complex computer programs that refused to be deleted. As he spins around to the bar in his stool, Q is attacked by Brood Alien #9 and is viciously maimed. Q then simply warps time to right before this attack and dodges out of the way and dematerializes the alien. He then goes to order a drink from the bartender. He sees that it is Guinan, an old enemy of his. “Oh come on, really?! You’re the bartender here?” exclaims Q. “Nope,” says Guinan, who turns back into her real form of Skrull #6. He then proceeds to shoot Q square in the chest with a blaster. But before Q dies, he yet again goes back in time to avoid such a fate and sits one seat over, so that the blaster shot misses. He then breaks a bottle and drives it into the Skrull’s neck, even though it wasn’t really necessary for him to do since he can just remove him from existence. Q then chuckles to himself at the humor of fighting against commons with the numbers 6 and 9. “Well this match isn’t going to be very hard,” Q says to himself. But just then he feels a looming presence standing behind him.
He looks up and sees Michael Myers standing in front of him. Michael wastes no time and plunges his knife deep into Q’s abdomen. Blood spurts out of Q’s mouth, but he still is able to alter time to his advantage and avoid this attack. Or so he thinks. As soon as he appears again in time, Michael Myers stalks him and viciously stabs him again and again. Q again warps time and space to try and get away from “The Shape,” but ever single time he does, Michael is right there ready to gut him. Q finally gets angry and tries to remove Michael from this plane of existence. But nothing happens. Q for the first time in his life is confused. He peers into Michael’s mind and finds… nothing. Nothing but pure evil that is. That is when he realizes that no matter what he does, there is no way to completely remove evil from existence. Of course, while Q is thinking all of this, Michael is carving open Q’s chest. Q finally decides that this fight could go on forever, so he decides to end this match and chooses not to travel in time.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS BEEYAATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Week 1: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Hayley's Comets
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Nightwing, Baby Wolverine, Captain Power, Lockheed, and Baby Ewoks #1-2.
Hayley's Comets are Hordak w/Yellow Power Ring, Lady Deathstrike, and Prinplup.
“Are we seriously going to fight in the Regal Beagle with three hairy babies?!” asks Captain Power. “Yep, what of it?” replies Nightwing. “Well I guess nothing,” says Captain Power. “Power on!” They all walk into the Regal Beagle where they see Larry and Jack hitting on two ladies over by the bar. Baby Wolverine runs underneath the one of the girls, who happens to be wearing a skirt, climbs up a bar stool and orders a beer with a nipple on it. The bartender is about to deny him the request, but Baby Wolvie pop his claws out at the bartender, who decides it’s in his best interest to oblige the baby. The two Baby Ewoks join Baby Wolverine up on the bar and start doing tequila shots. Lockheed flies over and joins them as well. “Stay focus, Jonathan,” says Nightwing. “Fine, but when we win, you’re buying the first round,” retorts Captain Power. But just as he says that, the Soldier of the Future is slammed up against the wall by a giant yellow energy blast. Nightwing is then kicked to the ground by Lady Deathstrike. Dick Grayson (starting in his second bar fight this week, if anyone is counting) back flips up and spin kicks Lady Deathstrike in the mouth. The two skilled fighters continue their attack on each other as Baby Wolverine, Lockheed and the Baby Ewoks knock back several drinks. (I bet you guys never realized the high alcohol tolerance Ewoks have, did you?) Their drinking comes to an end as Prinplup knocks Baby Wolverine off of his bar stool. “Oh bub, you’re gonna regret doing that,” Baby Logan says. He is then slashed across the face by Prinplup with its claws that are in its wings. Logan, the Baby Ewoks and Lockheed all attack Prinplup and overwhelm the Pokémon penguin. “That’s what you get you Backyardigan reject,” quips Baby Wolverine. Captain Power, meanwhile, is having a terrible time for his first outing at a member of the Brotherhood. Hordak is firing magic spells, and yellow energy blast simultaneously. Captain Power does his best to counter these attacks, but Hordak is simply too powerful for him to overcome. Hordak finally ends Captain Power’s life with a yellow spear to the Jonathan’s golden chest piece. Lockheed flies over and attempts to fry Hordak with a blast of fire from his mouth, but Hordak is able to put up a yellow force field. He then vaporizes the purple dragon with a magic spell. Nightwing throws Lady Deathstrike over the bar, smashing her into all the bottles lined up against the back of it. She retaliates by skewering both Ewok Babies and throwing them right at Nightwing. This enrages Baby Wolverine who goes into a baby berserker rage (would that be called a berserker temper tantrum?) and leaps onto Lady Deathstrike. She viciously stabs and claws at her face and chest, eventually killing the cyborg ninja assassin. Hordak now is outnumbered two on one, but he is ready for the challenge. Nightwing flips into the air and goes to dropkick Hordak, but he is frozen in mid air by a magic spell. Hordak then uses his yellow power ring to ensnare Baby Wolverine and launches him right at Nightwing, driving Baby Logan’s claws deep into his own teammate’s abdomen. Hordak finishes this battle by encasing Baby Wolverine in an airtight yellow energy bubble, and patiently watches the baby mutant gasp for each last valuable breath.
HAYLEY’S COMETS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Hayley's Comets are Hordak w/Yellow Power Ring, Lady Deathstrike, and Prinplup.
“Are we seriously going to fight in the Regal Beagle with three hairy babies?!” asks Captain Power. “Yep, what of it?” replies Nightwing. “Well I guess nothing,” says Captain Power. “Power on!” They all walk into the Regal Beagle where they see Larry and Jack hitting on two ladies over by the bar. Baby Wolverine runs underneath the one of the girls, who happens to be wearing a skirt, climbs up a bar stool and orders a beer with a nipple on it. The bartender is about to deny him the request, but Baby Wolvie pop his claws out at the bartender, who decides it’s in his best interest to oblige the baby. The two Baby Ewoks join Baby Wolverine up on the bar and start doing tequila shots. Lockheed flies over and joins them as well. “Stay focus, Jonathan,” says Nightwing. “Fine, but when we win, you’re buying the first round,” retorts Captain Power. But just as he says that, the Soldier of the Future is slammed up against the wall by a giant yellow energy blast. Nightwing is then kicked to the ground by Lady Deathstrike. Dick Grayson (starting in his second bar fight this week, if anyone is counting) back flips up and spin kicks Lady Deathstrike in the mouth. The two skilled fighters continue their attack on each other as Baby Wolverine, Lockheed and the Baby Ewoks knock back several drinks. (I bet you guys never realized the high alcohol tolerance Ewoks have, did you?) Their drinking comes to an end as Prinplup knocks Baby Wolverine off of his bar stool. “Oh bub, you’re gonna regret doing that,” Baby Logan says. He is then slashed across the face by Prinplup with its claws that are in its wings. Logan, the Baby Ewoks and Lockheed all attack Prinplup and overwhelm the Pokémon penguin. “That’s what you get you Backyardigan reject,” quips Baby Wolverine. Captain Power, meanwhile, is having a terrible time for his first outing at a member of the Brotherhood. Hordak is firing magic spells, and yellow energy blast simultaneously. Captain Power does his best to counter these attacks, but Hordak is simply too powerful for him to overcome. Hordak finally ends Captain Power’s life with a yellow spear to the Jonathan’s golden chest piece. Lockheed flies over and attempts to fry Hordak with a blast of fire from his mouth, but Hordak is able to put up a yellow force field. He then vaporizes the purple dragon with a magic spell. Nightwing throws Lady Deathstrike over the bar, smashing her into all the bottles lined up against the back of it. She retaliates by skewering both Ewok Babies and throwing them right at Nightwing. This enrages Baby Wolverine who goes into a baby berserker rage (would that be called a berserker temper tantrum?) and leaps onto Lady Deathstrike. She viciously stabs and claws at her face and chest, eventually killing the cyborg ninja assassin. Hordak now is outnumbered two on one, but he is ready for the challenge. Nightwing flips into the air and goes to dropkick Hordak, but he is frozen in mid air by a magic spell. Hordak then uses his yellow power ring to ensnare Baby Wolverine and launches him right at Nightwing, driving Baby Logan’s claws deep into his own teammate’s abdomen. Hordak finishes this battle by encasing Baby Wolverine in an airtight yellow energy bubble, and patiently watches the baby mutant gasp for each last valuable breath.
HAYLEY’S COMETS ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Week 1: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs Oblivio
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is Marv, Sylar, Justin Oblak, and Brandon Inge.
Oblivio is Shredder, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Vampire #99.
Some theme music for the match. (GREAT idea Nickatu)
“The stench of old cigar smoke fills the air as well as my lungs. I have to squint my eyes to see through the haze. I notice Nancy starting to take the stage. The crowd salivates with anticipation. Personally, my mouth is watering from the fact that I know in mere moment my team of warriors are going to find Oblivio and wipe the floor of Kadie’s Club Pecos with their limp bodies. I see my teammates sitting up against the stage tossing back a few brews before the oncoming battle. My name? Brandon Inge. I’m part of the Bad Newz Kennelz.”
Brandon Inge walks calmly over to his three teammates, Marv, Sylar and Justin Oblak, who are all enjoying Nancy’s show. Within moments, Shredder crashes through the door, leaps up onto the stage and slices Nancy’s throat wide open. “Oh you’re gonna pay for that one pal,” grunts Marv. Justin jumps off of his bar stool and smashes his Miller Lite bottle on the bar. Shredder’s two teammates, Bellatrix Lestrange and Vampire #99, enter the bar as the rest of the patrons flee out the back door. The tall, beautiful brunette known as Vampire #99 immediately uses her vampire/feminine wiles on Justin and seduces the Golden Boy. She quickly bites his neck and tosses him to the floor. “NOOO!!!” yells Brandon as he sees his BFF fall.
“Watching my bud fall to a lousy dame like that twists my stomach into a knot. It makes my blood boil red hot. I’m going to make her pay. I don’t care if she looks like a dame to kill for. I’ll go to Hell and back if I have to. No matter what, I’m going to make sure I give her the hard goodbye,” growls Brandon.
The Detroit Tiger grabs a pool ball and chucks it right at Vampire #99, but he over throws it. “Missed it by that much,” he says to himself. He then takes a pool cue, snaps it in half and attacks the beautiful Vampire, who slightly resembles Anne Hathaway or a young Barbara Feldon. He knocks her to the bar floor and drives the splintered pool cue into her black heart. Brandon then rushes to Justin’s side, but it’s too late. Rage and anger fill Inge’s heart as he turns his attention to Bellatrix. The crazed witch, however has little patience for this and kills Brandon by shouting “Avada Kedavra,” thus hitting him with the killing curse. She is then knocked down by a bar stool wielding Sylar. Meanwhile, Marv is intensely focused on destroying Shredder. The Foot Clan leader is quick and agile, causing severe amounts of damage to the bruiser with his various blades. But Marv is unrelenting. He is able to catch one of Shredder’s spin kicks and that’s all he needs. Marv levels Shredder with a roundhouse that knocks him clear across the bar. Marv then grabs a hold of Shredder’s helmet and with sheer brute force, crushes it in on the ninja master’s skull. “That one’s for you Nancy,” Marv says to himself, as he is completely soaked in blood. Sylar peers into Bellatrix’s mind in an attempt to learn her powers, but finds out that not only is magic on a whole different level than super powers, but she is also completely bat s#!t insane. Before he can truly understand the correct pronunciation of “Avada Kedavra,” Bellatrix says it for him and kills him with another killing curse. Marv is bleeding badly from is wounds inflicted upon him by Shredder, but he will never go down without a fight. Bellatrix starts cackling, because she is confident that she has this match all but wrapped up for her team. But just then, a vampire Justin Oblak leaps onto her back and attacks her. “Quick… Marv… kill this b!*ch while we still have the chance,” Vampire Justin says. Marv picks up Brandon Inge’s baseball bat and with a massive swing, he literally explodes Bellatrix’s head. “Marv… you gotta kill me now.. if I turn completely… I’ll come after you too,” pleads Justin. “Aww come on little guy, I don’t want to hurt you,” Marv replies to his teammates request. “JUST DO IT!!” shouts Vampire Golden Boy. Marv snaps the bat in two and reluctantly drives it through the Golden Boy’s heart. Marv then walks behind the bar and finds a bottle of whisky and proceeds to drink the whole thing in honor of his fallen teammates.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURV IS VICTORIOUS!!
Oblivio is Shredder, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Vampire #99.
Some theme music for the match. (GREAT idea Nickatu)
“The stench of old cigar smoke fills the air as well as my lungs. I have to squint my eyes to see through the haze. I notice Nancy starting to take the stage. The crowd salivates with anticipation. Personally, my mouth is watering from the fact that I know in mere moment my team of warriors are going to find Oblivio and wipe the floor of Kadie’s Club Pecos with their limp bodies. I see my teammates sitting up against the stage tossing back a few brews before the oncoming battle. My name? Brandon Inge. I’m part of the Bad Newz Kennelz.”
Brandon Inge walks calmly over to his three teammates, Marv, Sylar and Justin Oblak, who are all enjoying Nancy’s show. Within moments, Shredder crashes through the door, leaps up onto the stage and slices Nancy’s throat wide open. “Oh you’re gonna pay for that one pal,” grunts Marv. Justin jumps off of his bar stool and smashes his Miller Lite bottle on the bar. Shredder’s two teammates, Bellatrix Lestrange and Vampire #99, enter the bar as the rest of the patrons flee out the back door. The tall, beautiful brunette known as Vampire #99 immediately uses her vampire/feminine wiles on Justin and seduces the Golden Boy. She quickly bites his neck and tosses him to the floor. “NOOO!!!” yells Brandon as he sees his BFF fall.
“Watching my bud fall to a lousy dame like that twists my stomach into a knot. It makes my blood boil red hot. I’m going to make her pay. I don’t care if she looks like a dame to kill for. I’ll go to Hell and back if I have to. No matter what, I’m going to make sure I give her the hard goodbye,” growls Brandon.
The Detroit Tiger grabs a pool ball and chucks it right at Vampire #99, but he over throws it. “Missed it by that much,” he says to himself. He then takes a pool cue, snaps it in half and attacks the beautiful Vampire, who slightly resembles Anne Hathaway or a young Barbara Feldon. He knocks her to the bar floor and drives the splintered pool cue into her black heart. Brandon then rushes to Justin’s side, but it’s too late. Rage and anger fill Inge’s heart as he turns his attention to Bellatrix. The crazed witch, however has little patience for this and kills Brandon by shouting “Avada Kedavra,” thus hitting him with the killing curse. She is then knocked down by a bar stool wielding Sylar. Meanwhile, Marv is intensely focused on destroying Shredder. The Foot Clan leader is quick and agile, causing severe amounts of damage to the bruiser with his various blades. But Marv is unrelenting. He is able to catch one of Shredder’s spin kicks and that’s all he needs. Marv levels Shredder with a roundhouse that knocks him clear across the bar. Marv then grabs a hold of Shredder’s helmet and with sheer brute force, crushes it in on the ninja master’s skull. “That one’s for you Nancy,” Marv says to himself, as he is completely soaked in blood. Sylar peers into Bellatrix’s mind in an attempt to learn her powers, but finds out that not only is magic on a whole different level than super powers, but she is also completely bat s#!t insane. Before he can truly understand the correct pronunciation of “Avada Kedavra,” Bellatrix says it for him and kills him with another killing curse. Marv is bleeding badly from is wounds inflicted upon him by Shredder, but he will never go down without a fight. Bellatrix starts cackling, because she is confident that she has this match all but wrapped up for her team. But just then, a vampire Justin Oblak leaps onto her back and attacks her. “Quick… Marv… kill this b!*ch while we still have the chance,” Vampire Justin says. Marv picks up Brandon Inge’s baseball bat and with a massive swing, he literally explodes Bellatrix’s head. “Marv… you gotta kill me now.. if I turn completely… I’ll come after you too,” pleads Justin. “Aww come on little guy, I don’t want to hurt you,” Marv replies to his teammates request. “JUST DO IT!!” shouts Vampire Golden Boy. Marv snaps the bat in two and reluctantly drives it through the Golden Boy’s heart. Marv then walks behind the bar and finds a bottle of whisky and proceeds to drink the whole thing in honor of his fallen teammates.
