Friday, March 19, 2010
Battle for League Domination
After the first week of Inter-League Matches, The American League and the National League are in a dead tie of 6-6. As of this posting, the National League has already won two matches from Week Three, which puts them up 8-6. With ten matches still to go, the competition as well as the trash talking will surely get more heated and probably funnier. Good luck to both leagues.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Oblivio vs. George Washington's Slaves
"Seen from orbit, Imperial Center is a blaze of light and sparkling colors, reminding some spacers of corusca stones, after which this planet was named long ago."
―Pollux Hax
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Oblivio: Chucky, Bride of Chucky, Clary Fray and Golden Army Soldiers #1-18.
George Washington’s Slaves: Porkins and R5-D4 in an X-Wing, Gonzo and Kamilla, Cade Skywalker, Connor MacLeod, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, King Kong, Loki, Super Soldier, T-1000, Ultraman, Doppleganger, Runner, B’dg and Zillius Zox.
Oblivio is located at Newport. As the match commences, Golden Army Soldiers (hereinafter referred to as “GAS”) #1-18 rise, ready for battle. The Shadowhunter Clary Fray uses her mystical abilities to encase Elven King Balor’s crown under a protective force field for the Golden Army’s protection.
Connor MacLeod and Zombie Ki Adi Mundi are the first to face the GAS at the Newport grounds. The two focus on GAS #3. A grueling and pitched fight between sword masters and GAS #3 occurs. As MacLeod focuses on GAS#3’s right side, Mundi focuses on its left. Although Mundi’s lightsaber manages to slash through GAS#3’s left arm, MacLeod is unable to even dent its right side. MacLeod is stabbed in the stomach by GAS#3. MacLeod falls to his knees and GAS#3 pounces on the Highlander. With a slash of his sword, MacLeod is decapitated. MacLeod’s body slowly rises, a crackling energy flowing through the air. MacLeod’s life force explodes and both GAS#3 and Mundi are thrown across the room. Zombie Mundi and GAS#3 are slow to rise. As Mundi rises, he is met by one-armed GAS#3, GAS#9 and GAS#12. Mundi is unable to fight all three GAS and is killed as they decapitate the zombie, like his Scottish teammate.
Porkins and R5-D4 are in their “Red-Six” X-Wing. The two fly above the battlefield. Porkins fires his lasers and releases proton torpedos, which rip the land apart around GAS#5, GAS#10 and GAS#17. Porkins is confident that either his lasers, or torpedoes will eventually pierce the GAS. He decides to make another strafing run. R5-D4 accidentally miscalculates the height of the run due to its still-faulty motivator (caused by C-3PO) and the fighter comes too close to the GAS below. GAS#5 and GAS#17 manage to slash the undercarriage (and stabilizer) of the X-Wing. Porkins prepares to crash-land the fighter. R5-D4’s screams are heard across the sky as the X-Wing crashes, but safely. Porkins and the astromech droid climb out of the vehicle. Porkins looks around and hears evil laughter. He reaches for his blaster, but is too late. Chucky jumps on Porkins’ back.
Chucky: Hey you fat f#$k, gonna slit your g-dd@^n throat.
Chucky pulls out a large knife and slashes Porkins’ throat. Porkins falls down while blood spurts from his carotid artery. R5-D4 attempts to wheel away when he is met by Chucky’s Bride riding on the back of GAS#12. GAS#12 crushes R5-D4. Chucky’s Bride jumps off of GAS#12 and joins her soulmate. GAS#12 moves to its other warrior brethren.
Chucky and his Bride see Gonzo and Kamilla.
Gonzo: Honey, just watch yourself! We have a wonderful team. We just have to stick by them. . . Hey! It seems like we’re out of Newport and actually closer to The Works. I don’t know how we got lost!
Kamilla: Cluck! Bagaaah! Cluck-Cluck! Bagaah! Cluck-Cluck-Cluck. [Translation:
Because you’re a male and you refuse to ask for directions!]
Chucky: How about we give you directions, b@%*h?!?!
Chucky and his Bride rush the muppet and his lady-chicken-friend. The vicious brutality that follows cannot be described. Let it be said that chicken’s heads do not belong “there” and snouts should be used only for smelling. In case you cannot read into these cryptic words- Gonzo and Camilla are killed.
Chucky: All this killing has made me gotta take a pi$$. I’m going to go behind this building and relieve myself. You pretty yourself up and get ready for more killing.
Between The Works and Newport, Cade Skywalker fights GAS#11. Although the strong force-user nearly manages to destroy GAS#11 with his lightsaber, GAS#16 and GAS#18 join their Soldier teammate and overwhelm the renegade-pirate-Jedi. Skywalker is killed.
Chucky takes a little bit longer than expected (must’ve had to really pee), but joins his Bride on their future rampage. They walk toward Newport and see Clary Fray, protecting the crown. Chucky and his Bride walk to Fray.
In another part of the battlefield, Doppleganger lashes out at GAS#4. Although the bladed webs manage to damage GAS#4, once again, the GAS come together. GAS#1 and GAS#15 combine their efforts with GAS#4. Together, they manage to skewer Doppleganger.
Chucky and the Bride reach Fray.
Chucky: How’re things going?
Fray: Better than expected. We have not lost one while the Slaves are suffering great casualties.
Chucky: Not for long. . .
Chucky morphs into Fray. The Bride and “true” Fray have been duped by the T-1000. [Note: Please recognize that the T-1000 destroyed the “real” Chucky while the doll was taking a pee behind the building]. The T-Fray uses its fingers as spears to rip through Fray’s eye and into her brain. Fray falls down and dies. The Bride begins to run away and is sliced in half by the T-1000. The T-Fray morphs into its default form and waits for Loki and Runner to come over.
Loki: Good work T-1000! Enough of this foolishness! Slaaaaaaaaves!!!
As Loki projects his battle-cry for all to hear, the Norse trickster uses his mystical powers to overwhelm and crush Fray’s protective field. As the crown sits without protection, the Runner uses his primordial power to destroy the crown. Although the crown does not tear apart, fissures and cracks arise. The GAS are no longer indestructible and the Slaves will take advantage of this fact.
Ultraman is the first to take advantage of the newly-defeatable GAS. Ultra-Man fights GAS#3, GAS#5, GAS#7 and GAS#12. Ultra-Man’s chest light is seen as blue when he destroys GAS#3. His life-force light turns red as he defeats GAS#5. While Ultraman is fighting GAS#7 and GAS#12 his chest light begins to blink. He cannot reach the planet’s solar source because GAS#7 and GAS#12 have attached themselves to Ultraman’s legs. Ultraman’s power source dwindles and the solar-powered hero will never rise in this match again. GAS#7 and GAS#12 release Ultraman and face King Kong. The giant ape manages to destroy both GAS#7 and GAS#12. Kong beats his chest in triumph. The gigantic ape is enraged and its beastly instincts allow him to tear apart GAS#11 and GAS #16. Just as Kong is about to destroy GAS#9, GAS#1 and GAS#8 stab the ape repeatedly. King Kong dies.
The Green Lantern B’dg uses his ring to destroy GAS#1, while Zilius Zox destroys GAS#8 with his red power ring. Although the lanterns are enemies, they decide that for the better of the team, the two ring bearers will fight together.
The Super-Soldier uses his super strength, endurance, speed and stamina to fly around GAS#2 and GAS#6. He uses his heat-ray vision to destroy GAS#2. Super-Soldier then uses his ice breath to freeze GAS#6. While frozen, Super-Soldier flies through GAS#6 with his shield in tow; GAS#6 explodes into pieces.
B’dg and Zox use their lantern rings to destroy GAS#4 and GAS#14, but soon they are swarmed by GAS#13, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The large-headed red lantern Zox is skewered through his fat head and green lantern rodent is sliced in half by the GAS.
Loki and Runner decide that this match must end. Runner uses his power primordial and Loki uses his magic to rip through GAS#9, GAS#13, GAS#15 and GAS#16. They also use their powers to batter GAS#10, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The look to their teammates to finish the job.
The T-1000 battles GAS#10 and cuts it apart. Super-Soldier destroys the remaining GAS, GAS#17 and GAS#18.
If it were not for Loki and Runner (with the assistance of T-1000) the Slaves would have been overwhelmed and defeated by the expansion team. Loki and Runner will review the tapes of this match with their owner, captains and teammates. A near-embarrassment of this sort, especially by “commons, will not be tolerated in the future. . .
Slaves: T-1000, Loki, Runner and Super-Soldier live.
Oblivio: All dead.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
―Pollux Hax
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Oblivio: Chucky, Bride of Chucky, Clary Fray and Golden Army Soldiers #1-18.
George Washington’s Slaves: Porkins and R5-D4 in an X-Wing, Gonzo and Kamilla, Cade Skywalker, Connor MacLeod, Zombie Ki Adi Mundi, King Kong, Loki, Super Soldier, T-1000, Ultraman, Doppleganger, Runner, B’dg and Zillius Zox.
Oblivio is located at Newport. As the match commences, Golden Army Soldiers (hereinafter referred to as “GAS”) #1-18 rise, ready for battle. The Shadowhunter Clary Fray uses her mystical abilities to encase Elven King Balor’s crown under a protective force field for the Golden Army’s protection.
Connor MacLeod and Zombie Ki Adi Mundi are the first to face the GAS at the Newport grounds. The two focus on GAS #3. A grueling and pitched fight between sword masters and GAS #3 occurs. As MacLeod focuses on GAS#3’s right side, Mundi focuses on its left. Although Mundi’s lightsaber manages to slash through GAS#3’s left arm, MacLeod is unable to even dent its right side. MacLeod is stabbed in the stomach by GAS#3. MacLeod falls to his knees and GAS#3 pounces on the Highlander. With a slash of his sword, MacLeod is decapitated. MacLeod’s body slowly rises, a crackling energy flowing through the air. MacLeod’s life force explodes and both GAS#3 and Mundi are thrown across the room. Zombie Mundi and GAS#3 are slow to rise. As Mundi rises, he is met by one-armed GAS#3, GAS#9 and GAS#12. Mundi is unable to fight all three GAS and is killed as they decapitate the zombie, like his Scottish teammate.
Porkins and R5-D4 are in their “Red-Six” X-Wing. The two fly above the battlefield. Porkins fires his lasers and releases proton torpedos, which rip the land apart around GAS#5, GAS#10 and GAS#17. Porkins is confident that either his lasers, or torpedoes will eventually pierce the GAS. He decides to make another strafing run. R5-D4 accidentally miscalculates the height of the run due to its still-faulty motivator (caused by C-3PO) and the fighter comes too close to the GAS below. GAS#5 and GAS#17 manage to slash the undercarriage (and stabilizer) of the X-Wing. Porkins prepares to crash-land the fighter. R5-D4’s screams are heard across the sky as the X-Wing crashes, but safely. Porkins and the astromech droid climb out of the vehicle. Porkins looks around and hears evil laughter. He reaches for his blaster, but is too late. Chucky jumps on Porkins’ back.
Chucky: Hey you fat f#$k, gonna slit your g-dd@^n throat.
Chucky pulls out a large knife and slashes Porkins’ throat. Porkins falls down while blood spurts from his carotid artery. R5-D4 attempts to wheel away when he is met by Chucky’s Bride riding on the back of GAS#12. GAS#12 crushes R5-D4. Chucky’s Bride jumps off of GAS#12 and joins her soulmate. GAS#12 moves to its other warrior brethren.
Chucky and his Bride see Gonzo and Kamilla.
Gonzo: Honey, just watch yourself! We have a wonderful team. We just have to stick by them. . . Hey! It seems like we’re out of Newport and actually closer to The Works. I don’t know how we got lost!
Kamilla: Cluck! Bagaaah! Cluck-Cluck! Bagaah! Cluck-Cluck-Cluck. [Translation:
Because you’re a male and you refuse to ask for directions!]
Chucky: How about we give you directions, b@%*h?!?!
Chucky and his Bride rush the muppet and his lady-chicken-friend. The vicious brutality that follows cannot be described. Let it be said that chicken’s heads do not belong “there” and snouts should be used only for smelling. In case you cannot read into these cryptic words- Gonzo and Camilla are killed.
Chucky: All this killing has made me gotta take a pi$$. I’m going to go behind this building and relieve myself. You pretty yourself up and get ready for more killing.
Between The Works and Newport, Cade Skywalker fights GAS#11. Although the strong force-user nearly manages to destroy GAS#11 with his lightsaber, GAS#16 and GAS#18 join their Soldier teammate and overwhelm the renegade-pirate-Jedi. Skywalker is killed.
Chucky takes a little bit longer than expected (must’ve had to really pee), but joins his Bride on their future rampage. They walk toward Newport and see Clary Fray, protecting the crown. Chucky and his Bride walk to Fray.
In another part of the battlefield, Doppleganger lashes out at GAS#4. Although the bladed webs manage to damage GAS#4, once again, the GAS come together. GAS#1 and GAS#15 combine their efforts with GAS#4. Together, they manage to skewer Doppleganger.
Chucky and the Bride reach Fray.
Chucky: How’re things going?
Fray: Better than expected. We have not lost one while the Slaves are suffering great casualties.
Chucky: Not for long. . .
Chucky morphs into Fray. The Bride and “true” Fray have been duped by the T-1000. [Note: Please recognize that the T-1000 destroyed the “real” Chucky while the doll was taking a pee behind the building]. The T-Fray uses its fingers as spears to rip through Fray’s eye and into her brain. Fray falls down and dies. The Bride begins to run away and is sliced in half by the T-1000. The T-Fray morphs into its default form and waits for Loki and Runner to come over.
Loki: Good work T-1000! Enough of this foolishness! Slaaaaaaaaves!!!
As Loki projects his battle-cry for all to hear, the Norse trickster uses his mystical powers to overwhelm and crush Fray’s protective field. As the crown sits without protection, the Runner uses his primordial power to destroy the crown. Although the crown does not tear apart, fissures and cracks arise. The GAS are no longer indestructible and the Slaves will take advantage of this fact.
Ultraman is the first to take advantage of the newly-defeatable GAS. Ultra-Man fights GAS#3, GAS#5, GAS#7 and GAS#12. Ultra-Man’s chest light is seen as blue when he destroys GAS#3. His life-force light turns red as he defeats GAS#5. While Ultraman is fighting GAS#7 and GAS#12 his chest light begins to blink. He cannot reach the planet’s solar source because GAS#7 and GAS#12 have attached themselves to Ultraman’s legs. Ultraman’s power source dwindles and the solar-powered hero will never rise in this match again. GAS#7 and GAS#12 release Ultraman and face King Kong. The giant ape manages to destroy both GAS#7 and GAS#12. Kong beats his chest in triumph. The gigantic ape is enraged and its beastly instincts allow him to tear apart GAS#11 and GAS #16. Just as Kong is about to destroy GAS#9, GAS#1 and GAS#8 stab the ape repeatedly. King Kong dies.
The Green Lantern B’dg uses his ring to destroy GAS#1, while Zilius Zox destroys GAS#8 with his red power ring. Although the lanterns are enemies, they decide that for the better of the team, the two ring bearers will fight together.
The Super-Soldier uses his super strength, endurance, speed and stamina to fly around GAS#2 and GAS#6. He uses his heat-ray vision to destroy GAS#2. Super-Soldier then uses his ice breath to freeze GAS#6. While frozen, Super-Soldier flies through GAS#6 with his shield in tow; GAS#6 explodes into pieces.
B’dg and Zox use their lantern rings to destroy GAS#4 and GAS#14, but soon they are swarmed by GAS#13, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The large-headed red lantern Zox is skewered through his fat head and green lantern rodent is sliced in half by the GAS.
Loki and Runner decide that this match must end. Runner uses his power primordial and Loki uses his magic to rip through GAS#9, GAS#13, GAS#15 and GAS#16. They also use their powers to batter GAS#10, GAS#17 and GAS#18. The look to their teammates to finish the job.
The T-1000 battles GAS#10 and cuts it apart. Super-Soldier destroys the remaining GAS, GAS#17 and GAS#18.
If it were not for Loki and Runner (with the assistance of T-1000) the Slaves would have been overwhelmed and defeated by the expansion team. Loki and Runner will review the tapes of this match with their owner, captains and teammates. A near-embarrassment of this sort, especially by “commons, will not be tolerated in the future. . .
Slaves: T-1000, Loki, Runner and Super-Soldier live.
Oblivio: All dead.
GEORGE WASHINGTON’S SLAVES IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Team S.P. vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos
"In my dreams here, I have seen… Coruscant itself shattered by orbital bombardment from ships of impossible design. I have seen Coruscant, the seat of galactic culture, become a jungle far more hostile and alien than any on Haruun Kal. I have seen the end of civilization."
―Mace Windu [in a vision circa 22 BBY]
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Team S.P.: Quicksilver, The Flash (Jay Garrett), Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Beast, Angel, Banshee, Thunderbird, Blink, Cloak and Dagger, Mastermind, Binary, Jubilee, Female Sentinels #1-4, Biff Tannen (with a red lightsaber) and SHIELD Agent #1.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-The Starchild, Numnius, Dex-Starr, Zombie Darkseid, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Karu-Sil, Fatality, Taa, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Parallax, Bryan Beckerman (in Mandalorian Armor), Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1, Doozer #13 and Ewok Baby #5.
The planet once known as Coruscant is now an overgrown Yuuzhan Vong terraformed planet known as Yuuzhan’tar. I transport the teams to the planet.
Zombie Cloverfield Monster lunges across the twisted foliage located in the area that was once recognized as the Skydome Botanical Garden and is met by Female Sentinels #1-4. The Monster rips apart Female Sentinel #2 and has Female Sentinel #3 in its gigantic maw. Female Sentinels #1 and #4 use their combined restraining devices to wrap the Zombified Monster up and rescue Female Sentinel #3. With its limbs entangled, Zombie Cloverfield Monster does not stand a chance against the three Sentinels. The giant Trask robots use their energy blasts to destroy Zombie Cloverfield Monster. Rodimus Prime, Black Adam and Parallax fly at the robots. Black Adam destroys Female Sentinel #1, Rodimus Prime destroys Female Sentinel #3 and Parallax destroys Female Sentinel #4.
Across the way at the overgrown Galaxies Opera House, Biff Tannen ignites his red lightsaber. The Back to the Future bully spots Bryan Beckerman in his newly adorned Mandalorian Armor. Tannen believes that Beckerman is easy prey. Beckerman has analyzed and practiced with the armor ten hours a day (after work) and has gotten the hang of his newly-awarded gear. Beckerman fires the lasers located in his wrists at Tannen. Tannen easily deflects them. Beckerman thinks about Jango Fett in his battle with Obi Wan Kenobi and fires his utility ripcord at Tannen’s legs. The cord wraps around Tannen’s legs and Beckerman flies in the air, carrying Tannen in the sky. Tannen, not the sharpest tool in the shed, uses his lightsaber to slash the cord, releasing himself from the binding, but realizing on the way down that he is 30 feet in the air. Tannen hits the ground hard and begins to lose consciousness. Beckerman takes advantage of Tannen’s temporary stupor and shoves the small rocket-grenade located on his left wrist guard in Tannen’s mouth. Beckerman depresses the trigger and the rocket-grenade lodges itself in Tannen’s mouth.
Beckerman: You look like you have a splitting headache, Tannen; or should I just say- splitting head. Your bully days are over. . . beyaatch!
Beckerman flies away and Tannen’s head explodes as the grenade goes off.
Between the Botanical Garden and Opera House, SHIELD Agent #1 is surrounded by Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1, Doozer #13 and Ewok Baby #5. The SHIELD agent reaches for Doozer #13 and strangles it to death. In revenge, Zombie Doozer #1 jumps on the SHIELD agent and bites his neck.
SHIELD Agent #1: S@*t!!! Little b@stard bit me!
SHIELD Agent #1 collapses on the floor, only to rise again as Zombie SHIELD Agent #1. Before SHIELD Agent #1 can fight, Quicksilver and Flash-Jay Garrick race to the scene. At super speed, they repeatedly pummel SHIELD Agent #1’s head until it is split apart. SHIELD Agent #1 is dead – for real this time. The two speedsters then race around Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1 and Ewok Baby #5. The sheer force of the rotating whirlwind around the SP trio begins to rip them apart. Zombie Doozer #1 and Ewok Baby #5 are shredded. The explosion of the furry duo’s bodies manages to throw Zombie Al Dogg from the fray. Zombie Al Dogg wanders off. Flash and Quicksilver, thinking they have killed the trio, run their own ways.
