The Transfoamers vs. The Right Wing

“Waterworld- The world is a cruel place, where brotherhood is a thing of the past, and anything -- or anyone -- can be sold or traded for as little as a sheet of paper.”
-James Berardinelli

I look at the teams to do battle in Waterworld during this Week 5 Match. They are as follows:

The Transfoamers: Gears, Hardhead and Duros, Highbrow and Gort, Turbo, Zombie Soundwave w/ Zombie Frenzy, Zombie Extinction Alice, Zombie Apocalypse Alice, Hubcap, Darth Rage (w/ a yellow power ring), Sith Lord #16, Transformers #1-10, Decepticons #8-10, Autobots #1-6, Ghosts #1-8, The Fallen, Starscream's Ghost, (movie) Jolt, (movie) Arcee, (movie) Sideways, (movie) Iron Hide, Outback, Skids and Dark Side Adepts #7-12.

The Right Wing: Poseidon, Silver Surfer, Kit Fisto, Phibians #11-20, Jedi Knights #1A-5A, Mikhail Bakunin, Ariel, Opee Sea Killers #1-8, Jacen Solo, Blue Lantern #2, Martin Blank, Pirates #1-6, Zeus, Capt. Mifune, Shintor Beerus, Pegasus, General Kidd, Right Winger and Left Winger, Elite Stormtroopers #1-6, Darth Malak, Madman, Scrappy-Doo, Batwoman, Jedi Master #18A and Gondor Soldiers #1 and 2.

Let the battle begin. . .

The Titanic cuts through the rough waters. Aboard the immense ocean liner are Jedi Knights #1A-5A, Mikhail Bakunin, Jacen Solo, Pirates #1-6, Capt. Mifune, Shintor Beerus, General Kidd, Right Winger and Left Winger, Elite Storm Troopers #1-6, Darth Malak, Madman, Scrappy-Doo, Batwoman, Jedi Master #18A and Gondor Soldiers #1 and 2. Captain Mifune steers the ship and is assisted by Pirates #1-6.

Captain Mifune: Full steam ahead!!!

The Titanic heads toward the floating city where the Transfoamers wait.

From the Titanic’s hull Captain Mifune and Pirates #1-6 can be heard.

Captain Mifune: I want to be a pirate
Pirate #1: A pirate's life for me
Pirate #2: All my friends are pirates
Pirate #3: And sail the B. B. sea
Pirate #4: I've got a Jolly Roger
Pirate #5: It's black and white and vast
Pirate #6: Get out of your Skull and Crossbones
All: And I'll run it up your mast

The Titanic presses ahead and reaches the floating city. Immediately most of the combatants storm the flotilla; some remain behind.

Dark Side Adepts #7-12 stand behind Sith Lord #16, waiting for the rush of Jedi Knights #1A-5A, Jacen Solo and Shintor Beerus. Jedi Knights #1A-5A battle Dark Side Adepts #7-12. After the fury of the lightsabers crashing into one another, Jedi Knights #1A, 3A-5A are killed, as are Dark Side Adepts #7-8, 11-12. Jacen Solo dispels of remaining Dark Side Adepts #9-10. Meanwhile, Shintor Beerus and Jedi Knight #2A face Sith Lord #16. Sith Lord #16 easily slices through Jedi Knight #2A; no Jedi Knights remain. Solo and Beerus face Sith Lord #16. Sith Lord #16, through some effort, defeats Jacen Solo. Sith Lord #16 is about to succumb to the blade of Beerus when Darth Rage flies upon the scene through the use of his yellow power ring. The combined efforts of both Darth Rage and Sith Lord #16 are too much for the Jedi; Beerus falls. Darth Rage picks up Sith Lord #16 with a yellow projected hand and flies away to the next skirmish.

Zombie Extinction Alice and Zombie Apocalypse Alice face Martin Blank and Gondor Soldiers #1-2. The Alices do spectacular flips and acrobatics while firing their guns at the same time. They shred Gondor Soldiers #1-2 apart. They catapult next to Martin Blank and both bite him on the neck at the same time. The virus scours through Blank’s system and he becomes a zombie. Zombie Martin Blank has each Zombie Alice adorning his arms.