MICHAEL VICK’S BAD NEWZ KENNELZ OF LURV IS VICTORIOUS!!
Week 2
Setting: The Arctic Ocean
Points: 200
Prize: Suit of Mandalorian Armor
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Josh)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. TEAM (Ryan)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Built (Bill) Ford Tough (Bryan)
-Hayley's Comets Vs. Logical Genocide (Bryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Mike)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Team S.P. (Josh)
-P.M.S. Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Bryan)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Abomitrons (Ryan)
-The Right Wing Vs. Oblivio (Josh)
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. The Untouchables (Josh)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Michaels Vick's Bad newz Kennelz of Lurve (Nick)
-Better Than All of You Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies (Josh)
Points: 200
Prize: Suit of Mandalorian Armor
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Josh)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. TEAM (Ryan)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Built (Bill) Ford Tough (Bryan)
-Hayley's Comets Vs. Logical Genocide (Bryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Mike)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Team S.P. (Josh)
-P.M.S. Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Bryan)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Abomitrons (Ryan)
-The Right Wing Vs. Oblivio (Josh)
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. The Untouchables (Josh)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Michaels Vick's Bad newz Kennelz of Lurve (Nick)
-Better Than All of You Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies (Josh)
The Syracuse Valley Vs. Better Than All of You
The Syracuse Valley is Omega Red, Bossk, The Toxic Avenger, & Little Goomba #4.
Better Than All of You are Batman & Robin (Dick Grayson & Damian) & Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini.
You might think the members of either of these teams would cause a scene if they walked into a bar but they all fit in just fine as they walk in the 2 opposite entrances of the Mos Eisely Cantina. These 2 teams both succeed in making this wretched hive just a little more scum-filled and villainous. The Valley and The Betters don’t waste any time moving toward the middle of the bar where they will do battle, even the likes of Dr. Evazan and Panda Baba step back out of the way to see who comes out on top. Little Goomba #4 walks in to The Sexecutioner, which of course kills him, but Sleazy P. Martini avenges his band mate by jumping on top of Little Goomba #4 to get his final 100 points. Omega Red and Bossk both square off against Batman and Robin. You may think that Omega Red and Bossk would not work as well together as the new dynamic duo, but after fighting alongside each other since day 1 of Season 1, Red and Bossk are quite the team. Batman and Robin have the speed advantage as they jump into action peppering the 2 Valley boys with batarangs and other advanced Wayne tech. Red and Bossk both get pretty banged up but they fight thru the pain. Bossk manages to block a dropkick from Robin and knock him to the ground. Once Robin is down Bossk is able to pull out his blaster and finish off the son of Bruce Wayne. The old Robin and new Batman delivers a mega kick to the head of Omega Red but the Russian just keeps coming. He grabs a hold of Batman with his tentacles and squeezes the life out of Dick Grayson. Meanwhile The Toxic Avenger has just put the business end of his mop into the mouth and straight out the back of the head of Jizmack Da Gusha. As the remaining members of Gwar regroup Omega Red, The Toxic Avenger, and Bossk form up as well. Bossk jumps into action first by shooting Flattus Maximus dead, but then goes down swinging as he dies by a lightsaber in the chest from Beefcake the Mighty. The Syracuse Valley’s very first pick prepares to make his final FFL stand. He takes out both of the Jedi lightsaber-wielding Gwar members Balsac the Jaws of Death & Beefcake the Mighty with his tentacles while he simultaneously kills Slymenstra Hymen and Sleazy P. Martini with his bare hands. Omega Red is about to finish off Gwar’s leader and most powerful member when Oderus Urungus throws his new red lightsaber into the head of Omega Red to kill him off for good. Oderus takes only a brief second to be proud of his gnarly lightsaber throw, but it is just enough time for The Toxic Avenger to knock him to the ground with his mop and then rip a bolted down chair off the ground so he can use it to bash in Oderus’ skull and take revenge for the 3 fallen Valley members that he barely got to know.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You are Batman & Robin (Dick Grayson & Damian) & Gwar: Oderus Urungus, Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner, & Sleazy P. Martini.
You might think the members of either of these teams would cause a scene if they walked into a bar but they all fit in just fine as they walk in the 2 opposite entrances of the Mos Eisely Cantina. These 2 teams both succeed in making this wretched hive just a little more scum-filled and villainous. The Valley and The Betters don’t waste any time moving toward the middle of the bar where they will do battle, even the likes of Dr. Evazan and Panda Baba step back out of the way to see who comes out on top. Little Goomba #4 walks in to The Sexecutioner, which of course kills him, but Sleazy P. Martini avenges his band mate by jumping on top of Little Goomba #4 to get his final 100 points. Omega Red and Bossk both square off against Batman and Robin. You may think that Omega Red and Bossk would not work as well together as the new dynamic duo, but after fighting alongside each other since day 1 of Season 1, Red and Bossk are quite the team. Batman and Robin have the speed advantage as they jump into action peppering the 2 Valley boys with batarangs and other advanced Wayne tech. Red and Bossk both get pretty banged up but they fight thru the pain. Bossk manages to block a dropkick from Robin and knock him to the ground. Once Robin is down Bossk is able to pull out his blaster and finish off the son of Bruce Wayne. The old Robin and new Batman delivers a mega kick to the head of Omega Red but the Russian just keeps coming. He grabs a hold of Batman with his tentacles and squeezes the life out of Dick Grayson. Meanwhile The Toxic Avenger has just put the business end of his mop into the mouth and straight out the back of the head of Jizmack Da Gusha. As the remaining members of Gwar regroup Omega Red, The Toxic Avenger, and Bossk form up as well. Bossk jumps into action first by shooting Flattus Maximus dead, but then goes down swinging as he dies by a lightsaber in the chest from Beefcake the Mighty. The Syracuse Valley’s very first pick prepares to make his final FFL stand. He takes out both of the Jedi lightsaber-wielding Gwar members Balsac the Jaws of Death & Beefcake the Mighty with his tentacles while he simultaneously kills Slymenstra Hymen and Sleazy P. Martini with his bare hands. Omega Red is about to finish off Gwar’s leader and most powerful member when Oderus Urungus throws his new red lightsaber into the head of Omega Red to kill him off for good. Oderus takes only a brief second to be proud of his gnarly lightsaber throw, but it is just enough time for The Toxic Avenger to knock him to the ground with his mop and then rip a bolted down chair off the ground so he can use it to bash in Oderus’ skull and take revenge for the 3 fallen Valley members that he barely got to know.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Transfoamers
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos is Ben Kenobi, Roger Murtaugh, Martin Riggs, Venus & Serena Williams, Mrs. Doubtfire, & Ewok Baby #5.
The Transfoamers are Darth Bane, Odd Job, & Dr. No.
Not only does Darth Bane not know or care to know the names of his two teammates, he doesn’t even know what FFL team he is on. The first round draft pick of The (former) Legion of Doom, now known as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad has personally passed down his immense knowledge of the Dark Side to the many Sith Lords on his former team, all so he could be pawned off on some new expansion team for the remainder of his career (for however short that may be). Darth Bane, despite being rewarded with a new yellow power ring, is angrier than he has ever been after what has happened to him, and if there is one certainty in this universe, it is that it is never a good idea to make a Sith Lord angry. The Commandos are all in the back room at Cheers in Boston playing pool when The Transfoamers come rushing in. Lord Bane bursts in first, paying no heed to what his two Bond villain teammates are doing. Darth Bane merely lifts his wrist to completely vaporize Murtaugh and then jumps into action. Riggs pulls out his Beretta 92 and is about to take aim at Dr. No, but before he can The Williams Sisters are already brutally beating him to death with their tennis rackets. Venus and Serena finish off Dr. No but they are then killed themselves by Darth Bane’s amazingly fast moving lightsaber. Bane then blasts Riggs with an amazingly potent blast of Sith Lightning which leaves only a blackened and crisp bodily form burning on the bar carpet. Odd Job throws his hat at Ewok Baby #5 to create the cutest headless thing in the universe while he puts a choke hold on Mrs. Doubtfire which ends in the cracking of the most unfunny neck in movie history. Odd Job is about to catch his killer hat as it boomerangs back to him but he is force pushed into the other side of the room by Master Kenobi. Old Ben and Darth Bane get ready to square off against each other. Lord Bane is certain that his mastery of the force is greater than that of this aged Jedi plus he has the power of his yellow ring to contend with as well. Ben Kenobi may not be the most powerful Jedi in the long history of the order, but in his long career, he has done battle with the best of them and always managed to stay alive. The 2 of them begin lightsaber dueling with Darth Bane going on the offensive and Ben using his Form 3 lightsaber skills to block everything that Bane brings at him. Darth Bane keeps attacking with his lightsaber but at the same time uses his yellow ring to invoke fear in the Jedi Master. The man once known by all as Obi Wan realizes that this yellow ring is the key to what seems like a sure fire victory for the Dark Lord of The Sith. Kenobi knows, like any Jedi that fear is the path to the dark side and he begins to feel this overwhelming fear as he flicks his wrist at just the right time to cut off the right hand of Bane which holds the finger that holds the ring, as well as his crimson lightsaber. Darth Bane falls to his knees in front of Kenobi while the yellow ring hovers next to the 2 force users as if the ring itself is unsure as to who it should latch on to. Lord Bane begins to laugh as this situation unfolds. Kenobi holds his lightsaber ready to strike as Darth Bane taunts him: “Strike me down, Jedi take on the power of this ring and of the dark side and fulfill my legacy of power. Kill me or I’ll kill you. Either way, it is I who is victorious. It is the Dark Side which will be triumphant. I beg you to finish this the only way you can. You cannot escape your destiny. I foresee you will be a powerful Sith Lord, whether it be by my side or in my stead. Or perhaps you would rather die a failure. A useless old man, begotten by the power he has dedicated himself to”. As Obi Wan stands over Darth Bane with the yellow power ring floating over his head he digs deep into his conscious, unable to decide the right path with only the choices that have been laid before him. He knows that even a Jedi as dedicated as he cannot resist the temptations of the Dark Side when they have been thrust upon him in this way, yet he cannot let a monster like Bane continue on existing either. Throughout all his years of collected wisdom Obi Wan simply cannot come to the right answer which is why he lets the force decide. Obi Wan kneels down face to face with the hideous Sith Lord as he throws his lightsaber into the air. The midi chlorians take control of the Jedi weapon and in an attempt to restore the proper balance to the force have the lightsaber cut thru both Kenobi and Bane’s necks before resting on the ground next to the 2 dead bodies. A dizzy and bruised Odd Job is so amazed at what he witnessed that he doesn’t even realize he is the only man left alive in the match.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Transfoamers are Darth Bane, Odd Job, & Dr. No.
Not only does Darth Bane not know or care to know the names of his two teammates, he doesn’t even know what FFL team he is on. The first round draft pick of The (former) Legion of Doom, now known as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad has personally passed down his immense knowledge of the Dark Side to the many Sith Lords on his former team, all so he could be pawned off on some new expansion team for the remainder of his career (for however short that may be). Darth Bane, despite being rewarded with a new yellow power ring, is angrier than he has ever been after what has happened to him, and if there is one certainty in this universe, it is that it is never a good idea to make a Sith Lord angry. The Commandos are all in the back room at Cheers in Boston playing pool when The Transfoamers come rushing in. Lord Bane bursts in first, paying no heed to what his two Bond villain teammates are doing. Darth Bane merely lifts his wrist to completely vaporize Murtaugh and then jumps into action. Riggs pulls out his Beretta 92 and is about to take aim at Dr. No, but before he can The Williams Sisters are already brutally beating him to death with their tennis rackets. Venus and Serena finish off Dr. No but they are then killed themselves by Darth Bane’s amazingly fast moving lightsaber. Bane then blasts Riggs with an amazingly potent blast of Sith Lightning which leaves only a blackened and crisp bodily form burning on the bar carpet. Odd Job throws his hat at Ewok Baby #5 to create the cutest headless thing in the universe while he puts a choke hold on Mrs. Doubtfire which ends in the cracking of the most unfunny neck in movie history. Odd Job is about to catch his killer hat as it boomerangs back to him but he is force pushed into the other side of the room by Master Kenobi. Old Ben and Darth Bane get ready to square off against each other. Lord Bane is certain that his mastery of the force is greater than that of this aged Jedi plus he has the power of his yellow ring to contend with as well. Ben Kenobi may not be the most powerful Jedi in the long history of the order, but in his long career, he has done battle with the best of them and always managed to stay alive. The 2 of them begin lightsaber dueling with Darth Bane going on the offensive and Ben using his Form 3 lightsaber skills to block everything that Bane brings at him. Darth Bane keeps attacking with his lightsaber but at the same time uses his yellow ring to invoke fear in the Jedi Master. The man once known by all as Obi Wan realizes that this yellow ring is the key to what seems like a sure fire victory for the Dark Lord of The Sith. Kenobi knows, like any Jedi that fear is the path to the dark side and he begins to feel this overwhelming fear as he flicks his wrist at just the right time to cut off the right hand of Bane which holds the finger that holds the ring, as well as his crimson lightsaber. Darth Bane falls to his knees in front of Kenobi while the yellow ring hovers next to the 2 force users as if the ring itself is unsure as to who it should latch on to. Lord Bane begins to laugh as this situation unfolds. Kenobi holds his lightsaber ready to strike as Darth Bane taunts him: “Strike me down, Jedi take on the power of this ring and of the dark side and fulfill my legacy of power. Kill me or I’ll kill you. Either way, it is I who is victorious. It is the Dark Side which will be triumphant. I beg you to finish this the only way you can. You cannot escape your destiny. I foresee you will be a powerful Sith Lord, whether it be by my side or in my stead. Or perhaps you would rather die a failure. A useless old man, begotten by the power he has dedicated himself to”. As Obi Wan stands over Darth Bane with the yellow power ring floating over his head he digs deep into his conscious, unable to decide the right path with only the choices that have been laid before him. He knows that even a Jedi as dedicated as he cannot resist the temptations of the Dark Side when they have been thrust upon him in this way, yet he cannot let a monster like Bane continue on existing either. Throughout all his years of collected wisdom Obi Wan simply cannot come to the right answer which is why he lets the force decide. Obi Wan kneels down face to face with the hideous Sith Lord as he throws his lightsaber into the air. The midi chlorians take control of the Jedi weapon and in an attempt to restore the proper balance to the force have the lightsaber cut thru both Kenobi and Bane’s necks before resting on the ground next to the 2 dead bodies. A dizzy and bruised Odd Job is so amazed at what he witnessed that he doesn’t even realize he is the only man left alive in the match.