Zombie Al Dogg stumbles around the jungle planet and comes upon Jubilee. Jubilee uses her mutant abilities to project pyrotechnic blasts around the zombie. Zombie Al Dogg is fascinated with the colors and sounds. Zombie Al Dogg feels like he did in life - medicated. Zombie Al Dogg is bewitched by Jubilee’s powers. With Zombie Al Dogg “stoned-out-of-it,” Jubilee unleashes a concussive blast that rips Al Dogg’s right arm off. Zombie Al Dogg shakes himself out of the hallucinogenic dream he was having and rushes after Jubilee; he is instantly upon her. Just as Zombie A.D. is about to bite her, Cloak and Dagger come upon the scene. Cloak engulfs Al Dogg and then spits Zombie A.D. out. Zombie Al Dogg is confused and rushes at Dagger. Dagger uses her light daggers to heal Zombie A.D. by ripping the zombie virus away from his body. Al Dogg is no longer Zombie Al Dogg – he is the living, breathing Al Dogg from last season.
Al Dogg: Groovy! I’m alive! I’m alive!!!
Cloak and Dagger look at Al Dogg. Cloak takes Dagger into his cloak and they teleport away. Al Dogg does not know why this duo committed the act they just did, but he is thankful. He does not see who Cloak and Dagger saw, ready and waiting for Dogg, before they left.
Al Dogg (f/k/a Zombie Al Dogg): I’m alive. . . I’m alive. . . I’m alive. . .
Beast: No my newly-resurrected friend. You’re actually quite dead.
Al Dogg’s life is brief as the Beast jumps on him and rips his arms off. The Beast then begins to beat Al Dogg with his own arms. A pummeled Al Dogg quickly bleeds out, but he dies with a smile on his face as the Zombie haze he has shambled with during this third season has been lifted from him. . . at least until the next match. . .
Mastermind sees Beckerman flying above the Opera House in his Mandalorian armor. Mastermind’s mutant abilities make Beckerman think that he is a dog. Beckerman lands on the ground and begins to bark. Mastermind smiles at the sight. As Mastermind comes upon Beckerman he manipulates the attorney such that he takes his helmet off. Beckerman sees Mastermind and sits down, butt wagging, waiting for his “master.” As Mastermind takes a sharpened vine from the ground and is about to kill Beckerman, Zombie Darkseid comes to the scene. Zombie Darkseid uses the Omega Force to rip Mastermind apart.
Darkseid: Get up, you pathetic pubic haired-wannabe-supernerd!
Beckerman slowly gets up and faces Darkseid: I am sorry. I have shamed this team and embarrassed its owners.
Darkseid: No longer. You shall realize true power and experience the fear of others who face you.
Darkseid looks to the sky and sees Parallax rushing toward the two. The cosmic entity rips through Beckerman who is engulfed in the cosmic entity’s essence. Beckerman is now possessed by Parallax. Beckerman places his helmet on and flies away. Darkseid smiles as their team, for the match, now has Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax.
Numnius looks upon this scene and worries that this newly-formed entity will have far-reaching effects not only on this match, but will actually bear upon the future of the FFL. Numnius ponders whether to wipe out what has just occurred. Dave Bowman floats up next to her.
Bowman: I told you that if you ever held a glimmer of thought about something that would detrimentally affect our team, you would pay. That day has come.
Bowman unleashes his cosmic powers upon Numnius who is taken by surprise and cannot react in time. She is ripped apart.
In the air, Binary, Banshee and Angel are flying together. They are met by Karu-Sil, Dex-Starr, Fatality, Black Adam and Taa. Binary unleashes her stellar energies into Karu-Sil. Karu-Sil uses her yellow ring to shield herself from the blast. Binary strikes Karu-Sil again and eventually bests the Sinestro Corpsman; Karu-Sil dies. As Binary turns, she is met by the ferocity of Dex-Starr. The blue, alien cat rips apart Binary’s face and then uses its red lantern ring to finish the job. Binary’s dead body falls to the ground. Across the sky, Black Adam battles Angel. Black Adam manages to get behind Angel. Hen then uses his super-strength to rip the wings off of the flying mutant. Angel plummets to his death. Banshee, just having seen two of his teammates fall to their deaths, uses his sonic scream to rattle Black Adam. Banshee then uses his remaining powers to kill Black Adam before he can gain his senses. Taa focuses on Banshee. The alien green lantern uses his ring’s powers to encase Banshee so his screams cannot do further harm. Taa slowly reduces the size of Banshee’s encasement. When Banshee cannot move around, both Fatality and Dex-Starr finish the screaming mutant’s life.
The remaining SP teammates come together for the penultimate battle against the Commandos. Quicksilver, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Beast, Thunderbird, Blink, Cloak and Dagger, Jubilee and The Flash (Jay Garrett) stand over the remnants of the Galactic Museum. They face Dex-Starr, Zombie Darkseid, Fatality, Taa, and Rodimus Prime.
Dave Bowman-The Starchild and Mandalorian-armored, Bryan Beckerman-Parallax sit back and watch the action unfold.
Immediately Cloak teleports next to Taa and engulfs him with his cloak. Taa is transported to the Darkforce dimension. The Darkforce begins to eat at Taa’s mind. As Cloak regurgitates Taa back into the world, Jean Grey uses her powers to further enhance the effects on his brain and Taa dies as his mind simply implodes in on itself.
Jay Garrick focuses on Dex-Starr. Garrick uses his super speed to avoid the red lantern’s power ring weaponry, but only for so long. The sheer determination and ferocity of the alien cat are too much for Garrick, who eventually succumbs to Dex-Starr’s ring.
Quicksilver rushes at Zombie Darkseid. Zombie Darkseid uses his psionic powers but is unable to strike the speedster. While he is distracted, Iceman uses his abilities to freeze him. Zombie Darkseid fights the process and it takes almost all of Iceman’s will, energy and power to hold the zombie in its icy jail. While frozen, Darkseid’s head is pounded by a barrage of Thunderbird’s strength, Cloak’s light daggers, Jubilee’s energy plasmoids and Cyclops’ optic blasts. It is too much for Zombie Darkseid, who is eventually destroyed.
Rodimus Prime steps behind a weakened Iceman, having spent nearly his entire life-force holding Zombie Darkseid in place. Prime skewers Iceman with his retractable saw blade. Iceman crumples to the floor dead.
Cyclops: BOBBY!!!!!!
At the death of his teammate, Cyclops rips off his glasses and unleashes the full power of his optic blast upon Prime. Prime is ripped apart. Blink then uses her teleportation warp to spread pieces of Prime throughout the jungles of Yuuzhan-tar. Blink rejoins her team after her task is completed. Her entry into this fray is short-lived as she is killed, along with teammates Jean Grey and Beast by Fatality and Dex-Starr. Cyclops, with his visor now on, focuses the full power of his eyes at Fatality and Dex-Starr. Their bodies are shredded by the sheer force of Cyclops’ massive ray.
Cylcops, Jubilee, Thunderbird, Cloak and Dagger, and Quicksilver look for the remaining Commandos. Bowman looks to Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax.
Bowman: You may finish this.
Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax flies down to Team SP’s remaining members. In power that has not been seen since Hal Jordan-Parallax, M.A.B.P. unleashes his powers at Team SP. Jubilee, Thunderbird, Cloak and Dagger, and Quicksilver are seen quivering at the power of M.A.B.P. Beckerman then uses his Mandalorian weaponry to kill each SP member. As he is about to finish Cyclops, Cyclops unexpectedly rips off his visor. Cyclops unleashes the full power of his uninhibited optic blast at M.A.B.P. Before it can reach Beckerman, Dave Bowman steps in front of Beckerman and absorbs the ray. Bowman then fires it back at Cyclops and kills him.
Bowman: You have served our team well today.
Beckerman (taking off his helmet): Thanks.
Bowman: Beckerman-put your helmet back on. It’s not that I cannot look at your face, it’s that the helmet makes you look more formidable. You look like a bastardized version of Billy Crystal without it.
Beckerman shrugs and puts his helmet back on. The two fly away.
Team S.P.: All dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Mandalorian-armored Beckerman-Parallax and Dave Bowman-The Starchild live.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
―Mace Windu [in a vision circa 22 BBY]
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Team S.P.: Quicksilver, The Flash (Jay Garrett), Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Beast, Angel, Banshee, Thunderbird, Blink, Cloak and Dagger, Mastermind, Binary, Jubilee, Female Sentinels #1-4, Biff Tannen (with a red lightsaber) and SHIELD Agent #1.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-The Starchild, Numnius, Dex-Starr, Zombie Darkseid, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Karu-Sil, Fatality, Taa, Rodimus Prime, Black Adam, Parallax, Bryan Beckerman (in Mandalorian Armor), Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1, Doozer #13 and Ewok Baby #5.
The planet once known as Coruscant is now an overgrown Yuuzhan Vong terraformed planet known as Yuuzhan’tar. I transport the teams to the planet.
Zombie Cloverfield Monster lunges across the twisted foliage located in the area that was once recognized as the Skydome Botanical Garden and is met by Female Sentinels #1-4. The Monster rips apart Female Sentinel #2 and has Female Sentinel #3 in its gigantic maw. Female Sentinels #1 and #4 use their combined restraining devices to wrap the Zombified Monster up and rescue Female Sentinel #3. With its limbs entangled, Zombie Cloverfield Monster does not stand a chance against the three Sentinels. The giant Trask robots use their energy blasts to destroy Zombie Cloverfield Monster. Rodimus Prime, Black Adam and Parallax fly at the robots. Black Adam destroys Female Sentinel #1, Rodimus Prime destroys Female Sentinel #3 and Parallax destroys Female Sentinel #4.
Across the way at the overgrown Galaxies Opera House, Biff Tannen ignites his red lightsaber. The Back to the Future bully spots Bryan Beckerman in his newly adorned Mandalorian Armor. Tannen believes that Beckerman is easy prey. Beckerman has analyzed and practiced with the armor ten hours a day (after work) and has gotten the hang of his newly-awarded gear. Beckerman fires the lasers located in his wrists at Tannen. Tannen easily deflects them. Beckerman thinks about Jango Fett in his battle with Obi Wan Kenobi and fires his utility ripcord at Tannen’s legs. The cord wraps around Tannen’s legs and Beckerman flies in the air, carrying Tannen in the sky. Tannen, not the sharpest tool in the shed, uses his lightsaber to slash the cord, releasing himself from the binding, but realizing on the way down that he is 30 feet in the air. Tannen hits the ground hard and begins to lose consciousness. Beckerman takes advantage of Tannen’s temporary stupor and shoves the small rocket-grenade located on his left wrist guard in Tannen’s mouth. Beckerman depresses the trigger and the rocket-grenade lodges itself in Tannen’s mouth.
Beckerman: You look like you have a splitting headache, Tannen; or should I just say- splitting head. Your bully days are over. . . beyaatch!
Beckerman flies away and Tannen’s head explodes as the grenade goes off.
Between the Botanical Garden and Opera House, SHIELD Agent #1 is surrounded by Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1, Doozer #13 and Ewok Baby #5. The SHIELD agent reaches for Doozer #13 and strangles it to death. In revenge, Zombie Doozer #1 jumps on the SHIELD agent and bites his neck.
SHIELD Agent #1: S@*t!!! Little b@stard bit me!
SHIELD Agent #1 collapses on the floor, only to rise again as Zombie SHIELD Agent #1. Before SHIELD Agent #1 can fight, Quicksilver and Flash-Jay Garrick race to the scene. At super speed, they repeatedly pummel SHIELD Agent #1’s head until it is split apart. SHIELD Agent #1 is dead – for real this time. The two speedsters then race around Zombie Al Dogg, Zombie Doozer #1 and Ewok Baby #5. The sheer force of the rotating whirlwind around the SP trio begins to rip them apart. Zombie Doozer #1 and Ewok Baby #5 are shredded. The explosion of the furry duo’s bodies manages to throw Zombie Al Dogg from the fray. Zombie Al Dogg wanders off. Flash and Quicksilver, thinking they have killed the trio, run their own ways.
Zombie Al Dogg stumbles around the jungle planet and comes upon Jubilee. Jubilee uses her mutant abilities to project pyrotechnic blasts around the zombie. Zombie Al Dogg is fascinated with the colors and sounds. Zombie Al Dogg feels like he did in life - medicated. Zombie Al Dogg is bewitched by Jubilee’s powers. With Zombie Al Dogg “stoned-out-of-it,” Jubilee unleashes a concussive blast that rips Al Dogg’s right arm off. Zombie Al Dogg shakes himself out of the hallucinogenic dream he was having and rushes after Jubilee; he is instantly upon her. Just as Zombie A.D. is about to bite her, Cloak and Dagger come upon the scene. Cloak engulfs Al Dogg and then spits Zombie A.D. out. Zombie Al Dogg is confused and rushes at Dagger. Dagger uses her light daggers to heal Zombie A.D. by ripping the zombie virus away from his body. Al Dogg is no longer Zombie Al Dogg – he is the living, breathing Al Dogg from last season.
Al Dogg: Groovy! I’m alive! I’m alive!!!
Cloak and Dagger look at Al Dogg. Cloak takes Dagger into his cloak and they teleport away. Al Dogg does not know why this duo committed the act they just did, but he is thankful. He does not see who Cloak and Dagger saw, ready and waiting for Dogg, before they left.
Al Dogg (f/k/a Zombie Al Dogg): I’m alive. . . I’m alive. . . I’m alive. . .
Beast: No my newly-resurrected friend. You’re actually quite dead.
Al Dogg’s life is brief as the Beast jumps on him and rips his arms off. The Beast then begins to beat Al Dogg with his own arms. A pummeled Al Dogg quickly bleeds out, but he dies with a smile on his face as the Zombie haze he has shambled with during this third season has been lifted from him. . . at least until the next match. . .
Mastermind sees Beckerman flying above the Opera House in his Mandalorian armor. Mastermind’s mutant abilities make Beckerman think that he is a dog. Beckerman lands on the ground and begins to bark. Mastermind smiles at the sight. As Mastermind comes upon Beckerman he manipulates the attorney such that he takes his helmet off. Beckerman sees Mastermind and sits down, butt wagging, waiting for his “master.” As Mastermind takes a sharpened vine from the ground and is about to kill Beckerman, Zombie Darkseid comes to the scene. Zombie Darkseid uses the Omega Force to rip Mastermind apart.
Darkseid: Get up, you pathetic pubic haired-wannabe-supernerd!
Beckerman slowly gets up and faces Darkseid: I am sorry. I have shamed this team and embarrassed its owners.
Darkseid: No longer. You shall realize true power and experience the fear of others who face you.
Darkseid looks to the sky and sees Parallax rushing toward the two. The cosmic entity rips through Beckerman who is engulfed in the cosmic entity’s essence. Beckerman is now possessed by Parallax. Beckerman places his helmet on and flies away. Darkseid smiles as their team, for the match, now has Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax.
Numnius looks upon this scene and worries that this newly-formed entity will have far-reaching effects not only on this match, but will actually bear upon the future of the FFL. Numnius ponders whether to wipe out what has just occurred. Dave Bowman floats up next to her.
Bowman: I told you that if you ever held a glimmer of thought about something that would detrimentally affect our team, you would pay. That day has come.
Bowman unleashes his cosmic powers upon Numnius who is taken by surprise and cannot react in time. She is ripped apart.
In the air, Binary, Banshee and Angel are flying together. They are met by Karu-Sil, Dex-Starr, Fatality, Black Adam and Taa. Binary unleashes her stellar energies into Karu-Sil. Karu-Sil uses her yellow ring to shield herself from the blast. Binary strikes Karu-Sil again and eventually bests the Sinestro Corpsman; Karu-Sil dies. As Binary turns, she is met by the ferocity of Dex-Starr. The blue, alien cat rips apart Binary’s face and then uses its red lantern ring to finish the job. Binary’s dead body falls to the ground. Across the sky, Black Adam battles Angel. Black Adam manages to get behind Angel. Hen then uses his super-strength to rip the wings off of the flying mutant. Angel plummets to his death. Banshee, just having seen two of his teammates fall to their deaths, uses his sonic scream to rattle Black Adam. Banshee then uses his remaining powers to kill Black Adam before he can gain his senses. Taa focuses on Banshee. The alien green lantern uses his ring’s powers to encase Banshee so his screams cannot do further harm. Taa slowly reduces the size of Banshee’s encasement. When Banshee cannot move around, both Fatality and Dex-Starr finish the screaming mutant’s life.
The remaining SP teammates come together for the penultimate battle against the Commandos. Quicksilver, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Ice Man, Beast, Thunderbird, Blink, Cloak and Dagger, Jubilee and The Flash (Jay Garrett) stand over the remnants of the Galactic Museum. They face Dex-Starr, Zombie Darkseid, Fatality, Taa, and Rodimus Prime.
Dave Bowman-The Starchild and Mandalorian-armored, Bryan Beckerman-Parallax sit back and watch the action unfold.
Immediately Cloak teleports next to Taa and engulfs him with his cloak. Taa is transported to the Darkforce dimension. The Darkforce begins to eat at Taa’s mind. As Cloak regurgitates Taa back into the world, Jean Grey uses her powers to further enhance the effects on his brain and Taa dies as his mind simply implodes in on itself.
Jay Garrick focuses on Dex-Starr. Garrick uses his super speed to avoid the red lantern’s power ring weaponry, but only for so long. The sheer determination and ferocity of the alien cat are too much for Garrick, who eventually succumbs to Dex-Starr’s ring.
Quicksilver rushes at Zombie Darkseid. Zombie Darkseid uses his psionic powers but is unable to strike the speedster. While he is distracted, Iceman uses his abilities to freeze him. Zombie Darkseid fights the process and it takes almost all of Iceman’s will, energy and power to hold the zombie in its icy jail. While frozen, Darkseid’s head is pounded by a barrage of Thunderbird’s strength, Cloak’s light daggers, Jubilee’s energy plasmoids and Cyclops’ optic blasts. It is too much for Zombie Darkseid, who is eventually destroyed.
Rodimus Prime steps behind a weakened Iceman, having spent nearly his entire life-force holding Zombie Darkseid in place. Prime skewers Iceman with his retractable saw blade. Iceman crumples to the floor dead.
Cyclops: BOBBY!!!!!!
At the death of his teammate, Cyclops rips off his glasses and unleashes the full power of his optic blast upon Prime. Prime is ripped apart. Blink then uses her teleportation warp to spread pieces of Prime throughout the jungles of Yuuzhan-tar. Blink rejoins her team after her task is completed. Her entry into this fray is short-lived as she is killed, along with teammates Jean Grey and Beast by Fatality and Dex-Starr. Cyclops, with his visor now on, focuses the full power of his eyes at Fatality and Dex-Starr. Their bodies are shredded by the sheer force of Cyclops’ massive ray.
Cylcops, Jubilee, Thunderbird, Cloak and Dagger, and Quicksilver look for the remaining Commandos. Bowman looks to Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax.
Bowman: You may finish this.
Mandalorian-armored, Beckerman-Parallax flies down to Team SP’s remaining members. In power that has not been seen since Hal Jordan-Parallax, M.A.B.P. unleashes his powers at Team SP. Jubilee, Thunderbird, Cloak and Dagger, and Quicksilver are seen quivering at the power of M.A.B.P. Beckerman then uses his Mandalorian weaponry to kill each SP member. As he is about to finish Cyclops, Cyclops unexpectedly rips off his visor. Cyclops unleashes the full power of his uninhibited optic blast at M.A.B.P. Before it can reach Beckerman, Dave Bowman steps in front of Beckerman and absorbs the ray. Bowman then fires it back at Cyclops and kills him.
Bowman: You have served our team well today.
Beckerman (taking off his helmet): Thanks.
Bowman: Beckerman-put your helmet back on. It’s not that I cannot look at your face, it’s that the helmet makes you look more formidable. You look like a bastardized version of Billy Crystal without it.
Beckerman shrugs and puts his helmet back on. The two fly away.
Team S.P.: All dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Mandalorian-armored Beckerman-Parallax and Dave Bowman-The Starchild live.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Note to the League
There is no excuse for my tardiness. I am deeply sorry for my actions as a Watcher. I have been neglectful and I have let not only myself, but all of you down. I hope that in time, you will be able to forgive me. Enjoy the matches and the rest of the season.
Ryatu.
Ryatu.
