Saturday, February 26, 2011
Pre-Season: The Backyardigans vs The Untouchables
The Backyardigans are:
Dark Phoenix, and the formidable Rescue Rangers- Chip and Dale.
The Untouchables Are:
Woody the Sheriff
Buzz Lightyear
Tow Mater
The Burger King
The Care Cousins: Brave Heart Lion, Bright Heart Raccoon, Cozy Heart Penguin, Gentle Heart Lamb, Lotsa Heart Elephant, Loyal Heart Dog, Noble Heart Horse, Playful Heart Monkey, Proud Heart Cat, Swift Heart Rabbit and Treat Heart Pig.
"The Horror... The Horror!
Oh god... so much blood.. so much..."
The pool of blood at Woody's feet continued to spread. Far more blood than Woody felt should even be contained within the tiny bodies of his companions. Woody was covered in it, from his pull string to his clicking plastic boots...
"Woody, old friend... you're alive! I don't know how you managed to survive but you did! HA!!! HAHA! That's great!" said Buzz.
"Ok Woody, buddy, pal... come on, it'll do no one any good just standing here, lets go..." he continued.
"Ok Buzz... but promise me that we won't forget about them, they were so brave... they didn't even flinch.."
Buzz was confused at this moment, He assumed everyone had scattered when the Dark Phoenix arrived... in the heat of battle the Untouchables had managed to dismember the chipmunks with relative ease based on sheer numbers alone, Chip and Dale were now chunks... strewn across the danger room floor. Buzz had run off in an attempt to hijack the Danger Room controls to give them a fighting chance against whatever else the Backyardigans had brought to the fight and on his way he saw the phoenix descend on the group.
"What do you mean they didn't flinch? I heard their screams... I heard them begging for mercy... I heard Tow Mater crying asking "the great mechanic in the sky" for help..."
"Yes Buzz... but help wouldn't come... she pulled him apart and then she wouldn't let them move... while she made me do things... unspeakable things... to the Care Cousins.." Woody said quietly.
"You?! she made You do what?" Buzz stopped in his tracks..
Slowly woody turned towards Buzz, a small ball-peen hammer that had been blown off Tow Mater in his hand.. It may as well have been a giant mallet in his tiny cloth hands...
"heh... She made me do this" woody said in a voice not his own...
Buzz suddenly found himself unable to move... "Woody no.. common pal, I know you're in there... fight her!"
"Oh your little cowboy friend is fighting me Mr. Lightyear.." She said using Woody's voice twisted by her power "but it's not going to do any good. For I am the Dark Phoenix, arguably the most powerful telekinetic force you will ever encounter in your short little life..."
It was then that Woody Began his dark work, screaming for mercy inside his own brain, incapable of stopping the hammer as it rose and fell smashing his friend into shards of plastic and sparking electronics...
"Too infinity.. and beeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyuuuh..." the built in voicebox slowed to an inhuman drone as the last bit of life left the space mans eyes...
"Well then..." said Phoenix... "I'm sorry that I made you do that to your friend.. but do you have any idea how boring it would have been for me to just kill you one by one?"
"Oh no.. no... don't speak." she continued "there's really no point, we're through here... there's just one last loose end."
And with that she crushed the toy cowboy's head, and used Woody's string as a garrote to strangle the helpless burger king.
The Untouchables: All Dead.
Despite the loss of Chip and Dale The Backyardigans are victorious!
Friday, February 25, 2011
George Washington’s Slaves Vs Xavier’s Annihilation squad
George Washington’s Slaves are Starship trooper #1, Starship trooper#2 ,metroid #18
Xavier’s Annihilation squad is B.A. Baracus, Bonk, Ninja Gaiden, Rouge the Bat
The two team’s are beamed into the danger room. Starship trooper#1 and #2 both bolt for a tactical position as soon as there feet touch the ground, Metroid #18 slowly begins to follow them.
Mean while on the other side of the room, B.A. Baracus is woozy from the trip, he assumes its from the drugs.
B.A: Awww man wear the hell am I now, witch one of ya’ll drugged me. Was it you baby? Let me out a here baby, I ain’t got time for this jibber jabber!
Ninja Gaiden: He’s wifh me. Reave him arone, or I kell you!
Rouge the Bat: yea, he’s with me two.
Ninja gaiden: Shut it b#*%h!
EXCUSE ME CAN I HAVE EVERYONES ATTENTION UP HERE AT THE CONTROL ROOM..
Its Griffin Poteracki of Griffin’s high maintenance dope fiends and destroyers.
Hey guys how’s it going , I just wanted to talk to you all about something before we start the match. Now I know that I promised we would have color commentators for this match , and I know that I took up a collection from most of the players in the league to do so. But here’s the thing. I was surfing my way down town on the back of my head coach black lantern Al dog , and we were suddenly flagged down by a young black man, this young black man informed use that he had a plethora of moderately priced narcotics, and with one look at each other Al and I knew this was a sign from a higher power. So we spent all the money on crack and heroin. Sorry well get ya back next time. Now lets get this match going.
The Danger room suddenly springs to life with a swarm of robots and pit falls.
The 2 troopers are quickly surrounded, but easily mow down the advancing robots. It is not so easy however to locate their primary targets. Suddenly they spot something closing in.
Starship trooper # 2: What the F#*K is that!
Starship trooper #1: It’s some kind of flying brain bug. Shoot it!
Metroid # 18 is killed by friendly fire.
Starship trooper #1: Col. Jenkins would cry like a little b***h if he found out we blew the brains out of a brand new brain bug.
Starship trooper #2: I know he’s turned into such a fa***t
OUT OF NO WHERE
Rouge the Bat Swoops down with ninja gaiden on her back, the two charge at the troopers. Ninja gaiden deflects the bullets of the trooper with ease, He begins to run up the wall then leaps back to the floor, now back to the wall, now he’s right on top of Starship trooper #2, with one strike he cuts the trooper in half hotdog style. Starship trooper# 1 uses the fate of his friend to narrowly escape the ninjas clutches by hitching a ride on a passing missile. Ninja gaiden turns to see that his teammate was not as lucky as him, she took trooper#1’s full clip to the face.
Ninja gaiden regroups with what is left of his team, B.A is battling a robot and Bonk is lifeless on the floor. Ninja gaiden cuts the robots head off.
Ninja gaiden: wut happin to mi frend?
B.A: He just ran at the sucker, jumped up in da air and came down head first! Why would he do that, his heads already to big for his frail little body.
Ninja gaiden: It was good death.
While they were distracted a team of robot x-men have surrounded the two heroes. Starship Trooper #1 has taken up position atop a platform. Realizing he doesn’t have enough ammunition to kill his primary and new secondary targets, he decides to use his nuke.
Elsewhere in the building Professor Xavier Also realizes that starship trooper #1 is gana use his nuke. The professor races down the hallway plowing right over Shadowcat and Storm, he even knocks jubilee down the stairs possibly killing her. He finally reaches cerebro just before the trooper launches the nuke, and with its help he completely implodes his brain.
Shadowcat: Hey man what the hell was that all about?
Professor Xavier: Oh sorry, I rented out the Danger room to the FFL and one of those starship pricks was going to set of a nuke. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to rebuild this F*%KIN place. I don’t get any state funding for you little freaks, that s%*t comes out of my pocket.
George Washington’s Slaves : ALL DEAD
Xavier’s Annihilation squad: B.A. Baracus and Ninja Gaiden survive.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES WIN BY DQ
Xavier’s Annihilation squad is B.A. Baracus, Bonk, Ninja Gaiden, Rouge the Bat
The two team’s are beamed into the danger room. Starship trooper#1 and #2 both bolt for a tactical position as soon as there feet touch the ground, Metroid #18 slowly begins to follow them.
Mean while on the other side of the room, B.A. Baracus is woozy from the trip, he assumes its from the drugs.
B.A: Awww man wear the hell am I now, witch one of ya’ll drugged me. Was it you baby? Let me out a here baby, I ain’t got time for this jibber jabber!
Ninja Gaiden: He’s wifh me. Reave him arone, or I kell you!
Rouge the Bat: yea, he’s with me two.
Ninja gaiden: Shut it b#*%h!
EXCUSE ME CAN I HAVE EVERYONES ATTENTION UP HERE AT THE CONTROL ROOM..
Its Griffin Poteracki of Griffin’s high maintenance dope fiends and destroyers.
Hey guys how’s it going , I just wanted to talk to you all about something before we start the match. Now I know that I promised we would have color commentators for this match , and I know that I took up a collection from most of the players in the league to do so. But here’s the thing. I was surfing my way down town on the back of my head coach black lantern Al dog , and we were suddenly flagged down by a young black man, this young black man informed use that he had a plethora of moderately priced narcotics, and with one look at each other Al and I knew this was a sign from a higher power. So we spent all the money on crack and heroin. Sorry well get ya back next time. Now lets get this match going.
The Danger room suddenly springs to life with a swarm of robots and pit falls.
The 2 troopers are quickly surrounded, but easily mow down the advancing robots. It is not so easy however to locate their primary targets. Suddenly they spot something closing in.
Starship trooper # 2: What the F#*K is that!
Starship trooper #1: It’s some kind of flying brain bug. Shoot it!
Metroid # 18 is killed by friendly fire.
Starship trooper #1: Col. Jenkins would cry like a little b***h if he found out we blew the brains out of a brand new brain bug.
Starship trooper #2: I know he’s turned into such a fa***t
OUT OF NO WHERE
Rouge the Bat Swoops down with ninja gaiden on her back, the two charge at the troopers. Ninja gaiden deflects the bullets of the trooper with ease, He begins to run up the wall then leaps back to the floor, now back to the wall, now he’s right on top of Starship trooper #2, with one strike he cuts the trooper in half hotdog style. Starship trooper# 1 uses the fate of his friend to narrowly escape the ninjas clutches by hitching a ride on a passing missile. Ninja gaiden turns to see that his teammate was not as lucky as him, she took trooper#1’s full clip to the face.
Ninja gaiden regroups with what is left of his team, B.A is battling a robot and Bonk is lifeless on the floor. Ninja gaiden cuts the robots head off.
Ninja gaiden: wut happin to mi frend?
B.A: He just ran at the sucker, jumped up in da air and came down head first! Why would he do that, his heads already to big for his frail little body.
Ninja gaiden: It was good death.
While they were distracted a team of robot x-men have surrounded the two heroes. Starship Trooper #1 has taken up position atop a platform. Realizing he doesn’t have enough ammunition to kill his primary and new secondary targets, he decides to use his nuke.
Elsewhere in the building Professor Xavier Also realizes that starship trooper #1 is gana use his nuke. The professor races down the hallway plowing right over Shadowcat and Storm, he even knocks jubilee down the stairs possibly killing her. He finally reaches cerebro just before the trooper launches the nuke, and with its help he completely implodes his brain.
Shadowcat: Hey man what the hell was that all about?
Professor Xavier: Oh sorry, I rented out the Danger room to the FFL and one of those starship pricks was going to set of a nuke. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to rebuild this F*%KIN place. I don’t get any state funding for you little freaks, that s%*t comes out of my pocket.
George Washington’s Slaves : ALL DEAD
Xavier’s Annihilation squad: B.A. Baracus and Ninja Gaiden survive.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES WIN BY DQ
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "Guess Who Brought Peace to Egypt Now" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commandos is Batzarro, David Hasslehoff, Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche, Lady GaGa, Joan Jett, & Adam & Kate Hernandez.
The Syracuse Valley is (Movie) Megaton & Boomerang Bros. #2.
**Note from the watcher: If you aren’t going to read Boomerang Bros. #2’s dialogue with an over-exaggerated Australian accent than don’t even bother reading the match (Snoogans).
“G’day mate, I didn’t know I’d be battlin dese blokes with you out ere today. I mean chrikey, I got up, had some Brekkie and thought I was just gonna have me a run of the mill bog standard kinda day, I had no idea I’d be Binglin these buggers with one of the top players on the whole Valley. I figured since it’s Pre-Season an all I’d be Blueing with some bloody bludger who’d had a few to many Fosters at the boozer last night if you get what I’m sayin Mate”. Says Boomerang Bros #2 to his teammate Megatron. Megatron replies with: “Shut up flesh sack”. The Boomerang Bros. continues with: “Ahhh, not much for talkin while the match is goin I see. Well, I reckon I’ll follow your lead then mate, just know that me and me rang got your back when the Hoons show up. I must say Meggie, you don’t mind if I call ya Meggie do ya“... (No answer from Megatron). “You don’t even look the least bit scared, in fact ya look down right anxious. Me on the other hand, my clacker is as puckered as a joey’s freckle. By the by, how do ya reckon that we are walkin down the street of Boardwalk from Monopoly? I mean the blokes back at the base told me that we were gonna be nuttin out in a place called The Danger Room. Well I’ll be straight with you when I say that thimble over there doesn’t look mighty dangerous to me”.................. Uproarious laughter ensues from the mouth of Boomerang Bros. #2 and as much silence as is possibly made by an enormous creature made of Cybertronian Metal is made by Megatron. The Boomerang Bros. laughs a little bit more.
2 hours later.
Boomerang Bros #2 speaks: “Ha ha ha. Sorry to carry on like that Meggie, but that piece of piss tickled me old fella if ya know what I mean”. “I must say though Meggie, that even though this place doesn’t seem to dangerous, I can’t imagine that when The Commandos show up that that isn’t going to be to grouse. They’re the NL Champions, and I’m not sayin that we don’t have a fair go at em, but this could be rough”. Megatron speaks: “Just do what needs to be done when the time comes and shut up”. “Sorry Meggie, I’m not implyin that I’m gonna have a liquid laugh when the hoons, I mean Commandos show up, I’m just sayin that I reckon that they shant be a group of lollies when they do come around”. It is at this exact moment that The Commandos come running out of The Free Parking Section where they have been waiting all along and mount their “full-frontal attack“. The Commandos may have been quite decimated by last year’s play-off run, and this may not be their A-Team; but they are still proud NL Champions and have the utmost confidence as they rush the team that has up until this point still never made the play-offs. When this squad was first assembled, they instantly went in to talks about forming a band. Nietzsche was going to be the producer and song-writer, and was going to market the German crowds along with Hasslehoff, who was going to play rhythm guitar and sing (but only when they were in Germany). Lady GaGa was going to be the lead singer, with Joan on guitar and singing back-up. Adam and Kate, with their world-renowned skills of bass and drums from Atrium and The Used 2 Beez were of course backing up the power-driven sound that Joan was dreaming up. The band had great potential, for a couple of minutes, but Joan soon got sick of Friedrich’s whiny bulls**t and told him that she didn’t give a f%^k how deep his Existentialism was and that she could write music without his limpy, syphilis filled a&^”. At first Joan was cool with Lady GaGa being the lead singer, but after Lady GaGa instantly put on a leather jacket, died her hair & painted her fingernails jet black to steal Joan’s look, like she did to her old dead friend before she became a pop crap sensation who is “so original” Joan got pissed and kicked her out of the band. Adam and Kate stayed loyal to Joan, which led Kate to warn Lady GaGa that “if she didn’t like being kicked out of the band than she is really gonna hate being kicked in the box”. Joan Jett than saw Hoff play the guitar for 35 milla-seconds before she kicked him out of the band as well for being the worst musician of all time. Joan proclaimed that “I don’t care how much the Germans like that tool, I’d rather play with Adolf Hitler than have him back me up on guitar”. Adam added: “yeah, get out of out band you drunk fascist f#$k, and by the way: BAYWATCH SUCKED” Kate chimed in with “you suck poop dildos Hoff”. Joan Jett and her new 3 piece band (Known as Joan Jett and The Atrium Beez) then plugged in their instruments and broke into a kick-a** version of “I’m Gonna Run Away” in honor of their former Band mates. Batzarro clapped as loud as he could and exclaimed that he was their “smallest fan”. While this song is being played in the background The Valley and The Commandos finally become aware of each others presence and the battle begins. DAVID HASSLEHOFF ATTACKS!! And by attacks, I mean that he mistakes Megatron for the world’s largest toilet and tries to vomit on him. Megatron then steps on Hasslehoff with his hatred for organic beings growing ever-more. Joan breaks into a guitar solo and yells to Batzarro that he needs to make his move against the enemy. Batzarro sort of listens to the squad’s unofficial leader, but instead of attacking Megatron and his rang-wielding side-kick he goes into detective mode. After an hour or 2 of detective work he discovers that Friedrich Nietzsche is a philosopher. Megatron then vaporizes Batzarro with his lasers. Nietzsche begins to pen a manuscript about the perspectivism of each individual on the battlefield and how the impossibility of facts relates to each of their respective personalities in regards to their existential human existence and their individual emotional state. He writes the intro to his own book when Megatron walks over to the philologist and brings him right in front of his giant metal mouth. Megatron looks at Nietzsche and states that: “I have read your work flesh sack, and I assure you: God is not dead... You are looking at him”. Megatron then squeezes Nietzsche into mush. Lady GaGa begins to sneak up behind Megatron and gets her sinewy vocal cords ready to sing “Poker face” when Boomerang Bros. #2 jumps into action. The Boomerang Bros. recognizes the fact that he has regrettably annoyed the hell out of his teammate Megaton and that if the great Decepticon leader were at this exact moment to hear “Poker face” sung live by GaGa herself that it would be more than likely that he would be irritated to death. Boomerang Bros #2 throws his rang at GaGa’s head to deliver a fatal blow, which in essence saves the life of his mate Meggie. Megatron sees this act of quick-thinking and bravery by his teammate, but is unable to move quick enough to save him from being jacked in the back of the head by Joan Jett’s guitar. “I love myself for hating you” Joan says as the bloodied Boomerang Bros. falls to the ground with a head wound that is sure to prove mortal. “I’ve been bloody Larrikened by a Sheila”! The Boomerang Bros. exclaims! Joan wipes the blood from her guitar and jumps back on the makeshift stage back on the outskirts of Baltic and Mediterranean. Adam and Kate start jamming to “Riding with James Dean” as Joan belts out the lyrics but Megatron transforms into a Cybertronian Jet and pulls a strafing run which wipes out the rock trio with a “Back Lash” of “Bad Reputation”. Megatron then lands next to The Boomerang Bros. who ended up being a valiant addition to his team this day. “Will you live fleshling”? Megatron asks in his robotic amplified voice. The Boomerang Bros. responds with “I’d like to skite that she will be apples mate, but I’m afraid this show pony is Rubbish. Just tell me one thing though... (gurgle)... I saved you right? I mean, we’re mates (gurgle) ain’t we”? Megatron kneels next to the Boomerang Bros. who’s ears work for one more second to hear the great conqueror of Cybertron say: “Yeah, we’re mates”
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley is (Movie) Megaton & Boomerang Bros. #2.
**Note from the watcher: If you aren’t going to read Boomerang Bros. #2’s dialogue with an over-exaggerated Australian accent than don’t even bother reading the match (Snoogans).
