Week Three: The Untouchables vs Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies

The Untouchables are Horatio Caine, Granny Goodness, The Female Furies: Lashina, Gilotina, Stompa, Bernadeth, & Mad Harriet, Onslaught, Sodam Yat, Red Lantern Guy Gardner, She-Ra with Swiftwind, Madam Razz with Broom, Maestro, Romat Ru, Cad Bane, Pikachu, and The Wild C.A.T.S.: Spartan, Voodoo, Grifter, Zealot, Maul, Warblade and Lord Emp.

Brock Samson's Fighting Murderflies are Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma and Scooby Doo in the Mystery Machine, John Moses Browning in the Punisher Van, Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane, Teddy Roosevelt, Vincent, The Great Lakes Avengers: Mr. Immortal, Squirrel Girl, Big Birtha, & Flatman, Brain Damaged Beowulf, Squirrels #1-11, Agent X, Hellboy, Booster Gold, Kyle Rayner, Speedy Gonzalez, The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Jason, Trini, Billy, Zach & Kimberly, and the Techobots: Scattershot, Lightspeed, Strafe, Nosecone & Afterburner.

Brock Samson’s Fighting Murderflies have been on the roll of their lives in the opening weeks of this season. The whole locker room has been extremely optimistic and excited that the possibilities that this season could have in store for them. The Untouchables, however, have been, well just average. They lost a very close battle against Xavier’s Annihilation Squad in the Arctic Ocean last week, and they are anxious to get that bad taste out of their mouth. Though he did not start Deadpool or Megatron, Head Coach Commission Gordon has sent a virtual kill squad to Coruscant. Granny Goodness leads her Female Furies into battle first, as she is always thirsty for blood. She has them attack the Mystery Machine. The van cuts hard and tries to get away from the Furies. Lashina uses her steel whips to explode the Mystery Machine’s rear tires, which sends it flipping several times, finally slamming into Dex’s Diner. Mad Harriet leaps on top of the upended van and tears the side open with her razor sharp claws. Mad Harriet notices that the paint on the Mystery Machine is chipping off quite easily and they its all black underneath, but still she’s cackling all the while. Once she rips it open, Mad Harriet is met with a bullet right between her eyes, courtesy of John Moses Browning. Michael Weston, Fiona Glenane and Vincent all jump out of what is now revealed to be The Punisher’s Van with a quick paint job. John Moses Browning takes aim with a rocket launcher and blows Bernadeth away. Michael, Fiona, and Vincent all start shooting at the Female Furies who have now, taken cover behind a couple air speeders that they have destroyed. “Ok, well that, actually, worked,” Weston says to Browning. “Yeah, go figure,” replies Browning. “Now we just have to hope the second phase works just as well.” It’s at this point that the real Mystery Machine comes screeching around the corner with Teddy Roosevelt and Hellboy hanging on the sides. They are quickly followed by the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers in their Power Zords. Granny Goodness begins to laugh manically. “You really thing that just because you killed a couple of my Furies, that you have the advantage?? They are mere pawns in this battle” cackles the evil hag. Stompa slams her foot down and causes the road to split in half. Everyone is able to avoid the opening that Stompa has caused, all except for the overturned Punisher Van, which falls into the crack. The remaining Female Furies viciously attack the real Mystery Machine and rip into it. Gilotina slices Velma’s head off with a quick karate chop as Lashina fries Fred and Daphne with her electrically charged whips. “Ruh ro, Shraggy,” says Scooby. “Like zoinks, Scoobs, let’s get out of here,” replies Shaggy. The duo scamper out of the blood filled van, only to run right into Granny Goodness. “Oh, my dear, dear boys, it’s not going to be that easy for you,” she says as she uses her brute force to crush their heads together. Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane use their grenades that they acquired from the Punisher Van before it was destroyed to kill both Gilotina and Lashina. Hellboy leaps over the Mystery Machine and uses his trusty sidearm, the Good Samaritan to kill Stompa. He then uses the Right Hand of Doom to punch through Granny Goodness’s head. Hellboy takes a moment to light his cigar before running off to find more foes. The Power Rangers then attempt to form the Megazord, but for some reason it will not form. That’s because Onslaught is using his magnetic powers to not only keeping them apart, but he then uses them to crush the Power Rangers. “Crap, I was kind of counting on those guys to do some damage,” Weston says. Teddy Roosevelt and John Moses Browning now find themselves fending off Romat Ru and Cad Bane. Teddy draws his sword as John Moses Browning unzips a large duffle bag he was able to grab out of the Punisher Van. “Oh yeah that’s right, you were awarded Mandalorian Armor!” exclaims the former President. The Mormon gun creator suites up and takes off with his rocket pack. Teddy then rushes towards Romat Ru who has made a yellow energy sword. The two clash as Cad Bane attacks Browning. Teddy gains an upper hand on the Sinestro Corp member for a while until Romat Ru uses his ring to create several energy copies of himself, which overwhelm Roosevelt. John Moses Browning flies overhead with his rocket pack, trading shots back and forth with Cad Bane. In the end, it’s experience that wins the duel, as Bane target’s the jet pack and causes it to explode. The ground begins to shake as Brain-Damaged Beowulf makes his way into the fray. The Untouchables waste no time attacking this behemoth as Maestro, Maul Onslaught all simultaneously leaps up onto it. Brain Damaged Beowulf is no match for the sheer brute force by Maul and Maestro, not to mention the combined attack of magnetism and psychic attack courtesy of Onslaught. Kyle Rayner then flies in but finds himself double teamed by two close friends of his, Sodam Yat and (Red Lantern) Guy Gardner. The Technobots form Computron and quickly calculate that Kyle has a 7.112009% chance of surviving this fight and the combiner attempts aid his teammate. The Transformer Gestalt, unfortunately, meets the same fate as the rest of his robotic companions and is ripped apart by Onslaught. The evil mutant then uses the shrapnel that was the Technobots to skewer Big Birtha and Flatman. Onslaught then finds himself being swarmed by almost a dozen squirrels and one Mexican rat. Squirrel Girl is controlling the rodents to attack the incredibly strong being, but she quickly finds herself without a head, due to She-Ra flying by and cutting it off. The squirrel are, however able to attack and kill both Madam Razz and Broom. Pikachu then garners the rodents attention and gets them all close enough for him to roast all of them with a lightning bolt. Agent X sneaks in and is able to put a couple caps into Spartan, Voodoo, and Lord Emp’s head before any of them even realize it. “Damn it! Deadpool’s going to be pissed he missed this match,” exclaims Grifter as he spin kicks Agent X to the ground. Warblade then leaps on top of Mr. Immortal and really puts his name to the test. Grifter and Zealot then team up on Agent X and put him down. Vincent is hiding in one of the back alleys, but as he turns the corner, he finds himself staring down the barrel of Horatio Caine’s gun. Vincent tries to squeeze a round off, but the C.S.I. Lead Detective is too… well… awesome for him and takes Vincent out. He then finds Michael Weston and Fiona Glenane. “I know that you’ve done both a lot of good and a lot of bad in your past, I will give you one chance to take your team and leave this battle. If you don’t, there will be nothing I can do to hold my men back from utterly destroying all of you,” Horatio says to Weston. The former spy is too smart to continue this futile battle. Sodam Yat and Red Lantern Guy Gardner are giving Kyle Rayner the beating of a lifetime up in the air, as Booster Gold flies in to give him some much needed aid. Booster grabs a beaten Kyle as the rest of their team retreats. “We are the Untouchables, and we never close,” Horatio says as he puts his sunglasses back on and looks up to the sky.


THE UNTOUCHABLES ARE VICTORIOUS!!