Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse is coached by Brett Favre (w/ a Spartan shield and armor). The team is Tom Brady (w/ a blue lantern ring), Guy Gardner (w/ a blue lantern ring), Jason Todd (w/ cannon gun and mithril vest), Centurion #5: AKA Jim Tebow (w/ ferengi energy whip), Super Dinosaur, Han Solo: Rogue Jedi, Az-Rel, Triceraton #1-3 (Stomp, Whomp, and Thwomp), and a Life Model Decoy of Barry Sanders.
The Empire is coached by Kaja Sinis. The team is Bo Jackson, Cleetus The NFL Robot, (Full Spectrum) Kyle Rayner, Superman Jr., Batman Jr., Star Saber, Victory Leo, and The Jeremitt Family: Catarine (w/ a pokeball), Jeremitt (w/ a laser sword), Mace (w/ a laser gun), and Cindel (w/ a star wand).
It has come to pass... That I, Joshatu the Great shall witness this contest. The weapons have been removed from the hands of these two teams and they shall do battle in one of the most modern forms of warfare... The game of football.
The Empire wins the toss. They will receive in the second half.
Here are the highlights from quarter to quarter.
Grindhouse 0 Empire 0
1st Quarter
Tom Brady has never needed help providing hope for his team, but the blue lantern ring on his finger makes this emotion even more prevalent for The Grindhouse. Brady receives the snap from his fellow blue lantern and Michigan alum Guy Gardner and has got all day to throw the football, with The Triceratons providing an absolute wall of an offensive line, along with Jason Todd who doesn't look like a typical lineman, but can sure take a beating with the help of his mithril vest and Batman training. Brady fakes a hand-off to the fake Barry Sanders and steps back to throw. It's caught by Super Dinosaur, who gains 15 more yards after the carry before he's tackled by Cleetus at the Empire's 40 yard line. Brady throws for another first down to Tight End Jim Tebow and then is able to find Super Dinosaur again, but this time in the end zone for the first score of the game. For The Empire's first chance with the ball, Kaja Sinis calls out the big guns and has Star Saber and Victory Leo merge to formVictory Leo, which has me about to blow the whistle for not enough men on the field, when Catarine jeremitt reaches in to her pocket and says: “I choose you Jiggly Puff”. This gives them the necessary 11 players. Superman Jr. may not have the quarterback presence and knowledge that Tom Brady has; but he can throw the ball from endzone to endzone with ease and with either hand. He receives the snap from his buddy Batman Jr. and hands the ball off to Bo Jackson who takes off down the side of the field. He is staying behind his blockers, while he watches Cleetus and Victory Saber knock down Triceratons as if they were toddlers. But he is eventually tackled by Az-Rel at the 20 yard line. 1st down. The Empire has only 15 yards to go, with 4 downs to do it in; but Tom Brady is out there on defense barking orders at his team, like that is the position he has been playing his whole life. The Grindhouse looks over to their head coach Brett Favre, but he is to busy lifting up his Spartan Armor to show some chick in the front row his junk to pay attention. He is also not to great at being a coach, because all he has ever told his team to do is go for a long bomb, so they are basically just ignoring him now. 1st down, Superman Jr. overthrows Victory Saber in the end zone as he loses control and launches the ball in to the stands. 2nd down, The Towani family crumbles like a cookie as Super Dinosaur and Thwomp break through and sack Superman Jr. for a loss of 10 yards. 3rd down, they attempt a running play again with Bo Jackson but he is tackled with only a 7 yard gain with a little help from a force push by Rogue Han. 4th down, they are going to take the points. Cleetus easily kicks it through the uprights to end the 1st quarter of play.
Grindhouse 7 Empire 3
2nd Quarter
The teams both kick up their defense and the score stays tied through in to the half.
Half Time
The half time show is the girl who played Carla from Cheers talking about how much Danny Devito sucks, to the tune of a Jackson 5 medley. It is really awesome.
3rd Quarter
Brady and The Grindhouse march down the field to start the second half, but when Super Dinosaur and Jim Tebow both drop passes they end up settling for a field goal. It was kicked by none other than Tom Brady (God I love that man). Things were looking good for The Empire when Superman Jr. sees Cleetus wide open in the endzone. He drops back to pass when Az-Rel flies in out of nowhere... INTERCEPTION. Az-Rel lands back on the ground and runs it back for the pick 6.
Grindhouse 16 Empire 3
The Grindhouse lines up for the extra point but Victory Leo rockets in to the air and bats down the kick. The pick 6 stays as is.
4th Quarter
The Empire gets back the ball, which leads to Cleetus and Superman Jr. putting on a clinic. Cleetus provides some mad cover, while Supes rushes in for a touchdown to wrap up the 3rd quarter.
Grindhouse 16 Empire 10
Bo Jackson and Superman Jr. rush for even more yards; but are held back from scoring once again by the grindhouse defense. This is when Rayner decides to take matters in to his own ring-laden hands. He lets the rings take control of his body and lunges for the ball. He blows the likes of Superman Jr., Az-Rel, Super Dinosasur, and Victory Saber aside and rockets into the endzone at the speed of light before the rings overtake his body and extinguish his life force. Kyle Rayner in his death makes the score...
Grindhouse 16 Empire 17
Less than two minutes left in the game when The Grindhouse attempts what is certain to be the last drive of the game. Tom Brady takes the snap at the 40 yard line when his wide outs Super Dinosaur and Han Solo are leveled by Cleetus and Victory Leo (yeah... I'm keeping the whistle in my pocket). Tom then throws to his slot receiver Az-Rel. The Triceratons provide cover as he rushes in to the endzone, knocking the heads off of Jeremitt and Catarine Towani (literally). Az-Rel then sees Superman Jr. guarding the endzone as he rushes in for his final push. Az-Rel talks some smack with 1 second left on the clock by saying: “Ahh, this antiquated character believes himself to be the only Kryptonian around... I'll show you how REAL Kryptonians do battle”... Superman Jr. sizes up his opponent and says: “In my day, there was only one surviving being from Krypton, and I liked it better that way” as he stiff arms the Kryptonian “Clyde” with all of his might; breaking the neck of Az-Rel who falls three feet behind Supes in the endzone... Still holding the ball.
TOUCHDOWN GRINDHOUSE...
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8 comments:
Beckerman Presents: The Mickey Mouse Grindhouse is Victorious!!
Final Score: 23 to 17
Az-Rel from The Grindhouse and Kyle Rayner, Catarine and Jeremitt died in the process.
And the Grindhouse wins their first ever first game of the season! Nice effort, Adam. Good game.
Though, I gotta say, the only thing "super" about Superman Jr is the fact that he's a super racist. It's not only the El family that's from Krypton you horrible, little man. Hopefully you've learned something by your misinformed actions costing you the game, but that Kryptonian had a name.
His name was Az-Rel. And he was a stone cold, serial killer.
You've made an enemy this day. I don't envy you.
RIP Az-Rel. Your death was not in vain.
Nice work, Josh.
Hmmm... Really? Superman Jr. killed Az-Rel? Ooookkkaay.
If it was "Tecmo Bowl" Bo Jackson, the score would've been 70-0 at the half.
Az-rel is Gargamel's cat from The Smurfs, right?
And I thought I was good at putting people to sleep.
If all the weapons were taken away from the players at the beginning of the game, like it said.... Why did Kyle Rayner still have all those rings?!?
All the weapons were. i.e. swords, guns ext... Some things were missed, such as jewelry and pokeballs in people's pockets. Sorry to those who didn't like it. I guess they can't all be jems.
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