THE TRANSFOAMERS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. The Right Wing
Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is Mary Embery, Kevin, Lurch, Ewok #5, & Treasure Troll #5.
The Right Wing is Silver Surfer, Martin Blank, Slimer, & Ewok Baby #3 & 4.
After waiting outside for almost 45 minutes with a bunch of fresh Bayside graduates (and a few cool kids with fake I.D.‘s) both teams finally make their may into the Attic, the coolest nightclub hangout around. While all of the “kids” are hanging out at the Maxx, these cool Californians will be dancing the night away to some fresh beats. Once inside the 2 teams separate and then start moving toward the center of the club where they will begin some close quarters combat. Kevin jumps at the chance to slaughter some babies, no matter what species they are and begins ripping apart the 2 cute little ewok babies (it was sickening folks). Slimer flies by from behind the bar and literally scares Treasure Troll #5 to death. But Lurch picks up a bottle of Hot Damn and chugs the entire thing. He then blows fire out of his mouth at Slimer and fries the little green ghost into oblivion. Martin Blank briefly thinks to himself that that is one of the craziest ways he has ever seen someone killed even since he joined the FFL, but it doesn’t stop him from killing Lurch the old fashioned way by pumping him full of about 8 bullets from his twin Glocks. He then turns and puts one lone bullet right between the eyes of Ewok #5. Mary Embery gets shot by one of Martin Blank’s bullets as well but it just makes her smile on her way over to him. The bullet deflects off of Mary Embery’s chest and kills a random steroid laden twenty-something surfer dude while Mary punches a hole thru martin’s face. Silver Surfer is having trouble navigating his surfboard in the crowded club but it doesn’t stop him from using the power cosmic to fry Kevin. Mary and Silver Surfer square off against each other, and Mary Embery almost instantly tackles the surfer off his board. The 2 of them start trading punches with each other that could knock buildings down, but neither of them let up. Silver Surfer, though just as strong or stronger than Mary Embery, simply doesn’t quite have the brawling ability of his female opponent. Mary Embery leans back and with all of her might hits Silver Surfer so hard with a double fisted punch that it breaks his neck.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
The Right Wing is Silver Surfer, Martin Blank, Slimer, & Ewok Baby #3 & 4.
After waiting outside for almost 45 minutes with a bunch of fresh Bayside graduates (and a few cool kids with fake I.D.‘s) both teams finally make their may into the Attic, the coolest nightclub hangout around. While all of the “kids” are hanging out at the Maxx, these cool Californians will be dancing the night away to some fresh beats. Once inside the 2 teams separate and then start moving toward the center of the club where they will begin some close quarters combat. Kevin jumps at the chance to slaughter some babies, no matter what species they are and begins ripping apart the 2 cute little ewok babies (it was sickening folks). Slimer flies by from behind the bar and literally scares Treasure Troll #5 to death. But Lurch picks up a bottle of Hot Damn and chugs the entire thing. He then blows fire out of his mouth at Slimer and fries the little green ghost into oblivion. Martin Blank briefly thinks to himself that that is one of the craziest ways he has ever seen someone killed even since he joined the FFL, but it doesn’t stop him from killing Lurch the old fashioned way by pumping him full of about 8 bullets from his twin Glocks. He then turns and puts one lone bullet right between the eyes of Ewok #5. Mary Embery gets shot by one of Martin Blank’s bullets as well but it just makes her smile on her way over to him. The bullet deflects off of Mary Embery’s chest and kills a random steroid laden twenty-something surfer dude while Mary punches a hole thru martin’s face. Silver Surfer is having trouble navigating his surfboard in the crowded club but it doesn’t stop him from using the power cosmic to fry Kevin. Mary and Silver Surfer square off against each other, and Mary Embery almost instantly tackles the surfer off his board. The 2 of them start trading punches with each other that could knock buildings down, but neither of them let up. Silver Surfer, though just as strong or stronger than Mary Embery, simply doesn’t quite have the brawling ability of his female opponent. Mary Embery leans back and with all of her might hits Silver Surfer so hard with a double fisted punch that it breaks his neck.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!
Logical Genocide Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips
Logical Genocide is The Hood, Bronze Tiger, Tallahassee, Robert Hudson, Ewok #74, & Smurf #10.
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Sabertooth, Josh Houslander Jedi Knight, Chris Artrip, & Larry Reamer.
Sabertooth and the rest of The Horsemen are just finishing up dinner in that restaurant above Cheers that that bald guy owns. They begin walking down the stairs to the place where everybody knows your name when Fizzle asks his fellow Myrmidon Sabertooth “What’s your problem Victor, you seem even more intense than normal today”. Sabertooth doesn’t say a word, but Larry answers the question instead: “Maybe he’s a little nervous, because Coach Lectur pulled him aside and told him that if he loses to an expansion team in the bar that he’ll give ol’ Sabertooth his last three deaths himself”. “Can it Reamer, or I’ll gut you as soon as I’m done with these expansion clowns”. Sabertooth retorts. As the 4 Horsemen get to the bottom of the stairs, the members of Logical Genocide are already sitting in the booth right behind where Norm, Cliff, & Paul sit, right next to Sam’s office. The Horsemen realize that this is a sore subject with Sabertooth, so they change the conversation. Josh turns to Larry and says: “Hey Lar, how do you like the new lightsaber”? Larry replies with: “Ehh, it’s alright but fancy weapons are no match for a good nail gun at your side”. The Horsemen are wrong to think that this match is going to start out slow and methodical, as Logical Genocide is eager to make a name for themselves in this league. The Hood leads his team as he jumps over the bar with his twin Glocks blazing. Tallahassee backs him up with her pump 12 gauge and almost hits “Z”, but him and Larry jump over the bar into the area where Carla usually stands. Larry and Artifact are both crouching under the bar when they look over at each other and give that “pissed off at the world” look that they are both so good at. The 2 of them stay low while Tallahassee keeps blasting shattered glass all over them with 12 gauge buckshot. Larry whispers to Fizz: “I’ll draw her fire and you bust a cap in this b**ch”. Larry then ignites his lightsaber and starts swinging it wildly. Tallahassee turns her attention toward him while Artifizzle pulls out his Beretta and puts 6 bullets in her chest (that’s about how many 9mm’s it takes to kill a 110 lb woman, right?). Robert Hudson valiantly jumps over the bar to attack Chris, and take revenge for his fallen comrade. Rob grabs a bottle of Miller Lite and breaks it on the bar. He leaps into the air with plans to come down hard on Artrip but his Jedi brother-in law leaps into the air flips down below the hanging glasses and uses his lightsaber to slice Robert in half. Ewok #74 and Smurf #10 jump into the fray, but Larry pulls out his new green lightsaber and uses it to skewer the ewok. Larry then swings his lightsaber again and takes out the jumping smurf in mid-air (quite a shot for a beginner with a lightsaber). Josh says: “Hey Lar, you still miss that nail gun”, which Larry replies to by saying: “I think I could get used to this”. The Hood begins lighting up the friendliest place in Boston with his guns when the Artinator begins firing back. The Fizzster takes aim, but he Hood is just to quick for him. Once The Hood gets in close C-Dog has just enough time to pull out the katana he got from Josh (the dead version) but not enough time to use it. The Hood then finishes him off. Sabertooth instantly jumps into action and begins battling with The Hood, while Josh and Larry pull out their lightsabers and move toward Bronze Tiger. Sabertooth and The Hood go at it intensely for only a couple of minutes. When 2 competitors fight as fiercely as they do the fight cannot possibly last long. Sabertooth knocks both of The Hood’s guns away and despite suffering some blows that would be debilitating to a man without Sabertooth’s healing factor, Sabertooth fights thru and ends the fight by jabbing his razor sharp nails into The Hood’s neck. While this is going on Bronze Tiger has kicked Larry over the bar toward the front door, leaving Jedi Josh alone to fight him. Josh swings for a head shot against Bronze Tiger but he is to swift. The lightsaber takes a chunk out of the arm of Bronze Tiger but the miss opens Josh up for Bronze Tiger to put him in a choke hold that breaks his neck. Bronze Tiger turns his attention toward Larry who just picked back up his lightsaber and is still shaking off being launched across Cheers, but the Horsemen he should be worried about is Sabertooth. Sabertooth knocks Bronze Tiger to the ground and then their brawl ensues. Bronze Tiger is a worthy opponent, but he does not match up to Sabertooth’s skills. Sabertooth goes crazy and ends up with the help of his strength and sharp edged fingers ripping Bronze Tiger’s head clean off. When the enraged Sabertooth turns his head, he thinks for a second that Larry is coming up behind him with his lightsaber in his hand but instead he realizes that Larry’s saber is put away and that his hands are filled with 2 bottles of Miller Lite. Larry hands one to Sabertooth and says: “Hey Victor, this rounds on me”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Sabertooth, Josh Houslander Jedi Knight, Chris Artrip, & Larry Reamer.
Sabertooth and the rest of The Horsemen are just finishing up dinner in that restaurant above Cheers that that bald guy owns. They begin walking down the stairs to the place where everybody knows your name when Fizzle asks his fellow Myrmidon Sabertooth “What’s your problem Victor, you seem even more intense than normal today”. Sabertooth doesn’t say a word, but Larry answers the question instead: “Maybe he’s a little nervous, because Coach Lectur pulled him aside and told him that if he loses to an expansion team in the bar that he’ll give ol’ Sabertooth his last three deaths himself”. “Can it Reamer, or I’ll gut you as soon as I’m done with these expansion clowns”. Sabertooth retorts. As the 4 Horsemen get to the bottom of the stairs, the members of Logical Genocide are already sitting in the booth right behind where Norm, Cliff, & Paul sit, right next to Sam’s office. The Horsemen realize that this is a sore subject with Sabertooth, so they change the conversation. Josh turns to Larry and says: “Hey Lar, how do you like the new lightsaber”? Larry replies with: “Ehh, it’s alright but fancy weapons are no match for a good nail gun at your side”. The Horsemen are wrong to think that this match is going to start out slow and methodical, as Logical Genocide is eager to make a name for themselves in this league. The Hood leads his team as he jumps over the bar with his twin Glocks blazing. Tallahassee backs him up with her pump 12 gauge and almost hits “Z”, but him and Larry jump over the bar into the area where Carla usually stands. Larry and Artifact are both crouching under the bar when they look over at each other and give that “pissed off at the world” look that they are both so good at. The 2 of them stay low while Tallahassee keeps blasting shattered glass all over them with 12 gauge buckshot. Larry whispers to Fizz: “I’ll draw her fire and you bust a cap in this b**ch”. Larry then ignites his lightsaber and starts swinging it wildly. Tallahassee turns her attention toward him while Artifizzle pulls out his Beretta and puts 6 bullets in her chest (that’s about how many 9mm’s it takes to kill a 110 lb woman, right?). Robert Hudson valiantly jumps over the bar to attack Chris, and take revenge for his fallen comrade. Rob grabs a bottle of Miller Lite and breaks it on the bar. He leaps into the air with plans to come down hard on Artrip but his Jedi brother-in law leaps into the air flips down below the hanging glasses and uses his lightsaber to slice Robert in half. Ewok #74 and Smurf #10 jump into the fray, but Larry pulls out his new green lightsaber and uses it to skewer the ewok. Larry then swings his lightsaber again and takes out the jumping smurf in mid-air (quite a shot for a beginner with a lightsaber). Josh says: “Hey Lar, you still miss that nail gun”, which Larry replies to by saying: “I think I could get used to this”. The Hood begins lighting up the friendliest place in Boston with his guns when the Artinator begins firing back. The Fizzster takes aim, but he Hood is just to quick for him. Once The Hood gets in close C-Dog has just enough time to pull out the katana he got from Josh (the dead version) but not enough time to use it. The Hood then finishes him off. Sabertooth instantly jumps into action and begins battling with The Hood, while Josh and Larry pull out their lightsabers and move toward Bronze Tiger. Sabertooth and The Hood go at it intensely for only a couple of minutes. When 2 competitors fight as fiercely as they do the fight cannot possibly last long. Sabertooth knocks both of The Hood’s guns away and despite suffering some blows that would be debilitating to a man without Sabertooth’s healing factor, Sabertooth fights thru and ends the fight by jabbing his razor sharp nails into The Hood’s neck. While this is going on Bronze Tiger has kicked Larry over the bar toward the front door, leaving Jedi Josh alone to fight him. Josh swings for a head shot against Bronze Tiger but he is to swift. The lightsaber takes a chunk out of the arm of Bronze Tiger but the miss opens Josh up for Bronze Tiger to put him in a choke hold that breaks his neck. Bronze Tiger turns his attention toward Larry who just picked back up his lightsaber and is still shaking off being launched across Cheers, but the Horsemen he should be worried about is Sabertooth. Sabertooth knocks Bronze Tiger to the ground and then their brawl ensues. Bronze Tiger is a worthy opponent, but he does not match up to Sabertooth’s skills. Sabertooth goes crazy and ends up with the help of his strength and sharp edged fingers ripping Bronze Tiger’s head clean off. When the enraged Sabertooth turns his head, he thinks for a second that Larry is coming up behind him with his lightsaber in his hand but instead he realizes that Larry’s saber is put away and that his hands are filled with 2 bottles of Miller Lite. Larry hands one to Sabertooth and says: “Hey Victor, this rounds on me”.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Season 3: Match #1: Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies vs. P.M.S.
A Sample of the Music Played in the Pub
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies is Lobo, Michael Weston, Ted Nugent and Greedo.
P.M.S is Magnetic Kid, The Peach, The Guild of Drundledorks which includes: Avette, Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Groudius Maximus, Arjhan Darkscale and Bagwa, The Candyland Crew which includes: The Gingerbread People, Mr. Mint, Grandma Nut, Princess Lolly, Lord Licorice, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Queen Frostine and Gloppy the Molasses Monster.
Location: The Eagle and Child Pub in Oxford, England in the early 1960’s.
Michael Weston: “Why is it 1961?”
Ted Nugent: “When you’ve been in this league as long as I’ve been, you just stop asking questions and go with it after a while.”
Lobo: “My guess you guys; sometimes the watchers obsessions come into play a little bit more then they should.”
Michael Weston: “The Watchers? What the hell are you talking about? What’s that?”
Lobo: “Never mind”
Ted Nugent: “Wait a second you guys, isn’t this the place that Tolkien and C.S. Lewis used to go to all the time?”
Lobo, Michael and Greedo all look at Ted with a look that says, “Are you really asking us this question and expecting to get a legitimate answer”.
Lobo: “I don’t know man. Though since it is 1961, I am guessing that they might actually be here right now. Just a guess though and for the record, I don’t care.”
Greedo: “Can we get this going you guys, I don’t want to be here forever. I fear that this match has the chance of lasting for a really long time.”
The remaining Murderflies naturally have no idea what Greedo is saying, as they don’t have Han Solo’s amazing language skills or George Lucas’s subtitles.
Just then the door burst open and a goofy green suited man walked in the door shouting something about Pelor, the sun god.
Dr. Boom Boom Pow: “What a glorious day this is, Pelor has once again shined down upon us today”.
