Points: 800
Setting: The Rischey Mayes (space)
Prize: 2 green lightsabers
-The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. Built Ford Tough (Bryan)
-TEAM Vs. Logical Genocide (Josh)
-Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. The Abomitrons (Nick)
-Team S.P. Vs. Alice's Wonder Team (Josh)
-Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve Vs. Bruce's Bodacious Bullies (Mike)
-The Untouchables Vs. Oblivio (Josh)
-Pop-Superstar Hannah Montana & President Barack Obama's "Best of Both Worlds" Touring Battalion of Commandos Vs. The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets (Ryan)
-The Transfoamers Vs. Hayley's Comets (Bryan)
-George Washington's Slaves Vs. P.M.S. (Ryan)
-Le' Napoleon Brigade Vs. Brock Sampsons Fighting Murderflies (Josh)
-Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. Better Than All of You (Ryan)
-The Right Wing Vs. The Syracuse Valley (Bryan)
Monday, March 22, 2010
The Horsemen of Apokolips Vs. The Right Wing
The Horsemen of Apokolips are Hal Jordan Parallax, Destroyer, Annihilus, Exitar the Exterminator, Juggernaut, Dakken, Luke Skywalker Grand Jedi Master, Ce Ce Denowi, Aron the Rogue Watcher, & Havok.
The Right Wing is Superwoman, The Volturi: Aro, Marcus, & Caius, Jool Nooret, Victoria (with a red lightsaber), Red Sonja, Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk w/ The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta,Cassiopiea, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Perseus, Ulysses I, & Ulysses II, Blue Lantern #2, Lyra the She-Hulk, Droid Fighter Ship #1 & 2, & Ninja #1.
Possibly the most anticipated interleague match of the year, will begin with The Right Wing’s Head Coach Mike Huckabee addressing his team. Governor Huckabee says: “I realize that we are about to go up against the 2 and 0 Universe Bowl Champion Horsemen of Apokolips. Possibly the most feared team in all of Fantasy Fantasy. A team that has never lost an interleague match, and hasn’t lost a match at all since way back last season some time. But I am here to tell you, that I’ve been an underdog before. When I took on the Clinton machine down in Arkansas, no one thought it could be done, but I did it. I became governor with nowhere near as much money or backing as my opponents. When I ran for president in 2008 they claimed that I had no chance of victory” “And victory is exactly what you did not achieve” Agamemnon says to rudely interrupt their head coach. The Huckster keeps going with: “That may be so Agamemnon, I didn’t win the presidency, but they said I would never make it out of Iowa, many thought I wouldn’t even be able to afford to continue making it to the debates; but I continued on and took my candidacy all the way to the convention. Now I think we can win this fight. I think we have it in us, but if taking it all the way to the convention is the best we can do, than all I ask is that you all give it your best until the very end; and if it doesn’t look like victory is even a possibility, then just keep on trying as if nothing has changed from this very minute. Now, lets go out there and try and bring apocalypse to the Horsemen”. The Right Wing splits into 2 factions, one led by Agamemnon and one by Aro. They know that although the Horsemen have some major power, that will be extremely difficult to contend with, that they have them outnumbered, and that if they can surround the Horsemen in the center of Coruscant that they may have a chance. Luke Skywalker takes command of The Horsemen, even though many of their squad are not exactly people that take orders or follow a plan laid out by someone else (individuals with limitless cosmic power, don’t typically care for meetings or team plans). But the “fighters” on the Horsemen do form up behind Season 2’s #1 overall pick. As Agamemnon and his squad rush up the left flank Luke and the boys are more than ready for them. The beautiful Ce Ce Denowi ducks under a sword attack from Red Sonja and then removes her of her head, while The Incredible Hulk jumps into the air and takes a page out of his red counter-part’s playbook when he punches Aron in the face. Aron the Rogue Watcher is phased by this attack but not so much that it affects him to negatively. Aron uses his cosmic power to knock the Hulk down, but what Aron obviously does not realize is that what he is doing is merely making the Hulk angry, and as we all know, the angrier Hulk get, the stronger Hulk get. With this being said The Hulk jumps up to punch Aron in the face once again, but this time Aron hits the Coruscant ground very hard. Aron attempts to defend himself, but Hulk manages to get on top of The Watcher and pound him into a cosmic pulp. Havok blasts Ninja #1 to bits before he can do anything to ninja-ey, but he is then met by the Hulk’s old buddies The Pantheon and his daughter Lyra. Havok takes out Cassiopiea & Atalanta, but his attention is averted by Achilles and Hector while his face is inverted by Lyra and her fist. Dakken pops out his claws and begins moving his way into the fight, but he is soon met by Jool Nooret. The 2 of them match up fairly well and move against one another with much grace. Dakken goes in for the kill against Nooret, but the son of the best at what he does is no match for the greatest Ginaz Swordsmen in history. Nooret is just to fast for Dakken, and although it takes several stabs from Jool’s knives for Nooret to realize that this mutant is not going to die until his head is separated from his body, it is that that Jool Nooret does next as he uses his Ginaz sword to slice thru the neck of Dakken. If Dave Attell was writing this match it would go something like this: Hal Jordan Parallax………… Let’s talk about him. Possibly the most controversial character ever drafted in FFL history, Hal Jordan Parallax, for the record was a Commissioner approved pick. The jokes and criticisms of this character have yet to cease or slow down, and there are many who will never be convinced that this is not total bullcrap (although it is far from unprecedented that a character have more than one incarnation of him/herself in this league i.e. Anakin Skywalker, Superboy, Gandalf, etc….). Hal Jordan Parallax is after all an extremely powerful character, who would be a value to any team, much like Superman, or in this case the Mr. Mxyzlpltk created female counterpart of Superman: Superwoman who blasts thru Hal Jordan Parallax completely ripping him apart. Silver Surfer is being flanked by Blue Lantern #2, who is not at her full power without a Green Lantern around, but does have more than just her base abilities due to the fact that she was within a decent proximity of Hal Jordan and his green lantern rings, even if they were being corrupted by the Parallax power. Although, it is the Blue Lantern’s powers of hope that tip the scales for Silver Surfer and make his victory over Annihilus much easier that it should have been. Annihilus’ want for destruction was tamed by the hope of the Blue Ring. Annihilus was then driven by his basic need to destroy this hope, which he did by ripping thru the protective aura of The Blue Lantern with his Cosmic Control Rod to kill the Lantern, but then the Surfer was able to simply use the power cosmic to destroy Annihilus after he had used up so much energy in his battle against The Blue Lantern. Destroyer’s body is just barely moving without a host, but that is shortly fixed after he takes control of Paris from The Pantheon. Once the armor is on Paris (who is nowhere near strong-willed enough to control it). Then Destroyer is at his full capacity to inflict damage; which he does to both Delphi and Jason whom he easily takes out. Aro touches the dying body of Annihilus in order to gain access to every thought he has ever had. With this knowledge Aro can share The Horsemen’s game plan with his fellow Volturi, as well as the rest of his team. But Exitar the Exterminator has no desire to allow such a travesty to happen to his team. Exitar flies down from high above the Coruscant skyline and takes out both Droid Fighter Ships with his massive hands. The warrior Celestial then comes down and eliminates the threat of the Volturi and their powers when he destroys all 3 members. Ce Ce Denowi takes out Perseus, Andromeda, & the wise leader of The Pantheon Agamemnon with her lightsaber, before she is met by the Silver Surfer and taken out by the power cosmic, which she is unable to block with her force powers, even when aided by her lightsaber. Silver Surfer is done with his strafing run, when he meets up with Superwoman, high above the Republic Senate building. As the only 2 remaining flyers on the team, they briefly discuss what must be done, before they begin their attack on Exitar. Meanwhile down below Luke Skywalker is met by a small army led by Victoria, who has just ignited her red lightsaber. Victoria moves against the Grand Jedi Master along with Jool Nooret, both Ulysses, Achilles, and Lyra. Luke easily bests Victoria with his mastery of lightsaber techniques as he stabs her in the chest and then removes Jool Nooret of his head before he can make one of his amazingly quick moves. Ulysses I and Ulysses II both manage to parry Luke’s lightsaber with there own energy swords, but the lightning fast, force-fueled speed of Master Skywalker’s is just to fast for them to counteract. It isn’t until Achilles jumps in front of Luke to basically sacrifice himself that Ajax and Lyra can corner The Grand Jedi Master to overwhelm him with sheer brute force. Even then their victory over Luke is so short lived as the spice-addicted Juggernaut comes in with his own display of brute force and runs right over Ajax and Lyra, killing both of them where they stand. Destroyer and Juggernaut easily wipe out the last 2 members of Hulk’s Pantheon crew Hector and Prometheus on their way to double-team the green goliath, while miles away in the air, Superwoman and Silver Surfer zip around the massive frame of Exitar. Exitar receives a massive punch from the daughter of Jor-El, that could have leveled an entire city, but he then grabs a hold of the last daughter of Krypton and begins to squeeze. Superwoman attempts to break free of Exitar’s grip but shockingly enough cannot do it. She uses the last bit of her strength to look up and focus as much Heat Vision as she can muster at the neck of Exitar before he squeezes the life out of the female version of Superman. Silver Surfer sees what his new teammate has done, and focuses his own cosmic blasts in the exact same spot as he flies in at his top speed. While Superwoman’s lifeless body falls to the Metropolitan ground below, Silver Surfer at the last second before impact stops his heavy stream of cosmic energy and jumps off of his board, grabbing it with his hands and then swinging it with all of his might into the weakened spot of Exitar’s neck to knock the Celestial’s head off of his body. The dizzied surfer is caught by his mentally controlled surfboard even though he is having trouble even knowing which way is up after the brutal collision with the Celestial of Death; but he knows that when he last looked his sole remaining teammate the Hulk was being double-teamed by 2 heavyweights. The Silver Surfer does his best to pull himself together and then races back to the original battle site at light speed. When he arrives, he is shocked at what he sees. And who wouldn’t be at the sight of Hulk pounding on the already dead bodies of Destroyer and Juggernaut while he shouts: HULK SMASH HORSEMEN!! In a more earthly than normal fashion Silver Surfer replies with “you’re damn right we did”
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
The Right Wing is Superwoman, The Volturi: Aro, Marcus, & Caius, Jool Nooret, Victoria (with a red lightsaber), Red Sonja, Silver Surfer, The Incredible Hulk w/ The Pantheon: Agamemnon, Achilles, Ajax, Andromeda, Atalanta,Cassiopiea, Delphi, Hector, Jason, Paris, Prometheus, Perseus, Ulysses I, & Ulysses II, Blue Lantern #2, Lyra the She-Hulk, Droid Fighter Ship #1 & 2, & Ninja #1.
Possibly the most anticipated interleague match of the year, will begin with The Right Wing’s Head Coach Mike Huckabee addressing his team. Governor Huckabee says: “I realize that we are about to go up against the 2 and 0 Universe Bowl Champion Horsemen of Apokolips. Possibly the most feared team in all of Fantasy Fantasy. A team that has never lost an interleague match, and hasn’t lost a match at all since way back last season some time. But I am here to tell you, that I’ve been an underdog before. When I took on the Clinton machine down in Arkansas, no one thought it could be done, but I did it. I became governor with nowhere near as much money or backing as my opponents. When I ran for president in 2008 they claimed that I had no chance of victory” “And victory is exactly what you did not achieve” Agamemnon says to rudely interrupt their head coach. The Huckster keeps going with: “That may be so Agamemnon, I didn’t win the presidency, but they said I would never make it out of Iowa, many thought I wouldn’t even be able to afford to continue making it to the debates; but I continued on and took my candidacy all the way to the convention. Now I think we can win this fight. I think we have it in us, but if taking it all the way to the convention is the best we can do, than all I ask is that you all give it your best until the very end; and if it doesn’t look like victory is even a possibility, then just keep on trying as if nothing has changed from this very minute. Now, lets go out there and try and bring apocalypse to the Horsemen”. The Right Wing splits into 2 factions, one led by Agamemnon and one by Aro. They know that although the Horsemen have some major power, that will be extremely difficult to contend with, that they have them outnumbered, and that if they can surround the Horsemen in the center of Coruscant that they may have a chance. Luke Skywalker takes command of The Horsemen, even though many of their squad are not exactly people that take orders or follow a plan laid out by someone else (individuals with limitless cosmic power, don’t typically care for meetings or team plans). But the “fighters” on the Horsemen do form up behind Season 2’s #1 overall pick. As Agamemnon and his squad rush up the left flank Luke and the boys are more than ready for them. The beautiful Ce Ce Denowi ducks under a sword attack from Red Sonja and then removes her of her head, while The Incredible Hulk jumps into the air and takes a page out of his red counter-part’s playbook when he punches Aron in the face. Aron the Rogue Watcher is phased by this attack but not so much that it affects him to negatively. Aron uses his cosmic power to knock the Hulk down, but what Aron obviously does not realize is that what he is doing is merely making the Hulk angry, and as we all know, the angrier Hulk get, the stronger Hulk get. With this being said The Hulk jumps up to punch Aron in the face once again, but this time Aron hits the Coruscant ground very hard. Aron attempts to defend himself, but Hulk manages to get on top of The Watcher and pound him into a cosmic pulp. Havok blasts Ninja #1 to bits before he can do anything to ninja-ey, but he is then met by the Hulk’s old buddies The Pantheon and his daughter Lyra. Havok takes out Cassiopiea & Atalanta, but his attention is averted by Achilles and Hector while his face is inverted by Lyra and her fist. Dakken pops out his claws and begins moving his way into the fight, but he is soon met by Jool Nooret. The 2 of them match up fairly well and move against one another with much grace. Dakken goes in for the kill against Nooret, but the son of the best at what he does is no match for the greatest Ginaz Swordsmen in history. Nooret is just to fast for Dakken, and although it takes several stabs from Jool’s knives for Nooret to realize that this mutant is not going to die until his head is separated from his body, it is that that Jool Nooret does next as he uses his Ginaz sword to slice thru the neck of Dakken. If Dave Attell was writing this match it would go something like this: Hal Jordan Parallax………… Let’s talk about him. Possibly the most controversial character ever drafted in FFL history, Hal Jordan Parallax, for the record was a Commissioner approved pick. The jokes and criticisms of this character have yet to cease or slow down, and there are many who will never be convinced that this is not total bullcrap (although it is far from unprecedented that a character have more than one incarnation of him/herself in this league i.e. Anakin Skywalker, Superboy, Gandalf, etc….). Hal Jordan Parallax is after all an extremely powerful character, who would be a value to any team, much like Superman, or in this case the Mr. Mxyzlpltk created female counterpart of Superman: Superwoman who blasts thru Hal Jordan Parallax completely ripping him apart. Silver Surfer is being flanked by Blue Lantern #2, who is not at her full power without a Green Lantern around, but does have more than just her base abilities due to the fact that she was within a decent proximity of Hal Jordan and his green lantern rings, even if they were being corrupted by the Parallax power. Although, it is the Blue Lantern’s powers of hope that tip the scales for Silver Surfer and make his victory over Annihilus much easier that it should have been. Annihilus’ want for destruction was tamed by the hope of the Blue Ring. Annihilus was then driven by his basic need to destroy this hope, which he did by ripping thru the protective aura of The Blue Lantern with his Cosmic Control Rod to kill the Lantern, but then the Surfer was able to simply use the power cosmic to destroy Annihilus after he had used up so much energy in his battle against The Blue Lantern. Destroyer’s body is just barely moving without a host, but that is shortly fixed after he takes control of Paris from The Pantheon. Once the armor is on Paris (who is nowhere near strong-willed enough to control it). Then Destroyer is at his full capacity to inflict damage; which he does to both Delphi and Jason whom he easily takes out. Aro touches the dying body of Annihilus in order to gain access to every thought he has ever had. With this knowledge Aro can share The Horsemen’s game plan with his fellow Volturi, as well as the rest of his team. But Exitar the Exterminator has no desire to allow such a travesty to happen to his team. Exitar flies down from high above the Coruscant skyline and takes out both Droid Fighter Ships with his massive hands. The warrior Celestial then comes down and eliminates the threat of the Volturi and their powers when he destroys all 3 members. Ce Ce Denowi takes out Perseus, Andromeda, & the wise leader of The Pantheon Agamemnon with her lightsaber, before she is met by the Silver Surfer and taken out by the power cosmic, which she is unable to block with her force powers, even when aided by her lightsaber. Silver Surfer is done with his strafing run, when he meets up with Superwoman, high above the Republic Senate building. As the only 2 remaining flyers on the team, they briefly discuss what must be done, before they begin their attack on Exitar. Meanwhile down below Luke Skywalker is met by a small army led by Victoria, who has just ignited her red lightsaber. Victoria moves against the Grand Jedi Master along with Jool Nooret, both Ulysses, Achilles, and Lyra. Luke easily bests Victoria with his mastery of lightsaber techniques as he stabs her in the chest and then removes Jool Nooret of his head before he can make one of his amazingly quick moves. Ulysses I and Ulysses II both manage to parry Luke’s lightsaber with there own energy swords, but the lightning fast, force-fueled speed of Master Skywalker’s is just to fast for them to counteract. It isn’t until Achilles jumps in front of Luke to basically sacrifice himself that Ajax and Lyra can corner The Grand Jedi Master to overwhelm him with sheer brute force. Even then their victory over Luke is so short lived as the spice-addicted Juggernaut comes in with his own display of brute force and runs right over Ajax and Lyra, killing both of them where they stand. Destroyer and Juggernaut easily wipe out the last 2 members of Hulk’s Pantheon crew Hector and Prometheus on their way to double-team the green goliath, while miles away in the air, Superwoman and Silver Surfer zip around the massive frame of Exitar. Exitar receives a massive punch from the daughter of Jor-El, that could have leveled an entire city, but he then grabs a hold of the last daughter of Krypton and begins to squeeze. Superwoman attempts to break free of Exitar’s grip but shockingly enough cannot do it. She uses the last bit of her strength to look up and focus as much Heat Vision as she can muster at the neck of Exitar before he squeezes the life out of the female version of Superman. Silver Surfer sees what his new teammate has done, and focuses his own cosmic blasts in the exact same spot as he flies in at his top speed. While Superwoman’s lifeless body falls to the Metropolitan ground below, Silver Surfer at the last second before impact stops his heavy stream of cosmic energy and jumps off of his board, grabbing it with his hands and then swinging it with all of his might into the weakened spot of Exitar’s neck to knock the Celestial’s head off of his body. The dizzied surfer is caught by his mentally controlled surfboard even though he is having trouble even knowing which way is up after the brutal collision with the Celestial of Death; but he knows that when he last looked his sole remaining teammate the Hulk was being double-teamed by 2 heavyweights. The Silver Surfer does his best to pull himself together and then races back to the original battle site at light speed. When he arrives, he is shocked at what he sees. And who wouldn’t be at the sight of Hulk pounding on the already dead bodies of Destroyer and Juggernaut while he shouts: HULK SMASH HORSEMEN!! In a more earthly than normal fashion Silver Surfer replies with “you’re damn right we did”
THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!
Season Three: Week 3: Michael Vick's Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve vs. Le' Napoleon Brigade
The Kennelz are Mace Windu, Anakin Skywalker, Ahsoka Tano, Galactus, Nova, Terrax, Firelord, Kratos, 4 Oa Guardians, Saint Walker, Brandon Inge, & Justin Oblak in Mandalorian Armor.
The Brigade is Golden Age Wonder Woman in her Invisible Jet, Jetfire & Jetstorm, Grape Ape, Jack the Giant Killer, Spider Girl, Red Lantern #1, Kingdom Come Flash, Leia Organa-Solo (Jedi), Jaina Solo, Guy Gardner (with Yellow Ring), Padme Amidala, Obi Wan Kenobi, Stass Allie in a Tie Bomber, Anakin Solo, Coleman Trebor, Batgirl, Alia Atreides Ghola, & Jedi Master #31.
“To say it was a nightmare is not doing it justice,” a still shaken Leia Organa-Solo said to her assistant coach, Bo Schembechler. “It was as if none of us were fighting in the same match. I mean, we were all there together, but at the same time, no one could agree on what was happening”.
Bo looked back at her, wearing a face that was less then convinced with her story.
“Have I ever given a reason not to believe me?” Leia was now angry and slammed her hand on her coaches’ desk while she spoke to him. Bo looked at her with a concerned, yet hesitant look on his face and said, “Look Leia, I’m just trying to find out exactly what happened. It’s always important to get all the information together as quickly as possible so we can analyze the match thoroughly. You understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?”
Leia’s anger has subsided for the moment while she took a moment to respond to the legendary leader. “Yes, I understand all of that. Which is why I have told you everything I know about the match.”
Bo: “That’s the problem though Leia, I’m not understanding what you are saying. The story you keep telling me does not describe a clear enough picture of what happened”.