“G’day mate, I didn’t know I’d be battlin dese blokes with you out ere today. I mean chrikey, I got up, had some Brekkie and thought I was just gonna have me a run of the mill bog standard kinda day, I had no idea I’d be Binglin these buggers with one of the top players on the whole Valley. I figured since it’s Pre-Season an all I’d be Blueing with some bloody bludger who’d had a few to many Fosters at the boozer last night if you get what I’m sayin Mate”. Says Boomerang Bros #2 to his teammate Megatron. Megatron replies with: “Shut up flesh sack”. The Boomerang Bros. continues with: “Ahhh, not much for talkin while the match is goin I see. Well, I reckon I’ll follow your lead then mate, just know that me and me rang got your back when the Hoons show up. I must say Meggie, you don’t mind if I call ya Meggie do ya“... (No answer from Megatron). “You don’t even look the least bit scared, in fact ya look down right anxious. Me on the other hand, my clacker is as puckered as a joey’s freckle. By the by, how do ya reckon that we are walkin down the street of Boardwalk from Monopoly? I mean the blokes back at the base told me that we were gonna be nuttin out in a place called The Danger Room. Well I’ll be straight with you when I say that thimble over there doesn’t look mighty dangerous to me”.................. Uproarious laughter ensues from the mouth of Boomerang Bros. #2 and as much silence as is possibly made by an enormous creature made of Cybertronian Metal is made by Megatron. The Boomerang Bros. laughs a little bit more.
2 hours later.
Boomerang Bros #2 speaks: “Ha ha ha. Sorry to carry on like that Meggie, but that piece of piss tickled me old fella if ya know what I mean”. “I must say though Meggie, that even though this place doesn’t seem to dangerous, I can’t imagine that when The Commandos show up that that isn’t going to be to grouse. They’re the NL Champions, and I’m not sayin that we don’t have a fair go at em, but this could be rough”. Megatron speaks: “Just do what needs to be done when the time comes and shut up”. “Sorry Meggie, I’m not implyin that I’m gonna have a liquid laugh when the hoons, I mean Commandos show up, I’m just sayin that I reckon that they shant be a group of lollies when they do come around”. It is at this exact moment that The Commandos come running out of The Free Parking Section where they have been waiting all along and mount their “full-frontal attack“. The Commandos may have been quite decimated by last year’s play-off run, and this may not be their A-Team; but they are still proud NL Champions and have the utmost confidence as they rush the team that has up until this point still never made the play-offs. When this squad was first assembled, they instantly went in to talks about forming a band. Nietzsche was going to be the producer and song-writer, and was going to market the German crowds along with Hasslehoff, who was going to play rhythm guitar and sing (but only when they were in Germany). Lady GaGa was going to be the lead singer, with Joan on guitar and singing back-up. Adam and Kate, with their world-renowned skills of bass and drums from Atrium and The Used 2 Beez were of course backing up the power-driven sound that Joan was dreaming up. The band had great potential, for a couple of minutes, but Joan soon got sick of Friedrich’s whiny bulls**t and told him that she didn’t give a f%^k how deep his Existentialism was and that she could write music without his limpy, syphilis filled a&^”. At first Joan was cool with Lady GaGa being the lead singer, but after Lady GaGa instantly put on a leather jacket, died her hair & painted her fingernails jet black to steal Joan’s look, like she did to her old dead friend before she became a pop crap sensation who is “so original” Joan got pissed and kicked her out of the band. Adam and Kate stayed loyal to Joan, which led Kate to warn Lady GaGa that “if she didn’t like being kicked out of the band than she is really gonna hate being kicked in the box”. Joan Jett than saw Hoff play the guitar for 35 milla-seconds before she kicked him out of the band as well for being the worst musician of all time. Joan proclaimed that “I don’t care how much the Germans like that tool, I’d rather play with Adolf Hitler than have him back me up on guitar”. Adam added: “yeah, get out of out band you drunk fascist f#$k, and by the way: BAYWATCH SUCKED” Kate chimed in with “you suck poop dildos Hoff”. Joan Jett and her new 3 piece band (Known as Joan Jett and The Atrium Beez) then plugged in their instruments and broke into a kick-a** version of “I’m Gonna Run Away” in honor of their former Band mates. Batzarro clapped as loud as he could and exclaimed that he was their “smallest fan”. While this song is being played in the background The Valley and The Commandos finally become aware of each others presence and the battle begins. DAVID HASSLEHOFF ATTACKS!! And by attacks, I mean that he mistakes Megatron for the world’s largest toilet and tries to vomit on him. Megatron then steps on Hasslehoff with his hatred for organic beings growing ever-more. Joan breaks into a guitar solo and yells to Batzarro that he needs to make his move against the enemy. Batzarro sort of listens to the squad’s unofficial leader, but instead of attacking Megatron and his rang-wielding side-kick he goes into detective mode. After an hour or 2 of detective work he discovers that Friedrich Nietzsche is a philosopher. Megatron then vaporizes Batzarro with his lasers. Nietzsche begins to pen a manuscript about the perspectivism of each individual on the battlefield and how the impossibility of facts relates to each of their respective personalities in regards to their existential human existence and their individual emotional state. He writes the intro to his own book when Megatron walks over to the philologist and brings him right in front of his giant metal mouth. Megatron looks at Nietzsche and states that: “I have read your work flesh sack, and I assure you: God is not dead... You are looking at him”. Megatron then squeezes Nietzsche into mush. Lady GaGa begins to sneak up behind Megatron and gets her sinewy vocal cords ready to sing “Poker face” when Boomerang Bros. #2 jumps into action. The Boomerang Bros. recognizes the fact that he has regrettably annoyed the hell out of his teammate Megaton and that if the great Decepticon leader were at this exact moment to hear “Poker face” sung live by GaGa herself that it would be more than likely that he would be irritated to death. Boomerang Bros #2 throws his rang at GaGa’s head to deliver a fatal blow, which in essence saves the life of his mate Meggie. Megatron sees this act of quick-thinking and bravery by his teammate, but is unable to move quick enough to save him from being jacked in the back of the head by Joan Jett’s guitar. “I love myself for hating you” Joan says as the bloodied Boomerang Bros. falls to the ground with a head wound that is sure to prove mortal. “I’ve been bloody Larrikened by a Sheila”! The Boomerang Bros. exclaims! Joan wipes the blood from her guitar and jumps back on the makeshift stage back on the outskirts of Baltic and Mediterranean. Adam and Kate start jamming to “Riding with James Dean” as Joan belts out the lyrics but Megatron transforms into a Cybertronian Jet and pulls a strafing run which wipes out the rock trio with a “Back Lash” of “Bad Reputation”. Megatron then lands next to The Boomerang Bros. who ended up being a valiant addition to his team this day. “Will you live fleshling”? Megatron asks in his robotic amplified voice. The Boomerang Bros. responds with “I’d like to skite that she will be apples mate, but I’m afraid this show pony is Rubbish. Just tell me one thing though... (gurgle)... I saved you right? I mean, we’re mates (gurgle) ain’t we”? Megatron kneels next to the Boomerang Bros. who’s ears work for one more second to hear the great conqueror of Cybertron say: “Yeah, we’re mates”
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy
TEAM is Jedi Councilman #1, Roy "Mr. Awesome" Shildt, & Bruce Lee.
Team Sleeping Pussy is Cyclops & Kahn.
The Danger Room is set to look like Missile Command, which bodes well for Mr. Awesome and his squad; but before the match can truly start Roy gets "screwed" once again by the powers that be. Cyclops, after having been the leader of The X-Men for so many years, knows every code there is to know when it comes to The Danger Room. Cyclops easily changes the setting of The Danger Room to the most basic setting that Prof. X used to have him run when he was a young student at the school. It is a grassland setting that Cyclops knows so well that he could do it blindfolded and that greatly benefits his own long-range, non-melee powers. Kahn and Bruce Lee enter into a pitched battle that would make Becks poop himself as if he were in one of his own matches but it is cut short when Mr. Awesome uses his heightened brain power and superior sperm count to toss his ukulele directly into the head of Kahn. This gives Bruce Lee the upper hand for a moment, but the superior human being of Kahn is able to overcome the ukulele interruption and deliver a perfectly placed kill blow to the neck of Lee. Kahn is weary from his battle with Bruce Lee, which is why he is taken off guard by Shildt. Roy skewers Kahn through the heart with An American Flag Pole to kill the genetically enhanced tyrant. Mr. Awesome then pauses for a moment and picks up his cell phone to get Guinness and Playgirl on a conference call to ask for a ten page spread of himself, nude over Kahn’s dead body; but before he can work out the logistics he is fried by Cyclops’ optic blasts. Cyclops has seemingly popped out of nowhere as he is hiding behind trees and bushes before they even fully appear and then getting away before they dematerialize before the eyes of the rest of the people in the match, who unlike him do not have the simulated room committed to memory. The Jedi Councilman has been doing his best to get a jump on Cyclops; but despite his heightened Jedi senses and reflexes, Cyclops is still able to stay one step ahead. Cyclops parks himself behind a large rock for cover and begins shooting at The Jedi Master. The Jedi Councilman manages to dodge out of the way of the attacks, and then uses the force to pick up the enormous boulder and throw it out of the way, relieving Cyclops of his cover and exposing him to a full-frontal melee attack. Cyclops takes a few shots at the Jedi, but The Master easily blocks the optic blasts with his lightsaber. Both competitors stop and prepare to square off when Cyclops decides to aim and open up his visor to its full capacity against the Jedi. The distinguished member of the Jedi High Council decides not to attempt to evade the wide-ranging blast and to block it with his lightsaber. This mistake proved to be his last as the immense mutant power rips through both the lightsaber and force-barrier of the Jedi to completely melt him in place.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!
Team Sleeping Pussy is Cyclops & Kahn.
The Danger Room is set to look like Missile Command, which bodes well for Mr. Awesome and his squad; but before the match can truly start Roy gets "screwed" once again by the powers that be. Cyclops, after having been the leader of The X-Men for so many years, knows every code there is to know when it comes to The Danger Room. Cyclops easily changes the setting of The Danger Room to the most basic setting that Prof. X used to have him run when he was a young student at the school. It is a grassland setting that Cyclops knows so well that he could do it blindfolded and that greatly benefits his own long-range, non-melee powers. Kahn and Bruce Lee enter into a pitched battle that would make Becks poop himself as if he were in one of his own matches but it is cut short when Mr. Awesome uses his heightened brain power and superior sperm count to toss his ukulele directly into the head of Kahn. This gives Bruce Lee the upper hand for a moment, but the superior human being of Kahn is able to overcome the ukulele interruption and deliver a perfectly placed kill blow to the neck of Lee. Kahn is weary from his battle with Bruce Lee, which is why he is taken off guard by Shildt. Roy skewers Kahn through the heart with An American Flag Pole to kill the genetically enhanced tyrant. Mr. Awesome then pauses for a moment and picks up his cell phone to get Guinness and Playgirl on a conference call to ask for a ten page spread of himself, nude over Kahn’s dead body; but before he can work out the logistics he is fried by Cyclops’ optic blasts. Cyclops has seemingly popped out of nowhere as he is hiding behind trees and bushes before they even fully appear and then getting away before they dematerialize before the eyes of the rest of the people in the match, who unlike him do not have the simulated room committed to memory. The Jedi Councilman has been doing his best to get a jump on Cyclops; but despite his heightened Jedi senses and reflexes, Cyclops is still able to stay one step ahead. Cyclops parks himself behind a large rock for cover and begins shooting at The Jedi Master. The Jedi Councilman manages to dodge out of the way of the attacks, and then uses the force to pick up the enormous boulder and throw it out of the way, relieving Cyclops of his cover and exposing him to a full-frontal melee attack. Cyclops takes a few shots at the Jedi, but The Master easily blocks the optic blasts with his lightsaber. Both competitors stop and prepare to square off when Cyclops decides to aim and open up his visor to its full capacity against the Jedi. The distinguished member of the Jedi High Council decides not to attempt to evade the wide-ranging blast and to block it with his lightsaber. This mistake proved to be his last as the immense mutant power rips through both the lightsaber and force-barrier of the Jedi to completely melt him in place.
TEAM SLEEPING PUSSY IS VICTORIOUS!
Preseason: Built Ford Tough vs Oblivio
Built Ford Tough is Indiana Jones w/Green Lantern Ring, Sirius Black
Oblivio is Chucky w/ Yellow Lantern Ring and Red Lightsaber, Tiffany (Bride of Chucky) w/ Star Sapphire Ring.
Danger Room is set to: "It's A Small World" ride
BFT enters the Danger Room and right away notices the odd choice of setting. "What is this? Some kind of joke?" questioned Indy "Why would someone stage a fight here?"
"Well, obviously this is some type of test of our focus.If you can actually keep your focus while having that obnoxious song constantly drilled into your head surrounded by those creepy looking children you should be able to handle just about anything thrown at you this season." replied Black. "Now hush, I sense a bit of dark magic in the area. Here's take this. It's a small magic powder that should protect you from curses."
"What's in it?"
"A few things mystic items, some snake venom, so-"
"SNAKES? I HATE SNAKES! KEEP THE SH** TO YOURSELF." Indy screams as the glow of his ring slightly flickers due to the fear that has entered his heart.
"Fine, muggle, fine. Keep your voice down. I'm going to investigate the area. I'll howl if I spot them" Sirius then changes into his dog form, gets into one of the ride's boat and leaves as Indy very shakily flies off into the heart of the ride looking for Oblivio.
Little does Dr Jones realize his outburst will have grave, GRAVE ramifications for him.
Meanwhile, the members of Oblivio huddle together and have their own quick team meeting.
"I tella ya what Tiff. I need to get the f%*k outta hear before I lose my g*d@&&& mind. THis f%**ing song is killing my. I need to kill someone. Now!" says Chucky.
"Quiet Chuck. If we can just stand still, maybe we can take our opponents by surprise and end this quick."
"Blend in?? Are you high doll?? We're both glowing like f**king Christmas trees in here!!!! I'm going to..." Chucky then hears Indy's earlier outburst and gets a sadistic smile across his face "Heh. don't like snakes, huh? That's good to know. Be right back, doll. I'm gonna go ease my nerves by getting me an easy kill."
"Ok honey, have fun."
Tiffany takes off in the other direction, ignoring the constant chorus of "It's a small world after all. It's a small. Small. World. It's a world of laughter.." when suddenly her ring alerts her to a loss of love in the area. She looks beneath her, and sees a boat go past but doesn't see that Sirius is laying underneath the bench in his dog form. He spots the glowing pink form of Tiffany and as he passes underneath her, he changes back into a man, pulls his wand and yells "STUPIFY" firing a bolt at Tiffany's back and sends her crashing into the water.
As Sirius jumps out of the boat to check on his fallen foe, let us check on what the intrepid Professor Jones is up to.
Indy has landed on one of the areas where the cherub faced children sing to tourists about a world of hope, and is looking around for any sign of opposition when he hears a faint fshOOM behind him. He turn around just in time to see Chucky leaping at him, trying to stab him with his lightsaber. Luckily for Indy, his mind works quickly enough to form a suit of green energy mid evil armor, saving him from getting stabbed. As Chucky lands in a heap, Indy remarks "Hey, you know what? That thing of yours looks..familiar. I think I dug something like that up once a long time ago but never knew what it did."
"It's a lightsaber, idiot. And I'm gonna use it to chop off your f**king HEAD" screams Chucky as he leaps to his feet and charges the adventuring archeologist.
"No. I don't think so." replies Indy and calmly has his ring create a green lightsaber to ward off Chucky.
Remember Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith? The part where Yoda and the Emperor have that lightsaber battle? Well, that's pretty much what happens here, but without all the Force throwing of senate seats. It's pretty cool.
Anyway, the skirmish eventually ends up with Indy kicking Chuck into the water, causing his lightsaber to flicker out for a second. Indy goes in after his, but is unable to find the murderous doll due to all the boats passing by. He then hears Sirius yells something out, and goes off to see what his team mate is up to.
"I gotta do something about that ring." thinks Chucky "Ah. I got it." and the evil Oblivio member flies off to find his victim.
Indy finds Sirius as he's searching through the murky water, trying to find the stunned Tiffany "What are you doing man?" says Indy "Just kill the damn thing and help me finish off the demonic midget I've got after me"
"I need to find the body so I can know exactly what form of dark magic we're dealing with." replies Black calmly "It should be stunned for a while, since it's not pure sorcerer magic but a sort of enchantment clumsily used by a muggle. Keep your head about you and give me time to investigate properly."
Suddenly, a gigantic yellow serpent explodes out of the water in front of them.
"SNAKE!!!!" screams Indy who leaps out of the water and fires a bolt of energy at the construct, too fearful to really use his ring properly.
"Indy, NO!" yells Black but it's too late. Dr Jones' hastily fired blast misses the snake, but hits a hanging power cord, sending it crashing into the water where it electrocutes both Tiffany and Sirius Black.
"Calling Dr Jones!!! Heh hahahaha HA!" cries out Chucky as he swoops out of the sky and is finally able to cut the head off of Indiana Jones as he scurries to get away from the yellow energy created snake.
"Well, that takes care of that." says Chucky "Too bad about Tiff, but I can finally get the f**k outta this obnoxious place. Sucks that that g*****n song is stuck in my head now." As Chucky exists the Danger Room, he begins to sadistically sing "It's a world of laughter, a world of tears.."
Built Ford Tough: All dead,
Oblivio: Chucky survives
OBLIVIO IS VICTORIOUS
Oblivio is Chucky w/ Yellow Lantern Ring and Red Lightsaber, Tiffany (Bride of Chucky) w/ Star Sapphire Ring.
Danger Room is set to: "It's A Small World" ride
BFT enters the Danger Room and right away notices the odd choice of setting. "What is this? Some kind of joke?" questioned Indy "Why would someone stage a fight here?"
"Well, obviously this is some type of test of our focus.If you can actually keep your focus while having that obnoxious song constantly drilled into your head surrounded by those creepy looking children you should be able to handle just about anything thrown at you this season." replied Black. "Now hush, I sense a bit of dark magic in the area. Here's take this. It's a small magic powder that should protect you from curses."
"What's in it?"
"A few things mystic items, some snake venom, so-"
"SNAKES? I HATE SNAKES! KEEP THE SH** TO YOURSELF." Indy screams as the glow of his ring slightly flickers due to the fear that has entered his heart.
"Fine, muggle, fine. Keep your voice down. I'm going to investigate the area. I'll howl if I spot them" Sirius then changes into his dog form, gets into one of the ride's boat and leaves as Indy very shakily flies off into the heart of the ride looking for Oblivio.
Little does Dr Jones realize his outburst will have grave, GRAVE ramifications for him.
Meanwhile, the members of Oblivio huddle together and have their own quick team meeting.
"I tella ya what Tiff. I need to get the f%*k outta hear before I lose my g*d@&&& mind. THis f%**ing song is killing my. I need to kill someone. Now!" says Chucky.
"Quiet Chuck. If we can just stand still, maybe we can take our opponents by surprise and end this quick."
"Blend in?? Are you high doll?? We're both glowing like f**king Christmas trees in here!!!! I'm going to..." Chucky then hears Indy's earlier outburst and gets a sadistic smile across his face "Heh. don't like snakes, huh? That's good to know. Be right back, doll. I'm gonna go ease my nerves by getting me an easy kill."
"Ok honey, have fun."
Tiffany takes off in the other direction, ignoring the constant chorus of "It's a small world after all. It's a small. Small. World. It's a world of laughter.." when suddenly her ring alerts her to a loss of love in the area. She looks beneath her, and sees a boat go past but doesn't see that Sirius is laying underneath the bench in his dog form. He spots the glowing pink form of Tiffany and as he passes underneath her, he changes back into a man, pulls his wand and yells "STUPIFY" firing a bolt at Tiffany's back and sends her crashing into the water.
As Sirius jumps out of the boat to check on his fallen foe, let us check on what the intrepid Professor Jones is up to.
Indy has landed on one of the areas where the cherub faced children sing to tourists about a world of hope, and is looking around for any sign of opposition when he hears a faint fshOOM behind him. He turn around just in time to see Chucky leaping at him, trying to stab him with his lightsaber. Luckily for Indy, his mind works quickly enough to form a suit of green energy mid evil armor, saving him from getting stabbed. As Chucky lands in a heap, Indy remarks "Hey, you know what? That thing of yours looks..familiar. I think I dug something like that up once a long time ago but never knew what it did."
