Season Three: Week Seven: The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets vs. George Washington's Slaves

The Midgets are Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1 & 2, New Sisterhood Reverend Mother #1, Honored Matre #1, Bene Gesserit #1 & 2, Murbella, Stilgar, Fremen #52-56, Star Sapphire #1-3, Duncan Idaho, (child) Duncan Idaho, Duncan Idaho Ghola #5, Thufir Hawat, Aurra Sing, Velociraptor #21-23, Dwarf #1, Super Battle Droid #1 & 2, Gold Dragon #3-8, Silver Dragon #16, Mentat #1, Nick Nack, & Ralph.

Sandworms #15-20, Marcus Fenix, Dominic Santiago, Augustus Cole, Damon Baird, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, Jedi Masters #14-19, Starship Troopers #22-27, Lance Bean & Bill Rizer, Mr and Mrs Smith, Scorpion, Duncan Idaho Ghola #7, Dare the Terminator, Sayid Jarrah with Lightsaber, Darth Plagius, Stonewall Jackson and a Ninja.

“Oh my god, these Sandworms are impossible to beat” Velociraptor #21 says to Silver Dragon #16. “I know, I thought we could beat them but I suppose with only us left, it is impossible”, the Silver Dragon says to the dinosaur. In a last ditch effort, the dinosaur, who is riding on the Silver Dragon, tells his winged friend to charge in on the Sandworm. Their final attack is brave but unsuccessful as the Slaves finish off the easiest match in Fantasy Fantasy history.

The Midgets: All Dead (Really dead)

The Slaves: All Alive (More alive then when the match started)

George Washington’s Slaves are Victorious!!!



Just Kidding.

Here’s the real match.


The Sandworms all line up in their flying V formation.

Sandworm #3: “Come on guys, we can take these stupid midgets”

Sandworm#1: “Yeah we can. They are midgets, which means they are small. That is so stupid because we are so very big.”

Sandworm #4: “I know, it is like when a man steps on an ant hill. It’s totally like nothing is even hard to do.”

Sandworm #6: “Let’s crush that ant hill.”
Sandworms: “Yeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!”

Just then Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1 & 2, New Sisterhood Reverend Mother #1, Honored Matre #1, Bene Gesserit #1 & 2, Murbella all unleash a power that has never been seen before in the universe. It instantly knocks out all of the Sandworm’s, killing them immediately.

Jedi Master #14: “Oh crap, there goes the match.”

Jedi Master #16: “Quick everybody, take the suicide pill.”

Everyone takes the Suicide pill that Yoda had created via his Green Lantern ring and soon enough everyone on the Slaves was lying dead on the desert floor. The Midgets all rejoiced at their victory and began drinking the sand that the Star Sapphires were turning into water. Soon enough, the desert was turned into a water paradise and everyone on the Midgets lived happily ever after.

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets: All Alive

George Washington’s Slaves: All Dead

The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Victorious!!!



Just Kidding.


Here’s the real match

or is it….



It is pure Mayhem as the Jedi Master’s are on the attack. There is Kool Aid stands everywhere in the desert for some reason. It is every flavor in the world to. The Jedi Master’s are charging in on the Fremen, who are the fiercest fighters the desert has ever seen. The Jedi’s and the Fremen meet face to face and the battle is violent. Though the Fremen are trained to be able to fight Sardacor’s and other terrifying enemies, they are no match for the Jedi Master’s and their Light Sabers. All the Fremen are destroyed and now the Jedi’s are on the look out for whatever else this tropical hell has to offer for them

I see water next to the Velociraptor’s; it looks like they are drinking it. It looks so good. Oh wait, it looks like the Contra Boys and the Gears of War team have found a common enemy as they are all firing on the dangerous dino’s. Lance, Bill and “Cole Train” manage to kill Velociraptor #22 but #23 had jumped on Lance and is now eating his face off. This provokes Bill and Augustus to pepper the dino with many bullets, which ends its life. The rest of the Gears crew is not finding the other Velociraptor difficult as they unload many a magazine into the scaled flesh of the now extinct creature.

The Gears Crew is happy with their victory but before they can celebrate with all of that freshly squeezed orange juice that I can see from here, they are attacked from the back by what looks like Duncan Idaho, the Duncan Idaho Ghola, Thufir Hawat, Dwarf #1 and a little kid. The fight is a long one, but not all bad, well if you are a fan of the Midgets that is. Though Bill is able to shoot Dwarf #1 in the head, he has his throat slit by the Duncan Idaho Ghola. The regular Duncan Idaho instantly killed Damon Baird, but had a bit of trouble taking down Augustus Cole. The little kid turned out to be the child version of Duncan Idaho and though Marcus Fenix shot him in the chest, he lived through the fight. Duncan Idaho, his Ghola and Thufir Hawat took on the gun carrying soldiers and all came out alive. Duncan knew that the younger version of him was not going to make it very long out her in the desert so he picked him up and tried to get him to safety. Though in this climate, I am not sure there is such a thing.

“And then I told him, well I can bring people back to life by midi-chlorian manipulation. Can you believe that? He sure did” Darth Plagueis said as he was laughing hysterically to Dare the Terminator, Sayid and Scorpion. “I swear that guy would believe anything. I still don’t know how he managed to take over the Republic”.