Leia: “That’s as clear as it’s going to get. None of this makes sense to me either, but I don’t know what else you want from me.”
Bo: “I just want to understand exactly what happened out there. Try explaining it one more time to me then. Maybe there is something that you forgot…” Leia starts to interrupt the coach but he stops her immediately and continues to talk over her. “Tell me one more time what happened and I promise I won’t ask you anymore questions. I trust you the most out of anyone who was there. Just try and remember it one more time and I promise you can go.”
Leia looked at Schembechler with distain but obviously still had a great deal of respect for hall of fame head coach, which is why she agreed to the deal. He poured her another cup of coffee and once again began to explain the details of her Coruscantian nightmare.
We started out, well I started out in this shady bar in the lower end of town. It was obvious to me that we had not all started out in the same place. This place is enormous like I said to you earlier. I mean it’ s nothing but a never-ending city. I’ve been there before but I am never quite sure of where I am. It’s almost like nothing is ever familiar, but at the same time everything looks the same. I know that doesn’t make sense but you have to go there to understand what I am talking about.
“I understand all of this Leia, just skip to the fighting. I want to know what happened, not get another Frommer’s guide to Coruscant from you” an already irritated Bo said to her.
Leia with a sly smile on her face that spoke to that fact that she was purposely going into unimportant detail, cut to the chase of what happened.
Like I said, the place is nuts and placing a fight there is all the more crazy. So many innocent people everywhere, I can’t even imagine how many people were killed. The fighting though, well, there was plenty of that. Like I mentioned before, I was in this shady bar with Jack, Spider Girl, Bat Girl, Obi Wan, 31, Alia, my mom and two of my children. We were all pleased to have some semblance of a team, as we figured this place was going to be rough enough even without an opponent.
We were only there for maybe five or ten minutes before our first skirmish began. It was actually strange to see our opponents at first, because it did not seem like we should be fighting them at all. Mace, my father and his Padawan walked into the bar obviously looking for us. It took me a second to notice the other two guys that were with them were even our opponents. That was of course until they started coming at us. Normally non-powers let the powers get the first strike in, but these two guys were different. One of them was wearing a shirt with no sleeves on it carrying a bat and the other had a large suit of armor on. I thought he might be a bounty hunter of some kind, but I just didn’t know. Either way I knew what little calm we may have had was over with.
Obi Wan and I immediately took out our light sabers and began to attack Mace and my dad. My kids jumped at the chance to attack Ahsoka, to which they handled very well. I couldn’t pay too much attention to their fight, but before I was even gaining the upper hand, Jaina had her light saber in the back of the young Padawan. My father was an excellent fighter and I knew that I could not handle him on my own. His speed and control of the force was quite impressive, I totally understood what my mom had always said about him. He wasn’t evil yet; in fact I felt an overwhelming amount of good in him. It was something that I never expected to feel, not on this level at least.
Given, all of this thought and emotion was instantly off set by the fact that he was trying to kill me at the time, but I know this is just a game and I wasn’t going to take it personally. Our fight continued for a while, but not before 31 and my kids joined in. Anakin knew he was out-numbered in this fight and along with Mace, ran out of the bar. We quickly began to follow after them, but not before my mother and father caught a quick glance of each other. It was a strange moment, as if they wanted to embrace but knew that they would be violating some sort of truce in the league.
Regardless, this quick glance was all the time they had, as it was my mothers last moment in the match. Just as Padme looked over at Anakin, Brandon Inge knocked her down to the ground with his bat and the suited guy, whose name is the Golden Boy or something like that, shot her three times in the chest, killing her. I don’t know who was more enraged, my father or myself. I honestly thought Anakin was going to kill his teammates right on the spot, but as it turns out he did not need to.
Immediately Bat Girl and Spider Girl took control of the situation and before either one of the cocky humans could even fight back, they were subdued. Spider Girl grabbed both of them with her webbing, while Bat Girl repeatedly wailed on them. Then Alia slit the throat of Brandon with her Crystknife and Jack stabbed the Golden Boy right through the face with his sword. Mace and Anakin were well on their way outside when out of nowhere, a good friend of mine stopped them in their tracks.
The shear size of Grape Ape is always a shock the first couple of times you see him. There was no exception to this rule this time either, as both my father and Mace stopped immediately and began to find another route to move in. This sudden stoppage in movement gave the rest of us time to corner the Jedi warriors. I rushed my father, while Obi Wan once again took up his fight with master Windu. It was a strange thing fighting my father that day, not because of the fact that he was my father, but because I knew I was going to win.
Given, it was a team effort, but it only took a couple of minutes for me to finish off my father and for Obi-Wan and my Anakin to finish off master Windu. With my team basically intact after this initial fight, I was feeling good about everything. That is when it a turn for the surreal. Wally had been in a state of constant movement, as that is the only state he is able to function in these days. This makes him not so useful in the fighting arena, but it does make him useful in other areas.
During his thousands of trips around the planet already, he had already witnessed many things during this battle that we could have not known about. He had first tried to convey messages to us by crude means, which did not work. Then through the force I was able to understand what he was trying to tell us. It still doesn’t quite make any sense to me what he was trying to say, but now I can at least translate the emotion behind it.
He started telling me to run, but then changed his mind and said to hide. He kept going back in forth on this, which was making it very hard to take what he was saying seriously. After hearing this constant change of mind a dozen or so times he then stopped communicating. Then he said one last thing. It took me a couple of times to understand what it was he was trying to get across to me, because all he said was, “You’re not where you think you are, do what you can to leave.”
That was the last thing he said to me. Then everything changed for good.
After this coach is where it goes all-existential. I will try and tell you what I remember, but I still don’t think you are going to get what you want.
Bo looked directly at here with not an ounce of levity in his face and said, “That’s fine Leia, just tell me it again.”
I was standing outside of the platform with everyone I had been fighting with when all of a sudden I was standing next to my father on Alderaan. He wasn’t speaking to me but I could feel that we were having a conversation. Then out of nowhere I saw a light as bright as a star coming towards the both of us. I pulled him down to the ground to avoid the collision, but when I looked down at him, it was actually Jaina who I was laying on top of. We were on the floor of the Jedi Library, no longer on Alderaan.
Nobody else was around me, but I could tell that nothing was right. It looked and even smelled real, but something about it felt off. I could tell that Jaina was actually there with me, but despite the fact that we seemed to be alone, I knew we were not. We immediately stood up and began to run towards the exit. We ran for only a minute before we were met by another change of scenery, this one involving the death of my daughter. In an instant, we were standing on an air platform in the middle of Coruscant skyline. I was looking down at the cityscape and before I could even regain my balance, something has pierced a staff made of flames through the chest of my daughter.
I screamed out and jumped off the platform in an attempt to chase down her killer, but it was of no use. I was falling for mere seconds when I realized I was back where I began. I looked around me and nearly everyone I had been fighting with was dead. I was naturally in shock of it all and without the help of Guy Gardner, I would not be able to even understand it a little of what happened. I saw Guy coming towards me and though I knew it looked like him, I still feared that it might not be what I thought it was.
Gardner came up to me and said that we did not have much time. He told me that there were only a couple of us left. He said that the 4 Oa Guardians along with Saint Walker had killed everyone I had been fighting with, including Obi Wan and my son. He told me that they were very close and that they were not who we should be truly afraid of. I told him of the bright light and the figure with the flaming staff, but he did not seem to care to listen.
I could see Wonder Woman coming towards us very quickly at this time, but before she was able to make contact, I was once again taken away. At first I was under water, then I was back at the beginning of the match. This time I was watching from an observer’s perspective. I was sitting there watching myself fight my father in the bar, something I remembered doing not that long ago. Then I was in space and soon enough after that, I was watching the rest of my team do battle. I could see Jetfire fly around, killing both Oa Guardian #2 and 3. Red Lantern #1 was doing battle with Saint Walker and Wonder Woman was flying around chasing the creature that killed my daughter.
Red Lantern #1 was eventually able to kill Saint Walker, but was quickly over taken by the two remaining Oa Guardians. Jetfire was now chasing Jaina’s killer (Firelord) along with Wonder Woman and with their combined efforts, were able to destroy the terrible creature. Before I was even able to gather my thoughts, I noticed Stass Allie flying below me in a Tie Bomber. She was chasing something around, but before I could watch the outcome, I was lying underneath a pile of rubble, near nothing that looked familiar.
I could hear faint sounds in the distance and could sense that mass destruction was or had taken place. I looked far off from where I was and could see something massive on the other end of the skyline. Right before I could get a clear look at what it was I thought I was seeing, Gardner and Wonder Woman were upon me again.
Leia: “What the hell is going on”
Gardner: “No time Leia, figured a way for you”.
Leia: “A way for what? What is…”
Wonder Woman: “No time for this. Coleman, Stass and the machines are dead”.
Leia: “But I just saw them…”
Wonder Woman: “It’s who we thought it was. We can’t beat him, but that doesn’t mean…”
Gardner: “Diana, no more time. Just do it.”
Leia: “But I don’t understand, can’t you just explain”.
Gardner: “Is he ready?”
Wonder Woman: “Do it”.
“Then I remember flashes of light for a second and out of the blue, I was back here. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if anything I saw was true and I have no idea how I died. Now is that enough for you? Did you get anything new from the same story the third time around?” Bo just looked back at her with the same blank face he had been wearing for the last ten minutes.
“Look coach, I don’t know what happened in the match past that. I understand that you are upset about the start of this season, but there was nothing else I could have done in that match. I’m sorry that I lost track of my position and I am sorry I was killed”.
Bo then looked at Leia and the blank look on his face turned into a slight smirk.
Bo: “It’s even more impressive then I originally thought”.
Leia: “Yeah and I what would that be?”
Bo: “The fact that you actually think you died.”
Leia looked at Bo with a look of bewilderment that had pretty much been the makeup of her entire day.
Bo: “I didn’t want to know what happened from a final outcome perspective Leia. I already know what happened in the match. I was more interested in seeing if you had any idea of what happened to you. Wally and Gardner are even better then I ever imagined.”
Leia: “What do you mean I didn’t die? How was I brought back here? I don’t remember a thing. Who won the match?”
Bo: “The outcome was unfortunate for us Leia. Your moments of insanity were the result of coming into contact with Galactus. Your daughter was killed by a herald named Firelord.”
Leia: “If we lost, then why am I still alive?”
Bo: “Because Guy, Diana and Wally found a way for you to live. They knew at a certain point that the match was doomed and that you finding safe haven the old fashioned way was going to be impossible.”
Leia: “Then how did they get me out?"
Bo: “Guy figured out that he could keep you safe in a protective sphere for a short amount of time, hence the reason you were able to watch moments of the match without Galactus’ reality warping effects. Guy knew that if he could protect you in a sphere long enough to get you to Wally, that he might be able to teleport you back to our base. The plan was originally supposed to get you and Wally back safely, but as it turns out, it only was able to save you in the end.”
Leia: “What happened to Guy, Diana and Wally then?”
Bo: “Though they were able to kill Kratos and the remaining Oa Guardians, Galactus and his two remaining heralds were just too much for them to overcome. They sacrificed themselves to keep you alive.”
Leia: “I don’t understand why they would work through all of this just to get me to safety. All of them are so much more powerful then I am. Why not put all of their energy into trying to kill Galactus?”
Bo: “Because you are a born leader, just as I am Leia. Everybody sees it in you. They trust and respect you. You ask me why they spent that much time and energy on saving you, it’s because you have what it takes to lead this team. One day I see you leading this team to victory. You can learn to become a great fighter, but true leadership is something you are born with. So even though we lost today, we still managed to get a small victory in the end.”
Leia looked humbled by his words, but was not going to let him get away with it completely.
Leia: “I never figured you as the sentimental type coach.”
Bo: “Yeah well, don’t expect to see it again anytime soon. I can’t imagine Napoleon finding it as an endearing quality, especially after another loss.”
Leia: “Don’t worry about it coach, your secret is safe with me.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Galactus, Nova and Terrax survived.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade: Leia Organa-Solo survived.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Victorious!
The Brigade is Golden Age Wonder Woman in her Invisible Jet, Jetfire & Jetstorm, Grape Ape, Jack the Giant Killer, Spider Girl, Red Lantern #1, Kingdom Come Flash, Leia Organa-Solo (Jedi), Jaina Solo, Guy Gardner (with Yellow Ring), Padme Amidala, Obi Wan Kenobi, Stass Allie in a Tie Bomber, Anakin Solo, Coleman Trebor, Batgirl, Alia Atreides Ghola, & Jedi Master #31.
“To say it was a nightmare is not doing it justice,” a still shaken Leia Organa-Solo said to her assistant coach, Bo Schembechler. “It was as if none of us were fighting in the same match. I mean, we were all there together, but at the same time, no one could agree on what was happening”.
Bo looked back at her, wearing a face that was less then convinced with her story.
“Have I ever given a reason not to believe me?” Leia was now angry and slammed her hand on her coaches’ desk while she spoke to him. Bo looked at her with a concerned, yet hesitant look on his face and said, “Look Leia, I’m just trying to find out exactly what happened. It’s always important to get all the information together as quickly as possible so we can analyze the match thoroughly. You understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?”
Leia’s anger has subsided for the moment while she took a moment to respond to the legendary leader. “Yes, I understand all of that. Which is why I have told you everything I know about the match.”
Bo: “That’s the problem though Leia, I’m not understanding what you are saying. The story you keep telling me does not describe a clear enough picture of what happened”.
Leia: “That’s as clear as it’s going to get. None of this makes sense to me either, but I don’t know what else you want from me.”
Bo: “I just want to understand exactly what happened out there. Try explaining it one more time to me then. Maybe there is something that you forgot…” Leia starts to interrupt the coach but he stops her immediately and continues to talk over her. “Tell me one more time what happened and I promise I won’t ask you anymore questions. I trust you the most out of anyone who was there. Just try and remember it one more time and I promise you can go.”
Leia looked at Schembechler with distain but obviously still had a great deal of respect for hall of fame head coach, which is why she agreed to the deal. He poured her another cup of coffee and once again began to explain the details of her Coruscantian nightmare.
We started out, well I started out in this shady bar in the lower end of town. It was obvious to me that we had not all started out in the same place. This place is enormous like I said to you earlier. I mean it’ s nothing but a never-ending city. I’ve been there before but I am never quite sure of where I am. It’s almost like nothing is ever familiar, but at the same time everything looks the same. I know that doesn’t make sense but you have to go there to understand what I am talking about.
“I understand all of this Leia, just skip to the fighting. I want to know what happened, not get another Frommer’s guide to Coruscant from you” an already irritated Bo said to her.
Leia with a sly smile on her face that spoke to that fact that she was purposely going into unimportant detail, cut to the chase of what happened.
Like I said, the place is nuts and placing a fight there is all the more crazy. So many innocent people everywhere, I can’t even imagine how many people were killed. The fighting though, well, there was plenty of that. Like I mentioned before, I was in this shady bar with Jack, Spider Girl, Bat Girl, Obi Wan, 31, Alia, my mom and two of my children. We were all pleased to have some semblance of a team, as we figured this place was going to be rough enough even without an opponent.
We were only there for maybe five or ten minutes before our first skirmish began. It was actually strange to see our opponents at first, because it did not seem like we should be fighting them at all. Mace, my father and his Padawan walked into the bar obviously looking for us. It took me a second to notice the other two guys that were with them were even our opponents. That was of course until they started coming at us. Normally non-powers let the powers get the first strike in, but these two guys were different. One of them was wearing a shirt with no sleeves on it carrying a bat and the other had a large suit of armor on. I thought he might be a bounty hunter of some kind, but I just didn’t know. Either way I knew what little calm we may have had was over with.
Obi Wan and I immediately took out our light sabers and began to attack Mace and my dad. My kids jumped at the chance to attack Ahsoka, to which they handled very well. I couldn’t pay too much attention to their fight, but before I was even gaining the upper hand, Jaina had her light saber in the back of the young Padawan. My father was an excellent fighter and I knew that I could not handle him on my own. His speed and control of the force was quite impressive, I totally understood what my mom had always said about him. He wasn’t evil yet; in fact I felt an overwhelming amount of good in him. It was something that I never expected to feel, not on this level at least.
Given, all of this thought and emotion was instantly off set by the fact that he was trying to kill me at the time, but I know this is just a game and I wasn’t going to take it personally. Our fight continued for a while, but not before 31 and my kids joined in. Anakin knew he was out-numbered in this fight and along with Mace, ran out of the bar. We quickly began to follow after them, but not before my mother and father caught a quick glance of each other. It was a strange moment, as if they wanted to embrace but knew that they would be violating some sort of truce in the league.
Regardless, this quick glance was all the time they had, as it was my mothers last moment in the match. Just as Padme looked over at Anakin, Brandon Inge knocked her down to the ground with his bat and the suited guy, whose name is the Golden Boy or something like that, shot her three times in the chest, killing her. I don’t know who was more enraged, my father or myself. I honestly thought Anakin was going to kill his teammates right on the spot, but as it turns out he did not need to.
Immediately Bat Girl and Spider Girl took control of the situation and before either one of the cocky humans could even fight back, they were subdued. Spider Girl grabbed both of them with her webbing, while Bat Girl repeatedly wailed on them. Then Alia slit the throat of Brandon with her Crystknife and Jack stabbed the Golden Boy right through the face with his sword. Mace and Anakin were well on their way outside when out of nowhere, a good friend of mine stopped them in their tracks.
The shear size of Grape Ape is always a shock the first couple of times you see him. There was no exception to this rule this time either, as both my father and Mace stopped immediately and began to find another route to move in. This sudden stoppage in movement gave the rest of us time to corner the Jedi warriors. I rushed my father, while Obi Wan once again took up his fight with master Windu. It was a strange thing fighting my father that day, not because of the fact that he was my father, but because I knew I was going to win.
Given, it was a team effort, but it only took a couple of minutes for me to finish off my father and for Obi-Wan and my Anakin to finish off master Windu. With my team basically intact after this initial fight, I was feeling good about everything. That is when it a turn for the surreal. Wally had been in a state of constant movement, as that is the only state he is able to function in these days. This makes him not so useful in the fighting arena, but it does make him useful in other areas.
During his thousands of trips around the planet already, he had already witnessed many things during this battle that we could have not known about. He had first tried to convey messages to us by crude means, which did not work. Then through the force I was able to understand what he was trying to tell us. It still doesn’t quite make any sense to me what he was trying to say, but now I can at least translate the emotion behind it.
He started telling me to run, but then changed his mind and said to hide. He kept going back in forth on this, which was making it very hard to take what he was saying seriously. After hearing this constant change of mind a dozen or so times he then stopped communicating. Then he said one last thing. It took me a couple of times to understand what it was he was trying to get across to me, because all he said was, “You’re not where you think you are, do what you can to leave.”
That was the last thing he said to me. Then everything changed for good.
After this coach is where it goes all-existential. I will try and tell you what I remember, but I still don’t think you are going to get what you want.
Bo looked directly at here with not an ounce of levity in his face and said, “That’s fine Leia, just tell me it again.”
I was standing outside of the platform with everyone I had been fighting with when all of a sudden I was standing next to my father on Alderaan. He wasn’t speaking to me but I could feel that we were having a conversation. Then out of nowhere I saw a light as bright as a star coming towards the both of us. I pulled him down to the ground to avoid the collision, but when I looked down at him, it was actually Jaina who I was laying on top of. We were on the floor of the Jedi Library, no longer on Alderaan.
Nobody else was around me, but I could tell that nothing was right. It looked and even smelled real, but something about it felt off. I could tell that Jaina was actually there with me, but despite the fact that we seemed to be alone, I knew we were not. We immediately stood up and began to run towards the exit. We ran for only a minute before we were met by another change of scenery, this one involving the death of my daughter. In an instant, we were standing on an air platform in the middle of Coruscant skyline. I was looking down at the cityscape and before I could even regain my balance, something has pierced a staff made of flames through the chest of my daughter.
I screamed out and jumped off the platform in an attempt to chase down her killer, but it was of no use. I was falling for mere seconds when I realized I was back where I began. I looked around me and nearly everyone I had been fighting with was dead. I was naturally in shock of it all and without the help of Guy Gardner, I would not be able to even understand it a little of what happened. I saw Guy coming towards me and though I knew it looked like him, I still feared that it might not be what I thought it was.
Gardner came up to me and said that we did not have much time. He told me that there were only a couple of us left. He said that the 4 Oa Guardians along with Saint Walker had killed everyone I had been fighting with, including Obi Wan and my son. He told me that they were very close and that they were not who we should be truly afraid of. I told him of the bright light and the figure with the flaming staff, but he did not seem to care to listen.
