Built (Bill) Ford Tough vs. The Horsemen of Apokolips

“Space by itself, and time by itself, are doomed to fade away into mere shadows, and only a kind union of the two will preserve an independent reality.”
-Albert Einstein

I awaken from what transpired only days ago. I now remember the match that took place. . . I remember looking at the teams to do battle in the Rischey Mays during the Week 4 Match. They were as follows:

The Horsemen of Apokolips: Monarch, G-Force/Battle of the Planets crew in The Phoenix, Eternity and The Celestial Fourth Host: Hargen the Measurer, Tefral the Surveyor, Nezzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Arishem the Judge, Jemiah the Analyzer, Eson the Searcher, Oneg the Prober and Ziran the Tester.

Built (Bill) Ford Tough: (new) Blue Beetle, Han Solo and Chewbacca in a Snow Speeder, The Heart of Gold with Ford Prefect, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Marvin the Paranoid Android, Trillian, Jeff Houslander, Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones, Dr. Who, Power Man, Iron Fist, Archie the Octo-Spider, Cookies, Steve McQueen, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars, Weevil, Wilt, Barry Sanders, Star Sapphire, Grapple, Moltar, Joey, Pacy, Dawson, The Beatles, Mr. T, Ellie, Katie, Simone, Benjy, Grimace, Gigantor, Despotellis, Nom Anor, Mandalorians #6-10, Arachnids #1-6, Fantastic Max, FX and AB in a Go-Cart, Smoky the Bear, Beta Ray Bill, The Flaming Carrot and Dr. Seth Brundel.

The match began with the intensity unlike I have ever seen. The multitude of cosmic entities produced by the Horsemen created true havoc within the space-time-reality continuum. The Built (Bill) Ford Tough Team was suited with special gear designed by the members of Torchwood to fight the Horsemen. Nonetheless, BBFT recognized that they were greatly outmatched, but fought they did - brilliantly.

The battle began. . .

In an unprecedented event, the Celestials removed their helmets; their faces shown for the first time since the beginning of time itself. The BBFT team does not understand why the entities have removed their protective head gear, but they are determined to take advantage of this bold move.

Toshiko Sato (shouts in her helmet comm.): Their heads!!!! Go for their heads!!!

Eson the Searcher was immediately surrounded by Power Man, Mr. T., Steve McQueen, Joey, Pacy and Dawson. Being that the Dawson’s Creek crew was not a true threat and the fact that their characters lacked any manner of significance in the scheme of the television industry, Eson sought fit to destroy them first. Eson used his powers to “scramble” the bodies of Joey, Pacy and Dawson together. Thus, JoPaDaw merged into a single mass and died. Steve McQueen reacted to JoPaDaw’s death. McQueen took Power Man’s chains, climbed up Eson’s back and used the chains to strangle the Celestial. Mr. T joined him. Without his helmet, Eson was actually harmed by the mere mortals. While Eson struggled with McQueen and Mr. T., Power Man rushed up and used his superhuman strength to ram his fist into Eson’s face. An explosion occurred at the fists’ striking and Eson’s life force drained from him. The defeat of Celestial Eson overcame the macho men; they laughed and hugged. McQueen, Mr. T and Power Man were victorious in their fight.

Barry Sanders, Grimace, Smoky the Bear and Despotellis surrounded Nezzar the Calculator. Nezzar attempted to catch Barry Sanders, but the former Lions’ Running Back was too quick. . . at first. Eventually Nezzar opened his hand and pointed to Sanders. Sanders began to run at a supersonic speed. Sanders’ body could not cope with the speed put upon his body and he exploded. Grimace bounced to Nezzar’s head. The purple blob tugged at Nezzar’s head, hoping to gain an advantage, like his teammates McQueen and Mr. T. Smoky the Bear jumped on Nezzar’s back. Nezzar quickly turned, trying to buck both Grimace and Smoky. Grimace held on; Smoky did not. Nezzar pointed at Smoky and the bear, ironically, burst into flames. Despotellis floated into Nezzar and the sentient virus used its abilities to burn Nezzar from the inside out. A cosmic force exploded through Nezzar’s body, which aimlessly floated away. Despotellis and Grimace looked at Nezzar’s body and smiled.