The Zombie trio meets Elite Stormtroopers #1-6, along with Right Winger and Left Winger. Elite Stormtroopers #1-6 know that they will not be successful in killing all three zombies and thus, focus on only one. They blow Martin Blank’s head off before he can do any damage. The Zombie Alices fire upon and kill all Elite Stormtroopers #1-6. While the Alices’ focus was on the destruction of the Empire’s minions, the Wingers combine their efforts to sneak behind and kill Zombie Apocalypse Alice. Zombie Extinction Alice is enraged and does not think as she kills the two Wingers by ripping their heads off. Right Winger and Left Winger will not be resurrected into zombies, but Alice has obtained her vengeance for having both her boyfriend Blank and “sister” die at the others’ hands. Zombie Apocalypse Alice rushes away and is unexpectedly flattened by a large blue mass. Alice is squished and her head pops off her body at the hand (or ring) of Blue Lantern #2. As Blue Lantern #2 flies away, he is met by Darth Rage and Sith Lord #16; Blue Lantern #2 is killed by both.

The two Sith fly on and are crashed into by Darth Malak riding Pegasus. Malak rides the winged steed and gains the advantage due to the aerial combat skills of the horse. Pegasus positions his rider so that Malak is able to slice Sith Lord #16 in half. Darth Malak and Pegasus begin to battle Darth Rage. Although Malak initially has the upper hand due to his better understanding of the dark side, he is concerned that if Rage focuses on Pegasus, he is doomed. Silver Surfer does not allow his teammate to worry further as the herald fires the power cosmic at Darth Rage’s hand. The yellow power ring is seared off his finger. Darth Malak then slices off Darth Rage’s other arm. Rage falls to the waters below. The last things he see are a beautiful mermaid (Ariel) followed by the teeth of the Opee Sea Killers. He is ripped apart by the fish-like creatures.

Poseidon decides to make this match more “to the liking” of his team. He uses a tremendous tidal wave to engulf the city and its remaining inhabitants. The city crashes into the waters and begins to sink. While the platform is going under many of the Transfoamers manage to either jump or attach themselves to the Titanic, or convert to aerial mode and fly away.

Gears is not one of them as he crashes into the water. Before the robot is one hundred feet down, he is met by Phibians #11-20. They surround and assist Gears to his grave as they push him down to the waters below. Gears is heard complaining on the way down just before he implodes when he reaches the critical depth. Phibians #11-20 rise near the surface, waiting for more of the Transfoamers. Hardhead and Duros also crash into the waters. When they hit, they transform into their individual components. Although Hardhead attempts to save his headmaster partner, Duros is ripped apart by the Opee Sea Killers. Hardhead manages to kill Opee Sea Killer #3, but is unsuccessful in killing any more as he drifts to the bottom- and to his doom.

Highbrow and Gort have become a helicopter. They are met by Pegasus and Darth Malak. Although Malak is able to defend himself against the Transformer, he is unable to save Pegasus this time. His horse is blasted from beneath him and Malak begins to fall. Before he hits the waters, Ghosts #1-8 rip through him and kill the Sith Lord. The Ghosts then focus on the ocean liner’s inhabitants.

Madman stands by Scrappy-Doo.

Madman: My little canine friend, I will use my supernatural aptitude to learn how to destroy the ghosts!

Scrappy-Doo: Just let me at them! Let me at them!!!

Madman obtains the answer as to how to beat the spectral enemies, but is unable to relate the information to his teammates before Ghosts #3-7 destroy him. The entire Ghost clan then focuses on Scrappy. They pull the young pup off of the deck and begin to bat him around like a beach ball. Scrappy takes a beating and is thrown back to the liner’s deck. A bloodied Scrappy slowly crawls to where the cabin is. He needs to warn his Pirate teammates and Captain Mifune before the Ghosts can do them harm. Before the Ghosts reach the cabin, Zeus floats to the scene and unleashes his fury. Ghosts #1-8 explode and dissipate to nothingness. Zeus sees a mortally wounded Scrappy-Doo.

Zeus: Oh my little friend. . . .my poor little pup. . . You have done well and will die a glorious death in battle- a true gladiator’s honor.

Scrappy-Doo: Thanks Master Zeus. I am proud to . . . have . . . served . . . with. . . .you. .

Scrappy dies in Zeus’ arms.

Zeus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zeus flies to his aquatic brother, who has witnessed what transpired.

Poseidon: For Scrappy!

Zeus: For Scrappy!