I could see Wonder Woman coming towards us very quickly at this time, but before she was able to make contact, I was once again taken away. At first I was under water, then I was back at the beginning of the match. This time I was watching from an observer’s perspective. I was sitting there watching myself fight my father in the bar, something I remembered doing not that long ago. Then I was in space and soon enough after that, I was watching the rest of my team do battle. I could see Jetfire fly around, killing both Oa Guardian #2 and 3. Red Lantern #1 was doing battle with Saint Walker and Wonder Woman was flying around chasing the creature that killed my daughter.
Red Lantern #1 was eventually able to kill Saint Walker, but was quickly over taken by the two remaining Oa Guardians. Jetfire was now chasing Jaina’s killer (Firelord) along with Wonder Woman and with their combined efforts, were able to destroy the terrible creature. Before I was even able to gather my thoughts, I noticed Stass Allie flying below me in a Tie Bomber. She was chasing something around, but before I could watch the outcome, I was lying underneath a pile of rubble, near nothing that looked familiar.
I could hear faint sounds in the distance and could sense that mass destruction was or had taken place. I looked far off from where I was and could see something massive on the other end of the skyline. Right before I could get a clear look at what it was I thought I was seeing, Gardner and Wonder Woman were upon me again.
Leia: “What the hell is going on”
Gardner: “No time Leia, figured a way for you”.
Leia: “A way for what? What is…”
Wonder Woman: “No time for this. Coleman, Stass and the machines are dead”.
Leia: “But I just saw them…”
Wonder Woman: “It’s who we thought it was. We can’t beat him, but that doesn’t mean…”
Gardner: “Diana, no more time. Just do it.”
Leia: “But I don’t understand, can’t you just explain”.
Gardner: “Is he ready?”
Wonder Woman: “Do it”.
“Then I remember flashes of light for a second and out of the blue, I was back here. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if anything I saw was true and I have no idea how I died. Now is that enough for you? Did you get anything new from the same story the third time around?” Bo just looked back at her with the same blank face he had been wearing for the last ten minutes.
“Look coach, I don’t know what happened in the match past that. I understand that you are upset about the start of this season, but there was nothing else I could have done in that match. I’m sorry that I lost track of my position and I am sorry I was killed”.
Bo then looked at Leia and the blank look on his face turned into a slight smirk.
Bo: “It’s even more impressive then I originally thought”.
Leia: “Yeah and I what would that be?”
Bo: “The fact that you actually think you died.”
Leia looked at Bo with a look of bewilderment that had pretty much been the makeup of her entire day.
Bo: “I didn’t want to know what happened from a final outcome perspective Leia. I already know what happened in the match. I was more interested in seeing if you had any idea of what happened to you. Wally and Gardner are even better then I ever imagined.”
Leia: “What do you mean I didn’t die? How was I brought back here? I don’t remember a thing. Who won the match?”
Bo: “The outcome was unfortunate for us Leia. Your moments of insanity were the result of coming into contact with Galactus. Your daughter was killed by a herald named Firelord.”
Leia: “If we lost, then why am I still alive?”
Bo: “Because Guy, Diana and Wally found a way for you to live. They knew at a certain point that the match was doomed and that you finding safe haven the old fashioned way was going to be impossible.”
Leia: “Then how did they get me out?"
Bo: “Guy figured out that he could keep you safe in a protective sphere for a short amount of time, hence the reason you were able to watch moments of the match without Galactus’ reality warping effects. Guy knew that if he could protect you in a sphere long enough to get you to Wally, that he might be able to teleport you back to our base. The plan was originally supposed to get you and Wally back safely, but as it turns out, it only was able to save you in the end.”
Leia: “What happened to Guy, Diana and Wally then?”
Bo: “Though they were able to kill Kratos and the remaining Oa Guardians, Galactus and his two remaining heralds were just too much for them to overcome. They sacrificed themselves to keep you alive.”
Leia: “I don’t understand why they would work through all of this just to get me to safety. All of them are so much more powerful then I am. Why not put all of their energy into trying to kill Galactus?”
Bo: “Because you are a born leader, just as I am Leia. Everybody sees it in you. They trust and respect you. You ask me why they spent that much time and energy on saving you, it’s because you have what it takes to lead this team. One day I see you leading this team to victory. You can learn to become a great fighter, but true leadership is something you are born with. So even though we lost today, we still managed to get a small victory in the end.”
Leia looked humbled by his words, but was not going to let him get away with it completely.
Leia: “I never figured you as the sentimental type coach.”
Bo: “Yeah well, don’t expect to see it again anytime soon. I can’t imagine Napoleon finding it as an endearing quality, especially after another loss.”
Leia: “Don’t worry about it coach, your secret is safe with me.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve: Galactus, Nova and Terrax survived.
Le’ Napoleon Brigade: Leia Organa-Solo survived.
Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennelz of Lurve are Victorious!
Logical Genocide Vs. The Syracuse Valley
Logical Genocide is Ion, Dr. Deathbrain & The Living Killing Roller Coaster, Cybertronian Guardian #9 (AKA Cuddles), V (with a Yellow Power Ring), Shatterstar, Chris Seeney in Lex Soar 7, Warwolf #7 (AKA Sgt. Stabbins), Warwolf #9 (AKA Fumbles), Prometheus, Jason Todd, The Hood, Iron Patriot, Magmar, Bronze Tiger, Terminator #40 (AKA clanks), Moonstone, & Adam Strange.
The Syracuse Valley is Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box, & Fast Forward, (movie) Wheelie, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Decepticon #1 & 2, Young Anakin Skywalker in Odee Mandrell’s Pod, Sonic the Hedgehog (with a blue lightsaber), Knuckles (with a red lightsaber), Star Fox, Dash Rendar, & Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Go-bot #1, Rob Bartlett (with a halberd), Xenomorph #92 & 93, Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler, Rayden & Kid Thunder, Wingnut & Screwloose, Scooter, The Toxic Avenger, Darth Rave, Splinter, & Little Goomba #5.
Logical Genocide: The most talked about 0 and 2 team in FFL history squares off against the Kings of the Graveyard Syracuse Valley. Logical Genocide has not yet had much success this season but they are definitely becoming a fan favorite with their zany press conferences and off-the-wall comments. The Syracuse Valley on the other hand is a fan favorite just because you can’t help but feel sorry for their massive graveyard send-offs last year. Ion and the yellow-powered V patrol the 2 opposite sides of the sky while Chris Seeney flies in the Lex-Soar 7 attempting to figure out the controls. Chris Seeney may have no piloting skills whatsoever, but luckily the Lex-Soar 7’s controls and advanced autopilot capabilities are easy enough for even the less than novice-level pilot (either that or the Commissioner is getting soft and he’ll approve anything these days). Darth Rave lights up the Coruscant sky and begins dancing around his opponents for what could be the last time as he uses his unconventional lightsabers to actually best Shatterstar in a one on one fight. The Darth Maul trained Sith Lord and FFL veteran than uses a burst of Sith Lightning to kill Magmar before he can move toward the Sith. Darth Rave stands victorious, until The Lex-Soar 7 comes crashing down, directly on top pf Darth Rave. Lord Rave did indeed sense this oncoming danger thru his mastery of the force, but he did not have enough time to react. Later on, Chris Seeney will tell everyone that he totally crashed this jet on Darth Rave on purpose. I mean after all it was well worth it to take out this powerful Sith Lord before he made his last stand even more impressive but as the guy that witnessed it…. I’m not so sure. The brave Chris Seeney rolls away from the wreckage of the Lex-Soar 7, proud of what will be his first mention in The FFL Graveyard. Seeney is attempting to muster up enough strength to get to his feet and continue fighting for his team when the might Baby Nightcrawler approaches. Seeney sneers at the face of this luminous threat and doesn’t back down for a second even when Baby Nightcrawler pulls his own white finger to create the fart that he expels in Seeney’s face before he kills Chris with a piece of Lex-Soar 7 shrapnel. Xenomorphs #92 & 93 attack The Hood and begin ripping at his flesh. The Hood uses his twin Glocks to blow away Xenomorph #92, but at this point the proximity to the aliens is to close and The Hood dies as well from the spray of the Xenomorph’s acid blood. Prometheus then hurls a parked speeder down on top of Xenomorph #93 from atop a nearby building to finish him off. Unfortunately for Little Goomba #5, his 10th death is just as insignificant as most of his other one’s were as he is jumped on by the evil and treacherous Dr. Death Brain. Prometheus then steals the idea from his teammate Dr. Death Brain and jumps off the building he was standing on and lands directly on top of Go-bot #1 as if he were a mere little goomba as well. Anakin races in his pod around the moving tracks of the Living Killing Roller Coaster. The Living Killing Roller Coaster, which if you are not familiar with the Capt. Latin America and The Pretenders comic series is a living roller coaster that likes to kill things. It primarily kills things that are living (I’m surprised you didn’t know that). Anakin flies around the roller coaster quickly and beats the roller coaster to it’s own finish gate (for the sake of the story, we’re going to act like that matters for some reason). As little Skywalker’s pod is sitting in the end gate of the roller coaster tracks, the Living Killing Roller Coaster viciously slams into the back of Odee Mandrell’s old pod. This knocks the Young Anakin out of the pod, but what the Living Killing Roller Coaster does not realize in it’s twisted metal-geared mind is that Anakin already cracked the seal on the pod-thrusters to ignite the pod’s power source. So once the Living Killing Roller Coaster slammed into the back of the pod it caused a totally wizard explosion which turned The Living Killing Roller Coaster into the Dead Harmless Roller Coaster. Anakin lay on the ground totally unconscious when Dr. Death Brain comes running up with his magical cattle prod and electric face destroyer when Sonic the Hedgehog comes running up out of nowhere (he’s fast ya know). Sonic pulls out his blue lightsaber and uses it to remove the head of Dr. Death Brain before the evil scientist could see him coming in his prism-powered monocular (his other eye was of course destroyed many years ago in a fight with Capt. Latin America (see the origin of Dr. Death Brain in The Pretenders Annual #4 (This is also eluded to in The Bottomless Stomach mini-series issue #3))). It is also Strange that Adam did not see Sonic coming as the blue hedgehog makes the most of what is destined to be his last FFL appearance. Sonic spin attacks Adam Strange with his lightsaber out to take out the space man before Ion comes down and shows the league why he was the first overall pick this year. Ion not only deals a graveyard blast to Sonic but also takes out Sonic’s buddy Knuckles, Nocturne, and Decepticon #1 with his initial green energy blasts. V swoops down from the opposite end of the battle to take out Nightcrawler before he can bamf out of the way, as well as Wingnut and Screwloose with a pair of yellow energy knives thrown from his new ring. Rob Bartlett tries to use his new Halberd on Jason Todd, but the angst filled young Todd delivers a kick to the face and an imitation batarang to the chest of the Bartster to take him out. Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian steps on Jazz to allow the Auto bot to do what he does best (ya know, die). The death of this particular Autobot is no metal shavings off the nose of Megatron and Starscream, but the 2 Decepticons do avenge Jazz by using their Cybertronian weaponry to blow the Guardian to pieces from the air. The Iron Patriot has basically made Clanks the Terminator his personal bodyguard and sidekick which is why they attack the attack Rayden & Kid Thunder together, after the 2 of them use their artillery to blast Scooter to pieces. Although the Norman Osborne and his lackey are slightly stunned and slowed down by both the electrical blasts of Rayden and the cuteness of Kid Thunder, they do manage to take out the Mortal Kombat characters with their advanced weaponry. Their victory is in fact short-lived though as they are blown apart from the air from the bombs shot by Star Fox and his co-pilot Dash Rendar. Dash, who is an exceptional pilot in his own right, was initially bothered by the fact that he was chosen to be second fiddle to anyone, but once he got in the back seat, and saw Star Fox’s skills he was quite alright with the job. The 2 of them are flying thru the air making the Y-Wing Bomber look like a much more graceful vehicle than it should or normally would if it were controlled by lesser pilots. Splinter and Bronze Tiger square off in a hand to hand combat match that is one for the ages (it is almost as good as the fight between Nick and Mike at the end of There’s Something About Dribble). Bronze Tiger gets in some great hits, but in the end it is experience that wins out over strength as Splinter delivers a killing blow to Bronze Tiger’s throat. Moonstone moves against Soundblaster, but the Decepticon then ejects all of his tapes. Moonstone hits Zombie Laserbeak with a hefty of photon blast and then gets both Wheelie and the spy bug with some aftershocks that are more than enough to wipe out the likes of them. The 2 Warwolves rush in to help out Moonstone and they manage to double team both Ravage and then Overkill, before they are taken out by the familiar yet not so familiar team-up of Zombie Rumble and movie Frenzy against Sgt. Stabbins and Soundblaster and Slugfest against Fumbles. Moonstone is having trouble catching the speedy little Autobot turned pseudo-Decepticon tape known as Fast Forward, but she does eventually cut him off by manipulating the gravity around him and then destroys him with her super-strength by crushing in his metal head. She is then taken off guard when the mini-gestalt known as Squawkbox uses his laser gun to blast her apart (it took a lot of shots, but eventually they were able to finish her off). Ion begins chasing after the Fox/Rendar piloted Y Wing, but despite Ion’s amazing speed, he is still having trouble catching up to the vehicle. V with his yellow power ring steps up to take on Sounblaster and his remaining tapes, but Decepticon #2 & Megatron fly in to help Soundblaster out. Prometheus rushes to the aid of V and punches a hole thru the head of Decepticon #2, but when Jason Todd runs in to help he is blasted by an aerial pot shot from Starscream, who is on the way to lend a hand to Star Fox. Anakin, Baby Nightcrawler, Splinter, and The Toxic Avenger rush in to join the fight as well. V and Prometheus manage to combine their powers to take out Soundblaster, who inadvertently falls on top of Baby Nightcrawler; but they know that they are going to need help from Ion if they are going to finish off what is left of The Valley. Ion realizes that his few remaining teammates, though powerful are heavily outnumbered, so he kicks his speed up even faster. He manages the amazing feat of actually and finally shooting Star Fox’s Y-Wing out of the air. Leebo, who had to be partially taken apart to get into the ship’s droid slot was killed in the initial blast, but Star Fox and Dash Rendar did eject in time. Ion sees Dash Rendar parachuting down above him, and although he doesn’t like doing it blasts the Rendar like the sitting duck that he is. Ion has now dive bombed down to look for Star Fox so he can blast him from below, but what he doesn’t realize is that McLeod is crazy. Crazy like a Star Fox that is. Star Fox has ignited Darth Maul’s old lightsaber and has cut his own parachute. The free-falling Star Fox then surprise attacks Ion by falling on top of him and from mid-air puts the double bladed lightsaber into Raynor’s chest. Star Fox is more than content knowing that he gave his life to take out Ion when Starscream flies underneath him to catch the Syracuse Valley’s prize pilot in mid-air. V sees this transpire, and although yellow lanterns and gods are not known for retreating, that is exactly what he and Prometheus do against these overwhelming odds.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
The Syracuse Valley is Soundblaster w/ Zombie Rumble, (movie) Frenzy, (movie) Ravage, Zombie Laserbeak, Overkill, Slugfest, Squawk Talk, Beast Box, & Fast Forward, (movie) Wheelie, The Decepticon Spy Bug, Decepticon #1 & 2, Young Anakin Skywalker in Odee Mandrell’s Pod, Sonic the Hedgehog (with a blue lightsaber), Knuckles (with a red lightsaber), Star Fox, Dash Rendar, & Leebo in a Y-Wing Bomber, (movie) Megatron, (movie) Starscream, (movie) Jazz, Go-bot #1, Rob Bartlett (with a halberd), Xenomorph #92 & 93, Nightcrawler, Nocturne, Baby Nightcrawler, Rayden & Kid Thunder, Wingnut & Screwloose, Scooter, The Toxic Avenger, Darth Rave, Splinter, & Little Goomba #5.
Logical Genocide: The most talked about 0 and 2 team in FFL history squares off against the Kings of the Graveyard Syracuse Valley. Logical Genocide has not yet had much success this season but they are definitely becoming a fan favorite with their zany press conferences and off-the-wall comments. The Syracuse Valley on the other hand is a fan favorite just because you can’t help but feel sorry for their massive graveyard send-offs last year. Ion and the yellow-powered V patrol the 2 opposite sides of the sky while Chris Seeney flies in the Lex-Soar 7 attempting to figure out the controls. Chris Seeney may have no piloting skills whatsoever, but luckily the Lex-Soar 7’s controls and advanced autopilot capabilities are easy enough for even the less than novice-level pilot (either that or the Commissioner is getting soft and he’ll approve anything these days). Darth Rave lights up the Coruscant sky and begins dancing around his opponents for what could be the last time as he uses his unconventional lightsabers to actually best Shatterstar in a one on one fight. The Darth Maul trained Sith Lord and FFL veteran than uses a burst of Sith Lightning to kill Magmar before he can move toward the Sith. Darth Rave stands victorious, until The Lex-Soar 7 comes crashing down, directly on top pf Darth Rave. Lord Rave did indeed sense this oncoming danger thru his mastery of the force, but he did not have enough time to react. Later on, Chris Seeney will tell everyone that he totally crashed this jet on Darth Rave on purpose. I mean after all it was well worth it to take out this powerful Sith Lord before he made his last stand even more impressive but as the guy that witnessed it…. I’m not so sure. The brave Chris Seeney rolls away from the wreckage of the Lex-Soar 7, proud of what will be his first mention in The FFL Graveyard. Seeney is attempting to muster up enough strength to get to his feet and continue fighting for his team when the might Baby Nightcrawler approaches. Seeney sneers at the face of this luminous threat and doesn’t back down for a second even when Baby Nightcrawler pulls his own white finger to create the fart that he expels in Seeney’s face before he kills Chris with a piece of Lex-Soar 7 shrapnel. Xenomorphs #92 & 93 attack The Hood and begin ripping at his flesh. The Hood uses his twin Glocks to blow away Xenomorph #92, but at this point the proximity to the aliens is to close and The Hood dies as well from the spray of the Xenomorph’s acid blood. Prometheus then hurls a parked speeder down on top of Xenomorph #93 from atop a nearby building to finish him off. Unfortunately for Little Goomba #5, his 10th death is just as insignificant as most of his other one’s were as he is jumped on by the evil and treacherous Dr. Death Brain. Prometheus then steals the idea from his teammate Dr. Death Brain and jumps off the building he was standing on and lands directly on top of Go-bot #1 as if he were a mere little goomba as well. Anakin races in his pod around the moving tracks of the Living Killing Roller Coaster. The Living Killing Roller Coaster, which if you are not familiar with the Capt. Latin America and The Pretenders comic series is a living roller coaster that likes to kill things. It primarily kills things that are living (I’m surprised you didn’t know that). Anakin flies around the roller coaster quickly and beats the roller coaster to it’s own finish gate (for the sake of the story, we’re going to act like that matters for some reason). As little Skywalker’s pod is sitting in the end gate of the roller coaster tracks, the Living Killing Roller Coaster viciously slams into the back of Odee Mandrell’s old pod. This knocks the Young Anakin out of the pod, but what the Living Killing Roller Coaster does not realize in it’s twisted metal-geared mind is that Anakin already cracked the seal on the pod-thrusters to ignite the pod’s power source. So once the Living Killing Roller Coaster slammed into the back of the pod it caused a totally wizard explosion which turned The Living Killing Roller Coaster into the Dead Harmless Roller Coaster. Anakin lay on the ground totally unconscious when Dr. Death Brain comes running up with his magical cattle prod and electric face destroyer when Sonic the Hedgehog comes running up out of nowhere (he’s fast ya know). Sonic pulls out his blue lightsaber and uses it to remove the head of Dr. Death Brain before the evil scientist could see him coming in his prism-powered monocular (his other eye was of course destroyed many years ago in a fight with Capt. Latin America (see the origin of Dr. Death Brain in The Pretenders Annual #4 (This is also eluded to in The Bottomless Stomach mini-series issue #3))). It is also Strange that Adam did not see Sonic coming as the blue hedgehog makes the most of what is destined to be his last FFL appearance. Sonic spin attacks Adam Strange with his lightsaber out to take out the space man before Ion comes down and shows the league why he was the first overall pick this year. Ion not only deals a graveyard blast to Sonic but also takes out Sonic’s buddy Knuckles, Nocturne, and Decepticon #1 with his initial green energy blasts. V swoops down from the opposite end of the battle to take out Nightcrawler before he can bamf out of the way, as well as Wingnut and Screwloose with a pair of yellow energy knives thrown from his new ring. Rob Bartlett tries to use his new Halberd on Jason Todd, but the angst filled young Todd delivers a kick to the face and an imitation batarang to the chest of the Bartster to take him out. Cuddles the Cybertronian Guardian steps on Jazz to allow the Auto bot to do what he does best (ya know, die). The death of this particular Autobot is no metal shavings off the nose of Megatron and Starscream, but the 2 Decepticons do avenge Jazz by using their Cybertronian weaponry to blow the Guardian to pieces from the air. The Iron Patriot has basically made Clanks the Terminator his personal bodyguard and sidekick which is why they attack the attack Rayden & Kid Thunder together, after the 2 of them use their artillery to blast Scooter to pieces. Although the Norman Osborne and his lackey are slightly stunned and slowed down by both the electrical blasts of Rayden and the cuteness of Kid Thunder, they do manage to take out the Mortal Kombat characters with their advanced weaponry. Their victory is in fact short-lived though as they are blown apart from the air from the bombs shot by Star Fox and his co-pilot Dash Rendar. Dash, who is an exceptional pilot in his own right, was initially bothered by the fact that he was chosen to be second fiddle to anyone, but once he got in the back seat, and saw Star Fox’s skills he was quite alright with the job. The 2 of them are flying thru the air making the Y-Wing Bomber look like a much more graceful vehicle than it should or normally would if it were controlled by lesser pilots. Splinter and Bronze Tiger square off in a hand to hand combat match that is one for the ages (it is almost as good as the fight between Nick and Mike at the end of There’s Something About Dribble). Bronze Tiger gets in some great hits, but in the end it is experience that wins out over strength as Splinter delivers a killing blow to Bronze Tiger’s throat. Moonstone moves against Soundblaster, but the Decepticon then ejects all of his tapes. Moonstone hits Zombie Laserbeak with a hefty of photon blast and then gets both Wheelie and the spy bug with some aftershocks that are more than enough to wipe out the likes of them. The 2 Warwolves rush in to help out Moonstone and they manage to double team both Ravage and then Overkill, before they are taken out by the familiar yet not so familiar team-up of Zombie Rumble and movie Frenzy against Sgt. Stabbins and Soundblaster and Slugfest against Fumbles. Moonstone is having trouble catching the speedy little Autobot turned pseudo-Decepticon tape known as Fast Forward, but she does eventually cut him off by manipulating the gravity around him and then destroys him with her super-strength by crushing in his metal head. She is then taken off guard when the mini-gestalt known as Squawkbox uses his laser gun to blast her apart (it took a lot of shots, but eventually they were able to finish her off). Ion begins chasing after the Fox/Rendar piloted Y Wing, but despite Ion’s amazing speed, he is still having trouble catching up to the vehicle. V with his yellow power ring steps up to take on Sounblaster and his remaining tapes, but Decepticon #2 & Megatron fly in to help Soundblaster out. Prometheus rushes to the aid of V and punches a hole thru the head of Decepticon #2, but when Jason Todd runs in to help he is blasted by an aerial pot shot from Starscream, who is on the way to lend a hand to Star Fox. Anakin, Baby Nightcrawler, Splinter, and The Toxic Avenger rush in to join the fight as well. V and Prometheus manage to combine their powers to take out Soundblaster, who inadvertently falls on top of Baby Nightcrawler; but they know that they are going to need help from Ion if they are going to finish off what is left of The Valley. Ion realizes that his few remaining teammates, though powerful are heavily outnumbered, so he kicks his speed up even faster. He manages the amazing feat of actually and finally shooting Star Fox’s Y-Wing out of the air. Leebo, who had to be partially taken apart to get into the ship’s droid slot was killed in the initial blast, but Star Fox and Dash Rendar did eject in time. Ion sees Dash Rendar parachuting down above him, and although he doesn’t like doing it blasts the Rendar like the sitting duck that he is. Ion has now dive bombed down to look for Star Fox so he can blast him from below, but what he doesn’t realize is that McLeod is crazy. Crazy like a Star Fox that is. Star Fox has ignited Darth Maul’s old lightsaber and has cut his own parachute. The free-falling Star Fox then surprise attacks Ion by falling on top of him and from mid-air puts the double bladed lightsaber into Raynor’s chest. Star Fox is more than content knowing that he gave his life to take out Ion when Starscream flies underneath him to catch the Syracuse Valley’s prize pilot in mid-air. V sees this transpire, and although yellow lanterns and gods are not known for retreating, that is exactly what he and Prometheus do against these overwhelming odds.