Week 2: TEAM vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
TEAM is Barracuda, Aqua-Mariner, Superboy, Sharkticons #47-48, James Pond, Phibian #1, Jack LaLanne, and Mike Sroka.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Star Sapphire #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Zombie Silver Dragon #2, NS-5 #35-36, Dr. Impossible, Squirtle, Air Zonk, Kermit the Frog, Ewok Baby #1-2, and Mogwai #1-2.
Barracuda and Aqua-Mariner lead TEAM’s newly beefed up water force into battle against National League members, The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. They are instantly put under attack by Zombie Silver Dragon #1, who is breathing, more like coughing up fire balls at TEAM. Superboy is ordered to take care of the problem and flies right through the decaying dragon’s head, finally ending its miserable existence. Several members of both teams have found refuge from the freezing waters on a nearby glacier. Squirtle and James Pond attack each other with a lot more ferocity than you’d expect. James Pond tries to ensnare Squirtle with several bubbles, but Squirtle pops them all with various water blasts. The water splashes all over Ewok Babies #1 and 2 and Mogwai #1 and #2 while then hide behind a piece of the glacier. But before this can prove to be useful, since the water is so cold it’s impeding the duplication period for the new Mogwais, Sharkticons #47 and #48 eat both of them, as well as Squirtle and James Pond. Air Zonk, along with NS-5s #35 and #36 attack the two rampaging Sharkticons. The NS-5s leap up onto Sharkticon #47 and start punching holes in it. Air Zonk flies around and pulls the tail off of Sharkticon #48 and uses it like a flail. Air Zonk slams it into the jaw of Sharkticon #48 and crushes its teeth. And with a couple more hits, Air Zonk is able to kill the Sharkticon. Then Sharkticon #47 grabs a hold of NS-5 #36 and bites it in half. Air Zonk flies over to help NS-5 #35 against the remaining Sharkticon, but Jack LaLanne shows up and breaks the neck of Air Zonk. This allows the Sharkticon to finish off the NS-5. Dr. Impossible then shows up and attacks Jack. They wrestle into the water and Jack is able to challenge Dr. Impossible to a swimming race, shackled of course. Dr. Impossible accepts the challenge, knowing that he will be able to just escape out of the shackles a kill the old man. Once they are both shackled, Phibian #1 and Mike Sroka come out from behind some ice and bludgeon Dr. Impossible to death with some large ice chunks. “Ok Mike, you’re plan worked, let’s go have that race,” Jack LaLanne says to Sroka. Kermit the Frog leaps up onto Phibian #1 in a valiant attempt, but he is simply outmatched, and is killed. Star Sapphire #1 and Indigo Lantern #2 have teamed up to uses their powers in unity. They first take aim on Sharkticon #47 and destroy the Transformer. But they are then faced with the challenge of fighting Barracuda, Aqua-Mariner and Superboy. Barracuda and Aqua-Mariner both use their control over the water to cause the largest wave the Earth has ever seen which engulfs the two Brotherhood members. Barracuda then dives underwater, grabs a hold of Indigo Lantern #2’s staff and drives in into his chest. Aqua-Marine dives under as well and uses his grappling trident to end the life of Star Sapphire #1. “Was that really necessary?” asks Superboy after the display of savagery. “You can’t argue with results,” scoffs Barracuda.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Star Sapphire #1, Indigo Lantern #2, Zombie Silver Dragon #2, NS-5 #35-36, Dr. Impossible, Squirtle, Air Zonk, Kermit the Frog, Ewok Baby #1-2, and Mogwai #1-2.
Barracuda and Aqua-Mariner lead TEAM’s newly beefed up water force into battle against National League members, The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets. They are instantly put under attack by Zombie Silver Dragon #1, who is breathing, more like coughing up fire balls at TEAM. Superboy is ordered to take care of the problem and flies right through the decaying dragon’s head, finally ending its miserable existence. Several members of both teams have found refuge from the freezing waters on a nearby glacier. Squirtle and James Pond attack each other with a lot more ferocity than you’d expect. James Pond tries to ensnare Squirtle with several bubbles, but Squirtle pops them all with various water blasts. The water splashes all over Ewok Babies #1 and 2 and Mogwai #1 and #2 while then hide behind a piece of the glacier. But before this can prove to be useful, since the water is so cold it’s impeding the duplication period for the new Mogwais, Sharkticons #47 and #48 eat both of them, as well as Squirtle and James Pond. Air Zonk, along with NS-5s #35 and #36 attack the two rampaging Sharkticons. The NS-5s leap up onto Sharkticon #47 and start punching holes in it. Air Zonk flies around and pulls the tail off of Sharkticon #48 and uses it like a flail. Air Zonk slams it into the jaw of Sharkticon #48 and crushes its teeth. And with a couple more hits, Air Zonk is able to kill the Sharkticon. Then Sharkticon #47 grabs a hold of NS-5 #36 and bites it in half. Air Zonk flies over to help NS-5 #35 against the remaining Sharkticon, but Jack LaLanne shows up and breaks the neck of Air Zonk. This allows the Sharkticon to finish off the NS-5. Dr. Impossible then shows up and attacks Jack. They wrestle into the water and Jack is able to challenge Dr. Impossible to a swimming race, shackled of course. Dr. Impossible accepts the challenge, knowing that he will be able to just escape out of the shackles a kill the old man. Once they are both shackled, Phibian #1 and Mike Sroka come out from behind some ice and bludgeon Dr. Impossible to death with some large ice chunks. “Ok Mike, you’re plan worked, let’s go have that race,” Jack LaLanne says to Sroka. Kermit the Frog leaps up onto Phibian #1 in a valiant attempt, but he is simply outmatched, and is killed. Star Sapphire #1 and Indigo Lantern #2 have teamed up to uses their powers in unity. They first take aim on Sharkticon #47 and destroy the Transformer. But they are then faced with the challenge of fighting Barracuda, Aqua-Mariner and Superboy. Barracuda and Aqua-Mariner both use their control over the water to cause the largest wave the Earth has ever seen which engulfs the two Brotherhood members. Barracuda then dives underwater, grabs a hold of Indigo Lantern #2’s staff and drives in into his chest. Aqua-Marine dives under as well and uses his grappling trident to end the life of Star Sapphire #1. “Was that really necessary?” asks Superboy after the display of savagery. “You can’t argue with results,” scoffs Barracuda.
TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
Week 2: The Untouchables vs Xavier's Annihilation Squad
The Untouchables are Sodam Yat, Onslaught, Emperor Han, Katara the Water Bender, Ursula, Broadside and Paula Dean.
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Davy Jones, Flying Dutchman Crew #1-5, and Pirate #11 in the Flying Dutchman, Uncle Fester in a Swift Boat, Imhotep, Supergirl, and The Kraken.
The Flying Dutchman’s ominous sails stretch and flow in the cold Arctic air as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad prepare for battle. Davy Jones sees their opponents in the distance. The Untouchables are all aboard Broadside, who is in his aircraft carrier mode. “Roll out the long guns, Laddies,” bellows Davy Jones. The five crewmembers of the Dutchman, along with Pirate #11 prepare the cannons. “Fire!” shouts Jones. The cannons explode with a long bang. Onslaught, then however, takes center stage and uses his vast magnetic powers to stop the oncoming cannonballs in mid air and turn them back at the Dutchman. They smash into the side of the ship, causing massive damage. “Alright,” Jones grumbles, “release the Kraken!” The ice and water around Broadside begin to shift and shake. And with a mighty eruption, the Kraken’s tentacles burst out of the water, slamming down on the deck of Broadside. The rest of the Untouchables jump overboard as the Kraken rips apart the Autobot before he can transform. Paula Dean manages to then swim over to Uncle Fester’s Swift Boat and climbs aboard. “Hi y’all,” says the Southern cook. She then does something that was both kind of gross and kind of cool. She throws several frozen sticks of butter at Fester’s head, knocking him down. She then jams another stick of butter down his throat, choking him to death. After this kill, she lets out one of her well known cackles. This is not enjoyed for long, because Imhotep uses his magic to send a tidal wave crashing into the Swift Boat, overturning it and trapping Paula Dean underneath, where she drowns. Onslaught then uses what’s left of Broadside and launches the shrapnel into the hull of the Dutchman. He then rips all of the metal out of it all at once. He kills Flying Dutchman Crew Members #3-5 in the process. Supergirl then flies into action. She is aware of the sort of damage the other Supergirl in the League has done, and wants to make the same impact. Sodam Yat also feels that this is his time to make an impression on the rest of the League. The two powerhouses clash high above the water. Meanwhile, back in the water, Imhotep finds himself double-teamed by Katara the Water Bender and Emperor Han. All three of them vie for control over the freezing water, but Imhotep is too powerful for them. And with the help of the Kraken, Imhotep defeats his two adversaries. Ursula’s oily, black tentacles begin to wrap around Davy Jones, partially because she is attracted to him. But what she truly wants is control over the Kraken. Davy Jones knows of Ursula and what her magic can do, so he orders the Kraken to take them both out. This is exactly what the might sea creature does, along with the rest of the crew and Pirate #11. Unfortunately, with Davy Jones dead, there is no one to control the monster. It begins to attack wildly, grabbing both Supergirl and Sodom Yat. The massive beast drags them both deep underwater. One of the suckers on its tentacles latches onto Sodam Yat’s ring hand and literally pulls the ring off of the Green Lantern. This proves to be fatal for the Daxamite, due to his need of protection against lead. Supergirl then uses her shape shifting abilities to get away from the beast’s grasp. Onslaught is now left to fend for himself against Supergirl, Imhotep and The Kraken. Even for someone as powerful as Onslaught, this is quite the odds being stacked against him. He uses his incredible telepathic abilities to take control of the minds of both Imhotep and Supergirl. He then sends them to attack their own teammate, the Kraken. The enormous sea monster, however, just uses its brute force to end all three lives as well as this match.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is Davy Jones, Flying Dutchman Crew #1-5, and Pirate #11 in the Flying Dutchman, Uncle Fester in a Swift Boat, Imhotep, Supergirl, and The Kraken.
The Flying Dutchman’s ominous sails stretch and flow in the cold Arctic air as Xavier’s Annihilation Squad prepare for battle. Davy Jones sees their opponents in the distance. The Untouchables are all aboard Broadside, who is in his aircraft carrier mode. “Roll out the long guns, Laddies,” bellows Davy Jones. The five crewmembers of the Dutchman, along with Pirate #11 prepare the cannons. “Fire!” shouts Jones. The cannons explode with a long bang. Onslaught, then however, takes center stage and uses his vast magnetic powers to stop the oncoming cannonballs in mid air and turn them back at the Dutchman. They smash into the side of the ship, causing massive damage. “Alright,” Jones grumbles, “release the Kraken!” The ice and water around Broadside begin to shift and shake. And with a mighty eruption, the Kraken’s tentacles burst out of the water, slamming down on the deck of Broadside. The rest of the Untouchables jump overboard as the Kraken rips apart the Autobot before he can transform. Paula Dean manages to then swim over to Uncle Fester’s Swift Boat and climbs aboard. “Hi y’all,” says the Southern cook. She then does something that was both kind of gross and kind of cool. She throws several frozen sticks of butter at Fester’s head, knocking him down. She then jams another stick of butter down his throat, choking him to death. After this kill, she lets out one of her well known cackles. This is not enjoyed for long, because Imhotep uses his magic to send a tidal wave crashing into the Swift Boat, overturning it and trapping Paula Dean underneath, where she drowns. Onslaught then uses what’s left of Broadside and launches the shrapnel into the hull of the Dutchman. He then rips all of the metal out of it all at once. He kills Flying Dutchman Crew Members #3-5 in the process. Supergirl then flies into action. She is aware of the sort of damage the other Supergirl in the League has done, and wants to make the same impact. Sodam Yat also feels that this is his time to make an impression on the rest of the League. The two powerhouses clash high above the water. Meanwhile, back in the water, Imhotep finds himself double-teamed by Katara the Water Bender and Emperor Han. All three of them vie for control over the freezing water, but Imhotep is too powerful for them. And with the help of the Kraken, Imhotep defeats his two adversaries. Ursula’s oily, black tentacles begin to wrap around Davy Jones, partially because she is attracted to him. But what she truly wants is control over the Kraken. Davy Jones knows of Ursula and what her magic can do, so he orders the Kraken to take them both out. This is exactly what the might sea creature does, along with the rest of the crew and Pirate #11. Unfortunately, with Davy Jones dead, there is no one to control the monster. It begins to attack wildly, grabbing both Supergirl and Sodom Yat. The massive beast drags them both deep underwater. One of the suckers on its tentacles latches onto Sodam Yat’s ring hand and literally pulls the ring off of the Green Lantern. This proves to be fatal for the Daxamite, due to his need of protection against lead. Supergirl then uses her shape shifting abilities to get away from the beast’s grasp. Onslaught is now left to fend for himself against Supergirl, Imhotep and The Kraken. Even for someone as powerful as Onslaught, this is quite the odds being stacked against him. He uses his incredible telepathic abilities to take control of the minds of both Imhotep and Supergirl. He then sends them to attack their own teammate, the Kraken. The enormous sea monster, however, just uses its brute force to end all three lives as well as this match.
XAVIER’S ANNIHILATION SQUAD IS VICTORIOUS!!
Week 2: Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies vs The Abomitrons
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are Ron Popeil, Forge, John Moses Browning, Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane, Scarlet Witch, Etrigan the Demon, Captain Caveman, Dynomutt, and The Wu-Tang Clan: RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Ghost Face Killah, Inspectah Deck, U God, Masta Killah, Cappa Donna, Ol' Dirty Bastard, and Dirt McGirt.
The Abomitrons are Sebastian the Crab, Immell #17 (Elite Sebastian: Sebastian the Crab & Elite Clone Trooper #21), Leviathan, Toadette, Horri-Bull with Creb, Ultra Boy, Spider-Boy, Naboo Soldier #2-3, Goofy and Pluto.
“Damn, it’s freezing out here!” exclaims Method Man. The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan shivers in agreeance. “Man, I didn’t sign with this team just to be tossed out here in the Arctic Ocean,” says RZA. But before anyone else can complain the Abomitrons show up for the battle. The Wu-Tang Clan, as well as the rest of the Murderflies, take their places on the Ron Popeil/Forge constructed Ronco Dura-Float. The Abomitrons storm the vessel and begin their attack. Sebastian the Crab is thrown by Spider-Boy right at GZA and latches onto the rapper’s bottom lip. “Oww! Muh lipp!” shouts GZA. He pulls Sebastian off of his mouth and stomps the little crustacean to death. Toadette, Goofy and Pluto then attack the trio of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Big Baby Jesus, and Dirt McGirt. “Well, gosh, Toadette. These three all look the same to me,” says Goofy. “Goofy, that’s not exactly a very P.C. thing to say,” replies Toadette. “No really, don’t they look like they are the same guy?” Goofy says. But before Toadette can respond, Pluto’s extra sensitive nose then gets a whiff of something and he viciously mauls Big Baby Jesus to death. The former police dog (yeah, bet you didn’t know Pluto used to be a police dog? Well he was in The Purloined Pup from 1946, so there. Eat it.) then pulls out a bag of what appears to be oregano. Toadette and Goofy then follow suit and attack O.D.B. and Dirt McGirt. Goofy savagely snaps O.D.B.’s neck, as Toadette uses one of Forge’s wrenches to bludgeon Dirt McGirt. The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan sees this horrible display of savagery and unloads their glocks into Goofy, Pluto and Toadette. Immell #17 (Elite Sebastian) then sneaks up behind Masta Killah and “killah”s him “masta”fully by clipping his head off with his one claw hand. He then busts as “cappa” in Cappa Donna’s “buttah.” (Everyone enjoying this? No? Ok I’ll stop) “Captain CAAAAAVEMAAAAAAANNNN!!!!” shouts the super Neanderthal as he flies up and smashes Ultra Boy down into the icy water. But the robot boy bursts out of the water and knocks Captain Caveman for a loop. Dynomutt tries to help his friend, but Ultra Boy is ready. Dynomutt starts pulling out several different types of weapons from his body, but Ultra Boy is more advanced and blasts a massive hole into Dynomutt’s side. Ultra Boy then turns and fires a rocket at Captain Caveman. It hits dead on, but once the smoke clears, Captain Caveman’s fur and face are just singed. He then aims his club and fires a rocket of his own, which is successful in destroying Ultra Boy. It was so easy even… well you get the point. He then flies down and attacks Horri-Bull and Creb. He smashes Creb’s head in, but Captain Caveman wasn’t expecting Horri-Bull to be a big as he is. “Unga bunga, you am big as T-Rex. Me am going to unga bunga you to death!” shout Captain Caveman. But Horri-Bull is too powerful for the Neanderthal and with a mighty snap of the Decepticon’s jaw, Captain Caveman is no more. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane then take off in the Ronco Faster-Boat (“you’ll never want to drive on land again.”). They are speeding away from the Ronco Dura-Float just in time to see Leviathan burst from the water and destroy the boat, killing the rest of the Wu-Tang Clan in one fell swoop. Unfortunately, it also takes out Elite Sebastian in the process. Ron Popeil, Forge and John Moses Browning were able to escape certain doom as well, by taking the other Ronco Faster-Boat. John Moses Browning takes aim with his rifle and picks off both Naboo Soldiers with ease. Spider-Boy then feels like it’s time for him to make a name for himself and fires his webbing all over three members of the Murderflies. He then uses his super strength to kill all of them. Michael and Fiona are racing around in their boat, being tailed by Horri-Bull. Michael has an idea, and has Fiona drive for a minute while he sets some detonators in the back of the boat. Horri-Bull catches up to them just as Michael and Fiona leap out of the boat and into the water. When Horri-Bull makes contact with the boat, the C4 and the boat explodes, which rip the Headmaster apart. Michael and Fiona are freezing in the water, clutching onto a piece of debris from the Ronco Dura-Float. But unfortunately for them, Leviathan come up from underneath them and eats them as if they were prawns. The Murderflies magical heavy hitters now have their backs up against the wall. Etrigan the Demon stares down Spider-Boy. “All around the world, Killa Beez start swarmin' 'em. You can't stop us, you can't block us. Rock us or mock us, knock us or top us. Better sit back and watch us...” Etrigan starts to say, but Spider-Boy fires his web shooter at Etrigan’s mouth to shut him up. The Demon then uses his fire breath to burn the webbing away and in a rage now, flies head first right at Spider-Boy. Meanwhile, Scarlet Witch is just floating above the water. Not saying anything, not moving, not even paying attention to the match. Etrigan then wraps Spider-Boy up in a bear hug and with a combination of his fire breath and squeezing Spider-Boy until his back snaps; he’s able to defeat him. Leviathan emerges out of the water once again, and goes to swallow Scarlet Witch. Etrigan is helpless to aid his teammate, but just before Leviathan closes it massive jaws, he hears Scarlet Witch say what sounded like “No more Leviathan.” And just like that. Etrigan floats in the water, alone.
BROCK SAMSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Abomitrons are Sebastian the Crab, Immell #17 (Elite Sebastian: Sebastian the Crab & Elite Clone Trooper #21), Leviathan, Toadette, Horri-Bull with Creb, Ultra Boy, Spider-Boy, Naboo Soldier #2-3, Goofy and Pluto.