Sayid: “I think we have company Darth”

Darth: “Alright, let’s see who it is. It looks like it’s some of those non-green lanterns. Does everything have to be stupid these days? Just stick with one color and call it a day.”

Stonewall Jackson: “That’s what I’ve been saying for years and nobody ever understood where I was coming from”

Sayid: “Yes Stonewall, I was really hoping to hear from you on this matter” he says sarcastically.

Just then one of the Star Sapphire’s sent an energy field towards Darth Plagueis in an attempt to trap the Sith Lord. He easily sends it straight back at them and knocks them out of the air.

Darth Plagueis: “Your gonna need something better then that if you are going to take down the all mighty power”.

Stilgar: “Then call me something better” as he sticks his crysknife into the gut of the Sith Lord. Stilgar was inside the energy bubble and as soon as the Sith Lord sent it back, Stilgar exited the energy field. Though it was a sly move on the Fremen’s part, it was ultimately not enough to kill the Sith Lord. Stilgar was then met by the fury of Sayid Jarrah’s Light saber and Dare the Terminator. Stilgar was eventually killed by Sayid, but not before slicing open the throat and killing Dare the Terminator.

Duncan Idaho and his crew were running back towards their somewhat idea of a home base. Idaho was still carrying the now very ill looking child version of himself, hoping to get back to their base before he died. I am imaging that they will be met with ice-cold glasses of Gatorade and Ice Tea.

You see, I showed up way before the match today. Like a day and a half before the match started. Only one team was here for a long time and I didn’t bring anything to drink. I thought that I had hydrated myself just fine before hand, but no. Now all I can think about is an ice-cold glass of anything. I really don’t care at this point. You could fill a cup up with anti-freeze and tell me it’s a squeeze it and I’d drink it. Regardless, I will continue to report this match back to you. I really just wish the Sandworm’s would show up already do something. I mean hurry up already, it’s the desert for god’s sake, start killing stuff you stupid worms.

Anyways, where was I. Oh yeah, Duncan Idaho and his crew were on their way back to their base when they were met up by the Jedi Master’s and the Duncan Idaho Ghola #7. The fight between the two ghola’s was actually kind of sweet, but in the end it was Ghola #5 who came out on top. The actual Duncan Idaho had to put down the younger version of himself to fight the Jedi’s. During the fight, the child Duncan succumbed to his wounds and died. It wasn’t too long before the big Duncan met the same fate as his younger self though, as the Jedi’s were just too much for him. Though he was able to kill Jedi #14 and destroy the light saber of Jedi #19. Jedi #18 killed Thufir Hawat and Jedi #16 killed Ghola #5 with a cheap shot Light Saber strike to the back.

Jedi Master #19: “Douche move on killing that dude with the strike to the back.”

Jedi Master #16: “Hey, I don’t remember Master Yoda ever telling us to only kill people by staring them in the eyes. I’m sorry I don’t have serial killer tendencies like you do.”

Jedi Master #19: “Excuse me for liking to watch the people I kill die. I like to think of it as my way of watching them become one with the force.”

Jedi Master #15: “Shut up you two Gossip Queen’s. Let’s go find the rest of them so we can get the hell out of here.”

As the Jedi’s walked away from their second victory of this battle, the Gold and Silver Dragon’s flew up above watching them. Aurra Sing, Mentat #1, Nick Nack and Ralph were all riding on different Gold Dragon’s. Aurra Sing was leading the charge on the Jedi’s from above, as she figured it was the only way she could get the upper hand on them. She sent the unoccupied Dragon’s down first to start the attack and then Ralph and Nick Nack afterwards. The Dragon attack was actually quite the success, as the Jedi’s had no real cover. Jedi Master’s #15 and #17 were overtaken by the flames and eventually burned to death. The unoccupied Dragon’s were the two that had killed the Jedi’s but were quickly taken over with Jedi mind control and were soon mounted by Jedi Master’s #16 and #19. Jedi Master #18 quickly took off to meet up with the rest of his team for what he assumed would be one final battle.

The two Jedi’s were now in the air and on the attack as they instantly went after the Ralph and Nick Nack controlled Dragon’s. The aerial combat was truly a sight to behold as the two Jedi’s flew easily through the air as if they were the ones with the wings. Jedi #19 did not have his Light Saber anymore so he was confined to using the Dragon’s firepower for a weapon. This did not seem to be slowing him down any as he attacked Ralph’s dragon head on and torched him right out of the sky. Jedi #16 decided to fly right next to the Nick Nack piloted dragon and with a quick strike to the heart of the Gold Dragon, Nick Nack and the dragon both plummeted to their death’s.

The battle was not going like Aurra Sing had hoped for and signaled a retreat for her and the Mentat. Though the Mentat and Silver Dragon knew about the retreat, it was too late as the Jedi’s by this time had control of all of the Dragon’s and before Aurra and the Mentat could even get a grasp on the new situation, they were both falling to their death’s on the desert floor. Now that the Jedi’s were in control of the Dragon’s, they were going to head back to the rest of their team.