THE SYRACUSE VALLEY IS VICTORIOUS!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Week Three: Alice's Wonder Team vs The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets
Alice's Wonder Team is The Q Continuum: Q, Q2, True Q, Q Representative, Lady Q, q, and Quinn, Hyperion, SSJ4 Gogeta, Ewok #47 and Treasure Troll #17.
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Mr. Mxyztlplk, Dr. Impossible, Rogue, Omega Supreme, Larfleeze, Ganthet & Sayd, Thrasher & Bill Kelly (with a blue lightsaber) in The Thunder Machine, Queen Aga'po, Nightwing & Carlos Chiappe-Soto (with a green lightsaber) in the Modern Age Batmobile (AKA the Tumbler), Wicket & Paploo on a scooter, Ttanus, Peppermint Patti, Marci, Mas y Menos, Gobo, Zombie Parasite, Treasure Troll #1, & Ewok Baby #1 & 2.
“Star Trek Mr. Mxyztlplk, my ass!” shouts Mr. Mxyztlplk. “I’ll show Ryatu!” The Fifth Dimension Imp uses his powers to wipe Q Representative off the this plane of existence. He then disappears himself, before any of the Q’s can retaliate. Omega Supreme has fortified himself at the foot of the Senate building on Coruscant. Rogue is flanked by Larfleeze, Queen Aga’po, Ganthet and Sayd. They quickly find themselves face to face with Hyperion on SSJ4 Gogeta. Queen Aga’po surprisingly is the first to react and takes a shot at the Dragonball super being. Gogeta dodges it with ease and proceeds to light the Star Sapphire up like a Christmas tree with several punches and then hits her with a Stardust Breaker. Hyperion immediately attacks Larfleeze who is now consumed with trying to steal SSJ4 Gogeta’s powers. The Superman rip off then smashes Larfleeze’s Orange Power Battery as well as his skull. Ganthet and Sayd then use their powers to launch Zombie Parasite right at Hyperion. Zombie Parasite clamps down and begins to drain Hyperion’s powers. Rogue flies in and helps her half dead teammate to finish him off. Hyperion’s lifeless husk falls to the ground as Zombie Parasite flies off after q. Once he latches on he finds that q’s powers are too much for him to absorb, but due to his unrelenting appetite, Zombie Parasite doesn’t relinquish his hold and kills both himself and q. SSJ4 Gogeta battles Ganthet, Sayd and a partial power-boosted Rogue. Gogeta musters all of his power up and unleashes the 100x Big Bang Kamehameha at Rogue, Ganthet and Sayd, vaporizing all of them. Omega Supreme sees this massive flash of light and takes the opportunity to eliminate the exhausted SSJ4 Gogeta. Q, Q2 and True Q feel that their presence needs to be realized and respected. They simply walk down towards the Senate and with a wave of their hands, they dematerialize Mas y Menos, Gobo, Peppermint Patti, Marci, and Dr. Impossible and in the most impressive move, they even destroy Titanus. Mr. Mxyztlplk then appears again and says “Hey! I liked those Mas y Menos guys!” He then quickly eliminates True Q and disappears just as easy. “Ok this Imp is beginning to annoy me,” Q says to Q2. Wicket and Paploo race down the street on their scooter along with Thrasher and Bill Kelly who are inside the Thunder Machine and Nightwing and Carlos Chiappe-Soto who are in the Modern Batmobile (“the Tumbler”). The three vehicles swerve through all the debris that has already be caused by the earlier matches. The remaining members of the Q Continuum pay no attention to these powerless beings and focus more on the job at hand, destroying Omega Supreme and finding Mr. Mxyztlplk. Wicket ramps up the scooter and jumps it off a turned over air speeder. The little Ewok holds his spear true and guides it into the back of the head of Quinn, killing him. Q is simply amazed by this feat. He then gives Wicket his tenth and final death. Paploo was able to successfully tuck and roll off of the scooter. He rolls to a stop and is quickly attacked by Ewok #47 and Treasure Troll #17, who both stab him several times. Thrasher then runs the two tiny creatures over with the Thunder Machine. Unfortunately, he did not see Treasure Troll #1 and Ewok Babies #1 and 2 who were close to the mix. Bill Kelly jumps out of the Thunder Machine and Carlos Chiappe-Soto follows suit out of the Modern Batmobile. The two roofers ignite their lightsabers and attack Q2. But the omnipotent being disappears and reappears extremely quickly to evade their oncoming attacks. Q2 then removes both roofers from this existence. Lady Q then mentally takes over the controls of The Thunder Machine and drives it directly into the side of the Modern Batmobile. Thrasher is killed by this crash, but Nightwing is able to survive. Nightwing then races over to Omega Supreme. “We’re getting killed out here!” shouts Nightwing. “Victory, unlikely. Death, eminent,” Omega coldly states. “The hell with that! Get us out of here!” yells Nightwing. Omega Supreme then transforms into his rocket ship mode and takes off with Nightwing. “This match isn’t over with. Mr. Mxyztlplk is around here somewhere,” says Q. “You’re right, you ugly doofus!” says the Imp. He then destroys Lady Q with his magic. Mxyztlplk then grabs Q and Q2’s hands and teleports all three of them to the Fifth Dimension. Even my Watcher powers only go so far as I do not have access to the Fifth Dimension and do not know what happened after that.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets are Mr. Mxyztlplk, Dr. Impossible, Rogue, Omega Supreme, Larfleeze, Ganthet & Sayd, Thrasher & Bill Kelly (with a blue lightsaber) in The Thunder Machine, Queen Aga'po, Nightwing & Carlos Chiappe-Soto (with a green lightsaber) in the Modern Age Batmobile (AKA the Tumbler), Wicket & Paploo on a scooter, Ttanus, Peppermint Patti, Marci, Mas y Menos, Gobo, Zombie Parasite, Treasure Troll #1, & Ewok Baby #1 & 2.
“Star Trek Mr. Mxyztlplk, my ass!” shouts Mr. Mxyztlplk. “I’ll show Ryatu!” The Fifth Dimension Imp uses his powers to wipe Q Representative off the this plane of existence. He then disappears himself, before any of the Q’s can retaliate. Omega Supreme has fortified himself at the foot of the Senate building on Coruscant. Rogue is flanked by Larfleeze, Queen Aga’po, Ganthet and Sayd. They quickly find themselves face to face with Hyperion on SSJ4 Gogeta. Queen Aga’po surprisingly is the first to react and takes a shot at the Dragonball super being. Gogeta dodges it with ease and proceeds to light the Star Sapphire up like a Christmas tree with several punches and then hits her with a Stardust Breaker. Hyperion immediately attacks Larfleeze who is now consumed with trying to steal SSJ4 Gogeta’s powers. The Superman rip off then smashes Larfleeze’s Orange Power Battery as well as his skull. Ganthet and Sayd then use their powers to launch Zombie Parasite right at Hyperion. Zombie Parasite clamps down and begins to drain Hyperion’s powers. Rogue flies in and helps her half dead teammate to finish him off. Hyperion’s lifeless husk falls to the ground as Zombie Parasite flies off after q. Once he latches on he finds that q’s powers are too much for him to absorb, but due to his unrelenting appetite, Zombie Parasite doesn’t relinquish his hold and kills both himself and q. SSJ4 Gogeta battles Ganthet, Sayd and a partial power-boosted Rogue. Gogeta musters all of his power up and unleashes the 100x Big Bang Kamehameha at Rogue, Ganthet and Sayd, vaporizing all of them. Omega Supreme sees this massive flash of light and takes the opportunity to eliminate the exhausted SSJ4 Gogeta. Q, Q2 and True Q feel that their presence needs to be realized and respected. They simply walk down towards the Senate and with a wave of their hands, they dematerialize Mas y Menos, Gobo, Peppermint Patti, Marci, and Dr. Impossible and in the most impressive move, they even destroy Titanus. Mr. Mxyztlplk then appears again and says “Hey! I liked those Mas y Menos guys!” He then quickly eliminates True Q and disappears just as easy. “Ok this Imp is beginning to annoy me,” Q says to Q2. Wicket and Paploo race down the street on their scooter along with Thrasher and Bill Kelly who are inside the Thunder Machine and Nightwing and Carlos Chiappe-Soto who are in the Modern Batmobile (“the Tumbler”). The three vehicles swerve through all the debris that has already be caused by the earlier matches. The remaining members of the Q Continuum pay no attention to these powerless beings and focus more on the job at hand, destroying Omega Supreme and finding Mr. Mxyztlplk. Wicket ramps up the scooter and jumps it off a turned over air speeder. The little Ewok holds his spear true and guides it into the back of the head of Quinn, killing him. Q is simply amazed by this feat. He then gives Wicket his tenth and final death. Paploo was able to successfully tuck and roll off of the scooter. He rolls to a stop and is quickly attacked by Ewok #47 and Treasure Troll #17, who both stab him several times. Thrasher then runs the two tiny creatures over with the Thunder Machine. Unfortunately, he did not see Treasure Troll #1 and Ewok Babies #1 and 2 who were close to the mix. Bill Kelly jumps out of the Thunder Machine and Carlos Chiappe-Soto follows suit out of the Modern Batmobile. The two roofers ignite their lightsabers and attack Q2. But the omnipotent being disappears and reappears extremely quickly to evade their oncoming attacks. Q2 then removes both roofers from this existence. Lady Q then mentally takes over the controls of The Thunder Machine and drives it directly into the side of the Modern Batmobile. Thrasher is killed by this crash, but Nightwing is able to survive. Nightwing then races over to Omega Supreme. “We’re getting killed out here!” shouts Nightwing. “Victory, unlikely. Death, eminent,” Omega coldly states. “The hell with that! Get us out of here!” yells Nightwing. Omega Supreme then transforms into his rocket ship mode and takes off with Nightwing. “This match isn’t over with. Mr. Mxyztlplk is around here somewhere,” says Q. “You’re right, you ugly doofus!” says the Imp. He then destroys Lady Q with his magic. Mxyztlplk then grabs Q and Q2’s hands and teleports all three of them to the Fifth Dimension. Even my Watcher powers only go so far as I do not have access to the Fifth Dimension and do not know what happened after that.
ALICE’S WONDER TEAM IS VICTORIOUS!!
Week Three: Bruce's Bodacious Bullies vs The Transfoamers
Bruce's Bodacious Bullies are Ultra Magnus, Elrond, Elros, Elladan, xio Jade, Starkiller, Eeth Koth, The Leader, Doctor Voodoo, Cybertronian Guardian #10, The Stranger, Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #3-4, and Force Adepts #1-4.
The Transfoamers are Hardhead w/Duros, Highbrow w/Gort, Nightbeat w/Muzzle, Junkeon #13-14, Runabout, Runamuck, Zombie Soundwave, Zombie Frenzy, Zombie Extinction Alice, Zombie Apocalypse Alice, Darko Milicic, Jedi Masters #9, 16, 29, 34, 35, & 50A, and Nazgul #7-8 w/horses.
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are starving for a victory here outside the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. The Stranger, yet again, simply hovers above the battleground, watching, waiting. The Leader, however, is supremely confident in his team and the results they will achieve. The Transfoamers roll in, read for battle as well. Runabout and Runamuck squeal their tires down the street and leap into their robot form. No sooner do they do that, does Ultra Magnus blast both of them right out of the air. Junkeons #13 then hops onto Junkeon #14, who is in his motorcycle form, and they both head right for B3. (Man, this has to urk Beckerman.) The four Force Adepts fire up their red lightsabers as the strange team of Xio Jade, Eeth Koth and Starkiller all lead them in the to fray. They all attack the six Jedi Masters on The Transfoamers. Jedi Master #16 knows that this very well could be his final battle, but if that is true, he feels it’s his duty to go out in such a way that the Jedi Order will remember his name for generations. He quickly spins and flips his way into the middle of all four Force Adepts and takes them all out with his lightsaber. He then turns his attention to Xio Jade and takes her out quickly as well. Starkiller and Eeth Koth then both work together to finally end Jedi Master #16’s life. Master Koth is the one who reluctantly does the honor. The two Jedi Lightsaber Scientists then leap into the mix to aid Eeth Koth and Starkiller. Jedi Master #50A, who has just recently achieved the mantle of Master is out numbered by the two Lightsaber Scientists, but he does manage to take Jedi L.S. #4 down with him before he himself perishes. Starkiller impresses Eeth Koth by striking down Jedi Masters #29, 34 and 35 with ease. He then causes Master Koth to have great concern as the former Galen Marek unleashes a powerful bolt of Force Lightning to kill Jedi Master #9. They then hear liquid dripping and what seems to be rusty metal scraping against each other. A large shadow then covers them. Once they turn around, they see Zombie Soundwave and Zombie Frenzy. Zombie Extinction Alice and Zombie Apocalypse Alice have come out of the shadows as well. The two Zombie Alice’s leap onto Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #3 and rip out his innards. Starkiller uses his Force Lightning against Zombie Frenzy, but it in all honest, just fuels the half dead robot. Zombie Soundwave reaches for Eeth Koth, but finds himself on the business end of Cybertronian Guardian #10’s massive foot. Zombie Frenzy is then crushed by him soon after. Doctor Voodoo runs over and casts a spell on the Zombie Alice’s that finally kill them for real. “Man, it’s a good thing we’ve got a voodoo priest on our side when we are fighting zombies,” quips Starkiller as they run off to aid their team in the rest of the battle. They see that The Transfoamers have cornered their teammates up against the Jedi Temple. Elrond, Elros and Elladan are fending off Nazgul #7 and #8, who are both upon their horses. Elros and Elladan team up to take on Nazgul #7 as Elrond kills Nazgul #8’s which sends the Nazgul to the ground. Nazgul #7 it too powerful for the Elven warriors to manage and they both perish by his evil blade. Elrond, however, is vastly knowledged on the Nazgul and defeats Nazgul #8. Doctor Voodoo and Eeth Koth come over and lend a hand to Elrond as they take out Nazgul #7. Darko Milicic jumps up onto Nazgul #7’s horse and tries to take off in it, but he just becomes collateral damage as Cybertronian Guardian #10 steps on him without ever knowing it. The Stranger continues to look down upon the battle waiting to see if it’s even worth while for him to enter the match. The Leader is heavily protected deep within the Jedi Temple and uses his telepathy to view the battle. The Headmasters and Targetmaster from The Transfoamers realize they are up against Ultra Magnus and a Cybertronian Guardian, but their valor does not waiver. Hardhead transforms into his tank mode as Duros is in the cockpit. Nightbeat along with his Targetmaster partner, Muzzle, don’t plan on retreating or losing this match. Night beat sees Ultra Magnus kill Junkeon #14. He then leaps up onto Junkeon #13 and takes off towards the Cybertronian Guardian. The massive Transformer sees him heading right for him and begins blasting at the Autobot detective. He hits the Junkeon, which sends Nightbeat flying into the air. It’s at this point when The Stranger surveys the scene and decides to teleport the remaining members of the Transfoamers out of the fight, thus ending the conflict.
BRUCE’S BODACIOUS BULLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Transfoamers are Hardhead w/Duros, Highbrow w/Gort, Nightbeat w/Muzzle, Junkeon #13-14, Runabout, Runamuck, Zombie Soundwave, Zombie Frenzy, Zombie Extinction Alice, Zombie Apocalypse Alice, Darko Milicic, Jedi Masters #9, 16, 29, 34, 35, & 50A, and Nazgul #7-8 w/horses.