“Damn, it’s freezing out here!” exclaims Method Man. The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan shivers in agreeance. “Man, I didn’t sign with this team just to be tossed out here in the Arctic Ocean,” says RZA. But before anyone else can complain the Abomitrons show up for the battle. The Wu-Tang Clan, as well as the rest of the Murderflies, take their places on the Ron Popeil/Forge constructed Ronco Dura-Float. The Abomitrons storm the vessel and begin their attack. Sebastian the Crab is thrown by Spider-Boy right at GZA and latches onto the rapper’s bottom lip. “Oww! Muh lipp!” shouts GZA. He pulls Sebastian off of his mouth and stomps the little crustacean to death. Toadette, Goofy and Pluto then attack the trio of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Big Baby Jesus, and Dirt McGirt. “Well, gosh, Toadette. These three all look the same to me,” says Goofy. “Goofy, that’s not exactly a very P.C. thing to say,” replies Toadette. “No really, don’t they look like they are the same guy?” Goofy says. But before Toadette can respond, Pluto’s extra sensitive nose then gets a whiff of something and he viciously mauls Big Baby Jesus to death. The former police dog (yeah, bet you didn’t know Pluto used to be a police dog? Well he was in The Purloined Pup from 1946, so there. Eat it.) then pulls out a bag of what appears to be oregano. Toadette and Goofy then follow suit and attack O.D.B. and Dirt McGirt. Goofy savagely snaps O.D.B.’s neck, as Toadette uses one of Forge’s wrenches to bludgeon Dirt McGirt. The rest of the Wu-Tang Clan sees this horrible display of savagery and unloads their glocks into Goofy, Pluto and Toadette. Immell #17 (Elite Sebastian) then sneaks up behind Masta Killah and “killah”s him “masta”fully by clipping his head off with his one claw hand. He then busts as “cappa” in Cappa Donna’s “buttah.” (Everyone enjoying this? No? Ok I’ll stop) “Captain CAAAAAVEMAAAAAAANNNN!!!!” shouts the super Neanderthal as he flies up and smashes Ultra Boy down into the icy water. But the robot boy bursts out of the water and knocks Captain Caveman for a loop. Dynomutt tries to help his friend, but Ultra Boy is ready. Dynomutt starts pulling out several different types of weapons from his body, but Ultra Boy is more advanced and blasts a massive hole into Dynomutt’s side. Ultra Boy then turns and fires a rocket at Captain Caveman. It hits dead on, but once the smoke clears, Captain Caveman’s fur and face are just singed. He then aims his club and fires a rocket of his own, which is successful in destroying Ultra Boy. It was so easy even… well you get the point. He then flies down and attacks Horri-Bull and Creb. He smashes Creb’s head in, but Captain Caveman wasn’t expecting Horri-Bull to be a big as he is. “Unga bunga, you am big as T-Rex. Me am going to unga bunga you to death!” shout Captain Caveman. But Horri-Bull is too powerful for the Neanderthal and with a mighty snap of the Decepticon’s jaw, Captain Caveman is no more. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane then take off in the Ronco Faster-Boat (“you’ll never want to drive on land again.”). They are speeding away from the Ronco Dura-Float just in time to see Leviathan burst from the water and destroy the boat, killing the rest of the Wu-Tang Clan in one fell swoop. Unfortunately, it also takes out Elite Sebastian in the process. Ron Popeil, Forge and John Moses Browning were able to escape certain doom as well, by taking the other Ronco Faster-Boat. John Moses Browning takes aim with his rifle and picks off both Naboo Soldiers with ease. Spider-Boy then feels like it’s time for him to make a name for himself and fires his webbing all over three members of the Murderflies. He then uses his super strength to kill all of them. Michael and Fiona are racing around in their boat, being tailed by Horri-Bull. Michael has an idea, and has Fiona drive for a minute while he sets some detonators in the back of the boat. Horri-Bull catches up to them just as Michael and Fiona leap out of the boat and into the water. When Horri-Bull makes contact with the boat, the C4 and the boat explodes, which rip the Headmaster apart. Michael and Fiona are freezing in the water, clutching onto a piece of debris from the Ronco Dura-Float. But unfortunately for them, Leviathan come up from underneath them and eats them as if they were prawns. The Murderflies magical heavy hitters now have their backs up against the wall. Etrigan the Demon stares down Spider-Boy. “All around the world, Killa Beez start swarmin' 'em. You can't stop us, you can't block us. Rock us or mock us, knock us or top us. Better sit back and watch us...” Etrigan starts to say, but Spider-Boy fires his web shooter at Etrigan’s mouth to shut him up. The Demon then uses his fire breath to burn the webbing away and in a rage now, flies head first right at Spider-Boy. Meanwhile, Scarlet Witch is just floating above the water. Not saying anything, not moving, not even paying attention to the match. Etrigan then wraps Spider-Boy up in a bear hug and with a combination of his fire breath and squeezing Spider-Boy until his back snaps; he’s able to defeat him. Leviathan emerges out of the water once again, and goes to swallow Scarlet Witch. Etrigan is helpless to aid his teammate, but just before Leviathan closes it massive jaws, he hears Scarlet Witch say what sounded like “No more Leviathan.” And just like that. Etrigan floats in the water, alone.
BROCK SAMSON’S FIGHTING MURDERFLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Season Three: Week #2: The Syracuse Valley vs. Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve
The Syracuse Valley is Godzooky, Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk & Beast Box, (movie) Wheelie, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Decepticon #1 & 2, Leonardo, Raphael, Venus Demilo, Anakin Skywalker in Odee Mandrell’s Pod Racer, Rob Bartlett w/ Halberd, Billy Mays in a Hovercraft, Gremlin #1 & 2, Xenomorph #91, Little Goomba #5 and Treasure Troll #27.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Calypso, Triton, Tracy Strauss, Marco Alexsandrovich Ramlus, Navy SEAL Chief #14, Battle Droid #1 & Charlie Brown in the Red October and Argonaut #1-6 in the Argo.
By the time I got there to witness the match, everything was quiet. Not only was everything quiet, but also the entire surrounding water that is supposed to be the Artic Ocean is frozen. It is possible that I may have shown up late to the match. In fact, it is possible that I might have missed the entire thing. I wait around for a bit and can see or hear nothing. I don’t know if everyone is dead or if both teams are stuck underneath the surface of the water.
After several minutes of trying to wrap by head around this strange scenario that I seem to be in, I begin to see movement from ice. It appears as if a small robotic bug of some sort is stuck halfway in the frozen body of water. Well, that was until the water around him just thawed momentarily and took him completely under the water. The top has now re-frozen over him. I am going to safely assume it’s dead. Sorry about all of this, I didn’t think something like this was able to happen. I was under the impression that the match started when I showed up. It only makes sense that this would be the case but it seems like this match is nearly over with (or quite possibly is already over).
I have heard a rumor about a sort of transcript that is made of these matches, but as I have always been present during my matches, I have never seen a real use for them.
Sometime later…
I put a request in for this matches transcript thus far. I have been told it is on its way, but they don’t seem very happy about my tardiness. I suppose I don’t blame them.
A bit later…
I just got it and it doesn’t seem like the match has been going on that long. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I totally was late to this thing and I have sure I am going to get a stern talking to after this is over with.
Here we go, it says Anakin flew over the water and began circling around the Argo ship. Then Billy Mays driving a hovercraft came speeding up towards the Argonauts ship as well. It appears that he was carrying Raphael, Leonardo, Venus Demilo and Gremlin’s #1 & 2. Also, it looks like Godzooky, who had Rob Bartlett and a Xenomorph riding on him flew towards the ship as well.
Wow, this stuff is really dry. Anyways, it seems that the Xenomorph jumped off of Godzooky and landed onto the Argo ship. It says he killed Argonauts #1-4 before anyone else even joined him on the ships deck. Billy Mays and his crew were able to board the ship and despite the fact that Venus Demilo died due to a sword wound to the chest from Argonaut #6, it seems like Raphael and Leonardo were able to finish off the remaining Argonauts. It appears that Raphael killed Argonaut #5 and Leonardo killed Argonaut #6.
Then the ship sank.
Wait, hold on a second.
Yeah, the ship sank.
Why would the ship sink, that makes no sense?
Oh, okay. Yeah, now it makes sense.
It seems that the Red October decided to open fire on the Argo and sink their own ship. No description past that. I’m guessing they found out their teammates were all dead and that they had a good chance of taking the remaining passengers out if they sunk the ship.
Before I forget, it says here that Little Goomba #5 and Treasure Troll #2 were on the Pod racer with Anakin. Also, the Decepticon Spy Bug was also randomly fly around the water. It kept saying it was detecting enemy activity but could not verify this with any sort of visual proof. Not incredibly important information, but I figured I would mention it. All right, as the ship sank, the Xenomorph, Leo, Raphael and Billy Mays were able to get off the ship in time and get back into the hovercraft. The Gremlins never made it out alive. They went down with the ship.
As the survivors on the hovercraft drove off they met up with the rest of their teammates, who were all of the robotic persuasion. Zombie Lazerbeak and SquawkTalk were flying overhead of everyone, while the rest of the Transformers were swimming. Big Robots swimming seems like an odd thing to me, but that’s what it says they were doing. Then several of the Transformers including Ravage, Wheelie and both Decepticon’s #1 & 2, along with the Xenomorph swam down to meet the Red October.
Triton was hanging around the Red October for protection and was able to take care of Ravage and Wheelie quite easily. The Xenomorph was able to get right on the giant submarine and actually tear a small hole somewhere on the underwater ship. Meanwhile, it seems as if Triton had his hands full with both Decepticons. Ultimately, he was able to destroy both of the evil robots. The fight did leave him injured, but he still went back to the Red October to help his teammates.
The Xenomorph and Triton had a lengthy fight, but in the end Triton was victorious. Though as the Xenomorph’s body floated down towards the ocean floor, much of the acid from its body bubbled up and overcame Triton. It did not take long for the acid to overwhelm the body of the green skinned creature and kill him. With the Red October in minor turmoil from the Alien’s hull breach, the ship’s captain was doing everything he could to get it up the surface.
This is where it seems to change quickly though. All of a sudden Transformers start to explode from the inside out. One by one, they started to die. First it was Beast Box and then it was Slugfest. Then Overkill and Frenzy. This unseen massacre seemed to only be affecting the robots. Then a stream of water flowed upstream and into the passenger compartment of the hovercraft. Out of what it seems like thin air, a water shaped figure (there words, not mine) began to take human form.
The water shaped figure as it turns out was Tracy Strauss and as soon as she took human form, she sent a tidal wave of ocean water onto the hovercraft. I’m not really sure why she took human form if she was just going to capsize the ship anyways, but that is what it says she did. During this time Zombie Frenzy had also burst from the inside out. SoundBlaster began firing randomly into the tidal wave of water, but it did not seem to do any good as he was soon disposed of as well.
From what I gather, Tracy was able to take control of every water molecule in the bodies of the swimming Transformers and in one violent motion, tear the robots apart from the inside out. It kind of sounds like that scene in the second X-Men movie where Mystique pumped that dude full of iron and then Magneto ripped all of the metal out of the dudes body, killing him from the inside out.
Anyways, by this time the Red October had surfaced and the members inside of it were standing on the topside of the hull. Anakin noticed this and flew towards his two surviving teammates from the hovercraft. One by one, he flew and dropped off Leonardo and Raphael to the hull of the surfaced submarine. Billy Mays was not part of this retrieval mission, as he died in the tidal wave.
The Battle Droid instantly started shooting at the Ninja Turtles, but Raphael was able to kill him with one hit to the head with his Sai. The Navy SEAL Chief by this time began firing as well and though he shot Raphael in the Stomach, he was overpowered by the Ninja Turtle in the end. Marco at this time had gone back into the sub, carrying Charlie Brown. Both turtles followed them into the ship. There are no specific details from inside the ship but ultimately Marco shot Leonardo in the face and was then killed with a Sai blow to the head. Raphael killed Charlie Brown as well. Then something interesting happened.
It says the sea began to violently thrash, knocking the Red October back under the water. Then huge waves began knocking everything back down into the water, including Anakin in his pod racer and Zombie Laserbeak. The rusty transformer crashed into the water and Anakin’s pod racer was instantly destroyed. Then a massive whirlpool began to form around both of Valley members and began to swallow them up. Out from this giant whirlpool is a massive form that has to be Calypso. She seems quite pissed off and begins screaming about the death of Charlie Brown.
She has managed to take Anakin, the little goomba, the treasure troll and the zombie robot to their deaths underwater with a violent ease that seems like it was quite frightening. Then the entire ocean began to be sucked down into the hole, which kept becoming larger and larger by the second. Then when the water seemed to be at it breaking point, it erupted like a volcano into the sky, knocking the terrified nephew of Godzilla and Rob Bartlett down into the water.
The force of the blow seemed to be devastating to the two remaining Valley members.
Not that it mattered anyways, because before either of them were even able to come up for air, the entire ocean as far as the eye could see became one big sheet of ice. The now frozen body of water had kept Godzooky and Rob under the water long enough to take both of their last breathes away from them.
The only thing I don’t understand is why this match isn’t over with yet. I still see nothing but a massive sheet of ice. This just doesn’t make any…wait a second. Hold on one minute, let me check on something.
One minute later…
Yeah, that’s what I thought. Raphael somehow survived all of this and is lying in the Red October. Which is naturally encased in ice at the point. Which means I have to wait until he bleeds out and dies from his stomach wound. I hope this doesn’t take forever.
Six hours later…
I totally deserve this. You know who doesn’t deserve this? You people out there. Sorry for this dry match. I’ll try and cut to the chase next time.
45 Minutes later…
Raphael is dead from his gunshot wound to the chest from Navy SEAL Chief #14. Rest in peace Raph.
The Kennelz: Calypso and Tracy Strauss are still alive.
The Syracuse Valley: All dead.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Victorious!
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Calypso, Triton, Tracy Strauss, Marco Alexsandrovich Ramlus, Navy SEAL Chief #14, Battle Droid #1 & Charlie Brown in the Red October and Argonaut #1-6 in the Argo.
By the time I got there to witness the match, everything was quiet. Not only was everything quiet, but also the entire surrounding water that is supposed to be the Artic Ocean is frozen. It is possible that I may have shown up late to the match. In fact, it is possible that I might have missed the entire thing. I wait around for a bit and can see or hear nothing. I don’t know if everyone is dead or if both teams are stuck underneath the surface of the water.
After several minutes of trying to wrap by head around this strange scenario that I seem to be in, I begin to see movement from ice. It appears as if a small robotic bug of some sort is stuck halfway in the frozen body of water. Well, that was until the water around him just thawed momentarily and took him completely under the water. The top has now re-frozen over him. I am going to safely assume it’s dead. Sorry about all of this, I didn’t think something like this was able to happen. I was under the impression that the match started when I showed up. It only makes sense that this would be the case but it seems like this match is nearly over with (or quite possibly is already over).
I have heard a rumor about a sort of transcript that is made of these matches, but as I have always been present during my matches, I have never seen a real use for them.
Sometime later…
I put a request in for this matches transcript thus far. I have been told it is on its way, but they don’t seem very happy about my tardiness. I suppose I don’t blame them.
A bit later…
I just got it and it doesn’t seem like the match has been going on that long. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I totally was late to this thing and I have sure I am going to get a stern talking to after this is over with.
Here we go, it says Anakin flew over the water and began circling around the Argo ship. Then Billy Mays driving a hovercraft came speeding up towards the Argonauts ship as well. It appears that he was carrying Raphael, Leonardo, Venus Demilo and Gremlin’s #1 & 2. Also, it looks like Godzooky, who had Rob Bartlett and a Xenomorph riding on him flew towards the ship as well.
Wow, this stuff is really dry. Anyways, it seems that the Xenomorph jumped off of Godzooky and landed onto the Argo ship. It says he killed Argonauts #1-4 before anyone else even joined him on the ships deck. Billy Mays and his crew were able to board the ship and despite the fact that Venus Demilo died due to a sword wound to the chest from Argonaut #6, it seems like Raphael and Leonardo were able to finish off the remaining Argonauts. It appears that Raphael killed Argonaut #5 and Leonardo killed Argonaut #6.
Then the ship sank.
Wait, hold on a second.
Yeah, the ship sank.
Why would the ship sink, that makes no sense?
Oh, okay. Yeah, now it makes sense.
It seems that the Red October decided to open fire on the Argo and sink their own ship. No description past that. I’m guessing they found out their teammates were all dead and that they had a good chance of taking the remaining passengers out if they sunk the ship.
Before I forget, it says here that Little Goomba #5 and Treasure Troll #2 were on the Pod racer with Anakin. Also, the Decepticon Spy Bug was also randomly fly around the water. It kept saying it was detecting enemy activity but could not verify this with any sort of visual proof. Not incredibly important information, but I figured I would mention it. All right, as the ship sank, the Xenomorph, Leo, Raphael and Billy Mays were able to get off the ship in time and get back into the hovercraft. The Gremlins never made it out alive. They went down with the ship.
As the survivors on the hovercraft drove off they met up with the rest of their teammates, who were all of the robotic persuasion. Zombie Lazerbeak and SquawkTalk were flying overhead of everyone, while the rest of the Transformers were swimming. Big Robots swimming seems like an odd thing to me, but that’s what it says they were doing. Then several of the Transformers including Ravage, Wheelie and both Decepticon’s #1 & 2, along with the Xenomorph swam down to meet the Red October.
Triton was hanging around the Red October for protection and was able to take care of Ravage and Wheelie quite easily. The Xenomorph was able to get right on the giant submarine and actually tear a small hole somewhere on the underwater ship. Meanwhile, it seems as if Triton had his hands full with both Decepticons. Ultimately, he was able to destroy both of the evil robots. The fight did leave him injured, but he still went back to the Red October to help his teammates.
The Xenomorph and Triton had a lengthy fight, but in the end Triton was victorious. Though as the Xenomorph’s body floated down towards the ocean floor, much of the acid from its body bubbled up and overcame Triton. It did not take long for the acid to overwhelm the body of the green skinned creature and kill him. With the Red October in minor turmoil from the Alien’s hull breach, the ship’s captain was doing everything he could to get it up the surface.
This is where it seems to change quickly though. All of a sudden Transformers start to explode from the inside out. One by one, they started to die. First it was Beast Box and then it was Slugfest. Then Overkill and Frenzy. This unseen massacre seemed to only be affecting the robots. Then a stream of water flowed upstream and into the passenger compartment of the hovercraft. Out of what it seems like thin air, a water shaped figure (there words, not mine) began to take human form.
The water shaped figure as it turns out was Tracy Strauss and as soon as she took human form, she sent a tidal wave of ocean water onto the hovercraft. I’m not really sure why she took human form if she was just going to capsize the ship anyways, but that is what it says she did. During this time Zombie Frenzy had also burst from the inside out. SoundBlaster began firing randomly into the tidal wave of water, but it did not seem to do any good as he was soon disposed of as well.
From what I gather, Tracy was able to take control of every water molecule in the bodies of the swimming Transformers and in one violent motion, tear the robots apart from the inside out. It kind of sounds like that scene in the second X-Men movie where Mystique pumped that dude full of iron and then Magneto ripped all of the metal out of the dudes body, killing him from the inside out.
Anyways, by this time the Red October had surfaced and the members inside of it were standing on the topside of the hull. Anakin noticed this and flew towards his two surviving teammates from the hovercraft. One by one, he flew and dropped off Leonardo and Raphael to the hull of the surfaced submarine. Billy Mays was not part of this retrieval mission, as he died in the tidal wave.
The Battle Droid instantly started shooting at the Ninja Turtles, but Raphael was able to kill him with one hit to the head with his Sai. The Navy SEAL Chief by this time began firing as well and though he shot Raphael in the Stomach, he was overpowered by the Ninja Turtle in the end. Marco at this time had gone back into the sub, carrying Charlie Brown. Both turtles followed them into the ship. There are no specific details from inside the ship but ultimately Marco shot Leonardo in the face and was then killed with a Sai blow to the head. Raphael killed Charlie Brown as well. Then something interesting happened.
It says the sea began to violently thrash, knocking the Red October back under the water. Then huge waves began knocking everything back down into the water, including Anakin in his pod racer and Zombie Laserbeak. The rusty transformer crashed into the water and Anakin’s pod racer was instantly destroyed. Then a massive whirlpool began to form around both of Valley members and began to swallow them up. Out from this giant whirlpool is a massive form that has to be Calypso. She seems quite pissed off and begins screaming about the death of Charlie Brown.
She has managed to take Anakin, the little goomba, the treasure troll and the zombie robot to their deaths underwater with a violent ease that seems like it was quite frightening. Then the entire ocean began to be sucked down into the hole, which kept becoming larger and larger by the second. Then when the water seemed to be at it breaking point, it erupted like a volcano into the sky, knocking the terrified nephew of Godzilla and Rob Bartlett down into the water.
The force of the blow seemed to be devastating to the two remaining Valley members.
Not that it mattered anyways, because before either of them were even able to come up for air, the entire ocean as far as the eye could see became one big sheet of ice. The now frozen body of water had kept Godzooky and Rob under the water long enough to take both of their last breathes away from them.
The only thing I don’t understand is why this match isn’t over with yet. I still see nothing but a massive sheet of ice. This just doesn’t make any…wait a second. Hold on one minute, let me check on something.
One minute later…
Yeah, that’s what I thought. Raphael somehow survived all of this and is lying in the Red October. Which is naturally encased in ice at the point. Which means I have to wait until he bleeds out and dies from his stomach wound. I hope this doesn’t take forever.