"It's a lightsaber, idiot. And I'm gonna use it to chop off your f**king HEAD" screams Chucky as he leaps to his feet and charges the adventuring archeologist.
"No. I don't think so." replies Indy and calmly has his ring create a green lightsaber to ward off Chucky.
Remember Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith? The part where Yoda and the Emperor have that lightsaber battle? Well, that's pretty much what happens here, but without all the Force throwing of senate seats. It's pretty cool.
Anyway, the skirmish eventually ends up with Indy kicking Chuck into the water, causing his lightsaber to flicker out for a second. Indy goes in after his, but is unable to find the murderous doll due to all the boats passing by. He then hears Sirius yells something out, and goes off to see what his team mate is up to.
"I gotta do something about that ring." thinks Chucky "Ah. I got it." and the evil Oblivio member flies off to find his victim.
Indy finds Sirius as he's searching through the murky water, trying to find the stunned Tiffany "What are you doing man?" says Indy "Just kill the damn thing and help me finish off the demonic midget I've got after me"
"I need to find the body so I can know exactly what form of dark magic we're dealing with." replies Black calmly "It should be stunned for a while, since it's not pure sorcerer magic but a sort of enchantment clumsily used by a muggle. Keep your head about you and give me time to investigate properly."
Suddenly, a gigantic yellow serpent explodes out of the water in front of them.
"SNAKE!!!!" screams Indy who leaps out of the water and fires a bolt of energy at the construct, too fearful to really use his ring properly.
"Indy, NO!" yells Black but it's too late. Dr Jones' hastily fired blast misses the snake, but hits a hanging power cord, sending it crashing into the water where it electrocutes both Tiffany and Sirius Black.
"Calling Dr Jones!!! Heh hahahaha HA!" cries out Chucky as he swoops out of the sky and is finally able to cut the head off of Indiana Jones as he scurries to get away from the yellow energy created snake.
"Well, that takes care of that." says Chucky "Too bad about Tiff, but I can finally get the f**k outta this obnoxious place. Sucks that that g*****n song is stuck in my head now." As Chucky exists the Danger Room, he begins to sadistically sing "It's a world of laughter, a world of tears.."
Built Ford Tough: All dead,
Oblivio: Chucky survives
OBLIVIO IS VICTORIOUS
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Tijuana Taco Benders vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies
“In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.”
-Jay
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Pre-Season Match located in the Danger Room. They are as follows:
The Tijuana Taco Benders- Deadpool Corps: Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Dogpool and Kidpool.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies- Etrigan the Demon and Jay and Silent Bob with Suzanne.
The Danger Room spews forth a number of projectiles and obstacles for the teams to contend with while they also attempt to focus on their enemies.
Headpool rolls over to Jay and Silent Bob.
Jay: What the hell is this piece of $h%t? A f@&kin’ head? A f@&kin’ head?
Silent Bob shrugs his shoulders.
Jay: You know Bob, I was the f@&kin’ kickball champion in fourth grade! Let’s see what I can do with this!
Headpool: Listen you stoned piece of garbage. . .
Headpool is not allowed to finish his statement before Bob rips him from the ground and rolls him across the floor. Jay kicks the bodiless-head and it flies across the room. Suzanne cheers as Headpool is impaled on a stake jutting from the floor. The stake keeps the head in place as he screams at the trio.
Headpool: You think this stake is going to keep me from you?!?! No way! I’m coming to get you all. . . once I get off this stake that is!
Headpool rotates his head around and slowly begins to rise up the stake. As Headpool is about to fall off, a large object smashes into the jutting pole and crushes the head.
Jay: One for Jay and Silent Bob! (looks at Suzanne) Oh. . . and for you too!
Dogpool rushes at the three.
Jay: Oh Sh%t! That dog is wearing a costume! Just like those little f@&kin’ Beverly Hills Chihuahuas!
Dogpool leaps at Suzanne and rips her throat out. Suzanne attempts to say something, but only bloody gurgling is heard. Dogpool then focuses on Jay, who accidentally trips and falls to the ground. As Dogpool is about to land on Jay, a spear, shot from the wall, hits Dogpool and pins the fierce beast to the wall located across the room. Dogpool’s guts dribble to the floor below.
Jay (gets up): You know what Bob!?!?
Bob motions the number two on his finger.
Jay: That’s right motherf@&cker! Two for Jay and Silent Bob!!!
Kidpool jumps over to the two burnouts. He wields his lightsabers back and forth in a frenzied display.
Jay: Oh $h%t! That kid’s got mad skills!
Kidpool rushes at Jay and is picked up by Etrigan before he reaches the long-haired stoner.
Etrigan:
Little Boy Red,
Go wield your sabers;
Nothing to me,
I’m doing Jay and Bob a favor.
Going to rip you apart,
Going to make you cry;
Not long on this Earth,
Because now you’re going to die!
Etrigan crushes Kidpool’s arms and the youth drops the sabers. Etrigan then rips the young boy’s head off and chucks it on top of another pole, which juts from the ground.
Jay: Damn! You’re so. . . demonized!
Etrigan wanders off, looking for his next prey.
Lady Deadpool comes upon Jay and Silent Bob.
Jay: Me likee your costume! You’re so sweet, I’m thinking that you’re worthy of me (obscene motions follow) beating my meat!
Lady Deadpool does not allow his pornographic moves to continue. She uses her swords to slice Jay in three pieces. She then focuses on Silent Bob- who is no longer silent.
Silent Bob: You know, just because my friend objectified you in the way he did, does not mean that my fate should be the same as his. Remember, I may be a dude that cannot fly on an airplane due to absolutely discriminatory practices, but that does not mean that I am any less of a person.
Lady Deadpool: You are to me.
Silent Bob meets the same fate as his friend, only he is cut in two, not in three, like Jay.
Etrigan walks up behind Lady Deadpool.
Etrigan:
A beauty you are,
To any man’s eye;
But I am a demon,
Who wishes to see you fry.
Etrigan projects flames of mystical hellfire which fries Lady Deadpool.
Etrigan:
I am the final Murderfly,
For I truly represent;
But now I am tired,
I’m just so spent.
Etrigan walks through the opening of the Danger Room to the outside world.
The Tijuana Taco Benders- All Dead.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies- Etrigan the Demon survives.
BROCK SAMPSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Jay
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Pre-Season Match located in the Danger Room. They are as follows:
The Tijuana Taco Benders- Deadpool Corps: Lady Deadpool, Headpool, Dogpool and Kidpool.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies- Etrigan the Demon and Jay and Silent Bob with Suzanne.
The Danger Room spews forth a number of projectiles and obstacles for the teams to contend with while they also attempt to focus on their enemies.
Headpool rolls over to Jay and Silent Bob.
Jay: What the hell is this piece of $h%t? A f@&kin’ head? A f@&kin’ head?
Silent Bob shrugs his shoulders.
Jay: You know Bob, I was the f@&kin’ kickball champion in fourth grade! Let’s see what I can do with this!
Headpool: Listen you stoned piece of garbage. . .
Headpool is not allowed to finish his statement before Bob rips him from the ground and rolls him across the floor. Jay kicks the bodiless-head and it flies across the room. Suzanne cheers as Headpool is impaled on a stake jutting from the floor. The stake keeps the head in place as he screams at the trio.
Headpool: You think this stake is going to keep me from you?!?! No way! I’m coming to get you all. . . once I get off this stake that is!
Headpool rotates his head around and slowly begins to rise up the stake. As Headpool is about to fall off, a large object smashes into the jutting pole and crushes the head.
Jay: One for Jay and Silent Bob! (looks at Suzanne) Oh. . . and for you too!
Dogpool rushes at the three.
Jay: Oh Sh%t! That dog is wearing a costume! Just like those little f@&kin’ Beverly Hills Chihuahuas!
Dogpool leaps at Suzanne and rips her throat out. Suzanne attempts to say something, but only bloody gurgling is heard. Dogpool then focuses on Jay, who accidentally trips and falls to the ground. As Dogpool is about to land on Jay, a spear, shot from the wall, hits Dogpool and pins the fierce beast to the wall located across the room. Dogpool’s guts dribble to the floor below.
Jay (gets up): You know what Bob!?!?
Bob motions the number two on his finger.
Jay: That’s right motherf@&cker! Two for Jay and Silent Bob!!!
Kidpool jumps over to the two burnouts. He wields his lightsabers back and forth in a frenzied display.
Jay: Oh $h%t! That kid’s got mad skills!
Kidpool rushes at Jay and is picked up by Etrigan before he reaches the long-haired stoner.
Etrigan:
Little Boy Red,
Go wield your sabers;
Nothing to me,
I’m doing Jay and Bob a favor.
Going to rip you apart,
Going to make you cry;
Not long on this Earth,
Because now you’re going to die!
Etrigan crushes Kidpool’s arms and the youth drops the sabers. Etrigan then rips the young boy’s head off and chucks it on top of another pole, which juts from the ground.
Jay: Damn! You’re so. . . demonized!
Etrigan wanders off, looking for his next prey.
Lady Deadpool comes upon Jay and Silent Bob.
Jay: Me likee your costume! You’re so sweet, I’m thinking that you’re worthy of me (obscene motions follow) beating my meat!
Lady Deadpool does not allow his pornographic moves to continue. She uses her swords to slice Jay in three pieces. She then focuses on Silent Bob- who is no longer silent.
Silent Bob: You know, just because my friend objectified you in the way he did, does not mean that my fate should be the same as his. Remember, I may be a dude that cannot fly on an airplane due to absolutely discriminatory practices, but that does not mean that I am any less of a person.
Lady Deadpool: You are to me.
Silent Bob meets the same fate as his friend, only he is cut in two, not in three, like Jay.
Etrigan walks up behind Lady Deadpool.
Etrigan:
A beauty you are,
To any man’s eye;
But I am a demon,
Who wishes to see you fry.
Etrigan projects flames of mystical hellfire which fries Lady Deadpool.
Etrigan:
I am the final Murderfly,
For I truly represent;
But now I am tired,
I’m just so spent.
Etrigan walks through the opening of the Danger Room to the outside world.
The Tijuana Taco Benders- All Dead.
Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies- Etrigan the Demon survives.
BROCK SAMPSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Le'Napoleon Brigade vs. The Right Wing
“Nice genes. You got the chromosomes in all the right places.”
-Osmosis Jones
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Pre-Season Match located in the Danger Room. They are as follows:
Le’Napoleon Brigade: Hynn, Steve Wiebe, Andrew Laidlaw and Phil Day.
The Right Wing: (Black Lantern) She-Hulk and Osmosis Jones.
Steve Wiebe, Andrew Laidlaw and Phil Day are huddled together in the middle of the Danger Room. The three gaming champions strategize on how to conquer their current plight. The three figure that since they have demolished the evils faced in a video game, they will be more than a match for any form of danger confronted in reality.
Wiebe: Nothing to be afraid of guys! It’s just like jumping over the barrels to get to the monkey!
The three break away from one another and focus on the task at hand.
A panel in the floor opens and flaming, wooden barrels burst forth. Wiebe sees the barrels rolling toward him and smiles. Like his avatar Mario, Wiebe begins to jump over the oncoming hurdles. The last barrel rolls past his feet. Wiebe lands with the utmost grace.
Wiebe: I AM THE KING OF KONG!
As Wiebe screams his moniker, Osmosis Jones jumps into the gamer’s mouth. Although a leukocyte, Jones has turned to “evil” ways because of BL She-Hulk’s presence. Jones quickly travels down Wiebe’s gullet and into his nether regions.
Jones: You may be the King of Kong, but now I’m the King of your Dong!
Jones uses his lymphatic abilities and causes Wiebe to urinate himself. Wiebe’s pants blotch and a stream of urine dribbles down his leg into a pool beneath his feet. Wiebe begins to pout, but his embarrassment is short lived as a black energy construct (in the form of a large mallet) crushes him.
BL She Hulk: How ironic!
BL She-Hulk then uses her ring’s powers to pick up Andrew Laidlaw and throw him across the room. Laidlaw crashes into the ceiling and falls to the top of a pillar which juts from the room’s ground. The pillar begins to rise toward the ceiling. Laidlaw is sure to be crushed. As he is about to be smashed, he looks at his Galaga brother-in-arms, Phil Day. Day knows what he must do. Day climbs up the mini towers leading to the top pillar and jumps to Laidlaw. Laidlaw finally shrugs off the brunt of the previous BL blow and looks at Day. They smile and wrap themselves in each other’s arms. Their hold looks oddly familiar.
Day: Just like the double-ship move in Galaga.
The two jump from tower to tower down from their initial location and land safely on the ground. As they smile longingly at one another, a black energy tendril rushes at them. It is blocked by a blue-energy construct projected by Hynn.
Hynn: Let me handle this!
In fearful day, in raging night,
With strong hearts full, our souls ignite,
When all seems lost in the War of Light,
Look to the stars—
BL She-Hulk does not allow Hynn to finish his mantra-“For hope burns bright!” The power of the black lantern ring, as well as the strength of She-Hulk is too much for Hynn. Hynn is ripped apart.
On the ground, Osmosis Jones, who has been relieved from Wiebe’s body, enters into Day.
Day hears a cackling echo in his brain. It is Jones.
Jones: -m skt n. . . m skt mn. . . I’m skt man. . . I’M THE SKAT MAN!
Jones rips through Day’s digestive system and Day begins to soil himself. Day’s diarrhea refuses to stop. Day becomes instantly weakened as his body becomes dehydrated from the loss of so much fluid in so short a time. Laidlaw attempts to assist his teammate, but his face contorts at the nauseating smell. Laidlaw then begins to vomit.
Jones is dispelled from Day and looks at the sight of Day soiling himself and Laidlaw vomiting over himself.
Jones: This is just. . . so wrong. . . but it feels. . . so right! Take it away BL!
BL swoops in. The two weakened Brigade members look up to see a smile creep upon BL She-Hulk’s face.
BL She-Hulk: Goodbye gentlemen.
BL She-Hulk rips out the hearts of both Day and Laidlaw, who die in their own vomit and feces, but alas, in each other’s arms.
Le’Napoleon Brigade: All dead.
The Right Wing- (Black Lantern) She-Hulk and Osmosis Jones live.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!!
-Osmosis Jones
I look upon the teams which will do battle in this Pre-Season Match located in the Danger Room. They are as follows:
Le’Napoleon Brigade: Hynn, Steve Wiebe, Andrew Laidlaw and Phil Day.
The Right Wing: (Black Lantern) She-Hulk and Osmosis Jones.
Steve Wiebe, Andrew Laidlaw and Phil Day are huddled together in the middle of the Danger Room. The three gaming champions strategize on how to conquer their current plight. The three figure that since they have demolished the evils faced in a video game, they will be more than a match for any form of danger confronted in reality.
Wiebe: Nothing to be afraid of guys! It’s just like jumping over the barrels to get to the monkey!
The three break away from one another and focus on the task at hand.
A panel in the floor opens and flaming, wooden barrels burst forth. Wiebe sees the barrels rolling toward him and smiles. Like his avatar Mario, Wiebe begins to jump over the oncoming hurdles. The last barrel rolls past his feet. Wiebe lands with the utmost grace.
Wiebe: I AM THE KING OF KONG!
As Wiebe screams his moniker, Osmosis Jones jumps into the gamer’s mouth. Although a leukocyte, Jones has turned to “evil” ways because of BL She-Hulk’s presence. Jones quickly travels down Wiebe’s gullet and into his nether regions.
Jones: You may be the King of Kong, but now I’m the King of your Dong!
Jones uses his lymphatic abilities and causes Wiebe to urinate himself. Wiebe’s pants blotch and a stream of urine dribbles down his leg into a pool beneath his feet. Wiebe begins to pout, but his embarrassment is short lived as a black energy construct (in the form of a large mallet) crushes him.
BL She Hulk: How ironic!
BL She-Hulk then uses her ring’s powers to pick up Andrew Laidlaw and throw him across the room. Laidlaw crashes into the ceiling and falls to the top of a pillar which juts from the room’s ground. The pillar begins to rise toward the ceiling. Laidlaw is sure to be crushed. As he is about to be smashed, he looks at his Galaga brother-in-arms, Phil Day. Day knows what he must do. Day climbs up the mini towers leading to the top pillar and jumps to Laidlaw. Laidlaw finally shrugs off the brunt of the previous BL blow and looks at Day. They smile and wrap themselves in each other’s arms. Their hold looks oddly familiar.
Day: Just like the double-ship move in Galaga.
The two jump from tower to tower down from their initial location and land safely on the ground. As they smile longingly at one another, a black energy tendril rushes at them. It is blocked by a blue-energy construct projected by Hynn.
Hynn: Let me handle this!
In fearful day, in raging night,
With strong hearts full, our souls ignite,
When all seems lost in the War of Light,
Look to the stars—
BL She-Hulk does not allow Hynn to finish his mantra-“For hope burns bright!” The power of the black lantern ring, as well as the strength of She-Hulk is too much for Hynn. Hynn is ripped apart.
On the ground, Osmosis Jones, who has been relieved from Wiebe’s body, enters into Day.
Day hears a cackling echo in his brain. It is Jones.
Jones: -m skt n. . . m skt mn. . . I’m skt man. . . I’M THE SKAT MAN!
Jones rips through Day’s digestive system and Day begins to soil himself. Day’s diarrhea refuses to stop. Day becomes instantly weakened as his body becomes dehydrated from the loss of so much fluid in so short a time. Laidlaw attempts to assist his teammate, but his face contorts at the nauseating smell. Laidlaw then begins to vomit.
Jones is dispelled from Day and looks at the sight of Day soiling himself and Laidlaw vomiting over himself.
Jones: This is just. . . so wrong. . . but it feels. . . so right! Take it away BL!
BL swoops in. The two weakened Brigade members look up to see a smile creep upon BL She-Hulk’s face.
BL She-Hulk: Goodbye gentlemen.
BL She-Hulk rips out the hearts of both Day and Laidlaw, who die in their own vomit and feces, but alas, in each other’s arms.
Le’Napoleon Brigade: All dead.
The Right Wing- (Black Lantern) She-Hulk and Osmosis Jones live.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
PreSeason: Alice's Wonder Team vs Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
Alice's Wonder Team is:
Afterlife Alice Abernathy, Goblins #6-8
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is:
Green Lantern #1, Samurai #15
The Danger Room is set to: Feudal Japan.
Goblins 6 and 8 trail behind Alice Abernathy and Goblin #7 as they all travel the countryside, searching for the members of the Kennelz.
Goblin 6: Hey, is it me or are all odd numbered Goblins suck ups? Look at mr "high and mighty" up there kissing up to miss Afterlife there. Thinks she's all great since she's got a proper name. Makes me sick.
Goblin 8: Dude, chill out. It's no big deal. Get on point.
G6: Yeah, yeah. I know. Just kinda bugs me, seeing such blatant apple polishing. I don't see what the big deal is. She's not even wearing what she wore in the movie. Where's the blue dress and the white rabbit?
G8: Wait, what? I don't think that's her. That's the Alice who went to Wonderland. I think she's the singer who sings "Feed my Frankenstien" and "I'm 18"
G6: That makes no sense. Why send a singer into battle? That's stupid. That'd be like sending those humans who wrote that song about me to fight.
G8: There's a song about you?
G6: Duh. Yeah. Far East Movement. You know. "Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6 Like a G6, Like a G6 Now I’m feelin so fly " Dude, they wrote that about me.