Bruce’s Bodacious Bullies are starving for a victory here outside the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. The Stranger, yet again, simply hovers above the battleground, watching, waiting. The Leader, however, is supremely confident in his team and the results they will achieve. The Transfoamers roll in, read for battle as well. Runabout and Runamuck squeal their tires down the street and leap into their robot form. No sooner do they do that, does Ultra Magnus blast both of them right out of the air. Junkeons #13 then hops onto Junkeon #14, who is in his motorcycle form, and they both head right for B3. (Man, this has to urk Beckerman.) The four Force Adepts fire up their red lightsabers as the strange team of Xio Jade, Eeth Koth and Starkiller all lead them in the to fray. They all attack the six Jedi Masters on The Transfoamers. Jedi Master #16 knows that this very well could be his final battle, but if that is true, he feels it’s his duty to go out in such a way that the Jedi Order will remember his name for generations. He quickly spins and flips his way into the middle of all four Force Adepts and takes them all out with his lightsaber. He then turns his attention to Xio Jade and takes her out quickly as well. Starkiller and Eeth Koth then both work together to finally end Jedi Master #16’s life. Master Koth is the one who reluctantly does the honor. The two Jedi Lightsaber Scientists then leap into the mix to aid Eeth Koth and Starkiller. Jedi Master #50A, who has just recently achieved the mantle of Master is out numbered by the two Lightsaber Scientists, but he does manage to take Jedi L.S. #4 down with him before he himself perishes. Starkiller impresses Eeth Koth by striking down Jedi Masters #29, 34 and 35 with ease. He then causes Master Koth to have great concern as the former Galen Marek unleashes a powerful bolt of Force Lightning to kill Jedi Master #9. They then hear liquid dripping and what seems to be rusty metal scraping against each other. A large shadow then covers them. Once they turn around, they see Zombie Soundwave and Zombie Frenzy. Zombie Extinction Alice and Zombie Apocalypse Alice have come out of the shadows as well. The two Zombie Alice’s leap onto Jedi Lightsaber Scientist #3 and rip out his innards. Starkiller uses his Force Lightning against Zombie Frenzy, but it in all honest, just fuels the half dead robot. Zombie Soundwave reaches for Eeth Koth, but finds himself on the business end of Cybertronian Guardian #10’s massive foot. Zombie Frenzy is then crushed by him soon after. Doctor Voodoo runs over and casts a spell on the Zombie Alice’s that finally kill them for real. “Man, it’s a good thing we’ve got a voodoo priest on our side when we are fighting zombies,” quips Starkiller as they run off to aid their team in the rest of the battle. They see that The Transfoamers have cornered their teammates up against the Jedi Temple. Elrond, Elros and Elladan are fending off Nazgul #7 and #8, who are both upon their horses. Elros and Elladan team up to take on Nazgul #7 as Elrond kills Nazgul #8’s which sends the Nazgul to the ground. Nazgul #7 it too powerful for the Elven warriors to manage and they both perish by his evil blade. Elrond, however, is vastly knowledged on the Nazgul and defeats Nazgul #8. Doctor Voodoo and Eeth Koth come over and lend a hand to Elrond as they take out Nazgul #7. Darko Milicic jumps up onto Nazgul #7’s horse and tries to take off in it, but he just becomes collateral damage as Cybertronian Guardian #10 steps on him without ever knowing it. The Stranger continues to look down upon the battle waiting to see if it’s even worth while for him to enter the match. The Leader is heavily protected deep within the Jedi Temple and uses his telepathy to view the battle. The Headmasters and Targetmaster from The Transfoamers realize they are up against Ultra Magnus and a Cybertronian Guardian, but their valor does not waiver. Hardhead transforms into his tank mode as Duros is in the cockpit. Nightbeat along with his Targetmaster partner, Muzzle, don’t plan on retreating or losing this match. Night beat sees Ultra Magnus kill Junkeon #14. He then leaps up onto Junkeon #13 and takes off towards the Cybertronian Guardian. The massive Transformer sees him heading right for him and begins blasting at the Autobot detective. He hits the Junkeon, which sends Nightbeat flying into the air. It’s at this point when The Stranger surveys the scene and decides to teleport the remaining members of the Transfoamers out of the fight, thus ending the conflict.
BRUCE’S BODACIOUS BULLIES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Week Three: The Untouchables vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies
The Untouchables are Horatio Caine, Granny Goodness, The Female Furies: Lashina, Gilotina, Stompa, Bernadeth, & Mad Harriet, Onslaught, Sodam Yat, Red Lantern Guy Gardner, She-Ra with Swiftwind, Madam Razz with Broom, Maestro, Romat Ru, Cad Bane, Pikachu, and The Wild C.A.T.S.: Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter, Zealot, Maul, Warblade and Lord Emp.
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Scooby Doo in the Mystery Machine, John Moses Browning in the Punisher Van, Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane, Teddy Roosevelt, Vincent, The Great Lakes Avengers: Mr. Immortal, Squirrel Girl, Big Birtha, & Flatman, Brain Damaged Beowulf, Squirrels #1-11, Agent X, Hellboy, Booster Gold, Kyle Rayner, Speedy Gonzalez, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Jason, Trini, Billy, Zach & Kimberly, and the Techobots: Scattershot, Lightspeed, Strafe, Nosecone & Afterburner.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies have been on the roll of their lives in the opening weeks of this season. The whole locker room has been extremely optimistic and excited that the possibilities that this season could have in store for them. The Untouchables, however, have been, well just average. They lost a very close battle against Xavier’s Annihilation Squad in the Arctic Ocean last week, and they are anxious to get that bad taste out of their mouth. Though he did not start Deadpool or Megatron, Head Coach Commission Gordon has sent a virtual kill squad to Coruscant. Granny Goodness leads her Female Furies into battle first, as she is always thirsty for blood. She has them attack the Mystery Machine. The van cuts hard and tries to get away from the Furies. Lashina uses her steel whips to explode the Mystery Machine’s rear tires, which sends it flipping several times, finally slamming into Dex’s Diner. Mad Harriet leaps on top of the upended van and tears the side open with her razor sharp claws. Mad Harriet notices that the paint on the Mystery Machine is chipping off quite easily and they its all black underneath, but still she’s cackling all the while. Once she rips it open, Mad Harriet is met with a bullet right between her eyes, courtesy of John Moses Browning. Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane and Vincent all jump out of what is now revealed to be The Punisher’s Van with a quick paint job. John Moses Browning takes aim with a rocket launcher and blows Bernadeth away. Michael, Fiona, and Vincent all start shooting at the Female Furies who have now, taken cover behind a couple air speeders that they have destroyed. “Ok, well that, actually, worked,” Weston says to Browning. “Yeah, go figure,” replies Browning. “Now we just have to hope the second phase works just as well.” It’s at this point that the real Mystery Machine comes screeching around the corner with Teddy Roosevelt and Hellboy hanging on the sides. They are quickly followed by the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in their Power Zords. Granny Goodness begins to laugh manically. “You really thing that just because you killed a couple of my Furies, that you have the advantage?? They are mere pawns in this battle” cackles the evil hag. Stompa slams her foot down and causes the road to split in half. Everyone is able to avoid the opening that Stompa has caused, all except for the overturned Punisher Van, which falls into the crack. The remaining Female Furies viciously attack the real Mystery Machine and rip into it. Gilotina slices Velma’s head off with a quick karate chop as Lashina fries Fred and Daphne with her electrically charged whips. “Ruh ro, Shraggy,” says Scooby. “Like zoinks, Scoobs, let’s get out of here,” replies Shaggy. The duo scamper out of the blood filled van, only to run right into Granny Goodness. “Oh, my dear, dear boys, it’s not going to be that easy for you,” she says as she uses her brute force to crush their heads together. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane use their grenades that they acquired from the Punisher Van before it was destroyed to kill both Gilotina and Lashina. Hellboy leaps over the Mystery Machine and uses his trusty sidearm, the Good Samaritan to kill Stompa. He then uses the Right Hand of Doom to punch through Granny Goodness’s head. Hellboy takes a moment to light his cigar before running off to find more foes. The Power Rangers then attempt to form the Megazord, but for some reason it will not form. That’s because Onslaught is using his magnetic powers to not only keeping them apart, but he then uses them to crush the Power Rangers. “Crap, I was kind of counting on those guys to do some damage,” Weston says. Teddy Roosevelt and John Moses Browning now find themselves fending off Romat Ru and Cad Bane. Teddy draws his sword as John Moses Browning unzips a large duffle bag he was able to grab out of the Punisher Van. “Oh yeah that’s right, you were awarded Mandalorian Armor!” exclaims the former President. The Mormon gun creator suites up and takes off with his rocket pack. Teddy then rushes towards Romat Ru who has made a yellow energy sword. The two clash as Cad Bane attacks Browning. Teddy gains an upper hand on the Sinestro Corp member for a while until Romat Ru uses his ring to create several energy copies of himself, which overwhelm Roosevelt. John Moses Browning flies overhead with his rocket pack, trading shots back and forth with Cad Bane. In the end, it’s experience that wins the duel, as Bane target’s the jet pack and causes it to explode. The ground begins to shake as Brain-Damaged Beowulf makes his way into the fray. The Untouchables waste no time attacking this behemoth as Maestro, Maul Onslaught all simultaneously leaps up onto it. Brain Damaged Beowulf is no match for the sheer brute force by Maul and Maestro, not to mention the combined attack of magnetism and psychic attack courtesy of Onslaught. Kyle Rayner then flies in but finds himself double teamed by two close friends of his, Sodam Yat and (Red Lantern) Guy Gardner. The Technobots form Computron and quickly calculate that Kyle has a 7.112009% chance of surviving this fight and the combiner attempts aid his teammate. The Transformer Gestalt, unfortunately, meets the same fate as the rest of his robotic companions and is ripped apart by Onslaught. The evil mutant then uses the shrapnel that was the Technobots to skewer Big Birtha and Flatman. Onslaught then finds himself being swarmed by almost a dozen squirrels and one Mexican rat. Squirrel Girl is controlling the rodents to attack the incredibly strong being, but she quickly finds herself without a head, due to She-Ra flying by and cutting it off. The squirrel are, however able to attack and kill both Madam Razz and Broom. Pikachu then garners the rodents attention and gets them all close enough for him to roast all of them with a lightning bolt. Agent X sneaks in and is able to put a couple caps into Spartan, Voodoo, and Lord Emp’s head before any of them even realize it. “Damn it! Deadpool’s going to be pissed he missed this match,” exclaims Grifter as he spin kicks Agent X to the ground. Warblade then leaps on top of Mr. Immortal and really puts his name to the test. Grifter and Zealot then team up on Agent X and put him down. Vincent is hiding in one of the back alleys, but as he turns the corner, he finds himself staring down the barrel of Horatio Caine’s gun. Vincent tries to squeeze a round off, but the C.S.I. Lead Detective is too… well… awesome for him and takes Vincent out. He then finds Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane. “I know that you’ve done both a lot of good and a lot of bad in your past, I will give you one chance to take your team and leave this battle. If you don’t, there will be nothing I can do to hold my men back from utterly destroying all of you,” Horatio says to Weston. The former spy is too smart to continue this futile battle. Sodam Yat and Red Lantern Guy Gardner are giving Kyle Rayner the beating of a lifetime up in the air, as Booster Gold flies in to give him some much needed aid. Booster grabs a beaten Kyle as the rest of their team retreats. “We are the Untouchables, and we never close,” Horatio says as he puts his sunglasses back on and looks up to the sky.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Scooby Doo in the Mystery Machine, John Moses Browning in the Punisher Van, Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane, Teddy Roosevelt, Vincent, The Great Lakes Avengers: Mr. Immortal, Squirrel Girl, Big Birtha, & Flatman, Brain Damaged Beowulf, Squirrels #1-11, Agent X, Hellboy, Booster Gold, Kyle Rayner, Speedy Gonzalez, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Jason, Trini, Billy, Zach & Kimberly, and the Techobots: Scattershot, Lightspeed, Strafe, Nosecone & Afterburner.
Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies have been on the roll of their lives in the opening weeks of this season. The whole locker room has been extremely optimistic and excited that the possibilities that this season could have in store for them. The Untouchables, however, have been, well just average. They lost a very close battle against Xavier’s Annihilation Squad in the Arctic Ocean last week, and they are anxious to get that bad taste out of their mouth. Though he did not start Deadpool or Megatron, Head Coach Commission Gordon has sent a virtual kill squad to Coruscant. Granny Goodness leads her Female Furies into battle first, as she is always thirsty for blood. She has them attack the Mystery Machine. The van cuts hard and tries to get away from the Furies. Lashina uses her steel whips to explode the Mystery Machine’s rear tires, which sends it flipping several times, finally slamming into Dex’s Diner. Mad Harriet leaps on top of the upended van and tears the side open with her razor sharp claws. Mad Harriet notices that the paint on the Mystery Machine is chipping off quite easily and they its all black underneath, but still she’s cackling all the while. Once she rips it open, Mad Harriet is met with a bullet right between her eyes, courtesy of John Moses Browning. Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane and Vincent all jump out of what is now revealed to be The Punisher’s Van with a quick paint job. John Moses Browning takes aim with a rocket launcher and blows Bernadeth away. Michael, Fiona, and Vincent all start shooting at the Female Furies who have now, taken cover behind a couple air speeders that they have destroyed. “Ok, well that, actually, worked,” Weston says to Browning. “Yeah, go figure,” replies Browning. “Now we just have to hope the second phase works just as well.” It’s at this point that the real Mystery Machine comes screeching around the corner with Teddy Roosevelt and Hellboy hanging on the sides. They are quickly followed by the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in their Power Zords. Granny Goodness begins to laugh manically. “You really thing that just because you killed a couple of my Furies, that you have the advantage?? They are mere pawns in this battle” cackles the evil hag. Stompa slams her foot down and causes the road to split in half. Everyone is able to avoid the opening that Stompa has caused, all except for the overturned Punisher Van, which falls into the crack. The remaining Female Furies viciously attack the real Mystery Machine and rip into it. Gilotina slices Velma’s head off with a quick karate chop as Lashina fries Fred and Daphne with her electrically charged whips. “Ruh ro, Shraggy,” says Scooby. “Like zoinks, Scoobs, let’s get out of here,” replies Shaggy. The duo scamper out of the blood filled van, only to run right into Granny Goodness. “Oh, my dear, dear boys, it’s not going to be that easy for you,” she says as she uses her brute force to crush their heads together. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane use their grenades that they acquired from the Punisher Van before it was destroyed to kill both Gilotina and Lashina. Hellboy leaps over the Mystery Machine and uses his trusty sidearm, the Good Samaritan to kill Stompa. He then uses the Right Hand of Doom to punch through Granny Goodness’s head. Hellboy takes a moment to light his cigar before running off to find more foes. The Power Rangers then attempt to form the Megazord, but for some reason it will not form. That’s because Onslaught is using his magnetic powers to not only keeping them apart, but he then uses them to crush the Power Rangers. “Crap, I was kind of counting on those guys to do some damage,” Weston says. Teddy Roosevelt and John Moses Browning now find themselves fending off Romat Ru and Cad Bane. Teddy draws his sword as John Moses Browning unzips a large duffle bag he was able to grab out of the Punisher Van. “Oh yeah that’s right, you were awarded Mandalorian Armor!” exclaims the former President. The Mormon gun creator suites up and takes off with his rocket pack. Teddy then rushes towards Romat Ru who has made a yellow energy sword. The two clash as Cad Bane attacks Browning. Teddy gains an upper hand on the Sinestro Corp member for a while until Romat Ru uses his ring to create several energy copies of himself, which overwhelm Roosevelt. John Moses Browning flies overhead with his rocket pack, trading shots back and forth with Cad Bane. In the end, it’s experience that wins the duel, as Bane target’s the jet pack and causes it to explode. The ground begins to shake as Brain-Damaged Beowulf makes his way into the fray. The Untouchables waste no time attacking this behemoth as Maestro, Maul Onslaught all simultaneously leaps up onto it. Brain Damaged Beowulf is no match for the sheer brute force by Maul and Maestro, not to mention the combined attack of magnetism and psychic attack courtesy of Onslaught. Kyle Rayner then flies in but finds himself double teamed by two close friends of his, Sodam Yat and (Red Lantern) Guy Gardner. The Technobots form Computron and quickly calculate that Kyle has a 7.112009% chance of surviving this fight and the combiner attempts aid his teammate. The Transformer Gestalt, unfortunately, meets the same fate as the rest of his robotic companions and is ripped apart by Onslaught. The evil mutant then uses the shrapnel that was the Technobots to skewer Big Birtha and Flatman. Onslaught then finds himself being swarmed by almost a dozen squirrels and one Mexican rat. Squirrel Girl is controlling the rodents to attack the incredibly strong being, but she quickly finds herself without a head, due to She-Ra flying by and cutting it off. The squirrel are, however able to attack and kill both Madam Razz and Broom. Pikachu then garners the rodents attention and gets them all close enough for him to roast all of them with a lightning bolt. Agent X sneaks in and is able to put a couple caps into Spartan, Voodoo, and Lord Emp’s head before any of them even realize it. “Damn it! Deadpool’s going to be pissed he missed this match,” exclaims Grifter as he spin kicks Agent X to the ground. Warblade then leaps on top of Mr. Immortal and really puts his name to the test. Grifter and Zealot then team up on Agent X and put him down. Vincent is hiding in one of the back alleys, but as he turns the corner, he finds himself staring down the barrel of Horatio Caine’s gun. Vincent tries to squeeze a round off, but the C.S.I. Lead Detective is too… well… awesome for him and takes Vincent out. He then finds Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane. “I know that you’ve done both a lot of good and a lot of bad in your past, I will give you one chance to take your team and leave this battle. If you don’t, there will be nothing I can do to hold my men back from utterly destroying all of you,” Horatio says to Weston. The former spy is too smart to continue this futile battle. Sodam Yat and Red Lantern Guy Gardner are giving Kyle Rayner the beating of a lifetime up in the air, as Booster Gold flies in to give him some much needed aid. Booster grabs a beaten Kyle as the rest of their team retreats. “We are the Untouchables, and we never close,” Horatio says as he puts his sunglasses back on and looks up to the sky.
THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!
The Abomitrons Vs. Hayley's Comets
The Abomitrons are Timmell, Immell #1-6, 10, 11, & 14-16, Spider-Boy, Ultra Boy, Zombie Neo, Lucario, Hancock, Underdog, Smaug, Yaddle, Blade, Cerberus, The Ben 10 Alien Force: Ben Tennyson, Gwen Tennyson, & Kevin, & Ewok Child #1.
Hayleys Comets are The Justice Force: The Sliver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle, & Boomerang, Ash (with Mandalorian Armor), Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Drago, Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Charmeleon, Hordack (with a yellow power ring), The Defenders of the earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin, & Zuffy, Halk Karr, Trygon, Omac, Kid Deadpool, Watchdog #1-3, Doozer #3, & Ewok #76.