Groudius Maximus: “Ah yes, for it is a glorious morn indeed my good sir.”
As they said this, very loudly I must add, one of the patron’s in the pub began to ask the doctor whom he was referring to. He explained to him that Pelor was his god and that he was thanking him for blessing the day with such beauty. The patron took offense to this comment and began to question him about why he was pretending to pray to a pagan god. The conversation eventually escalated into and argument and after a while, the entire Guild of Drundledorks were screaming and cursing the patrons out.
Michael Weston: “Should we do something about this?”
Lobo: “No, just them argue. I have a feeling this isn’t even half of their team, so the longer they are distracted the better”.
Greedo: “What do you mean only half of their team? How many people are we fighting today?”
Greedo’s teammates once again looked at him with puzzled looks, as the language barrier had yet to improve. This is when the remaining members of P.M.S walked into the pub. Magnetic Kid came in with a small gentleman wearing a large black coat. Following behind them was a cavalcade of colorful characters, all talking in high-pitched annoying voices.
Greedo: “Come on, are you serious with this s%@t! What’s with all the characters? Isn’t this basically just an over zealous pre-season match? This is going to take forever.”
By this time, his teammates had begun to just ignore Greedo, as there was no real point in listening to his nonsensical babble. During this time the screaming match between the Drundle’s and the patrons continued to roar on and Lobo had decided to take a seat at the bar and get a drink.
Michael Weston: “You’re drinking already Lobo?”
Lobo: “Hell yeah, you can smoke in here as well Mike. Remember, it’s 1961 man. Light one up and relax.”
Michael Weston: “Good call Lobes.”
Michael lights up a cigarette and proclaims to his teammate that he loves the 1960’s. The next half hour is spent relaxing and taking in the atmosphere of the place. It had this great old feel to it; with it’s smoke lined ceilings and warm wood finishes, the place spoke to you with its unknown history. It felt old, yet at the same time ready to take on whatever the future may be bringing its way. Needless to say, the patrons and combatants all felt the same way about the place.
By this time the Drundle’s had made peace via alcohol with the men at the bar and the Candyland characters were sitting at the two booths in the corner sharing several bottles of what appeared to be a French Syrah. They seemed to be having a gay old time, as did everyone in the pub. That is everyone except for Greedo. He had tried to relax along with everyone else, but it didn’t seem to be sitting very well with him. He sat at the bar with his teammates, but unlike them, Greedo was very agitated and not enjoying his trip back in time. He wanted to get this match over with as soon as possible and he knew the only way to get things rolling, was to do something drastic.
Greedo: “Screw this you guys, I don’t want to spend all god d@$%ed day in this moldy hell hole.”
This is when Greedo walked over to the Candyland crew’s booth and began to do what Greedo does best, shoot first. His initial shots actually proved most lucrative, as he took out Mr. Mint, King Kandy, Plumpy and Queen Frostine before being tackled to the ground by Lord Licorice. At this point, it was obvious to both teams that the fight had now begun. The relaxation of “The Bird and the Baby” had come to end.
The Drundles at the bar heard the blaster shots from Greedo and immediately took on the fierce battle aesthetic that they would soon be known for. Luckily for Greedo though, his teammates had his back. Michael Weston pulled out his gun and shot Dr. Boom Boom Pow directly between the eyes. At the same time, the Motor City Madman had brought out his cross bow and took aim at Groudius Maximus. Nugent did get a shot off and actually hit the groudy one, but only in the shoulder. The hit did hurt him, but it was not the deathblow Teddy boy was hoping for.
During all this Greedo had been on the floor wrestling with Lord Licorice. The Lord had been trying to get the gun from the green skinned creature, but after a couple minutes of the struggle, Greedo snapped the neck of his tasty opponent. The remaining members of the Candyland crew were enraged at this point as they decided to take on Greedo together in one big bum rush. Though Greedo was more powerful in a one on one fight, the strength and rage of the Candyland crew was too much for him to take. The Rodian creature was torn to shreds and now Grandma Nut was in possession of the blaster.
The Candyland crew now had a taste for blood and immediately wanted more of it. Michael Weston caught wind of this fact and quickly jumped behind the bar and started shooting at the now blood thirty crew. He killed one of the Gingerbread people with a lucky shot to the neck, but the rest of the crew was still coming. At this point the Drundles began to unload their weapons on the Murderflies. This included magic from Avette and a barrage of attacks from Arjhan.
Michael Weston: “Hey Lobes, you gonna help us out anytime soon or you gonna just let us mortals take care of this match by ourselves?”
Lobo took one last drink of his beer and looked right at Michael and said,
“You always this needy Mike?”
Lobo then took out his chain and knocked down the entire lot of Candyland characters to the ground. He was seconds away from killing the entire crew when Magnetic Boy took control over his chain and began swinging it wildly in the air. The move was helpful for mere seconds though as deadly Tedley perfectly placed an arrow through the mouth of the once magnetic super hero. With his chain and claw back in his control, Lobo jumped on top of several Candyland creatures, brutally beating the life out of them. The only character left actually was Gloppy the Molasses Monster, who managed to push Lobo down onto the ground.
Michael Weston: “Did you just get knocked down by that thing? That was kind of pathetic Lobes.”
Lobo: “Would you stop calling me Lobes!”
Michael Weston: “Sure, when you stop fighting like a b$*%h!”
Lobo then got back on his feet, picked up Gloppy and threw him at the remaining Drundledork’s who for some reason were not moving any closer towards their opponents (must have been a bad role). Though the Drundles seemed to be getting nothing but critical misses all match, Lobo’s launching of Gloppy was a perfect hit. Gloppy knocked the dorks to the ground, stopping their offensive attacks immediately. With their P.M.S opponents on the ground together, Lobo unleashed a hellish fury of explosives on them, killing everyone but the tiny Bagwa.
Michael Weston: “Nice job Lobes, but that little ninja dude looks pissed.”
Lobo: “S#$&, hold on a second”
Lobo was taken aback by the small size of the Bad A$$ Gnome Warrior Assassin, but knew he was nothing to take lightly. The small fighter moved very fast and before Lobo even knew what was going on, he had a sword in the right side of his abdomen. Lobo was shocked as he assumed he win this fight with ease. Michael then began to shoot at the small fighter, missing him completely.
Ted Nugent: “Nice try kid, where did you learn shoot the…”
Before Ted was even able to get his insult out, he had blood pouring down his chest. The Peach, who had been hiding in the shadows of the Pub, had walked up behind the less then stealthy musician and slit his throat. This more then angered Michael who stood up and with one shot, took down the stocky black-coated figure.
Michael then jumped over the bar to help his only remaining teammate fight, but it was not necessary. Though the small assassin had injured Lobo at the beginning, the fight was not going to end in his favor. Lobo, with the sword still in his side hit Bagwa with his chain, catching him in the neck with his gutting hook. Lobo then yanked back on the chain and launched the small warrior into the wall, breaking his neck.
Michael Weston: “Nice going man.”
Lobo: “Yeah thanks.”
Michael Weston: “If you would have fought the entire match like that, we would have been out of here a lot sooner.”
Lobo: “Did it ever occur to you that I didn’t want to leave.”
Michael Weston: “Aww, I didn’t know you were the sentimental type Lobes.”
Lobo: “Just order a drink, shut up and enjoy the victory Mike. I don’t know how many more of these we are going to have this season.”
P.M.S: All Dead
Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies: Lobo and Michael Weston survived
BROCK SAMPSON”S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Week 1 George Washingtons Slaves vs La Napoleon Brigade
The Mists have cleared and Mikatu has witnessed the following events unfold.
George Washington’s Slaves Are:
Amazo and Mr. & Mrs. Smith
La Napoleon Brigade is:
Jedi Leia Organa Solo, Jaina Solo, Vito Corleone and Sonny Corleone w/ red lightsaber, Terry Bradshaw with blue lightsaber
A smoldering minivan rolls slowly to a stop in a dimly lit parking lot. The only other vehicle in the lot is a small
1995 ford escort coupe. A calm rainbow pool of melted snow mixed with automotive oil erupts in a splash as the
front bumper finally loses its battle with gravity.
“Where are we?” says Amazo.
“Oh jesus! I forgot he was back there!” Exclaimed Mr. Smith, startled because Amazo had chosen to remain invisible during the ride to the bar.
Mrs. Smith, recovered from the shock of Mr. Smith’s shouting began to laugh uncontrollably.
Mr. Smith couldn’t help but laugh as well.
They both collapsed in a laughing fit until neither of them could see straight.
“ENOUGH!” yelled amazo. “I’m am sick and tired of you meatbags laughing at my expense… just because I’m not allowed to kill you doesn’t mean I have to go out of my way to save your skin in there…”
“Oh yeah,” Mrs. Smith said. “I guess this is the place. What kind of a bar is named the Double Deuce anyway?”
“You kidding me?” said a shocked Mr. Smith. “This is the bar from friggin Roadhouse! That’s awesome!”
“Oh god, are you wearing them?!” she said.
At this Amazo looked extremely confused. And began to ask “Wearing wha..?” When Mrs. Smith cut him off.
“You are wearing them! I thought we agreed, the ‘Crazy for Swayze’ boxer shorts were to be thrown away… they’re ancient and frankly I’m sick of seeing them in the wash EVERY DAY.”
At this Amazo became frustrated and grabbed the couple by their collars and walked them into the bar.
Inside the bar there is, an empty stool where the bouncer would sit. Nobody in the Double Deuce has had the heart to fight since his passing anyway. So the management never bothered to replace him. Today they'll probably regret that decision
In a booth, in the far back, there is a group of people packed in tightly. Before the chaos erupts you can hear the following exchange:
"Why on earth would you order Spaghetti at 1:45 in the morning..." said Terry Bradshaw who was absently patting his lightsaber.
"Why wouldn't I?" said Vito Corleone, it's my favorite food.
"I thought they only served stuff from the fryer after midnight." Said Sonny Corleone, who was comparing his red lightsaber to Terry's.
"Let's just say... I made the cook an offer he couldn't refuse." replied Vito.
"You did not threaten that man or his family did you!?" said Leia, who was furious at the thought.
"What!? No, Mom, I was totally there, he just slipped the guy an extra $20. I mean it's just boiled noodles, I think he overpaid him if anything..." said Jaina Solo trying to calm her mother down.
"Lookout!" shouted Bradshaw, as the door opened.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith immediately took up protected offensive positions, Mr. Smith turned over the pool table and his wife layed down covering fire with their MP5-PDW's that they had managed to grab before Amazo hauled them into the bar.
"Reload!" shouted Mrs. Smith tossing the extra MP5 to her husband.
Mr. Smith immediately opened fire on the table, striking Vito Corleone in the head.
"One down, and Reload!" he said, with a look of grim determination on his face dropping a magazine and reaching for another.
Mrs. Smith was about to lay down more cover fire when Amazo leapt over the table and flew at the booth in the corner.
His robotic body ignored that his right arm had been severed. Terry Bradshaw's blue lightsaber sending it flying back towards the door. Amazo slammed into Jaina Solo crushing her skull with a single punch from his left arm.
As he stood to attack Bradshaw, he was sliced into pieces by Leia and force thrown back at Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
The couple ducked back behind the pool table to avoid the pieces and regroup.
"Nobody Ever Wins a Fight..." said Mr. Smith...
"Really? is now the time for roadhouse quotes?" responded Mrs. Smith.
"It's always time for Roadhouse honey." he said back. Tossing a concussion grenade towards the booth.
"I am burning those damned shorts when we get out of th.."
[boom]
Recovering quickly from the blast, Leia and Terry both moved in slowly, one on each side of the pool table lightsabers at the ready.
Sonny, Furious with anger at the loss of Vito roared and sprinted between them, his red lightsaber flashing through the smoky air.
Sonny vaulted over the pool table, Leia and Terry both shouting for him to stay back. But it was too late.
On the other side of the table was Amazo's right arm, the fist still gripped, Holding a detonator attached to a sizable brick of C4.
Amazo's head began to laugh in the corner. "Haha this is going to suck, but it'll be totally worth it!"
[Big Bada Boom]
The resulting explosion ripped through the bar, killing Sonny instantly, and causing lethal injuries to Leia and Terry Bradshaw who barely managed to crawl clear of the rubble before bleeding out.
"You can keep the boxers..." said Mrs. Smith.
"Nah, they're totally ruined anyway... that concussion grenade went off WAY closer than I thought it would... Gave you time to rig the explosive though... "
"Gross... You're riding in the back of the van."
Slaves: Mr. And Mrs. Smith survive. Amazo is in several pieces but still operational
Brigade: All Dead.
George Washington's Slaves are Victorious!
George Washington’s Slaves Are:
Amazo and Mr. & Mrs. Smith
La Napoleon Brigade is:
Jedi Leia Organa Solo, Jaina Solo, Vito Corleone and Sonny Corleone w/ red lightsaber, Terry Bradshaw with blue lightsaber
A smoldering minivan rolls slowly to a stop in a dimly lit parking lot. The only other vehicle in the lot is a small
1995 ford escort coupe. A calm rainbow pool of melted snow mixed with automotive oil erupts in a splash as the
front bumper finally loses its battle with gravity.
“Where are we?” says Amazo.
“Oh jesus! I forgot he was back there!” Exclaimed Mr. Smith, startled because Amazo had chosen to remain invisible during the ride to the bar.
Mrs. Smith, recovered from the shock of Mr. Smith’s shouting began to laugh uncontrollably.
Mr. Smith couldn’t help but laugh as well.
They both collapsed in a laughing fit until neither of them could see straight.
“ENOUGH!” yelled amazo. “I’m am sick and tired of you meatbags laughing at my expense… just because I’m not allowed to kill you doesn’t mean I have to go out of my way to save your skin in there…”
“Oh yeah,” Mrs. Smith said. “I guess this is the place. What kind of a bar is named the Double Deuce anyway?”
“You kidding me?” said a shocked Mr. Smith. “This is the bar from friggin Roadhouse! That’s awesome!”
“Oh god, are you wearing them?!” she said.
At this Amazo looked extremely confused. And began to ask “Wearing wha..?” When Mrs. Smith cut him off.
“You are wearing them! I thought we agreed, the ‘Crazy for Swayze’ boxer shorts were to be thrown away… they’re ancient and frankly I’m sick of seeing them in the wash EVERY DAY.”
At this Amazo became frustrated and grabbed the couple by their collars and walked them into the bar.
Inside the bar there is, an empty stool where the bouncer would sit. Nobody in the Double Deuce has had the heart to fight since his passing anyway. So the management never bothered to replace him. Today they'll probably regret that decision
In a booth, in the far back, there is a group of people packed in tightly. Before the chaos erupts you can hear the following exchange:
"Why on earth would you order Spaghetti at 1:45 in the morning..." said Terry Bradshaw who was absently patting his lightsaber.
"Why wouldn't I?" said Vito Corleone, it's my favorite food.
"I thought they only served stuff from the fryer after midnight." Said Sonny Corleone, who was comparing his red lightsaber to Terry's.
"Let's just say... I made the cook an offer he couldn't refuse." replied Vito.
"You did not threaten that man or his family did you!?" said Leia, who was furious at the thought.
"What!? No, Mom, I was totally there, he just slipped the guy an extra $20. I mean it's just boiled noodles, I think he overpaid him if anything..." said Jaina Solo trying to calm her mother down.