Gammenon the Gatherer faced Star Sapphire, Flaming Carrot and Arachnids #1-6. Arachnids #1-6 swarmed over the Gatherer. They attempted to rip apart his body, but were unable to do so. Gammenon destroyed Arachnids #1-6, since they were a mere annoyance. The Flaming Carrot sacrificed himself and jumped down the maw of Gammenon. The Flaming Carrot overloaded his flaming abilities and exploded in the Celestial’s body, which caused Gammenon severe pain. As Gammenon clutched his body, Star Sapphire flew up to the Celestial and used her ring to create an immense violet light construct that crushed Gammenon’s head. Gammenon’s life force exploded from his body and the Celestial died.

Dr. Who, Dr. Seth Brundel, Ellie, Katie, Simone and Benjy confronted Oneg the Prober. Dr. Who used his electronic screwdriver to mold the armor into the Celestial. The Prober could not move and the BBFT team took advantage of this. Although he could not move properly, Oneg used his cosmic powers to speed the process of Seth Brundel’s transformation into Brundel-fly. Oneg’s probing mind then decided to use his cosmic powers on Ellie, Katie, Simone and Benjy. Like JoPaDaw, Oneg brought the Rama-mates together into a giant fly swatter. Oneg used ElKaSimBe to smash Brundel into an asteroid; both “fly” and “swatter” were killed at the impact. While the fight ensued, Dr. Who noticed a cosmic storm headed their way. While Oneg focused on Brundel and ElKaSimBe, Dr. Who used his screwdriver to “lure” the storm their way. When Oneg was finished with the others, it was too late to realize that he was being sucked into the storm. The two competing forces- storm and Oneg- managed to rip each other apart. Oneg was killed in the explosion.

Ziran the Tester faced The Heart of Gold with Ford Prefect, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Marvin the Paranoid Android and Trillian. Beeblebrox shot Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster into Ziran’s face. Ziran was momentarily stunned. The crew decided to take advantage of Ziran’s preoccupation and sacrifice themselves at the same time for the betterment of the team. Prefect and Trillian overloaded the Infinite Improbability Drive of the spaceship and deliberately crashed it into Ziran. The flux caused by the overload destroyed Ziran the Tester and The Heart of Gold crew.

Jemiah the Analyzer fought the Torchwood team - Capt. Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato and Ianto Jones. Utilizing their advanced technology, the Torchwood gang managed to destabilize the area around Jemiah. Although the cosmic forces were swirling around this skirmish, the Analyzer still managed to use his powers to rip apart Sato and Jones. Before their deaths though, the two were able to harness some of the cosmic forces around their battle and transfer them to Harkness. Harkness used these forces, and with a Torchwood piece of equipment from the Nebulon Galaxy, augmented these forces within his body. Harkness lashed out at the Analyzer. Harkness’ and Jemiah’s bodies exploded due to the cosmic force overload. Gwen Cooper cried at her mentor’s and teammates’ deaths, but was happy to have defeated another “unbeatable” Celestial.

Jeff Houslander, Fantastic Max, FX and AB in a go-cart (fusion propelled) and Gigantor met Hargen the Measurer. Hargen immediately destroyed the go-cart and all of its riders in the blink of an eye. Meanwhile, Houslander controlled Gigantor with the robot’s remote. Houslander knew his way around the intricacies of a joystick and had an uncanny ability to focus on the weaknesses of his enemies. He used the giant robot to repeatedly pummel Hargen until his death. A cosmic explosion occurred and Hargen’s body drifted away. Houslander jerked the joystick and Gigantor’s reaction was to raise its arms in victory.