Six hours later…
I totally deserve this. You know who doesn’t deserve this? You people out there. Sorry for this dry match. I’ll try and cut to the chase next time.
45 Minutes later…
Raphael is dead from his gunshot wound to the chest from Navy SEAL Chief #14. Rest in peace Raph.
The Kennelz: Calypso and Tracy Strauss are still alive.
The Syracuse Valley: All dead.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Victorious!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Week 2 The Transfoamers vs Beckerman's Backyardigan's: Beeyatches
The Transfoamers Are: Goldfinger, Movie Jolt, Movie Sideswipe, The Fallen, and Transformers 1,2,3,4, and 5.
The Backyardigans Are: Black Widow Shark, Sharkticons #3 and #8, Abe Sapien, Mer-Man, Skrull #15, Belle, SkullCruncher & Grax.
20.000 feet above sea level.
Goldfinger wonders aloud,
free falling high above the ocean his words are ripped from the air before reaching the ears of anyone, "Did we really need to do a HALO Jump into battle today? I mean... it sounded cool at the time, but now I'm not so sure, these robots don't look very seaworthy..."
Transformers 1 through 5 are all hoping they have the correct programming for a sea battle.
10,000 feet above sea level.
The Fallen is trying to remember what HALO stood for again.. He thinks it's High Altitude Low Opening but he's not positive... And how "low" exactly was goldfinger talking when they thought of this.
5.000 feet above sea level.
Sideswipe and Jolt begin to worry. Especially Jolt.
2500 feet above sea level.
Transformer #1 begins to transform. two through five follow suit.
2000 feet above sea level.
Transformer 1 has turned into a sizable Pontoon Boat as he looks for Goldfinger but can not find him. Just before he begins to panic Goldfinger falls into view and boards the boat.
Transformer 1 wonders where Goldfinger's parachute is... he guesses that goldfinger had planned to ride him down all along.
1900 feet above sea level.
Transformer 2 has turned into a golf cart. #3 has turned into a Rascal Electric Mobility scooter. and #4 has turned into a John Deer tractor. #5 has turned into a 1971 ford pinto.
1000 Feet above sea level.
The team opens their chutes. The harnesses hold. Except for one. The Fallen lives up to his name and smacks the water hard, plummetting directly into the ocean and sinking rapidly.
Touchdown.
Goldfinger and the pontoon boat float gracefully to a safe water landing. Sideswipe realizes he is far too dense to swim in the ocean moments before he lands. He transforms into his vehicle form... Unfortunately sideswipe has never been suited for either the air or the water... he looks awesome as a Lamborghini Murcielago even if it is filling rapidly with sea-water.
It's a good thing he doesn't need to breathe.
Transformer #5 hits the water bumper first. Immediately exploding on contact with the water. Even a robotic Ford Pinto is unsafe at any speed.
100 feet below sea level.
The Backyardigans lay in wait.
Most of them spend the majority of their time under water so survival is not an issue. Belle and Abe Sapien are both treading water at the surface watching the ill fated Transfoamers hit the water one by one.
"Ah Crap" says Abe grabbing belle and trying to swim away quickly. They manage to avoid Jolt hitting them when he lands, unfortunately Jolt is an Electric Car...
The water causes him to short circuit which kills Belle instantly and Severely injures Abe who is a little more resilient than your average human. The shock also nukes transformers 2-4 disabling their electronics and causing them to float to the sea floor where the sharkticons feed on them greedily. Jolt is also completely helpless when the sharkticons turn their attentions to him.
12001 feet below sea level.
The Fallen touches down on the sea floor, thinking that he will quickly launch an attack on the Backyardigans from below. However Mer-Man has other ideas. Mer-man has enlisted the help of several near by Giant Squid and they attack, Tearing the fallen limb from limb. The sharkticons will eat well today.
During his descent Sideswipe gets the drop on Mer-Man as he is pre-occupied watching the sharkticons play with their food... His rear tire catches Mer-Man's head and he guns the engine, sucking merman's finned cranium into the wheel well and snapping his neck.
Hearing Mer-Man's gargling screams, The Sharkticons abandon their meal and turn their attention towards sideswipe. They make quick work of him, Tearing off his doors first, and then his tires one by one.
Back to Sea Level.
Abe Sapien has regained consciousness, He awakes just in time to stop Black Widow Shark and Skullcruncher who were preparing to attack the pontoon boat transformer from under the water.
"Wait" he motioned to them. They both looked confused and Abe responded with another hand gesture and a look that simply said "Trust me."
The Pontoon boat was beginning to panic again.
"Goldfinger, what are we going to do?!" he said.
"Well," replied Goldfinger, who was fiddling with a device with a timer. His chin ridges were beginning to show... "I'd suggest making peace with robot jesus, or whoever you robots pray to.."
"The Pontoon boat began to change back into a robot to fight the Skrull imposter who had replaced Goldfinger during their descent. But he had already taken off, riding away on the backs of the two sharkticons as if they were water skis.
"So long Sucker!" Shouted the now fully transformed Skrull.. Transformer #1 still can't believe what's happening when the lifeless body of Goldfinger floats to the surface his parachute undeployed. The skrull explosive turns the poor transformer into pieces that not even the sharkticons will bother eating.
Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches are Victorious!
The Backyardigans have lost Mer-Man and Belle.
The entire Transfoamers team now resides in Davy Jones' Locker.
Edit: There was a missing passage in the original draft regarding the fate of transformer #5... it has now been added in.
The Backyardigans Are: Black Widow Shark, Sharkticons #3 and #8, Abe Sapien, Mer-Man, Skrull #15, Belle, SkullCruncher & Grax.
20.000 feet above sea level.
Goldfinger wonders aloud,
free falling high above the ocean his words are ripped from the air before reaching the ears of anyone, "Did we really need to do a HALO Jump into battle today? I mean... it sounded cool at the time, but now I'm not so sure, these robots don't look very seaworthy..."
Transformers 1 through 5 are all hoping they have the correct programming for a sea battle.
10,000 feet above sea level.
The Fallen is trying to remember what HALO stood for again.. He thinks it's High Altitude Low Opening but he's not positive... And how "low" exactly was goldfinger talking when they thought of this.
5.000 feet above sea level.
Sideswipe and Jolt begin to worry. Especially Jolt.
2500 feet above sea level.
Transformer #1 begins to transform. two through five follow suit.
2000 feet above sea level.
Transformer 1 has turned into a sizable Pontoon Boat as he looks for Goldfinger but can not find him. Just before he begins to panic Goldfinger falls into view and boards the boat.
Transformer 1 wonders where Goldfinger's parachute is... he guesses that goldfinger had planned to ride him down all along.
1900 feet above sea level.
Transformer 2 has turned into a golf cart. #3 has turned into a Rascal Electric Mobility scooter. and #4 has turned into a John Deer tractor. #5 has turned into a 1971 ford pinto.
1000 Feet above sea level.
The team opens their chutes. The harnesses hold. Except for one. The Fallen lives up to his name and smacks the water hard, plummetting directly into the ocean and sinking rapidly.
Touchdown.
Goldfinger and the pontoon boat float gracefully to a safe water landing. Sideswipe realizes he is far too dense to swim in the ocean moments before he lands. He transforms into his vehicle form... Unfortunately sideswipe has never been suited for either the air or the water... he looks awesome as a Lamborghini Murcielago even if it is filling rapidly with sea-water.
It's a good thing he doesn't need to breathe.
Transformer #5 hits the water bumper first. Immediately exploding on contact with the water. Even a robotic Ford Pinto is unsafe at any speed.
100 feet below sea level.
The Backyardigans lay in wait.
Most of them spend the majority of their time under water so survival is not an issue. Belle and Abe Sapien are both treading water at the surface watching the ill fated Transfoamers hit the water one by one.
"Ah Crap" says Abe grabbing belle and trying to swim away quickly. They manage to avoid Jolt hitting them when he lands, unfortunately Jolt is an Electric Car...
The water causes him to short circuit which kills Belle instantly and Severely injures Abe who is a little more resilient than your average human. The shock also nukes transformers 2-4 disabling their electronics and causing them to float to the sea floor where the sharkticons feed on them greedily. Jolt is also completely helpless when the sharkticons turn their attentions to him.
12001 feet below sea level.
The Fallen touches down on the sea floor, thinking that he will quickly launch an attack on the Backyardigans from below. However Mer-Man has other ideas. Mer-man has enlisted the help of several near by Giant Squid and they attack, Tearing the fallen limb from limb. The sharkticons will eat well today.
During his descent Sideswipe gets the drop on Mer-Man as he is pre-occupied watching the sharkticons play with their food... His rear tire catches Mer-Man's head and he guns the engine, sucking merman's finned cranium into the wheel well and snapping his neck.
Hearing Mer-Man's gargling screams, The Sharkticons abandon their meal and turn their attention towards sideswipe. They make quick work of him, Tearing off his doors first, and then his tires one by one.
Back to Sea Level.
Abe Sapien has regained consciousness, He awakes just in time to stop Black Widow Shark and Skullcruncher who were preparing to attack the pontoon boat transformer from under the water.
"Wait" he motioned to them. They both looked confused and Abe responded with another hand gesture and a look that simply said "Trust me."
The Pontoon boat was beginning to panic again.
"Goldfinger, what are we going to do?!" he said.
"Well," replied Goldfinger, who was fiddling with a device with a timer. His chin ridges were beginning to show... "I'd suggest making peace with robot jesus, or whoever you robots pray to.."
"The Pontoon boat began to change back into a robot to fight the Skrull imposter who had replaced Goldfinger during their descent. But he had already taken off, riding away on the backs of the two sharkticons as if they were water skis.
"So long Sucker!" Shouted the now fully transformed Skrull.. Transformer #1 still can't believe what's happening when the lifeless body of Goldfinger floats to the surface his parachute undeployed. The skrull explosive turns the poor transformer into pieces that not even the sharkticons will bother eating.
Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches are Victorious!
The Backyardigans have lost Mer-Man and Belle.
The entire Transfoamers team now resides in Davy Jones' Locker.
Edit: There was a missing passage in the original draft regarding the fate of transformer #5... it has now been added in.
Hayley's Comets vs. Logical Genocide
“Probably one of the weirdest sounds is from these bearded seals who live in the Arctic waters and they make these sounds. . . like they're from the 'X-Files' or something."
―Billy Spitzer
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Hayley’s Comets: Ash, Blastois, Grotle, Wartortle, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Hordak (w/ a yellow power ring), Xenomorph #54, Doozer #3, Watchdogs #1-3 and The Justice Force: Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano and Green Mantle.
Logical Genocide: Mera, Gremlin #5, The Ray, Warwolves #2 and 7, Black Dragon #11, Neo-Cymek #8, Serling and Smurf #10.
Smurf #10 blends into the icy blue waters of the Arctic Ocean. He sees Piplup and figures that the small penguin chick will be easy prey. Smurf #10 is wrong. As the blue demon swims toward Piplup, the Pokemon uses its bubble breath to hide itself from Smurf #10 and escapes. Smurf #10 rises to the surface. Wartortle swims at Smurf #10 and spits water in the Smurf’s face, temporarily blinding him. While Smurf #10 shakes off the spray, Empoleon rises from below. As Empoleon crashes to the surface next to Smurf #10, the Pokemon penguin slices Smurf #10’s head off with its wings.
Across the waters, Gremlin #5 is tearing apart Doozer #3. The tiny, green muppet did not stand a chance against the evil creature. After the death of Doozer #3, Gremlin #5 meets Grotle. Gremlin #5 gets the upper hand over the serene Pokemon and rips Grotle’s eyes out; Grotle dies. The turtle-like Blastois sees the Gremlin and shoots water from its cannons at the diminutive monster. Gremlin #5 tries to push on toward Blastois when Prinplup comes from behind. Prinplup positions itself so its wings are on either side of Gremlin #5. Prinplup’s wings come together and smash Gremlin #5’s skull in. A sickening squish is heard as Gremlin #5 sinks to its watery grave.
Black Dragon #11 spots the Pokemon characters and flies down in an attempt to destroy them in one, fell swoop. The mythical beast opens its maw and scoops Piplup up. The acid sitting in the Dragon’s mouth eats away at Piplup. The Pokemon chick sizzles in acid, to its death. Blastois and Wartortle shoot and spit water at the Dragon to no avail. Black Dragon #11 is temporarily stunned by the sheer force of the water blasts. Nonetheless, it is not enough to hinder the Dragon from dispelling its acid at the two, leaving only scarred shells where their bodies had once been. Hordak sees his teammates being decimated and reacts. While his yellow power ring allows him to fly alongside the Dragon, Hordak’s chest releases a buzz-saw like projectile that slices through the dragon’s belly. As Black Dragon #11 screeches, Hordak’s right arm becomes an energy cannon that blasts the flying beast. Black Dragon #11 is killed.
Warwolves #2 and 7 enter the fight and focus on Empoleon and Prinplup. The metallic wolves use their claws to tear and slash apart Prinplup. Empoleon fights both Warwolves and manages to slice through and kill the slick-skinned Warwolf #7 with its wings. Yet, while it does, Warwolf #2 comes around and latches onto Empoleon, draining the life-force from the large penguin Pokemon. With both Empoleon and Prinplup destroyed, Warwolf #2 swims to the next skirmish.
With the entire Pokemon crew killed, Ash swims away from the fighting, sulking at the loss of his friends. His pity-party is short lived as Warwolf #2 comes upon the human and rips him apart. After the easy killing of Ash, Warwolf #2 locates Serling. The two focus on Watchdogs #1-3, who are currently treading water. The Captain America fighting squad is ripped apart by the sheer force of Warwolf #2 and Serling. The two swim on, but eventually split up.
Xenomorph #54 meets Warwolf #2. The vicious battle of beasts is heard across the waters and Xenomorph #54 and Warwolf #2 lash out and eventually destroy each other. Meanwhile, Serling swims on and is met by Hordak, who is flying above with the use of the yellow power ring. Hordak uses the ring to create a large projectile that destroys the robot. As Hordak flies away from the scene, he is spotted by the Ray. The Ray uses a large light construct to pierce the side of Hordak’s armor. Before the Ray can finish off the wounded Hordak, he is killed by the Green Mantle. The power-ringed and caped Comets fly off together. As Hordak and the Green Mantle look for other Genocide members, they are met by Neo-Cymek #8. The huge monstrosity rises from the depths and manages to grab both Hordak and the Green Mantle before they can react. It crushes them both and their bodies fall into icy waters.
Mera meets Tsunami. The two water-dweller combatants use their prowess in the ocean to do battle. Aquaman’s wife eventually gains the upper-hand over the Justice Force member and crushes his air pipe. As Mera is about to face another foe she is met by Metalhead and Nano. The robot comes from behind and grabs her. Metalhead then uses his hair to create metal spears and weapons that slash her apart. Mera dies.
The remaining Justice Force- Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metalhead, Chrysalis, Nobody, Raptarr and Nano meet the Neo-Cymek. The Comets come together as one and fight the Neo-Cymek. . .
The barrage of body pieces and robot parts that litter the ocean are enormous after the skirmish. As I look to the battleground, I see the bodies of Ananda, Chrysalis, Raptarr, Metalhead and Nano. I also see the enormous Neo-Cymek, smoking and sinking to the depths.
Hayley’s Comets: Silver Sentry and Nobody survive.
Logical Genocide: All dead.
HAYLEY’S COMETS IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
―Billy Spitzer
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Hayley’s Comets: Ash, Blastois, Grotle, Wartortle, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Hordak (w/ a yellow power ring), Xenomorph #54, Doozer #3, Watchdogs #1-3 and The Justice Force: Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano and Green Mantle.
Logical Genocide: Mera, Gremlin #5, The Ray, Warwolves #2 and 7, Black Dragon #11, Neo-Cymek #8, Serling and Smurf #10.
Smurf #10 blends into the icy blue waters of the Arctic Ocean. He sees Piplup and figures that the small penguin chick will be easy prey. Smurf #10 is wrong. As the blue demon swims toward Piplup, the Pokemon uses its bubble breath to hide itself from Smurf #10 and escapes. Smurf #10 rises to the surface. Wartortle swims at Smurf #10 and spits water in the Smurf’s face, temporarily blinding him. While Smurf #10 shakes off the spray, Empoleon rises from below. As Empoleon crashes to the surface next to Smurf #10, the Pokemon penguin slices Smurf #10’s head off with its wings.
Across the waters, Gremlin #5 is tearing apart Doozer #3. The tiny, green muppet did not stand a chance against the evil creature. After the death of Doozer #3, Gremlin #5 meets Grotle. Gremlin #5 gets the upper hand over the serene Pokemon and rips Grotle’s eyes out; Grotle dies. The turtle-like Blastois sees the Gremlin and shoots water from its cannons at the diminutive monster. Gremlin #5 tries to push on toward Blastois when Prinplup comes from behind. Prinplup positions itself so its wings are on either side of Gremlin #5. Prinplup’s wings come together and smash Gremlin #5’s skull in. A sickening squish is heard as Gremlin #5 sinks to its watery grave.
Black Dragon #11 spots the Pokemon characters and flies down in an attempt to destroy them in one, fell swoop. The mythical beast opens its maw and scoops Piplup up. The acid sitting in the Dragon’s mouth eats away at Piplup. The Pokemon chick sizzles in acid, to its death. Blastois and Wartortle shoot and spit water at the Dragon to no avail. Black Dragon #11 is temporarily stunned by the sheer force of the water blasts. Nonetheless, it is not enough to hinder the Dragon from dispelling its acid at the two, leaving only scarred shells where their bodies had once been. Hordak sees his teammates being decimated and reacts. While his yellow power ring allows him to fly alongside the Dragon, Hordak’s chest releases a buzz-saw like projectile that slices through the dragon’s belly. As Black Dragon #11 screeches, Hordak’s right arm becomes an energy cannon that blasts the flying beast. Black Dragon #11 is killed.
Warwolves #2 and 7 enter the fight and focus on Empoleon and Prinplup. The metallic wolves use their claws to tear and slash apart Prinplup. Empoleon fights both Warwolves and manages to slice through and kill the slick-skinned Warwolf #7 with its wings. Yet, while it does, Warwolf #2 comes around and latches onto Empoleon, draining the life-force from the large penguin Pokemon. With both Empoleon and Prinplup destroyed, Warwolf #2 swims to the next skirmish.
With the entire Pokemon crew killed, Ash swims away from the fighting, sulking at the loss of his friends. His pity-party is short lived as Warwolf #2 comes upon the human and rips him apart. After the easy killing of Ash, Warwolf #2 locates Serling. The two focus on Watchdogs #1-3, who are currently treading water. The Captain America fighting squad is ripped apart by the sheer force of Warwolf #2 and Serling. The two swim on, but eventually split up.
Xenomorph #54 meets Warwolf #2. The vicious battle of beasts is heard across the waters and Xenomorph #54 and Warwolf #2 lash out and eventually destroy each other. Meanwhile, Serling swims on and is met by Hordak, who is flying above with the use of the yellow power ring. Hordak uses the ring to create a large projectile that destroys the robot. As Hordak flies away from the scene, he is spotted by the Ray. The Ray uses a large light construct to pierce the side of Hordak’s armor. Before the Ray can finish off the wounded Hordak, he is killed by the Green Mantle. The power-ringed and caped Comets fly off together. As Hordak and the Green Mantle look for other Genocide members, they are met by Neo-Cymek #8. The huge monstrosity rises from the depths and manages to grab both Hordak and the Green Mantle before they can react. It crushes them both and their bodies fall into icy waters.
Mera meets Tsunami. The two water-dweller combatants use their prowess in the ocean to do battle. Aquaman’s wife eventually gains the upper-hand over the Justice Force member and crushes his air pipe. As Mera is about to face another foe she is met by Metalhead and Nano. The robot comes from behind and grabs her. Metalhead then uses his hair to create metal spears and weapons that slash her apart. Mera dies.
The remaining Justice Force- Silver Sentry, Ananda, Metalhead, Chrysalis, Nobody, Raptarr and Nano meet the Neo-Cymek. The Comets come together as one and fight the Neo-Cymek. . .
The barrage of body pieces and robot parts that litter the ocean are enormous after the skirmish. As I look to the battleground, I see the bodies of Ananda, Chrysalis, Raptarr, Metalhead and Nano. I also see the enormous Neo-Cymek, smoking and sinking to the depths.