G8: Flerg off. You're full of...
Suddenly, both goblins fall to the ground holding their heads as a voices screams inside their skulls
Alice: IDIOTS. Shut. Up and get serious. This isn't a game. Pay attention to what's going on.
G 6-8: Sorry.
G8: Way to go, merzelspitz. Now the maid from the Brady Bunch is all upset and thinks we're lame.
G6: Ok, first off. Why would a maid go fight? Think about it. Second. You guys are all just haterz who don't have songs about you and are trying to bring me down, which is really sad. Third. I think these Alice cracks are played out now, time to represent. I'm on point. I'm deadly. I wish those Lurve kidz would show up. I'd be all like "Yo. What's up? You wanna go? Don't start what you can't fini..."
"WONDER TEAM!!!" Samurai 15's voice booms out "We ask you this only once. Surrender to us and avoid the inevitable bloodshed that is to follow"
G6: Oh. HELL. NO. You done lost your mind fool. We got you outnumbered 2 to 1, plus I'm ready to throw down now that you done scuffed my pumas.
G8: Pumas? You're not wearing shoes.
G6: It's an expression. Deal with it later, holmes. It's on now. I'm bout to carve up this fooooool and feast upon the marrow in his bones.
G8: I've still never heard that Puma expression before.
Both Goblins continue to argue as up ahead, Goblin 7 shows that not all Goblins are ridiculous morons that can be used for silly dialogue and begins to battle Samurai 15 as Alice stands back to watch.
Goblin 7 is promptly killed.
Samurai 15 stands over G7's corpse and begins to wipe the blood off his sword when suddenly his mind starts reeling. "You have killed an inferior. You may as well have slaughtered a defenseless child. You have no honor."
"What have I done?" thinks the noble Japanese Warrior? "My blade is stained forever stained with a needless kill. My honor is tainted." "Yes" repeats the voice "You know what you must do."
"Hai" says the proud warrior as he turns his blade upon himself and commits suicide, not realizing that he has committed no sin, but has fallen victim to the telepathy of Afterlife Alice.
Alice: Well, that's half the team. Now for the other half.
Alice begins to telepathically search for Green Lantern #1, the lone survivor of the Kennelz.
"Got you Lurver boy." smirks Alice as she attempts to invade the noble emerald warriors mind as she did his fallen comrade. What Alice didn't anticipate the will power and mental focus it takes to wield the mighty green light of Oan technology and the lantern shakes off her mental attempt.
"My turn" says the lone Vicker and wills himself into a giant robobattle construct which he uses to vaporize Alice as she charges him.
Meanwhile, Goblins 6 and 8 have witnessed this entire exchange from the safety of behind some trees, both taking cover as soon as they hear the crackle of green energy and smelt the familiar ozone scent of willpower being weaponized.
"Oh man. We're so flerged. Like, totally flerged. That waitress from the tv was our only shot. Game over man, game over." cried Goblin numer 8, showing that the ALice cracks are not entirely "played out".
Goblin 6 straightens up. Gets a gleam in his eye, and deftly proclaims "Homie, it ain't over. It's just bout to get boutie boutie, and rowdy rowdy. Check this." The cocky, ghetto Goblin saunters into the open and yells "Yo! Kermit the flashlight!How bout you come on down here and try throwing hands mano e mano with a thug straight outta Moordoor?" The Goblin smirks as he sees the Lantern lands in front of him, his robobattlesuit dissipating as he approaches. The crafty Goblin begins to pull a small dagger out from behind his back, smirking, as he approaches his foe.
"Yo. You 'bout to see how we do it in my hood. Playa. Yeah, Jolly Green. I'm gonna turn you red in a second." he claims as while lunging forward to stab the lantern in the eye.
Almost instantly, a glowing green wall appears between the point of the knife and the mighty Green Lantern, causing the Goblin to break his knife and his face.
As the Goblin lay in a pool of his own blood, the willpowered warrior steps over him and nonchalantly drops a big green safe on him. Killing that jive talking sucka.
"Is there any left to challenge me??!!! " booms the mighty voice of the Lantern. His answer comes in the form of a very distinct smell. The lantern recognizes the odor of Goblin urine, and sees a small stream of it heading uphill being left behind by the surprisingly fast Goblin #7 who is desperately trying to save his own skin.
"Too easy" sighs the Lanterns as a sniper rife begins to form in his hand "Later you, scudder. Seems a shame cause I was amused by you and your buddy's banter".
The Lantern pulls the trigger and the term "he who lives to run away, lives to fight another day" is shown to be false as the Goblins head disappears in flash of bright green light.
Alice's Wonder Team: All dead.
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Green Lantern #1 survives.
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are victorious!!!
Afterlife Alice Abernathy, Goblins #6-8
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve is:
Green Lantern #1, Samurai #15
The Danger Room is set to: Feudal Japan.
Goblins 6 and 8 trail behind Alice Abernathy and Goblin #7 as they all travel the countryside, searching for the members of the Kennelz.
Goblin 6: Hey, is it me or are all odd numbered Goblins suck ups? Look at mr "high and mighty" up there kissing up to miss Afterlife there. Thinks she's all great since she's got a proper name. Makes me sick.
Goblin 8: Dude, chill out. It's no big deal. Get on point.
G6: Yeah, yeah. I know. Just kinda bugs me, seeing such blatant apple polishing. I don't see what the big deal is. She's not even wearing what she wore in the movie. Where's the blue dress and the white rabbit?
G8: Wait, what? I don't think that's her. That's the Alice who went to Wonderland. I think she's the singer who sings "Feed my Frankenstien" and "I'm 18"
G6: That makes no sense. Why send a singer into battle? That's stupid. That'd be like sending those humans who wrote that song about me to fight.
G8: There's a song about you?
G6: Duh. Yeah. Far East Movement. You know. "Sippin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6
Now I’m feelin so fly like a G6 Like a G6, Like a G6 Now I’m feelin so fly " Dude, they wrote that about me.
G8: Flerg off. You're full of...
Suddenly, both goblins fall to the ground holding their heads as a voices screams inside their skulls
Alice: IDIOTS. Shut. Up and get serious. This isn't a game. Pay attention to what's going on.
G 6-8: Sorry.
G8: Way to go, merzelspitz. Now the maid from the Brady Bunch is all upset and thinks we're lame.
G6: Ok, first off. Why would a maid go fight? Think about it. Second. You guys are all just haterz who don't have songs about you and are trying to bring me down, which is really sad. Third. I think these Alice cracks are played out now, time to represent. I'm on point. I'm deadly. I wish those Lurve kidz would show up. I'd be all like "Yo. What's up? You wanna go? Don't start what you can't fini..."
"WONDER TEAM!!!" Samurai 15's voice booms out "We ask you this only once. Surrender to us and avoid the inevitable bloodshed that is to follow"
G6: Oh. HELL. NO. You done lost your mind fool. We got you outnumbered 2 to 1, plus I'm ready to throw down now that you done scuffed my pumas.
G8: Pumas? You're not wearing shoes.
G6: It's an expression. Deal with it later, holmes. It's on now. I'm bout to carve up this fooooool and feast upon the marrow in his bones.
G8: I've still never heard that Puma expression before.
Both Goblins continue to argue as up ahead, Goblin 7 shows that not all Goblins are ridiculous morons that can be used for silly dialogue and begins to battle Samurai 15 as Alice stands back to watch.
Goblin 7 is promptly killed.
Samurai 15 stands over G7's corpse and begins to wipe the blood off his sword when suddenly his mind starts reeling. "You have killed an inferior. You may as well have slaughtered a defenseless child. You have no honor."
"What have I done?" thinks the noble Japanese Warrior? "My blade is stained forever stained with a needless kill. My honor is tainted." "Yes" repeats the voice "You know what you must do."
"Hai" says the proud warrior as he turns his blade upon himself and commits suicide, not realizing that he has committed no sin, but has fallen victim to the telepathy of Afterlife Alice.
Alice: Well, that's half the team. Now for the other half.
Alice begins to telepathically search for Green Lantern #1, the lone survivor of the Kennelz.
"Got you Lurver boy." smirks Alice as she attempts to invade the noble emerald warriors mind as she did his fallen comrade. What Alice didn't anticipate the will power and mental focus it takes to wield the mighty green light of Oan technology and the lantern shakes off her mental attempt.
"My turn" says the lone Vicker and wills himself into a giant robobattle construct which he uses to vaporize Alice as she charges him.
Meanwhile, Goblins 6 and 8 have witnessed this entire exchange from the safety of behind some trees, both taking cover as soon as they hear the crackle of green energy and smelt the familiar ozone scent of willpower being weaponized.
"Oh man. We're so flerged. Like, totally flerged. That waitress from the tv was our only shot. Game over man, game over." cried Goblin numer 8, showing that the ALice cracks are not entirely "played out".
Goblin 6 straightens up. Gets a gleam in his eye, and deftly proclaims "Homie, it ain't over. It's just bout to get boutie boutie, and rowdy rowdy. Check this." The cocky, ghetto Goblin saunters into the open and yells "Yo! Kermit the flashlight!How bout you come on down here and try throwing hands mano e mano with a thug straight outta Moordoor?" The Goblin smirks as he sees the Lantern lands in front of him, his robobattlesuit dissipating as he approaches. The crafty Goblin begins to pull a small dagger out from behind his back, smirking, as he approaches his foe.
"Yo. You 'bout to see how we do it in my hood. Playa. Yeah, Jolly Green. I'm gonna turn you red in a second." he claims as while lunging forward to stab the lantern in the eye.
Almost instantly, a glowing green wall appears between the point of the knife and the mighty Green Lantern, causing the Goblin to break his knife and his face.
As the Goblin lay in a pool of his own blood, the willpowered warrior steps over him and nonchalantly drops a big green safe on him. Killing that jive talking sucka.
"Is there any left to challenge me??!!! " booms the mighty voice of the Lantern. His answer comes in the form of a very distinct smell. The lantern recognizes the odor of Goblin urine, and sees a small stream of it heading uphill being left behind by the surprisingly fast Goblin #7 who is desperately trying to save his own skin.
"Too easy" sighs the Lanterns as a sniper rife begins to form in his hand "Later you, scudder. Seems a shame cause I was amused by you and your buddy's banter".
The Lantern pulls the trigger and the term "he who lives to run away, lives to fight another day" is shown to be false as the Goblins head disappears in flash of bright green light.
Alice's Wonder Team: All dead.
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Green Lantern #1 survives.
Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are victorious!!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Watcher Email Addresses
Please send your teams this year directly to the watcher writing your match. There will be a link to this post over on the right in the Helpful Links section. Also, the Links section has been updated with a link to the Season 4 schedule. Use this throughout the year to check the terrain and point values for each given week and quit bugging your commish. Good luck to all... except Ed.
-Fizz
----------------------------------
Josh - joshhouslander [at] gmail [dot] com
Ryan - ryanpoteracki [at] gmail [dot] com
Bryan - bandtbeckerman [at] wideopenwest [dot] com
Chris S. - tragichero182 [at] yahoo [dot] com
Griffin - griffin.poteracki [at] gmail [dot] com
Nick - nickhouslander [at] yahoo [dot] com
-Fizz
----------------------------------
Josh - joshhouslander [at] gmail [dot] com
Ryan - ryanpoteracki [at] gmail [dot] com
Bryan - bandtbeckerman [at] wideopenwest [dot] com
Chris S. - tragichero182 [at] yahoo [dot] com
Griffin - griffin.poteracki [at] gmail [dot] com
Nick - nickhouslander [at] yahoo [dot] com
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
A Death in the Family
It's with a heavy heart that I inform the league of the passing of a legend. Comic Archives in Redford, MI closed its doors this week for the very last time. They will be missed greatly. Many of our league's members cut their comicbook teeth within that very store. A sad day in the world of the Fantasy Fantasy League.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Draft Lottery
This year's Draft Lottery will take place the same day as Season Four's Draft. It will start at 10:00 am sharp. Here is a breakdown on how many balls your team will have in the Lottery. Good Luck to everyone!
(1) Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches
(2) Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Battalion of Commandos
(3) TEAM
(4) Better Than All of You
(5) Horsemen of Apokolips
(6) George Washington's Slaves
(7) The Right Wing
(8) The Untouchables
(9) Xavier's Annihilation Squad
(10)Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
(11)Alice's Wonder Team
(12)Hayley's Comets (Now known as Tijuana Taco Benders)
(13)Logical Genocide
(14)Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
(15)Le' Napoleon's Brigade
(16)Team S.P.
(17)The Syracuse Valley
(18)The Abomitrons
(19)Brotherhood of Evil Midgets* (1st Round Draft Pick rights traded to TEAM)
(20)The Transfoamers
(21)Built Ford Tough
(22)Bruce's Bodacious Bullies (Now known as Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers)
(23)Oblivio
(24)P.M.S. (Under new ownership, Name to be announced later)* (1st Round Draft Pick rights traded to Horsemen of Apokolips)
(1) Beckerman's Backyardigans Beeyaatches
(2) Former Pop Superstar Hannah Montana and President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Battalion of Commandos
(3) TEAM
(4) Better Than All of You
(5) Horsemen of Apokolips
(6) George Washington's Slaves
(7) The Right Wing
(8) The Untouchables
(9) Xavier's Annihilation Squad
(10)Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
(11)Alice's Wonder Team
(12)Hayley's Comets (Now known as Tijuana Taco Benders)
(13)Logical Genocide
(14)Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
(15)Le' Napoleon's Brigade
(16)Team S.P.
(17)The Syracuse Valley
(18)The Abomitrons
(19)Brotherhood of Evil Midgets* (1st Round Draft Pick rights traded to TEAM)
(20)The Transfoamers
(21)Built Ford Tough
(22)Bruce's Bodacious Bullies (Now known as Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers)
(23)Oblivio
(24)P.M.S. (Under new ownership, Name to be announced later)* (1st Round Draft Pick rights traded to Horsemen of Apokolips)
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Season 4 Schedule
PRE-SEASON
Prize: Imperial Shuttle
50 Points
The Danger Room
-TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Abomitrons (Griffin)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Ryan)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Oblivio (Chris)
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. The Untouchables (Mike)
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Chris)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Better Than All of You (Guest Watcher: Mike Sroka)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "Give it up Guys, Everybody Knows He was Born in Hawaii" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commands Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Josh)
-The Transfoamers Vs. PMS (Ryan)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Bryan)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Right Wing (Bryan)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Griffin)
Week 1
38 Points
Josh's Apartment
-TEAM Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Bryan)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Josh)
-Logical Genocide Vs. The Untouchables (Mike)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Chris)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Bryan)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Oblivio (Griffin)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "Worst Mid-Term Loss since the 40's" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Chris)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Right Wing (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Josh)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Ryan)
-PMS Vs. Better Than All of You (Griffin)
Week 2
100 Points
World 2-2
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "Nobel Peace Prize Representin" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos (Josh)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Bryan)
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-The Abomitrons Vs. The Transfoamers (Chris)
-TEAM Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Griffin)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. PMS (Bryan)
-Logical Genocide Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Griffin)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Ryan)
-The Untouchables Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Chris)
-Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. The Right Wing (Josh)
-Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Mike)
-Oblivio Vs. Better Than All of You (Ryan)
Week 3
250 points
Baghdad
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Abomitrons (Bryan)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "WHAT!! Guantanamo is still open" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Chris)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Chris)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Ryan)
-PMS Vs. TEAM (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Josh)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Logical Genocide (Ryan)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Built Ford Tough (Josh)
-The Right Wing Vs. The Untouchables (Griffin)
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Bryan)
-Better Than All of You Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Mike)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Oblivio (Griffin)
Week 4
400 Points
The Indian Ocean
-TEAM Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Josh)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Griffin)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Untouchables (Mike)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Oblivio (Ryan)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Bryan)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "I'm tougher on China than those pussy Republicans" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Right Wing (Josh)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Chris)
-The Transfoamers Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Griffin)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Ryan)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Better Than All of You (Chris)
-PMS Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Bryan)
Week 5
600 Points
Uncharted Space
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Logical Genocide (Josh)
-TEAM Vs. Built Ford Tough (Ryan)
-The Untouchables Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Bryan)
-Oblivio Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Mike)
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Abomitrons (Griffin)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Chris)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Ryan)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. PMS (Bryan)
-The Right Wing Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Josh)
-Better Than All of You Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Griffin)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "I can't believe how many people miss George Bush already" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Transfoamers (Chris)
Week 6
1000 Points
The Play-Off Planet
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM (Josh)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Built Ford Tough (Griffin)
-The Untouchables Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Oblivio (Mike)
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Chris)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Bryan)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "I didn't want to go to Prince William & Kate Middleton's Wedding anyways" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos (Ryan)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. PMS (Chris)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Josh)
-Better Than All of You Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Griffin)
-The Right Wing Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Bryan)
Week 7
351 Points
The Deserts of Geonosis
-TEAM Vs. Logical Genocide (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Built Ford Tough (Mike)
-The Untouchables Vs. Oblivio (Bryan)
-Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Ryan)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. The Abomitrons (Chris)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Alice’s Wonder Team (Griffin)
-The Transfoamers Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Griffin)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “God, I wish Joe Biden would shut up” President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Chris)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. PMS (Josh)
-Le’ Napoleon Brigade Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
-The Right Wing Vs. Better Than All of You (Bryan)
-Xavier’s Annihilation Squad Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Ryan)
Week 8
349 Points
Metropolis
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Bryan)
-TEAM Vs. Oblivio (Griffin)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches (Josh)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Alice’s Wonder Team (Chris)
-The Abomitrons Vs. The Untouchables (Josh)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Mike)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Le’ Napoleon Brigade (Ryan)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “My wife is hotter than Jackie “O”” President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Griffin)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. The Right Wing (Bryan)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Better Than All of You (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-PMS Vs. Tijuana Taco Benders(Chris)
Week 9
200 Points
The Dagobah System
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Chris)
-TEAM Vs. The Untouchables (Mike)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Alice’s Wonder Team (Josh)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Josh)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. Oblivio (Griffin)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Bryan)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “I’m not telling you ’cause Fox News is in the room” President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Le’ Napoleon Brigade (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Better Than All of You (Griffin)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Chris)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Right Wing (Ryan)
-PMS Vs. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Bryan)
Week 10
88 Points
The Moon
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Untouchables (Bryan)
-TEAM Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Josh)
-Logical Genocide Vs. The Abomitrons (Ryan)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers Vs. Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches (Chris)
-Oblivio Vs. Alice’s Wonder Team (Mike)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. PMS (Ryan)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “okay, now that I’m elected somebody please tell Jimmy Carter to mind his own business” President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Griffin)
-The Right Wing Vs. Better Than All of You (Josh)
-Xavier’s Annihilation Squad Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Griffin)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. The Transfoamers (Bryan)
-Le’ Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Chris)
Week 11
27 Points
Dave Pilkinton’s ‘77 R.V.
