Beckerman's Backyardigans: Beeyatches Vs. P.M.S.

Beckerman’s Backyardigan’s: Beeyatches are Darth Talon, Storm Trooper #15, Dark Side Marauder #7 & 15, War Skrull #8, Fangry & Briscoe, Dark Phoenix, Vulcan, Dracula, Magog, Arkillo, The Living Tribunal, & The One Above All.

P.M.S. is The Candy Land Crew: The Gingerbread People #1-3, Mr. Mint, Gramma Nut, King Kandy, Jolly, Plumpy, Princess Lolly, Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice, & Gloppy the Molasses Monster, Magnetic Kid, Nateri, Armor, Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, Kim Pine, The Guild of Drundel Dorks: Dr. Boom Boom Pow, Arjhan Darkscale, Groudious Maximus, Evette, & Bagwa, Freddy Krueger (w/ yellow power ring), The Leprechaun, The Sentry, IG-88, The Beast, Chun Li, Black Dragon #12, Spawn, M. Bison, Predator #47, Xenomorph #51, Storm Trooper #49, The Peach, & Dick Trickle.


M. Bison takes charge of The P.M.S. line and states that if they are going to stand a chance against The Backyardigans, then they are going to have to work as a unit. Darth Talon orders her anxious group of troops to hold back and wait as they duck behind a group of various aliens that are walking thru the crowded streets of Coruscant, totally ignorant to what carnage is about to reign down on their city once this battle begins. “Why on earth would we hold back from an expansion team, especially one from the National League”? Asks Magog. Darth Talon replies with: “patience my horned friend, Lord Vader did not feel the need to make his own presence known today, but he and our Backyardigan coaches are anxious to see how well our new acquisitions are going to pan out. We’ll see how well this elusive One Above All and his follower The Living Tribunal do against this team and then we’ll think about joining the fight”. The powers that be in the Backyardigan locker room, are a bit concerned because although they have seen The Living Tribunal, they have yet to see the other half of their 2nd round draft pick. Darth Talon approaches The Living Tribunal and says: “So you’re supposed master, The One Above All is listed on today’s line-up. Do you mind telling us where he is”? The Living Tribunal assures the Sith Lord, that he will show up if he feels that it is necessary. Darth Talon then orders The Living Tribunal to begin this fight: “And you had better show us something impressive, because at this point I don’t much see the purpose of such elusive and invisible powers” Lord Talon adds. Darth Talon then orders her troops to hang back behind the tattered Coruscant building while The Living Tribunal flies off to attack The Promiscuous Murdering Sluts all by himself. M. Bison order his troops to attack, but The Living Tribunal simply waves his hand and takes out both Magnetic Kid and Armor. The Peach tries to attack The Living Tribunal with his astounding powers of looking like Danny Devito, but the cosmic entity crushes the chunky little man with his pointer finger. The Sentry goes in for the kill and actually manages to tackle the golden muscular figure to the ground. Very few fighters even have the ability to get that close to the Living Tribunal let alone throw him down, but The Sentry manages to do it. The Living Tribunal takes flight in an attempt to get away from The Sentry, but we all know that this battle is far from over. The Living Tribunal is high above the Coruscant skyline when The Sentry takes to the air after him. The Living Tribunal begins to conjure up some major cosmic energy to use against The Sentry, when The Sentry reaches behind his back and pulls out The Leprechaun, whom he was doing an amazing job of hiding (I mean, he isn’t that small, right). The Sentry then throws the Leprechaun at The Living Tribunal who says: “Ahhh, what a nice suit of armor, I think I’ll add it to me pot o’ gold”. The Living Tribunal is about to use his cosmic powers to destroy the little Leprechaun, when the Leprechaun uses his magical power and mastery of all things gold to rip The Living Tribunal’s golden body apart………. Hang on….. I’m just giving Beckerman a minute to pound his fist on the table in anger after The Living Tribunal’s death at the hands of The Leprechaun. But I mean, The Leprechaun can kill The Living Tribunal the week of St. Patrick’s Day; can’t he?? O.K. fine disagree with me, just keep nay saying. I honestly don’t care. Alright, whatever… Back to the match. With the Living Tribunal’s death, one who is even more powerful suddenly appears. One known simply as The One Above all. The One Above All can take whatever shape he wishes, or no shape at all if he prefers. But at this time he chooses to appear in the most obvious possible way. A 5 foot 5 inch tall man wearing jeans and a black t-shirt suddenly appears out of nowhere walking down the worn Coruscant street. He walks with a bit of a slouch and appears to have his hair slicked back with Dollar Tree hair gel to take attention away from the fact that he is looking kind of old and could definitely peel 15 pounds. He is of course the all-powerful Commissioner of Fantasy Fantasy. The one man who can dictate the goings on of any match no matter how ridiculous: Josh Houslander. Josh “The One Above All” Houslander merely looks at Scott Pilgrim and his crew and decides that he simply does not feel like switching tabs and looking at Wikipedia at the moment to find out who the hell they actually are so he wipes them off of the computer and puts an automatic death hash mark next to their name in the green notebook (Scott Pilgrim, Ramona Flowers, Wallace Wells, Knives Chau, Stephen Stills, & Kim Pine are destroyed). Josh “The One Above All” Houslander then digs deep into his psyche and remembers that he was to broke to see that Cameron movie (what the s**t was that called again) so he wipes Nateri off of the face of the match as well. M. Bison looks to the frightened Freddy Krueger and The Sentry in hopes that they have some semblance of a plan but he receives nothing from his teammates. Is there no power in the universe that can compete with this all-powerful deity like figure? Luckily there is: and they are known as The Guild of Drundel Dorks. Dr. Boom Boom Pow leads the attack against the One Above All, but he and Arjhan Darkscale are both unable to attack, because they are either shut down by Josh “The One Above All” Houslander’s powers or because they missed their roll because they are upstairs looking thru Chris’s fridge for beer. Evette deva envokes something to distract the mighty Marvel character, while Groudious Maximus charges him with his maximum Groudiness. Just as the charge is about to be dispelled by The One Above All, Groudious Maximus takes Bagwa off of his back and launches him at The One Above All (sorry, I am just in to midget throwing today). Bagwa luckily rolls a double critical hit as the Bad A** Gnome Wizard Assasin launches a gnarly magical fireball at him. The Fireball hits The One Above All as Bagwa lands right in front of him and then stabs The One Above All with his Wakisachi………. Is this enough to kill The One Above All…………. Uhhhhh…….. Yeah, whatever, today it is. As The One Above All implodes in all of his power, Bagwa and Groudious Maximus are destroyed as well. Darth Talon looks back at her troops and says: “Hmmm, I’m not that impressed. Now, Dark Phoenix: ATTACK”! Dark Phoenix takes to the air and begins to unleash her Phoenix force on The Sluts. Storm Trooper #15 uses his intense Vader induced training to take out Storm Trooper #49, but Dick Trickle runs at the Trooper screaming: “I’M DICK TRICKLE BABY: YOU GONNA DIE AHHHHHHHHH”. Dick then knocks the Trooper over for a second as the Storm Trooper thinks to himself “Dick Trickle, isn’t that that thing I caught from that hooker on Malastare”, but then the trooper snaps out of his daydream and uses his blaster to “blow Dick”…. Away. Storm Trooper #15 is pretty happy with himself, that is until he get ripped apart by Xenomorph #51 right before the alien begins battling with Arkillo. Dark Phoenix flies out toward M. Bison, who is leading his team of elite crack troops into battle, that is if elite crack troops means the Candy Land Crew and it does. This charge is ill-conceived at best as Dark Phoenix releases the phoenix force and turns them into something that kind of smells like caramelized Drunken Noodle. Ig-88 then takes to the air and puts a perfectly placed blaster bolt into the chest of Dark Phoenix to take her out. Dark Phoenix’s dead body falls to the ground, but then Dark Phoenix flies up and says: “Not to bad against War Skrull #8, now let’s see how you do against the real thing”. The Real Dark Phoenix then releases the real Phoenix force”. This instantly engulfs IG-88 as well as Black Dragon #12, whose acid breath does next to nothing against the cosmic power. The Beast moves toward Dracula, but finds that his speed and strength are not as comparable as he had hoped against the vampire. Despite his advanced palette, Dracula enjoys the beastly feast much more than he would have thought. Chun Li fireballs Ewok #48 to death, but Vulcan unleashes some mad mutant power on the stealthy Predator #47 to end his hunt for the night. Freddy Krueger uses his yellow energy laced claws to gut Magog before he joins The Sentry and The Leprechaun (total BFF’s for life) in ripping apart Fangry and Briscoe. Arkillo does not want to be shown up by the yellow ring newbie Freddy Krueger which is why he kicks it up a notch and vaporizes Xenomorph #51, acid and all. Darth Talon and a potent dose of Sith Lightning make short work of Spawn, without even having to ignite her lightsaber. Darth Talon orders her troops to form up around the rubble in which this battle has created, but The Dark Side Marauders don’t make it there in time. Dark Side Marauder #7 had his stomach ripped out by The Leprechaun, while the other one had his neck twisted off by The Sentry. The Sentry yells “NO WAIT Little buddy” to The Leprechaun who charges Darth Talon along with her remaining troops Dark Phoenix, Vulcan, Dracula, & Arkillo meets an obvious doom while Freddy Kruger is already half way home. The Sentry is overcome with apathy (as he tends to be sometimes). But he at least grabs both Chun Li & Evette before he retreats back to base as well.
BECKERMAN’S BACKYARDIGANS: BEEYATCHES ARE VICTORIOUS!