Tefral the Surveyor met new Blue Beetle, Keith Mars, Veronica Mars and Beta Ray Bill. Tefral decided that Veronica was like Helen of Troy and would drive her teammates to victory. Tefral shot a cosmic blast at Veronica Mars. Keith Mars and Weevil pushed Veronica out of the way and sacrificed themselves for the beauty. Blue Beetle used the magic of the scarab which magically injured Tefral. The final blow came from Beta Ray Bill’s Stormbreaker across Tefral’s head. The cosmic forces explode from Tefral’s body and the Celestial dies.

Arishem the Judge stood against Iron Fist, Cookies, Wilt and Mandalorians #6-10. Iron Fist harnessed his chi and tapped into the superhuman energy of Shou-Lao. Iron Fist’s blow injured Arishem. Although injured, Arishem blasted both Cookies and Wilt, who burned where they stood. Mandalorians #6-10 utilized all of their arm weapons upon the Judge. After they unloaded their arm weapons, they released their rockets from their jetpacks. The rockets exploded in Arishem’s face. In response to the damage caused by the Mandalorians, Arishem wiped away their existence. Unnoticed was Iron Fist who came upon the Judge, once again, and smashed him across the face. A cosmic explosion occurred and Arishem died.

One Celestial remained- Hargen the Measurer. Archie the Octo-Spider, Grapple and Moltar focused on the Measurer. Knowing that they needed to do something drastic, Moltar removed his arms from his suit and shot an intense field of lava across Hargen’s face. Hargen was distracted by the molten rock as Archie the Octo-Spider and Grapple floated to Hargen’s face. The combined abilities of the Octo-Spider’s legs and Grapple’s robotic strength crush Hargen’s neck. A cosmic explosion occurs and Hargen died.

While other teammates were fighting the Celestials, Han Solo and Chewbacca in a Snow Speeder dueled with the Phoenix and the G-Force crew. Although the Phoenix appeared to be better equipped, Solo’s and Chewie’s skills managed to fire and punch a huge hole in the Phoenix. The shot killed all of the crew except for Tiny, Jason and Princess. Believing the ship was going to eventually explode, Solo and Chewbacca decided to fly toward their teammates.

Monarch scanned the Celestial carnage around him. Being that Monarch was nearly indestructible, the BBFT team was hesitant. Notwithstanding, the fact that the Celestials were defeated gave the BBFT team the confidence it needed to defeat him. The entire remaining members of BBFT swarmed Monarch. Monarch immediately used a powerful energy projection to destroy Nom Anor. He then teleported next to the four Beatles. All of the Beatles, except for Ringo, were killed by the quantum field manipulation of Monarch. Moltar fully stepped out from his containment suit and focused the true force of his lava at Monarch. The lava actually managed to destroy a portion of Monarch’s armor. Grapple then came from behind and began to pummel Monarch. Monarch went down on his knees, but was not killed. While Monarch focused on the eventual destruction of Grapple (who was destroyed), lava was unleashed again by Moltar at Monarch. Seeing a weakness in Monarch, the full remaining BBFT force charged. Jeff Houslander, Gwen Cooper, Dr. Who, Power Man, Iron Fist, Archie the Octo-Spider, Steve McQueen, Veronica Mars, Star Sapphire, Moltar, Ringo, Mr. T, Grimace, Gigantor, Despotellis and Beta Ray Bill rushed at Monarch. Monarch managed to destroy Grimace and Blue Beetle. The repeated intensity of the pummeling and barraging of the BBFT team actually defeated Monarch. Monarch was destroyed, but before his death, he was able to kill Archie the Octo-Spider, Moltar and Power Man.

After Monarch’s death the battlefield became an echoing realm of cosmic forces. The deafening sounds nearly shattered my eardrums. The intermittent stuttering of light nearly blinded my eyes. I experienced sensory overload. The cosmic forces swirled through space, creating a fury that disjoined reality. Through the haze I saw the Phoenix screaming through space.

Jason: What’s happening?!?!

Princess: We don’t have time to figure it out now!

Tiny: Get us out of here!!!