"Lookout!" shouted Bradshaw, as the door opened.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith immediately took up protected offensive positions, Mr. Smith turned over the pool table and his wife layed down covering fire with their MP5-PDW's that they had managed to grab before Amazo hauled them into the bar.
"Reload!" shouted Mrs. Smith tossing the extra MP5 to her husband.
Mr. Smith immediately opened fire on the table, striking Vito Corleone in the head.
"One down, and Reload!" he said, with a look of grim determination on his face dropping a magazine and reaching for another.
Mrs. Smith was about to lay down more cover fire when Amazo leapt over the table and flew at the booth in the corner.
His robotic body ignored that his right arm had been severed. Terry Bradshaw's blue lightsaber sending it flying back towards the door. Amazo slammed into Jaina Solo crushing her skull with a single punch from his left arm.
As he stood to attack Bradshaw, he was sliced into pieces by Leia and force thrown back at Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
The couple ducked back behind the pool table to avoid the pieces and regroup.
"Nobody Ever Wins a Fight..." said Mr. Smith...
"Really? is now the time for roadhouse quotes?" responded Mrs. Smith.
"It's always time for Roadhouse honey." he said back. Tossing a concussion grenade towards the booth.
"I am burning those damned shorts when we get out of th.."
[boom]
Recovering quickly from the blast, Leia and Terry both moved in slowly, one on each side of the pool table lightsabers at the ready.
Sonny, Furious with anger at the loss of Vito roared and sprinted between them, his red lightsaber flashing through the smoky air.
Sonny vaulted over the pool table, Leia and Terry both shouting for him to stay back. But it was too late.
On the other side of the table was Amazo's right arm, the fist still gripped, Holding a detonator attached to a sizable brick of C4.
Amazo's head began to laugh in the corner. "Haha this is going to suck, but it'll be totally worth it!"
[Big Bada Boom]
The resulting explosion ripped through the bar, killing Sonny instantly, and causing lethal injuries to Leia and Terry Bradshaw who barely managed to crawl clear of the rubble before bleeding out.
"You can keep the boxers..." said Mrs. Smith.
"Nah, they're totally ruined anyway... that concussion grenade went off WAY closer than I thought it would... Gave you time to rig the explosive though... "
"Gross... You're riding in the back of the van."
Slaves: Mr. And Mrs. Smith survive. Amazo is in several pieces but still operational
Brigade: All Dead.
George Washington's Slaves are Victorious!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
TEAM S.P. vs. THE ABOMITRONS
“This place resembles its name, rustic.”
―Chris M. –Judysbook.com
I transport the combatants to the Rustic Pub located in Farmington, Michigan, for this Week 1 Match. They are as follows:
Team S.P.: Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer and Ambrose Chase.
The Abomitrons: Hancock, Immel # 20 (Iron Jedi), Kyle Houslander, Zachary Houslander, Ewok #47 and Ewok #51.
I “watch” the following events take place. . . .
Outside the Pub
Both Kyle and Zachary Houslander are not allowed into the Pub since they are minors. They stand outside and wait for their chance to enter the bar without being noticed.
Inside the Pub
Inside the Pub, Ewoks #47 and #51 trot through the watering hole with spears. The Endor inhabitants look for prey. As they walk, the cash register, credit card machine, television, juke box, surveillance camera, microwave and all remaining electrical devices go haywire. The Ewoks are discombobulated at the events. The two look around the bar and see the Drummer silently laughing to himself. He has used his physiological connection to information sources (i.e., electronic signals, radio waves, etc.) to interface with the bar’s equipment. With the Ewoks distracted, Elijah Snow uses his abilities to freeze the Ewoks. The Ewoks are frozen. Jakita Wagner runs into, and smashes, the teddy-bear-like participants. Frozen pieces of Ewoks #47 and 51 litter the floor.
Outside/Inside
Kyle and Zack see a trash can on the side of the pub. Above the can is the bathroom window. The two jump on the can, shimmy up a drainpipe and open the window. They both drop to the bathroom floor inside the Pub. The two think it better to go to the bathroom before they begin the fight-they are briefly detained.
Inside
Immel #20 takes action. Elijah Snow freezes the armor encased Immel #20. Immel #20 shakes it off. Snow shoots ice projectiles at Immel #20. Immel uses his lightsaber to batter the icicles away. Immel wades his way through Snow’s ice weapons and reaches the Planetary iceman. Snow is sliced in half. Immel #20 then focuses his sights on the Drummer. Ambrose Chase comes to the rescue of his teammate. Chase uses his psychic field to manipulate the effects of both time and gravity around himself and the others in the Pub. Chase slows time to a near-halt, redirects gravity to allow himself to run up the wall and flips down behind Immel #20. While Immel is frozen in space, Chase takes the lightsaber from Immel’s hand and cuts off his head. Immel #20’s body falls to the ground.
Inside the Bathroom
Kyle and Zack look at their teammates’ decimation; only Hancock survives. If the Abomitrons are to win the match, the two Houslanders know that they better come up with a plan, pretty darn quick.
Inside the Bar
Hancock decides that it is his time to shine for the Abomitrons. He is immediately met by Jakita Wagner. The two tussle and destroy half the bar while they fight; they are evenly matched. The Houslanders see the Drummer sitting at the bar. Knowing that he is crazy, they decide to do something equally as crazy: talk to him face to face. Zack walks over to the Drummer and sits down in the barstool next to the Planetary member. The Drummer is aghast at the audacity of this mere child. He and is about to use his abilities on Zack, when Kyle comes from behind with the bar’s fountain drink hose. Kyle chokes the Drummer with the hose and Zack soon joins him. The two Houslanders manage to strangle the Drummer to death.
Meanwhile, across the establishment, Hancock finally gets the upper hand, and although beaten down, manages to kill Jakita. Wiped out after the bitter battle, Hancock falls to his knees in exhaustion. Ambrose Chase uses his power to warp the realities of gravity and time. He breaks a chair and uses the sharpened leg as a spike. He drives the wood through Hancock’s eye.
Chase looks to the Houslander children who have just killed the Drummer. Although he does not want to, Chase knows what he must do. . . . and, in fact, does.
Team S.P.: Chase Ambrose lives.
The Abomitrons: All dead.
TEAM S.P. IS VICTORIOUS!!!
―Chris M. –Judysbook.com
I transport the combatants to the Rustic Pub located in Farmington, Michigan, for this Week 1 Match. They are as follows:
Team S.P.: Elijah Snow, Jakita Wagner, The Drummer and Ambrose Chase.
The Abomitrons: Hancock, Immel # 20 (Iron Jedi), Kyle Houslander, Zachary Houslander, Ewok #47 and Ewok #51.
I “watch” the following events take place. . . .
Outside the Pub
Both Kyle and Zachary Houslander are not allowed into the Pub since they are minors. They stand outside and wait for their chance to enter the bar without being noticed.
Inside the Pub
Inside the Pub, Ewoks #47 and #51 trot through the watering hole with spears. The Endor inhabitants look for prey. As they walk, the cash register, credit card machine, television, juke box, surveillance camera, microwave and all remaining electrical devices go haywire. The Ewoks are discombobulated at the events. The two look around the bar and see the Drummer silently laughing to himself. He has used his physiological connection to information sources (i.e., electronic signals, radio waves, etc.) to interface with the bar’s equipment. With the Ewoks distracted, Elijah Snow uses his abilities to freeze the Ewoks. The Ewoks are frozen. Jakita Wagner runs into, and smashes, the teddy-bear-like participants. Frozen pieces of Ewoks #47 and 51 litter the floor.
Outside/Inside
Kyle and Zack see a trash can on the side of the pub. Above the can is the bathroom window. The two jump on the can, shimmy up a drainpipe and open the window. They both drop to the bathroom floor inside the Pub. The two think it better to go to the bathroom before they begin the fight-they are briefly detained.
Inside
Immel #20 takes action. Elijah Snow freezes the armor encased Immel #20. Immel #20 shakes it off. Snow shoots ice projectiles at Immel #20. Immel uses his lightsaber to batter the icicles away. Immel wades his way through Snow’s ice weapons and reaches the Planetary iceman. Snow is sliced in half. Immel #20 then focuses his sights on the Drummer. Ambrose Chase comes to the rescue of his teammate. Chase uses his psychic field to manipulate the effects of both time and gravity around himself and the others in the Pub. Chase slows time to a near-halt, redirects gravity to allow himself to run up the wall and flips down behind Immel #20. While Immel is frozen in space, Chase takes the lightsaber from Immel’s hand and cuts off his head. Immel #20’s body falls to the ground.
Inside the Bathroom
Kyle and Zack look at their teammates’ decimation; only Hancock survives. If the Abomitrons are to win the match, the two Houslanders know that they better come up with a plan, pretty darn quick.
Inside the Bar
Hancock decides that it is his time to shine for the Abomitrons. He is immediately met by Jakita Wagner. The two tussle and destroy half the bar while they fight; they are evenly matched. The Houslanders see the Drummer sitting at the bar. Knowing that he is crazy, they decide to do something equally as crazy: talk to him face to face. Zack walks over to the Drummer and sits down in the barstool next to the Planetary member. The Drummer is aghast at the audacity of this mere child. He and is about to use his abilities on Zack, when Kyle comes from behind with the bar’s fountain drink hose. Kyle chokes the Drummer with the hose and Zack soon joins him. The two Houslanders manage to strangle the Drummer to death.
Meanwhile, across the establishment, Hancock finally gets the upper hand, and although beaten down, manages to kill Jakita. Wiped out after the bitter battle, Hancock falls to his knees in exhaustion. Ambrose Chase uses his power to warp the realities of gravity and time. He breaks a chair and uses the sharpened leg as a spike. He drives the wood through Hancock’s eye.
Chase looks to the Houslander children who have just killed the Drummer. Although he does not want to, Chase knows what he must do. . . . and, in fact, does.
Team S.P.: Chase Ambrose lives.
The Abomitrons: All dead.
TEAM S.P. IS VICTORIOUS!!!
BRUCE’S BODACIOUS BULLIES vs. THE UNTOUCHABLES
“With crests and Union Jacks tucked among the dark beams, this cozy pub just a block from the Algiers Point ferry looks like the classic English watering hole.” Are you looking for an evening out with an Irish flare?”
―The Times-Picayune
In honor of my heritage and one of my favorite places, I transport the combatants to the Crown and Anchor located in New Orleans, Louisiana, for this Week 1 Match. They are as follows:
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies: Patriot, Hulkling and Speed.
Untouchables: Red Lantern Guy Gardner and Punisher.
I “watch” the following events take place. . . .
The Punisher has created a barricade of tables and chairs in the corner of the establishment. He locates Patriot through his sniper scope and fires his rifle at the Young Avenger. Patriot sees the Punisher and easily deflects the bullets with his shield. Patriot rushes over to the Punisher’s location and manages to remove some of the protective debris, while deflecting bullets with his shield. As he is about to break through, he is thrown across the room by a “hand-like” projection from Guy Gardner’s green lantern ring. While Gardner is tussling with Patriot, Speed is quickly removing the remaining furniture away from the Punisher, who has now become an easy target. The last table is removed and the Punisher is ready for Speed. Although Speed, at first, avoids the spray of bullets from the Punisher’s guns (now double fisted), Speed is eventually grazed in the left ankle as he runs across the room. Speed falls to the floor and the Punisher instantly reacts. The Punisher steps over Speed, who is quickly bandaging his wounded ankle with a bar apron.
Punisher: You must be punished. . . for being a Bully.
As Speed is about to vibrate, the Punisher fires at Speed’s head and kills the youngster. The Punisher turns around and is hit squarely from behind by Hulkling. Due to Hulkling’s strength, three of the Punisher’s ribs are broken. The Punisher has trouble breathing, but slowly rises from the floor. The last thing the Punisher sees is Patriot’s shield as it decapitates the vigilante’s head from his body.
Patriot and Hulkling take combat-ready stances and focus on Gardner. Hulkling jumps on Gardner’s back and manages to reach Gardner’s right hand, which has the green lantern ring on it. Hulkling crushes Gardner’s hand and the green lantern ring falls to the floor and into a grate. Patriot runs to the grate, ready to locate the green lantern ring and use it against Gardner. Meanwhile, Gardner has crashed to the ground in agony at the Hulkling’s damage to his hand. Gardner’s rage fills his body and his red lantern ring flares alive. The blast engulfs Hulkling and shreds him apart. Patriot instantly reacts and moves from the grate and away from his search for the ring.
Gardner: Time to die, pup!
Gardner unleashes the full power of the red lantern ring upon Patriot. Patriot’s shield is not enough as Patriot is destroyed. . . only his shield remains.
Bullies: All Dead.
The Untouchables: Red Lantern Guy Gardner lives.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
―The Times-Picayune
In honor of my heritage and one of my favorite places, I transport the combatants to the Crown and Anchor located in New Orleans, Louisiana, for this Week 1 Match. They are as follows:
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies: Patriot, Hulkling and Speed.
Untouchables: Red Lantern Guy Gardner and Punisher.
I “watch” the following events take place. . . .
The Punisher has created a barricade of tables and chairs in the corner of the establishment. He locates Patriot through his sniper scope and fires his rifle at the Young Avenger. Patriot sees the Punisher and easily deflects the bullets with his shield. Patriot rushes over to the Punisher’s location and manages to remove some of the protective debris, while deflecting bullets with his shield. As he is about to break through, he is thrown across the room by a “hand-like” projection from Guy Gardner’s green lantern ring. While Gardner is tussling with Patriot, Speed is quickly removing the remaining furniture away from the Punisher, who has now become an easy target. The last table is removed and the Punisher is ready for Speed. Although Speed, at first, avoids the spray of bullets from the Punisher’s guns (now double fisted), Speed is eventually grazed in the left ankle as he runs across the room. Speed falls to the floor and the Punisher instantly reacts. The Punisher steps over Speed, who is quickly bandaging his wounded ankle with a bar apron.
Punisher: You must be punished. . . for being a Bully.
As Speed is about to vibrate, the Punisher fires at Speed’s head and kills the youngster. The Punisher turns around and is hit squarely from behind by Hulkling. Due to Hulkling’s strength, three of the Punisher’s ribs are broken. The Punisher has trouble breathing, but slowly rises from the floor. The last thing the Punisher sees is Patriot’s shield as it decapitates the vigilante’s head from his body.
Patriot and Hulkling take combat-ready stances and focus on Gardner. Hulkling jumps on Gardner’s back and manages to reach Gardner’s right hand, which has the green lantern ring on it. Hulkling crushes Gardner’s hand and the green lantern ring falls to the floor and into a grate. Patriot runs to the grate, ready to locate the green lantern ring and use it against Gardner. Meanwhile, Gardner has crashed to the ground in agony at the Hulkling’s damage to his hand. Gardner’s rage fills his body and his red lantern ring flares alive. The blast engulfs Hulkling and shreds him apart. Patriot instantly reacts and moves from the grate and away from his search for the ring.
Gardner: Time to die, pup!
Gardner unleashes the full power of the red lantern ring upon Patriot. Patriot’s shield is not enough as Patriot is destroyed. . . only his shield remains.
Bullies: All Dead.