Hayley’s Comets: Silver Sentry and Nobody survive.
Logical Genocide: All dead.
HAYLEY’S COMETS IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Week 3 Match-ups
Points: 500
Setting: Coruscant
Prize: A Red Lightsaber
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Right Wing (Josh)
-TEAM Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Mike)
-Built (Bill) Ford Tough Vs. Better Than All of You (Bryan)
-Logical Genocide Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Josh)
-Team S.P. Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos (Bryan)
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Ryan)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Hayley's Comets (Josh)
-Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. P.M.S. (Josh)
-Bruce's Bodacious Bullies Vs. The Transfoamers (Ryan)
-The Untouchables Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Ryan)
-Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Nick)
-Oblivio Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Bryan)
Setting: Coruscant
Prize: A Red Lightsaber
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Right Wing (Josh)
-TEAM Vs. Xavier's Annihilation Squad (Mike)
-Built (Bill) Ford Tough Vs. Better Than All of You (Bryan)
-Logical Genocide Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Josh)
-Team S.P. Vs. Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos (Bryan)
-Alice's Wonder Team Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Ryan)
-The Abomitrons Vs. Hayley's Comets (Josh)
-Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. P.M.S. (Josh)
-Bruce's Bodacious Bullies Vs. The Transfoamers (Ryan)
-The Untouchables Vs. Brock Sampson's Fighting Murderflies (Ryan)
-Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade (Nick)
-Oblivio Vs. George Washington's Slaves (Bryan)
Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Team S.P.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade is Aquagirl, The shark (from Jaws), The Shark (from Jaws 2), Golden Age Wonder Woman in her invisible Jet, The Lochness Monster, & Pee Wee Herman.
Team S.P. is Namor the Sub-Mariner & his Griffin, Mimic, Aspen Matthews, Black Manta, Ultron, SHIELD Agent #1 & 2, Navy Sailor #1.
Both teams are dropped into the freezing cold water, and the fight instantly ensues. Both teams are anxious to get started, due to the fact that both of them actually have quite a bit in common. They are both teams that have made the play-offs in the past, but have never won their division. They have both been in the league, and under the same management since year 1, they have both been considered water powerhouses since the very beginning, yet this is the first time that they have ever met in battle. Wonder Woman patrols the air in her Invisible Jet, she is both anxious and honored to have been chosen as a starter for the first time ever, and for being Le’ Napoleon Brigade’s first round draft pick this year (although she does find it somewhat strange that she got the start in a water match, when such characters as The Sando Aqua Monster, Namora, & Namorita are sitting on the bench). But the team is happy to have somebody in the air who has their backs. Namor’s Griffin takes to the air as well and begins moving toward Wonder Woman and her jet, while Ultron begins to target the amazon queen from the water. The other fighters begin to pair off into one on one fights. Aspen and Aquagirl square off, while Namor takes on The Lochness Monster and Mimic (who has taken on the powers of Namor, Aspen, & Aquagirl) begins fighting with the massive Great White Shark (the one from the first Jaws). The other Great White Shark almost instantly devours the 2 SHIELD Agents, but then begins battling with Black Manta. The most interesting fight of all, is of course Navy Sailor #1 (the uno, as the call him in the S.P. locker room) and Pee Wee Herman. Jaws 2 is now on a blood-thirsty rampage, the massive shark is shot by some advanced weaponry by Black Manta, including some of his patented eye lasers; but the huge shark just keeps coming and swallows Black Manta whole. Aquagirl, is pretty tough; but she is no match for Aspen who is able to not only become part of the water; but to control it as well. Aquagirl’s swimming ability and strength are great even by Atlantean standards but Aspen still manages to make quick work of her by crushing her in the super-pressurized water that she is controlling. Wonder Woman is anxious to make a name for herself, and she begins to do so almost immediately. She sets a few controls on her Invisible Jet and then jumps out of it all together. She free-falls out of the jet and lands on the back of Namor’s Griffin. The 2 of them struggle with each other in mid-air until Wonder Woman manages to get her powerful arms around the neck of the red griffin and snap it. She is now falling rapidly (If you are strictly a slappy of newer comics, Golden Age Wonder Woman cannot fly like the one you may be used to), but this is no problem because her auto-piloted Invisible Jet comes swooping underneath her and she lands safely in the cockpit to resume her piloting of it: I bet you didn’t see that coming……………… Get it, cause the jet is invisible. Ultron begins shooting numerous projectiles at Wonder Woman, but it is nothing that the Wayne Industries installed counter-measures cannot deflect or evade. Ultron is then a sitting duck for Wonder Woman to target with everything she has got and to blow in to a million pieces in the water (not very green of her I might add). The Lochness Monster breaks away from his fight with Namor for just a minute so he can eat Navy Sailor #1, who had just gotten done drowning Pee Wee Herman. Namor swims back up to finish the fight though and grabs Nessie by the tail. Namor then throws Nessie out of the water and flies out to meet him in the air. Namor then begins to pummel the dinosaur (or is it) so viciously, that it is dead before they both land back in the water. Mimic, with his menagerie of stolen powers is able to use them to first disorient Jaws with his manipulation of the water, and then pull the shark down deep and hold it still. Once the shark is buried in the sands of the water, with Mimic holding it down the shark is unable to filter water thru its gills and in essence drowns when it cannot move throughout the water. Namor regroups with both Mimic and Aspen, and the 3 of them are easily able to overcome the Great White from Jaws 2, despite its major hunger and fierce attacks. Wonder Woman, is now the only remaining member of the Brigade and knows what she must do. This year’s first pick for the brigade and first pick off page F jumps into the water to do battle with Namor, Mimic, & Aspen. Wonder Woman’s strength and fighting ability are only matched by her bravery and honor, but in the end it will be this week’s setting that decides this match as she is simply overwhelmed by Team S.P.’s classic water trio.
TEAM S.P. IS VICTORIOUS!
Team S.P. is Namor the Sub-Mariner & his Griffin, Mimic, Aspen Matthews, Black Manta, Ultron, SHIELD Agent #1 & 2, Navy Sailor #1.
Both teams are dropped into the freezing cold water, and the fight instantly ensues. Both teams are anxious to get started, due to the fact that both of them actually have quite a bit in common. They are both teams that have made the play-offs in the past, but have never won their division. They have both been in the league, and under the same management since year 1, they have both been considered water powerhouses since the very beginning, yet this is the first time that they have ever met in battle. Wonder Woman patrols the air in her Invisible Jet, she is both anxious and honored to have been chosen as a starter for the first time ever, and for being Le’ Napoleon Brigade’s first round draft pick this year (although she does find it somewhat strange that she got the start in a water match, when such characters as The Sando Aqua Monster, Namora, & Namorita are sitting on the bench). But the team is happy to have somebody in the air who has their backs. Namor’s Griffin takes to the air as well and begins moving toward Wonder Woman and her jet, while Ultron begins to target the amazon queen from the water. The other fighters begin to pair off into one on one fights. Aspen and Aquagirl square off, while Namor takes on The Lochness Monster and Mimic (who has taken on the powers of Namor, Aspen, & Aquagirl) begins fighting with the massive Great White Shark (the one from the first Jaws). The other Great White Shark almost instantly devours the 2 SHIELD Agents, but then begins battling with Black Manta. The most interesting fight of all, is of course Navy Sailor #1 (the uno, as the call him in the S.P. locker room) and Pee Wee Herman. Jaws 2 is now on a blood-thirsty rampage, the massive shark is shot by some advanced weaponry by Black Manta, including some of his patented eye lasers; but the huge shark just keeps coming and swallows Black Manta whole. Aquagirl, is pretty tough; but she is no match for Aspen who is able to not only become part of the water; but to control it as well. Aquagirl’s swimming ability and strength are great even by Atlantean standards but Aspen still manages to make quick work of her by crushing her in the super-pressurized water that she is controlling. Wonder Woman is anxious to make a name for herself, and she begins to do so almost immediately. She sets a few controls on her Invisible Jet and then jumps out of it all together. She free-falls out of the jet and lands on the back of Namor’s Griffin. The 2 of them struggle with each other in mid-air until Wonder Woman manages to get her powerful arms around the neck of the red griffin and snap it. She is now falling rapidly (If you are strictly a slappy of newer comics, Golden Age Wonder Woman cannot fly like the one you may be used to), but this is no problem because her auto-piloted Invisible Jet comes swooping underneath her and she lands safely in the cockpit to resume her piloting of it: I bet you didn’t see that coming……………… Get it, cause the jet is invisible. Ultron begins shooting numerous projectiles at Wonder Woman, but it is nothing that the Wayne Industries installed counter-measures cannot deflect or evade. Ultron is then a sitting duck for Wonder Woman to target with everything she has got and to blow in to a million pieces in the water (not very green of her I might add). The Lochness Monster breaks away from his fight with Namor for just a minute so he can eat Navy Sailor #1, who had just gotten done drowning Pee Wee Herman. Namor swims back up to finish the fight though and grabs Nessie by the tail. Namor then throws Nessie out of the water and flies out to meet him in the air. Namor then begins to pummel the dinosaur (or is it) so viciously, that it is dead before they both land back in the water. Mimic, with his menagerie of stolen powers is able to use them to first disorient Jaws with his manipulation of the water, and then pull the shark down deep and hold it still. Once the shark is buried in the sands of the water, with Mimic holding it down the shark is unable to filter water thru its gills and in essence drowns when it cannot move throughout the water. Namor regroups with both Mimic and Aspen, and the 3 of them are easily able to overcome the Great White from Jaws 2, despite its major hunger and fierce attacks. Wonder Woman, is now the only remaining member of the Brigade and knows what she must do. This year’s first pick for the brigade and first pick off page F jumps into the water to do battle with Namor, Mimic, & Aspen. Wonder Woman’s strength and fighting ability are only matched by her bravery and honor, but in the end it will be this week’s setting that decides this match as she is simply overwhelmed by Team S.P.’s classic water trio.
TEAM S.P. IS VICTORIOUS!
The Right Wing Vs. Oblivio
The Right Wing is Poseidon, Silver Surfer, Phibian #1 & 2, & Opee Sea Killer #1 & 2.
Oblivio is Darwin, Triton, Dementor #10, & The Tiger Sharks: Lorka, Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia Angel, & Dog Fish.
As these 2 teams are dropped into the water, they waste no time coming at each other. Both the Dementor and Silver Surfer use their powers of flight to stay out of the water, but this does not work out well for the much slower moving Dementor. Silver Surfer, who is not happy after his barroom loss last week does not need to cast any spells as he uses the power cosmic to blast the Dementor into nothingness. The Surfer moves against Darwin next, who is already adapting nicely to his watery surroundings. Darwin has grown both gills and fins since hitting the water only a few minutes prior. Darwin and his powers work fast, but Silver Surfer isn’t exactly known for taking his time either. The Surfer swoops down and starts barraging Darwin with cosmic blasts. Darwin gains a protective coating over his body which shields him from the attacks, but Silver Surfer blasts down into the water and begins pummeling him with sheer brute force. Darwin’s body cannot withstand the abuse, so it teleports away from the beating. Silver Surfer refuses to give up though, and continually follows Darwin from Solar System to Solar System until he is eventually destroyed. Darwin eventually dies from this exchange, but he at least removes Silver Surfer from the battle as well (not that Silver Surfer dies, he just simply cannot return in time to further aid his team). Poseidon meets with his son Triton down in the murky depths of the ocean. The 2 exchange pleasantries for quite some time, before Triton states to his father that he “knows” that Poseidon will never kill his own son just simply to win a match in this meaningless league. Triton reveals that he realizes that he is but a newcomer to the FFL, but that it cannot possibly be as worthwhile as even the slightest event on Mt. Olympus or in the lives of the gods of old. Poseidon chooses not to answer with words, but instead with action. Poseidon was about to tell his son that he will be a water powerhouse in this league when he is not cursed with having to fight the god of all things aquatic, but as he is sticking his trident into Triton he knows that that is something he will have to find out for himself. Lorka is leading the Tiger Sharks, in a heated battle against the Opee Sea Killers and Phibians. The Phibians manage to take out both Dolph and Angel, while the other Tiger Sharks are concentrating on The Big Goober Fish. Dog Fish and Walro are both eaten up by the Nubian Sea Creatures, but Lorka and Mako are both able to evade the attacks of the huge fish and put a killing blow on both of the Opee Sea Killers (was it because they are the best 2 Tiger Sharks or because the Opee Sea Killers just weren’t as hungry anymore??……… We may never know). Octavia is also able to take out Phibian #12 before Phibian #11 puts a spear thru the eight limbed Tiger Shark. Phibian #11 then finds himself surrounded by Lorka and Mako. The Phibian is about to resign himself to the thought of his own demise when Poseidon swims up to lend a hand. Lorka and Mako continue the valiant fight which they had executed consistently throughout this match but it is simply not enough considering what they are up against. Poseidon looks to his Phibian minion as they are returning to The Right Wing headquarters and says: “I foresee that that team has the potential to be a great force in the water, it is almost to bad that they had to go up against us first”.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
Oblivio is Darwin, Triton, Dementor #10, & The Tiger Sharks: Lorka, Mako, Walro, Dolph, Octavia Angel, & Dog Fish.
As these 2 teams are dropped into the water, they waste no time coming at each other. Both the Dementor and Silver Surfer use their powers of flight to stay out of the water, but this does not work out well for the much slower moving Dementor. Silver Surfer, who is not happy after his barroom loss last week does not need to cast any spells as he uses the power cosmic to blast the Dementor into nothingness. The Surfer moves against Darwin next, who is already adapting nicely to his watery surroundings. Darwin has grown both gills and fins since hitting the water only a few minutes prior. Darwin and his powers work fast, but Silver Surfer isn’t exactly known for taking his time either. The Surfer swoops down and starts barraging Darwin with cosmic blasts. Darwin gains a protective coating over his body which shields him from the attacks, but Silver Surfer blasts down into the water and begins pummeling him with sheer brute force. Darwin’s body cannot withstand the abuse, so it teleports away from the beating. Silver Surfer refuses to give up though, and continually follows Darwin from Solar System to Solar System until he is eventually destroyed. Darwin eventually dies from this exchange, but he at least removes Silver Surfer from the battle as well (not that Silver Surfer dies, he just simply cannot return in time to further aid his team). Poseidon meets with his son Triton down in the murky depths of the ocean. The 2 exchange pleasantries for quite some time, before Triton states to his father that he “knows” that Poseidon will never kill his own son just simply to win a match in this meaningless league. Triton reveals that he realizes that he is but a newcomer to the FFL, but that it cannot possibly be as worthwhile as even the slightest event on Mt. Olympus or in the lives of the gods of old. Poseidon chooses not to answer with words, but instead with action. Poseidon was about to tell his son that he will be a water powerhouse in this league when he is not cursed with having to fight the god of all things aquatic, but as he is sticking his trident into Triton he knows that that is something he will have to find out for himself. Lorka is leading the Tiger Sharks, in a heated battle against the Opee Sea Killers and Phibians. The Phibians manage to take out both Dolph and Angel, while the other Tiger Sharks are concentrating on The Big Goober Fish. Dog Fish and Walro are both eaten up by the Nubian Sea Creatures, but Lorka and Mako are both able to evade the attacks of the huge fish and put a killing blow on both of the Opee Sea Killers (was it because they are the best 2 Tiger Sharks or because the Opee Sea Killers just weren’t as hungry anymore??……… We may never know). Octavia is also able to take out Phibian #12 before Phibian #11 puts a spear thru the eight limbed Tiger Shark. Phibian #11 then finds himself surrounded by Lorka and Mako. The Phibian is about to resign himself to the thought of his own demise when Poseidon swims up to lend a hand. Lorka and Mako continue the valiant fight which they had executed consistently throughout this match but it is simply not enough considering what they are up against. Poseidon looks to his Phibian minion as they are returning to The Right Wing headquarters and says: “I foresee that that team has the potential to be a great force in the water, it is almost to bad that they had to go up against us first”.
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
Better Than All of You Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies
Better Than All of You is Aquaman, Aqualad, Aquababy, N.S.-5 #1-3, & Doozer #4 & 6.
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are Hydro-Man, Nightmare, Black Alice, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Stranger, & Navy Sailor #57.
The Stranger levitates above the water, exercising patience in the face of this first ever inter-league match for The Bullies. Up in the air, The Stranger knows that he is safe from his water-powered opponents, for the time being. Aquaman exercises the same type of caution, not only with himself, but with his entire team. Aquaman is unsure of what aquatic powers his opponents possess, but he is certain that his team, can handle the icy cold depths of the ocean better than any squad out there. Aquaman, Aqualad, & Aquababy have no problem whatsoever diving down into the depths of the ocean. The N.S.-5’s are able to handle it well themselves, although they do require help from their 3 Atlantean teammates to get down there. Only the 2 Doozers are unable to achieve this, but the brave little Fraggles volunteer to stay on the water’s surface where they are floating on a twig. The brave Doozer #4, whose first appearance with Better Than All of You (actually then known as Team Joe) was in Season 1 Week 1 vows that he and his Doozer Comrade will be the first wave of the Betters attack. “We are Better Than All, and we will not be bullied, now take are team into the depths and set up camp. I will not let you down Captain” Doozer #4 says to Aquaman before he begins his aquatic descent. It takes only a matter of seconds for Aquaman and his squad to dive deeper into the waters than any regular human being could withstand. Hydro-Man, although usually more of a henchman type is thrust into a bit of a leadership role which he is actually handling pretty well. The Stranger was considered the leader of this squad, but ever since the team was dropped into the water, the cosmic entity has been somewhat aloof and has shown little interest toward the idea of diving into the icy waters himself. Nightmare, has also taken to the air after having felt the freezing water on his pasty white skin. Black Alice, is treading water behind Hydro-Man and The Creature from the Black lagoon, but without any of the members of Better Than all of You being visible, she is unable to use her powers on them. Black Alice is freezing as she swims thru the icy waters and has no desire to freeze to death in her first ever FFL appearance. Black Alice looks up into the air at her teammate The Stranger; the supposedly all-powerful cosmic being who is levitating above the water parading his apathy toward this league and their team. It is this that is going thru the mind of Black Alice as she steals The Stranger’s powers of invulnerability and energy projection (among many others). It is not that Black Alice had any desire to kill one of her own teammates, but considering the fact that there are no members of Better Than All of You around to attack, she had to do something. Plus, if he isn’t going to use his powers for the good of the team, than somebody should. The Stranger’s powerless body falls into the water, where he drowns without any of his power cosmic to aid him (even though swimming may be considered an easy task by a human, a cosmic being such as The Stranger needs his power to even execute the most simple of tasks). Hydro-Man is about to lead his team on an attack against Aquaman and his under-water lurking crew, but he catches a glimpse of the 2 little Doozers floating on the stick and decide that they should eliminate these 2 loose ends before they begin their real attack. Doozer #4 looks over at Doozer #6 and says: “get ready”. The Creature of the Black Lagoon is sent over to destroy them by Hydro-Man, but when the creature gets there, Doozer #4 jumps into the air and takes his sharpened piece of radish-based construction material and stabs it into the eye of the Creature, killing him instantly. Hydro-Man, Black Alice, Nightmare, and Navy Sailor #54 are in complete amazement at what they have just witnessed. This incredible kill by the Doozer will be remembered in The Fantasy Fantasy archives forever; but in the end it is merely a sacrifice as Black Alice uses The Stranger’s energy projection powers to vaporize both Doozers with a flick of her wrist. Hydro-Man and Nightmare come to the realization, that their team has suffered far to many deaths to a match that hasn’t really even started yet. With this idea being widely accepted by all members of the Bullies, Hydro- Man, Nightmare, & Black Alice are actually working pretty well together trying to decide how they can use their amalgamation of powers to get deep enough to find the “cowardly” members of Better Than All of You when Aquaman and his crew suddenly surface ready to fight. Hydro-Man, who is by far the most comfortable Bodacious Bully in the water attempts to use his powers of water manipulation against the Betters, but he unfortunately finds that his powers, although similar are no match for Aqualad’s. When Hydro-Man tries to use the water as a weapon against Aqualad, he finds that Garth is able to repel the water thru his natural ability to sustain water pressure, but that Hydro-Man, being made of water is much more susceptible to Aqualad’s similar power. Garth basically just disperses the water-based molecules that make up Hydro-Man’s body to destroy him. Aqualad then attempts to use the ocean’s undertow to drown Sailor #57, but Aqualad’s own teammates the N.S.-5s save the life of the sailor because of their programming of the 3rd law, which prevents them from allowing a human being to be harmed. Most N.S.-5’s throughout the league have been programmed to be able to attack non-human opponents (even if they appear humanoid) but they have never been able to program out the basic 3 laws system that runs their basic functions. Nightmare attacks Aquaman mentally by making him believe that his worst nightmare has come true and that Arthur Jr. (Aquababy) has once again been murdered. Aquaman is sent into an absolute rage over this and leaps out of the water to attack Nightmare. Aquaman pulls Nightmare down into the water, where the 2 of them begin battling. Meanwhile Navy Sailor #57 attacks the N.S.-5s. These robots should be more than capable of ripping the Navy man apart, but their programming forbids such action. The sailor destroys N.S.-5 # 2 while Black Alice uses her stolen cosmic powers to destroy the other 2 robots. While Aquaman struggles with Nightmare, believing that Aquababy is already dead, Black Alice dives back into the water and kills Aquababy for real. Nightmare is a powerful foe, but in this particular setting is no match for Aquaman. Aquaman may be very afraid as he is battling with the villain, but it is not enough to tip the scales against him. Aquaman uses his superhuman water-fueled strength to snap Nightmare’s mystical neck. Despite the obvious water-based disadvantage that Black Alice has, she is holding her own pretty well against Aqualad. This pitched battle ends when Aquaman shows up to help out his sidekick. Black Alice blasts both Aquaman and Aqualad with cosmic energy that probably would have killed them, had they not been swimming in the water that fuels their powers. The enraged Aqua-team then swims underneath Black Alice and each grabs a leg. Although Black Alice, with her current powers is extremely strong, she is not quite strong enough to stay above water, as the 2 Atlanteans drag her deep down to the ocean floor until she eventually cannot sustain the depths or pressure. Aquaman and his sidekick then begin swimming back to base when Aqualad asks his partner: “what about that Navy Sailor”? “I took care of it” Aquaman says to his young assistant. They are already about halfway home when the lone sailor begins to be devoured by The Greenland Shark that Aquaman sent there telepathically for an easy dinner.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are Hydro-Man, Nightmare, Black Alice, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Stranger, & Navy Sailor #57.