Never before in all of Fantasy Fantasy have two teams from opposite leagues had so much animosity towards each other. Fans of The Abomitrons have been criticizing Coach Pennyworth for weeks for not putting enough thought into the first 2 weeks because he was obviously looking ahead to his big match with the new 2 and 0 expansion team Hayley’s Comets. The Comets, and their numerous sub-groups have so far shocked the FFL as they have won 2 straight matches, with their huge upset against The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets and their defeat of The American League’s most talked about new team Logical Genocide (a major fan favorite amongst FFL newbs). These teams are both transported right outside the Jedi temple, where they waste no time clashing with one another. The Immells immediately start battling with The Justice Force, while Spider-boy and Ultra Boy square off against Halk Karr & Omac. Hancock meets Hordack in battle high above the Coruscant skyline while Zombie Neo partakes in a mindless and vile battle with the evil Trygon. The Ben 10 Alien Force are followed by Cerberus & Lucario as they square off against Ash and his platoon of Pokemon. Kid Deadpool throws a homemade grenade at Blade, but the daywalker uses his sword to bat it right back at Wade Wilson’s former sidekick to blow him to pieces. Blade then puts a silver bullet into the head of the ultra-fuzzy Ewok #76 before he takes on all 3 of the Watchdogs. Zombie Neo flies directly into the center of Trygon’s fiery core and begins sucking the evil life right out of him. Trygon fights this with all of his might but he is unable to fight off the power of The One, even if he is only a shell of what he once was. Zombie Neo sucks the life out of Trygon completely, but in the end he is unable to sustain the power that he has stolen from the Underworld master due to the fact that he is still powered by what is good about the human race, despite being reduced to a mindless zombie. Once the energy is completely absorbed by Neo; he explodes, not only blowing the top off of the Jedi Temple but also dispersing many characters all over the city. Most notably: Ewok Child #1 and Doozer #3, who were thrust into the Men’s bathroom on the lower level of the Jedi Temple. These 2 vicious fighters begin an amazing fight, as they fall in and out of the various sized toilets hurling intergalactic poop at each other. Ewok Child #1 grabs Doozer #3 and shoves his face in a huge pile of Rodian turds while Doozer #3 gets his hand on some Twileck urine soaked Wookie stool to shove in the mouth of the little ewok. This fight carries on for quite some time before they both die of the first stages of intergalactic dysentery. Back outside Ash launches out all 17 of his pokeballs (and his Bakugan) at Ben 10 and his homeboys (and homegirl). Lucario defeats Diglet in one on one combat but is then destroyed by Mew and Mewtoo. But when the enormous 3 headed dog known as Cerberus jumps into the fray, the Pokemon have their hands full (even though most of them don’t have hands, but they have their hoofs, claws, feet, & paws full as well). Cerberus simultaneously uses his 3 heads to swallow Mew, Mewtoo, & Empoleon; while Ben turns in to HUMONGASAUR and crushes Dialga & Palkia. Gwen uses her plumber magic to take out Infernape, but when Kevin uses his powers to become as hard as the concrete underneath him, it is still not enough to block the rocket that Ash blasts him with from his new suit of Mandalorian Armor. Gwen uses her shielding powers to not only block the attacks from Rayquazza, but also to slice both Drago and Wiggly Tuff in half. Jiggly Puff does manage to get thru her shield and put her to sleep so Ash can blast her with some lasers and finish her off as well. HUMONGASAUR and Cerberus are now pretty unhappy at the deaths of both Gwen and Kevin (well, Cerberus is always unhappy, but Ben has a reason). These 2 giants both go on a complete rampage and wipe out Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Rayquazza, Prinplup, Jiggly Tuff, Blastois, & Charmeleon. Ash and Piplup back away from the fight for now, knowing that they don’t have enough firepower to take out the Ben and Cerberus. While Yaddle leads Underdog and Smaug against The Defenders of the earth. Spider-boy and Ultra Boy have been battling with Halk Karr and Omac. The Legion of Super Heroes own Ultra Boy manages to punch Omac (The One Man Army Corp) hard enough that he is sent sailing away from the fight for a couple of minutes, so both Ultra Boy and the Amalgamation of Super Boy and Spider Man can double team Superman’s little brother (Halk Karr). Halk Karr lands a punch on Spider-boy that breaks his neck, but Ultra Boy is able to finish off Halk Karr in much the same manner. Blade makes even quicker work of the 3 Watchdogs than Capt. America used to and then tries to seek out some of his fellow Abomitrons to lend a hand. Hancock and the Sinestro-powered Hordack are locked in an intense battle high in the air, but in the end it is Hancock’s knowledge of how to handle himself in flight that proves to be Hordack’s downfall. Hancock manages to fly under Hordack’s magical/yellow energy powered attacks to crush in the evil Eternian’s head. Underdog busts up Lothar Jr. with a super-powered paw to the head which makes Lothar Sr. pretty mad. Unfortunately Lothar gets his head chopped off by the lightsaber of Yaddle before he can avenge his son’s death. Smaug continues to pick on the children of the Defenders of the earth by burning Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, & Kshin to a crisp with his fire breath. Flash Gordon & The Phantom then take the revenge that Lothar could not get and jump on the back of Smaug. Flash & The Phantom then use some crazy Kung Fu nonsense or something to find the weak spots on Smaug and finish him off Bilbo style. Mandrake the Magician focuses his magical power toward the tiny little Yaddle, but the Jedi Master manages to block it with the force and send it right back at the magician, killing him with his own power. Flash Gordon then breaks the neck of Underdog to the tune of everybody’s least favorite Queen song, but Underdog is avenged by Yaddle throwing her lightsaber in the heart of Flash. Cyborg Norris (Immell #1) is locked in an amazing test of strength with The Silver Sentry while Battledae and Rob Murray double team Metal Head. Metal Head puts up a great fight but the little crazy-haired midget just simply can’t handle the weird dynamic duo of cloned Batman and Robin with Tim Cheveldae and Bryan Murray. Silver Sentry fights on with Cyborg Norris, but while he is he yells to his troops to fight on against not only the Immells, but the rest of The Abomitrons who are coming to lend a hand to the Immells. Boomerang boomerangs Timmell to death, but then is by an axe to the head from Death Hammer. Green Mantle, puts on a Fantasy Fantasy clinic and uses his green power ring to take out not only Ziggimore (Immell #15), but Battledae and Rob Murray as well (Immells #2 & 3). He is then taken out by the flying lightsaber wielding duo of Jedi Fire & Raven Knight (Immells #10 & 11). Paddle (Immell #4) uses her hockey stick shaped lightsaber to take out Raptarr, while The Captain (Immell #5) outsmarts Nano by using his hockey stick shield apparatus (he’s a clone between Steve Yzerman and Captain America in case you haven’t memorized all of The Immells yet). Tammell (Immell #14) uses some mad-sick super-advanced scientific (baseball & hockey based) martial arts to mop the floor with Ananda and Chrysalis, but she is eventually taken out by the killer (Batman rip-off) moves of Nobody. Hancock flies back into the fray and lands directly on Tsunami leaving quite a wave in the Coruscant cement, right at about the same time as Cyborg Norris executes a mid-air roundhouse kick to the head of The Silver Sentry which knocks his noggin clean off. Hayley’s Comets were about to make their final push when Nobody saw this transpire from below. With the Silver Sentry dead The Comets hopes are dashed and Nobody orders the retreat. He escapes along with Ash, Piplup, a battered Omac, The Phantom, and Zuffy.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Hayleys Comets are The Justice Force: The Sliver Sentry, Ananda, Metal Head, Chrysalis, Tsunami, Nobody, Raptarr, Nano, Green Mantle, & Boomerang, Ash (with Mandalorian Armor), Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Dialga, Palkia, Rayquazza, Regirock, Empoleon, Prinplup, Piplup, Drago, Jiggly Puff, Wiggly Tuff, Mew, Mewtoo, Diglet, Blastois, Charmeleon, Hordack (with a yellow power ring), The Defenders of the earth: Flash Gordon, The Phantom, Mandrake the Magician, Lothar, Lothar Jr., Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, Kshin, & Zuffy, Halk Karr, Trygon, Omac, Kid Deadpool, Watchdog #1-3, Doozer #3, & Ewok #76.
Never before in all of Fantasy Fantasy have two teams from opposite leagues had so much animosity towards each other. Fans of The Abomitrons have been criticizing Coach Pennyworth for weeks for not putting enough thought into the first 2 weeks because he was obviously looking ahead to his big match with the new 2 and 0 expansion team Hayley’s Comets. The Comets, and their numerous sub-groups have so far shocked the FFL as they have won 2 straight matches, with their huge upset against The Brotherhood of Evil Midgets and their defeat of The American League’s most talked about new team Logical Genocide (a major fan favorite amongst FFL newbs). These teams are both transported right outside the Jedi temple, where they waste no time clashing with one another. The Immells immediately start battling with The Justice Force, while Spider-boy and Ultra Boy square off against Halk Karr & Omac. Hancock meets Hordack in battle high above the Coruscant skyline while Zombie Neo partakes in a mindless and vile battle with the evil Trygon. The Ben 10 Alien Force are followed by Cerberus & Lucario as they square off against Ash and his platoon of Pokemon. Kid Deadpool throws a homemade grenade at Blade, but the daywalker uses his sword to bat it right back at Wade Wilson’s former sidekick to blow him to pieces. Blade then puts a silver bullet into the head of the ultra-fuzzy Ewok #76 before he takes on all 3 of the Watchdogs. Zombie Neo flies directly into the center of Trygon’s fiery core and begins sucking the evil life right out of him. Trygon fights this with all of his might but he is unable to fight off the power of The One, even if he is only a shell of what he once was. Zombie Neo sucks the life out of Trygon completely, but in the end he is unable to sustain the power that he has stolen from the Underworld master due to the fact that he is still powered by what is good about the human race, despite being reduced to a mindless zombie. Once the energy is completely absorbed by Neo; he explodes, not only blowing the top off of the Jedi Temple but also dispersing many characters all over the city. Most notably: Ewok Child #1 and Doozer #3, who were thrust into the Men’s bathroom on the lower level of the Jedi Temple. These 2 vicious fighters begin an amazing fight, as they fall in and out of the various sized toilets hurling intergalactic poop at each other. Ewok Child #1 grabs Doozer #3 and shoves his face in a huge pile of Rodian turds while Doozer #3 gets his hand on some Twileck urine soaked Wookie stool to shove in the mouth of the little ewok. This fight carries on for quite some time before they both die of the first stages of intergalactic dysentery. Back outside Ash launches out all 17 of his pokeballs (and his Bakugan) at Ben 10 and his homeboys (and homegirl). Lucario defeats Diglet in one on one combat but is then destroyed by Mew and Mewtoo. But when the enormous 3 headed dog known as Cerberus jumps into the fray, the Pokemon have their hands full (even though most of them don’t have hands, but they have their hoofs, claws, feet, & paws full as well). Cerberus simultaneously uses his 3 heads to swallow Mew, Mewtoo, & Empoleon; while Ben turns in to HUMONGASAUR and crushes Dialga & Palkia. Gwen uses her plumber magic to take out Infernape, but when Kevin uses his powers to become as hard as the concrete underneath him, it is still not enough to block the rocket that Ash blasts him with from his new suit of Mandalorian Armor. Gwen uses her shielding powers to not only block the attacks from Rayquazza, but also to slice both Drago and Wiggly Tuff in half. Jiggly Puff does manage to get thru her shield and put her to sleep so Ash can blast her with some lasers and finish her off as well. HUMONGASAUR and Cerberus are now pretty unhappy at the deaths of both Gwen and Kevin (well, Cerberus is always unhappy, but Ben has a reason). These 2 giants both go on a complete rampage and wipe out Grottle, Wartortle, Infernape, Rayquazza, Prinplup, Jiggly Tuff, Blastois, & Charmeleon. Ash and Piplup back away from the fight for now, knowing that they don’t have enough firepower to take out the Ben and Cerberus. While Yaddle leads Underdog and Smaug against The Defenders of the earth. Spider-boy and Ultra Boy have been battling with Halk Karr and Omac. The Legion of Super Heroes own Ultra Boy manages to punch Omac (The One Man Army Corp) hard enough that he is sent sailing away from the fight for a couple of minutes, so both Ultra Boy and the Amalgamation of Super Boy and Spider Man can double team Superman’s little brother (Halk Karr). Halk Karr lands a punch on Spider-boy that breaks his neck, but Ultra Boy is able to finish off Halk Karr in much the same manner. Blade makes even quicker work of the 3 Watchdogs than Capt. America used to and then tries to seek out some of his fellow Abomitrons to lend a hand. Hancock and the Sinestro-powered Hordack are locked in an intense battle high in the air, but in the end it is Hancock’s knowledge of how to handle himself in flight that proves to be Hordack’s downfall. Hancock manages to fly under Hordack’s magical/yellow energy powered attacks to crush in the evil Eternian’s head. Underdog busts up Lothar Jr. with a super-powered paw to the head which makes Lothar Sr. pretty mad. Unfortunately Lothar gets his head chopped off by the lightsaber of Yaddle before he can avenge his son’s death. Smaug continues to pick on the children of the Defenders of the earth by burning Rick Gordon, Jedda Walker, & Kshin to a crisp with his fire breath. Flash Gordon & The Phantom then take the revenge that Lothar could not get and jump on the back of Smaug. Flash & The Phantom then use some crazy Kung Fu nonsense or something to find the weak spots on Smaug and finish him off Bilbo style. Mandrake the Magician focuses his magical power toward the tiny little Yaddle, but the Jedi Master manages to block it with the force and send it right back at the magician, killing him with his own power. Flash Gordon then breaks the neck of Underdog to the tune of everybody’s least favorite Queen song, but Underdog is avenged by Yaddle throwing her lightsaber in the heart of Flash. Cyborg Norris (Immell #1) is locked in an amazing test of strength with The Silver Sentry while Battledae and Rob Murray double team Metal Head. Metal Head puts up a great fight but the little crazy-haired midget just simply can’t handle the weird dynamic duo of cloned Batman and Robin with Tim Cheveldae and Bryan Murray. Silver Sentry fights on with Cyborg Norris, but while he is he yells to his troops to fight on against not only the Immells, but the rest of The Abomitrons who are coming to lend a hand to the Immells. Boomerang boomerangs Timmell to death, but then is by an axe to the head from Death Hammer. Green Mantle, puts on a Fantasy Fantasy clinic and uses his green power ring to take out not only Ziggimore (Immell #15), but Battledae and Rob Murray as well (Immells #2 & 3). He is then taken out by the flying lightsaber wielding duo of Jedi Fire & Raven Knight (Immells #10 & 11). Paddle (Immell #4) uses her hockey stick shaped lightsaber to take out Raptarr, while The Captain (Immell #5) outsmarts Nano by using his hockey stick shield apparatus (he’s a clone between Steve Yzerman and Captain America in case you haven’t memorized all of The Immells yet). Tammell (Immell #14) uses some mad-sick super-advanced scientific (baseball & hockey based) martial arts to mop the floor with Ananda and Chrysalis, but she is eventually taken out by the killer (Batman rip-off) moves of Nobody. Hancock flies back into the fray and lands directly on Tsunami leaving quite a wave in the Coruscant cement, right at about the same time as Cyborg Norris executes a mid-air roundhouse kick to the head of The Silver Sentry which knocks his noggin clean off. Hayley’s Comets were about to make their final push when Nobody saw this transpire from below. With the Silver Sentry dead The Comets hopes are dashed and Nobody orders the retreat. He escapes along with Ash, Piplup, a battered Omac, The Phantom, and Zuffy.
THE ABOMITRONS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Built (Bill) Ford Tough vs. Better Than All of You
"An incandescent organ of life, visibly vibrating with the pulses of billions."
―Supreme Chancellor Signet Mezzileen
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Han Solo and Chewbacca in Air Wolf, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford and Scout Troopers #1 and 2 in the EM-50, U.S. Agent on a Speeder Bike, Jeff Houslander, Barry Sanders and The Mars Detective Agency: Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Weevil in Jeff's Dodge Ram 3500, Wilt on a Scooter, Steve McQueen on a Crotch Rocket, Power Man, Iron, Fist and Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Fantastic Max, FX and AB in a Go-Cart, Scout Troopers #3-5 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #6, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver, The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Nom Anor, Mandalorians #6-9, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26.
Better Than All of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1) in an X-Wing, Thanos, David Dunn, Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ blue lightsaber), Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini, Sabu (in Mandalorian Armor), Rob Van Dam, Loki and Bartleby in a Mail Jeep, Gray Hulk, Abomination, Iron Spider Man, Anti-Venom, Red Lantern #1, Yellow Lantern #1, Jedi Councilman #1 and Hulk Hogan.
In the sky above Coruscant, Air Wolf races by the X-Wing controlled by Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1). Air Wolf appears to be far outmatched by the rebel fighter. Nonetheless, what the copter lacks in weaponry is more than made up for by the skills of the pilot flying it.
Han Solo (looking at Chewbacca): Never tell me the odds!
Although Jordan is a fighter-pilot flying a space vehicle, he is still no match for the flight skills and sheer determination of the Corellian smuggler and his Wookiee co-pilot. The Falcon actually manages to shoot the X-Wing down. RVD-1 explodes with the X-Wing; Jordan launches out of the cockpit and escapes.
Steve McQueen rides his crotch rocket through Coruscant’s Monument Plaza. McQueen spots Rob Van Dam and draws his pistol. He fires at Van Dam, but is unable to hit the wrestler while avoiding the stone monoliths that litter the battlefield. Van Dam jumps on top of a statue and rips McQueen off from his bike. The two tumble to the ground and the crotch rocket explodes as it hits a statue. The two clear their heads. McQueen is the first to react; he pulls a knife out of his sock and throws it at VanDam. The knife strikes Van Dam between the eyes; Van Dam dies. Sabu sees his wrestling brother die. Sabu takes revenge and uses his newly-adorned Mandalorian armor. He launches a rocket at McQueen. The explosion throws McQueen into one of the monoliths. Nom Anor peeks from behind the marble and slices McQueen’s throat. Anor covertly fades into the shadows, once again. Mandalorians #6-9 fly to the scene and are disgusted to see this faux-Mandalorian adorning their armor. They quickly decide that Sabu is not fit to wear their gear. Mandalorians #6-9 decimate Sabu.
Scout Trooper #6 walks the Plaza. He kicks a piece of litter across the Plaza, somewhat disappointed that he was not allowed to ride one of the speeder bikes. He is met by Hulk Hogan. Hogan sees Scout Trooper #6 and rips off his shirt. Before Scout Trooper #6 can draw his weapon, Hogan is upon him. Hogan uses the monument next to the Trooper as a turnbuckle and commits a Body Avalanche. The Scout Trooper is stunned. As Scout Trooper #6 rises, Hogan uses a flying clothesline to break Scout Trooper #6’s neck. Scout Troopers #3-5 race their Speeder Bikes to meet Hogan. They each shoot a grappling hook from the speeders at Hogan’s arms and legs. Hogan is splayed out, his arms together and each leg attached to a different bike. The three Scout Troopers go their own way and the grappling lines rip Hogan apart. Cocky at their easy defeat of Hogan, the three Scout Troopers focus on more formidable prey: Gray Hulk, Abomination and Iron Spiderman. This was a mistake. The battle is short lived as Gray Hulk kills Scout Trooper #3 and destroys his bike; Abomination kills Scout Trooper #4 and destroys his bike and Iron Spiderman kills Scout Trooper #5 and destroys his bike.
Fantastic Max, FX and AB ride in a Go-Cart around the Plaza; they crash into David Dunn. Dunn shakes off the crash, which has destroyed the Go-Cart and left Fantastic Max, FX and AB sprawled across the stoned-floor. Dunn manages to kill all three characters; the floor is littered with blood and doll parts. As Dunn moves from the carnage, Wilt sees his chance and with his scooter, crashes into Dunn. Dunn falls into a water fountain. U.S. Agent on a speeder bike pulls up. Knowing that Dunn’s weakness is water, he uses all of his strength to hold Dunn’s head down under the fountain’s fluid. Dunn drowns. Wilt and U.S. Agent high-five and rush back to the match at hand. Wilt’s victory is short lived as Anti-Venom trips Wilt on his scooter. Anti-Venom is upon Wilt in seconds and engulfs the character with its mass. Wilt suffocates and dies. U.S. Agent sees his comrade being killed by Anti-Venom and rushes back. U.S. Agent fights Anti-Venom and slices him in half with his shield. With Brock dead, the symbiote flows into the cracks of the battlefield, having lost its host.
The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver take on Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ blue lightsaber), Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini. The first to fall in the battle is Vernita Green. It is ironic that she is killed by the green lightsaber wielded by Balsac the Jaws of Death. Elle Driver’s fighting skills are superior to that of Beefcake the Mighty. Nonetheless, she eventually succumbs to the blue lightsaber of BTM. Bud manages to kill Flattus Maximus, but is sliced in half by the red lightsaber of Oderus Urungus. The rest of the Viper Squad has better luck with the un-lightsaber-armed Gwar-mates. O Ren Ishii breaks the neck of Slymenstra Hymen and Bill kills Sleazy P. Martini. O Ren Ishii and Bill join forces and skewer the Sexecutioner and Jizmack Da Gusha with their blades. As Oderus Urungus, Balsac the Jaws of Death and Beefcake the Mighty face the Viper Squad duo, they smile; light sabers will definitely slice through the steel blades of O Ren Ishii and Bill. As they close in on the Vipers, the trio is smashed into by Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford and Scout Troopers #1 and 2 in the EM-50. Although Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death are able to avoid being run over, Beefcake the Mighty is not so lucky. Beefcake is crushed underneath the EM-50’s wheels. As the GWAR duo rise, they are met head on by Houslander’s 3500 and the Mail Jeep. After Oderus is struck, out from the Houslander 3500 are Jeff Houslander, Barry Sanders and The Mars Detective Agency: Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Weevil. The teammates repeatedly stomp on and pummel Oderus who never rises again. Balsac the Jaws of Death is devastated by the combined skills of Power Man and Iron Fist. Grimace giggles on the sideline of the fracas, watching his teammates kill the remaining Gwar member.
Not to be outdone by the car demolition in front of them, Loki and Bartleby ram Houslander’s Ram 3500 with their Mail Jeep.
Houslander: MY TRUCK!!!!
Jeff Houslander becomes enraged and storms over to meet Loki and Bartleby. The Dogma angels cannot believe the gall of the mortal Houslander. The angels are about to kill Houslander when they are swarmed by the Ford Tough team. Loki and Bartleby are not only facing off against Houslander, but Barry Sanders, The Mars Detective Agency, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, Scout Troopers #1 and 2, Power Man, Iron Fist and Grimace. Loki lashes out and kills Scout Troopers #1 and #2, and the entire Mars Detective Agency. Before he can unleash his power again Grimace jumps on Loki and pins him down with his tremendous weight. While Loki struggles against the immense purple blob, O Ren Ishii and Bill slice of Loki’s wings with their katanas. Power Man and Iron Fist join the fray and beat Loki to a pulp. Loki dies. Bartleby sees his angel brethren die and lashes out. Bartleby kills Barry Sanders and Jack Ryan. The super-trio of Gray Hulk, Abomination and Iron Spider Man join forces and kill Bartleby.
Jedi Councilman #1 sees what transpired with the GWAR crew. GWAR’s use of their awarded light sabers was embarrassing; the Councilman will show what a true force-wielder with a lightsaber can do. The Jedi Councilman meets O Ren Ishii and Bill and slices through both.
Han Solo and Chewbacca spot Jedi Councilman #1 and fire all of Air Wolf’s weapons. Although the Councilman deflects a majority of the bullets, the weaponry eventually rips Jedi Councilman #1 apart. The Better Than lanterns come together and Hal Jordan, Red Lantern #1 and Yellow Lantern #1 pummel the military chopper. Air Wolf is beyond repair and is going down. Han Solo and Chewbacca look at each other and their imminent death. They look into each other’s eyes and hold hands.
Solo: You were a good friend, fur ball!
Chewbacca: Grrrooouugh!!!!