The Bene Gesserit’s and their Reverend Mother’s were hoping the match would be going better for them, as they knew they had yet to even see a single Sandworm. The Star Sapphire’s trick with Stilgar had failed, as he was only able to kill one ‘’Slave’ with his attack. With still no sign of the Sandworm’s though, the Dune “Witches” still had a chance to do some damage. They figured that it was time they are joined in on the fight. Instead of coming up on them in a sneak attack, they decided to take more direct action. They had the three Star Sapphire’s encase the entire group of them and drop them right in the middle of the action.

As soon as the Midget’s power’s arrived it looked as if their sneak attack had worked. As soon as they came up on the “Slaves”, the Reverend Mother’s used their “Voices” to kill all six of the Star Ship Troopers, Sayid Jarrah and Stonewall Jackson. The attack did nothing to Zombie Ki-Adi Mundi who started to chew on Bene Gesserit #1 as she was trying to attack Scorpion. Scorpion then took out his harpoon and stuck it in the chest of the New Sisterhood Reverend Mother as both Mr. and Mrs. Smith shot and killed her. Darth Plagueis then went right for Murbella who had another plan on her mind. She thought the seduction of a Sith Lord would be the ultimate power trip as she tried to engage him in some very adult activities. Unfortunately for her, this was not to be the case as she soon found that the only thing he was interested in putting inside of her was his Red Light Saber. He did this only once and that was all it took to take her life away from her. The Reverend Mother’s and the Star Sapphire’s were planning one last attack on the ‘’Slaves’ when somebody finally decided it was time to come out and play.

Mrs. Smith: “Well it’s about damn time. We brought them here to fight this match and we’ve basically taken care of everything for them.”

Darth Plagueis: “Hey, speak for yourself sugar tits. I’ve barely seen you do anything other then kill one measly girl with your husband and that fish thing.”

Mr. Smith: “Fish thing? What the hell are you talking about?"

Darth Plagueis: “The yellow dude with the mask”

Mrs. Smith: “You mean Scorpion?”

Darth Plagueis: “Yeah, he had that harpoon thing he used. I just assumed he was a fisherman or something.”

Mrs. Smith: “You’re retarded”

Darth Plagueis: “So, you’re just Angelina Jolie with a gun.”

Mr. Smith: “Okay. Let’s just let the worms finish this one up and get the hell out of here."

Mrs. Smith: “Fine honey, whatever you say. I guess I don’t have any say in the matter.”

Mr. Smith: “Oh I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you two could continue this argument back at home instead of standing in the line of fire on this hell hole planet we are on.”

Mrs. Smith: (With a slight smirk) "I know honey, I just like to watch you squirm.”

Mr. Smith: “I love you to honey, now let’s get the hell out of here."

The Jedi’s at this point were flying down to grab their remaining teammates as they knew once the Sandworm’s started going, it was basically impossible to get out of there way. The Jedi’s soon collected Mr. and Mrs. Smith who jumped onto Silver Dragon #16, Scorpion and Ninja #1 who jumped onto Gold Dragon #7 and Darth Plagueis and Zombie Ki-Adi Mundi were on the back of Gold Dragon #8.

Darth Plagueis: “I can’t believe I have to share this Dragon with a Zombie Jedi. I swear if you try to bite me even once, I am knocking you off this thing.”

As they all flew away Jedi #19 flew over to where Jedi #18 was to go pick him up. As Jedi #19 flew down to go pick his friend up he heard shooting coming from somewhere in the distance.

Jedi Master #19: “What is that?”

Jedi Master #18: “Oh yeah, it’s two Super Battle Droid’s that I saw on the way. I guess I just kind of forgot about them”

Jedi Master #19: “Oh well, let the worm’s take care of them.”

The two Jedi’s flew off to meet with the rest of their team.

By this time the Reverend Mother’s and the Honored Matre had decided that there was no way they could defeat all of these sandworms and that there best course of action was to just get the hell out of here.

Star Sapphire #2: “If you would like, we could keep you all safe suspended in the air as we try to slowly kill these beasts one by one.”

As the Star Sapphire says this, a giant Sandworm comes up from under the desert and takes her back down in the desert with it.

Star Sapphire #3: “On behalf of my now dead sister, I am going to say that is a horrible idea. How about we but out of this and call it even.”

Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1: “Works for me”

The two remaining Star Sapphire’s encase the two Reverend Mother’s and the Honored Matre in an energy field and head back to their team base with their head’s held high. Well, not really, but at least they didn’t die. That’s got to count for something.

Oh, if you were wondering about the Super Battle Droid’s, the Sandworm’s took mercy on them and let them live.

I’m just kidding, they killed them.

The Midgets: Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother #1 & 2, Honored Matre #1, Star Sapphire #1 & 3, Silver Dragon #16 and Silver Dragon’s #3, 4, 7, 8 all survived.

George Washington’s Slaves: Jedi Master’s #16, 18 & 19, Sandworm’s #15-20, Ninja #1, Zombie Ki-Adi Mundi, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Scorpion and Darth Plagueis all Survived.

George Washington’s Slaves are Victorious!!!