The two gods unleash a fury which rips through the Transfoamers both climbing up the Titanic and well as those in the air and on the surface of the water. As the pandemonium ensues and the immense Titanic is tossed about, a song can be heard being sung by Captain Mifune and the Pirates.

Captain Mifune: Oh, better far to live and die
Pirate #1: Under the brave black flag I fly,
Pirate #2: Than play a sanctimonious part,
Pirate #3: With a pirate head and a pirate heart.
Pirate #4: Away to the cheating world go you,
Pirate #5: Where pirates all are well-to-do;
Pirate #6: But I’ll be true to the song I sing,
All: And live and die a Pirate King.

While the winds rip through the waters, Hubcap, (movie) Jolt, Skids, (movie) Ironhide (movie) Sideways and Outback are ripped from the steam liner’s sides and submersed in the waters below. The robots are met by Kit Fisto along with Phibians #11-20. Fisto uses his lightsaber to slash pieces of Hubcap off. Phibians #11-13 assist the Jedi and push Hubcap to his watery grave. Remaining Phibians #14-20 come together and propel Skids to his doom. Before his destruction though, Skids manages to kill Phibians #15, 17 and 20. The remaining Phibians, along with Kit Fisto, Ariel and Opee Sea Killers #1-2, 4-8 come together and destroy the remaining Transfoamers. Although all of the robots are destroyed, their destruction also brings the deaths of Opee Sea Killers #2 and 7, along with Phibians #11-13.

In the front cabin, General Kidd and Mikhail Bakunin have joined Mifune and the Pirates. They want to be included in the next song. Another verse is never sung as Starscream’s Ghost (which has taken over Decepticon #8), Turbo, and Highbrow and Gort unleash their weapons upon the cabin. General Kidd, Mikhail Bakunin, Captain Mifune and Pirates #1-6 are blown to smithereens.


On deck, (movie) Arcee faces Batwoman and Jedi Master #18A. The robot-mode of Arcee launches herself at Batwoman who jumps over the Transformer. As Arcee turns around she accidentally slips on the deck since her wheels cannot catch the wet surface. She slides past Jedi Master #18A, who slashes her body in two with his lightsaber. Highbrow and Gort, Turbo, and Starscream’s Ghost (as Decepticon #8) focus on the Jedi Master and Batwoman. Both Jedi Master #18A and Batwoman are killed by the flying machines. Silver Surfer flies through the robots and blasts them all with the power cosmic; Decepticon #8-Starscream’s Ghost, Turbo and Highbrow and Gort fall to the waters below in pieces.

Ariel talks to the remaining Opee Sea Killers and Phibians. The giant monstrosities and air-water breathers agree to take some of the Transfoamers that are currently on the ocean liner’s deck to their watery graves. Although they know that it will most likely spell their doom, they are confident that they will be able to take the Transfoamers with them. The Opee Sea Killers and Phibians swim deep below the ship to uncanny depths. They then swim upward, gaining speed as they go and spring forth with such intensity that they are able to knock all Autobots #1-6, along with Zombie Soundwave and Zombie Frenzy into the water. The Sea Killers and Phibians are barraged with the Transformer weapons and eventually succumb to their wounds. Nonetheless, the “commons” have completed their objective – Autobots #1-6, Zombie Soundwave and Zombie Frenzy were destroyed in the melee.

The remaining combatants are Transformers #1-10, Decepticons #9-10 and The Fallen facing off against Poseidon, Silver Surfer, Kit Fisto, Ariel and Zeus. Decepticons #9-10 barrage Kit Fisto with their weapons. The Jedi’s lightsaber can only deflect so many blasts. Kit Fisto is killed.

Ariel remains in the water next to Poseidon.

Ariel: I think it’s time Poseidon.

Poseidon: Yes it is, my dear. Yes it is.

Poseidon uses his powers to engulf the Titanic. The ocean liner cracks in half. Transformers #1-10, Decepticons #9-10 and The Fallen attempt to either latch onto any of the liner’s fragments, or find safe footing while the ship sinks. They are met by the fury of Zeus, Poseidon and the Silver Surfer. All of the remaining Transformers are destroyed, as well as the Titanic, which once again, goes to its watery grave.

The Transfoamers: All killed.

The Right Wing: Zeus, Silver Surfer, Poseidon and Ariel survive.

THE RIGHT WING IS VICTORIOUS!!!!