Solo and Chewbacca die with their ship. The Lanterns then focus on Mandalorians #6-9. The Mandalorians’ lasers and rockets repeatedly fire at the Lanterns, who use the powers of their rings to deflect same. Each then focuses on a different Mandalorian. Mandalorians #6 and #7 are killed by Jordan. Mandalorian #8 is killed by Yellow Lantern #1. Mandalorian #9 is killed by Red Lantern #1.
The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26 focus on the melee taking place around them. Thanos comes upon the scene.
Thanos: This is a joke. . .
Thanos utilizes his energy and matter manipulation to destroy all of the “not-the-strongest” characters listed above- The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26. Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo and Ianto Jones focus on the extra-terrestrial being. The Torchwood crew uses their advanced scientific skills and weapons on Thanos. Although Thanos at first repels the assault, he eventually succumbs and is destroyed. Their victory is short-lived as Gray Hulk and Abomination rip through the team. Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo and Ianto Jones are killed.
U.S. Agent pulls up on his Speeder Bike next to Jeff Houslander, Harrison Ford, Power Man, Iron Fist, Grimace, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper and Nom Anor.
U.S. Agent: We need to leave, or die!
Nom Anor: This shows weakness! A warrior must die in battle!
U.S. Agent: Suit yourself.
Nom Anor rushes away from his teammates and at Iron Spiderman. With a pulse ray burst, Nom Anor dies.
U.S. Agent: One more down. . . We cannot afford any more. Everyone-to the EM-50!
Houslander: I don’t like to run!
Harkness: Neither do I, but live another day!
Cooper: Get to the EM-50!!!
The remaining Built (Bill) Ford Tough team jumps into the EM-50, followed by the U.S. Agent on his speeder bike and together they ride away.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: U.S. Agent, Jeff Houslander, Harrison Ford, Power Man, Iron Fist, Grimace, Captain Jack Harkness and Gwen Cooper survive-but retreat.
Better Than All Of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) Gray Hulk, Abomination, Iron Spiderman, Red Lantern #1 and Yellow Lantern #1 survive.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
―Supreme Chancellor Signet Mezzileen
I look at the teams to do battle on Coruscant during this Week 3 Match. They are as follows:
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: Han Solo and Chewbacca in Air Wolf, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford and Scout Troopers #1 and 2 in the EM-50, U.S. Agent on a Speeder Bike, Jeff Houslander, Barry Sanders and The Mars Detective Agency: Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Weevil in Jeff's Dodge Ram 3500, Wilt on a Scooter, Steve McQueen on a Crotch Rocket, Power Man, Iron, Fist and Grimace in a Mail Jeep, Fantastic Max, FX and AB in a Go-Cart, Scout Troopers #3-5 on Speeder Bikes, Scout Trooper #6, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo, Ianto Jones, The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver, The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Nom Anor, Mandalorians #6-9, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26.
Better Than All of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1) in an X-Wing, Thanos, David Dunn, Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ blue lightsaber), Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini, Sabu (in Mandalorian Armor), Rob Van Dam, Loki and Bartleby in a Mail Jeep, Gray Hulk, Abomination, Iron Spider Man, Anti-Venom, Red Lantern #1, Yellow Lantern #1, Jedi Councilman #1 and Hulk Hogan.
In the sky above Coruscant, Air Wolf races by the X-Wing controlled by Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Astro-Droid #17 (RVD-1). Air Wolf appears to be far outmatched by the rebel fighter. Nonetheless, what the copter lacks in weaponry is more than made up for by the skills of the pilot flying it.
Han Solo (looking at Chewbacca): Never tell me the odds!
Although Jordan is a fighter-pilot flying a space vehicle, he is still no match for the flight skills and sheer determination of the Corellian smuggler and his Wookiee co-pilot. The Falcon actually manages to shoot the X-Wing down. RVD-1 explodes with the X-Wing; Jordan launches out of the cockpit and escapes.
Steve McQueen rides his crotch rocket through Coruscant’s Monument Plaza. McQueen spots Rob Van Dam and draws his pistol. He fires at Van Dam, but is unable to hit the wrestler while avoiding the stone monoliths that litter the battlefield. Van Dam jumps on top of a statue and rips McQueen off from his bike. The two tumble to the ground and the crotch rocket explodes as it hits a statue. The two clear their heads. McQueen is the first to react; he pulls a knife out of his sock and throws it at VanDam. The knife strikes Van Dam between the eyes; Van Dam dies. Sabu sees his wrestling brother die. Sabu takes revenge and uses his newly-adorned Mandalorian armor. He launches a rocket at McQueen. The explosion throws McQueen into one of the monoliths. Nom Anor peeks from behind the marble and slices McQueen’s throat. Anor covertly fades into the shadows, once again. Mandalorians #6-9 fly to the scene and are disgusted to see this faux-Mandalorian adorning their armor. They quickly decide that Sabu is not fit to wear their gear. Mandalorians #6-9 decimate Sabu.
Scout Trooper #6 walks the Plaza. He kicks a piece of litter across the Plaza, somewhat disappointed that he was not allowed to ride one of the speeder bikes. He is met by Hulk Hogan. Hogan sees Scout Trooper #6 and rips off his shirt. Before Scout Trooper #6 can draw his weapon, Hogan is upon him. Hogan uses the monument next to the Trooper as a turnbuckle and commits a Body Avalanche. The Scout Trooper is stunned. As Scout Trooper #6 rises, Hogan uses a flying clothesline to break Scout Trooper #6’s neck. Scout Troopers #3-5 race their Speeder Bikes to meet Hogan. They each shoot a grappling hook from the speeders at Hogan’s arms and legs. Hogan is splayed out, his arms together and each leg attached to a different bike. The three Scout Troopers go their own way and the grappling lines rip Hogan apart. Cocky at their easy defeat of Hogan, the three Scout Troopers focus on more formidable prey: Gray Hulk, Abomination and Iron Spiderman. This was a mistake. The battle is short lived as Gray Hulk kills Scout Trooper #3 and destroys his bike; Abomination kills Scout Trooper #4 and destroys his bike and Iron Spiderman kills Scout Trooper #5 and destroys his bike.
Fantastic Max, FX and AB ride in a Go-Cart around the Plaza; they crash into David Dunn. Dunn shakes off the crash, which has destroyed the Go-Cart and left Fantastic Max, FX and AB sprawled across the stoned-floor. Dunn manages to kill all three characters; the floor is littered with blood and doll parts. As Dunn moves from the carnage, Wilt sees his chance and with his scooter, crashes into Dunn. Dunn falls into a water fountain. U.S. Agent on a speeder bike pulls up. Knowing that Dunn’s weakness is water, he uses all of his strength to hold Dunn’s head down under the fountain’s fluid. Dunn drowns. Wilt and U.S. Agent high-five and rush back to the match at hand. Wilt’s victory is short lived as Anti-Venom trips Wilt on his scooter. Anti-Venom is upon Wilt in seconds and engulfs the character with its mass. Wilt suffocates and dies. U.S. Agent sees his comrade being killed by Anti-Venom and rushes back. U.S. Agent fights Anti-Venom and slices him in half with his shield. With Brock dead, the symbiote flows into the cracks of the battlefield, having lost its host.
The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad: Bill, Bud, O Ren Ishii, Vernita Green and Elle Driver take on Gwar: Oderus Urungus (w/ red lightsaber), Flattus Maximus, Balsac the Jaws of Death (w/ green lightsaber), Beefcake the Mighty (w/ blue lightsaber), Jizmack Da Gusha, Slymenstra Hymen, The Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini. The first to fall in the battle is Vernita Green. It is ironic that she is killed by the green lightsaber wielded by Balsac the Jaws of Death. Elle Driver’s fighting skills are superior to that of Beefcake the Mighty. Nonetheless, she eventually succumbs to the blue lightsaber of BTM. Bud manages to kill Flattus Maximus, but is sliced in half by the red lightsaber of Oderus Urungus. The rest of the Viper Squad has better luck with the un-lightsaber-armed Gwar-mates. O Ren Ishii breaks the neck of Slymenstra Hymen and Bill kills Sleazy P. Martini. O Ren Ishii and Bill join forces and skewer the Sexecutioner and Jizmack Da Gusha with their blades. As Oderus Urungus, Balsac the Jaws of Death and Beefcake the Mighty face the Viper Squad duo, they smile; light sabers will definitely slice through the steel blades of O Ren Ishii and Bill. As they close in on the Vipers, the trio is smashed into by Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford and Scout Troopers #1 and 2 in the EM-50. Although Oderus Urungus and Balsac the Jaws of Death are able to avoid being run over, Beefcake the Mighty is not so lucky. Beefcake is crushed underneath the EM-50’s wheels. As the GWAR duo rise, they are met head on by Houslander’s 3500 and the Mail Jeep. After Oderus is struck, out from the Houslander 3500 are Jeff Houslander, Barry Sanders and The Mars Detective Agency: Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Weevil. The teammates repeatedly stomp on and pummel Oderus who never rises again. Balsac the Jaws of Death is devastated by the combined skills of Power Man and Iron Fist. Grimace giggles on the sideline of the fracas, watching his teammates kill the remaining Gwar member.
Not to be outdone by the car demolition in front of them, Loki and Bartleby ram Houslander’s Ram 3500 with their Mail Jeep.
Houslander: MY TRUCK!!!!
Jeff Houslander becomes enraged and storms over to meet Loki and Bartleby. The Dogma angels cannot believe the gall of the mortal Houslander. The angels are about to kill Houslander when they are swarmed by the Ford Tough team. Loki and Bartleby are not only facing off against Houslander, but Barry Sanders, The Mars Detective Agency, Jack Ryan, Harrison Ford, Scout Troopers #1 and 2, Power Man, Iron Fist and Grimace. Loki lashes out and kills Scout Troopers #1 and #2, and the entire Mars Detective Agency. Before he can unleash his power again Grimace jumps on Loki and pins him down with his tremendous weight. While Loki struggles against the immense purple blob, O Ren Ishii and Bill slice of Loki’s wings with their katanas. Power Man and Iron Fist join the fray and beat Loki to a pulp. Loki dies. Bartleby sees his angel brethren die and lashes out. Bartleby kills Barry Sanders and Jack Ryan. The super-trio of Gray Hulk, Abomination and Iron Spider Man join forces and kill Bartleby.
Jedi Councilman #1 sees what transpired with the GWAR crew. GWAR’s use of their awarded light sabers was embarrassing; the Councilman will show what a true force-wielder with a lightsaber can do. The Jedi Councilman meets O Ren Ishii and Bill and slices through both.
Han Solo and Chewbacca spot Jedi Councilman #1 and fire all of Air Wolf’s weapons. Although the Councilman deflects a majority of the bullets, the weaponry eventually rips Jedi Councilman #1 apart. The Better Than lanterns come together and Hal Jordan, Red Lantern #1 and Yellow Lantern #1 pummel the military chopper. Air Wolf is beyond repair and is going down. Han Solo and Chewbacca look at each other and their imminent death. They look into each other’s eyes and hold hands.
Solo: You were a good friend, fur ball!
Chewbacca: Grrrooouugh!!!!
Solo and Chewbacca die with their ship. The Lanterns then focus on Mandalorians #6-9. The Mandalorians’ lasers and rockets repeatedly fire at the Lanterns, who use the powers of their rings to deflect same. Each then focuses on a different Mandalorian. Mandalorians #6 and #7 are killed by Jordan. Mandalorian #8 is killed by Yellow Lantern #1. Mandalorian #9 is killed by Red Lantern #1.
The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26 focus on the melee taking place around them. Thanos comes upon the scene.
Thanos: This is a joke. . .
Thanos utilizes his energy and matter manipulation to destroy all of the “not-the-strongest” characters listed above- The Flaming Carrot, Darkwing Duck, Cookies, Ewok #75 and Treasure Troll #26. Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo and Ianto Jones focus on the extra-terrestrial being. The Torchwood crew uses their advanced scientific skills and weapons on Thanos. Although Thanos at first repels the assault, he eventually succumbs and is destroyed. Their victory is short-lived as Gray Hulk and Abomination rip through the team. Dr. Owen Cooper, Toshiko Santo and Ianto Jones are killed.
U.S. Agent pulls up on his Speeder Bike next to Jeff Houslander, Harrison Ford, Power Man, Iron Fist, Grimace, Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper and Nom Anor.
U.S. Agent: We need to leave, or die!
Nom Anor: This shows weakness! A warrior must die in battle!
U.S. Agent: Suit yourself.
Nom Anor rushes away from his teammates and at Iron Spiderman. With a pulse ray burst, Nom Anor dies.
U.S. Agent: One more down. . . We cannot afford any more. Everyone-to the EM-50!
Houslander: I don’t like to run!
Harkness: Neither do I, but live another day!
Cooper: Get to the EM-50!!!
The remaining Built (Bill) Ford Tough team jumps into the EM-50, followed by the U.S. Agent on his speeder bike and together they ride away.
Built (Bill) Ford Tough: U.S. Agent, Jeff Houslander, Harrison Ford, Power Man, Iron Fist, Grimace, Captain Jack Harkness and Gwen Cooper survive-but retreat.
Better Than All Of You: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) Gray Hulk, Abomination, Iron Spiderman, Red Lantern #1 and Yellow Lantern #1 survive.
BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU IS VICTORIOUS!!!!
Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. P.M.S.
Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches are Darth Talon, Storm Trooper #15, Dark Side Marauder #7 & 15, War Skrull #8, Fangry & Briscoe, Dark Phoenix, Vulcan, Dracula, Magog, Arkillo, The Living Tribunal, & The One Above All.
P.M.S. is The Candy Land Crew: The Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice, & Gloppy the Molasses Monster, Magnetic Kid, Nateri, Armor, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus, Evette, & Bagwa, Freddy Krueger (w/ yellow power ring), The Leprechaun, The Sentry, IG-88, The Beast, Chun Li, Black Dragon #12, Spawn, M. Bison, Predator #47, Xenomorph #51, Storm Trooper #49, The Peach, & Dick Trickle.
M. Bison takes charge of The P.M.S. line and states that if they are going to stand a chance against The Backyardigans, then they are going to have to work as a unit. Darth Talon orders her anxious group of troops to hold back and wait as they duck behind a group of various aliens that are walking thru the crowded streets of Coruscant, totally ignorant to what carnage is about to reign down on their city once this battle begins. “Why on earth would we hold back from an expansion team, especially one from the National League”? Asks Magog. Darth Talon replies with: “patience my horned friend, Lord Vader did not feel the need to make his own presence known today, but he and our Backyardigan coaches are anxious to see how well our new acquisitions are going to pan out. We’ll see how well this elusive One Above All and his follower The Living Tribunal do against this team and then we’ll think about joining the fight”. The powers that be in the Backyardigan locker room, are a bit concerned because although they have seen The Living Tribunal, they have yet to see the other half of their 2nd round draft pick. Darth Talon approaches The Living Tribunal and says: “So you’re supposed master, The One Above All is listed on today’s line-up. Do you mind telling us where he is”? The Living Tribunal assures the Sith Lord, that he will show up if he feels that it is necessary. Darth Talon then orders The Living Tribunal to begin this fight: “And you had better show us something impressive, because at this point I don’t much see the purpose of such elusive and invisible powers” Lord Talon adds. Darth Talon then orders her troops to hang back behind the tattered Coruscant building while The Living Tribunal flies off to attack The Promiscuous Murdering Sluts all by himself. M. Bison order his troops to attack, but The Living Tribunal simply waves his hand and takes out both Magnetic Kid and Armor. The Peach tries to attack The Living Tribunal with his astounding powers of looking like Danny Devito, but the cosmic entity crushes the chunky little man with his pointer finger. The Sentry goes in for the kill and actually manages to tackle the golden muscular figure to the ground. Very few fighters even have the ability to get that close to the Living Tribunal let alone throw him down, but The Sentry manages to do it. The Living Tribunal takes flight in an attempt to get away from The Sentry, but we all know that this battle is far from over. The Living Tribunal is high above the Coruscant skyline when The Sentry takes to the air after him. The Living Tribunal begins to conjure up some major cosmic energy to use against The Sentry, when The Sentry reaches behind his back and pulls out The Leprechaun, whom he was doing an amazing job of hiding (I mean, he isn’t that small, right). The Sentry then throws the Leprechaun at The Living Tribunal who says: “Ahhh, what a nice suit of armor, I think I’ll add it to me pot o’ gold”. The Living Tribunal is about to use his cosmic powers to destroy the little Leprechaun, when the Leprechaun uses his magical power and mastery of all things gold to rip The Living Tribunal’s golden body apart………. Hang on….. I’m just giving Beckerman a minute to pound his fist on the table in anger after The Living Tribunal’s death at the hands of The Leprechaun. But I mean, The Leprechaun can kill The Living Tribunal the week of St. Patrick’s Day; can’t he?? O.K. fine disagree with me, just keep nay saying. I honestly don’t care. Alright, whatever… Back to the match. With the Living Tribunal’s death, one who is even more powerful suddenly appears. One known simply as The One Above all. The One Above All can take whatever shape he wishes, or no shape at all if he prefers. But at this time he chooses to appear in the most obvious possible way. A 5 foot 5 inch tall man wearing jeans and a black t-shirt suddenly appears out of nowhere walking down the worn Coruscant street. He walks with a bit of a slouch and appears to have his hair slicked back with Dollar Tree hair gel to take attention away from the fact that he is looking kind of old and could definitely peel 15 pounds. He is of course the all-powerful Commissioner of Fantasy Fantasy. The one man who can dictate the goings on of any match no matter how ridiculous: Josh Houslander. Josh “The One Above All” Houslander merely looks at Scott Pilgrim and his crew and decides that he simply does not feel like switching tabs and looking at Wikipedia at the moment to find out who the hell they actually are so he wipes them off of the computer and puts an automatic death hash mark next to their name in the green notebook (Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, & Kim Pine are destroyed). Josh “The One Above All” Houslander then digs deep into his psyche and remembers that he was to broke to see that Cameron movie (what the s**t was that called again) so he wipes Nateri off of the face of the match as well. M. Bison looks to the frightened Freddy Krueger and The Sentry in hopes that they have some semblance of a plan but he receives nothing from his teammates. Is there no power in the universe that can compete with this all-powerful deity like figure? Luckily there is: and they are known as The Guild of Drundel Dorks. Dr. Boom Boom Pow leads the attack against the One Above All, but he and Arjhan Darkscale are both unable to attack, because they are either shut down by Josh “The One Above All” Houslander’s powers or because they missed their roll because they are upstairs looking thru Chris’s fridge for beer. Evette deva envokes something to distract the mighty Marvel character, while Groudious Maximus charges him with his maximum Groudiness. Just as the charge is about to be dispelled by The One Above All, Groudious Maximus takes Bagwa off of his back and launches him at The One Above All (sorry, I am just in to midget throwing today). Bagwa luckily rolls a double critical hit as the Bad A** Gnome Wizard Assasin launches a gnarly magical fireball at him. The Fireball hits The One Above All as Bagwa lands right in front of him and then stabs The One Above All with his Wakisachi………. Is this enough to kill The One Above All…………. Uhhhhh…….. Yeah, whatever, today it is. As The One Above All implodes in all of his power, Bagwa and Groudious Maximus are destroyed as well. Darth Talon looks back at her troops and says: “Hmmm, I’m not that impressed. Now, Dark Phoenix: ATTACK”! Dark Phoenix takes to the air and begins to unleash her Phoenix force on The Sluts. Storm Trooper #15 uses his intense Vader induced training to take out Storm Trooper #49, but Dick Trickle runs at the Trooper screaming: “I’M DICK TRICKLE BABY: YOU GONNA DIE AHHHHHHHHH”. Dick then knocks the Trooper over for a second as the Storm Trooper thinks to himself “Dick Trickle, isn’t that that thing I caught from that hooker on Malastare”, but then the trooper snaps out of his daydream and uses his blaster to “blow Dick”…. Away. Storm Trooper #15 is pretty happy with himself, that is until he get ripped apart by Xenomorph #51 right before the alien begins battling with Arkillo. Dark Phoenix flies out toward M. Bison, who is leading his team of elite crack troops into battle, that is if elite crack troops means the Candy Land Crew and it does. This charge is ill-conceived at best as Dark Phoenix releases the phoenix force and turns them into something that kind of smells like caramelized Drunken Noodle. Ig-88 then takes to the air and puts a perfectly placed blaster bolt into the chest of Dark Phoenix to take her out. Dark Phoenix’s dead body falls to the ground, but then Dark Phoenix flies up and says: “Not to bad against War Skrull #8, now let’s see how you do against the real thing”. The Real Dark Phoenix then releases the real Phoenix force”. This instantly engulfs IG-88 as well as Black Dragon #12, whose acid breath does next to nothing against the cosmic power. The Beast moves toward Dracula, but finds that his speed and strength are not as comparable as he had hoped against the vampire. Despite his advanced palette, Dracula enjoys the beastly feast much more than he would have thought. Chun Li fireballs Ewok #48 to death, but Vulcan unleashes some mad mutant power on the stealthy Predator #47 to end his hunt for the night. Freddy Krueger uses his yellow energy laced claws to gut Magog before he joins The Sentry and The Leprechaun (total BFF’s for life) in ripping apart Fangry and Briscoe. Arkillo does not want to be shown up by the yellow ring newbie Freddy Krueger which is why he kicks it up a notch and vaporizes Xenomorph #51, acid and all. Darth Talon and a potent dose of Sith Lightning make short work of Spawn, without even having to ignite her lightsaber. Darth Talon orders her troops to form up around the rubble in which this battle has created, but The Dark Side Marauders don’t make it there in time. Dark Side Marauder #7 had his stomach ripped out by The Leprechaun, while the other one had his neck twisted off by The Sentry. The Sentry yells “NO WAIT Little buddy” to The Leprechaun who charges Darth Talon along with her remaining troops Dark Phoenix, Vulcan, Dracula, & Arkillo meets an obvious doom while Freddy Kruger is already half way home. The Sentry is overcome with apathy (as he tends to be sometimes). But he at least grabs both Chun Li & Evette before he retreats back to base as well.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
P.M.S. is The Candy Land Crew: The Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice, & Gloppy the Molasses Monster, Magnetic Kid, Nateri, Armor, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus, Evette, & Bagwa, Freddy Krueger (w/ yellow power ring), The Leprechaun, The Sentry, IG-88, The Beast, Chun Li, Black Dragon #12, Spawn, M. Bison, Predator #47, Xenomorph #51, Storm Trooper #49, The Peach, & Dick Trickle.