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Oblivio (Bryan)
-TEAM Vs. Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Josh)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Ryan)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Abomitrons (Mike)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Griffin)
-Alice’s Wonder Team Vs. The Untouchables (Chris)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Chris)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “Just wait until you get my charismatic a** back on the ballot in 2012 and we’ll take back every seat we lost and then some Beotches”!! President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. PMS (Griffin)
-The Transfoamers Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Josh)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. Better Than All of You (Bryan)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. The Right Wing (Guest Watcher: Laya Houslander)
-Le’ Napoleon Brigade Vs. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Ryan)
Prize: Imperial Shuttle
50 Points
The Danger Room
-TEAM Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Josh)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Abomitrons (Griffin)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Ryan)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Oblivio (Chris)
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. The Untouchables (Mike)
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Chris)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Better Than All of You (Guest Watcher: Mike Sroka)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "Give it up Guys, Everybody Knows He was Born in Hawaii" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds Touring Battalion of Commands Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Josh)
-The Transfoamers Vs. PMS (Ryan)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Bryan)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Right Wing (Bryan)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Griffin)
Week 1
38 Points
Josh's Apartment
-TEAM Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Bryan)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Josh)
-Logical Genocide Vs. The Untouchables (Mike)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Chris)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Bryan)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Oblivio (Griffin)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "Worst Mid-Term Loss since the 40's" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Chris)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Right Wing (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Josh)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Ryan)
-PMS Vs. Better Than All of You (Griffin)
Week 2
100 Points
World 2-2
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "Nobel Peace Prize Representin" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos (Josh)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Bryan)
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-The Abomitrons Vs. The Transfoamers (Chris)
-TEAM Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Griffin)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. PMS (Bryan)
-Logical Genocide Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Griffin)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Ryan)
-The Untouchables Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Chris)
-Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. The Right Wing (Josh)
-Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Mike)
-Oblivio Vs. Better Than All of You (Ryan)
Week 3
250 points
Baghdad
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Abomitrons (Bryan)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "WHAT!! Guantanamo is still open" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Chris)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Chris)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Ryan)
-PMS Vs. TEAM (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips (Josh)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Logical Genocide (Ryan)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Built Ford Tough (Josh)
-The Right Wing Vs. The Untouchables (Griffin)
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Bryan)
-Better Than All of You Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Mike)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. Oblivio (Griffin)
Week 4
400 Points
The Indian Ocean
-TEAM Vs. Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches (Josh)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Griffin)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Untouchables (Mike)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Oblivio (Ryan)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Bryan)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "I'm tougher on China than those pussy Republicans" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Right Wing (Josh)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Chris)
-The Transfoamers Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Griffin)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Ryan)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. Better Than All of You (Chris)
-PMS Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Bryan)
Week 5
600 Points
Uncharted Space
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Logical Genocide (Josh)
-TEAM Vs. Built Ford Tough (Ryan)
-The Untouchables Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Bryan)
-Oblivio Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Mike)
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. The Abomitrons (Griffin)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Chris)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Ryan)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. PMS (Bryan)
-The Right Wing Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Josh)
-Better Than All of You Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Griffin)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "I can't believe how many people miss George Bush already" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Transfoamers (Chris)
Week 6
1000 Points
The Play-Off Planet
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. TEAM (Josh)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Built Ford Tough (Griffin)
-The Untouchables Vs. Griffin's High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Oblivio (Mike)
-Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Chris)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Bryan)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & "I didn't want to go to Prince William & Kate Middleton's Wedding anyways" President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos (Ryan)
-Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies Vs. PMS (Chris)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Josh)
-Better Than All of You Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Griffin)
-The Right Wing Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Bryan)
Week 7
351 Points
The Deserts of Geonosis
-TEAM Vs. Logical Genocide (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Built Ford Tough (Mike)
-The Untouchables Vs. Oblivio (Bryan)
-Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Ryan)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. The Abomitrons (Chris)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Alice’s Wonder Team (Griffin)
-The Transfoamers Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Griffin)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “God, I wish Joe Biden would shut up” President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Chris)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. PMS (Josh)
-Le’ Napoleon Brigade Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
-The Right Wing Vs. Better Than All of You (Bryan)
-Xavier’s Annihilation Squad Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Ryan)
Week 8
349 Points
Metropolis
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Bryan)
-TEAM Vs. Oblivio (Griffin)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches (Josh)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Alice’s Wonder Team (Chris)
-The Abomitrons Vs. The Untouchables (Josh)
-Team Sleeping Pussy Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Mike)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Le’ Napoleon Brigade (Ryan)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “My wife is hotter than Jackie “O”” President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Griffin)
-The Syracuse Valley Vs. The Right Wing (Bryan)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. Better Than All of You (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-PMS Vs. Tijuana Taco Benders(Chris)
Week 9
200 Points
The Dagobah System
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Chris)
-TEAM Vs. The Untouchables (Mike)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Alice’s Wonder Team (Josh)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Josh)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches Vs. Oblivio (Griffin)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. George Washington’s Slaves (Bryan)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “I’m not telling you ’cause Fox News is in the room” President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Le’ Napoleon Brigade (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Better Than All of You (Griffin)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Chris)
-Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies Vs. The Right Wing (Ryan)
-PMS Vs. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Bryan)
Week 10
88 Points
The Moon
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Untouchables (Bryan)
-TEAM Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Josh)
-Logical Genocide Vs. The Abomitrons (Ryan)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Guest Watcher: TBA)
-Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers Vs. Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches (Chris)
-Oblivio Vs. Alice’s Wonder Team (Mike)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. PMS (Ryan)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “okay, now that I’m elected somebody please tell Jimmy Carter to mind his own business” President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Griffin)
-The Right Wing Vs. Better Than All of You (Josh)
-Xavier’s Annihilation Squad Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Griffin)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. The Transfoamers (Bryan)
-Le’ Napoleon Brigade Vs. The Tijuana Taco Benders (Chris)
Week 11
27 Points
Dave Pilkinton’s ‘77 R.V.
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Oblivio (Bryan)
-TEAM Vs. Griffin’s High Maintenance Dope Fiends and Destroyers (Josh)
-Logical Genocide Vs. Team Sleeping Pussy (Ryan)
-Built Ford Tough Vs. The Abomitrons (Mike)
-Beckerman’s Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. Michael Vickz Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve (Griffin)
-Alice’s Wonder Team Vs. The Untouchables (Chris)
-The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets Vs. Brock Sampson’s Fighting Murderflies (Chris)
-Former Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & “Just wait until you get my charismatic a** back on the ballot in 2012 and we’ll take back every seat we lost and then some Beotches”!! President Barack Obama’s “Best of Both Worlds” Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. PMS (Griffin)
-The Transfoamers Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Josh)
-The Tijuana Taco Benders Vs. Better Than All of You (Bryan)
-George Washington’s Slaves Vs. The Right Wing (Guest Watcher: Laya Houslander)
-Le’ Napoleon Brigade Vs. Xavier’s Annihilation Squad (Ryan)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Season 4 Draft
1. The Expendables (7 characters). (15, 60)
2. Earth 2 Superman (64)
3. Kingdom Come Superman (66)
4. Cosmic Spider-Man (52)
5. Quint (9)
6. Moltar (8)
7. La Femme Nikita (14)
8. The Champion of the Universe (60)
9. Capt. Crunch (6)
10. The Deadpool Corp. (4 characters). (15, 50)
11. Saurod (14)
12. Pig Boy (4)
13. 10 Centurions (5)
14. 2 Skeletor's Personal Bodyguards (5)
15. Kevin and Julie (6, 10)
16. Lubbock (6)
17. The Wyvern (20)
18. 3 Graboids (25)
19. 6 Shriekers (15)
20. 3 Ass-blasters (25)
21. El Blanco (26)
22. Glavoid (25)
23. Val Mckee & Earl Basset (8, 13)
24. Burt & Heather Gummer (8, 13)
25. Cole & G'Nark (20, 25, 38)
26. Firestorm (34)
27. 2 Skeletor's Blue Tech Guys (3)
28. Charlie (6)
29. Nichol Valdez (6)
30. Mansquito (25)
31. The Energizer Bunny (6)
32. Littlefoot (10)
33. Cera (10)
34. Ducky (10)
35. Petrie (8)
36. Spike (10)
37. Shrapnel (28)
38. Equinox (28)
39. Renee Walker (12)
40. Guy Gardner (20)
41. Blue and Yellow Toad (8, 13)
42. (yellow lantern) Fatality (37)
43. Human Wrecking Ball (20)
44. Wildabeast (25)
45. Hot Spot (25)
46. Red Star (25)
47. "Liam Neeson from Taken" (20)
48. Red X (Robin) (21)
49. (movie) Soundwave (30)
50. Joan Jett (6)
51. Rob Bartlett, Jedi Padawan (19)
52. Dr. Henry Pym (10)
53. New Alice Abernathy (35)
54. Brady Hoke (6)
55. (Golden Age) Blue Beetle (29)
56. Adam & Kate Hernandez (6, 10)
57. Robin (Stephanie Brown) (20)
58. Super-girl (Ariella Kent) (39)
59. Lakitu (8)
60. Cluemaster (20)
61. Red Robin (21)
62. Bat-girl (Betty Kane) (20)
63. Bat-boy (15)
64. Aaron Eggemeyer (6)
65. Pete Sosa, Dark Jedi (23)
66. Darth Desolous (35)
67. Logray (2)
68. Luuke Skywalker (30)
69. Nomi Sunbrider (25)
70. Triclops (30)
71. Trioculus (30)
72. Nahdar Vebb (20)
73. Darth Zannah (30)
74. Kol Skywalker & Shado Vao (30, 20, 45)
75. X-1 & X-2 (12, 18)
76. Jotaro (10)
77. Space Usagi (21)
78. Tomoe Gozen (20)
79. Odin (54)
80. Billy Mitchell & Steve Sanders (6, 10)
81. Steve Wiebe & Andrew Laidlaw (6, 10)
82. Phil Day (6)
83. Hank Chien (6)
84. Walter Day (6)
85. Roy "Mr. Awesome" Shildt
86. Woody & Buzz Lightyear (3, 5)
87. American Samurai (20)
88. Dolphin (30)
89. Fathom Five (20, 55)
90. Deep Six (Marvel) (20, 65)
91. Deep Six (DC) (20, 65)
92. Charybidis (30)
93. The Shark (22)
94. Qwsp (formerly known as Quisp) (37)
95. Topo (20)
96. Dark Beast (30)
97. Pre Vizsla (28)
98. Feral (20)
99. Savage Opress (34)
100. The Revanchist (30)
101. Frederick Douglas (6)
102. (pre-suit) Darth Vader (50)
103. Phoenix (Jean Grey) (40)
2. Earth 2 Superman (64)
3. Kingdom Come Superman (66)
4. Cosmic Spider-Man (52)
5. Quint (9)
6. Moltar (8)
7. La Femme Nikita (14)
8. The Champion of the Universe (60)
9. Capt. Crunch (6)
10. The Deadpool Corp. (4 characters). (15, 50)
11. Saurod (14)
12. Pig Boy (4)
13. 10 Centurions (5)
14. 2 Skeletor's Personal Bodyguards (5)
15. Kevin and Julie (6, 10)
16. Lubbock (6)
17. The Wyvern (20)
18. 3 Graboids (25)
19. 6 Shriekers (15)
20. 3 Ass-blasters (25)
21. El Blanco (26)
22. Glavoid (25)
23. Val Mckee & Earl Basset (8, 13)
24. Burt & Heather Gummer (8, 13)
25. Cole & G'Nark (20, 25, 38)
26. Firestorm (34)
27. 2 Skeletor's Blue Tech Guys (3)
28. Charlie (6)
29. Nichol Valdez (6)
30. Mansquito (25)
31. The Energizer Bunny (6)
32. Littlefoot (10)
33. Cera (10)
34. Ducky (10)
35. Petrie (8)
36. Spike (10)
37. Shrapnel (28)
38. Equinox (28)
39. Renee Walker (12)
40. Guy Gardner (20)
41. Blue and Yellow Toad (8, 13)
42. (yellow lantern) Fatality (37)
43. Human Wrecking Ball (20)
44. Wildabeast (25)
45. Hot Spot (25)
46. Red Star (25)
47. "Liam Neeson from Taken" (20)
48. Red X (Robin) (21)
49. (movie) Soundwave (30)
50. Joan Jett (6)
51. Rob Bartlett, Jedi Padawan (19)
52. Dr. Henry Pym (10)
53. New Alice Abernathy (35)
54. Brady Hoke (6)
55. (Golden Age) Blue Beetle (29)
56. Adam & Kate Hernandez (6, 10)
57. Robin (Stephanie Brown) (20)
58. Super-girl (Ariella Kent) (39)
59. Lakitu (8)
60. Cluemaster (20)
61. Red Robin (21)
62. Bat-girl (Betty Kane) (20)
63. Bat-boy (15)
64. Aaron Eggemeyer (6)
65. Pete Sosa, Dark Jedi (23)
66. Darth Desolous (35)
67. Logray (2)
68. Luuke Skywalker (30)
69. Nomi Sunbrider (25)
70. Triclops (30)
71. Trioculus (30)
72. Nahdar Vebb (20)
73. Darth Zannah (30)
74. Kol Skywalker & Shado Vao (30, 20, 45)
75. X-1 & X-2 (12, 18)
76. Jotaro (10)
77. Space Usagi (21)
78. Tomoe Gozen (20)
79. Odin (54)
80. Billy Mitchell & Steve Sanders (6, 10)
81. Steve Wiebe & Andrew Laidlaw (6, 10)
82. Phil Day (6)
83. Hank Chien (6)
84. Walter Day (6)
85. Roy "Mr. Awesome" Shildt
86. Woody & Buzz Lightyear (3, 5)
87. American Samurai (20)
88. Dolphin (30)
89. Fathom Five (20, 55)
90. Deep Six (Marvel) (20, 65)
91. Deep Six (DC) (20, 65)
92. Charybidis (30)
93. The Shark (22)
94. Qwsp (formerly known as Quisp) (37)
95. Topo (20)
96. Dark Beast (30)
97. Pre Vizsla (28)
98. Feral (20)
99. Savage Opress (34)
100. The Revanchist (30)
101. Frederick Douglas (6)
102. (pre-suit) Darth Vader (50)
103. Phoenix (Jean Grey) (40)
Friday, August 20, 2010
The Universe Bowl
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Ego the Living Planet, Mogo, Ranx the Sentient City, The One Above All, The Living Tribunal, Doomsday, Darth Vader in a Z-95 Headhunter, Darth Talon in a Z-95 Headhunter, Boba Fett in a Z-95 Headhunter, Yendar Platis & R2-KT in a Y-Wing, Dark Phoenix, Magog (w/ a green lantern ring), Orion, Vulcan, Red Hulk, Carnage, Dracula, Holocaust, Wolverine, Deadman, Michael Myers, Arkillo, Pablo (w/ a Halberd), Tyrone (w/ a Heat Axe), Austin (w/ an Atlas), Uniqua (w/ a red lightsaber), & Tasha (w/ a green lightsaber) on a Hovercraft.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos are Dave Bowman (w/ a green lantern ring), Numnius (w/ a blue lantern ring), (movie) Jetfire (w/ an indigo lantern ring), Tlaloc (w/ a red lantern ring), Dex-Tar, Zombie Doozer #1, Karu-Sil, Ahmed Best, Fatality, Jar Jar Binks, Taa, Parallax, Bryan Beckerman (w/ mandalorian armor & red & blue lightsabers), Orion Pax (w/ the autobot matrix of leadership), Mary Marvel, Ben Kenobi, Xerxes, Dante, Gen. Grevious, Spider-Man, Dr. Fate, The Crew of the Icarus 2 in the Icarus 2, (movie) Devastator: Demolisher, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Rampage, Scavenger, High Tower, & Scrapper, The Herculoids: Zandar, Tarra, Dorno, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, & Gleep, Dr. Doom, w/ Ellen Ripley, & The Colonial Marines in a Star Destroyer, President Barack Obama w/ Hannah Montana, & Xavier Harkonen in the ID4 Mother Ship, HAL 9000 w/ Albus Dumbledore, & Harry Potter in Rama, Lazarus Long in a Mig, Vorian Atreides in a Mig, Frank Poole & Astro-Droid #19 in an A-Wing, Venus & Serena Williams in the Batmobile, Mrs. Doubtfire in The Wild Goose, Dora (w/ blue & green lightsabers), Backpack, Benny, Issa, & Tico.
INTRO
“Meesa will try not to make this a long-o-tello but for weeks weesa been crunchin but nobodys been comin out on top. Yousa see, right when it was all beginnin and everybody was wantin to start crunchin weesa sent The Icarus 2 to try an use their big boomers to blow up Ego and Mogo, but thissa didn’t go so good cause Mogo shot one boomer back at the ship to crunch the whole crew and the other at the planet which weesa was supposed to be crunchin on in the first place! eh eh eh. Oh, where is my manners. Meesa almost forgot to introduce myself. Meesa called Jar Jar Binks and meesa your humble narrator. Weesa think that the crew of The Icarus was da only ones that got crunched before this all started, but its hard to tell. All the big brains on our team is pretty sure that we all have a life debt to Numnius cause when we was all gettin very scared she used her powers to zap us to Rama where weesa all is now. Boss Obama sent us a message deerect from his Star Bongo where he specked that heesa was pretty sure that Dark Phoenix zapped all the bad guys onto theysa 3 planets before the Play-Off Planet went BOOM. So now weesa been waitin and theysa been waitin and weesa all wonderin when weesa gonna have a match. Wheesa all been put on our own spots cept for Numnius and Dark Phoenix, who the bosses all think are still on the dyin play-off planet crunchin with each other. Some of the team is out flyin around outside Rama, but most of us is still just sittin here cause Boss Obama is tellin us to just wait for the bad guys to attack........... When is the match gonna start you speck? Meesa no know: WHEN YOU THINKIN THE MATCH IS GONNA STARTEN!!
