Sunday, April 14, 2013

Shit-Kickers vs Highness pt 2

The Shebamala Shit-Kickers are: Real Man, Razor, Superior Spider-Man, Blackfire, Father of Mortis, Son of Mortis, Daughter of Mortis, Zombie Parasite, Flash (Wally West), Predi-Alien with red lantern ring, Firestorm,  Female Furies: Granny Goodness; Gilotina; Lashina (with Atlas axe); Stompa (with heat axe); Bernadeth (with Halbeard) and Mad Harriett, Predator #13 with yellow lantern ring, Predator #14 with green lightsaber, Wizard #3, Ric Flair with blue lightsaber, Tully Blanchard with Sith lavarouk, Jim "the Anvil" Niedhart, Triple H with red lightsaber, The Rock with blue lightsaber, and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin with a blue lightsaber and jetpack.
 
The Royal Highness are: Yoda, Phantom Stranger, Doomslayer, Superboy Doomsday, Metron, Professor X, The Kraken, a Sandworm, Col. Sanders, and NFG Mike w/green lightsaber
 
 
"Yeah man, it cost me a pretty penny but I got me the U.S.S. Enterprise" smiles NFG as he walks with Col Sanders in the Highnesses bunker on the Play-Off Planet 
 
"Ah say, ah say boy. You got dat puppy enshoored raht?" asks the Col.
 
"It's on my list, but honestly, what's gonna happen? Kang's given us the 4-1-1 on what we're running into. Prof X is scanning for anyone down here with long range capabilities to take it out. Comeon dude, it's the Enterprise. Have some faith."
 
"Effin you say so, boya." says the Colonel. 
 
"Now, how's about we discuss some herbs and spices. Emphasis on the herb." smiles NFG 
 
"Aftah the match is ovah. Well eenduldge in mah secret elevun herbs and spices aftuh we eenduldge en yoah herb." the Colonel clasps NFG on the shoulder as they approach Charles Xavier.
 
"We got the weed, now we got the X. What's up Professor?" asks NFG
 
"I'm scanning the area around us." states Xavier who is hooked into a makeshift Cerebra in the bunker. "According to the info Kang provided we should be having company about..."
 
Suddenly, Xavier jerks his hand up to the helmet and scrunches his face in a look of painful concentration. NFG and Colonel Sanders jump as they hear a scream and a POP! 
 
"Holy hell" says NFG as he ignites his lightsaber. "Where did he even COME FROM?" 
 
"He's the Flash, or should ah say he wuz." says the chicken magnate looking at the upper half of Wally West's body. 
 
"I-I managed to disrupt his concentration just in time" pants Xavier "Another half a second and we'd all be dead"
 
"Too close. Come on, let's check on Kang's 'secret weapon'" says NFG as the trio hurry down to check on Kang's latest master weapon cache.
 
As soon as the doors close, the golden wings on the side of Wally West's mask start to stir. The wing detaches and as it hits the floor, it sprouts tiny tendril-like legs.   The ornament hustles over to the main system and attaches itself to it.

"Excellent. Excellent." smiles the Superior Spider-Man. My Flashbot has successfully garnered us access to the Highnesses entire system. They may have a timetraveler and a mindreader to exploit our battleplans, but now I, Ott- uh ought to even the odds now."

"But not without cost. Your plan is a bunch of bulls**t. So says Real Man!" says Real Man. "I could have done this with half the bloodshed."

"Yes, but those fools will think they have us at a disadvantage. They shall get sloppy and careless. I have dealt with the Conqueror in the past. His hubris shall be his downfall. This I promise you!"

"Fine, fine. An ok lineup. I could do better, but that pansy ass Commish fears what Real Man could do to his piece of s**t League" Real Man looks over the battleplans for the Royal Highness. 

"Yeah, yeah. We know." says Spider-Man as he dismisses Real Man with a wave of his hand. "Now, we must subtley.."

""YOUR MOMENTS ARE FEW NOW, HIGHNESS. SO SAYS REAL MAN!"  Real Man screams into the microphone "Subtle is for bitches. A real man fights, and fight we shall. SO SAYS REAL MAN!"

"No matter. Here, my superior intellect has devised a the best course of action for....motherf**k" Spider-Man smashes his fist into the console.  "HOW DARE THEY MOCK ME! DC SPIDERMAN???!!!! NO. NO. NO!" he screams. he whirls to face Real Man. "You" he sneers "Gather Flair and Helmsley. We have work to do"


 
 

2 comments:

Krisatu said...

Bodycount:

Only Wally West for the Shit-Kickers has died.

NFG Mike said...

"YOUR MOMENTS ARE FEW NOW" is classic Real Man, if that's even a thing...