The Stranger levitates above the water, exercising patience in the face of this first ever inter-league match for The Bullies. Up in the air, The Stranger knows that he is safe from his water-powered opponents, for the time being. Aquaman exercises the same type of caution, not only with himself, but with his entire team. Aquaman is unsure of what aquatic powers his opponents possess, but he is certain that his team, can handle the icy cold depths of the ocean better than any squad out there. Aquaman, Aqualad, & Aquababy have no problem whatsoever diving down into the depths of the ocean. The N.S.-5’s are able to handle it well themselves, although they do require help from their 3 Atlantean teammates to get down there. Only the 2 Doozers are unable to achieve this, but the brave little Fraggles volunteer to stay on the water’s surface where they are floating on a twig. The brave Doozer #4, whose first appearance with Better Than All of You (actually then known as Team Joe) was in Season 1 Week 1 vows that he and his Doozer Comrade will be the first wave of the Betters attack. “We are Better Than All, and we will not be bullied, now take are team into the depths and set up camp. I will not let you down Captain” Doozer #4 says to Aquaman before he begins his aquatic descent. It takes only a matter of seconds for Aquaman and his squad to dive deeper into the waters than any regular human being could withstand. Hydro-Man, although usually more of a henchman type is thrust into a bit of a leadership role which he is actually handling pretty well. The Stranger was considered the leader of this squad, but ever since the team was dropped into the water, the cosmic entity has been somewhat aloof and has shown little interest toward the idea of diving into the icy waters himself. Nightmare, has also taken to the air after having felt the freezing water on his pasty white skin. Black Alice, is treading water behind Hydro-Man and The Creature from the Black lagoon, but without any of the members of Better Than all of You being visible, she is unable to use her powers on them. Black Alice is freezing as she swims thru the icy waters and has no desire to freeze to death in her first ever FFL appearance. Black Alice looks up into the air at her teammate The Stranger; the supposedly all-powerful cosmic being who is levitating above the water parading his apathy toward this league and their team. It is this that is going thru the mind of Black Alice as she steals The Stranger’s powers of invulnerability and energy projection (among many others). It is not that Black Alice had any desire to kill one of her own teammates, but considering the fact that there are no members of Better Than All of You around to attack, she had to do something. Plus, if he isn’t going to use his powers for the good of the team, than somebody should. The Stranger’s powerless body falls into the water, where he drowns without any of his power cosmic to aid him (even though swimming may be considered an easy task by a human, a cosmic being such as The Stranger needs his power to even execute the most simple of tasks). Hydro-Man is about to lead his team on an attack against Aquaman and his under-water lurking crew, but he catches a glimpse of the 2 little Doozers floating on the stick and decide that they should eliminate these 2 loose ends before they begin their real attack. Doozer #4 looks over at Doozer #6 and says: “get ready”. The Creature of the Black Lagoon is sent over to destroy them by Hydro-Man, but when the creature gets there, Doozer #4 jumps into the air and takes his sharpened piece of radish-based construction material and stabs it into the eye of the Creature, killing him instantly. Hydro-Man, Black Alice, Nightmare, and Navy Sailor #54 are in complete amazement at what they have just witnessed. This incredible kill by the Doozer will be remembered in The Fantasy Fantasy archives forever; but in the end it is merely a sacrifice as Black Alice uses The Stranger’s energy projection powers to vaporize both Doozers with a flick of her wrist. Hydro-Man and Nightmare come to the realization, that their team has suffered far to many deaths to a match that hasn’t really even started yet. With this idea being widely accepted by all members of the Bullies, Hydro- Man, Nightmare, & Black Alice are actually working pretty well together trying to decide how they can use their amalgamation of powers to get deep enough to find the “cowardly” members of Better Than All of You when Aquaman and his crew suddenly surface ready to fight. Hydro-Man, who is by far the most comfortable Bodacious Bully in the water attempts to use his powers of water manipulation against the Betters, but he unfortunately finds that his powers, although similar are no match for Aqualad’s. When Hydro-Man tries to use the water as a weapon against Aqualad, he finds that Garth is able to repel the water thru his natural ability to sustain water pressure, but that Hydro-Man, being made of water is much more susceptible to Aqualad’s similar power. Garth basically just disperses the water-based molecules that make up Hydro-Man’s body to destroy him. Aqualad then attempts to use the ocean’s undertow to drown Sailor #57, but Aqualad’s own teammates the N.S.-5s save the life of the sailor because of their programming of the 3rd law, which prevents them from allowing a human being to be harmed. Most N.S.-5’s throughout the league have been programmed to be able to attack non-human opponents (even if they appear humanoid) but they have never been able to program out the basic 3 laws system that runs their basic functions. Nightmare attacks Aquaman mentally by making him believe that his worst nightmare has come true and that Arthur Jr. (Aquababy) has once again been murdered. Aquaman is sent into an absolute rage over this and leaps out of the water to attack Nightmare. Aquaman pulls Nightmare down into the water, where the 2 of them begin battling. Meanwhile Navy Sailor #57 attacks the N.S.-5s. These robots should be more than capable of ripping the Navy man apart, but their programming forbids such action. The sailor destroys N.S.-5 # 2 while Black Alice uses her stolen cosmic powers to destroy the other 2 robots. While Aquaman struggles with Nightmare, believing that Aquababy is already dead, Black Alice dives back into the water and kills Aquababy for real. Nightmare is a powerful foe, but in this particular setting is no match for Aquaman. Aquaman may be very afraid as he is battling with the villain, but it is not enough to tip the scales against him. Aquaman uses his superhuman water-fueled strength to snap Nightmare’s mystical neck. Despite the obvious water-based disadvantage that Black Alice has, she is holding her own pretty well against Aqualad. This pitched battle ends when Aquaman shows up to help out his sidekick. Black Alice blasts both Aquaman and Aqualad with cosmic energy that probably would have killed them, had they not been swimming in the water that fuels their powers. The enraged Aqua-team then swims underneath Black Alice and each grabs a leg. Although Black Alice, with her current powers is extremely strong, she is not quite strong enough to stay above water, as the 2 Atlanteans drag her deep down to the ocean floor until she eventually cannot sustain the depths or pressure. Aquaman and his sidekick then begin swimming back to base when Aqualad asks his partner: “what about that Navy Sailor”? “I took care of it” Aquaman says to his young assistant. They are already about halfway home when the lone sailor begins to be devoured by The Greenland Shark that Aquaman sent there telepathically for an easy dinner.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU ARE VICTORIOUS!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Universe Bowl Rematch: The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. George Washington's Slaves
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Percy Jackson, Tommy Oliver, & Seaworm #1-4.
George Washington’s Slaves are Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Cthulu, Inspector Gadget, Sayid Jarrah, Sonny, Spongebob Squarepants, & Ultra Man.
Percy Jackson is riding atop Seaworm #1 while his partner Tommy Oliver resides safely under the water due to Percy’s protection of him via his hydrokinetic powers. Tommy Oliver sees the approaching threat of Ultra Man and Cthulu and uses his emerald flute/knife to summon the Dragon Zord. The 4 Seaworms are under the control of Percy Jackson, although the young hero is not able to control them quite as well as he can with most sea creatures, due to the fact that their base genetics are still inherent of the original Arrakis sandworms. Inspector Gadget has created a boat out of his own body, which is being occupied by Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Sayid, & Sonny. Spongebob is swimming off on his own, being very comfortable in his native environment. But before Inspector Gadget and his crew can even formulate a plan of attack, Percy and his mind-controlled Seaworms come crashing down on Inspector Gadget. Sonny reacts quickly and pushes Amazo off of Gadget to save both himself and the super-villain. Amazo flies away from the area to safety while Sonny dives deeper into the cold water to save himself. Gadget, Crash Bandicoot, & Sayid, who barely had time to ignite his new lightsaber were all engulfed and destroyed by the Tlielaxlu created Seaworms. The Seaworms with Percy Jackson then move in the direction of the mighty Cthulu, while about 100 yards away metal crashes against metal as The Dragon Zord battles with Ultra Man. Amazo dives into the water to do battle with Tommy Oliver, who despite being under water is completely dry do to Percy’s manipulation of the oxygen bubbles around Tommy. Tommy takes advantage of what his teammate has done for him and is able to move swiftly while under the water, but he is still no match for Amazo who duplicates Tommy’s dagger so he has a weapon of his own. Amazo uses his powers to not only match Tommy’s every move but then overpowers him with his superior strength. Amazo gets a slight wound from being hit by Tommy’s emerald dagger, but is then able to put the Green Ranger in a head lock which ends with the cracking of Tommy’s neck. Percy Jackson sees the death of his new friend and realizes the danger that Amazo presents. Percy uses his massive powers of water manipulation to out amazing Amazo. With a mere thought Percy manipulates the water around Amazo with such ferocity that the android is completely crushed by the sheer force of it. The Dragon Zord is powerful and is good at moving around in the water, but the Zord can’t match Ultra Man’s speed. The Dragon Zord attempts to come in close for an attack, but Ultra Man finishes him off with an Ultra Slash. Even the mighty Cthulu is overwhelmed as he is quadruple teamed by the massive Seaworms. Cthulu swings its flabby green claws at Seaworm #1, not only ripping the sea maker in half, but also knocking Percy Jackson off of the enormous watery steed into the Arctic waters. Although Cthulu is able to kill the largest of the mighty worms, the cosmic entity is unable to defend itself as the other 3 worms drag the great old one into the sea and devour the creature piece by piece. As Percy swims thru the depths of the water he is met by the formidable opponent known as Spongebob Squarepants. Spongebob attacks with a gnarly dose of kah-rot-tay, but somehow Percy is able to dodge the attack and to then rip Spongebob to pieces with his superior water-enhanced strength. Ultra Man moves towards the 3 remaining Seaworms, but he doesn’t realize that the much smaller yet extremely powerful Percy Jackson is coming up behind him in an attempt to surround him with his Seaworm allies. Percy Jackson conjures up such an amazing amount of water pressure toward Ultra Man, that it is actually able to throw all 35,000 tons of him off balance. Once Ultra Man is taken off guard by this amazing display of power from the son of Poseidon the 3 Seaworms converge on his position. Ultra Man, despite being taken off guard and heavily manipulated by Percy’s powers, is able to use his amazing strength to drive his powerful fists thru Seaworm #4, before the other 2 finish him off. Percy Jackson jumps onto the back of Seaworm #2 to claim victory for his new team. As the 2 worms with their leader Percy begin to surface; Sonny jumps out of the water. The robot has already calculated the impossibility of victory, but he wishes his very last action to be something that will honor his team forever. Sonny jumps on top of Seaworm #2 and takes Percy Jackson completely off guard. The I-Robot, then does what no other N.S.-5 can do and chooses to break the 3rd law as he puts his extremely dense alloyed fist into the face of Percy Jackson and kills the demigod. Seaworm #2 then instinctively dives back into the water until even Sonny’s alloy cannot withstand the pressure.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
George Washington’s Slaves are Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Cthulu, Inspector Gadget, Sayid Jarrah, Sonny, Spongebob Squarepants, & Ultra Man.
Percy Jackson is riding atop Seaworm #1 while his partner Tommy Oliver resides safely under the water due to Percy’s protection of him via his hydrokinetic powers. Tommy Oliver sees the approaching threat of Ultra Man and Cthulu and uses his emerald flute/knife to summon the Dragon Zord. The 4 Seaworms are under the control of Percy Jackson, although the young hero is not able to control them quite as well as he can with most sea creatures, due to the fact that their base genetics are still inherent of the original Arrakis sandworms. Inspector Gadget has created a boat out of his own body, which is being occupied by Amazo, Crash Bandicoot, Sayid, & Sonny. Spongebob is swimming off on his own, being very comfortable in his native environment. But before Inspector Gadget and his crew can even formulate a plan of attack, Percy and his mind-controlled Seaworms come crashing down on Inspector Gadget. Sonny reacts quickly and pushes Amazo off of Gadget to save both himself and the super-villain. Amazo flies away from the area to safety while Sonny dives deeper into the cold water to save himself. Gadget, Crash Bandicoot, & Sayid, who barely had time to ignite his new lightsaber were all engulfed and destroyed by the Tlielaxlu created Seaworms. The Seaworms with Percy Jackson then move in the direction of the mighty Cthulu, while about 100 yards away metal crashes against metal as The Dragon Zord battles with Ultra Man. Amazo dives into the water to do battle with Tommy Oliver, who despite being under water is completely dry do to Percy’s manipulation of the oxygen bubbles around Tommy. Tommy takes advantage of what his teammate has done for him and is able to move swiftly while under the water, but he is still no match for Amazo who duplicates Tommy’s dagger so he has a weapon of his own. Amazo uses his powers to not only match Tommy’s every move but then overpowers him with his superior strength. Amazo gets a slight wound from being hit by Tommy’s emerald dagger, but is then able to put the Green Ranger in a head lock which ends with the cracking of Tommy’s neck. Percy Jackson sees the death of his new friend and realizes the danger that Amazo presents. Percy uses his massive powers of water manipulation to out amazing Amazo. With a mere thought Percy manipulates the water around Amazo with such ferocity that the android is completely crushed by the sheer force of it. The Dragon Zord is powerful and is good at moving around in the water, but the Zord can’t match Ultra Man’s speed. The Dragon Zord attempts to come in close for an attack, but Ultra Man finishes him off with an Ultra Slash. Even the mighty Cthulu is overwhelmed as he is quadruple teamed by the massive Seaworms. Cthulu swings its flabby green claws at Seaworm #1, not only ripping the sea maker in half, but also knocking Percy Jackson off of the enormous watery steed into the Arctic waters. Although Cthulu is able to kill the largest of the mighty worms, the cosmic entity is unable to defend itself as the other 3 worms drag the great old one into the sea and devour the creature piece by piece. As Percy swims thru the depths of the water he is met by the formidable opponent known as Spongebob Squarepants. Spongebob attacks with a gnarly dose of kah-rot-tay, but somehow Percy is able to dodge the attack and to then rip Spongebob to pieces with his superior water-enhanced strength. Ultra Man moves towards the 3 remaining Seaworms, but he doesn’t realize that the much smaller yet extremely powerful Percy Jackson is coming up behind him in an attempt to surround him with his Seaworm allies. Percy Jackson conjures up such an amazing amount of water pressure toward Ultra Man, that it is actually able to throw all 35,000 tons of him off balance. Once Ultra Man is taken off guard by this amazing display of power from the son of Poseidon the 3 Seaworms converge on his position. Ultra Man, despite being taken off guard and heavily manipulated by Percy’s powers, is able to use his amazing strength to drive his powerful fists thru Seaworm #4, before the other 2 finish him off. Percy Jackson jumps onto the back of Seaworm #2 to claim victory for his new team. As the 2 worms with their leader Percy begin to surface; Sonny jumps out of the water. The robot has already calculated the impossibility of victory, but he wishes his very last action to be something that will honor his team forever. Sonny jumps on top of Seaworm #2 and takes Percy Jackson completely off guard. The I-Robot, then does what no other N.S.-5 can do and chooses to break the 3rd law as he puts his extremely dense alloyed fist into the face of Percy Jackson and kills the demigod. Seaworm #2 then instinctively dives back into the water until even Sonny’s alloy cannot withstand the pressure.
THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos vs. Built (Bill) Ford Tough
“How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean.”
-Arthur C. Clarke
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Numnius, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Captain Steven Hiller in a Mig, and Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg in a Swift Boat.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander, Gigantor, Despotellis, Grimace, Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders in a Hovercraft, Darkwing Duck, The Flaming Carrot, Steve McQueen, The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo, Arachnids #1-3, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg race across the waters in their Swift Boat. Captain Tarpals lowers his scanner and points to their first victims: Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders. The Built (Bill) Ford Tough’s crew is in a Hovercraft that is heading their way. The combatants are ready for one another. The two crafts slow down so that either is able to breach the other’s craft. Just as Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders are about to board the Swift Boat, Zombie Cloverfield Monster surfaces from the watery depths and knocks the hovercraft twenty feet into the air. Ford and Sanders are transplanted from the boat and into the water. As the Cloverfield Monster Zombie is about to capture Ford and Sanders, Gigantor barrels into the zombie. The two huge combatants enter into a fierce battle. Gigantor manages to rip off the elongated arms of the Monster. Although without its major limbs, it still attempts to bite Gigantor in anticipation that it will “turn” its enemy. Unfortunately for Cloverfield, its efforts fail because Gigantor is a robot. Gigantor eventually puts his fist through Zombie Cloverfield Monster’s skull and the zombie dies.
Steven Hiller flies his Mig and notices the destruction of his Zombie Cloverfield Monster teammate. He flies his Mig at Gigantor and unloads both his rockets and bullets into the robot. The robot is barraged by the combined Mig weaponry. Gigantor is “robotically” (mortally) wounded [NEW COINED TERM BY THIS WATCHER: “ROBOTICALLY WOUNDED”? YOU MAKE THE CALL!] . Before Gigantor faces its fate, it manages to clip the wing of Steven Hiller’s Mig, The Mig spirals out of control and Hiller ejects from the cockpit. The body of Gigantor and the Mig meet their fates together. As Hiller is traveling down in his parachute, he is met by the sentient virus Despotellis. The Sinestro Corpsman burns Hiller from the inside out and flies away.
Back at the swift boat-hovercraft scene, Tarpals dives into the water to meet both Ford and Sanders, who are treading water. Before the Gungan can reach them, they manage to reach the still-uprighted swift boat. As they shake the water off themselves they are met by Zombie Al Dogg. Harrison Ford is bitten by Al Dogg and dies. Zombie Al Dogg is waiting for Ford to become a zombie, but it turns out that Al Dogg just hasn’t got the hang of turning another into a zombie just yet. All that remains is Ford’s corpse, never to become a zombie. In the confusion, Sanders trips over Ford’s body into the water. He knows that he is more than a match for Zombie Al Dogg and reaches the swift boat again. As he is about to pull himself up, Tarpals grabs Sanders and carries him down into the deep waters below. Sanders drowns. Zombie Al Dogg simply stands and watches the drowning when an incredible beast bursts out of the waters and plummets on top of Al Dogg; it is Grimace. Grimace squishes Zombie Al Dogg’s head and kicks the body in the water. Zombie Al Dogg is dead-really dead-not zombie dead-character not coming back at the end of this match dead. Grimace commandeers the swift boat and picks up his friends who have been treading water since the match’s inception. Grimace now rides in the swift boat with the Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Tarpals looks at the swift boat racing away. He notices that the hovercraft is nearby, although tipped over. He decides that it will still give him some time to rest and recuperate for the future skirmishes. Tarpals reaches the hovercraft and slowly climbs a top the device. Before he can react, Arachnids #1-3 scuttle from the other side of the craft and tear Tarpals apart. Arachnids #1-3 see Whoopi Goldberg, I mean Numnius and Dave Bowman: The Starchild walking on water toward the battle. With a swish of their mutual hands, both Arachnids #1-3 and the hovercraft explode into balls of fire, killing all Arachnids and destroying the hovercraft.