The Untouchables: Red Lantern Guy Gardner lives.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
TEAM vs. BUILT (BILL) FORD TOUGH
"The Big Chief Burger you are gulping down, a piece of local history"
―Daily Tribune
With St. Patrick’s Day on the horizon, I transport the teams for this Week 1 Match to Duggan’s Irish Pub in Royal Oak, Michigan. They are as follows:
Team: Ultraman, Jared Pilkington, Crippled Pete Sosa and Boken.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Han Solo, Chewbacca, Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, Barry Sanders, Mr. T and Treasure Troll #26.
Crippled Pete Sosa scans the opposing team’s participants in an attempt to focus on the one Built (Bill) Ford Tough member he can defeat and finally finds it – Treasure Troll #26. Sosa hobbles over to the Troll who clenches his fists in anticipation of the fight. The skirmish is short lived as “CP” (Crippled Pete) uses his left crutch to pin Troll #26 against the wall. The Troll’s hair fans out and momentarily blinds CP. CP overcomes the furious, furry, feisty freak and uses his right crutch to smash Troll #26’s head against the wall. . . repeatedly. Treasure Troll #26’s battered and bloodied body falls to the floor.
Mr. T sees his fallen comrade and uses his pre-A-Team, bouncer abilities to quickly reach CP. He drags CP across the bar, breaking liquor bottles and glasses along the way. CP attempts, but fails, to drink the liquor as he slides across the paneled countertop. CP hits the floor and slowly gets up. As soon as he is standing, CP is struck by Barry Sanders barreling into him. CP’s body falls to the floor, once again. Sanders moves CP’s head to the foot rail hung at the bottom of the bar and wraps his near-unconscious mouth around the pole. Mr. T stomps on CP’s head and gives him his bar-version of a curb-job. CP’s neck is broken and he dies. Ultraman flies over to the scene and crushes the heads of Mr. T and Barry Sanders by smashing them together.
Jared Pilkington is in shock at seeing the gruesome demise of his friend CP. As he rushes over to pay his respects, he is met by Indiana Jones’ whip. The whip slashes the top of Pilkington’s pants off. Pilkington looks down to see his underwear (boxers or briefs – that question will remain private) on the floor. Harrison Ford sees Pilkington dismayed and strikes him over the head with a chair. Pilkington falls down to his knees in front of Harrison Ford. He is then met with Indy’s whip around his neck. Pilkington reacts instantly and pulls the whip. Jones lets go of the whip and sees the end of his weapon-of-choice fly in the air. The ceiling fan catches the whip and carries Pilkington up in the air as it rotates around the fan’s base. Ford and Jones watch as Pilkington begins to be strangled, his pants around his knees and legs flailing in the air. Pilkington’s head hits the fan and his neck snaps. Before he dies, Pilkington hopes that the FFL coroners do not label his death as one of autoerotic asphyxiation.
Boken confidently walks over to the scene and kills Harrison Ford by impaling him with a leg of the same chair used in Pilkington’s demise. As Boken looks over, he sees Han Solo and Chewbacca sitting in a corner table. The smuggler and his co-pilot are about to get up when Boken comes over and urges them to sit back down. Before Boken can pull his weapon from his backpack, Han Solo (and Chewbacca) shoot first. Boken dies, flaming holes still smoking from his chest.
Han Solo and Chewbacca excuse themselves from the table and join Indian Jones. Without his whip, Indy meets his fate quickly at the hands of Ultraman. Han Solo and Chewbacca split up and begin to repeatedly fire at Ultraman. Although Ultraman takes what seems like a endless barrage of the laser fire, he eventually shakes it off and kills both Solo and Chewie. Han Solo and Chewbacca die in each other’s arms, kindred spirits to the end.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All Dead.
Team: Ultraman lives.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
―Daily Tribune
With St. Patrick’s Day on the horizon, I transport the teams for this Week 1 Match to Duggan’s Irish Pub in Royal Oak, Michigan. They are as follows:
Team: Ultraman, Jared Pilkington, Crippled Pete Sosa and Boken.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Han Solo, Chewbacca, Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, Barry Sanders, Mr. T and Treasure Troll #26.
Crippled Pete Sosa scans the opposing team’s participants in an attempt to focus on the one Built (Bill) Ford Tough member he can defeat and finally finds it – Treasure Troll #26. Sosa hobbles over to the Troll who clenches his fists in anticipation of the fight. The skirmish is short lived as “CP” (Crippled Pete) uses his left crutch to pin Troll #26 against the wall. The Troll’s hair fans out and momentarily blinds CP. CP overcomes the furious, furry, feisty freak and uses his right crutch to smash Troll #26’s head against the wall. . . repeatedly. Treasure Troll #26’s battered and bloodied body falls to the floor.
Mr. T sees his fallen comrade and uses his pre-A-Team, bouncer abilities to quickly reach CP. He drags CP across the bar, breaking liquor bottles and glasses along the way. CP attempts, but fails, to drink the liquor as he slides across the paneled countertop. CP hits the floor and slowly gets up. As soon as he is standing, CP is struck by Barry Sanders barreling into him. CP’s body falls to the floor, once again. Sanders moves CP’s head to the foot rail hung at the bottom of the bar and wraps his near-unconscious mouth around the pole. Mr. T stomps on CP’s head and gives him his bar-version of a curb-job. CP’s neck is broken and he dies. Ultraman flies over to the scene and crushes the heads of Mr. T and Barry Sanders by smashing them together.
Jared Pilkington is in shock at seeing the gruesome demise of his friend CP. As he rushes over to pay his respects, he is met by Indiana Jones’ whip. The whip slashes the top of Pilkington’s pants off. Pilkington looks down to see his underwear (boxers or briefs – that question will remain private) on the floor. Harrison Ford sees Pilkington dismayed and strikes him over the head with a chair. Pilkington falls down to his knees in front of Harrison Ford. He is then met with Indy’s whip around his neck. Pilkington reacts instantly and pulls the whip. Jones lets go of the whip and sees the end of his weapon-of-choice fly in the air. The ceiling fan catches the whip and carries Pilkington up in the air as it rotates around the fan’s base. Ford and Jones watch as Pilkington begins to be strangled, his pants around his knees and legs flailing in the air. Pilkington’s head hits the fan and his neck snaps. Before he dies, Pilkington hopes that the FFL coroners do not label his death as one of autoerotic asphyxiation.
Boken confidently walks over to the scene and kills Harrison Ford by impaling him with a leg of the same chair used in Pilkington’s demise. As Boken looks over, he sees Han Solo and Chewbacca sitting in a corner table. The smuggler and his co-pilot are about to get up when Boken comes over and urges them to sit back down. Before Boken can pull his weapon from his backpack, Han Solo (and Chewbacca) shoot first. Boken dies, flaming holes still smoking from his chest.
Han Solo and Chewbacca excuse themselves from the table and join Indian Jones. Without his whip, Indy meets his fate quickly at the hands of Ultraman. Han Solo and Chewbacca split up and begin to repeatedly fire at Ultraman. Although Ultraman takes what seems like a endless barrage of the laser fire, he eventually shakes it off and kills both Solo and Chewie. Han Solo and Chewbacca die in each other’s arms, kindred spirits to the end.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All Dead.
Team: Ultraman lives.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Tom Bombadil, Haldir, Smurf #2, Ewoks #41-46, Special Agent Leroy Gibbs, Special Agent Tony DiNozzo, Timothy McGee, & Ziva David.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Geo-Force, Chameleon, Wookie #1-2, Zorro, and Treasure Troll #5.
This match begins with Tom Bombadil leading the Brotherhood in a song…
“We celebrate a day of peace,
a day of harmony,
a day of joy we all can share together joyously;
a day that takes us through the darkness,
a day that leads us into might,
a day that makes us want to celebrate the light;
a day that brings the promise that one day we'll be free...”
“Damn it Bombadil, shut up. That is a horrible song!” Special Agent Gibbs says to Tom. “But Gibbs, it’s Life Day today! It’s a day to celebrate,” replies Bombadil. “I’ll celebrate if we win this battle. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is a formidable opponent. One that is not to be taken lightly,” Gibbs says. And just as Gibbs finishes saying that, Ziva David turns around and shoots her own teammates, DiNozzo and McGee. Haldir wastes no time and relieves Ziva of her head, which once he does, they come to find out that it was actually the Chameleon. The rest of the Annihilation Squad then attacks the Brotherhood. Zorro and Haldir engage in an amazing duel of swords as Wookie #1 & #2 are swarmed by the six Ewoks. Ewok #41 has his arms ripped from their sockets by Wookie #2 as Ewoks #42-46 climb all over Wookie #1 and stab him to death with their spears. Wookie #2 blasts Ewok #42, 44, and 45 as Ewoks #43 and #46 scurry in the trees. Treasure Troll #5 sets his eyes on Smurf #2. The two diminutive combatants attack each other with such ferocity that it shocked even this cold hearted Watcher. Both of them are wielding sharpened sticks, which Smurf #2 launches at the Treasure Troll, who barely dodges it. He then stabs Smurf #2 in the side with his stick. But the Smurf spins around the Treasure Troll, grabs the tall green hair and chokes him to death with it. However, that initial wound to the Smurf’s side proves to be a fatal one. Smurf #2 dies and fall on top of Treasure Troll #5’s body. They are then both stepped on by Wookie #2 who is still tracking the two remaining Ewoks. “Don’t worry little friends, I’ll help you,” says Tom Bombadil who lights Wookie #2 up like a Tree of Life with a blast of magic. Meanwhile, Haldir and Zorro are still locked in an awesome sword duel. Zorro pulls his whip out at tries to snare Haldir with it, but the Elf uses his speed to not only dodge the attack but also to cut the whip in half. He then pulls an arrow out and fires it into Zorro’s right shoulder. He then quickly fires one into his left knee. Haldir then finishes off his worthy opponent with a fatal stab with his sword. The final member of the Annihilation Squad then makes his presence known. Geo-Force uses his power to open the ground up which swallows Ewoks #43 and #46. He then uses an avalanche of rock to crush Haldir. Geo-Force, who is on quite the roll right now, focuses his power on Tom Bombadil. But Tom is able to deflect it with some magic of his own. Geo-Force then mustards all of his power to bring a surrounding wall of earth up around Tom, and just as he is about to kill the member of the Brotherhood, when he is shot right between the eyes by Gibbs, who had climbed up a wroshyr tree with his sniper rifle. “Ahh Gibby, I knew you had my back dear friend!” exclaims Tom Bombadil as the ground returns to normal. “Happy Life Day Tom,” replies Gibbs as they leave Kashyyyk.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Geo-Force, Chameleon, Wookie #1-2, Zorro, and Treasure Troll #5.
This match begins with Tom Bombadil leading the Brotherhood in a song…
“We celebrate a day of peace,
a day of harmony,
a day of joy we all can share together joyously;
a day that takes us through the darkness,
a day that leads us into might,
a day that makes us want to celebrate the light;
a day that brings the promise that one day we'll be free...”
“Damn it Bombadil, shut up. That is a horrible song!” Special Agent Gibbs says to Tom. “But Gibbs, it’s Life Day today! It’s a day to celebrate,” replies Bombadil. “I’ll celebrate if we win this battle. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad is a formidable opponent. One that is not to be taken lightly,” Gibbs says. And just as Gibbs finishes saying that, Ziva David turns around and shoots her own teammates, DiNozzo and McGee. Haldir wastes no time and relieves Ziva of her head, which once he does, they come to find out that it was actually the Chameleon. The rest of the Annihilation Squad then attacks the Brotherhood. Zorro and Haldir engage in an amazing duel of swords as Wookie #1 & #2 are swarmed by the six Ewoks. Ewok #41 has his arms ripped from their sockets by Wookie #2 as Ewoks #42-46 climb all over Wookie #1 and stab him to death with their spears. Wookie #2 blasts Ewok #42, 44, and 45 as Ewoks #43 and #46 scurry in the trees. Treasure Troll #5 sets his eyes on Smurf #2. The two diminutive combatants attack each other with such ferocity that it shocked even this cold hearted Watcher. Both of them are wielding sharpened sticks, which Smurf #2 launches at the Treasure Troll, who barely dodges it. He then stabs Smurf #2 in the side with his stick. But the Smurf spins around the Treasure Troll, grabs the tall green hair and chokes him to death with it. However, that initial wound to the Smurf’s side proves to be a fatal one. Smurf #2 dies and fall on top of Treasure Troll #5’s body. They are then both stepped on by Wookie #2 who is still tracking the two remaining Ewoks. “Don’t worry little friends, I’ll help you,” says Tom Bombadil who lights Wookie #2 up like a Tree of Life with a blast of magic. Meanwhile, Haldir and Zorro are still locked in an awesome sword duel. Zorro pulls his whip out at tries to snare Haldir with it, but the Elf uses his speed to not only dodge the attack but also to cut the whip in half. He then pulls an arrow out and fires it into Zorro’s right shoulder. He then quickly fires one into his left knee. Haldir then finishes off his worthy opponent with a fatal stab with his sword. The final member of the Annihilation Squad then makes his presence known. Geo-Force uses his power to open the ground up which swallows Ewoks #43 and #46. He then uses an avalanche of rock to crush Haldir. Geo-Force, who is on quite the roll right now, focuses his power on Tom Bombadil. But Tom is able to deflect it with some magic of his own. Geo-Force then mustards all of his power to bring a surrounding wall of earth up around Tom, and just as he is about to kill the member of the Brotherhood, when he is shot right between the eyes by Gibbs, who had climbed up a wroshyr tree with his sniper rifle. “Ahh Gibby, I knew you had my back dear friend!” exclaims Tom Bombadil as the ground returns to normal. “Happy Life Day Tom,” replies Gibbs as they leave Kashyyyk.
THE BROTHERHOOD OF EVIL MIDGETS IS VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley vs P.M.S.
The Syracuse Valley is Movie Megatron, Movie Starscream, Moritani Soldier #1, Hammer Bros. #3 & Little Goomba #4.
P.M.S. are Armor, Magnetic Kid & Neytiri.
“This Pre-Season Match will end the EXACT same way as last year’s, Starscream. With our overwhelming victory against our opponent. And if it doesn’t… you will be the one who suffers the consequences,” growls Movie Megatron. “Yes, Lord Megatron. This expansion team should give us now problem whatsoever,” replies the subservient Movie Starscream. “Let the pawns attack first,” Megatron orders. Moritani Soldier #1, Hammer Bros. #3 and Little Goomba #4 make their way down the marshland of Kashyyyk and are attacked by Neytiri, Armor and Magnetic Kid. Neytiri leaps up and stomps Little Goomba #4 and then fires an arrow right at Hammer Bros. #3. But the Hammer Bros. is able to turn and deflect the arrow off of his shell. Moritani Soldier #1 charges at Armor, who he thinks will be an easy kill due to her young age, but she quickly sidesteps him and breaks his back with a vicious punch from her armor. “I may be a kid, but I’m a kid who’s been trained by Wolverine and Cyclops… Punk!” says Armor. Neytiri squares off against Hammer Bros. #3, who tosses several hammers right at the Na’vi princess. She evades the first hammer and catches the next one, which she then tosses right back at the Hammer Bros, who does not evade it and is killed with his own hammer. He then does the typically flip over and fall down to… well I don’t know… he just kind of fell out of sight. (You know, like in the video game.) “Arrggg!! Starscream get down there and clean this mess up! NOW!!” screams a very frustrated Megatron. Starscream then transforms into his F-22 Raptor mode and blasts down to the battle. Neytiri jumps up into the thick forest as Starscream bears down on Armor and Magnetic Kid, who thus far hasn’t done anything. That of course doesn’t last long, as he focuses his power directly on Starscream and rips him apart bolt by bolt. However, the debris that was once Starscream is hurling itself still at the two members of P.M.S. but Magnetic Kid is able to redirect out of harms way with his powers. “Too bad you don’t have telepathic abilities child, because then you would have seen me coming!” Megatron growls as he slams down crushing Magnetic Kid and Armor beneath his massive feet. He then start blasting at the trees wildly, trying to kill Neytiri. Megatron then lifts his feet up and finds that Armor is still alive, due to her protective psionic body armor. “Child. You impress me,” the Decepticon leader says to the mutant. Neytiri then runs in and tackles Armor out of the way from Megatron’s next attack. “Foolish meat sacks. I am Megatron! You cannot run from your fate,” he yells. Which of course, he ends up being right. Megatron transforms into his Cybertronian jet form and blast both P.M.S. members into oblivion.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
P.M.S. are Armor, Magnetic Kid & Neytiri.