The enormous form of Rama is being flanked by the typically considered huge, but currently dwarfed Star Destroyer and Mother Ship. Tlaloc and Frank Poole are acting as fighter-escorts to Obama’s Mother Ship (known as Commando-1), while Dante & Xerxes are doing the same for Dr. Doom’s Star Destroyer (The Latverian). Head Coach Barack Obama prepares to speak to his troops. He knows that his teammates on Doom’s Star Destroyer and the other ships can hear him, and that his voice is being amplified throughout Rama, but Rama is so huge, that many of The Commandos who were transported there have not even been located yet. President Obama says: “I know..... That many of you feel that this is quite a setback. But thanks to the brave crew of The Icarus 2 and the quick thinking of Numnius..... We find ourselves in a situation that I feel is in out best interest. It is true, that Mogo, Ego, & Ranx are still alive and that are plan did not happen as we intended it to, but it is we that have the advantage. Home field advantage if you will. We can sit, surround, and wait on Rama until The Backyardigans attack us, and when they do........ We will be ready. I have every intention of achieving victory in The Universe Bowl, and with your help this goal can be achieved. So I wish you all good luck and Allah speed..... I mean God-speed, I don’t know why I said that, everybody knows that I am not a Muslim“. Several light years away The One Above All, who has taken the form of writer/director George Lucas has made it aware to Darth Vader that his underling, The Living Tribunal is prepared to transport the entire Backyardigan squad onto Rama whenever they are ready. In the meantime Lord Vader has prepared his troops for an all-out surprise attack that he is confident will destroy all of The National League’s Universe Bowl dreams for good. The Backyardigan trio of Z-95’s, Master Platis’s Y-Wing, Magog, Orion, & Arkillo are already on their way to Rama, while the rest of the team waits patiently for the instantaneous transport into Rama that they have been preparing for over the last few weeks. The only team-members, who are not preparing for this initial attack are Dark Phoenix, who is still believed to be battling with Numnius on the scorched remains of The Play-Off Planet and Mogo, Ego, & Ranx, who are going to simply sit back as the last line of defense for The Backyardigans. They are confident that the squad they are sending will be able to defeat The Commandos but they believe that even if they are not successful by some stoke of NL luck that what remains of The Commandos after this battle will be no match for the 3 sentient settings. The One Above All has informed the 7 space worthy members of his team that they need only speak the words aloud that they wish to be transported onto Rama itself if they get into any sort of trouble; which is why Lord Vader has instructed Talon, Platis, Fett, Arkillo, Orion, & Magog to hold nothing back while fighting in space because even if they get into an unwinnable predicament they will be granted a second chance for victory. As Darth Vader and his space-worthy troops come out of light speed and begin fiercely attacking the ships outside of Rama, Lord Vader gives the signal to The Living Tribunal who transports not only himself and The One Above All, but the rest of their attack squad inside Rama. With this instantaneous movement of troops onto the enormous ship, many small battles begin raging between the 2 championship teams. The Dark Lords of the Sith become locked in an intense dog-fight, while Magog, Orion, & Arkillo all move toward the red lantern wielding Tlaloc. Frank Poole catches Yendar Platis with a concussion missile to blow his Y-Wing to bits. Master Platis is then teleported to the inside of Rama by The One Above All. R2-KT on the other hand is not as lucky; and blows up along with the Y-Wing. Frank Poole loops back around, to find his next opponent; but he finds that Boba Fett is already hot on his trail. Poole is in possession of the faster of the 2 fighters, but Boba Fett’s skill as a star pilot more than make up for the difference as he catches Poole off guard with an advanced missile to take both him and Astro-Droid #19 out. The battle rages on inside Rama. In a large metal-floored open area Red Hulk and Doomsday team up to take out an opponent of gargantuan size. Though the Decepticon Gestalt dwarfs the 2 behemoths in size, he does not do so in strength. Doomsday and Rulk proceed to Demolish and Devastate Demolisher and the rest of Devastator with a significant amount of mountain leveling attacks to the center of the enormous Transformer. Boba Fett regroups with Darth Vader and Lord Talon to form a triangular formation. They begin moving towards Commando-1, but Xerxes catches Boba Fett with a massive lasgun blast. Boba’s ship blows to pieces right after The One Above All transports him down to Rama. Vader loops back around and takes out Xerxes, but while he is doing this, Dante manages to shoot Darth Talon’s Z-95 and inflicts serious damage to it, in the process. Vader then uses his last 2 missiles to destroy Dante, but Bishop uses the guns from inside the Star Destroyer Latverian to hit Vader’s Z-95. Both Vader and his apprentice’s ships are on the brink of utter destruction, but neither of them ask for The One Above All’s help. Vader manually guides what is left of his ship, while he uses the force to guide Darth Talon’s ship into the docking bay of Dr. Doom’s Star Destroyer. The 2 Sith Lords jump out of their extremely damaged ships and then stealthily begin to search out The crew of The Star Destroyer. Vader, who was there from day 1 of The Empire’s inception knows Star Destroyers as well as anybody in the galaxy, and he uses that knowledge to his advantage as the cat and mouse game begins. Admiral Doom puts The Colonial marines on full alert as Sgt. Apone leads a full search and destroy mission to find the 2 trespassing Sith. Tlaloc’s rage is fueled to its full potential by his red lantern ring, and it is this rage that helps him rip through Magog’s green energy aura and destroy him. Tlaloc is not quite as successful when he squares off against Orion and Arkillo who combine their powers to rip the Titan leader apart. In a small fresh water area, within the depths of Rama, Dr. Fate approaches a hovercraft being piloted by a group who seem like fairly easy prey. Tasha speaks to her Backyard friends and says: “Are you guys ready to eff this guy up”? “Oh yeah, I’m gonna nail this turkey with my heat rod” says Tyrone. “Don’t you mean Heat Axe” says Pablo. “Oh, I guess I could go easy on him and use that instead” the arrogant little Moose says. Dr. Fate takes note of the 2 lightsaber-wielders, but as he lands on the edge of the hovercraft Pablo, Tyrone, & Austin all use their weapons to simultaneously cast Bolt 2, Blaze 2, & Blaze 3 on the good Dr. and completely fry him in place with a series of stunning attacks. Back on what is left of The Play-Off Planet Dark Phoenix sits alone on a shattered mountainside, meditating within a wave of her own apathy. Both teams are under the assumption that since they have not seen or heard from either of them, that an intense battle between her and Numnius rages on; which was at first true but Dark Phoenix actually defeated Numnius about 5 earth days ago, and for her own reasons is yet to rejoin her teammates. Dave Bowman has not been seen for several days, but he did speak to Optimus Prime thru the Autobot Matrix of Leadership before he disappeared. He told Prime, that it was up to him to lead the team’s “Inner Rama Assault” because he would not be there to help out. Bowman implied to Optimus that he had other plans for how he could use his powers to benefit The Commandos, and due to all that The Starchild has done for The Commandos over the last 3 years, not a soul on the team would question Bowman’s plans. Back on The Star Destroyer, Vader and Talon sneak up on a small scouting party, and take out Gorman, Drake, Weirzbowski, & Spunkmeyer before the quartet even realized that they were there. Hicks, then spots the set of Sith and order his squad to open fire. The Marines fight bravely, but in the end they are unable to shoot through Vader and Talon’s lightsaber defenses and one by one they are killed by Vader and his apprentice. Only Dr. Doom, Bishop 341-BL, and Ellen Ripley remain alive from the original Star Destroyer crew. Doom and Bishop are on the bridge, while Ripley is approaching in her robot loader. “THAT WAS MY TEAM YOU B*&^H” Ripley screams as she slams the loader’s right arm down hard on the back of Darth Talon’s head. Vader feels an overwhelming feeling of disappointment after witnessing the apprentice he has spent so much time on be taken by surprise so easily. Vader then uses the force to crush the metal cage that makes up the center of the loader and kills Ripley with her own weapon. Vader then rushes to the control room where he sees the ship being flown by Bishop and Dr. Doom. Doom begins to formulate a plan of action, but he underestimates the speed that Vader still possesses despite his heavily-weighted suit. In one swift motion, Vader uses his lightsaber to relieve Doom of his head and then slices Bishop into several pieces to insure that he can no longer function. Darth Vader then takes over the controls of The Star Destroyer and sets it on a collision course for Rama, before he has The One Above All transport him onto the very ship that he wishes to destroy. Much like Vader suspected, the enormous Star Destroyer barely dents Rama as the 2 ships crash together, resulting in the total destruction of The Star Destroyer Latverian; but at least Vader knows that The Star Destroyer can no longer be used by The Commandos. Orion and Arkillo combine their powers of energy projection and drill a cosmic energy hole directly through the center of Commando-1. Xavier Harkonen attempts to take evasive action while Hannah Montana and Barack Obama finish off their debate about who has more influence over the country. In the end, they both agree that the true answer to their argument is Oprah Winfrey just before The ID4 Mother Ship breaks in half. Orion has no desire to ask for help from The One Above All, so he uses his own powers to transport both himself and Arkillo into Rama. Mrs. Doubtfire is traveling at speeds upwards of 300 MPH when she/he decides that this would be a great time to write a note to his friends and teammates Jar Jar Binks and Ahmed Best to tell them that he/she thinks that they are great and that The Commandos never would have made it to The Universe Bowl without them. Unfortunately while Mrs. Doubtfire is rifling through her/his purse to find a pen the hairy he/she’s futuristic car swerves into an alien skyscraper and blows up on impact. Ten lightsabers twirl at amazing speeds while Grevious and Yendar Platis battle one another. Gen. Grevious is able to slice off the 2 lowest hands of Yendar Platis, but the Jedi Master is able to fight through the pain and finish off Grevious with a double lightsaber thrust through the heart of the Dark Jedi Cyborg. Ben Kenobi is able to finish off the wounded Platis, despite his Jedi weapon being outnumbered 4 to 1. In an area of Rama that was meant to look similar to the old American suburbs of The 1950’s Venus and Serena Williams are ripping through the streets in The Batmobile, while they are followed by Vorian Atreides and Lazarus Long from the air. The 3 vehicles patrol the area when they find that the only enemy is a lone mutant, standing on the roof of one of the small cookie-cutter houses. Vulcan uses his right and left hands to send out 2 intense streams of energy which follow the 2 Migs until they are both taken out. Lazarus Long is able to eject out of his cockpit, but Vorian Atreides has a ejection malfunction and is killed as the plane explodes. Vulcan then jumps onto the roof of The Batmobile and pulls the reinforced steel top right off of the vehicle. Venus and Serena both grab their tennis rackets and use their bulky (yet still feminine) muscles to attack the omega-level mutant, but it is of no avail. In the end, Vulcan makes extremely short work of the 2 tennis stars. Lazarus Long pulls out his vibro-blade and attempts to sneak up on Michael Myers, who is blankly staring at Zombie Doozer #1 as he squeezes the life out of him. Lazarus thinks he has the upper hand, but right before he is about to deliver the killing blow to Myers, the crazed lunatic turns around just in time and puts his own knife into the chest of Long. Spider-Man and his old enemy Carnage battle with each other on top of a large skyscraper like they have done so many times in the past, while Rulk and Doomsday search for more victims. The Starchild has worked tirelessly over the last 200 hours to conjure as much cosmic energy as possible to use in this battle. He reappears on Rama, and without a spoken word makes it clear that he needs the assistance of both Karu-Sil and Taa. The 2 lanterns follow behind Bowman as the trio travels at the speed of light to the farthest point of the match. Also known as the resting place of the 3 Backyardigan living strongholds: Mogo, Ego, & Ranx. As the 3 Commandos approach, Mogo and Ranx use their own lantern powers to instantly destroy both Karu-Sil and Taa, but Bowman is unharmed by their attacks. Dave Bowman uses his own green lantern ring to create an aura that most veteran lanterns would never be able to will into existence. With this energy field surrounding The Starchild, even the combined cosmic attacks of Ego, Mogo, & Ranx are unable to penetrate it. While encapsulated in this field of his own making, Dave Bowman concentrates like he never has before. For one milla-second, Bowman causes all time to completely stop and for The Universe to be under his complete control. In this time The Starchild displaces all of the molecules of these 3 beings and kills them all. After the single-handed destruction of Mogo, Ranx, & Ego; Bowman allows himself an entire earth second to relax before he rockets back to Rama to further aid his team. As Dave Bowman arrives back at Rama, The One Above All sends The Living Tribunal after him. The Living Tribunal has just finished overloading The HAL 9000 computer with more information than the super-computer could possibly handle, but that feat was nothing compared to what is being asked of him now. The Living Tribunal flies toward Bowman, but The Starchild has no time for a cosmic showdown such as this. Bowman uses his own incalculable powers to enhance the power of his green lantern 1 Million fold. He then hits The Living Tribunal with a blast that completely disintegrates him. The One Above, who is still in the form of George Lucas witnesses the death of his underling, but has no intention of dying so easily himself. The Lucas incarnation is well aware of what creating and destroying Universes is all about, so he simply prepares to do what he does when one of his own characters gets to cool. He claims that whatever he all of the sudden doesn’t like about this character was never actually “cannon” to begin with. You see only he can decide what is and isn’t “cannon”; so he manifests this in the physical form by putting it into a little ball of blue energy which he calls a cannon ball. The One Above All then throws this said “cannon” ball at Dave Bowman, whose powers revert back to page 1 of 2001: A Space Odyssey. The Starchild’s amazing FFL career then finally ends as Bowman plummets to his doom. The Cannon Ball falls to the ground as well, where it is picked up by none other than Ahmed Best. Ahmed shows it to his pal Mr. Binks and explains to the Gungan what just happened to their team’s MVP. The 2 carbon-conductors of awesome know that The Lucas/One Above All needs to be stopped; which prompts Jar Jar to say: “But what are weesa supposed to do about it”. Ahmed replies: “Don’t worry General Jar Jar, if anybody can destroy everything that George Lucas has ever accomplished, it’s the 2 of us”. Best and Binks valiantly rush The One Above All, but on the way there Ahmed Best trips over some Avian poop and falls flat on his face. Jar Jar keeps running at The One Above All, but he turns his head around and yells to Ahmed: This was yousa plan, what’s meesa supposed to do”? “Usem the Cannon Ball” Ahmed yells. “Meesa no have a cannon ball” says Jar Jar brilliantly. “Here, takum this one” Best replies. Ahmed Best then throws the cannon ball to Jar Jar, who reaches out his hand to catch it. In all of the character’s sheer genius, Jar Jar then, in a hilarious scene of events bobbles the cannon ball several times before he knocks it into the face of The One Above All. The One Above All is then destroyed by his own unfathomable power. Jar Jar and Ahmed have no time to celebrate their major contribution to their team’s potential victory, because only a few seconds after their defeat of The One Above All, the voice of one of their most respected teammates comes over Jar Jar’s communicator. “Jar Jar, this is Dora. We just took out Dead Man, but now it’s time for the real threat. Follow this homing beacon, and hurry up we haven’t got all day”. The battle that the little explorer spoke of ended when Backpack engulfed Dead Man within his endless compartments until even the undying spirit of the super-hero was destroyed. Their pal Issa was killed by Dead Man in the process, but it was worth the price. Dora can’t afford to shed tears for fallen teammates, even ones as close to her as Issa. Teammates die and Guerra es Hell as she has been known to say. She didn’t cry when her best friend Boots died, nor when she had to take her first life. She affords herself a second to think back to how much it used to bother her to have to kill and to see death surround her, but not any more, not after all she’s been through. Her young eyes may have seen enough blood to last several full lifetimes, but she knows that the worst is yet to come, and if it’s gotta come than she may as well be the Grim Reaper and not the soil sleeper. As Dora and her crew wait for back-up, the battle rages on elsewhere. Holocaust uses his bare hands to rip apart Zandar as well as his wife Tarra and son Dorno. He then uses his powers of energy projection to fry both Gloop and Gleep. It is a little more difficult for him to take out Igoo, but he does manage to crack the shell of the rock-hard ape before Tundro and Zok blast Holocaust with enough combined lava and lightning energy to take him out. Back at the Commando base of operations located just under the entrance to Rama, 2 of the most B.A. combinations in FFL history are reforming. While the Indigo powered Jetfire is fusing himself to Optimus Prime, Parallax is infusing himself into the Mandalorian-Armored-double-lightsabered-playgirl-centerfold-approached Bryan Beckerman. They fly into the fray with the intention of finding Rulk and Doomsday before they can do any more damage. They see the 2 muscle bound attackers in the distance, but they are already a little late to the party. Doomsday and Rulk had no problem mowing through both Zok and Tundro to finish of The Herculoids, and then ripped Mary marvel limb from limb, by each grabbing an end. Optimus and Becks seem a little mismatched against these 2, despite their add-ons but the score gets evened when Dumbledore and Harry Potter rush in to lend a hand. Bryan Becker(lax)man leads the charge against Doomsday and Rulk which begins the pitched battle to end all pitched battles. meanwhile, Carnage has finally finished his life long goal of killing Spider-Man, as their one on one fight was finally ended with Carnage ripping free of Spider-Man’s webs and breaking Peter Parker’s neck, Spider-Man is quickly avenged by the ravenous red cat Dex-Tar, who quickly bites the jugular of Carnage on his way to his next battle. Dark Phoenix finally decides to rejoin her teammates and comes to the aid of Orion, Vulcan, and Arkillo who are battling Dex-Tar and Fatality. Dark Phoenix more than tips the scales for her team against the 2 lanterns, but before they are destroyed Fatality does manage to send an energy spear through the face of Arkillo to make him Ardeado. While Rulk and Doomsday Bryan Battleman with the 3 Commando duos and Ben Kenobi is busy getting triple-teamed by Michael Myers, Dracula, and Wolverine; Jar Jar and Ahmed Best have finally arrived at the rendezvous point where Dora and her crew were already waiting for them. The rendezvous point was a wet marshy area that led into a fairly wide lake. “What’s de plan theira ey-a big boss-Dora your Honor”? Asks Jar Jar. “We have to take out that hovercraft”. Dora replies as she points way out in the distance. “Who’s on it” asks Ahmed Best. “The Backyardigans themselves” Dora replies grimly. “Whoa Noo Oooooohhooooheee ahhhh” Jar Jar says as he faints. Benny and Tico pull some smelling salts out of Backpack to wake up Jar Jar, while Dora looks at Ahmed and says: “I told you this mission was important. Now lets wake up Binks and get moving”. “How are we going to get over to them”? Asks Benny. But Dora is already pulling out a small boat from Backpack: “A little trick my cousin Diego taught me” Dora says as they all get on the raft and begin hand-paddling toward the Hovercraft. Optimus Prime knocks Rulk to the ground and stuns him, while Parallax fuels Beckerman with enough power to move both of his lightsabers in a V-swing and take Rulk’s head clean off. Doomsday is momentarily the only Backyardigan in the skirmish, when Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Dark Phoenix, Orion, and Vulcan show up. Dumbledore is keeping Doomsday at bay when he says: “Harry and I have got Doomsday covered. Don’t worry about us”! Optimus Prime/Jetfire uses a blast of Indigo energy to take out Orion, but an energy blast from Vulcan sends Optimus flying. Prime survives the blast, but finds that his armor, and Jetfire himself were not so lucky. Optimus transforms into his semi-truck form and comes barreling back into the fight, but Vulcan and Dark Phoenix blast the truck to pieces before Optimus can do any more damage. Ben Kenobi keeps his 3 attackers at bay for quite some time, and manages to use his lightsaber to let out Michael Myers concentrated evil by creating a large vent in his neck via decapitation. Kenobi then goes for another head shot on Dracula but the vampire is quick enough to duck the swing just in time. While Kenobi is in full saber-swing, Wolverine catches him with an adamantium thrust to the gut. Dora and her crew are completely unnoticed as they approach the hovercraft. Right before they hop on, Dora says: “We are probably not all going to make it out of this alive, but it is muy importado that we take The Backyardigans out for good, now VAMANOS”! The Commando strike team raids the hovercraft, and casualties get heavy on both sides. Austin puts his Atlas thru the smiling face of Backpack, while Benny strangles Tyrone with his bare hands. Ahmed Best and Jar Jar Binks trip over each other but in doing so fall on Austin and hit him in the temple which kills him. Uniqua puts a lightsaber thru the chest of Jar Jar, and Tasha does the same to Ahmed. Pablo then sticks his halberd into the back of Benny, and then tries to use the halberd on Dora. But Tico sacrifices himself for Dora and jumps onto the halberd before the full fury of Bolt 2 is released. The spell engulfs both Tico and Pablo killing them both, and knocking the green lightsaber out the hand of Tasha who was right next to them. Meanwhile, back on land. Doomsday has somehow broken loose of the combined spell of Harry and Dumbledore and when he did, he managed to put a massive gray fist through the face of Dumbledore. Dumbledore dies instantly from the blow, but Harry conjures up every bit of magic he can muster and focuses it directly at Doomsday. When Harry finally cannot focus any longer he releases the spell to find that Doomsday is completely annihilated. Harry isn’t sure if he can even move, let alone fight; but he realizes that he is going to be tested sooner than he had hoped when both Dark Phoenix and Vulcan rush in towards him. Harry unleashes what he can toward his 2 attackers, and surprises even himself when he wipes out Vulcan with a single magical burst before he is engulfed by the true order of The Phoenix. Tasha laughs manically as she reaches into the pouch of the dead Backpack and pulls out Boots’ old lightsaber. “Didn’t this belong to your dead little monkey friend”? Tasha says to Dora as she ignites the lightsaber and walks up closer to Dora with Uniqua by her side, wielding her own red lightsaber. “I will never fear Boots’ sword” The little explorer says. Dora stands at the ready, with her lightsaber ignited. She positions herself so the 2 remaining Backyardigans cannot get behind her, she knows that they already have the advantage but she doesn’t want the double team to be any worse than it already is. Dora focuses on the problem at hand and just allows herself to become one with the battle. She thinks to herself as if she is merely a bystander watching what she was doing from afar, as if she were a star of a show, and she was living the life of a normal little girl watching it at home on her couch. As if the whole event happens in slow motion she thinks to herself : I dodged Tasha’s swing and I parried Uniqua and I did it... I did it... I did it hurray. I came up on the left and I sliced Uniqua’s neck and I did it... I did it... I did it hurray. Tasha picked up the other saber and double swung at me and I ducked it... I ducked it...... I ducked it hurray. Then I through down a double spin kick and back-flipped over Tasha and I did it.... I did it.... I did it hurray. Then I took my saber and I ran her through and............................ I did it. Dora does not waste a second after dispatching the last 2 Backyardigans. She knows that just because her mission is complete that doesn’t mean that there aren’t teammates of hers that need help. She gets behind the controls of the hovercraft and crashes it in to the shore. Dora hits the ground running with her lightsaber ignited. She gets to the skirmish just in time to see Beckerlax surrounded. With their lightsabers drawn, Dora and Beckerlax stand back to back as the remaining Backyardigan team closes in on them. The Parallax entity flies out of Bryan Beckerman and attacks. Darth Vader raises his right hand in the air and rips apart the solid Parallax, destroying the physical form for good, but Bryan realizes that the Parallax power has not left him, and that it never will. Vader, Boba Fett, Dark Phoenix, Dracula, & Wolverine are amazed at how difficult it is to break through the defenses of the super-powered-armored lawyer and the battle-hardened little girl, but eventually they do fall to the American League’s might.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGAN’S: BEEYATCHES ARE UNIVERSE BOWL CHAMPIONS!
Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches are Ego the Living Planet, Mogo, Ranx the Sentient City, The One Above All, The Living Tribunal, Doomsday, Darth Vader in a Z-95 Headhunter, Darth Talon in a Z-95 Headhunter, Boba Fett in a Z-95 Headhunter, Yendar Platis & R2-KT in a Y-Wing, Dark Phoenix, Magog (w/ a green lantern ring), Orion, Vulcan, Red Hulk, Carnage, Dracula, Holocaust, Wolverine, Deadman, Michael Myers, Arkillo, Pablo (w/ a Halberd), Tyrone (w/ a Heat Axe), Austin (w/ an Atlas), Uniqua (w/ a red lightsaber), & Tasha (w/ a green lightsaber) on a Hovercraft.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos are Dave Bowman (w/ a green lantern ring), Numnius (w/ a blue lantern ring), (movie) Jetfire (w/ an indigo lantern ring), Tlaloc (w/ a red lantern ring), Dex-Tar, Zombie Doozer #1, Karu-Sil, Ahmed Best, Fatality, Jar Jar Binks, Taa, Parallax, Bryan Beckerman (w/ mandalorian armor & red & blue lightsabers), Orion Pax (w/ the autobot matrix of leadership), Mary Marvel, Ben Kenobi, Xerxes, Dante, Gen. Grevious, Spider-Man, Dr. Fate, The Crew of the Icarus 2 in the Icarus 2, (movie) Devastator: Demolisher, Mixmaster, Long Haul, Rampage, Scavenger, High Tower, & Scrapper, The Herculoids: Zandar, Tarra, Dorno, Zok, Igoo, Tundro, Gloop, & Gleep, Dr. Doom, w/ Ellen Ripley, & The Colonial Marines in a Star Destroyer, President Barack Obama w/ Hannah Montana, & Xavier Harkonen in the ID4 Mother Ship, HAL 9000 w/ Albus Dumbledore, & Harry Potter in Rama, Lazarus Long in a Mig, Vorian Atreides in a Mig, Frank Poole & Astro-Droid #19 in an A-Wing, Venus & Serena Williams in the Batmobile, Mrs. Doubtfire in The Wild Goose, Dora (w/ blue & green lightsabers), Backpack, Benny, Issa, & Tico.
INTRO
“Meesa will try not to make this a long-o-tello but for weeks weesa been crunchin but nobodys been comin out on top. Yousa see, right when it was all beginnin and everybody was wantin to start crunchin weesa sent The Icarus 2 to try an use their big boomers to blow up Ego and Mogo, but thissa didn’t go so good cause Mogo shot one boomer back at the ship to crunch the whole crew and the other at the planet which weesa was supposed to be crunchin on in the first place! eh eh eh. Oh, where is my manners. Meesa almost forgot to introduce myself. Meesa called Jar Jar Binks and meesa your humble narrator. Weesa think that the crew of The Icarus was da only ones that got crunched before this all started, but its hard to tell. All the big brains on our team is pretty sure that we all have a life debt to Numnius cause when we was all gettin very scared she used her powers to zap us to Rama where weesa all is now. Boss Obama sent us a message deerect from his Star Bongo where he specked that heesa was pretty sure that Dark Phoenix zapped all the bad guys onto theysa 3 planets before the Play-Off Planet went BOOM. So now weesa been waitin and theysa been waitin and weesa all wonderin when weesa gonna have a match. Wheesa all been put on our own spots cept for Numnius and Dark Phoenix, who the bosses all think are still on the dyin play-off planet crunchin with each other. Some of the team is out flyin around outside Rama, but most of us is still just sittin here cause Boss Obama is tellin us to just wait for the bad guys to attack........... When is the match gonna start you speck? Meesa no know: WHEN YOU THINKIN THE MATCH IS GONNA STARTEN!!
The enormous form of Rama is being flanked by the typically considered huge, but currently dwarfed Star Destroyer and Mother Ship. Tlaloc and Frank Poole are acting as fighter-escorts to Obama’s Mother Ship (known as Commando-1), while Dante & Xerxes are doing the same for Dr. Doom’s Star Destroyer (The Latverian). Head Coach Barack Obama prepares to speak to his troops. He knows that his teammates on Doom’s Star Destroyer and the other ships can hear him, and that his voice is being amplified throughout Rama, but Rama is so huge, that many of The Commandos who were transported there have not even been located yet. President Obama says: “I know..... That many of you feel that this is quite a setback. But thanks to the brave crew of The Icarus 2 and the quick thinking of Numnius..... We find ourselves in a situation that I feel is in out best interest. It is true, that Mogo, Ego, & Ranx are still alive and that are plan did not happen as we intended it to, but it is we that have the advantage. Home field advantage if you will. We can sit, surround, and wait on Rama until The Backyardigans attack us, and when they do........ We will be ready. I have every intention of achieving victory in The Universe Bowl, and with your help this goal can be achieved. So I wish you all good luck and Allah speed..... I mean God-speed, I don’t know why I said that, everybody knows that I am not a Muslim“. Several light years away The One Above All, who has taken the form of writer/director George Lucas has made it aware to Darth Vader that his underling, The Living Tribunal is prepared to transport the entire Backyardigan squad onto Rama whenever they are ready. In the meantime Lord Vader has prepared his troops for an all-out surprise attack that he is confident will destroy all of The National League’s Universe Bowl dreams for good. The Backyardigan trio of Z-95’s, Master Platis’s Y-Wing, Magog, Orion, & Arkillo are already on their way to Rama, while the rest of the team waits patiently for the instantaneous transport into Rama that they have been preparing for over the last few weeks. The only team-members, who are not preparing for this initial attack are Dark Phoenix, who is still believed to be battling with Numnius on the scorched remains of The Play-Off Planet and Mogo, Ego, & Ranx, who are going to simply sit back as the last line of defense for The Backyardigans. They are confident that the squad they are sending will be able to defeat The Commandos but they believe that even if they are not successful by some stoke of NL luck that what remains of The Commandos after this battle will be no match for the 3 sentient settings. The One Above All has informed the 7 space worthy members of his team that they need only speak the words aloud that they wish to be transported onto Rama itself if they get into any sort of trouble; which is why Lord Vader has instructed Talon, Platis, Fett, Arkillo, Orion, & Magog to hold nothing back while fighting in space because even if they get into an unwinnable predicament they will be granted a second chance for victory. As Darth Vader and his space-worthy troops come out of light speed and begin fiercely attacking the ships outside of Rama, Lord Vader gives the signal to The Living Tribunal who transports not only himself and The One Above All, but the rest of their attack squad inside Rama. With this instantaneous movement of troops onto the enormous ship, many small battles begin raging between the 2 championship teams. The Dark Lords of the Sith become locked in an intense dog-fight, while Magog, Orion, & Arkillo all move toward the red lantern wielding Tlaloc. Frank Poole catches Yendar Platis with a concussion missile to blow his Y-Wing to bits. Master Platis is then teleported to the inside of Rama by The One Above All. R2-KT on the other hand is not as lucky; and blows up along with the Y-Wing. Frank Poole loops back around, to find his next opponent; but he finds that Boba Fett is already hot on his trail. Poole is in possession of the faster of the 2 fighters, but Boba Fett’s skill as a star pilot more than make up for the difference as he catches Poole off guard with an advanced missile to take both him and Astro-Droid #19 out. The battle rages on inside Rama. In a large metal-floored open area Red Hulk and Doomsday team up to take out an opponent of gargantuan size. Though the Decepticon Gestalt dwarfs the 2 behemoths in size, he does not do so in strength. Doomsday and Rulk proceed to Demolish and Devastate Demolisher and the rest of Devastator with a significant amount of mountain leveling attacks to the center of the enormous Transformer. Boba Fett regroups with Darth Vader and Lord Talon to form a triangular formation. They begin moving towards Commando-1, but Xerxes catches Boba Fett with a massive lasgun blast. Boba’s ship blows to pieces right after The One Above All transports him down to Rama. Vader loops back around and takes out Xerxes, but while he is doing this, Dante manages to shoot Darth Talon’s Z-95 and inflicts serious damage to it, in the process. Vader then uses his last 2 missiles to destroy Dante, but Bishop uses the guns from inside the Star Destroyer Latverian to hit Vader’s Z-95. Both Vader and his apprentice’s ships are on the brink of utter destruction, but neither of them ask for The One Above All’s help. Vader manually guides what is left of his ship, while he uses the force to guide Darth Talon’s ship into the docking bay of Dr. Doom’s Star Destroyer. The 2 Sith Lords jump out of their extremely damaged ships and then stealthily begin to search out The crew of The Star Destroyer. Vader, who was there from day 1 of The Empire’s inception knows Star Destroyers as well as anybody in the galaxy, and he uses that knowledge to his advantage as the cat and mouse game begins. Admiral Doom puts The Colonial marines on full alert as Sgt. Apone leads a full search and destroy mission to find the 2 trespassing Sith. Tlaloc’s rage is fueled to its full potential by his red lantern ring, and it is this rage that helps him rip through Magog’s green energy aura and destroy him. Tlaloc is not quite as successful when he squares off against Orion and Arkillo who combine their powers to rip the Titan leader apart. In a small fresh water area, within the depths of Rama, Dr. Fate approaches a hovercraft being piloted by a group who seem like fairly easy prey. Tasha speaks to her Backyard friends and says: “Are you guys ready to eff this guy up”? “Oh yeah, I’m gonna nail this turkey with my heat rod” says Tyrone. “Don’t you mean Heat Axe” says Pablo. “Oh, I guess I could go easy on him and use that instead” the arrogant little Moose says. Dr. Fate takes note of the 2 lightsaber-wielders, but as he lands on the edge of the hovercraft Pablo, Tyrone, & Austin all use their weapons to simultaneously cast Bolt 2, Blaze 2, & Blaze 3 on the good Dr. and completely fry him in place with a series of stunning attacks. Back on what is left of The Play-Off Planet Dark Phoenix sits alone on a shattered mountainside, meditating within a wave of her own apathy. Both teams are under the assumption that since they have not seen or heard from either of them, that an intense battle between her and Numnius rages on; which was at first true but Dark Phoenix actually defeated Numnius about 5 earth days ago, and for her own reasons is yet to rejoin her teammates. Dave Bowman has not been seen for several days, but he did speak to Optimus Prime thru the Autobot Matrix of Leadership before he disappeared. He told Prime, that it was up to him to lead the team’s “Inner Rama Assault” because he would not be there to help out. Bowman implied to Optimus that he had other plans for how he could use his powers to benefit The Commandos, and due to all that The Starchild has done for The Commandos over the last 3 years, not a soul on the team would question Bowman’s plans. Back on The Star Destroyer, Vader and Talon sneak up on a small scouting party, and take out Gorman, Drake, Weirzbowski, & Spunkmeyer before the quartet even realized that they were there. Hicks, then spots the set of Sith and order his squad to open fire. The Marines fight bravely, but in the end they are unable to shoot through Vader and Talon’s lightsaber defenses and one by one they are killed by Vader and his apprentice. Only Dr. Doom, Bishop 341-BL, and Ellen Ripley remain alive from the original Star Destroyer crew. Doom and Bishop are on the bridge, while Ripley is approaching in her robot loader. “THAT WAS MY TEAM YOU B*&^H” Ripley screams as she slams the loader’s right arm down hard on the back of Darth Talon’s head. Vader feels an overwhelming feeling of disappointment after witnessing the apprentice he has spent so much time on be taken by surprise so easily. Vader then uses the force to crush the metal cage that makes up the center of the loader and kills Ripley with her own weapon. Vader then rushes to the control room where he sees the ship being flown by Bishop and Dr. Doom. Doom begins to formulate a plan of action, but he underestimates the speed that Vader still possesses despite his heavily-weighted suit. In one swift motion, Vader uses his lightsaber to relieve Doom of his head and then slices Bishop into several pieces to insure that he can no longer function. Darth Vader then takes over the controls of The Star Destroyer and sets it on a collision course for Rama, before he has The One Above All transport him onto the very ship that he wishes to destroy. Much like Vader suspected, the enormous Star Destroyer barely dents Rama as the 2 ships crash together, resulting in the total destruction of The Star Destroyer Latverian; but at least Vader knows that The Star Destroyer can no longer be used by The Commandos. Orion and Arkillo combine their powers of energy projection and drill a cosmic energy hole directly through the center of Commando-1. Xavier Harkonen attempts to take evasive action while Hannah Montana and Barack Obama finish off their debate about who has more influence over the country. In the end, they both agree that the true answer to their argument is Oprah Winfrey just before The ID4 Mother Ship breaks in half. Orion has no desire to ask for help from The One Above All, so he uses his own powers to transport both himself and Arkillo into Rama. Mrs. Doubtfire is traveling at speeds upwards of 300 MPH when she/he decides that this would be a great time to write a note to his friends and teammates Jar Jar Binks and Ahmed Best to tell them that he/she thinks that they are great and that The Commandos never would have made it to The Universe Bowl without them. Unfortunately while Mrs. Doubtfire is rifling through her/his purse to find a pen the hairy he/she’s futuristic car swerves into an alien skyscraper and blows up on impact. Ten lightsabers twirl at amazing speeds while Grevious and Yendar Platis battle one another. Gen. Grevious is able to slice off the 2 lowest hands of Yendar Platis, but the Jedi Master is able to fight through the pain and finish off Grevious with a double lightsaber thrust through the heart of the Dark Jedi Cyborg. Ben Kenobi is able to finish off the wounded Platis, despite his Jedi weapon being outnumbered 4 to 1. In an area of Rama that was meant to look similar to the old American suburbs of The 1950’s Venus and Serena Williams are ripping through the streets in The Batmobile, while they are followed by Vorian Atreides and Lazarus Long from the air. The 3 vehicles patrol the area when they find that the only enemy is a lone mutant, standing on the roof of one of the small cookie-cutter houses. Vulcan uses his right and left hands to send out 2 intense streams of energy which follow the 2 Migs until they are both taken out. Lazarus Long is able to eject out of his cockpit, but Vorian Atreides has a ejection malfunction and is killed as the plane explodes. Vulcan then jumps onto the roof of The Batmobile and pulls the reinforced steel top right off of the vehicle. Venus and Serena both grab their tennis rackets and use their bulky (yet still feminine) muscles to attack the omega-level mutant, but it is of no avail. In the end, Vulcan makes extremely short work of the 2 tennis stars. Lazarus Long pulls out his vibro-blade and attempts to sneak up on Michael Myers, who is blankly staring at Zombie Doozer #1 as he squeezes the life out of him. Lazarus thinks he has the upper hand, but right before he is about to deliver the killing blow to Myers, the crazed lunatic turns around just in time and puts his own knife into the chest of Long. Spider-Man and his old enemy Carnage battle with each other on top of a large skyscraper like they have done so many times in the past, while Rulk and Doomsday search for more victims. The Starchild has worked tirelessly over the last 200 hours to conjure as much cosmic energy as possible to use in this battle. He reappears on Rama, and without a spoken word makes it clear that he needs the assistance of both Karu-Sil and Taa. The 2 lanterns follow behind Bowman as the trio travels at the speed of light to the farthest point of the match. Also known as the resting place of the 3 Backyardigan living strongholds: Mogo, Ego, & Ranx. As the 3 Commandos approach, Mogo and Ranx use their own lantern powers to instantly destroy both Karu-Sil and Taa, but Bowman is unharmed by their attacks. Dave Bowman uses his own green lantern ring to create an aura that most veteran lanterns would never be able to will into existence. With this energy field surrounding The Starchild, even the combined cosmic attacks of Ego, Mogo, & Ranx are unable to penetrate it. While encapsulated in this field of his own making, Dave Bowman concentrates like he never has before. For one milla-second, Bowman causes all time to completely stop and for The Universe to be under his complete control. In this time The Starchild displaces all of the molecules of these 3 beings and kills them all. After the single-handed destruction of Mogo, Ranx, & Ego; Bowman allows himself an entire earth second to relax before he rockets back to Rama to further aid his team. As Dave Bowman arrives back at Rama, The One Above All sends The Living Tribunal after him. The Living Tribunal has just finished overloading The HAL 9000 computer with more information than the super-computer could possibly handle, but that feat was nothing compared to what is being asked of him now. The Living Tribunal flies toward Bowman, but The Starchild has no time for a cosmic showdown such as this. Bowman uses his own incalculable powers to enhance the power of his green lantern 1 Million fold. He then hits The Living Tribunal with a blast that completely disintegrates him. The One Above, who is still in the form of George Lucas witnesses the death of his underling, but has no intention of dying so easily himself. The Lucas incarnation is well aware of what creating and destroying Universes is all about, so he simply prepares to do what he does when one of his own characters gets to cool. He claims that whatever he all of the sudden doesn’t like about this character was never actually “cannon” to begin with. You see only he can decide what is and isn’t “cannon”; so he manifests this in the physical form by putting it into a little ball of blue energy which he calls a cannon ball. The One Above All then throws this said “cannon” ball at Dave Bowman, whose powers revert back to page 1 of 2001: A Space Odyssey. The Starchild’s amazing FFL career then finally ends as Bowman plummets to his doom. The Cannon Ball falls to the ground as well, where it is picked up by none other than Ahmed Best. Ahmed shows it to his pal Mr. Binks and explains to the Gungan what just happened to their team’s MVP. The 2 carbon-conductors of awesome know that The Lucas/One Above All needs to be stopped; which prompts Jar Jar to say: “But what are weesa supposed to do about it”. Ahmed replies: “Don’t worry General Jar Jar, if anybody can destroy everything that George Lucas has ever accomplished, it’s the 2 of us”. Best and Binks valiantly rush The One Above All, but on the way there Ahmed Best trips over some Avian poop and falls flat on his face. Jar Jar keeps running at The One Above All, but he turns his head around and yells to Ahmed: This was yousa plan, what’s meesa supposed to do”? “Usem the Cannon Ball” Ahmed yells. “Meesa no have a cannon ball” says Jar Jar brilliantly. “Here, takum this one” Best replies. Ahmed Best then throws the cannon ball to Jar Jar, who reaches out his hand to catch it. In all of the character’s sheer genius, Jar Jar then, in a hilarious scene of events bobbles the cannon ball several times before he knocks it into the face of The One Above All. The One Above All is then destroyed by his own unfathomable power. Jar Jar and Ahmed have no time to celebrate their major contribution to their team’s potential victory, because only a few seconds after their defeat of The One Above All, the voice of one of their most respected teammates comes over Jar Jar’s communicator. “Jar Jar, this is Dora. We just took out Dead Man, but now it’s time for the real threat. Follow this homing beacon, and hurry up we haven’t got all day”. The battle that the little explorer spoke of ended when Backpack engulfed Dead Man within his endless compartments until even the undying spirit of the super-hero was destroyed. Their pal Issa was killed by Dead Man in the process, but it was