M. Bison takes charge of The P.M.S. line and states that if they are going to stand a chance against The Backyardigans, then they are going to have to work as a unit. Darth Talon orders her anxious group of troops to hold back and wait as they duck behind a group of various aliens that are walking thru the crowded streets of Coruscant, totally ignorant to what carnage is about to reign down on their city once this battle begins. “Why on earth would we hold back from an expansion team, especially one from the National League”? Asks Magog. Darth Talon replies with: “patience my horned friend, Lord Vader did not feel the need to make his own presence known today, but he and our Backyardigan coaches are anxious to see how well our new acquisitions are going to pan out. We’ll see how well this elusive One Above All and his follower The Living Tribunal do against this team and then we’ll think about joining the fight”. The powers that be in the Backyardigan locker room, are a bit concerned because although they have seen The Living Tribunal, they have yet to see the other half of their 2nd round draft pick. Darth Talon approaches The Living Tribunal and says: “So you’re supposed master, The One Above All is listed on today’s line-up. Do you mind telling us where he is”? The Living Tribunal assures the Sith Lord, that he will show up if he feels that it is necessary. Darth Talon then orders The Living Tribunal to begin this fight: “And you had better show us something impressive, because at this point I don’t much see the purpose of such elusive and invisible powers” Lord Talon adds. Darth Talon then orders her troops to hang back behind the tattered Coruscant building while The Living Tribunal flies off to attack The Promiscuous Murdering Sluts all by himself. M. Bison order his troops to attack, but The Living Tribunal simply waves his hand and takes out both Magnetic Kid and Armor. The Peach tries to attack The Living Tribunal with his astounding powers of looking like Danny Devito, but the cosmic entity crushes the chunky little man with his pointer finger. The Sentry goes in for the kill and actually manages to tackle the golden muscular figure to the ground. Very few fighters even have the ability to get that close to the Living Tribunal let alone throw him down, but The Sentry manages to do it. The Living Tribunal takes flight in an attempt to get away from The Sentry, but we all know that this battle is far from over. The Living Tribunal is high above the Coruscant skyline when The Sentry takes to the air after him. The Living Tribunal begins to conjure up some major cosmic energy to use against The Sentry, when The Sentry reaches behind his back and pulls out The Leprechaun, whom he was doing an amazing job of hiding (I mean, he isn’t that small, right). The Sentry then throws the Leprechaun at The Living Tribunal who says: “Ahhh, what a nice suit of armor, I think I’ll add it to me pot o’ gold”. The Living Tribunal is about to use his cosmic powers to destroy the little Leprechaun, when the Leprechaun uses his magical power and mastery of all things gold to rip The Living Tribunal’s golden body apart………. Hang on….. I’m just giving Beckerman a minute to pound his fist on the table in anger after The Living Tribunal’s death at the hands of The Leprechaun. But I mean, The Leprechaun can kill The Living Tribunal the week of St. Patrick’s Day; can’t he?? O.K. fine disagree with me, just keep nay saying. I honestly don’t care. Alright, whatever… Back to the match. With the Living Tribunal’s death, one who is even more powerful suddenly appears. One known simply as The One Above all. The One Above All can take whatever shape he wishes, or no shape at all if he prefers. But at this time he chooses to appear in the most obvious possible way. A 5 foot 5 inch tall man wearing jeans and a black t-shirt suddenly appears out of nowhere walking down the worn Coruscant street. He walks with a bit of a slouch and appears to have his hair slicked back with Dollar Tree hair gel to take attention away from the fact that he is looking kind of old and could definitely peel 15 pounds. He is of course the all-powerful Commissioner of Fantasy Fantasy. The one man who can dictate the goings on of any match no matter how ridiculous: Josh Houslander. Josh “The One Above All” Houslander merely looks at Scott Pilgrim and his crew and decides that he simply does not feel like switching tabs and looking at Wikipedia at the moment to find out who the hell they actually are so he wipes them off of the computer and puts an automatic death hash mark next to their name in the green notebook (Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, & Kim Pine are destroyed). Josh “The One Above All” Houslander then digs deep into his psyche and remembers that he was to broke to see that Cameron movie (what the s**t was that called again) so he wipes Nateri off of the face of the match as well. M. Bison looks to the frightened Freddy Krueger and The Sentry in hopes that they have some semblance of a plan but he receives nothing from his teammates. Is there no power in the universe that can compete with this all-powerful deity like figure? Luckily there is: and they are known as The Guild of Drundel Dorks. Dr. Boom Boom Pow leads the attack against the One Above All, but he and Arjhan Darkscale are both unable to attack, because they are either shut down by Josh “The One Above All” Houslander’s powers or because they missed their roll because they are upstairs looking thru Chris’s fridge for beer. Evette deva envokes something to distract the mighty Marvel character, while Groudious Maximus charges him with his maximum Groudiness. Just as the charge is about to be dispelled by The One Above All, Groudious Maximus takes Bagwa off of his back and launches him at The One Above All (sorry, I am just in to midget throwing today). Bagwa luckily rolls a double critical hit as the Bad A** Gnome Wizard Assasin launches a gnarly magical fireball at him. The Fireball hits The One Above All as Bagwa lands right in front of him and then stabs The One Above All with his Wakisachi………. Is this enough to kill The One Above All…………. Uhhhhh…….. Yeah, whatever, today it is. As The One Above All implodes in all of his power, Bagwa and Groudious Maximus are destroyed as well. Darth Talon looks back at her troops and says: “Hmmm, I’m not that impressed. Now, Dark Phoenix: ATTACK”! Dark Phoenix takes to the air and begins to unleash her Phoenix force on The Sluts. Storm Trooper #15 uses his intense Vader induced training to take out Storm Trooper #49, but Dick Trickle runs at the Trooper screaming: “I’M DICK TRICKLE BABY: YOU GONNA DIE AHHHHHHHHH”. Dick then knocks the Trooper over for a second as the Storm Trooper thinks to himself “Dick Trickle, isn’t that that thing I caught from that hooker on Malastare”, but then the trooper snaps out of his daydream and uses his blaster to “blow Dick”…. Away. Storm Trooper #15 is pretty happy with himself, that is until he get ripped apart by Xenomorph #51 right before the alien begins battling with Arkillo. Dark Phoenix flies out toward M. Bison, who is leading his team of elite crack troops into battle, that is if elite crack troops means the Candy Land Crew and it does. This charge is ill-conceived at best as Dark Phoenix releases the phoenix force and turns them into something that kind of smells like caramelized Drunken Noodle. Ig-88 then takes to the air and puts a perfectly placed blaster bolt into the chest of Dark Phoenix to take her out. Dark Phoenix’s dead body falls to the ground, but then Dark Phoenix flies up and says: “Not to bad against War Skrull #8, now let’s see how you do against the real thing”. The Real Dark Phoenix then releases the real Phoenix force”. This instantly engulfs IG-88 as well as Black Dragon #12, whose acid breath does next to nothing against the cosmic power. The Beast moves toward Dracula, but finds that his speed and strength are not as comparable as he had hoped against the vampire. Despite his advanced palette, Dracula enjoys the beastly feast much more than he would have thought. Chun Li fireballs Ewok #48 to death, but Vulcan unleashes some mad mutant power on the stealthy Predator #47 to end his hunt for the night. Freddy Krueger uses his yellow energy laced claws to gut Magog before he joins The Sentry and The Leprechaun (total BFF’s for life) in ripping apart Fangry and Briscoe. Arkillo does not want to be shown up by the yellow ring newbie Freddy Krueger which is why he kicks it up a notch and vaporizes Xenomorph #51, acid and all. Darth Talon and a potent dose of Sith Lightning make short work of Spawn, without even having to ignite her lightsaber. Darth Talon orders her troops to form up around the rubble in which this battle has created, but The Dark Side Marauders don’t make it there in time. Dark Side Marauder #7 had his stomach ripped out by The Leprechaun, while the other one had his neck twisted off by The Sentry. The Sentry yells “NO WAIT Little buddy” to The Leprechaun who charges Darth Talon along with her remaining troops Dark Phoenix, Vulcan, Dracula, & Arkillo meets an obvious doom while Freddy Kruger is already half way home. The Sentry is overcome with apathy (as he tends to be sometimes). But he at least grabs both Chun Li & Evette before he retreats back to base as well.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Week 3 Xavier's Annihilation Squad Vs. TEAM
Xavier's Annihilation Squad is: Darth Scarz, Darth Voltress, Darth Ocron, Ancient Sith Lord #1-7, & 15, Metron, Dark Dragon, Wookie Soldier #1-24, & Rogue the Bat.
TEAM is: Ultraman, Owlman, Power Ring, White Martian, Johnny Quick, Imperiex, The Shining Force with Bokken, Depa Billaba, Padawan, Crutus Penari, Padawan, Frodo, Zombie Jedi Knight #36 (a.k.a. Zedi Knight), Peter Sosa with Mandalorian Armor, and Sarah Wilson.
The sky of Coruscant is a neon blur as the Crime Syndicate patrol the street.
"An planet that is entirely city? This is amazing. I mean can you imagine how many more banks Coruscant has than a normal planet?" said Owlman.
"Now is not the time." said Ultraman in response. "Peter, lets go look this way."
Pete activated the jets on his Mandalorian armor and Followed Ultraman away from Owlman, Power Ring, and Johnny Quick.
Power Ring was acting twitchy, you see, Volthoom, the Monk Spirit that was trapped in side his mind had decided to sing every single song he could think of by "The Cure" and whenever Power Ring would object, Volthoom would simply remind him that with great power comes great irritation.
Johnny Quick was literally twitchy, he had accidentally dosed himself with a few death sticks when he went off in search of Speed Juice before the fight. However he did manage to get his hands on a "fix" the lights speeding by overhead were not doing him any favors in maintaining his cool.
Meanwhile the entirety of the Shining Force and Bokken were hopelessly lost in the endless roads and intersections of the city... err.. planet... err both...
Depa Billaba, Crutus Penari, and the Padawan had split from the group to patrol for the enemy team.
Imperiex was on his own stomping through the city having trouble imagining anything that could give him much trouble.
Frodo and Sarah were pushing around a metal cage with the Zombie Jedi Knight in it. Clearly he couldn't be trusted but he was too valuable to destroy.
Metron was in his chair disguised above the streets in the passing traffic. Deciding how best to deal with the enemy. He decides that he should spend his time analyzing his enemies for weaknesses.
Finished with his research, Metron first whispers in Rogue the Bat's ear, instructing her that there is a valuable jewel on the finger of the green one with the X on his chest.
This serves as a catalyst. The first domino in the chain. The white martian saw Rogue the Bat and moved to attack her, but Dark Dragon had been informed by Metron that the martians weakness is fire. The dragon makes quick work of the martian with a blast from it's breath.
Seeing the dragon killing the white martian sends Ultraman into a rage. It's not that he cared about the martian, he just hates losing. Ultraman flies directly into the mouth of the Dark Dragon, exploding him from the inside.
Metron saw this and realized that the only way to defeat Ultraman would be to sacrifice himself. Metron calmly flew to Ultraman who was still covered in steaming gore. Ultraman then taunted the god-like Metron.
"What can you possibly do to Me..."
In response, Metron simply whispered the Anti-Life equation into Ultraman's Ear. Ultraman was done for. His will to live was gone completely.
Ultraman then confronted Imperiex determined that the hulking robot assist his suicide... Imperiex was happy to oblige as he has always enjoyed putting the hurt on anything with a spit-curl haircut. Just as Imperiex was about to destroy Ultraman with his chest cannon Pete Sosa flew into the fight.
However Pete still wasn't very practiced with the jetpack and he accidentally activated the rocket mounted on his back and it struck Imperiex's Chest cannon... The resulting explosion Vaporized a Smiling Ultraman who was thrilled to be through with life and threw Pete violently against one of the planet's many buildings, the plate glass window severing his torso neatly in two, the jets still firing on his upper body as his legs fell to the ground below. The exploding corpse of Imperiex crushed 10 of the wookie soldiers when he smacks the streets below.
Metron then moved to handle the next group of enemies, but he saw that The Shining Force and Bokken were still hopelessly lost in the big city and there was no danger from them.
Back in the fight, Power ring had easily dispatched Rogue the Bat. He was searching for Johnny Quick so they could team up and take on the ancient Sith Lords that were slowly approaching. Unfortunately Johnny Quick had found more death sticks.
Johnny Quick had an addictive personality and the resulting death stick / speed juice cocktail sent him over the edge, his body simply couldn't handle the stress and he collapsed.
Sarah and Frodo were about to release the Zombie Jedi Knight, to back up power ring. Unfortunately in the process the Zombie had bit off Frodo's middle finger. Screaming in pain Frodo quickly passed out. The Zombie was just about to turn on Sarah when every single Wookie Soldier from The Annihilation Squad surrounded it. Sarah took this time to slip away as the bowcaster bolts took the zombie jedi apart piece by piece.
Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron appeared to lead the Ancient Sith Lords into combat against Power Ring. Power Ring managed to kill Sith Lord 1,2,3,4, and 5 before being pulled apart by the force powers of Ocron and Voltress.
Ocron, Scarz and Voltress squared off against Depa and Crutus. Crutus reflexively attempted to block an overhead swing from Voltress but the blades passed effortlessly through eachother, Crutus' body was bisected from scalp to belt buckle, unfolding like a peeled banana.
At the sight of this, Depa fled the scene grabbing the padawan learners on her way out.
Owlman witnessed the rest of his team retreating or dead, and decided that a hasty retreat was in his best interest.
Xaviers Annihilation Team is Victorious.
For TEAM: The Shining force, and Bokken never find their way to battle, Sarah Wilson, Depa Billaba, the Padawan's flee. Owlman, scurries off in the night to fight another day. Frodo is alive, but infected with the Zombie Virus.
Xavier's has lost Wookies 1-10, The Dark Dragon, and Rogue the bat.
TEAM is: Ultraman, Owlman, Power Ring, White Martian, Johnny Quick, Imperiex, The Shining Force with Bokken, Depa Billaba, Padawan, Crutus Penari, Padawan, Frodo, Zombie Jedi Knight #36 (a.k.a. Zedi Knight), Peter Sosa with Mandalorian Armor, and Sarah Wilson.
The sky of Coruscant is a neon blur as the Crime Syndicate patrol the street.
"An planet that is entirely city? This is amazing. I mean can you imagine how many more banks Coruscant has than a normal planet?" said Owlman.
"Now is not the time." said Ultraman in response. "Peter, lets go look this way."
Pete activated the jets on his Mandalorian armor and Followed Ultraman away from Owlman, Power Ring, and Johnny Quick.
Power Ring was acting twitchy, you see, Volthoom, the Monk Spirit that was trapped in side his mind had decided to sing every single song he could think of by "The Cure" and whenever Power Ring would object, Volthoom would simply remind him that with great power comes great irritation.
Johnny Quick was literally twitchy, he had accidentally dosed himself with a few death sticks when he went off in search of Speed Juice before the fight. However he did manage to get his hands on a "fix" the lights speeding by overhead were not doing him any favors in maintaining his cool.
Meanwhile the entirety of the Shining Force and Bokken were hopelessly lost in the endless roads and intersections of the city... err.. planet... err both...
Depa Billaba, Crutus Penari, and the Padawan had split from the group to patrol for the enemy team.
Imperiex was on his own stomping through the city having trouble imagining anything that could give him much trouble.
Frodo and Sarah were pushing around a metal cage with the Zombie Jedi Knight in it. Clearly he couldn't be trusted but he was too valuable to destroy.
Metron was in his chair disguised above the streets in the passing traffic. Deciding how best to deal with the enemy. He decides that he should spend his time analyzing his enemies for weaknesses.
Finished with his research, Metron first whispers in Rogue the Bat's ear, instructing her that there is a valuable jewel on the finger of the green one with the X on his chest.
This serves as a catalyst. The first domino in the chain. The white martian saw Rogue the Bat and moved to attack her, but Dark Dragon had been informed by Metron that the martians weakness is fire. The dragon makes quick work of the martian with a blast from it's breath.
Seeing the dragon killing the white martian sends Ultraman into a rage. It's not that he cared about the martian, he just hates losing. Ultraman flies directly into the mouth of the Dark Dragon, exploding him from the inside.
Metron saw this and realized that the only way to defeat Ultraman would be to sacrifice himself. Metron calmly flew to Ultraman who was still covered in steaming gore. Ultraman then taunted the god-like Metron.
"What can you possibly do to Me..."
In response, Metron simply whispered the Anti-Life equation into Ultraman's Ear. Ultraman was done for. His will to live was gone completely.
Ultraman then confronted Imperiex determined that the hulking robot assist his suicide... Imperiex was happy to oblige as he has always enjoyed putting the hurt on anything with a spit-curl haircut. Just as Imperiex was about to destroy Ultraman with his chest cannon Pete Sosa flew into the fight.
However Pete still wasn't very practiced with the jetpack and he accidentally activated the rocket mounted on his back and it struck Imperiex's Chest cannon... The resulting explosion Vaporized a Smiling Ultraman who was thrilled to be through with life and threw Pete violently against one of the planet's many buildings, the plate glass window severing his torso neatly in two, the jets still firing on his upper body as his legs fell to the ground below. The exploding corpse of Imperiex crushed 10 of the wookie soldiers when he smacks the streets below.
Metron then moved to handle the next group of enemies, but he saw that The Shining Force and Bokken were still hopelessly lost in the big city and there was no danger from them.
Back in the fight, Power ring had easily dispatched Rogue the Bat. He was searching for Johnny Quick so they could team up and take on the ancient Sith Lords that were slowly approaching. Unfortunately Johnny Quick had found more death sticks.
Johnny Quick had an addictive personality and the resulting death stick / speed juice cocktail sent him over the edge, his body simply couldn't handle the stress and he collapsed.
Sarah and Frodo were about to release the Zombie Jedi Knight, to back up power ring. Unfortunately in the process the Zombie had bit off Frodo's middle finger. Screaming in pain Frodo quickly passed out. The Zombie was just about to turn on Sarah when every single Wookie Soldier from The Annihilation Squad surrounded it. Sarah took this time to slip away as the bowcaster bolts took the zombie jedi apart piece by piece.
Darth Voltress and Darth Ocron appeared to lead the Ancient Sith Lords into combat against Power Ring. Power Ring managed to kill Sith Lord 1,2,3,4, and 5 before being pulled apart by the force powers of Ocron and Voltress.
Ocron, Scarz and Voltress squared off against Depa and Crutus. Crutus reflexively attempted to block an overhead swing from Voltress but the blades passed effortlessly through eachother, Crutus' body was bisected from scalp to belt buckle, unfolding like a peeled banana.
At the sight of this, Depa fled the scene grabbing the padawan learners on her way out.
Owlman witnessed the rest of his team retreating or dead, and decided that a hasty retreat was in his best interest.
Xaviers Annihilation Team is Victorious.
For TEAM: The Shining force, and Bokken never find their way to battle, Sarah Wilson, Depa Billaba, the Padawan's flee. Owlman, scurries off in the night to fight another day. Frodo is alive, but infected with the Zombie Virus.
Xavier's has lost Wookies 1-10, The Dark Dragon, and Rogue the bat.
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