“This Pre-Season Match will end the EXACT same way as last year’s, Starscream. With our overwhelming victory against our opponent. And if it doesn’t… you will be the one who suffers the consequences,” growls Movie Megatron. “Yes, Lord Megatron. This expansion team should give us now problem whatsoever,” replies the subservient Movie Starscream. “Let the pawns attack first,” Megatron orders. Moritani Soldier #1, Hammer Bros. #3 and Little Goomba #4 make their way down the marshland of Kashyyyk and are attacked by Neytiri, Armor and Magnetic Kid. Neytiri leaps up and stomps Little Goomba #4 and then fires an arrow right at Hammer Bros. #3. But the Hammer Bros. is able to turn and deflect the arrow off of his shell. Moritani Soldier #1 charges at Armor, who he thinks will be an easy kill due to her young age, but she quickly sidesteps him and breaks his back with a vicious punch from her armor. “I may be a kid, but I’m a kid who’s been trained by Wolverine and Cyclops… Punk!” says Armor. Neytiri squares off against Hammer Bros. #3, who tosses several hammers right at the Na’vi princess. She evades the first hammer and catches the next one, which she then tosses right back at the Hammer Bros, who does not evade it and is killed with his own hammer. He then does the typically flip over and fall down to… well I don’t know… he just kind of fell out of sight. (You know, like in the video game.) “Arrggg!! Starscream get down there and clean this mess up! NOW!!” screams a very frustrated Megatron. Starscream then transforms into his F-22 Raptor mode and blasts down to the battle. Neytiri jumps up into the thick forest as Starscream bears down on Armor and Magnetic Kid, who thus far hasn’t done anything. That of course doesn’t last long, as he focuses his power directly on Starscream and rips him apart bolt by bolt. However, the debris that was once Starscream is hurling itself still at the two members of P.M.S. but Magnetic Kid is able to redirect out of harms way with his powers. “Too bad you don’t have telepathic abilities child, because then you would have seen me coming!” Megatron growls as he slams down crushing Magnetic Kid and Armor beneath his massive feet. He then start blasting at the trees wildly, trying to kill Neytiri. Megatron then lifts his feet up and finds that Armor is still alive, due to her protective psionic body armor. “Child. You impress me,” the Decepticon leader says to the mutant. Neytiri then runs in and tackles Armor out of the way from Megatron’s next attack. “Foolish meat sacks. I am Megatron! You cannot run from your fate,” he yells. Which of course, he ends up being right. Megatron transforms into his Cybertronian jet form and blast both P.M.S. members into oblivion.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
The Untouchables vs Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches
The Untouchables are Legolas, Ent #1, Elven Soldier #1, Wily Kit, Wily Kat, & Pikachu.
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Holocaust, Predator X #1, & Nightbird.
The team of Legolas, Elven Soldier #1, Pikachu, Wily Kit and Wily Kat carefully make their way down the side of a mountain and into the thick forest of Kashyyyk. “Thunder kittens, be careful, I sense danger ahead,” warns Legolas. But before they could even react, Predator X #1 burst through and attacks both Wily Kit and Wily Kat. The savage beast slashes and rips through Wily Kat’s torso as if it were warm butter. Wily Kit attempts to make a run for it, but Predator X #1 snatches down and bites the lower half of her body off. “Grrr, PIKA!!” shouts Pikachu as Wily Kit’s lifeless upper half falls next to him on the ground with the Thunder kitten’s dead eyes still staring at the Pokémon. Pikachu then in retaliation launches a massive bolt of electricity that knocks Predator X #1 into a worshyr tree. Legolas then leaps on top of it and fires several arrows into the mutant’s mercury covered hide. Predator X smacks the Elf off of it as it regains its footing. “Everyone fall back now!” orders Legolas as he continues to fire arrow after arrow into Predator X as it continues it’s hunt. The rest of B3’s team leaps out of the trees to attack as well. The robot ninja know as Nightbird flips out from high above as viciously kicks Elven Soldier #1 down. She the quickly swings her nunchaku down and crushes the Elven Soldier before he can even pull his sword from his sheath. Holocaust then sneaks up behind Legolas, who is still being tracked by Predator X #1. Holocaust takes aim on the Elf, but Legolas senses this and leaps out of the way of the energy blast, which ends up connecting with Predator X #1. Legolas then back flips up onto Holocaust’s crystalline exo-armor and fires three arrows into the base of his helmet. He then jumps off of it as his secret weapon reveals himself. Ent #1 raises his might leg and stomps Holocaust into the ground, killing him. Nightbird then starts climbing up Ent #1 and changes one of her hands into a saw blade. She then begins to cut through many of Ent #1’s branches, including his left arm. Ent #1 then grabs a hold of Nightbird and crushes her within his grasp. Then wounded Predator X isn’t about to give up and charges right at Legolas. Pikachu, however, leaps right at the snarling beast and is swallowed whole. This unfortunately was Pikachu’s plan all along, as in a brave sacrifice unloads a massive amount of electricity inside Predator X #1, frying it from the inside out.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches are Holocaust, Predator X #1, & Nightbird.
The team of Legolas, Elven Soldier #1, Pikachu, Wily Kit and Wily Kat carefully make their way down the side of a mountain and into the thick forest of Kashyyyk. “Thunder kittens, be careful, I sense danger ahead,” warns Legolas. But before they could even react, Predator X #1 burst through and attacks both Wily Kit and Wily Kat. The savage beast slashes and rips through Wily Kat’s torso as if it were warm butter. Wily Kit attempts to make a run for it, but Predator X #1 snatches down and bites the lower half of her body off. “Grrr, PIKA!!” shouts Pikachu as Wily Kit’s lifeless upper half falls next to him on the ground with the Thunder kitten’s dead eyes still staring at the Pokémon. Pikachu then in retaliation launches a massive bolt of electricity that knocks Predator X #1 into a worshyr tree. Legolas then leaps on top of it and fires several arrows into the mutant’s mercury covered hide. Predator X smacks the Elf off of it as it regains its footing. “Everyone fall back now!” orders Legolas as he continues to fire arrow after arrow into Predator X as it continues it’s hunt. The rest of B3’s team leaps out of the trees to attack as well. The robot ninja know as Nightbird flips out from high above as viciously kicks Elven Soldier #1 down. She the quickly swings her nunchaku down and crushes the Elven Soldier before he can even pull his sword from his sheath. Holocaust then sneaks up behind Legolas, who is still being tracked by Predator X #1. Holocaust takes aim on the Elf, but Legolas senses this and leaps out of the way of the energy blast, which ends up connecting with Predator X #1. Legolas then back flips up onto Holocaust’s crystalline exo-armor and fires three arrows into the base of his helmet. He then jumps off of it as his secret weapon reveals himself. Ent #1 raises his might leg and stomps Holocaust into the ground, killing him. Nightbird then starts climbing up Ent #1 and changes one of her hands into a saw blade. She then begins to cut through many of Ent #1’s branches, including his left arm. Ent #1 then grabs a hold of Nightbird and crushes her within his grasp. Then wounded Predator X isn’t about to give up and charges right at Legolas. Pikachu, however, leaps right at the snarling beast and is swallowed whole. This unfortunately was Pikachu’s plan all along, as in a brave sacrifice unloads a massive amount of electricity inside Predator X #1, frying it from the inside out.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Week 1
Setting: Bar Fight
Points: 75
Prize: A Halberd, An Atlas, & A Heat Axe
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Logical Genocide
-TEAM Vs. Built Ford Tough
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
-The Abomitrons Vs. Team S.P.
-Bruce's Bodacious Bullies Vs. The Untouchables
-Oblivio Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obams's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Transfoamers
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Hayley's Comets
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. P.M.S.
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Better Than All of One
-The Right Wing Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
Points: 75
Prize: A Halberd, An Atlas, & A Heat Axe
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Logical Genocide
-TEAM Vs. Built Ford Tough
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Alice's Wonder Team
-The Abomitrons Vs. Team S.P.
-Bruce's Bodacious Bullies Vs. The Untouchables
-Oblivio Vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obams's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Transfoamers
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Hayley's Comets
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. P.M.S.
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Better Than All of One
-The Right Wing Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad
Logical Genocide Vs. The Abomitrons
Logical Genocide is Warwolf #4, Predator #48, Triceraton #9, & Shatterstar.
The Abomitrons are Timmell, Immell #1 (Cyborg Norris), Immell #2 (Batteldae), Immell #3 (Rob Murray), Immell #5 (The Captain), Immell #14 (Tammell), Immell #16 (Death Hammer), Immell #18 (Dr. Ray Wookie), Immell #19 (Zombie Bullock), Wookie Soldier #31, & Naboo Soldier #1.
Before the match begins, Shatterstar speaks to his troops and says: “listen up team, I know that this is a strange situation, and that none of us are sure what to expect after being placed on an expansion team in the hardest division in all of Fantasy but I for one am excited about it. Even before the FFL I was born into a life of combat, the odds were always against me. This definitely didn’t change once I became a Murderfly. Since I first came into the league I have watched my team get stomped by the likes of The Slaves and The Brigade only to hear that the league I was losing in was weak compared to The American League. Now I find myself not only in that supposed more dangerous league but in the most feared division in it and on an expansion team to boot. But I am not scared. I foresee greatness for this team, and an opportunity to make names for all of us in the Fantasy Fantasy Archives. Now, let us show the league that we are not just an expansion team, but a team to be reckoned with”. Timmell speaks to his troops as well saying: “Listen up Immells, now I’ve seen you in practice simulations back at the base and I know what you are capable of, but this is for real. Myself, Guchi, & Dave (Guchi & Dave are Wookie Soldier #31 & Naboo Soldier #1) have been here on this team since day 1 and we know what these other teams can be capable of. All of you Immells have seen from your genetic tanks that we as a team have gone from the worst team in the league to barely missing the play-offs last year, and I have no doubt that we will be in the play-offs this year”. “All the more reason to put us out there” Cyborg Norris retorts. Shatterstar realizes quickly that his team is outnumbered and that their strength lies in their stealth abilities, so they split up. Guchi and Dr. Ray Wookie (genetic combined clone of Dr. Ray Stanz & Wookie Soldier #31) are up in a tree enjoying their home world while Batteldae (mix of Batman & Tim Cheveldae) and Rob Murray the Boy Manager (mix of Robin & Bryan Murray) break off with Timmell on a scouting mission. Cyborg Norris (Cyborg Superman & Chuck Norris) and Death Hammer (Death Adder & Sledgehammer) can’t decide whether or not to be “slappy go lucky” and loveable or downright menacing so they both go off on their own, as does Zombie Bullock (Zombie #1 & Sandra Bullock). The Captain (Steve Yzerman & Capt. America), Tammell (River Tamm & Timmell), & Naboo Soldier #1 go off together in a stealth fashion. The 1 and half wookies up in the tree jump down to defend their crazy teammate, but by the time they make their way down the tree Shatterstar has already relieved Zombie Bullock of her decaying (yet still attractive) head. The two wookies move toward Mojo’s former champion but the 2 of them are no match for Shatterstar’s speed. What Shatterstar lacks in strength against the 2 hairy competitors he makes up for in grace as he spins around and almost simultaneously uses his 2 swords to run thru both Guchi and Dr. Ray Wookie. Warwolf #4 stealthily moves about the heavily wooded forest and is ready to pounce but before he can, he gets his head roundhouse kicked off by the mighty Cyborg Norris: His crimson hair glistening atop his metal skull can bring chills down the spine of even an all-powerful watcher (not me of course, but maybe one of those other watchers). Triceraton #9 isn’t totally in the wrong to think that he is going to be a force to reckoned with in this league, I mean don’t act like you wouldn’t like to be a bipedal gun-toting dinosaur, but he is a healthy 4 inches shorter than the man, I mean clone known as Death Hammer. Death Hammer uses some magic lightning on the Triceraton, but the alien dinosaur is quicker than he looks and manages to get out of the way. Death Hammer isn’t to happy to see his opponent still standing, but he gets over it quickly as he turns his Ax-gun on the Triceraton and blows a hole thru his head with a double shot of .44 magnum. Batteldae can be pretty close to invisible when he wishes, but not quite as well as Predator #48, who jumps into the fray and instantly begins battling with Tim, Tim, & Bry. Timmell, may be the most perfect clone ever put together, but his fighting ability is not quite up to par which is why he finds his demise on the business end of an alien boomerang knife courtesy of one of FFL’s first ever overall picks. The fight continues with the Predator holding his own quite well in the forest setting despite being outnumbered 2 to 1 but eventually the hero sidekick combo……. Or is it the General Manager goalie combo…… Well either way, they work good as a team and manage to take out the Predator together before they can become little intergalactic Stanley Cups of their own. The remaining Abomitrons gather around a clearing to see the last skirmish taking place. At this point, Shatterstar is doing his best to ward off the attacks of both Tammell and The Captain, but he can’t seem to gain the upper hand. Tammell goes in for the kill, with a neck-breaking dropkick; but Shatterstar is able to evade the move just in time. With Tammell temporarily out of the way Shatterstar is able to knock the hooked shield stick out of the hands of Captain Steve, but just before Shatterstar is able to deliver the killing blow to The Captain he is shot in the chest by Naboo Soldier #1. This is by no means a fatal blow to the enhanced durable skin of Shatterstar but it does save the life of The Captain. Shatterstar then throws the saber from his left hand directly into the neck of Dave the Nubian but as he is doing so Tammell comes down on his neck with enough sheer force to crack the former X-Man’s vertebrae in half. Batteldae looks around at his teammates, while a slight smile comes to his face, but before he can speak Cyborg Norris lands in the center of his remaining teammates and says: “I think I’m going to like these expansion teams”.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
The Abomitrons are Timmell, Immell #1 (Cyborg Norris), Immell #2 (Batteldae), Immell #3 (Rob Murray), Immell #5 (The Captain), Immell #14 (Tammell), Immell #16 (Death Hammer), Immell #18 (Dr. Ray Wookie), Immell #19 (Zombie Bullock), Wookie Soldier #31, & Naboo Soldier #1.