Darkwing Duck picks up Treasure Troll #3 from the boat and flies over to meet their teammate Despotellis in its confrontation with the cosmic entities. Despotellis manages to wound Numnius, who is reeling from the poisonous effects caused by the living virus. Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 use this to their advantage and begin chewing on her arms. Numnius shakes the Duck and Troll off her arms and with a calming smile, puts them away into a never-ending sleep. Despotellis flies around again, meaning to finish its mission by killing one of the two Commandos. Before it can do additional damage to the pacifist entity known as Numnius, Bowman destroys the yellow lantern.
The swift boat inhabitants- Grimace, Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1, know that they are going to die, but want to take out at least one of the entities before their deaths-as their teammates Despotellis, Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 attempted previously.
Numnius and Bowman float to the swift boat, whose combatants are waiting.
Bowman: Any last requests?
Numnius: Let them die with dignity and give them their last requests. . . So say I, Numnius, the generous watcher of hope and dreams.
Before they know it, the Tough crew is watching a swim match between Jeff Houslander and Steve McQueen. Their dying wishes were to finally see who the better swimmer was. [SHOUT OUT JARODATU!!! R.I.P.!!!]
Bowman: ENOUGH!!! This is an embarrassment!!!
With those words Bowman lashes out with a cosmic wave that rips apart the entire remaining Tough crew of Steve McQueen, Jeff Houslander, Flaming Carrot, Grimace, all of the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1.
Bowman: Should you ever embarrass me with such an episode again I will destroy you myself. . .
Bowman floats away with a hesitant Numnius following behind, head down.
Bowman (heard whispering to himself) : I buried Paul. . . .
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All Dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-the Starchild and Numnius survive.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
-Arthur C. Clarke
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Numnius, Dave Bowman: The Starchild, Zombie Cloverfield Monster, Captain Steven Hiller in a Mig, and Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg in a Swift Boat.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Jeff Houslander, Gigantor, Despotellis, Grimace, Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders in a Hovercraft, Darkwing Duck, The Flaming Carrot, Steve McQueen, The Beatles: John, Paul, George and Ringo, Arachnids #1-3, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Captain Tarpals and Zombie Al Dogg race across the waters in their Swift Boat. Captain Tarpals lowers his scanner and points to their first victims: Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders. The Built (Bill) Ford Tough’s crew is in a Hovercraft that is heading their way. The combatants are ready for one another. The two crafts slow down so that either is able to breach the other’s craft. Just as Harrison Ford and Barry Sanders are about to board the Swift Boat, Zombie Cloverfield Monster surfaces from the watery depths and knocks the hovercraft twenty feet into the air. Ford and Sanders are transplanted from the boat and into the water. As the Cloverfield Monster Zombie is about to capture Ford and Sanders, Gigantor barrels into the zombie. The two huge combatants enter into a fierce battle. Gigantor manages to rip off the elongated arms of the Monster. Although without its major limbs, it still attempts to bite Gigantor in anticipation that it will “turn” its enemy. Unfortunately for Cloverfield, its efforts fail because Gigantor is a robot. Gigantor eventually puts his fist through Zombie Cloverfield Monster’s skull and the zombie dies.
Steven Hiller flies his Mig and notices the destruction of his Zombie Cloverfield Monster teammate. He flies his Mig at Gigantor and unloads both his rockets and bullets into the robot. The robot is barraged by the combined Mig weaponry. Gigantor is “robotically” (mortally) wounded [NEW COINED TERM BY THIS WATCHER: “ROBOTICALLY WOUNDED”? YOU MAKE THE CALL!] . Before Gigantor faces its fate, it manages to clip the wing of Steven Hiller’s Mig, The Mig spirals out of control and Hiller ejects from the cockpit. The body of Gigantor and the Mig meet their fates together. As Hiller is traveling down in his parachute, he is met by the sentient virus Despotellis. The Sinestro Corpsman burns Hiller from the inside out and flies away.
Back at the swift boat-hovercraft scene, Tarpals dives into the water to meet both Ford and Sanders, who are treading water. Before the Gungan can reach them, they manage to reach the still-uprighted swift boat. As they shake the water off themselves they are met by Zombie Al Dogg. Harrison Ford is bitten by Al Dogg and dies. Zombie Al Dogg is waiting for Ford to become a zombie, but it turns out that Al Dogg just hasn’t got the hang of turning another into a zombie just yet. All that remains is Ford’s corpse, never to become a zombie. In the confusion, Sanders trips over Ford’s body into the water. He knows that he is more than a match for Zombie Al Dogg and reaches the swift boat again. As he is about to pull himself up, Tarpals grabs Sanders and carries him down into the deep waters below. Sanders drowns. Zombie Al Dogg simply stands and watches the drowning when an incredible beast bursts out of the waters and plummets on top of Al Dogg; it is Grimace. Grimace squishes Zombie Al Dogg’s head and kicks the body in the water. Zombie Al Dogg is dead-really dead-not zombie dead-character not coming back at the end of this match dead. Grimace commandeers the swift boat and picks up his friends who have been treading water since the match’s inception. Grimace now rides in the swift boat with the Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles, Scout Trooper #1 and Treasure Troll #3.
Tarpals looks at the swift boat racing away. He notices that the hovercraft is nearby, although tipped over. He decides that it will still give him some time to rest and recuperate for the future skirmishes. Tarpals reaches the hovercraft and slowly climbs a top the device. Before he can react, Arachnids #1-3 scuttle from the other side of the craft and tear Tarpals apart. Arachnids #1-3 see Whoopi Goldberg, I mean Numnius and Dave Bowman: The Starchild walking on water toward the battle. With a swish of their mutual hands, both Arachnids #1-3 and the hovercraft explode into balls of fire, killing all Arachnids and destroying the hovercraft.
Darkwing Duck picks up Treasure Troll #3 from the boat and flies over to meet their teammate Despotellis in its confrontation with the cosmic entities. Despotellis manages to wound Numnius, who is reeling from the poisonous effects caused by the living virus. Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 use this to their advantage and begin chewing on her arms. Numnius shakes the Duck and Troll off her arms and with a calming smile, puts them away into a never-ending sleep. Despotellis flies around again, meaning to finish its mission by killing one of the two Commandos. Before it can do additional damage to the pacifist entity known as Numnius, Bowman destroys the yellow lantern.
The swift boat inhabitants- Grimace, Flaming Carrot, Jeff Houslander, Steve McQueen, the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1, know that they are going to die, but want to take out at least one of the entities before their deaths-as their teammates Despotellis, Darkwing Duck and Treasure Troll #3 attempted previously.
Numnius and Bowman float to the swift boat, whose combatants are waiting.
Bowman: Any last requests?
Numnius: Let them die with dignity and give them their last requests. . . So say I, Numnius, the generous watcher of hope and dreams.
Before they know it, the Tough crew is watching a swim match between Jeff Houslander and Steve McQueen. Their dying wishes were to finally see who the better swimmer was. [SHOUT OUT JARODATU!!! R.I.P.!!!]
Bowman: ENOUGH!!! This is an embarrassment!!!
With those words Bowman lashes out with a cosmic wave that rips apart the entire remaining Tough crew of Steve McQueen, Jeff Houslander, Flaming Carrot, Grimace, all of the Beatles and Scout Trooper #1.
Bowman: Should you ever embarrass me with such an episode again I will destroy you myself. . .
Bowman floats away with a hesitant Numnius following behind, head down.
Bowman (heard whispering to himself) : I buried Paul. . . .
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: All Dead.
Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos: Dave Bowman-the Starchild and Numnius survive.
POP-SUPERSTAR HANNAH MONTANA & PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA’S “BEST OF BOTH WORLDS” TOURING BATTALION OF COMMANDOS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!
ALICE'S WONDER TEAM vs. P.M.S.
"They mapped the Arctic Ocean with this thing."
―Clay Condit
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Alice’s Wonder Team: Q, General Zod and Anti-Monitor.
P.M.S.: Freddy Krueger (with a yellow power ring), Black Dragon #12, Jack Sparrow, Xenomorph #51, Spawn, Blue Devil, and The Candy Land Crew: Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster.
Above the icy waters I see Xenomorph #51 riding on the back of Black Dragon #12. The Xenomorph and Dragon are flying slightly above the clouds to gain a necessary vantage point on their foes. The monsters see General Zod flying directly beneath them. Fierce, animalistic war cries are heard as the Xenomorph and Dragon dive-bomb Zod.
Zod (turning to face Xenomorph #51 and Dragon #12): Oh you stupid beasts; never announce that you are coming upon Zod.
Zod twists out of the way of the P.M.S. crew and smashes Xenomorph #51 off of the flying creature. Xenomorph #51 shrieks as it realizes its imminent death. A large slapping sound is heard at the impact of the alien’s body hitting the water; Xenomorph #51 dies. After removing the Xenomorph from the Dragon’s back, Zod immediately latches onto the neck of Black Dragon #12. Although the Dragon tries to turn its neck to spit acid at the Kryptonian, it is unable to do so. Zod reaches around Black Dragon #12’s neck and snaps it. The Dragon’s body convulses and falls to the waters below, making a large splash before rising to the surface again, somewhat buoyant.
Jack Sparrow swims over to the carcass of Dragon #12 and climbs aboard its belly. Q sees this interesting human and transports himself to be with Sparrow.
Sparrow: Hello, my good man. Your outfit demurs you.
Q (looks down at his clingy, white unitard): Speak for yourself, you’re wearing eyeliner.
Sparrow gives a rouge-ish smile.
Sparrow: May I have a brief word?
Q: Of course, I’m all ears.
Sparrow begins to whisper. Since Q cannot hear the babblings of the somewhat awkward pirate, Q draws closer. Just as Q is next to Sparrow, the pirate draws his sword and shoves it through Q’s gut. Q smiles, pulls the sword out of himself and impales Sparrow.
Sparrow (looks down): Damn. . . that hurts. . .
Sparrow falls into the water; dead. Q hears laughing coming from what appears to be a thin raft. The raft is slowly moving toward his location. Q smiles at the many colored-game board with all of its characters. Although not human, they still look interesting to Q. Q waits for the characters to approach next to the Dragon’s body, which is now Q’s flotation device.
Q: Hello my friends. Why don’t you come aboard my dragon here and we can discuss the semantics of the remaining battle?
The members of the Candyland Crew smile at Q. They wave him over to their raft-board. Q jumps on the Candyland raft, but does not notice that the loving, smiling and adorable Candyland Crew have morphed into violent, disgusting “mirrors” of themselves due to Freddy Krueger’s tinkering. These are Krueger’s new dream warriors. Before Q notices, the entire Candyland Crew of savages, they attack.
I hear the taunting rhymes of the Candyland Crew as their vicious actions escalate.
Lord Licorice: Dear Q, I am sure you like to be wrapped, [Lord Licorice uses licorice lassos to wrap Q up. Q is unable to move].
Gloppy: But not glopped up with what looks like cr%p; [Gloppy shoots a flow of molasses that surges over the licorice. The glop hardens and Q’s body is now strung together by licorice and petrified by hardened molasses.
Queen Frostine: A little ice cream cold to make you shiver, [Frostine uses her ice cream freezing powers to fortify Q’s encasement].
Gingerbread Woman: But face the fists of the Gingerbread and quiver. [The Gingerbread People take advantage of Q’s predicament and start hitting Q. Unfortunately, their brittle bodies begin to crumble when they hit him; Gingerbread People #1-3 have sacrificed themselves, but have bloodied Q in the process.
King Kandy: And here is to you, a kick in the head,
Gramma Nut: While keeping you alive, you’re no fun to us dead;
[King Kandy and Gramma Nut start where the Gingerbread people have finished and start stomping on Q’s head. Q is barraged by the pummeling. As Q falls over to the ground of the game board, he sees various colors: yellow, red, blue and green. Unfortunately the green is actually the rump of Plumpy.]
Plumpy: So cosmic dude, suck my big green a$$, [Plumpy sits on Q’s face and starts smothering him. A beaten and wearied Q gasps for air].
Princess Lolly: But don’t give s#!t to this little lass. [Lolly comes up with sharpened lollipops in both hands. She slices Q’s throat].
Jolly: And now for the coup-de-gras,
Mr. Mint: A candy cane through your great big maw.
[Mint walks up to Q and uses a large candy cane to skewer Q both through his mouth and head].
Q feels his tattered body weaken (although he smells very sweet) as it rolls off into the waters beneath the game board. He is about to warp reality when he realizes that he has experienced pain like a true human. He knows he has a substantial number of deaths to give before he meets his ultimate FFL Graveyard fate and accepts same. Thus, he wants to feel his life force ebb from his body and feel death, once again. He does nothing and drifts in the icy waters below, with a serene smile on his face.
The Anti-Monitor sees the fate of Q and is shocked by the pure selfishness and weakness of his omnipotent brethren in this battle. He focuses on the Candyland Crew and uses his cosmic powers and energy manipulation abilities to shred the candy participants to pieces. Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster are decimated, leaving only sweet goo trails on the raft, where their bodies had once been.
Anti-Monitor: How sweet it is. . .
Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to float both Spawn and Blue Devil along with him. Together, the trio fights Zod. Spawn lashes his chains around Zodd’s neck and prevents Zod from flying away, while Blue Devil uses his magical trident to skewer the Kryptonian. Although Zodd is mortally wounded, he manages to freeze both Spawn and Blue Devil with his breath. The two icicled P.M.S. crew fall to their frozen deaths. Anti-Monitor has had enough and although a pitched battle ensues, Krueger is no match for a Crisis-causer. The Anti-Monitor eventually sees his opening and kills Krueger.
Alice’s Wonder Team: Anti-Monitor lives.
P.M.S.: All dead.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
―Clay Condit
I look at the teams to do battle in the Arctic Ocean during this Week 2 Match. They are as follows:
Alice’s Wonder Team: Q, General Zod and Anti-Monitor.
P.M.S.: Freddy Krueger (with a yellow power ring), Black Dragon #12, Jack Sparrow, Xenomorph #51, Spawn, Blue Devil, and The Candy Land Crew: Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster.
Above the icy waters I see Xenomorph #51 riding on the back of Black Dragon #12. The Xenomorph and Dragon are flying slightly above the clouds to gain a necessary vantage point on their foes. The monsters see General Zod flying directly beneath them. Fierce, animalistic war cries are heard as the Xenomorph and Dragon dive-bomb Zod.
Zod (turning to face Xenomorph #51 and Dragon #12): Oh you stupid beasts; never announce that you are coming upon Zod.
Zod twists out of the way of the P.M.S. crew and smashes Xenomorph #51 off of the flying creature. Xenomorph #51 shrieks as it realizes its imminent death. A large slapping sound is heard at the impact of the alien’s body hitting the water; Xenomorph #51 dies. After removing the Xenomorph from the Dragon’s back, Zod immediately latches onto the neck of Black Dragon #12. Although the Dragon tries to turn its neck to spit acid at the Kryptonian, it is unable to do so. Zod reaches around Black Dragon #12’s neck and snaps it. The Dragon’s body convulses and falls to the waters below, making a large splash before rising to the surface again, somewhat buoyant.
Jack Sparrow swims over to the carcass of Dragon #12 and climbs aboard its belly. Q sees this interesting human and transports himself to be with Sparrow.
Sparrow: Hello, my good man. Your outfit demurs you.
Q (looks down at his clingy, white unitard): Speak for yourself, you’re wearing eyeliner.
Sparrow gives a rouge-ish smile.
Sparrow: May I have a brief word?
Q: Of course, I’m all ears.
Sparrow begins to whisper. Since Q cannot hear the babblings of the somewhat awkward pirate, Q draws closer. Just as Q is next to Sparrow, the pirate draws his sword and shoves it through Q’s gut. Q smiles, pulls the sword out of himself and impales Sparrow.
Sparrow (looks down): Damn. . . that hurts. . .
Sparrow falls into the water; dead. Q hears laughing coming from what appears to be a thin raft. The raft is slowly moving toward his location. Q smiles at the many colored-game board with all of its characters. Although not human, they still look interesting to Q. Q waits for the characters to approach next to the Dragon’s body, which is now Q’s flotation device.
Q: Hello my friends. Why don’t you come aboard my dragon here and we can discuss the semantics of the remaining battle?
The members of the Candyland Crew smile at Q. They wave him over to their raft-board. Q jumps on the Candyland raft, but does not notice that the loving, smiling and adorable Candyland Crew have morphed into violent, disgusting “mirrors” of themselves due to Freddy Krueger’s tinkering. These are Krueger’s new dream warriors. Before Q notices, the entire Candyland Crew of savages, they attack.
I hear the taunting rhymes of the Candyland Crew as their vicious actions escalate.
Lord Licorice: Dear Q, I am sure you like to be wrapped, [Lord Licorice uses licorice lassos to wrap Q up. Q is unable to move].
Gloppy: But not glopped up with what looks like cr%p; [Gloppy shoots a flow of molasses that surges over the licorice. The glop hardens and Q’s body is now strung together by licorice and petrified by hardened molasses.
Queen Frostine: A little ice cream cold to make you shiver, [Frostine uses her ice cream freezing powers to fortify Q’s encasement].
Gingerbread Woman: But face the fists of the Gingerbread and quiver. [The Gingerbread People take advantage of Q’s predicament and start hitting Q. Unfortunately, their brittle bodies begin to crumble when they hit him; Gingerbread People #1-3 have sacrificed themselves, but have bloodied Q in the process.
King Kandy: And here is to you, a kick in the head,
Gramma Nut: While keeping you alive, you’re no fun to us dead;
[King Kandy and Gramma Nut start where the Gingerbread people have finished and start stomping on Q’s head. Q is barraged by the pummeling. As Q falls over to the ground of the game board, he sees various colors: yellow, red, blue and green. Unfortunately the green is actually the rump of Plumpy.]
Plumpy: So cosmic dude, suck my big green a$$, [Plumpy sits on Q’s face and starts smothering him. A beaten and wearied Q gasps for air].
Princess Lolly: But don’t give s#!t to this little lass. [Lolly comes up with sharpened lollipops in both hands. She slices Q’s throat].
Jolly: And now for the coup-de-gras,
Mr. Mint: A candy cane through your great big maw.
[Mint walks up to Q and uses a large candy cane to skewer Q both through his mouth and head].
Q feels his tattered body weaken (although he smells very sweet) as it rolls off into the waters beneath the game board. He is about to warp reality when he realizes that he has experienced pain like a true human. He knows he has a substantial number of deaths to give before he meets his ultimate FFL Graveyard fate and accepts same. Thus, he wants to feel his life force ebb from his body and feel death, once again. He does nothing and drifts in the icy waters below, with a serene smile on his face.
The Anti-Monitor sees the fate of Q and is shocked by the pure selfishness and weakness of his omnipotent brethren in this battle. He focuses on the Candyland Crew and uses his cosmic powers and energy manipulation abilities to shred the candy participants to pieces. Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Gloppy the Molasses Monster are decimated, leaving only sweet goo trails on the raft, where their bodies had once been.
Anti-Monitor: How sweet it is. . .
Krueger uses his yellow lantern ring to float both Spawn and Blue Devil along with him. Together, the trio fights Zod. Spawn lashes his chains around Zodd’s neck and prevents Zod from flying away, while Blue Devil uses his magical trident to skewer the Kryptonian. Although Zodd is mortally wounded, he manages to freeze both Spawn and Blue Devil with his breath. The two icicled P.M.S. crew fall to their frozen deaths. Anti-Monitor has had enough and although a pitched battle ensues, Krueger is no match for a Crisis-causer. The Anti-Monitor eventually sees his opening and kills Krueger.
Alice’s Wonder Team: Anti-Monitor lives.
P.M.S.: All dead.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!!
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