Sheer horror is draped on the G-Force crew’s faces at the carnage surrounding them. The lifeless bodies of all Celestials, along with Monarch, drifted through space.

Through the obscurity I saw the various members of the Built (Bill) Ford Tough Team shouting in victory. A large explosion occurred, yet this time, I am able to watch what transpired.

The G-Force Phoenix was caught in the explosion and has itself exploded, killing all remaining crewmembers. As the Phoenix exploded, so too does the Snow Speeder, which was caught in the cosmic waves radiating from the explosion. Han Solo and Chewbacca were able to jettison from the fighter in time though and eventually join their teammates.

Only Eternity from the Horsemen remained alive. Eternity focused on the enemy. He noticed the Wookiee shouting at him, and in annoyance, threw him across space to an asteroid away from the rest of his teammates.

Solo: CHEWIE!!!!!

Chewbacca: Roooaargh!!! Rowwaaargg! [Translation: My friend, we have been on many adventures together. You and I have the luck of the Force. But I believe that our time together is coming to an end. No one lives forever. Not even the Celestials, as was seen by the prowess of our teammates today.]

Solo: No!!!! I can’t go on without you!!!!

Chewbacca: Uuuraaagh! Hooorraaahh!! [Translation: You can and you will. You will defeat Eternity and the Built (Bill) Ford Tough team will pull off one of the greatest upsets in FFL history! I am proud to have served with you.]

Solo (tears streaming down his face): May the Force be with you!!!!

Chewbacca: Graaagh! Rooargh! [Translation: Live long and prosper].

Chewbacca saw a shadow engulfing his body. He looked above and screamed in defiance as an entire planet dropped on his head. Chewbacca and the asteroid which he was on explode into a million pieces.

BBFT teammates used the death of Chewbacca as the final impetus in order to defeat the Horsemen. An epic battle ensued. Eternity was actually destroyed by the entire BBFT team working together, but with the entity’s death came the deaths of Dr. Who, Iron Fist, Star Sapphire, Gigantor, Despotellis and Beta Ray Bill.

The surviving members- Han Solo, Jeff Houslander, Gwen Cooper, Steve McQueen, Veronica Mars, Ringo and Mr. T. shouted in victory, having defeated the power team of the Horsemen. The cheers begin to die down as they see all of the Celestials rise. Hargen the Measurer, Tefral the Surveyor, Nezzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Arishem the Judge, Jemiah the Analyzer, Eson the Searcher, Oneg the Prober and Ziran the Tester form a circle around the Built (Bill) Ford Tough team. They speak for the first time in millennia.

Oneg: Built (Bill) Ford Tough, you have valiantly fought in today’s battle.

Ziran: You have honored your team’s namesake.

Nezzar: You have honored your teammates.

Tefral: You have honored your owner.

Hargen: But today’s match was more than a measure of honor. It was a measure of hope. Hope shown in another team whose odds were overwhelming.

Arishem: A team that pushed on to the end. . . a surprising and unexpected end.

Jemiah: But Now that we have studied man’s disposition regarding hope.

Gammenon: And now we must study man’s disposition regarding. . . hopelessness. . .

Scientifically speaking, the Celestials have completed their endeavor in this match. They have observed the hope which overwhelmed the BBFT team after each minor and major victory. As they stand, looking at the current faces of Han Solo, Jeff Houslander, Gwen Cooper, Steve McQueen, Veronica Mars, Ringo and Mr. T., they understand hopelessness. . . as in the blink of an eye the BBFT mortals are wiped from existence in the Rischey Mays.

Built (“Bill”) Ford Tough: All dead.

The Horsemen of Apokolips: Hargen the Measurer, Tefral the Surveyor, Nezzar the Calculator, Gammenon the Gatherer, Arishem the Judge, Jemiah the Analyzer, Eson the Searcher, Oneg the Prober and Ziran the Tester survive.

THE HORSEMEN OF APOKOLIPS ARE VICTORIOUS!!!