Before the match begins, Shatterstar speaks to his troops and says: “listen up team, I know that this is a strange situation, and that none of us are sure what to expect after being placed on an expansion team in the hardest division in all of Fantasy but I for one am excited about it. Even before the FFL I was born into a life of combat, the odds were always against me. This definitely didn’t change once I became a Murderfly. Since I first came into the league I have watched my team get stomped by the likes of The Slaves and The Brigade only to hear that the league I was losing in was weak compared to The American League. Now I find myself not only in that supposed more dangerous league but in the most feared division in it and on an expansion team to boot. But I am not scared. I foresee greatness for this team, and an opportunity to make names for all of us in the Fantasy Fantasy Archives. Now, let us show the league that we are not just an expansion team, but a team to be reckoned with”. Timmell speaks to his troops as well saying: “Listen up Immells, now I’ve seen you in practice simulations back at the base and I know what you are capable of, but this is for real. Myself, Guchi, & Dave (Guchi & Dave are Wookie Soldier #31 & Naboo Soldier #1) have been here on this team since day 1 and we know what these other teams can be capable of. All of you Immells have seen from your genetic tanks that we as a team have gone from the worst team in the league to barely missing the play-offs last year, and I have no doubt that we will be in the play-offs this year”. “All the more reason to put us out there” Cyborg Norris retorts. Shatterstar realizes quickly that his team is outnumbered and that their strength lies in their stealth abilities, so they split up. Guchi and Dr. Ray Wookie (genetic combined clone of Dr. Ray Stanz & Wookie Soldier #31) are up in a tree enjoying their home world while Batteldae (mix of Batman & Tim Cheveldae) and Rob Murray the Boy Manager (mix of Robin & Bryan Murray) break off with Timmell on a scouting mission. Cyborg Norris (Cyborg Superman & Chuck Norris) and Death Hammer (Death Adder & Sledgehammer) can’t decide whether or not to be “slappy go lucky” and loveable or downright menacing so they both go off on their own, as does Zombie Bullock (Zombie #1 & Sandra Bullock). The Captain (Steve Yzerman & Capt. America), Tammell (River Tamm & Timmell), & Naboo Soldier #1 go off together in a stealth fashion. The 1 and half wookies up in the tree jump down to defend their crazy teammate, but by the time they make their way down the tree Shatterstar has already relieved Zombie Bullock of her decaying (yet still attractive) head. The two wookies move toward Mojo’s former champion but the 2 of them are no match for Shatterstar’s speed. What Shatterstar lacks in strength against the 2 hairy competitors he makes up for in grace as he spins around and almost simultaneously uses his 2 swords to run thru both Guchi and Dr. Ray Wookie. Warwolf #4 stealthily moves about the heavily wooded forest and is ready to pounce but before he can, he gets his head roundhouse kicked off by the mighty Cyborg Norris: His crimson hair glistening atop his metal skull can bring chills down the spine of even an all-powerful watcher (not me of course, but maybe one of those other watchers). Triceraton #9 isn’t totally in the wrong to think that he is going to be a force to reckoned with in this league, I mean don’t act like you wouldn’t like to be a bipedal gun-toting dinosaur, but he is a healthy 4 inches shorter than the man, I mean clone known as Death Hammer. Death Hammer uses some magic lightning on the Triceraton, but the alien dinosaur is quicker than he looks and manages to get out of the way. Death Hammer isn’t to happy to see his opponent still standing, but he gets over it quickly as he turns his Ax-gun on the Triceraton and blows a hole thru his head with a double shot of .44 magnum. Batteldae can be pretty close to invisible when he wishes, but not quite as well as Predator #48, who jumps into the fray and instantly begins battling with Tim, Tim, & Bry. Timmell, may be the most perfect clone ever put together, but his fighting ability is not quite up to par which is why he finds his demise on the business end of an alien boomerang knife courtesy of one of FFL’s first ever overall picks. The fight continues with the Predator holding his own quite well in the forest setting despite being outnumbered 2 to 1 but eventually the hero sidekick combo……. Or is it the General Manager goalie combo…… Well either way, they work good as a team and manage to take out the Predator together before they can become little intergalactic Stanley Cups of their own. The remaining Abomitrons gather around a clearing to see the last skirmish taking place. At this point, Shatterstar is doing his best to ward off the attacks of both Tammell and The Captain, but he can’t seem to gain the upper hand. Tammell goes in for the kill, with a neck-breaking dropkick; but Shatterstar is able to evade the move just in time. With Tammell temporarily out of the way Shatterstar is able to knock the hooked shield stick out of the hands of Captain Steve, but just before Shatterstar is able to deliver the killing blow to The Captain he is shot in the chest by Naboo Soldier #1. This is by no means a fatal blow to the enhanced durable skin of Shatterstar but it does save the life of The Captain. Shatterstar then throws the saber from his left hand directly into the neck of Dave the Nubian but as he is doing so Tammell comes down on his neck with enough sheer force to crack the former X-Man’s vertebrae in half. Batteldae looks around at his teammates, while a slight smile comes to his face, but before he can speak Cyborg Norris lands in the center of his remaining teammates and says: “I think I’m going to like these expansion teams”.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
George Washington's Slaves Vs. The Transfoamers
The Transfoamers are Starscream’s Ghost, Ghost #1-5, & Nazgul #7.
George Washington’s Slaves are Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, Crocodile Dundee, Jedi Master #2, Jedi Padawan #31A, & Kamilla.
Zombie Ki Adi Mundi’s lower brain is completely consumed by the savage hunger that comes along with being a zombie, but being a Cerean with a binary brain, his top brain portion still retains some of what was once the great and wise Jedi Master. A fraction of what he once was, Ki Adi is still a little better off than your average zombie do to his race’s unique body makeup. As the former Jedi Council member lurks thru the forest searching out a life force to quench his zombie hunger, the rest of the team walks several yards behind him still afraid of what this quasi-controlled zombie may be capable of. After several moments of silence Crocodile Dundee speaks to his brand new teammates: “Blimey, this cone-headed bloke gives even me the creeps, what is his prob…..”, but he is cut off before he can finish by Jedi Padawan #31A, who grabs him by the collar and says: “Watch your tongue newbie, how dare you speak ill of Master Mundi”. Dundee looks stunned by the outrage when Jedi Master #2 adds: “Ki Adi might not be what he once was but he is a Jedi legend, without his help & sacrifice The Slaves wouldn’t have won the NL Championship last year“. His Padawan, who was but a tiny Youngling when he first met Ki Adi Mundi at the beginning of Season 1 finishes with: “I hope to one day be half the Jedi that he once was, so if breathing is a luxury that you enjoy I suggest you watch what you say about him”. Even Kamilla gives their new teammate a look of disdain before Dundee retorts. “No worries friend, I didn’t know”. Jedi Padawan #31A says: “I sense something strange Master, I am unsure of its origin”. “I sense it too, my young apprentice, it is indeed curious.” Jedi Master #2 says in reply. A chill moves up the spines of every one of the Slaves as the team’s only present master of the force says: “I do not feel the presence of one living creature with whom we are supposed to do battle, yet I sense that we are most definitely in grave danger”. When you look into the eyes of Ki Adi Mundi, you can see that there is a wise individual buried underneath the undead demeanor that is his being; but whatever wisdom drives him within, it cannot control the disease that domineers his physical form. Ki Adi parts from the rest of his squad and rushes into battle against an omnipresent non-physical form of a once mighty Decepticon. The force still controls the actions of Ki Adi, yet follows the commands of the Zombie hunger as the Jedi Master attacks the ghost of Starscream, Ghosts #2 & 4 both hover over to defend their unofficial leader from the raging creature whom friends once called Ki Adi. Most zombies would have little to no use for a free-floating vapor, but the force reminds Ki Adi’s battling binary brains of his old master’s teachings. He knows that luminous beings are we and that no crude matter is required to obtain the captured life force’s of these individuals. As Ki Adi draws his rusty lightsaber from his tattered belt to do battle with the 3 ghosts, the air is filled with the ear-splitting screams of these 4 tortured souls who become locked in devilish unnatural combat. Jedi Master #2 kneels down in meditation with his unlit lightsaber on his lap, while his Padawan and Crocodile Dundee are knocked to the ground by the heavy gauntlet laden hands of Nazgul #7. The 2 Slaves can do nothing as poor Kamilla is crushed under the armored legs of the approaching Ringwraith. Ghosts #1, 3, & 5 race toward the newly made Padawan and his newly drafted companion when Jedi Master #2 ejects from his meditative position and ignites his lightsaber. With the force guiding his movement the master of the force uses his Jedi weapon to actually slice thru ghosts #1 & 5 destroying them before Ghost #3 enters the body of the Jedi Master to almost instantaneously turn his vibrant body into a lifeless core of flesh. Crocodile Dundee is so inspired by his teammate’s bravery that he picks up the lightsaber of his fallen comrade and attempts to chop at his ghostly competitor; although when wielded by Dundee the lightsaber simply goes thru the apparition as if there was no threat whatsoever. Crocodile Dundee is shocked by the occurrence and throws down the lightsaber as he runs for cover. For lack of a better term Ki Adi Mundi is “victorious” in his battle with the 3 ghosts but is laying on the ground in a near catatonic state having soulfully devoured Starscream and his 2 ghostly companions. It takes a mere flick of the wrist for Nazgul #7 to relieve Ki Adi of his head as he walks by on his way to battling the last 2 remaining Slaves. Jedi Padawan #31A dodges the initial swing from the Nazgul’s sword but is once again knocked to the ground by his heavily armored opponent. The battered and bruised Padawan is about to be run thru when he hears the word “NO” loudly screamed from behind him. His teammate Crocodile Dundee is running full bore toward the Ringwraith in an attempt to save the Jedi Padawan. Dundee jumps into the air and drives his large knife directly into the face of Nazgul #7. Dundee screams in agony as his entire hand disintegrates from simply touching the Sauron spawned creature, but much to the surprise of all, the Nazgul does indeed fall dead from the blow. Dundee cradles his handless wrist on the ground while he watches Ghost #3 float toward him. The tough Australian is clueless as to how to defend himself against his floating foe who is about 4 inches from his frightened face when the apparition all of the sudden dissipates in to nothingness before his eyes. Crocodile Dundee then turns his head to see Padawan #31A collapse from exhaustion after using every bit of force power he could muster to wipe the ghost from existence.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
George Washington’s Slaves are Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, Crocodile Dundee, Jedi Master #2, Jedi Padawan #31A, & Kamilla.
Zombie Ki Adi Mundi’s lower brain is completely consumed by the savage hunger that comes along with being a zombie, but being a Cerean with a binary brain, his top brain portion still retains some of what was once the great and wise Jedi Master. A fraction of what he once was, Ki Adi is still a little better off than your average zombie do to his race’s unique body makeup. As the former Jedi Council member lurks thru the forest searching out a life force to quench his zombie hunger, the rest of the team walks several yards behind him still afraid of what this quasi-controlled zombie may be capable of. After several moments of silence Crocodile Dundee speaks to his brand new teammates: “Blimey, this cone-headed bloke gives even me the creeps, what is his prob…..”, but he is cut off before he can finish by Jedi Padawan #31A, who grabs him by the collar and says: “Watch your tongue newbie, how dare you speak ill of Master Mundi”. Dundee looks stunned by the outrage when Jedi Master #2 adds: “Ki Adi might not be what he once was but he is a Jedi legend, without his help & sacrifice The Slaves wouldn’t have won the NL Championship last year“. His Padawan, who was but a tiny Youngling when he first met Ki Adi Mundi at the beginning of Season 1 finishes with: “I hope to one day be half the Jedi that he once was, so if breathing is a luxury that you enjoy I suggest you watch what you say about him”. Even Kamilla gives their new teammate a look of disdain before Dundee retorts. “No worries friend, I didn’t know”. Jedi Padawan #31A says: “I sense something strange Master, I am unsure of its origin”. “I sense it too, my young apprentice, it is indeed curious.” Jedi Master #2 says in reply. A chill moves up the spines of every one of the Slaves as the team’s only present master of the force says: “I do not feel the presence of one living creature with whom we are supposed to do battle, yet I sense that we are most definitely in grave danger”. When you look into the eyes of Ki Adi Mundi, you can see that there is a wise individual buried underneath the undead demeanor that is his being; but whatever wisdom drives him within, it cannot control the disease that domineers his physical form. Ki Adi parts from the rest of his squad and rushes into battle against an omnipresent non-physical form of a once mighty Decepticon. The force still controls the actions of Ki Adi, yet follows the commands of the Zombie hunger as the Jedi Master attacks the ghost of Starscream, Ghosts #2 & 4 both hover over to defend their unofficial leader from the raging creature whom friends once called Ki Adi. Most zombies would have little to no use for a free-floating vapor, but the force reminds Ki Adi’s battling binary brains of his old master’s teachings. He knows that luminous beings are we and that no crude matter is required to obtain the captured life force’s of these individuals. As Ki Adi draws his rusty lightsaber from his tattered belt to do battle with the 3 ghosts, the air is filled with the ear-splitting screams of these 4 tortured souls who become locked in devilish unnatural combat. Jedi Master #2 kneels down in meditation with his unlit lightsaber on his lap, while his Padawan and Crocodile Dundee are knocked to the ground by the heavy gauntlet laden hands of Nazgul #7. The 2 Slaves can do nothing as poor Kamilla is crushed under the armored legs of the approaching Ringwraith. Ghosts #1, 3, & 5 race toward the newly made Padawan and his newly drafted companion when Jedi Master #2 ejects from his meditative position and ignites his lightsaber. With the force guiding his movement the master of the force uses his Jedi weapon to actually slice thru ghosts #1 & 5 destroying them before Ghost #3 enters the body of the Jedi Master to almost instantaneously turn his vibrant body into a lifeless core of flesh. Crocodile Dundee is so inspired by his teammate’s bravery that he picks up the lightsaber of his fallen comrade and attempts to chop at his ghostly competitor; although when wielded by Dundee the lightsaber simply goes thru the apparition as if there was no threat whatsoever. Crocodile Dundee is shocked by the occurrence and throws down the lightsaber as he runs for cover. For lack of a better term Ki Adi Mundi is “victorious” in his battle with the 3 ghosts but is laying on the ground in a near catatonic state having soulfully devoured Starscream and his 2 ghostly companions. It takes a mere flick of the wrist for Nazgul #7 to relieve Ki Adi of his head as he walks by on his way to battling the last 2 remaining Slaves. Jedi Padawan #31A dodges the initial swing from the Nazgul’s sword but is once again knocked to the ground by his heavily armored opponent. The battered and bruised Padawan is about to be run thru when he hears the word “NO” loudly screamed from behind him. His teammate Crocodile Dundee is running full bore toward the Ringwraith in an attempt to save the Jedi Padawan. Dundee jumps into the air and drives his large knife directly into the face of Nazgul #7. Dundee screams in agony as his entire hand disintegrates from simply touching the Sauron spawned creature, but much to the surprise of all, the Nazgul does indeed fall dead from the blow. Dundee cradles his handless wrist on the ground while he watches Ghost #3 float toward him. The tough Australian is clueless as to how to defend himself against his floating foe who is about 4 inches from his frightened face when the apparition all of the sudden dissipates in to nothingness before his eyes. Crocodile Dundee then turns his head to see Padawan #31A collapse from exhaustion after using every bit of force power he could muster to wipe the ghost from existence.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES ARE VICTORIOUS!
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