worth the price. Dora can’t afford to shed tears for fallen teammates, even ones as close to her as Issa. Teammates die and Guerra es Hell as she has been known to say. She didn’t cry when her best friend Boots died, nor when she had to take her first life. She affords herself a second to think back to how much it used to bother her to have to kill and to see death surround her, but not any more, not after all she’s been through. Her young eyes may have seen enough blood to last several full lifetimes, but she knows that the worst is yet to come, and if it’s gotta come than she may as well be the Grim Reaper and not the soil sleeper. As Dora and her crew wait for back-up, the battle rages on elsewhere. Holocaust uses his bare hands to rip apart Zandar as well as his wife Tarra and son Dorno. He then uses his powers of energy projection to fry both Gloop and Gleep. It is a little more difficult for him to take out Igoo, but he does manage to crack the shell of the rock-hard ape before Tundro and Zok blast Holocaust with enough combined lava and lightning energy to take him out. Back at the Commando base of operations located just under the entrance to Rama, 2 of the most B.A. combinations in FFL history are reforming. While the Indigo powered Jetfire is fusing himself to Optimus Prime, Parallax is infusing himself into the Mandalorian-Armored-double-lightsabered-playgirl-centerfold-approached Bryan Beckerman. They fly into the fray with the intention of finding Rulk and Doomsday before they can do any more damage. They see the 2 muscle bound attackers in the distance, but they are already a little late to the party. Doomsday and Rulk had no problem mowing through both Zok and Tundro to finish of The Herculoids, and then ripped Mary marvel limb from limb, by each grabbing an end. Optimus and Becks seem a little mismatched against these 2, despite their add-ons but the score gets evened when Dumbledore and Harry Potter rush in to lend a hand. Bryan Becker(lax)man leads the charge against Doomsday and Rulk which begins the pitched battle to end all pitched battles. meanwhile, Carnage has finally finished his life long goal of killing Spider-Man, as their one on one fight was finally ended with Carnage ripping free of Spider-Man’s webs and breaking Peter Parker’s neck, Spider-Man is quickly avenged by the ravenous red cat Dex-Tar, who quickly bites the jugular of Carnage on his way to his next battle. Dark Phoenix finally decides to rejoin her teammates and comes to the aid of Orion, Vulcan, and Arkillo who are battling Dex-Tar and Fatality. Dark Phoenix more than tips the scales for her team against the 2 lanterns, but before they are destroyed Fatality does manage to send an energy spear through the face of Arkillo to make him Ardeado. While Rulk and Doomsday Bryan Battleman with the 3 Commando duos and Ben Kenobi is busy getting triple-teamed by Michael Myers, Dracula, and Wolverine; Jar Jar and Ahmed Best have finally arrived at the rendezvous point where Dora and her crew were already waiting for them. The rendezvous point was a wet marshy area that led into a fairly wide lake. “What’s de plan theira ey-a big boss-Dora your Honor”? Asks Jar Jar. “We have to take out that hovercraft”. Dora replies as she points way out in the distance. “Who’s on it” asks Ahmed Best. “The Backyardigans themselves” Dora replies grimly. “Whoa Noo Oooooohhooooheee ahhhh” Jar Jar says as he faints. Benny and Tico pull some smelling salts out of Backpack to wake up Jar Jar, while Dora looks at Ahmed and says: “I told you this mission was important. Now lets wake up Binks and get moving”. “How are we going to get over to them”? Asks Benny. But Dora is already pulling out a small boat from Backpack: “A little trick my cousin Diego taught me” Dora says as they all get on the raft and begin hand-paddling toward the Hovercraft. Optimus Prime knocks Rulk to the ground and stuns him, while Parallax fuels Beckerman with enough power to move both of his lightsabers in a V-swing and take Rulk’s head clean off. Doomsday is momentarily the only Backyardigan in the skirmish, when Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Dark Phoenix, Orion, and Vulcan show up. Dumbledore is keeping Doomsday at bay when he says: “Harry and I have got Doomsday covered. Don’t worry about us”! Optimus Prime/Jetfire uses a blast of Indigo energy to take out Orion, but an energy blast from Vulcan sends Optimus flying. Prime survives the blast, but finds that his armor, and Jetfire himself were not so lucky. Optimus transforms into his semi-truck form and comes barreling back into the fight, but Vulcan and Dark Phoenix blast the truck to pieces before Optimus can do any more damage. Ben Kenobi keeps his 3 attackers at bay for quite some time, and manages to use his lightsaber to let out Michael Myers concentrated evil by creating a large vent in his neck via decapitation. Kenobi then goes for another head shot on Dracula but the vampire is quick enough to duck the swing just in time. While Kenobi is in full saber-swing, Wolverine catches him with an adamantium thrust to the gut. Dora and her crew are completely unnoticed as they approach the hovercraft. Right before they hop on, Dora says: “We are probably not all going to make it out of this alive, but it is muy importado that we take The Backyardigans out for good, now VAMANOS”! The Commando strike team raids the hovercraft, and casualties get heavy on both sides. Austin puts his Atlas thru the smiling face of Backpack, while Benny strangles Tyrone with his bare hands. Ahmed Best and Jar Jar Binks trip over each other but in doing so fall on Austin and hit him in the temple which kills him. Uniqua puts a lightsaber thru the chest of Jar Jar, and Tasha does the same to Ahmed. Pablo then sticks his halberd into the back of Benny, and then tries to use the halberd on Dora. But Tico sacrifices himself for Dora and jumps onto the halberd before the full fury of Bolt 2 is released. The spell engulfs both Tico and Pablo killing them both, and knocking the green lightsaber out the hand of Tasha who was right next to them. Meanwhile, back on land. Doomsday has somehow broken loose of the combined spell of Harry and Dumbledore and when he did, he managed to put a massive gray fist through the face of Dumbledore. Dumbledore dies instantly from the blow, but Harry conjures up every bit of magic he can muster and focuses it directly at Doomsday. When Harry finally cannot focus any longer he releases the spell to find that Doomsday is completely annihilated. Harry isn’t sure if he can even move, let alone fight; but he realizes that he is going to be tested sooner than he had hoped when both Dark Phoenix and Vulcan rush in towards him. Harry unleashes what he can toward his 2 attackers, and surprises even himself when he wipes out Vulcan with a single magical burst before he is engulfed by the true order of The Phoenix. Tasha laughs manically as she reaches into the pouch of the dead Backpack and pulls out Boots’ old lightsaber. “Didn’t this belong to your dead little monkey friend”? Tasha says to Dora as she ignites the lightsaber and walks up closer to Dora with Uniqua by her side, wielding her own red lightsaber. “I will never fear Boots’ sword” The little explorer says. Dora stands at the ready, with her lightsaber ignited. She positions herself so the 2 remaining Backyardigans cannot get behind her, she knows that they already have the advantage but she doesn’t want the double team to be any worse than it already is. Dora focuses on the problem at hand and just allows herself to become one with the battle. She thinks to herself as if she is merely a bystander watching what she was doing from afar, as if she were a star of a show, and she was living the life of a normal little girl watching it at home on her couch. As if the whole event happens in slow motion she thinks to herself : I dodged Tasha’s swing and I parried Uniqua and I did it... I did it... I did it hurray. I came up on the left and I sliced Uniqua’s neck and I did it... I did it... I did it hurray. Tasha picked up the other saber and double swung at me and I ducked it... I ducked it...... I ducked it hurray. Then I through down a double spin kick and back-flipped over Tasha and I did it.... I did it.... I did it hurray. Then I took my saber and I ran her through and............................ I did it. Dora does not waste a second after dispatching the last 2 Backyardigans. She knows that just because her mission is complete that doesn’t mean that there aren’t teammates of hers that need help. She gets behind the controls of the hovercraft and crashes it in to the shore. Dora hits the ground running with her lightsaber ignited. She gets to the skirmish just in time to see Beckerlax surrounded. With their lightsabers drawn, Dora and Beckerlax stand back to back as the remaining Backyardigan team closes in on them. The Parallax entity flies out of Bryan Beckerman and attacks. Darth Vader raises his right hand in the air and rips apart the solid Parallax, destroying the physical form for good, but Bryan realizes that the Parallax power has not left him, and that it never will. Vader, Boba Fett, Dark Phoenix, Dracula, & Wolverine are amazed at how difficult it is to break through the defenses of the super-powered-armored lawyer and the battle-hardened little girl, but eventually they do fall to the American League’s might.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGAN’S: BEEYATCHES ARE UNIVERSE BOWL CHAMPIONS!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Season Three: Week Four: Consolation Match: The Untouchables vs. The Right Wing
The Untouchables are Big Bird
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander
Nick Houslander kicks open the door to the bathroom and see’s a gigantic yellow bird standing by the urinal.
Nick Houslander: “You sure you know what your doing with that thing?”
Big Bird: “Oh, I know exactly what I’m doing with this thing.”
As soon as he says this, he rips the urinal out of the wall and hits Houslander directly in the head with the urine soaked object. Houslander falls to the floor and drops his always-loaded double barrel shotgun. Houslander is woozy as he lies on the floor trying to regain his senses. His hands are blindly reaching across the soaking wet floor when he looks up and see’s Big Bird holding the gun.
Nick Houslander: “Just finish it you yellow sack of s$#%”.
Big Bird: “It’ll be my pleasure you fat f#%@ing loser”.
Big Bird unloads one of the barrels into Houslander’s gut and then jam’s the other barrel into his mouth, turning his head into pile of bloody end trails. Big Bird throws the gun on the floor and walk’s back into the bar; looking for the coldest beer he can get his hands on.
The Right Wing: All Dead.
The Untouchables: Big Bird survives.
The Untouchables are Victorious!!!
The Right Wing is Nick Houslander
Nick Houslander kicks open the door to the bathroom and see’s a gigantic yellow bird standing by the urinal.
Nick Houslander: “You sure you know what your doing with that thing?”
Big Bird: “Oh, I know exactly what I’m doing with this thing.”
As soon as he says this, he rips the urinal out of the wall and hits Houslander directly in the head with the urine soaked object. Houslander falls to the floor and drops his always-loaded double barrel shotgun. Houslander is woozy as he lies on the floor trying to regain his senses. His hands are blindly reaching across the soaking wet floor when he looks up and see’s Big Bird holding the gun.
Nick Houslander: “Just finish it you yellow sack of s$#%”.
Big Bird: “It’ll be my pleasure you fat f#%@ing loser”.
Big Bird unloads one of the barrels into Houslander’s gut and then jam’s the other barrel into his mouth, turning his head into pile of bloody end trails. Big Bird throws the gun on the floor and walk’s back into the bar; looking for the coldest beer he can get his hands on.
The Right Wing: All Dead.
The Untouchables: Big Bird survives.
The Untouchables are Victorious!!!
Season Three: Week Four: Consolation Match: Better Than All of You vs. TEAM
Better Than All of You is Dave Mustaine
TEAM is Bokken
Dave Mustaine: “Nice backpack you tool”.
Bokken: “You’re hilarious man!”
Dave Mustaine: “No, I’m serious, you look like the ultimate tool with that thing on.”
Bokken: “Yeah, Tool was out when “Train of Consequences” came out.”
Dave Mustaine: “That’s not why I said that, I wasn’t making a pun on the word Tool or anything. I’m saying it because it makes you look like a tool.”
Bokken: “If I’m a tool though, then in a couple years I will become a perfect circle then”.
Dave Mustaine: “Are you f#*!ing kidding me with this s*$%!”
Bokken: “Can you sing to me a little bit?”
Dave Mustaine: “You know what, sure why not”
Dave Mustaine then proceeded to smash Bokken’s head into the urinal while singing a modified version of “Train of Consequences”.
Dave Mustaine: “I’m doing you a favor, as I repeatedly smash your head into this toilet, trust me when I say this, but I don’t even feel sorry…”
TEAM: All dead.
Better Than All of You: Dave Mustaine survived.
Better Then All of You is Victorious!!!
TEAM is Bokken
Dave Mustaine: “Nice backpack you tool”.
Bokken: “You’re hilarious man!”
Dave Mustaine: “No, I’m serious, you look like the ultimate tool with that thing on.”
Bokken: “Yeah, Tool was out when “Train of Consequences” came out.”
Dave Mustaine: “That’s not why I said that, I wasn’t making a pun on the word Tool or anything. I’m saying it because it makes you look like a tool.”
Bokken: “If I’m a tool though, then in a couple years I will become a perfect circle then”.
Dave Mustaine: “Are you f#*!ing kidding me with this s*$%!”
Bokken: “Can you sing to me a little bit?”
Dave Mustaine: “You know what, sure why not”
Dave Mustaine then proceeded to smash Bokken’s head into the urinal while singing a modified version of “Train of Consequences”.
Dave Mustaine: “I’m doing you a favor, as I repeatedly smash your head into this toilet, trust me when I say this, but I don’t even feel sorry…”
TEAM: All dead.
Better Than All of You: Dave Mustaine survived.
Better Then All of You is Victorious!!!
Season Three: Week Four: Consolation Matches: Hayley's Comet's vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
Hayley’s Comets are Mace Towani (w/laser sword)
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Scary Spice
Mace Towani stands in the stall of the bathroom and thinks to himself about how disgraceful it is that he is holding a light saber knock off. It is an embarrassment to him as he has seen the real thing before. As he sits there in the stall waiting for his opponent, he wonders whether or not he should even use it. As he is contemplating this decision, the bathroom door opens up and he can hear the very distinct sound of a British woman singing a song he is not familiar with.
Scary Spice: “Stop right now thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch. Hey you, sitting in the stall, you gotta flush that toilet, make sure you get it all.”
Mace Towani open’s up stall to see who the hell is in the bathroom with him. He sees a tall black woman with a ridiculous looking silver unitard on.
Mace: “Um, hi. What are you doing in the men’s bathroom?”
Scary Spice: “Oh, is this room for men only love?”
Mace: “Well yeah, it is the men’s room after all”.
SS: “Well isn’t that a bit sexist in a way. I mean, what about equality of the sexes and everything?”
Mace: “Did that really ever apply to the bathroom area though? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m with the girl power thing…”
SS: “Yeah, GIRL POWER!!!”
Mace: “Yeah, like I said girl…”
SS: “GIRL POWER!!!”
Mace: “Yeah, that thing you just said, but I’m pretty sure it never really applied to bathrooms. I don’t really think having separate bathrooms is a bad thing.”
SS: “So you agree with the separate but equal laws then?”
Mace: “No, that’s not what I’m saying. All I’m saying is that…”
SS: “Is that because I am a black British woman, I should have to go piss in the sewer’s or something like that. Is that what your saying.”
Mace: “How did you get to that conclusion, I’ve never once mentioned any of those things that you just accused me of.”
SS: “Whatever man, I see how you are.”
Mace: “I am sorry that you think I’m like that but I’m really not.”
SS: “Whatever man, Girl Power.”
Mace: “What?”
SS: “GIRL POWER!!!”
Mace then looked down at his laser sword and all of a sudden decided that it would not be a disgrace to use this on her, but a blessing to the world. He then pulled out his laser sword but before he was able to even turn it on, Scary Spice was able to knock it out of his hand.
SS: “Don’t even try to use that sword on me.”
Mace: “Um okay, well then how about I use this on you.”
Mace tries to take a swing at her, but she blocks his punch and then does a sweep kick on him that sends him crashing to the floor. She then punches a number into her cell phone and begins laughing hysterically at him.
Mace: “What on earth are you laughing about now?”
SS: “2 become 1 baby!”
Mace: “Huh?”
SS: “SpiceForce 5!!!”
Mace: “Please just kill me now.”
SS: “Not a problem love. GIRL POWER!!!”
Scary Spice then walks out of the bathroom and seconds later the room explodes into a ball of fire. Despite the loud noise from the explosion, you could still hear Mel B singing songs for the remainder of the night.
Hayley’s Comets: All Dead.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade: Scary Spice survived.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Victorious!!!
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Scary Spice
Mace Towani stands in the stall of the bathroom and thinks to himself about how disgraceful it is that he is holding a light saber knock off. It is an embarrassment to him as he has seen the real thing before. As he sits there in the stall waiting for his opponent, he wonders whether or not he should even use it. As he is contemplating this decision, the bathroom door opens up and he can hear the very distinct sound of a British woman singing a song he is not familiar with.
Scary Spice: “Stop right now thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch. Hey you, sitting in the stall, you gotta flush that toilet, make sure you get it all.”
Mace Towani open’s up stall to see who the hell is in the bathroom with him. He sees a tall black woman with a ridiculous looking silver unitard on.
Mace: “Um, hi. What are you doing in the men’s bathroom?”
Scary Spice: “Oh, is this room for men only love?”
Mace: “Well yeah, it is the men’s room after all”.
SS: “Well isn’t that a bit sexist in a way. I mean, what about equality of the sexes and everything?”
Mace: “Did that really ever apply to the bathroom area though? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m with the girl power thing…”
SS: “Yeah, GIRL POWER!!!”
Mace: “Yeah, like I said girl…”
SS: “GIRL POWER!!!”
Mace: “Yeah, that thing you just said, but I’m pretty sure it never really applied to bathrooms. I don’t really think having separate bathrooms is a bad thing.”
SS: “So you agree with the separate but equal laws then?”
Mace: “No, that’s not what I’m saying. All I’m saying is that…”
SS: “Is that because I am a black British woman, I should have to go piss in the sewer’s or something like that. Is that what your saying.”
Mace: “How did you get to that conclusion, I’ve never once mentioned any of those things that you just accused me of.”
SS: “Whatever man, I see how you are.”
Mace: “I am sorry that you think I’m like that but I’m really not.”
SS: “Whatever man, Girl Power.”
Mace: “What?”
SS: “GIRL POWER!!!”
Mace then looked down at his laser sword and all of a sudden decided that it would not be a disgrace to use this on her, but a blessing to the world. He then pulled out his laser sword but before he was able to even turn it on, Scary Spice was able to knock it out of his hand.
SS: “Don’t even try to use that sword on me.”
Mace: “Um okay, well then how about I use this on you.”
Mace tries to take a swing at her, but she blocks his punch and then does a sweep kick on him that sends him crashing to the floor. She then punches a number into her cell phone and begins laughing hysterically at him.
Mace: “What on earth are you laughing about now?”
SS: “2 become 1 baby!”
Mace: “Huh?”
SS: “SpiceForce 5!!!”
Mace: “Please just kill me now.”
SS: “Not a problem love. GIRL POWER!!!”
Scary Spice then walks out of the bathroom and seconds later the room explodes into a ball of fire. Despite the loud noise from the explosion, you could still hear Mel B singing songs for the remainder of the night.
Hayley’s Comets: All Dead.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade: Scary Spice survived.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Victorious!!!
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